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Monday 14 November 2005 Published by the USSU Communications Office. Issue number 1094 It’s Free (So Pick It Up!


The University of Surrey Students’ Newspaper
Comment Galore! Beer, Red Bull & Hate crimes. Quite a diverse topic base there but all worth a read none the less. Never fear, comment is here! | Pages 4-5 Sport: There may have been no sport last week, but this week it’s back with a vengeance. Cliche The canoe club & the Surrey Sporting Stingers tell us what they’ve Image been getting up to | Page 24 Konsumer Revolt | Crispy Crisps! | Page 9 Arts Section |Film, Music, etc. |Page 14 Puzzles| The Lyrics Quiz is still here | Page 22

By Chris Ward

UCAS Applications To Drop

The government has admitted that they are anticipating a drop in the number of students applying to university this year due to the introduction of tuition fees. This follows the personal blow to Tony Blair a few days ago when his wife, Cherie, admitted that if it wasn’t for the fact that she received state funding for her higher education, she would have ended up working in a shop. Bill Rammell, the higher education minister, suggested that there would be a fall in applications for students beginning in September 2006 because of the introduction of the £3000 per-year variable top-up fees beginning then. Although he insisted that as students got used to the new system, the drop will eventually disappear. He said, “There has been a very slight fall in the number of applications compared to this time last year. Still it’s too soon to draw conclusions - there is a long way to go in the application cycle and most candidates are still to get their applications in. “But given the larger than usual increase we saw last year,

a slight fall is to be expected. We saw something similar happen in 1998 when we introduced tuition fees but the numbers have risen each year since then.” The first application figures for 2006 were recently published by UCAS. Applications for Oxbridge, dentistry, medicine, and veterinary sciences did not register a massive

chance in applications since last year. However, the number of UK students applying dropped by around 1,000. This was made up for by the increase in applications from international and EU students. Last year there was a surge in UCAS applications, mainly attributed to students who wanted to get in before topup fees were introduced. Labour introduced university tuition fees in 1998, and they currently cost UK students a maximum of £1,175 per year depending on income. From September 2006, variable fees of up to £3000 per year will be charged, although payment is deferred till after graduation, and only when graduates are earning more than £15,000 per year. In response to Cheri Blair’s comments regarding top up fees, Kat Fletcher, the President of the National Union of Students said: Like many people of her generation, Cherie Blair had the chance to access education and change her life because of a free and fully-funded education system. Unfortunately her husband’s government have decided to take that opportunity away.”

Chancellors Fights the Winter Cold
By Joshua Bates & Sophia Hawkins Despite a particularly warm September and October throughout the South-East, the Winter (and Christmas) season is finally approaching Guildford and the UniS campus. Chancellors, home to several entertaining nights out including Chancellor’s Cocktail Night, Comedy, Chancellor’s Challenge and Open Mic Night to name a few has for the first time ever in UniS history erected a marquee on the outside patio – saving a vast number of students from the freezing cold and rain. Erected in time for the impressive University fireworks display, many more students were accommodated amidst increasingly colder weather conditions. Whilst in previous years students have simply been left to brave the rain and snow during much of the festive time, the marquee’s erection is yet another positively received change towards the exterior of the Chancellors bar/restaurant. The summer of 2005 previously heralded a much soughtafter extension to the outside patio. On a cold Thursday evening barefacts went in search for the students opinion. The comments ranged from the deadly serious, “is it fire safe?” to the downright ridiculous, “moistness will not occur!” On the whole the comments were in favour of the marquee: “very nice and posh, best marquee in the world, wicked” to name but a few. However, it seemed that a lot still felt that it was too cold in the marquee and many expressed the need for some outdoor heaters.

Never rub another man’s rhubarb



14 November 2005

News, news, glorious news... Not as much as usual, but News none-the-less
All these addresses are (unless otherwise mentioned). Funny that.

Editorial Team

By Joshua Bates

Tory Tuition Fee Division
He added: “It is inconceivable for me to reverse the party’s position on tuition fees.” On the other hand, Mr Cameron claimed, “The Conservative party’s position on university funding needs to change.” He continued: “To make our economy competitive, we need to be prepared to remove burdens on the state, and that’s why I’ve made clear that in higher education some form of co-payment is almost certainly the correct way forward.” The comments, which appeared in the Times Higher Education Supplement, also were accompanied by clarification on other education issues. Under Mr Cameron’s leadership, he promised to allow universities to fix their own pay and conditions for staff in an attempt to “retain and attract the best talents.” Whereas if the leadership race were to be won by Mr Davis he would want to abolish Labour’s 50% target of young people going to university. He added that vocational skills would be “at its heart” of any future Conservative party education policy.

Editor-in-Chief Editor
Chris Ward: cs21cw@

Neil Boulton: ussu.comms@

Deputy Editor Deputy Editor

Joshua Bates: cs52jb@ Sophia Hawkins: li52sh@

Head of Design
Rachel Hana Cresswell

News Editor

Marcin Stylski: li12ms@

Features Editor
Lia Parker: ps41lp@

It was reported last week that the two remaining Conservative party leadership candidates – David Cameron and David Davis – are at odds over university tuition fees. Mr Cameron described them as essential to help fund UK universities – in complete contrast to party policy announced during the General Election earlier this year in May. Supporting his argument, Mr Cameron said tuition fees were vital to keep our universities “world class.” However, his rival for the party leadership, Mr Davis, said the prospect of “such huge debt” existing in his day would have discouraged him from going to university completely. He described them as “a straightforward tax on learning”, citing that everything he had achieved to date – including his business and political careers – he owed to his university education. Mr Davis, having been brought up in a disadvantaged background himself, stated: “Fees will take us back to a time when a university education was largely a middle-class privilege. We should be moving in the opposite direction, opening up universities to people from all backgrounds.”

Arts Editor Arts Editor

Beth Heale: Nicole Heel

University ‘Science’ Crisis
by Marcin Stylski The higher education minister, Bill Rammell has denied the government’s complacency towards the ‘perceived crises of science and engineering in universities. The minister has been summoned back to the Common’s science and technology committee and asked to explain why he has rejected MP’s proposals on halting the decline of British science. Earlier in the year the committee had launched an enquiry into the decline of British science. This was after the shock closure of Exeter University’s chemistry department. The committee proposed that a system of ‘hubs and spokes’ be introduced. This would involve there being one main research university in the region, with the other universities working closely together with it. This initiative was rejected by ministers and by the Higher Education Funding Council for England (Hefce). The chairman of the committee, Liberal Democrat Phil Willis said “the government was spending £6bn a year on higher education and British industry was crying out for science and engineering graduates, yet the government did not believe it should intervene to provide what industry needed”. Mr Rammell responded by saying that the government should not restrict the university market and its sensitivity, especially when student numbers cannot be guaranteed. The chief executive of Hefce, Sir Howard Newby said “the funding body encouraged universities to collaborate, and that he was holding a series of meetings with vice-chancellors to see how vulnerable subjects could be sustained”. Sir Howard also stated that “it was not its job (Hefce) to second-guess the decisions of individual students”.

Fashion Editor Fashion Editor
Jamila Gangadeen

Natalie Dowle: ms42nd@

Webmaster & Puzzlelord
Colin Everett: ma41ce@ Position Vacant

Postgraduate Editor Adverts & the like
Aaron Salins: a.salins@ Retractions / Errors
- Last week we made a mistake on the back page - we hold weekly meetings on Wednesdays at 13:30... Not random days. - Last fortnight we also made an errorenous statement that the retraction was from “last week”, it was in fact from “last fortnight”...

barefacts is an editorially independant newspaper and is published by The University of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office. The views expressed within the paper are those of the individual authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the University of Surrey. barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions Copyright USSU Communications Office 2005

Contributions must be submitted by the Monday before publication date to guarantee publication. Letters may be edited at the discretion of the editorial team. Please send them to You can take the time to write and post in if you want... but most people e-mail. barefacts Union House University of Surrey Students’ Union Guildford Surrey GU2 7XH

Wa n t e d : b a r e f a c t s P G E d i t o r
barefacts and the PGA are looking for a postgraduate student editor to help coordinate the postgraduate-related articles in barefacts™. If you are interested or have more questions about the role, please contact the current editor Lisa Ahmed at Sucheta.

14 November 2005

It’s Beer O’clock…
What I call proper beer is beer that is made in the correct manner and not had any chemicals added to it. Now I expect a lot of people to start thinking that this is going to be purely about Real Ale, but that is far from the truth. A properly made lager that has not been pasteurised or had additives added has a much smoother taste and doesn’t leave you with that slightly chemically aftertaste. Basically the types of beer I am considering in this category are made from fresh ingredients and nothing else. For the most part beer produced in this fashion is made by micro-breweries, many of which are family run and have been for generations. These people consider making beer a craft (in much the same way a wine producer sees making wine) and won’t sacrifice the quality of their product for the sake of keeping the accountants happier. Instead of one big huge centralised factory these brewers work on a much more local scale, most likely from locally grown ingredients and recipes that have been passed down through generations as well as constant experimenting to produce new beers. The beer itself is made in batches and fermented and stored for the correct length of time before being distributed, primarily in the surrounding area. The only problem with this method of producing is that any change in the process can result in a change in the finished results, which is avoided by the major brewers by additives and boiling. So why do we drink so little of these products in comparison with the mass produced beers? Firstly fashion affects our decision; the stereotypical real ale drinker for example is probably an older gentleman with a beard in sandals and socks, possibly with a pipe and complaining about the youth of today. This is not exactly a highly fashionable image. Secondly was the availability, which varies tremendously on where you are in the country and what time of year, though I see this as a testament to the freshness of the ingredients. It is however these fresh ingredients along with the traditional process that leads to the third downfall: consistency. Each brew a brewer makes will vary slightly according to the slight variations in temperature, amount of oxygen available to the yeast and how long it is fermented and matured. These “faults” however can be used (by a good brewer) in order to learn how the brew can be affected and how perhaps to incorporate it into a new beer. For example at the local Hog’s Back Brewery they have a beer called Friday 13th Originally ‘the brew that went wrong’ . . . On Friday 13th October 1995 they were brewing T.E.A. when they lost all power (they were told later that swans had flown into a power line), the brew was eventually saved, but tasted nothing like T.E.A.. They now replicate this brew whenever there is a Friday 13th in the month and it is quite popular. However in this



Are you getting the most out of your lager? Pete Wigfield investigates some of the more obscure beverages, and explains how some multinational corporations concentrate on imaging at the expense of quality and sophistication. (It’s about ale)
Beer is almost synominous with student life, and the day the union don’t hear people complain about the price of beer is more than likely very distant. Beer itself comes in all shapes and sizes from lagers to ales, meads to stouts and dark or light, but how often do people try a new beer they haven’t had before? Nonmass produced beer has the same qualities of wine (being made from fresh ingredients and containing vitamins and antioxidants), and different beers compliment different foods. Beer is one of the products this country has been recognised for yet the majority of beer we drink is mass produced and imported from the continent. So the purpose of this article is to introduce you into the world of beer, and teach you a little bit about the differences between and why you should think more carefully about your drink. So without any further ado welcome to this insight into one of the student diet staples. Most of the beer drunk by society today is produced by large multinational brewing companies who produce their beer in a big central brewery which then makes its way through the distribution network to the consumer. These companies have grown over the years by acquiring smaller brewers and in many cases closing them down to reduce competition, centralise operations and take advantage of economies of scale. These large companies have also had a large effect on how the beer is made. For example the meaning of the word lager (it’s a German word by the way) is to store; which was the name given to the beer as after the 6-10 day fermentation period the lager needed to be stored and matured in barrels for weeks before being sold. This however is very costly as storage takes space and time, and space and time in today’s business world are very expensive. This led to major brewers adding preservatives and then pasteurising their beer so that it would both last longer and be cheaper to produce. However, adding a load of chemicals before boiling the beer has an effect on the taste of the final product, which is why most lagers taste very similar. So if this beer has been made in such a way and the final result is a chemically tasting beverage why do we drink it? There are three main reasons, starting with fashion. Fashion today affects a lot of what we do, including what we eat and drink. These large multinational companies have huge advertising campaigns on TV and billboards by the sides of roads, which enable them to build brand strength and awareness. Secondly is the availability of the beer. Due to its longer shelf-life, large distribution networks and the fact that many of the big brewers own their own establishments means that their beer is available all over the world. Thirdly is the consistency of product, because these beers are preserved and pasteurised they are consistent no matter where you are in the world. This is good from the point of view of the consumer and the producer and will lead to brand loyalty. The combination of all three of these things leads to the fact that the consumer will buy what they know and feel comfortable with. age of globalisation the consumer wants a consistent product everywhere, which is something independent brewing isn’t able to do. A final note also related to consistency is the fact that keeping and serving real ale properly is a lot harder than keeping a mass produced lager. So why should I care about what beer I drink, how it was made or where it came from it all does the same thing in the end? Brewing is part of our culture; it used to be the main way of making water safe to drink (the fermentation killed off the bacteria). Surprisingly proper beer is actually quite good for you in moderation, certainly better than almost all the mass produced brands. This is because the beer is made from fresh ingredients and nothing else, unlike the mass produced beers. Drinking real beer is also better for the environment. The reason for this is that they don’t transport the product a long way (a process damaging to the product’s quality) and thus don’t pollute as much. This is good for the consumer as it means the brewer’s overhead costs are lower, especially at a time with petrol prices rising and global warming a big political issue. Now the main reason to drink proper beer is the variety, it’s absolutely enormous. It is effectively the same as wine in the sense that they all taste slightly different; some you like, some you don’t but unlike with an unknown wine at a restaurant (where they may not have a selection of well known wines) very few people would try a new beer when they enter a pub. It seems silly that something with as much craft put into it as wine and as many different types as there are of wine but is regarded as much less sophisticated. However there are organisations out there to help these independent brewers. CAMRA are an organisation set up to promote real ale in this country and is one of the most successful consumer organisations in Europe. It also fights against the closure of local community pubs as well as for legislation to aid the brewing industry. SIBA, the Society of Independent Brewers, was set up in order to give the independent breweries more power over pubs. This meant that SIBA would check pubs serving beer to make sure that it is being cared for properly. SIBA also set up the Enterprise Inns scheme in order to help micro-brewers, by which members of the scheme (pub owners) can buy from SIBA approved local breweries. This has given the local pubs the ability to provide a wider range of products to the consumer as well as ensuring quality and has been invaluable to the independent brewing industry. “So what can I do to find out more?” I hear you ask. The first thing you could do is to go and find BRAAS, the British Real Ale Appreciation Society that has just been set up as a student society at UniS. This is a great opportunity for anyone who wants to learn more about beer to really get involved without leaving the comfort of your own University. The Return of the Beer Fest, which is a beer festival featuring 40 different ales, lagers, Ciders and Perry is taking place in Rubix from 1:30pm on Saturday 19th November, see you there!

“Brewing is part of our culture; it used to be the main way of making water safe to drink.”


Red Bull: Caffeine Reinvented?
report taking the cautionary approach due to lack of comprehensive information, risk assessment data and peer reviewed scientific research in the understanding of stimulant drinks. They have said that health warnings must be on labels and concluded that stimulant drinks: • Are not recommended for children and pregnant or breast feeding women • Should not be mixed with alcohol • No more than 500 ml (equivalent to two cans) should be consumed in one day • Should not be consumed in association with sport and exercise as a thirst quencher Are unsuitable rehydration agents for use in sport and during exercise The guidelines for maximum amount of daily caffeine intake are 400mg for adults and 80mg for children aged 11-16. But tolerances in people vary considerably; in some people as little as 250 mg per day (or 3 cans) can lead to caffeine intoxication. The symptoms of this are restlessness, paranoia, nervousness, excitement, insomnia, flushed face, diuresis, and gastrointestinal complaints. More than 1g (or 12 cans) per day may result in muscle twitching, rambling flow of thought and speech, cardiac arrhythmia, and psychomotor agitation. Caffeine intoxication can lead to symptoms similar to panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Mixing Caffeine with Alcohol In general caffeine can mask the effects of alcohol, which normally makes you sleepy when you’ve had too much. Caffeine instead will suppress the sleepiness so you’ll keep going for longer and most likely consume more alcohol. A study in mice (Ferreira et al, October 2004) has concluded that someone drinking 1 or 2 cans of energy drink could antagonise the depressant effects of ethanol but not as a total reversion of the symptoms of alcohol. (Though the study did not pinpoint that caffeine was the active ingredient that caused this.) Until more conclusive evidence is produced there are health warnings not to mix them!!! In fact, when Red Bull was first produced in Austria, the labels advised that the drinks should not to be mixed with alcohol. Despite this vodka bulls are very popular bar drinks, and very cheap, in RSVP a triple costs only £3 on a Monday night. In the UK we have the alcopop VK Blue that comes in 275ml bottle containing 38.57mg of caffeine but in US they already have high caffeine content alcoholic drinks like Labatt’s new Shok, containing 60mg of caffeine with an alcohol content of 6.9% in 250ml bottles. Has Red Bull become a gateway to high content caffeinated alcoholic drinks? What do governments have to say? To be honest, governments are giving mixed messages. France, Denmark and Norway have all banned Red Bull until further research into the long-term effects of all the ingredients (including the fortified vitamins) has been verified. But Red Bull has recently been approved in Canada. The European Commission on Food Safety have created a What’s the difference between Red Bull and Shark? Okay, yeah I know everyone has differing opinions on taste, Shark is more sweet, probably due to it’s added strawberry extract. Shark also uses caffeine from it’s natural source of guarana rather than making it synthetically. Despite marketing it doesn’t make much difference, at the end of the day you’re still taking in the same chemicals. Conclusions There are mixed messages being communicated, although the label says it should not be mixed with alcohol, it is still being sold cheaply in nightclubs and bars. We don’t yet know the long-term effect of all the ingredients and Red Bull has been a gateway to other drinks that have naturally high caffeine, which is scientifically known to cause long-term damage. Red Bull and Shark provide a lot of money for sponsorship in the UK. Young people should be given an increased awareness of what is known about both the short-term and long-term impacts that stimulant drinks are having on their health. Like with other drugs such as alcohol people should know the limits of how much caffeine to consume. References What’s all the buzz about Red Bull? Medical Post April 12, 2005 Volume 41 Issue 14 jsp?content=20050411_154836_6276 Official Red Bull Website Official Shark Website Caffeine T.R. Reid, National Geographic, Jan 2005, pages 2-32 ‘Can energy drinks reduce the depressor effect of ethanol? An experimental study in mice’ Ferreira et al, Physiology & Behavior Volume 82, Issue 5, 15 October 2004, Pages 841-847


14 November 2005

Caffeine drinks: a student’s best friend? Helen Morgan explores the more scientific side of the drink, exposing a few facts that may make you think twice the next time you down four cans the night before an exam.
Introduction I was in the Union on the night they promoted the new stimulant drink Shark. The next day when I recovered from my hangover I began to ponder over a few questions. • How do stimulant drinks increase physical performance? • Why was Shark being marketed as better than Red Bull? • Are there any dangers to drinking these stimulant drinks with alcohol that is a depressant? • If there are any dangers does the government have any restrictions that I’m not aware of? There is a picture of a pair of wings to focus your attention to how well Red Bull has been advertised to the public, I don’t even need to say the slogan. It is promoted at numerous sports events and nightclubs, as well as being advertised in the media. What is contained within Red Bull? It comes in 250ml cans with only synthetic ingredients to give the “highest standard of quality”. To dispel any myths for those vegetarians…there is no product from the semen of bulls... it is 100% vegetarian friendly. There are 3 main active ingredients: Caffeine, Glucuronolactone and Taurine. The 80mg of caffeine (equivalent to a cup of filtered coffee) gives you the ‘buzz’. It is analeptic i.e. it stimulates the central nervous system. It does this by blocking adenosine receptors in the brain causing an increase in the production of adrenaline. Physiologically this increases the heart rate, increases blood pressure, and increases blood flow to muscles. It is used in stimulant drinks to temporarily improve mental and physical performance. The effects of caffeine are short-lived and the withdrawal caused by the drop in blood pressure can lead to headaches. Glucuronolactone is a naturally occurring carbohydrate manufactured by the human body. It functions to help the liver in removing toxic substances from the body. There is 1g of Taurine, which plays two major biochemical roles. As a neurotransmitter inhibitor it aids functioning of the brain and it helps to de-toxify the digestive system. A common misconception, disturbingly also found on both the red bull and shark websites, is that Taurine is an amino acid but actually it lacks the requisite carboxyl group. A cause for concern is little is known into the long-term effects of Glucuronolactone and Taurine. What are the side effects of Caffeine? These days caffeine is found everywhere. In diet pills, pain relievers, sodas and even chocolate bars! And it is big business, annually in the US 30 million dollars is spent on caffeine tablets and 50 million dollars on caffeinated soda. It seems to be the world’s most popular mood altering drug. For Athletes caffeine provides a short-term adrenaline rush but this is a perfect set-up for injury and the after-effects can be insomnia, exhaustion, and poor recovery. There is a well-known horror story of a Limerick teenager who in 2000 drank 4 cans of Red Bull before a basketball match and then died of heart arrhythmia. Although cleared in court of any connection between the drink and his death it has resulted in bad press and concern over Red Bull.

14 November 2005

Being straight or gay: A matter of life and death?
In a society which promotes equal rights it leaves me wondering, are we really comfortable with other people’s sexuality? Statistics show that as many as one in three gay men will have been the victim of homophobic abuse or violence. The fortunate ones will be subjected to insults, the unlucky ones however will tell a very different story. Homophobic attacks are becoming increasing common at a time when straight and gay people are meant to be considered equal. This does raise the issue of whether straight and gay people will ever be considered equal as long as a small minority continue to commit these awful hate crimes. Not only is it physically hurtful to the individual but it can cause them significant psychological damage. To make someone feel the need to hide from who they are and what they truly want and desire can only lower their self esteem and damage their self identity. The use of weapons in these attacks is becoming more and more common. The recent tragic death of the 24year-old bar manager Jody Dobrowski after he was attacked on Clapham common is the most recent case of homophobic hate crimes. The question now becomes when will people be able to leave the house and feel confident enough to be themselves without the fear of persecution? I feel it is important to emphasise that it is only a minority committing these atrocities. I know not one person in my entire life that has been anything less than supportive in my coming out of the closet. Although these people give me incredible strength during difficult times it is not these people that make me want to run and hide from what I am. I count coming to the University of Surrey one of the best decisions I have made for many reasons. The biggest being how comfortable and safe I feel not only on campus but even in the town of Guildford. I hope this feeling is shared with all students at Surrey, gay and straight alike. However this feeling was somewhat shaken by the news of another attack on a student, again leaving the victim in need of paramedics. This creates the somewhat daunting prospect that perhaps we can never be as open as we really want to be. In a day and age where children can be had out of wed lock and having a divorce is no longer social suicide, can gay men and women truly leave the house without fear of rejection and persecution? It is easy to pose these questions but it is a much harder job to provide an answer. The truth is the answer will never be simple. It is not simply the case of legalising adoption by same sex couples or approving gay marriage, it involves changing the minds of people that are afraid of others who are brave enough to be themselves. This article has not meant to further concern the gay community into thinking that times are changing and being gay will be as taboo as it once was. But it does make me wonder why our lives have to be a constant battle? Why does something that’s normal for someone else have to be politic for us? Take a kiss in public, or holding someone’s hand,



Does the homophobic murder on Clapham Common mean that society is not quite as tolerant as we’d expect in modern Britain? Sam Gurney gives us the second of his two offerings on sexual equality.

these acts fairly simple for heterosexual couples can be a giant leap for gay couples. Have we been so focused on equal rights that we have missed the bigger issue? Will this minority in our generation change their minds on the issue of being gay or will gay men and women have to employ a personal body guard just to leave the house? Or will the dream of true equality finally become a reality?

Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. They may be edited for length or clarity |

Letters to barefacts
why are students asked to pay £7 or more for a fetish night ticket? When all the union does is supply the union building and the students supply the fun themselves. A ‘Student Union’ is an organisation ran by students for the students, why are we forced to pay extortionate prices to enter Rubix? Is our ‘Student Bar’ a ‘Union’ bar or a business?? Yours Faithfully Amit Kumar part in the lunchtime and Sunday sports and it was these memories that spurred the Students Union and Unisport to relaunch the Sunday inter court programme this semester. The date of your letter coincided with our correspondence with ALL the court wardens and assistant wardens asking for their support and to ask for suggestions for student sports representatives for each court to encourage participation and entries. You are right to recognise that friends for life are made through student sport whether this is through the light hearted social sports programme (including inter court sport), through involvement with a student club, or through representing UNIS through inter varsity sport and BUSA (British Universities Sports Association) matches, many a match has been made on the climbing wall! So lets call on all those students who are on campus at the weekends to make Sundays special – inter court netball (mixed teams can take part) takes place on Sunday 20 November 2-4pm at the Varsity courts and inter court teams are encouraged to enter the 7-A-Side Football ‘World Cup’ tournament on Sunday 27 November – again at the Varsity. The netball and football clubs are

Union prices extortionate?
Dear barefacts, I’m writing in relation to Mike Wilmots letter (printed 31 Oct). Mike was addressing possible reasons as to why UniS was at the bottom of the pile in a recent student survey questioning the time enjoyed at university. He suggested we increased the student’s sense of community through sporting competitions between halls. I agree, good idea. But what about considering the student’s sense of Union prices’, and how might they play a part in effecting this survey. The main student ‘Union’ bar often charges prices of £4 and upwards just for standard entry. Understandably prices have to be increased to cover the cost of special events’ such as Bodger and Badger (they must have cost a lot!). However that doesn’t mean that normal nights at the union should be so expensive. And the question I have to ask,

helping Unisport with the organisation – all we need is entries!! Mike – maybe you would be a sports rep for your court – and who else?! Please contact your court wardens to volunteer (male and female reps are needed) and send your inter court entries to the Sports Centre/ Students Union by Thursday 17 November. The lunchtime social sports programme is in full swing – but the teams are mainly staff, any budding student teams for next semester? Best wishes to you all Sally Edie Head of Sport Programme Unisport

Community through sport
Dear barefacts, I was delighted to read your comments in barefacts (31 October) about ‘A sense of Community Vital’? In the 1970’s and 1980’s there was a strong sense of identity gained by many students through a thriving inter departmental and inter court sports programme. As many as thirty teams took

Send in your letters to by 5pm on Monday 21st November to guarantee publication in the last edition of the paper for this year.


It’s the...

Q. I am a 26 year old undergraduate here at Surrey. I am more or less OK with the academic side of things, but I have absolutely no social life whatsoever. I get the impression that everyone thinks that I look or act ‘weird’, like a ‘psychotic’. I am very lonely and frustrated as a result. I personally think that I am perfectly normal, and that there is nothing wrong with my personality, behaviour, mental health state, etc. I feel uncomfortable around such people who do not speak to me or who do not offer for me to go out for a drink with them, etc. The fact that nobody speaks to me only reinforces my impression that other people think that I am a bit ‘odd’. Nobody on my course speaks to me, except for one or two individuals and I am severely lacking a girlfriend or ‘love life’. I have never, ever had any girlfriends. I know that I am 26, but surely this would not mean that I am ‘too old’ to find a girlfriend here at Uni. who would probably be a few years younger than me, at around 20 or 22. Do you think that I am ‘too old’? These days, it seems that if you’re more than 3 years older than the other person, then you’re considered to be ‘too old’, which I think is total rubbish.

Agony Niece


14 November 2005

other’s rooms watching dvds, go out for meals, but now he won’t reply to my texts and when I knock on his door he tells me to leave him alone. I want to help him but he won’t let me. A. Why not do as he asks, and leave him alone for a while? He could be busy revising for an exam or trying to meet coursework deadlines, In which case he won’t want you pestering him every few minutes. There might be something wrong that he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you about. The more you press him for a response, the more agitated and locked down he is going to become. Allow him some time to cool off, but let him know you will be there for him if he needs you. Q. I accidentally slept with my friend’s ex some time ago. Since then he’s not left me alone, convinced I like him, even though I’ve told him I don’t. Now I’ve got a new boyfriend and we’re really happy together. Since he found out I had a boyfriend, the guy I slept with has turned on me. He has called me all the names under the sun, and e-mails, texts and calls just to be rude to me. He scared me enough by nearly stalking me when I was single, but now he’s become nasty, I’m even more scared. A. It amazes me how people can “accidentally” sleep with someone. Regardless of what has happened, don’t let this moron jeopardise your new relationship. I’m sure if you explain things to your new boyfriend, he will understand. It might also be wise to let him know in case this creep tries to start on him too. If you’ve already told this guy where to go, he obviously didn’t pay attention, so you need to be more firm with him. Tell him you weren’t interested in him then, and you aren’t now you have a boyfriend. Warn him if he continues to harass you, you’ll get the police involved.

A. Having previously been involved with a gentleman 5 years older than me, I can reassure you that you are not “too old”. Many women prefer to date older men, as they believe that men mature later (if they do at all). It is a shame when you can’t find friends on your course. You would have thought that being on the same course would give you enough common ground to at least strike up conversation, but some people seem to have various requirements a person must adhere to before talking to them. And once people have found their clique, why would they need to talk to anyone else? It would be easier on you if you could find friends, especially on your course, but remember, whilst some people claim that you’ll have the time of your life here and make lifelong friends, the reason you came here was to get a degree. Why not go to some of the pubs and clubs (or wherever you enjoy spending time) in town, and try and make some acquaintances outside of uni? Q. Am I wrong to be getting so annoyed over the fact that my flatmates keep pinching my food? I’m in my first year and we have enough fridge space for one shelf per person. We keep our stuff on our own shelves, but people keep eating my food. My condiments are emptied faster than they

should be, I’m sure people have been using my milk and cheese. Of course, when I confront people, nobody has ever done it. Why should I pay for food just to have others eat it? A. Well at least having mentioned it to people, they will know you are annoyed. It is hard to keep your food safe, especially if it is something people use regularly or like the look of. You could write your name on every item of food you have, in big letters in permanent ink, but I daresay you’d be branded as over the top. It might stop a few people, but those without a conscience would be the slightest bit effected by it. If you have something very likely to be taken (like a yummy chocolate fudge gateaux), I’d recommend doing your best to hide it from view; put it in a bag, put it at the back of the fridge then stack things up around it. Remember this is technically theft, so if the problem becomes too serious, talk to your senior resident. Q. I’ve been close to one of the guys I’ve lived with since we were in halls last year. But recently he hasn’t given me the time of day. It is clear something’s wrong but he won’t open up. Normally we go shopping together, sit in each Wardie Wuvs Wonking He looks like a skinhead. Well, he is a skinhead Oh, so someone thought of the Stag Hill/Slag Hill joke already. Darn. Thankfully for George, the prostitute pulled through. There once was a man from Brighton Who said to his girl, “You’re a tight one” She said, “Pardon my soul, But you’re in the wrong hole. There’s plenty of room in the right one.” Sophia. The Gimp. Noif.

Have you got a problem for the Agony Niece? No problem too big, small or complicated! Send them to Confidentiality guaranteed! Or your money back.

PERSONALS - It just gets smaller and smaller every issue, please save this section from getting so small it goes into extinction by sending in your in jokes and peoples embarassing moments!
Its its... its its... not how you normally hear me sps-speak Jep needs some Southern Comforting...? ;o) 17 incher ready & waiting in room.......... widescreen that is Phil browns his pants - tee hee. James from T8 - The original “Minute Man”

No rest for the wicked it seems.... I looked up......... AND I SAW HIM!! Don’t eat with your mouth full. tut Be home about 5:15. See u soon. x Mum. Henry the Hoover needs someone for some 1on-1 suction action! :’( Happy birthday Laura! You’re old now!!!!!!!!1111! !!ELEVEN!!!!!!! And you’re a dancer. Gutted!!!!1! Any personals?

14 November 2005

1. Crappy shoes in the rain Your feet get wet, and when you’re wearing the kind of shoes that are in fashion at the mo (you know the ones I mean girls, the ones that look like slippers! Sometimes they’re even “knitted”!) the dye comes off! (Well that happens to me anyway – never buy shoes from Burtons!) When you’re in London it isn’t nice to have wet, black feet due to the bad quality of your shoes… it probably doesn’t look very nice either! A girlie related thing here I think. The only time any of my shoes has leaked whilst raining, is when I’ve had the shoes for three years, and they are starting to wear out at the sides! Girls, why do you buy shoes, if they are going to be unpractical? I can’t remember the number of times I’ve heard girls complain that the super-high-heels they are wearing hurt their feet. Why buy them? You’ve all experienced the pain, and suffering of badly designed shoes. As punishment for your insistence in wearing silly shoes, and experiencing the distress of the consequences, I will keep Crappy shoes out of Room 101.

ROOM 101

ROOM 101


David Hynds curator of barefacts’ own Room 101 presents us with students’ offering to this museum of dread. But will their pet peeves be relegated to the residence that houses such beasts as Pocket Change & British Rugby Fans?
This article doesn’t write itself you know; it needs people like you, the dear reader. So keep your Room 101 suggestions coming in; email me:, with ‘Room 101’ as the subject title. In this edition of Room 101, we hear from Jennifer Davies, a first year ‘cellielliest’ from Northampton studying Music 2. Socks that fall down Trainer socks are really naff because although they are designed to be worn with trainers, they never stay up! It’s even worse when you are wearing boots (not usually done but I hadn’t been to the laundrette in a week or so, so I had run out of long socks!) because you can’t stop and quickly pull them up without pulling up your trousers and undoing your boots (which I did once and got a very strange look from a very old man who probably hadn’t seen a young persons’ leg in a very long time!) Um, right. Aren’t trainer socks the ones that only come up to your ankle? Can they actually fall down? Perhaps if they got soaked through due to the person wearing crappy shoes in the rain, they might get sodden enough to fall off, but not otherwise. (Correct me if I’m wrong of course – stories etc on a postcard to the usual address). Long socks do indeed fall down, and they can be quite annoying. However, I don’t think that an inappropriate choice of footwear on the part of the wearer can be banished; anything that is the fault of the person in question can’t be punished. Socks that fall down, therefore, has to stay out on principal

Not A Normal Traffic Jam... I hope.

4. Traffic Jams Why do traffic jams actually happen? I was on the motorway on my way back to Guildford and one of the lanes was blocked (or so it said on a sign...) so everybody slowed down while the middle lane got fuller and fuller. When we eventually pulled up to the so-called “blocked lane” there was actually nothing in it except for a police car ON THE HARD SHOULDER! Basically we’d all slowed down for no reason, except so that people could gawp at what turned out to be a very boring scene. In my opinion, if there were no signs that said “slow down to 40mph” then there wouldn’t be a problem because there hardly ever is a reason to slow down in the first place. Not to say that there aren’t accidents and reasons to slow down but I don’t want to be slowing down for a helium balloon that has landed in the middle of the fast lane. I get highly amused at people who sit in traffic jams and blare their horns and swear no end. Firstly, it doesn’t help the situation; and secondly, it is just stupid. You may remember that I am no driver, so can’t fully understand the nature of traffic jams – I use them as an excuse to read my books. I understand that traffic jams can be a hassle, but sometimes are necessary precautions due to bad accidents, or giant cats in the road (see picture). Therefore, I am going to modify Jenny’s suggestion, and only put in Unnecessary Traffic Jams into Room 101

3. Women who grope your boyfriend – get your own! There’s nothing more annoying than women who grope your boyfriend when you’re standing very close by… it makes it worse when you’re in a VERY social situation and it would be just plain rude to reach out and slap them, which is what you most want to do. Still, sometimes it’s a bit of a consolation when they’re really NOT very nice, and are obviously just desperate, because you can laugh at them loudly behind their back! Even more so when they’re wearing a pink tracksuit which seriously clashes with their bright orange hair! Well, it was men last edition, and now the turn of the women who don’t seem to know their boundaries. Seriously? Pink tracksuit? Orange hair? I don’t want to imagine what that would look like! Haaaaaa! (that was me laughing!!!) For the sake of sexual equality, Women who grope your boyfriends has to go into the depths of Room 101

1 ½ of Jennifer’s choices goes into Room 101 this time. If you think you could come up with a selection that would impress me, the keeper of Room 101, then see below for more details. Have you anything you would like to permanently get rid of? If so, email, with ‘Room 101’ in the subject line. Don’t forget to write a little about yourself, and ensure that your choices are explained fully. It is the columnist’s right to edit entries as he deems fit, so it would be most useful if explanations are lengthy, and in detail. Barefacts and the columnist will ensure that the majority of your contributions are used, however; if suggestions are in any way derogatory, then they shall be omitted. Remember, keep it clean.



14 November 2005

Jayne Thomas & Emma Clarke have provided for this edition of barefacts a selection of Winter Warmers. I’m definately liking the idea of the beef & beer pie. Their next selection carries the mysterious, yet tantilising heading ‘Food & Drink’. Well. Maybe it isn’t that mysterious. Spaghetti and chickpeas in tomato sauce Prep time: 5 mins Cooking time: 20 mins Ingredients: 2 tbsp olive oil 1 onion, chopped 1 clove of garlic, crushed 1 can chopped tomatoes 350g spaghetti 2 cans chickpeas (drain and rinse) grated cheese parsley Method: Heat the oil in a pan, add onion and garlic, cook over medium heat for bout 5 mins, stirring constantly until onion is soft. Stir in tomatoes, with their juice, and bring to the boil. Turn down the heat and simmer for bout 15 mins until the sauce gets thick. (stirring a couple of times). Meanwhile cook the spaghetti in a pan of boiling water for bout 12 mins or whatever the packet says. When the sauce is cooked, stir in the chickpeas and simmer for 2 mins. Season to taste. Drain spaghetti, mix with the chickpeas and tomato sauce. Sprinkle the chopped parsley and grated cheese over the top. Options: Add 1 stick of celery, chopped, to the onion and garlic bout 2 mins before adding the tomatoes Make the sauce spicy with a dash of tabasco! (stir in when you add chickpeas) Throw in some chopped spinach at the same time as the chickpeas. Add some grilled, chopped bacon to the mix just before the chickpeas.

Apple Crumble Prep time: 15mins Cooking time: 45mins Ingredients: 50g margarine 50g sugar 3 large cooking apples 100g flour orange peel or cinnamon Method: Heat oven to 190 degrees c. Peel and slice apples and simmer with a little water and pinch of sugar on low heat for 10mins until stewed. Meanwhile rub the flour and margarine together until it becomes like breadcrumbs Add the sugar and mix well. Pour the stewed apple into an ovenproof dish. Spread the crumble over the fruit and bake for 45 mins or until golden brown. Serve with ice cream or custard.

Sausage and Bean Hot Pot (Serves 4) Prep time: 10 Cooking time: 20mins Ingredients: 4 thick, good quality sausages 1 can chopped tomatoes 2 cans borlotti beans 2 tbsp tomato puree 2 tsp paprika mash: potatoes, cut into cubes semi-skimmed milk olive oil Method: Preheat grill to medium, place sausages underneath and grill for bout 15 mins, turning regularly until cooked through. Meanwhile, cook potatoes in boiling water for bout 15 mins until getting soft. Also, while the potatoes cook, put the tomatoes, and their juice, the beans, ketchup and peprika in a pan and heat till starts to simmer. Remove sausages (but leave the grill on), allow to cool and then cut each one into about 5 thick slices. Add to tomato and bean mixture, and then put it all into an ovenproof dish. Drain potatoes and mash with a bit of milk and olive oil, season to taste. Spoon mash evenly over the sausage and bean mix. Brown under the grill for about 5 mins or until going golden and crispy. Options: Use kidney beans instead of borlotti. Tomato relish instead of ketchup. Cook some parsnips in the pan along with the potatoes for the mash (can mash with butter/marge instead of olive oil or milk. any mix will do...)

Beef and Beer Pie Prep time: 15mins Cooking time: 15mins Ingredients: 400g stewing steak 40ml beer 1 carrot (chopped) 20g margarine Dried Mixed Herbs Soy sauce 1 tbspn mustard 3 baking potatoes Salt and pepper 1 onion (chopped) Method: Fry onion with stewing steak in 1 tbspn olive oil until brown. Add herbs, salt, pepper and 1 tbspn soy sauce. Add beer and mustard and chopped carrot and simmer on medium heat for 10minutes. Meanwhile peel potatoes and slice and bring to boil in salt water for 15minutes. Drain potatoes when soft and mash with 2 tbspn milk and margarine. Put beef into an ovenproof dish and layer mash potato over the top. Oven bake for 15 minutes at 200 degrees until meat is tender and mash is crispy and brown. Serve with roasted vegetables and gravy. Nice.

14 November 2005

barefacts very own attempt at a consumer testing section. We were aiming for interesting and informative... by Richard Sharp


The Konsumer Revolt team understand that students work loads are increasing as they are assigned more and more coursework, and this means more snacking. The team wish students to enjoy quality products and in this vain we are testing one of the ultimate snacks, CRISPS! We tested ‘regular’ multipacks from Tescos, Sainsbury’s and Co-op, containing ready salted, Cheese & Onion, and Salt & Vinegar. We also tested ‘value’ Ready salted crisps from Tescos and Sainsbury’s. No other ‘value’ flavours were available, and Co-op provided no value alternatives for us to test. It should be noted that Crisps that consuming such large volume of crisps is not healthy and should only be undertaken by trained individuals, or in the case of the Konsumer Guinea Pigs, only in the pursuit of value.

Ready Salted:
Tesco Value Ready Salted (5p per 20g) 3/3: did someone forget the salt!? Special: that tastes pretty much like vegetable oil and nothing else. Susan: Those were good. Very lightly salted for a subtle taste of salt with minimum risk of heart disease. Thong: I quite liked them, I’m impressed it’s one of the only value products I’ve actually liked. Sainsbury’s Basics Ready Salted (7p per 20g) Susan: Slightly crisper (than tesco value) me thinks. Special: They don’t taste as greasy (as tescos value) Susan: perhaps a little too salty. Special: With all this salt, none of us are going to have cramp for weeks. Susan: yeah, but we’re all going to die from heart failure in a few hours. 3/3: Suitable for Vegans!!! Tesco Select Ready Salted (9p per 25g) Susan: Not bad, not too much salt. Heart is happy! 3/3: They’re nice, but I have to force myself to eat them. Special: If they were a colour they’d be beige Sainsbury’s Ready Salted Crisps (9p per 25g) Special: ooh, fancy nutritional information pie chart on the front. 3/3: *tastes crisp and makes sound of disgust* Susan: I think this is verging on too much salt for my liking. Special: this is the best nutritionally wise! 3/3: Therefore, they taste the worse! Thong: I don’t like them, I prefer the cheap Sainsbury’s ones

Co-op Ready Salted Crisps (15p per 25g) Special: this is going to be interesting. It uses palm oil. Sounds like what they use in hand lotion! Special: this one contains more salt. Susan: what, than hand lotion!? 3/3: there’s a horrible after taste with those. Special: that’ll be the hand lotion. 3/3: tastes like butter, not good! Special: Good crispiness but I didn’t like the flavour.

Salt & Vinegar:
Tesco Select Salt and Vinegar (9p per 25g) 3/3: That’s really salty. Susan: A subtle taste of both salt and vinegar. Again, Good taste, good crisp. Thong: It didn’t have the usual kick behind it. Special: You buy salt and vinegar to abuse your taste buds. Sainsbury’s Salt and Vinegar (9p per 25g) Special: they’re good initially, then the sun flower oil decides that it should be the dominate flavour. Which is clearly wrong. Thong: The flavours of this world should know their place. Susan: Mmm, Flavour. Much more tangy, fizzy even. There’s the taste bud abuse Special was talking about earlier. They’re good. Co-op Salt and Vinegar (15p per 25g) Thong: they smell like they’ve got a bit more too them… and then they don’t. Susan: Again good flavour but it did disappear quite quickly! Thong: Yeah, somewhere between taking it from the packet and putting it in my mouth. 3/3: I know I ate something, I just can’t remember any taste

Cheese & Onion:
Tesco Select Cheese and Onion (9p per 25g) 3/3: Arghh. Thong: Arugh, I’m going to need water after that. Special: If these were onion ring crisps they’d be good. But they are supposed to contain some cheese. Susan: True, I can’t taste the cheese but I can’t say I didn’t like them. Nice taste, good crisps. Sainsbury’s Cheese and Onion (9p per 25g) Special: ooh, there may be hope, contains cheese powder. Special: allergy advice, “contains milk” Susan: hmm, sounds soggy! Special: Now that’s more like the cheese and onion I know. Thong: Yeah, this tastes more like the big name brand’s flavouring. But it only lasts a second then it’s gone. Special: Good short lived cheese and onion. Co-op Cheese and Onion (15p per 25g) Special: Has someone just handed me a packet of ready salted. Thong: Bland. Boring. Basic. Crisp. Susan: A nice mild taste of both cheese and onion. A good crisp! 3/3: Cheese, onion and butter.


Ready Salted: Sainsbury’s basics Ready Salted with a full 4 yay’s (although you only get 20g for your money) Cheese & Onion: Sainsbury’s Cheese & Onion Salt & Vinegar: a tie between Tescos and Sainsbury’s, on score and price

Tesco Value Ready Salted Thong

Snsbry’s Basic Ready Salted

Tesco Select Ready Salted

Snsbry’s Co-op Ready Ready Salted Salted Thong

Tesco Snsbry’s Co-op Select Cheese Cheese Cheese n Onion n Onion n Onion Thong

Tesco Snsbry’s Co-op Select Salt n Salt n Salt n Vinegar Vinegar Vinegar

3/3 Special Susan

3/3 Special Susan

3/3 Special Susan














14 November 2005

Sabbaticals!? Who are these people? What are they doing here? Democracy should be a dirty word, so today we’re going to try and shine a light on the governing forces behind the students’ union here at Surrey. Any questions - ask Flo (

Some of you may have heard of things called ‘Sabbaticals’, some of you may even know what one looks like… but most don’t seem to know what a sabbatical � cers are there to represent the students of the University of Surrey. This involves: • Being a point of contact on all student issues/problems/queries • Speaking out about students issues locally and nationally. • Informing members on local or national issues that affect them. • Taking information from university and feeding back to the members • Being a figure head for the students of the University of Surrey • Collecting information from students, compile, collate and use it to represent all members to the university, local community and nationally. •Overseeing the smooth running and continuity of the Students’ Union through strategic planning. • Making sure the Students’ Union is acting in the best interests of all students • And be accountable to students Alongside this representational core each of the six sabbaticals has a key area of interest which they focus their attention on along with this general job description above. These are specified next to their photos. Sabbatical Fun Facts: President - Folarin “Flo” Oyeleye What you need me for: As the head of the organization I’m involved in pretty much everything, so it’s hard for me to be that specific about what I do on top of the points listed above.

Vice President Communications Neil Boulton What you need me for: I have my fingers in all of the media pies. So anything to do with communicating with the student community at University of Surrey.

Sabbaticals are all either current or former students of the University. They’re made up of 70% water They’re elected into position by way of a yearly election. They work as a sabbatical for one year (Up to a maximum of 2, but they have to be re-elected) The President is the head of the Students’ Union (that includes Rubix & Chancellors) Sabbaticals aren’t nocturnal - You can find them during the day in the Students’ Union Activity Centre!

Vice President Education & Welfare - Ella Willot What you need me for: General welfare & academic affairs, really - I’m someone to go to and can help advise you if you’re having big problems with your course or your personal welfare.

Vice President Postgraduate Affairs Bex Nunn What you need me for: All things postgraduate, basically - So things like postgraduate academic issues and more.

Vice President Sports - David Glossop What you need me for: I’m needed for all things related to sports clubs & sporting representation.

Vice President Societies & Culture Piers Karsenbarg What you need me for: I’m the focal point for all the union’s societies, RAG & cultural events.

Want to know more about the Students Union structure?

14 November 2005

a nd a l i t t le bit about Union Council. The two are very m u c h i n v o l v e d . . . a s y o u ’ d e x p e c t
This other set of part-time elected student officers, along with the sabbaticals, make up the Union Executive. Union Council is the governing body of the Union. Elected Officers (your fellow students) are responsible for approving all the Union’s campaigns and policies, and holding the Executive to account on behalf of the wider Union membership at Surrey. It is where decisions are made and where you have the opportunity to make your feelings known on virtually any issue. Union Council meets once a month in Season’s Restaurant on campus. The part time officers (and their individual areas) are: Fiona Poole Accommodation Officer Represents students in campus and off campus accommodation. In addition, assists the VP Education & Welfare to achieve their objectives and responsibilities relating to accommodation by being Chairperson of the Accommodation Committee. Chris Ward Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer Represents students and assists Union Officials on ethics & equal opportunities issues. Responsible for developing, recommending, campaigning for, and implementing Union policy regarding ethics & equal opportunities and raising awareness, understanding and participation among students. Roishin Mullins Culture & Events Officer Assists the Union Entertainments Department, to ensure efficient running of all Union culture and entertainment events by being Chairperson of the Entertainments & Events Committee. Also helps out the VP Societies & Culture to achieve their objectives and responsibilities relating to culture. Suzy King Union Chair Upholds democracy by chairing Student Council and makes sure that agendas, minutes and the actual meetings are well publicised and promoted. Natascha Thomas Placement & Employed Students Officer Represents students on placement and in part-time work whilst studying at the University of Surrey. Assists the VP Education & Welfare to achieve their objectives and responsibilities relating to working students. Oversees the Union’s work regarding students’ employability skills development and helps with the annual review and publishing of the Placement Year Handbook Mark Griffiths Societies Officer Represents all societies by working alongside the VP Societies & Culture to help run the Union’s societies. Assists in coordinating and advising Societies on their operational and budgetary procedures and is the Chairperson of Societies Executive and Societies Standing meetings. Gregory Scott & Nathanael Roome Non-Portfolio Officers Carries out work as advertised in their election manifesto and as directed by the Executive Committee and higher bodies. & Nick Short Sports Officer Represents all sports clubs by working alongside the VP Sports to help run the Union’s sports clubs. Assists in coordinating and advising Sports clubs on their operational and budgetary procedures and is the Chairperson of Sports Executive and Sports Standing meetings.



There are also these two currently vacant positions on the Students’ Union Executive - If you want to get involved and become one of these positions e-mail Flo ( and he would be more than happy to point you in the right direction. Vacant Campaigns Officer Responsible for coordinating, publicising and implementing campaigns agreed upon at Union Council. Encourages involvement in campaigns and helps the VP Education and Welfare to achieve their objectives and responsibilities relating to campaigns by being the Chairperson of the Campaigns Committee. Vacant Academic Affairs Officer Represents all students on anything to do with the academic side of their university life. Assists the VP Education & Welfare to achieve their objectives and responsibilities relating to Academic Affairs by being Chairperson of the Academic Affairs Committee.

the next Union Council is 29/11/05 - 18:00 in Seasons Democracy - It’s Fantastic!

So come along and find out more about what’s going on in your union;



14 November 2005

Fetish Night & Rachel Stevens tickets are still on sale in the union shop (still located in the activities centre) get your groove on down there if you’ve not already got your expectant hands on tickets. Until then note the ‘School Disco’ on the 25th. Give into the urge to get back into the old school uniform and dance like a bad’n on the Rubix dancefloor - Remember to sign up to the Students’ Union Newsletter & Grapevine at!

November 14th - November 20th Monday 14th Tuesday 15th Wednesday 16th Thursday 17th Friday 18th Saturday 19th Sunday 20th
Mad Ferret

Chancellor’s Cocktail Night

featuring: Jim Jeffries, Jim McGhie & Guests

Open Mic Night

in Chance

l l or’s

School Disco!
£2 Advance, £3 before 10:30pm £4 afterwards
Cyclone in the HRB

Chancellor’s 8pm - 1am A cocktail of new & classic indie tunes FREE ENTRY

NO-WAVE Rock, Indie, metal, Punk, Ska & much much more... HRB in Rubix - £1 Entry

Stella Screen Free Film - YEAH! in the HRB 8pm

14 November 2005

Yep, some of you may already have read this stirling piece of information delivery, others haven’t. Basically much like Grapevine supplies you with all you Union Entertainment news, The USSU newsletter provides you with all your general students’ union news & info: Sign up today (identically to grapevine) at

13 OH YEAH! THE ENTS PLANNER The Brand Shiny New USSU e-News Letter Thing!

November 21st - November27th Monday 21st Tuesday 22nd Wednesday 23rd Thursday 24th Friday 25th Saturday 26th Sunday 27th
Open Mic Night
in Chance

Chancellor’s Cocktail Night

Chance or’s Cha enge:
Tree & Piers attempt to run a quiz! in Chancellor’s no less! 8pm - £1 per person in a team All entry money goes towards the Quiz Cash Prize!



e: t tim Las rize ... 1st P £60 to rget .. Fo on’t A Pen. D g Brin

l l or’s

It’s Friday!
Wax in the HRB

£2 Advance, £3 before 10:30pm £4 afterwards

CAGL It’s a house night in Rubix
Season’s End, Crimson of Tears + Support
7:30pm Rubix


BABYSHAMBLES Down In Albion Rough Trade

14 November 2005

The Arts Section, as usual, starts off with music. The Next CD Hand-out for Music Reviews will be Monday 5pm, 14th November (The day this paper comes out actually...), then fortnightly after that. Neat, huh? ( if you can’t wait)
LEAVES The Angela Test Universal Island Records Leaves first entered our record stores in 2002 with their stunning debut album ‘Breathe’. Unfortunately noone bought it, and that was the end of that. Three years on and they’re back with another stunning release which will hopefully attract the amount of attention it deserves. ‘The Angela Test’ was recorded in the band’s home country, Iceland, and produced by the legendry Marius De Vries (Massive Attack/Madonna/Bjork) whose input has helped steer the band towards a greater sound. Arnar Gudjonsson’s elegant vocals (which aren’t dissimilar to Chris Martin’s), blend into the pure, neat soundscapes created by piano, guitars, a new drummer and a few orchestral instruments which really add to the mysterious sentiment of the album. ‘Shakma (Drunken Starlit Sky)’ is the opener and a fine one at that. An unhurried first half uses piano and strings to beautifully blend each chord into the next, while the increase in tempo for the coda builds the piece into a 7 minute epic. The title track IS Coldplay, with its rich chord progressions and sweeping harmonies, whilst debut single, ‘The Spell’ is a punchy reminder of the first album. The originality peters out a little towards the end, and you feel like skipping the odd song, but you never doubt the quality of each track, and the album closer, ‘Should Have Seen It All’ makes you forget all that and sends you away feeling satisfied. I love this album. Sounding like a more mature Coldplay, a less disheartened Radiohead and a brisker Elbow, I can’t see why Leaves couldn’t and shouldn’t make it big. 4/5 Patrick Hunter

About six months ago, I turned up at Brixton academy to see for the first time, a man whom I greatly respected as a musician and performer, that man’s name was Pete Doherty and the name of his new band was Babyshambles. I was prepared to forgive Doherty for the way in which he had been unceremoniously kicked out of The Libertines, but I was not prepared to forgive him for the complete lack of professionalism he showed when he walked off the stage that night. So when I was given this album to review last week I was ready to slate Doherty and the shambles (excuse the pun) that his new band had become. However, when I did eventually put it on I came to realise that despite all of his personal problems Pete Doherty makes great music and this album is testament to that. The record has already spawned 2 top ten singles both of which were easily as good as Libertines’ tracks, ‘Fuck Forever’, and ‘Kilimangiro’. ‘Pentonville’ stands out as a high point of the album, for this track Doherty takes a back seat and is replaced on lead vocals by a Carribean vocalist, General Sante. This shows an incredible variety in Doherty’s writing, which I don’t believe has been seen before and it certainly elevates his ability as a songwriter. Other strong points include ‘Loyalty Song’, ‘What Katy Did Next’ and ‘32nd of December’ all of which are variations on The Libertines sound. Pete may be a knob, but this album’s alright. 3.5/5 Stephen Hume

THE CRIMEA Tragedy Rocks Warner Bros. It’s common knowledge that the late DJ John Peel knew his stuff. So when he said that The Crimea’s debut single ‘Lottery Winners on Acid’ was “One of the best songs I’ve heard in years…” you’ve kind of just got to take his word for it… Made up of ex-Crocketts members, the London-based band have appeared without warning on the British music scene, and by the looks of it, are set to make a big and lasting impression. The album starts with a ghostly piano introduction played by keyboardist Andrew Stafford, which lingers for a moment then bursts into White Russian Galaxy – a feel-good rock affair with organ and everything. Lottery Winners On Acid is a simple song with an amazingly catchy chorus, which just chugs along and gets better every time you hear it. Third single ‘Baby Boom’ boasts the lyrics “You can call me Fred Flintstone, Tarzan king of the jungle…” yet still manages to remain beautiful, melodic and evocative, while the jolly guise of ‘Girl Just Died’ (which rhymes ‘Died ‘with ‘Happyside’) shows that there’s something very clever about the songwriting as well as the overall quality of the tracks. Phrases such “dark and disturbing at times” and “melodic, crazy, idiosyncratic songs” sum it up rather well. It’s rare that you can listen to every song on an album and like them all – Something which The Crimea HAS definitely achieved. If you only buy two albums this year, make sure they are both Tragedy Rocks, and give one to a friend. 5/5 Patrick Hunter

BLINK 182 Greatest Hits Geffen/Island Records It must be the run up to Christmas for I have encountered another Greatest Hits album. This time it’s from those strange pop punksters Blink 182. Everyone has to admit, you all liked ‘All the Small Things’, back in the day at least, and this album reminds us all of Blink’s toilet humour charm. It starts of with ‘Carousel’ from Buddha, possibly one of Blink’s most complicated songs, but unheard of by most of their following circa Enema of the State. The album moves on, the first song which is recognisable by most is ‘Dammit’, the song covered by nearly every teen band in the last five years or so (not overshadowing Greenday’s Basketcase however) mostly because it is comprised of three chords and lots of angst. The hits from Enema are on here, not surprising as most people hadn’t even heard of Blink 182 up until that point, and I’m pleased to note that they included ‘Adam’s Song’, which harbours some real emotion and is thankfully sung by Mark Hoppus. (I’ve never been a big fan of Tom DeLonge’s squawk.) There’s some catchy pop tunes from Take Off Your Pants and Jacket, and then some of the less odd stuff from their self-titled album. There’s also a never before released song called ‘Another Girl, Another Planet’. It sounds like, well, Blink 182. I would suggest buying this album for any thirteen year olds you know who wear ginormous trousers, or for yourself if you feel like reliving your youth; it reminded me of just why so many kids liked Blink, they’re funny, slightly geeky and they write catchy songs. 3/5 Beth Heale

14 November 2005
MADONNA Confessions On A Dance Floor Maverick/Warner Bros

RYAN ADAMS & THE CARDINALS Jacksonville City Nights Universal


“Confessions On A Dance Floor” is, unlike Madonna’s last release (2003’s “American Life”) which explored the political and ethereal, a reinvention seamlessly segued in a classic dance club format as unapologetic ‘future disco’. In the Queen of Pop’s own words, it is “about having a good time straight through and non-stop. I want people to jump out of their seats.” Primarily co-produced and co-written by Madonna and Stuart Price, one of the UK’s most electrifying DJs – also known as Les Rythmes Digitales and Jacques Lu Cont, the pair initially forged a creative partnership on both the 2001 “Drowned World” and 2003’s “ReInvention” tours as her Musical Director. The album opens with the heavy and unsubtle ABBA sampling “Hung Up” from “Gimme Gimme Gimme”, a clear floor filler, #1 single and highlight of the album. The sampling doesn’t stop here though; the upbeat “Get Together” and “Sorry” (a likely second single) sample the infectious, classic basslines of Stardust’s “The Music Sounds Better With You” and The Jackson’s “Can You Feel It” respectively. “I Love New York” is a banging dance tune which features lyrics taking a pop at George Bush and his home state; “If you don’t like my attitude then you can just F off. Just go to Texas, that’s where they play golf.” Other highlights include the “Like A Prayer”-sampling mid-tempo “Push” and the controversial “Isaac” – a combination of wild rhythms, Jewish chant, strings & guitar. Aside from Price, other collaborators include Mirwais Ahmadzaï (2000’s “Music” album as well as “American Life”) and the Grammy-winning duo of Bloodshy & Avant (Britney Spears – “Toxic”). Uptempo and bristling with energy, “Confessions on a Dance Floor” – Madonna’s tenth studio album, is without a doubt absolutely, er, Floor-less. 4.5/5 Joshua Bates

You may recall that in a past Barefacts, Mr Fletcher reviewed the latest My Morning Jacket album ‘Z’ where he stated that country music was “loaded with stereotyped connotations of banjos, line-dancing, beans, stetsons, cowboys and hoedowns…”. Ryan Adams’ ‘Jacksonville City Nights’, his second out of three studio albums this year, evokes all of these…especially the beans. With this album, ever prolific, Adams has produced some of his best songs to date. It seems strange that only last year he gave us ‘Rock N Roll’, his “personal tribute” to 80s/90s Rock. Then we received ‘Cold Roses’, a double alt-country album with his new band The Cardinals. Now we land at JCN. At the beginning of this year I wasn’t a great fan of anything Country, however, I firmly believe I have now been converted. Kicking off with ‘A Kiss Before I Go’ shows us how Country can actually be quite acceptable, occasionally toe-tappingly good. The album features a beautiful duet with Norah Jones, ‘Dear John’ as well as some great acoustic songs ‘Withering Heights’ that make you forget the Country thing for a minute. Other highlights include beautifully presented songs like ‘Silver Bullets’, ‘The End’, ‘September’ and my personal favorite, ‘The Hardest Part’. I find there is a perfect balance between Adams’ acoustic songs of old and his re-born Country songs with pedal-steel guitars whining away in the background. Essentially, this is a record that would please any die-hard fan but it might not win him any new followers. 4/5 Robert Cross

CLUB REVIEW: Fabriclive
Friday 21st October Oh, where to start? This was probably the best night out I’ve ever had, the venue was superb, the music was nothing short of amazing and the atmosphere was spot on, but what makes Fabric so good? Firstly, it’s huge, a hefty 24000 square feet of ex-Victorian meat cellar, making this a giant of an underground club, with quirky brick walls and random pipes going to who knows where. The club’s divided into three rooms and, surprisingly for such an enormously loud place, there’s no overlap of sound anywhere. Secondly, the line-up was (and always is) first class, featuring the biggest names in scratch, house, drum’n’bass, techno, hip hop and all forms of dance in between. The sound system is fantastic, and a little bizarre, with a body sonic dancefloor. Basically, the bass not only gets belted from the speakers, but it also comes up through the floor. Absolutely crazy, but great for all you poor souls with no rhythm. Thirdly, as I said before, the atmosphere was just right. The lack of dress-code got rid of all the trendier-than-thou crap you usually experience in the capital, (and our union, rather strangely) and for a change it seemed as though everyone was genuinely there to have a good time and enjoy the music. The men weren’t constantly homing in for

a grope, handy seeing as the toilets are unisex, and there was absolutely no violence what so ever, only people feeling the love and dancing the night away. Our little trip happened to fall on Fabric’s birthday weekend, meaning that the club was absolutely heaving and the DJs were all on top form. As we were all hopping from room to room I got a little confused as to who exactly I was grooving to (may actually have been the bottle of vodka consumed beforehand, waiting for one member of our little band of clubbers to arrive back from York….) but stand out acts included Ali B, who played a brilliant mix of all kinds of dance and the Scratch Perverts, who played our union last year, who are just the best mixers around at the moment, playing such an aweinspiring mix of music ranging from old skool hip hop, think ‘Rapper’s Delight’, right through to some banging dance anthems. I would definitely recommend this venue to anyone, anyone at all, who is looking for a good night out. Fabric definitely beats all of the competition to the ground when it comes to actually enjoying yourself at a club. Plus, with a 24 hour licence and the usual closing time at 5am it means that you’ve just got time to get some breakfast before catching the first train home. Excellent. 5/5 Beth Heale Go to for more info.

GIG REVIEW: THE SUBWAYS Cardiff University 31st October 2005


14 November 2005

On Halloween this year, The Subways made the most of a small venue and put on a real crowd-pleaser. The standard was set prior to their performance with an enthusiastic support set from The Kooks, who showed that they’re definitely worth keeping an eye on…. The Subways opened their set with previous single, ‘With You’, and followed it with the majority of the tracks from their debut album, ‘Young for Eternity’. Most of the tracks provoked huge sing-a-longs from the crowd, not least ‘I Want to Hear What You Have Got to Say’, during which the band stopped playing altogether and left it totally to the audience. The pace was maintained throughout the set, slowing only slightly for ‘Lines of Light’, from which we only got a very short excerpt before it burst into an energetic performance of ‘Oh Yeah’. There were loads of requests from the crowds for various album tracks, showing their popularity among those who’ve already come across them, and suggesting that they’re destined for bigger things. After briefly disappearing from the stage, they returned to close the night with latest single ‘No Goodbyes’, and then a spellbinding version of ‘Rock and Roll Queen’, which provoked loads of crowd surfing, including a quick go from Billy himself. Billy and Charlotte’s onstage chemistry shone throughout the night, and created an energetic atmosphere, something which might suffer should they go on to play larger venues, but even if this was the case I would recommend that anyone who enjoyed the album try and catch them live. Ellie Dunn

Download of the Fortnight: Killswitch Engage - Rose of Sharyn In case you’ve never heard of them, Killswitch Engage are purveyors of fine rock/metal, combining big riffs and powerful sounds with soaring vocals and killer melodies. ‘Rose of Sharyn’ is one of their ballads, just forget the shmalzy crap that goes with that description. Go listen… Ollie Ghaney

INTERVIEW: Leaves hope to Branch Out & Grow 93 ft East 20th October Name a band, which has played most of the major musical events including Glastonbury and V festival; who have also supported numerous bands including Supergrass, Athlete and The Doves. Now give yourself a pat on the back if you said Leaves. If you’ve never heard of the Icelandic band then I’d highly recommend listening to their new album “The Angela Test”. Since the band become noticed in 2002 they have been compared to the likes of The Doves, The Coral, Coldplay and NME called them “the new Radiohead”. Understandably, they would like to be seen as a band in their own right but the comparisons don’t bother them, as long as it’s not to Keane. Tipped for huge success in 2002 they slipped into obscurity after changing record labels but are now back with the launch of their second album ‘The Angela Test’. The band members all grew up together in Reykjavik and were friends from a young age with three of the band playing in an Icelandic third division football team with lead singer, Arnar Gudjonasson, having the most goals in a season. Swapping their boots for instruments they recorded their first album and were overwhelmed by the response. At the time of their first album the band said they didn’t feel as it they “deserved the success” but now feel they’ve worked their way back and are stronger now than before. Now in 2005 they hope to become household names with ambitions of headlining Glastonbury. The launch of “The Angela Test” has been coordinated with a UK tour playing all the main cities, with Manchester being favourite so far, as well as some more obscure venues such as Stockton. The album is full of innovative and beautiful pieces that have a very sparse feel to them to begin with but build up and keep giving and giving as the pieces continue. The opening track on the album, “Shakmar”, the bands favourite, is an example of this. Lasting seven minutes it really rewards you the more you listen. The music has an English feel to it, attributed to the Bands influences that included many British and American bands, such as the Beach Boys; with “Surfs Up” and “God only knows” being the two songs in the history of music which Leaves wish they had written.

The performance in London was at 93 Feet East a relatively small venue in the heart of the capital. Nearly two hundred people came to see them in the cosy venue. I was slightly disappointed with the live performance; it was enjoyable but all the subtleties that you hear on the album were lost on stage. If you want an energetic and frantic performance then this isn’t the band for you but if you want intellectual and stimulating music then I’d highly recommend them. You were able to feel in touch with the music and appreciate it but it lacked a certain spark on stage. Despite that, it was an enjoyable performance and with this album, Leaves could be destined for big things. So what next for Leaves? Well, relax after their tour of the UK, although touring Europe is a hope for them. The release of another album is on the agenda as well as going to see Radiohead in concert, which is an unfulfilled ambition. If you like The Doves, Radiohead and Coldplay then definitely add Leaves to your play list and even if you’re not keen on those bands it’s well worth a listen with a lot to offer. Silas Bingley The Leaves vs. The Fog

14 November 2005
OTHERWISE ENGAGED by Simon Gray Criterion Theatre 4th November 2005

Saw II Director: Darren Lynn Bousman Starring: Donnie Wahlberg, Shawnee Smith, Tobin Bell.


I think it was three years ago when I saw my first and last play (‘Dance of Death’ by Stringberg staring Sir Ian McKellen) and since then I’ve meaning to go back. Initially, I was expecting this play, like the last, to be a drag but to my relief it was not. It’s the story of a witty, urbane and selfish man named Simon Hench (Richard E. Grant) who is accustomed to keeping himself at a graceful distance from the messy distractions of his family and friends. As he settles down for an indulgent Saturday morning with his new recording of Wagner’s ‘Parsifal’ his lavishly furnished Islington home is invaded by a deluge of unwelcome visitors and his usually cool demeanour begins to buckle as life finally catches up with him. This witty and sharp comedy was fresh from start to finish. Richard E. Grant’s performance was delightfully cheeky and full of energy with superb work from fellow actors Anthony Head (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Little Britain), David Bamber, Amanda Drew, Liam Garrigan, Amanda Ryan (Elizabeth I) and Peter Wright. And the setting was just right too. The Criterion Theatre was built in 1874 and is ripe of Victorian beauty and is housed underground in Piccadilly Circus allowing you to notice tube trains rolling by - although not enough to distract you from the performance I hasten to add. Tickets, however, were not cheap. I paid £20 to sit in the upper circle (£40 - £10 full range) but the view was not inhibited and I would pay it again! Plus you could make a bit of an evening out of it by having a bit of nosh in Regent Street’s Food Quarter! 5/5 Samuel Rice.

Yes, the sequel to the film that had reams of cinema-goers scared to turn the light off at night for fear of waking up in a skanky bathroom handcuffed to a metal pipe with a tape player lying next to them has finally arrived. The original was nothing short of a masterpiece – a seamless account of how little we appreciate life until we have to fight for it, whether that be against cancer, or simply fighting your way out of a room by climbing razor wire (as you do). Saw II had many expectations to fill. Bousman puts many lives on the line in this film, including that of his own career. Instead of the rather mysterious and haunting absence of the killer, like in the first film, he allowed Jigsaw to be caught within five minutes of the film starting. Putting the killer under the lamp to begin with is always a dangerous move, but Bousman seems to have pulled it off. As Jigsaw is captured, he reveals the surveillance cameras to show a house containing a group of people locked in. Hunched in the corner is the arresting officer’s delinquent teenage son. A poisonous gas is seeping into the house, and if the inhabitants don’t find the antidote within two hours, they all die. A clock counts down next to the monitors. And so begins the onslaught. Many more imaginative ways for the victims to stupidly kill themselves (my favourite was the box with the razor blade arm holes), and many different loops and twists as well. This film is a must-see, although I heavily recommend against buying any form of snacks – there will come a point where you won’t want to eat them. An excellent film to watch if you’re depressed about something… there’s always someone else worse off. 5/5 Chris Ward succeeded: the whole feature seem like an extension of several shorter films cobbled together under one. 3.5/5 Joshua Bates

Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit Director: Nick Park, Steve Box Starring: Peter Sallis, Ralph Fiennes, Helena Bonham Carter, Peter Kay, John Thomson, Liz Smith, Mark Gatiss, Nicholas Smith, Geraldine McEwan Running Time: 85 minutes Aardman Animation return with their foundation characters, Wallace & Gromit, following a ten-year animation absence and their makers’ last acclaimed feature-length film, Chicken Run (2000). Five years on and The Curse of the Were-Rabbit opens with the PETA-friendly duo operating an animal removal service, “Anti-Pesto”, committed to providing a humane means in which to protect everyone’s carrots, melons and the like in preparation for Lady Tottington’s (Helena Bonham-Carter) annual Giant Vegetable Contest. The cheese-loving inventor Wallace (voice of Peter Sallis) and canine Gromit appear to have everything under control until – of course – a formidable monster with an even more formidable appetite for veg to match (I’m sure you’re familiar with the type) causes havoc; and before you know it, the townspeople arm themselves with shovels and pitchforks in response to the not-so-cute-ickle-bunny (the evil were-rabbit – rabbits howl like wolves now you know). Lady Totty’s would-be-hubby, Victor Quartermaine (Ralph Fiennes), meanwhile has his own designs on the floppy-eared menace… In spite of the flashes of CGI, the film still retains the traditional stop-motion techniques. Were-Rabbit is, much like Chicken Run before it, full of wit and slapstick – with a few odes to horror clichés thrown in for good measure. An amusing adventure, Were-Rabbit is no doubt a welcome return to the silver screen yet falls short where Chicken Run

Anti-Pesto indeed...


S upermarket S w e e p
This week you sexy-ass boys and girls, we’ve been scouring the supermarkets to find you the hottest trends at the lowest prices! The three main supermarkets we’ve looked at are: - Sainsbury’s, Tesco and good old ‘slap your butt’ Asda!!
We couldn’t believe this outfit was also available in ‘George’ at Asda. A perfectly tailored waistcoat, with featured buttons, and a cute vintage blouse underneath; combined with perfectly matching trousers. For that smart, wintry look, the chequered pattern looks subtle yet sophisticated, and the lace feature on the blouse adds that feminine element to an otherwise straight-cut outfit. The whole outfit cashes in at under £50 (£48), can you believe that! Definitely money well spent.


14 November 2005

For the boys, we’ve found this bold striped jumper, in shades of black, grey, blue and white. At a bargain price of..... wait for it... £16! It goes perfectly with those new jeans you’ve just purchased, at the cut-throat price of £18..... ‘Hell yeah’! Not only can you pair this jumper with denims, it also goes fantastically well with a pair of smart trousers and a funky suit jacket. You can find both of these items at your very own Asda supermarket; a popular selection of the ‘George’ brand.

Not only can you get the previous blouse in cream, it’s also available in black, at a price of only £12. Girls, if you’re out on a night on the tiles, this high fashion Victorian chic blouse oozes that sultry, sexy look, paired with a fitted pair of black trousers or even a figure-hugging pencil skirt.

Talking of pencil skirts, both of these pairs of shoes give justice to the luscious legs of the female when paired with a cute pencil or gypsy skirt. Even more so today, the craze of knee-length shorts gives another reason for you to spend on these shoes with character. The grey, satin-pleat shoes can be found in the ‘TU’ range at Sainsbury’s for £25, and the chocolate brown shoes with their delicate leaf design, £20 from ‘Cherokee’ at Tesco.

Winter is on its way, the cold weather is definitely catching up now, and its time you started looking for that ‘hot’ winter jacket for you’re ‘bar-crawl pleasure’! This red-hot puff-sleeve military style jacket will keep you looking ‘swish’ even on those freezing cold nights (walking back from the Union!). and at the price of only £26 it’s sure not to break the bank, so get down to Asda now! Every fit guy will spot you wearing this, but sorry if it’s that annoying guy whose phone calls you won’t return!

Also on sale at Tesco, as part of the ‘Value’ clothing range, (and ‘ew’ you may wrongly say to wearing Tesco Value!) is this plain white string vest. Now girls, tell us how many times you wish you had a plain, simple vest just to put under that low v-neck jumper you have, or to simply dress under a fitted shirt? Well, Tesco Value is the place to go! Charged at a minimal £1.50, you simply cannot go wrong here!

Fierce competition for Asda, ‘Florence & Fred’ at Tesco are selling this stripy jumper for a mere £15! Again guys, the stripes are definitely in. It’s all about dressing you’re outfit up with a subtle pattern that gives that added extra to an otherwise plain jumper. Team it with a funky belt and maybe an ‘over-theshoulder bag’ and you’re away!

All of the supermarkets are offering great value for money, however, it seems like Asda’s won this supermarket battle when it comes to great style, so get down there NOW!

14 November 2005
We won’t make up false statistics, it is mostly men who play video games, but you’d be surprised how many girls enjoy playing “The Sims” and “Dance Mat Revolution”. After all, computer games can’t be limited to just “us”, I mean Tamagotichi managed to grip the population like a drug, if only as a short lived trend. The University of Surrey Computer Gaming Society has apparently been around for a number of years in one form or another, but its current incarnation is that of “Switchgear”. Switchgear has been going for three years, this being its forth, and in particular highlights a big change in the way the Society wants to run. The new committee has big plans to make events on campus more frequent than in previous years, and organize new activities outside the University including “inter-uni” tournaments, and attending major LAN events around the country, however this is still on the drawing board. The big change for the society from other years is the introduction of games being played on the new Resnet system available in campus. It has never been easier to join in a game, then installing the game and playing in the comfort of your room. With the hope of Resnet tournaments and leagues in the future, Switchgear aims to provide something for everyone whether you are off or on campus. For people who label the Society as being limited to the geeky minority who organize it, they would be pleasantly surprised. The students that attend come from most degrees at the University, not just the Computing and Science orientated ones. So who ever you are, whatever you study, young or old, there is a game out there for you, so check us out. If we don’t play your game, tell us - We are always up to the challenge.



L A N G a m i n g S u r r e y - St y l e

Raising cash for Children In Need with your help!
Here at GU2 we’re a caring bunch. Picking up litter across campus. Helping old folks across the road. Raising money for charity. You can see where I’m going with this, right? Well, on Thursday 17th November you can be part of it. For 26 hours. Yes, we’re currently working hard to bring you the longest radio broadcast ever (in the history of GU2 anyway!) Tune in between 5.00pm on Thursday 17th November, right through until 7.00pm on Friday 18th November (just before the big event starts on BBC 1). Our lively selection of presenters (namely Phil Brown, Phill Nathan and Dave Price) will be bringing you the latest and best new music as well as a whole host of (as yet unplanned) features. We’ll be giving away shed loads of prizes including a meal for two at Farrenheit 55 and more CDs than you can shake a stick at. And the name of this audio extravaganza? The “Whole of the day show!” So what do we ask in return for this feast of entertainment? Just pledge some money to Children in Need! Why? Because they help disadvantaged children across the UK who are suffering from bullying, neglect, substance abuse, homelessness and disability. During the Whole of the day show we’ll be out and about on campus with collection tins. We could turn up in the library, launderette, Chancellors or practically anywhere, just look out for us in our GU2 sweatshirts. If you’ve got any loose change (or more) in your pocket, this would be the perfect opportunity to empty it! Will our trio cope without a caffeine fix for 24 hours? And just who will crack first? (my money’s on Dave!) Make sure you pledge your money, and tune in to the Whole of the Day Show on 1350AM or listen online at on Thursday 17th November from 5.00pm. For 26 hours. Yes. 26 hours. In the meantime, if you can’t wait until then (and you still want to win a meal for two at Farrenheit 55) listen to The End of the Day Show every weekday from 5.00pm -7.00pm (with Phill & Dave on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and Phil Brown on Tuesdays and Thursdays). We bring you the latest music, chat, news and events from around campus! Phil Brown


or listen online at:

In Similar News... GU2 Presenter Phil Brown (Who wrote the article above, actually) has been nominated in the Student Radio Awards. Barefacts wishes him the best of luck & we hope you will too... The results as we get them...



14 November 2005
T h i s s p a c e i s o f n o r e a l u s e t o a n y o n e . A n y w a y. . . Barefacts meetings are in the General Meeting room in the Students’ Union activities centre at 13:30pm. Come along if you want to get involved.




Can you drive a minibus and want free entry to Union events? We have a Minibus in need of one reliable driver to ferry Hazel Farm students to and from the Union before / after Citrus and Flirt Nights. Please see Jacqui at theUnion reception if you wish to keep bums on seats.

Who cares what the gravy boat looks like!

Chancellors is now serving Sunday Roasts from 12 for just £3.95

14 November 2005

barefacts very own horoscope extroadinaire Soph (with her fairly unspiritual assistant Josh) explores the supernatural world of her Crystal Balls to bring you your horoscopes for the next fortnight. How refreshing!!

Crystal Balls
strange and unfortunate events happening with milk. Whether this will be a good or bad happening I just cannot decide. I’m also being told to beware of Cottage Cheese.




Be sure to be wearing red when walking down a dark path. You will meet the man/woman/thing of your dreams. Don’t be surprised if he is a fish eating gorilla. Or a strangely bearded man called Chris who resembles Colonel KFC.


My-my aren’t you a pretty one, well at least one person thinks so aye. After a particularly dry spell, the fires will soo be roaring this fortnight. I’ll leave you to get chopping the logs then.



I’m looking into (and subsequently rubbing) my crystal balls. The future looks bright. Oh so bright. The future looks almost orange - perhaps ginger. No more comment needed - gutted!


This week I am sensing a time of deep confusion and difficulties, and not just at the lack of my spelling and grammar skills! (Give me a break I am writing this at 1:22 am!!! In fact yes, why I here, my bed am is calling me. Oh and maybe yours will too this week..... But wipe that grin off your face it won’t be for a good reason.


Wow! The look on your face is one of sheer amazement after you win the lottery this fortnight after the student paper prints them. Oh how you will feel the joy when you need no longer beg to the poor assistant for toothpaste and deodorant. Ugh, so that’s what that nasty smell is around here.

If you wear your birthday suit you are guaranteed a week of happy, joyful and uncomplicated FUN! Explore your inner natural fetishes for a squealing delight within a recently erected marquee. Beware of rough gardening and gnomes offering to help with your brambles.

The mirror is not your friend. Avoid the mirror for more than a week and avoid a further onset of seven years of bad luck. Bargain. On the bright side it could be worse; you could be coming face to face with the birthday suit wearing buffoon.


Oh wouldn’t it be lovely to be beside the seaside? Well yes, it probably would but this week you must pull your head from your uhhum and get on with that essay. It may not go to plan, but you never know, it just might, if you follow your instincts and use that loo roll to help you complete it.


Its going to be an amazing few weeks for you, the best times will truly be coming your way. You really will be the cat that got the cream. However, my crystal balls cannot specify which cream. Although they say its a little bit like the texture of spaghetti.




Hmmmm, I can’t quite work this one out, I’m seeing very

Oooooh, don’t you bite! Try and out your claws away this week. My crystal balls are deeply offended by your words and your actions; they are saying they can’t talk about you anymore after you said they were soft. RUDNESS!


Don’t fall to pieces this week; you really are as good as you think you are! Although if you feel your ego has been sucked away but that vampire at the Uni, get yourself up early on Monday to pick up a nice read over a warm mug of vegetable soup.

Literature: The Rotting Man
John was relieved to be home after a tiring day at work. He had a quick snack in the kitchen before going into the living room and sitting heavily on the couch. He kicked off his shoes, switched on the television, and relaxed. It wasn’t long before he’d drifted off. He woke an hour later and decided to have a bath, which was soon run. As he stripped naked in the bedroom he noticed that his stomach was a darker colour than usual. “Strange,” he thought, prodding the area in question. “It feels normal enough. Maybe it’s just dirty, although I can’t imagine how.” He went and got into the bath. There he lay, peacefully soaking up the water, eyes closed. When he opened them again it was to discover – to his horror! – that the dark colouration had spread out from his stomach both down to his thighs and up to his chest. He prodded his stomach again, now finding – oh! how awful it was! – that the area had become suddenly reduced to goo. “I’m rotting alive!” he cried. He tried to get out but found that, since his stomach muscles were now a slimey black waste, he could not. So he took to banging on the wall in the hope of rousing his neighbour’s attention. He shouted at the same time: “Hey! Mr Perkins! I’m rotting in the bath! Call for an ambulance!” But Mr Perkins, it seemed, was either not at home or not disposed to respond to such extraordinary outbursts. All John could do, then, was to lie there and watch himself decompose. The minutes passed. The blackness spread. In the darkest areas the flesh quickly putrefied and proceeded to let out foul odours. Abruptly and frantically he again banged on the wall and yelled out to Mr Perkins but again to no avail. His strength left him. His genitals detached, to his great dismay, and floated about for a time before decaying out of all recognition into a mere slush. The same happened to his legs and hips. Soon – oh! how soon! – his trunk and arms followed suit. The only living part that remained was his fast-disintegrating head. He felt no pain as such, only an utter disbelief. His head crumbled as he spoke his last words: “Maybe it was something I ate.” Words: Alan John Terry


Clues Across: 7. Mascot of former ITV game show Bullseye. (5) 8. Investiture; Method of mathematical proof. (9) 10. Somewhat desirable and wonderful. (6) 11. Expensive lubricant used in cooking. (5, 3) 12 and 24dn. Father Ted Crilly’s and Father Dougal McGuire’s entry for the Eurovision Song Contest. (2, 6, 5) 13. Nod East towards bud. (Cryptic) (4) 15. Expensive on-campus general store. Unless there are any lawyers reading; in which case, it’s a wonderful, magical place to get the basic supplies. (3, 4) 17. Poor rock group found at beginning of the Bible. (7) 20. Fair every twit expects at first. (Cryptic) (4) 22. Eerie; supernatural. (8) 25.Ampitheatre for sports events, entertainment and the like. (8) 26. Blot; Final destination of pollen? (6) 27. Satanists reform for colleague. (Cryptic) (9) 28. Sobriquet; US TV show starring Jennifer Garner. (5)

14 November 2005

Colin Everett, our very own puzzle-lord has crafted more things for you to do during that boring lecture. You’ll get the answer to the crossword next week (So you can’t cheat anymore... don’t pretend that you didn’t). The answers, as always, are on page 24 (The back one).
Clues Down: 1. Mining. (Especially stone) (9) 2. Drinks for company and Italian flower in Alps. (Cryptic) (8) 3. A word that means the opposite of another. (7) 4. Crowd demands learner be removed from Euclidean destruction. (Cryptic) (8) 5. Be present; turn up. (6) 6. Caught broken idol like a cone. (Cryptic) (5) 9. Measurement of computer memory made up of four ‘crumbs’. (4) 14. Bit by bit; intermittently. (9) 16. Teetotaller in punch-up before duck egg-product. (8) 18. Python born in South Shields. (8) 19. State in the USA, bordering Massachusetts to the South. (7) 21. Potion for the Spanish nine and one castle. (Cryptic) (6) 23. The ideal piece of crockery for eating cereal out of. (4) 24. See 12 ac.

1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9) 10)

Due to a sucession of ‘Yay’s into the barefacts e-mail account we can do nothing but oblige and welcome back the lyrics quiz permanantely. Here are some lines from some songs, your task is to simply identify which songs they came from. (No, no anwser for this either, though a wise man once said ‘Let google be your guide’)

barefacts Lyrics Quiz

Call me a bitch cos I speak what’s on my mind Listen to the ground: there is movement all around. Good days are coming, lonely days are gone, ‘cuz I have a little girl, who wants fun-fun-fun dancing with me, cheek to cheek Here’s a story about a little guy that lives in a blue world I’m on the microphone got you hot like the sun Sometimes you’ve got to sacrifice the things you like Then they hung out, but you came home around three You can take my breath away They print my message in the Saturday sun


Place numbers in the empty boxes so you have numbers 1-9 in each row & coloum, and 1-9 in each 3x3 square. Duh. Sorry.. ‘Duh’ is a mean thing to say



.. ZE


74 20 73 20 73 74 20 20 73 77 6B 73 63 6E 68 20 73

68 69 6D 65 61 67 67 6F 20 6F 20 74 74 68 70 65 6F 6E 68 6F 65 65 20 64 6F 64 67 20 65 73 6D 65 61 67 73

73 73 65 65 75 6F 65 72 20 20 70 65 69 74 65 73 65

14 November 2005
UniS WORLD CUP FOOTBALL TOURNAMENT Sunday 27th November @ The Varsity 1pm
Closing date for entries: Monday 21st November

bend it like Beckham for real

DIVERSITY WEEK 21st - 27th of November

Saturday 19th Nov 5-6pm @ UniSPORT Sports Hall
Football Coaching for Muslim women
Ever wanted to try Football but never had the chance? Now here is your opportunity to be trained by the best qualified female coaches in the Guildford area.

Don’t sit on the sidelines. Give it a go!

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Closing date for Entries for the one day tournament is Monday 21st November You can pick up an entry form from UniSPORT, the Varsity Centre or the Students’ Union. Or go to

For more info :

UniS World Cup : 7-a-side Football Tournament
**RULES** Maximum 10 players per team Mixed teams: Minimum 3 females; maximum 4 . Tournament open to staff and students

**THE BIG DRAW** FRIDAY 25th NOVEMBER 12-1pm in RUBIX, USSU Find out which country you will be representing and who you will be playing in the Group Stages! Refreshments provided For more information contact Amy Fawcett or Vicki Hansford ( or v.hansford@surrey.



14 November 2005

Thankfully that Sport drought last week was short lived, we are now teeming with sport. Much like a lake would be teeming of fish. As ever send your Surrey Sports team based news to

Why’s It Never Raining When You Want It To?
The canoe club go kayaking. Yes, you read that correctly. Gemma Kerr tells us more...
When you take twenty-one University students and three would be students away for a weekend you do of course find that some carnage is caused. So here is our tally for what occurred over the weekend: - Students = 21 - Instructors = 3 - Overloaded minibuses and cars = 4 - “Mended” kayak trailers = Supposedly 1 - Magical shortcuts down narrow country lanes = several (thanks Matt!) - Number of swims = 8 (give or take lots) - Miscellaneous lost/broken equipment: - 1 shoe - 1 dry top - 1 helmet - 1 paddle - Stitches = 6 - Alcohol induced injuries = 3 fingers - Makeshift hats = 2 - Hangovers = 30 or so!

The start of October saw the canoe club stop swapping stories of paddling experiences gained over the summer and start planning their first, immense trip of the year. On the weekend of the 16th October, 21 members of the club and three top level instructors headed to the wilds of Somerset under a full moon (which explains a lot) for a weekend of white water paddling. The weekend was designed to introduce the Freshers to white water and allow everyone else to improve their rather rusty skills. The Saturday saw the club make slow progress down a rather flat River Exe. This was due to what could be said to be an amazing lack of rain for this country (there was no water in any of the rivers!). However everyone still managed to find a number of features to play and have fun on. Sunday morning saw the club admit defeat with trying to find a suitable second river to run and so instead it was eventually decided to run an impromptu trip to Westward Ho, near Bude for a little surfing (still in kayaks). Afterwards over fish and chips on the beach the weekend was discussed and deemed great fun even though there had been a severe lack of water.

The Canoe Club is now planning its next trip which is to the River Dart on the 11th November and is open to anyone of any ability (as long as they can swim). So if you are interested then we meet outside the Union on Mondays at 6pm and Wednesdays at 1pm. You will need to bring swimming kit for the Mondays and a change of clothes for the Wednesday. For more information please visit our website: N.B. When we say canoe club we actually mean kayaks (they are a different type of boat).

Surre y S t i n g e r s v s . R e ading Knights
Reading Knights Vs Surrey Stingers Bulmershe Campus, Reading. Sunday 6th November. The Surrey Stingers travelled to the Reading Knights to kick off the 2005/2006 season. First Quarter: After a much delayed start due to the ambulance being stuck in traffic, the game was played with six minute quarters due to fading light. The games between these two teams have always been hard fought games and today’s game proved to be no exception. Surrey kicked off first and after a good return from Reading, Surrey forced Reading to a 3 and out. Surrey’s offence took over and began moving the ball well on the ground. However Reading’s defence stiffened after several first downs and Surrey were forced to punt. Second Quarter: After a great Alex Shipman punt which was downed on the 3 yard line, Surrey’s defence held again and 3 plays later saw a bad punt leading to the Stingers starting inside the redzone. However, penalties hampered Surrey’s momentum and saw a Baron d’Anyangwe TD called back. After a 4th down try was stopped Reading took over again but struggled to move the ball on the Stinger’s Defence and again Surrey’s offence got the ball back with great field position. This time the hard work of the offence, led by the O-line was rewarded as Roland Williams broke several tackles and span his way to the pay dirt. Because of the weather Surrey went for 2 and Baron d’Anyangwe crashed his way in to make the score 8-0 at the half. Third Quarter: To start the second half Reading kicked to the Stingers and Baron returned the kick 45 years to the middle of the field. Once again Surrey moved the ball with their power running and mixed in a few pass attempts, all of which fell incomplete due to the rain. Due to the short quaters much of the second half was taken up on this drive. However Readingâ’s defence again held and Surrey didn’t increase their lead. Forth Quarter: The forth quarter saw a battle of the defences and after Surrey fumbled in the redzone it was down to the defence to hold on for the win. Reading still fighting for the win mixed pass and run, but were shutdown by Michael Kerford and Jordan Cropper on the D-line and Ed Day and Aaron Hayes in the secondary, to seal the win. The Surrey Stingers are currently top of the division at 1-0. Game Awards Game MVP, sponsored by, was won by RB/LB Roland Williams. Offensive MVP, Baron d’Anyangwe Defensive MVP, Ed Day Rookie of the game, James Adekunlea By Mark Tomlinson

Answers to Crossword in 1093 Across: 1. Nosh Up, 5. Ferguson , 9. National, 10. Ahimsa, 11. Simultaneous,13. Biro, 14. Unblessed, 17. Resevoir, 18. Rota, 20. Vacuum Flasks, 23. Vizier, 24. Nailfile, 25. Beanbags, 26. Galaxy Down: 2. Opal, 3. Hailstone, 4. Panama, 5. Falkland Islands, 6. Readable,7. Urine, 8. Of Students, 12. Liberalise, 15. Stressful, 16. Ave Maria, 19. Asking, 21. Union, 22. Alex


This edition of barefacts was brought to you by the letter ‘V’, the number ‘4’ and a selection of motivated individuals. The last highly adsorbant edition of barefacts for 2005 will hit the (small) kiosks Monday 28th November. Get those articles/reviews/ obscene phone calls in now! You could always submit a personal (in-joke) to