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Wednesday 20 September 2006 Freshers’ Edition Published by the USSU Communications Office.

Issue number 1102

By Sophia Hawkins Deputy Editor

Manic Park
many of the residents concerns such as lack of phones in rooms, poor network reception, especially for those on Orange, builders invading privacy and drilling noise at 7am. It concluded that the residents were put out but could all still see the potential in Manor Park, and realised that many of the issues were minor teething problems you would expect to get at the start of a new building project. The underlying issue was communication and the fact that the construction work was still going on. The spokesperson from the university, Richard Paxton, was very sympathetic to all of the issues raised, and provided answers to some key issues. He pointed out in some leaflets information about phones was provided. He advised students to go to their own network providers about poor network. But, he was also able to raise his hand and take some responsibility for the problems currently happening at Manor Park. A contested issue was compensation; the students at Manor Park are currently being offered compensation in the way of £50 off a year’s bus pass, an £80 UniSport card or £50 cash. Whilst it remains clear that there will be a number of problems arising at the complex for a little while yet, Paxton stressed the importance of letting any problems known as soon as possible, and following up the progress made on those problems. Both students and the university alike realise the epic project that is Manor Park, and whilst there is a great deal still left to do it remains uncontested that it will be a great complex; one that is exciting and should hopefully start filling the expectations it was meant to.

Deputy Editor Sophia Hawkins gives her emotive personal insight on the matter of those who suffer from terminal illness. Page 4

The right to die?

PUZZLES!: The shakes are over - the puzzles section has returned, courtesy of barefacts’ Colin Everett | Page 21 Do you GU2 | Well, do you? | Page 5 Arts Section |Film, Music, etc. |Page 14 Puzzles| The Lyrics Quiz is still here | Page 22

The University of Surrey Students’ Newspaper

Manor Park was one of the most anticipated and exciting ventures yet for UniS, and for many it still is. The expectations were set high, the plans looked revolutionary and it looked set to be a great asset to student life at our University. However, for the many students that have recently moved in to their rooms they have a different story to tell. One that includes roads not being finished, fittings not securely in place, noise and a general consensus that things at Manor Park are not what they should be. USSU president, Greg Scott started to receive a great deal of complaints from the residents, and it seemed like somewhere along the line communication had broken down. Thus, a meeting was arranged at the Varsity Centre, 14th September for Manor Park residents to air their concerns, and for the University’s accommodation office to explain the situation. The meeting started off with a presentation from a resident, Bud Goswami. It raised

UniS progress on student safety
By Joshua Bates Deputy Editor The new academic year brings major new developments for the safety of students at Surrey as part of the Security Department’s ongoing hard work over the past two years. The continuing safety of everyone at the University is set to improve following the advent of two new initiatives. Over the past years the A3 Underpasses have become a serious area for concern, however due to the University’s commitment to improving student safety the Security Office reports that the underpasses have become a much safer place, notably with no reported incidents for well over a year. Head of Security Services, Barry Jakeman, explains: “We have achieved this by funding a CCTV camera which is located on the Southway Green, and this works in conjunction with a CCTV camera we have located on University property covering the approaches to the Underpasses, and more importantly views right through the tunnel. The important thing with this initiative is that is controlled and monitored at the University Security Control Centre.” In addition, the Security Department will pilot a new scheme in association with the Surrey Police. For the first time ever the University’s Security Officers will be policetrained and accredited as such, therefore allowing patrols to be extended to off-campus areas frequented by the student community. This will be a huge benefit to those travelling through the underpasses as well as routes to Tesco, Bellerby Court and the new Manor Park complex. Together with new powers to deal with incidents occurring off campus along these routes, all of these developments will no doubt add further assurance to the safety of both students and staff at Surrey.


editorial team
Editor-in-Chief Greg Scott Deputy Editor Joshua Bates Deputy Editor Sophia Hawkins Arts Editor Jake South Puzzlelord Colin Everett Postgraduate Editor Anne Abeygunasekera Not News Editor Pete Nattress Proof Reader Toby Shannon Marketing Aaron Salins

NUS “renews” fight as fees are introduced
By Chris Ward Publication Co-ordinator September 16th 2006 will see the first intake of students that will be paying the full £3000 per annum “top up fees”. A week ago, the National Union of Students renewed their campaign for free education in England, promising that protests will not stop until top up fees are abolished. The President of NUS, Gemma Tumelty said, “September 1 saw top-up fees introduced throughout England. When they arrive on campuses in September, thousands of students won’t, because they have been deterred by fees. “The decision to go to University is becoming an increasingly hard one to make for many people in society - particularly those from families where there is no history of going into higher education, and where finances are tight. Weighing up the prospect of graduating with huge levels of debt, and an average starting salary of just £19,000 is extremely difficult.” Ms Tumelty pointed out that earlier this year Alan Johnson, the education and skills secretary, said in a public statement that if top up fees were to deter those from poorer backgrounds, he would consider “abandoning the policy altogether”. Ms Tumelty was adamant the NUS would hold Mr Johnson to account on his comments. Earlier this week, the Vice Chancellor for the University of Surrey, Professor Christopher Snowden made a statement to barefacts


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Special Guest Editor & Layup God
Chris Ward

regarding all those who will be paying top up fees for the first time. He said, “The University is very conscious of the advent of the new fee regime for students entering this September. Here at Surrey, we aim to provide the best possible experience for our students and is continuously striving Media coverage of the fight against fees has dwindled since the govto improve the quality ernment narrowly won the Commons vote. of the academic and fied in consultation with students. We are also social environment. “In the past year we launched the Academic working with the Students’ Union to further improve student support services and have Reform programme that will have long term been funding additional posts and initiatives benefits to the learning experience and which has already led to a number of improvements. that enhance those services. “About two thirds of the top-up fee is in We have invested in new student accomfact being re-invested in bursaries, scholarmodation, opening 733 new rooms for the ships and in initiatives to improve the experi2006/7 session, and will continue to invest in ence of our students. We believe that this improvements in the existing student housing will assist in reducing the financial impact and environment. This follows a programme on individuals. We are committed to providof investment in new and improved facilities ing the best possible experience and support in 2005/6 including the launderette, a nursery and a continuing programme of improving ex- for its students within the funding available. We ask that you help guide the next wave of isting accommodation (including new kitchens, bathrooms and installing double glazing). improvements by engaging in the new student representation framework that has been set up We are about to embark on the largest sports across the University; we are keen to listen to project in the south east, with a focus on new your views.” sports facilities and social amenities identi-

UniS shows slight NSS improvement
By Sophia Hawkins Deputy Editor The results of the second National Student Survey (NSS) are out and whilst they show some signs of improvement UniS is still placed relatively low on the scale at 80th place out of 133 institutions. The overall score of 3.9 out of a maximum of 5 stayed the same as last year, but some courses have seen a noticeable improvement. Law has made its way up from the bottom position and is now sitting in 72nd position out of 73. Other areas that have moved up the rankings include Physical Science, Mechanically- based engineering and Tourism, Transport and Travel. Other positives include being placed at 45th place for learning resources. for in the survey. A high number of students at Surrey do placement years, this is assessed differently and the results of that show a high level of student satisfaction. Despite the poor NSS result, the Guardian Newspaper ranked the university in 12th place in the league able. The Times ranked nine of the subjects offered at Surrey in the top ten. Surrey students remain the most employable, with the institute retaining the top spot in the employment league tables. In particular, Surrey scored poorly on Assessment and Feedback, being positioned a very low 125th out of the 133 institutions that took part in the survey. Conversely, the university scored 3rd out of 26 in Civil, Chemical and Other Engineering, and 7th out of 89 in Sociology, Social Policy and Anthropology.

Despite the results showing little improvement, some have recently questioned the credibility of the survey, and have argued that it is not thorough enough at showing a clear understanding of student satisfaction. Institutions such as Oxford, Cambridge and Warwick boycotted the survey altogether. Furthermore, certain criterions are not catered

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Bank engineers student account for Muslims
By Toby Shannon Lloyds TSB has created a new type of student bank account that enables Muslim students to have a bank account that does not contravene their religious beliefs. According to Islamic shariah law, money cannot be made from money (i.e. from interest) and so the new bank account reflects this- no interest is paid or charged by the bank. The bank also does not use the money that is left with them for any ‘interest-based business activities’ and are advised by a panel of scholars to assist them on matters of Islam finance. Apart from the rules regarding interest, the account is the same as most other student bank accounts: it features an overdraft facility (without charges made for interest but a fee will be made if the account goes


Student voyeur sentenced
By Joshua Bates Deputy Editor A “loner” student at the University of Wales in Bangor has been given a two-year suspended sentence following admitting to police that he had secretly filmed women in a shared bathroom – through use of a tiny, concealed video camera in a shower gel bottle. Pleading guilty to six counts of voyeurism, 19 year-old Charles Greaves from Telford, Shropshire confessed he had installed the equipment with the intent of sexual gratification. At the beginning of May, Greaves originally placed the concealed camera in a shower basin with the lens pointing upwards. At a later date, he relocated it to the side of the bath accompanied with a printed notice informing students that the shower was “out of order” and they “should take baths instead”. Greaves’ laptop and camera were seized by police following a discovery by a fellow student who reported the incident. Claiming that the weeks during which he committed the offences had felt “like a dream”, Greaves’ representative, Andrew Green, defended his client saying that he “hates himself” for what he has done and wished to apologise to the women he filmed. “Adjusting to life away from home for the first time is not something that came easily to this young man,” Green said. “Although he did start a friendship with a girl, when that relationship ended he became depressed.” He also added that Greaves had been recently offered the job of a chef, expressing no intention to return to university. Greaves was placed on the sex offenders’ register for ten years and given a suspended sentence for two years, having been sentenced concurrently for nine months in a young offenders’ institution for each count.


overdrawn), free gifts; membership to the YHA (Youth Hostel Association) and a MP3 player. The bank’s account is the first of its kind in the UK and it welcomes anyone that may wish to use an interest- free banking account regardless of their religious background.

Letters to barefacts
The section where you can say (almost) whatever you like. Got something to get off your chest? Send it in! Letters may be edited for length or clarity. |

barefacts agm
be part of your student newspaper editors, writers, layup team, etc. Monday 25th September Lecture Theatre E 6:30PM

A General Rant
Dear barefacts, I am fed up with people who stand too close behind me in the queue in One Stop. It makes me feel quite uncomfortable to have people breathing down my neck like that. Such behaviour is rude. Another thing that bothers me is the background music in Chancellors. It’s too damn loud. Chancellors is a bar, not a club. I shouldn’t have to yell at the person sitting next to me to be heard. I also believe that the rent at Manor Park is much too expensive, given what you get for it. Manor Park is miles away from campus, there is a substantial charge for having an internal phone unlike all other halls of residence here, and the place is still a construction site. At the very least free bus passes could be provided for the occupants. After all, there are free bus passes for those living in Hazel Farm. And finally I think it was a stupid idea to build Millennium House so close to six busy train lines, a car park, and a road. As a former resident of this building I can say that the trains often made it difficult for me to sleep, even with ear plugs. When I could sleep I had regular nightmares about being run over by the Waterloo service. Either the

rent should be reduced or decent ear plugs should be provided to all the occupants. I mean, if bibles can be included in the rooms, why not ear plugs? People are more inclined to sing God’s praises when they’ve had a good night’s sleep. Alan Terry

Union bus for Hazel Farm
Dear barefacts, I lived on campus last year and loved the close proximity to Rubix. This year however, I am living in Hazel Farm and although I am loving it there, I feel the residents could benefit from a bus that ensures we get home safely from the union on Wednesday and Friday nights, without having to fork out lots of money on taxis or walking. I realise that Arriva do the Niterider service from town but sometimes it’s best to go to the good old Union. So please, on behalf of all Hazel Farm can we have a bus service? Soph


The Right to Life?
Sophia Hawkins questions whether people really have a right to their own life when Euthanasia is condoned in society. A thought provoking piece that argues a case for individuals to have the right to end their life when they feel it necessary.


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Whilst many were spending their time over summer relaxing, going on holiday and drinking I encountered some experiences that will most probably stay with me for life. I spent my time working as a carer, mainly for the elderly but also for people who are less able than me and the seriously ill. Many times I found myself touched by the work that I did and at others deeply sad. Sometimes as beings we forget those less able than us and take for granted the small things in life such as being able to go to the toilet on your own or being able to make your own chip butty after a night on the razzle. My job made me consider my life in a different way and taught me to become more aware of what’s around me, what opportunities I have and what chances I should take. This article isn’t about lecturing you to appreciate life or to go out and make the most if it. I’m sure you’ve all been told this at some stage in your life already. Instead it’s about sharing the experiences that I had and also reflecting on them. Thousands of people in this country and all over the world are in similar situations to the people I cared for during the summer and all of them have different ways of dealing with it. One of the most poignant aspects however was being told that they just wanted to die but couldn’t. The government has never given family members or partners the right to end a loved ones life when they so desperately want it to end. Many of the people I saw whilst fufilling my duty of care amazed me. Many, even though having lost a limb or terminally ill still had the courage and ability to smile. The experiences these people had gone through had somehow made them stronger as people and more able to deal with the bad things life throws at you. I was often left wondering how I would be able to cope in such conditions. But this was just one side, and the other was very bleak; many couldn’t cope, many were in so much pain they couldn’t express it in a way to make us understand, it just came in the form of tears. It broke my heart, and on one such occasion whereby I knew they were going to die I just wanted to tell them that it was ok. That it was alright for them to give up the fight. It moved me to form my very own tears and made me question the fairness of life. I’ve never been one to agree with Euthanasia, in fact for the majority of my life I have been completely against it, but when you see first hand the immense suffering that some people go through it makes me ask two questions: 1) What if that person was somebody I loved, would I want to see them day in, day out knowing they were in agony and yet

“Many were in so much pain they couldn’t express it in a way to make us understand, it just came in the form of tears.”

had no control over their own destiny any more? And on a completely selfish level, 2) What if one day that is me? Doing my job I had direct experience with the family surrounding their loved ones, some had practically given up their lives to look after them. In many aspects what the family did and how they coped made me question my thoughts and beliefs but yet most held the same feelings; that even though they want their loved ones there with them forever they can understand that they are in immense pain and the best thing for them is to let them go. If the family can all realise and understand this then why is it that they are not allowed to let them go and end the suffering? After all, it is not just the ill person, often the suffering comes from the family too. Many people out there take value in an animal’s life and hold that very dear and for many pet owners their animal is like a member of the family; loved equally as if it were a child. But yet when that animal is ill and has no chance of getting through to the other side then it is often viewed that the most ‘humane’ thing to do would be to put it down. Ironic then that even though this is seen as ‘humane,’ when it comes to seriously ill humans the best thing to do is you keep them alive till nature takes it very cruel course and ends their life, despite the pain and suffering that the patient and indeed their family have endured. Sickening really.

“The point to this article is quite simple, everybody should have the right to end their life as and when they wish.”

I realise this is a highly controversial argument, because human life is scared, and comparatively can you compare the life of a dog to a life of a human? I am expecting someone to write in an argue against me on this but the answer to that is a simple yes. Everyone and every living being has a right to their life, and thus therefore they should have the right to choose it when they so wish. Arguably it can be said that these ill people may not be in a sound mind, but when it comes to crippling illnesses such as multiple sclerosis or similar such muscle wasting disease often they are well in mind, it is just their body that is defying them. Is it fair to keep these people alive, when they understand the consequences of what their saying when they ask to have their life taken away? These people if they possibly could would take their own life, so what’s the difference for someone who knows these people extremely well to assist them? The point to this article is quite simple, everyone should have the right to end their life as and when they wish. Whether you agree or not the facts remain clear, right now, as you read this there is someone out there suffering, in immense pain but has no way of being able to end that pain. It’s about time they could.

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23 September 2006 2006



GU2 Radio: Your student radio station
(yes, we really couldn’t come up with a better title)
free to come and visit us, we don’t bite and we’re always happy to play requests. GU2 is broadcast live 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 213 days a year. Ok, the 213 days is a wild guess, but probably pretty close! Because the station is run by students, we’re only on air during term time so don’t forget to tune back in after Christmas and Easter. During the week, we broadcast a mix of chart music, specialist music and talk shows – covering everything from pop to indie, hip hop to hard house, and rock to drum n bass – you name it, we play it. Our current schedule is a work in progress as we wait for modules to be chosen and lectures to be changed. However, you can see below for what’s in place so far – on the whole we play chart music throughout the daytime and then slide gracefully through the mayhem of our “Drivetime” equivalent into music of a more particular genre during the evenings before toning things down overnight when Blissful Beats takes over. We’re always on the lookout for fresh new meat - sorry, talent – so if you fancy yourself as the next Chris Moyles, Jo Whiley or Zane Lowe – pop along and see us at Freshers’ Fayre or send an e-mail to Of course, there’s so much more to making radio than just presenting – we have opportunities for everyone, whether you want to get involved in marketing, producing, news journalism, scheduling, administration, music, audio production, events organisation, web design or the technical side of running a radio station. Whatever it is you’d like to get involved in, we almost certainly have the opportunity within GU2 for you to explore your potential and have a damn good time doing it! 1350AM GU2 and – the two most important phrases to remember during your university career. Ok, maybe not as important as some stuff to do with your degree but nonetheless, we like to think we’re up there with the rest of them! Yep, that’s right – in case you hadn’t twigged already, your university has a student radio station, which is run by University of Surrey students, for University of Surrey students. This means that it applies to YOU more than any other radio station around. GU2 Radio is broadcast on 1350AM (that’s the same thing as MW, or mediumwave) and online at We traditionally also spend a month later in the year on FM as well, so watch this space for more details to come! Why aren’t we on FM all the time? Unfortunately, it costs rather a lot of money and there aren’t any long term FM licenses available so it’s down to good old rough round the edges AM for us! But let’s face it – it wouldn’t be student radio if it was perfect, would it? It’s totally free to listen online on the website, the sound quality is second to none and you get the added bonus of watching our presenters make fools of themselves on the webcams! GU2 Radio has been around since the 1970’s and has gone under the guise of University Radio Surrey before changing to Guildford Campus Radio in the 1990’s and then becoming GU2 Radio in 2000 – so called because the campus postcode is GU2! Our studios are based underneath Battersea Court’s reception – if you stand with your back to Rushes and look up, you’ll be able to see a huge black, white and orange GU2 banner…walk up the steps towards it and that’s us! Do feel You can also catch the GU2 crowd out and about on our roadshow during Freshers’ week. We’ll be coming to a court near you, complete with outside bar provided by the lovely people at Wates House, broadcasting GU2 for your listening pleasure. Come along, share a drink with us, we’ll even get you on air for a chat about how you’re all settling in! Every day this week, apart from Wednesday (when we’ll be present at Fresher’s fayre) we’ll be around from 3 til 7 pm somewhere very near to University Court and Stag Hill on Monday, Twyford Court on Tuesday, Cathedral Court and Guildford Court on Thursday and Surrey Court and Battersea Court on Friday. GU2 will also be in attendance at Freshers’ Fayre – we’ll have our own stall, somewhere, so do feel free to come over, say hello and find out more about what we do. We’ll also be presenting you with the finest acts Surrey has to offer – from the music societies to the cheerleaders and the dance squad! The whole event will be broadcast live on 1350AM and so if you don’t feel like wandering round, listen in for some top quality entertainment. And if you think it finishes there, think again! On the Monday after Freshers’ week, just when you thought it was all over, GU2 presents Transmission – a night of stonking good music! We’ve teamed up with all four music societies to take over Rubix and the HRB. Kicking off at 9pm all the way through til 2am, we’ll be bringing you the very best of indie, rock, hip hop, r n b, drum n bass and dance music. Our roaming reporters will be out and about all night catching up with how your first week at uni has gone, our spotters will be out in force capturing your magical moments of the night on camera – and much, much more! We’ll see you there!

Forthcoming Events
GU2 Roadshow: Freshers’ Week Monday 18th – Tuesday 19th –
Twyford Court University Court/Stag Hill

Wednesday 20th –
Freshers’ Fayre

Thursday 21st –

Cathedral Court/Guildford Court

Friday 22nd –

Battersea Court/Surrey Court

Let’s talk about sex!
Let me set the scene, union bar two-for-one drinks, eyes meet across the dance floor and wham there is an explosion! Your mind is full of excitement, your body awash with hormones! The last things on your mind are the practicalities!! Where to from the union? Do I know this person? Where have they been before me? How do I broach condoms? Where can I get condoms when I need them? So much to think about and so little time!! Sexual health is not only about sexually transmitted infections and contraception. It’s about enjoying sexual experiences when you choose to have them. It’s about avoiding harm to yourself and harm to others. It’s about being prepared and having fun. Making a positive choice about sex and sexual experiences is an essential part of the equation as it impacts on life, work, socialising, and future relationships. Statistics show that many students have their first sexual experience at university and I have it on good authority that the University of Surrey is no exception! Be prepared! Condoms are free from the union and the student health centre. The health centre offers free confidential advice and now runs both a sexual health clinic and a contraception clinic. Remember sex must be safe and fun, and you have a right to choose not to have sex if you wish. Not all sexually transmitted infections have symptoms and, left untreated, many can have devastating effects! It is essential that you have a sexual health screen after any episode of unprotected sex as most infections can be treated. At the right place and time, sex can be fun and enjoyable but it’s a personal choice. The staff in the health centre are there to guide and support you, so ensure you put us to good use. There is no such thing as a silly question and we guarantee you won’t have been the first to ask it!



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• For sexual health pop in and see us between 8am and 6pm or call reception on 08444 773051 or internal ext: (#9) 2072. • For contraception come to our drop in clinic in the health centre on Monday afternoons.
Article by Stephanie Moore Clinical Nurse Lead Student Health Centre University of Surrey

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By Pete Nattress Not News Editor

23 September 2006 2006

University of Surrey Sold For Two Magic Beans
Returning students and freshers alike were shocked to learn this week that their university has been sold to a dodgy-looking man in exchange for two ‘magic beans’, despite an actual financial value exceeding millions of pounds. Furthermore, the beans are reported to be imbued with enough dark energy to open a portal to a hellish ‘sky kingdom’ of giants, ogres and other dangerous mythical creatures. The portal, if opened, would rain down an apocalyptic nightmare of wanton destruction and bring pestilence and despair to the world of mankind. In a recent vote, the USSU decided that such a portal is not in the best interests of the university or the community in general, and vowed to fight the planned planting of the seeds on university property. Jack Robinson, the university’s chief accountant, has admitted on reflection that the transaction may have been “an error in judgement”. He explained how, in the course of trying to solve several of the university’s financial difficulties, he had encountered the dodgy-looking man in the Southway underpass. “He drove a hard bargain, I’ll give him that,” said Robinson at a recent press conference. He continued: “A prospering university is very nice and all but it’s a bit dull. I figured our students would want a bit more excitement and adventure in their lives – the magic beans would have provided just that. How was I to know they were satanic gateways to another dimension?” In addition to the collective dismay voiced by many students, some have even expressed doubts that the beans in question are genuinely magical. Management student Tom Stevens spoke to barefacts about his views. “Let’s be honest. We’ve seen the pictures of the beans and they look pretty normal. I know they’re in a sachet marked ‘Warning: Evil Beans’ but anyone could have stuck that biohazard label on there. This isn’t a Harry Potter world of dwarves and beanstalks and flying animals: this is real life.” The university’s unnamed new owner has not announced what his plans are for the future of UniS, but it is reported that he is interested in developing modern-age solutions for the creation of gold-laying geese and self-playing harps.



Meanwhile, the beans, now technically the only property that the University actually owns, are on display in the Austin Pearce foyer whilst they await plantation at an undecided location. Jack Robinson has urged the USSU to reconsider its refusal to grow the beans on campus. “Yes, they are ‘evil’ magic beans,” he argued. “But that doesn’t mean they’re not useful. Anything could be up there in the nightmare kingdom they unlock. Maybe the Dark Giant needs an accountant... this could work out very well for me.”

WE ARE WARNING YOU YET AGAIN... This is NOT NEWS... I repeat... NOT NEWS! These events most certainly did NOT happen!

Manor Park “Accidentally Constructed at 42 Degree Angle”
they wouldn’t notice something like that,” said postgraduate Lorraine Nathonson. “It beggars belief. How could they not realise? The place looked like Toyland after a bloody hurricane had hit it. M.C. Escher would have had a field day.” Nathonson was far from alone in her discontent. Not News spoke to the architect in charge of Manor Park, Richard Golding, to see what he had to say for himself. “Obviously we deeply regret this issue,” he told us. “There was a multitude of errors which lead up to this ugly mishap. First off, my protractor is bent all out of shape and I really need a new one. Secondly, I think my spirit level is on the blink as well. Thirdly, Manor Park is quite a hilly area. In some cases it is actually easier to build straight out of a hill rather than muck around levelling it out to start with. It all

By Pete Nattress Not News Editor Architects working on the University’s new Manor Park accommodation block have offered a further explanation for the building delays which have plagued the site. Senior officials admitted that the new living quarters for Surrey students had been accidentally constructed at an angle of 42 degrees to the horizontal instead of the standard 90 degrees favoured by most architects. Sources on the construction site stated that the error was not noticed until the work was nearly finished, prompting a month of rigorous reconstruction efforts which have unfortunately overrun into the start of term. The admission has been met with widespread disbelief by the unlucky students who have to live on Manor Park while the building work is completed. “I just can’t believe

Missing room 101?

Will return next edition. Phill Nathan & barefacts want to know what really grinds your gears. Send in your suggestions. Soon.

looked OK to me when the plans left my office. “I didn’t think it was that bad from an architectural viewpoint, to be honest,” Golding continued. “It was a massive engineering challenge to stop the whole complex from buckling under its own weight. But of course, it’s impractical to live in, and that’s a lesson we’ve learnt the hard way. You can’t expect students to sleep in hammocks with one end attached to the ceiling. Not to mention that abseiling into a kitchen is just ridiculous. And the less said about the toilets, the better,” he concluded. Golding’s words are likely to come as small consolation to students who not only have to start their first few weeks living on a building site but also have to cope with the ridiculously designed toilets, none of which have yet been reverted from their 42 degree angle. “Let’s just say, when a toilet is tilted at 42 degrees to the floor, its capacity is substantially reduced,” complained Nathonson.



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In the absence of solid food, where best to turn than our good friend alcohol? In its many guises it remains a refreshing yet intoxicatory bevarage for all to enjoy. Toby Shannon shares his wealth of knowledge in making supermarket own-brand spirits as palatable as possible. Oh, and a couple of things to munch whilst getting sloshed. As always, USSU says ‘Drink responsibly kiddies!’

Sour Apple Sunrise This is a rather funky looking bevvy that I perfected in the opening weeks of last year. It looks its best in a martini glass but if one doesn’t magically leap to hand, sling it in anything transparent. Ingredients: 1 1/2 shots of your favourite Sour Apple Liqueur, 1 shot Vodka, Lemonade, Blackcurrant and Apple cordial. Combine the cold spirits in your glass of choice and fill nearly to the top with lemonade. Give them a mix with a spoon and with the end of the spoon breaking the surface of the drink, pour a little cordial over the back of the spoon. If you do this properly, the cordial should settle on the top and make it look dead pretty. If not, mix the whole lot up and it’ll taste just as nice. If you get a sudden pain in the eye whilst drinking, remove spoon. Why not garnish with a slice of apple?

Bruschetta This sounds, and looks, dead flash but who are we kidding? It’s jazzed-up tomatoes on toast! Make this when you need to impress someone with your cooking talents or when you host an exclusive cocktail party. Serves 4 Ingredients: 4 Slices of crusty bread, Cloves of garlic, Olive oil, 4 Medium sized tomatoes, Salt and pepper, Basil leaves (optional). Take the tomatoes and dunk them in hot water for a few minutes until the skins start to go a bit saggy. Take them out, remove the now loose skins and chop in half. Using a spoon, take out all the tomato innards, discard them and chop the flesh into little cubes. Place your slices of bread under a hot grill and watch them like a hawk until they’re toasted but not burnt and remove them from the grill. Cut your toast into dainty, finger-foodsized pieces, place them on your finest plate and rub each with a cut clove of garlic (a faint whiff is all that’s required) and drizzle with a little oil. Sprinkle on the cubes of tomato and season with salt and pepper. If you’re feeling the culinary urge, rip up a few basil leaves and place a few bits haphazardly atop the pile of tomatoes. Now doesn’t that look nice? Devour.

Fuzzy Navel This is a nice, long, cold one. Perfect for those... winter nights?! Meh, never mind. It’s good whatever the weather. Ingredients: 1 1/2 shots Peach Schnapps (you know the one), 1 1/2 shots Vodka, Orange Juice, Lemonade. Fling the spirits into your glass with plenty of ice and fill with orange juice. Top off with lemonade for a nice, sparkly finish. _________________________________ White Russian A grown up milkshake that’s really rather good... You may have to buy in extra milk... Ingredients: 1 1/2 shots Vodka, 1 shot Kahlua, Milk to fill. Put the spirits into a tall glass with ice. Add the milk to the top and stir gently till ice cold. Fancy an international variant? Sling a slug of Irish cream into the mix... you won’t regret it. If you do come to regret it, it’s not my fault. Honest.

Nachos This is as easy to make as boiling the kettle and it’s pretty good for when you’re about to go to the pub, just got back from the pub or any time of the day when you fancy a snack. Except for when you’re in the pub. They don’t like you bringing in your own food. Ingredients (ha!): A biiiig bag of Tortilla Chips, Cheese that melts easily. Put the chips on a plate that you can microwave. Grab your nearest cheesegrater and grate cheese in a carefree fashion all over the pile of chips. Be generous. Microwave on full for a minute or so or until the cheese has melted (probably all over the inside of the microwave but hey, you’re the one that’s holding the cheese grater). Serve in secret otherwise your housemates will run in and steal the lot. For a bit of spice in your life, why don’t you try scattering on a little bit of finely chopped, de-seeded red chilli? But don’t go mad y’hear? You could also dip your cheese-laden chips into sour cream and chive dip or into some nice spicy salsa...

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23 September 2006 2006

What’s it been like for you?
Calling all Freshers out there... If you’re new and have the time to not only be reading barefacts but to also be pondering what your first year is like, then this is for you! Steve Cottingham reflects on the past year and describes it as what can only be one of the best times of his life.
“Well what has it been like for you?” is a question that new freshers will, perhaps, ask those of us who, even after just one year, now feel like ‘seasoned campaigners’. Well I can tell you – it’s been hard work, interspersed with fun and a good time. I spent over 30 years of my life at work before deciding, having had to take early retirement on medical grounds, that I should give university a try. Has it been worthwhile…you bet it has! I have to accept that my motivation for doing a degree course is probably light years away from everyone else, mainly because of the big age difference. I have different expectations than most, I suppose, but what draws us all together is the will to succeed, to go that extra mile, to obtain our degree… but to have fun on the way. And if I was worried about being a so-called ‘mature’ student in amongst a class of much younger fellow students, well I shouldn’t have been. I have made friends just as easily as anyone else…all you have to do is make the effort. My first advice to freshers, if that’s what you’re looking for, is to say don’t lock yourself in your room when you first get here. Explore. Explore. Explore. Go down to Chancellors and see life in full blast; enjoy the hustle and bustle and notice that whilst fellow students whinge about the bar prices, they’re still better (read: cheaper) than in town. And I should know! Coming to university is about two things – yes, to get a degree that accompanies ambition to get a good (and well paid) job, but it’s also about growing up; becoming used to accepting responsibility for your own learning and your own life. You are, after all, off the leash. No Mum and Dad to harangue you for not tidying yourself up; for not cleaning your room; for getting drunk and puking up over the carpet. You can, within reason, do what you want and when you want – but responsibly and that is not the contradiction that you might expect. So when you get here, get out! Although I lived off-site for the year, and still do, it didn’t stop me from exploring the campus and sampling the eating places and watering holes. Yes, I did actually spend time on my academic studies, but I tried to balance this with enjoying the company of my fellow students and my surroundings. I have to say that in my first year I discovered a lot about myself. I rediscovered that after a few beers I really did get a humungous hangover the following day and that’s not good going into a lecture and/or seminar, believe me. So I saved very much either guinea pigs, or pioneers, depending upon your perspective. I prefer to consider us as being pioneers, testing out the theory of the course. The fact that most of us survived the year and passed our module tests and exams could mean that the course had just about the right level of work. This year’s freshers will also have that pleasure of discovery and can make up their own minds as to how easy or hard it is. There are many and varied societies that you can join. For those of us on the politics degree course, we didn’t find one that was suited to accompany the course and so we started our own. The Politics Society, of which I had the honour to be elected its first President, began life last November and will seek to move forward on the activities front this year, with more purpose. We had to spend too much time in setting it up and, although we had a good opening function in conjunction with USSU, we need to focus more on activities this year. I am retiring as President at our annual general meeting and I’m hoping that freshers on the politics degree course will want to join and get involved and take up the reins. I have to say that the lecturers in the department – Politics, International and Policy Studies – that sits within the Law and Politics Division at Surrey – were very helpful indeed and gave us every encouragement in this venture. So my year has been one of discovery, excitement, hard work, fear (of exams), elation (at passing my exams), shock – at the amount of time off for holidays…I never had 3 months off in one ago at any previous time in my entire life; a month for Christmas and a month for Easter. Shame I can’t get this as a paid job. Well I hope that I have kept you interested in my ponder over the year. I have in some ways only scratched the surface. You wouldn’t really want to know about all of things I got up to at Surrey in my first year and I couldn’t tell you in barefacts either. Now it’s onto the hard work. The marks for coursework and exams really count towards my degree. I shall continue balancing hard work with fun and I’m going, hopefully, to get involved with another society on campus. Steve aka ‘safetysteve’ [By the way, I was given the nickname ‘safetysteve’ by supporters at Farnborough Town Football Club because I was their safety officer for 3 years before coming to uni and I did the same job at Aldershot Town Football Club as well.]



“What draws us all together is the will to succeed, to go that extra mile, to obtain our degree...but to have fun on the way”

my drinking for when the day ended, so that I could relax. I went to Rubix once. Granted, it was good but perhaps at my age it wasn’t really the place to be – not that I was out of place, as such, I just can’t dance. During the year I used the union’s activities centre quite a lot – it has a useful bank of computers you can use when the library or the labs in Austin Pearce are full, usually at exam time. I made good use of One Stop and the uni’s bookshop and enjoyed breakfast in both Rushes and Roots. Lunch time was usually a stop over in Seasons. I found Sorrento’s to be a bit like an upmarket café and didn’t feel so comfortable and as it’s in the management school building, perhaps that’s why? I never considered myself ‘management’ when at work, even though I was a manager, but I was more like one of the lads, which is probably why I never crawled that far up the greasy pole of success. At least I didn’t have far to fall on the way down! I also enjoyed the free musical extravaganza laid on by music degree students in PATs – you’ll have to get use to the acronyms and work it out for yourselves. Oh and I dyed my hair purple and then should have the seen the faces of my classmates when I arrived in class with PURPLE hair!!! Silly me, I thought this would be the generation that couldn’t be shocked, but then I am an old git and some may have thought I had lost it…I called it a midlife crisis. If I had been even older it would have been called ‘eccentric’. I quite like ‘barmy’ though, suits me. The politics degree course I am on only started life when my class, as freshers, began last September. We have been



20 September 2006 ptember 2006

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How to place an order at Chancellor’s (aka: Channies)
1) Find and claim a table… be sure to leave someone behind to guard it, as it gets very territorial during lunch hours 2) Note your table number… it’s all well and good to have a table, but if you don’t remember what the CORRECT table number is when you order it, you might never get your food! 3) Queue at ALL 3 tills… there’s no need to wait in the first queue, just go up to the till with the shortest line and put in your order. 4) Return to your table, receipt in hand if you ask for it, and wait for your scrumptious meal to arrive 5) Eat, eat, eat. That’s what you’re there for! 6) If you run into any problems or just want to express thanks for the meal you’ve just had, simply ask for a supervisor (the ones in the black shirts) and share your situation.



Alternate Weeks



Serving up the best in food, socials, and cocktails on Campus and in Guildford.


Opening Hours
Monday- Friday 8.30am - 11.00pm


Saturday- Sunday 10.00am - 11.00pm



Food Serving Times Monday- Friday �8.30am -�8.45pm Saturday � Sunday 10.00am -�4.45pm


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23 September 2006 2006



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20 September 2006 ptember 2006

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Remember to sign up to the Students’ Union Newsletter & Grapevine at!

September 18th - September 24th Monday 18th Tuesday 19th Wednesday 20th Thursday 21st Friday 22nd Saturday 23rd Sunday 24th
Chancellor’s Cocktail Night BLING is in RUBIX feat. Hanif
Exclusive Special (Freshers Fayre Marquee) Tickets ON SALE in the Union Shop

Danny, Dane, Bradley and Jimmy

MTV’s Totally Boyband

Open Mic Night
in Chance

Tickets on Sale in the Union Shop Only £4 before Thursday

in Rubix

l l or’s

Advance tickets on sale in the Union Shop

Live Music from a variety of cultures. Food and Drink available. IN THE MARQUEE ON THE FRESHERS FAYRE FIELD

International Music Festival

Poker Night - Rubix

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23 September 2006 2006

Yep, some of you may already have read this stirling piece of information delivery, others haven’t. Basically much like Grapevine supplies you with all you Union Entertainment news, The USSU newsletter provides you with all your general students’ union news & info: Sign up today (identically to grapevine) at

OH YEAH! I’M THERE Look Out for the USSU e-News Letter Thing!


September 25th - October 1st Monday 25th Tuesday 26th
Chancellor’s Cocktail Night GU2 Welcome Night in RUBIX
to get or n’t F Pen... Do g A Brin

Chance or’s Cha enge
to rget four Fo on’t iend or D Fr gA rin



Wednesday 27th Thursday 28th Friday 29th Saturday 30th Sunday 1st

Open Mic Night
Asian Night in RUBIX

in Chance

l l or’s

Brazilian Night

Sponsored by Brahma Get on down to the funky soundz in Rubix. Shake it!

Chance or’s Speed Dating Make it a date in your diary!


and Relax......................



20 September 2006 ptember 2006

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There’s a party
(and your iPod’s invited)

The HouseParty II for iPod


Home stereo speaker system and dock
The new HouseParty™ II from GEAR4 syncs, charges and docks your iPod, while pumping out crystal clear sound from its advancd speaker system. With 30 watt total output and a fully functional included remote, you really can party in any room. The other amazing thing about the new HousePartyII is it’s great price. Give your iPod the home it deseserves.


GEAR4. Essential equipment for the digital generation


      copying in black & white and colour; printing posters, flyers, essays, theses; binding; shipping using all the major carriers UPS, FedEx, DHL, ParcelForce, etc); student discount given; student friendly service.
14 London Road Guildford
(opposite the Civic Hall and in between the Rumwong Restaurant and Richer Sounds)

t: 01483 453131

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23 September 2006 2006

Oh, WHY DIDn’t I Go to Campus Computers.


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Oriental Thai, Chinese, Japanese and Korean Cuisine. All traditionally cooked. For Daily Specials - Ask the Chef Take Away service available. Oriental Deli & Breakfasts and Baguettes. Pre- order for home time collection also available.

Monday to Friday 8am - 4.30pm



20 September 2006 ptember 2006

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23 September 2006 2006

Music... lots of lovely Music...
THE FEELING Twelve Stops And Home Universal Island Records


It’s been four years since “Genie In A Bottle” turned “Dirrty” pop strumpet Xtina unleashed the multi-platinum and award winning “Stripped”. Flaunting her supposed newly found sophisticated credentials as a married woman, Aguilera forces this message home with a ‘jazz concept album’ with intention to pay tribute to ‘those before [her] who laid it down and paved the way’. The album, spread across two discs, achieves this with mixed results; after all, none of Aguilera’s idols (Aretha Franklin, Etta Jane, Billie Holiday, et al) engulfed themselves with so much insipid self-obsession as she demonstrates throughout. This aside however, “Back To Basics” is far from a complete misstep. East-coast hip-hop producer DJ Premier provides slick, sassy, retro sounds for much of the first disc, effortlessly bringing to life old skool samples, blended with Aguilera’s often (and sometimes irritating) gymnastic-like vocals, firmly into the 21st century. Stand-outs include the lead-single “Ain’t No Other Man”, the funky “Slow Down Baby” and southern soul of ballad “Understand”. We also learn that Aguilera still likes sex (apparently) in “Still Dirrty” and “Thank You (Dedication To The Fans)” is an eye-opener for us all that reveals through a collage of voicemail messages that Aguilera’s not against what essentially is a tasteless, nauseating dedication to herself. On the second disc, standout “Candyman” celebrates a “one stop shop” who “makes the panties drop” – backed up by a boogie-woogie beat, it seems unlikely she’s singing about the same One Stop shop we all know. The poignant “Hurt” is this album’s “Beautiful”, and unsurprisingly, the next single too. The rest of the second disc plods with the occasional interesting and unexpected gem – the scratchy, muffled blues of “I Got Trouble”, the risqué “Nasty Naughty Boy” and the emotionally overblown dedication to her husband “The Right Man”. This album could easily have been cut down to a single, 12 track disc affair – not the marathon 22 track double-disc it is, and it is here Aguilera shows a disappointing lack of quality (and quantity) control. With a little less filler, this could have been so much better – although in today’s MP3 generation, you can easily just mix and match... Joshua Bates 3/5 THOM YORKE THE ERASER XL Records For those of you who are un-aware, Thom Yorke is the front man from the well renowned Radiohead, and this summer saw the release of his much anticipated solo album, The Eraser. This piece, made up of only nine tracks, is a strange and different but totally awesome record full of weird and wonderful effects that at first, can be slightly overwhelming and possibly put you off. However, this album most certainly grows on you, as after a few more listens it can really get under your skin. As expected there are without a doubt many Radioheadesque similarities, in particular tracks such as the superb Black Swan, which can easily be related to such previous Radiohead works as Kid A and Amnesiac. Yet the most notice-able difference between The Eraser and prior Radiohead albums is the instrumentation, as for this record Thom Yorke has focused upon pure electronic sounds, such as the use of synth drum pads. Alongside Black Swan, other highlights of the album include And It Rained All Night, made up of an absolutely cracking beat with heaps of bass, and Harrowdown Hill, which is in fact the first release off the record. As well as it being a quality song, the coinciding video is brilliant and definitely worth a look-see. Although The Eraser does have a few sketchy tracks, as a first solo effort from Mr Yorke it has some very impressive material within, and shows great potential for him to possibly become a grand solo artist.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t help but like The Feeling. And I don’t just mean the kind of like you have for a really good cup of tea… Ever since they arrived, these guys have been churning out great singles, extremely popular live shows, and a brilliant album… that I really, really like. Sewn, Fill My Little World, Never Be Lonely – all the tip of the iceberg. If by any chance you’ve managed to not hear anything by this band, we’re talking blatant pop-filled jumpy, cheese-fest – however much you want to cry over your 1,000,000 word essay, listening to The Feeling will make you want to go to the gym, kiss EVERYONE, and write an extra 100,000 words (disclaimer: may not actually cause these things). Opener I Want You Now is a fast, energetic, jump-around affair sounding like Sum 41-meets-ELO-meetsScissor Sisters. It also has the cheesiest guitar solo. Ever. Love It When You Call is deliciously bouncy with a stunningly annoying (in a good way) chorus and a cowbell that makes me shout “YEAH! FLIPPIN’ ROCK!”, while slower numbers Kettle’s On and Helicopter still retain the vigour and nonseriousness but adding some variety to what could potentially be pretty repetitive and same-y. Rosé and Blue Piccadilly also show that the boys can rinse out a gentle number too. The Feeling don’t pretend to be ‘cool’, which is what makes them different from their contemporaries – It’s refreshing to find a band who are what they are: Great musicians who know what people like. 5/5 Patrick SON OF DAVE O2 Kartel I first came across Son Of Dave supporting Supergrass last year, and our paths crossed again at this year’s V Festival. On both occasions I’ve listened in awe to what can only be described as the best blues band of today… with only one member. Mr B. Darvil plays his harmonica with vigour, and sings with a wonderful elvis-blues voice, both of which he samples, loops, and plays back whilst stamping his foot, adding basslines and beatboxing to create a “brilliantly hypnotic” noise that changes, distorts and fills you with joy. ‘02’ was released early this year, but I feel it deserves a second mention. It’s essentially a record of his live shows without as much improvisation and properly recorded. Unfortunately, if you’ve even seen Son Of Dave play live, you’ll probably be disappointed with this recording purely because of this. You miss the energy and innovation that his live shows present, but saying this, it’s not a bad CD. There are plenty of really funky hip hop beats mixed with layered basslines and really, really sexy harmonica loops. If you like sparse, foot-stamping, funky music then I’d recommend at least a listen on iTunes ‘02’ isn’t a CD you’re necessarily going to fall in love with, but there’s something incredible about it that’s not easy to ignore. Son Of Dave is on tour at various venues throughout the UK in October and November. Check out for more details. 3/5 Patrick Hunter

Red Hot Chili Peppers Earl’s Court 17/07/06


20 September 2006 ptember 2006

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Earl’s Court was packed to the rafters and buzzing with anticipation on the night of the gig in question; not even the appalling noise of support act ‘!!!’ could ruin the electric mood. When the lights dropped and the amazing sounds of the jamming Chilis’ burst forth the whole room went wild. When the jam session morphed into ‘Can’t Stop’ almost every single member of the audience screamed with joy. It was a great opener: punchy, aggressive, funky, its chorus is irresistible and soon enough 30,000 people were singing along. Following that with new single ‘Dani California’ and then ‘Scar Tissue’ was a stroke of genius and it was immediately clear that this monumental band were not going to pull any punches. Only four tracks from the current ‘Stadium Arcadium’ featured in the incredibly long set, and the fact that they delved back to ‘I Could Have Lied’ and ‘Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magik’ (from the album of the same name) was a testament to how well the guys know their audience. ‘Snow (Hey Oh)’ was guitar led perfection, allowing Frusicante to exhibit the amazing talent and dexterity that he harbours, and that gives the Chilis their characteristic sound. Other high points included, ‘Californication’, ‘By the Way’ and ‘Throw Away Your Television’. The audience was kept in a constant state of frenzied anticipation all night, wondering just what the band would do next. Frusicante took to the stage and performed a rendition of the Bee Gees’ ‘How Deep Is Your Love’, an unusual song to pick maybe, but one which showcased his angelic voice to perfection. His duet with Flea as they combined to produce an elaborate introduction to ‘Californication’ was exquisite. Chad’s drum solo was akin to some kind of thunder-god, the whole audience jumping and thrashing along to the immense beats. The emotion on stage throughout the set was almost tangible, which just made the crowd even more excited and drawn into this wonderful world of funky rock music. The show concluded with an encore, ‘Under the Bridge’ causing thousands to hold up their lit mobile phones, mixed in with a handful of lighters (what a modern world we live in) and ‘Give it Away’s’ well-known riffs almost tore the house down. It was a titan of a show, and if you ever get the chance, I urge you to go and see the Red Hot Chili Peppers live. Beth Heale MUSE Black Holes and Revelations Warner We didn’t hear anything from this group for almost three years, but they’re finally back with yet another extraordinary album, ‘Black Holes and Revelations’, shifting slightly from the epic, yet elegant cacophony of their previous albums. There is definitely more control this time around which has, I suppose completely changed our perception of Muse; it seemed inevitable that they would become ever more progressive, but this has not become the case. However, this is by no means a bad thing. The album is experimental in its own way, with increased use of electronics in songs like ‘Take a Bow’, ‘Starlight’, the gripping, most progressive of the lot, ‘Knights of Cydonia’ and especially ‘Map of the Problematique’ (which sounds like it’s straight from a Ministry of Sound album – no mean feat when you’re a rock band). ‘Take a Bow’ and ‘Soldier’s Poem’, among others show Matt Bellamy’s continued disillusionment with the world of politics, and ‘Supermassive Black Hole demonstrates a new talent that the band seems to have cultivated – the ability to groove. Within all this there’s still the epic broken chords and classical influences that we have come to know so well. There is no getting away from the fact that Muse are one of the most innovative bands around today. Even if they’re not your cup of tea, they are a guitar group with a difference, mixing convention with diversity as this album has confirmed, and will continue to impress for some time to come. Nicole Heel 4/5 THE DIVINE COMEDY Victory For The Comic Muse EMI Records “I don’t want to die a virgin”: Not my words, but those of Divine Comedy front-man and one time thanker of all the fish, Mr Neil Hannon. Since 2004’s ‘Absent Friends’ Neil’s been busy doing bits and pieces for film & TV (Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy and the IT Crowd) as well as collaborating with artists including Charlotte Gainsbourg & Jane Birkin. But it’s with his trusty Divine Comedy that he’s at his best. Having fluctuated between small (4 piece band) and big (orchestra), the current lineup is comprised of 7 extremely dedicated and talented musicians, each complimenting Neil’s wonderful baritone voice in a style that The Divine Comedy have made their own. Victory For The Comic Muse is a warm, delicate & unusual album about love, lust and women told in such a clever and atypical way. Mother Dear, a song about… mothers, is a banjoy bundle of witty lyrics & soaring strings, while first single Diva Lady shrewdly mocks all the Paris Hilton-types of today. Party Fears Two – the only cover they’ve ever done – is wonderfully arranged by resident orchestrator & composer Joby Talbot (League of Gentlemen, Hitchhiker’s Guide…), and just like National Express (but very slightly less singable), encapsulates the listener in a montage of snare drum, glockenspiel, strings & 80s cheese. It’s no secret that TDC aren’t especially ‘cool’, but it’s really hard not to like them. Neil’s use of orchestral instruments really enhances the ‘colour’ of the songs, and the curious angles taken in the narrative – usually with comedic undertones – make this band one of a kind. Patrick Hunter 5/5

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23 September 2006 2006

PGPG Rant Welcome to new postgrads! TIPS
For all contributions to the Postgraduate section, contact our PG Editor, Anne Abeygunasekera. Any articles should be sent directly to her at
Why can’t the English write in their language? I think most of us know that the answer is because we’re not taught how. Does that excuse us? Please don’t get me wrong , I don’t suppose to be the world’s best writer of English, in fact I am often appalled at my own mistakes, and there will be many in this article. As for spelling, I can’t do that for toffee, thank God for the red squiggly lines in Word! Is this the answer though? Should we rely on computers to correct our spelling, we all know that they often get it wrong, it can’t tell if we want ‘place’ or ‘plaice’. This however is not my main gripe, my main gripe is that people (myself included) don’t know the rules they break on a daily basis. If we were lucky at school we would have been told not to start sentences with ‘And’ or ‘But’, we may even have been told how to tell whether to use ‘mummy and I’ or ‘mummy and me’ (this one is simpler than most people think, if you remove the ‘mummy and’ bit and it still sounds ok then you’ve got it right!). Now though, it appears that we have lost the art of where to place an apostrophe, so much so that ‘lets’ is almost an accepted form to write ‘let’s’. So is this really a problem? Does it really matter if people write ‘could of’ instead of ‘could’ve’, ‘different to’ in the place of ‘different from’? Not all the time, we would begin to sound pompous and stilted if we obeyed all the rules. “I’m going to be late for dinner, am I not” is fine for the Queen but unnecessary for the pub, in the same way that “boldly to go” could never invoke the feeling of the most famous split infinitive in the English language. Then again where did the split infinitive rule come from? Probably Latin, in which the infinitive is one word which cannot be split as opposed to English where supposedly it may not! So where does this leave us? It leaves us with students not being given the choice what rules to break, because they don’t know the rules. Instead we are being handed down half a language, and then we are told that we can’t write in our own mother tongue. It leaves us writing ambiguous statements and occasionally meaningless drivel, not because we chose to, but because we don’t know any better. I still lament the loss of ‘I wish I were’ but am resigned to the fact that I’m one of the few who was ever told that was how it should be. I try to write the best I can, but I’m still embarrassed when someone corrects me on grammar I should have learnt at primary school. So what brought about this rant? Partly a book I’ve been reading; ‘Lost For words – The mangling and Manipulating of the English Language’ by John Humphrys, but mainly an email I received this morning from a fellow researcher, it contained the phrase ‘not uncompressed’. What, may I ask, was wrong with ‘compressed’? Or is it just that he doesn’t know any better like the rest of us? By Helen Cooper Firstly, on behalf of the PGA, let me extend a warm welcome to all of you; for the second time to those of you who had to listen to my baritone voice as part of your inductions! The PostGraduate Association is a student society of which post grads are automatically members. Our main purpose is to put a name to having fun and in that respect, we’re a bunch of like-minded students who organize social events for people like you (and us!) Have a look at our up-and-coming events to see what I mean. The events list can also be found on our webpage: or alternatively at: Please feel free to come along to our Wednesday PGA Best regards, Bud Goswami PGA President



Lunches which we have in the Orchard Lounge inside Wates House. This is an informal thing for if you are interested in actually getting involved in the event organization (if there really is such a thing for our events) or even if you have nothing better to do. We look forward to meeting you at one of our events. Anyway enough of me taking up your precious time, thank you for reading my drivel. Good luck with your studies in this coming year and remember, if you ever need an excuse to procrastinate, the PGA are always glad to be of service!

Why do a postgraduate course?
With the increasing burden of undergraduate fees why would anyone consider doing a postgraduate course? There are of course costs both in time and money to continuing to study at postgraduate level but there a variety of reasons to consider further study. Firstly, personal fulfilment and interest. Most people actually want to continue studying because they want to acquire more knowledge in their area of interest. Sometimes this means stumbling into a subject or area where we want to research on. Secondly, career requirement. For some areas such as teaching in Higher Education and secondary education a Masters or a PGCE are a requirement. Other areas such as law and accountancy will require further qualifications. Thirdly, competition. With more graduates than ever a postgraduate qualification may give you more experience and skills. However, do not assume having an extra set of letters will make you instantly more employable. Employers will increasingly be looking for those extra developed skills. By Simon Felton General Secretary - National Postgraduate Committee

Partner Card
Don’t forget that if you live with your partner they can get a ‘Partner Card’ from the Students’ Union reception for free! No more signing them into Rubix, their partner card is accepted as a Surrey student card on the door and is valid for other USSU promotions. All you need is a utility bill with both your names on it or other proof of shared address. NB A partner card cannot be used to sign in Guests

The Sabbatical Offices and Staff of the Students’ Union do hereby challenge the PostGraduate Association Committee to a battle of wits at the Quiz and Curry night on the 28th of September. Do you accept this challenge?


Almost Accurate Astrology
Console yourself with this thought: a gibbous moon is never far from the horizon. did I. Think there must be a crack in my ball.


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A new year, new semester... and of course, some new barefacts horoscopes! This fortnight’s vision of the future comes courtesy of Alan Terry and Sophia Hawkins


(March 21 - April 20) Mercury and Venus will collide this week, so take cover. Buy plenty of provisions and then dig a big trench by the lake. Stay in this trench until you see a sign that it’s safe to leave. My crystal ball is a bit hazy as to the exact details of this sign but I can say that it will involve a duck, a drunk first year, and a JCB excavator. It may also involve chocolate gateaux, or perhaps I was just hungry when I read your fortune. Keep some space spare in your trench for crooning moorhens.





(June 21 - July 20) This week you must be yourself. Of course it is difficult to be someone else anyway, so circumstances are on your side. Nevertheless this is not a time for complacency. You will repeatedly feel tempted to change your identity but you must resist. Take that bra off your head! Lose the spear! Put the syrup away! And for God’s sake, leave that cat alone!

(April 21 - May 20) When walking down the street eat figs, if you do you will find the gas problem you’ve been having recently will magically disappear. Similarly if you smear your face in sun cream daily then that dream you’ve been having every night since the union last Friday will magically happen. Great thing is magic.


(September 21 - October 20) When an asteroid passes close to Uranus, you will feel compromised. But don’t worry. The moon will line up with a supernova in a remote galaxy. And after a black hole engulfs a white dwarf in a parallel universe, you will feel like your normal self again. Moreover, with a comet in distress near a binary star and a massive gaseous cloud orbiting Pisces, there is reason for optimism. Indeed, the rotation of Jupiter’s big red spot means that you will inherit some money from an unlikely source.

(December 21 - January 20) This week you must face the wrong way in all of your lectures. By holding up a mirror in front of you, you will be able to see the board, albeit backwards, so don’t panic about getting behind in your studies. If the lecturer asks you to turn around you must NOT react. That’s exactly what they want you to do. Be strong. They can smell fear.



(July 21 - August 20) Your heart is beating at a faster pace than normal at the moment, be true to your feelings and them you love them… your current girlfriend/boyfriend may be angry at first but the feelings of hatred will soon pass. (barefacts does not hold any responsibility for the onset of relationship break-ups).


(October 21 - November 20) You will be seeking a deeper understanding of life this week; thankfully there will be people to help you on your way. The launderette may be a good place to start, just put your washing on for an hour and contemplate the universe…

(January 21 - February 20) Now is the time to pursue your goals, the new semester brings energy to your endeavors, and by the end of the semester caffeinated- beverages will bring energy to your endeavors.


(May 21 - June 20) This week you will feel down. If you don’t feel down right now, then think about all the suffering in the world. There. Now you feel down. Unfortunately there is no quick fix for this kind of depression. It can drag on for many days without any sign of abating.


(August 21 - September 20) Learn to cook. This is my only piece of advice this week. The stars are aligned in your favour and everything seems to be going your way. Even that mans fist… ouch… didn’t see that one coming did ya? To be fair neither


(November 21 - December 20) A decision faces you this week, it may seem a bit mundane, but With Freshers fair approaching you could end up with a free sandwich maker or maybe even a love heart cake tin, if you choose wisely…

(February 21 - March 20) There is a special person in your life and there is something you want to tell them. Tell them this week. You’ve put it off too long. When you tell them, be sure to wear clothes that make it obvious you have something to say. Remain wearing these clothes for six days after you have told them, then remove the clothes and burn them. Present the ashes to the special person and demand a response. You will get one.

To all those back from placement, we’re sorry the personals section died - the freshers just didn’t want to keep up the spirit. However, to stop your favourite one-liner drunken antic narratives from being completely expelled from the paper, you can always send them in to ussu.barefacts@surrey.

Nominations Open: Monday 18th September Nominations Close: Wednesday 27th September Get your election pack from the Students’ Union offices today!

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23 September 2006 2006



Brought to you by our very own Puzzlelord, Colin Everett, what would you ever do without his masterful puzzle skills? Well, besides paying more attention in lectures of course. Answers, as always, in next fortnight’s edition.

Clues Across: 7) Number of degrees in a rightangle. (6) 8) Seizing power illegally. (8) 9) Odd snake weapon will let you in. (Cryptic) (8) 10) Twice as much. (6) 11) Large glass; two-masted sailing ship. (8) 12) Extracts a metal from its ore by heating. (6) 13) Absurdly try on cleric wrongly. (Cryptic) (13) 18) Small lobsters, often served fried in breadcrumbs. (6) 20) Units of sound intensity. (8) 22) Capital of the Bahamas. (6) 23) Person who creates a cartoon. (8) 24) Protect from harm; fruit jam. (8) 25) Largest moon of Mars. (6) Clues Down: 1) Money to end French broken cane. (Cryptic) (7) 2) Used to stir a hot beverage. (8) 3) Wealthy, powerful businessman. (6) 4) A dead-end road. (3-2-3) 5) Neat and tidy; coniferous tree. (6) 6) Fill with air or gas. (6) 8) A university student, not previously awarded a degree. (13) 14) Notice of a death. (8) 15) East Canadian peninsula; breed of dog with either a white or yellow coat. (8) 16) South American nation with Quito as its capital. (7) 17) Flammable chemical compound that must be consumed in vast quantities during Freshers Week. Or else! (7) 19) Abuse is seen in muse. (Cryptic) (6) 21) Thin potato chips, the best variety of which are Salt and Vinegar. (6)

It’s another set of tube stations! Oh, and don’t try looking at your answers for the last edition, it’s been repuzzlified. 15 tube stations to be found... go... now!

That thing... with the numbers... Fill in the grid till each row, each column, and each 9x9 square have the numbers 1-9 in. Simple as that really.



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By Joshua Bates, LGBT Officer

Closets are for clothes!
– building liaisons with the local charity Gay Surrey as well as sending delegates to attend the NUS LGBT winter and summer conferences. In addition, the LGBT also has two elected representatives at the monthly Student Assembly, the LGBT Officer and LGBT Society representative, who will vote representing the interests of LGBT students. Over the last year the monthly LGBT nights at the Students Union club, Rubix, have become increasingly popular. Launching last October, Tease has become a prominent part of the USSU’s entertainment calendar, catering for both students and the local community alike. Taking place on the first Saturday of every month, Tease is a gayfriendly environment welcome to everyone regardless of their sexuality – gay, straight or otherwise. The official LGBT Welcome Meeting for this year is Tuesday 26th September at 7pm. Be sure to pop along, whether you are a Fresher, new or returning member! Food and drink is provided. At this year’s Fresher’s Fayre, Wednesday 20th September, the LGBT society will be holding its annual raffle. The prize will be a brand new Apple iPod – come along to the LGBT stand if you wish to purchase tickets – the raffle is open to all students! LGBT Society Web Site: Includes further details of society meetings, events and mailing list sign-up! Tease:

The University of Surrey Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Trans (LGBT) society exists as both an official USSU society, as well as a welfare amenity. Whilst the University has very few problems with rejection of sexual diversity due to a very open-minded and accepting student population, the main goal of the LGBT society is to provide a welcome, safe and relaxed environment in which LGBT students can regularly meet. Weekly social meetings (details of which can be found on the society’s website, see right) take place on Tuesdays at 7pm and provide a casual meeting forum to discuss social aspects of the society, allow people to get involved and meet new people, with food and drink provided. Aside from the social aspects, the society increasingly gets involved with welfare issues

SATURDAY 7TH OCTOBER Surrey’s Best Gay Night returns featuring tribute act the Scizzor Sisterz, 10pm-3am on Saturday 7th October at Rubix, the University of Surrey Students’ Union nightclub in Guildford, Surrey.

Sex, Alcohol, and Hockey
listening to stories of past tours, matches and just general drunkenness. For instance the time Sledge (the name alone is a good story) fell through the hedge at the Old Boys Game, the time Special (again the story behind the name is worth hearing) managed to score for the first time in 5 years at the University and the numerous occasions that any number of the Club have managed to get naked! (Twenty Ones is a BAD, BAD game!) The size of the Hockey Club last year meant that we had two Men’s teams and one Women’s team, and we have entered the same number this year. Our Men’s 1st team have just been promoted to Surrey 1st’s Division One, and we are as always looking for as many new players as possible, of all abilities, to help us continue to keep up the Surrey hockey tradition. The Hockey Club can take up as much or as little of your time as you like, with training running twice a week and matches on both Wednesdays and Saturdays, you can find yourself completely immersed in the world of hockey, even if it is slightly hazy after the nights out. Becoming involved in the Hockey Club ensures that you make a huge number of friends very quickly and many of these friends you will keep for life, demonstrated perfectly this year by the inaugural season of the Surrey Old Boys Hockey Club. The social aspect of the club is probably more important to most of the members than the actual hockey, in recent years there has been a massive increase in the number of

Welcome to Surrey on behalf of the Surrey Hockey Club! Ask any member of the Varsity Centre (that’s the Sports Centre for all you Freshers!) staff and they will tell you that the club still in the bar, drinking and having a good time, hours after the other clubs have already left is always the Hockey Club. The rugby boys will try and tell you different, but don’t believe a word of it! The friendly, relaxed atmosphere of the Hockey Club (usually benefiting from the intake of alcohol) ensures a superb respite from all that hard work you’re doing, or at least your parents think you’re doing! The initiation ceremonies are nothing like the horror stories you have probably heard about University sports clubs, however the club does enjoy its drinking games! Sitting in the bar with the hockey team certainly increases your alcohol tolerance, especially when the Club Chairman decides that he wants to get drunk! It may seem quite intimidating to start with, especially when everyone seems to be victimising you because you don’t know the rules to the games, but once you’ve picked up the rules (I found it was a good idea to try and get friendly with one of the 3rd or 4th years and try and coax the rules out of them, usually through the promise of money or more drink) you have a huge amount of fun. After a few weeks and once everyone has got to know each other, you really feel part of the club and more importantly a part of the university. Come along and enjoy playing hockey, drinking games and

social members of the hockey club. These members hardly ever actually play hockey, they just turn up to cheer on the teams and join in the fun of the club atmosphere. The club is for anyone who has any interest in hockey and even for those who don’t. Whether you’ve represented your country or never played any sport before in your life there will be a place for you in the club, (in both cases probably by the bar) and you will find the most sociable club at Surrey more than welcoming! So whether you are a fresher or not, come along to the first training session on Tuesday at 6pm at the Varsity Centre, persuade all of your new friends to join you with the promise of a great sociable night out, and between us we’ll have a great year!

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23 September 2006 2006

News from the Football Club
Last week saw the ever exciting Surrey Football Club held their annual AGM, here Steve Cottingham provides the information for you all to peruse as you wish.
team captains that were also elected on the night: 1st Team 2nd Team 3rd Team 4th Team 5th Team Val Douglas and Jack Costello Ian Abbott and Paul Rolf (Sat) Tom Foley Luke Whylie and Seb Detail Paul Regain. The University has 5 teams in the British Universities Championship which play on a Wednesday afternoon and 3 teams that play in the local Guildford & Woking Alliance Football League. Home games are at the Varsity Centre. The club also has its own web site where you will find information on forthcoming fixtures and all about the club.



At a well attended Annual General Meeting on Monday 11th September 2006, at the Varsity Centre, the UniS Mens’ Football Club elected officers and a committee for the ensuing year. The following were elected:
Chairman Vice Chairman Deputy Chairman Secretary Treasurer Social Secretary Club Captain Tour Secretary Merchandise/PR Website admin Greg Nunn Tom Foley Duncan Ayres Steve Cottingham Val Douglas Tom Dack Chris Thomas Jamie Bucannan Mark Hodges Ben Redhead

For freshers interested in joining there will be a football club stand at Freshers Fayre, so whatever football skill you have, or whatever the level we’re bound to have a team in which you could play, so come and see us.

The committee is responsible for running the club – which is an approved society within USSU - and, as necessary, will be joined by the various

Send in your sports articles:

Aiki d o : T h e F i n e s t Martial Art?
Want something cool to practise on your housemates? Want to be able to defend yourself in the big scary world out there? Then its time you checked out Aikido with the help of David Joyson.
One year ago this week, I was a fresher at the University of Surrey. Apart from the exciting prospects of living away from home, making new friends, socialising and of course doing work, I was looking forward to joining some of the different clubs and societies. I knew that I wanted to do some sort of martial art/ self-defence, and so had a look around Freshers’ Fayre. One of my housemates had recommended trying Aikido, and after visiting their stall, I decided to give it a go. Aikido is a martial art that was developed in Japan in the 1930s by O Sensei Morihei Ueshiba. The basic theory behind it is to use the attacker’s energy to disrupt their balance. One of the great advantages that Aikido has above most other martial arts, is that it requires very little in the way of strength. This combined with the fact that the UniS Aikido club specialises in pressure point study, makes it ideal for people of all shapes and sizes. In the very first session I went to, the instructor, Ray Panter, asked one of the students to attack him at full speed. I watched in stunned silence as he would somehow subtly the other students take things slowly with beginners, and before long I too were successfully avoiding punches. Since then I’ve learnt defensive techniques against many attacks, including ones involving knives, strangles and grabs. This sort of knowledge provides a little more confidence when walking through Guildford at night, and although it is probably not wise to broadcast in a newspaper article, I’ve even secretly wanted to be attacked by some chavvy teen - just to see if I could cope! One thing is for certain though, I’ve come to really understand the principle that the bigger they are, the harder they fall. In my view the Aikido club comes top for practicality, meeting new people, building confidence and most importantly: fun. See you there. Information: The session runs on Thursday nights, 8.15 - 10.15 in the sports centre. The first session is free. Visit www. for more details.

avoid the punch, and the attacker would be lying flat on his back! The movements seemed so graceful and effortless. Never having done a martial art before, I was somewhat concerned about not being able to move quickly enough, which I feared would result in receiving black eyes. Fortunately,


Surrey Scorpions
Want to join a sports team this year, try something different and have lots of fun? Then the Surrey Scorpions/ Sirens are for you! As ever, send your Surrey Sports team based news to


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So, it’s your first week at University and you’ve not quite met enough friends or drunk enough alcohol. Or perhaps you’ve made too many friends and you’re still hung-over from Sunday night. In any case, if you feel that you want to run off the beer belly, get muddy, have a laugh and then get stuck into a few pints at the pub in order to replace lost fluids (of course) - then the Ultimate Frisbee Club is for you! The Surrey Scorpions represent the University at the fast paced, exciting and unique sport of Ultimate Frisbee. We’re always training on NatWest field or in Chancellors. Ultimate is a unique sport in the way it’s refereed. The game is self officiated and is based on a system of rules that promotes fair play. Players have to agree on whether they caught the disc or not. I’m fairly sure that there’s no other sport played at a National level where there aren’t any referees! The game is a mix of Netball and American Football. You score by throwing the disc to someone standing in an ‘end zone’. You’re not allowed to run with the disc and you’re only allowed to have possession for 10 seconds. That’s basically it, there are some intricacies and some other rules but with that knowledge, you’re ready to play! The 7-a-side game combines running, catching, throwing, jumping and the socials revolve around what is fondly named “A Three Pint Challenge.” Basically, a Frisbee (or disc) when upturned can hold 3 pints of liquid (invariably alcoholic) then two contenders use straws to drink the beer in the fastest time possible. A pair of players from Southampton Uni managed this feat in an astonishing 12.9 seconds! The Scorpion club record stands at 39.5s - we need your help to improve this! We train regularly - Wednesday’s on NatWest Field from 2 until 4 and on Sundays in UniSport from 12:30 until 2. Trainings consists of a lot of running and fun times. Make sure you bring lots of water, trainers, one light shirt and one dark one, shorts and some enthusiasm! Everyone was rubbish at throwing a disc to start with but after a few weeks, you’ll be launching them all over the place. Your friends will start asking why your carrying your disc to lectures (just in case you pass the field and someone on the team’s there) or why you use a disc as a glass (drinking single pints is for pansies!) The Scorpions have welcomed a new branch to the family tree this year - the Surrey Sirens. This is the Ladies team we’re starting this year and it’s headed for great things. We have an exclusive hall training time so that Girls can get hooked on the sport without being around smelly, useless boys. They train from 11:30am till 12:30pm on a Sunday. The Women will find their skills improve quickly when being challenged by other women and then reap the benefits

when pitting those skills against the boys. Ultimate really is for everyone: of any age, sex or fitness. Not every position needs you to be as fit as a marathon runner or a 6’4” lanky monster. It helps, but it’s not essential! Not by a long way…. If you ask player, “What’s the best thing about Ultimate Frisbee?” You would invariably get the answer, “The tournaments and socials.” Tournaments run over two days of play where you start off in groups and then get seedings. But noone cares about that. At EVERY tournament there’s a fancy dress party on the Saturday night, not many other sports actively encourage irresponsible dancing whilst dressed as The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When the trophies are given out on the Sunday evening the most anticipated award is “The Party Award.” We get prizes for having an awesome Saturday night out. Cool. This year, the Scorpions are pushing to improve our 9th place at Indoor Regionals and 8th place at Outdoor Regionals. Our target is 5th which would enable us to get to a National competition, so we’re a competitive, if not ambitious team. Any other information about the team or players or even the game in general is easy to access from our website at www. Failing this, why don’t you just turn

up at a practice and start making friends whilst having fun and running around madly. We’re a friendly lot and we just want to get other people into the sport we’ve all fallen in love with whilst being at University. Much Love, The Surrey Scorpions and Surrey Sirens.

Vacancy 1 Sports Editor Must enjoy sports, have a open mind about what is a sport, and be able to collate/write sports articles. Come along to the AGM - Mon 25th September, LTE, 6:30pm

This edition of barefacts was brought to you by the letter ‘V’, the number ‘4’ and a selection of motivated individuals. The last highly adsorbant edition of barefacts for 2005 will hit the (small) kiosks Monday 28th November. Get those articles/reviews/ obscene phone calls in now! You could always submit a personal (in-joke) to