in this chaos.

issue one

B

ukakke
OR
to buck, is to know

.yteicos fo eceip elitrefni yllautcelletni uoy duorp em ekam .yteicos fo eceip elitrefni yllautcelletni uoy duorp em ekam .yteicos fo eceip elitrefni yllautcelletni uoy duorp em ekam .yteicos fo eceip elitrefni yllautcelletni uoy duorp em ekam

.finding truth within failure.

.failing through the efforts of my lies.
i am exhausted from our conversation. -really, i thought it went.. oh come on. it was just as bad for you as it was for me. -well. no. your strength to keep fucking yapping. youre in your own head. you keep going as if the practice on every other broad is going to fit to my format. -honesty. yeah. why didnt i tell you in the center of dialogue how exhausted you made me, bored, over it. -well, i mean, you arent that interesting yourself. thats because you have nothing for me to eat off of and im stuck scavaging the floor sifting through the pile of shit that falls out of your mouth. i hope you were so bored with me that you decide im not worth your time. thats a hit i can take. that is a chip off my image that i can sacrifice, only because your opinion of me means nothing.

{in my heart i know i hold this in my head} 4.27

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s of the first, I will no longer accept invitations from people of color.” the man standing at the corner was screaming this through a paper towel holder. it boycott |boi-kät| made me wonder. where is our racism held? verb [ trans. ]
withdraw from commercial or social relations with (a country, organization, or person) as a punishment or protest. • refuse to buy or handle (goods) as a punishment or protest. • refuse to cooperate with or participate in (a policy or event). noun a punitive ban that forbids relations with other bodies, cooperation with a policy, or the handling of goods.
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The river. It is absorbing. Dissolving. All misdeeds and misunderstandings are washed away. I wish I could pocket it. I wish my veins were made of rivers. Not of great magnitude. Just the same beauty. Where they reflect the sky. And the shore. And the beauty of those that reflected in it. The river. It is absorbing. Dissolving. All misdeeds and misunderstandings are washed away. I wish I could pocket it. I wish my veins were made of rivers. Not of great magnitude. Just the same beauty. Where they reflect the sky. And the shore. And the beauty of those that reflected in it. The river. It is absorbing. Dissolving. All misdeeds and misunderstandings are washed away. I wish I “hey, kid. dont you could pocket it. I wish know anything about the hu- my veins were made man dialogue and the of rivers. Not of great representation it ceases magnitude. Just the same beauty. Where to our freedom?” they reflect the sky. the kid lit a cigarette and in a direct tone that seemed filtered through conviction, And the shore. And was actually conflicted. with a dip in a bucket of immaturity, he yelled out. the beauty of those that “fuck you old man. reflected in it. The river. It is absorbing. Dissolving. All misdeeds and misunderstandings are washed away. I wish I could pocket it. I wish my veins were made of rivers. Not of great magnitude. Just the same beauty. Where they reflect the sky. And the shore. And the beauty of those that reflected in it. The river. It is absorbing. Dissolving. All misdeeds and misunderstandings are washed away. I wish I could pocket it. I wish my veins were made of rivers. Not of great magnitude. Just the same beauty. Where they reflect the sky. And the shore. And the beauty of those that reflected in it. this is not the end maybe.

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today started late as most days do these days. a shutter of my eye. a drawn out stretch and i fall back asleep for another hour or so before being jarred by the world asking my presence. at most points, the first hour before i get up. comfort is seen in finding the reasons that make it worth the efforts. nothing stands pressing. and most of the aches and desires i have to keep my complacent rest are far less apparent and confining then the aches and pressures i have to face with getting up. while the first, and only phone call of

the day is about rent and how it will be payed on time. the responsibilty is shifted. i have to not stress over the fact that the internet bill will not be paid on time. what is twenty dollars to me, when i dont have twenty dollars myself. this jult. serves as an initiative. i make it my purpose. anything that takes enough of the sleep away is garunteeing less work i have to put forth to me finding the desire to start. an hour and a half is a short time when it is timed. taken up by the virtual dwellings. i almost wish i got a reciept with how much of

myself is eaten by this nonventure. i honestly cant remember what i looked at that took away time that could have been spent on a casual primp for the day to come. i do know it was Mae’s fault. someone i have not talked to in seven years -in person. her post of a hole video was the lone culpret. downtown. deposit money. the odd converstaion that aids my excuse for a fight with someone i love dearly. money. i talked to otto about the money. me not having any and his responsiblty to not

make me feel an ass for the situation i put him in. much to his regard. i repsect the man. waiting five years for the idea of me to manifest. and now after nine months. for the first time in his life his money is not his own. the corner is stark. and tenth. i eat my yogurt on the bench on the corner watching the passing of trolleys. a man purchases a ticket at the living room movie theatre. a girl with the same oxfords as me crosses the

and the me slightly. last one we have is not because i want to a nice blend from (oh you say hello, but because i dont are noticing my forearm tattoo want to. and i know them. of an espresso cup and two i look away. spoons crossed below, so you why are we doing this. in no know that when i say) the last point do i feel undermined one is from el salvador you intellectually or socially or by know that i am not talking out experience. not when i do not my ass.” know Pound or remember what “mmmm.” Methusalah is. i feel comfort, “oh i think i will have the el for how you look at me like i salvador one (not because matter. you know i matter. your it was the last one and the flowing hair with its strands only one i can remember but of gray. the beard you call because) the one before that graying, but i am not close i tried. and if i were enough to notice, because it is to ask not where it is not relevant for me to care. from, cause if i cared you are a soft-toned speaker if this was print this would be a sticker about where it was and this is intriguing. the world from i might have to ask could never hate you. talk. how the workers were talk. talk. thats what we do for treated, but what it taste four hours. and at no place do street. a bicyclist avoids hitting like, we might start to have a we get bored. at no time do we a young girl. a couple worth pointed converstaion about my think to stop until while you use not mentioning and the ora of a purchase of your coffee” the restroom, i notice they are standard american city. “sir, for you” closing. i think i am a half hour early. “i think that one sounds good.” i have a list of reason why but i think that is him sitting in oh i like (reasons the corner. drip, relevant i have never been stung they have changed the takes to the by a bee... JINX. atmosphere of this cafe. it feels twice as moment like it grew up and pretentious. long and we pointed this whole side of town is that. it looks out the yes but at the same time like they lack of “these paintings are candid of care. sexual tension)i dont think we Andy Warthol in his later days” i dont think i need them to care could stop talking. i think you “all of them?” about the coffee more for me. give me enough to know you my point. i care about coffee. with, that i do not need to know your point is taken. i care about it when i havent you more. your hair would get “ill get your coffee, you got mine had it and feel i need it. caught in my eyes if you were last time” - there are all these things over me if i was looking up at “oh thanks, exciting” we talk about in writing. and you. i am young. i think you “we have the this one from this more what it may mean. what would envelope me with your part of the world and this one it means when you take out calm. i think maybe, because i from this place you have never an “and” replace it with space. am home now. and i am thinking heard of. this one is from brazil, with periods. with grammitcal about it (stop) my partner is the largest farm there and easy pause. i wonder what you were laying next to me and i am for you to remember the name really trying to say in your piece going to try this romanitc notion cause it is brazil i mean you and i notice that the person on him. where it may be lost know brazil... right? walking by has distracted on us. i know it wouldnt be with you.

end of this thime... want to read. no. found image: front page. personal title: she waits for it. second page: dont tell him this picture is here. not sure what terms we are on. secondandahalf: i made those clouds exist. third page: both images found during a long night getting lost in the connections of people i do not know on facebook. friends of friends are creeps. maybe they (as in they not me but the people who may have a deeper relationship to these images) knew someone in austin. thirdandahalf page would be not my flowers, but the picture of them, is mine. page four holds no value. make of it what you will. fourandahalf page holds no lie. last but not least. everything written is in fact not fact and i do enjoy my time spent eating. all home no farewell. rubinamartini.com

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