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Introduction to Meum Apologia

I know from the start of using Facebook and making friends and loosing friends;
people have said I talk to much; which is a shocker; because when you talk on fa
cebook; you write. I don’t hardly speak at all; just ask my personal friends who
grew up with me and gone to school with me.
I do like to write and once I started to learn the Faith from the great books of
Augustine, Jerome, Aquinas, Cardinal Ratzinger; Pope Benedict XVI, Gregory the
Great, All the Church Fathers and I would consider Pope Benedict XVI a student o
f the Church Fathers and a new Church Father; for starting up the idea of Venera
ble Pope John Paul II; New Re-evangelism of the West and the other cultures that
need the Gospel re-taught to them.
I have come to love Cardinal Newman; I’ve only read one sermon of his and that was
enough; the sermon is called: Second Spring. It is about the Church coming bac
k to England and starts off when the Church left and how it left; but everything
starts to develop in the sermon and you finally understand why the sermon is ca
lled Second Spring; the Second Spring time of the Church; the Return of Catholic
England. We all pray for that day to come and also for the ending of the split
; so the Church can breath as One again with Her other lung.
I have called this new section of work My Apologia; because I want to say I’m sorr
y to those I’ve hurt by writing too much and nearly addicted to; if you are still
on my friend’s list and you have gone through this; I am deeply sorry and have con
fessed it over and over in the confessional every two weeks or less.
In college and in high school; even through middle school and grade school; I ne
ver could write well; until I asked the Holy Spirit one night laying in bed to h
elp me write better. I do believe He has helped and only if I prayed to Him soo
ner but God didn’t want it to happen until that moment; if God wanted me to write
like I do now; He would of gave me the hint to pray to the Holy Spirit back then
Now, it has costed me friendships left and right; because I never seem to run ou
t of things to write on or to say when I write. I know I must have drived them
nuts and up the wall and that is why they told me to stop and write only every o
ther week or month; which I tried to do.
But I wanted to write and so I wrote; some works were called introduction to pre
-theology or some that reached the soul. I do not know if the new works are any
good; some have comments saying so and others sound like German or Polish was m
y first lanuage and not English; depending how well I’m feeling or if I am tired;
I will write and it will sound Eastern European.
So far no priest has corrected me; but followed me on all my writings; which is
a good sign; but I hope they try to follow the different spiritualities in my wr
itings from Carmelite, Augustine, Benedictine, Franciscan, even you could say Ma
rian and Passionists. I welcome any correction; because it will be a great work
of humility.
Being told I write too much; is also a great work in humility; which everyone; i
ncluding myself needs to work on. For those who have been hurt or bombarded wit
h me writing in messages or anything; I ask for your forgiveness and prayers.
I thank you for your prayers and forgiveness; may your prayers help me to learn
and live a virtuous life of humility.

Chapter One

Why Be Catholic?

Why should we be Catholic?

It sounds hard being a Catholic; all these rules and demands you must do in orde
r to make God happy.
No, God is happy; He wants us to be happy; which means we follow the rules and b
e filled with joy from Heaven. All the rules we have to follow; helps us learn
to love God in the right way and also to love our neighbor as ourself.
If we do not love ourself; then how could we love our neighbor? We can’t and it s
hows today; all the abortions taking place and homo-sexual union fights; everyth
ing; because we do not love ourself as God wants us to love. Every single act o
f sin in the world today is from us not loving ourself first and then our neighb
To be Catholic means more than to follow rules or guide lines; it’s almost a way o
f life. To be Catholic means to be a family; to have a family; with all the 1 b
illion members on earth and all those in Heaven and Purgatory. One big family.
We have rules from a loving Father; who wants us to be with Him in Heaven. Jesu
s gave us food and drink; which we partake of everytime we go to Mass; His body
and blood.
In the time of the Protestants; John Calvin called those who are Catholic in the
west; Roman Catholics and started to call us The Roman Catholic Church. But th
e name or word Catholic means; Universal. There is One Church; but many Rites.
All the Rites have something in common; the Divine Liturgy; the Holy Mass or Ho
ly Sacrifice of the Mass. Those who are in the West are called the Roman Rite.
Even the Eastern Rites are now in the West for us to experience; all Catholics a
re welcome to go to the different Rites for Sunday Mass or any Mass.
In all the Rites; all seven Sacraments are vaild. Which means you need the pri
esthood founded by Jesus Christ; only the Orthodox has the other vaild priesthoo
d and Sacraments.
So, Why Be Catholic? Because you have the fullness of Truth; you are in one big
family; your brothers and sisters are saints in heaven and on earth. Mary is o
ur Mother and we have the One True God to worship.
We have the great Sacraments which give us a share in Divine Life; the Eucharist
, Baptism and Confession; when we mess up; we go to Confession; which I love to
do and glad I can go every two weeks or even week and five days if I need to. T
o feel that peaceful feeling re-enter you and surround you; so that you know; yo
ur sins are forgiven.
That is why we should be Catholic. Yes, it is difficult to be Catholic in a un-
godly world; but that is our job; be the Light for the World to bring God back i
nto the World.
The world is not to love us; they are to hate us, kill us, lock us up. We as fo
llowers of Christ; we bring Him back into the world through our examples and if
need to; we shall teach our faith through words.


Chapter Two

Why Did I Remain a Catholic?

Back in college before I got hurt; you could say I had girls hanging around me;
was it because I was good at football; I would say so; a guy who wanted to play
football and then playing football after school with the college football player
s. What a experience; going against the national champion Junior College footba
ll team.
Their big but skinny defensive tackle would be a linebacker and I would be a tig
ht end; this was on a cement basketball court with all the lines. My roommate w
as the quarter back; I ran a come back route right at the out of bounds lines; c
aught the ball with my finger tips and two feet in bounds.
Did that a lot actually; the football guys were amazed and saying I should try o
ut next year; because they saw my drive to be the best. I’m sure those girls woul
d of asked me out or maybe I would of asked them; but I didn’t. I knew they were
using me as a object. Once I got hurt; only one asked me almost every day if I
was doing better or how I was; I knew I had a friend and didn’t want to mess anyth
ing up.
I came home because of my best friend’s brother’s death; a week before Christmas. I
made a choice to stay home and go to college where I live; incase anything happ
ens; I will be close by. I still had my contacts I made back in college; girls
out of state; even out of the country; bahamas. One of them said I should try a
Southern Baptist service; I knew if I stepped into one of their churches; they
would eat me a live; for being a Catholic.
My new roommate actually listened to me when I had too much to drink and told my
best friend I wasn’t Catholic anymore. I told him; “you should never listen to me
when I’m drunk.” After college still living a Pagan Life style for a while and met
a girl on myspace. She was one of those Church of Christ protestants; she wante
d me to be with her for ever. I almost left the True Church of Christ; but afte
r a few confessions and a mother’s gentle hand giving me a book, Rediscovering Cat
holicism; it lighted my soul on fire; it brought back a long distance memory fro
m when I was six years old; when the Lord used a priest to ask me if I wanted to
become a priest.
What kept me in the Church was God Himself using different people; my mom and Go
d using a book to re-light my soul on fire for Him. Plus the Mass, the Eucharis
t and most of all; confession and the Blessed Mother.
If you love the Catholic Faith; then you love History; because we have a lot of
history to find out how the Church started, where and how many rites. Just a be
autiful faith we have; it’s not centered on the people but on God Himself and it’s a
eternal faith; it can never die or be destroyed.

Chapter Three
The Eucharist and How Jesus helped to keep me Catholic

First, let us talk on the Eucharist and find out what is the Eucharist?
The Eucharist is the body, blood, soul and divinity of Jesus Christ. It’s His bod
y and blood that He talked and teached about in the Gospel According to St. John
How can the bread at Mass and the wine become the body and blood of Jesus Christ
? Well, Jesus is Divine; which means He can go through time; because time has n
o hold on Him. He went forward in time a few hours to where He was on the cross
; where He gave Himself for us as the ransom to free us from the bonds of the de
vil. So, Jesus brought His body that was on the cross to the altar or the table
of the Last Supper; the bread became His body. The same with His blood and the
wine became His blood.
The Eucharist is the body and blood of Jesus Christ; the food that nourishes our

Now on the Eucharist and How Jesus helped to keep me in the Church:
Galatians 3:1 “O stupid Galatians! Who has bewitched you, before whose eyes Jesus
Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified?”
In this Scripture we see Paul correcting the Galatians harshly; because they are
loosing their faith and loosing their reverence of the Mass. They were not the
re when Jesus was killed; but they are there when Jesus is publicly pictured as
Crucified in the Mass.
The Mass kept me Catholic; because Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist and w
hen the Sacrifice of the Mass is celebrated; Jesus is publicly shown as crucifie
d and that you can’t get in Protestantism.
Every first Friday and every Lent; Jesus is exposed on the altar in the flesh; s
o everyone can see Him and He can see us. Going to pray at the church; He is th
ere body and soul in the Tabernacle.
Learning what you can to love Jesus more in the Eucharist; opens my eyes and mak
es me cry when I see immodest dress; a rush job Mass. Not caring for the crumbs
of Jesus; each crumb is Jesus. Reading and watching Padre Pio’s last Mass makes
your heart nearly explode; for the love and reverence he has for Jesus in the Eu
I love the Eucharist; just spending a hour every First Friday almost doesn’t cut t
he time I want to spend with Jesus; even if I’m worn out; I could spend two hours
with Him; if parents allows it. I love Jesus in the Eucharist.
“O most sacred, most loving heart of Jesus, thou art concealed in the Holy Euchari
st, and thou beatest for us still…. Thou art the heart of the Most High made man…. T
hy Sacred Heart is the instrument and organ of Thy love. It did beat for us. It
yearned for us. It ached for our salvation. It was on fire through zeal, that th
e glory of God might be manifested in and by us…. In worshipping thee I worship my
incarnate God, my Emmanuel,”
- John Henry Cardinal Newman
“A cloud of incense was rising on high; the people suddenly all bowed low; what co
uld it mean? The truth flashed on him, fearfully yet sweetly; it was the Blessed
Sacrament — it was the Lord Incarnate who was on the altar, who had come to visit
and bless his people. It was the Great Presence, which makes a Catholic Church
different from every other place in the world; which makes it, as no other place
can be — holy.”
- John Henry Cardinal Newman, Loss and Gain: The Story of a Convert

I wanted to share some qoutes by Cardinal Newman on the Eucharist to help educat
e people on the Eucharist.

God bless

Chapter Four

How Confessions Plays a role in my life

Without the Sacrament of Confession; I could not receive Jesus in the Eucharist;
no Catholic could.
But, Confession has been part of my life; started out once in a while before I t
old the bishop my answer to the question I was asked when I was six.
Then it went to One Month for confession; which is very good time table; but now
I go to Confession every two weeks; but I went 1 week and 5 days; which helped

But why go to Confession to a priest?

Yes, a priest is just a normal man. But, what we do not see is that Jesus is tr
uly on the other side of the screen in the person of that priest. If there is n
o other means of Confession and you have been hurt in a serious accident and you
r time is limited; tell God your sins personally; until a priest arrives to the
To make this point even more; let us turn to Sacred Scripture.

Gospel According to St. John 20:19-23

“On the evening of that first day of the week, when the doors were locked, where t
he disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and
said to them, “Peace be with you.”
When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. The disciples rejo
iced when they saw the Lord. (Jesus) said to them again, “Peace be with you. As th
e Father has sent me, so I send you.”
And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the holy
Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are

Confession is where we are in a way judged but after we confess our sins to Jesu
s through the priest; we receive forgiveness; our soul is raised to life once ag
ain and we feel and take part of God’s Mercy and the share of Divine Life that we
receive in Confession.
I love Confession; yes it scares you but in a good way; because it humbles you.
You are standing out side praying and preparing and then the door opens up and y
ou shut the door right behind you; it makes a sound as if it made a air tight fi
Then you kneel before God Himself who works through the priest.
Through Confession; our soul is cleansed through the Blood of the Lamb; made whi
te as the Lamb’s fur.
Our souls enters dead but then is raised to new life with the words of Love and
Mercy, “I absolve you of your sins; In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit
.” Beautiful and wonderful words.
To love going to Confession is to love God fully; because you want to remain pur
e and free from all sin and keep the share in Divine Life.
May God help you to come back to Confession and repent of all your sins; so you
may receive Jesus in the Eucharist.

God Bless
Chapter Five

On the Holy Mass

Galatians 3:1
“O stupid Galatians! Who has bewitched you, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was pub
licly portrayed as crucified?”
1 Corinthians 11:23-26
“For I received from the Lord what I also handed on to you, that the Lord Jesus, o
n the night he was handed over, took bread, and, after he had given thanks, brok
e it and said, “This is my body that is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.”
In the same way also the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant
in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.”
For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the death of
the Lord until he comes.”

The Holy Mass; Sanctus Missa.

What a wonderful event. It is not a service as Protestants say or Catholics who
have become secular and say it’s a service. The Holy Mass is a Sacrifice.
The Holy Sacrifice; the Holy Mass; is just wonderful. Padre Pio said, “you should
feel as if you are on Calvary.” Which means no joy, no messing around; but we st
are and adore Jesus on the Cross; but we feel sorrow as we witness Jesus’ death.
But in the same time at Mass; we start at Calvary but we end at the tomb and Jes
us is risen. We go from total sorrow from witnessing our Lord’s death and go to t
he joy Mary had; which is not earthly joy that is here for a bit and then is gon
e; but the joy the Apostles, Mary and the other disciples had for their entire l
ife spreading the Gospel; taking the punishments and even up to the last second
of their life when they were martyred. That is the Joy I am talking about.
It is sad to see people enter the church for Mass; grumpy and exit grumpy and fi
ghting with the family. Why does this happen? Because they do not prepare for
Mass; they have to pray prayers like the priest does to prepare themselves for M
If the parents argue and yell a lot; you are asking for trouble; because what th
e kids see the parents do; the kids become angry and grumpy like the parents.
Parents are the first ones to take responsiblities for their actions; No family
should be angry all the time and it will trickle down to the kids and then the p
arents wonder why they get yelled at by the kids; the kids are the great imitato
rs; all the kids in world could win a Oscar award or Emmy Award for their acting
; because it’s spot on to how the parents act around the children or if the childr
en can hear the parents.
If parents would spend less time arguing and more time praying; being a great ex
ample for the children; those children will be living a holy life; the parents w
ould be living a model life that is given by the Holy Family. Which all familie
s are to do.
Yes getting angry is human nature; there is pro-anger; which Christ showed by ge
tting the tax collectors, money changers, the animal sellers out of the temple.
Then negative anger; which is losing your temper for no reason and taking it ou
t on someone else or causing a argument.
If your dad is involved with porn and you let your anger out; that is justified
anger or pro-anger; which Jesus shown in the temple; to clean up the mess. Or a
ny other immoral activity; let the Lion of the Holy Spirit speak and Mother Ange
lica gave it a name, “Yell Theology.”
Now, if parents would take the children to Mass early; not twenty minutes early
but an hour early; so they can go to Confession, say the prayers to prepare your
self for the Mass and then spend the rest of the time in Adoration with Jesus.
This is so beautiful; because I do this. You should make it a practice to go to
confession every two weeks; I go before Mass; to make sure I am pure and clean
to receive Jesus. Also to strengthen my soul incase there is a immodest dresser
; I can keep my eyes on Jesus. My last confession was a week and five days. Co
nfession is there for us to prepare ourself for Mass.
With the Mass and with a pure and clean soul; you take part in the heavenly rejo
icing; by being clean and then receiving Jesus’ body and blood in the Eucharist an
d even drinking the Precious blood.
This is why we must prepare ourself for Mass; because we take part in the Holy S
acrifice of the Mass; we have our own roles.
Now, what if someone says they don’t get anything out of Mass?
Well, that is easy; what do you put into the Mass? Nothing. If you put nothing
into Mass; you receive nothing and nothing happens; you aren’t changed. Yes, ev
eryone receives Sanctifying Grace from the Eucharist and Precious Blood; if you
have sin on your soul; you receive tiny amounts; if you are clean from sin becau
se of Confession; you receive great amounts. But, you; yourself; must put effor
t into the Mass; so you receive everything; all the graces given.
If you do not prepare for Mass; you will remain the same grumpy self. If you pr
epare well; then you will receive all the graces; if you prepare poorly; then it’s
as if you didn’t prepare at all.
Prepare yourself for Holy Mass; check your conscience, go to Confession, spend t
he extra hour in silent adoration. Dress modestly, act properly, if your young
child asks a question on the Mass; instruct them on the fullness of the Faith; n
ot the watered down secular style of faith people live by today.
Leave your purse in the car or at home, same with a cell phone; unless there is
a emergency; but put the phone on vibrate; if the vibrate is silent and not loud
. The parent incharge must keep the phone at all times if it is emergency; so t
he kids do not text or anything.
Prepare everything ahead of time; wake up early.
Once you prepare yourself properly; the Mass will come alive for you and you wil
l see what Padre Pio was talking about.

God bless
Chapter Six

On God’s Mercy and Forgiveness

Gospel According to St. John 21:15-17
“When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, d
o you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you
.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.”He then said to him a second time, “Simon, son of Joh
n, do you love me?”
He said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.”
He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was distr
essed that he had said to him a third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lor
d, you know everything; you know that I love you.” (Jesus) said to him, “Feed my she
The Writing
I chose this passage to show God’s Mercy and forgiveness that Jesus shown to Peter
when Peter denied Jesus three times and so Jesus asked Peter three times if he
loved Him.
Jesus asks us these questions to see if we Love Him still. When we go to confes
sion; we are shown mercy and given forgiveness; sometimes not all at once but we
are shown mercy; but the forgiveness we must earn if the priest says not yet.
I know from experience when I came back from that un-godly life style from colle
ge; going to confession was hard and I had to prepare and to make sure I was rea
dy; just like Fr. Corapi; no one pressured me but I knew it was time and wow the
feeling of forgiveness and God’s Mercy was wonderful; there are no words to expla
in it.
Yes my sins kept sneaking back and I kept going to confession on a three to two
month time frame; after a while I started to feel that freedom from those sins;
which is like you are liberated.
When the doctor told me I had LT and needed the shots to bring up the level from
the unsafe level for a man; everything was ok; but when we got different bottle
s of a little different style testatrone; the side effects; Puberty.
Then I started to fall once again and it became hard; once I found out confessio
n was given every Sunday at Mass down the road from my house. I started out goi
ng every two weeks. Which is wonderful.
Going every two weeks you can feel God’s Mercy and forgiveness and know God’s Mercy
forgives and washes away all sin. Peter started to weep because he denied Jesu
s and then he went to Mary; the best thing anyone could of done; if Judas would
of done this; she would of shown him compassion and lead him to her Son.
Because the sin of Judas is not bigger than God’s Mercy. Also, we do not know wha
t he said when the last moment of his life was done; all he could of said was, “Lo
rd Have Mercy on me.” and that would of been enough. So, we do not know if Judas
is in Heaven, hell or Purgatory.
God’s Mercy and Forgiveness gives us hope of being in Heaven when we die. But we
have to ask for God’s Mercy and Forgiveness; we must humble ourself to receive His
Mercy and Forgiveness in Confession.
Do not be afraid to go to Him; His anger lasts only a moment but His Mercy and F
orgiveness lasts for all eternity.

God bless

Chapter Seven

Marian Spirituality

Our Blessed Mother and the Rosary played and is playing a great role in my life;
I pray the Rosary every day; sometimes two to three times a day. When I first
started after you could say my re-vert to the Catholic Faith; I prayed the Rosar
y seven-teen times a day; one time I got to twenty; but twenty was a little hard
for me.
On EWTN at six-thirty am there is morning Rosary, then at ten-thirty mid-morning
Rosary and Angelus prayer. Then I usually say a afternoon Rosary and at eight-
thirty pm; there is the final Rosary of the day.
Mary shows us the way to her Son; Jesus. She does not distract us or take away
us from her Son; but the opposite; she is like the highway to her Son; without t
he road work.
Once we get to Jesus and start living a life to get to Heaven; then the road wor
k and detours begin. The road to heaven is a mess and expect the traffic to be
backed up and going through the detours.
Now, why pray the Rosary?
When we pray the Rosary; we pray the Gospels; the life of Christ; we pray the Go
od News; who is the Good News? Jesus. We pray Jesus. Yes we go through Mary b
ut she brings us to her Son or she goes to her Son on our behalf.
Let us take on the main problem from Protestants: “Where in the bible does it say
we have to pray to Mary and where is the Hail Mary prayer you say over and over?”
Well, Mary intercedes for the Wedding party at Cana; that is a prayer for her in
tercession and second the Gospel According to St. Luke.
I am sure this right here won’t help stop the bickering; so I must show the Script
ure to prove this.
Luke 1:28 “Hail Full of Grace! The Lord is with thee” Luke 1:42 “”Most blessed are you
among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb.”
John 2:1-5
“On the third day there was a wedding 2 in Cana 3 in Galilee, and the mother of Je
sus was there.
Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the wedding. When the wine ran shor
t, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.”
(And) Jesus said to her, “Woman, how does your concern affect me? My hour has not
yet come.” His mother said to the servers, “Do whatever he tells you.”

The Hail Mary is in Scripture and so is going to Mary for her intercession and y
ou see that she doesn’t mess with it but takes it to her Son and her Son takes car
e of it.

The Rosary is powerful; if you pray the Rosary prayerfully and reverently; with
the Rosary through the intercession of Mary to her Son; we can save souls; we ca
n fix the world.

With the Rosary I think it was that Christian Europe was protected against the M
uslims from the east and with the Rosary we won a major sea battle.
To read Scripture is great but to pray Scripture is even better; you meditate on
Scripture; each mystery of the Rosary is part of the Life of Christ and the fin
al moments of Mary on earth and brough to Heaven and crowned Queen of Heaven and

Mary is the Queen Mother and our Mother and Queen as well. She does not sit and
do nothing but she takes care of the Kingdom and the people; if the people come
s to her; she brings the cases to her Son; the King. That is what Mary does.
God bless

Chapter Eight
Franciscan Spirituality

In this chapter Marian Spirituality continues; because St. Francis has a great l
ove for the Blessed Mother and the devotion on the Passion and the Cross. But w
e do not know if St. Francis started the devotion or the Cistercian monk; St. Be
Let us keep going on the Marian Spirituality; because there is another Spiritual
ity that only focuses on the Passion.
It is believed that Jesus when He rose from the dead; came to His mother first;
which I would think would be proper; to go show His mom that He is ok and alive.
I know if God would bring me back from the dead for some reason; my first stop w
ould be to mommy and comfort her and get some clothes too.
I love this tradition; because it makes sense; a good jewish boy would visit his
mother after a accident and she would take care of it.
With this came the Franciscan Crown; Seven joys and Seven Sorrows of Mary.
When we pray the Franciscan Crown; we see all the events through the eyes of Mar
St. Francis at Christmas time started the first Christmas Nativity or Cresch; ho
pe I spelled it right; he started one with real people and St. Clare could not g
o to the Basilica to see this; but the wall in her cell went away and she was th
ere in the Basilica; and never left her room; because she was ill. She saw ever
ything. This is why she is the patron of tv networks.
Franciscan Spirituality is the love of the Blessed Mother, the Christ child cres
ch and the Holy Eucharist.
Also the love of the Crucified Lord. It all started with the Crucified Lord tel
ling St. Francis to “Rebuild My Church.”

How can I live a Franciscan Spirituality?

You must live a simple life and a prayerful life. St. Francis always preached t
o the people but sometimes he used words. Live your faith by action and if some
one asks you a question; then use words. To be simple does not mean put on the
clothing of a begger.
But to live a simple is not to have everything in the world; live with the thing
s you need to live, nice modest clothing, shoes, food, drink, one computer, one
tv; get one of those dvd/vcr combos; few movies, a bed and smell good.
To live simple is not to buy everything that is new or everything you want; you
must make Sacrifices by living without new products or extra stuff.
Learn to love silence and prayer to contemplate on God.
I don’t know or even remember when St. Francis and his brothers settled in at a fr
iary but I know St. Francis gave St. Clare and her sisters the newly rebuilt by
hand church by St. Francis where Jesus talked to him. The Poor Clares were star
After watching the movie St. Francis and also watching Padre Pio; made me love t
he life style. The life style of living simple and in poverty; wearing the clot
hes of a begger. I also love the Cistercian and Benedictine way of life too; I
like the old traditional monastic way of life; if you read the Rule of St. Bened
ict and read the rule of St. Francis; it’s just amazing.
But there are those who live the life as a hersey. I remember a so called, “Poor
Claire nun” on facebook said they follow the rule of St. Augustine but are Francis
cans; they live together with the friars.
Which is not following any rules of Monastic life; because one didn’t want to caus
e temptations of the flesh between the men and women. That is why St. Francis a
nd the brothers stayed away for long periods of time and allowed Claire and her
sisters to grow closer to God.
Every once and while St. Francis would come and teach the sisters.
St. Francis and Claire were models on living poverty, obedience and remain celeb
ate and chaste. Which we all should come to love and learn how to follow them.

Because they followed Mary and she was the best follower of her Son.
God bless

Chapter Nine
On the Passionist Spirituality

The Passionists contemplate on one thing; the Passion and death of Christ. Well
, so do I. I’ve written many things on the Passion, the Cross and His tears. All
to do with contemplating on Him.
This Spirituality is also in the Franciscan Spirituality; but some aren’t for sure
. But, If it is; then you could say everything is connected.
Why a Devotion to the Passion and Death of Jesus Christ?
To have a devotion to the Passion and Death of Jesus Christ is to come to know H
is love for us and how we are to love one another through the example of Jesus C
It is so awe and inspiring to understand that God went through it all in the ga
rden; regarding to sorrow and felt the worse of it; for us and be a example for
us that He went through it and knows what it means to enter into great sorrow an
d to feel that great weight upon our shoulders.
With the devotion to the Passion of Christ; you are strengthened in all your wor
ries, troubles, pains, bruises, whatever; because He went through it all first.
It gives great comfort to know you are not alone in times of struggles, sorrow o
r fear; because Jesus went through it all.
To love the Passion of Christ; is to unite my sufferings to Him in His Passion a
nd death. To do this is to turn the sufferings into graces for those who need th
e graces for strength or courage or anything in God’s Will.
To unite ourself to the Passion; is what Mary did on the way of the cross and at
the foot of the cross; she united her sorrow with her Son’s; because all the grac
es come through Mary but come from God. Mary helps us to receive the graces; so
they are safe to handle.
In times of temptations; I either call on my guardian angel to beat it back and
away from me or I make the temptations suffer; I give it to Jesus in the Passion
and boom; no more temptation and Jesus comforts you but also gives you the stre
ngth you need to fight off the temptations; with His help.
Through the Passion of Christ; we truly see what is taking place at Mass on the
altar of sacrifice. The blood and water gushing forth from His side; He being ra
ised up on the Cross for us; is when Jesus through the priest raises up the host
which becomes Jesus’ body and the same happens when the chalice is raised. You se
e what is literally happening at the Mass every day.

What were Jesus’ tears for?

The wonderful part of the Passion; is the tears Jesus shed for us.
When did Jesus’ cry for us? He cried for us in the garden; because of our sins, I’m
sure He cried at the Pillar and we know He cried when those nails are being drov
e through His hands and feet.
With the tears of Christ; those were His greatest prayers for us; so we may go t
o confession and enter into the share of the divine life and share that with oth
ers and bring them closer to Christ.
St. Augustine’s mom; St. Monica; prayed her greatest prayers for twenty years; her
tears converted her son; plus with the help of St. Ambrose and his sermon at Ma
Our tears; are united to Christ; because when Christ wept; He was weeping for us
; He wanted us to love Him and He gave His all and died for us; because He loved
us so much.
He loved us more than we could ever understand; the greatest love a friend has f
or a friend; is to lay down his or her own life for them.
The tears of Christ; speaks a thousand words; every word describes His love for
us. Why do we think tears are always when we are sad and not prayers for those w
e love dearly?
Because we are too complicated and God is so simple; that is why our minds can’t e
ven wrap around God in His entire Self.
We have proofs of God; we have them where we are; we can see them, hear them, to
uch them; but as Jesus said, “Blessed are those who believe but do not see.”
We have faith in God; yet we can’t see to believe in God but our faith comes from
God; so we trust God is there and won’t leave us; because He won’t; because we need
Him to do everything.
He knows everything we do; even the sinful.
When we cry and shed tears; use them to forgive that person who made you cry. Je
sus sure did and plus He said it; even though it was hard for Him to speak.
If you can’t speak right a way; but are crying; use those tears to speak to God an
d forgive those who hurt you.

Hey, what about His cross?

“The cross is love.” St. Teresa of Avila

Let us talk on the Cross. I have listed the topic on this writing, “The cross is l
ove.” St. Teresa of Avila.
Back when God created everything and Man and Woman fell from the grace of God; t
he share of Divine Life. God had in the plans from the start of redemption; beca
use God knows all and it was the test He gave the Angels. Those Angels who said,
“I will not serve that man who is God.”
God knew He had to redeem us; why did He chose to become Man and die on the cros
s? God could of snapped His fingers and everything would of been made perfect ag
ain; but God chose to humble Himself to walk among us, to experience all the har
dships we suffer; to become close to us; so we won’t feel all alone and that God w
ill know what we go through.
Jesus; the God-Man; in the Passion; He was tested in the garden and felt all the
sorrow; as we see in the movie; Satan; tested Him in the garden. God the Father
sent Jesus a angel to comfort Him and to strengthen Him. Jesus passed the Test
and Remained faithful to the Father and stomped the head of the snake in that mo
Jesus started off better than Adam did in the Garden of Eden; Jesus beat off the
temptation to give up the chalice of suffering given by the Father. Jesus praye
d; His face transformed and the Apostles could see the fear and sorrow in His fa
ce. A while before at the Sermon on the Mount; Jesus gave the doctrine of what i
t means to be a follower; “Whoever wants to follow Me, you must deny yourself, pic
k up your cross and carry it daily.”
What does Jesus mean to deny ourself? St. John the Bapist in the Jordan said it
wonderfully: “I must decrease and the Lord must increase.” We are to decrease, die t
o the world and let the Lord increase in our life and in the world around us.
Now, in the garden; Jesus wanted the Father to be glorified through Him and to l
et the Father’s Will be done. To have the Father’s Will be done; meant the Son dying
for us and redeeming us from our sins and eternal death. Through this Jesus all
owed Himself to be taken like a lamb; so innocent and pure through the judgement
; as the lamb was checked out to see if it is pure and when was found out to be
pure; Jesus was silent and always at prayer.
Finally, Jesus accepted His cross with love. He embraced the cross and accepted
it freely. But to see Jesus’ cross; we must see everything that is given to us in
Scripture. Which would be when He was born in that cold cave on that early Chris
tmas morning. Followed by the leaving early to go to Egypt to be kept from being
His life which is given in Scripture; showed the start of His mission and His cr
oss. He embraced everything in a gentle nature; even when He whipped the money c
hangers and tax collectors and traders; to remove them from the temple; to resto
re the House of His Father.
His cross was designed by the Father; so He could handle it God gives us our cro
sses; but they are designed so we can carry the Cross but not get wore out. If t
he Cross seems too much; we can ask God to help us or take away some of the cros
When Jesus accepted the cross with love; He gave us the way to accept our cross;
by accepting it and embracing it with Love. The Way of the Cross; Jesus showed
us the Love of the Cross. With the cross bars of the Cross; where the arms reach
out; this is where the Love comes from. Is there a ending to the cross bars?
No. They are never ending; it is the picture of God’s Mercy; His Mercy never ends.
The Cross is Love; because the cross-bars reach out as a hug welcoming us home;
welcoming those sinners who repent home. This is the Cross and it is Love.

I could not come up with new words and so I think God was saying, “you have alread
y written on this; just use the words you already have.”
God bless

Chapter Ten

St. Augustine Spirituality

What do I mean St. Augustine Spirituality?

His greatest Spiritual Work is his Confessions. His entire Confessions is one b
ig prayer from page one to the end. Right on page one is this, “our hearts are re
stless until they rest in Thee O Lord.”
What does that mean our hearts are restless until they rest in God?
Our hearts are restless; they get no rest or comfort from anyone else’s heart; bec
ause we are human. We are humans and God created us.
God created us so that we may know, love and serve Him. Our hearts long to be w
ith God; even if we are full of sin. Do you remember those blocks where you hav
e to match the right shape of the blocks? Well; it’s like that; there is a hole or
space that has a shape; only God can fit into.
Now, our hearts are not complete until they rest in God. God completes us; beca
use we can rest in Him. Once we come to Him; we become fully human.
What does it mean become fully human?
To be fully human means we are to live in the Divine Life. Jesus and Mary and a
ll the saints who are in Heaven are fully human; because there is no more corrup
tion of the body.
Right now we are human but only to the point; because we have corruption in the
body because we are not in Heaven yet; on earth we have corruption and we have t
o fight to save our souls and to keep our souls clean. We see the restlessness
in our life through the corruption of sin on earth; we can not fully sleep or be
at peace.
When St. Augustine says we are restless; means we are not at peace; because true
peace comes from God and we only receive that peace when we are with Him in Hea
ven. St. Jean Marie Vianney and Padre Pio were restless too; because the devil
kept attacking them to try to get them to sin and because of all the sinners com
ing to repent.
We are not at Peace; until God has taken over our entire life; once we let Him t
ake over; we will be restless until our death and maybe for ever. We need to le
t Him come freely and take over our life so that we enter into that Peace and we
can rest in God.
God bless

Chapter Eleven

John Cardinal Henry Newman Spirituality

Blessed John Cardinal Henry Newman; started out as a Anglican priest in the Angl
ican Religious Community. He was a famous writer and then when he became a prie
st; his sermons were amazing. He started to dig into history and the further he
went; more Catholic truth he found.
He wrote many famous sermons; both as a Anglican and a Catholic priest and then
Cardinal. He wrote fifty thousand letters. He wrote a lot of great sermons and
he also wrote a book he called Apologia; where he defended the faith. I want t
o get his Apologia and read it; plus study it.
I got my idea to write My Apologia from Cardinal Newman; he wrote his to defend
the faith; mine is to witness to Catholics who are lacking and who don’t know. Ev
en witness to Protestants who are doing a false spirituality or devotion.
Cardinal Newman loved the Eucharist and is now with the Eucharist for all eterni
ty; he sees the mystery of the Eucharist in Heaven and he loves the Blessed Moth
I’ve only read one sermon: The Second Spring; it was wonderful. He showed how the
Church left England and all the hardships that came against the Catholics and al
l the deaths of the saints. The sneaking around the Catholics had to do to live
their faith. In the second half of the sermon it was on the return of the Chur
ch; the Second Spring time of the Church in England and how it starts to come ba
ck and how the government slowly accepted the Church and everyone started to com
e back. Not without hardships; but at the end; the Church was back in England.
It was a beautiful sermon and very long.
Finally his big devotion to St. Francis De Sales; who was also a Oratory Father
before he became the bishop. His picture is on the wall over the altar in Cardi
nal Newman’s rooms and the bed room turned into chapel; because a Cardinal needs a
private chapel.
Pray to Cardinal Newman; he needs one more miracle to become a saint.
May God bless you

Chapter Twelve
The Cure of Ars

He was born outside a small town in France. He lived on a farm; he took the she
ep to graze down in a valley; every day he left home with his Rosary and statue
of Mary; down there was a hallowed out tree that became the altar/shrine for Mar
He lead his friends in a small procession singing hymns to the Blessed Mother.
They said the Rosary and he gave a short sermon.
Every day he did this when he took the sheep out to graze. Not even the soldier
s knew about him doing this. He had the learning disorder where he had problems
remembering and a little slower process time on subjects except History and Soc
ial Studies.
When it came time for harvest he had to go home and help. After the harvest sea
son the French Revolutionary War broke out and all the schools and churches were
A Cistercian priest was hiding out at the Vianney house; a lot of priests were;
where Jean Vianney Sr. could be deported to the Moon many times over. But the C
istercian priest had the honor to hear young Jean Marie’s confession when he was 7
years old. Jean Marie may have never done any major sins in his life.
When he was 13, he took the classes for First Communion; which took place at a f
arm house. Outside the window was a hay trailer being loaded; because it needed
to be and also to block out the candle light of the church inside the home.
He was always a poor and not smart farm boy; even in seminary; it showed. He ne
arly didn’t get accepted to be ordained; but he passed the question portion and wa
s sent on for Holy Orders.
He practiced the life style and penance of the Desert Fathers, not much sleep, n
ot much food, lots of prayer and keeping long hour vigils. This he did in Ars t
oo. He loved Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. He dressed up the church for Jesu
s and put over the side chapel where confessions were heard: “One dance costed St.
John the Baptist his head.”
Everytime a big sinner came to repent; the devil came and made a fuss and noise
to scare St. Jean Vianney; sometimes the devil lighted the Cure of Ars’ bed on fir
e. One time he got so scared; he got the toughest towns man to keep guard in th
e church. His name was Tommy and he had a shotgun for protection.
All of a sudden the devil showed up; made terrible noises on the door, the floor
; every where; poor Tommy with a shotgun could not be brave enough to face the d
evil. Tommy ran home. I don’t know if Tommy ever returned; I’m sure he did for Mas
s and Confession.
He started up the Eucharistic Processions at night and had some way to have the
entire town hear what is taking place and the hymns and prayers. You would see
candles around the town and leading back into town to the church.
Now, it seems God has granted me the grace to live St. Jean Marie Vianney’s life.
I too have the same learning disorder but once everything is slown down; I can
understand and remember the information. I am also a poor boy living on a farm;
praying, writing, reading and talking with friends.
Sharing my knowledge on the faith with people and the love of the faith too. I
have hit a brick wall; where the bishop and vocation director sent four young me
n to the seminary who were out of state; older and the same age I was in 2008; w
ho had one year of college or none. Now at Mass last Saturday; I heard the name
s of the local guys who are younger than me; maybe the same thing; one year or t
wo of college.
A priest will tell the bishop about me and if that does something; I am not goin
g to accept it; because I’ve been hurt enough by the bishop and vocation director.
But I may have a chance to enter religious life in a year when I can fill out
the paper work and see if I get in.
His life must of been full of ups and downs; but I do not know why God wanted me
to have the same life as the Cure of Ars growing up. If you are going through
something the same; do not lose hope; trust in God.
God bless

In this I would like to thank God for everything and for St. Augustine’s intercess
For all those in Heaven helped and prayed.
With this I shall end and say, “our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee O
May this open your eyes and wake you up.
God bless