The Unicorn Factory

By Anca Sovarosi

Part 1
6—Pitfalls of modern self 10—Living in the now vs. Having in the now 13—Projections 19—Reality vs. Imagination 20—Media

Part 2
24—Dreams 26—Purpose 27—Moment that Mattered 27—Resistance to change 28—Listening to instincts 29—Risks 30—Mistakes 30—Fear & Courage 31—Value 33—Reputation 33—Perseverance

Part 3
36—The ‘One’ 38—Love 41—Relationships 44—The Unicorn Factory debunked 46—The Saviour Excuse 48—Faith in Humanity


Just Because


Actually, that’s more like it.


Part 1 “To make a dream come true, wake up.”


and not one ruling all). to trust 6 • . What we accomplish by that. to process behaviour seen in others before blindly imitating. we rationalize our way into bending ethics. knowing which parts you like to keep in your core. and most importantly. which to keep changing. whatever you want to call it. Dino-eat-Dino world forgets that animals adapt. Just because we can read it all does not mean we know it all. nurture for their offspring. mostly through imitating or experimenting. we have the highest suicide. we fuel assumptions. form societies. I’ve been fascinated by this paradox for years. they take and give from this world. other’s people wellness or even our own health. we’re social creatures. our flora is far more diverse than our fauna. and treated me accordingly. of my first tango lesson). when competition is but a smear of the becoming process of this world. dream-it-all generation. and stick to constantly changing. and stick to their ‘core’ values. we need to expand ourselves beyond it. but I have seen that extremes become unhealthy. which at human level is basic caring (‘I don’t care what your photos show. which become facts in our minds (I remember someone thinking my blog name. depression. which may grant us what we want outside society lines. I don’t think there’s a right way or a wrong way. and if we were to take a broader look at our world. that the world is a symbiosis of organisms living at once. our spiritual core? More so. or why things in society are the way they are. And yet. besides thinking we understand? We stop curiosity. we’re swimming in learned helplessness. KungFuTango.Pitfalls of modern self Here we are. sometimes with no regards to fairness. I noticed two predominant techniques of selfregulation: stagnation and constant adaptation. how are you doing today?’). Some people feel better staying within a comfortable area. Organisms coexist. do-it-all. Are plants competing more than just coexisting? Or is it a combination of both? Using evolution/competition exclusively to design and understand life is as limited as using a bi-dimensional model to explain space. but at what cost to our souls. Our minds have the capacity to reframe any moment and twist its meaning to the one that best suits our interest. are who they are. favourite actions. Legacy of university grads. was a statement about me. Self-regulation – ‘Man is not an island’. and therein our weakness & strength. Others are more comfortable knowing they can constantly ‘become’ something else. pessimism rates in history. about fighting. We became so confident on our ability to analyze. Our shiny modern self comes with pitfalls: • The competition handicap (believe it’s all a fight. and I’m anything but shy when it comes to staring the beast in the eyes. the very hub of life. that we come to think we know the reasons why people do what they do. You’d think we’d have it all. beliefs. Way too many of us default exclusively to a two-axis world. Key is balancing both. we’re the know-it-all. Knowing to trust yourself. it’s actually one of the most amazing memories. hearts.

I will become disappointed in you. We. grow a healthy crop. all of us. but the opposite. not others. the friends online. Of course. minds or hearts are in the presence of different people. our worst or our best. and we want to re-confirm our identity by people who we hang out with. The neighbours. not a singled out family unit. yet we’re not passionate enough. 7 . much better. the teacher. Most end up blaming (better said) justifying their results through life by referring to other people’s projections. We’ve started teaching our children to seek their own voices a few generations ago. like we do. I like you and I want to keep liking you. The most common example I cold see is in the girlfriends group that separates once some get married and have children and gravitate towards women with same situation. We can raise a child to discover the cure for cancer. The way we interact and expect other people to be is an impeccable mirror of how we see identity. We’re just starting to grasp the reality of who we are and what we can be come. the media. the people talking on the bus. intentions over all matter. • Projections – Our ability to manifest emotions. • Identity – Is it possible that tendency to be true to ourselves may be taken to extremes? Of doing the same things over and over again. That’s what makes finding your own voice hard. much. We. become a wonderful father or strap dynamite across its chest. we’re not convinced enough.yourself enough to experiment new ways of being and knowing your core will not be harmed if you don’t like the results. fuelling the same thoughts? Be yourself does not mean don’t change. because it may be whispering something inside yourself that does not match the projections received. We can influence water structure by the energy of our mood. we are projecting just as much of what we receive. so the only way you can accomplish that is by doing the things I like. and we haven’t solved the other pieces of the puzzle: it’s not just the children that need to find their voice beneath projections. And if enough people do that. reassurance that our choices are the right ones. Why is there uncomfortably to be around a life long friend that goes through a different life stage than you? It’s not necessarily that one changed and the other didn’t. It’s an expectation that projected on those around us is only limiting freedom of being and expression. If you stop that. sing a crowd to tears. build spaceships. and it will not match the expectations you’re facing from others. there are people like us out there. And yet that is exactly the expectation we have from the people we like: never to change. I might end up disappointed in people overall. And as individuals. while single girls tend to gravitate towards other single girls. understanding this does not mean becoming empty vessels without identity or constantly shifting. or our hopes. or to change when we do. It’s all generations. We can project our fears. sometimes just transmitting what we absorb. to the point that we don’t feel threatened when our bodies. it’s because we expect comfort of identity. We need to learn to understand ourselves better. forgetting to mention they’re the ones responsible for filtering through.

how we build our relationships. what do people choose first? And most importantly. what if it’s a needs circle that isn’t complete if we do not allocate the same attention to all areas? Fourth grade sex ed. our emotions. compared to the time we invest in acquiring knowledge. but by paying attention to our generational journey. but we are still to fully update and integrate our core life definitions. sharing.• Beta-dictionaries. empowerment. how we define an accomplished life. We need to do that not by segregating from the rest of the world. compromising for career/ success and being true to a set of common values. where you only get to the next level if you have enough of the previous one. succumbing to peer pressure. whether we bail or adapt is our choice. ethics. • Forgetting the heart – Our very core. does that justify walking over it in the first place? Canada recently modified sex education to bring basic knowledge starting with fourth grade. fashion. but how it ranks in our everyday life as a priority. We all play a part in our collective wisdom. our soul. how we take part in our world. how we love. and incorporate the wisdom carried by those before us in the new ways we will define our lives. My question is. do we bring basic ethics and values within the same curriculum? I don’t care it seems higher on Maslow’s pyramid. etc. why? Knowing that a person will get over having their heart trampled. is great. treat our fellow humans… they all evolve as we are. We’re updating live our slang. what if he was wrong? What if it’s not a pyramid anymore. as long as we don’t forget to teach them about compassion. 8 . confidence. making choices. technology? It’s not really the time invested that worries me so much. And questions like: what is success. overall wellness. win/lose illusions. kindness. Between money. And yet how much do we invest in teaching ourselves to respect and take care of it. our technology. and that is great. building careers.

we lose because we only confine the outside world to give back to us only on our limited terms. regardless of whether uplifting or lowering it. Being fair to whom? According to whom? Whenever we fail to see the bigger picture beyond ourselves. once meaning what is equal to me should be equal to you becomes in selfish logic more important that human ethics: if I had to break my values to achieve something. principles to fit our own model.• Selfish logic. and devalue people. into concepts. and everything to do with the customized. you still lose. anyway you apply it. because made our minds play reframing games to get the things we want. It has little to do with the principle of fairness. or devalue the things we could not get as ‘un-wantable’. Entitlement is not that high and mighty. I just don’t get it. it’s only fair that you have to break yours too. personally reframed understanding of fairness: bringing the external world at the same level as you. 9 . Fairness. Selfish logic expands even beyond things.

and if you keep comparing it to past. a neighbour. What door. almost ain’t doing it. Having it all now The best ferry ride is always the one you are on right now. or standards you’ve read in brochures. Yet if you drop your mind and forget all the standards you think they’re supposed to be there. Today’s ferry ride might not be the most luxurious one. The best ferry ride is always the one you open up all senses to. heard your friends talk about and seen in movies. Heart beats a little bit faster. You might think like that. you might end up thinking it’s a horrible ride. then even when the neighbour knocks I will see only him. Well. The gift of our present is not the things we get or the experiences we go through.Living in the now vs. In every moment a door opens to all possibilities. I know better. but in the end not really. interesting people to talk to. these silly things don’t work! If I open my door it’ll be a salesman. and even that discount coupon for the show you wanted to see tonight. you hope for a while. If I believe only a limited number of people can knock on my door. but on how we open up and allow these experiences to affect and give back to us. or best prices. and then end up back in the same reality. carrying fresh cookies 10 . I used to think like that. a cute cafeteria. but I still get a limited set of options. that convict that’s been loose in my neighbourhood for weeks now. Almost want to believe. fluffy things a motivational speaker would say to get your money. and limit myself from seeing the woman biking on the other side of the sidewalk. you might find the ride has old fashioned details. Really? Really? I remember reading phrases like this endless times and never quite getting it. might not have the most gorgeous views. to what possibilities? I’m opening my door right now. That’s pretty much it. even if not admit it. so it can’t really be all! That’s bull. or the friend I just called in.

It usually takes less than a second to fall. Not because you can’t have things now. but if it was that simple. I could see it if I weren’t so wrapped into predicting. 11 . with all your thoughts. how come I’m not aware of seconds now? In a life-threatening situation. allowing sensors to be receptive to the next level of stimuli? It’s simple. I became proud of my ‘safe-skating’ abilities. body and mind. All it takes to lose your balance is to stop leaning forward. center of gravity moving from my feet to my spine. yet increasingly boring rides. of panic anticipating the fall. I saved that fall. It was enough time to realize my body relaxing. and the decision between cushioning my fall to ease it or pushing myself forward on my legs. Yes. senses. In rollerblading. and you might just rediscover new meanings. After falling a few times. The simplest moment thought me about living in the now: falling off rollerblades. it was remembering and recreating the past. I remember the feeling of relaxation. dictating and knowing the possibilities of the future so well. heightened adrenaline levels increase sensorial intake. Dare to act and follow through and you will be able to give new meanings. If I’d be willing to injure myself a little harder. Simply because happiness comes from who you are. being aligned with yourself. and enjoyed comfortable. or because you can’t have it all. and the fall seemed to last forever. but the second fall was a routine roller blade around sea wall. Both. where my future partner might be. consciously. this means it can happen in a routine moment! What was the Molotov cocktail of states that made it happen? Sure. And that’s not all.cookies to her friend’s book launch. High processing (as I would consider consciousness to be) takes away from the resources allocated to perceiving all the stimuli. This is shocking news! If it happens in a routine moment. Instead. Forget definitions. NOW is hot. allow the present to surprise you and it will. in fashion. Was it time mastery. I’m going to disappoint you upfront and say having it all now is a hoax. my rear getting lower and pulling my entire body backwards. the confusion of what do I do now. With the worst equilibristic. Can this level of perception of the now all the way to the millisecond be reached by mere awareness? Or is it just a plain old case of practice makes perfect – repeating a skill again and again will instinctualize the basic motions. Open up with mind to the now. but usually at the cost of brains capacity to process the overload. you don’t even have to lean back. and it takes time for that to develop. I have learned exactly how to prepare my body to make the fall comfortable. I can see how everything in the body can surcharge up to the challenge. Every time I would blade it wasn’t in the present. One day I went rollerblading incredibly tired. I would have learned how to prevent a fall way sooner. really? It was simply full awareness in every millisecond. So much that by overusing sometimes we end up confusing living in the now with having it all now. It took less than a second to make a difference.

My twelve year old niece. right and silent. Let’s not forget character. straight right in front of you. love. there are those moments that just exist. my needs. if approached with all dimensions of life. Some moments wrap themselves in smoke and lies. … and then. like career. for fear the simplicity of their truth is not interesting enough. Some moments like to arrive hollering. Having it all now may satisfy my ego. so obvious that the energy of their being is enough. when things make sense. health. dreams. Imperceptible moments are when you open all your receptiveness to the present. In tango we call them imperceptible moments. Take an imperceptible moment and act upon your mind shift. How will that affect me when I’ll hit a rough spot. and that’s when miracles happen! 12 . or will I start compromising pieces of me. over-hyping awesomeness around them. truthful. but merely to the one dancing. not all in your face is obvious. if all I’m thought is that things are simple? Will I know how to fight? Work hard for something? Will I stand tall. going beyond their façade. and experience with all your core being aligned. relationship. It’s when mind shifts happen. one by one. as if their simple existence is not truly wanted. Not all meant to impress is impressive. not all hidden is worth discovering. simple. but what will it teach me in the long run? That things are simple. Some like to sneak up on you. Some like to keep you waiting.Let’s not approach this with just a few dimensions. where suspension and easiness merge into natural flow. community. so as to convince there is more value than the fear they don’t. Steve Jobs called them connecting the dots. Let’s not forget the heart. aims at the core of each moment. which are not obvious to the spectator eye. fooling themselves that is an accomplishment to take you by surprise. so I can keep up the fantasy of having it all now? Living in the now.

ever. hearts from as many as I could encounter (especially in friends with unlimited patience and understanding for my bursts of life). feels like something we know and can do. Bogdan Mihalascu & Youtube geniuses: ProfmTH. creative. nasty. when we pick a book. see a movie or engage in conversations. That being said. loving projection that reached me. myself sometimes too. sometimes we even invite them. sugar. (except that guy with Wilson volley ball on an island) Somehow we invented this notion. ugly things out there that get to you. Maryann Williamson. because connecting to them feels natural. Paulo Coelho. but that does not mean we’re alone. but definitely not by myself. Wayne Dyer. when I smashed on the floor. speechless business ethics from my bosses. Evid3nc3. A boss that calls you incompetent because you exposed one of his mistakes. A teacher that calls you stupid because you did not memorize what you were told. and as much knowledge as I could absorb from countless thought leaders: Tony Robbins. Nutrition by Natalie… just to name a few. Deepak Chopra. There are plenty of mean. and over-hyped into negativity. spice and everything nice projections are not the only ones that come to touch you. one of us. I figured some aspects of life out on my own.Projections Here’s another myth to debunk. relentless faith learned from my brother. I had a whole army on my side. even though I make plenty each day. The more we try to reach and connect with each other. All these incredible people made sure that I am not alone in this. even if I feel people clicking on my blog I still feel alienated when my inbox is mostly spam. Friends that call you a 13 . scrupulous work ethic of my father. Through all these projections we need to figure things our by ourselves. alienation is something we do not pay enough attention to. On the topic of aloneness being a concept we invented and overhyped. kicks in the brain from unexpected journey partners. And I feel grateful for every positive. Dr. A boy that calls you names because you did not give in when you were supposed to. lonely. Bruce Poon Tip. Inside me I had working the endless love of my mother. yes. the passion for learning of my first grade teacher. I’ll touch more on connections later in the book. We’re constantly surrounded by humanity. That’s why we spend our lives seeking people ‘like us’. We’re not alone. That’s why maybe even if I have over 300 online friends I still cry myself to sleep alone. I believe it’s because we have a description of how being connected with others should be like in our minds. Theoretical Bullshit. by other people projecting their thoughts. the more I see people around me feeling alienated from others. Every now and then those projections land on us. intentionally or not. or when I can’t remember the last time I received a phone call. That does not mean I figured it out all by myself. Jim Rohn. and somehow the way we live our lives fails to match that expectation. wishes and agendas out there. zest for free thinking from my awesome high school literature teacher. I figured out things on my own. and so does each and every one of us. playfulness in social experimentation from my university guru. or cherished a moment of clarity.

At the same time you want love. It’s because both. of course they do! Don’t you? The only reason their intentions over you may become frustrating is when they seem against yours. All is ever needed is understanding it in your mind. but clearly knowing what against. Stop fighting it. I’ve been anguishing a long time feeling used. regrets. Until one day. or because it’s really the best thing. a friend supportive enough. And once you start being at that level. sometimes without understanding. frustration and conflicts went away too. trusting. and consider their point of view without feeling you have to give into your position. by showing consideration. tell them how lucky you are to have them in your life. you accepted their gift of love towards you. in your response. humanly love. simply haven’t found a way to love you. restricted. or simply fighting. If you choose to acknowledge their love. it’s not because they want to control you. and gifted them the feeling that they are a parent loving enough. Understanding is the first step in activating love. but there is never enough time to show love. It’s about meeting the other in love and figuring a way out together without fearing you will lose out. 14 . or a friend loving enough. that they have a point of view worthy enough. so does everyone else. which will end up feeding doubt.loser because you did not win what they would have wanted to win. The only conflict appears when is between loving someone and being loved back. People that call you a chicken because you did not do what they dare not do. when I truly understood the power of love. it’s true they might have their own agenda. Too much pressure to do something you don’t feel right for you? Stop fighting it. towards other and yourself. Why? Not because they agree with you. but your loved ones will support you. it’s how they know best to express their love. It’s about being grateful to each person that touches you in love. Yes. • Friends. at the core. It does not feel like they have your best interests at heart? Maybe they are asking for love. or be willing to understand your points of view. feeling they are capable of giving love to somebody. In exchange. supporting. Not necessarily knowing what for except freedom. And what do you know? The anguish. It’s never about who’s right or wrong. imposed. according to the best of their knowledge. misunderstood. on a deeper level. And those who don’t love you yet. There’s no need to become a boring thanking machine. all my pain went away. When I understood that everything everyone does is about love. There’s always time to make a decision. acted out of love. nobody will ever pressure you when you show consideration. Everything that everyone does is somehow related to love. people will respond at that level. you dismissed their gift of love. thank them for their care. If you dismiss them. and do what you think its best to do. understanding. almost everyone loves you. and create fear next time they want to show love to the best of their abilities. feeling they are worthy of receiving love. Thank them for their care. family and their agenda. whenever you sense tension between you and close ones. In fact. not only they will back down. No one around you hates you. you gifted them with the feeling of not being a parent good enough. Wait a minute! How much does it have to do with you and how much with themselves? A closer look can help debunk some of the pressures around projections. Even without accepting their agenda.

• 15 . I’ll have tons over the course of my life… why is it so bad for me to turn it down? I can have fun drinking tea and chatting. Silence them and hear your own voice. Win what?!? Whenever the voice of peers become greater than your own. and it will enhance you and those around you in moments to come. Of course I deserve it! Doesn’t everybody? That phrase resonates in principle with equality. or the simple dares your friends sometimes make you do? Come on. and listen to your inner voice before paying attention to the other ones. just to see myself in the mirror with it and returning it back. do you listen or do you search for your own meaning of things? Win what? Money over backbone? Almost what I can be as a woman over confronting the fear of being alone and having patience to become all I want to be as a woman? A man I had to tear apart and devalue as a human being in order to get him in my arms? All I have to do is stay strong when I feel ‘losing’ being projected on me. why can’t the rest of the table enjoy theirs without shoving it down my throat? I deserve it. On the same page with the deserving lines. you’ll know exactly what you want and deserve and what not. That’s all. know what you need to do for it and are willing to do it. you deserve it! You gotta learn to live a little. and when you align all of yourself to it. winning a jackpot that only asks you bend your ethics a little (if there’s such thing). and with enough effort and technology. you feel it is aligned with your values.. Simplest example of how easy is for immediate satisfaction to trick you into it? Try going out with girlfriends after a week of dieting. coming from commercials. it only stands true when you’re embracing it with all your dimensions aligned: your heart feels it’s right. is not good for you… You deserve it!” What if I am enjoying my life already? What if I feel more alive than ever? What if I don’t feel strict? What if I feel like proving to myself for once in my life I can win over this cake? I ate plenty of cake before. You might hear them even when you’re shopping alone. I deserve the whole damn cake. All you’ll hear is: “Come on. possible. Question is. Beautiful. have some cake! You worked hard. you can win this!. like buying a little dress a few weeks down the road. laughing. and the right to pursue happiness. So do millions of starving children around the world. But at this moment in life I feel I deserve the satisfaction of knowing I accomplished something else. Media.. and with unicorns roaming free in fields of rainbow. Yes. “The Winning illusion”. peer groups.• “You deserve it” fakeness. your character can only grow from it. from conversations and things seen at other people. However. If you know what you want to win. or accepting a relationship that is not all you hoped it would be. without eating that cake. friends. go for it! The win is yours to take! What about the things you’re not so sure of? Like staying at that job that demands you compromise your values for a pay check. enjoy life a little! Don’t be so strict. doable. Saying yes to some things and no to others becomes easier. Most of the ‘you deserve it’ you’ll hear come from outside voices.

That being said. You want to do something? Go do it. “You’re incompetent” trap. the part of you fighting will drain your resources. health. It does not come from the commitment to stick together like ball and chains. Interestingly. Or didn’t play in their game at all. and the one that watches me back proud or ashamed of what I’m becoming along the way. the very sound of the word makes my heart tingle and float towards the ceiling. what is the purpose of that name calling? It can either be bringing you down or pushing you forward. instead will use the very word to bring you down.The winning illusion doesn’t hold when you align all of yourself to it. to do better. Losing what exactly according to whom? I may win something in the short or long run. That’s when ‘winning’ small things fails to shine in comparison to the character price you’ll have to pay for it. character. be it incompetent. Shame on the person that tries to bring you down. to give your best in a relationship and have the willingness to make things work. each day. shame on them as well for not having enough common sense to push you towards your potential in a less degrading way. I’ve been told a couple of times in my life I’m incompetent. Forget about either mind. And interestingly. At one point one of my favourite myths to debunk. but from our inability to enjoy reality to its full and complete value by not being aligned to it completely. it exists. to try harder. I am perfectly ok with seeming a loser in my friend’s books. Go! • Labels vs. The forever lasting love is not a myth. and my partner is looking for signs of the kind of love he wants. your present and your future self. never by people that were assessing me. I am hoping for the kind of love that I want. stupid. Whenever someone calls you a devaluing word. empowering inner place. etc… stop yourself for a minute and think. Love Ahhh. heart. wonder: is that all there is? There has to be more than this… Dissatisfaction does not come from reality having less value than we imagine it has. where I would put all my energy and focus and produced results. giving it depth. I am deeply grateful. When you pursue winning something that is not aligned with your entire core. • 16 . cause insecurity. but in the end it is my mirror that I have to face. It’s quite simple. And gears you towards overcoming that. You’re not competent enough? Go build whatever you need to pass your own tests. That’s why many of us. the one you want to create. it is only to make themselves feel better by bringing you to the underground level they feel at. It always came up when I would listen to my own inner compass and somehow didn’t play by their rules. it never came up in a clear workload. your past self. As for the pushing you to do better. or in front of the world at large. focus and enables one to act from an energizing. it comes from the commitment to give today every chance to last. when we get something we want. A gifted leader would understand incompetency simply means not developing enough skill or understanding of the system you’re dealing with. It polishes it. An ungifted boss will not see the opportunity. Don’t ever let anyone call or make you feel incompetent. And when I’m going on a date or just meeting someone. Who doesn’t love love? Who doesn’t want to have love? I know I do. only by people I’ve built a rapport with in time. in an attempt to get your attention back and restore the equilibrium of your entire being. For the ones that guided me through my ‘incompetence’ and thought me how to be a leader on top of that. and it will become a shadow inside you sabotaging the very essence of what you are trying to win. this does not weaken the winning mentality.

Even with real time information. Reality A. ‘too picky’. If I would not warm up early enough in our interaction. it has no limits. but is aware that the divorce rate has gone up. or fights. He’s has complexes about his modest job. what is the most probable course of his actions? Give his best. as everything. as their ride in this life. yet cautious. the list goes on! The society has understanding for open relationships yet as a single woman. and most couples don’t make it. Love can never be taken away from you. feel better because it was in the statistics anyway… he did his best. but ‘that’s the way it is’? 17 . ‘un-wantable’… need I go on? What is the final purpose of labelling someone like that? If they would have cared for me even the least they would not bestow this kind of energy on me. Why use the past to predict it badly? I always wondered when I saw we use statistics to define our present. he will approach the relationship. ending most of his conversations with ‘That’s the way it is’. someone worthy of exchanging points of view with. even when the core needs that drive it are not understood. for my life. they would wonderfully label me as ‘bitch’. I haven’t seen many benefits of that for myself. A statistical information is only a snapshot of the past. ‘frigid’. it is the fuel that gets me up in the morning. Finding a partner in this life to share love. Is seeing and treating your fellow kind with the understanding. It is the very driving force of life. and sometimes predict the trends in the future. Jim is a single man. age 34. a 35 y old secretary with a broken heart. kindness and compassion. as a best friend. but in our own thoughts and actions. When he meets Diana. Men already in a relationship would approach me and project expectations for only one of a few of the aspects of love that I crave inside of me. as their kinky lover. Whether we want to continue it or change its course it’s not in the statistics to decide. Here’s two possible scenarios where using statistics as a predictor or reality validator might not serve you well. He would like to meet someone. my lovely human friends. When they’ll hit the boredom plateau. ‘stiff’… oh man. or trouble. Statistics = snapshots of past. In which sometimes you encounter people that just don’t know how to treat others better. The only purpose of such labels is to get you to react how they want you to react.An interesting phenomenon in this day and age is the projection of labels when the understanding of love does not match. Today you’re creating the future. And I’m aware this comes with time. And that. ‘That’s the way it is!’. modest appearances and a certain pessimistic view of the world. is anything but love. or try a few times. I feel loved when someone wants to connect with the real me. and when it crumbles. wants to know me beyond appearance to the point that they will treat me as their partner. as their vanilla lover. do whatever it takes to make it work and bring the love back. Don’t let labels thrown upon you steal away from your wonderful journey of love. Labels I felt immediately imposed on me: ‘hard to get’. it still only tells you the present. with the overall interest you would want to be treated yourself. ‘boring’. a slightly different journey.

He has a modest job and modest appearances but plenty of things he’s enjoying in his life. 18 . we’re living now in a world that changes every day. He does not know the way it should be today. Jim is a single man. For as much information that statistic has. He is aware the divorce rate has gone up. they already have a history of counting on each other. old secretary with a broken heart. he will approach the relationship open.Reality B. or fights. age 34. and most couples didn’t make it in the past decades. and if he wants something to make it he’s gonna have to make it. and find a way to make today work. they build on a solid foundation. In time. or what it will be tomorrow. When they hit the boredom plateau. so he’s willing to help Diana rediscover her heart. He’d love to meet a partner and change his loneliness. All he does is approach it with open heart. how to open up to receive love. a 35 y. and teach each other how to express love. When he meets Diana. She teaches him how to express his. Anything can be fixed.

and more recently. social media. I want to see the documentary where for one day every person on a ship is asked to give without expecting anything in return.Reality vs. Way to come along. I want to see more movies that depict the excitement for the future that cartoons have these days! Man. nasty enemy creatures that just want to eliminate us. oh my! Haven’t we come a long way! From the way we write to the way we think and imagine. Looking at our collective mindset. too! 19 . how come we see only a few saved. The thrill of every mind reading Jules Vernes over the course of a century paved the way for the excitement of an entire world as we landed the moon. I want to see the epic tale of a high school classroom putting their efforts together for an entire semester to raise money and build a few wells in Africa. the fear of being conquered by aliens: from Alien and Predator type of aliens. as in District 9. no doubt about it! Whenever I think of Jules Vernes describing the trip to the moon or under the sea in details a hundred years before it actually happened. historically proven then this that we are changing our lives with our imagination? And as awesome as it is. What better fact. swimming in desperation and somehow showing a smear of hope? We’re better than this humanity. frightening and an overall burst of emotions to realize that we do not have enough projections out there of our world being saved. along with music. to War of the Worlds scenarios where the enemy is smaller but so much meaner… all the way to finally coming to break through a new thought. Imagination should not have an escapist role in life. but from the huge box office kind. is it ever exciting to be a child in our times! Let’s make it exciting to be an adult again. we can do much better than this! I want to see the incredible love story between a solar energy specialist and biologist while they’re changing the way we grow food on our planet. Imagination Imagination is amazing. how come the most seducing story is that of depleting our world or resources enough to make us want to leave our bodies for some other world? How come there are so many desolating movies about a sombre faith for humanity. Imagination open the road for an entire mankind to be in awe. it’s an achieving role. I get trembles. I see wondrous smaller scale productions. that we might co-exist with whatever comes at us. With that being the case. humanity. as pictured in movies. hooray! Speaking of stories and movies . or sustainability working. reality beats it by no longer a secret that they’ve become the main creator of our collective subconscious. and all the implications that come from that. most sacrificed. it’s exciting. Just look at our view of some fears. entrepreneurs or all kinds making an impact.

because if we do it. too! • 20 . If you don’t click on it. songs. quotes. we’re teaching ourselves to be professional cowards. Are we back to medieval social perceptions? Social media is changing the way we understand and define our lives. Media is still an expression of yourself. If silence when there is huge peer pressure is what you want. deal with pressure and go for it. everyone has the naughty side. Why are we so quick to jump to assumption is the whole persona? If I see a nice media. some not. they’re kinky. do you owe it to your public to deliver? As a company. you decide the dates of your shows. has a bad day. Expressionism only works if the intention is expressing yourself. you will find out something about yourself you may not want to know. Sure recipe for developing paranoia skills. go for it. attaching emotions to links. and not the whole. says mean things at some point. If silence is what you want. so we’re sinking into metaphors. it’s almost becoming our live. As a professional blogger. and the greatest part is we’re learning to adapt ourselves to it as we’re going on. Here’s a simple test to see if you’re compulsive about media. if I see mean things. in the end we only learn nothing has any meaning. go for it. If we want to fool the system so badly that we’ll use expressionism for multiple reasons. And by not doing anything that can be directly linked to us. • Ambiguity vs clarity We’re still defining our own boundaries when it comes to online identity. weekly. your time. etc… As a person. and how much in the hands of others? The answer is simple: it is always in your hands. Next question in integrating media is: where do we draw the lines in our lives? How much is too much. if I see kinky photos. you build your commitment to your readers by posting daily. in my humble opinion. they’re bad people? How about all being just sides of people? Everybody can be nice. As an artist. you will find out something about yourself you do want to know: that you have control over your actions. so must everyone else. what is the expectancy to be present online? How much of your choice to express yourself or connect with peers is in your hands. If peers is what you want. If you click this button (= go to the end of the book). And we end up seeing weird meaning everywhere. and over what influences you. you build the expectation with your promise: “a representative will reply within X hours/days”. anything that can have multi meanings. they’re nice people. because we’ve been stripping it away. Some haven’t discovered it yet. You decide when you want to express yourself and why. Having so much of ourselves out there makes freedom challenging. some are more comfortable showing it. how little is too little? Managing expectation of presence Just how much are you expected to be online? How much alive aren’t you if you don’t have an camera with you? Once you build an expectancy to engage.Media Part of our life. Everyone snaps.

Yet we need to do more than just absorb and use that information to relive the imitating monkey saga every single time. With other people that like using metaphors. We are capable of feeling much more than music. I found myself trying to seek the deeper meaning beyond the simplest of sentences. If I like to talk using my own words. Let’s use it as a way to expand our experience of reality. as if it were a black or white matter. We are capable of pursuing so many purposes and causes outside media or with little connection. and define more and more of our identity through those means. We are more than a string of thoughts. However we decide to take this journey. • Dissemination of information Even though internet and media is practically unlimited. favourite parts of a website we like to see. and directed to the person it was meant for (if). than media ruins your day. If media makes your day. sounds and net emotions. not to limit us away from it. watching shadows on a wall into people that sit in caves. Music is emotion. We use them to express ourselves. for gulping down or twisting information to sometimes lower our values instead of strengthening them. We seem to gravitate mostly towards social media. • Emotions and reactions. might just ruin other days as well. watching shadows on a screen. Just a quick thought. express ourselves and become. Let’s make use of it. The price for having 850 social friends not like you is sometimes worth it for the freedom of you liking yourself. please take the following at advice value. as cold as it may seem (considering behind every link there are people): let’s never forget it’s just another tool we know how to use. It’s not the website’s or newspaper’s fault. etc… should be defined before accessing media. How about having the courage to be yourself. it seems that we gravitate toward a few limited portals: favourite news channel.Another thing I noticed is the tendency for expecting consistency from others. mood. because I developed the expectancy they always have a second meaning in there. If you have a strong emotional presence. and receive other’s emotions through them. sometimes without processing. Let’s continuously find new and better ways to connect with each other. favourite websites. Peer love or hate is emotion. and with the antique perception identity has one or few dimensions. Your opinions. flying all over the place. A word of caution: we are more than a profile. it does not make us. some of them requesting your response. your emotions. This links back to the need for consistency in identity in us and others. • Identity. This is not an invitation for having all rainbows and sunshine out there… just for more awareness on how we portray the unpleasant elements in our lives. latest discoveries… etc) we keep coming back to that place and associating the same value. We did not spent thousands of years to evolve from sitting in a cave. We have reason. but ours. you will trigger it in your ‘public’. Just because we like a source does not mean stop processing every single information coming from that source. and we make it. in your words. Best advice in managing other’s triggers to emotional response? Be mindful of your media entry. entertainment. I find people interpret me literally whenever I use metaphors. When we attribute a value to something (valuable information. With social media you might find yourself overwhelmed with other’s words and emotions. 21 . despite of social media? Put your own ideas out there. And guess what? Your negative emotions. Let’s hope we don’t become shadows. Colours are emotion. scattered to touch other people. thoughts. and at the same time others will trigger it over you.

we need to become processors and creators on top of that! Limiting reaction as much as possible helps. What would be our ability to create exciting future solutions if we’re constantly monitoring everything? An even better question. If we want to build more exciting solutions for our world. how can we improve our ability to create exciting future solutions while keeping up with information? • Fast information = no time to seek deeper value or verify truth. • How an information is presented online matters. Some notable pitfalls: • Believing anything that goes there. Can be a great behaviour modification if for the right cause. I found that people would post things hinting at my persona.g. it helps rationalization. Even if I tried to keep consistency. not of decision what to do with it. of course. Expand it and all of the sudden you have a different perception of the world. Various combinations and ingredients can be found in the way information is presented. observed opinions/behaviours become acceptable. process and choose how information affects your emotional states and opinions/decisions/actions. disseminates almost instantly. When presented in an emotional format. forming communities and allowing them to influence our way of thinking. our public opinion. Following people and companies can create a limited channel for news to enter your mind. • Training emotional responses. • Weakness that by formatting our minds in a collective way may limit the creation of alternative ideas. but it enters it. 22 . That’s why it seems wise to think. • Believing irrelevant ‘trash’ information will not hurt our mind. encourages emotions. sometimes people imitate behaviours seen or asked of them (e. • Skewed perception of what’s out there. The limited channel keeps people conditioned in the same type of news. locating someone). and a whole crowd would hit me with an overload of emotional response. therefore affects our vocabulary. Can be overcome by active thinking and developing creativity. it might be tempting to default oneself to the lowest common denominator of the community instead of striving for the better in themselves. When impartial. our vessel. the overload of information can clutter our minds. • Teaching us to become ‘Trash’ miners. and same type of emotional reactions. with the discernment not to limit all action.ew communities & impact on our human nature We seem to spend a lot of time on several popular sites. We learn from each other to imitate really fast. • A strength is that it helps perfect and polish an idea. • Identity can be stolen. We’re seekers and reactors. Mindset of seeking information. public emotional pressure would change according to ‘trash’ info. • Anonymity breads irresponsibility.

23 .Part 2 Don’t chase your dreams… run ahead and show them the way.

and only imagine freedom in a few limited ways: travel. in the back of your mind? What are those thoughts you keep repeating in the unspoken corners of your soul. clear two months. Take one of your dreams. for our future as mankind? How? Terrifyingly simple. of living one life dreaming of another. until you find yourself scavenging for arguments if that was even your dream? The magic of dreaming is the surreal aspect. What if I’d tell you. more solutions for the planet. not bringing it forward. find deal on flights. of keeping the thought behind your mind. and get stuck in the things we find hard to clear out of the way before even holding the dream clearly in our hands: my co-worker submitted a request for three weeks off and got rejected. go. until there’ll be nothing left but a vague memory. behind every single job and family duty that state clearly such dreams should not be allowed? Postponing a week here. a few years there. get insurance. really. decide whether we want to take the kids or not. unknown that surround it. until no arguments seemed convincing enough to move towards any big changes that would most certainly disturb such a convenient routine. coordinate with partner to get two months off work at the same time. pack. establish itinerary. is not the thing that we’re really scared of? 24 . seeing the kids grow up. Most of us don’t go that far. and bring it right in front of you. and chains us to being unable to envision more solutions to develop ourselves. what if I’ll have bad weather while I’m there. For example. putting it back. come back. that this very cycle is the one that clouds our minds with petty wishes. find solutions for kids (if stay at home. What would it take to make it real? Think of the actions that need to happen. that somehow we’ve convinced ourselves that dreams are hard to achieve? It does not matter who started what. look at it. clean. just taking it. enjoy travel. clear. not the ones that you can’t see happen.Dreams What do you secretly dream of. is not the reason you cannot achieve your dreams. winning lottery. figure out next dream. obtain approvals from work. what if…what if… Our dreams get lost on their way out to happening due to self inflicted negative clutter. Hold your dream in the palm of your hands. I cannot even dream to ask now. my friend. What if I’d told you that clutter is not the problem. think: save money. What if I’d tell you it’s a mind trick. that boat. healthy and with their own families. my partner will not want to run double risk and miss both our incomes for the months away. and pull it completely from the swamp of thoughts of fear. owing that bike. I don’t want to leave my kids at home but that means more expense and is it going to be a vacation. get back to work. if society conditioned us to imagine being enslaved in a job machine. having everything we can think of. if they come with us). that expensive pair of shoes? Somehow we got stuck in this mindset. to take two months off work to go traveling. what if I lose my job while I’m away. tasting it every now and then.

What we’re most scared of is that unknown place in the back of our minds. in that almost-but-not-quite state. or by a scene in a movie where Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo drive in a little jeep.Clutter is just the excuse we use. some of you already knew that.any dream! You get to carv it! That’s why we are afraid of making dreams real. know you can do so much more and see your mirror looking back at you in disappointment. loved… we associate our most intense. and a better one. like a jar placed in the same shelf in your pantry year after year. That place becomes important as we go through life because we associate hope. or by the moment you saw a fancy lady walking down the street as a child and wanted to be just like that when you grew up. Is much better to have a little pre-made dream in your mind for a lifetime than have it come true. much more convenient that removing it from there and having to find hope in everything and anything. the question that few dare face is… what will we fill that place with once we remove the dream? We accept a definition of enslavement freely and we accept a definition of freedom related to that enslavement just as freely. in a place where we know how to find it and access it. a better one. Because it’s easy to accept a pre-fabricated dream than to face it become true in less than a year and have to face your own power and at the same time your own failure in creating a bigger. happiness. Pick a dream…. freedom. Because it’s convenient to be able to reach a glimpse of hope every single time you need it. we will have developed the skills as individuals and as humanity not just to dream of a better world. to feel it in your toes. equals keeping hope within reach. having to re-invent it every single time. once you will have a taste of it you will itch to act on it. But of course. where the dream habits. being truly yourself. if only in your mind. Once we will learn to turn dreams into reality faster. alive. or our friends. better dream. 25 . and we will learn to create worthier dreams. we are cowards in front of the few little excuses we repeat in our minds about our dreams. alive human emotions to that little dark place where we keep dreams locked under a swamp of excuses. Because we convinced ourselves that keeping dreams there. I promise you. and to learn to make a new dream. I challenge you to take those dreams into your hands. that’s all. The dream planted by our parents. accomplishment. And the question that comes up every time we want to take our dream out and try to make it happen. for we’ve started a long time ago. see them without the clutter of fear and practice making them true. and a better one. but to create it from our own will transformed into action. breathe it in deeply. and reach that second when every blood cell screams with excitement: Yes! I fucking did it! I challenge you to face the moment of emptiness that follows fearless.

and take action towards it. Being bored out of your mind hurts. The more I failed the more blaming others. Regrets. or connect with. I never had that. circumstances and regretting became more and more familiar emotions. Everyone has something interesting inside them that I can find out. to do things I don’t want to do and then complain about them and have peer sympathy.Purpose One thing I never really could understand is boredom. 26 . When you formulate an intent. because the more I searched for other people and things to make my life interesting. I’ve been struggling for months to gather the courage to quit my job. or hear others name people or situations as boring. A situation can have endless possibilities within it. no need to go to work in the morning. because they share the same common ground: lack of personal will (intent) or personal action. economy and all it wasn’t an easy decision. everything else disappears. In a week they became same old thing. and boredom. all the little things I did to fill in my time shifted very soon from being interesting or entertaining to plain and boring. blaming. They’re best friends with boredom. Purpose and boredom are like each other’s kryptonite. As soon as I hit the routine of having no purpose besides choosing my purpose. Yet the moment I dared to say the magic words and pay the loser price for my freedom. how can anything in this life be boring? The only time when I hit boredom was after achieving a dream. I’ve been called boring. with the responsibility that tags along. the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders! For about a week or so. the more I failed.

the weight of the world was lifted. expressing who I discovered I am. unsettled. Now is when your partner is giving its best. My family immigrated to Canada almost six years ago. Is just now. friends. I was already living a different reality. The only moment that matters is right now. some miss Romania more than anything. change is not easy. doubts. body. and changing life completely by moving to another city. It happens to a lot of immigrant families. having too much responsibility now on two continents. unloving. of feeling we’ll be abandoned. beyond the fear of being abandoned. and love the other enough to see the world through their eyes and just be there for them.’ In one instant. because it finally feels good. I received a call from him. and now that I finally grasped something. He hang up. I am supposed to change it? What kind of cruel sick life prank is that? The most interesting part of changing yourself is the false belief that you owe it to yourself to remain the same. or the way you want it. wardrobe.’. and your family seems to thrive on another continent. my father finally decided to pursue a life back home. That’s when people around you are trying to be their best. By one single action years ago. even when nothing makes sense. Because you worked so hard to getting there. I will support you. the most amazing boomerang in my life to realize every single present moment matters. in the middle of all these thoughts so selfish at core. and a few months ago. Resistance to change I’ve heard it a thousand times before. What’s most interesting is that in the midst of all the anguish. Some like it. left behind. worries. beyond the fear of being played and used. lost. and we’re all speeding in the rollercoaster that bridges any generational divide. Changing jobs. After years of personal anguish. and we didn’t really talk about it in years that followed. or just cry. ‘Whatever you want to do. I’m an X-er living in a millennial’s world. and I would hear people call me irresponsible. This is not an easy decision when you’re already retired. or unsuccessful. when your children are challenged more than ever. 27 . changing your favourite drink… is about comfortability. he is living his dream.Moment that Mattered What is the moment that truly matters? All this saying about seize it when it comes. and an acquired preference. God only knows what’s in someone’s heart to make them come to such a decision. and not in your future. Two years later now. and assured him: ‘Whatever you want to do. traveling. your true love that goes beyond the fear of not being loved enough. they’re facing their fears. because everything around you demands YOUR identity. houses. I will support you. The moment that matters is not in your past. your neighbour needs a smile more than ever. and when the tools came out. Yet all those changes were nothing compared to even considering changing myself. And all you need is to access your love. when I was anguishing over quitting. I called and wished him all the best. I worked all my life trying to find who I am. how will you know? It took the slightest drop of love.

it feels natural. kiss a stranger. DO IT! 28 . I liked who I was. find someone that speaks no common language and spend a day with them just to see how it goes? You want to walk into your boss office and demand your raise. but if I bear a little discomfort and less years it’ll only cost me 375. Even our courtship seems to be based on that… leave some mystery for later. Listening to instincts Where does your confidence come from? From the things you know about yourself and the world. to freely formed thoughts (curiosity) or the freedom of our expression. do it. yet just because I liked it does not mean I have to be only that version of me forever. somehow I lost at being myself. and good. we teach our children how to chase and get more information. …Change. So if I choose the easy payments I end up paying you over the course of my life over 500. So we end up spending all our lives chasing information. is to be listened to. You want to know why? Instincts. or even end up realizing the change was unnecessary.000 apartment. Every censorship mechanism controls either our access to knowledge. but not give you the total sum so you can make a fully informed decision. You want to dress differently today? Do it. Why are you resisting? Listen to your own inner voice. walk up to a bully ten times your size and show them the finger. find a teacher in Indonesia and ask them about their children challenges there. You want a mortgage. instead of teaching them what to do with information once received. the bank teller will cheerfully disclose your monthly payment and the number of years. you’ll get bored too soon. or unsure if this is the change you truly want. Ever. Resistance to change comes from misalignment within you.000 for a 200. your own character & values. as if I give in into something? Why do I feel that change means I must have been a bad person. Resistance is not to be crushed. with all the failures sprinkled on the way. since when becoming better implies the bad? Whenever I look around me the people who stagnated stubbornly into some mindset are the ones who move/scare me most. You want to buy an apartment. It was a surprise to land in North America and learn the way systems work here. do it. Not being ready to take all the risks. so why the stupid thoughts? I want it. dress up all nice and dance until dawn. you don’t have access to all the building information until you actually show interest in the apartment and make a deposit. friends & family. which affects all areas of your life: health.000 in total payments? Why didn’t you say so? We think we have an advantage keeping information away.All this vehemence towards maintaining an external identity status quo with little concern for the depth of it creates the expectancy of continuity. and from expressing yourself. from the experiences that build you when you act your curiosities. If you’re curious about doing something. heart. do it. Curiosity never killed the cat. or quit and start that mom & pop shop you’ve always dreamed of? Do it. You always wondered what it would feel like to try weird food. Why do I have this thought that if I have to change I’ve failed. Just because change sounds exciting doesn’t mean all blind change is good. it may protect you down the road.

not the going out in the rain without an umbrella kind. it’s where we bring forth our curiosity and gain/ lose proof of how limited/unlimited we truly are. you might end up forgetting how to listen to your own voice. not truly opening to the endless possibilities of this world. If your actions or thoughts are nurturing or hurting. instincts will guide you towards the best combination of thought and actions. it will not be revealed by conditioning. It’s where we test and change knowledge of ourselves. Risk is nothing more than daring to allow yourself receptiveness to other stimuli than your regular ones. warning you when your curiosity might put your health. ‘Girls don’t do that’. be willing to silence all other voices so you can hear the voice that truly matters. We think we’re so smart we’re trying to analyze everything. we think we’re smart. Correction. Listening to those inside voices will help you know which curiosities are harmless to pursue and which bring thorns. is the most incredible platform for your own evolution. calculated risks are not real risks. the world around us. and always choose the best for ourselves. In that inner voice. ‘It’s not professional to appear like that’. Risking a new stimulus will lead you to a different result. and you will achieve enough bad results and enough good results to actually achieve something. ‘People that like me don’t talk to me like that’… are meant to stop you only if you allowed outside voices to speak louder than yours. Try enough times. but a real. Oh. Risks When was the last time you took on a real risk? No. I-have-no-idea-what-will-happen kind of risk? When was the last time you dare to cross over an invisible bridge? We’re smart. your heart or your character in danger. Instincts simply regulate it.Curiosity. Whether we have an idea of who we are or still try to define ourselves. self-expression is the way we bring our knowledge and curiosities to the world. It also ensures that we don’t put in any extra effort. so that we won’t really find out just how much more we are capable of. foresee every action. for yourself and others. that brain restlessness that wants to reach out outside yesterday’s thought. Does it work? Of course it does! It works in providing us with the best outcome our minds could come up with. Be careful. It works in stopping from paying attention to the language of the universe. and in case you’re wondering. good or bad. Because the calculation only keeps you within a few limited parameters. It works in ensuring that we know exactly how much effort will be required before we even start making that effort. If necessary. 29 .

Mistakes are there to prove you’re only a mistake away from succeeding. but it will be gone. Not a lot of friends know how to do that. invite her in. you will have no time left for fear. that’s how you ensure you don’t get to repeat the same mistake. Mistakes are there to teach you. Paying attention to fear does not mean you’re a coward. Pay its price. to forge you. to fail. what matters and what doesn’t in your life. For there is no greater prisoner than the man who can make no mistakes. 30 . and your loved ones are protected. Fear & Courage Fear is one of the best friends you can develop in your lifetime. learn its lesson. You might hesitate at first. and to keep moving forward. But don’t let that bring you down. talk to her the night before. is not the absence of courage. it will show you every single thing you hold dear to you and risk losing. you have already listened to what it has to say. If you want to know exactly what will be the price of your next risk. In business. it will point out every single time you’re on the brick of a change. and move towards a new mistake. all principles are the same. Making a relationship successful takes the same effort and attitude towards mistakes as finding one: don’t give up. mistakes are the best reason why you can’t ever give up. when fear knocks. by showing where you weaknesses are. Treasure your freedom to try. The best way to treasure a mistake is to respect it’s power. If it’s fear you’re worry about. but when it comes to actions. Because after your battles are won. If you’re willing to talk and listen to it.Mistakes Treasure your mistakes like you would a God-given luxury. love and overall life. Courage is only real when you’ll act while embracing your fears. you will want to find that fear again to thank her. pour down some tea. and listen to what it has to say. open your door wide. or lose some confidence if the fears become true after a few times. and to protect you. but overbook your day with courage! That way.

or unsure of themselves. organizational systems. spin it. feeling and thinking in your current love like you hoped you would act. help her believe in their love again. 31 . It’s easy to take a human body and decompose it. but beyond that you succeed at devaluing both of them and yourself as people. It’s easy today to devalue anything. and find flaws with the hair. what they care about and twist it. When one of the girls in your entourage complains about her boyfriend slipping away to other girls. something the easy way. or if a past love is the only one that could ever bring you happiness. are the ones that thrived no matter what. and treat it as such. thus taking out the empowering value of a word/ quote. by making them feel powerless in front of love. When a co-worker has a weak day. feed their strengths. You are the one that decides how important the fax you’re sending is. You are the creator of value in your work. you are devaluing your relationship to be exactly that: only a contract. whether they liked their job or not. even the simplest tasks. body language. pointing out that even Hitler was a successful leader. their belief they can improve. and most do. not their weaknesses so you can get the promotion first.Value Have you ever bought something of value? Neither have I… Stop trying and start creating! When someone close to you is down. grant them the very thing but at the cost of breaking them inside. thus devaluing every moment spent in a love you consider not quite what you hoped for. less grateful on what your partner brings you. how important the report you complete is. You may get her to break up with her boyfriend. by weakening their faith in others. more grumpy. the skin. It’s easy to take a relationship into a marriage contract and by thinking you are stuck to feel less joy. The people who managed to add value to their actions. not because they haven’t found the meaningful work yet. strengthen her belief that her relationship can still work. we all need to bring our contribution to our world. You are the one that decides if the love you have in your life right now is invaluable. Those who devalue purposes. but because whenever we allow ourselves to be such idiots we’re paying a huge price as humanity by devaluing ourselves. what they want. add value! Uplift their spirit. ideas. don’t use it as an excuse to seduce her. in human relationships. Uplift their belief in the goodness of people. the …everything. Ever wondered why some people thrive no matter where and what. because you are not acting. You are the decider of how much value you add to the things. to spin words out of their meaning until nothing has meaning. people in your life. they can change whatever they want to change. projects. the breasts. Is easy to talk to a person and find out from their words. more focused on what you think you don’t have. the hands. how important the purpose of your job is. but simply that in time they have become professional ‘devaluers’! It’s easy today to criticise everything and anything. Idiots not because they don’t get what they think they want. will never really manage to acquire satisfaction in their work. while others are never satisfied of what they do? We all need to work. and tear it to pieces. Because if you place the only real value in a binding contract and take the value out of each moment and interaction. less will to be spontaneous. Any idiot can do it. Take the most inspiring leadership quote.

A tricky excuse we invented to prevent us from that is the regret and fear towards past. allowing them to love completely. son. both of us couraged up and opened up our regrets. true love we are capable of. one truly loving heart at a time. We just need a few pieces of the puzzle put in place. with all my mind. or for the next relationship to fall in the same pattern. the crazy adventurous person we always dreamed inside ourselves we can be. you’re creating even more regret for tomorrow. 32 . as a mother. completely. without doubt. we did.We can add value to a leader by aligning it with ethical principles of our times. if necessary contact a previous love. and because of this regret I am punishing myself to love less in the current relationship. sabotaging themselves every single day. neediness to see them tear away from their potential happiness to feel more miserable so we can interpret that as a sign of being loved. my beautiful loving friends. If you don’t love with all of yourself today. and of a love so deep that will devalue all three people involved to mend a torn heart. After living years not feeling a daughter good enough because I did not share her enthusiasm for church life. and connecting with a love greater than the fear of disappointing a loved one allowed me to talk to my mother about our expectations from each other. every time we have the will to take action towards one another supporting the other’s value and caring. father. The solution? Discard any regret. It is a sign of being loved. and release their soul to immerse itself in present love. we are the ones that can take any person. the thought that if I love my current partner with everything I have. but somehow I failed showing it as I should have. we are capable of a much greater. we freed each other to grow. etc. the friend. daughter. energy and heart. our wishes and hopes for life. models of life and confronted the fear of ’what if I disappoint by this’ thoughts? Yet by doing it. without remorse. and we are capable of so much more. today! It’s going to take a while until more and more of us connect inside with the greater. The trap is that is self-perpetuating. openly. embracing with the enthusiasm of a child. deeper love than we ever thought possible! The kind of love where you see the world through your loved one’s eyes and heart. and lift up our exes. and we’re getting there. by allowing part of our weaker side to come to light. than this must mean I did not love the previous one enough… And I loved them. and give yourself every change to immerse yourself completely in love NOW. that decide to add value to the present moment and the present love by pouring our affection. This is a mind trap many create over and over again. Yet I’ve seen our hearts. love and caring. Immersing in the now. and take our relationship to a higher level. and say what you need to say. regardless of looks and make them radiate of beauty inside. without past jealousy. we are the ones that decide in the first place what is even considered beautiful and what not. we are the ones that decide to wake up willing to be by our partner’s side. help them overcome whatever regrets they may have. emotional blackmail. I’ve seen it. and discovered our mother-daughter relationship can be recreated with greater value. brighter. with only pure joy of being able to touch such place. nobody else created those rules. completely. daring to be the lover.

To the point that people would come to my office to discuss fitness exercises. we know what happened to the other ones’. and all the men interested in me somehow chose someone else. But like any momentum. but what about when you can’t see in front of you? How do you walk the invisible path? When you cannot grasp at anything around you. anything you do against it will slow it. I for one. and most of all. and keep building speed once it goes in the direction you want. and stop it. all in takes is enough constant action to first stop the pendulum going in the direction you don’t want. then they laugh at you. Maybe it was the overall guilt. am happy with the way I am’. people around me would adopt various reactions. when one night I faced the terrifying question: what if nobody will ever be interested in me? What if I will spend the rest of my life alone. is a piece of cake when you know your path. discipline. but that’s when I realized the value of a wave of reputation going on for you. that and a most incredible home improvement boss. watching everyone else hooking up. healthy eating ideas and active lifestyle.Reputation Going through the weight loss battle sure opened the doors of enlightenment on reputation for me! Well. right? We made your favourite recipe!’… all the way to ‘Well. Perseverance “First they ignore you. when in one of my lows. ‘Yeah diet. but you only live once. You can have it. How long do you need to keep going? As Jim Rohn used to say… UNTIL! Perseverance is easy. reputation). what if this hope will never happen?) That night opened a lot of dark thoughts. when you cannot see where your next step will be. Depending on peer group. maybe not. I realized the true impact when I got so confident I’d go from work after a few nights of pastry binging (for those that don’t know. do what you think you need to do. resilience in front of intimidation. hope. let’s see how long this diet lasts. a lot of questions: 33 . then they fight you… then you win!” My favourite quote about perseverance has it all. When I first hit the excitement of having results and committing to a healthier lifestyle. Reputation will not stay with you forever. based on their own lifestyle and their impression of me (aka. and you can change it in whatever direction you want to. Depending on the crowd you want to reach. loving?(in other words. and people would congratulate me for how much weight I lost since last week. From remarks like: ‘Well. how do you walk that path? I learned about walking the invisible path through my failed attempts to form a successful relationship. connecting. you can ride it. anything that you do that builds it will build it. if you’re unhappy with yourself. realising I am 28 years old. flour makes you look a little puffy 8-24 hours after consumption). it took from 6 to 9 months of constant behaviour to change my reputation in people’s eyes.

and solutions need to pour for us to overcome them. but in all areas of my life. I not only developed the confidence and unstoppable hope in the love and relationship I want.What’s the point? Nobody cares about me. indeed.Hurt it’s not worth it. Mastering true perseverance is not when you see the road ahead of you. I was lucky to have two events in my life that paved the way to get me out of that state. It’s the simplest thought that moves us FORWARD. why. A favourite tale by Paulo Coelho. the only way out was walking on an invisible bridge. some days we might not.Why. . Since the dark thoughts seemed like a pit full of lava calling for my mind.. and slowly as they find different ways in life.If that all love really is? Ethicless lust? . But it’s not seeing it that creates the future. Giving up equals death. . We need to grow ourselves fast as humanity. wondering if you should sit by the side of the road as well. We need to practice our perseverance in front of invisible roads. while you find yourself pedalling by yourself. move forward. friends start sitting by the end of the road.You only matter if you’re beautiful. and not fall off to dark thoughts about our future. . My second event was a depression the year before. is mastering enough self confidence and relentlessness to move forward when you can’t see. .I must be a failure. 34 .Maybe I don’t deserve love. in any matter of life. But I had no idea what I should do. . Some days we might see a glimpse of it. tired. why.Maybe it’s pointless. it’s the immutable. wandering if it’s worth it.Life is disappointing.Where is the love in this world? . but walking the paths I chose and putting my hope in action is what paved my way. I could not see much in front of me for more than a year now. By the time darkness of doubt hit again. The only way out of darkness is not to look down: look forward. why? . . I am a human failure. In time. I knew what I mustn’t do. about people starting on a biking journey. I did sit by the side of the road.It’s so unfair… A dark night. and it took swimming through an entire hell of regrets for months until I was able to get up and start walking in the direction my hope was leading me. where being tired of pedalling alone for so long. why. exhausted. . non-negotiable thought that we can create it that will make us walk on that path and thus create it. for our challenges are many. .Men will always choose anyone else but me.

Heather Arney . would not play so small?”. as humans.35 Part 3 “What would the world be like if we.

if love is unconditional only if it meets his terms and criteria. It does not matter if it’s a fully committed or open. When people start relationships based on half interest. talking. your lover. or not push their button in forcing them to stay by my side? What about loving someone enough as a person to respect their decision to choose another girl. When you give your whole best. feeling. can you? Love is unconditional. The partner you behave as a real partner towards. The hobbies you give all your best to become long enduring hobbies. that’s when you succeed. The ‘one’ is the partner you treat considering all aspects of a successful relationship with. We all know it. ends up being your best friend. or having some needs secured in another relationship. you are considerate towards. I need to give it all I have. this is adults playing sick semantics. it’s not unconditional. if we’re fuelling that as a mentality we’re only devaluing ourselves. as bitch as it makes me. they feel different. so they can feel good when they’re not giving 100% in a relationship. ends up becoming your successful partner. allowing them to become your friend. Single people. your dreams and actions partner. the end result is the best. yet only projecting some aspects of a relationship. I. or just doing fun stuff together? As much as I can tell from a person online. much more different in person. you need to give it to feel it. and the continuous cowardification of people online. never feel bad for fighting a fight that feels good inside your hearts! Speaking of relationships and internet courtship. energy and passion to completely ends up being ‘the job’. 36 . but I keep encountering people that just feel better tearing the concept down. ‘bitch’. It’s love the way he wants it. not half of a chance. And to make it successful. I’d have the most interesting labels projected over me: ‘stiff’. If that’s the case. In other words…’you’d better not waste my time’. The one is the one you give a real chance to. The job you commit your time. reacting on the spot. Together forever happens only if today is a successful together day. your conversation partner. then there’s nothing wrong with me believing there is out there love ‘the way I want it’.The ‘One’ I thought the whole hype about ‘the one’ was understood by now. you are accepting to live with only a part of yourself fulfilled in that relationship. project only remaining of needs on another partner. Same principle applies in all aspects of your live. for one.’ Well. love it. What about taking the time to get to know somebody. a huge pet peeve is ambiguous communication. If I did not feel comfortable and did not react as they wanted to. When you show interest in all sides of a person. or those not having the maturity to admit they’re not emotionally available. ‘shitty unicorn’. were approaching me desiring a relationship. It’s interesting to notice in this whole online dating experience how committed men. and if by some miracle I would not give in and accept half of a relationship the reactions would change: ‘You can’t love. What about me loving someone enough to respect their existing relationship? What about me loving someone enough to realize that even if he’s free his heart isn’t? What about loving someone enough to point out weaknesses. This is not love. your everything… and they get to know yours as well. etc. you stick through thick and thin. and show interest in meeting only if my the chances of guaranteeing affection would increase. and still support them for a loving and respectful relationship? No woman is ever an enemy. Boys would talk with me. The one you are a real friend for.

even if many were arranged? Is it because people were so great. the sparkle in their eyes for naughtiness. forgetting we didn’t grow as people by ourselves either. potential for great friends. or is it because by being committed they were willing to be ‘the one’ and treat the other to become ‘the one’? We’re not lacking ‘the one’ material in our society. ask yourselves this: have you given them a chance to be that extra something for you? Were you willing to see them with that extra pair of eyes? I haven’t met a single man or woman that was not capable of being everything and doing everything for love: I see great fathers and mothers in every person I meet. the deep yearning to be worthy of being loved and capable of loving. We’re also lacking the willingness to help others grow to whatever needs and expectations we have. 37 . but not providing quite enough. it’s not those qualities that are lacking. Have you ever wondered why so many relationships were so successful in our grandparents generation. It’s in every single person. We’re lacking the willingness to see ourselves and treat ourselves like that. but the willingness to see them. we’re everywhere. or because they were stuck.For all the people out there complaining their partner is great.

yet not fully knowing why. It’s not that I like certainty. of our mental limitations. when does you partner feel loved? You might find out a lot about yourself or understand when you don’t feel loved. like an objective to be deciphered instead of a partner to be known and maybe to enjoy a part of this journey through life. mostly strangers. such as phrases suggesting there might be affection. if not all. like a pawn in someone else’s chess board. or when you tend to react. heart beating. Feeling loved is a human thought. I feel unloved whenever there is ambiguity.’ I thought I hurt him. A writer admitted he feels loved when he loves himself. I became intrigued when people feel loved. there is no certainty when it comes to human feelings. together. A most gracious dancer said in tears she felt loved when after years spent in bed somehow she got her health back. does an activity. as a matter of fact it’s easier to maintain this so called attraction better through mystery and ambiguity. Yet giving it time and understanding it unveils the humanity of our concepts. and I let him be. the first one I ever asked that to.Love For months last year. I feel loved whenever someone is interested in me directly. keeps the mind going. or sees warm eyes looking back. Only he knows what for. Opposite to that. having their friends interrogate me to figure me out instead. sends me an e-mail. until at the end of our trip he came to shake my hand and thanked me.. little do to with being love. missed connections. 38 . For people in relationships. uses whatever media to involve me directly. our different dictionaries about love.. An artist confessed she feels loved when she’s embraced. ‘When do you feel loved?’ An old man on a bus to Seattle. so I started asking. that’s why she dances so alive. Spend some time understanding yourself. talks to me. but maybe it isn’t. It’s the feeling of being analyzed. I don’t remember feeling loved. when you feel loved. and in the end…makes it much more easier to become love. started crying: ‘Besides being a boy with my mom. approached like a battle. For example.

We’re overpopulating our small planet. instead of having a continuous will to know the person next to you. what would our perception of love be like down the road? Our species has long evolved beyond just reproduction.How often does your partner initiate the things that make you feel loved? . What if we’d be willing to understand we’re all changing.A few months ago I sent out a survey to my network asking them five simple questions. our core consciousness has evolved as well.When do you feel loved? .From the things that make YOU feel loved. the most important one: .How often do you initiate things that make your partner feel loved? And. again and again. realization that many were not initiating enough on themselves. how often do YOU initiate for others? I was surprised to read so many answers referring to expectations from partners in giving love. As if people that got to know each other at the beginning of a relationship keep projecting the same ideas about the other throughout. before your first kid? Neither am I. . that we know make others feel loved? I’m looking at our journey of love in the past few decades and I wonder. Are you the same you were in high-school. 39 . and be willing to get to know the people in our lives again and again? What if we’d take more initiative in doing the things that make us feel loved.When does your partner feel loved? . and little to nothing of the things that make them feel loved. The purpose of each connection that we have for some time now is about love. in university.

our greatest need and desire is to be able to express the love within us and recognize. together? Just imagine how that would ripple into our world! I don’t know about you. and learn to recognize all the ways people around us give us love. and not the lack of? Imagine how our world would look like if we’d all unleash our ability to express all the love we have inside. by soul tingles at the very thought of it. and to recognize it in each other! Imagine if we’d take the time to prove to one another we’re capable of pure love! Imagine if we’d prove to ourselves as humanity we are capable of one thing. for lack of better words is the essence of God inside each of us. 40 . that you don’t love me enough. what do you think will that do to our will and ability to achieve others. how they know best? What if instead of pointing fingers that we don’t satisfy each other.What if we’d understand love is our very core as beings. receive the love from others. When we interact with people. like I know I deserve…what if instead of all that we’d teach each other greater and better ways to love each day? What if we’d each seek the love in the other. What if we’d understand this nature of us and start to show love without expecting it.

women would feel the pressure to become everything he wanted. friendships. on a constant basis. in an attempt to be ‘all that and more’. but almost verified against a checklist to see if I match. Each time I was shocked by the position put into. changing from normal conversations to burning crosses and religious mockery. easiest way was to turn to devaluing everything else that isn’t them. She takes risks? So am I. She has tattoos. I seek the connecting portal with each person. that all the extreme probing took place. and I kept focusing on what I perceived I lacked and tried to better myself as a person and a woman. and I felt rejected. inadequate. She changes your opinion by showing you how un-wantable X is? So can I about her. I thought this was a disparate phenomenon until I started seeing it more and more around me. 41 . I didn’t know it was a cultural communication issue. work or family. so as to meet the ‘right partner’. In order to attract the man’s attention. being not that of connection. it took a while to figure out a similar pattern in all the men I would be interested in or would be interested in me. Until I started to observe the competition caused by open relationships between men and women and the changes in behaviour for everyone involved. it seemed too cruel for my heart to digest at the time. An entrepreneur that takes his enthusiasm for revolution to the extremes probing me if I will support these extremes. After the warming up period. that’s why they liked me. In personal/intimate relationships. where we can live and be ‘ourselves’. not enough . It does not matter whether intimate relationships. I didn’t pay much attention to the checklist thought. they would take a side of themselves to the extremes. A year later. when we would start to like and seem to gravitate towards another. To form a comfort zone. piercings? So will I. I thought it was me. I didn’t realize at the time that it was because they were starting to like me. She dances? So can I. plus absorb aspects from the other women. I didn’t understand it at the time. I am a flexible person. And because the need to feel love grew greater with little real fulfillment. the Christian. changing a pleasant hiking trip conversation from usual questions about faith to talks about buying cans and moving to live far away in the forest when the Apocalypse comes. The atheist.Relationships Relationships come from our need to connect with other people.

Yet that’s not connecting truly with the other person. feeling they’re not good enough of a man/woman. is conditioning them to a chained. This in times breeds no tolerance for any mistakes in the people around you. There are many factors that play in forming relationships: common spaces or activities. not good enough of a partner. since you cannot make a mistake. so if you spend enough time in this state. Fairness finishes quite soon if one of us stops doing a good service to the other one. but learn quickly to become dissatisfied. What kind of love is accomplished through this? What is the price paid in human hearts and wasted years? The price paid is that people learn they’re no good enough. it’s not allowing them to be truly free. you do something I like. and with a time bomb over our heads? Become this by week-end. and understanding instead of reacting whenever our services do not get serviced back? 42 . It’s this seek-pattern mentality embedded in our minds that triggers so many rejection reactions. What ever happened to embracing people as they are. and reject the ones unfamiliar. even feeling maybe they don’t deserve love or happiness anyway. so one person touched by this can perpetuate a learned negative projection to dozens. you do me a good service. timing. It’s only fair. and if repeated long enough. The way we’re forming relationships follows an expectancy formula: I do something you like. It’s going through the rejection behaviours again and again projected on us by not matching checklists that some develop doubt. and to express less and less. those who play those games may get instant pleasure. It’s the way we were thought to seek out only certain patterns in our potential partners that makes us only ‘scan’ for that familiar aspects. knowing them because we want to know them.Since when did we become a checklist to complete. limited way of expressing their true self. gravitate towards those. It teaches you that love = pain. later even if you’re alone when you’ll feel the need for love you will tend to default to pain. and seek the connecting path between each of us? Nobody says you need to enter or commit yourself to somebody you don’t envision a life together with. It teaches your heart to settle for less and less love. most times without us even realizing it. my main concern is the mindset that we have in approaching other people. What if we’d connect with others free of expectation. there is no tolerance for that. It teaches people desperation. I do you a good service. But beyond that. common purpose. and only in demanded formats. or else…somebody else will.

once it’s lost it cannot be replaced. Am I the only one that sees a pattern here? Protect the good inside of you with your life. that’s right! 43 . Hush! I will allow myself the peace of self-forgiveness. Hunt innocence. stay away from players. Nurture trust. because if not you’ll become damaged goods. there you are! I want you in my life! Adventure. I’m trying to figure out. so you better like me back. how come we don’t change that mindset? Dark. They’ll use your hearts when you dare to open them. I will feel treated unfair and will react to either ruin your mood. And if by some chance you don’t have my mindset. at exactly what point in our evolution did we decide that? When did we convince ourselves that is the only way? Is that why when misery hits us we are convinced there’s no other way. self-esteem. Only be with men that treat you nice.ah. Be gone! I’m not scared of you. whether you can see It or not! We’re creating our own future. and I’m not scared of the emptiness discarding all this garbage from my life will create. day. Pain. I don’t need you in my life. or reputation behind your back. And the way I want you to.. if not I’ll take it from you! An ego trip. World. I love you. If you don’t. If you don’t. but how you’d like them to be. be nice. so you better love me back. so we embrace it again and again until it becomes the only familiar thing we know? If we’re so smart. sing it to the mountains. but once that’s betrayed it can never be recovered. you’re not worthy of my ‘love’ enough unless you do as I ask you to. let your lungs fill and your mind crate your dreams before your very eyes. Give me something back. creation! I’m bringing you every day in my life! World. go away. what do you want in your life today? Say it loud. Love! I want you in my life! Happiness! I want you in my life! Purpose!. they’ll take something away from you that can’t be replaced. because once something bad touches it you cannot get it back. how do you want your love to be? How do you want your relationships to be? You got it. It’s only fair according to the mindset I’ve been inoculated with. and take something away from you. I can come up with an entire arsenal of emotional blackmail techniques to make you think you’re not loving enough.. you’re only here because I allowed you inside my mind and heart. I have plenty of light to fill it with. Regrets. excitement. Girls.It’s this getting something back expectancy that causes so much pain and anguish in our lives. I don’t want to know how you see them . a forced lied night in your bed. I like you. I’d better get something for liking you. or your essence as a being capable and worthy of love. Men. doubt is there to stay. I will feel treated unfair and will react to alter your perception of receiving / giving love. enough. something that you can’t replace.

male-female approach felt like a marketplace. the Sunday school. and observe their concepts. maybe even self-esteem or the very hope to find somebody.The Unicorn Factory debunked In the past four years I’ve been particularly immersed in seeking the truth. and observe their concepts. Have you ever had a cute person smiling at you in the elevator and giggled all day long just at the thought of that? One second. one smile… a whole day was changed. I got to learn just how much alike they are. Have you ever thought: if only there were more people like me? This mentality. love. Both justifying every action on their cause. I joined the choir. One using emotional authority. in an attempt to project enough insecurity in what we don’t like in others and enough coolness in what we want more of. Both are acting from the warmth of their heart. I was gravitating towards the two familiar worlds from home. After a heartbreak. fun always available. in different words. trying to figure out which one is right after all. girl! Just keep on seeking people like you! People like me? I grew up in an AtheistChristian home. female competition felt like a marketplace. I decided to immerse myself into the Christian world. We’re constantly looking for peers. this is a situation of love being stuck in a certain mind frame fighting an entire life to show itself! After coming to Canada. Hmmm… When I decided I didn’t belong there either. and after a while we change and need to find again people ‘like us’. Both thinking they’re right. no steady community. Oh yes. combined with the know-it-all attitude of nowadays makes us analyze everything and everyone. and after exhausting both possibilities. a few hours later I would hear the other one claiming the same thing. the other emotional weakness to trigger actions. the youth activities group. 44 . and the other is wrong. it was painful to find myself with years wasted. one atheist. Hearing their sorrows. but no problem. I felt like a checklist. interactions. the problem isn’t that people can’t be changed. We’re all attempting to change people around us. Sometimes we find a group. strong sense of belonging. to be more like ‘us’. you can do it all again. strong sense of belonging. love…etc. Same thing. or that people can’t be changed. expressing their love to the best of their ability and with the (limited) knowledge they had. and I had a chance to create a Christian circle of friends. slowly and surely devaluing the other to obtain some leverage ground. Of course they can. life. for people ‘like us’. I happened to enter into an atheist circle of friends. and wanting so much to belong somewhere yet feeling there is no place where I belong. or manipulative. The conversations were interesting. superiority and religious mockery disappointing. and try to experience it for myself. I found myself in the dilemma of figuring out who am I first. The conversations were interesting. This was not a situation of people being mean. life. so I can go back to the conditioned belief of seeking people like me. the Faith under Fire programs.. I was blessed to realize their human nature. one Christian as the wars over righteousness continued. etc. the problem is that they can. Even if one would complain and say it’s been done injustice by the other. and slowly I started to see none is wrong. Where did that journey lead me? Well…here. Unaware at the moment. spiritual superiority and common world dismissal was disappointing. The problem is not that isn’t working. who knows. I’ve been fortunate enough in my lifetime to experience the trials and tribulations of my parents. fun always available. I felt a checklist. but it backfires. human interactions. And beyond observing enough patterns to start recognizing and being able to navigate through it. Some wasted life. For years I just tried to comfort.

And is worth every feeling of loneliness that paved the way. our interest-groups… every time we want to prove our point. Freedom is hard to teach. the more I’d see bleeding horses running wild on fields of horns. our families. after years of watching dozens of people leave when empowered with their own free will. but the bending of their personality to match yours. The only thing I can say from experience is that. whether they want to be with me or not. as much as we try as individuals with our friends. We are all alike and we are all different. people. might not love you ‘unconditionally’ according to your dictionary. what you obtain in the end is mutilations of personality/ character. to respect them no matter what. our communities. your anger towards past. And the moment I understood it’s not worth trying to change people and could see every individual by itself. Question is… how? Do you touch people to match your insecurities. whether they’re friends or not… that’s when I realized we were all unicorns in the first place. the satisfaction of a single person (or two or an army or so) choosing to stay by your side is beyond measure. whether they like me or not. 45 . Everything you do touches others. present. your given up view of the world. our churches. so of course we’re afraid to teach other freedom. as much as our systems try. There is no Unicorn Factory.When what you’re feeding in others is not their freedom /free will. Because a truly free person might not stay beside you. future? Or do you touch them with the best of yourself? Are you looking to relate with others seeking your highest potential or are you looking for the lowest common denominator that will justify and comfort all insecurities? The more I tried to manufacture unicorns around me. even harder to sustain.

as if everyone else is expecting some sort of Saviour. I backed out of the thought completely. while the fear of hurting humanity stays stronger. that’s all. You refuse to start working and get a direction again and you’re making any excuse to justify laziness. Anca? Get off the pedestal before you awake in a mental hospital and deal with real life. 46 . so attention desperate to think MY contribution is so needed. minded my life. It became so great that for a whole day I firmly felt and believed I’m the fifth element. Only to feel an incredible external pressure. You’re not a missing link. Suuure. Who do you think you are. both my mind and the belief background started attacking the very empowering thought. For a day and a half I convinced myself I can discard those thoughts completely. the more it became a duty. Get back to life. I owe it to the world to share it. reading too much. not the cool one. I started oscillating a lot between extreme states of mind. the more I would experience myself and understand. enjoyed good food. a key link in our evolution. As much as I would smash thoughts against each other in my head. thinking too much. these are worth my very life. and definitely needing attention. firmly convinced it’s just a sign of me derailing. this explains my whole life. The only big coming can only be the Antichrist. This thoughts are incredible. At one moment. the potential for impact of such thoughts become clearer. Yet the more events escalated. if you’re anything you’re the evil one honey. what am I thinking…how can I be so selfish. I could not live with myself if I did not put these out there! o. in fact you’re pathetic. I quickly dismissed it. to share and help people. right. to the point that I would not feel mentally sound. you’re not that important. I was born to do this! After one day. This explains why I’m fighting lack of purpose. relaxed.The Saviour Excuse When I had my first thought of compiling a book with all acquired knowledge. Yeah. and felt I was getting somewhere (at least definitely healthier). and with this topic.

Yet in the back of my mind. and not having to do much. in every source possible but themselves. crushed at my mind’s failure to generate solutions. life. I understood why everyone else. how I wish I were in their place… not to worry about a thing…not deal with loneliness. I must do something to prevent it… shut my mind off didn’t work. It’s fear of responsibility. I do touch people. evolution. How come am I the only one who sees that? How come the other ones put the pressure of being some sort of hope bringer? I already eliminated it in my mind. and feeling so burdened. comment. Am I ready to never see my family again? and while generating all possible solutions for a paranoid life on the run. I could not stand straight. I understood the struggle back into weakness and fear. of knowing I do have an impact. But I understood the nature of my thoughts. including myself in the past. Dare to send doubt to its origins and embrace your own power. so I can give away my power and not have to do much. socialize. no internet. I’m not sharing these thoughts to fluff. I’m sharing these thoughts so when they will hit you.. humanity. and I’d better wake up. through the eye of God. Conspiracy or not? I honestly don’t know.. One night. seeks inspiration. It’s seeing the world as a human. hope. OMG! That’s it! I was right. the nature of my previous mind. I felt I’m missing something. without the need to judge. escape…where? Small village. really. wishing someone else would be the saviour. This is the biggest brainwashing scheme of all times! And I played all along! The last thought was so powerful and shocking. I cannot convince myself I’m not the doom bringer. Oh. 47 . not have to worry about much. once a truly empowering thought appeared. leashing whatever emotion I feel like on the other. analyze or show others I’m better than their thoughts of me. I understood it for the first time without sadness for reactions. analyze. when you will be overwhelmed by doubt of power to the point of insanity … to know you’re not alone. I was fighting the external pressure felt to be some sort of saviour and the internal pressure to be the bringer of doom. again and again. of the burden. I understood why recycling or sustainability was never on the conversation topics in church. be excited about the latest news without really being worried. I am the bait to doom!!! They’re using all this media and a pumped up prophet to make people willingly give away their power to some web shadow. I went for a long windy walk to find a detour solution.

why is it? What causes it? Most cases. in yourself rather than others? At a Vandana Shiva event a girl raised in the crowd and asked: how do you keep HOPE? It was amazing seeing the speaker emanate positivity. could it be that others do the same thing by observing us? How would you act. watching things done by those around us. Simple logic carried forward: if we’re losing or gaining faith based on others.if I can’t keep hope. We are. with all this understanding of our spiritual evolution. how can I possibly expect the one next to me to keep hope? Hope has a way of being priceless. like individualism. I don’t think Vandana knew it. we don’t build our lives to last? How come we don’t show any respect for those who last. When I feel hopelessness approach. There are still aspects of our societies that sadden me. • How come. I ask myself: if I don’t know to keep the hope. much more than the ones that are taking it away. • How come.Faith in Humanity I have a question for all thinkers: why do you feel you lose faith in humanity? When you feel let down. • How come. our journey together. Yet even more amazing was the second before the answer. Personally. breathless. These days I see more and more people adding value to our lives. instead of everyone in the group being proud their representative went on a trip and they all got to improve the roads of a village? We’re devaluing ourselves. why… if you were the person next to you? Not to mention the simplest thought of how about having faith for yourself. • How come with all the hardships in the past few years we’re still holding to the same principles that created the problems. Especially hope in humanity. we’re throwing away our potential as humanity. for our elders. when. if we want to last. afraid of our own witch hunts? We’re devaluing ourselves. questions that come back to the end consumer and each individual. people still buy the non-recyclable ones? We’re devaluing ourselves. • How come reasoning and spiritual evolution projects get to fight against something to prove their existence instead of fighting to achieve something greater with their existence? We’re devaluing ourselves. we’re still keeping pride and tradition higher than raising the awareness necessary to activate everyone and improving one little planet? We’re devaluing ourselves. 48 . we’re devaluing our own reason for being. where the entire room was waiting. and one achieving all? How come in a group everyone gets to envy the one that managed to go on a trip. Who wants to think of their future if the most possible future is in a nursing home or bashed by the ones you sacrificed for? We’re devaluing our future. • How come. We need to add value to ourselves. we’re devaluing ourselves. for someone else to share the hope formula. with all this technology and communication we’re choosing to talk more and more ambiguous. not take it away. if we have ecological products on shelves. • How come we invest so much in our education only to willingfully waste our minds afterwards on sites that do not improve us? We’re devaluing ourselves. I don’t know it.

but that won’t make me less cautious. Not just my baby. that corrupts and blinds. we’re just dawning! The love in me salutes the love in all of you. a power so great that my mind needs to knee every single time the very thought appears. I understood how every quote I ever read was not only right. 49 . but all. all I can pray for is that you go to your mirror and say this to yourself: I have unlimited faith in humanity. when I wish you’d learn to chase the pain away. What if we would not have to worry about finding the meaning of our existence. from a place of love. I understood my power over everything and nothing. I must have learned from an outdated dictionary. It’s easy to bring anything down. Unfortunately you need to be at the same level or smaller. when I’d wish you’d reach to others with your love before anything else. I don’t remember how I got it. Focus on a worthy purpose instead of bringing anything down. and worry about creating the best meaning for our existence? We cannot do it by ourselves. but in order to get there we need to start one by one. to our beliefs. I don’t know what kind of power I’ve been told my entire life. What if we’d focus our energies on building something greater? What if we’d start to add value to ourselves? To our lives. but one day I just did. when I wish your troubles become bearable. This power humbles my heart every time.What if… we would realize our power? What if we’d really get it? What if we’d really make more conscious decisions? Shop better. knees me into dust only to raise my body and make it act. when I wish you’d see love shining inside each of every one of us. to our children. but it touches on a specific moment in our evolution. It’s going to be a wonderful day. my friends! Get ready for lots of sunshine. when I wish love pours overflowing your heart. And all I can pray for. Respect everyone better. to our elders. I am humanity.

You CHOSE not to.Test response = today you could have been better. 50 .

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