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THE THREE BRAND NAMES OF CONFLICT 1) Conflict of emotions: In any significant relationship, because people are human and

differences are inevitable, strong antagonistic feelings will develop. These are best communicated by “Istatements.” 2) Conflict of values: Often a “solution” to this type of conflict because our values are so deepseated that we have trouble even recognizing them. But the use of the better communication skills can help people with opposing beliefs to better understand one another, help them to tolerate each other’s position, and sometimes influence the other’s attitudes and actions. 3) Conflict of needs: After the values issues have been sorted out and the emotional components resolved, there are often issues that remain to be settled. To a certain extent “conflict of needs” contains the other two. A problem is best settled in a way that meets the needs of everybody involved .

A “FBI’S FOUR MOST WANTED” OF CONFLICT “RESOLUTION” 1) Denial: Some people deal with conflict are by denying that a problem exists:. They "Pretend" that there is no problem and if asked what’s wrong will answer “nothing.” A person who constantly denies that problems exist makes themselves vulnerable to others and are plagued emotional distress which can magnify their problems. 2) Avoidance: Some people steer clear of situations that involve conflict. They stick their “head in the sand,” as it were. “Ignorance is bliss.” (An example: forgiving someone just to avoid a likely conflict. Because the conflict is not really resolved it remains under the surface, ready to surface again.) Repeatedly avoiding sources of conflict reduces the size of our “comfort zone;” we are in constant retreat from all sources of conflict and our world becomes smaller. Continued avoidance often escalates to denial and all its problems. 3) Capitulation: When confronted by someone else’s need that conflicts with their own need, many people surrender without a struggle. They go through life sacrificing their needs for the needs of others. In the end people who normally “give in” to other people harbor a resentment to those they have given in to. If you repeatedly use any of three methods above — alone or combined — to avoid conflict, you are submissive and others can, and will, use you as a “doormat.” 4) Domination: Another approach to problem solving is domination — bulldozing over other’s needs so that your needs can be met. For the person who dominates all solutions must meet their meet their needs and rarely meet the other‘s needs. Aggressive people tend to dominate during a conflict, but even the most submissive person can be a dominator if they feel they are in a position of authority. Others tend to resent a solution to a conflict that has been forced upon them.