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SOCIALISM; You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives
you some milk.
FASCISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you
some milk.
NAZISM:You have 2 cows. The government takes both and shoots
you.
BUREAUCRATISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots
one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You sell one and
buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell
them and retire on the income.
DEMOCRACY: You have 2 cows. Your neighbor has none. You
vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to
raise money to pay for the tax. The people you voted for then take
the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel
righteous.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You sell one, and
force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a
consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
FRENCH CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You go on strike,
organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A GERMAN CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You re-engineer them
so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
A JAPANESE CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You redesign them
so they are 1/10 the size of an ordinary cow, and produce the milk of
20 cows. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called
cowkimon and market them worldwide.
ITALIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows, but you don’t know
where they are. You break for lunch
SWISS CAPITALISM; You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong
to you. You chargean outrageous fee to the owners for storing them.
CHINESE CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You have 300 people
milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high
bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real
situation.
RUSSIAN CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You count them and
learn that you have 5 cows. You count them again and learn that

using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank . FASCISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicity listed company. INDIAN CAPITALISM. You count them again and learn that you have 2 cows. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the united states leaving you with nine cows. You have two cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of Vodka. The public buys your bull. FEUDALISM: You have two cows. so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy. Your lord takes some of the milk. and sells you the milk. hires you to take care of them. Business seems pretty good. with an option on one more. Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. Nobody believes you. The banks call to collect their milk. You have to take care of all the cows. Both are mad. AMERICAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. . You have two cows. You tell them that you have none. GREEK CAPITALISM. BRITISH CAPITALISM. AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM. You worship them. No balance sheet provided with the release. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretely owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The IMF loans you two cows. You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks. The government gives you a glass of milk. with a tax exemption for five cows. NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM. The government takes both. The one on the left looks very attractive. You have two cows. The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk. You are out getting a haircut. IRAQI CAPITALISM. SOCIALISM You have two cows. You have two cows. then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you geta ll four cows back. You eat both of them. The annual report says the company own eight cows. but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF. You eat both of them.you have 42 cows.

You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market. The government takes both and drafts you. CAPITALISM You don't have any cows. because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows. You have to take care of them. . PURE ANARCHY You have two cows. but the Mafia takes all the milk.PURE COMMUNISM You share two cows with your neighbors. Then it takes both. DICTATORSHIP You have two cows. CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM You have two cows. REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. shoots one. Then it pays you not to milk them. and the cows drop dead of starvation. no one works. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market. RUSSIAN COMMUNISM You have two cows. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Meanwhile. PERESTROIKA You have two cows. no one gets any milk. milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. but the government takes all the milk. PURE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. You have to take care of them. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

though no one ever hears about it. The corporate management uses your purchase price to acquire THEIR meat from cows raised "naturally" on tree-free rain forest land outside of the country where labor and resources are cheap. When you mortgage your artificially devalued farm at high interest rates in order to buy meat. COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. then throws the milk away. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. AMERICAN CORPORATE CAPITALISM Both cows are bloated with toxic steroids. They are set out to graze on privatized public parks. You give one to your neighbour. one American. die from excess ultraviolet light. The State takes both. The State takes both and shoots you. milks the other. one Chinese. SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. and gets a multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties.ANARCHO-CAPITALISM You have two cows. OLYMPICS-ISM You have two cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and watched its parents butchered before its eyes. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant. release massive amounts of flatulence that destroys the ozone layer. John Tesh narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in a suburb with (gasp) divorced parents. . and are processed into meat-like products that look great as a result of clever and unprincipled marketing strategies. FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials. You sell one and buy a bull. you consume the poisoned material and develop terminal illnesses because there is no health care plan to treat you. The American cow wins the competition. severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance. BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. With the help of trilling violins and state of the art montage photography. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. shoots one. The State takes both and sells you some milk NAZISM: You have 2 cows.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. because you want three cows. SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to . You sell three of them to your publicly listed company. FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. with a tax exemption for five cows. then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back. The public buys your bull. AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You sell them and retire on the income. You shred them. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide. THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank. Later. and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You go on strike. You decide to have lunch. leaving you with nine cows. but you don't know where they are. ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. The annual report says the company owns eight cows. Your herd multiplies. Sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. and the economy grows. RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. and block the roads. organize a riot. JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. eat once a month. and milk themselves. with an option on one more. You sell one. No balance sheet provided with the release. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes.

 Russian company: You have two cows.. Both are mad. Environmentalism: You have two cows. Totalitarism: You have two cows. The government doesn’t do anything.You charge the owners for storing them. You still have no cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You have five cows. British Decomracy: You have two cows. BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows.you. AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. . The Russian Mafia shows up and takes however many cows you have.  Australian company: You have 2 cows. and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. As your land has been taken by the local mining authority and your land is now sitting in a Chinese Nuclear Reactor. WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. No-one believes you. CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have no cows. Milk is banned. You drink some vodka and count them again. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You claim that you have full employment. You have 300 people milking them. You go make some lunch and come back. Business seems pretty good.  Californian company: You have a million cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. You feed them sheep’s brains and they go mad. Most of them are undocumented immigrants. You worship them. The government bans you from milking or killing them. You tell them that you have none. INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. but at least now you are part of a Democracy. and high bovine productivity.

right? They open a milk factory. It takes ages. You have two cows. and if you ask about your cows. and then sell the movie rights. Now that you have cows. You are so nice to them. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy. you wonder how they did that. after that. the goverenment says that you are the owner of them but you should give them to goverenment to keep them. no money. this company sells you the milk for an incredibly high price. you go on strike. which was a gift from your government. now every one has two cows Dutch: you own two cows and cannot milk them until the governement provides you with a milking-license. you share the pics on Facebook. PAKISTANI CAPITALISM: You got no cows. who needs people? A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. continuously apologize to them for milking them. no milk. so you decide to roll one up RANIAN CAPITALISM: you have two cows. an ice cream store.. the narco takes one.AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow. you eat them the government punishes you by milking your wife AFRIKA CAPITALISM: You have two cows. Facebook capitalism: You have 2 cows ... you tie bombs on them and send to India Zimbabwe capitalism: you have two cows. Mexican Capitalism: You've got two cows. you can see the prison Hungary. Anarchy: You have two cows and they're fucking yours.. Everybody shares the pics . AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government imposes 76 different taxes on them and eventually takes both of them. an international company buys the other for a ridiculous price promising cheap milk. you have no cow. you buy from China by selling the milk USA gave you. DEMOCRACY. Always signs peace treaty with them and invite more cows from other country. you think are dogs but your neighbor comes everyday and take away milk. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. So.! Canadian capitalism: you have two cows. you can't pay it. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. the state imprisons you. Later they give these cows to their .

both die from hunger. The rent is around the price of 300 cows. you start to moo and complain. decide to steal ours. PHILIPPINE CAPITALISM: You have two cows and sell it to CHINA. The official communication is that the cow reform is successfully implemented. slaughter the helll out of us while our neighbors observe in silence then opis.. you sell both. The gypsies comes and steal your cows. then you go overseas to work as maid to buy the two cows you sell. repeat.turns out your grandpa isn't even from around here in the first place. You build the highest tower in the world containing the 2 cows dressed in gold and bling bling. Hong Kong Capitalism: you have 2 cows. The CHINESE sell it again to PHILIPPINES and put a TAG "CHINESE COWS" Romania Democracy: You have two cows. Israeli fascism: Your "grandpa" owned a cow in 722 BCE. Then you charge the visitors a high amount at the entrance Croatian capitalism: You have 2 cows and hope that the neighbours 2 cows die soon! . Serbian capitalism: you have two cows. You need to pay the rent to land developers for the space that the 2 cows occupy..you have two cows and they are made of pure gold Philippines capitalism: you have two cows. You help yourself with a beer Emirate capitalism: you have 2 cows. You go to the Police and they fine you for reporting an irellevant story and you wasted their time DUBAIsm .. cause its not profitable to feed them.friends and family on a "public tender". you remember it in 1947. but it doesnt help you. take our barn.