A Couples Stress

Free Night

Hosted By
Mackenzie De vicente
Patrick Lancaster
Burgundy Hunt
Emily Sis
Jennyfer Bucardo
Table of Contents

How to use this handbook

Self Esteem

CBT (cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Reframing your Brain

Deep Breathing

Relationship Building

Excercise Tips

Journaling

Stress Ball DIY

Where to get help

Special Thanks
How to use this handbook.....

If you ever feel stressed, take some time to
flip through our pages to find ways to cope
with the situation that is stressing you out. We
hope that the information in our handbook
will allow you to find the best way to deal with
your stress. In the back of this handbook you
will find information for mental health clin-
ics that will allow you to speak with someone
about your situation. Mental health services
should not be dismissed because of the stig-
ma around it. Mental health services should
be taken advantage of in order to understand
the reason behind your stress. Look at it like
this:

If you had a problem and couldnt tell any-
one about your problem, you could see your
counselor and confide in him/her with your
troubles (confientially). The counselor will
give you an outsiders perspective while allow-
ing you to see past the surface of the situation
and understand the core of your problems.
Self-esteem/Self worth/Self respect
You may think you know what it is, but do you really? Do you measure your
self worth with any of the following three?

Peer approval
Perceived appearance
Success

If you do, then you may want to keep reading. I chose to begin this guide with
self worth because people who do not know their self worth lack confidence,
assertiveness, and boundaries.

When you are in a relationship, it is important to know your self worth. Indi-
viduals with low self-esteem will have trust issues, no self respect, and may
allow the other partner to cross any boundary that may have been there.

The number one thing you need to know before getting started is that

You are worthy of love

You may think “well, thats a given”, but is it really? Many people dont feel like
they are worthy of love. The people who do not feel like they are worthy of
love feel like there is no reason why anyone would love them or want to be
with them. This is why

The second thing I need you to understand is that

You can’t expect anyone to love + Respect
you, if you do not fully love yourself first.
People will treat you how you treat yourself (period). If you do not respect,
love and trust yourself, why do you think anyone else would? There are things
that many of us do not like about ourselves, but if you don’t like something
then you change it. You change things by acknowledging they are a problem
and finding an effective way to changing them. Let us do a couple of exercises
to get to know ourselves a little better.

Ex. 1
In the following space write 5-7 things that you like, or dislike about who
you are (personality, physical appearance, achievements).

Like Dislike

On this exercise I need you to focus and channel your likes about yourself;
embrace them, feel great about them. When looking on the dislike side, think
of ways that you can work on them. For example: Negative self talk. How do i
work on fixing negative self-talk?

Make a plan.
Every time you find yourself thinking negatively.....

Step one: Stop yourself

Step two: Ask yourself “why am i feeling/thinking this way”

Step three: Be kind to yourself

Treat yourself like you would your best
friend; even when you screw up
Ex. 2
In the following space write 5-7 things that you like, or dislike about your
partner. When discussing the dislike part with your partner, explain to
them the reason behind your answers.

Like Dislike

Ex. 3
In the following space write 5-7 things that you believe are acceptable, or
unacceptable in a relationship. Explain to your partner why you believe
these “boundaries” are acceptable, or unacceptable.

Acceptable Unacceptable
What is CBT?
Have you ever talked yourself out of doing something you wanted to do? Have you
ever thought that you weren’t good enough, or smart enough to do something?
Maybe, you have a little voice inside your head that makes you doubt yourself.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a method that focuses on how your thoughts
affect your behaviors. CBT exercises help you identify negative and sometimes dis-
torted thoughts that lead to destructive patterns and behaviors.

Please take time to evaluate your negative thoughts and how they have affected you
in a situation. This is a time to evaluate yourself and determine where your negative
thoughts come into play and how to change them.

Ex.
Choose a negative core belief below; one you use on a regular basis.

Core Beliefs
I’m unlovable
I’m not good enough
I’m a bad person
I’m undeserving
I’m stupid
I’m ugly
I’m worthless

List three sentences that CHALLENGE the negative core belief that you
chose.

1._________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

2._________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

3.________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
The reason behind this exercise is to understand that negative behav-
iors distort the reality of who you really are, and what you can really
accomplish. Take a look at the following diagram. The diagram reveals
how a negative pattern can begin with a SINGLE negative thought.

When you see the patterns that you have established for yourself, it is important to
be MINDFUL. Being MINDFUL means that you are providing your full attention
to what is happening in your body, your mind, and in your environment.

Being mindful is bringing yourself to the present. Bringing your mind to a state
where you can focus on what is going on in the NOW. By being aware of the PRES-
ENT, you will be able to take a step back and observe your thoughts in a nonjudge-
mental and objective way.

The third, and last thing I need you to understand
is...

Nobody is “perfect”. We all live imperfect
lives and that is okay. Be kind and gentle to
yourself. Take care of you; you are worth it.
Reframe Your Brain: The Cognitive Based Approach
• What is the Cognitive Based Approach?
o Focuses on how people’s thoughts affect their emotions and behaviors. Negative
thoughts lead to negative feelings, i.e. more stress

o The basic idea: How we think influences how we feel, therefore if you change how you
think you can change how you feel.

o The purpose: Teach people how to become more aware of their thoughts and feelings so
they can control them more effectively.

• Life Situation, Event Thought Feeling
(trigger) (perception, interpretation) (tension, stress, anxious)

Examples:
• Waiting for job interview “I have no idea what to say.” Nervous, tense, butterflies
(trigger) “They will think I am an idiot.”

• Waiting for job interview “I am well prepared.” Calm, confident, secure
(trigger) “I will make a good impression.”

• My Goals and Expectations:
Behavioral Change Thought Change Feeling Change
What behaviors would you like to What thoughts/beliefs would you What feelings/emotions would you
increase, reduce, or get rid of? like to increase, reduce, or get rid like to increase, reduce, or get rid
of? of?

1. 1. 1.

2. 2. 2.

3. 3. 3.
Deep Breathing Exercise
1. Find a comfortable, quiet place to sit or lie down. If sitting, keep
your back straight and your feet flat on the floor. Close your eyes, if
possible.
2. Place one hand on your stomach, just below your ribs. Place the
other hand on your chest.
3. Take a regular breath.
4. Now take a slow, deep breath. Breathe in slowly through your
nose. Pay attention to how your stomach feels under your hand.
5. Hold your breath for a second or two.
6. Slowly breathe out through your mouth. Pay attention as the hand
on your stomach goes in as your breath goes out.
7. Do this several times until you have a calm rhythm.
8. Now add images to your breathing. As you inhale, imagine that
the air you're breathing in is spreading relaxation and calmness
throughout your body.
9. As you exhale, imagine that your breath is whooshing away stress
and tension.
10. Try to deep breathe for 10 minutes or until you feel relaxed and
less stressed. Gradually work your way up to 15-20 minutes
Relaxing Stretches
Calm your mind, relieve tension, take deep breathes and be
present

Finding time for yourself can help to relive and
reduce the stress that you may feel during the day.
Yoga can help you physical, emotionally, mentally,
and spiritually feel better and be more centered by
simply giving yourself a few minutes to breath and
be present.

Below are three exercises that can help you handle the
stresses of everyday life. Be sure during each exercise that
you breathe in deeply through your nose and feel your
stomach fill with air, then exhale slowly through your
mouth. This helps keep you calm.
STANDING FORWARD BEND DOLPHIN POSE/ DOWNWARD DOG

** Downward Dog would be coming up off of your forearms and onto your hands

CHILD’S POSE
Relationship Building
My Partner’s Qualities

The reasons I was initially attracted to my partner were:
1. ________________________________________________________________
2. ________________________________________________________________
3. ________________________________________________________________

My favorite memories with my partner are:
1. ________________________________________________________________
2. ________________________________________________________________
3. ________________________________________________________________

My partner makes me feel special by:
1. _______________________________________________________________
2. _______________________________________________________________
3. _______________________________________________________________

My partner makes me a better person by:
1. ______________________________________________________________
2. ______________________________________________________________
3. ______________________________________________________________

My partner shows me they care by:
1. ______________________________________________________________
2. ______________________________________________________________
3. ______________________________________________________________
Relationship Building
My Partner’s Qualities

The reasons I was initially attracted to my partner were:
1. ________________________________________________________________
2. ________________________________________________________________
3. ________________________________________________________________

My favorite memories with my partner are:
1. ________________________________________________________________
2. ________________________________________________________________
3. ________________________________________________________________

My partner makes me feel special by:
1. _______________________________________________________________
2. _______________________________________________________________
3. _______________________________________________________________

My partner makes me a better person by:
1. ______________________________________________________________
2. ______________________________________________________________
3. ______________________________________________________________

My partner shows me they care by:
1. ______________________________________________________________
2. ______________________________________________________________
3. ______________________________________________________________
Relationship Building Exercise:
Shared Qualities

Places we would both like to visit: We have fun together when we:
1. _______________________________ 1. _______________________________
2. _______________________________ 2. _______________________________
3. _______________________________ 3. _______________________________

Unique qualities we both have: Movies we like to watch together:
1. _______________________________ 1. _______________________________
2. _______________________________ 2. _______________________________
3. _______________________________ 3. _______________________________

Concerts we both want to go to: Together, we are good at:
1. _______________________________ 1. _______________________________
2. _______________________________ 2. _______________________________
3. _______________________________ 3. _______________________________

Food we both like: Qualities We Value in Others:
1. _______________________________ 1. _______________________________
2. _______________________________ 2. _______________________________
3. _______________________________ 3. _______________________________
Exercise Tips

Have you ever been unmotivated when
it comes to working out? Most of the
1. Find your motivation time people have a hard time fitting a
typical “work out” into their daily
routine. Today in this session we will
2. Learn a couple quick teach you basic ways to make
exercising work for you and how you
easy workouts
can be motivated to stay in shape.
There are lots of ways to get healthy,
but the key is staying with it. Ways to
4. Work out with others
make sure you do this is by having
someone to workout with, choosing a
comfortable environment, making the
5. Stick with your plan schedule work for you, and sticking
and stay motivated. with the plan.

You can do it!
Easy Exercises to Incorporate Into Your Busy
Schedule:

Figure 1: Start with feet flat on the
ground
Figure 2: Slowly rise onto your toes
***Hold on to chair for support

Step 1: Start with arms down by
side and feet apart
Step 2: Raise arms slowly up to
elbow length
Step 3: Let arms down slowly back
to starting position

Step 1: Stand up straight in position
Step 2: Then raise shoulders up to
your ears
Step 3: Then let shoulders down, back
into position
Local Workout Groups:

Tips for Sneaking a Workout In:

• Exercise while watching TV

• Take the stairs instead of the elevator

• Walk up and down on your road

• Park farther way

• Use household items for exercise equipment
What are two negative thoughts you do not want anymore? What can you
do to let them go?

List 3 wonderful things you see and think when you look in the mirror.

The little things I can enjoy today are….
Stress Ball DIY
Stress balls can be very helpful for releasing tension, and for diverting your attention from what is causing you
stress

1. Stretch out your balloon. (Pro tip: Simply blow it up for some extra stretch.)

2. Choose your filling: rice or flour.

3. Stick a funnel into the neck of the balloon.

4. Slowly fill the balloon. Pour slowly to avoid clogging the neck of the balloon! If it does clog, use a pen or pencil to clear the
opening.

5. Remove the funnel from the balloon and let out as much air as you can. (Pro tip: To release the air, pinch near the neck and
separate your finger and thumb slightly. Too wide an opening can blow flour everywhere.)

6. Tie the neck of the balloon closed tightly.

7. Snip off the excess rubber.

8. Grab your second balloon, and snip off the end.

9. Grab your last balloon, and snip the end, leaving enough to tie.

10. Tie the end, and voila! You've made yourself a squishy stress ball.
Where to get help......
Getting help doesn’t have to be something you are ashamed to do. Our mental state
of mind is as important as physical state of being.

Getting mental health help means that you are helping yourself find effective ways
of solving a problem that you may not have been able to solve. Getting help may
mean you are going to talk to someone; it can mean finding out who you really are
and how to stay true to yourself; it can mean learning to trust, love, and be happy.

The following places are places that you may find help.

Facility Phone Address
Daymark Recovery 1-866-275-9592 725 N Highland Ave, Winston-Salem, NC
Services 27101

Novant 336-718-3550 175 Kimel Park Dr #100, Winston-Salem, NC
27104
Center Point 336-714-9100 4045 University Pkwy, Winston-Salem, NC
27106
Mental Health Associ- 336-768-3880 1509 S Hawthorne Rd, Winston-Salem, NC
ation 27103

There are many different places you can go to. The best thing for you to do is..

1. Determine the kind of services you want (individual therapy, group therapy, etc.)
2. Google mental health services near me.
3. Call to ask about their services and how soon you can have an initial consulta-
tion.
4. Ask what kind of insurance they take. If you do not want to use your insurance
or do not have insurance, ask the price of the consultations.
5. Make an appointment
6. At your first appointment get to know your therapist/counselor.
7. Ask them about themselves and tell them why you are there and what you are
expecting from them.
8. If you do not like a certain person, do not stay with them. You need to find some-
one you can talk to and be yourself.
9. Dont give up if your first therapist/counselor is not the right person for you.
10. Remember this is about you learning to take care of you.

If you are feeling suicidal or have an emergency, please immediately call 911 or the Suicide Hope
Line at 1-800-273-8255 or go to your nearest emergency room.
Health Resources
Your mental health and your physical health can have a strong affect one on another. When you do
not feel well, your mental health can also become worse. On the other hand, when we do not take
care of our mental health and allow ourselves to become overwhelmed with stress, it can take a
physical toll on our bodies. This can be particularly true when we are unable to get the proper care.
Below is a list of various community resources to help you access medical care.

1. Forsyth County Public Health Department
https://www.co.forsyth.nc.us/publichealth/
Services: Family Planning, STD test & counseling, Immunizations, Dental, Breast & Cervical Cancer Screenings
Location: 799 N Highland Ave, Winston-Salem, NC 27101
P: (336) 703-3100

2. Community Care Center
http://www.cccforsyth.org/
Services: Basic services and specialty services at certain times: cardiology, dental, dermatology, ENT,
endocrinology, gastroenterology, gynecology, neurology, opthamology, optometry, orthopeids, otolaryngology,
pediatrics, podiatry, psychiatry, psychology, radiology, and urology
Location: 2135 New Walkertown Rd. Winston-Salem, NC 27101
P: (336) 723-7904
*Must go for eligibility screening (held every Tuesday and Wednesday from 1-4pm)
*Patients seen by appointment only

3. Grace Free Clinic
Services: Management of chronic and acute conditions such as: hypertension, diabetes, COPD, pneumonia, and
other primary care appropriate conditions
Location: New Light Missionary Baptist Church: 1535 East 15th St. Winston-Salem, NC
P: (336) 671-3865
*Clinics held on the 3rd Saturday of each month from 9am-1pm
*To be eligible must be over age of 18, no health insurance, and live in zip code of 27105 and neighboring
communities. Bring proof of address, photo ID, and list of current medications.
*Provides transportation if necessary

4. Trinity Moravian Church Neighborhood Clinic
Services: Neighborhood health clinic for children and adults. School physicals, regular checkups, and treat illness.
Also routine shots and lab work.
Location: 220 East Sprague St. Winston-Salem, NC 27127
P: (336) 724-7558
*Clinic Hours: 1st and 3rd Thursdays of each month from 5:30-7:30pm. 1st Thursday for children and adults, 3rd
Thursday for children under age 22 only.
*Open to anyone who lives in Forsyth County.

5. Crisis Control Ministry
Services: Pharmacy
Location: 200 E. Tenth St. Winston-Salem, NC 27101
P: (336) 724-7875
*Who qualifies: Residents of Forsyth and Stokes Counties of any age who demonstrate a true financial need
We would like to offer a special thanks to our sponsors and
donors:
On Time Catering
Eddie Carrick CPA
TopLine Design
Denton Orator
CID Implements
Dr. Kimya Dennis
Mr. David Cunha

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