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Task 1

The charts below shows the annual water usage by different industries.

Answer :

The bar chart illustrates the use of water (public supply and Ground Water) by various Commented [A1]: Please do not use the same word as it is used
in the question
industries for a year. The initials are measured in millions of cubic meters.
Overall, ground water is used most on chemicals, metals, and paper industries. W whereas,
public supply is utilized most on food/drink and machinery industries. Commented [A2]: The longer and the more complex your
sentence, the higher the mark you will get. Therefore, you should
not split this two sentences
In a more detailed, look at the graph reveals that Cchemicals companies use 430 cubic meters
ground waters. However, they use around 50% lesser on public supply. Moreover, in paper Commented [A3]: This is uncountable noun
production, only 20 cubic meters public supply is spent which significantly different with the Commented [A4]: To reduce the use of percentage, you can
change this with ‘a half’
use of groundwater ground (190 cubic meters). On top of that, metal production consumes 240
cubic meters ground water while nearly 75% lesser public supply water is used. Commented [A5]: This word is too general. Instead of saying
this, it will better to say ‘significantly higher’ or ‘significantly lower’
Contrastingly, machinery only consumed 10 cubic meters ground water in its production while Commented [A6]: To reduce the use of percentage, you can
they use 10 times more on public supply. Additionally, food/drink industries 190 cubic meters change this with ‘three quarters’

public supply is used while they spend 60% lesser on ground water.

Furthermore, Fuel fuel, as well as textile companies, utilized 10 cubic meters only on public Commented [A7]: Pay attention on your capitalization

supply but it consumed more on ground water (70 and 80 cubic meters).

Notes : I could only wrote half of the essay in 20 minutes. In an hour only I could finish the
essay completely. Please help to check my grammar as well. 
Formatted: Font: 18 pt
Here is the article that might help you

Task 2.
Some people think the best way to solve global environmental problems is to increase the cost
of fuel.

To what extent do you agree or disagree ?


Environmental issues are now global problems. One of the reasons for this to happen is due to
excessive use of fuel by a human. Therefore, it is believed that one of the ways to overcome
this issue is to impose the higher cost on fuel. However, I am do not entirely agree with the Commented [A8]: verb
proposed solution. This essay will elaborate the reason why.

First, it is true that continues continuous use of fuel contributes to global environmental Commented [A9]: continuous (adj)
continues (verb)
problems. Nevertheless, there are numerous factors that cause this to happen as well, for
Commented [A10]: You should explain in more detail why this
instance irresponsible illegal logging by particular group of people. This action damages our idea is possibly true. Do not just mention it in one short statement
environment greatly as this can lead to many natural disasters such as water flood and then directly move to a new idea.
avalanche or erosion. Commented [A11]: CONSIDER TO CHANGE THE IDEA IN THIS

Additionally, an increasing number of environmentally-unfriendly transportations are being The idea which is questioned is “increase fuel cost-> solution for
global warming.
used. This type of transportation, other than use fuel to operate it is also producing excessive
Carbon Monoxide which in fact the main reason of for Global warming. For this reason, other Therefore, instead of discussing about another factor contributing
on global warming, you should directly discuss the reason why
than increase the cost of fuel, it would be more effective if government impose a high tax on his ‘increasing fuel cost’ is an effective or ineffective way.
type of transportation and provides more eco-friendly public transportations, which are
affordable and accessible. So that in order to function daily people would switch to more eco- Commented [A12]:
friendly transportation. Again, the question is asking about the effectiveness of a suggested
solution. Therefore, instead of providing new solution, you should
evaluate ‘to what extent/context/condition increasing the price of
In conclusion, to tackle environment global issues effectively, besides impose imposing a higher the fuel is effective and not effective.

cost on fuel, the government should focus on other factors such as illegal logging as well as Moreover, because you have not explained the weakness of the
excessive use of environmentally–unfriendly transportation system since they also contribute suggested solution in the question, the idea you mention in this
paragraph is not concise enough.
to world environmental problems.
Commented [A13]: This conclusion does not answer the
question well.

Be careful. With this structure, your essay is Out of The Topic. Formatted: Font: Bold

Following is the suggested outline:

Body 1 : Increasing the fuel price can be effective to solve the global warming because by this,
people will reduce the use of the vehicle which basically emit the CO2
Body 2: Such condition might work on society with average economic level. Rich people will
never consider the price as a reason to stop buying it.

Suggested conclusion:

In conclusion, increasing the price of fuel might be effective to reduce the greenhouse gases
because (…..) while some conditions e.g. ….. possibly do not make it effective.