DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

DESIRE

I guess we really never got to see each other, even with her living right in front of me for 3 years. I must not have been attracted to this girl named Desire , but hoped that I would get to know her better. What happened was me getting hurt in the end by a girl he wanted and never really wanted to be my friend. I couldn’t understand why she spent so much time with me during that month of May and June, but I should have known when I was the one doing all the “calling”and she just happened to say “yes”! Well I am writing this in October and I still must have a thing for her, even if she never calls me or even sea’s me anymore. I keep leaving messages on her recorded every two weeks hoping she might call, but she wont. I also have left flowers out for her but someone keeps moving them, I called and asked if she was moving them and she said she didn’t touch them.
I realized that she most likely could care less for me even if we are neighbors, and she has a thing for the “cowboy” on the second floor the same person she made fun of. She really didn’t like him and knew of his recent 1 night stand with some lady he was trying to get out of a relationship with. Well.... she talks and talks about people and one night she told me how stupid she thought Mark- The cowboy was and how “he was

DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

slow”. Well she's the one hanging around him now, personally he’s been up to my place one night, when Desire came over and asked if I wanted to go to the Tampert Bar- (a dancing bar). She doesn’t even dance.....-well I had her in and she had some beer’s-....now she say's she doesn’t drink-right? When Mark came over he smelt like a bottle of canoe, And I swear I could have died from the smell.... if it wasn’t for “me and Desire” laughing at him, Mr. big nose........ and he looks like a maroon. I still can’t believe that we were in the kitchen laughing at this guy. Desire said the next night he came over and said” Imagine what you could make these places look like if you owned them, I feel like I live in a dump”!

Desire told Mark that she wasn’t going out to the Tampert Bar and she would stay with me that evening. We drank beer’s and then went over to her place, That’s when I got my first kiss. It wasn’t much , but I also had a woody after that and Desire could feel it when we hugged each other. She had that look in her eye’s, we both would meet the next day. I felt like maybe she really liked me, I think she did.

It all started I guess, one morning I saw Desire sitting in her car in the parking lot, And “my god “she was looking and smiling at me, fancy that! Next ....I was talking with Marvin, “the building Beer Dude” and Desires walked up. Marvin said “ Hi Desire , and

DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

directed his son John to go in the house and get a couple of Beers.. Well Marvin carried on about a story while me and Desire listened. Desire said” I got some steaks to BBQ and might bring them down, Marvin said Joe HAS a BBQ, he could cook them, I said if she wanted to and she said Yes! Well ,Desire only lived right next door to me, As I walk out my door , Desires right directly in front of mind. With a couple of beers in us we went upstairs to her place to look at the steaks and then over to my place, I told her I didn’t have any beer only liquor, She seemed quite happy with Cranberry and Vodka’s, and she had many of them .We both had them and she went to the bathroom alot. She loved my place and my pinball machine....... she kept playing over and over. She marinated the steaks, And I must admit those were the tastiest steaks I have had in a while. I was very impressed. During the evening with Desire, she spoke of her old boyfriend, Revor. She talked of all the bad things and how she was dumped by him. I felt sorry for Desire, I gave her a hug and she asked if she would ever see me again? At that, I gave her my phone number and asked her to call me,She also gave me her card, she owned her Desires photography and did wedding's and such. I also learned of Desire just starting her new job , she had been

DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

unemployed for the last three months and was starting to work as a assistant for a Photography shop Uptown. She was let go by a company called Party Dubies for some reason, but still did wedding's for them. Over the next week, I waited for Desires to call, but She did not. I finally bumped into her and asked to see her again, She agreed to see me. She was going to come over for dinner Friday night. Friday came around and she did not call or knock on the door, then I saw her with Mark, her over boyfriend downstairs on the second floor. Well the rest you already know about. She did come over and our hugs became kisses. Not deep kisses but affection kisses. just one at a time. Every time I saw Desires I would welcome her and get a hug, even the other day we still hug each other but there is something missing, the desire she has for me is gone. She has had a tough year -unemployment for 3 months ........than losing Revor, her boyfriend, at which I know everything about and then when I was seeing her, she just got a job then got fired, guess what............. so did I. She started to tell me about Revor, how they got started together, They worked together. He was a photographer like Desire . Revor is 6 feet tall and athletic, he can ride from Boulder to the moutains on his bike. He smokes and gets blackout Drunk at least Twice a week and sometimes more. Desire Loves

DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

Revor even today and if he did come back “she would require him to join AAA “and get help, but .........Revor is never coming back. Revor also has done drugs, unlike Desire ,he has done everything. He smokes and drinks closing the bars at 2:00am. Desires ran in to Him at a photo shoot and he wouldn’t even talk to her. She really only thinks of herself I have come to believe and only has used me to obtain things. For example, she requested a pantry in the hallway and I built her one, she wanted a Jenny door (her Dog)and I built her one, she needed the toilet fixed and I fixed it, she wanted a fan and I gave her one and installed it. WE have gone out only to get things like plants and flowers and parts to fix her toilet. She never really wanted to pay me for anything, I could tell, she wanted a free ride. When I gave her the bill for the Pantry she was not happy, But she paid the 75 dollars a month later. Desires only really came over for dinner, we walked the Light line canal from time to time but , she would come over for dinner mostly. I love the way Desires is, She is strong , independent and surefooted. She has her own company and works as much as I do. She is 5 foot tall at 100 lb. and has short brown hair, a little over weight, she doesn’t wear any makeup or carry a purse. She lives right across the hall from me for the last 3 years. We kept bumping into each other, once on Federal at a burger king and

DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

then as I walked out my door in the morning. She doesn’t call anymore and reminds me of a robot when I talk to her. She does not show any emotions, but I have had her breaking out of her shell before. If I do bump into her she looks run down and slow paced with no energy. I told her the reason I have lost 35 pounds in the last 3 months was due mostly to her. She still didn’t get exited, Maybe that's why I like her or still care about her is the Mystic envolved with trying to figure her out. I bumped into her a month ago on the Light Land Canal, she was going to her surrogate parent’s house they live down there, I didn’t even know, neither did Revor he never me Sonny and Cher, but they know him. Dating and friends for 6 months and Desires didn’t have the courtesy of introducing her boyfriend to them. Because Desires may be a Gold digger, When I was talking to her she started telling me about the house up the road she would like to buy, this is Desires -No Money to do that. Well guess what? Sonny and Cher , who are not rich or have all kinds of money and are a only friends of Desire, Are going to take out second Mortgage on there house and give her the money. You should have seen this place, it has been condemned by the city and needs a lot of work. She told me when I first met her that Sonny and Cher were having her over once a week for dinner, They lost there son years ago and Desires was a Friend.

DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

Well, Lately she has been spending I lot of time over there, I wonder why? Today is October 12th and I just did it again, It seem that after about a week without giving Desires something I suddenly come up with something to give her be it Flowers, Candles or Poems. The last two weeks I gave her poems about her Dog Jenny. A beautiful Mini Pincher that loves to run at you and is always ready to play, a real fun dog with a good character. Desires told me once that she was glad that I thought her Dog had good character. Desire's Mom visited about two weeks ago and I think I ran into her. She has been coming to see Desires for several years. She saw me putting my camper back on my truck, Her eyes bugged out when she saw what I was doing, she was very short like Desires and looked like she had a hard life. I really don’t want Desires to tell me to stop some of the letters, but the ones I have given her have been very open and direct. She knows that I love her, but does not know why? She does not call me, see me or even show any interests , but I still keep coming on like a freight train. Why doesn’t Desires call, Well there are many reasons, First this would show interest in me something she would rather not have right now. I think she has her hands full with the Crying cowboy“Mark”. She has told me stories about him and I think she is just trying to help him , even the it may appear she likes him, She has told me otherwise. He is just as lonely as me and I suspect he

DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

might be jealous of me., Even the I don't see Desires, She most likely talks to somebody about me, I thinly it is him. Why would someone like me love a girl like Desires. A girl who lives next door, a Girl I have done everything for and gotten nothing in return? She excites me , she has broken me out of my shell, I have not had a women in a while even consider me and she did. Of course She had no idea that I would get so caught in Her Web. She has something about her, I like it better when we don’t see each other, I can fantasize about the way she is. She collects Dragons, Why? Two Months ago I ordered a Dragon for her, It was a pendent she could wear, But I figured it would end up in her show case of fog dragons. This is where I believe she puts here lost friends or relationships, She always is talking about old relationships she has had. Charlie, Revor, Mark ,or her boyfriend in Nebraska. He didn’t kiss her because she wouldn’t let him, He tried for 5 years and Desires wouldn’t, Well I’ve kissed Desires, it wasn’t anything big but for someone who says “I don’t like to Kiss”. And by the way, She “doesn’t like to be Touched either”. How can Cowboy Mark put up with her. One day in the parking lot he said in a passive voice..... that “girl” ...indicating that Desires “may not be a Girl”. It is possible that Revor did not “like it” for a reason when they decided to go from buddies to dating, Especially when Desires thinks he may have had a one night stand. What makes

DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

this girl different. Why would I still like her, believe me I should have dropped her a long time ago, But when I make this known to Desires she does show interest and she cares slightly. Is three anything there? Most likely not but I still hope and pray. Why Do I wake up and think of her or while I am driving Think of Her. Does She have a power I don’t realize , Is She making write this now?? What and Why would I waste so much time for a person, There is only one answer-LOVE! Or the belief that I want to be in love, maybe I have reached a point in my life that I must confront my emotional side of giving, I am a very giving person, who am I. I am ever changing in my thoughts, But Desires comes up as a person who I like to think about and my thoughts are sincere, honest and trusting. Why ??? I have tried to forget her, but what do you do about someone you can feel right next door and why did I just noticed her six months ago, Was I seduced by this angel, or was I attracted to a ever needing person who has never been treated so richly. All her life she has gotten the “short end of the stick” and here comes along a guy-””me”” that really cares, It may be very scary to her, She has accepted the gifts but has no desire to peruse me as a relationship and I will be Honest........ It may not work out anyway. I really like it the way it is now. I see her when I want, She never calls, She is not even a neighbor, but she is a presence.

DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

It is good, I feel good, I want to meet someone special, Desires is a Stepping stone for me to express myself. Who knows we may be friends for ever! Well, I haven’t written anything about Desires recently, It’s been about 1 month, I am starting to feel a little differently about her. Why would She want to get involved with the boy across the hall or even downstairs. We just saw each other and it was wonderful, she told me about herself, we greeted each other with open arms and always a Hug, I feel that’s the best part. We have always Hugged each other, of course I would always prompt the engagement, but we have had some wonderful hugs, I would hold her and then squeeze tight, she would return the squeeze making me feel good, and that’s what it’s all about anyway. She said to me recently that she was not trying to avoid me , but she was very busy, I can understand that She was updated on me and even came into my condo to look at the wall I completed in July, This was the first time in a long time she has been over, I like talking to Desires and I really like Hugging Her. She is so short and never pushes me away, she always gives me a good hug, Kind of like she might actually care a little about me. I think She does care, She has been hurt so much in the past She wants our friendship, but may not be able to open up. She told me She just got another Dog and the reason She is never around was because She was over at Sonny and Cher’s house

DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

training Him. I told her I knew where She was because I Bike ride over there every night, She seemed surprise, But Desires doesn’t show much emotion, She needs someone like me that cares. Today I sent out a nice Greeting card for Thanksgiving, on the back of the card it said “SMILE” “We Like You”, Inside the card was to Desires about being a special friend and having a wonderful Thanksgiving. I leave Desires things in front of her door all the time, Balls for the dogs, poems and flowers get put on the doorknob. She always takes them but, never calls me. The other night I saw her running on the Light land canal. She is trying to lose some weight , She says She has let herself go, 10 pound or so. I told her I had lost 40 pounds and am down to a 34 inch pant size. She was very impressed. I feel that I may be influencing Desires. She doesn’t run, or I don’t think she ever did, now she has a personal trainer, Ron, He has her eating only 2 Ounces of meat per day. She must really want to lose the weight. You know I might be looking a little better than ever and She might want to catch up with me, You never know. She said She still hasn’t been to Boone's park, I asked if She would save that for me? She said she would, There’s so much to learn about Boone's park that just going there is never as good as having a guide who can tell the stories . Well I may be losing the urge to see Desires after this week, can

DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

you believe I still cry for her, but there have been some major changes in her life and mind in the last 3 weeks since we talked. First, I have seen her a lot lately, not for long periods of time , but just enough to see who see really is. Well she was sent a Thanksgiving card and never responded and I bumped into her and I guess her new or old who knows “boyfriend -Mark the moron that lives on the second floor. He has been seeing A lot of Desire lately and maybe even going over to Sonny and Cher's house. This guy does not impress me, he looks and acts like a real loser. Anyway maybe that’s why Desires hangs around him. “The shows over everybody go home” is all he could say as he babied his hurt “arm” “don’t worry Desires I’m not using the arm”, “What A wimp”. Well when they were moving the couch, he didn’t even help. But he certainly does not like me as I tried to help. Well like I said changes, I really don’t feel the same for her, I just wanted someone to be with, Why would anyone want to be with a liar, complaining all the time person, someone who is always bitching about something, well I’m not impressed either. She lost her surrogates-Sonny and Cher, they told her off and for good reason she wronged them, She probably took advantage of them and they saw it coming. Well I’m glad this didn’t end up lasting a lifetime, The cat’s out of the bag. She has found another friendship with Netta, who lives on the second floor with here husband and two wonderful kids. I have always liked her and she has always waived at me or said hello. A

DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

really nice person. Well Desires has this poor gal taken I can tell. While Del was dog sitting her sell able dog, Netta would come over and walk him and take Del to the airport and spend all kinds of time talking with her. I feel sorry for Netta having to listen to Desires talk to her about all her problems, That may be why she doesn’t like to see me anymore because I told her that people don’t always want to hear the bad stories about people and more important work, because work sucks. She does seem to bump into me more lately, One week I bumped into her all 7 days of the week and told her that I felt special, She gave me that Smirk of hers and said, “Well you do live right next door”!. I really don't think that she is a happy person, Something happened to her and she is taking it out on the world. I must be stupid but I even gave her a Christmas gift, A very nice picture of Ducks by a canal flying in a wood frame. I even had it on my wall for A while. it’s really nice. She came over for a few minutes when Mickey showed up, I said I had something for her, she Said” You Didn’t”. I think she was very surprised. I may be looking to chance her in someway, to make her like me and want to be with me, but to get to Desires to get her to move and call me or show interest is very well a losing battle. I learned some more bad news today, it is the new year and Desires has been fired again from her job. I noticed she has been

DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

at home a lot for the last few days and called her to see how she was. She did thank me for the picture form Christmas. She then explained she was fired. I let her know she should call me sometime and we could talk, she said OK just like several hundred times before, but I know I will never hear from her. I even started to cry for her, something I have been doing allot, wondering why she never calls me or likes me. I cried for Desires as a friend and a person I care about, She is my neighbor, and I want her to know I will always be there for her. I even went to Boone'spark. I think about her all the time and lately today I really attracted to think about her. I used to say” she doesn’t care about me”, well come to think of it I think she doesn’t care about anyone, She doesn’t show emotion, feelings, only remorse for people. I left Her another voice mail on her message phone, I still like to hear her voice, Boy I really need a girlfriend bad. I told her I was up at Boone's park in-between pikes peak and devils head with the sun shinning and a train passing by on a glorious day. I told her that she could count on me as always and that I wanted to help her find another job, Please let me help you!! After my run on the Light Land Canal I saw Desires with her Jenny. She didn’t look very happy, come to think of it she never

DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

looks very happy. Why in the world do I care about someone who never returns my messages, never acknowledges my existence, never shows any interest in me, never invites me or shares anything with me, never will call or ask for help. I must be loony tunes to believe that she has some sort of power of though which I can feel when she is near. I know when she comes and goes all the time. But still I love her, She is not pretty, she is not very shapely, she does not talk care of herself very well, She is seeing the Cowboy downstairs, She told me she doesn’t even like him. She will never be my friend, never go out of her way for me, never invite me or call me. Never ask me if I need help. Never show any interest in me, never want me or see me. Never show any emotion to me, she reminds me of talking to a wall or loving a solid object with no thoughts , feelings or passions. I have tried to help, lord knows I want to be a good person and help, I need to help, but there is no improvement, no success with no devotion. But, what would Desires talk to so many people about, She still can’t figure out what she did. Well she makes friend s quickly uses them and then discards them. She even said don’t call anyone back that leaves a message” , Well that ‘s nice to know so if you call her, that is guarantee she will not ever call back, What A wonderful person She is?

DESIRE's A story of lost love by BrainWaveTech Copyright 2010

And to top it, She can’t understand why people won’t accept her lies and disposition on certain matters. Yes Desires, we all want to be your friend but we are looking for a friend not someone who only cares about them self. So many lies, it’s all about money She is in shock looking for some meaning to her own demise. She can stick with Mark and dilute his fettle mind with her problems and stories of people and try make sense of why people are always leaving her or staying away. I realize now that there is more to life then the Girl next door, there are people who want to be with me and care about me. She is not one of them. This story is now over-Goodbye Desires.

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