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COMPLIMENTS Beware of uncomplimentary compliments Don t give a before-and-after comparison compliment Is your compliment a before-and-after ? If so you only give the after part. Punch with a smile Don t focus only on what someone did wrong Compliment sincerely before you give criticism. Spread gossip Don t keep compliments about others to yourself Spread positive gossip by passing on the compliment to that person. Magnify praise Don t miss an opportunity to praise someone publicly Seize the opportunity to praise someone publicly when worthy of it. Pay with words Don t be stingy with words of appreciation Be generous with your words of appreciation. It will pay you back. Appreciate criticism Don t become defensive and retaliate against criticism When you receive criticism, especially uncalled-for, say Thank you for giving me your opinion. I will definitely give it some thought. Create comfort in a difficult time Don t avoid communicating with a close person that is having problems. This must be a difficult time for you. Is there anything I can do to help?
Complain with impact Don t complain w/o offering a solution When you tell someone a problem, offer a solution at the same time. Save it for later Don t criticize in public Criticism should be done in private, especially if you want to be heard.
Avoid superficial offers Don t offer to do something you don t want to do. Always expect a person to say yes to any offer you make. Avoid after-the-fact comments Don t make negative after-the-fact comments about a choice when it can t be changed. When someone has made a choice that is unalterable and regretted, offer positive help or say nothing at all. Say what you mean Don t expect someone to read your mind. Be sure to say what you mean, especially when someone asks you about something that affects you. If you don t you will be disappointed. Disagree w/o being disagreeable Don t automatically disagree with someone s opinion before you take time to consider it Ask, What are your reasons for saying that? Listen to the answer before you respond. Have balanced conversations Don t create unbalanced conversations. Check yourself. If you talk too much, ask the other person a question and listen. Close the deal Don t neglect working out the specific details of a deal.
Create accountability. Work out the specifics and clarify your expectations. Show you care Don t put off following up on something important to someone else. When someone expresses something is important to them, follow up on it later.
Make people your partners Don t order someone to do something If you want cooperation, offer choices and ask questions. Get a green light Don t assume someone is ready to give you their full attention. Before sharing something important, ask, Is this a good time for you? Ask and you ll receive Don t expect someone to offer you something you want. When you want something ask for it. Only you know what you want and need. Earn your favors Don t expect someone to do a favor for you when your relationship is inconsistent. Connect. Show an interest in people when you don t need anything from them.
RIGHT YOUR WRONGS Don t say you know something when you 100% don t. Admit you don t know or that you are wrong when necessary. Use the 2-part apology Don t only say I m sorry Apologize by saying, I m sorry for ARGUMENTS . In the future I will .
Rein in roaming anger Don t repeatedly tell 1 person about a problem with another person. Confront the people that make you angry, especially if you have told someone else 3 times or more about your anger. Don t take sides Don t support someone in an argument by being critical Stay neutral. Make supportive comments when listening, but don t be critical Find factual solutions Don t argue about something when facts can resolve it Are you arguing about facts or opinions? If it s facts, then go get them. Hold your tongue Don t give unsolicited advice Only give advice when you are asked for it or you get permission. Prepare your evidence Don t jump into a conversation unprepared, especially if you want something Before you persuade someone you need specific reasons why they should.
Acknowledge others in a new way Don t assume you don t need to reply to an e-mail Make it a habit to acknowledge that you have read e-mail messages. Give a final answer Don t assume a person doesn t need a final answer. If you tell someone you will try, let them know if you did it or not. GET OFF THE HOOK Don t agree to do a favor if you don t want to.
If you don t want to hurt someone s feelings by refusing a favor, simply say, I m sorry, but I have a policy about this. I don t . Avoid empty gestures Don t make offers that you won t follow through with. Only make offers when you are certain you can/will follow through. Don t cave under pressure Don t cave under pressure and give a answer before you are prepared to. When you aren t sure of your answer, the best response is always, Let me think about it. I ll get back to you by . Invite with caution Don t invite others to join in plans you have with someone else. Get approval from a person you have plans with before you invite others along.