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Great job, living with my parents and siblings and getting ready to graduate high school. School in the morning then work and some video games at night at my sisters house down the block. Seeing my boyfriend on the weekends after work. Happy as could be at this point in my life. Didn¶t want anything to change. I never stop to realize how good it was though, until it was stripped away from me suddenly and without warning. I knew I was lucky but never did I realize just how lucky I really was. I took everything for granted. Now I pay the price. This is a diary from a girl who was a snob. She didn¶t understand hurt or pain or how much she actually had. It starts out when she is at her 18th birthday party. This girl is me. ³Happy Birthday Chelly!´ Andy called from the car. I was running out to get into the car before my parents could notice how drunk Andy was. I jumped over the side door of his convertible and we were off. We went out to a party on the other side of town and got drinks. This was the first mistake that I never thought I would regret as much as I do now. The next thing I knew I was in an alley puking my entire digestive system out my mouth. I had no idea how I got where I was . I just woke up laying on the piles of trash near a dumpster. I had a splitting headache and seemed to be missing a shoe. I suddenly remembered I was also missing a boyfriend. I got up again from a box I had sat on to calm my stomach and grabbed the dumpster for support. I wearily looked up and down the alley trying to remember where I was. ³A «. Andy!´ I croaked. My voice sounded awful. My guess was from puking. I took a stumbling, step forward and heard an odd noise coming from around the corner. I automatically started walking, or stumbling, toward the corner hoping to find Andy. ³Hey look who it is!´ I froze. I knew that voice. The voice was the one making the noise I realized quickly. He couldn¶t see me which was a plus. This was the voice of the man that had beat
up my dad, in front of me, because my dad had not given him his money fast enough. My dad was always in trouble with the loan sharks. I snuck up just enough to see who he was talking to. I gasped seeing Andy keeled over staring, at the huge pile of muscle called a man, terrified. The man heard my intake of breathe and turned to me. He smiled evilly. ³I love it when they come to me!´ He said walking toward me. I started to slowly back away terrified now for my own life. ³Awww! Don¶t be like that. I ain¶t going to hurt you«. That much.´ He chuckled at his joke. ³Cheesy!´ I complained trying to sound unaffected. It didn¶t work. He knew I was scarred. I turned and took off running throwing the one shoe I had on at him. Even though it hit him in the head it didn¶t make a difference. He still caught me and threw me over his shoulder. I took in as much breathe as I could while breathing this hard and let out an ear shattering scream that he quickly stopped with a punch to the face. The movies are so wrong. When someone gets knocked out they just black out. They don¶t stand there and look at you while falling over. They literally have everything go black. They don¶t have any memory of what just happened for a few minutes after they wake. I woke up strapped up to a chair in a basement. My head was throbbing even more this time. I closed my eyes a little letting them adjust through the pain. I decided this time to be quiet no matter what happened. I was so upset but still trying to be as quiet as possible. I quietly sobbed not being able to control it. Suddenly a shadow appeared and I screamed unsure. I had meant to keep my mouth shut but since I was already so spooked, I couldn¶t handle it. The shadow came closer and I whimpered. The shadow turned into a bloody and bruised Andy. ³Shh! It¶s okay.´ He whispered. I felt relief and pain at the same time. He brushed the tears away and then kissed my forehead and walked to the back of me trying to untie me. Just then a loud
noise sounded. The front door! ³Freaking Aye!´ Andy cussed and hid under a table in the corner. I tried to remain as calm as possible but couldn¶t do a very good job. We heard loud stomping and then the door to the basement raddled. I started to cry again unable to stop myself. The man stepped into the room and turned to glare at me. I whimpered through my still streaming tears. ³Where is he?´ He spat at me. I cried again unsure. ³Where!´ He screamed. ³Ralf!´ I heard an even more scary voice yell from up the stares. ³Down here!´ Ralf yelled back. The door slammed open and a man whering a nice suit and tie stepped in. ³Just finish them off and lets get out of here.´ The guy in the suit said and I whimpered. ³Well the boy was up in the bedroom and now he¶s gone.´ Ralf told the man. Ralf seemed, I swear, sheepish. ³What! How could you let him escape fool!´ The suited man called, furious. While they fought I decided to prolong any chance I had at staying alive. ³He went back to the ally.´ I cried as if feeling abandoned. The muscle man back handed me with a vicious growl. ³Liar!´ He yelled turning on his heels. ³Your lying for him and I know it! Now tell me where he is!´ He glared. ³If you don¶t believe me then how do you know whether I am telling the truth or not aye?´ I answered feigning sarcasm. ³Answer my question.´ He demanded. ³I told you. He said he would be back to get me with help but he had to get out of here. He went to the ally im positive.´ ³Why so sure?´ He raised an eyebrow at me and I sighed. ³Never underestimate a chick and her boyfriend.´ I answered as if he was crazy for asking such a question. He stomped toward the door and slammed it behind him locking it. Andy didn¶t move until we heard his truck start. Then he jumped up and untied me. We both looked through the teeny tiny
peepholes that this guy calls windows. We saw a back yard with nothing in it. We found a door and of course tried to open it. Inside was rows upon rows of cannabis. Andy¶s face lit up with excitement seeing this as mine fell. Andy looked to be in heaven. I scowled and noticed another door on the other end of the room. I grabbed Andy¶s arm and all but dragged him to the door. Unfortunate for us the door had a large pad lock on it. Along with several other key only locks. As I panicked again I noticed a telephone on the wall. I did not expect this at all but didn¶t care. I ran lightly straight to it. I dialed for emergency. The phone was answered immediately. ³Hello! What¶s your emergency?´ A women asked calmly. ³Umm« My boyfriend and I have been kidnapped by a loan shark and are now in a basement filled with cannabis.´ I said sounding panicked. I actually was close to panicking. I could feel myself shutting down. I pushed off the feeling remembering that I needed to get out of here. ³Do you know where you are?´ The lady spoke calmly trying to calm me as well as figure out if I was faking it. ³Hold on. I won¶t hang up im just going to try and find someway to look outside.´ I handed Andy the phone and started looking out the small window we had seen before. I saw a street sign and told the lady the street name and which alley I thought we were taken from. I put the phone to the side so I could continue to look for a way out but didn¶t hang up. Andy and I froze, our attempts at breaking a peephole size window, when we heard a truck pull up. I told the lady on the phone that the guy was back and we would not hang up but we would hide. Andy laid in-between some of the plants in the dirt. I got on top of a filing cabinet type thing. It was long and had about a foot between the top and the ceiling which I filled. I pressed myself as close to the wall as possible. Our breathing, although labored, was quiet. We heard the loud thumps of the footsteps of the muscle man
and we both froze. We listened as he stomped around throughing things and then we heard when he entered the first room of the basement. He started to growl almost and we could tell he would kill us if he found us. The door opened and he stepped in. ³I know your in here.´ He said furious. He took a second to look around and then started checking hiding places. He looked underneath the plant tables and inside some of the barrels in the corner. He stood grunting and started looking around. He looked my way and I thought he might have seen me but he continued looking around. ³Im coming for you.´ He stated evilly. He walked toward me and felt my blood pressure rise farther. He ripped the doors to the closets next to me open. I sighed and then froze. He heard it. He stepped back and looked up. ³I told you I would find you.´ He grunted trying to reach for me. I continued to squish my self out of the way of his hand while crying again. He stepped back and looked at me. I saw something click and he ran full force toward the metal box I was on. I fell crashing to the floor. Right then I knew it was over. I felt pain in all my body and felt the world swim around me. The last thing I remember is sirens. I was suddenly aware. I couldn¶t move but mind was awake. This must be what they call limbo. I was suddenly seeing my life flash before my eyes like a movie. I watched a replay of my life for a second but then It started to slowly slip. The world became a bluer. I suddenly noticed the pain. It started to rise slowly and continued to get worse. This couldn¶t be limbo. It was to painful. It continued to get worse and I wished I could die. I felt a sharp jolt of flames. It felt like wild fire spreading through my veins faster then any of the cars on the race track my dad ever bet on. The pain consumed me until suddenly I woke up. Their was people standing all around me in a frenzy. I started to cry from the pain all over my body. This was different from the wild fire. This felt like I was being ripped in half. From the top of my head to my toes. My entire nervous system felt like it was
being torn from my body. I screamed for someone to kill me but everyone tried to calm me. Holding me still while they worked on different parts of my body. I couldn¶t pay much attention to them except to acknowledge that they were here to help. ³Ma¶am! Its okay! We are going to give you something to make you sleep. Just relax and go to sleep.´ A nurse told me sweetly. She continued to try and calm me until the blackness of sleep overcame me. 3 months later ³So you mean your going to give me an entirely new identity so I can hide from this guy who hates me. Sounds like were running away.´ I told my handler. ³Your not running or hiding. Your moving on with your life but this time your starting over. You can make of it what ever you want. Haven¶t you ever wanted a new start?´ I knew I was going to give in to it but I wanted to be annoying for a moment. It was the first time I could do anything. Or talk to anyone. They never let me talk to people. I stole the chance at just being irritating. ³I¶ll think about it.´ I stated trying not to show the laughter on my face. ³You have no choice. Did agree to testify against him?´ He asked catching on. I sighed and looked up at him. I had to admit this guy was cute. US Marshal Bobby Santer. ³Of course!´ I stated plainly. ³Well then this is to protect you.´ He told me sitting down in his usual spot against the wall. I was used tot his room. We had been here a lot over the past 3 months. He now talked to me like an old friend. ³How do you always win this argument?´ I asked. It meant to be rhetorical but he answered anyway. ³Because your only arguing to argue.´ He told me
matter-of-fact like. ³How do you know?´ I asked sarcastically. ³It¶s my job to know.´ I giggled at him and his nonchalant. ³Okay so I¶m just starting a completely new life. Can I be 21?´ I asked jokingly but acting as serious as possible. He looked at me rolling his eyes. ³No! Because you are going to ask tomorrow. No!´ He told me again. ³Isn¶t that how you got into this situation anyway.´ He said harshly. I ignored him. ³So you said we¶re leaving next week right?´ I asked making sure. I was excited about going some where new. ³We are.´ He answered. ³Where are we going?´ I asked again. ³I haven¶t decided yet. Since I was moving regardless we decided to just have you move to the same area as I so as not to get you another handler. Less is always better in my job.´ He told me truthfully. ³Do you have any family?´ I asked him. ³I don¶t.´ He stated. ³How old are you Bobby?´ I asked for the first time. I have wanted to know because he looks young but acts older. He looked at me puzzled. I rarely surprised him. ³20. Why?´ He asked composing himself again. ³You look it but you act older.´ I shrugged it off. ³Wait isn¶t that a little young to be protecting me. I mean seriously my life is in your hands now bro!´ I told him. I was only giving him a hard time. I felt completely safe. ³Cute. I know what your doing. I¶ve worked for the job I have. I am not here because I¶m lucky I worked my ass off to get here. Plus I know your joking. You only say it because your craving conversation.´ He shrugged it off again. ³I can¶t be curious.´ I said sounding hurt. ³Funny. Your both.´ He told me nonchalant as if he wasn¶t telling me how I feel. ³So obviously I don¶t know how I feel only you.´ I said actually a little hurt.
³Your feeling the same as any drama queen would.´ He mumbled again. ³You do know I¶m not like them, right? Or am I just one of them to you too?´ I asked hurt. I was hurt but it wasn¶t close to crying. I have gotten stronger in holding onto my emotions. I¶m pretty good at keeping them in check. I put the blank emotionless face up and closed him out. I stood up and started to walk away. Bobby stood and grabbed my arm. I jumped automatically pulling out my pocket knife. He knew I would do it the minute I jumped and grabbed my arm to put the knife back. ³Ricky. I¶m sorry. I didn¶t mean too.´ He apologized about scaring me. Ricky was my new name and it irritated me but I was getting used to it. ³I know.´ I answered emotionless again. ³I¶m sorry about what I said it was harsh.´ ³Cut the crap. I know your not at all sorry about what you said. Talk to me later.´ I told him in the same voice not letting any emotion seep into my icy tone. I put my sunglasses on and went into the office where my cot lay. I had a hotel room across the street but hated having to stop Bobby and Sasha to bring me over there.