You are on page 1of 21


Why is
the US still Suzanne Moore
Tourist phobia

fighting the Feeding the 1%

Maitre d’ secrets

civil war? Peter Serafinowicz

What makes him Tick

Thursday 17.08.17

Television cruelty – you can usually rely on

at least one funny moment when
Please take Davies hunkers down among an
excitable pack of hounds and
these animals momentarily disappears, his hair
off our screens the perfect camouflage.
Tonight is the last in the
current run of 10 Puppies and Us,
a BBC2 documentary series that

t is a woof universally shadows new owners with newer
acknowledged that the UK pooches for their first six months
is a nation of animal lovers. together: this involves a lot of
Even if this immutable facet of toilet accidents and slobbered-on
our otherwise mercurial national furniture.
character had not always been the It might be teeth-meltingly
case, it would probably become twee at times but 10 Puppies
a self-fulfilling prophecy, simply and Us is still far more bearable
because every television docu- than the current nadir of pet
mentary about cats, dogs and programmes, Teach My Pet to
other household critters appears Do That. Even with the affable
to be legally obliged to include Alexander Armstrong in charge,
the phrase: “The UK is a nation ITV’s new Friday night show is
of animal lovers.” a joyless drag, nothing more than
And the pervasive belief that a craven attempt to reverse-engi-
every British person must love neer the popularity of YouTube
dogs has made pet-related TV the videos of pets doing unexpected
safest of safe mass-market options. things by rounding up animals –
Just give the people what they Animal madness? Rambo the pig, animals, the message remained dogs, cats, the occasional New
want – shih tzus and giggles. Bengal cat River on the back of impressively consistent: if you’re Zealand Kunekune pig – and, with
How much is too much? We Moss the labrador, Aslan the thinking of buying a pet, consider their owners on the sidelines,
are being overwhelmed by pet- miniature horse and Alexander a rescue animal first. There were brainwashing them into doing
related programming. Channel 4 Armstrong with a hen tears, cheers and a rascally goat pointless parlour tricks.
cleared out its 8pm slot every called Houdini. A fortnight ago, I callously
night last week for Animal Rescue While all for a good cause, suggested that this dog of a show
Live: Supervet Special, a mix of Animal Rescue Live ended up deserved to be put down. After a
Springwatch and charity telethons. going muzzle-to-muzzle
uzzle with week of AAnimal Rescue Live,
The programme was beamed live the rest of the UK’s pet I could n
never wish that fate
from the Newcastle Dog and Cat shows, which gravitate
tate on anything.
anyth But maybe
Shelter, and presenters Steve towards that 8pm slot.
lot. Austin the
th miniature horse
Jones and Kate Quilton and Tuesdays means The he Dog could be conditioned to
supervet Noel Fitzpatrick set Rescuers with Alan retrieve
retri a remote con-
themselves the arbitrary but Davies, now in its fifth trol
tr and change chan-
laudable task of finding homes for season. While the nel
n when he hears
every single beast in the shelter, stories can be heart-- the Teach My Pet to
as well as showcasing other furry breaking – with Do That theme
candidates from across the UK. RSPCA inspectors tune. A sugar cube
Amid the entertaining free-for- investigating well-earned.
all of making live television with reports of animal Graeme Virtue

Sexual health seem like a sexual health lesson. over-45s last year. This is a demo- “reaching the over-50s is dif-
Aldridge is 19; the average age of graphic that is not easily reached ficult ... They tend to come from
The Archers – an the Archers listener is 56. How with a letter from the headmaster a generation where these things
inappropriate, some say. Others or a charity information leaflet weren’t discussed.”
everyday story have intuited that the show is try- (although the Family Planning Combine this reticence with the
of fertile folk ing to attract a younger audience.
But the storyline can also be
Association has produced one).
The storyline is good news,
rise in the marriage and divorce
rates for the over-65s and the
read as a clever sleight of says Dr Wayne Cottrell, who change in dating patterns, and
hand. Sexual health edu- has a sexual health clinic it is easy to see why The Archers

he Archers has raised cation is overwhelmingly y in London. Because scriptwriters might feel they have
eyebrows with a sexual the preserve of young found fruitful territory. “Anyone
health storyline. After an people, but the number Phoeb who thinks STIs are limited to
incident with a fruit picker and a of diagnoses of sexually Aldrid e young people is deluded,” says
split condom, Oxford University transmitted diseases in (Lucy ge Laura Waters, a trustee of Ter-
had to Morris)
student Phoebe Aldridge needed people aged between 50 and vis rence Higgins Trust. “You don’t
to visit the Borsetshire STI clinic. 70 rose by a third over the past STI cl it an get people over 50 with genital
The character has shared her decade, and, according to Pub- warts standing up and saying the
predicament with listeners in suf- lic Health England, there were service should be better.”
ficient detail for the episode to 30,000 new STI diagnoses in the Paula Cocozza

2 The Guardian 17.08.17

Pass notes
No 3,907
Chilesaurus diegosuarezi


Cities serving “small plates”. They are Nickname: The Frankenstein dinosaur.
looking for “culture” as defined by Age: 145m years (approximately).
Is ‘liveable’ just well-endowed arts grants. Appearance: Legs like a Brontosaurus, hips of a
The EIU is hamstrung by its own Stegosaurus, and arms and body like a T rex.
another word for metrics: it uses five categories – I presume this is the next franchise from
safe and clean? stability, healthcare, culture and
environment, education and
the people who brought us Sharknado? No,
it’s a mashup dinosaur that has been baffling
infrastructure – to mark 140 cities palaeontologists. Fossils of the Chilesaurus
Country music
out of a score of 100. I would be were first discovered in 2004 by seven-year-old

legend Dolly Parton
ttention those who have interested to see what happened has announced Chilean Diego Suárez (hence the name). Four
been merely existing in if you took “healthcare” out and her first album years later, bones of what seemed to be different
large metropolises: the inserted the category, “likelihood aimed at children. species were found in the same spot.
Economist Intelligence Unit (EIU) of ending up on a roof terrace at Called I Believe In So they just boshed them all together and
is back with its global liveability 3am smegged out of your baggle- You, it comes with created a monster? Not quite, but it did take until
survey for 2017. box on carton wine while some magical cover art 2015 to work out that this was one creature with
featuring the singer
Melbourne, Vienna and Van- joker tries to put Despacito on features from some of our best-known dinosaurs.
as a rhinestone fairy
couver (first, second and third a portable speaker”. complete with wings, Is it related to the T rex and pals, then? Well, that
respectively) are unchanged from Few will dispute the civil war chiffon and glitter. was the thing. The Chilesaurus didn’t seem to fit
last year. In fact, the top 10 mainly strife that lands Tripoli and The album is out into any existing theory of dino evolution.
comprises polite Antipodean Damascus at the bottom of the on 29 September. But now someone has Who Do You Think You
cities such as Perth, Adelaide and table. But there is clearly a middle Workin’ ages 9 to 5. Are-d it? They have. And … rather than being
Auckland, and those inside cuddly, ground here when some of the a weird dino cut’n’shut, the Chilesaurus may
US-lite Canada (Toronto, Calgary). great cities – Rio, Cape Town, actually be a missing link in the story of how
Helsinki is in ninth place, but Hong Kong, even New York dinosaurs evolved.
London didn’t make it into the and London – struggle to make I’m just about with you. The ornithischian dino-
top 50. Of course, you can poke an impression on the list. saurs – your Triceratops, your Stegosaurus – have
holes in pretty much any top 50 The proof is that the hips similar to birds. They were always thought to
from Greatest Albums to Best highest-ranked British city, be completely different from meat-eaters such as
Bonds, but there is something Manchester, fell eight places the T Rex. Chilesaurus connects the two.
instructive and vaguely dispirit- to 51 because of the Manches- According to who, John Hammond? According

ing in how the EIU arrives at its ter Arena bombing. Yet to Biology Letters, a Royal Society journal.
safe, clean version of “best”. anyone who has spent time Co-author Matthew Baron has been busy reorder-
The Economist’s clientele are there knows that nothing ing the dino family tree. He told the BBC: “In the
exactly the people David Goodhart makes the place feel more 130 years since the ornithischian group was first
characterised as the “Anywheres” habitable than community in recognised, we have never had any concept of
in The Road To Somewhere, his the face of adversity. how the first ones could have looked until now.”
take on the populist revolt that Sadly, it is a demotic Does this mean I have to tear up everything I
gave us Brexit, Trump and global neighbourliness of the know about dinosaurs? Don’t destroy that fag
politics’ present weirdness. Unlike Somewheres that the packet just yet. Baron’s theory has its doubters.
the more geographically immobile Anywheres, locked These scientists can’t agree on anything! What

“Somewheres”, they are highly behind security doors did they say? Bet it was brutal. “The proposed
educated, highly mobile cosmo- in the luxury condos new family tree has a lot of statistical support,”
politan globalists, of the kind built to replace the Haci- co-author David Norman told the New York
deposited by huge corporations in enda, will never know. Times. “That doesn’t mean it’s right, just that it’s
Delft or Delaware to run a bureau Gavin Haynes the best we can do with the data we’ve got.”
or consult on a project. Oof. Well, those palaeontologists certainly know
They want to plug-in-’n’-play. in the how to cut to the bone.
n t o i s No 4 ities.
The Anywheres like a city with Toro iveable c Do say: “We’ve found the missing link between
l No 1
cycle lanes, botanic gardens and list of e, above, is Jurassic Park and The Lost World.”
a remodelled waterfront quarter Melbo Don’t say: “Imagine the bite on the
with a tranche of restaurants Uruguaysaurus Luissuarezi.”

17.08.17 The Guardian 3


Confederate statues have become a crucible of racial tension in the US. White
nationalists claim they are important monuments, while others say they are just
a way to rewrite an ugly history and refight the civil war. Jason Wilson reports
4 The Guardian 17.08.17
Clashes in n St Paul’s memorial church in ence, as “elements of a culture that
Charlottesville, Charlottesville last Friday, just directed whites towards beliefs that
Virginia, up the street from where white aligned them with the planters”, says
between white supremacists were gathering Lowndes. “It was a political project.
supremacists for a torchlight rally, Cornel Any political project requires symbols,
and counter- West explained why African Americans and imagery.”
protesters (main, saw the removal of Confederate monu- One of the core beliefs at the heart of
right); a statue of ments as so important. On hearing the Jim Crow project – and which these
Robert E Lee is that hundreds of white supremacists laws sought to implant – was that the
removed in New were gathered in a nearby park, the civil war had not been an ignominious
Orleans (left) civil rights leader said, with a hint of defeat, but a noble struggle. Leonard
weariness: “These are chickens coming Zeskind, author of Blood and Politics,
home to roost. We should have elimi- a history of white nationalism in the
nated these statues a long time ago. US, says the purpose of the hundreds
“The idea that the American family of statues erected around the turn of
has to embrace figures like [Confed- the century was “to rewrite who won
erate general] Robert E Lee, or Stone- the war”, in order to justify Jim Crow.
wall Jackson, who were committed to Lowndes says it was in part an effort
enslaving black people in perpetuity … Most monuments to “whitewash the civil war, and the
These people are not heroes.”
But Lee and Jackson are heroes to
to the Confederacy reasons it was fought”. Eventually, Jim
Crow was dealt a blow by the supreme
some. Their admirers include Donald
Trump. In a rowdy press conference
were not built until court’s 1954 finding, in Brown v Board
of Education, that segregation in public
on Tuesday, he compared them to 50 years after the schools was unconstitutional. From
celebrated figures in US history such this time, a black-led civil rights move-
as presidents George Washington and end of the civil war ment fought to extend the implications
Thomas Jefferson. Their admirers also of this decision into the full desegrega-
include the white nationalist move- ville was not built in the immediate tion of the south, and carried the fight
ment, which is currently surging in the aftermath of that war. Rather, it into other areas, such as voting rights.
US. The footsoldiers of that movement was commissioned more than half But many whites in the south, and
terrorised Charlottesville last weekend. a century later in 1917, and erected their state and local governments,
Trump downplayed their violent in 1924. It was part of a wave of fought tooth and nail to preserve
excesses, saying they were merely statue-building in the south that took segregation. They were, in effect,
“there to protest the taking down the place between the late 1890s and fighting the civil war all over again. In
statue of Robert E Lee”. 1920, according to research from the Virginia, a strategy of “massive resist-
The day after the torchlight parade, Southern Poverty Law Center. ance” devised by Senator Harry F Byrd
a rally featuring hundreds of mostly There was another flurry of Sr resulted in integrated schools being
young men in various states of para- statue-building in the 50s, and around closed, including in Charlottesville.
military attire shut down the city. this time the Confederate battle flag It was during this white resistance
Hours later, one of their number alleg- became popular. In that decade and to civil rights that Confederate symbols
edly murdered a counter-protester the next, some southern states, such and statues once again became popular,
with his car. The next day, a planned as Florida, changed their flags to and were adopted as signifiers of the
memorial to the murdered young more closely resemble the standard of resilience of white supremacy. And it
woman was cancelled after “credible southern defeat. was during this time that there was
threats” from white nationalists. According to Joseph Lowndes, another surge in the number of statues
The stated purpose of the nation- a political scientist at the University of erected throughout the southern states.
alists in coming to the city for the Oregon and author of two books on the Lowndes says: “They are presented
Unite the Right rally was to contest US’s racial politics and the south, the as being part of a continuous heritage,
the removal of a statue of Lee from timing was not accidental. “The statues but the idea that these symbols have
a downtown park. In the blizzard of go up in moments of racial reaction.” anything to do with anything but racial
online agitprop that so-called “alt- The earlier craze was the moment reaction is wrong.”
right” groups circulated before the when, Lowndes says: “The Jim Crow Not everyone agrees with this
event, the claim was often made that, order was really being built in the assessment – in particular, contempo-
in rallying around the statue, they were south.” So-called Jim Crow laws rary white Americans. According to the
protecting “white heritage”. formally segregated public schools, American Values Survey by nonprofit
But how did monuments to the losing public transport and public spaces, polling organisation PRRI, around
side in America’s civil war become such generally in former Confederate states. seven in 10 working-class whites
an intense focus for a national white Laws mandated that black people and believe that the flag is a symbol of
supremacist movement? And what is white people use separate restaurants, “southern pride” rather than “racism”.
the heritage they really represent? toilets and drinking fountains. It says 60% of whites of all classes feel
Charlottesville’s statue of Lee is one According to Lowndes, the Jim Crow this way, as do 51% of Americans as a
of about 1,500 such monuments to the phenomenon was a reaction to the whole. However, 80% of black Ameri-
Confederacy scattered throughout the inroads made by the populist move- cans say it is a racist symbol, and it is
US. Mostly, though not exclusively, ment, which had fleetingly created African Americans fighting for racial
those statues can be found in those political alliances of poor blacks and justice who have been the foremost
southern states that broke from the whites against the rich southern critics of Confederate symbols since
union in 1861 over their desire to retain planter class. Lowndes says that they were erected.
slavery. In 1865, after the loss of more southern elites sought to “take blacks The African American intellectual
than 600,000 lives and the destruction out of the electorate and segregate WEB DuBois wrote in 1931 of the gran-
of entire cities, such as Atlanta, the public space” in order to “redivide the diose inscriptions on recently erected
southern Confederacy was defeated, black and white core” of the south’s monuments to the Confederacy that:
and slavery was abolished. working class and small farmers. The “The plain truth of the matter would
But like most of the other monu- monuments were also elements of be an inscription something like this:
ments to the Confederacy’s “lost
cause”, the statue in Charlottes-
this divide-and-rule strategy. They
were ultimately built for a white audi-
‘Sacred to the memory of those
who fought to Perpetuate Human →
← Slavery.’” Later, Zeskind says:
“The memorials started to get
questioned in the 1960s in the fight
past, he says, “mainstream conserva-
tive media outlets were supportive
of the maintenance of Confederate
against Jim Crow, and it’s been going symbols”, and did so using catch-
ever since.” phrases such as “heritage, not hate”.
Since the 2015 massacre of nine This changed after Roof’s rampage
African-American churchgoers by in Charleston: establishment and
Dylann Roof in Charleston, South so-called “movement” conservatives
Carolina, there has been a renewed “stopped defending monuments”.
focus from racial justice advocates, On the other hand, over the same
including the Black Lives Matter (BLM) two years, passionate defenders of
movement, on the persistence of Confederate symbols began “echoing
Confederate monuments and symbols the progressive critique of the monu-
in southern cities. In the wake of the ments”, offering “a more radical push-
Charleston murders, South Carolina’s back against the idea that it wasn’t
governor ordered the removal of the about race”. From “heritage not hate”,
Confederate flag from the grounds of Virginia police then, some moved to the admission
the state house in Columbia. But racial stand by a statue Nationalists have that their heritage was hate.
justice advocates want to remove all
Confederate relics from southern cities.
of Robert E Lee in
turned the statues This was perfectly timed with
the rise of the “alt-right”. Like that
In Charlottesville last Friday, local
BLM chapter member Lisa Woolfork
(below) a white
into rallying points broader white nationalist movement,
they sought to leave behind the “dog-
explained that for her and her fellow attacks a counter- for resistance to whistling”, coded talk about race that
activists, “these statues themselves are protester in Republicans had been honing since
revisionist histories. They hide history. Charlottesville minority rights Nixon realigned the south’s politics
They tell a story from the 1920s of the with his “southern strategy”, and
‘lost cause’. It’s a way of making the Vanguard America, that explicitly openly push white supremacy.
slave-holding south feel like they won.” targets college-age men in its recruiting, Southern politicians in communities
But while critics of the statues have and hundreds of young men were active polarised around disputes over monu-
been mobilising, white nationalists have participants in the weekend’s events. ments sometimes try to equivocate.
been turning the statues into rallying The spectacle in Charlottesville of the During the debate over the statue of Lee,
points for resistance to multicultur- League of the South marching alongside the Charlottesville mayor, Mike Signer,
alism, feminism and minority rights. neo-fascist and neo-Nazi organisa- suggested that, instead of removing
Lowndes says: “These were largely tions such as Vanguard America, the such statues, they could be “contex-
regional sites as late as the 1990s,” of Traditionalist Workers party and the tualised” with plaques explaining the
interest mostly to southern heritage National Socialist Movement demon- civil war and the reasons it was fought.
groups, but also to more extremist strates that to some extent, their Woolfork, the BLM activist, disagrees.
“neoconfederate” groups, such as the objectives have fused. “There is no better context for these
Council of Conservative Citizens, and Ross says that Confederate monu- statues than the hundreds of white
the League of the South. (Neoconfed- ments are attractive to these groups nationalists coming to defend them.”
erates generally desire the restoration partly because they represent a period She says they need to go. “You cannot
of segregation as a matter of law, and of unquestioned white supremacy. tell beautiful lies about ugly stories.”
some even want the old Confederacy “The civil war is seen as the last stand of There have been signs in the days
to once again secede.) “But they have a proper, gentlemanly white tradition.” since that the events in Charlottesville
now become national sites for a racist But they also have value in terms of may have only accelerated the move-
rightwing move- ve- movement strategy. He compares their ment against Confederate statues. In
ment. They selection of the Lee statue in Charlottes- Durham, North Carolina, a group of
allow people to ville to the “patriot movement”-inspired protesters pulled down a monument
feel embattled. d. You can occupation of the Malheur National dedicated in 1924. On Tuesday night in
rally people to a last defence.” Wildlife Refuge in Oregon in 2016. “You Baltimore, hours after Trump’s incen-
Alexander Reid Ross is a lecturer place an insurrectionary point some- diary press conference, the city removed
at Portland State
ate University, and where and have people rally around it.” four Confederate memorials, including
author of Against
inst the Fascist Creep, George Hawley, a political scientist one of Robert E Lee and Stonewall
a broad historical
ical survey of fascist at the University of Alabama, and Jackson. Other cities have committed to
movements to o the present. He agrees author of two books that examine tearing statues down since the weekend.
that Confederate ate monuments have at dissident rightwing movements, says For West, the sooner it happens,
once given the e far-right a convenient that national far-right movements the better. As the white nationalist
set of symbolss to organise around and have been attracted to the fight over torchlight rally prepared to kick off not
swelled the constituency
onstituency for radical Charlottesville’s monument partly a mile away, he said that the heritage
neoconfederate te groups. from “opportunism, and a desire for the statues speak for is not worth

“Five or 10 years ago,” Ross says, controversy ... But it also comes from commemorating. “The Confederacy is
“there wasn’t even a big regional their sincere feeling that attacks on part of a tradition that’s grounded in
constituency for neoconfederates. But Confederate monuments are attacks on hatred, and is tied to one of the most
the increase in n college organising by whiteness, per se.” vicious structures of domination in the
the ‘alt-right’ and neo-Nazi groups has He says that the discussion around modern world.”
given them a new base.” Confederate monuments is indicative After the weekend’s events, it may
The alleged d murderer in Charlottes- of the growing estrangement between be that more of the white Americans
ville last Saturday,
rday, James Fields Jr, a resurgent radical right, and an embat- who consider these symbols a matter
was himself a supporter of a group, tled mainstream conservatism. In the of “pride” come to see his point.

6 The Guardian 17.08.17

Cheap travel is yet another sign
that globalisation does not work
for everyone
Suzanne Moore

ou are not wanted. You are killing Spain is up. Locals recently stormed the beach
the thing you love. You are ruining in La Barceloneta, fed up with the drunken antics
everything. You are demanding and there. There have been similar protests in Palma,
noisy and you drink too much. You Mallorca, and in San Sebastian.
think the locals are pleased to see But it is not only Spain. Florence is crammed
you, but they are not. You are, in other words, full. In Rome and Milan, bans have been put in
a tourist. place to stop people paddling in the fountains or
Before you tell me you are not that kind of eating in public. Venice is at breaking point, with
tourist, that in fact you spend your time sourcing 20 million tourists expected this year. The cruise
sausage in Puglia or patting peasants on the back ships pile in. Pollution is bad. The population,
in the Languedoc, let me say this: tourism is meanwhile, is dwindling – there are only 55,000
tourism. Indeed, part of the joy of it is thinking residents. There are few non-tourist shops and
you are better than other tourists. That is the only two cinemas in the whole city.
purpose of travel writing – it is a glorious display There are issues in Dubrovnik, too, where
of consumer discernment. If you are 18, or just the mayor has put in cameras to monitor the
a little daft, you may prefer to call yourself flow of people arriving on cruise ships. The
a “traveller”. This means you are having an island of Hvar, near Split, is fining visitors, often
experience, not a holiday. Tourists expect loo British tourists, for nakedness and “debauchery”.
roll; travellers carry their own toilet paper with Sunny Beach in Bulgaria is notorious for the
the cardboard roll taken out. They take tours bad behaviour of British tourists.
of slums and favelas because they care more In many ways, these protests have been a
than everybody else. “I am a great traveller, long time coming. Of course,
so I have been there and done that.”
Then there are city-break types. After all,  tourism can play a part in
conserving and boosting
lying on a beach is a bit plebeian, and aren’t all The Croatian cities. But surely what we
beach holidays essentially the same? So, now we
ard on island Hvar are seeing now is that cheap
A plac at La take long weekends in places I had barely heard travel is yet another way in
the be oneta, of growing up. Tired of Berlin? Go to Tallinn. is fining which globalisation is not
Barcel ona Discover Maastricht, as it says on the Ryanair visitors, working for everyone. Those
Barcel website. Bone up on your brutalist architecture often British who want to soak up Venice
somewhere freezing. That is not tourism, that is may not be those who want
“special”. But too many of us want special when tourists, for to get trollied on a beach in
it comes to tourism. ‘debauchery’ Bulgaria, but we all assume
We claim that travel opens our eyes to the a right to visit these places.
world – and it does, a little. But it also requires Much of the discontent is not only about
closing them. We have to turn a blind eye behaviour, but also about the hollowing out of
to much of what we see to enjoy ourselves. cities thanks to holiday rental services such as
Sometimes it is big things such as poverty and Airbnb. Rising rents in Barcelona are making it
unemployment. Mostly, though, we have to impossible for locals to continue to live in the
ignore the hordes of people just like us, all of centre of the city.
whom want what we want: the authentic tapas, We could avoid all of this by resorting to the
a glimpse of an older way of life, a sight that British bucket-and-spade getaway, the cold sea,
we can put on Instagram. Martin Parr did an the shingle beach and the wet-dog holidays loved

excellent series of pictures of tourists taking by certain people. But this is not cheap, either.
pictures, called Small World, in 1996. There Ethically, we know there are issues with
are masses of them. tourism, but we ignore them because we tell
In the past few months, there has been ourselves that seeing the word will make us
growing unease in Europe at the number of appreciate it more. But what happens when
tourists flooding in. Some blame “touristphobia”, locals feel completely taken over by tourists?
others shadowy anarchist groups. In Barcelona, Taleb Rifai, the secretary general of the United
an anti-tourist group called Arran has been Nations’ World Tourism Organization, considers
blamed for slashing tyres and breaking the anti-tourist sentiment a serious issue. And it is.
windows of five-star hotels. In January, there I am not trying to ruin your holiday. But there
was a demonstration featuring banners that read is no denying the innate imperialism of much
“Barcelona is not for sale”. Some protesters are tourism. We tread heavily though the homes
anti-capitalist and believe mass tourism destroys of others as if we owned them. No wonder
cities. Certainly, the number of people going to they wish we weren’t here.

17.08.17 The Guardian 7

of a
maitre d’
How do you get a table at a hot dinner
spot without booking? Which diners
are most likely to kick up a fuss?
The gatekeeper at a top UK
restaurant reveals all

great restaurant experi- how much he liked the meatballs. Living the high who is accustomed to the finer things
ence relies on four things: (Gehry and Williams weren’t dining life ... Frank in life.
the food, the service, the together, although I’m sure they would Gehry (left) and If you have reserved a table here
company (that’s your get on.) Where else besides a chatshow Pharrell Williams before, the restaurant already knows
job) and the atmosphere, studio would you so frequently tly
y who you are. In the age of digital
which is down to the maitre d’. That’s encounter people at the top of their booking systems such as OpenTable,
me. By “atmosphere” I mean the music game in business, entertainment,
ment, we are keeping a file on you almost by
and the lighting, yes, but there’s only sport and politics? accident. That means we already have
so much mood-setting Dave Brubeck I don’t work in the sort of place a note of our regulars’ allergies and
and a few filament bulbs can do. In the where the diners come to worship
orsship dietary preferences. We know their

end, it’s about the guests. The maitre at the stove of a celebrity chef.
ef. favourite bourbon and how they
d’ runs the reservations book, which They are not here because take their coffee. We know not
means mixing the characters in the they read an article about to address Mr So-and-so’s date
room like the drinks in a cocktail to our sous-vide roadkill with as Mrs So-and-so, because the
get the right balance of shot and mixer, wasabi foam and want file says he divorced his wife
salty and sweet. to post a picture of it on three years ago.
At a top London restaurant, you Instagram. They are here If you are a particularly
have the pick of the finest ingredients. for a great night out, a place crappy guest, we make a note
I once spent several minutes chatting where the food is excellent, of that, too. The restaurant
to celebrated California-based architect but not distracting, where maintains a notional greylist
Frank Gehry about the urban contrasts the service will reliably and a blacklist of unpleasant
between London and LA. Later that impress a date or appease diners. Act like an arse and you
evening, Pharrell Williams told me a potential business partner will find it very difficult to book a

8 The Guardian 17.08.17

table again. Swearing at staff or other
guests, racism, physical violence and
The restaurant has Do and don’ts
sexual exhibitionism will get you a blacklist of diners G
Get in the good books
banned outright.
That said, we cut diners some slack who would find
for cultural considerations. Spanish
guests can take 45 minutes just to it very difficult to
decide on their order. I’ve witnessed
stand-up rows between Lebanese book a table againin
diners over who gets to pay the bill.
Saudis can get deeply offended if professionals letting down their eir
anyone else pays for a table reserved hair after a long week at work.
in their name. Saturdays are challenging, g, Do
I learned that last one the hard way because the diners tend to Phone to reserve a table in the
on my first day, when I mistakenly sent have booked long in advance e morning or mid-afternoon, not
the bill to a table while the teenager and want you to change their lives es at the height of lunch or dinner
who had booked it was in the gents. with a single meal. They are often service. I once had someone call
The young man returned to find the bill out-of-towners celebrating a special the restaurant to chat about a job
paid and spent the next few minutes occasion. Their spend-per-head is vacancy at 8.30pm on a Saturday.
yelling at me in front of his guests (and lower than our average diner, but their They did not get the job.
everyone else). In most fine-dining expectations are always higher. And
restaurants, the person who made the then there are weekend lunches. Walk in without a reservation,
reservation has to give their permis- If you want to do any business at all especially on a weekday. Even at
sion for anyone else to pay the bill, to on a Sunday lunchtime, you have to 8pm, there’s a good chance you will
avoid exactly that kind of kerfuffle. accommodate families. I enjoy watch- get a table. We love walk-ins, because
Of course, stereotypes don’t always ing a posh restaurant transform into the people tend to be spontaneous
hold true. Some of my worst guest a creche; kids do not care about your and relaxed and don’t have the
encounters have been with self-made pretensions. I once found nine of them heavy expectations that come with
men who might well have washed a playing hide and seek under the tables a long-planned reservation.
pot or two in their youths and ought in our private dining room. If they
to know better. Some of the most had tugged the wrong tablecloth, they Be honest. Some diners book for
delightful have been with socialites would have sent hundreds of pounds’ three people, knowing there will only
and minor royals. worth of crockery and silverware be two, just to get a bigger table. We
When I first started working in fine crashing to the floor. know your game. If you persist, you
dining, I was bothered by the prospect If you go to a top London restaurant will end up on the greylist. Better to
of serving the 1%. Make that the 0.1%. planning to spot a celebrity, prepare say: “There are only two of us, but I
But I learned that working for a luxury to be disappointed. Part of our service would love a bigger table if possible.”
brand is the same as working for any is to help a famous diner keep a low Half the time, you will get one.
other brand: doing it well keeps a profile, by putting them at a table in
lot of talented, hard-working people a corner where nobody will notice
employed. Your meal costs that much them and by surrounding them with
for a reason, and it’s not only the age of tables of other diners who can be
your steak: at my restaurant, there are trusted to keep it together. If you are
only four diners per waiter. The waiters bringing your mum on her birthday
rightly take pride in their work and the treat, I’m sorry, but we are not seating Don’t
diners are paying their wages. you next to Adele. Dress for McDonald’s. We are not
The vast majority of my colleagues I have only been star-struck twice Sorry, Mum ... going to make you wear a tie. But if
are from elsewhere in Europe. I work in my time as a maitre d’. The second you won’t be you show the restaurant no respect,
or have worked with Spaniards, time was when former Chelsea man- seated next to you will be treated similarly. You will
Italians, Poles, Estonians, Latvians, ager Carlo Ancelotti arrived for dinner. a celeb such as probably be given a table out of the
Ukrainians, Romanians, Slovenians Most people didn’t recognise him, but Adele at a fine- way, too, because other diners will
and Greeks. People are worried that I and every Italian on the staff dining restaurant have made the effort.
Paris is going to take all of London’s freaked out when he walked
top bankers after Brexit. It might take through the door. The first Say the owner is a close personal
most of our best waiters, too. A lot of time was when I was still a friend of yours. When someone
them have lived here for 20 years or rookie. I had to tell one of the tells me they know the owner,
more; naturally, they were upset by world’s greatest living actors it’s normally because they are
the referendum result. Whether or that there was no space threatening to have me fired
not they end up being allowed to stay for him to sit at the bar. because I don’t have a table available
in Britain, the message they heard I suggested he take a for them. If you have to let the
was: “We don’t want you here.” table instead, but he maitre d’ know what a big deal
A restaurant’s week starts to hot up demurred politely you are, you are not.
on Wednesday and Thursday nights, and went elsewhere
when the upper echelons of London for his nightcap. My Arrive with unrealistic expectations.
society come out to see and to be seen: boss, who had heard Relax, enjoy the company and you
the Hampstead set, the Notting Hill the whole exchange, will have a great time. At the end
set, the Chipping Norton set; media turned to me and said: of the day, it’s only dinner (in the
barons and big business figures; mini- “Did you just turn middle of the day, it’s only lunch).
garchs and aristos. On Fridays, we get away Harrison Ford?”

17.08.17 The Guardian 9


You don’t have to be a

kid to indulge in these
easy-to-make treats.
And licking the bowl is
positively encouraged,
says Felicity Cloake

How to
the perfect

his is the ideal project The chocolate Cereal thrillers … to stir in some cocoa powder, too.
for the dog days of the I remember making these with cocoa perfect rice Nicky Evans’ Mars bar-based recipe
holidays, yet also quick and powder, but chocolate seems to be crispy cakes divides the table: we all love its salty
easy enough to make after a more common choice these days, caramel flavour, but it is far richer than
school for those already although Martha Stewart and Sczebel the traditional kind – “You couldn’t
back at the chalkface … or indeed, after do use powder (the latter in the form eat more than a tiny square,” says one
work. There’s no age limit on pleasure. of raw cacao, naturally). Chocolate tester, putting away her third. Well
gives the cakes a more rounded worth a go, especially if you’re making
The rice character, with testers preferring these with ingredients foraged from the
You wouldn’t think there was much the higher-cocoa versions to the all-night garage (no judgment here),
debate about this, but Christal Sczebel very sweet milk sort suggested by but not canonical crispy cake territory.
of the Nutrition in the Kitch blog Nigella Lawson (although I suspect
rejects the usual “puffed refined rice” under-10s may disagree). Everyone The fat

in favour of the brown version. Unfor- loves the combination of milk and dark Butter is the usual choice of lubricant,
tunately, the stuff I find is chewy rather chocolate in the recipe from Annie although Sczebel substitutes vegan
than crunchy. Clearly this is not a treat Bell’s Baking Bible, however – and to margarine and almond butter. This
that is destined to be high in fibre. make them really chocolatey I’m going works well texture-wise, and gives

10 The Guardian 17.08.17

the cakes a subtle nutty flavour that
is a real hit with testers, but again, we Inspect a gadget
conclude it doesn’t fit with our fond
memories. It is also worth bearing in
mind that neither of these substances
Salthouse Himalayan
sets quite as firm as dairy butter, so
the resulting cakes will be more fragile
salt block, Whole
than the usual sticky missiles – the
recipe recommends a spell in the
Foods, £34.99
freezer, then overnight refrigeration to
help them set. By Rhik Samadder
The sweetener My testers What? a fine job. Pork loin and tuna steak
Bell and Evans feel that chocolate is Aggregate mass of halite, arranged in sear quickly, with a savoury crust,
quite sweet enough on its own (and no
prefer the rectangular cuboid and employed as while burgers sizzle through at a lower
wonder, with five Mars bars involved), high-cocoa a cooking surface. temperature and cookie dough picks
but sugar acts as a binder as well as a versions to up a tangy saltiness.
flavouring here: Lawson’s golden syrup Why? Salt-block cooking would make
gives her cakes a pleasing, slightly
the very Salt licks are used by horses to a great talking point at parties;
sticky quality which makes them less sweet milk prevent colic. And you’re not better transferred to a ceramic trivet, you
dry than Bell’s version. Stewart goes sort (but than them. could finish food at the table. Yet
for melted marshmallows, which I feel there is something affected,
gives her cakes an unnervingly chewy,
under-10s Well? even needy, about its performative
almost stringy consistency, and may Salmon-pink opacity, glinting veins flair; you might as well be wearing
Sczebel uses raw honey, which we disagree) and huge density make this week’s a name tag that says: “Please ask me
can’t detect in the finished product. offering feel like a primaeval object. about my salt block.” The surface
Sometimes you just can’t beat an Which it is. According to the Prose discolours quickly, and scraping
inverted sugar syrup (I repeat: these Edda, the universal cow Auðumbla it clean is also a headache, while
should be consumed in moderation). lapped at a salt block to uncover grilled eggs and cheese drip off
the first Norse god. (Elves, giants the sides.
The extras and a cosmology story based on a Devotees claim all foods benefit
Stewart and Evans top their cakes with Kinder egg? I guess that’s why Mum’s from the flavour, but I served fruit
melted dark chocolate, but this feels gone to Iceland.) But can a massive salad on a cold block and it tasted as
far too decadent for such a simple treat block of natural Himalayan salt do if it had been kicked into the sea. It is
– even Bell’s white chocolate chips add anything for my food other than also like having a nuclear rod in the
too much complexity, while Sczebel’s overseason it? house, and scorched my counter. It’s
desiccated coconut confuses the issue. Well, salt melts at 800C/1,470F, and fun, but I’m not sure I can justify the
This is a gloriously one-dimensional has a huge thermal mass. This means a fun. Lot’s wife sits on the counter,
pleasure: no gussying up required. block of it can get extremely hot, three giving me salty looks. She’s a hottie,
times hotter than a pizza stone, and but a high-maintenance one. I turn
(Makes about 25) hold that heat for ages, making it an around and keep walking.
100g dark chocolate ideal grilling surface. You can buy one
75g milk chocolate
in – where else? – Whole Foods Market, Any downside?
but that’s just the beginning. You will Also makes a great talking point for
50g butter also have to buy special gloves that anyone who hates you.
2 tbsp cocoa powder can withstand hundreds of degrees
4 tbsp golden syrup of heat, and temper the block, which Counter, drawer, back of the
135g puffed rice takes three hours of heating, six of cupboard?
cooling. When blisteringly hot, it does Salt Lick City. 3/5

Set a heatproof bowl over a pan of Christal Sczebel’s

simmering water, making sure it ‘healthy’ version
doesn’t touch the water. Break the (top); Annie Bell’s
chocolate into roughly equal-sized with white
pieces and add to the bowl along with chocolate chips
the butter. Melt, stirring occasionally
to help it along.
Meanwhile, put the puffed rice in a
large bowl, and line a tin about 20cm
square with foil.
Once the chocolate has melted,
stir in the cocoa and syrup until you
have a smooth mixture. Pour into the
bowl of puffed rice and mix well, then
spoon into the tin. Press down very
firmly with the back of a spoon, then
refrigerate for 1-2 hours until set. Cut
into squares and store in an airtight
container well out of easy reach. ‘Like having a nuclear rod in the house’ ... Rhik tries salt-block cooking

17.08.17 The Guardian 11


or a man who is six foot
four, with a springy quiff
and strikingly sunken eyes,
it is surprising how easily
Peter Serafinowicz blends
into the background. Often, he is heard
and not seen: he makes a pretty penny
from advert voiceovers and computer
games, not to mention supplying the
menacing tones of Darth Maul in Star
Wars: The Phantom Menace, and
voicing a bank-robbing cockney gorilla
in the recent hit animation Sing.
There was his award-winning
eponymous 2007 sketch show, which
introduced the world to the Butterfield
Diet Plan (one cornflake for breakfast,
broccoli shavings for lunch, a baked
bean for dinner – but on Saturdays
you could literally eat anything for 24
hours, including “pork cylinders”).
This followed the cult favourite Look
Around You, which perfectly spoofed
1970s educational TV, at one point
teaching viewers the correct way to
shave raspberries before coating them
in gold.
But, those aside, Serafinowicz has
mostly restricted himself to guesting in
sitcoms (Spaced, Parks and Recreation)
and Hollywood blockbusters
(Guardians of the Galaxy, John Wick 2).
There’s not so much pressure that way,
he tells me, when we meet in a London
hotel, though you still need to be on
your toes: on the first day of shooting
Spy, he was rehearsing a scene with
Melissa McCarthy when he noticed
she was crying. “I asked if she was all
right and she said, ‘Well, I’m doing the
scene.’ I went, ‘Ohhh, you’re acting.’
I thought to myself, ‘I’d better bring
my A-game. Not this D-game I’ve been
working with so far.’ At least it wasn’t
all riding on me.”
That’s all about to change with The
Tick, the new Amazon comedy that
gives Serafinowicz his largest role to
date. You can’t miss him: as the title
character – an odd, old-fashioned
superhero in a world overrun with

Ready to rubber up!

caped crusaders – he spends the series
in a bright blue rubberised bodysuit,
antennae twitching on his head.
“The costume is like this vertical blue
sarcophagus,” explains the 45-year-old,
who lives in London with the comic
Voice of Darth Maul, creator of Sassy Trump, inventor of the eat-all-
actor Sarah Alexander (best known day diet … Peter Serafinowicz is a creative powerhouse. But now he’s
for Coupling) and their two children.
“I feel as if I’m in my y own
finally hit leading man status – playing ironic superhero The Tick in
private room when en I’m a big blue suit. Ryan Gilbey braces himself for a billion jokes
wearing it,” he says. ys. “It’s
quite isolating. religion
Tarvuism enab
I like to mess les believers
to talk to octopu
around between ses
takes but that’s
out of the question.”
If there is an upside e, it’s
that it fits neatly with The

14 The Guardian 17.08.17

, he’d
were alive ’ …
‘If Liberace d o wn
to tone it
tell Trump y T rump
rafinow icz’s Sass

Tick himself, who stands apart from his American Kenneth Williams. Whereas
crimefighting colleagues by virtue of Serafinowicz usually invites us to
his innocence and ingenuousness: he’s see the ridiculous side of things that
a comic naif in the same mould as Buzz might otherwise be taken seriously,
Lightyear or Buddy from Elf. “I suppose Sassy Trump is intended to prevent its
that is a tiny compensation,” he says. audience from becoming inured to the
“Everyone else thinks he’s a freak. Even poisonous poppycock emerging daily
the other superheroes are like, ‘Who is from the president’s mouth.
this guy?’” “The point is to stop it becoming
While British audiences may be normal,” he says. “Most people would
asking the same question, American agree he appears to be a tough guy, an
fans have cherished the character from alpha male, when in fact he has this
his comic-book debut in the 1980s daintiness, this exaggerated femininity,
through to previous TV incarnations. that is somehow disguised by this tidal
“When we were filming in New wave of bullshit. Listen to what he
York, we got so much attention,” actually says and you realise he’s like
Serafinowicz says. “People were some mean, bitchy, failed Broadway
slowing down their cars and calling choreographer. If Liberace were
out, ‘Ayyyy, it’s The Tick!’ or ‘Big Blue alive, he would call him up and say,
Guy!’ if they couldn’t remember his ‘Donald, you’ve got to tone it down! It’s
name. ‘Ant-Man’ was another. I didn’t embarrassing!’”
correct them.” Serafinowicz has been revoicing
Nor does he seize on my error when You, which enables its believers to talk Trump for 18 months now, in between
I accidentally refer to him as The Flea – to octopuses, or any of the doolally his other pursuits: writing, acting,
although once I acknowledge it myself, characters from his sketch show directing (his music videos include one
he veers off on a whimsical tangent that (a debonair vampire working as a for Hot Chip starring Terence Stamp) as
‘It’s like w
provides an insight into how his mind presenter on the Shopping Channel, a earing a well as tweeting prodigiously as a way
blue sarco
works. “Ticks are different to fleas, jolly estate agent who makes menacing phagus’ of sharpening his gag-crafting skills. A
… as The T
aren’t they? They’re dangerous. You asides in gangland patois), his comic ick Billion Jokes!, a book of his Twitticisms,
mustn’t break them off because they creations have the air of daydreams was published five years ago, and he
can get stuck in you. And they give you pursued to their loopy conclusions. still prizes the 140-character format. “I
a very nasty disease that can ruin your Like a benign Chris Morris, he use Twitter as my public joke book and
life. You get terribly ill.” specialises in the comedy of disparity: I’ve found it very helpful, that thing of
For a brief moment I glimpse a demented phrases and ideas presented ripping out any extraneous words. It’s
typical Serafinowicz train of thought, with straight-faced gravitas. a great lesson for writing at any length.”
which is apt to be diverted along Something slightly different, But he will still find time for
a tangled and circuitous route. He though, is occurring in the case of Trump, even though a two-minute
admits as much when he tells me Sassy Trump, a character he has clip can take three hours out of his
about a recent trip to Munich. “At created by overdubbing videos of the day. “Adding this silky voice removes
breakfast, there were these antlers US president, using his exact words the layer of bullshit and reveals more
with pretzels hanging on them. This delivered in a camp whine, like an clearly what he’s actually saying,” he
pretzel-and-antler arrangement I just says. “It’s easy to ignore when we’re
found incredibly funny.” He is shaking bombarded every day with it.” He has
his head, a laugh bubbling up until it experimented with Cockney Trump, to
erupts into a dirty cackle. “That sort of foreground the violence in the words,
thing can set me off for a good hour. I’ll Tears on set … and Sophisticated Trump, to highlight

with Melissa
start thinking about it: where did the his pathetically doomed pretensions.
McCarthy in Spy
idea come from, who approved it?” Sassy, though, is here to stay – and with
It’s what makes his comedy so good reason: “I think it’s the one that
seductive. Whether it’s Tarvuism, the will annoy him the most.”
religion he created on Look Around The Tick is on Amazon from 25 August

17.08.17 The Guardian 15

My best shot Pamela Singh ‘This is the City of Widows. Beneath
that bundle of clothes is a bereaved woman who has come here to die’

One day in 1994, while staying in are often widowed by the time they’re lot of things. She had lived a difficult
Vrindavan, a small town in Uttar 10. Left to fend for themselves, they life but felt no bitterness. She was
Pradesh, I went exploring on my come to Vrindavan in search of solace very sweet.
own. I came upon a quiet square. It and support. The more fortunate live in That day, though, it was just the
was midday and the Indian heat was charitable homes, but most beg in the dying woman and me. There was an
sweltering. I saw a woman lying alone, street. They wear only white, and their New Delhi, 1962.
overwhelming stillness to the scene.
swaddled in fabric. In the background heads are shaven. There’s something Studied At some point, out of nowhere, the
of this shot, you can see a bundle of extremely elegant about them. Despite International Centre monkeys to the right of the shot
clothes. That’s her. unimaginable hardship, these women of Photography, appeared. And a moment later, the
I moved towards her and saw she persevere and devote themselves to New York. woman passed away. It was a very
was dying. She was extremely old and living a truly spiritual life. Influences strange feeling, but in the context of
clearly in her final moments. I went I was staying in one of the town’s Julia Margaret non-western philosophy it made sense.
Cameron, Ana
to fetch her some water when a group many ashrams, or spiritual retreats. Just as some Buddhists and Hindus
Mendieta, Francesca
of children appeared. They thought I had befriended a local woman, who Woodman. scale Mount Kailash in Tibet and perish
nothing of it. They explained that was close to 100 years old. She had no High point: in the cold, these widows pass away

elderly women and widows often come teeth and seemed to drink nothing but “My work being under the heat of the sun.
here to die. She could no longer talk. milk. I paid the milkman every month acquired by museum I sent for the local authorities to
Sometimes known as the City of so she could get a litre or so when she collections.” collect the body. While I was waiting,
Widows, the town is a magnet for needed. Every day, she would wind Low point my eye was drawn towards the gate at
“I just don’t
bereaved women. Some 15,000 live her way through the the edge of the square. I wandered
go there.”
there, and thousands more travel streets, and often Top tip over and pulled out the small Leica I
there each year. Legend has it that I would follow her. “Shoot from used to shoot with in those days. The
Krishna, the Hindu god of love and No cars are allowed the hip and have serenity of the scene spoke to me and I
compassion, spent his childhood in in the town, so I a good time.” took this shot, with myself to the side.
Vrindavan. Pilgrims flock from all over travelled miles each The gate was a threshold, a juncture
to pay their respects. day on foot, tracing between life and death. I had just
Some of the widows are just her path. She led witnessed this woman pass through it.
children. In some provinces of India, me into streets
young girls only a few years old are visitors would never normally Interview by Edward Siddons
married off to much older men. They see. Through her eyes I saw a

16 The Guardian 17.08.17


o More Boys and Girls: Dr Javid Abdelmoneim asks if gender
Can Kids Go Gender stereotypes are harming our children
Free? (BBC2) caused
a minor controversy is an effective demonstration of the
before it aired, labelled large part adults play in upholding
“shocking” and “bold” by some these ideas. The class teacher, Mr
reports, and even “potentially very Andre, who begins by calling girls
harmful” by Grassroots Conservatives’ “love” and “darling” and boys “fella”
reliably facile Mary Douglas. This and “mate”, is incredibly receptive
is not surprising. Such is the frenzy to Abdelmoneim’s suggestions, and
and hysteria about trans lives right his openness to being shown what he
now – particularly from otherwise might do differently is admirable.
sensible and compassionate people Cheeky chappie Riley insists that
who have a blind spot when it comes
to empathising with transgender
Last night's TV men are better because “they’re
stronger and they’ve got more jobs”,
people – that “gender-free” invokes a
ridiculous image of, say, experimental
Ditch the pink and blue while Kara free-associates what she
connects with being a girl: “pretty,
Scandinavian neutrality where
saying “boy” or “girl” is forbidden, or
and let girls be mechanics lipstick, dresses, lovehearts”. But this
has a darker side. One girl already
pre-puberty hormone-blockers being
forced upon girls who are tomboys. It
and boys express feelings thinks of herself as “ugly”; Riley
thinks it isn’t OK to cry if you’re a
is transparently a disproportionate and boy. Abdelmoneim is measured and
irrational fear, yet it’s little wonder that persuasive about the implications for
a show that promises to discuss gender when they become adults. Such rigid
with a classroom full of seven-year- stereotypes, in which men repress
olds has stoked these paranoid flames. their emotions and women think
The title, though, is far more they’re worthless, are what is really
fiery than anything contained in the harmful, not daring to ask interesting
programme. This two-part documen- By Rebecca Nicholson questions about why we think and act
tary, the brainchild of presenter and the way we do.
Médecins Sans Frontières doctor Javid conclusions. Broadly speaking, girls Celebrity MasterChef (BBC1) is
Abdelmoneim, is actually a rather have lower self-esteem than boys, back, filling the MasterChef-shaped
gentle social experiment that asks: while boys struggle to express their hole in our lives. John Torode explains
what would happen to a classroom of emotions, and “gendered” interests that, in this competition, celebrities
seven-year-olds if they weren’t treated – mechanics for boys, makeup for get the chance to show “another
differently as boys and girls? This girls – are fixed early on in a child’s talent”, which is kind to some of the
translates to such things as painting development. According to the various celebrities set to appear, who barely
the pink and blue coat cupboards scientists and medical professionals have a primary talent. When ordinary

a universal orange and no longer Abdelmoneim interviews, there is no people go on MasterChef, it’s because
segregating children according to biological reason that these should be they have culinary skill. Celebrity Mas-
gender, or introducing the kids to a pre-determined. terChef is more fun because there’s
female mechanic and a male dancer, Yet adults unwittingly pander to more chance of a deconstructed pork
or reading them stories in which the these stereotypes. There is a curious pie-style car crash. In that respect,
princess is also the hero of the story, experiment within an experiment this opener is a let down, because the
and does not need rescuing by a prince. in which babies are dressed up as AND ANOTHER meals are all edible-looking. But I’m
This kind of thing has been the opposite gender, and volunteers hopeful that Jim ‘Vic Reeves’ Moir can
explored before, with Channel choose toys for them to play with. Solidarity to those bring something to the mix eventually.
4’s Secret Life Of … series, which The babies dressed as girls get dolls soldiering through He survived adding beetroot flavoured
put four, five and six-year-olds and fluffy animals; those dressed as the shocking Top of with orange oil to a corned beef hash
through a series of psychological boys are handled more roughly, and the Lake: China Girl and poached egg this week, but there
tests and came to largely the same put on bikes. It’s crude science but it on iPlayer right now. are plenty more rounds to come.

17.08.17 The Guardian 17

Film of the day
TV and radio How to
Marriage Make Your
Modern Times (10pm, Sky Arts)
Work, Ch
annel 4 Chaplin’s final appearance as the silent Tramp
character. A wonderful mix of his embattled factory
worker’s Depression-era politics and slapstick genius

6.0 Breakfast (T) 9.15 Wanted 6.0 The World’s Most Photographed
Down Under (T) (R) 10.0 Homes (T) (R) 6.30 Bargain Hunt (T)
Under the Hammer (T) (R) 11.0 (R) 7.15 Heir Hunters (T) (R)
Heir Hunters (T) 11.45 Close 8.0 Sign Zone. Nadiya’s British
Calls: On Camera (T) (R) 12.15 Food Adventure (T) (R) 8.30
Bargain Hunt (T) (R) 1.0 News Great British Menu (T) (R) 9.0
and Weather (T) 1.30 Regional Victoria Derbyshire (T) 11.0 BBC
News (T) 1.45 Red Rock (T) 2.30 Newsroom Live (T) 1.0 Two Tribes
Impossible (T) (R) 3.15 Escape (T) (R) 1.30 A Taste of Britain (T)
to the Country (T) (R) 4.15 Flog (R) 2.15 Coast (T) (R) 2.30 
It! (T) (R) 5.15 Pointless (T) (R) Quo Vadis (1951) (T) 5.15 Put Your
6.0 News and Weather (T) 6.30 Money Where Your Mouth Is (T)
Regional News (T) 7.0 The One (R) 6.0 Eggheads (T) (R) 6.30
Watch this Show (T) 7.30 EastEnders (T) Royal Recipes (T) 7.0 Celebrity
Antiques Road Trip (T) (R)
8.0 Who Do You Think You Are? (T) 8.0 10 Puppies and Us (T) First-time
Singer Lulu travels home to homeowners Alex and Pete
How to Make Your The Brighton Police Glasgow to find out why her welcome a rescue pup that has an
Marriage Work 9pm, ITV mother was the only one of extreme chewing habit, and the
10pm, Channel 4 New series looking at the work seven children to be given up for Woolf family try to toilet-train
Whether couples from Brent are of the police force in the seaside adoption by her birth parents. their cockapoo. Last in the series.
9.0 DIY SOS: The Big Build (T) (R) 9.0 Top of the Lake: China Girl
supremely compatible, slavishly town. It’s a longwinded old do, The team transform the Epsom (T) There is a breakthrough
loyal or just very accommodating as the police deal with an armed home of a family whose five- with the discovery of China
regarding the tribulations of robbery down at the bookies and year-old son has special needs. Girl’s identity, and Puss turns
married life, the area boasts then face a cocaine bust. There’s violent at the beach.
one of Britain’s lowest divorce something mundane about the 10.0 News (T) 10.0 The Mash Report (T) Nish Kumar’s
rates. Five married couples work the people in blue do here, 10.30 Regional News (T) satirical and surreal take on the
from the north London borough with paperwork, CCTV-watching 10.45 Don’t Deport Me, I’m British (T) week’s news.
discuss the ingredients of a long and much gathering of evidence The stories of three young men 10.30 Newsnight (T) Weather
who came to the UK as children. 11.15 No More Boys and Girls: Can Our
and happy marriage, including for court cases. Then they get
11.40 Queer Britain (T) A look at Kids Go Gender Free? (T) (R)
surviving the onset of kids and sworn at by drunk people who casual racism within the 12.15 Sign Zone The Sweet Makers:
coping with temptation. All think it’s a good idea to drive LGBTQ community. A Victorian Treat (T) (R) 1.15
without any bickering over what a car. Hannah Verdier 12.10 Queer Britain (T) 12.45 Weather 10 Puppies and Us (T) (R) 2.15
to watch next in the Netflix for the Week Ahead (T) 12.50 This Is BBC2 (T)
News (T)
queue. Mark Gibbings-Jones Taxi of Mum and Dad
9pm, Channel 4
10 Puppies and Us For this one-off doc, the fly-on-
8pm, BBC2 the-wall format is transposed to
Last part of the series that the family car, with its no-escape
on the Hill 6.55 Amazing
has kept dog lovers both
enchanted (with the doggies)
potential. We earwig as various
teens in different towns are fer-
Other channels ITV2
6.0am Louisa Johnson:
Spaces 7.55 Grand
Designs 9.0 Outlander
The Hot Desk 6.10 You’ve 10.15 Millionaires’
and exasperated (at their clueless ried about by their parents: Sarah, Been Framed! Gold 6.35 Mansions: Designing
new owners), all wrapped up in for example, who is debating with CBBC Coach Trip: Road to Zante Below Deck 7.20 The Britain’s Most Exclusive
7.0am Arthur 7.0 Zig and 6.55 Made in Chelsea 8.0 Ellen DeGeneres Show Homes 11.20 8 Out of
the avuncular narration of the her mother the merits of trying Zag’s Zogcasts 7.15 The Melissa & Joey 9.0 Black- 8.0 Emmerdale 8.30 10 Cats Does Countdown
Deep 7.40 Newsround ish 10.0 Baby Daddy 11.0 Coronation Street 9.0 12.20 Kitchen Nightmares
bloke who defines puppyish, Neil nitrous oxide, and Ben, trying to 7.45 Matilda and the How I Met Your Mother You’ve Been Framed! Best USA 1.15 Outlander 2.30
Morrissey. Before a final catchup explain to his mum the meaning Ramsay Bunch 8.0 Odd 12.0 The Goldbergs 1.0 of the Best 10.0 The Great Grand Designs
Squad 8.15 Newsround The Big Bang Theory 2.0 Indoors 10.30 Guidance
to see how they all got on, we of “buff ting”. If the random chat 8.20 The Pets Factor 8.45 Melissa & Joey 3.0 Baby 11.0 Fame High 11.15 Sky1
pop round to new homeowners of strangers has never engaged The Zoo 9.0 Marrying Daddy 4.0 Black-ish 5.0 Third Wheel 11.25 Below 6.0am NCIS: Los Angeles
Mum and Dad 9.30 The The Goldbergs 6.0 The Deck 12.20 Emmerdale 7.0 NCIS: Los Angeles
Alex and Pete and their extremely you, you’ll struggle to see the Dengineers 10.0 Junior Big Bang Theory 7.0 12.55 Coronation Street 8.0 Monkey Life 8.30
Bake Off 10.30 The Worst Hollyoaks 7.30 Coach 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! Monkey Life 9.0 The Dog
chewy rescue pup Pippa, and see point. Sharon O’Connell Witch 11.0 Now You See Trip: Road to Zante 8.0 Gold 2.0 The Ellen Whisperer 10.0 It’s Me
how psychic Delia is coping with a It 11.10 Hacker Time The Big Bang Theory DeGeneres Show 2.50 The or the Dog 10.30 It’s Me
s and Us,
11.40 World’s End 11.55 8.30 Kevin Can Wait 9.0 Jeremy Kyle Show 3.55 or the Dog 11.0 Modern
bitey Shiva. Ali Catterall 10 Puppie World’s End 12.10 The Body Fixers 10.0 The The Jeremy Kyle Show Family 11.30 Modern
Next Step 12.30 The Next Inbetweeners 10.35 5.0 Judge Rinder 6.0 Family 12.0 NCIS: Los
Step 12.55 The Next Step The Inbetweeners 11.10 You’ve Been Framed! Gold Angeles 1.0 NCIS: Los
Top of the Lake: China Girl 1.15 Just Kidding 1.35 The Big Bang Theory Reloaded 7.0 You’ve Been Angeles 2.0 Hawaii
Shaun the Sheep 1.45 11.40 The Big Bang Framed! Gold Goes Wild! Five-0 3.0 MacGyver
9pm, BBC2 Zig and Zag 1.55 Scream Theory 12.10 Gogglebox 8.0 Two and a Half Men 4.0 The Flash 5.0 The
Elisabeth Moss’s Robin Griffin Street 2.05 Operation 1.15 The Inbetweeners 8.30 Two and a Half Men Flash 6.0 Futurama
Ouch! Hospital Takeover 1.50 The Inbetweeners 9.0 Hall Pass (2011) 6.30 The Simpsons
struggles on, besieged from 2.35 Junior Bake Off 3.05 2.20 Body Fixers 3.15 (FYI Daily at 10pm) 7.0 The Simpsons 7.30
Bottersnikes & Gumbles Celebs Go Dating 4.05 11.10 Family Guy 11.40 The Simpsons 8.0 Duck
all sides. She’s moved directly 3.15 Dennis the Menace Kevin Can Wait 4.25 Family Guy 12.10 Family Quacks Don’t Echo 9.0
into Alexander’s orbit now, and Gnasher 3.30 Odd Rude(ish) Tube 4.50 How Guy 12.40 American Karl Pilkington: The
Squad 3.40 The Zoo 3.55 I Met Your Mother 5.10 Dad! 1.10 American Moaning of Life 10.0
and – remarkably – he’s getting Marrying Mum and Dad How I Met Your Mother Dad! 1.35 Mom 2.0 A League of Their Own
4.20 Newsround 4.30 So Mom 2.25 Teleshopping 11.0 Freddie Down
even creepier, exploiting Mary’s Awkward 5.0 So Awkward Film4 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen Under 12.0 A League
vulnerabilities and putting her 5.30 Blue Peter: Green 11.0am Ramona of Their Own 1.0 Ross
in serious danger. Aspects of the
Badge Special 6.0 and Beezus (2010) 1.05 More4 Kemp: Extreme World 2.0
Dragons: Race to the Thunderbirds 8.55am A Place in the Hawaii Five-0 3.0 Brit
plot feel contrived, particularly Edge 6.25 Scream Street Are Go! (1966) 2.55 Sun: Home or Away 9.55 Cops: Frontline Crime
6.35 Arthur 6.50 The Zoo  Young Sherlock A Place in the Sun: Home UK 4.0 Animal 999 4.30
the clunky confluence of Robin’s 7.0 Operation Ouch! 7.30 Holmes (1985) 5.05 or Away 11.0 Four in a Animal 999 5.0 Monkey
Blue Peter: Green Badge Dr Dolittle 2 Bed 11.35 Four in a Bed Life 5.30 Monkey Life
private and professional life. Special 8.0 The Dumping (2001) 6.45  12.05 Four in a Bed 12.35
But this is still a taut exploration Ground 8.30 So Awkward The Three Musketeers Four in a Bed 1.05 Four in Sky Arts
(2011) 9.0  a Bed 1.40 A Place in the 6.0am André Rieu:
of the ways in which men E4 Riddick (2013) 11.20 Sun: Home or Away 2.40 Romance 8.0 Watercolour
impose their will upon women. All programmes from 8am Monsters: Dark A Place in the Sun: Home Challenge 8.30
to 7pm are double bills Continent (2014) 1.40 or Away 3.45 Time Team Watercolour Challenge
Phil Harrison 6.0am Hollyoaks 6.30 Fill the Void (2012) 4.50 Time Team 5.55 Vet 9.0 Tales of the

18 The Guardian 17.08.17

Much more on TV
For news, reviews,
series, liveblogs
and recaps, go to

ITV Channel 4 Channel 5 BBC 4

6.0 Good Morning Britain (T) 8.30 6.0 Countdown (T) (R) 6.45 Will & 6.0 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright
Lorraine (T) 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Grace (T) (R) 7.35 Everybody Stuff 11.15 The Yorkshire Vet
Show (T) (R) 10.30 This Morning Loves Raymond (T) (R) 8.30 Frasier (T) (R) 12.10 News (T) 12.15
(T) 12.30 Loose Women (T) 1.30 (T) (R) 10.0 The Big Bang Theory Celebrity Big Brother (T) (R)
News (T) 1.55 Local News (T) 2.0 (T) (R) 11.0 The Simpsons (T) (R) 1.10 Access (T) 1.15 Home and
Judge Rinder (T) (R) 3.0 Tenable 12.0 News (T) 12.05 Couples Come Away (T) 1.45 Neighbours (T)
(T) (R) 3.59 Local News and Dine With Me (T) (R) 1.05 Posh 2.20 NCIS (T) (R) 3.15 
Weather (T) 4.0 Tipping Point Pawn (T) (R) 2.10 Countdown After All These Years (Scott
(T) (R) 5.0 Cash Trapped (T) 6.0 (T) 3.0 Cheap Cheap Cheap (T) Smith, 2013) (T) 5.0 News (T)
Local News (T) 6.30 News (T) 7.0 4.0 A Place in the Sun: Winter 5.30 Neighbours (T) (R) 6.0 Home
Emmerdale (T) The day of Pete Sun (T) (R) 5.0 Four in a Bed (T) and Away (T) (R) 6.30 News (T) 7.0 World News Today (T) 7.30 The
and Leyla’s wedding dawns. 7.30 (R) 5.30 Come Dine With Me (T) 7.0 All New Traffic Cops (T) (R) Sky at Night (T) (R) Chris Lintott
Tonight: How Safe Is a Sun Tan? (T) 6.0 The Simpsons (T) (R) 6.30 and Maggie Aderin-Pocock keep
Kylie Pentelow looks at the latest Hollyoaks (T) 7.0 News (T) an eye out for the Perseids meteor
advice on exposure to the sun. shower.
8.0 Emmerdale (T) Leyla confides 8.0 Child Genius (T) The quarter-final 8.0 Nightmare Tenants: Get Out of 8.0 Sword, Musket & Machine Gun:
in Priya that she has rushed sees the 11 remaining competitors My House (T) (R) The owner of Britain’s Armed History (T) (R)
into marriage. tested on their knowledge a tanning salon regrets letting Sam Willis charts the impact
8.30 James Martin’s French Adventure of science, before having to an employee move into a house of gunpowder in warfare.
(T) The chef heads to Bresse, memorise 104 playing cards. he owns when he is faced with 9.0 Andrew Marr’s The Making of
where he meets Georges Blanc, 9.0 Taxi of Mum and Dad (T) A look complaints from the neighbours Modern Britain (T) (R) A look
one of his culinary heroes. through the windscreens of eight about wild parties – and £3,000 in at the tensions caused by the
9.0 The Brighton Police (T) Two- family cars, eavesdropping on the unpaid rent. Includes news update suffragettes, the liberation of
part documentary, starting conversations between parents 9.0 Celebrity Big Brother (T) Highlights Ireland and the start of the
with an investigation into a and teenagers. from the house. first world war.
robbery at a betting shop.

10.0 News (T) 10.0 How to Make Your Marriage Work 10.0 Make or Break? (T) Pressure 10.0 Wonders of the Universe
10.30 Local News (T) (T) Documentary in which five builds for the five couples. (T) (R) Last in the series.
10.40 Schofield’s South African married couples from the London 11.05 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit on 11.0 Horizon: Solar Storms – The
Adventure (T) (R) Phillip Schofield Borough of Brent reveal what the Side (T) Threat to Planet Earth (T) (R)
takes part in a rhino conservation keeps them together. 12.0 Cricket on 5 (T) England v West 12.0 Gaga for Dada: The Original
project. Last in the series. 11.05 24 Hours in A&E (T) (R) Indies. Highlights of the opening Art Rebels (T) (R) 1.0 A History
11.10 Lion Country: Night and Day 12.05 One Born Every Minute (T) (R) 1.0 day of the first Test in the three- of Art in Three Colours (T) (R)
(T) (R) Last in the series. Delhi Cops (T) (R) 1.55 Ramsay’s match series, which takes place 2.0 Wonders of the Universe
12.10 Jackpot247 3.0 Tonight (R) 3.25 Kitchen Nightmares USA (T) (R) at Edgbaston. 1.0 SuperCasino (T) (R) 3.0 Sword, Musket &
Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy 2.45 The Supervet (T) (R) 3.40 (T) 3.10 GPs: Behind Closed Machine Gun (T) (R)
Kyle Show (T) (R) Location, Location, Location (T) Doors (T) (R) 4.0 The Railways
(R) 4.35 Selling Houses (T) (R) That Built Britain (T) (R) 4.45
5.30 Shipping Wars UK (T) (R) House Doctor (T) (R) 5.10 Divine
Designs (T) (R) Battle of the
Titans 5.35 Wildlife SOS (T) (R)

Unexpected 9.30 Tales Grant’s Hotel Secrets 4.0 (R) Paul Morley looks at First Test, Day One. 5.54 (R) 12.0 News 12.30 Journey 10.0 Comedy
of the Unexpected 10.0
National Trust: National
The West Wing 5.0 The
West Wing 6.0 Without a
Radio the changing nature of
art galleries. 10.15 BBC
Shipping Forecast. FM:
1.45 Bone Stories: Dodo
Book of the Week (4/5)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
Club Mark Steel’s in Town
10.30 Party (1/4) 11.0
Treasures 11.15 South Trace 7.0 CSI: Crime Scene Proms 2017: Prom 44. (4/5) 2.0 The Archers (R) 1.0 As World Service 5.20 And Now in Colour (5/6)
Bank Masterclasses: Investigation 8.0 Blue Michael Gordon: Big Space 2.15 Drama: Breaking Shipping Forecast 5.30 11.30 The Museum of
Peter Lord 11.30 Bloods 9.0 Riviera 10.0 Radio 1 Gestillte Sehnsucht; (BBC commission: world Up with Bradford, by News 5.43 Prayer for the Everything (1/6) 12.0
Auction 12.0 Auction Ballers 10.35 Insecure 97.6-99.8 MHz Geistliches Wiegenlied; premiere). Conductor Kamal Kaan. 3.0 Open Day 5.45 Farming Today The Gibson (4/6) 12.30
12.30 Discovering: 11.10 Last Week Tonight 6.33 Nick Grimshaw Wie Melodien zieht es mir; Rumon Gamba. David Country: Ballooning in 5.58 Tweet of the Day: Great Lives (8/9) 1.0
The Mamas & the with John Oliver 11.45 10.0 Clara Amfo 12.45 Immer leiser; Der Tod, Lang: Sunray (London Bristol (8) 3.27 Radio Guillemot Senses Bulldog Drummond (6/6)
Papas 1.0 Discovering: Riviera 12.45 Westworld Newsbeat 1.0 Scott Mills das ist die kühle Nacht; premiere). Julia Wolfe: 4 Appeal: Revitalise (R) 1.30 Who Was Bessie
Deborah Kerr 2.0 1.55 The Following 2.55 4.0 Dev 5.45 Newsbeat Von ewiger Liebe. Haydn: Big Beautiful Dark and 3.30 Open Book: Fredrik Radio 4 Extra Head? 2.0 Blood and
Watercolour Challenge The Brink 3.30 The Brink 6.0 Dev 7.0 Annie Mac 9.0 Arianna a Naxos. Jessye Scary (London premiere). Backman (R) 4.0 The Digital only Beauty (9/10) 2.15 Me,
2.30 Watercolour 4.05 The West Wing 5.0 Artist Takeover With… Norman (soprano), Dalton Philip Glass: Closing Film Programme 4.30 6.0 Bulldog Drummond My Selfie and I: Aimee
Challenge 3.0 Tales of the The West Wing 10.02 Residency: Logan Baldwin (piano), John from Glassworks. Louis Inside Science. With Adam (6/6) 6.30 Who Was Fuller’s Generation Game
Unexpected 3.30 Tales Sama 12.0 Residency: Harrington (viola). 2.0 Andriessen: Workers Rutherford and guests. Bessie Head? 7.0 In the (4/5) 2.30 Ethan Frome
of the Unexpected 4.0 TCM Jessy Lanza 1.0 Toddla T Afternoon on 3: Prom 39 Union. BBC Proms Youth 5.0 PM 5.57 Weather 6.0 Balance (5/6) 7.30 Mark (4/5) 2.45 The Life and
National Trust: National 6.0am Hollywood’s Best 4.0 Adele Roberts (R) Debussy: Prélude à Ensemble, Bang on a News 6.30 Fresh from Steel’s in Town 8.0 Stop Adventures of William
Treasures 5.15 South Film Directors: Jay Roach l’après-midi d’un faune. Can All-Stars. 11.30 the Fringe 2017. James Messing About! (4/13) Cobbett (4/5) 3.0 Little
Bank Masterclasses: Nick 6.35 Kung Fu: Blood Radio 2 Ravel: Piano Concerto in Late Junction 12.30 Acaster showcases the 8.30 The Goon Show Dorrit (4/5) 4.0 Act Your
Hytner 5.30 Discovering: Brother 7.40 Kung Fu: 88-91 MHz G. Mark-Anthony Turnage: Through the Night (R) cream of the standup (2/26) 9.0 Act Your Age Age (6/6) 4.30 HR (6/6)
James Brown 6.0 An Eye for an Eye 8.45 6.30 Sara Cox 9.30 Hibiki. Inon Barnatan and character comedy (6/6) 9.30 HR (6/6) 10.0 5.0 In the Balance (5/6)
Discovering: Ingrid Mommie Dearest Trevor Nelson 12.0 (piano), Sally Matthews Radio 4 performance at this year’s Little Dorrit (4/5) 11.0 5.30 Mark Steel’s in Town
Bergman 7.0 Treasures (1981) 11.15  Jeremy Vine 2.0 Steve (soprano), Mihoko 92.4-94.6 MHz; 198kHz Edinburgh fringe. (1/2) Bloody Scotland (1/3)
of the British Library The Man Behind the Gun Wright 5.0 Amol Rajan Fujimura (mezzo), New 6.0 Today 9.0 Reflections. 7.0 The Archers. Freddie 11.15 The Journey 12.0 5 Live
8.0 Chaplin in Bali 9.0 (1953) 12.50 Kung Fu: 7.0 Bob Harris Country London Children’s Choir, Peter Hennessy talks to fails spectacularly. 7.15 Stop Messing About! 693, 909 kHz
How Chaplin Became the The Tide 1.55 Kung Fu: 8.0 Ana Matronic 10.0 Finchley Children’s Music William Hague. (2/4) 9.45 Front Row. Arts roundup. (4/13) 12.30 The Goon 6.0 Breakfast 10.0 5 Live
Tramp 10.0 Modern The Soul Is the Warrior The Arts Show 12.0 The Group, Kazushi Ono. First (LW) Daily Service 9.45 7.45 Life at Absolute Show (2/26) 1.0 Bulldog Daily With Emma Barnett
Times (1936) 11.40 3.0 The First Texan Craig Charles House Party broadcast on Monday. (FM) Book of the Week: Zero: In Cold (ish) Blood, Drummond (6/6) 1.30 1.0 Afternoon Edition
Monty Python’s Personal (1956) 4.40 Fort (R) 2.0 Playlists: Tracks 4.30 In Tune 6.30 BBC The Hungry Empire, by by Lynne Truss. (R) Who Was Bessie Head? 4.0 Drive 7.0 5 Live Sport
Best 1.0 Tales of the Worth (1951) 6.15 of My Years, Have A Great Proms 2017: Prom 43. Lizzie Collingham. (4/5) (8/10) 8.0 The Briefing 2.0 Blood and Beauty 10.0 Adrian Goldberg 1.0
Unexpected 1.30 Tales The Forty-Niners Weekend & Feelgood Manuel de Falla: El amor 10.0 Woman’s Hour Room. Current affairs (9/10) 2.15 Me, My Up All Night 5.0 Morning
of the Unexpected 2.0 (1954) 7.40 The Friday 5.0 Penny Smith brujo. Édouard Lalo: 10.45 Life at Absolute documentary. 8.30 In Selfie and I: Aimee Reports 5.15 Wake Up
Watercolour Challenge Longhorn (1951) 9.0 Symphonie espagnole, Op Zero: Mrs Manville Business: The Secrets Fuller’s Generation Game to Money
2.30 Watercolour True Romance Radio 3 21. c 8.30pm: Interval. Disposes, by Lynne Truss. of Germany’s Success. (4/5) 2.30 Ethan Frome
Challenge 3.0 How (1993) 11.25  90.2-92.4 MHz Clemency Burton-Hill (R) (7/10) 11.0 Crossing With Caroline Bayley. (4/5) 2.45 The Life and 6 Music
Chaplin Became the Until Death (2007) 1.30 6.30 Breakfast 9.0 talks to Clair Rowden and Continents: A Land (3/9) 9.0 Inside Science Adventures of William Digital only
Tramp 4.0 Entity 5.05 Conspiracy Theory: 9/11 Essential Classics. Author Richard Langham Smith Forgotten. Tim Whewell (R) 9.30 Reflections (R) Cobbett (4/5) 3.0 Little 7.0 Shaun Keaveny
Auction 5.35 Auction 2.30 Conspiracy Theory: Ben Okri chooses more about the music of Saint- travels to Abkhazia. 11.30 9.45 (LW joins at 9.45) Dorrit (4/5) 4.0 Act 10.0 Lauren Laverne
HAARP 3.25 Hollywood’s favourite music. 11.0 Saëns. c 8.50pm Saint- Natalie Haynes Stands Up 10.0 The World Tonight Your Age (6/6) 4.30 HR 1.0 Mark Radcliffe and
Sky Atlantic Best Film Directors: Edinburgh International Saëns: Symphony No 3 in for the Classics: Lucian 10.45 Book at Bedtime: (6/6) 5.0 In the Balance Stuart Maconie 4.0
6.0am Richard E Grant’s Paul Greengrass 3.55 Festival 2017. Baritone C minor, Organ. Stephanie (3/4) 12.0 News 12.01 Midwinter Break, by (5/6) 5.30 Mark Steel’s Steve Lamacq 6.0 Steve
Hotel Secrets 7.0 Richard Hollywood’s Best Film Benjamin Appl and pianist d’Oustrac (mezzo), Joshua (LW) Shipping Forecast Bernard MacLaverty. in Town 6.0 The Gibson Lamacq’s Roundtable
E Grant’s Hotel Secrets Directors: Terry Gilliam Pavel Kolesnikov perform Bell (violin), Cameron 12.04 Home Front: 17 (3/9) 11.0 Fresh from the (4/6) 6.30 Great Lives 7.0 Marc Riley 9.0 Jon
8.0 The Guest Wing 9.0 4.25 Hollywood’s Best a selection of lieder by Carpenter (organ), Royal August 1917 – Adeline Fringe 2017. Rising star (8/9) 7.0 Stop Messing Hillcock 12.0 6 Music
The Guest Wing 10.0 Film Directors: Frank Schubert, Schumann and Philharmonic Orchestra, Lumley, by Katie Hims. Kiri Pritchard-McLean About! (4/13) 7.30 The Recommends 1.0 The
The West Wing 11.0 The Darabont 5.0 Hollywood’s Grieg, plus a new work by Charles Dutoit. 9.0 New (14/40) 12.15 You and presents the second Goon Show (2/26) 8.0 Elvis Presley Story (3/13)
West Wing 12.0 Without Best Film Directors: Matthias Pintscher, live Generation Artists. Yours 12.57 Weather 1.0 of two programmes Bulldog Drummond 2.0 Classic Scottish
a Trace 1.0 CSI: Crime Wolfgang Petersen 5.30 from Edinburgh. 1.0 News Recent performances. The World at One LW: showcasing the best of the (6/6) 8.30 Who Was Albums (4/4) 2.30
Scene Investigation 2.0 Hollywood’s Best Film 1.02 Lunchtime Concert: 9.30 Step Inside: A 21st- 1.25 Test Match Special: fringe. (2/2) 11.30 The Bessie Head? 9.0 Bloody Live Hour 3.30 Jukebox
Blue Bloods 3.0 Richard E Directors: Stephen Frears Edinburgh 70. Brahms: Century Gallery Guide England v West Indies – Digital Human: Silence Scotland (1/3) 9.15 The 5.0 Chris Hawkins

17.08.17 The Guardian 19

On the web
Puzzles For tips and all manner of
crossword debates, go to

Quick crossword no 14,751 Sudoku no 3,829

Across 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Food fish (7)
Former (3-4) 8 5 7 8
9 Violent wind storm (7)
Separate (5,2)
The Merry Widow
6 3 2 4
composer (5)
Pointer (9)
Italian starter (9)
11 12
4 8
18 Child, colloquially (5)
21 Bubble raised on the skin
13 14
2 9 3 6
Gourmet (7)
Achieve one’s ambitions 15 16 17
9 6 3 2
24 Propose (7) 18 19 20
Down 21

Want more? Access over 4,000 archive puzzles at Buy all four Guardian quick crosswords books for only £20 inc UK p&p (save £7.96). Visit or call 0330 333 6846.
1 Monopoly token (5)
2 Coniferous tree with 22
1 2
green needles (5)
3 Author of books for
children, d. 1943 (7,6)
5 4 9
4 What a pity! (3,3) 24
5 Road-rail intersection
3 7 2
17 Scraps — fragments (6) Solution no 14,750
6 Strikers’ blockade (6)
19 Wake up (5) L ANDS CAP E C M Hard. Fill the grid so that each row, column and Solution to no 3,828
7 Farm machine (possibly
20 Invited person (5) V O A U CL EO 3x3 box contains the numbers 1-9. Printable
grim?) (6) WI L L I NGL Y I M version at
5 6 7 2 8 1 4 9 3
12 The Emerald Isle, in D E I L PE L E 8 3 9 4 7 6 5 2 1
poetry (4) Stuck? For help call 0906 200 83 83 or text C P U NWE D N N 1 4 2 9 3 5 8 7 6
14 Greek aniseed-flavoured GUARDIANQ followed by a space, the day OT I OSE TUTTUT 9 8 6 7 1 2 3 5 4
and date the crossword appeared followed R T E C E A
spirit (4) by another space and the CLUE reference
RUC KUS CHOL E R 4 5 1 3 6 9 7 8 2
15 Assuming the most (e.g GUARDIANQ Wednesday24 Down20)
to 88010. Calls cost £1.10 per minute, plus E H PAL LY E Y 2 7 3 5 4 8 6 1 9
favourable conditions your phone company’s access charge. Texts CUF F R O J H 3 2 5 8 9 4 1 6 7
T O CONC LUDED Stuck? For help call 0906 200 83 83. Calls cost
(2,4) cost £1 per clue plus standard network
£1.10 per minute, plus your phone company’s access 6 9 4 1 5 7 2 3 8
charges. Service supplied by ATS. Call 0330 EURO N H R L
16 Spasmodic muscle 333 6946 for customer service (charged at D K AGREEABL E charge. Service supplied by ATS. Call 0330 333 6946 7 1 8 6 2 3 9 4 5
contraction (6) standard rate). for customer service (charged at standard rate).
Doonesbury classic
Garry Trudeau
Steve Bell

20 The Guardian 17.08.17