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By Rudyard Kipling

Look, you have cast out Love! What Gods are these
You bid me please?
The Three in One, the One in Three? Not so!
To my own Gods I go.
It may be they shall give me greater ease
Than your cold Christ and tangled Trinities.

The Convert.
She was the daughter of Sonoo, a Hill-man, and Jadeh his wife. One year their maize
failed, and two bears spent the night in their only poppy-field just above the Sutlej
Valley on the Kotgarth side; so, next season, they turned Christian, and brought their
baby to the Mission to be baptized. The Kotgarth Chaplain christened her Elizabeth,
and “Lispeth” is the Hill or pahari pronunciation.
Later, cholera came into the Kotgarth Valley and carried off Sonoo and Jadeh, and
Lispeth became half-servant, half-companion to the wife of the then Chaplain of
Kotgarth. This was after the reign of the Moravian missionaries, but before Kotgarth
had quite forgotten her title of “Mistress of the Northern Hills.”
Whether Christianity improved Lispeth, or whether the gods of her own people would
have done as much for her under any circumstances, I do not know; but she grew very
lovely. When a Hill girl grows lovely, she is worth traveling fifty miles over bad ground
to look upon. Lispeth had a Greek face—one of those faces people paint so often, and
see so seldom. She was of a pale, ivory color and, for her race, extremely tall. Also, she
possessed eyes that were wonderful; and, had she not been dressed in the abominable
print-cloths affected by Missions, you would, meeting her on the hill-side unexpectedly,
have thought her the original Diana of the Romans going out to slay.
Lispeth took to Christianity readily, and did not abandon it when she reached
womanhood, as do some Hill girls. Her own people hated her because she had, they
said, become a memsahib and washed herself daily; and the Chaplain's wife did not
know what to do with her. Somehow, one cannot ask a stately goddess, five foot ten in


her shoes, to clean plates and dishes. So she played with the Chaplain's children and
took classes in the Sunday School, and read all the books in the house, and grew more
and more beautiful, like the Princesses in fairy tales. The Chaplain's wife said that the
girl ought to take service in Simla as a nurse or something “genteel.” But Lispeth did
not want to take service. She was very happy where she was.
When travellers—there were not many in those years—came to Kotgarth, Lispeth
used to lock herself into her own room for fear they might take her away to Simla, or
somewhere out into the unknown world.
One day, a few months after she was seventeen years old, Lispeth went out for a walk.
She did not walk in the manner of English ladies—a mile and a half out, and a ride back
again. She covered between twenty and thirty miles in her little constitutionals, all about
and about, between Kotgarth and Narkunda. This time she came back at full dusk,
stepping down the breakneck descent into Kotgarth with something heavy in her arms.
The Chaplain's wife was dozing in the drawing-room when Lispeth came in breathing
hard and very exhausted with her burden. Lispeth put it down on the sofa, and said
“This is my husband. I found him on the Bagi Road. He has hurt himself. We will
nurse him, and when he is well, your husband shall marry him to me.”
This was the first mention Lispeth had ever made of her matrimonial views, and the
Chaplain's wife shrieked with horror. However, the man on the sofa needed attention
first. He was a young Englishman, and his head had been cut to the bone by something
jagged. Lispeth said she had found him down the khud, so she had brought him in. He
was breathing queerly and was unconscious.
He was put to bed and tended by the Chaplain, who knew something of medicine;
and Lispeth waited outside the door in case she could be useful. She explained to the
Chaplain that this was the man she meant to marry; and the Chaplain and his wife
lectured her severely on the impropriety of her conduct. Lispeth listened quietly, and
repeated her first proposition. It takes a great deal of Christianity to wipe out uncivilized
Eastern instincts, such as falling in love at first sight. Lispeth, having found the man she
worshipped, did not see why she should keep silent as to her choice. She had no
intention of being sent away, either. She was going to nurse that Englishman until he
was well enough to marry her. This was her little programme.
After a fortnight of slight fever and inflammation, the Englishman recovered
coherence and thanked the Chaplain and his wife, and Lispeth—especially Lispeth—
for their kindness. He was a traveller in the East, he said—they never talked about
“globe-trotters” in those days, when the P. & O. fleet was young and small—and had
come from Dehra Dun to hunt for plants and butterflies among the Simla hills. No one
at Simla, therefore, knew anything about him. He fancied he must have fallen over the
cliff while stalking a fern on a rotten tree-trunk, and that his coolies must have stolen


his baggage and fled. He thought he would go back to Simla when he was a little
stronger. He desired no more mountaineering.
He made small haste to go away, and recovered his strength slowly. Lispeth objected
to being advised either by the Chaplain or his wife; so the latter spoke to the
Englishman, and told him how matters stood in Lispeth's heart. He laughed a good deal,
and said it was very pretty and romantic, a perfect idyl of the Himalayas; but, as he was
engaged to a girl at Home, he fancied that nothing would happen. Certainly he would
behave with discretion. He did that. Still he found it very pleasant to talk to Lispeth,
and walk with Lispeth, and say nice things to her, and call her pet names while he was
getting strong enough to go away. It meant nothing at all to him, and everything in the
world to Lispeth. She was very happy while the fortnight lasted, because she had found
a man to love.
Being a savage by birth, she took no trouble to hide her feelings, and the Englishman
was amused. When he went away, Lispeth walked with him, up the Hill as far as
Narkunda, very troubled and very miserable. The Chaplain's wife, being a good
Christian and disliking anything in the shape of fuss or scandal—Lispeth was beyond
her management entirely—had told the Englishman to tell Lispeth that he was coming
back to marry her. “She is but a child, you know, and, I fear, at heart a heathen,” said
the Chaplain's wife. So all the twelve miles up the hill the Englishman, with his arm
around Lispeth's waist, was assuring the girl that he would come back and marry her;
and Lispeth made him promise over and over again. She wept on the Narkunda Ridge
till he had passed out of sight along the Muttiani path.
Then she dried her tears and went in to Kotgarth again, and said to the Chaplain's
wife: “He will come back and marry me. He has gone to his own people to tell them
so.” And the Chaplain's wife soothed Lispeth and said: “He will come back.” At the end
of two months, Lispeth grew impatient, and was told that the Englishman had gone over
the seas to England. She knew where England was, because she had read little
geography primers; but, of course, she had no conception of the nature of the sea, being
a Hill girl. There was an old puzzle-map of the World in the House. Lispeth had played
with it when she was a child. She unearthed it again, and put it together of evenings,
and cried to herself, and tried to imagine where her Englishman was. As she had no
ideas of distance or steamboats, her notions were somewhat erroneous. It would not
have made the least difference had she been perfectly correct; for the Englishman had
no intention of coming back to marry a Hill girl. He forgot all about her by the time he
was butterfly-hunting in Assam. He wrote a book on the East afterwards. Lispeth's name
did not appear.
At the end of three months, Lispeth made daily pilgrimage to Narkunda to see if her
Englishman was coming along the road. It gave her comfort, and the Chaplain's wife,
finding her happier, thought that she was getting over her “barbarous and most
indelicate folly.” A little later the walks ceased to help Lispeth and her temper grew


very bad. The Chaplain's wife thought this a profitable time to let her know the real
state of affairs—that the Englishman had only promised his love to keep her quiet—
that he had never meant anything, and that it was “wrong and improper” of Lispeth to
think of marriage with an Englishman, who was of a superior clay, besides being
promised in marriage to a girl of his own people. Lispeth said that all this was clearly
impossible, because he had said he loved her, and the Chaplain's wife had, with her own
lips, asserted that the Englishman was coming back.
“How can what he and you said be untrue?” asked Lispeth.
“We said it as an excuse to keep you quiet, child,” said the Chaplain's wife.
“Then you have lied to me,” said Lispeth, “you and he?”
The Chaplain's wife bowed her head, and said nothing. Lispeth was silent, too for a
little time; then she went out down the valley, and returned in the dress of a Hill girl—
infamously dirty, but without the nose and ear rings. She had her hair braided into the
long pig-tail, helped out with black thread, that Hill women wear.
“I am going back to my own people,” said she. “You have killed Lispeth. There is
only left old Jadeh's daughter—the daughter of a pahari and the servant of Tarka Devi.
You are all liars, you English.”
By the time that the Chaplain's wife had recovered from the shock of the
announcement that Lispeth had 'verted to her mother's gods, the girl had gone; and she
never came back.
She took to her own unclean people savagely, as if to make up the arrears of the life
she had stepped out of; and, in a little time, she married a wood-cutter who beat her,
after the manner of paharis, and her beauty faded soon.
“There is no law whereby you can account for the vagaries of the heathen,” said the
Chaplain's wife, “and I believe that Lispeth was always at heart an infidel.” Seeing she
had been taken into the Church of England at the mature age of five weeks, this
statement does not do credit to the Chaplain's wife.
Lispeth was a very old woman when she died. She always had a perfect command of
English, and when she was sufficiently drunk, could sometimes be induced to tell the
story of her first love-affair.
It was hard then to realize that the bleared, wrinkled creature, so like a wisp of charred
rag, could ever have been “Lispeth of the Kotgarth Mission.”


“Love heeds not caste nor sleep a broken bed. I went in search
love and lost myself.”

A man should, whatever happens, keep to his own caste, race and breed. Let the White
go to the White and the Black to the Black. Then, whatever trouble falls is in the
ordinary course of things—neither sudden, alien, nor unexpected.
This is the story of a man who wilfully stepped beyond the safe limits of decent every-
day society, and paid for it heavily.
He knew too much in the first instance; and he saw too much in the second. He took
too deep an interest in native life; but he will never do so again.
Deep away in the heart of the City, behind Jitha Megji's bustee, lies Amir Nath's
Gully, which ends in a dead-wall pierced by one grated window. At the head of the
Gully is a big cow-byre, and the walls on either side of the Gully are without windows.
Neither Suchet Singh nor Gaur Chand approved of their women-folk looking into the
world. If Durga Charan had been of their opinion, he would have been a happier man
to-day, and little Biessa would have been able to knead her own bread. Her room looked
out through the grated window into the narrow dark Gully where the sun never came
and where the buffaloes wallowed in the blue slime. She was a widow, about fifteen
years old, and she prayed the Gods, day and night, to send her a lover; for she did not
approve of living alone.
One day the man—Trejago his name was—came into Amir Nath's Gully on an
aimless wandering; and, after he had passed the buffaloes, stumbled over a big heap of
cattle food.
Then he saw that the Gully ended in a trap, and heard a little laugh from behind the
grated window. It was a pretty little laugh, and Trejago, knowing that, for all practical
purposes, the old Arabian Nights are good guides, went forward to the window, and
whispered that verse of “The Love Song of Har Dyal” which begins:
Can a man stand upright in the face of the naked Sun;
or a Lover in the Presence of his Beloved?
If my feet fail me, O Heart of my Heart, am I to blame,
being blinded by the glimpse of your beauty?
There came the faint tchinks of a woman's bracelets from behind the grating, and a
little voice went on with the song at the fifth verse:
Alas! alas! Can the Moon tell the Lotus of her love when the


Gate of Heaven is shut and the clouds gather for the rains?
They have taken my Beloved, and driven her with the pack-
to the North.
There are iron chains on the feet that were set on my heart.
Call to the bowman to make ready—
The voice stopped suddenly, and Trejago walked out of Amir Nath's Gully,
wondering who in the world could have capped “The Love Song of Har Dyal” so neatly.
Next morning, as he was driving to the office, an old woman threw a packet into his
dog-cart. In the packet was the half of a broken glass bangle, one flower of the blood
red dhak, a pinch of bhusa or cattle-food, and eleven cardamoms. That packet was a
letter—not a clumsy compromising letter, but an innocent, unintelligible lover's epistle.
Trejago knew far too much about these things, as I have said. No Englishman should
be able to translate object-letters. But Trejago spread all the trifles on the lid of his
office-box and began to puzzle them out.
A broken glass-bangle stands for a Hindu widow all India over; because, when her
husband dies a woman's bracelets are broken on her wrists. Trejago saw the meaning of
the little bit of the glass. The flower of the dhak means diversely “desire,” “come,”
“write,” or “danger,” according to the other things with it. One cardamom means
“jealousy;” but when any article is duplicated in an object-letter, it loses its symbolic
meaning and stands merely for one of a number indicating time, or, if incense, curds,
or saffron be sent also, place. The message ran then:—“A widow dhak flower and
bhusa—at eleven o'clock.” The pinch of bhusa enlightened Trejago. He saw—this kind
of letter leaves much to instinctive knowledge—that the bhusa referred to the big heap
of cattle-food over which he had fallen in Amir Nath's Gully, and that the message must
come from the person behind the grating; she being a widow. So the message ran
then:—“A widow, in the Gully in which is the heap of bhusa, desires you to come at
eleven o'clock.”
Trejago threw all the rubbish into the fireplace and laughed. He knew that men in the
East do not make love under windows at eleven in the forenoon, nor do women fix
appointments a week in advance. So he went, that very night at eleven, into Amir Nath's
Gully, clad in a boorka, which cloaks a man as well as a woman. Directly the gongs in
the City made the hour, the little voice behind the grating took up “The Love Song of
Har Dyal” at the verse where the Panthan girl calls upon Har Dyal to return. The song
is really pretty in the Vernacular. In English you miss the wail of it. It runs something
like this:—
Alone upon the housetops, to the North
I turn and watch the lightning in the sky,—
The glamour of thy footsteps in the North,
Come back to me, Beloved, or I die!

Below my feet the still bazar is laid

Far, far below the weary camels lie,—
The camels and the captives of thy raid,
Come back to me, Beloved, or I die!


My father's wife is old and harsh with years,

And drudge of all my father's house am I.—
My bread is sorrow and my drink is tears,
Come back to me, Beloved, or I die!
As the song stopped, Trejago stepped up under the grating and whispered:—“I am
Bisesa was good to look upon.
That night was the beginning of many strange things, and of a double life so wild that
Trejago to-day sometimes wonders if it were not all a dream. Bisesa or her old
handmaiden who had thrown the object-letter had detached the heavy grating from the
brick-work of the wall; so that the window slid inside, leaving only a square of raw
masonry, into which an active man might climb.
In the day-time, Trejago drove through his routine of office-work, or put on his
calling-clothes and called on the ladies of the Station; wondering how long they would
know him if they knew of poor little Bisesa. At night, when all the City was still, came
the walk under the evil-smelling boorka, the patrol through Jitha Megji's bustee, the
quick turn into Amir Nath's Gully between the sleeping cattle and the dead walls, and
then, last of all, Bisesa, and the deep, even breathing of the old woman who slept outside
the door of the bare little room that Durga Charan allotted to his sister's daughter. Who
or what Durga Charan was, Trejago never inquired; and why in the world he was not
discovered and knifed never occurred to him till his madness was over, and Bisesa...
But this comes later.
Bisesa was an endless delight to Trejago. She was as ignorant as a bird; and her
distorted versions of the rumors from the outside world that had reached her in her
room, amused Trejago almost as much as her lisping attempts to pronounce his name—
“Christopher.” The first syllable was always more than she could manage, and she made
funny little gestures with her rose-leaf hands, as one throwing the name away, and then,
kneeling before Trejago, asked him, exactly as an Englishwoman would do, if he were
sure he loved her. Trejago swore that he loved her more than any one else in the world.
Which was true.
After a month of this folly, the exigencies of his other life compelled Trejago to be
especially attentive to a lady of his acquaintance. You may take it for a fact that anything
of this kind is not only noticed and discussed by a man's own race, but by some hundred
and fifty natives as well. Trejago had to walk with this lady and talk to her at the Band-
stand, and once or twice to drive with her; never for an instant dreaming that this would
affect his dearer out-of-the-way life. But the news flew, in the usual mysterious fashion,
from mouth to mouth, till Bisesa's duenna heard of it and told Bisesa. The child was so
troubled that she did the household work evilly, and was beaten by Durga Charan's wife
in consequence.


A week later, Bisesa taxed Trejago with the flirtation. She understood no gradations
and spoke openly. Trejago laughed and Bisesa stamped her little feet—little feet, light
as marigold flowers, that could lie in the palm of a man's one hand.
Much that is written about “Oriental passion and impulsiveness” is exaggerated and
compiled at second-hand, but a little of it is true; and when an Englishman finds that
little, it is quite as startling as any passion in his own proper life. Bisesa raged and
stormed, and finally threatened to kill herself if Trejago did not at once drop the alien
Memsahib who had come between them. Trejago tried to explain, and to show her that
she did not understand these things from a Western standpoint. Bisesa drew herself up,
and said simply:
“I do not. I know only this—it is not good that I should have made you dearer than
my own heart to me, Sahib. You are an Englishman. I am only a black girl”—she was
fairer than bar-gold in the Mint—“and the widow of a black man.”
Then she sobbed and said: “But on my soul and my Mother's soul, I love you. There
shall no harm come to you, whatever happens to me.”
Trejago argued with the child, and tried to soothe her, but she seemed quite
unreasonably disturbed. Nothing would satisfy her save that all relations between them
should end. He was to go away at once. And he went. As he dropped out at the window,
she kissed his forehead twice, and he walked away wondering.
A week, and then three weeks, passed without a sign from Bisesa. Trejago, thinking
that the rupture had lasted quite long enough, went down to Amir Nath's Gully for the
fifth time in the three weeks, hoping that his rap at the sill of the shifting grating would
be answered. He was not disappointed.
There was a young moon, and one stream of light fell down into Amir Nath's Gully,
and struck the grating, which was drawn away as he knocked. From the black dark,
Bisesa held out her arms into the moonlight. Both hands had been cut off at the wrists,
and the stumps were nearly healed.
Then, as Bisesa bowed her head between her arms and sobbed, some one in the room
grunted like a wild beast, and something sharp—knife, sword or spear—thrust at
Trejago in his boorka. The stroke missed his body, but cut into one of the muscles of
the groin, and he limped slightly from the wound for the rest of his days.
The grating went into its place. There was no sign whatever from inside the house—
nothing but the moonlight strip on the high wall, and the blackness of Amir Nath's Gully
The next thing Trejago remembers, after raging and shouting like a madman between
those pitiless walls, is that he found himself near the river as the dawn was breaking,
threw away his boorka and went home bareheaded.
What the tragedy was—whether Bisesa had, in a fit of causeless despair, told
everything, or the intrigue had been discovered and she tortured to tell, whether Durga


Charan knew his name, and what became of Bisesa—Trejago does not know to this
day. Something horrible had happened, and the thought of what it must have been
comes upon Trejago in the night now and again, and keeps him company till the
morning. One special feature of the case is that he does not know where lies the front
of Durga Charan's house. It may open on to a courtyard common to two or more houses,
or it may lie behind any one of the gates of Jitha Megji's bustee. Trejago cannot tell. He
cannot get Bisesa—poor little Bisesa—back again. He has lost her in the City, where
each man's house is as guarded and as unknowable as the grave; and the grating that
opens into Amir Nath's Gully has been walled up.
But Trejago pays his calls regularly, and is reckoned a very decent sort of man.
There is nothing peculiar about him, except a slight stiffness, caused by a riding-
strain, in the right leg.