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©2000 Rafael A. S. G. Ongpin
This is a story about a chick with whom I once went out Let’s call her Jane, but that’s not all it’s about In fact you could argue it’s about the human condition, Or the relative merits of some philosophical proposition But only a fool would say this is about anything at all I’d met her through my buddy James Who at one time or another had had, you know, aims But she’d left him, as they say, high and dry Jimbo said, hey I dunno, but: you’re welcome to try And I said I would. I mean, you would too, if you saw her. She was built, if you catch my drift, like a freestanding terracotta sanitation facility And was reportedly possessed of a certain unique ability Involving her lips. Or was it her hips? I can’t remember now. But I believed it. So I called her one night on the mobile phone on the off chance she wasn’t home Which she was... that is to say she wasn’t I said Hiya doll, tryin to sound pleasant She was like, okay, be here tomorrow at eight. So I was. She was dressed for hitchhiking on the Skyway “Hey big guy”, she thumbed, “you goin’ my way?” “ ‘Course I am, I said, and which way is that?” She smiled, and replied “I can see where you’re at.” I’s like, “cut the chitchat and get in the car, girl.” So I proposed, “Let’s go down, you’n I, to Malate Reliable sources say there’s gonna be a pahteh I told them dudes we could maybe meet somewhere in the swirling chaos of Nakpil street Catch a band or two, the Blue Rats, if we’re in luck.” So out we struck, and in no time at all, we were there looking for parking, what a mess, I swear In an ever-widening spiral we crawled, under the stars It was all fulla people and food stalls and cars I growled, “we shoulda just walked here, dammit.” Finally, as we were approaching the Pasay border and things began to look less in disorder Despite the fact that it was somewhat dark “Yo,” I said, “finally, I see sidewalk, let’s park.” She said, “I hope you brought a flashlight.”
As I cut the motor I glanced at her face She was staring at me intently, and my heart began to race My lips began to move to hers, of their own volition She started moving too, and before we knew it, collision I was kinda surprised, but hey. Who pauses for analysis at a moment like this? She went straight to the point, she weren’t no flirt Couldn’tve been thirty seconds, she had her hand in my shirt I was more than playing along, I ran my fingers up her back She began to undo my belt, I was like, whoa! Frontal attack! I began to wonder whether this was the perfect venue for the next item on the menu When, without warning, from behind, a ray of light suddenly stabbed. Oh my God, she gasped, look out, we’ve been nabbed! There was a bunch of of Pasay pigs outside my car, looking in. They were pointing their rayguns at us, grinning the grin. I did my best to refasten my trousers at the speed of light. but it wasn’t easy. I exited the vehicle to speak to the cops who introduced themselves as from Special Ops I thought, this is a pretty special fuckn operation Inspecting shady streets, seeking opportunities for extortion But of course I kept this reverie to myself. Look chief, I began, you have to try and understand I am but mortal, I have desires, like you, I’m a man In addition, if I may, I entreat you, have pity It’s a hard to find someone special, in this cold hard city The cop looked unmoved and said, what the hell you talkin about? I’m talking about love Talking ‘bout love Talking ‘bout love Talking about— Talkin bout lovin in the morning, lovin in the afternoon Talking bout lovin late at night, love never come too soon Love don’t grab you by the throat, don’t ever make no demand It won’t tell you what to do, it won’t take you by the hand Love’s so rare it needs an expert to identify it You can’t create it out of nothing, you can’t sell it, you can’t buy it So please have mercy sir, let this love go on its way I think you won’t regret it. In fact, I’m willing to pay. He seemed to consider this for a moment. Okay, kid, but I got one question, he said, what time is it then? I whipped off my watch, and said, you’ll never have to ask again! He said, I’m not sure this is gonna go with my ensemble I said, try it on, it’s da kine, you’ll be da bomb! I felt at the time, that a little exaggeration was somehow in order.
In a wink, they were gone, I re-entered the sedan I noticed my companion was looking a little wan. Jane was sheepish, in fact somewhat remorseful She said, I have a feeling I shouldn’t have been so forceful I was like, not. I will spare you the details of how I ended the night But to borrow a cliché, everything turned out all right. Jane went on to become my honey I learned a lesson, and I know this sounds funny love is great, but in the end, it’s all about money. And that’s the law.