To Develop A Sense of UNIQUENESS Children Need to
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Know there is something special about themselves Know and do things that no one else can do Know others think them special Express themselves in their own way Use their imagination and expand their creativity Respect themselves Enjoy being different
How to Build Your Child's Sense of UNIQUENESS:
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Communicate acceptance of your children. Allow children to explain their feelings, attitudes, opinions, and actions. Point out to children things about themselves that are different or special. Increase opportunities for children to express themselves creatively. Allow children to do things their own way as much as possible. Don't ridicule or shame children. Help children find acceptable ways to express themselves. Use private praise with children who have a low sense of uniqueness. Treat each child as an individual.
To Develop A Sense of POWER Children Need to Feel:
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They can do the things they set out to do. They have the resources necessary to carry out their own purposes. They are allowed to make or influence decisions about things that are important to them. Comfortable when fulfilling responsibilities. They know how to make decisions and solve problems. They can be in control of themselves when dealing with pressure and stress. They can use the skills they've learned. They can cope with failure.
How to Build Your Child's Sense of Power:
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Help children become responsible by setting limits and rules effectively. Offer alternatives when you want them to do something. Let your children know they can control their own feelings, and are responsible for doing so. Teach children how to influence people in positive ways. Teach children how to do things. Require children to make decisions. Teach children to solve problems. Help children have successful experiences. Allow your children to do things they have shown they can do well.
He finds it difficult to assert himself in a group. It's important to distinguish between shyness and social phobia. He suggests trying several of them for about a month. Like good communication. Be a good model for children. Help children broaden their range of experiences. Feel that their own values and beliefs can successfully guide their behavior. Feel confident that they can distinguish right from wrong. Experts disagree on the relation between shyness and social anxiety disorders of childhood. If your child has exhibited shyness since infancy.•
Help children set limits for themselves and others
To Develop a Sense of MODELS Children Need to:
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Experience people who are worthy models for their own behavior. This point of conflict between the child's fear and his desire to join in offers parents a teaching opportunity.
How to Build Your Child's Sense of Models:
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Help children talk about and understand their beliefs. Do not lie to children about things that are important to them. Research suggests that more than 50% of people think of themselves as shy. concrete ways how to build your child's self-esteem. Help children set reasonable and achievable goals for themselves. Help children understand the consequences of their behavior. we hear from all the experts how important it is. Help children relate appropriately to others.
. and make performance standards clear. Be aware of their goals and to feel that they can work toward them. The feeling of being different is at the core of the shy child's distress. then sticking with the strategies that work for you. Feel a sense of order. Share what you believe with your children. Feel that they can learn. fear of strangers and new situations. John Malouff describes several strategies that parents can use to help children overcome shyness. but no one tells us exactly how to achieve it. He is fearful of approaching new surroundings or people. Let children know what you expect. so that new experiences aren't intimidating. then again around 12. and know effective ways for going about it. Fear of embarrassment becomes strong in children around ages 4-5. avoidance of eye contact. she probably has a shy temperament style.
Self-esteem has become one of those buzzwords. In this series. good from bad. The primary difference is the severe anxiety symptoms and extreme avoidance of certain situations. Have a broad range of experiences. we will explore in practical. Shyness that begins later in childhood is likely based on cognitive or environmental factors. Shyness in kids may be thought of as a variation of temperament. though he likes to watch the others. Feel that they can make sense out of what's going on in their lives. Know the standards by which their performance will be evaluated.
who the child feels secure
. Praise her honestly. SelfEsteem: The Key to Your Child's Well-Being. Listen non-judgmentally. Make sure that your facial expression. In some cultures breast-feeding continues for several years. posture. How can I get him to stop requesting this?
Answer: Different cultures have different customs regarding how long children are breast-fed. or some other person. while other cultures only breastfeed for a couple of months. Harris Clemes and Reynold Bean. and he will not freely give up that pleasure. especially at night when going to sleep.The best advice I have found for building children's self-esteem comes from two prominent researchers in the field. Do special things for your child. that you love him. Tell your child that he is important to you.
I have a boy who is 16 months old and still wants to be breastfed. they define the four conditions of self-esteem in children:
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A Sense of CONNECTIVENESS A Sense of UNIQUENESS A Sense of POWER A Sense of MODELS
This week we will explore Clemes and Bean's recommendations for building your child's sense of CONNECTIVENESS: To Develop a Sense of CONNECTIVENESS Children Need to Feel:
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Connected to a heritage. part of a group Part of something of value
How to Build Your Child's Sense of Connectiveness
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Touch and hold your child. Be gentle with shy children. both her actions and her personality Communicate your feelings to your child so he doesn't have to guess. It might be better if his father. In their 1981 classic book. both cultural and family They belong to and are special to someone Something special belongs to them Their family and peer connections are held in high esteem by others They are important to others Connected to their own bodies Related to others. Share your activities with your child. Your son obviously likes sucking your breasts. and words fit together.
Enjoyment can be found elsewhere. It should only be associated with genuine physical hunger. Don't overemphasise food. More . takes care of him when he is tired. You eat primarily to get nutrition and satisfy hunger. You can find out how the development can go wrong by studying the eating of a baby. buns or cakes. Such people feel helplessly controlled by external causes. Before they have learned to master this. then the result will be a tangled mess. Food should never be used as a reward or comfort of some kind. When the child grows older it will not be able to
. Never compel a child to eat. weaning can be much easier if the dad also handles the tucking in at night. and there is a great risk that you will yield to his demands. meaning need of nutrition. Then and only then can the child learn to organize the determining bits and pieces of information to understand and interpret them. It is important to listen to the child in order to understand its feelings and needs and show respect for them but that doesn't mean that the child should always get exactly what it wants. so that they will not get eating disorders? Can a parent prevent obesity in children?
Answer: Parents can help their children to develop a proper feeling of hunger. The foundation for an eating disorder is often laid during the first year of a child's life. You may have to milk your breast dry yourself the first few days. until the worst crisis is over. hampers or is limitlessly allowing. It is important that you avoid problems with your breasts if you stop breast-feeding abruptly. for example if he neglects. In this way there is no breast to suck on. Where food is concerned the child should eat when hungry and stop when satisfied. If they do not learn this. and finally the boy will get tired and fall asleep. you will not be able to withstand his crying. For example. they can not differentiate among their various needs and impulses. When the caretaker offers food as the answer to a cry. It is best for you to be so far away that you cannot hear him. but also you will feel sad for a few days. overprotects. Do not reward a child with food. then you can go back to handle the tucking in for the night. It can get understanding for its experiences.
How should I raise my children. Even if you have decided to stop breast-feeding. they will grow up confused when it comes to distinguishing biological and emotional experiences. they should only give a child food when it is physically hungry.• •
with. then the child will little by little learn to single out a true feeling of "hunger" which is different from other tensions and needs. do not punish a child by withholding food. If on the other hand the caretaker's reaction is not adequate. The surrounding environment must during this period react according to the child's true emotions. you should expect that not only your son. instead of you doing it. This is most important. Otherwise. if you can. not candy. There will then not be any discussion. They can help them recognize their true feelings. Thus. When he is accustomed to go to sleep without breast feeding. but its development continues throughout its entire upbringing. Discuss this with a midwife. Serve proper food.
My wife comments about the explosion that happens in our living room as the children come home from school.
Showing appreciation seems to be a little thing. and her grades. feelings and priorities. One way to start respecting is to stop taking advantage of others. glue. We have a daughter who takes great pride in leaving the kitchen immaculate when it is her turn to clean up after dinner. We weren't always graceful in our response.
. James Van Horn.
This is a big issue in many families today (think Osbournes). join the frustrated parents club! Lots of mothers and fathers feel the way you do. We also have started trying to say "thank you" when we come into the room and find it orderly. not just deserved. Look for ways to be attentive to the children's needs. In our home recently. A simple expression of thanks with a little hug can mean a lot.•
differ between hunger and satisfaction or between nutritional needs and other feelings of discomfort and tension Have you ever had one of those days when you collapse into bed wondering why you spend all day correcting or yelling at the kids? Why do they seem to demand so much? Why can't you as a parent seem to get on top of their behavior? And why does all the feedback you have to give them seem so negative? Well. But there is a growing group of parents who are learning new skills and attitudes which change their parenting forever into a more positive and affirming role. And try as we might. a Penn State professor of rural sociology. gloves. boots and backpacks strewn all across the room. a set of simple and memorable strategies for moving from anger and frustration to affirmation and validation. Van Horn has framed an issue with which all of us can relate. our high school sophomore had a project for her World Civilization class in which she had to build a scale model of a medieval castle. Dr. The Better Kid Care program at Pennsylvania State University is working to give parents some much needed perspective and help in raising their children more effectively. Dr. One real life example might be helpful. Try acting respectfully of your children and see what happens. we struggle a good part of the year with getting our kids to put their coats away. we always end up asking someone to pick up and put away. It took a lot of consideration on the part of all family members to sacrifice half the dining room table for a week or more for this project as we all worked to cut out styrofoam. Try adding a little appreciation to your parenting repertoire. And it tends to make the children a little more likely to put things away next time when mom or dad take time to tell them thanks. Living in a cold winter state. parents of today have relaxed some of the rules of respect. paint and in general make a big mess. by giving a little. it is because it has been earned. Take note-even print out this article and stick it on the refrigerator to remind you of these tools!
The concept is consideration is that we show careful thought and attention to family members and their needs and concerns. Just a little common courtesy goes a long way. Perhaps in an effort to make home a little less frightening than the homes in which we were children. has developed through the Better Kid Care program. Using the acronym CARE. but it taught her a lesson-we could at least try to be patient and show our concern for her project. There are coats. But when family members act out of respect. but it reaps big dividends in a family.
It would perhaps be more respectful to spend time helping another child learn better cleaning skills than to take advantage of her talent to the detriment of her free time. there are some common threads. Help them know the basics of sex. etc. Following the principles and practices here will certainly not guarantee that a child will not be molested. teacher or other authority figure who is involved in child sexual abuse. but they will at least help prepare a child to know when inappropriate things are happening and what to do about it. and he had threatened suicide over the breakup. Don't ignore the stranger risk–just don't rely on it as the best protection strategy. Many of us can remember the uncomfortable instructions we received from our parents to "give Uncle ___ or Aunt ___ a big hug and kiss. and the relationship with the perpetrator different. Spending time with your children in activities that communicate consideration. This friend had just broken up with her boyfriend.
The process of empathy. sometimes relatives are the secret abusers. our daughter had learned good active listening skills so she could help this girl identify her feelings and learn that she was not responsible for how her former boyfriend was acting.Because she does such a good job. respect and empathy will teach them skills. minister. youth leaders. betrayal. teachers. Popular children's videos like "Too Smart for Strangers" have helped reinforce the message. our high school senior daughter had a friend over after a church youth activity. the parent of a friend. let children express affection on their own terms. Certainly the "birds and the bees" discussions are uncomfortable for some dads. While each case is certainly unique. They may be relatives. There are lots of reasons for that. parents have taught their children to avoid strangers. Help them understand that no one should touch the "private" parts of their body. the truth is that most sexual abusers are already acquainted with their victims. While clearly.
. One can't help but see news coverage these days about yet another priest. "Don't Talk to Strangers" Isn't Enough. and will bring them to a higher level of cooperation in your family and in their social worlds. each case has resulted in pain." Despite the fact that we think we may know this uncle or aunt. Don't make them kiss Uncle Frank. Don't force or shame them into affection. but children who know the basics are better prepared to deal with sexual issues. clergy. you have the right and responsibility to say no. involves putting yourself in another's situation and feeling what they feel. heartache and psychological or physical damage to the victims and their families. Fortunately. We have used the "swimsuit" analogy with our kids: if someone wants to touch you in a place on your body covered by your swimming suit. A couple of nights ago. will help them know that they are important. these abusers are in the very small minority in their professions. We were proud of her and glad that she had learned skills like reflective listening to communicate her empathy. I suspect the father of every victim must wonder what they might have done differently to help protect their children from these horrific experiences. appreciation. And continuing allegations about some celebrities (notably Michael Jackson) cause all of us concern. While this is important advice. we tend to turn to her when we need an extra job. For many years. or the sensitivity and understanding of what others are going through.
Encourage them to ask questions and talk about their experiences in all areas of their lives. We and many other parents in our circle make it a practice to never send a child into a home or family environment where we have not been. building a positive relationship between parent and child is one that requires work and effort to make it strong and successful. Kids need to feel that they can talk to you about anything that is troubling or concerning them. They need to know that it is perfectly acceptable to say they do not want a hug or a kiss or that certain physical contacts make them uncomfortable. or the child is transported in a car prior to the abuse happening.
10 Tips to Strengthen Families
Build/Maintain a Positive Parent-Child Relationship
Just like with any relationship. Teach your children that their bodies are their own. If a child knows he or she is loved unconditionally and is accepted by their father and mother. Self-confidence and awareness are critical.•
Keep the lines open. Let your child know that you expect them never to get into a car with anyone without your permission. Cars are a problem. Make sure they know that they should report any incident of sexual contact to you immediately. And always make sure that you know where your children are when they are not home. and
. Most can be searched by zip code. Help them know the law.
Taking a few precautions and creating an environment of trust with your children will go a long way to helping them and protecting them from the effects of child sexual abuse. they will be less likely to be pressured into a sexual situation for acceptance. Teach your children that any kind of sexual advance from and adult is wrong and against the law. and will often be open to engaging in conduct which will bring them that approval. Many states and other governmental entities have now put their sex offenders' registry on line. Help them feel accepted by you. Check out the listing of online registries at sexoffenders. This will help them have the confidence to assert themselves against any adult who attempts to abuse them. Research indicates that abuse often happens in a car. Know the children's friends and family. That will minimize the risk and help them have an out if they are invited to do so. Finding out who in your area might have a history as a sexual abuser can help you just be a little more aware of what might be a risk.com to see about the registry in your state. Check out the predators in your area. Help them feel comfortable in saying no to anything that feels "bad" to them. Children thrive on approval of the important adults in their lives. and that they will be respected and loved under any circumstance. Parenting is a tough job. Working to develop strong communication skills with your children in other areas will help them feel comfortable in a very confusing situation for them. Abusers often choose children as their targets because they are so trusting. We have often made the effort to invite a friend and their family to our home for a potluck barbeque or a "games and munchies night" before we let the children play at their home.
Play With Your Children
. or short book to you. Choosing which shoes look better with your dress lets a child know you value her opinion. if you ask. A simple "I love you" goes a long way toward developing and then strengthening a relationship. Tell him what you believe and why. Of course.
4. Even most teenagers still enjoy the ritual of being told goodnight in a special way by a parent--even if they don't act like it!
5. Use the name as a simple reinforcement of your love. Establish A Special Name Or Code Word
Create a special name for your child that is positive and special or a secret code word that you can use between each other. Allow time for your child to ask questions and answer them honestly.
2. reading a favorite bedtime book or telling stories is a ritual that will be remembered most likely throughout their life. be prepared to accept and live with the choice made!
1. The code word can be established to have special meaning between your child and you that only you two understand.no matter his age. Say I Love You
Tell your child you love him every day -. Here are 10 simple tips for enhancing the bond between parent and child. Unloading groceries after going to the store is a good example of something that children of most ages can and should assist with. This code word can even be used to extract a child from an uncomfortable situation (such as a sleepover that is not going well) without causing undue embarrassment to the child. Once children start reading. when you don't exactly "like your child" at that moment. it is more important than ever to express your love. chapter. Let Your Children Help You
Parents sometimes inadvertently miss out on opportunities to forge closer relationships by not allowing their child to help them with various tasks and chores. Even on trying days or after a parent-child disagreement. Reinforce those teachings often. Teach Your Faith
Teach your child about your faith and beliefs. Develop And Maintain A Special Bedtime Ritual
For younger children.maintaining close relationships and open communications helps to ensure parents and their children stay connected through all ages of their upbringing. Older children should not be neglected either.
3. have them read a page.
Take advantage of your precious time together while you have it!
. it is important to celebrate each child individually. really talk and enjoy one another. and every day is special. ball. It can become a quality time most remembered by young and old alike. However. Play with dolls. Older kids enjoy cards. Sometimes. sing songs. checkers.. a special trip to a playground.
10. Whether it is a walk around the neighborhood. and parents can help to foster those decision-making skills by being supportive and even looking the other way on occasion. Respect Their Choices
You don't have to like their mismatched shirt and shorts or love how a child has placed pictures in his room. while younger ones will have fun playing about anything.
8. Seek Out One-On-One Opportunities Often
Some parents have special nights or "standing dates" with their children to create that one-on-one opportunity. and don't rush through a meal. Children can observe excessive stress and notice when they feel you are not paying them attention. make believe. Make Them A Priority In Your Life
Your children need to know that you believe they are a priority in your life. it is really achievable! Think creatively and the opportunities created will be ones that you remember in the future. just enjoy each other! Let kids see your silly side. Eat Meals As A Family
You've heard this before. computer games. When schedules permit.as long as it involves you!
7. it is important to respect those choices. part of being a parent is not worrying about the small stuff and enjoying your children. it really is okay if a child goes to daycare with a striped green shirt and pink shorts. They grow up so fast. or whatever is fun and interesting. and it really is important! Eating together sets the stage for conversation and sharing. chess.. After all. It doesn't matter what you play. Turn the TV off. or just a movie night with just the two of you. Although it is more of a challenge the more children in a family. Children reach out for independence at a young age.The key is to really play with your children.