Vol. 1 . No.




“Content Deemed Somewhat Reliable”

Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. April, 2006


April, 2006





Surrounded by the jumping squirrels and budding trees of Spring... Welcome From the Purdue Review
Dear Reader, This issue of the Purdue Review marks our third edition to date. Many struggles and challenges have been overcome to publish this paper again for our readers. This paper resulted from the ideas of many students here at Purdue and has been in the works for quite some time. It is, however, a miracle that we are where we are at today. There is a little history behind our publication; it all started a few years back when a few Purdue students attempted to publish their own paper entitled The Independant. They ended up producing only 2 issues that I am aware of, but nevetheless, were somewhat of an inspiration to some of us. Our paper, in that tradition, has strived to be independent and somewhat conservative but still holding to the journalistic values of fairness that we believe are crtical to quality work. To our credit, this paper has made it to three successful issues which brings us great joy - managing to make it further than our predecessors. This paper was born out of the inspiration of a few college kids who were interested in being able to read something of a heavier nature, that went beyond that of your standard newspaper. You might be asking yourself as you read this paper, “are these guys really this wierd”, or maybe “do these peolpe have anyhting better to do with their time?” Well, these are all valid questions and I would say to you - yes, some of us are a little wierd and we could be doing other things with our time. However, there is also something wholesome about reading the work of your friends and peers, and that you yourself have put time into. I hope, that in your reading of this paper some of our ideas will speak to you. We are not trying to change all of your opinions, just merely let you know how we feel on the subject. Maybe you agree with us or maybe you don’t. That’s perfectly fine, we would ask though that you send us a letter and let us know how you feel about an issue or topic that is raised within this paper. Voice your concerns and opinions and we will gladly post them in our next issue. Thank you for reading and enjoy your summer break. Your Obedient Servant, Nathan Arnold

NATHAN ARNOLD Editor-in-Chief ADAM RUSCH Managing Editor JEFF SCHULTZ Features Editor SCOTT SOWERS Layout Editor NEAL EVANS Staff Writer BROCK HUGHES Staff Writer JARED BOND Staff Writer ADAM DOERR Staff Writer KRIS KNIGGA Staff Writer MIKE TRYBULA Staff Writer RACHEL SEMMEL Staff Writer JOSH TEASDALE Staff Writer NATHAN ARNOLD Layout Designer COLLIN LEWIS Graphic Designer TRACY BRIDGE Graphic Artist NEAL EVANS Photography CHASE SLAUGHTER Publisher MISSION STATEMENT The editorial staff at The Purdue Review will utilize the medium of print to entertain, educate and enlighten the student body at Purdue University as well as the entire Greater Lafayette community

The Purdue Review P.O. Box 3851 West Lafayette, IN 47996 PurdueReview@gmail.com

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DISCLAIMER The views expressed within these pages are the views held expressly by each respective writer. The opinions of these writers do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any of the other writers in this publication nor by Purdue University. This paper is in not affiliated with Purdue University; however, the staff is comprised entirely of Purdue students We would also like to extend our most gracious appreciation to the loggers who felled the magestic old growth redwood trees that comprise the substance of these pages. - Godbless

Spring sky over Purdue, Photo by Neal Evans

The Purdue Review

April, 2006 

Dating Tips From Jeff Schultz
(Warning: The author of these so called “tips” has never acutally been on a date himself. The results have not been tested. Use with extreme caution.)

Guys and Girls: Complement each other.
It is important to know that everyone loves to be appreciated. One of the basics of romance is admiration for each another. If you like something about a person, let them know. Your chance for romance will be higher.

The #1 thing you must remember… BE SAFE!!
When you are making initial contact with someone new, meet in a public place. Make sure you know as much as you can about the other person before you provide any personal information, such as your phone number, or where you live. Don’t take chances; use common sense. If you feel like the other person is being too mysterious, then it is time to move on. Let him or her know, NO MEANS NO.

things called love letters. These usually require a little more creativity, but the effort will bring better rewards. Messages have advantages over speech. It allows you to get the message just right. It can be lighthearted or personal, but it makes you more comfortable in expressing your true feelings. Don’t worry if you are not Shakespeare. Let your date know you care; they will get the message.

the ears. One of the best ways to flirt, although it’s seen as hokey or overly sentimental, is sneak up from behind and gently whisper something sweet and meaningless (Don’t recite The Gettysburg Address). It is both fun and exciting for the whisperer and the listener.

Don’t shake her hand when the date is over.
You’re performance on a date is not graded. You can’t get it 90% right and still get an A. The end of your evening is the big test; that is 100% of your grade. You don’t want to ruin it with anything a little on the not smooth side. The best option for anything is hugs, even if the date is not going as you hoped. Hugs are universal signs of affection. You can hug just about anything except for a cactus. They are perfectly more acceptable and less awkward than offering a hand shake. A kiss might be too much on the first date, unless you have really known that person for a while. Let your inner feelings tell you what is right. Remind your date that you had a great time and thank them for dinner. It will greatly increase the chances of a second date.

Establish Trust.
Without trust, there can’t be romance. Losing trust loses the romance, so be trustworthy. The first thing you can do is to be on time for your first date. When you reach a comfortable part of your relationship, convey your true feelings, thoughts, and ideas. If something does go wrong, accept an apology graciously. Allow time and opportunity for the trust to be repaired. Remember too that if you’re hiding something, your body language will give you away. A strong verbal cue demonstrates security in a relationship. As often as possible, tell your partner that you want, need, and love them.

Screw the restaurant reservation; Make her dinner.
Even though a dinner date at The Bellagio will impress her, there is nothing that turns a girl on like guy who knows how to cook. Food has aphrodisiacal effects on women. If you’re a man of few words who isn’t romantically inclined, a great dish can speak a thousand of ‘em. Best to do it from scratch--it allows you to further express your creativity.

Men: Be Confident, but not too confident
It may be overwhelming but it is true. Women like a guy with confidence. The best thing you can do is learn to relax. Remember, body language is the key. If you are nervous, it will show. Don’t double date with anxiety. If you feel too self-conscious, the best thing to do is to let her do the talking (ask her if she has been to the mall lately, she’ll talk for hours and that should give you time to relax). Don’t let doubt bring you down. Learn that you have the possibility to sweep anyone of their feet. Try to be creative with your efforts, but too much will scare the girl and scared is not a good thing.

Smile. It makes you more attractive than that earring.
We are all suckers for blue eyes. But the blue eyes don’t mean a thing if it weren’t for that row of pearly whites. A smile signifies so much of your personality. It signifies optimism, confidence, and shows that you are not afraid to express your feelings. A happy person is a lot more fun and attractive. Smiles communicate the message that you like the person without having to say it. But don’t force it too much. Just like any other component on a date, you have to practice it.

Open the door for her.
In war, the chivalrous knight was idealized as brave, loyal, and willing to sacrifice himself to his fair maiden. Towards noble ladies, the knight was to be gracious and gentle. Maybe you can’t slay any cursed fire-breathing dragons, but at least make some romantic efforts. The days of chivalry are not over. Above all, be courteous, fellas. Walk her to your car and give her your coat if she is cold. After all, you wouldn’t be the knight in shining armor if it wasn’t for her.

Encourage her to spend time with her friends so you can with yours.
If you ever want to see your friends again, you will encourage her to do the same. Don’t take your relationship too seriously. Try to keep your social life balanced. You’re quite familiar with the term whipped, aren’t you? One smart thing to do is include her on a few boys night outs. It will let her see another side of you (of course this could be a dumb idea, a real dumb idea). The more complicated your relationship gets, the less liberties you will have.

When all else fails, talk about the weather…

Ice breakers can be tough. Initiating the conversation can be a battle. You should come up with something mutually relevant to talk about. Friends are a good thing to talk about if you have the same. Family is also a good thing. But guys, if you really want to sway her over, talk about animals (just hope to God her cat did not die in the last week). It is one of the two things all women adore. The other is children, but trust me, children might not be the best thing to talk about, especially on the first date. If none of these are going as well as you planned, use the weather as a back up. Weather definitely affects us all and it might work to your advantage. It’s a lot better than talking about the 50 other girls you have dated.

Treat her like a goddess, not like a trophy.
Girls want to feel special but they don’t want to be treated like a piece of property. After all, they are human beings. If you want to worship her, do it in private. One of the worse things you can do on a date is find your friends and shout out, “Hey boys, look what I got!!” She’ll drop you quicker than PHYS 220. You may consider yourself lucky, but don’t treat her like a prize. Don’t treat them like garbage either or turn yourself into a trophy. Girls hate it when everything is all about you.

Don’t look at members of the opposite sex.
You don’t want your next date to be on The Jerry Springer Show. If you have any hopes with a guy or girl, you keep your eyes where they want them and off of other people. That also goes for other places your eyes shouldn’t be as well.

One Word: Chocolate
If man and woman weren’t made for each other, women and chocolate were. Chocolate triggers pleasure producing chemical receptors in the brain like serotonin and phenylethylamine. Women have deep cravings for the ecstasy chocolate gives them. It’s their soma. So if you want your dinner date to go over well, make Contact Jeff at jaschult@purdue.edu

Let them know you care; leave them a message if they have a bad day.
They may be the worst things ever invented, but cell phone text messaging has a way of brightening up our days. Before there were cell phones, people wrote

Whisper Sweet Nothings Into Their Ear
Both sexes have sensitive areas around

Letters to the Editor
Dear Editor, I am writing in response to the article “A Boy Named Oscar Walks the Line of Politics”. I am an avid movie goer and I love the fact that Hollywood has gone political, I say that it is about time. For over 50 years since that bastard McCarthy started blackballing Hollywood, the government started censoring movies. Now Hollywood has finally started to use their medium to reach the masses. I applaud such pioneers as Michael Moore, for their great work in the industry. It is about time the corruption that is politics is exposed. It is about time that Hollywood is taking a stance in politics and social questions, and I say to anyone bring on a reason why the shouldn’t. Michelle Tanner Sophomore Veterinary Medicine DearEditor, The elevation of Josh Bolten to White House Chief of Staff should concern all of your conservative readers. The media reports describe him as single, and the owner of an expensive Key West vacation home as well as a fleet of Harley-Davidson motorcycles. Am I the only one who smells old leather? In his current term the President has elevated or attempted to elevate a number of other people of questionable sexuality. Long-time bachelorettes Harriet Meiers’ and Condi Rice—who are infatuated with softball and NFL football respectively—also disappoint. It seems President Bush has been fooled into building a “Brokeback” cabinet! If you need evidence of the long reach of the homosexual agenda, now you have it! The Whitehouse’s ambiguously gay trio underline how international terrorism has distracted us from the importance of maintaining domestic tranquility, a tranquility threatened by a 51 year old sissy-man revving his Harley around gay resort towns, and spinsters who still do not know that athletics is something you may dabble in during your schooling, but after that not appropriate to maintaining the traditional marriage and family values that keep America a great Christian nation. Harlen Vander Veen Lafayette


April, 2006 

The Top 10 People Who Are Screwing Up Indiana
By Chase Slaughter A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine directed me to Matt Tully’s blog on the Indianapolis Star’s website. This particular day, Matt was asking about the 100 people who are screwing up the State of Indiana. This, of course, made me think, who exactly are the biggest culprits? Although it may be extremely partisan, I am going to outline who I believe are the 10 people (or groups of people) who are messing up Indiana the most. My most sincere hope is that this will enlist some friendly debate over just who are the ten people who are screwing up Indiana the most. 10. Judge David Hamilton Just how, exactly does this guy get the nerve to tell me or any of the State Legislators that they don’t have the right to pray before beginning a House Session? Where does my freedom of speech, or, for that matter, their freedom of speech stand? I thought that in a free society anyone can say anything that they want, especially before their elected officials. It’s what makes this country great. And, here, Judge David Hamilton (a Clinton appointee) is taking that right away from us. When, in this state or in this country did we come to the conclusion that we must sacrifice the rights of the majority (most Hoosiers are Christians, right?) to conform to the “rights” of the minority because someone might get offended. 9. Protestors Although you may not find as many protestors in Indiana as you would in Washington, D.C., they sure are here. All you have to do is drive around Monument Circle in Indianapolis or go past the Memorial Mall here at Purdue to see them. They’re out there, looking like hippies with their banners and flags and general crap. Where do these people get the idea that by holding up traffic and looking like a bunch of idiots, they are going to change anyone’s mind? Don’t get me wrong, it is great that we can protest in this country. But, just because we can do it, certainly doesn’t mean that we should do it. All of these people and, especially the Lafayette Area Peace Coalition, need to give it a rest. You’re not accomplishing anything at all. Actually, keep it up! All it’s doing is making the moderates see what a bunch of wackos the Left really is and it’s sending them to my side. Thanks for a Republican majority, protestors! 8. John Mellencamp Don’t get me wrong on this one either, folks, I love John Mellencamp’s music. I just wish that he wasn’t a Hoosier. He gives a bad name for us all. I know a lot of people who go to John’s concerts. I just wish that he’d realize that they’re going to hear his music, not a bunch of Left-wing propaganda. When will stars learn that we don’t care what they think about, well, anything? 7. Rep. Joe Micon (D-West Lafayette) Rep. Micon is, yet again, running on the ticket of “Progress Not Partisanship.” Well, Joe, was is “Progress” when you walked out on numerous votes in the legislature with your Democratic cronies, or was that just partisanship. And Joe, do you mean to tell me that all of those votes (I mean the one’s that Pat Bauer’s feeding you) are progress or are they just partisan? One of the worst things that this community did was send Joe Micon to the State House. Luckily we can fix that mistake by voting him out. What frustrates me is not necessarily his voting record, but that he has the audacity to run on “Progress Not Partisanship.” Does he think that his constituency is comprised of a bunch of morons who don’t realize how he votes? 6. Lake County, Indiana They’ve given this state a bad name for long enough. They already think that they’re in Chicago. Just ask Gary citizens who their mayor is. They’re ripped with corruption and fraud. Let’s just give ‘em to Chicago. It’ll do us a lot of good. 5. Pat Bauer “The Rug” Patrick Bauer, the House Minority leader from South Bend makes the list at number 5. He thinks that he’s going to be Speaker of the Indiana House again. That would be horrible. The man pouts and wines whenever he doesn’t get his way. He continually stands in the way of progress like Major Moves mostly because he refuses to support the Governor in any way, shape or form. He’s a continual thorn in the side of any Republican in this state and it’s time to vote him out of office. If we can’t do that, let’s just make sure that he doesn’t become Speaker again. 4. Bart Peterson The Indianapolis Mayor used to be on my good side. He used to be non-partisan and do what was best for the City Of Indianapolis. Now, he’s just a pain. He wants to be the next Governor and wants the chance to go after Mitch. If he’s going to do that, then he needs to play buddybuddy with the rest of the Democrats and bitch and moan about the Governor like the rest of them (without offering any other solutions). But, hey, I stand behind Mayor Peterson in a primary bid for Governor. Whenever an Indianapolis Mayor runs for Governor it always turns out so good for them. The only thing that Bart (Simpson) Peterson running for Governor will do is ensure four more years for My Man Mitch. 3. The Indiana Civil Liberties Union These people just keep on complaining. No matter what we do, we are some how oppressing some minority group in this state. Give me a break! These folks cost the state of Indiana a lot of money because they wanted to sue Speaker Bosma for allowing prayer before the General Assembly. They are overtly partisan and just the right hand of the Indiana Democratic Party. Why didn’t they sue Pat Bauer? He allowed prayer before the General Assembly too. As a matter of fact, so did every Speaker of the House since 1816. These people are nothing more than a waste of time and money. But, they don’t care; they don’t have anything better to do than make hard-working Hoosier’s lives a little more difficult. 2. Senator Evan Bayh Senator Bayh has always looked toward the future. Never the future of his constituents, mind you, only his own. When he was Secretary of State, he was only looking toward the future of Governor. When he was Governor, all that he wanted was to be Senator. Now that he’s Senator, he wants to be President. It’s never good enough, Senator Bayh. I wish that we could say “Bayh-Bayh, Senator Bayh,” just like Dan Quayle said to Evan’s daddy, Birch. But, we have five more years to put up with this joker. 1. Congresswoman Julia M. Carson Congresswoman Carson (D-Indianapolis) has been in Washington a little too long. I think that she was in Washington a little too long ever since her first term. She is a horrible representative for the people of Indiana. Heck, she usually just doesn’t vote. The only thing that Julia’s interested in is keeping her job. If you look at her resume, she’d have a hard time finding anything else, so I can see why. She’s never in Washington. She’s just hob-knobbing around Indianapolis trying to get some more money and secure some more votes for the next time around. Her voting record has more Absent’s next to it than my Professor’s notes. She falls to the lowest campaign tactics of anyone around. She constantly tells her voters that who-ever is running against her is a racist and trying to oppress the black vote. It’s time that the woman came back to Indiana (even though Contact Chase at chslaugh@purdue.edu.

What is Wrong With Purdue TV?
By Adam Rusch For the five years I have spent at Purdue, there has been something I’ve never been able to figure out. Why does the campus Cable TV system suck so badly? We’ll start with the things that I automatically accept. Purdue is a leader in technology research and implementation. Purdue has some of the best computer labs a student could ever want. Purdue has incredible wireless Internet coverage for a campus this size! So if we can do all the hard things right, why are the easy things so hard? Most students who live in the dorms have been grumbling for years about the quality of TV programming they receive. The truth is that URTAS – the University Residences Television Antenna System – ranks last among Big10 schools for quality of programming. Sure, anybody can stick an antenna on their roof and receive broadcast TV; but those of us who were born after the year 1980 expect to have a few more options. So, at this time, let’s take a strictly unscientific look at what kind of cable programming a college student might want to watch. When I make my list of top channels, I think about the kind of shows they offer. 1) Fox News Channel. Yes, I’ll admit it. I’m a conservative guy who likes to watch Fox News. The thing is that most of the TV audience seems to agree with me. FNC consistently is on top of the Nielsen Ratings as the most-watched cable news channel. To top it off, distinguished Purdue alumnus Julian Phillips (a two-time Emmy award winner) is one of the hosts of the “Fox and Friends” morning show. 2) The History Channel. Who doesn’t dig this? Whether it’s a documentary on WWII or a look at the issue of alien abductions, the History Channel always has something interesting on. This is really my go-to channel, to watch if I have an hour between classes. 3) The Disney Channel. Even though that the Mickey Mouse club is long since retired, there is one thing that brings me back to the rodent’s network – reruns of “Boy Meets World.” I grew up with this show playing on the old-school TGIF lineup. Besides, Topanga is hot! 4) FX. Basically, this is the Fox rerun channel. But with shows like “Spin City” and “That 70’s Show” in the lineup, it is another one that I check for betweenclasses programming. 5) Comedy Central. Some of the very best political commentary on TV stems from those wacky libertarians at “South Park” and the liberal, but fair at making fun of everyone, cast of “The Daily Show.” If you can’t see the humor in these programs, even if you don’t always agree with them, you must be a member of The Super Adventure Club. As I made this list, I couldn’t help but wonder if I watch too much TV. Well, perhaps I do, but I still don’t watch nearly as much as the average American - who, according to the Nielsen Media Research group, watches more than 4.5 hours of TV a day! I live off-campus, so I subscribe to Insight Communications for my cable TV service, but if I were to be living in the dorms (paying around $7,500 a year) I would not get as many channels. URTAS only offers 41 channels compared to the 66 offered as a part of Insight’s “Extended Basic” service. Let’s also look at how my favorite channels fare when we compare Purdue to other schools. This chart includes every school in the Big10, but do note that at Northwestern Cable TV service is only offered in the lounges and not in individual rooms. “TV” - Continued on Page 5 -

The Purdue Review
“TV” - Continued from page 

April, 2006


School University of Minnesota Northwestern University University of Michigan University of Wisconsin The Ohio State University University of Illinois Penn State University University of Iowa Michigan State University Indiana University Purdue University
How do the other schools in the Big10 do it? Well, most of them outsource the cable service to local providers instead of trying to do it themselves. They let the free market take care of their students instead of stubbornly clinging to an out-dated system the way Purdue (and IU) does. Besides the fact that Purdue can’t fit as many channels in their cable system, they seem to make bad choices when it comes

Number of Channels 85 81 77 77 73 68 67 61 59 40 41

Fox News Channel Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes No

History Channel Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes

Disney Channel Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes No No No

FX Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes No Yes Yes No No No

Comedy Central Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes

to programming. The last time Purdue had a survey of what new channel to add to the line-up, they pitted Fox News Channel and QVC against Spike TV. As much as I like my FNC, it’s hard to vote against a channel that plays five hours of “Star Trek” a day. Instead, why not poll students over whether they want to keep CNN, CNN Headline News, Bloomberg, or add Fox

News Channel. The ratings seem to indicate that FNC will beat at least one of these networks. And maybe we can swap-out the “lineup channel,” dedicated to bringing you the list of what channel number is what station, for the Disney Channel while we’re at it. I mean, seriously, people can look up the channel line-up on the Internet and print it out if they really need to.

But, I suppose that would make too much sense.

Contact Adam at adamrusch@purdue.edu

An Indiana General Assembly Wrap Up
By Adam Doerr Coming into 2006, the Indiana General Assembly had many key issues to address. Within two and a half months, the legislators would debate controversial and important topics such as the Major Moves program, telecommunications reform and loosening fireworks laws. I decided to find out what the two state senators representing Tippecanoe County thought of the session. State Senator Ron Alting (R-26) and Senator Brandt Hershman, (R-7) both viewed this session as a successful step towards building a better Indiana. Senator Alting has always been a legislator with an eye on education. As a ranking member on the Education and Career Development committee, he deals with those issues frequently while in Indianapolis. The session highlights for Alting included bills allowing high-schoolers to graduate early by testing out, and providing funds for a bond program for High School honors students. As the State Senator who represents Purdue, Alting constantly is in a battle to secure more funding for the university. “The reason there is so much difficulty, is most legislators don’t have a university sitting in their backyard,” Alting explained. As the only Republican senator representing a major university, Alting is also a point man for other colleges who want a supporter from the majority party. Alting is adamantly opposed to tuition caps, believing that universities require money for future. “Universities will submit us their budget, legislature, slashes it,” Alting said, “but there’s this kind of feeling that universities don’t need a lot of money and increases to continue doing what they do.” As a result, Alting felt that he overcame a big obstacle when he was able to secure 60 million dollars in funds to help Purdue repair its buildings. In an age of broadband, and high speed communication, Senator Hershman believed that Indiana was already a leader in developing new technologies, but he was concerned that Indiana citizens were not getting the services they needed because of an “antiquated telecommunications structure.” To remedy this situation he fought hard for HB 1279, a bill he sponsored in the Senate. It called the most sweeping telecommunications reform in the nation, according to Hershman, and set the example for others to follow. Senator Hershman justified his hopes for the bill by pointing to several impacts the bill already has had. “AT&T announced that they were going to provide broadband in all their exchanges, extending it to another 31 exchanges as a result of this reform,” he said, “Now people are talking about Indiana.” Major Moves was the defining bill of the session, generating more debate than any other bill. Both Hershman and Alting voted for the proposal, viewing it as a key means to provide funds for critical road projects. For Hershman, the Major Moves legislation was the second major highlight of the session. He believed that it was a very sound idea that had worked in other places such as the Chicago Skyway. But Hershman saw a deeper issue behind the controversy surrounding the legislation. Even though there was a lot of controversy surrounding the provision, Hershman believed the dialogue was important. One of the biggest disappointments for him was how politicized the legislating process had become. When a leading Democrat in the Senate voted for the Major Moves bill the other leaders relieved her of her leadership role. According to Hershman, Democrats who represented districts that would considerably benefit from the legislation voted against it. According to Hershman, “I saw the political rhetoric, on the surface influencing people and inflaming their concerns. When you have an opportunity to engage in discussion with people, the response I got was that we’re still concerned because it’s something new, but it made them feel that it was a lot better about it.” In the past two years that Governor Daniels has been in office, he has stood by a number of very controversial issues such as Daylight Savings Time, Voter ID’s, and the Major Moves program. I asked Hershman and Alting about how Daniels reputation has fared in the State Senate. Senator Alting’s reaction to working with Governor Daniels during the first weeks of the 2005 session was mixed. Although he believed Daniels had a lot of good ideas, he also believed that Daniels had to learn how to work with the legislature, trying to sell his ideas. Alting believed that Daniels carried his business background to the statehouse; a background in which negotiation was not necessary. “He started out very bad,” Alting said, “You have to work on selling your program to legislators in the Republican and Democratic party, being governor you have to sell those bills, and sell it to the legislators, you have to sell it to the general public that you answer too.” Alting saw this as a problem with the early phases of the Major Moves plan; Daniels did not do a good enough job of selling his plan to the public. Alting saw the public backlash in the correspondence he received from his constituents. But Daniels did not stay this way. Alting praised Governor Daniels for making great strides in trying to persuade the legislators and the public with his ideas rather than simply giving orders. When Daniels started making a public push for the Major Moves program, giving speeches at places such as Purdue, Alting noticed a switch in the communication he received from his constituents as more and more people changed their minds. Senator Hershman emphasized Daniels’ leadership abilities by comparing him with Ronald Reagan--particularly Reagan’s ability to get legislation passed in a Democratic Congress. As Hershman explained, “In this short session I saw us pass more substantive legislation than we ever have. It is rewarding and difficult at the same time because those choices haven’t been made for a long time.” Daniels’ strong leadership contrasts sharply with the negative tone of the Democratic opposition, according to Hershman. As they look ahead, both legislators are excited about the 2007 General Assembly, especially Alting. “As of June 30 this year we are hoping to announce that after one year we have eliminated the 850 million dollar deficit and repaid half of the debt,” Alting said. He wants to reward the State institutions, including Purdue that had to sacrifice due to a very tight budget. Alting also is looking forward to considering new proposals such as full day kindergarten, a measure that has died repeatedly for lack of funding. As Alting talked about balancing the budget, he reflected on the differences between the Daniels administration and the previous two governors. “I really respected and cared for both of those governors,” Alting said. “Respectfully those two governors made cuts. But we never saw any results from them. With this administration we are seeing results.”

Contact Adam at adoerr@purdue.edu


April, 2006


Untwittilating Twitterpation:
The Truth Behind the Spring Fling Thing Called Love
By Jeff Schultz On March 20, 2006, astronomers everywhere proposed that precisely 1:26 p.m. the tilt of the Earth’s lined up in such a way that the rays from the sun were now hitting the northern hemisphere more directly than the south. This significant event is more commonly known as the start of spring. Because of this tilt, the ultraviolet rays from the sun will begin to warm the atmosphere. Civilizations in the northern hemisphere have already begun their celebration of the return of the sun. In the plant kingdom, seeds deep in the ground will begin to sprout. Daffodils, gardenias, tulips, irises, snapdragons, and green monocotyledonous, more commonly known as what you make $5.50 an hour cutting up all summer as grass, all emerge from the fertile topsoil that covers Planet Earth in the glory of the sun. The other kingdom is making its modulations as well. Much of our phylum is waking up for the first time in months and asking themselves what in the Sam Hill they are doing in a cave: bears, foxes, yetis, skunks, and even some humans. More advanced civilizations like our own are no exception to the transformations spring brings with it. Sun worship has been around since the time of the Babylonians and the Tsimshian people (who? don’t ask me). Caesar Augustus would be tickled to death to find that cultures everywhere still bow down (or make that lay out) to Apollo. We are still making ourselves sacrifices to these gods, in a more indirect way of skin cancer, and in turn they are making our bodies look beautiful. As the power of the sun intensifies, we start to disrobe our winter coats down to the bare bones. We leave the comfort of our own homes and libraries (screw homework!!) to lay our half naked bodies with the newly growing grass surrounded by the chirping birds and copious amounts of fresh air. Although this might sound like mumbo-jumbo BS, there is actually a scientific explanation to this phenomenon known as spring fever. In a report done by Prof. Oscar Barbarin (1999) of Ann Arbor College, he finds that “during the winter months, a condition known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) affects millions of people in which lower levels of sunlight alter the production of brain chemicals and can lead to depression, fatigue, and over-eating. The sunlight often returns these chemicals to normal levels that alleviate the depression of SAD. This allows for something that the wise old owl would call twitterpation. Because the depression of SAD is no longer present like a fingernail on finals week, your social senses intensify from these better moods which increases your interest in other humans. You begin to smile more which certainly is more attractive and the tan from all that sun worshiping will do you good on the ol’ rate em up scale. Being outdoors makes you more adventurous which puts more hormones into the bloodstream. And when they are there, nothing is sacred. In good time, we meet a pretty face. You begin to get weak in the knees, your head’s in a whirl, and you become as light as a feather. Our urges take flight off the runway and before you know it, you’re walking on air. But what the owl from Bambi does not explain is if this phenomenon is what we call love or lust. In today’s society, the barriers between the two are not quite distinct. As the 1968 song by The Troggs explains, love is all around. It’s not just outdoors in the nice, spring weather, but it is also in our heads. It is on our TV’s, it is in our magazines, inside of our schools, restaurants, in the movies, you name it, it’s there. Just go on the internet and see Lindsay Lohan’s weekly wardrobe malfunction. Watch the news and hear reports on the booming business erotica is providing for our mainstream book retailers. Flip through the newspaper and read just how the perfect Grand Prix weekend would include a midnight your other needs of esteem and self-actualization easily (self-actualization? I don’t know, but supposedly it has something to do with talent). Without love, we feel lonely, socially anxious, and depressed, and it’s not just the people on the geek squad. Did you know that people who never marry are seven times more likely to be institutionalized than married people? People of all nations, races, and orientations need to feel loved and accepted by others, both sexually and non-sexually and those needs motivate our actions. Think about it. Why is our nation so obsessed with losing weight? Some people claim their main motivation is to achieve good health, but isn’t the real reason why we go to the gym is so we can be desirable for the opposite sex? Why do you think there is a (2002), by the time people reach the age of 18, two thirds of them would be sexually active, one third would have had four or more sexual partners, and one quarter of them would have contracted an STD. What was their excuse? Well simply put, they’re teenagers. They really don’t know any better. They don’t really have the maturity to make the right decision and often regret it later. Adolescence is a transition period that can produce confusion and false beliefs. Teens have sex simply because they think they are in love. The truth is love needs to stand the test of time. “Puppy love” or teen lust does not. Love is divinely deemed to defeat and conquer. Adults know better to give it time. The young and inexperienced are easily exploited. They fall into the traps of their superior others. When an older guy tells a girl that she has the most beautiful eyes or that her hair smells so sweet, she believes it. “Sweet talk” can be dangerous. Teens go looking for love in almost all the wrong places. We all spend a good portion of our lives looking for love but what we eventually find out is that if we go looking for it, it will never come. When you are not looking for love, love will find you instead. It will hit you harder than an Acme Corp. anvil on Wile E. Coyote. Trust me, all the pleasures that sex can give you can never overcome the feeling of true love. But why should we wait for love? We are young and we only live once. As any fratboy will tell you, “Abstinence is just not cool.” In this society, you either must be a homosexual not willing to come out or screwed up in the head if you choose not to have sex. If you’d rather watch an episode of The Andy Griffith Show rather than Busty Babe’s Backdoor Bingo 85 on Cinemax, have your mother sign the commitment papers. It is off to the happy home with you. Being a virgin is a sign of weakness and you are a fool to think otherwise. What has happened to America? It is the land where you are free to believe for what you believe in. It’s just too bad so many Americans are so ignorant of it. Since being a virgin is such a crazy thing, why do people continue to choose it? Besides the risks of conception and STDs, there are primarily for three reasons, but they all form a basic ideology. People always think that it is religious issue, but a lot of it has to do with upbringing and even adaptation. In what society claims to be built on Christianity, it is commonly known that making whoopie is defined as “becoming one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31) in that it is restricted only to marriage. But we all know that rules were made to be broken. Who cares, right? Society’s attitude says, “God will forgive us in the end. After all, He did create it. He can’t blame anyone but himself.” Yes, I am sure that disrespecting his laws will put you right in the VIP line at the golden gate (Author’s note: These are my religious views. I don’t mean to offend anyone of different religions. I have respect for all world beliefs and denominations. I know even some Christians will disagree with the views I have). But religion is usually not the main reason, it is upbringing. Our parents whether you believe it or not have made the biggest impact on our lives. If


rendezvous to get the motors started. But is society correct about love? You know what I am talking about. When you say “I Love You” to some girl, are you saying that you will cherish them forever or rather let me put my penis in your vagina? But then of course, you could always blame it on society. Even that is a controversy. The only good reason you can say is that we are compelled by nature to have sex. The pleasure is only a mere bonus. After all, without sex, the human race cannot survive. There’s just no reason not to get your freak on. We’re only animals. It’s all instinct. Bu maybe as the dominant species of the planet, should we not rely on our instincts to tell us what to do but rather or morality that puts us at the top of the animal kingdom? Who says we need sex? One of the most compelling arguments about the possible need for sex is made by Abraham Maslow and his more prominent pyramid devised in 1943. If you ever go to class in your Purdue career, chances are you have come across it at least once. But since we all catch some z’s from time to time, let me remind you the order of needs. First, Maslow says that we need to settle our physiological needs above all. This would be food, water, sleep, and warmth. The second order of the pyramid would be our safety and health needs. Once we have our grub, H2O, O2, and the po-po behind your back, the next need that you must fulfill is your sense of love and belonging (which a lot of us don’t). Without this part of the pyramid, you cannot fulfill

tanning salon on every street corner in the Lafayette area? We aren’t just killing our skin cells for nothing. It’s the same reason why we shop at Abercrombie & Fitch, the same reason why we would rather drive a 1969 SS Chevile than grandpappy’s old Studebaker, the same reason why we want to find the job that makes us $100 grand a year. We simply want to look and feel good. Not just want, but need. Tony Montana from Scarface can sum up our motivations better than anyone, “First you get the money, then you get the power, and then you get the girl.” To me, these acts of motivation sounds like we all are trying to buy pleasure. But what is pleasure anyway? Is it the final realization to meet these needs? You don’t have to be a philosopher to answer these questions. You know what makes you happy. I can’t tell what makes us happy because we are all different. For me personally, I would love to have a nice piece of pepperoni and mushroom pizza with my friends on a Saturday evening. Some people would prefer supreme pizza instead. Others will choose a nice juicy cut of prime rib. Overall, we have to have the best. Now, enough about our desires for food, what is it about love and belonging that gives us the greatest amount of pleasure? The obvious answer here is sex. But what is it about sex that makes it so pleasurable? Again, we need sex in order to feel esteemed. Or do we? People can remain celibate and still live a fulfilling life. But celibates are in the definite minority. In a study conducted by the U.S. news

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they have persisted abstinence in your life, chances are we will obey. However, we all have the temptation to rebel against such restraints (more on that later), but it is our friends who really control what we believe. Birds of a feather flock together, and you learn that you can actually on your own divide up people who belong in groups of the chaste and unchaste. The other thing I mentioned actually has something to do with evolution. This is more so connected with women’s choice to abstain. First of all, all species of the Earth bound by natural selection are very exact about how they choose mates. As homo sapiens, we are no different. We all desire the best traits and so we are waiting for Mr./Ms. Right to come along and therefore wish not to spread the seed just wherever. Even though it might sound conceited, you can’t blame our natural intuitions. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, virgins. Although you may be proud of your of choice, virginity itself is nothing special. It does not make you king or queen of the world. Now that we see why people select a no-sex lifestyle, let’s see why so many choose to have sex. Hey, just as virginity is not cool, losing your virginity is. Adolescents simply are trying to grow-up and they want to emulate all that grownups do. The notion that smoking, drinking, and having sex will make you more mature is a myth, but it is no myth that children as young as 10 are divulging into these types of behavior. How can this be possible? Don’t you remember being ten years old? You wanted to be the cool one on the block too. It’s sad to see that 10% of the population will not be able to overcome this curiosity by age 12. As we enter adolescence, it gets worse, much worse. It can only be described in just one word: Hormones. Hormones and a society that says, “We don’t care,” will give all previous moral convictions the boot. Since most of us lose our virginity by the time we are by the time we are out of adolescence (80% by the time we are 21 years of age), we are known from time to time to take risks. It’s a time to prove who you really are. Your actions define that and sex can be one of those actions. Being a risk taker proves that you are exciting and dangerous. This is the phenomenon which we call the bad boy phase. Take the typical “bad boy.” All the girls want him and men want to be him. One of life’s puzzling question is why do all the good girls want the bad boy? Well, he’s exciting, never boring, and just doesn’t care. Women like him because they don’t feel tied down with him. He feels like he belongs to nobody and so he’ll flirt with other girls. It becomes a challenge to catch him. He even makes the most secure women try harder. The whole fact that he is living on the edge brings sort of a balance to the life of a good girl. It’s natural that we all try to conform to him some point of our teenage years. Reputations on the other hand could be risky. But we rather be known as the bad boy or girl instead to being labeled as “prude” or “chicken.” But why do all girls complain that all guys are jerks when all they go for is the jerk? Especially when the jerk really acts like one to them. Girls can put themselves in serious risk of being struck, abandoned, or worse with the bad boy, but they still stay with him because there is something inside of them that desires this kind of excitement. The sad thing is that nice guys often get overlooked as being boring. With the good guys, it is way too

April, 2006 easy to attract their attention and girls want mystery in their relationships. Girls think that nice guys make lousy lovers, but the fact is there are good guys who kiss just as good if not better than the bad apples. But since appearances are deceiving, the adage “nice guys finish last” is true. Springtime for them might not be as eventful or exciting for a while, but eventually the girls will decide to settle down, usually about their mid-twenties, and eventually the nice guys will win the battle. Believe it or not, it is the good guy the girls really want. The problem that most nice guys face is waiting for the special day to come while society continues to pump lusty images into our heads. Is sex really that big of a deal? It’s exposed enough to fuel our curiosity endlessly and its temptation to indulge in this pleasure is a struggle that is getting stronger by the day. The media uses the sexual image as powerful means of persuasion to get us to buy things in this capitalist society. Using the sexual image as power, advertisers are able deceive the feeble minded. Wanna make a killing off of selling hamburgers? Just roll out the Bentley, add some suds, and Paris Hilton and we’re sitting on a pile of mullah. It was surprising to see that people were not shocked or perplexed enough to disregard the type of burger being sold. Did anyone catch it was a Carl Jr.’s Spicy Burger? Obviously, CKE Restaurants made a profit of $1 billion compared to last year from ads like these. This is really how advertising works and has always worked in the past. In a sense, they really aren’t selling burgers at all, but sex appeal. Their making you believe that these hamburgers go hand in hand with the sexual pleasure of Paris Hilton washing a car with her half naked body. Even something non-sensual as rice cakes are being marketed to our lusty emotions. You can see example after example just checking out any women’s magazine. Before you know it, you’ll be so desperate to look sexy; you’ll be off to Wal-Mart to buy out the whole cosmetic section. (The author of this article is not responsible for such consequential behavior.) So who’s to stop this? It’s kind of tough when our country advocates free speech and allows us to display anything we want. I’m sure that the framers of the constitution meant free speech as a way to express our beliefs about state and religion freely, not for us to see a topless Kate Moss advertising Calvin Klein on pages of Vanity Fair. Who has the right to say what should be censored and what shouldn’t? Advertisers say if we don’t like something, just flip the page or change the channel. But how can we when every page or every channel shows the same? Being exposed to these images day by day, it’s amazing that we all aren’t fuelled by lust. It seems like lust is muscling out true love. It certainly is muscling out the creativity in our media. Now comes the part where I have to cut lust some slack. We attack it frequently by saying that it is getting worse, just as I am doing now. Well, to tell the truth, it has been in existent for hundreds, even thousands of years. In fact, the oldest known profession is prostitution. Believe it or not, teenage pregnancies are nothing new and condoms have been around since the days when the Romans used sheep bladders to protect themselves against infection. Instead of hanging up posters of Heidi Klum, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and Jessica Simpson, your parents hung posters up of Suzanne Somers, Cheryl Ladd, Bo Derek, John Travolta, and Christopher Reeve. Your Great Grandpa Louie was doing the same back in 1910 with Theda Bara and Mary Pickford as his pin up girls. How do you even think some of your great grandparents got started? That’s right. Right in the back of the horse and buggie. Even in 10,000 B.C., if that cave was rocking, don’t go a knocking or you would have some pretty agitated Neanderthals. In terms of pornography, Playboy magazine just recently celebrated its 50th anniversary, but the earliest known pornographic image dates back 7,000 years ago. Think silent movies are boring, you might change your mind once you see the 1922 film The Isle of Love. Poets and sonnetists have expressed their sexual feelings of love and lust since man learned to scribble and have evolved into the rappers and lyricists of today. You can compare works done by George Meredith or Christopher Marlowe and quickly see there are striking relevancies with songs by The Strokes or Rhianna. Where would Lil’ John and the Eastside Boys be today if it weren’t for Dion and the Belmonts? It’s clear to see that lust is just as old as love. They’re practically twins born at the same exact place and time. And from what we see, they have always looked alike, even though they are truly not identical. This sibling rivalry has gone far enough. It is time to settle the score right here and now. Place your bets folks. It is time to see who will forever reign as king of the spring fling! In this corner of the arena, weighing in one of the most misused words of our vocabulary, the ultimate mystery of life, unable to be fathomed, a man of many types, it’s Love!! His strengths are purity, great endurance, has no knowledge of evil, dependable, does not brag or boast, and forgiving of others. Without him, words are just noise and our sacrifices have no meaning. He can survive the pain of betrayal, separation, or any type of suffering. I say he’s got this fight already made. In the next corner, weighing in with all the muscle our culture can give him, the seed of deception, has been the cause of my rape assaults, filled with an infinite amount of sensation and pleasure, the hottest thing around, your tongue will sizzle when you get a taste of…Lust! His strengths are jealously, breaking relationships where ever he goes, living on the edge, and he can be found almost anywhere. He satisfies our deepest desires of the beast inside all of us. If we have a drive that we cannot satisfy on our own, he’s always the one we can count on. He surely will put up a fight against love with all the laws of nature on his side. The fight has begun and we wait to see who the winner is…and we wait…and we wait…and we are still waiting. The fact is this will forever be an ongoing battle because both these things are existent within us. Love and lust are a part of our lives and it is wrong to deny they exist. Just as Maslow predicted, human beings need to be loved both purely and sexually. But we will forever have different opinions on what defines these two adversaries. Some consider lust as a vice while others consider it to be the purest form of love. What I want to stress is that in order to live in harmony with both, we need to recognize that love and lust are two separate things and are never the same thing. But why does everyone get it confused? Try to answer this question by thinking of Coke and 

Pepsi. You can mix the two together, but the mixture of the two does not change the Pepsi into Coke nor the Coke into Pepsi. If you mix these two all the time, it easy to forget what the two taste like individually. However, you are still able to recognize that Pepsi and Coke are separate from each other. The same should be said about love and lust. The trouble with love is that it is too large of a concept to define. I know I have tried to explain what love is in a few places, but we have many different ways of expressing love. Some are “I love hamburgers,” “I love to laugh,” “I love God,” “I love Purdue,” “I love you,” and of course, “I love lamp.” All have different connotations and meanings for you; at least I hope they do. A great many experts in psychology have their own theories about the types of love. You may be familiar with Sternberg’s Triangle Theory of Love. He uses concoctions of the three prime elements of love which are intimacy, passion, and commitment in his theory to formulate liking or friendship, infatuation, empty, romantic, companionate, fatuous, and consummate love, with consummate love encapsulating all three. If this is too complicated, you might find yourself more compatible with C.S. Lewis’s book The Four Loves, where explores affection, friendship, erotic love, and charity. We have many types of ways that we can classify love, but I think the best definition comes from 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 which served as inspiration for the roll call in the simulated boxing match. Love comes from the heart, so you have the way to define it which ever way your little heart desires. Let me say that we can all agree that love is charitable, tender, and sympathetic. Lust, as you can see, does not fit any of these definitions. Love is something we all desire more than desire itself ironically. Love is the ultimate happiness. You might just find it this spring and when you do, be sure to enjoy all that twitterpation has to offer. It is a reason for living. True love can never be replaced. If you perchance happen to misplace your sense of lust, your cable company is always standing by.

Contact Jeff at jaschult@purdue.edu.


April, 2006 at the wee hour of 7 A.M. on Saturday morning to watch today’s cartoons. This did not go extremely well. I was bored out of my mind watching show after show of Japanese anime, or action based cartoons. I then decided to go to an old standby, the Disney Channel. I became really sad when I finally found that Disney no longer shows the cartoon shorts that I remember so well. I know that a majority of the American population has seen Goofy trying to teach the wonders of Sport, at least once. I finally came to the conclusion that the family television of my youth has disappeared from today’s society. The business world travels to where the money is. If more people will watch shows about sex, drugs, and drinking than shows that center around the family, then networks are going to show those shows. This is how they make money, so I do not blame the media industry for the decline in the quality of its television. Now I must admit that I am an avid fan of many of today’s shows, such as Las Vegas, Survivor, the O.C, the Simpsons, Family Guy, Scrubs, West Wing, etc. But, I also have a need to watch some quality comedy that the family can watch without having to go buy a DVD set of a complete season of MASH, and I Love Lucy. The sales of these retro television shows has skyrocketed in recent years. Could this be a message by the American people saying that they miss the quality of television of the past, or just people wanting to feel young again? Why is the media making money off of these non-family shows, and what is the American family doing to replace the loss of this time they could share together? What I see in today’s society is that the family is not spending as much time together and that parents are asking their kids to grow up quicker so they can spend time together doing things the parents like to do, not doing things “Family Friendly.” Take for instance the other day: I went bowling at a local alley, and in the lanes beside me there were two families having a “Family Day.” However, out of the five kids that were in these families only one of them could have been over the age of seven. The rest were so small that they couldn’t even roll the ball on the ground or push it down the lane without help. When I was younger, I lived a block away from an alley, and I didn’t bowl until I was at least six or seven. My parents told me that it was something I could do when I was older and then we would go often, I waited and I still remember the first time I went bowling. This is a perfect example of a change of mindset in the American Family. My parents waited until I was ready to do things, now parents seem to wait until they want to do things and drag the kids along. Is this really fair to their children? This idea eludes to parents watching the shows they want to watch and have their children watch the same show because they want their children to grow up quicker so the parents don’t have to wait to talk about sex, use foul language, or watch rated R 

movies. I know that these shows existed during my early childhood, just look at Cheers and Mad About You. My parents watched these shows but they waited until I had went to bed to watch them. My parents had to tape the shows using a VCR so that they could watch them, today we have the power of TiVo. How hard is it to record the show and wait until the kids go to bed to watch your favorite show? This idea finally brings up my conclusion that maybe it is not the media that is causing violence and a lack of discipline in today’s children, but the lack of good patient parenting. I do not, in any way, think that all parents are bad but I would like to bring to light that before anyone starts to blame the media for today’s problem, that maybe they should think about what they might have done wrong first. The media is not completely blameless but neither is the society that watches the media. Today’s technology and media can be great, but it still has to be monitored and used appropriately in each situation. I know that my eyes have been opened to what I watch and I am now aware of what it is I open myself to. I will use this to be aware of what I will allow my child in the future to be exposed to, and I hope that maybe you will take a closer look at what you are watching.

American Media, the root of all evil? Or a Scapegoat?
By Brock T. Hughes American media is being blamed for the decline of the American family, but maybe the American Family is the cause of the decline of the American media. This thought came into my mind after watching one of my favorite sitcoms, “Two and a Half Men.” Earlier that day I had talked to a friend of mine about whether media promotes violence. He had asked me to name TV shows I watch that I would allow my 6 year old to watch, and I had trouble thinking of only three; and unfortunately “Two and a Half Men,” was not one of them. Throughout the rest of the day I was trying to think of the shows that I watched as a child with my parents and the shows that I watched during the day. I came up with a list that included such shows as Growing Pains, Full House, Home Improvement, Boy Meets World, the Flintstones, the Jetsons, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and my personal favorite “Disney Afternoon”, which featured such shows as Tale Spin, Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers, Duck Tales, and Goof Troop. I tried to compare them to today’s television shows, but finding shows that are similar to the shows of my childhood is nearly impossible. I decided to do some research and got up

Contact Brock at bthughes@purdue.edu.

Save Your Money or the Artic?
By: Rachel Semmel I just got done filling my car up with gas. I knew that once I had gone to the gas station I would be in the right mind to fully express the current state of our nation’s gas prices. During the last couple of weeks we have seen prices increase ridciously until they reached above $2.68 this week. Over the past several months I have gone to the pump overwhelmed with feelings of sadness and depression, however, pumping $2.68 a gallon into my car today did something to morph those feelings into feelings of anger and desperation. I know that this is preaching to the choir, because we all find ourselves cringing at the tank these days, but WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS PROBLEM! Increasing gas prices affect everything, and heading into the summer we can count on all of our plans to cost us a lot more. So what is the solution to making the prices go down? Well, as much as I would like to say complaining, protesting, picket lines, bicycles, and writing hateful letters to OPEC, these still are not enough to solve our problem. Rising gas prices can be contributed to a wide range of variables such as the recent hurricanes, increasing lack of refinery capacity, and increase needs of energy . However, the main problem contributing to the rise is a result of the United States severly reducing oil imports from the Middle East due to the war and other political unrest, and therefore is now responsible to fulfill Americans’ increasing oil demand alone. Our problem is this: though our oil imports have decreased, our demand in America for that oil has not. Each one of us are still in need of mass quantities of oil. This has been a problem long in the making. The majority of the Middle East, where our oil is coming from, is not necessarily on the friendliest of terms with the United States, and from my astute deductions, the relations won’t be getting better any time soon. We need to realize that we cannot continue to import oil in the quantities we did before. If we do, the prices, imposed by those in the Middle East that do not like us, will continue to increase. We need to fend for ourselves. Continue to become more sufficient on our own energy sources. We need to drill in Alaska! We are blessed in the United States with rich and abundant natural resources. Alaska is a perfect example being, perhaps, the greatest source of untapped petroleum in our nation. Alaska holds the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR), a tract of land 120 miles of the Arctic coast side of the state. This tract of land, fully intended to be used for its natural resources when purchased by William Seward in 1867, was set aside over eighty years ago as an energy storehouse for the United States military. However, these resources have not been tapped. To this day, the ANWR has yet to send one barrel of oil to the market. The debate over whether drilling should start in Alaska has been a recurring one for many years in Congress. The Bush administration has for years been advocating plans drafted by the U.S. Bureau of Land Management which would open up over 23 million acres to oil drilling. How much oil would this reserve provide? The government estimates that it could hold nearly 5.9 billion to 13.2 billion barrels of oil. Though this plan would seem to provide the perfect solution to our oil problem and provide a sense of economic stability, there are several barriers that stand in the way. Environmentalists, Democrats, and some Moderate Republicans. Don’t get me wrong, I love the environment just as much as the next Liberal Arts student, but there are several reasons why organizations such as the Conservation Action Network should not be keeping us from drilling in Alaska. Their biggest claim? Drilling in the ANWR would destroy the character of the land and destroy the wildlife. While these groups do have a point, we need to get something right--we are talking about the Arctic! First of all, let’s face it, the Arctic just is not a main hub of tourist activity. Not too many people travel to the Arctic or even know half of it exists. In fact, I can guarantee that the primary contact we as Americans have with the Arctic is by pictures in National Geographic and perhaps in nature calendars for the months of January and December. Now, if we were going to tap for oil in Tahiti or San Diego, I might share these same concerns with the Conservation Action Network, but I am not going to be too devastated if we lose some ice chunks and square miles of frozen tundra along the way. (Remember $2.68!) However, just to appease the situation I have come up with a proposal that I believe will not only keep environmentalists happy but will keep all those who want cheaper gas happy as well. Several months before we drill in the ANWR we send as many National Geographic photographers up to Alaska as we can. They live up there for a couple of months and take photos, photos, and more photos. They take so many photographs of the Arctic that we will never forget it. Then they come home. We drill. And every couple of months National Geographic runs and reruns, basically recycles, the photos through their magazines. This way we will still get to experience the Arctic. It is a brilliant idea, for it is the only way we see that part of the country anyway, and if they keep running the photos it is practically as if it is still there. It IS still there! With these photographs we save the Arctic for our children, grandchildren, and their grandchildren, because we will always have it with us. Not only do we presere the Arctic in photos, we also finally solve our oil problem and return to the days of cheap gas, travel, and a lower cost of living along with providing thousands of new jobs. We get the best of both worlds. It’s a win-win situation. Of course, the loss of life of the caribou may be the only stipulation left with some people and I am glad to say I have an answer for that too. We relocate all of the caribou that would be endangered and bring them to various zoos across the country so that children of all ages can experience something they previously could not in the Arctic. Come to think of it, I don’t recall seeing a caribou at the Indianapolis Zoo last time I went. Despite the evidence that safe oil drilling techniques to be used in the ANWR will not ruin the land nor annihilate all the ice glaciers, land tracts, polar bears or caribou in the way, there are those who remain in the way of cheaper gas prices. This is a shame, for within the great Alaskan lines of petroleum lies our solution to a cheaper independent fuel source. With the threat of gas reaching over $3.00 a gallon this summer and only getting worse, there is not much time left to waste on preserving the barren land which covers the treaures below. We need to drill in Alaska, because $2.68 is just not cool.

Contact Rachel at rsemmel@purdue.edu.

The Purdue Review

April, 2006 

PhD Comics
by Jorge Cham


www.phdcomics.com - Used with permission

39. Exclamation to express sorrow 41. Where Columbus was born 43. Give up 44. Stroll 46. Curtain fabric 48. Perceive 49. General tendencies 51. Bring on board 52. Summit 53. Caribbean dance music 55. Image of a deity 57. Spanish Miss 61. “Hotel ___” 65. Above, finished 66. Kill 68. Principal 69. Ethereal 70. Hipbone 71. Yearn deeply 72. In favor of 73. Narrow path for walkers, cars or ships 74. Killed

Sudoku may seem difficult at first glance, but actually it is not as hard as it looks! The rules of Sudoku are that you should fill a number in to every cell in the grid, using the numbers 1 to 9. The restriction is that you can only use each number once in each row, each column, and in each of the 3x3 boxes. For more Sudoku puzzles visit: http://www. sudokuoftheday.com

Crossword puzzles provided by BestCrosswords.com (http://www. bestcrosswords.com). Used with permission.


1. Mown grass 5. Previously 9. Become firm 12. Double curve 13. Doles (out) 15. Pottery material 16. Vocalize melodically 17. Incident 18. Listen attentively

19. Make beloved 21. Suitable for wearing 23. Star of the first magnitude 25. Threesome 26. Appropriate 29. Hazard 31. Goes in 35. Female deer 36. Beginning 38. Leg of lamb

1. Come up short 2. Not fer 3. Travel 4. Israeli desert 5. Appearing 6. Gun, as an engine 7. Simmer 8. Dogma 9. Thick slice 10. British nobleman 11. Small child 14. Gaze intently 15. Disordered 20. Dynamic beginning

22. Circular band 24. Hardy equestrian creatures 26. Modify 27. Like some bears and icecaps 28. Tantalize 30. Deep bin in which fish are salted 32. Excrete 33. Cowboy display 34. Precipitous 37. Japanese gateway 40. Seeing, but not believeing 42. Airport 45. Smell or fragrance 47. Cat sound 50. Fantasy genre 54. Coral island 56. Lanterns 57. Work up lather 58. At any time 59. Roman emperor 60. Type of song, to be sung solo 62. Arrest 63. Take a meal 64. Once more 67- Gloomy;


April, 2006


Featured Drink Specials
Hunter’s Pub Sunday $1.50 domestic bottles Hookah! Rowdy’s Jake’s Road House $1.25 well drinks $1.50 domestic bottles $2.25 import bottles $3.25 domestic pitchers $5.25 import pitchers $6.50 Guinness pitchers $5 34oz Mega Mugs $2.50 Coors Light, Miller Lite, Bud, or Bud Light refills $3.25 domestic refills $4.50 import refills $3.50 well drinks $3.75 pint glass of Jack & Coke $2.75 Jack & Coke refills $3.25 domestic pitchers $5.25 import pitchers $6.50 Guinness pitchers $1.50 Coors Light bottles $1.25 well drinks $4.50 Miller Lite pitchers $6.50 Sam Adams pitchers $1.50 domestic bottles $2.25 import bottles $4.50 Coors Light pitchers $3.75 Bacardi flavor drinks


$1.50 domestic drafts

$7 hookahs

$3.50 60oz domestic drafts $5 60oz import drafts $4 60oz well drinks $1 shots $1.25 domestic drafts $2.25 import drafts $2 well drinks $1.50 frozen drinks $1 Rowdy Beer $2.50 domestic bottles $1 Rowdy Beer $2 domestic bottles $3 import bottles $1 shots $1 domestic drafts $2 Killian’s & Bass drafts $3 Guinness, Blue Moon, & Sam Adams Seasonal $2.50 Jager bombs $10 Miller Lite buckets $2.75 Sam Adams Seasonal $2 well drinks


$2.50 microbrew & import drafts

1/2 off domestic pitchers

Wednesday Thursday

$2.50 well drinks $0.50 off glasses of wine

25% off all bottles of wine (except sparkling wine)


$4.00 long island iced teas


(changes weekly)

Every month we will gather as many drink specials as we can find from establishments near campus. We will then print a few of the specials we believe to be the most interesting. Check here every issue to get the most out of your drinking dollar. The establishments listed do have the right to change these specials at any time, so we are unable to guarantee that these prices will remain valid.

Let the West Lafayette Common Council know:
By Kris Knigga I was so disappointed in hearing the news that the West Lafayette Common Council passed the highly controversial smoking ban, Ordinance No. 8-06, that I did something I absolutely hate; I started programming. In about seven hours, I wrote a small script that would allow the citizens of West Lafayette and of Purdue to let the West Lafayette Common Council know how much they let us down. This little script sends a carefully crafted email to all of the members of the council, as well as Mayor Jan Mills. The letter reads as follows: Dear (recipient’s name), As a member of the West Lafayette Community, I would like you to know that I do not support the recently passed smoking ban. I believe that dining in a restaurant or visiting a bar is not a fundamental right, but a luxury. People in our community can choose where they will dine or with whom they want to do business. If a non-smoker decides they don’t wish to patronize an establishment that allows smoking, they are free to do so. This makes the smoking ban solely a matter of convenience, not of necessity. In the same way, no employee is forced to work at an establishment that allows smoking. As Americans, we have the freedom to choose for whom we will work and can choose to work in a smoke-free environment if we do not appreciate secondhand smoke. In fact, Tippecanoe County’s largest employer, Purdue University, chooses to be smoke free, along with many other businesses. So again, this is a matter of convenience, not of necessity. Freedom of Association is an inherent right that Americans hold, guaranteed to us by the Bill of Rights. To deny business owners and smokers the choice of participating in a legal activity goes against the very spirit of our nation. We must uphold the principle that it is never acceptable to deny rights to one group of people simply for the convenience of another group. Furthermore, I believe that the economic harm caused by this ban will outweigh any good that might come of it. I believe that this ban will result in restaurant and bar business being shifted to Lafayette, causing a loss of business in our city. West Lafayette already has smoke-free establishments for those who choose to visit them. By forcing all restaurants and bars to be smoke-free you take away an advantage that smoke-free establishments hold with non-smokers. For all of these reasons and more, I ask you to do what you can to repeal the smoking ban before it can take effect. Thank you for your consideration, (sender’s name) (sender’s street address) West Lafayette, IN At the time of writing, 85 individual people had placed their name at the bottom of this letter and sent it off. But that’s not enough. We need more people to let the Common Council know that what they are doing is wrong, and is an attack on basic rights. If you feel as I do, please take the five minutes it takes to fill out this form and send it. The Internet address for this can be found at the end of this column. Let your friends know how you feel, too. Many people see this as a great way to ensure public health, but fail to recognize the impact it will have in the area of limiting rights. I would like conclude with a quote from C. S. Lewis, “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.” Website: http://www.knigga.com/smokContact Kris at knigga@purdue.edu

The Purdue Review

April, 2006


What is the Minimum Wage for an Illegal Immigrant?
As a kid, I loathed mowing the lawn. It was the most boring and time consuming chore I was given. I hated mowing my dad’s lawn as much as Tom Sawyer hated whitewashing his Aunt Polly’s fence. I always wished I could convince my friends that mowing my yard would be a blast. Unfortunately, I never succeeded. I realize now that I was looking in the wrong place. I should have been looking for a young illegal immigrant—oops, “undocumented alien”—to do my chores. Two dollars would probably have been more than enough to convince a young illegal immigrant that mowing five acres would be more fun than a day at Disney World. Clearly, we must grant amnesty to those who have crossed US borders illegally. Otherwise, our hotel beds would not be made, our pools would become ponds, our lawns would become prairies, and we wouldn’t eat lettuce because no respectable American citizen would pick it. I am of course being facetious. But, this is one of the key arguments of the proponents of granting amnesty to illegal immigrants—sorry, “rightful US citizens.” The arguments of those willing to pardon 12 million illegal immigrants are inane. The policies which they endorse create double standards, endanger our economic stability and threaten our national security. In no way am I opposed to immigration. Without immigration, the United States of America would not exist as a sovereign nation. Therefore, if I were opposed to immigration I would also have do be opposed to the very foundation of our country, which is as ridiculous as suggesting that Bill Clinton is opposed to White House interns. It is merely illegal immigration that I am opposed to, firstly because it is exactly that—illegal. US law mandates that a person of foreign origin must go through the proper immigration process to live and work in the US. If a person doesn’t have the proper paperwork to be here, then they have broken the law. Despite popular belief, laws aren’t actually meant to be broken. Legislation isn’t a giant psychological experiment that evaluates people’s actions when restrictions are placed on them. Granted, a few laws are absurd and out of date (i.e. Mustaches are illegal in Indiana if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans), but the vast majority of laws (those concerning immigration included) are reasonable and intended to maintain order and security in a society. Granting amnesty to illegal aliens is, in effect, picking and choosing which laws a group of people will be required to abide by. Elian Gonzalez had to go home! Why not these people? Why can’t the rest of us ignore laws? I could seriously benefit from transferring my money to foreign banks or from not paying any taxes. Illegal immigrants and those who wish to win their fraudulent votes seem to believe that they have an innate right to live and work in the United States. Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA) has deemed that it is time for a “new civil rights movement.” In fact, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he started showing Cuban evacuees the proper method for swimming to shore. I do not recall any Articles or Amendments which grant full rights and privileges to ilPerhaps they are afraid that someone may come along and turn Mexico into a thriving first-world country. What a shame that would be. Until they are such, however, Presidente Fox should be more concerned about cleansing Mexico’s corrupt government than reforming ours. Proponents of granting amnesty to illegal aliens argue that they are hard working and are willing to do jobs that American citizens will not do. I’m not at all convinced that an American won’t clean my house our change my towels when I stay at a hotel. This is a slap in the face to those citifive children can cross our border, what is stopping any given terrorist from crossing the border? If I were Osama bin Laden, I would pay my way into Mexico and then cross the border into the US. After all, the ACLU wouldn’t let the Defense Department—oops, Führer Bush—to trace Osama’s phone calls as long as he were within our borders. Now part of me wants to overlook all of the argument I have just proposed and join the calls for amnesty. Many of the illegal immigrants just want to live the American dream. These people love America for the same reason we do. America is the greatest nation the world has ever known. Don’t they deserve a chance to live the American dream as well? No person on Earth is undeserving of this if they will comply with our laws. Allowing people to flow over our borders and arrive in our ports and on our shores illegally, however, is a blow to the millions who have chosen to come here legally. We would be awarding criminals while punishing those who abide by our laws. It would be the equivalent of giving a little boy an ice cream cone for punching his sister and then sending the innocent girl to sit in the corner. In 1986, President Reagan signed into law the Immigration Reform and Control Act which aimed to strengthen border security and granted amnesty to nearly 3 million illegal immigrants. It was meant to be a one time deal—a grandfather clause. My fear is that if we grant amnesty to the illegal immigrants that are here now, we will do the same for illegal immigrants in the years to come. I wouldn’t be nearly as opposed to granting amnesty to the illegal immigrants if we hadn’t already done it. If we continue to overwrite previous legislation, why bother writing it in the first place? Congress needs to act. Coming to the United States should not be a game of tag where you are safe once you reach base. Our immigration laws are in desperate need of reform, and prevention is the key. Once they are already here, we have an even larger problem—where do we send them and how much more will that cost? We must punish employers for hiring illegal immigrant and dramatically increase border, coast, and port security. If we have a system in which there is no incentive for people to come here illegally, while maintaining a system that provides huge incentive for people to come here legally, then we can solve the problem. Urge your representatives and senators to pass legislation that favors American citizens and legal immigrants rather than those who break our laws to get here. In the mean time, enjoy your cheap, hard working pool attendant.

legal immigrants. It has been several weeks since I have checked the “Living Constitution”, however. Ah, yes, here it is, Living Amendment 14: “No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the World.” I thought so. The phrase “United States” has been replaced with “World.” How incredibly silly of me to think that only US citizens are fully protected by the Constitution. Not to worry, I have already scolded myself! Millions of illegal immigrants have taken to the streets demanding that they be allowed to stay here. Only last week did someone tell them that if they want to stay in America, they ought to carry American rather than Mexican flags. It would seem that people who thought they had been born to come to America would not fly the flag of the country from which they fled. Despite all of the illegal immigrants who are apparently the new “backbone of our country,” our economy has not taken a hit by their mass exodus to the streets of America. Why not just round up all of these peopleWhat’s and send them home? They have made it more than convenient to do so. El Presidente de Mexico, Vicente Fox, also thinks that the have a right to be here without going through the proper process. He recently told talk show host, Sean Hannity that “they are not illegals.” Apparently, Presidente Fox believes that he is an authority on US immigration policy. Mexico, after all has an excellent (hint of sarcasm) immigration system. It is a felony in Mexico to arrive there illegally, and those who do are often raped, beaten, and sent home. Mexico does not allow legal immigrants to run for office or be clergy.

zens who do work in such fields. In fact, it’s a slap in the face to illegal immigrants. It is, in effect, saying to them that they have a scum job and that we aren’t paying them fairly. How elitist. If there are jobs that Americans truly won’t do, then let us put our inmates to work. Let them make a contribution to the economy. The same people who complain incessantly about President Bush allowing jobs to be outsourced seem to think that it’s perfectly ok for foreigners to come here to take American jobs. By God, it’s a sin for a company to send IT jobs to India, but kudos to those companies that give American jobs to illegal immigrants. It is just not economically sound to be fighting the “War on Poverty” in Mexico before we fight it here. Allowing illegal immigrants to stay in the United States creates a world-wide welfare state, which we cannot afford. Concerning national security, we find another double standard by many of those who wish to legalize illegal immigrants (both Republicans and Democrats). Leasing several ports to a company in Dubai, a Middle Eastern country which is not known for its ties to terrorism, is clearly far more of a threat than allowing millions of people pour over our borders. They are often referred to in the politically correct (or pixie) world as “undocumented aliens.” Like all euphemisms, this one is also accurate. These people are undocumented! We have no idea exactly who or even how many people are crossing our southern border. If Jaun and Juanita Garcia and their

Contact Scott at ssowers@purdue.edu.


April, 2006


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