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Rights Over Parents

S.Y. Z. Qaadiree

Maulana Okarvi Academy (Al-A’lami)

Bismil Laahir Rahmaan Nir Raheem

As Salaatu Was Salaamu ‘Alaieka Yaa Rasoolal Laah

Aa Salaatu Was Salaamu ‘Alaieka Yaa Habeebal Laah

Almighty Allaah says in the Chapter Al Israa, verse #31, of the

Holy Qur’aan, “And kill not your children for fear of poverty, we
shall provide them and you too, no doubt their murder is a great
It means that every child brings his own provision [Rizq] and fate
[Naseeb]. Regarding those who were shameful because of the
girls (As the people of the Arab were), the saying of Almighty
Allaah is, “And when anyone is given glad tidings of the birth
of a girl, his face changes to black and he suppresses his anger.
He hides himself from the people because of what glad tidings
he received. Will he keep the disgrace or bury it in the dust? Lo!
They are very bad judges.” (Holy Qur’aan, chapter An Nahl, verse #
58, #59). The Holy Prophet (Sallal Laahu ‘Alaiehi Wa Sallam) said,
“Those in whose house a girl is born, and he would not bury her
alive and would not dishonor her and neither would he would
favour boys on her then Allaah will enter him into Paradise. (Aboo
Dawood # 5146). It is stated in Bukhaari Shareef that the Holy
Prophet (Sallal Laahu ‘Alaiehi Wa Sallam) said, “When anyone
is afflicted with any trouble of the daughters and he would do
goodness and kindness with them then those (girls) will become
hindrance for him from the fire of Hell.” (Bukhaari # 5995, Muslim
# 2629-147). It is stated in authentic Muslim that the Holy Prophet
(Sallal Laahu ‘Alaiehi Wa Sallam) said, “Those who do the upbringing
of two girls also until
(those girls) would become grown up that person will be with me
like two fingers.” (Muslim # 2631-149) This means that there is
nothing which distances two fingers similarly there will not be any
distance between that person and me.”

The same way as there are rights on the children regarding the
parents similarly there are also immense rights on the parents
regarding the children. Brief translation of eighty Ahaadees
describes these rights.

1) The first right is even before the birth of the children which
is this that a person would not conduct his Nikaah [marriage]
with a degraded race, surely, bad gene shows its true colors
meaning exhibits its effects.

2) A person should marry amid the religious people so that

the children may also get the effects of the habits and the
actions of the maternal grandfather and the maternal uncle.

3) (If he himself is not Zangi [Negro] or Habashee [Black]) then

he should not marry amid the Negros and Black since the
child may not be ugly due to the mother. It means that if
the environment of their family is such that they may not
respect her and they will ridicule the children because of
their looks and color therefore; to save oneself from future
humiliation it is better to avoid marrying in another race.
Islaam does not stop you from marrying other race but it is
only to protect you from humiliation and ridicule.

4) A person should begin his private mating with wife with

Bismil Laah, otherwise Shaitaan [Satan] gets included in
the child.

5) At the time of “copulating” one should not stare at the

private part of the wife there is a chance that the child
would be blind.

6) Should not talk during mating a lot or absurd since the child
may be a stutter or dumb.

7) Both should cover themselves with cloth otherwise there is

a chance that the child would be shameless.

8) At the instance of the birth of a child (without delay) should
say Azaan in the right ear and Takbeer in the left ear so that
the child would remain protected from Shaitaan [Satan]
and illness. [It is better to continue this practice daily for at
least seven days. And for more blessing before Azaan and
Takbeer also read Durood Shareef].

9) After chewing the date or dried date [Chhuhaarah or

honey], or any sweet and soft thing in your own mouth put
it in the mouth of the child so that there is good omen that
his/her character would be upright (this is called to give
Tahneek or Ghuttee). [It is better that it is done by some
pious person].

10) Do Aqeeqah on the seventh day, fourteen day or twenty-

one day, for girl one and for boy two, [goat or sheep] as
every child is in pledge for his ‘Aqeeqah.’

11) You should give one leg [of the sacrificed animal] to the
midwife as a thankful gesture from the child.

12) Get the hair of the baby’s head shaved.

13) By weighing the hair of the baby, you give the equal quantity
of silver [or money] for the charity.

14) Put Saffron [diluted in water] on the head of the newborn.

15) Keep the name of the child, even also of the premature child
which was born early [meaning if it got aborted] otherwise
he can complain in front of Almighty Allaah.

16) Do not keep bad names of the child which does not have
good meaning since bad omen is bad.

17) Keep names like Abdul Laah, Abdulr Rahmaan, Ahmad,
Haamid etc., the names of worship and praise. To keep
the name (Muhammad (Sallal Laahu ‘Alaiehi Wa Sallam) is
the cause of blessing, mercy and salvation in the world and

18) When you keep the name of child Muhammad (Sallal

Laahu ‘Alaiehi Wa Sallam) then you must respect and do the
reverence of this name.

19) In gatherings leave space for the child.

20) Should be very careful in beating the child and calling names.

21) Whatever the child demands if it is appropriate then you

should surely give it.

22) In affection do not keep small, unworthy names (otherwise it

effects the child and the child is disrespected). [If names are
kept on the names of Prophets or saints then they should
not be called by pronouncing them wrongly or keeping
abbreviated names].

23) For two years get the child breast feed by the mother or a
pious woman (one who says Salaah and is virtuous).

24) Safe the child from the milk of a degraded or an ill-character

woman since the milk does change the nature.

25) It is mandatory on a person to provide the allowance of the

child (expenses etc.) and his needs.

26) Whatever is saved [wealth] from your [basic] needs and

compulsory on you to pay according to the Shari’ah, on
this before everyone the right is of the children and family,

what is left from it give it to the relatives, close family and
the needy.

27) Give the children paak [Halaal/permissible] food from

halaal income of halaal work, with impure income and
money impure habits and actions are attainted.

28) Do not have the habit of forcing only your own choices
regarding eating on the children rather keep your own
desires submissive to their desires, which ever good thing
[food, clothes etc.] they desire give it to them. And due to
them also eat yourself. If it is not sufficient then only give

29) The children are entrusted to you by Almighty Allaah, do

treat them with love and with loveliness kiss them, embrace
them, carry them on the shoulders and while doing sweet,
amusing and pleasing talks do kiss them.

30) All the time keep pleasing their hearts, consoling their
hearts and do keep an eye on them to this extend that at
the time of Khutbah and Salaah also do keep an eye and
be attentive and protective towards them.

31) Give the new [fresh] fruit first to the children as they are
also fresh fruits, the new is appropriate for the new.

32) Sometimes do give them sweet things etc., also do keep

giving them things of eating, wearing, and playing. [If can
afford, do not be miser].

33) Just for diverting do not make false promises, only that
promise is allowed with the child which is intended to fulfill.

34) If you have more than one child then whichever thing is given,

give it the same and equal, do not give any child importance
over the other child except in religious superiority. [It means
that the would be more pious and more learned religiously].

35) When you come back from the tours do surely bring gift for
the children even if it is small or less in quantity.

36) If they are sick get them treated.

37) Save them from difficult and painful treatment.

38) Whenever a child begins to speak teach them Kalimah.

39) When a child starts getting awareness teach him etiquettes of,
eating drinking, laughing and speaking, standing and sitting,
walking and going around, shamefulness, consideration,
respect of the elders, parents and the teachers. And the
Islaamic ways and the moral of both the sides to the daughter
with husband and the son with the wife.

40) Teach them the Holy Qur’aan.

41) Give them in the custody of pious, virtuous, correct believer

who teaches with correct beliefs.

42) After finishing the Holy Qur’aan always insist them for
doing the recitation [daily].

43) Teach them correct beliefs and teach at young age since
they will be very firm [a line drawn on the rock].

44) Imprint the love and honor of the Beloved Holy Prophet
(Sallal Laahu ‘Alaiehi Wa Sallam) in their hearts. [Since this is
the real Ieemaan and basis of Ieemaan].

45) Teach them the love and respect of the Progeny of the Holy
Prophet (Sallal Laahu ‘Alaiehi Wa Sallam), the Companions of
the Prophet, the Friends of Allaah and the true Scholars.

46) From the age of seven years instruct them for reading

47) Give them a lot of teaching and training regarding the

qualities and evilness of the ethics. [Clearly explain the
benefits of every good things and the loss of all bad things
in good way.]

48) Be kind in teaching and training.

49) At the time of need do warn them but do not curse them.

50) If you beat them sometimes then do it lightly and do not hit
them on the face.

51) Keep something for hitting so that there would be fear and

52) At the time of education do give them time for playing so

that liveliness and pleasure would remain in the bodies.

53) Do not at all let them sit in bad company.

54) Do not let them read bad or wrong books etc.

55) At the age of ten if the child does not read Salaah then
strictly make them read it if does not listen then hit. [So,
from a tender age a child would be punctual in reading

56) At the age of ten do not let the child sleep with yourself or

anyone else, separate the beds.

57) Get them married as they become young and do not

delay in marrying them but in every way do consider the
family, religion [true belief], conduct, moral, character and
appearances etc., in every way.

58) Do be polite in teaching grown up children kindness and

virtuousness, do keep politeness and do not give them a
chance of disobedience meaning, do not adopt such a tone
that a child would become mutinous. [Do not keep ordering
in your attitude all the time live like friends with the children
and keep politeness].

59) Do not abandon a child from the inheritance.

60) Also, do think about them even after your own departing
and do leave enough inheritance so that they would be able
to survive and live, it means definitely do leave at least 2/3
portion for them.

61) Must teach the child to write.

62) Teach swimming.

63) Teach self-protection and self-defense training.

64) Specially teach them the Chapter Al Maaidah of the Holy


65) Do their circumcision with the announcement.

66) Special rights of the daughters are that do not be sad on

their birth rather consider them the blessing of Allaah.

67) Teach them stitching, cutting, cooking (Taking care of all
household affairs).

68) Teach them Chapter Noor of the Holy Qur’aan.

69) If there is a doubt of evil than do not teach them writing.

70) Should please their hearts more than the sons and do treat
them with kindness, the daughters and their hearts are very
small and sensitive.

71) If you give them food or gift then by firmly measuring give
them equal.

72) When you give anything (from outside or from home) then
do give the daughters first then give to the sons.

73) After the age of nine years do not let them sleep with the
father or the brothers.

74) Do not let them go in wrong gatherings even if they are

held in the house of the real brother.

75) Do not let them stay with unknown people.

76) Where there is no security or seclusion do not let them stay

on the upper floor.

77) Keep them in the house with good clothes and jewelry so
they may get good proposals.

78) Marry them in match able and decent families (in regards
to family, religion, conduct and features). [Some people do
give excuses saying the girl is very small and so on].

79) As they reach their youth do marry them without delay. [And
do ask the girl and keep consideration of her happiness. Do
not support her wrong desires.]

80) Absolutely do not marry them amidst the wrong believers

and having bad faith.

Amongst these there are some matters regarding which the

parents will be accountable in the hereafter. Boys are not allowed
to dispute and oppose the father at all only regarding the expenses
[money], if is mandatory on the father and he does not give it.
Then do consult with the Judge of the 5 court who would do
justice and he would by force fix the amount. If the father does
not agree then he would be imprisoned. If the mother does not
produce milk or there is extreme pain or discomfort then to
keep a midwife and to pay her expenses is compulsory. If the
father gives the divorce at the birth of the child or before the
birth or the father dies then if the mother of the baby does not
want to feed the baby milk with out expenses then she will be
compensated for it but not from the money of the inheritance of
the child. Boys up until the age of seven years and girls until the
age of nine should be kept with the mother, paternal or maternal
grandmother, maternal or paternal aunt or real sister (to up bring
the child). This means if the child is poor and the father is rich
so he should be forced to provide the support. After extreme
protection until the fixed age (after raising until the fixed age) it is
mandatory on the father that he should take the child in his own
custody and care. If he father has wealth then he should leave it
for the children. A father cannot give anyone more than 1/3 of
his wealth (property etc.) to any stranger in inheritance. A father
cannot force a child to marry someone having wrong believe or
someone who is not good and righteous. Should not abuse the
children rather do remember them with goodness. The parents
must remember they will be questioned regarding their children.

Mostly the parents say to the children that do take care of our
rights and fulfill them, but they do not know that over them too
there are the rights of the children. The parents should also be
aware of the rights of the children over them and they should also
fulfill them.

*Note: Before writing this article, I have consulted the Holy Qur’aan,
Books of Ahaadees and some books of Fiqh [Jurisprudence] and
specially the book, “Mash’altul Irshaad of A’laa Hazrat Maulana
Shaah Ahmad Rizaa Khan Barelvi (Allaah have mercy on him). All
these are Ahaadees which have been written briefly by him that
I am quoting here.

S.Y. Z. Qaadiree