Mariah Jessen

ESL 6063
Assignment 9 Activity C

Marking Errors Electronically

As I compare the two samples from Appendix A and B, I notice that I don’t mark all the

errors nor do I focus on the same errors in each one. Part of the reason why I don’t focus on all

of the errors and only select errors, is because “selective, prioritized feedback being more helpful

to student writers than comprehensive error feedback that covers too much ground in a short

space,” (Ferris & Hedgcock, 2014, p. 291). I can’t say that the experience of marking the two

papers was much different except that I gave more explicit explanations for different errors based

on their patterns of errors. I will say the error chart is helpful when trying to define and code the

different errors in a paper. I would be very tempted to attach a copy of it using the color coding

or any other coding I choose so the students would better understand what kind of errors I am

trying to point out.

Ferris & Hedgcock state, “different learners might benefit from different degrees of

explicitness in error correction,” and therefore I can’t say for certain which sample would be the

most beneficial for the students; However, I can say that the context and place in their drafting

process made a difference in how I approached leaving feedback (p. 289). Wang’s paper in

Appendix A, was supposed to be a final draft and therefore it is still important to mark the major

errors however, I did not find it as important to go into excessive detail on how he could fix

some of the sentence structure errors. This is because I would like him to try and start to

self-correct more, a process that Ferris and Hedgcock (2014) suggest is a good instructional

strategy when done intentionally, and would have had at least a couple of other drafts using my

coding to understand what I am looking for (p.290). On the other hand, the student sample from

Ferris & Hedgcock (2015) was written in a 50 minute in-class writing activity and most likely is
Mariah Jessen
ESL 6063
Assignment 9 Activity C

supposed to be a first draft. Therefore, I took more time to give more explicit feedback as it is

more likely to be needed during the drafting period. In both samples, I made it a point to ensure

that the students knew they could always ask me if they had any questions about the errors they

made.
Mariah Jessen
ESL 6063
Assignment 9 Activity C

References

Ferris, R., D. & Hedgcock, S., J. (2014). Improving Accuracy in Student Writing. ​Teaching ESL

composition: Purpose, process, and practice​ (3​rd​ ed, pp. 289-308). Routledge.
Mariah Jessen
ESL 6063
Assignment 9 Activity C

Appendix

Appendix A

Wang Peng Student Writing Sample with Teacher Comments

Wang Peng
ENG 109
Inquiry Two – Final Draft
October 2, 2013
The truth of national parks
With the increasing demand of entertainment and the ​pursuing of natural environment,
national parks play ​the significant role in people’s ​life​. The American people have gradually
focused on the improvement of park recreational facilities. An article ​wrote by Richard L.
Worsnop discussed whether the parks should limit visitors or meet the demand to provide
support. And ​Thomas J. Mills made comments on Richard’s opinion and ​support ​his idea that
mainly talked the entry fees of national parks should enhance in order to improve the basic
facilities of parks​. From that article, the author mainly talked about park concessionaires and
other private interests should pay higher fees to let government collect more money to support
the development of recreation facilities. Based on that topic, ​some people came up with an issue
of national parks ​that whether public visitors should pay more fees of entering and using
resources, also whether it’s fair or not to impose more money from ​publics​. This article aimed at
persuading ​publics to accept the higher fees of the national park and let people know the current
problems of national parks and the way the government wanted to take steps to solve problems
and enhance the quality of national parks. Although, Mills use of emotional attractor contribute
less to his viewpoint, his arguments overall are effective because the organization and logic are
credible enough to persuade and can tightly connect with the purpose that ​government and
congress persuade visitors pay more entry fees.
Firstly, there is the strong relationship between the logical reasons and the purpose of
persuading. The argument made by Thomas J. Mills is clear for us to figure out the position he
held. People who read ​article can easily extract the information about what Mills wants to argue
and persuade. One sentence he used in the text: “This commitment is a reasoned response to a
difficult situation” (Mills, 1993). Before that sentence, it claims the content of commitment and
after stating this sentence, it ​help us to figure out the logic and organization ​that what he wants to
mention later. As expected, the ​clearly organization gives two reasons to explain why congress
and president made such that decisions later. Two reasons directly match with the purpose of that
article. The first reason mentioned: “On the one hand, demand for recreational opportunities is
high and expected to grow substantially over the foreseeable future” (Mills, 1993). From this
reason, it reveals that because of the rapid growth of entertainment choices, government should
collect more money to rebuild equipment in order to meet the demand. It matches with the
purpose of the article and ​provide ​reasonable reason to persuade ​publics pay more fees. The
other reason states: “On the other, available resources are inadequate to maintain even the
current recreation infrastructure as is evidenced by the $449 million unfunded backlog of
essential maintenance and repair of recreation facilities” (Mills, 1993). Because inadequate
Mariah Jessen
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Assignment 9 Activity C

resources can’t maintain the current infrastructure and the park service should also support park
repair, officials prefer to get more money to support the normal circulation of park service.
Based on two reasons provided by Mills, it aims at persuading publics to pay more fees to
national parks. ​From the logic of that part, not only it tightly combines with their goals, but also
the text provides a well-organized and reasonable content. Another example said: “Congress has
recognized this dilemma and has responded by raising appropriations for the Forest Service
recreation program significantly in recent years” (Mills, 1993). For that evidence we can find in
the text presented the reason ​government ​eager to collect money. Because the promise to the
Forest Service recreation program of providing more fiscal ​subsidy​, the congress made the
commitment so that it would let citizens ​knew the current issue ​happened with national parks and
then congress ​enhance​ the entry fees.
After analyzing the logic of Mills’ statement, it’s worthy to dissect how the author ​use
methods to persuade and convince people who often go to national parks to share the public
facilities. The ethos and audience work together to emphasize ​on how ​author ​make ​credible of
the difficulties faced by government​. One example shows: “In his report, “A Vision of Change
for America,” the president made clear his commitment to increasing revenues from users of
recreation facilities on federal lands. We cannot predict exact fee levels, but new entrance and
user fees will not exceed the $3 cap contained in the president's report” (Mills, 1993). ​For the
beginning of that paper, Mills quotes ​President, commitment, revenues and federal lands to
attract readers’ attention and let publics believe the credibility ​for the commitment. Because the
choice of words is professional and formal, which are used in the government commitment or the
declaration, made by congress, readers can easily believe the credibility of that event. Also,
examples and experiences can greatly contribute to the credibility of an article, one part by Mills
said: “For example, in 1991, volunteers contributed work valued at $23 million in support of the
recreation program. Additionally, we operate certain facilities under ... permits [that] bring in
private capital to maintain recreation facilities in national forests” (Mills, 1993). ​For example the
author gave for the readers, it can let readers understand more about this commitment ​that the
government and congress have tried many efforts to support the recreation program and allow
personal facilities in national parks. By revealing and analyzing the government actions, publics
may have intuitive feelings about the ​facticity ​by government​. The example can support the
author’s idea effectively.
The weakest relationship for Mills’ statement would be the position he held and the emotion
he wanted to convey. Mills held ​the moderate attitude and ​represent a formal and professional
statement to readers. It’s difficult for us to explore the relationship between position for
statement and emotion for people who entertain usually in parks. The reason I couldn’t find more
evidence was that the author talked less about emotional ​aspect​ than the other aspects.
Overall, the author made a strong and believable supportive argument towards the original
article. Mills used many methods to achieve his goals that were to persuade visitors to pay more
entry fees and inform publics the obstacles ​government ​faced​. The government and congress
should come up more ways to develop public recreations and improve the overall environment of
national parks. For the article, the author can pay more attention to his audience because the
statement ​for​ ​audience can direct exert effects on the final goals he wants to achieve​.
Mariah Jessen
ESL 6063
Assignment 9 Activity C

References
Worsnop, R. L. (1993, May 28). National parks. ​CQ Researcher,​ ​3,​ 457-480. Retrieved from
http://library.cqpress.com/cqresearcher/

Error Key:

Noun Ending Errors

Article

Sentence Structure

Verb Issues

Word Choice

Wang-

Overall, you did very well writing this draft. The errors you tend to make tend to be consistent

and/or the same throughout. Please see my error key above to help you see where these errors

occurred. For the sentence structure issues, I have not left a lot of direct feedback, but most of

the errors are from missing words or incorrect word order. If you are unsure how to make these

sentences sound more natural or make more sense, please let me know. I look forward to seeing

your next draft.

-Mariah
Mariah Jessen
ESL 6063
Assignment 9 Activity C

Appendix B

Ferris & Hedgcock Student Writing Sample with Teacher Comments

Sample Student Essay for Error Correction Practice

Note: This essay sample accompanies Application Activities 8.2 and 8.3. It was written by

college seniors during the first week of an advanced L2 writing course. Students had 50 minutes

to write in class on the topic, “Are lies always harmful or are they sometimes helpful?”

Today, in people’s daily ​life​, they often lie to protect themselves, to fit into a specific

group, to make others feel better, or to help others in a different way. Yet, no matter what reason

that ​cause​ people tell untruthful information, ​their purpose ​id​ to more on their living.​ However,

no all lies are harmful. They can be helpful in some appropriate situations. It all depends how

people view them.

It is true that sometimes lies are harmful. They can cause broken relationships, such as

friendship, husband and wife, or parents and children. According to Goodrich, “if one promise to

do lunch when this person knew that they will never get together.” If later on the other person

discovered the teller’s purpose, their relationship would not go along well. Also, Goodrich states

that many parents tell their children that Santa Claus will ​com​ on Christmas Eve.​ in this

situation, although happier, as the children grow up and find out the ​true​ on their own, they may

not very happy their parents’ attitude. Although the result may not terrible ​till​ broken their

parents and children relationship it may bring some negative parent’s value in children’s mind.

In this situation, lying is harmful to both parents and children.

However, sometimes, ​tell​ a lie can be helpful if people deal with it ​appropriate​. I

remember two friends of mine Jack and John were best friends. ​They grew up together and went
Mariah Jessen
ESL 6063
Assignment 9 Activity C

to school together​. Yet, during their college year, Jack was ​Major​ in accounting because he ​like

business very much. On the other hand, John was not interested in business much. He was

having difficult time ​to chose​ his major. At the same time, he still ​wants​ to be with Jack all of the

time. ​Once, when Jack asked John to major in business so they​ can ​still go to classes together,

John responded by saying “OK,” even though he did not like business classes, John found out he

enjoy​ being manager after his college​. John’s lie did not hurt him and Jack. In fact, it helps him

to choose his major while he did not know what to do. On the other hand, ​Jack also got some

help from John while their studying​. Therefore lies can be beneficial sometime. As a result, not

all lies are wrong. Some are harmful while others are helpful.

Error Key:

Spelling

Sentence Structure

Verb Issues

Word Choice

Student-

This is an excellent start to a paper! You have a strong sense of what you believe and have made

an excellent attempt to give examples of why you feel that way.

Most of your errors deal with word order and clarity of meaning. You do have a few verb and

spelling issues, but that is to be expected when only having 50 minutes to write. In your last

paragraph you are telling a story about your friends and you move back and forth between the

present and past tenses. Remember that when we tell stories we use the past tense. I would also

like to see a full conclusion paragraph for your paper instead of just two closing sentences at the
Mariah Jessen
ESL 6063
Assignment 9 Activity C

end of your current paragraph.

I look forward to seeing your next draft and if you have any questions please let me know.

-Mariah