Having a child is something that is supposed to be an experience that lasts a lifetime.

Children need lots of attention when they are born, and they need to be properly taken care of by parents that are responsible and caring. As sad as it is there is a large problem with child neglect and abuse. I believe that every couple, or single parent that is going to raise a newborn should have to go through mandatory parenting classes before the child is born. I think that this will help parents to learn how to properly handle and raise their children. If you turn on the news you will hear of many instances of child abuse throughout the world these days. Parents have left their kids in scolding hot cars, beaten them to the point where they are unable to talk, and some have gone far enough to kill their children. There are some sick people out there who have problems that cant explain these things, but for most it’s people who are uneducated on how to handle normal childhood situations. In Today’s American society we fail to address several issues that need to be solved. Unfortunately, child abuse is one of the major issues that our country is plagued with, yet we neglect to bring this to the attention of the entire nation. It is often over looked because everyone has a different view of what exactly defines child abuse. To set the record straight there are four basic forms of child abuse: emotional abuse, neglect, physical abuse, and sexual abuse (ICAN). When you’re a child your mind is open and defenseless to every experience, which will have a long term impact on you. Children are normally innocent so when traumatic events occur in there life( such as rape, neglect or abuse) it will be very difficult to improve when abused. As a child you learn how to act emotionally and psychically in different types of relationships. When sexually abused by someone close to you, it�s incredibly hard to trust anyone growing up with the perception that many people could and want to cause harm to you. It is not only distressing for the victim of any sort of abuse but it also creates difficulty for people around them. It�s impossibly to sway an unstable mind and having to cope with another�s past issues is traumatic for both parties.

My wife and I spoke about emotional abuse to approximately 85 students at the North Dakota State College of Science recently. Millions of women (and some men) live with repeated verbal assaults, humiliation, sexual coercion, and other forms of psychological abuse, often accompanied by economic exploitation. I’ve worked in organizations for 40 years as a leader and consultant, and I’ve never been in an organization that didn’t have abuse as part of its dark side
Rejecting or refusing to acknowledge a person’s presence, value or worth is the most common type of emotional abuse. Isolation, which is physical confinement is a way to make the child think he/she is not wanted. Terrorizing a child and inducing terror or fear upon them is also one of the main types of emotional abuse. Yelling, screaming, name-calling, shaming, and telling them they are bad, worthless, or lazy are just a few examples of how easy it is to emotionally abuse a child. Corrupting your child into accepting ideas or behaviors that are not appropriate is

also emotionally toying with the child’s mind. Insulting, ridiculing, imitating and infantilizing are all ways of degrading a child. All of these types of emotional abuse are seemingly based on power and control. There are numerous reasons why children get abused, and not just by parents, but siblings too. Nearly one-third of women in prison reported abuse as children, with males being 14% of inmates reporting abuse in childhood. This brings me to my first cause. A person’s background. If the abuser, has had deprivation he/she is more likely to continue it. Parents who were abused don’t know any better because that’s how they were raised. Therefore, they punish their kids the way that their parents punished them. When a child sees or hears a family member being abused they also are victims of emotional abuse. So the cycle repeats itself over and over. Like in any situation, drugs and alcohol play a big part in the causes of abuse. Also if the parent is sick (mentally) or has disorders, is another issue of cause. Nearly onehalf of substantiated cases of child neglect and abuse are associated with parental alcohol or drug abuse. It is also estimated that one in every four children in the United States is living in a household with an alcoholic adult. In conclusion to alcohol and drugs abuse, brings up the situation on why that happens. Stress, brought on by a variety of social conditions raises the risk of the children being abused. Poor parenting skills and inappropriate expectations of child are reasons why parents harm their children. There are more reasons, such as the child might be handicapped or have a disorder, they might have been an unwanted pregnancy, which by any means people should not harm their children. Most abusers don’t get involved in the community and suffer from social isolation. Marriage problems sometimes lead to the children, and are unfortunately taken out on them. Most parents love and don’t want to harm their child but they tend to have less patience and less mature personalities. Some parents claim they don’t know the difference between discipline and abuse which has raised many questions about what is right and wrong in raising children in today’s age. The way a family’s structure is set up is a questionable cause also. Believe it or not siblings cause abuse also. Everyday siblings fight, yell, scream, call each other names and this brings down ones self-esteem and knowledge of being wanted and loved. People over look this issue the most and say kids will just be kids. But gaining power and control at a young age is very dangerous for generations to come. Emotional maltreatment can and does happen in all types of families, regardless of their background. Along with the causes come the effects. They range from short term to long term. First of all, victims experience guilt, and think it is their fault that they are being harmed. The family members appear cold and rejecting. Parents might be effected and blame or put the children down. Emotional abuse can result in serious emotional and/or behavioral problems, including depression, lack of attachment or

emotional bond to a guardian. It can also severely damage a person’s sense of selfworth and perception. In some cases, children who deal with emotional abuse suffer at least as much, if not more, than if they had been physically harmed. Less severe forms of early emotional deprivation may produce babies who grow into anxious and insecure children who are slow to develop or who might have low self-esteem. Like no other abuse, this one leaves hidden scars that manifest inside the child in numerous ways. These effects include visual problems, learning deficits, increased illness, low self-esteem and aggressive tendencies. Fear and anxiety are a few longterm effects. Children who experience rejection are likely to exhibit hostility and aggressive or passive-aggressive behavior. Not only does abuse effect the mind but also there is a link between childhood abuse and long term health effects. But the worst effect of all is that emotional abuse follows a pattern and repeats itself over and over. As mentioned earlier, emotional abuse is difficult to detect and leaves hidden scars with sometimes no signs. Here are the most obvious signs that a child is being emotionally abused: depression, withdrawal, staying away from social events or strangers, low self-esteem and severe anxiety or aggression. Watch for negative comments directed toward the child, If he/she suffers from sleep or speech disorders, is destructive to others, and has little or no friends. Child tends to rock, suck, or bite himself? Usually the child seems to have a hard time learning, but also tries to act falsely grown up. If there are any signs that may lead to suspicion of abuse, contact authorities or seek help for the child. If the parent is the abuser, he/she needs to learn to walk away when losing control, and never be afraid to apologize. Instead of abusing, address the behaviors or use time-outs when the child misbehaves. Most of all don’t call the child names, or ridicule behaviors that are though of as being lazy, or worthless. Parents who were emotionally abused tend to follow a pattern and their child gets abused and one day is an abuser. So somewhere it needs to stop. There is plenty of help and support out in today’s world. But the first step is admitting there is a problem. Take the child to the pediatrician to see how he/she can help. In Iowa the DHS (Department of Human Services) is responsible for responding to reports of possible abuse. Twenty-four-hour help-lines, shelters, social service agencies or police are there to help whenever needed. Parenting classes, community agencies or churches all help aid in therapy. Just always remember help is available and the abusers or victims are not alone, and that it is the child's fault. No one deserves being abused. Teach Early. It’s never too soon to talk to a child about violence. Let him know how you think he should express his anger and frustration – and what is out of bounds.

Talk with him about what it means to be fair, share and treat others with respect. Be there. If it comes down to one thing you can do, this is it. Just being with boys is crucial. The time doesn’t have to be spent in activities. Boys will probably not say this directly -- but they want a male presence around them, even if few words are exchanged. Listen. Hear what he has to say. Listen to how he and his friends talk about girls. Ask him if he’s ever seen abusive behavior in his friends. Is he worried about any of his friends who are being hurt in their relationships? Are any of his friends hurting anyone else? Tell Him How. Teach him ways to express his anger without using violence. When he gets mad, tell him he can walk it out, talk it out, or take a time out. Let him know he can always come to you if he feels like things are getting out of hand. Try to give him examples of what you might say or do in situations that could turn violent. Bring it up. A kid will never approach you and ask for guidance on how to treat women. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need it. Try watching TV with him or listening to his music. If you see or hear things that depict violence against women, tell him what you think about it. Never hesitate to let him know you don’t approve of sports figures that demean women, or jokes, video games and song lyrics that do the same. And when it comes time for dating, be sure he knows that treating girls with respect is important. Be a Role Model. Fathers, coaches and any man who spends time with boys or teens will have the greatest impact when they “walk the walk.” They will learn what respect means by observing how you treat other people. So make respect a permanent way of dealing with people – when you’re driving in traffic, talking with customer service reps, in restaurants with waiters, and with your family around the dinner table. He’s watching what you say and do and takes his cues from you, both good and bad. Be aware of how you express your anger. Let him know how you define a healthy relationship and always treat women and girls in a way that your son can admire. Teach Often. Your job isn't done once you get the first talk out of the way. Help him work through problems in relationships as they arise. Let him know he can come back and talk to you again anytime. Use every opportunity to reinforce the message that violence has no place in a relationship. Become a Founding Father. Show him how important the issue of violence against women and children is to you. Join thousands of men across the country who are taking a stand against violence. Become a Founding Father yourself. Go to foundingfathers.org to sign up.

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful

Master Your Semester with Scribd & The New York Times

Special offer: Get 4 months of Scribd and The New York Times for just $1.87 per week!

Master Your Semester with a Special Offer from Scribd & The New York Times