VULTURES ON A CAROUSEL: Christian Tract Review by: Michael Rutschky For the uninitiated, a “tract” is a short, poorly drawn comic

strip booklet that is handed out by Christians to complete strangers in hopes of converting them to their religion. As a car hop at Sonic, I see a lot of these come in from customers. Sundays and Wednesday nights are obviously the worst days. Although I am not Christian, many of the people that I work with are, and for the most part we all agree that these tracts are rude, ignorant, and grossly insulting. Tracts seem to want to scare people away from their own beliefs and into believing in the Christian God. I’ve decided to discuss a few examples of these booklets, and rate them according to how scary they try to be. I think we can all agree that putting fear in the people around you so that they become more like you is quite unethical and, hopefully, very un-Christ-like. SOMETHING IN COMMON? The message here is that all members of humanity have something in common: we’re all destined for eternal flaying and burning unless we become Christian. Doesn’t that just raise your spirits? The most entertaining thing about this one is the giant arrow that people walk on as they amble into the pits of Hell. One guy’s shouting “Allah be praised!” as he walks towards damnation; another person exclaims “I’m a Buddhist and you don’t exist”. See? The other religions of the world won’t do anything for you but ensure a place in Satan’s lake of fire. Who needs tolerance when you got Christ? Scary Scale: 4/10, because it’s only a quick rundown of how much we suck. THIS WAS YOUR LIFE Ever admire the beauty of a woman from afar? Tell a dirty joke? Disobey your parents? Have you ever whispered? Well, bad news. Your eternal forecast is looking extremely hot with chances of isolated pitchforks. In this story a man dies without finding Jesus first. After watching a movie about his life with some angel (heaven has a movie theater?), he meets God, who pitilessly flings him into the fires of Hell. Then, to really drive the point home, we’re shown just a plain white page with the words “This CAN Be Your LIFE!” Fine, do I really want to worship a God that won’t even let me tell a joke? I’m sorry, but if God created Tucker Carlson he surely has a sense of humor. Scary Scale 7/10, because it makes you afraid of doing everyday things. MEN OF PEACE? This one’s the icing on the cake, you can already tell by the cover’s insulting caricatures of middle-eastern men. In this story we see an old man educating his granddaughter on the evils of Islam. Christianity and Islam have been fighting for centuries over who has the real prophet. I don’t think it’s exactly fair for Christianity of

all religions to accuse another religion of not being historically accurate. This pamphlet is nothing but overtly hateful propaganda, insinuating that Muhammad had actually received his prophecies from a demon, and his wife convinced him that it was an angel (once again, Christians point out how much trouble women get us into). Ever hear about Islam on the TV or radio and feel that you’d like to learn more about it? According to this booklet, all you need to know is that their way of life is a lie, and you should be very afraid of them. Because, you know, fear does so many good things for a society. Scary Scale: 10/10, because it plays on people’s fear of terrorism.