Sharing of Thought | Prayer | Sin

September 16, 2010 3:05 pm One of my favorite words that I always think of as a point of my sheer concentration and imagination is “inescapable”.

Of course, I have already encountered this word since time I don’t know of anymore. But I just stumbled to read it again just a couple of weeks ago along with the idea that I will never forget in my life – life of being a created human person. In that book that I read, “inescapable” was used to describe the condition of human person when it comes to committing sins. Thus, to sin for human being is inescapable. What a beautiful word! INESCAPABLE… No, I don’t utilize it so as to justify my acts of sinning. Nor do I look at it as a license for me to commit sins. All I ever think about is God would always know that mine (ours) is a weak human nature which is always inclined to making sins. I can now take away from my mind my dream to become perfect in not committing sins, along with it is my insecurity after making sins. No matter how much effort would I exert in order to be blemish in the sight of God, I know that at certain point of my life, I will again reject God’s invitation to love Him, myself and others. September 16, 2010 7:43 pm Many months and few years have lapsed as I forgot to pursue my dream to be a great speaker. Before, I always dreamt of speaking on stage in front of a lot of people to talk – to capture their attention, to share something worthwhile, to inspire many souls. Now, I am much engrossed with my self-illness namely lack of confidence and imagination. I just realized that I just flow on whatever is there for me without “casting my nets down”. Oftentimes, I would strut as an easy-go-lucky guy. Anyway, I can still cope up with the demands and even pressures in the seminary. Sometimes, I would just lie down in silence, go with people but never talk at all. I honestly miss myself before when I was too much persevering, very vocal about my thoughts, more or less alert and active in any seminary endeavor. Is it shyness that keeps on creeping in me or dullness due to lack of seminary challenges that makes me feel so naïve? I really cannot say by now. All I want to do now is to revive myself again. I want to venture again on things that can boost my energy in all aspects of formation. I want to release and unleash my capacities, abilities and intelligence again but not looking for anything in return… because I know that’s the real me.

September 17, 2010 3:57 pm Insights into the book of St. Athanasius entitled “On the Incarnation of the Word”: 1. God did not leave man destitute of the knowledge of Himself for it would it be unthinkable if God would not reveal Himself to man whom He endowed with intelligence and will. Man’s image and likeness to God will serve no purpose if he will not be able to know and love God who is the author of his being. In simple argument, how come man knows things except Him who gave him the capacity to know? 2. Man was so tardy in looking up to heaven and asking for God’s forgiveness of his earthly sinfulness. That is why, God in His mercy and goodness, went down to man in order to reveal Himself totally to him and to save him from all his iniquities. 3. When man is burdened with his wickedness, he considers himself more of a wild beast than a reasonable individual.
4. If God did not save man from his fall, then it would be of no purpose for

Him to create man in His own image and likeness at the very first place. If man would prefer to be beast to an intelligent creature, then it would be better that God created him according to that inhuman or brutish nature. But God never surrendered in winning the heart of man back to Himself again. He promised Him salvation and revealed Himself to man in some points in history. Thus, we realize that God created man again in which creation herewith refers to God’s action in snatching man from the nails of the devil. September 18, 2010 8:45 am What a beautiful Saturday morning for me! I’ve just heard congratulatory words from some of my brotherseminarians and nuns because of my performance last night. Some of them said I was best in my own right and as if I was just a child playing joyfully and naturally. I know what they meant. I know that I enjoyed my performance and I shared it with my audience. That is what I always do: I see to it that I take advantage of my opportunity to show my talent and that I radiate my joy and gracefulness with those who watch me together with my co-dancers. I was very much thankful that early in my childhood years, I was already trained to know what I always want to do. Last night, Anthony and I shared something about our experiences in dancing. I told him that I widen my patience in training or teaching new and

inexperienced dancers, but I curtail my patience to expert dancers who give no justice to the execution of the dance-steps. Last year, my co-dancers would want to take a seminarian from the dance-troop for he did not execute well our dance-steps. He could not stretch his arms to the full – something unacceptable to the troop. But given the fact that he was less amateur than us, I still believed him. So, I taught him all the more despite others’ criticism of his suppressed moves. I believed him because I saw that he could really dance; he was, in fact, doing well in jiving with beat of the music. At the end, they never eliminated him from the troop. But there was other moment in our practice for this year’s concert when I almost went wild. I shouted, without considering the presence of other seminarians and one priest, only for me to blow my disappointment and inner turmoil caused by that difficult step. I was wondering why while all of my co-dancers could execute the step, I, on the other hand, was struggling very hard in executing it. In my exasperation, I shouted wildly. But who‘s that best dancer who can ever execute a step which is out of the beat of the music? I was so disappointed that not even a single cool guy was with me in realizing that our step was out of beat. I really cannot forget that event. And when they could not move according to my counts, I rewarded them with a very insulting question: “Are you moving guys?!” This I asked with a professional tone. Ha! Very anger-provoking. Nevertheless, I loved that moment. At least, I released my negative sentiments, and they were made to understand that I am a very meticulous dancer - almost a perfectionist. These memories… I will always treasure in my heart - in this dancer’s heart. What a great morning for me! October 1, 2010 7:27 pm Today is the feastday of St. Therese. I couldn’t help but kneel down in prayer in front of her statue. I asked her to intercede for our family, for the strength of my vocation to the priesthood. I couldn’t help also but remember her holy words before she entered the monastery. She said, “My love for Jesus is so great that I would want to enter the monastery.” Indeed, she gave all her life for the souls. In secret, she devoted a lot of sacrifices for the conversion of sinners. In silence, she prayed for priests all over the world. In solitude, she whispered her sincere love to Jesus. In extraordinary ways, she was a saint, a missionary inside a cell whose effective prayers and examples touched the lives of so many people. She may not have studied in great universities nor she took up doctorate, but she became a noble Doctor of the Church, a title her heavenly wisdom deserved. She endured all her pains. She embraced every single moment of sacrifice. She turned her back from all her possessions. Only to show Jesus

how much she loved Him. Only to save souls through her sacrifices and prayers. Only to shower blessings to people she knew need spiritual benefits. I am most fortunate to have known her. I am most thankful for her prayers and intercession. I am most blessed to experience her miracles. I knelt down in prayer before her because I know that she truly fulfill her promise of showering petals of blessing from heaven. Today, I know, in a most unfathomable way, she knows me and she tells the content of my lips to her long beloved Friend, Jesus. I thank her for I know, although I received no rose today, she has already given me more than beautiful roses I have seen from others. She has already given me seeds of rose in my heart and she would always tend them until one day I can also let the fragrance of these flowers be smelled by other people. St. Therese of the Child Jesus, please pray for us and continue to shower blessings upon us. Amen. Extend my “Hello!” to your sweet Friend. Tell Him that I also love Him, that I also aspire to offer my life to Him despite the difficulties I encounter. Whisper to His ever-listening ears my aspiration to become a simple and holy priest. October 3, 2010 10:16 pm Marita was a babysitter of an angelic baby boy. One time, she laid the baby in his cradle. She went to sleep feeling so confident that the baby boy would also go on his way to sleep. And so, they both slept. When Marita awoke from her short yet relaxing sleep, she was surprised to see the baby boy crawling in the floor. “Ita! Ita!” The baby boy alas recognized her. In her surprise, she could not believe why it happened. How did the baby boy got lost from the crib? Was someone around? But only the surprised Marita and the innocent baby boy were around. Soon, Marita found out that while she locked the right part of the crib, she nevertheless, forgot to lock the left part. She just postulated that the baby boy might have touched the lock and accidentally unlocked it. But what made Marita very much surprised was the miracle that the baby boy did not get any injury from getting out of the crib. No single and slight injury appeared in his soft and gentle skin. Another thing was that if the baby boy was hurt, then he should have resorted to crying. But then, it was not the cry of the baby boy that awoke Marita but a scratchy sound. The truth was that the baby boy was smiling as if he was playing with someone else. Marita undoubtedly deemed this experience to be a work of miracle. When the baby boy grew up, Marita and the baby boy’s mother told it to him. Do you know who that angelic and innocent baby boy is? That angelic and innocent baby boy is me. Ate Ita was my babysitter.

I used to believe that it was my guardian angel who safely took me out from my crib in order to play with me. October 4, 2010 5:51 pm “You are the light; we are in the darkness.” “You are the modern good Samaritans to us.” “Your presence counts a lot because you remind us of Him who is above us.” These are the inspiring expressions that came from the lips of the prisoners who want to change for the better. These pertain to something of which power can rip my heart and thwart my ambitious mind. If you want to see how ugly the countenance of sacrifice is, go to jail. If you want to taste the bitterness of punishment, listen to the persons whose room is barricaded. But if you want to see the teary eyes of Jesus, hold His calloused hand, listen to His suppressed feelings and smell His stench body, live with the prisoners. In them you can find the forgivable tandem of ignorance and guilt. In them you can also find yourself trembling in the dark, seeking for the true light. You will realize that it is not your light that they see because the truth is you have nothing to shine on them. You will realize that it is not the goodness that you pretend to own that they see for in the first place you know that it is not goodness that you carry in your heart. You know that in one way or another, you share in their past wickedness. Jail apostolate helped me realize all the more that I am but a sinner who needs a forgiving God. May I restore the genuine goodness in me by performing little acts of justice. October 4, 2010 8:48 pm Once upon a time, I dreamed of becoming a singer because I thought and believed I was good in singing. When I was in kindergarten, my teacher chose me and one of my female classmates to sing a birthday song to our parish priest. Because of that, I thought music was my friend. When I was a little kid, Lola would always encourage me to sing in front of her old friends like her. She would tell them that I could mimic the voice of a certain singer who has already flown to the world of the unknown. Because of that, I thought I could be a real singer. When I was in elementary, I always became a part of our mini-program inside the room. One classmate of mine would act as emcee and she would call my name in the middle of the program to render a song for the entire class. Of course, I would not refuse the invitation because I knew I have

something to present. My confidence boosted every time we did that kind of activity. Because of that, I thought I had a golden voice. When I was a young boy, I joined a singing contest. Never thinking that it could one day be a factor for my shame, I nevertheless did pursue on joining the contest. Well, guess what my place was. I was second… yehey! But only among the four contestants with my mother and her elder brother, my uncle, as judges of the contest. Hehe! Would you think they would put me down to the last slot? No way! But listen to the consoling words of my mother. “The one who got the first place was very good. You became the second placer because your diction was clear and good.” Hmmm… I was waiting for her to tell me that I had a good voice, but she did not even broach the idea. Anyway, who would not be happy to receive a hundred pesos after becoming the second placer in a singing contest? Because of that, I thought my singing career had just been opened, launched, inaugurated publicly. But things went wrong when my mother always told me that I was not making any good in singing. She would always say and I would always remember that of all her five children, it is only I who is out of tune. She would always tell that to me without any consideration for my feelings. Because of that, my confidence to sing suddenly ebbed down. Today, I am hundred-percent amenable that singing is not mine to possess. Gone were the times when I felt so confident to sing. Gone were my ambitions of becoming a singer that filled my imagination. Gone were the days when I thought music loved me. Today, I accept that I’m not gonna make it. I can sing but not well. Sometimes, I can hit the notes correctly but most of the times… no… there were also times when I can’t reach the right note although the note is not so difficult to reach. This is the story of a dream, a dream that never came true. This was a dream that was lost to oblivion. What a sad dream of mine! October 5, 2010 11:02 pm Dead are the idealism and virtues I once knew of Gone are the ways of excellence I tried to practice before The fire’s extinguished; the light is off Tomorrow, what am I going to hope for? Life is normal and good when life is bad Minds are but weak and distorted Go against their flow, then learn to be mad Speak ill against the current, your life is not supported.

Selfishness is now the trend No for you, only for me Yet, if you become my friend, Power comes in; we become free. Philosophy, yet a false one creeps in Amidst the twilight of truth well-known Justify things, voila! They’re free of sin Much have been known, less have they grown. October 6, 2010 12:36 pm Heavens are now my eyes, Rains become my tears, Nimbus clouds meet in the skies Of my heart full of fears. Ocean-like is my spirit Where waves shake me without rest The gentle breeze, now a crazy heat Blows in my heart full of test. Nothing but darkness accompanies me A faithful friend and a worst enemy Nowhere to escape, nowhere to flee One second, I’ll be a mummy. A voice alas from nook comes out A ray alas visible to the heart “You don’t need to shout, A Rescuer am I who knows your heart.” October 6, 2010 11:11 pm Unlike others who seldom reflect in solitude for fear of confronting themselves, I , on the other hand, seldom choose to be outgoing and talkative in the fringe of people because I feel I am not comfortable in being so. Sometimes, after becoming very active, I realized that I almost crossed the board of carelessness in my actions and words to the extent that I don’t care whether I still act logically and politely. Perhaps, one of the reasons why I love silence is that in silence I can control myself. I can be focused in mastering my thoughts. I can go back on things worth remembering without any distraction. I can be the master of

myself. By the way, as far as I am concerned, I was always trained to be my own master. I am very much cognizant that being so silent gives others the impression that I am indifferent to them. But I let it be open-ended in the sense that I know they will understand me and that I can also change. October 8, 2010 8:53 pm Have you already tasted death? Your death? No? I don’t believe you! You have already tasted it… for so many times in your life. You were not just aware that it was your death that you tasted. Believe me, friend. When you were so confused and so sick because you were not yet prepared to submit your project, reflection paper, term paper, thesis or whatever the day before its deadline, it was your death that you experienced. Then you tasted how sour your death is! When you were so perplexed and so guilty because someone knew your grave fault, then you felt this world was not a safe world to live in, it was your death that you experienced. Then you tasted how bitter your death is! When you could hardly relax your body and mind agitated by a windstorm of doubts, insecurities, anger and despondency, it was your death that you experienced. Then you tasted how nauseous your death is! In so many times in your life, your death has appeared to you but you never even took a glance at its disgusting sting. Instead, you pretended you never saw it. Death, I mean your death, has its own power to insist or demand preparedness from you, power to let you remember your wretchedness and power to make you despair. However, while in some sense it is true that once we were born in this world, we are old enough to die, it is also true that we run on death. We run our lives because someday we’ll die. Yes, we run our lives towards our death for we become closer and closer to our death in every tick of the clock. But, never forget that most of the times, although most of us are unaware of it, death provokes us to live our lives meaningfully. Indeed, we run our lives on death. So, now, if ever you want to take this advice seriously, you may do so: When death serves its bitter, sour and nauseous taste again, taste it. Then, spit it out. And live. Friend, may you have a happy death (and a happy life).

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