FANTASY VS REALITY: WHEN YOU STRUGGLE TO

DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN WHAT WAS REAL AND

WHAT WASN’T


If you’ve ever said “I don’t know what was real and what was fake”, “But
it’s hard to let go of the fantasy” , “It feels like I was in love with an
illusion” or “I’m finding it really hard to move on and accept what has
happened”, you’ve got reconciliation issues. When you’re faced with
making fantasy and reality consistent with one another so that you can accept
the truth of what has happened, what you feel, do, or are being, you opt for
the illusions which basically suspends you in No Man’s Land while opening
you up to problems in the real world.

An illusion is a false idea or belief, or a deceptive appearance or impression.

A fantasy is an idea with no basis in reality and is basically your imagination

unrestricted by reality.

Reality is the state of things as they exist. It’s what you see, hear, and
experience.

So let’s imagine a few scenarios.

Scenario #1: You break up with someone because for whatever reason
the relationship wasn’t working. Maybe it wasn’t progressing (see my post
on landmarks of healthy relationships), or there was code amber and red
behaviour but whatever it was, you’re not together. However, you keep
remembering the ‘good times’ and the fact that you both like running in the
mountains, eating jellied eels, sleeping in the bed at a 17 degree angle, and
you have amazing sex. Time goes by and even though you were bloody
miserable in the relationship due to the aspects that weren’t working, you
keep focusing on those ‘good times’ and particularly on the beginning and
wonder why they can’t go back to being that person. They get in touch, you
think you’re getting back together, you have a whirlwind night/week/even a
month and then you’re back to square one. You’re hurting and struggle to get
over them. They get in touch again or you reach out. You think you’re getting
back together, they haven’t changed and lather, rinse, repeat.

When you keep going back to a relationship that broke for a reason and
where the person didn’t live up to the reality of all the wonderful things you
thought they were, you let your focus on the ‘good points’, your feelings etc
run unencumbered by reality. If you restricted yourself to reality or at least
balanced the fantasy with very real prior experiences and knowledge of
boundaries and why some relationships don’t work, there’s no way in
hell you’d keep putting your hand back in the fire.
Scenario #2: You meet someone who’s attached. Maybe you know
immediately or maybe they keep it under their hat until their feet are wedged
firmly under your love table. You imagine that you’re destined for great
things because you know, obviously they must be taking this massive risk and
the connection and sexual frisson is so immense and they’ve said all of this
stuff that makes it sound like you have a future together. Then the excuses
start rolling in and they’re not behaving like the person you thought they
were or rustling up that future they promised you. Things come to a head and
they may even do that manipulative BS where they claim they were leaving
but because you haven’t been ‘patient’, they won’t. You end things because
you know it’s not good for you but every time they get in touch, you accept
and are wondering if they’ve left yet and are going to become the person you
thought they were.

When it becomes apparent that things are not what they seemed and yet you
keep entertaining them it’s because you’re hoping that you can avoid
admitting that you made a mistake in the first place by having them come
blazing in on their white horse offering you the fairy tale. Instead of
tempering the fantasy with reality – they’re married, talking out of their arse,
and have done things that have left you feeling pretty damn crappy – you let
the fantasy just keep running and running!
Scenario #3: You meet someone and they start talking up the future, Fast
Forwarding you by introducing you to various people, pushing for
commitment and so-called sexual and emotional intimacy, and basically
taking you on a whirlwind romance. You’re having such a good time, you
don’t want to pay too much attention to some things that are making you
uncomfortable or even worried. Whether it’s weeks, months, or even a year,
eventually the needle is ripped from the record and you land in reality with a
cold, hard bump. The pain is immense and you can’t work out if it was all
lies, half lies, 20% or whatever. You feel duped but at the same time you
remember just how good it felt at times and you don’t want to invalidate
that either. So you struggle to accept the truth, which isn’t that your
relationship was all lies (it wasn’t unless it was a complete con or you
actually know it was all lies because you were in denial) but more that 1) it
didn’t work and 2) there are very specific reasons that indicate why it didn’t
work that will have showed themselves, good times or not, if you’re willing
to look at and accept them.

Unless you’ve been in a complete fantasy, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing

– it just has to be real. Just because your relationship didn’t work out and
they may even have proved themselves to be a bit (or a lot) of a tool,
it doesn’t mean that the good times didn’texist or that everything was a lie.
This is extreme and a bit childish – instead of going around chopping up their
clothing, you’ve erased the past – that’s a fantasy too!
If you can’t differentiate between what was real and what was fake, it means
that you were too swept up and cloaked in too many illusions to have a good
grounding in reality. It’s not that you can’t or shouldn’t remember the good
times or good points but if your imagination runs riot and doesn’t get rudely
interrupted by reality, you’re opening yourself up to pain. This is exactly how
people end up going back to someone who at best took advantage and at
worst abused them. If they restricted their thoughts to reality in full colour,
20:20 vision, they wouldn’t be going back.

If you only remember the hot sex it’s like assuming that in reality they’re one
walking, talking penis or vagina. Truth is that the hot sex may be packaged
up in someone that doesn’t treat you with love, care, trust, and respect, that
leaves you feeling worthless once the sexual high has passed.

The key is to work out what reality is and that includes the good, bad, and
indifferent. What you think, can always be denied, rationalised, and
minimised, but doing a stock take on what you’ve heard, seen, felt, and
basically experienced is real.

What are the facts? Strip out the excuses and BS (whether it’s yours or
theirs) and stick with what has happened – what are you left with?

Why didn’t your relationship work?

What did you ignore that in retrospect you recognise as a code amber or red
warning?

What reasons did they give the last time they got in touch? What happened
the last time you got back together? And the time after that?

When you focus on something good what do you have to ignore? What are
you avoiding by focusing on the fantasy?

The truth is that when a person or a relationship are that great, you
don’t need the fantasy because you’re living the reality. Areyou living the
reality? Did you live the reality?

By restricting your imagination with reality, you also ensure that you have
healthy boundaries. Put a limit on how much bullshit you have in your
life because in fantasies and illusion clad relationships you control the
uncontrollable, whereas in reality you’re in control of yourself and can drive
your own life.

Your thoughts?

For more advice on illusion free relationships, check out my book and ebook
Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl in my bookshop.
 Making Sense of Realism and
Fantasy

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by Anna Whaley

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Grade

Third Grade

Subject

Reading & writing

 Reading Fiction
o Fiction Genres

Common Core State Standards

Standards

RL.3.1

Materials and preparation

 Make 1 rectangle per student by using 8 ½ x 11” white paper, folded to make 4 small rectangles 4 ¼ x 5
½ (cut apart)
 Chart paper
 Chart paper markers
 Amazing & Incredible Counting Storiesby Max Grover (or alternate text selection to use within modeling
component of lesson)
 3 x 3” sticky notes (at least one per student).
 Dooby Dooby Moo by Doreen Cronin and Betsy Lewin (or alternate text selection that contains abundant
examples of realism and fantasy)
 Class set of the Sorting It Out: Real or Fantasy? worksheet
 Index cards or exit slips

Related books and/or media

BOOKS:
 Dooby Dooby Moo by Doreen Cronin and Betsy Lewin
 Amazing & Incredible Counting Storesby Max Grover
 Here Comes McBroom! by Sid Fleischman

Key terms
 realism
 fantasy

Learning objectives
 Students will be able to use details in a text to distinguish between elements of realism and fantasy.

EL ADJUSTMENTS OFF

Introduction
(10 minutes)

 Give each student ¼ sheet of a piece of white paper, in the shape of a rectangle.
 Invite students to take five minutes to draw any picture they want to draw-- real or fantasy.
 After five minutes has passed, have students share their drawings and discuss whether the pictures
could happen in real life. Encourage students to justify their responses. Do one example with the class to
model justifying a response.

Explicit instruction/Teacher modeling

(10 minutes)
 Post a two-column chart on the board with one column labeled “Realism” and the other column labeled
“Fantasy.” Explain the difference between the two categories, using an example for each.
 Read one or two pages from the book Amazing and Incredible Counting Stories (or other self-selected
text).
 After you read each story, think aloud and tell the students how you know that certain events are real or
fantasy.
 Write these details in the corresponding column on the chart, under “Realism” or “Fantasy.”

Guided practice/Interactive modeling

(10 minutes)

 Distribute at least one sticky note to each student and tell the students that you would like for them to
find examples of realism and fantasy as you read the story aloud.
 Begin reading aloud the story Dooby Dooby Moo.
 Stop periodically to add students’ sticky notes to the two-column chart and discuss their reasons for
classifying certain parts as fantasy or realism.

Independent working time

(10 minutes)

 Distribute the Sorting It Out: Real or Fantasy? worksheet.

 Direct the students to identify which sentences show realism and which sentences show fantasy. Tell the
students that they should explain and give the reason for their answer in the space below each
sentence.

Differentiation
Enrichment:
 Encourage students to write their own stories that include elements of reality and fantasy. Have two
students exchange stories and try to identify elements of realism and fantasy in their partner’s story.
Support:
 Have students create illustrations that match the sentences and ask the students if it would be possible
to see the action.

Technology integration
 Have students create a digital drawing that portrays either realism or fantasy and create a story that
goes along with the picture.
 Utilize interactive whiteboard software for students to sort events that fit under realism or fantasy.
 Assessment
(5 minutes)

 Distribute index cards or exit slips.

 Have the students name several examples of realism and fantasy using texts of their choice. (These
could be leveled readers, library books, or any texts that the students access.)

Review and closing

(5 minutes)

 Invite students to share their examples of realism and fantasy with the group.
 Encourage students to compare and contrast ideas as well as give reasons for their thinking.

Ambitious

The Country's Good Son

Lin Aung's mother has a shop in Mingaladon market where she solds slippers. Mingaladon market
is a army market. Its Sunday, Lin Aung is sitting in front of their shop. One young man came and said do
you have sin-kye no. 9? Lin Aung took it and show it to the young man. Its twenty-one kyats . Can I take
the right side of the slippers and give a ten kyats?.You can't do that Lin Aung said. Wait i will look
for partner .

Soon the young man came back. He had another man with him. The first young man took the right
side of the slippers and the second young man took the left side of the slippers. then he nodded with
satisfaction.

Only then Lin Aung understand. They were buying and sharing one pair of slippers. The first young
man had a false left leg ang the second young man had a false right leg.Lin Aung was very sorry to see
the condition of the two young men. Do you feel sad that you have only one leg? asked Lin Aung . the
first young man smile and said we are soldiers who offer even our own lives for our country . We
are proud to lose leg in protecting our country. Lin Aung said those young men is the country's good
son.

Read more on Brainly.ph - https://brainly.ph/question/1179491#readmore