SECRET OF PARENTING SUCCESS Author: Preeti Panwar Solanki Assistant Professor (HR) Pioneer Institute of Management, Udaipur Preety.
ABSTRACT Although many parents are concerned with children's intelligence quotient (IQ), research shows that a child's emotional quotient (EQ) is just as important for that child's personal success. So what is Emotional Intelligence? Emotional quotient is child’s ability to feel, while intelligence quotient is child's ability to think. "Emotional intelligence involves being aware of one's own feelings and being able to manage them effectively and being able to respond appropriately to other's feelings. This awareness of feelings in oneself and in others should lead to quality relationships. Emotionally intelligent parenting focuses this awareness in our relationships with our children, but it doesn’t stop there. It extends to helping our children develop their own good relationships with others." Marilyn Robb The rational for selecting this topic is to make the parents aware about EI Parenting and the goal is to improve the relationship between parents and children and to give the strategies to raise a self disciplined, responsible and socially skilled child. This Article describes the term Emotionally Intelligence Parenting and the steps involved in. As well as it offers keys to emotional intelligent parenting to use their emotions in the most constructive ways. INTRODUCTION
“Children are a blessing sent from God above; For us to care and nurture and most of all to love God calls us to be parents and gives us all the tools; And when we feel like giving up, our strength He will renew”
Parents want their child to be “Mr. Perfect”. A human being with compassion, commitment and courage, a person whose life is guided by a core of strength and a code of fairness. To achieve these humane goals, they need humane methods, Love is not enough, Insight is sufficient. Good parents need different skills and parenting styles. Yesterday's Models Won't Work Today. But here the question comes, what are these different skills? Emotionally Intelligent Parenting is the answer of that. This reminds a poem by caring parent:
As I Grow Please understand I am growing up and changing very fast. It must be difficult to keep pace with me, but please try. Please reward me for telling the truth. Then I am not frightened into lying. Please tell me when you make mistakes and what you learned from them. Then I can accept that I am okay, even when I blunder. Please pay attention to me and spend time with me. Then I can believe that I am important and worthwhile.
talents and potential. Then I will feel loveable and will be able to love myself and others”
We shall understand the meaning as we progress in this EIP process… WHAT IS EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENCY PARENTING : Emotional intelligence involves being aware of one's own feelings and being able to manage them effectively and being able to respond appropriately to other's feelings. Self-awareness is comprised of two competencies. Child (Self) Awareness and Relationship Management
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCY PARENTING MODEL
PARENT (SELF) AWARNESS Emotional self awareness Accurate self awareness
CHILD(SELF)AWARNESS Empathy Child’s emotional awareness
SELF MANAGEMENT Self control Transparency Adaptability Initiative Creative PARENT CHILD RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT Inspirational Parenting Developing Children Change Catalyst Conflict Management Building Bonds
Parent Self-Awareness The core of Emotional Intelligent Parenting is self-awareness. In order for me to be happy. I need to be me.
. Please do the things you want me to do.Please help me explore my unique interests. Emotionally intelligent parenting focuses this awareness in parent’s relationships with children . Please tell me by your words and actions that you love me. Self-Management. positive model.Emotional Intelligence is divided into the four clusters of Parent SelfAwareness. Then I have a good.
listen. building bonds. which is keeping disruptive emotions and impulses towards child under control. which is the ability to read the emotional clues of the child.
.management is comprised of four competencies. which is the ability to exercise a wide range of strategies with love and concern. Conflict management. guide and teach the child by modeling themselves appropriate emotional management. which is the proficiency in initiating new ideas and leading child’s emotions in a positive direction. Change catalyst. which is understanding the child and taking an active interest in his concerns. Influence. Initiative. Adaptability. sooth. Developing him. Child’s Emotions awareness. Transparency. which is resolving disagreements and collaboratively developing resolutions.
Child (Self) Awareness Child Awareness is comprised of three competencies.•
Emotional self-awareness. which is building and maintaining relationships with child. where parents are able to read and understand their emotions as well as recognize their impact on behavior and relationships with child. convincing and well-tuned thoughts to child. which is the flexibility in adapting to changing demands and behavior and overcoming their problems with creative solutions. which is the propensity to strengthen and support the abilities of child through communication.
Relationship Management The cluster of Relationship Management is comprised of five competencies. validate.
• • • •
Self-control. which is the readiness to seize opportunities to inspire and teach the child and act. interaction and guidance. listening beyond the words. this is recognizing and meeting child’s emotional needs.
• • •
Empathy. which is maintaining transparent and honest relationship with child. impulse control. and also includes listening and sending clear.
Emotional Intelligent parents respect.
• • •
Inspirational Parenting . Parenting orientation. where parents are able to give a realistic evaluation of strengths and limitations of their parenting behavior with the child. empathize. which is inspiring and guiding the child. Accurate self-assessment.
It is also important to recognize that emotions are neither right nor wrong. Help the child find words to label the emotion he 5. you never take me to picnic" (even though you went with him just one day before) he is expressing what he feels. They just are. but instead asks. sensing and appropriately responding to others’ social and emotional cues. STEPS IN EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENT PARENTING The parents: 1. but his bike tire needs air Fifteen-year old’s project is missing a one-paragraph summary. The emotions behind the sentence are that he wants your time with him.
The following keys will help parents to use Emotional Intelligent parenting that have been proven to provide children with a sense of well-being and security. "Dad. is having. Set limits while exploring strategies to solve the problem at hand. it’s 11 PM
Parent does it for him Parent pumps up tire or drives him to practice Parent writes it
Parent encourages toddler to do it Parent suggests child pumps up tire Parent does not offer to “rescue” child. Listen empathetically. delayed gratification.”
“Please pay attention to me and spend time with me. empathy. KEYS TO EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT PARENTING
feelings. Become aware of the child's emotion. validating the child's 4. Then I can believe that I am important and worthwhile. 2. By attending to the child’s emotional needs. Child's self-esteem is greatly influenced by the quality of time Spend Quality time parent spend with him-not the amount of time that he spend.self motivation. Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching. So when child says to father. “What are your key points?”
Ten-year old has fight with best friend
Parent calls friend’s parent to resolve the problem
Parent coaches child to figure out positive solution
3. Emotionally Intelligence Parenting Opportunities
EI Parenting Opportunity…
Toddler who can put on her shoes Seven-year old should leave for soccer practice now. parents can create an environment that is conducive to their child’s emotional growth and ultimately to their overall happiness and life satisfaction as adults.
Ways to help him feel powerful and valuable are to ask his advice.”
Blame the behavior. not child Never tell a child that he is bad.
“Please tell me when you make mistakes and what you learned from them. I need to be me.
“Please tell me by your words and actions that you love me. For example. Then I can accept that I am okay. parent should take the action. but its proven fact that child develop the habit of ignoring or not listening. The child will recognize the emotions and intention behind instructions. give him choices. For example if parents are going to buy a new car. if parent has instructed child to get up at time to be ready for school and he does not follow. That tears at his selfesteem Tell him that it is his behavior that is intolerable. talents and potential. he must know that he is loved unconditionally no matter what he does. Feeling important is the emotion that builds his family orientation. positive model”
Be Consistent If parent has made an agreement that child cannot buy toy when he gets to the store.
“Please do the things you want me to do. yet firm by picking him up as soon as the timer goes off without any more nagging. If parents don't. and demands. Then I will feel loveable and will be able to love myself and others”
Empowers the child Empowering child will encourage his emotion of self esteem.
“Please help me explore my unique interests. Action speaks louder than words. tears. She has been told she can either get dressed either in the car or at school. Then I am not frightened into lying”
. In order for me to be happy.
“Please reward me for telling the truth. and let him help in household work. Then I have a good. parent will pick her up and take her to the car. Instead of words. do not give in to his pleas. Make sure that parent should love when he picks him up. Take his advice in important decision. It can put him in emotional trauma. ask his choice of color. In order for a child to have healthy self-esteem. Parents should never demotivate child by withdrawing love from him. even when I blunder”
Be Kind and Firm at the Same Time Suppose parent has told five-year-old child that if she isn't dressed by the time the timer goes off. instead of shouting on him. they will find inappropriate ways to feel their power. The child will learn to respect parent more if he mean what he says.Use Action. let him miss the bus and bear the consequences. Not Words Statistics say that parent give number of compliance requests to the child.
He will turn into a responsible adult that excels in the personal.com/emotionally-intelligent-child.html
. Friedlander. Tobias. The alternatives are limitless and the results are calmer parents who feel more supported. Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more that IQ for Character.
“Please understand I am growing up and changing very fast. Brian S. Maurice J. Research has shown that this child will be more resilient to life’s ups and downs and generally have better health both mentally and physically due to the lower levels of stress in his life.Handling aggressive emotions Aggression or spanking takes its toll on a child’s selfesteem.. Steven E. Elias Ph. but please try”
These key strategies of Emotional intelligent parenting can help the parents to give a distinct edge to the child over his or hers fellow peers in today’s fast pace world. Ph.develop-good-parenting-skills. dampen his enthusiasm and cause him to be rebellious and uncooperative.D. and lifelong achievement. D.D. social and professional arena. (1995). Consider for a moment the vision of a family that knows how to win cooperation and creatively solve their problems without using force or violence. Psy. Socially Skilled Child http://www. Responsible. It must be difficult to keep pace with me..D.: Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: How to Raise a Self-Disciplined. health. References • • • Goleman. New York: Bantam Books.