This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
As an airplane is about to crash, a fema le passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden. "You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..." Next morning the little man wakes the woman up. "Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies "Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage. He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on." The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers." He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
She says "But sir. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. so the nurse drinks that one as well.still nothing..". "DO IT!".. . mouth.nothing.nothing. "Try those on!" He replies. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says.nothing. I tried with my left hand. My wife tried with her right hand. HALL SEX . The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home.When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.nothing. left hand. BEDROOM SEX . There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. and t ake the house when they leave... Then my wife's friend tried. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah..After you have been married for a while. its just a sperm bank!". The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU" COURTROOM SEX .. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well. So.. and bring it back the next day." How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come. "I don't care. "That one there.its not that hard." There are four kinds of sex : HOUSE SEX . . you only have sex in the bedroom. So. he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. Right hand."I can't get into your knickers!" "And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude.... open it now!!!" he replies.. and we still couldn't get the lid off of the spe cimen cup. she looks at him "BUT. A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.. Her mouth. Doctor: Wait a minute.When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got. you I tried with my right hand. Her left hand. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!". drink that one as well.After you've been married for many. they are sperm samples???" .nothing. So the nurse sucks it back. "See honey .The bride takes off her knicke rs and throws them at him with the same request. fill it.
getting herpies . "Damn. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he . After about 15 minutes of it. "Do you know what I am doing now?". as she starts moaning. "I can't". All his professionallism goes right out the window.. I'm still a virgin. "Put your whole hand in!". "How's this possible? Yo u've been married three times before." commands the girl. "Me too. "Please be gentile. He tells her to take off her shirt and bra. the wife tells the husband.. and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. lays her on the table. my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. she does. So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands. "Well. T he dog says. she takes them off. The guy's like. "Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor? "Yes. So he does without hesitation. he tells her to take off her panties. She's really starting to get worked up when she says. checking for abnormalities.. gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. she says." she replies. "Do you know what I am doing now?" She replies.thats why I am here!" This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. says the guy. "Yes. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks. So in goes another one. He tells her to take her pants..This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is." Finally. The woman says. The cat says. replied. a cat. I wish I had a flashlight!". "Yes.". "Put your finger in me." The penis outraged..." The husband being shocked. checking for cancer.. and he starts rubbing her thighs. "I don't think so. A dog. So he has his entire hand in. "Put two fingers in. you've been e ating grass for the past ten minutes!" A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love. says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!" A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." she asks him." The wife responds. my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!".. "Ok!". "My life sucks. the man finally gets up and says. He says to her. The girl looks at him and says "See. when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of m e!!!". I told you I had a tight pussy!". she replies.
After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nea rly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy." he exclaims. you can open your robe. but Jack has a wife and three kids. The proud husband says. I don't know whom to fire." . "My picture?" He answers. He first asks for a show of h ands of all the people who had sex almost every night. "Barbara. how many had sex once a week? This time a larger number of hands were raised. and unbelievably. called his vice -president. so Dave said.. "You'd better jack off. "My God you are so beautiful. "Tonight s the night!" Three guys go to a ski lodge. You see. and he is astonished. John decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group. let me take your picture. John noticed that the guy never raised his hand. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe."Oh. so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims. he's had the same dream. After John polled his group several more times he noticed one guy sitting off to the side with this huge beaming grin on his face. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks." Dave looked at Mr. "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now. Barbara was the first to come in. To break the ice. "My dear. too. Dave.oh. I dreamed I was skiing!" One day Mr. do I miss him!" On their first night together. Puzzled she asks. Smith. In the middle of the night. I've got a problem. Finally. we are married now. vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up. He then asks. oh. Smith and said. "So I can get it enlarged!" John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office. so they have to share a bed. Once a year! To John's dismay. let me get a picture". I've got a headache. a newlywed couple go to change. "Yes my dear. A modest number of hands were raised. OH MY. OH. and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. John decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. The guy said. "I had this wild. I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied. the president of a large corporation.wanted to do was talk about it." The beautiful young woman opens her robe. he responds.. She smiles and he takes her picture. the guy on the right wakes up and says." The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. "oh. and to get the therapy started. He beams and asks why and she answers. "Barbara is my best worker. into his office and said. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says. aaaahhh. and there aren't enough rooms. my third husband was a sta mp collector and all he wanted to do was. "We're making some cutbacks. Why are you so happy getting sex only once a year? The grinning guy responds. so he asked him how often he had sex. so I can carry yo ur beauty next to my heart forever". "That's funny. John then asks how many had sex once or twice a month? Again a few hand s were raised.
The manager asks. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put he r crotch in the blind mans face. you re trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is.A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. "Oh." "Correct. Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face. "I'm confused." says the blind man. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. says the manager. says the blind man. "That s a good piece of fir. "Correct." "That s a bad piece of willow. The blind man says. "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected t o do this job since he was blind. With that. It s th e shit house door off a tuna boat!" . now try this one." answers the manager.
This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
We've moved you to where you read on your other device.
Get the full title to continue listening from where you left off, or restart the preview.