63 Ways to Build Self-Confidence

Confidence is a tool you can use in your everyday life to do all kinds of cool stuff, not least to stop second-guessing yourself, manage your fears and become able to do more of the things that really matter to you. But not many people realise that their self-confidence works just like a muscle ± it grows in response to the level of performance required of it. Either you use it or you lose it. That¶s why I¶ve given you 63 ways to grow your confidence so that you can become a giant. 1. Learning is a Good Thing, so sign up for that evening class and enjoy it. 2. Get out of your own head by asking your partner or best friend what you can do for them today. 3. Hit the gym. The physiological effects will leave you feeling great. 4. Go to a networking event and focus on how you can be helpful to other people rather than being nervous about your own stuff. 5. Get crystal clear on the things that truly matter to you. If they¶re not in your life, you need to bring them in. 6. Write a list of the things you¶re tolerating and putting up with in your life, then write down how you can remove, minimise or diminish each one. 7. Look at a great win or success you¶ve experienced and give yourself credit for your part in it. Recognising your achievements is not egotistical, it¶s healthy. 8. Next time you¶re at a social event, don¶t just stick with the people you know ± go and have a conversation with someone you don¶t know and you never know what ± or who ± you¶ll discover. 9. Next time you talk yourself out of doing something (a party invite, a challenging project or whatever else), say µWhat the Hell¶ and go do it anyway. 10. Do one thing each day that makes you smile (on the inside or on the outside). 11. Look for the patterns of thought that take you to a place where you start second-guessing (* 1) or over-thinking (* 2). Now imagine that your best friend went through exactly the same thought process and ended up holding themselves back ± what would you want to say to them? 12. Ask out that girl or guy you fancy the pants off (only if you¶re single, don¶t want to get you into trouble).
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Sometimes your doubts are there to let you know what you need to prepare for. If there¶s someone in your life who puts you down or makes you feel small. Don¶t get swept up in the drama of what¶s happening right now. 35. ³What would make this easier?´ 18. Tear up your rule book and notice how free you are to make great decisions. Acknowledge and welcome all of your experiences ± the good stuff as well as the bad stuff. Say it with me ± ³It just doesn¶t matter. Reveal a little bit of the real you in a relationship that might feel like it¶s in a rut. You deserve better. so you can use them to your benefit as you move forwards. Learn to catch yourself every single time you tell yourself that you can¶t have. It¶s all equally valid and hiding things away because you don¶t like them is just creating conflict. 25. Don¶t automatically give in to the instant pay-off ± it often means you¶re selling yourself short. 20. you owe it to yourself to let them know that you expect something different from now on. 21. That¶s a good thing. Instead. look for more useful ways of engaging with what happens in your life. Next time you come up against a risk or a challenge. 16. You have to keep your mind well fed. It¶s no biggie so don¶t let it stop you. won¶t get or aren¶t good enough to get what you want. Always recognise that you¶re more than a match for any situation you might find yourself in. so use it to take yourself forwards rather than run away. 34. You¶ve got a whole bunch of out-dated rules that determine what you do. you just have to notice them and get familiar with how it feels. Take yourself off auto-pilot ± make deliberate decisions on what really matters to you. 15. be brutally honest and ask yourself what you gained from the situation and what you lost out on. Think of a time when it felt like a whole bank of switches in your head flicked to the on position and you were firing on all cylinders. Don¶t ever think that being scared means you¶re not confident. Flirt.´ 33. 26. 23. 29. listen to what you tell yourself and look for a way that that inner dialog can be improved. so write a list of 20 things that keeps your mind feeling nourished and make sure you¶re giving them room in your life. should do and shouldn¶t do. Listen to your doubts but be ready to make deliberate decisions once you¶ve heard them. 27. 14. 28. What were you doing and what¶s the reason it felt so great? 22. 2 . Fear is a way of letting you know that you¶re about to stretch yourself and grow your confidence. it simply means you¶re going somewhere new.13. Based on this win/lose balance. Trust your instincts. Don¶t think for a second that you can¶t be confident. If you¶d already done everything in life you¶d have no need to be scared. no matter how tough the going gets. It¶s a harmless way to play around with connecting with people and having fun. There are already loads of things you do with natural self-confidence.´ 19. Confidence sometimes means admitting you¶re wrong ± always be ready to hold your hands up and change your mind. Do you get annoyed with yourself because you didn¶t make the most of something or stepped back form an opportunity? Don¶t beat yourself up because that¶s just going to make you feel worse. Stop playing different roles and squeezing yourself into boxes based on what you think people expect you to act like. don¶t do. 32. 17. take a step back and say ³I can BE better than this. Ask yourself. 31. what¶s a different choice you can make next time? 24. These rules limit your thinking and limit your behaviour. 30. Scared of looking silly? You and everyone else. Look for the things you do where the question of whether you¶re confident enough never arises. When you feel like stamping your foot and yelling ³I deserve better than this!´. They know what they¶re talking about.

57. Accept it just as it is. It isn¶t a goal or an end-point that you reach and then stop. and your relationships and confidence will be immeasurably better. 47. 41. 53. Just don¶t overthink it. Put your head above the parapet at work and speak up if there¶s something you think could be improved or if you have an idea you think has legs. Anything. 3 . but identify what it is they do differently that conveys confidence and what you can learn from it. 58. Imagine you¶re visited by a successful. there¶s nothing wrong with being shy and it doesn¶t mean you¶re not confident. You need to be around people who make you feel like YOU. Find your inherent value first. 38. The longer you leave that big thing on your to-do list the more it¶ll drain you and the bigger it¶ll seem ± get it done and free yourself up. Write yourself a list of the amazing things you¶d love to do in your life. 40. What golden threads. paperwork and rubbish put a morning aside to clean up your stuff and get organised. and you need to be a part of the world you around to feel confident. What do they want to tell you? 37. attractive and vibrant version of you from the future. Keep comparing yourself to others? Stop it. so shifting your body into a confident state can have surprising results. What can you participate in that¶s important to you? 42. just make sure you get along with your body. Stop struggling against the things you don¶t like in your life ± create a congruent environment around you that flows and allows you to be you. themes. The body is a mirror for the mind. you need to shift your priorities. Shy with new people? Not a problem. What can you practice that would radically improve your chances of winning? 44. big or small. Take a chance on something tomorrow. A new path wakes you up. If there¶s something you¶ve been struggling to understand for a while. 48. 56. No man¶s an island. stop trying to understand it. so if you¶re surrounded by clutter. 46. patterns and passions have always been in your life? If those things aren¶t present in your life right now. 54. 51. Look at the people you respect who seem confident ± don¶t copy them. and make a start by simply looking into the first one or two things that leap out at you. Your strengths can be used to overcome any of your weaknesses. so spend more time with the people who support and encourage you and less with those who undermine you.36. Work on developing the skills you need to win at the things that matter to you. Get trim if you need to. don¶t try to validate yourself through comparison ± you¶re just peachy as you are. 55. Keep playing to the best of your ability and your confidence will always be there to support you. 60. Don¶t say ³Yes´ to taking on a task simply because you don¶t want to rock the boat ± you can politely decline requests you can¶t meet and don¶t need to create an excuse for it. 39. a version of you who¶s everything you hope to be. Try a new path. Don¶t get disheartened or demotivated when you get to 90% with something you¶re working on ± push through and you¶ll see that the last 10% is where the magic happens. Being confident is an ongoing process. confident. Don¶t make your happiness or self-worth dependent on being in a relationship or being validated by someone else. Your environment directly impacts your self-perception. 50. because if you have a bad relationship with your body you won¶t be feeling confident in yourself. We all have weaknesses but they only undermine your confidence if you let them. fully and wholly. Your body image does matter. start beating yourself up or thinking you¶re less than because you¶re shy ± the more you think like that the worse it gets. Forget the pro¶s and con¶s ± do something bold in the face of your challenges and fears. 43. just take a chance. 45. The well-trodden paths of your life can easily turn from familiarity to apathy and disconnection. 49. Don¶t feel like you have to do everything yourself ± sometimes the most confident thing to do is ask for help. 52. 59.

(Now). 4 . Even go looking for it. unemotional feedback ± you can¶t be objective about you. hard. a major drama and the pain-less. impractical and debilitating. Much better to recognise that everything. someone who will provide you with relevant. if you identify with any of the above. the minor issue. the ones which will put you (mentally) in a positive. About nearly everything. 4. So. Both genders can fall into either category ± today we¶re going to chat about the one who does too much. Still beating yourself up for failing or screwing up? It might not be a barrel of laughs but it¶s not going to help you get through it. 62. Not only do they have a history of almost doing things but more often than not they are obsessive. 1. Being ambitious is great but aiming for perfection is unrealistic. Especially if it scares you. frustration. They are« the Over-Thinker. thinking is a good thing and while some people don¶t do it enough. Make sure it¶s someone who will tell you what you need to hear. it¶s them. To steal someone else¶s book title. Some people think themselves into stagnation. 3. Even if it scares you. compulsive with perfectionistic tendencies. mentor. Ask yourself the right type of questions. They are experts at misinterpreting what people are saying and if there is a way to have their feelings hurt. then make deliberate choices to follow through. is how you practice living a rich life (* 2) How to Stop Being an Over-Thinker As a rule. Seeing progress gives you important self-reinforcement. practical. Be more proactive. Aim for constant improvement and consciously and methodically work towards positive change where you need it most. exhaustion. complex. friend. Stop waiting for perfection (perfect timing. then you probably inhabit the cerebral landscape somewhere between casual Over-Thinker and chronic Over-Thinker. 5. They are highly skilled in the art of self-sabotage and if anyone will get in their way. productive and solution-focused head space. they¶ll find it. ³Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. Make a plan to do something. Don¶t act on hunches. not what you want to hear.61. whether it turns out or not. They are peoplepleasers who want change (different) but the change process scares them. meaningful. They have an aptitude for making the simple.´ Don¶t let fear hijack your potential or run your life (into the ground). anxiety and even illness. relative). 2. They are adept at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory and also at wasting their time and talent through age-old art of over-analysing everything and everyone. Have a sounding board (coach. They don¶t need other people to sabotage their dreams or goals. They worry too much. some over-think everything. the easy. Here¶s a few tips to help you deal with your Over-Thinking-Ness (a word). 63. When you feel yourself focusing inwards and becoming paralysed with doubt or fear. Now! Do at least one thing each day every day that will get you closer to where you want to be. Consciously find the good. do stuff! Get out of the theory and into the practical. analysis paralysis. pain-full. Acknowledge the problem but be all about the solution. Don¶t assume. perfect conditions) before you do what you know you should have done long ago. specific. switch to focusing outwards at what you can engage and interact with. they can do that all by themselves. act on facts.

Try honesty. stay focused and motivated and to deemotionalise the change process. you hear the ol¶ crazy woman behind Apt 22 ³you should have done it this way stuuupid«´. put in groovy carpet. haven¶t paid rent in years. If you¶re interested in exploring and understanding this concept more. away from the cerebral and into the creative. The non-thinker. just as you¶re trying to get somewhere. some of them should be evicted. joy and freedom live. inspirational tenants. put in a bar upstairs with 24/7 feel good music (next to the brain spa and indoor pool) ± even renovate a complete level and turn it into a brain haven where your tenants can go to put their feet up and recuperate. you have other fantastic tenants there that will be right by your side to support you in this mass evacuation. These trouble-making tenants are in fact those thoughts that interupt your driving forces and freeze you with guilt. start by losing yourself in some of your favourite music . This will make room for new. Make this Apartment Block your own ± bring it back to life. This is something which needs to be worked on but with practice you¶ll be able to do it almost anywhere at any time.6. The mind can be an exhausting place and sometimes we need a holiday from it. behaviours and results is a great way to keep perspective. These tenants are really easy to spot. With all the thoughts traveling around in your head. Don¶t give yourself an escape clause. it¶s quite effective. At the end of the corridor is Mr Gotnothingbettertodo who without fail stops you dead in your tracks ³if you only saw how silly you looked you¶ve never do that again!´. others are stuck and are too scared to come out. 8. See your brain¶s thoughts as one massive Apartment Block. Journaling your thoughts. And liberating. Step out of your mind and into the music. 10. anxiety and reasons to keep us still. grab them by the ankles and toss them out. The spiritual.. decisions. The place where peace. create a plan and totally commit to it. and march to their door with confidence and hand deliver that notice. are up to no good and are causing trouble to all the other (good) tenants. 7. Get out of your thoughts. It¶s also a good way for you to learn what works ± for you. If they don¶t co-operate. Of the chaos. We don¶t know how hard it is to stop thinking until we try. Stop rationalising. If you struggle with this concept. It¶s your Apartment Block ± the possibilities are endless! 5 . justifying and explaining what you¶re not doing. relaxing and beautiful space beyond our thoughts. create activities for your community. Eckhart Tolle talks about finding that very quiet. Identify and commit to your nonnegotiable behaviours. These tenants have been settled for a long time and know how to persuade you ± so don¶t give in! Remember. These tenants must be evicted ± effective immediately! Start right now ± select the most disturbing tenant you know is doing you no good and hand deliver your notice NOW! Get in that elevator. Keep a Success Diary (wanky name but great concept). Further down is the chatterbox in Apt 28 who always has her door open and jumps out and distracts you. press the button to the floor that you know you keep avoiding. 9. In order to consistently and consciously move from mediocre to amazing. Let¶s look at Level 2 of your Apartment Block « as you walk down the corridor. And the irony is that moving beyond our thoughts is not really about trying but about letting go. check out Eckhart Tolle¶s book the Power of Now. It¶s kind of heavy going (possibly weird depending on where you¶re at) but well worth it if you can persevere and digest his words thoughtfully. bring in leafy plants. calm.

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