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50 things to know about 25.

Resisting the temptation to prove your


point will win you a lot of points.
marriage 26. Generosity of spirit is the foundation of a
good marriage.
1. Great relationships don’t just happen; they 27. If your spouse is being defensive, you
are created. You have to work at it. might be giving them reasons to be like that.
2. If your job takes all of your best energy, 28. Marriage isn’t 50/50; it’s 100/100.
your marriage will suffer. 29. You can pay now or pay later, but the
3. One of the greatest gifts you can give your later you pay, the more interest and
spouse is your own happiness. penalties you acquire.
4. It is possible to love and hate someone at 30. Marriage requires sacrifice, but your
the same time. benefits outweigh your costs.
5. When you complain about your spouse to 31. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s a
your friends (which you shouldn’t), continuous process.
remember that their feedback can be 32. Accepting the challenges of marriage will
distorted. shape you into a better person.
6. The only rules in your marriage are those 33. Creating a marriage is like launching a
you both choose to agree with. rocket: once it clears the pull of gravity, it
7. It is not conflict that destroys marriage; it takes much less energy to sustain the flight.
is the cold, smoldering resentment that you 34. A successful marriage has more to do
hold for a long time. with how you deal with your current reality
8. It’s not what you’ve got, it’s what you do than with what you’ve experienced in the
with what you have. past.
9. If you think you are too good for your 35. Don’t keep feelings of gratitude to
spouse, think again. yourself.
10. Growing up in a happy household doesn’t 36. There is no greater eloquence than the
ensure a happy marriage, or vice versa. silence of real listening.
11. It’s never too late to repair damaged 37. One of the greatest questions to ask your
trust. spouse is “How best can I love you?”
12. The real issue is usually not the one you 38. Marriage can stay fresh over time.
are arguing about. 39. Assumptions are fine as long as you
13. Love isn’t just a feeling; it is expressed check them before acting upon them.
through our actions. 40. Intention may not be the only thing, but
14. Expectations set us up for it is the most important thing.
disappointment and resentment. 41. Good sex won’t make your marriage, but
15. Arguments cannot be avoided, but it’ll help.
destructive arguments can be avoided. 42. Privacy won’t hurt your marriage, but
16. One of the greatest gifts you can give secrecy will.
your spouse is focused attention. 43. Possessiveness and jealousy are born out
17. Even people with happy marriages of fear, not love.
sometimes worry that they married the 44. Authenticity is contagious and habit-
wrong person. forming.
18. Your spouse cannot rescue you from 45. If your spouse thinks something is
unhappiness, but they can help you rescue important, then it is.
yourself. 46. Marriage never outgrows the need for
19. The cost of a lie is far greater than any romance.
advantage you gain from speaking it. 47. The sparkle of a new relationship is
20. Your opinion is not necessarily the truth. always temporary.
21. Trust takes years to establish and 48. There is violence in silence when it’s
moments to destroy. used as a weapon.
22. Guilt-tripping won’t get you what you 49. It’s better to focus on what you can do to
really want. make things right, then what your partner
23. Don’t neglect your friends. did to make things wrong.
24. If you think, “You are not the person I 50. If you think marriage counseling is too
married,” you are probably right. expensive, try divorce.
– Excerpt from ‘Fiqh of Love’ seminar by
Al-Maghrib Institute