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You have been fllying that damned airplane again

A fighter pilot goes to a bar after a good days flying. Whilst there he meets a
young, attractive and available lady. She is charmed by his tales of aerial
combat, high speed flight, and death defying feats. The inevitable happens and
they slip away to somewhere more comfortable for an evenings intimate
Much later that night the pilot drives home to his long suffering wife. On the way
he puts on his oxygen mask and draws the straps up as tight as they will go.
When he gets home he removes the mask and bravely enters the house.
Immediately he tells the wife exactly and honestly what he has been up to that
She replies: "Do not lie to me, I can see you have been flying that damned
airplane yet again".


The progress of the student during flying training was not good enough to allow
him to continue the course and to become a fighter pilot. He had to leave the
pilot training outfit but he wanted to remain in the Air Force and could be
transferred into another sector. Asked for his preferences he replied:
" AAA, Anti Aircraft Artillery, because 'if I don't fly - nobody will"

Forced landing near airfield

The student in his primary trainer was flying a solo cross-country. He lost his
way and before he finally ran out of fuel he decided to put it down on a road.
With hardly any cars on the road he managed to coast his aircraft into a gas
station and said to the attendant, "Fill 'er up!"
The attendant just looked at the pilot.
"I bet you don't get too many airplanes asking for a refuel," said the pilot.
The attendant replied: "True, most pilots use that airport over there."

Some People Just Never Listen

ATC to Flight 123: "Slow to 300 knots please." After several moments, it was
apparent the crew had not complied with the first speed reduction and was
overtaking the inbound plane ahead of them.
ATC to Flight 123: "Slow to 280 knots." This was soon followed by a request for
250 knots from ATC when the crew still had not slowed the airplane.
Finally, the now-frustrated controller ordered, "Gentlemen, the number is 250.
Either slow to it or turn to it!"

Good Luck Mr. Gorsky

When Apollo astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only
gave his famous "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement
but followed it by several remarks, usually com traffic between him, the other
astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however,
he made the enigmatic remark: "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival
Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the
Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned
Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but
Armstrong always just smiled.
But, (on July 5, 1995 in Tampa Bay FL) while answering questions following a
speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time
he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he
could answer the question.
When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His
friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows.
His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball,
young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex! You want
oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
Apparently a true story

Good judgment comes from experience. Good experience comes from someone
else's bad judgment.

Airline captain: "If only I made as much money as people think I make, had as
much time off as my neighbours think I have and had as much fun on stopovers
as my wife thinks I have".

Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwinds.

A thunderstorm is nature's way of saying "Up yours!"

-Any pilot who does not at least privately consider himself the best in the in the wrong business.
-It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
-Hovering is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go.
-The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
-The only thing worse than a captain who never flew copilot is a copilot who was
once a captain.
-A terminal forecast is a horoscope with numbers.
-Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.
-The first thing every pilot does after making a gear up landing is to put the gear
handle DOWN.