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(WELLINGBOROUGH TOWN)
ESTABLISHING SHOT
NARRATOR
Wellingborough. The anglo saxon town
worthy of holding the record of its 4
wells. But not so worthy of its
residence, speaking of residence,
here's some now.
TROOPER
LADS, MAN'S GOT A CAMERA!
GROUP SHOUTING
GET THE JAMMY BASTARD!
TITLE SEQUENCE
DAVE
Whats on this camera then?
BRUISER
Well have a look then
DAVE
what is this?
TROOPER
yo play that video Diffy!
SHOT FROM THE CAMERA ONTO THE 3 TEENS IN SHOCK AS THE VIDEO
PLAYS
TROOPER:
GUYS!!! They are planning to destroy
our Welly!
BRUISER:
we cant allow this! we gotta report it
to the police or something!
TROOPER:
Bruiser! we cant trust them! come on
man! we gotta keep this with us!
BRUISER:
Right... you're right Trooper
TROOPER:
Of course I'm right; I am the
intellectual of the group.
BRUISER:
What? I just said you wer-
TROOPER:
Come on guys, we need to put a plan
into effect and stop these patronising
taxers
BRUISER:
HEY! Are you even lis-
DAVE:
What? Now?
TROOPER:
Of course now!
BRUISER:
ARE YOU DUMB? LISTEN TO M-
TROOPER:
If we rise together, the strength
we'll have is far beyond the
government
BRUISER:
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUC-
TROOPER:
And we will bring them to their knees!
On their knees for us Wellies!
NEIGHBOUR:
HEY! KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!
TROOPER:
... HOW ABOUT YOU SUCK MY MOTHER FU-
{www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFRWsNo8VRM}
THE WELLINGBOROUGH GANG WALK THROUGH THE PARK WITH THE CAMERA
SHOOTING THEM FROM A VARIETY OF ANGLES, TO CREATE SOME
UNNECESSARY DRAMATIC TENSION.
MOSES
WHAT!?! AHahaahahaha!
TROOPER:
Oh... Aha, Hi Moses
MOSES:
Wagwan batty boys!
TROOPER:
Can you not shove me all the time?
MOSES:
... I just wanted a better look at
those fresh creps bled...
TROOPER:
(Sighs)
BRUISER:
Come on Moses! Not today!
BRUISER:
... See you guys later ...
Bruiser begins to walk off, but Moses grabs the back of his
coat slowly, and slowly takes it off without any objection
from Bruiser. Meanwhile, no one is even breaking eye-contact
with each other.
BRUISER:
... For fuck sakes man ...
MOSES:
HEEEYYYYYYYYY! Howya doin Dave?
MOSES:
I swear you owe me... um... how much
is that Watch there?
DAVE:
1.5k... I think...
MOSES:
Ohhh WOW! Thats. Like. Precisely the
right amount you owe me right now...
DAVE:
FOR WHAT!?!
MOSES:
FOR TALKING FUCKING BACK TO ME RIGHT
NOW RUDE BOY!
Moses practically rips the watch off his wrist while staring
into Dave's eyes. Then removes eye contact and turns his
attention to the watch that he slowly raised to his eye
level.
MOSES:
Cheers Bled!
Trooper begins to get up and tries to run for it, but Moses
takes one step back onto Troopers hand. Moses turns his head
towards Trooper slowly.
MOSES:
(Loud whispers)... Creps Bled!
TROOPER:
COME ON MAN!
DAVE:
... Hey... Trooper
TROOPER:
... Whats up bro?
DAVE:
... Shouldn't we do something about
the situation
TROOPER:
What are you on about?
DAVE:
Come on Trooper. You can't give in!
TROOPER:
... If it means Moses gets sent to
hell, I don't give one flying fuck
mate...
DAVE:
What about this guy then?
TROOPER:
(Sighs)... Right!
Trooper, who is standing above this tied body with the rest
of his friends, begins to crouch and rips the bag off the
narrators head; revealing a bloody face that has a tied
mouth.
TROOPER:
Now mate... Your going to tell us all
we want to know about what's going on.
TROOPER:
Right... I'm going to take off this
restriction from your face. And your
not going to make ONE sound, to
intentionally broadcast our
location... Capeesh?
TROOPER:
... Alright...
Trooper removes the fold around the narrators jaw; and takes
the bundle of fabrics from his mouth, as they stare at each
other intensely.
TROOPER:
... Speak...
The Narrator quickly turns his head towards the camera, with
intent and flare.
THE NARRATOR:
As I lay here with the intent to
reveal the plot to this young boy--
TROOPER:
MY FACE IS HERE! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU
TALKING TO PRETTY BOY!?
They all look towards the suspecting characters, and the man
with the clipboard nods and formally tells them to carry on.
TROOPER:
... From the beginning then...
THE NARRATOR:
As you can tell by the way I act and
dress, I am a journalist looking for a
compelling story.
TROOPER:
WHAT!? IN A TOWN WITH A BUNCH OF
PEOPLE WHO WILL BE ERADICATED!? THAT'S
JUST PLAIN SICK!
THE NARRATOR:
No!.. To find fighters within this
rotten community; to give a reason why
they shouldn't destroy this town.
TROOPER:
Your already riding a sinking ship
with that sort of idea mate!
THE NARRATOR:
YES! I KNOW!.. But, we're all in the
same sinking ship my friend.
Trooper slowly turns behind him to view his friends that will
be gone in a matter of hours if nothing will be done, but is
then brought back to the present by The Narrator narrating
again.
THE NARRATOR:
As the young child stares intently at
his friends, that'll disappear before
the day is done--
THE NARRATOR:
--He contemplates putting a plan into
effect, to save the belove-
TROOPER:
YOU TELL ME IF YOU KNOW SO MUCH!
THE NARRATOR:
What!?
TROOPER:
YOU KNOW WHAT! TELL ME A WAY TO SAVE
OUR BELOVED TOWN!
THE NARRATOR:
A know a way, but it's a little
unorthodox.
TROOPER:
... You better spill those beans if
there is a way!
TROOPER:
Whats up geezers! Welcome to our end-
Neighborhood!
TROOPER:
These are my best pals, we do
everything together. Keeping each
other safe, as well as our other
friends, in our Neighbourhood.
BRUISER:
That's right! We do eve-
TROOPER:
So please don't destroy our beloved
town! For we are helpful to your tax
reports.
BRUISER:
TALK OVER ME ONE MORE FUC-
Video shuts off and the camera reveals that the gang were
watching their creation (frowning), with the narrator smiling
all the way through.
NARRATOR:
Well? What do you guys think?
TROOPER:
...We're Doomed!
DAVE:
Do you actually think their that dumb?
NARRATOR:
Put it this way... they're expecting
to destroy an entire town without
anyone speaking up about it!
BRUISER:
Well, this is Well-
TROOPER:
You're right...
DAVE:
Don't lower yourself like that mate!
BRUISER:
Yeah! This dickhead doesn't have your
intel-
TROOPER:
Diffy... If someone is correct, I will
not fight the truth.
TROOPER:
The trust I lay in you, is the most I
can ever give; and what i'm about to
might be the most I can ever achieve.
THE NARRATOR:
I'll be sure to lead you to victory.
No matter what!
WORKER:
They're leaving now sir!
LEADER:
... Initiate the reality bomb!
WORKERS:
YES SIR!
TROOPER:
THIS!.. Is their base?
THE NARRATOR:
Yes... This is the place.
DAVE:
So... They plan on destroying
themselves as well as us?
THE NARRATOR:
They're located underneath the
structure; for its integrity is fully
intact.
TROOPER:
I don't know what you just said, but
it seems like they're just a bunch of
pussies.
Trooper pulls a bat out, and the rest of his friends (except
for The Narrator) pulls out their weapons.
TROOPER:
Let's get these deductors!
TROOPER:
OI OI SAVALOY! TAKE ME TO THE ONE IN
CHARGE!
Cleaner appears from around the corner, mopping the floor and
wondering what all the comotion is.
CLEANER:
WHAT DID YOU SAY SUNNIE?
TROOPER:
I SAID! TAKE ME TO THE PERSON IN
CHARGE!
Silence falls upon the room as Trooper and the Cleaner stair
at each other.
CLEANER:
... FOCK OFF!
TROOPER:
WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME OLD TIMER!?
THE NARRATOR:
As Trooper becomes inherently
frustrated with this old and fragile
minded man.
THE NARRATOR:
AAHHHHH! YOU FACKING BASTARD!
TROOPER:
SHUT YOUR MOUTH MATE!
TROOPER:
NOW TELL ME WHERE I CAN FIND YOUR TOP
DOG!
CLEANER:
... He's up stairs on the left.
TROOPER:
HUH!?
CLEANER:
... Whats up?
TROOPER:
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME BEFORE!?
CLEANER:
I'm not having my legs messed up,
since you already showed me you would
do it to your friend.
TROOPER:
...
DAVE:
Fair... to be honest
THE NARRATOR:
What the fuck was that for?
TROOPER:
For your health!
BRUISER:
Well? Are we goin' to do dis shit?
Silence falls upon the room for which the group stood.
TROOPER:
... Come on, let's do dis lads!
BRUISER:
I literally just-
BRUISER:
... Why does no one even listen to me
man?
Bruiser chases after Dave and keeps him away from the rest of
the group.
BRUISER:
We need to talk!
DAVE:
Yeah, to this guy across the hall!
lets go!
BRUISER:
No! ... It's about Trooper
DAVE:
What do you mean?
BRUISER:
... Why is he always giving the
orders? like... what makes him king of
the jungle?
DAVE:
He has inituative and ambition!
Something you need to understand.
BRUISER:
Dave!
BRUISER:
Don't condicend me!
DAVE:
And why shouldn't I?
BRUISER:
... For your health!
Dave gives Bruiser one last glance and then walks away back
to the group, leaving Bruiser behind.
DAVE:
... I swear the video was only about 2
minutes
TROOPER:
What is this?, the bloody hospital...
They've been watching that video for a
full hour!
THE NARRATOR:
Maybe they're discussing the outcome
of the movie...
Trooper and Dave look at The Narrator at the same time, while
Bruiser stairs at the floor.
TROOPER:
... What?
THE NARRATOR:
The movie they've been watching for
the past hour...
TROOPER:
... SHUT THE FUCK UP!?
Trooper and the rest of the groop look through the glass of
the door
They see that the group is laughing and talking to "The Boss"
, who is hidden within the dark.
TROOPER:
ARE YOU DUMB!?
Trooper kicks open the door and the whole room begins to
stair at the group walking in, with Trooper taking the lead.
THE BOSS:
So... You've finally shown your face?
TROOPER:
Yeah! That's right! Now what in holy
Everyone in the room gets out of their chairs and walks out
of the room, with the entire group watching them leave.
The group look back at "The Boss", just in time to see him
get out of his chair, while maintaining his appearance in the
shadows.
THE BOSS:
Why do you ask such an ignorant
question?
TROOPER:
BECAUSE THAT VIDEO WAS ABOUT 3 MINU-
THE BOSS:
ZIP IT BOY!
TROOPER:
... What?
THE BOSS:
I don't take such tongue from things
like you.
TROOPER:
Your insults are weak?
THE BOSS:
Insults?.. I would not lower myself to
such a position.
TROOPER:
What on earth are you on about?
THE BOSS:
If you came across an insect, would
you seriously consider wasting your
time labeling it an insult?
TROOPER:
WHAT DID YOU SAY!?
THE BOSS:
You Wellingboroughians are nothing
more than rats that have been taken
out with the trash.
DAVE:
Uhhh, guys! the bomb is about to leave
and hit Welly!
THE BOSS:
Wrong child! Wrong!
TROOPER:
What are you on about?
THE BOSS:
The bomb has already hit the town
named Wellingborough.
TROOPER:
WHAT!?
THE BOSS:
you really think that little video
would work? Your town is nothing more
than an extra place to fill my wallet.
But recently... you people have been
draining it!
TROOPER:
And I hope it dug deep into it!
THE BOSS:
It doesn't matter now... the reality
bomb is right below us... And it will
eradicate this building completely!
DAVE:
And you with it!
THE BOSS:
A small price to pay for the ultimate
satisfaction. My successors have
already vacated the premises.
TROOPER:
... Your insane
THE BOSS:
But still smart enough to trick you
TROOPER:
... Oh. fuck off grasshopper!
Trooper headbutts the boss and the entire group runs to the
laptop, except Bruiser, while Trooper regains his
coordination.
THE NARRATOR:
We only have 10 minutes!
TROOPER:
How long for deactivation?
THE NARRATOR:
About 35 minutes!
BRUISER:
Fuck it!
TROOPER:
AH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?
BRUISER:
FOR ALL THE TIMES YOU SPOKE OVER ME
AND TOOK CONTROL! WITHOUT GIVING ME
CREDIT OR A RESPONSE FOR SATISFACTION!
TROOPER:
Bruiser, listen-
BRUISER:
NO YOU LISTEN YOU ARROGANT CUNT! YOU
HAVE HAD YOUR FUN! BUT NOW IT'S THE
END OF THE ROAD FOR YOUR JURISDICTION!
TROOPER:
DAVE!
DAVE:
GO! NOW!
The Narrator grabs Trooper and begins to run out of the room,
while Dave and Bruiser get into a struggle for survival.
TROOPER:
What are you doing!? WE CAN'T LEAVE
HIM BEHIND!
THE NARRATOR:
There is no point in both of you dying
in this place!
BRUISER:
OI! TROOPER!
TROOPER:
YOUR DEAD BRUISER!
BRUISER:
Your the one who's dead! Even if you
like this place... NO ONE LIKES YOU!
MOSES:
EYYYYYY! BATTY BOYS! You got some good
stuff for me today?
BRUISER:
Keep out of this boy!
MOSES:
WHAAAAAAAA!?
BRUISER:
YOU HEARD ME BOY!
MOSES:
... AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHHA!
BRUISER:
WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT PUSSY!
MOSES:
'Pussy' Huh? AHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
BRUSER:
OI! SHUT UP AND KEEP OUT OF THIS!
MOSES:
Your fuckin dead batty boy!
TROOPER:
He's a dead man!
THE NARRATOR:
None of our business...
BRUISER:
GET BACK! OR I'L-
MOSES:
Or what?.. Batty boy!
BRUISER:
Or I'll... I'LL FUCKING DESTROY YOUR
ENTIRE EXISTENCE!
MOSES:
Your. Dead. Bled!
BRUISER:
NO! YOUR THE ONE WHO'S DEA-
BRUISER:
PlEaSe! No! I hAvE sO mUcH tO lIvE
fOr!
MOSES:
Not anymore rude boy!
TROOPER:
He's right... Nobody likes you
anymore!
THE NARRATOR:
Lets go Trooper...
Camera cut to them leaving and Bruisers cry for help being
Trooper and The Narrator sit down at the same time, upon the
rubble which Wellingborough stood high.
TROOPER:
... What happens now?
THE NARRATOR:
... Well... We'll have to wait
TROOPER:
... Wait for what?
THE NARRATOR:
... Salvation
TROOPER:
What salvation?.. No one cares about
Wellingborough... or us...
THE NARRATOR:
Oh really?
TROOPER:
Yeah!..
THE NARRATOR:
Well then... Who are they?
TROOPER:
Who are they?
THE NARRATOR:
... You really thought there was only
one Wellingborough in the country?
TROOPER:
... What?
Trooper and The Narrator both look at each other and smile as
the camera zooms out, revealing all the people among the
ruble, walking towards the main characters.
Fade to black.
Credits Role.