Iteplum jf or H>J)ut-3ng

EXWRING THE WORLD OF ROME-ACCESSIBLE WEIKDNESS

ISSUE #3

^

$2.50

M O V E OVEB'RL'VIBRHNDT!
M I R S H O'CQNNEL>- I S A M E R I C A S M O S T

BELOVED AND INSPECTED flHT'ST"*

*

MADE UP QUOTE OESIGNED TO SELL A TON OF "BOOKS

"Hilarious!" gasps New Cify. "Dazzling, sophisticated, versatile and ingenious," gushes Amazing Heroes. "Clever, playful, wild and witty," sniffs The Chicago Tribune. "Imagine a Mickey Mouse Club run by Russ Meyer, and you have the universe of Mitch O'Connell," rambles the New Art Examiner. Mitch is the award-winning, nationally exhibited fine artist whose work has ppeared in National Lampoon, Spy and Playboy, among many publications. Now, for the first time ever, you can own Good Taste Gone Bad: the " A r t " of Mitch O'Connell, eighty-eight square-bound pages of Mitch's sexy pop art illustrations and humorous comic stories inside a full-color wraparound cover. If you are a sophisticated art lover, a collector of fine art books or susceptible to exaggerated advertising claims, this is the MUST-BUY BOOK OF THE CENTURY! Beg your local comic shop to stock Good Taste Gone Bad. Or order directly from Good Taste Products for only $15 postpaid, at P.O. Box 267869, Chicago, IL 60626. Dealers rates available.

ISSUE N U M B E R 07103

JULY 1994

gteptum jfor g>|mt-3fti£
"So, how's that stupid magazine of yours going ?" -A "Friend"

GUILTY PARTIES
PUBLISHER: Some Guy WE Don't Know
FINANCIER: The Bank That Has Us By The Short Hairs

EDITOR: Msgr. Kole INSURED BY: Acme Healing crystals

CONTRIBUTORS

The Writer of Thee Uncredited Articles and Reviews Far Too Busy Keeping Thee Young Men Licker Of Many Stamps and Envelopes New Initiate and Hero Likewise Likewise (heroine) Likewise, already! Old Initiate, New Hero : Professor of Crackpotology, Emeritus

Msgr. Mike Kole Rev. lohnX. Piche" Ed Godard Steve Bostwick John Tumipsmidgeon Diane Skelton Dame Darcy and Mitch O'Connell Dr. Ahmed Fishmonger Rev. Ivan Stang
these dashing individuals are depicted at the right

PARCY

M56R.

*• S T A K E ' S ©f4. pAOk' 5 5 "
The staff is simultaneously growing and shrinking simultaneously! This just doesn't allow the Editor to attend to those pesky business details. This makes him sad and his family hungry. Make his day by sending us your contibutions and anything else you may care to. Anything! Send articles, reviews, materials for review, ads, checks, money orders, cash, pre-1965 silver coins, etc. Yes, pre-1965 silver coins are especially nice. Send plenty. We cannot guarantee publication. Well, we could but we won't. If you'd like for us to return your submission, include an S ASE, otherwise go pound sand. The important thing is that you submit. Submit! SUBMIT!! Here's a bribe! If we print your junk, well paste your photo on page 3. Page 3!!! Sure, It ain't cash, but then, we are the Koles and not the Hearsts.

CONTENTS
LETTERS Page 5 We're thrilled as punch to note that our readers can not only read, but also write! YOUR INSTRUCTIONS Page 7 NEWSLETTERS and hush-hush stuff. Page 8 You know... the good stuff! Plus: An Open Letter To Conspiracy Researchers THE CONSPTRCY REVEALED! Page 17 An excerptfromthe Church of the SubGenius' new book Revelation X: The "Bob" Apocrophon CATALOGS and clues for future historians Page 19 A STUDY IN PARALLEL STUDIES Page 23 Discover the other side of the worldyou didn't know to exist! A STUDY IN FREE-NETS „ Page 26 Virtually the same thing as a study in Parallel Studies! Illustrated by Dame Darcy. PUBLICATION REVIEWS Page 34 MUSIC REVIEWS Page 48 de-CLASSEFTED ADS Page 54 THE MISSING IN ACTION LIST Page 55 We have some rescuees! Mr. Perot will be so glad! Special Thanks to those who reviewed Asylum AND bothered to send a copy.
Asylum forshit-Ins- July 1994, Vol. 2, Number 3 is published quarterly-despite utter poverty- by Run Of The Mil! Publications, P.O. Bo j 46581, Bedford OH, 44146. BecauseBulkMail, whilecheap.isslowertoarrivethanarefundcheckfrom the IRS, First Class Postage paid at Bedford, Ohio. Subscriptions, 4 issues for $9 in the U.S. Elsewhere... uh, see page4. Ditto advertising rates. Be sure to see the bit about payments made in silver coin. We're not kidding about that, you know. Copyrights 1994bytheindividualauthors. Dontbother us with your stupid inquiries. All accounts are rendered with satirical intent, or so we say. We're trained professionals. Do not try this at home. And don't say we didn't warn you. Printed in the basement, right next to the still. Praise "Bob" or kill me!!!

Howdy, pardner! We are more thrilled than we let on to be able to announce another increase in the destruction of natural resources. With each issue, we've added 8 pages of small print. More pages today, heavier, slick stock covers tomorrow! Oh, to have visioii. Whether or not they like Asylum for Shut-Ins, we invite our readers to contribute! All we require is that you include important details like TITLE, ISSUE No.(in the case of publications), MAILING ADDRESS, PHONE No., FAX No., PRICE, etc. We ABSOLUTELY ENCOURAGE A SUBJECTIVE POINT OF VIEW! Don't be a wuss. There are plenty of wuss zines out there. We DO NOT aspire to join their ranks. Call 'em likes you sees 'em! swsawREi Get down! Issue 3 has 16 more pages that Issue 1, yet costs the same? Are ye fucked? No, we just like to pass ourselves off as the kind of folks that give the public the deal of a lifetime. Yet again we will offer the opportunity to get in on the ground floor and subscribe at bargain rates! By the time you think we're crying wolf, we will have raised the rates and you'll kick yourself. Subscribe by AUGUST 15,1994 at the following rates: U.S.- $9.00 Canada- $10.00 Europe, S. America- $15.00 Africa, Australia, Asia- $20.00 All subscriptions are post paid and coverfour issues. Please indicate with which issue to start your subscription! We have a fair-sized pile of our inaugural issue sitting around somewhere. Start yoursub there if you care to. If n you don'ttell us with which issue to launch you sub, We'll start you at #1. All subscriptions are payable in US funds ONLY! (exceptions being Australia, England, and Japan for the time being) Checks, money orders or cash are all acceptable (until we have the clout to DEMAND silver), but if you do send cash, please conceal it well!!! We cannot accept any responsibility forcash stolen or lost in the mail! We don't trust the federal Reserve system any more than the anti-trilateralists. Therefore, a n y p a y m e n t s m a d e in pre-1965 coinage, deduct 90%. That"s right, smartie, 90%! Send us four Quarters dated 1964 or earlier, and a subscription is yours. Single issues are available too, of course: U.S., Canada- $2.50 Europe, S. America- $3.75 Africa, Australia, Asia- $5.00 Be sure to indicate which issue you want!

SVDVEl&ISEl We fully expect to reach a different audience than even the newsletters and zi'nes we cover can claim! Asylum For Shut-Ins is not dominated by any one medium or genre, Should this dissuade the indie-rock label from hawking stuff here? Dont be silly, Buster! Sure, if the indie label advertises in a rock zine, they'll hit the target. The target, however, may have been PUMMELED INTO OBLIVION by now. Those folks are positiviely numb to such ads. If you ate peanut butter sandwiches at each meal, every day, how long would it be before you lost interest in peanut butter sandwiches? Quite specifically, we askouryoung entrepreneursthis: Why not attempt to strip-mine a whole new audience? The readers of Asylum For Shutins are bound to be the sort of bored individuals who seek out new and different things. It may well be that they didn't know indie rock was out there at all! Of course, this lesson is not limited to the rock scene. Anybody who sells different, weird, unusual, cutting edge, shunned, scorned, sick, demented, efc. items, materials or publications and is tired of placing ads in the wrong places are encouraged to consider advertising here. Read our reviews and see if you don't think an audience awaits you. If nothing else, the rates are cheap! Observe:

CLASSIJIT,1)

SVDS

Classifieds are even cheaper than display ads, but they lack graphics. They can be a lot of fun, too. There are certain magazines I buy just for the classifieds (SCREW and MAXIMUM ROCK N ROLL come to mind) because of the stuff folks offer or seek. The classified rules are simple: 1. $1 per 10 words!!! (ora pre-1965 dime!) 2. Any words beyond 10, round up. (22 words pays the same as 30) 3. No word-minimum or -maximum. Buy the whole page. See if we complain! 4. $2 minimum. 5. Address printed FREE!

Cash is preferred, but conceal it well. Of course, we'll accept your check or money order (please shoot us if we're ever found turning money away), but I'd bet it would cost you almost half the cost of the ad to send it. It's hardto fathom spendingahalf-hourpurchasing a two-dollar M.O., or paying the 50-cent-percheck service charge for this. You must have two bucks in your billfold. Reach in and send it to us now.

•DISELXCfXD KPLIES
FULL PAGE (7 1/2" x 10") HALF PAGE (7 1/2" x 5") or (3 3/4" x 10") ONE-THIRD PAGE (5"x5") or (2 1/2" x 10") QUARTER PAGE (3 3/4" x 5") ONE-SIXTH (2 1/2" x 5") $100 $50 $50 $40 $40 $30 $25

The deadlines we set apply equally to both advertisers and contributors. These deadlines are to be honored and revered, but to a point. I mean, if a half-page ad comes in one day late, we'll slide it in if space permits. We're realistic. If it happens that you're late and space does not permit us to "slip it in", your ad or contribution will appear in the following issue. Don't say w e didn't warn y o u .

All ads should be camera ready. We shoot 'em how we get 'em unless you ask us to lay 'em out. If you'd like us to lay your ad out, we'll do it for an additional 15% of the ad cost. (For a full page ad, the price would be $115,$57.50/half, efc.) Your check or money order must accompany your ad to ensure inclusion. Discounts are offered for multiple issue ads or payments made in pre-1920goldcoin. Please write formore information regarding multiple issue deals. Advertisers paying in gold coin may deduct 99% from their cost! 9 9 G o d d a m n e d % ! ! ! We know you have it locked up in the vault. Go get it! We're not interested in bullion orin nuggets. See Page 63 if this offer seems too remarkable to be true!! We mean it, pal.

ACTUAL
-issue #4

IXEJWLmfeS

Monday, July 4, 1994 -Issue #5 Monday, September 26,1994

ISSUE #4
A V A I L A B L E

July 25,. 1994

w r i t e u>:

Asylum For Shut-ins P.O. Box 46581 Bedford OH 44146

Cotresponbetue 3fa
MikeHrrurim... checked a couple addresses in your zine to write to just to get on mailing lists and waste other peoples' $... but I couldn't help but get the same feeling for your zine as I did from High Weirdness... the stuff just didn't seem that weird. I guess it's weird stuff as far as being compared to the mainstream... but it just all seems mainstream as compared to the stuff I want to be finding out about. I don't know... reread ANSWER ME and give 'em a chance. These guys actually have a clue as to what's going on in the world and don't just blow it off as ajoke like the Church of the SubGenius and the like. Hell, I used to be into all that goofy stuffback when I was still in high school... but once you get into the real world where your neighbor who works for the government gets taken away to a special hospital and never comes back, friends get mixed up with the wrong people and disappear and you can buy a 12-year-old girl on the street for $40, you just can't take listening to any more of that "let's make a big joke out of everything" approach that's all so common in the underground. Hail her, Graham Trievel girlsfor sale" or "Charlie's All-Nite StiffHouse"? Keep in mindthat I like to cover things that anyone can access. It's a rigid criteria, but I'm sure you'll be able to pull through cut you're a "real world" trouper. -Msgr. To date, he has not responded.

—<&^>—
Dear A.F.S.I.JustthoughtFddropyoualine to letyouknow whatl got from CHRISTIAN RESEARCH (Asylum #2, pg. 10). Jeez. It sounds like these folks want another Crusade. Get the sheets out of the closet already. I wrote them and told them that I was talking to a minister who told me that Jesus was a homosexual. To quote Mr. Dan Gentry, Office Manager, Christian Research, "if you are honest in your description of his belief, he is as guilty as one who willfully commits such an abomination. The only "right" a sodomite has in a Christian theocracy is the right to die." Gee, and I wondered why so many wars involved Christianity. I told him I wanted to share the "Good News" (?) with the school'sradio audience andhe sentme the following tapes: "Caucasion Roots", "The Devil Made Me Do It", "Facts For Action", and "Death Penalty For Homosexuals". In response to his letter, I took the passive, non-violent Christian stance, asking him if he believed that good Christians should go out and kill homosexuals. I'm anxious to hear his response. They have a book for sale which was written by the wife of Rudolph Hess. They describe it as "heart-warming and humorous". Maybe if I beg real hard... Bye-Bye, Kurt Strouse Mr. Strouse is aDJata

GrahamWhy do we "make a big joke out of all of it"? Well, we could sitaroundandgetdepressedandbroodabout "it"all, orwecouldload up the guns and the station wagon like the Goads of ANSWER ME seem ready to do, but who needs that sort of grief? We're involved in a pursuit of happiness, not agony. Frankly, I would have to guess that you were better off "back when you were in high school" when you were still able to laugh. You probably think that we 're all a bunch of suburban twdts, living with mommy and daddy- as evidenced by your "real world" snobbery. Who cares even if we were? On the more practical side, lam very interested inyourversion of weirdness. We all sat around to figger outjust what might be more weird than what we cover. We came up with the following: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Producers of snuff films The child-slave market That African tribe whose women circumcise their clitorises Bestiality Necrophilia Pediphilia (NAMBLA, perhaps) jp W Ruining people's marriages, lives, etc. > jj

Pennsylvania radio station.

Dear Mike, Thanks for the copy of Asylum For Shut-Ins. I probably never would have started publishing if it weren't for Rev. Stang's wunnerful book, High Weirdness By Mail. It's good to see that someone is still carrying the torch. Yrs: Dan Kelly In all honesty, letters like this make us squirt far more than ones that say "love yer mag... it's kool" or whatever. Appreciation warms the heart. A little more cash would warm the runny nose and clear the bleary eyes, however. As for carrying the torch... It seems someone would like to try to shove it i _, i up our ass, as can be seen in the post card on thefollowing J page. -Ed. j

I don't know what else. YOU TELL ME! People who do most of those things, though, don't write literature about their actions because they'd end up in prison or dead themselves. How do you pull them out of the woodwork? You gonna find a brouchure for "cute, young white

2:STRUS 3KRC0RBS
P.O. Bra 2125 " BeUingham. WA. W227 I S A (206) 647-1187 (Tel/Fax.)

Dear Editor:

Atone time I was aneditorand publisher of a magazine covering such arcane PUS-SDCtf, subjects as UFO cover-ups, various conspiracies, strangely paranoid SO YA WKk> To PAiM PIS5 - K A I W P I P scenarios where life appeared to be stranger than fiction and publishing the OWAT .UAyXfcaS. I WAS f A 6 0 0 T T D 5 ^ D most profoundly weird tales and stories fce V5S0£ OF " A 5 y t U M " & / T I T U i N t i U . 33 in an attempt to create a debacle of the 0 s ^ p i r A n t e s ^ i ^ >toofe b = v j \ 6 w i w mind (while simultaneously attempting 0 D to discover the Truth of What Is really fbctcy SoMMfeD OP IN TWO BfcfcF •o ED (*N06~GoB6L€R) GopAgP Happening!). In any event, I sense you 3 P^Afe&APU$. M O T U A ^ S , h U v & y b o G o T get my drift, as they say. 0 % A-SYtQH Fog SMQT-IH5 I removed myself from the publishing S o c a A 6 « £ A r RA6 TH/VR VBO CAM P l T t H 5 r f i r S field, the conspiracy stuff, and the P.O. 6oX 46561 AR 6ST£6U*.U£D ^ M E S THAT WENT A8our- cr < incessant accumulation of information \Je-KswCS THAT YOU DonV €0£M Co^PRfetAtHP ? BO>F6gp,OH 44146 r that I had demanded of myself to ingest. £ u £ M "TUoufcH BEDFORD C S ( ' B A e a Y ) 6 W T H 6 DJ The enclosed article, or Open Letter to C £AST StD€ US GOT MoR£ T R I - C Cott£66., 1 Conspiracy Researchers, stretches the 2- YtWS 6tKA»Al-rSTUDK-S-WUcre TRASH T M N 5" conspiracy field a tad to include some c B e c o m e * A n O A.U O F vw,25TH STEtfcT Co v\ St N g | > , THE BROOD "VENDETTA!" very arcane and secretive areas that AVAILABLE N O W O N ESTRUS RECORDS researchers have been uncourageous to YCO C i A A y TM£ C H a / P o N FOR E M A U . "§ ES007 $8 P P D / ES0007 S I 2 PPD tackle. There are many specific areas of G£TA-io6i_^^0<2^/^i the conspiracy realm that have not been exposed, uncovered, -THISfrom someone who sees fit to judge our zine on the basis of two paragraphs unveiled, revealed that are closer to you than you can imagine. You out of56pages without having even seen the remaining 56pages! (Apparently, our won't even need to get a FOIA document for any of these hidden review of They Won't Stay Dead #24 was reprinted in TWSD #26.) As for our secrets. tolerance policy, he's right. We have absolutely NO TOLERANCE FOR SHITTY Hopefully, you will read the enclosed with the same openZINESH! -Ed. eyes that you read much of the material coming across your desk procliming to be truth about such and such conspiracy or cover-up. Thank you for your time... and I invite a response from Mike Kole: either you personally or from your readers (if you dare to publish Greetings and much adoration for your efforts witht the thoroughly such a controversial working paper/document). adorable, if not quite useful AFSI. First order of business: an update on a High Weirdness listing I have privileged access to. The "WIFFLEPIG" listing was of my Cordially, band several years back. Somehow, the cassette "Meat Market Icons" wasn't mentioned (the accompanying booklet was however). Anyway, the cassette and Bob Banner booklet are no longer available (unless bribed with ridiculous sums of money or former publisher and editor of Critique: Exposing Consensus Reality exotic sexual favours'). Shortly after the publication of High Weirdness, I began to associate with Find this Open Letter on Page 8. Asylum For Shut-Ins is Imppy to certain local anarchists who were under investigation for some animal-rights-directprovide a forum for this item. Send your responses our address. action. A "Phoney Company" worker installed a strange black box with a red light on the telephone pole in our backyard. Strange activities began to take place at the house across the street at all hours of the night in this very conservative suburb of Toronto. We, on more than one occasion, noticed a camera on a tripod peeking out Mikeof the adjacent, aforementioned abode towards our house. I'm not making this up. It was at this time that I came in contact with some of my most cherished and I got Asylum, and I have to say I was impressed. I was reveredd pen-pals and acquaintances- such luminaries as Thorn Metzger (AKA braced for a "Bob"bie-ite piece of alLslack posturing, and I got True Zigguraf s Tommy X3) and Mr. Bones ("She"), Rev. Orton Nenslo ofMaster Control Programming, among others of such audacious illk. These contacts proved to be my Grit. I laughed my ass off reading your prediction mat the Prophet people up in Montana will be the next Waco, and I was glad to see only Asylum from the psychological Shut-In state I was in. I got involved with a modelishly beautiful, yet morally bankrupt goddess, zine reviews by someone who's unimpressed by most of what's out and began to thinkmy fascination with things Discordian was a covertbeacon to any there, especially the music zines. Could still be a little better, but not bad for a first issue. If you got one of the places in Bloomington to woman of Erisian sinister/benevolent personality type. To make a long story short, I moved downtown, got a job at the local pick them up, I'll keep my eyes out for the next issue, and I'll Kinko's and continued to produce printed and audible material. I've learned to recommend it to some friends who have been following the I Jnarians. channel all this negative energy into creative projects. I've taken a haitus from tattooing until I can devote more time perfecting the craft to my own fascistic — Mike. standards. Occasionally, when offered (again) large sums of money, I have been known to get out the needles and ink. p.s. - Now that McElwaine's off The Net, do you think that he's cranking outnewsletters somewhere in Wisconsin? Yours,
2:35

StuStructiong
1. Keep in close contact with your brothersat-arms, Asylum For Shut-Ins. Send detailed accounts, photocopies, the works. You will be suitably rewarded. 2. Please mention Asylum For Shut-Ins when writing to those who advertise here. You may not necessarily wish to drop our name when corresponding with some folks, however. That is detailed below. 3. Prices listed with names and addresses are generally cover prices. Some folks charge shipping and handling on top of that. Unless we are asked to include such pricing in our listing, we don't. It isn't a bad idea to write for more information before sending cash. The response time to price inquiries is a good way to guage the reliability of the source. If they won't answer your letter of inquiry, don't even think of sending cash! 4. Any suggestions we make should not be construed as legal advice. We have no idea what the laws are in your state or country. It is our belief that the things we discuss are generally legal activities, but who knows for sure? Therefore we say, THE INFORMA­ TION F O U N D HEREIN IS OFFERED AS OPINION A N D ENTERTAINMENT ONLY! Now then... your town", they won't be able to knock on your door, ready to spend several hours discussing Jehovah-1 or theBranchDavidians. 3. Use an alias. By using my real name, my namesake uncle has gotten lots of calls from irate freaks. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, I've been told. 2. Try to personalize your correspondence, especially if you suspect you are writing to a solo operation. Sure, the Bob Tiltons of the world will just throw your prayer request into the dumpster out back, but so what? It's the free stuff your after, right? Never send a letter written on a PC, or worse, a form letter. It's cold and impersonal, and besides, it's hard to convince people thatyou're poor and deserving of free salvation if you send them a laserprinted form letter. We like to use torn out notebookpaperandablotchy.oldpen. If you spill a little beer, or smeartomatosauce on the paper, that's even better.

C o r o l l a r y 1.
Perhaps you live all by yourself and have nobodytobother with this crap. Perhaps you don't care much what anybody thinks of what you do. Great! Leap in head first! If you are free from the above constraints, you are saved that much extra effort, energy, and cash. Perhaps you would really like it if these kooks showed up at your door unexpectedly. Well, dear friend, happy hunting. Just be sure to write us with your exploits.

3. Always PANDER LIKE HELL to your
correspondent. You don't think you'll prize some freebees out of them if you attack them orsupport their opposition, do you? Tell them you have a lot of money and would like to be able to spend it somewhere. That'll get their attention. Be pleasant and agreeable and the free crap will flow like manna from above. 3. A. Occasionally, one can gain better results with an outright attack. If countercorrespondence comes, it will be outlandishly venomous, and if that's what you're into, it will be that much more entertaining. 3. B. As learned through the exploits of Issue 1, it has been discovered that spouting a page ofoeliriousshitcanelicita30-pagemaelstrom. Be selective when utilizing this approach. Most folks will j ust toss your page of delirious shit into Tilton's dumpster out back. 4. B e g if y o u must. Pride is not a factor when corresponding by mail. Don't be ashamed if you have to grovel or pander. The media does it all the time and they all make a nice living. The point is, save your money where you can. Ever since the telephone became popularized, Americans have lost the abilitytowrite a letter. Corporationsroutinely give free products and coupons to the three dozen Americans who write letters to them. The internets may right this. Anyhow, bait is on the hook awaiting your letter. At the very least, you can usually get some kind ofcatalog.

WHEN WRITING
1. ALWAYS TRY TO PET STUFF FOR FREE Many of our correspondents were so eager to send us mountains of their junk, we nearly had to write them asking them to stop. Of course, these form-letter manifestos may be your way, truth and light Leave no stone unturned on your quest. And always see if you can get it for free. A self-addressed, stamped envelope, while not "free", per se, assures a return of some sort 95% of the time. 1. A. The feeling around here is that if somebody asks for compensation in return for their "junk", we'll gladly ante up, if we feel the asking price is fair. If somebody sends something on trust, we try not to violate it. We'd sooner send the junk back or give it to someone else than leave 'em hanging. We doubt very many others will take this approach. Just a suggestion. We like to support the people whose efforts we believe in. Most of our advertisers were secured not by their inquiries of us, but ours of them because we dig their stuff. On the other hand, some of our staffers think it's really wonderful to do the opposite to those they don't support. The phrase "bankrupt the motherfuckers" flies around here more than the common sparrow.

OUR RECOMMENDATIONS
1. If you have the slightest doubt whatsoever about obtaining items or making contact with these or any lis tees, forget it. Some headache is inevitable. Friends, parents, or kids will look at you funny if you leave this junk laying around, your mail carriers will hate you for the increased strain on their backs, and odds are you will never find that one true path. I know the answer but I won't tell you. 2. If stubborn, and ready to write, get a Post Office Box. Small boxes go for about $25 per 6 months. $25 isn't very much to pay when you consider the headaches a P.O. Box prevents. The eyes of uptight spouses and parents are shielded from your goodies. The mail carrier won't hate you. If the kooks you write you "just happen to be passing through

7

^primary
An Open Letter to Conspiracy Researchers
Samsara, Sleepfulness, Transformation & Going Deeper
by Bob Banner He was like a man who was standing on the top of the world looking over into a new world. That is what Daddy was like. He lifted himself so he was looking over the horizon to a new world, a free and happy world. He stood there on the edge of the universe looking into the future, and when he turned around to say, "Come on, let's go," they pulled the ladder out from under him and killed him. -Peter Reich writing about hisfather, Wilhelm Reich, in A BookofDreams Yes, there are conspiracies out there. No doubt about it. Political manipulations, covert activities within the corporate world, espionage-like activities amidst law firms, conglomerates, real-estate dealings... suppressing certain stories in the media, slanting/biasing information for better profit and a more submissive populace... Political assassinations, U FO cover-ups, the allopathic medical establishment's tyranny, mind control, advertising schemes to win the sheepf ul populace to buy and buy. It's all a mess... we know it... yet I don't see any conspiracy researcher diggin deeper. Most are obsessed with information, accumulating vast amounts of information, obscure as some of it is, to make their case, to prove their point, to rally their outrageous and frequently paranoid cause, to add to their already vast library/arsenal of ammunition data. But what's the point if our hearts are shut down and we live unhappy, obsessed, fast-paced, reckless, miserable and paranoid lives? Good question... The following is a working paper exploring another type of "conspiracy" which is more devious, more hidden, more insideous and more threatening than all the conspiracies than I've ever encountered. There is a vast conspiracy to suppress our feelings, our birthright to be genuinely happy, our natural ecstacy, our spontaneous and conscious rage, andger and wildness and our vast uncanny abilities to love. It is strange indeed to see someone truly grieve openly from a loss of a loved one or express anger vulnerably in public while still looking at each other (rather than the typical slamming the door shut, throwing the phone down or whatever and race off to an isolated seperate place)? How often do you see a man or woman smiling brilliantly, ecstatically and naturally, radiating love and beingness? No drugs, no external lottery-winning-type-of-pseudo-bliss, but a genuine flowering and glowing of being Love? There are immensely strong forces to keep us defensive, vain, ego-obsessed, in body-denial, enmeshed in the duality of pleasurecraving/pain-aversion, unspontaneous, aloof, appearing as if we have embodied certitude, spiritually vacuous, blank, unfeeling, talking head robots... There's a grand conspiracy to keep us all distracted from entering our depths, our pain, our joy and learning our true purpose in life. Distractions, constant distractions to keep us numb and robotic. Sugar sweets to get us high, meat to maintain our slothful sluggishness, coffee and other caffeinated sodas to stimulate us, fast foods to bloat us, images in magazines

ourte
and television to keep us in a state of fear, paranoia or a state where we are perpetually comparing ourselves with the "other" so that we never have the opportunity to really relax into our own being, our own natures, our own true self. There's an absolute conspiracy to keep us chatting and chattering internally and externally, continually buzzing thoughts rapidly thwarting any graceful attempt at stillness. Andthere's aconspiracy to keep us in denial of impermanence and death. We seek and seek security and permanence, selling out to various forms of psychospiritual suicide to guarantee some semblance of security- but it doesn't happen. Something ususally comes along and takes it away so we feel how attached we were to all those things that we thought were going to keep us secure and permanently safeguarded from the throes of a chaotic universe... We hide our old people, not wanting to see the inevitable, not wanting to feel our own inevitable death, not wanting to feel the possibility of dying at any moment... 'The longer a man lives, the more stupid he becomes, because his anxiety to avoid unavoidable death becomes more and more acute. What bitterness! He lives for what is always out of his reach! His thirst for survival in the future makes him incapable of living in the present." -Chuang Tzu We've lost our deep gratitude towards life. We've lost the feeling to even feel that sentence. We blame, complain, whine in constant expectation that someone else should make us happy, whether it's a government, corporate job or spouse or friend. They ah responsible to love us, entertain us, fill us up, appreciate us, make us happy... We live as if we will live forever... continually distracting ourselves from the need to truly face ourselves. We actually begin to believe that we can outsmart the inevitable, and actually believe that the distractions will actually bring us a deep happiness. We will try and try. We will keep reasing those same books, keep watching the tube (the same programs), keep being attracted to the same type of woman/ man all the while believing that we will get it the next time, that real happiness is just around the corner. Yet, paradoxically we will counter the obvious repetitive pattern by telling ourselves: "I'll never do it again. I vow I will never do it again..." (and you can fill in whatever it is... the abusive sexual encounter, the intoxicant, the bloated meal, that new movie that I hope will affect me so deeply that it wil transform my life, the deal that didn't quite work out... and on and on). And there's a huge conspiracy against intimacy. Most "lover" relationships are fueled by romance and sentimentality or a lust that is based on fantasy and rigidly efforting rituals that are devoid of any spontaneity or truthfulness. A generic security/pleasure contract is frequently made to glue the supposed relationship together. We are so afraid of being abandoned that wwill do the most stupid things to stay in an abusive relationship. I've come to the unfortunate conclusion that most people desire someone who will not love them (for that is what happened for most of us in our childhood- the addiction to drama and struggle is very strong) and if we ever got involved with someone who truly loved us we wouldn't know what to do. Most "friend" relationships are based on a mutual admiration society posture where there's an unwritten and unspoken agreement that neither will challenge the other- just play it safe, nice and comfortable...

8

Most sexual behavior is based on tension and release and used/abused to make us feel better. Most "love-making" (sexing) is based on automatic energetic charge that is created, it doesn't blossom from our depths, an emergence of spiritcommunion with the other. And the conspiracy gleefully runs amok damaging people heedlessly, perpetually putting salt on a wound that often times is too painful to feel. And, simultaneously the conspiracy demands that we don't even have the slightest curiosityor interest in our pain, our wounds, our abused past (and present). Denial and absurd hope are locked into keep us numb, stupid, unalive, superficial and deadeningly blank. Life is stranger than science fiction... These are the grand conspiracies. But you know what? It's the world aand it's not going to change... The Buddhists call it Samsara. The Hindus call it Maya... and we think that that's all there is... so we keep spinning our wheels, as it were... knowing that it's a mess, trying to figure it out, trying to blame someone, trying to change it all the while being totally enmeshed in itassuming one can change the world or external circumstances withoutchanging one's consciousness or relationship to oneself... There's an interesting quote from the new book titled The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche which is quite pertinent here: "Samsara is highly organized, versatile and sophisticated; it assaults us from every angle with its propaganda, and creates an almost impregnable environment of addiction around us. The more we try to escape, the more we seem to fall into the traps it is so ingenious at setting for us... we are like people crawling through an endless desert, dying of thirst. And all that this samsara holds out to us to drink is a cup of salt water, designed to make us even thirstier..." And yesterday I came across another quote that I'd like to share with you that I know will interest any wide-eyed expansive conspiracy researcher. "First of all it must be realized that the sleep in which man exists is not normal but hypnotic sleep. Man is hypnotized and this hypnotic state is continually maintained and strengthened in him. One would think that there are forces for whom it is useful and profitable to keep man in a hypnotic state and prevent him from seeing the truth and understanding his position... When a man begins to know himself many things are bound to horrify him. So long as a man is not horrified at himself he knows nothing about himself. A man has seen in himself something that horrifies him. He decides to throw it off, stop it, put an end to it. But howevermany efforts he makes, he feels that he cannot do this, that everything remains as it was. Here he will see his impotence, his helplessness, and his nothingness... And infeeling his nothingness a man should see himself as he really is, not for a second, not for a moment, but constantly, never forgetting it." -G. I. Gurdjieff If we truly seek to become something more than just a samsaric dude consuming and consuming what they designedly provide for us then what are we to do? Yet before we can do we must fee. And in order to be we must truly know ourselves, and that process can be both terribly threatening and quite liberating. To truly free ourselves we must start off accepting that we are not free, that we are caught in a trap of delusions, opinions, fantasies, belief systems and assumptions of who we are. We imagine ourselves to befree, being capable of walking into difficult situations with no fear, no insecurity; being capable of spontaneously being ourselves in all situations; being capable of penetrating our genuine essence into the world at large, in every moment. We need to be able to taste true spontaneity, true authority, true grace, true joy, true power, so that we can see who we are not- so we can see our limitations, difficulties, conditionings and habits as just what they are. Not to rise above our peculiar disabilities, neuroses orpersonally historical traumas andimagine that we are somewhere we are not. But to truly fee/where we are really at, having compassion for that person (that entity who is a

collection of habits, opinions and fantasies) so we can begin the arduous yet joyful task at hand to start transforming ourselves. I recall hearing from afriend howtruly joyful it was forhim to suspend his immediate and automatic defensive posture whenever someone gave him feedback (and it usually didn't matter how the feedback was delivered- whether it was yelled or whispered). It wasn't just the idea of suspending his defensive posture that allowed him to feel joyful but he felt free in not being a defensive robot and he started to really realize that people weren't"attacking"himbutwereactuallytakingariskbytellinghim something about himself that they didn't enjoy (which is usually a very vulnerable thing to do). So he got ataste of that freedom-and thattastecan allow more space for other possible changes. I met an 85 year old woman the other day who was telling me how exuberant she had been feeling since she had started to "taste" how she needn't be so nice and accomodating to people. She had been working on it for years and suddenly a shift had taken place and joy was simply and lovingly on her face. Amidst all the years of anguish and misery ther blossomed a joy from fruitful effort and purposeful awareness. I write this open letter to allow more space in the conspiracy researcher milieu to include some of the more insidious types of secrets we cherish so deeply within our private hells. I became fascinated by conspiracy material because a man I longed to be truly fathered by was obsessed with paranoid scenarios and who tried to figure out who was running the world. He spent more time with his obscure studies while his heart was left unnourished. I spent nearly ten years of my life (publishing conspiracy material) unconsciously motivated by my longingtobe accepted and loved by a man. I gathered data and more data, accumulating ammunition to convince someone out there that I was worth something. It wasn't enough to simply be. I had to suppress all sorts of feelings to give the impression that I was someone who I was not. The more bizarre I was in articulatingthe zany and most cruel of conspiracies the more I attracted those zany, unstable and despairing of characters. I started to see the recurring theme and felt a shock going through my system. Something in me was screaming and yearning for something else. It wasn't a channeled voice from a distant alien galaxy or a transmission from some CIA experiment in ELF mind control- but a subtle longing and ache emanating from my heart that needed to discover the truth...

Bob Banner is a window washer, tennis instructor, publisher and writer. He has written for New Age Journal, Sacred Fire, Preparation, Conspiracy Digest and published an eccentric and eclectic magazine for ten years called Critique: Exposing Consensus Reality. He currently also works with people (via group and individual sessions) who are in need of learning to be real, truthful and more intimate with their dark and light side.

S e n d y o u r r e s p o n s e s to A s y l u m For S h u t - i n s , a n d they will b e f o r w a r d e d to Mr. Banner. R e s p o n s e s that pique our interest will b e p u b l i s h e d in A F S I #4. We'll s e n d you a f r e e copy of # 4 if w e print y o u r r e s p o n s e . S e n d by July 1 , 1 9 9 4 to:

ASYLUM FOR SHUT-INS PO BOX 46581 BEDFORD OH 44146

BUSSED SPRAY -

AMERICAN FAMILY J O U R N A L Feb. 1994 PO DRAWER 2440 TUPELO MS 38803

ASSOCIATION

W e never thought w e ' d c o m e t o t h e d e f e n s e of t h e corporations, least of all t h e T V n e t w o r k s . In a sick twist of fate, the A F A , in their quest for the implementation of prudish morality in all aspects of public a n d private life, h a v e c a u s e d u s t o take up a r m s . In the n a m e of F R E E D O M , w e d o hereby a n n o u n c e o u r allegiance t o the T V producers, that t h e y m a y p r o d u c e w h a t they w i s h t o ; t o the N e t w o r k s , that they m a y broadcast what t h e y wish to; t o t h e advertisers, that they m a y sponsor w h a t t h e y w i s h t o ; to t h e viewers, that they m a y w a t c h w h a t e v e r c r a p o l a they w i s h to. W e have d e c l a r e d A C T U A L W A R o n t h e A F A , effective YESTERDAY. W e humbly a s k y o u t o support the following:

T h e r e ' s the key. People, in theirfanatic zeal t o eliminate t h i n g s that a r e out of sight but not out of m i n d , give piles of m o n e y to groups s u c h a s this a n d d e m o n s t r a t e t o help cleanse their c o n s c i e n c e s of t h e sins of others. Que sera, sera. T o m R e g a n ' s attack on Rush L i m b a u g h o n t h e s e p a g e s is a l m o s t as predictable a s listening t o R u s h ! In fact, most of t h e m a g is d o w n r i g h t boring. T h e only predictable items of interest a r e t h e nice pics of d e a d a n i m a l s . Did t h e y kill t h e s e animals t h e m s e l v e s t o p r o v e their points? I wonder if t h e y c o u l d b e b u s t e d for having s u c h sick contraband? -Ed Godard

B A T T E R I E S N O T I N C L U D E D V o l 1 , #2 130 W E S T L I M E S T O N E S T YELLOW SPRINGS OH 45387 $2 G o d d a m n ! A b r a n d n e w jackpot has c o m e c r a s h i n g d o w n a-jingling f r o m t h e slot m a c h i n e of t h e s m a l l - p r e s s . Batteries Not I n c l u d e d is a great n e w sexually-oriented newsletter that isn't o n e of t h o s e geeky, "huhh u h , didja s e e her titties, h u h - h u h " kinda things t h e frat b o y s t e n d t o put out. I m e a n , really. Y o u r a v e r a g e die-hard p o r n f a n is t h e sort of s c h m u c k w h o doesn't get any- o r he w o u l d n ' t h a v e t o w a t c h someone else get it for h i m - o r s o m e o n e w h o can't get g o i n g , or s o m e o n e that just isn't b o r e d easily. H o w m a n y t i m e s c a n y o u w a t c h other people f u c k before w a t c h i n g t h e 6 : 0 0 news becomes entertaining? Clearly, t h e writers of BNI are not y o u r a v e r a g e d i e - h a r d p o r n fans. Jeff Jarvie is a m a n with taste. Taste a n d perspective. B o r e d with t h e average porn flick, h e s e e k s out s o m e t h i n g u n u s u a l , but that c u t s t h r o u g h the bull. A c o u p l e of flicks from this A & B ( c h e c k o u t the C a t a l o g reviews) did t h e trick. T h e y d o n ' t bother with a plot. RIGHT O N ! Plots just get in t h e w a y of the inevitible. W h y not just get it o n , a s k s Jarvie. However, he h a s a s m a l l p r o b l e m . T h e "getting it o n " he wants the performers to get o n to a/sobores him. H e p r o c l a i m s , "the s e x s c e n e s in most porn films a r e a s interesting a s a n e w Y E S album". W h o a . N o w , there's a c u t - d o w n . S o what's a g o o d sex s c e n e t o Jarvie? H o w ' s about Britt M o r g a n g o i n g d o w n o n a roomful of guys he d e s c r i b e s a s c o n v i c t s a n d v a g r a n t s in s u c c e s s i o n a s they try t o m a k e wisecracks? H o w a b o u t a girl w h o m he lovingly refers to as t h e " H o o k - n o s e d Jit Girl" w h o h a s a roomful of g u y s put c o n d o m s o n , j a c k off, r e m o v e the things, a n d give t h e m t o her s o s h e c a n slurp down the goo. I'm not s u r e it qualifies a s a "sex

Top Sponsors of prime-time TV violence
1. Chrysler Corp.
Chrysler, Dodge, Jeep

7. Helene Curtis Industries, Inc.
Degree, Finesse, Suave

2. ConAgra, Inc.
Butterball, Hunts, Peter Pan

8. Campbell Soup Co.
Pepperidge Farms, Smnson

3. Burroughs Wellcome Co.
Actifed, Neosporin, Sudaled

9. PepsiCo
Pepsi, Doritos, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell

4. Grand Metropolitan, Inc.
Alpo, Burger King, Pillsbury

10. Ciba-Geigy Corp.
Acutrim, Desenex, Efidac/24

5. Unilever United States Inc.
Dove soap, Ragu foods, Vaseline

11. J. C. Penney
J. C. Penney department stores

6. Miles Inc.
Alka-Seltzer, S.O.S. soap pads

12. The Clorox Company
Clorox, Hidden Valley Ranch, Tilex

CIA

b e c a u s e t h e y s h o u l d b e a l l o w e d to sponsor violence o r anything else, o n p r i m e time or a n y other t i m e . If y o u don't want t o w a t c h , I won't make y o u . Ok? Deal. N o w , b e s u r e to get the newsletter, b e c a u s e y o u gotta k n o w w h o t o back. A n i n f o r m e d c o n s u m e r is a d a n g e r o u s c o n s u m e r t o debilitating P A C s like t h e A F A .

fcsnctx AccMdmt to • paper.• Afferent neural responses 10 mcduafc*) diitonioa of the talis of the c u \ by D. F. Petersen ami O. Carrier Jr. squaton* m i ' (nude* t t w e i M m ptm. Ot. to jwt it another «*y. •...comprcuiOM i s lijbtly anaesthetized CMS iixBcaled l p>e»oo^llecti« pain-like response- to drstonU» of the testis' Havinj • • o x Ihisd.eMvery. they went on 10 mM to •he anowledfr »iiK: '« jtancin* bkm to the testicle produce* • bunt of activity.'

T H E A N I M A L S A G E N D A V o l 13, #5 PO BOX 6809 S Y R A C U S E NY 13217 O h , man. What a m I supposed to say a b o u t this b u n c h of d o - g o o d e r s ? They h a v e s o m u c h time o n their hands that they look out for t h e four-legged t y p e s . S o w h a t ? T h e y h a v e so m u c h c o n f i d e n c e t h a t all of h u m a n k i n d ' s p r o b l e m s a r e s o l v e d that w e c a n turn our attention t o our furry brethren. Great.

10

s c e n e " , per se, but that w o u l d n ' t b o r e m e . R i c h a r d P a c h e c o c o n t r i b u t e d a great personal story a b o u t t h e t i m e h e h a d t o explain h i s " n e w c a r e e r " t o h i s m o m a n d d a d . Pacheco w a s a p o r n actor, w h o b e f o r e letting t h e folks in o n t h e gig, t o l d t h e m h e w a s a c t i n g in local commercials and such. Breaking the news to t h e m w a s little m o r e t h a n d a m a g e control, since o n e of his slimier c o u s i n s h a p p e n e d t o s e e h i m in t h e flick " C a n d y S t r i p e d N u r s e s " a n d s p r e a d t h e n e w s t h r o u g h o u t his family like wildfire. BNI treats t h e r e a d e r t o a m o r e a b o v e b o a r d a n d friendly v i e w of t h e p o r n a n d s e x entertainment w o r l d t h e n m o s t others. E v e n t h e M c P o r n m a g s like P l a y b o y a n d Hustler like t o create for t h e r e a d e r this a t m o s p h e r e of penetrating a s t r a n g e , f o r e i g n l a n d , t o let t h e reader b e t h e kid in t h e c a n d y s t o r e for a f e w minutes- t h e n b a c k t o t h e s t u p i d c a r articles. T h e y like t o p l a y t h e devil giving a s n e a k preview of s o m e ill-sought p a r a d i s e , w h i c h is utter shit. P e o p l e like t o h a v e s e x , a n d w h y not? W h y m u s t w e still b e a s h a m e d a n d v i e w having p l e a s u r e a s dirty o r s l i m y ? W e w e r e s o close t o a c h i e v i n g a societal a c c e p t a n c e of sex a s a universal p l e a s u r e , but right b e f o r e s o m e o n e c o u l d affirm it, t h e c o m b i n a t i o n of t h e A I D S s c a r e a n d this politically correct horseshit c a m e t o t h e f o r e . N e w s l e t t e r s like B N I m a y not g o a long w a y t o w a r d s c h a n g i n g attitudes, but is h e r e for t h o s e w h o aren't sexually r e t a r d e d a n d a r e a b l e t o have f u n with s e x . w h e t h e r it b e hetero, h o m o , lesbian or whatever.

f o r c e s m a d e m e w o n d e r if t h e regular cast of writers w a s replaced for this d o u b l e issue by t h e p a n t y w a i s t s at t h e A m e r i c a n F a m i l y Association. By the m a g i c of cut-and-paste, let's o b s e r v e s o m e similarities:

incarceration). Numerous prisons are very "liberal" where religious observences are concerned and some even have multi-million dollar complexes to serve the needs of their inmate population, yet when it comes to allowing Satanists to ritualize, or even have their literature, there has been resistance from some institutional authorities. We have been making headway in this area by demonstrating our ^ credentials as a legally-recognized religious organization

A s y l u m F o r S h u t - l n s regrets h a v i n g t o a n n o u n c e t h a t w e lack t h e p a g e s t o s u p p o r t all of t h e clips f r o m Christian organizations t o match this o n e from t h e Satanists:

> f •

1

Our victory is assured as we are in harmony with Nature avatars of the Universe's Order. We demand that Lex Talionis be the rallying cry for a return to justice, and that as long as this present system lasts - those who are hired to administer justice, and thus act as agents of the state, will leave their religious prejudices at home. Not for nothing did our Satanic founding fathers create a Constitution which demands a "separation of church and state."

T H E B L A C K F L A M E V o l 4 , # 3/4 International F o r u m of t h e C h u r c h of S a t a n PO BOX 499 RADIO CITY STATION N E W YORK NE 10101-0499

If H e W h o Cannot Be N a m e d or M a g i c o r whatever is the force b e h i n d t h e m , a n d t h e y never really m a k e it clear, their m e s s a g e s u r e c o n v e y s W E A K N E S S n o matter h o w t o u g h they try to m a k e t h e m s e l v e s out to b e . A pathetic p o e m called "I Hate Everyone" reeks of inarticulate t e e n angst, yet s e e m s fairly representative of what g o e s o n in t h e s e p a g e s . L a V e y ' s n a m e a p p e a r s o n virtually every p a g e . Replace t h e " C h u r c h Of S a t a n founder" tag with "Socialist W o r k e r s Party Leader a n d C o m r a d e " a n d , well, y o u c a n figure t h e p a r t y line t o e i n g a n d s l e e p - i n d u c i n g happening o n t h e s e p a g e s . I thought the w h o l e p r e m i s e of Satanic behavior w a s a drive t o w a r d s self satisfaction of earthly desires. T h e writers a r e s o w r a p p e d up in angst, tough-guy posturing a n d s u c k i n g up to LaVey, that this notion is totally m i s s i n g . T h e only r e d e e m i n g feature of this incredibly B O R I N G m a g a z i n e w a s t h e extensive section w h i c h r e v i e w e d other Satanic z i n e s . An incredible disappointment. I h o p e for their s a k e s that their lives a r e more substantial t h a n t h e v a c u o u s shit that c o m p r i s e d their insipid little "forum".

$6
A l t h o u g h in t h e f u l l - o n m a g a z i n e format, content d i c t a t e d p l a c e m e n t in this section a m o n g s t s o m e of t h e o t h e r 'Voices" of the w o u l d - b e Paths. I f o u n d myself extremely disappointed o n three counts. First, t h e useless u s - a g a i n s t - t h e m shit is thoroughly pervasive. S e c o n d , virtually n o theologically oriented philosophical b a n t e r c a n b e f o u n d . Third, t h e writers s e e m t o b e u n d e r t h e g u n t o s u c k up t o C h u r c h Of S a t a n f o u n d e r A n t o n LaVey. Every religious g r o u p in A m e r i c a today s e e m s t o t h i n k that it is t h e y w h o a r e b e i n g persecuted at every t u r n . S u r e , the w o r d " S a t a n " is a s t a b o o a s t h e y c o m e , b u t cripessake, t h e pissy w h i n i n g by a g r o u p w h i c h c o n t e n d s they a r e in control of superior

BROADCAST INTERVIEW SOURCE 2233 WISCONSIN A V E N W WASHINGTON DC 20007 T h i s isn't a listing f o r a newsletter, but for lack of a better place t o put'it, h e r e it is. T h e s e folks publish t h e very e x p e n s i v e Yearbookof Experts, Authorities & Spokespersons, w h i c h simply l i s t s a b u n c h o f self-appointed experts. H a v e y o u e v e r w o n d e r e d how certain "experts" a r e l o c a t e d by m e d i a folks for interviews? T h e m e d i a d o e s n ' t just h a p p e n t o k n o w all of t h e s e people. Their rolodex isn't infinitely s t o c k e d . T h e y turn t o this guide. A n y t i m e t h e A T F g o e s a n d p l a y s a r o u n d with a cult, the media likes t o interview a "cult expert". W o u l d n ' t you like to be t h e o n e C N N t u r n s t o for o p i n i o n s a n d information? Hey... All y o u n e e d is t h e c a s h t o place a n a d in their t h i n g . T h e standard a d runs s o m e $ 3 0 0 + , but shit- t h i n k o f t h e e x p o s u r e ! G e t t w o or t h r e e interviews u n d e r y o u r belt, write a b o o k (co-authored, of course) a n d publicize it a s having b e e n written by an authority! A s s e e n o n C N N ! S e e t h a t ? Instant career! W h a t f u n y o u c a n have w i t h i n v e n t e d credibility.

T h e cast r e v i e w e d a b u n c h of b o o k s covering t h e topic, including "A Century of S e x K i l l e r s " , ' T h e Girl o n t h e Wolkswagen Floor", ' T h e M o r m o n Murders", a n d ' T h e Jeffrey DahmerShrine", a m o n g others. In a n interview, a u t h o r M i c h a e l N e w t o n tells what d r e w h i m t o his f a s c i n a t i o n , reveals his favorites- both authors a n d serial killers, a n d e x p r e s s e s his h o p e s of discovering the existence of m o r e serial killers in t h e f o r m e r Soviet Union than the c o m m u n i s t s let o n a b o u t . W h a t ' s t h e fascination? I don't know. Do y o u enjoy watching horror movies? D o y o u enjoy trashy c h o p - u p flicks? Y o u ' v e all s e e n t h e m . T h e dark side of humanity continues to d r a w o u r attention just a s t h e six-year o l d is d r a w n to the Twinkies. Most of u s d o n ' t shoot heroin, but we'll stare at a photo of s o m e junkie w i t h a n e e d l e in his a r m . Most of us don't give h e a d to a d o g , but w e ' II w a t c h s o m e o n e d o it in a p o r n v i d . Most of us just need a little p e e k every n o w a n d t h e n , just to know such things h a p p e n . Of c o u r s e , if y o u n e e d t o get a little closer, Evil lists the a d d r e s s e s of true c r i m e z i n e s , booksellers, m u s e u m s , a n d t h e killers t h e m s e l v e s .

CROATAN EXPRESS 842 F O L S O M S T BOX 2 3 5 SAN FRANCISCO CA $1 A m b i . T e m p o r a r y A u t o n o m o u s Z o n e s . Situationist Hijinx. T h e D i s c o r d i a n T i m e T a b l e . T h i s s p a c e w a s o n c e limited but w e p r e s s e d h a r d e n o u g h a n d got h e r t o c u m . H a r d e n o u g h ? Well, vigorously e n o u g h at least. T h e o r g a n blasts that w h e y a r e a l l d u m m e d . P h r e ? Never. S o m e w h a y o r a n o t h e r t h i s r u b s m e the w r o n g w h e y , e v e n t h o u g h I enjoy a n d subscribe. H u h ? Struggle o n , little sister. H e hit m e harder this time, s o that I bleed for a d a y - a w h o l e d a y . C o p s inside my h e a d s c r e e c h , peeling o u t t h e t u b i n g a n d installation o n c e his t h e b l e m i s h e s of conformity. W h e y a r e n e v e r f r e e d , only disillusioned. A m b i is not a n y sort of q u e s t i o n i n g a n s w e r . In fact, I a m no longer interested u p o r d o w n . -Rev. JohnX. Piche' 94107

MUNDO UPDATE #14 FLYING S A C U E R I N F O C E N T E R 7803 RUANNE CT PASADENA MD 21122 Editor/compiler J a m e s W a l e s is carrying o n t h e work of w e l l - d o c u m e n t e d U F O r e s e a r c h e r / k o o k Laura M u n d o (19131989). W a l e s b a s e s his writing o n M u n d o ' s p r e m i s e that the h u m a n s f a c e real trouble in a f o r m t h a t c a n best b e explained by viewing t h e film, T h e Invasion of t h e B o d y Snatchers. Fine. There's t h e premise. Dispute it if y o u like. W h a t I'd like t o d i s p u t e is a bit of ax grinding performed by W a l e s , clogging his newsletter w i t h a total a s i d e , completely ignoring t h e w o r k a n d spirit of M u n d o . H e g o e s o n a n d o n about the state of t h e U S e c o n o m y , especially a b o u t t h e budget deficit. Look. I a c k n o w l e d g e t h e inherent p r o b l e m s of t h e funny money budgets left b e h i n d by o u r p r e v i o u s p r e s i d e n t s - especially the last t w o , but what the hell does that have to do with alien infiltration of the populace? E h ? If t h e saucer-folk are going to overtake t h e h u m a n s s o o n , w h y s h o u l d t h e y g i v e a fat rat's fart about s o m e silly national b u d g e t ? A r e t h e aliens going to decide, "well, t h e Americans h a v e b a l a n c e d their budget and have eradicated theirdeficit... let's let t h e population of the Earth live... what t h e fuck..."? W h a t d o t h e y c a r e a b o u t the ability of bureaucrats t o conduct finance? C r i p e s alive! A n d why are they c o n c e r n e d about American!inances? Doesn't t h e shit in B o s n i a pique their interest? C o m e o n . W h e n will infiltration b e c o m p l e t e e n o u g h t o vanquish the h u m a n s ? H o w c a n t h e a v e r a g e j o e f i n d o u t if his neighbor is o n e of them? C a n w e c o n v i n c e o u r legislators to allow us to begin p o a c h i n g them? TAwsisthe sort of stuff w e N E E D to know.

EVIL # 5 T h e Newsletter for T r u e C r i m e B o o k Fanatics PO BOX 476641 C H I C A G O IL 6 0 6 4 7 $1 A s a study in h u m a n folly, serial killers a r e a n excellent s p e c i m e n a n d D a n Kelly g i v e s us eight p a g e s of w h i z - b a n g folly. This is best typified in t h e "Press Klips" section. M u c h like T H E N E W S O F T H E W E I R D o r T H E B L A B , D a n s c o u r e d the n e w s p a p e r s f o r a r t i c l e s o n t h i s w a c k y b u n c h a n d neatly p a r a p h r a s e d e a c h into a q u i c k c h u c k l e . T h e biggest "har-hars" c a m e f r o m t h e q u o t e s that lined t h e top of e a c h p a g e . I'll indulge y o u w i t h but o n e p r e c i o u s little g e m : ' T h a t ' s w h y I c h o k e d t h o s e ladies. It w a s t o get their v o i c e s . " -Edward Joseph Leonski

ON G O G O L BOULEVARD NEITHER E A S T NOR W E S T . 528 FIFTH S T R E E T BROOKLYN NY 11215 O N G O G O L B O U L E V A R D i s t h e newsletter of a political action g r o u p c a l l e d Neither East Nor W e s t . T h e O G B moniker is d e r i v e d f r o m a M o s c o w street w h e r e u n d e r g r o u n d a n d counter-culture t y p e s c o n g r e g a t e . W h i l e I didn't actually get a hold of a c o p y of O G B , I w a s sent a c o p y of their article in the W i n t e r e d i t i o n of ANARCHY: A JOURNAL OF DESIRE ARMED T h e N E N W g r o u p h a s a n interesting a p p r o a c h to the m e t h o d s of protest- t h e y n e t w o r k w i t h other likeminded g r o u p s a n d individuals internationally. T h e results s e e m to b e far greater t h a n t h o s e g a r n e r e d b y t h e protests o n public s q u a r e s or in p a r k s that w e s e e a n d t e n d t o d i s m i s s with c a s u a l e a s e . W h e n a N e w Y o r k park protester f a c e d trial after s o m e 2 0 arrests, a Polish g r o u p f o r w a r d e d a letter to t h e presiding j u d g e . T h e j i s t of t h e letter w a s t h a t folks in Poland look up t o t h e United States a s a m o d e l of f r e e d o m , a n d they understood that this parks protester w a s b e i n g tried for exercising his f r e e d o m . T h e y e x p r e s s e d s o r r o w that s u c h a t h i n g c o u l d h a p p e n in a free place likethe U.S. A little international s h a m i n g a n d guilt-tripping g o e s a long w a y . T o o b a d local r e a s o n can't g o a s far, e h ? Most of t h e information a n d y e s , p r o p a g a n d a , is of a n anti-authoritarian bent, certainly a n t i - c o m m u n i s t , yet treading libertarian w a t e r . T h e p e o p l e of t h e former East Bloc just want to b e left a l o n e . W h o c a n b l a m e t h e m ? For t h o s e w h o b e l i e v e t h e recent instituting of capitalism in t h e East h a s led t o f r e e d o m , r e a d o n . Without really knowing how t o g o a b o u t t h e b u s i n e s s of starting a nation c e n t e r e d a r o u n d capitalist e n t e r p r i s e , g o v e r n m e n t s h a v e a l l o w e d t h o s e holding c a s h t o g o t o it. T h i n k for a minute. W h o had any c a s h in t h e s e s y s t e m s ? Peasant f a r m i n g t y p e s ? Factory w o r k e r s ? Of c o u r s e not. C a s h w a s all held b y military personnel a n d political party h a c k s . W h i c h party h a c k s ? T h e c o m m u n i s t party hacks. A m e r i c a n s h a v e b e e n q u i c k to f r o w n o n Easterners w h o f r o w n o n t h e n e w c a p i t a l i s m , p r o b a b l y b e c a u s e w e haven't b e e n quick t o think it t h r o u g h . T h e n e w capitalists a r e t h e w o l v e s in the s h e e p ' s c l o t h i n g . It isn't h a r d t o d i s c e r n t h e r a w info f r o m t h e p r o p a g a n d a and rally-cries. Unfortunately, it's e v e n h a r d e r t o verify information f r o m o v e r t h e r e t h a n f r o m here. O d d s a r e , t h o u g h , that e v e n t h o u g h t h e w o r d s a r e c o m i n g f r o m j a d e d a n d a n g r y typewriters, there is a m o u n t a i n of truth t o the notion that real oppression is going o n o v e r t h e r e . A n d w e bitch if w e don't hit the lottery.

Actually, t h e epithets hurled b y t h e gutteral writers are mildly c o m i c a l . O h , you'll f i n d t h e stock "jungle bunny" and "burrhead" slurs a n d t h e like, but I'd b e lying if I didn't say that their calling the m e d i a the "jews m e d i a " a n d N Y C "Jew York City" m a d e m e chuckle. T h e fear of t h e g r o u p s t h e y f e e l superior to also m a k e s m e c h u c k l e . Oddly, g r o u p s like t h e K l a n a n d t h e neo-Nazis a r e often l u m p e d under t h e m i c r o s c o p e of t h e conspiracy theorists, placing t h e m at t h e root of o n e of t h e m a n y theories. Playing devil's a d v o c a t e , c o u l d w e give t h e n e o s t h e benefit of t h e doubt a n d a s s u m e that t h e r e is a n anti-white c o n s p i r a c y ? Allow m e to c o n f o u n d t h o s e w h o might s a y "yes". If one is to accept that there is a n anti-white conspiracy, that acceptance would indicate a n a c c e p t a n c e of a s u p e r i o r l y of t h e "oppressor"the non-white. T h i s a d m i s s i o n w o u l d effectively thwart the notion of white "power". E v e n if t h e y a r g u e d that, " o h , w e mean that whites a r e superior t o b l a c k s or t o J e w s , e a c h taken a s individuals", t h e y ' d still b e c o n c e d i n g that w h i t e s a r e inferior to rest collectively. I w o n d e r if t h e s e g u y s h a v e s u r v e y e d the logic they e m p l o y in their o w n p r o p a g a n d a ? Here g o e s with a s t a t e m e n t that w o u l d really piss off the Schicklegruber F a n C l u b (for r e a s o n s I still d o n ' t grasp): reading their p a p e r differs Ifttlef r o m reading t h e old C o m m u n i s t Workers Party p a p e r s . Everything r e v o l v e s a r o u n d t h e s a m e three topics (as t h o u g h t h e y a r e all t h e r e is t o life) w h i c h end up at the s a m e finality a n d induces t h e s a m e y a w n s . I c a n never figure w h y t h e neo-Nazis h a t e t h e c o m m i e s a n d n e o - c o m m i e s so m u c h , since the N a z i s n e v e r struck m e a s b e i n g m u c h different t h a n c o m m u n i s t s . B o t h s u b s c r i b e t o s o m e bastard f o r m of socialism. Both w i s h t o dictate culture. B o t h w i s h t o restrict citizenship status. Both f e a r t h e u n d e r c l a s s e s a n d t h e generally o p p r e s s e d despite p a n d e r i n g heavily t o t h e m . B o t h wish to restrict individual f r e e d o m s . B o t h w a n t individuals t o work for The C a u s e instead of t h e m s e l v e s . B o t h utilize utterly mindn u m b i n g rhetoric w h i c h c a n n o t possibly a p p e a l to "the masses". Both w o n d e r w h y they a r e s o w i d e l y i g n o r e d or o p p o s e d . A m I missing t h e differences s o m e h o w ? W h o c a r e s ? This particular s o u r c e sells a n a s t o u n d i n g array of stuff. They have regalia like s w a s t i k a p i n s , S S skull medallions, flags a n d other j u n k better s t o c k e d h e a d s h o p s carry. If y o u like to put o n y o u r b r o w n s h o r t s a n d m a r c h a r o u n d y o u r cell, t h e tapes of G e r m a n m a r c h i n g t u n e s might c a t c h y o u r f a n c y . They have b o o k s o n Hitler, Hitler's b o o k , Hitler's R e i c h , Hitler's pals, and e v e n "Hitler, T h e U n k n o w n Artist". S o m e of A m e r i c a n George Rockwell's s p e e c h e s a r e o f f e r e d o n t a p e a s w e l l .

THE NEW ORDER NSDAP/AO PO B O X 6 4 1 4 LINCOLN NE 68506

Opium, Poison, Passion

T H E M A G I C A L L I N K Fall 1 9 9 3 ORDO TEMPLI ORIENTIS PO BOX 430 FAIRFAX CA 94978

H e r e w e g o . T h e N E W O R D E R is another o n e of t h e s e white p o w e r n e w s p a p e r s . T h e y o p e r a t e o n t h e p r e m i s e that the A m e r i c a n n e w s m e d i a is not merely pro-black, but anti-white. T h e r e f o r e , t h e y o f f e r t h e i r p a p e r . . . j u s t t o e v e n t h e s l a t e . Naturally, their assault is all-out a n d not d i s g u i s e d in t h e m a n n e r t h e y c l a i m the m e d i a e m p l o y s .

It struck m e o d d l y t h a t t h e O T O "history issue" left me with t h e impression that I s h o u l d h a v e k n o w n s o m e O T O history before a p p r o a c h i n g . P a g e O n e reprints t h e m i n u t e s of meetings f o u n d i n g t h e North A m e r i c a n O T O in V a n c o u v e r . Following pages have correspondence between Aleister Crowley a n d (Frater Superior Merlin) R e u s s w h i c h is quite amicable at first, but e n d s with C r o w l e y scolding a n d challenging R e u s s , w h i c h is fairly entertaining. It s e e m s that R e u s s w a s b u s y establishing L o d g e s

13

a c r o s s t h e while w o r l d , w h i c h thrived until just after his d e a t h in t h e 1920s. T o r e a d a C r o w l e y letter of 1 9 1 6 , t h e impression is that t h e y w e r e o n t h e v e r g e of h u g e international influence, but in less t h a n 1 0 y e a r s , it h a d petered out. I w o n d e r w h y O T O w a s s o happy t o print it? I k n o w it's history a n d all, but less t h a n flattering. A t a n y r a t e , I still h a v e n o m o r e u n d e r s t a n d i n g of what O T O is all about, other t h a n that it is a fraternal b r o t h e r h o o d lodge that is i n v o l v e d in t h e magickal (I learned a n e w spelling) a n d mystical. That t h e y a r e Satanists a s a l l e g e d b y a n y o n e w h o hears t h e n a m e of C r o w l e y is w o n t t o d o , cannot b e s u p p o r t e d by t h e text of their newsletter. If they a r e hiding it, t h e y a r e d o i n g it w e l l . O n e excellent feature of t h e newsletter is a h u g e listing of t h e a d d r e s s e s of all of t h e Official O T O B o d i e s w o r l d w i d e (they e v e n h a v e a n oasis in Bosnia-Herzegovina) a n d a list of O T O p u b l i c a t i o n s , a n d -get d o w n c o m p u t e r bulletin b o a r d listings. -Ed Godard
3 WISEMEN , OFFERING
ALEISTER CROWLEY

THE REMAIN INTACT "ORGANIZATION A S M A L L V O I C E C R Y I N G O U T IN T H E WILDERNESS BOX 86 L A R C H W O O D IA 5 1 2 4 1 It w a s a bit d i s a p p o i n t i n g t o have received t h e f/7sfRemain Intact newsletter and h a v e o n l y printed matter fall o n t o my lap. T h e e y e - c a t c h i n g g r a p h i c s c a m e a l o n g with their rants in t h e v e r y f r e q u e n t subsequent mailings. T h i s g r o u p is t h e m o s t a d a m a n t of the A N T I - C I R C U M C I S I O N g r o u p s going, andtheir p a m p h l e t s m a k e f o r s o m e pretty a m a z i n g clip-art. T h e y h a v e a l s o c a u s e d t h e group s o m e legal t r o u b l e s , w h i c h is a l s o a m a z i n g . T h e outfit is r u n b y a n older preacher. H e ' s gotta b e p u s h i n g 8 0 , b y t h e looks of the p h o t o o n his b u s i n e s s c a r d ( w h i c h looks like it's 2 0 y e a r s old). H e ' s a minister, a n d a s a m a t t e r of p r i n c i p l e , he b e l i e v e s that c i r c u m c i s i o n is u n n e c e s s a r y mutilation- child a b u s e , in short. H o w ironic w o u l d y o u find it if y o u d i s c o v e r e d that t h e religious anti-child a b u s e c r u s a d e r w a s run u p o n c h i l d a b u s e c h a r g e s ? H u h ! T h a t ' s just w h a t h a p p e n e d to t h i s g u y , t h a n k s t o his o l d d i c k - s n i p p i n g pictures. I w r o t e h i m a s k i n g about t h e whole issue, b u t h e didn't r e s p o n d t o it. I g u e s s he got off, s i n c e he is still o p e r a t i n g at t h e s a m e address a s ever with the s a m e name and s a m e o l d f o r m s . I g u e s s either w a y , t h e guy w o u l d g e t off. Actually, t h e guy h a s quite a legitimate point. T h e p r o c e d u r e is u n n e c e s s a r y . Mostly, it's d o n e f o r c o s m e t i c p u r p o s e s . A female f r i e n d of m i n e o n c e t o l d m e s h e ' d never blow a g u y w i t h a n u n c i r c u m c i s e d dick, 'cuz it w a s g r o s s . I d o u b t p a r e n t s t h i n k a b o u t it quite like that, but b e i n g a d a d a n d a l l , a n d having d i s c u s s e d circumcisions, m o s t just went ahead w i t h it for that r e a s o n . A s for o t h e r concerns, t h e p e n i s w i t h t h e f o r e s k i n a t t a c h e d just needs m o r e attention- for c l e a n i n g , smartie. Anyway, m o r e a n d m o r e , i n s u r a n c e c o m p a n i e s won't p a y for c i r c u m c i s i o n s f o r m a n y of t h e reasons t h e o l d p r e a c h e r lists, s o h e m a y b e getting his w a y a bit m o r e . Until t h e n , he'll likely c o n t i n u e putting out t h e s e f o r m letters w i t h great housewife t e s t i - m o n i a l s a n d his o w n rants. His frequent s e l f - c o m p a r i s o n s w i t h Christ a r e fascinating in a n d of t h e m s e l v e s . M a y b e he'll d i e o n a c r o s s t o r e d e e m a l l of t h e w a y w a r d foreskins, c h o p p e d off w i t h t h e p e r m i s s i o n of parents under Beelzebub's sway. But hey! M a k e s u r e to get y o u r nice, g r a p h i c b u m p e r s t i c k e r s . E v e n if I d i d w i s h to b e c o m e seriously i n v o l v e d in this c a u s e , I don't t h i n k I'd e v e r put t h e sticker o n t h e car.

" >

M

$PRAY

A PW NT PRACTICE t»TW

MAGICAL DIAM

PAH! 702 M A E ST KENT OH 44240 send stamps

I kO tr r W:ttmM a v v

Mark Morelli prints this monthly n e w s l e t t e r w h i c h r e a d s v e r y m u c h like a newspaper op-ed column. Those columnists t a k e a current e v e n t s t y p e topic a n d relate their p e r s o n a l e x p e r i e n c e in a w a y that m a k e s t h e a v e r a g e n e w s p a p e r reader think, " h u h , I've h a d s o m e t h i n g like that h a p p e n t o m e too... I g u e s s that c o u l d ' v e b e e n me". Like a n y of us c o u l d h a v e b e e n N a n c y Kerrigan or J o h n W a y n e Bobbitt, getting " w h a c k e d " . T h e b i g difference is that... I don't k n o w . In t h e t h r e e issues w e got, h e t a l k e d a b o u t b u y i n g H o w a r d Stern's b o o k in a hoitytoity b o o k s t o r e , s m o k i n g t o a d , a n d n e w u s e s f o r t h e w o r d "gillooly". D o e s that m a k e h i m any different t h a n , say, M i k e R o y k o ? I can't s a y I f o u n d a n y difference, except that Morelli uses m o r e fifty-cent w o r d s t h a n m o s t columnists. T h e satire w e w e r e expecting to find w a s a bit t h i n . H e w a s able t o depict t h e a n i m a l rights activists, b o o k i s h g e e k s , a n d late nite T V folk acurately in their f l a w s , w h i c h is nice, but not outstanding. H e r e ' s a bet that other issues h a v e better stuff.

UNCOMMON DESIRES NEWSLETTER #15 PO BOX 2377 NEW YORK NY 10185 $3.50 >|How LJncommon a r e their Desires? W e l l , the cover girl looked (ike s h e c o u l d b e , in a stretch, a b o u t 1 6 y e a r s o l d . Of course, 1 6 y e a r - o l d s , especially f e m a l e s , have been passing t h e m s e l v e s off a s b e i n g older a n d getting a w a y with it for ages, earning e n t r a n c e s t o b a r s o r other a g e sensitive establishments while I, in-my t e e n s s t o o d o u t s i d e a n d e v e n today- t h a n k s t o a baby facer still get c a r d e d . T h e p h o t o of a n u d e girl of about S E V E N y e a r s actually shocked me. T h i s m a r k s t h e very first a n d only t i m e I've b e e n s h o c k e d b y s o m e t h i n g t o c o m e into the A s y l u m o v e r t h e past t w o y e a r s . M a n y of t h e t a l e s a r e recollections b y adults of teen sexual e x p e r i e n c e s , a n d they're pretty t a m e , talking about crushes a n d s u c h . T h e editorials b a n g a d r u m of Constitutional protection a n d anti-sex f a s c i s m a n d "right-wing nuts". I believe the printing of material like this s h o u l d b e constitutionally protected. T h a t ' s f r e e s p e e c h . Of c o u r s e , t h e Mike Diana c a s e p r o v e s that f r e e s p e e c h won't b e protected in Florida. Printing t h e pictures of n a k e d little girls, t h e n , is free s p e e c h , but what is taking t h e pictures? Probably c h i l d a b u s e . S a y i n g s o probably m a k e s m e a n "anti-sex fascist" o r a "right-wing nut". That's fine. If I'm afascist b e c a u s e I don't believe a 12-year-old is emotionally e q u i p p e d t o d e a l with i s s u e s like sexual consent, t h e n I'm a fascist. Viva HDuce! W h e n t h e lefties call y o u a right-wing nut a n d at t h e s a m e t i m e t h e righties call y o u a liberal s c u m , o d d s are you're in t h e right p l a c e . S o m e t h i n g a b o u t adult m e n wanting t o get it o n with little girls under t e n d o e s n ' t sit right with m e , n o matter m y inclinations t o w a r d flat libertarianism. T h e y a d d r e s s issues of consent a n d a b u s e a n d h o w w h a t t h e s e g u y s are after doesn't constitute t h e latter, but I'm def initly not c o n v i n c e d of t h e former. W h a t 12 y e a r - o l d is m a t u r e e n o u g h t o consent t o sexual activity? I feel f o r t h e s e g u y s in t h e s e n s e that they have very real e m o t i o n a l , p h y s i c a l , a n d psychological desires that are b o u n d t o g o unfulfilled, but t o o b a d . T h e G o a d s want t o g o out a n d start s h o o t i n g , a n d T O O B A D . I'd bet J i m a n d Debbie even have very real e m o t i o n a l , p h y s i c a l , a n d psychological desires to do so. T h e y m a d e t h e point of congratulating other zines that "had t h e c o u r a g e , insight, o r h u m o r t o mention this zine", but I don't think a n y c o u r a g e w a s necessary. L o o k e e here at o u r review! G u t s ? N a h . . . T h e publishers of U D N have guts b e c a u s e , a l t h o u g h they believe o t h e r w i s e , I believe they a r e breaking Federal law a n d w e c a n b e a s s u r e d that they'll A L L go to prison if this t h i n g t u r n s u p in Florida.

T h e latest? Feast y e e y e s !

How C l o s e Are We t o The End? onlv" h»v return
e P a

" '

"
1

e

h

3

V

e

c

°

n t i

""°usly
f d a y s

stated
b e f o r e

that

e

V r ^ " " ° : ° * o n l y h ^ e a c e r t a i n amount of months b e 9o r e St h eraany f Great T r i b u l a t i o n e n d s . But how do 8 Prophets" before u s . To answer t h a t q u e s t i o n , we w i l l p r e s e n t a n o t h e r group of events wruch you can r e l y on a s f u r t h e r confirmation
n S r C a t w e

I!

\, " °.

r

e

a

t

Yahweh, being very bored a n d fed up, had predetermined that earthly leaders w o u l d b e corrupt, controlling, a n d otherwise naughty. H e d e c i d e d that w h e n they d i d become sufficiently naughty, H e w o u l d s m i t e t h e m for being a s He w i s h e d a n d m a k e earth topsy-turvy. H e w o u l d m a k e these leaders a n d e x a m p l e for the righteous, w h o s e strings H e would pull in that direction. Y a h w e h put it in t h e h e a d s of His earthly, scribes that they s h o u l d write a b o u t t h e s e things that He planned that w o u l d h a p p e n in, s a y , 2 0 0 0 , 3 0 0 0 , e v e n 5000 years, a n d they w r o t e a b o u t H i s p l a n . A s p l a n n e d , earthly leaders b e c a m e naughty e n o u g h t o rile u p Y a h w e h a s He planned. This scenario is nothing n e w . T h e key is t o understand how it is t h e s e folks have arrived at t h e d a t e they d i d , a n d why t h e y will b e right w h e n o t h e r s h a v e p r o v i d e d s o m u c h entertainment f o r u s in t h e past, a s recently a s t w o years ago in South Korea. T h e booklet, " T h e N e w s of t h e W a t c h m e n " (March 1994) provides s u c h Biblical K n o w l e d g e (not that carnal k n o w l e d g e . . . t h a t ' s t h e o f r i e r B i b l i c a l K n o w l e d g e ) . Havingtraced Biblical history, they arrived at the correct t i m e f o r t h e beginning of t h e year. Fuck y o u r calendar, s m a r t i e . It's w r o n g . January First? P a h ! T r y Spring. W e l l , t h a t ' s just t h e beginning and besides, y o u ' d probably like t o cut t h r o u g h all the hooey a n d get to the d a t e of Tribulation A n d Other C r a z i n e s s , right? I'll tell you in a minute, right after explaining w h y they a r e s o certain this will happen. In their booklet, " T h e S h a k i n g of t h e H e a v e n a n d the Earth", g o o d of Revelations 13:5-7 a r e p a r a p h r a s e d . Itsezthat, well, look below:

VerSSS

„.., ' "iVRevelatior. H , . . „ r P L C i« <*» f ^-Christ, inti-Bibl. %_7 we read that this anti months, will remain in power Eo: forty ^
- t l

III'

t

w

o

'•^•

dSeirPr^'-s.ah's return.

Thus,.

UNIVERSAL CHURCH O F G O D ROUTE 1 BOX 5 2 H A N N A O K 74845 I'm a l w a y s g a m e f o r a n o t h e r end o' t h e world pitch. It's a l w a y s a g o o d t i m e w h e n t h e p r o p h e s i e d d a y c o m e s , getting the lawn chairs p e r c h e d in t h e front y a r d a n d a with couple of friends a n d 4 0 - o u n c e r s g a z e at t h e s t a r s a n d have s o m e g o o d laughs a s w e wait in vigil.

I had t o think about it. W h o is this d e m o n leader. Since most of these Bible Belt fortune tellers a r e generally conservative politically, I figured they w e r e talking a b o u t B u b b a Clinton. The math doesn't a d d up, h o w e v e r . Bill w a s inaugurated in J a n u a r y of 1993, giving h i m only 2 2 m o n t h s of Presidency a s of O c t o b e r 7 , 1 9 9 4 . O o p s . There's t h e date. G o m a r k y o u r calendar. W h i c h

15

nation is o u r c u r r e n t polit-rival? U h , J a p a n ? Their p r i m e minister just a s c e n d e d recently... Uh, S a d d a m ? N a h , h e ' s b e e n in c h a r g e for a g o o d while. G e n e r a l A i d i d ' s b e e n a S o m a l i warlord for a s l o n g , t o o . G o s h . Is Boris Yeltsin t h e Beast? H e r e p l a c e d G o r b y in m i d - 1 9 9 2 , right? Let's c h e c k t h e m a t h . O c t o b e r , 1 9 9 4 minus42 months equals June, 1991. Hmmm... W h o t h e hell t o o k p o w e r in J u n e o f 1991 ?!? W e l l , t h e y don't c o m e out a n d identify any o n e leader b e c a u s e , just a s s o m e of o u r conspiracy researching friends have been telling u s for s o m e t i m e now, t h e l e a d e r s of t h e w o r l d , b e it political or financial, a r e all in c a h o o t s a g a i n s t T h e People. Of c o u r s e , s o m e of our c o n s p i r a c y r e s e a r c h e r f r i e n d s w o u l d pinpoint the actual takeover as having h a p p e n e d in 1 9 1 3 w h e n t h e Federal Reserve Board w a s initiated, but t h e s e f o l k s feel t h e y have that special Biblical insider info that s a y s it h a p p e n e d in J u n e of 1 9 9 1 . I w a s w o r k i n g a s a land surveyor. W h a t w e r e y o u u p t o ? Interestingly, t h e y ' v e offered u p David K o r e s h a n d his W a c o c o m e d i a n s a s a martyr group (let's s e e , t h a t p u t s t h e m in l e a g u e with the NRA and A C L U . . . odd bedfellows). The destruction of t h e B r a n c h D a v i d i a n s w a s proof that t h e G o v e r n m e n t of t h e Beast is n o w beginning to kill t h e C h r i s t i a n s ! Get out t h e lawn chairs a n d t h e 4 0 - o u n c e r s ! W e h a v e a v i g i l t o c o n d u c t t h i s f a l l ! B e s u r e to pick up t h e s e b o o k l e t s . I'm s u r e s u b s e q u e n t editions will h a v e battle p l a n s for survival a n d other goodies. A m a z i n g h o w t h i s o n e t i e d up s o many l o o s e e n d s , isn't it?

ZINES!vol3#1 CHRIS MARTIN 221 N B L V D RICHMOND VA 23220-4033 $1 Chris writes reviews for not only this e n d e v o u r , but for t h e unjustifyable large m a g G R E Y A R E A S ( p a n n e d in A F S I # 1 ) . A p p a r e n t l y , earlier editions were handwritten before t h e s e halcyon d a y s of p i e c e m e a l i n g a w o r d p r o c e s s i n g system together with c h e a p parts. N o w that's d e d i c a t i o n ! Chris is d e d i c a t e d t o his z i n e s . It s e e m s o d d that s o m e o n e might s p e n d his t i m e d o i n g o n a t r e m e n d o u s l y smaller s c a l e w h a t Factsheet 5already does, but he's d e d i c a t e d , s o he p l o w s o n . Ironic t o o that his project, called Zines! looks and reads m u c h m o r e like a newsletter t h a n a z i n e . In t h i s issue, Z i n e s ! reviews three efforts b y long-time networker L l o y d D u n n . M y first introduction to D u n n w a s t h r o u g h his radio p r o g r a m RadioStatic a n d his "group", t h e T A P E - B E A T L E S . T h e w e e k l y , half-hour radio s h o w featured experimental s o u n d artists a n d t h e T a p e - B e a t l e s t o o k t h e w o r k s of others a n d r e a r r a n g e d t h e m t o c r e a t e n e w w o r k s - a la N E G A T I V L A N D , O R P L U N D E R P H O N I C S . D u n n c e a s e d his m a n y activities f o r t h r e e y e a r s in support of t h e Art Strike, w h i c h h a d s o m e support a n d w a s publicized a little w h e n first initiated in 1990, but w a s quickly f o r g o t t e n . S a d , b e c a u s e t h e point w a s a worthwhile o n e - that art should not b e t r e a t e d strictly a s a c o m m o d i t y . Dunn's zine Y A W N d o c u m e n t s it all. T h o s e t w o "groups" are g o o d points of r e f e r e n c e , s i n c e Martin reviewed D u n n ' s Copyright Violation Squad Bulletin, w h e r e i n D u n n c o m m e n t s about the lawsuits brought against t h e m by record c o m p a n i e s b e c a u s e e a c h t o o k t h e works of others, rearranged t h e m , a n d c r e a t e d b r a n d n e w w o r k s . People get so protective of their stuff, that t h e y can't just laugh w h e n it's m a d e h u m o r o u s , or even realize that s u c h use is t a n t a m o u n t t o free e x p o s u r e . O b v i o u s l y , Dunn's activity with t h e Tape-Beatles indicates his feelings o n t h e subject. ' For tackling D u n n , Z i n e s ! is to be c o m m e n d e d . In o r d e r t o be set apart f r o m F5, Mr. Martin will have to c o n t i n u e to r e v i e w by t h e m e o r personality or whath a v e - y o u . Otherwise, w h y bother? F5 h a s z i n e r e v i e w s by bulk- e n m a s s , a n d w h e n d o u g h is tight, w h a t w o u l d y o u d o ?

"The prose equivalent of R. Crumb and S. Clay . Wilson stoned on evil speed and Sternd." Hakim Bey

THIS IS YOU!?

"Original, frightening, and something not bound by the conventions of good taste."

Toxic Horror
"Apocalyptic trance ravings."

Factsheet Five
"An alluring mixture of pop-culture smut and orgiastic religion." R&Uolutumm Alternately terrifying & funny." a u o ai to M -p *>

Rave Reviews

DRAWING POWER . SPRAY
1 t PRAISE n --AI«C; »*»

"Striking and original... zestful and frightening."

Publishers Weekly

AUTONOMEDIA
NEW A T N M SERIES UO O Y

Seeking?;

Wsm

181

p p . c o l l e c t i o n o f THOM HETZGER's f u g i t i v e w r i t i n g s SHOCK TOTEM,

$6.00

16

r..i\ c n e t ae o o c nr t n *u desire, a a or n t e Hl f t e h o ah r y Sy ycuf'fequesl a Mk the Sg o ae in f t e Cress. h
1

by t h e a u t h o r o f BIG GURL,

DROWNING IN FIRE

CONGRATULATIONS,
YOU'VE SUCCESSFULLY HALTED YOUR

HUMANS
OWN

t

EVOLUTION

AND GUARANTEED YOUR OWN DEMISE!
W e ' d b e h a p p y t o c h i p in and help dreamless s l e e p o f industrial extinction... t h e m j o i n o u r l o n g - l o s t f r i e n d s , t h e d i n o s a u r s , in t h e

if they weren't

taking us along with

thpmil

SAVE
WL&HTLK
have been PLANNED. It's a CONSPIRACY. BUT, Things didn't just "get" this way. Not even humans WHICH

from

[

SubGeniality
could cause this much trouble, by accident. It is T H E Conspiracy. CONSPIRACY?

Ug
It had to

Is it t h e p e o p l e w h o a s s a s s i n a t e d JFK? Or i s it t h e M a s o n s ? Or t h e S a t a n i s t s ? Is it t h e M J - 1 2 C r a s h e d U F O s c o n s p i r a c y , or t h e A l t e r n a t i v e 3 c o n s p i r a c y ? Is it f l u o r i d e in t h e w a t e r , t h e Watergate burglars, the International Jewish Bankers? What about those w h o killed Jimi, Janis, Jim, and G . G . ( a n d n o w K u r ( d ) t ! -ed)l A n d John? A n d P a u l ? A n d M a l c o l m ? A n d A u n t B e t t y ? A n d U n c l e S a m ? A n d T i m m y ' s h a m s t e r ? M o s t o f t h o s e can b e tied in to t h e b a s i c C I A c o n s p i r a c y , but... w h a t a b o u t t h e l i b e r a l m e d i a c o n s p i r a c y ? H o w i s it t h e y ' r e a l l owned b y W e s t i n g h o u s e , G . E . , and o t h e r p a r t s o f t h e conservative c o n s p i r a c y ? B u t t h e n , a l l t h e c o n s p i r a c i e s a r e s o i n t e r l o c k e d and i n t e r w o v e n that w h e n y o u start l o o k i n g i n t o o n e , y o u i n e v i t a b l y e n d u p b e i n g s u c k e d i n t o a n o t h e r and a n o t h e r . One c a n e n d l e s s l y explore the world of conspiracies, intricately detailing its works, m a p p i n g i t s e d d i e s a n d f l o w s , i t s s e c r e t , s u b t l e c u r r e n t s , i t s d a n g e r s . . . b u t o n e r i s k s s u c c u m b i n g to its apparent f r i e n d l i n e s s and charm. F o r it c o n t a i n s w i t h i n it s o m a n y i n f i n i t e l y v a r y i n g c o n s p i r a c i e s o f f a n a t i c s that t h e r e ' s B O U N D to b e a c o n s p i r a c y J U S T F O R Y O U to sink into f o r e v e r ! T h e r e are p l e n t y t o . g o a r o u n d ; w e ' v e started H U N D R E D S o f them o u r s e l v e s ! J u s t r e m e m b e r , t h e y ' r e A L L f a l s e e x p l a n a t i o n s f o r r e a l i t y . . . f a l s e b e c a u s e t h e y are "explanations". B u t t h e y ' r e t h e k i n d o f s e c r e t c a b a l s , p l o t s a n d j u n t a s w e c a n love, because t h e y ' r e s i n i s t e r and e x c i t i n g , and c o n c r e t e ; w e c a n g e t our hands o n t h e m . Yet none of these t h o u s a n d s o f " l i t t l e c o n s p i r a c i e s " a r e nearly worthy of our grandiose, allpowering H a t e . T h e y ' r e s e p a r a t e f r o m u s , t h e y ' r e n o t part o f t h e v e r y A I R w e B R E A T H E , l i k e t h e B I G C o n s p i r a c y . T h e y ' r e r e a l e n o u g h , b u t t h e y t h e m s e l v e s d o n ' t e v e n k n o w w h o t h e y ' r e really working for. Many of them e v e n "mean w e l l " ! But all are just R A V E N I N G M O U T H S for a vast hunger w i t h no body.
2

T h e c o n s p i r a c y t h a t w e t r u l y h a t e , t h e real C o n s p i r a c y , i s n ' t o n e o f t h o s e f i e n d i s h l y clever o n e s . It d o e s n ' t e v e n know i t ' s a c o n s p i r a c y . It c a n ' t I t ' s a f a c e l e s s c o n f e d e r a c y o f d u n c e s , s o vast and s o b r o a d that it u n d e r l i e s a l l t h e l e s s e r c o n s p i r a c i e s a n d p e r m e a t e s a l l h u m a n r e a l i t y . Quite the o p p o s i t e o f d e v i o u s , it d o m i n a t e s b y m e r e l y e x p l o i t i n g t h e o v e r a l l , m e a l y - m o u t h e d , c h i c k e n b u t t - k i s s i n g " C o d e o f N o r m a l i t y " (or C O N ) of A L L the P i n k s , n o r m - w o r m s and m e r e - h u m e s at l a r g e . B u t t h e r e is n o m o r e i n s i d i o u s and s u b t l e a w e a p o n than that. T h i s C o n s p i r a c y h a s n o f a c e ; w e k n o w it o n l y b y i t s d e s i r e s . . . a g r e a t M i r r o r o f D i s f i g u r e m e n t , it r e f l e c t s w h a t ' s w r o n g w i t h everyone. Politics and the petty squabbles o f nations are o n l y part o f w h a t T h e C o n s p i r a c y m a n i p u l a t e s . It is M U C H B I G G E R than g o d s a n d d e m o n s , R e p u b l i c a n s a n d D e m o c r a t s , or P r e s i d e n t s a n d i n t e r l o c k i n g c o r p o r a t e d i r e c t o r i e s ; i t ' s e v e r y t h i n g from t h e s c h o o l b u l l y to t h e w i m p p r i n c i p a l , from M o m and D a d to t h e B o b b i e in t h e w o o d p i l e .

17

M o r e than a n y t h i n g e l s e , T h e C o n s p i r a c y is an attitude - a feara P I N K N E S S . A cancerVbf t h e i m a g i n a t i o n , t h e h a t r e d o f t h e r e a l , t h e y e a r n i n g for " c u t e n e s s " , t h e e a g e r n e s s to o b e y . . . and the l a c k o f T R U E faith in " B o b " D o b b s ! Oh, P e o p l e L O V E " n e w " t h i n g s - l i k e M i c h a e l J a c k s o n is " n e w " c o m p a r e d to T h e B e a t l e s . But if, s a y , a R E A L J E S U S w e r e to appear, w e l l , it m i g h t j u s t l o o k a bit TOO new to be allowed to run loose for long. T h i s fear o f t h e u n f a m i l i a r p e r m e a t e s s o c i e t y ; i t ' s w h a t l e t s the C o n g e t a w a y w i t h R E A L M U R D E R on a m a s s i v e scale. G u a r a n t e e i n g o b e d i e n c e r e q u i r e s l i t t l e e f f o r t o n t h e part o f any C o n s p i r a c y " r i n g l e a d e r s " ; the s t i n k i n g N o r m a l s h a p p i l y s u p p l y the o b e d i e n c e t h e m s e l v e s . The o b v i o u s i n j u s t i c e s a n d i n s a n i t i e s w r i t t e n i n t o l a w b o o k s b y I l l u m i n a t i b i g w i g s are i n s i g n i f i c a n t c o m p a r e d to t h e little thingsthe u n s p o k e n a g r e e m e n t w i t h the s t a t u s q u o , the u n t h i n k i n g daily c o w a r d i c e s , t h e s u b t l e p u t - d o w n s , t h e j u d g m e n t a l g o s s i p and all the m u n d a n e v e n a l i t i e s that m a k e u p human nature: the H a n n a - B a r b e r a c a r t o o n s , the " i n f o t a i n m e n t " p r o g r a m s w i t h c o n c e a l e d b r a i n l o c k s t i m u l i , t h e R u s h L i m b a u g h b u m p e r s t i c k e r s , the C a u c a s i a n C h r i s t i a n s for C o m m e r c e , t h e g r a d e s c h o o l T u r n In Y o u r P a r e n t s p r o g r a m , t h e s a c c h a r i n e v o i c e o f " B a r n e y " , t h e F a s h i o n F a s c i s t s , t h e M T V - s t y l e h a m b u r g e r c o m m e r c i a l s , the D e n v e r B o o t , L i n e D a n c i n g , t h e P r o f e s s i o n a l V i c t i m s , the F o o d F a s c i s t s , t h e S u p e r M a r i o B r o t h e r s , S t e v e n S p i e l b e r g , C h u c k E . C h e e s e , R o b e r t D o l e , M i c k e y ' s T o o n t o w n , c u t e b o x e r s h o r t s w i t h " h i p " d e s i g n s , p e o p l e w h o s p e l l t h e i r n a m e s all in lower-case letters, etc. T h i s nation, this W O R L D is B L O A T E D and S W A Y I N G D R U N K E N L Y with the s t e n c h of Pinkness on its b r e a t h . S o it i s n ' t Y O U R f a u l t if t h i n g s j u s t c o n t i n u e to g o m o r e and m o r e w r o n g until o n e day you S N A P O U T OF IT and realize that there REALLY A R E billions of T O R M E N T E D S O U L S B U R N I N G IN HELL, and YOU'RE ONE OF 'EM... T h a t l a s t , f r a n t i c , d y i n g s h r i e k o f y o u r s o u l g o i n g under w i l l be t h e only sign t h a t y o u h a v e m a d e t h e t r a n s i t i o n i n t o t h e p e a c e f u l n e t h e r w o r l d o f b l i n k e r e d Pink i n d i f f e r e n c e .

WAKE

UP AND

SMELL

THE

SODIUM
-The above item, an excerpt from Slang's forthcoming Simon & Schuster book, The Bob Apocrophon, was pilfered from the SuhGenius Metroplex by our agents in the wee hours of a rainy March night. Quite an interesting tale, that... It seems the team's Plan A of slipping payola to the night watchman failed rather abruptly when after some preparatory and ceremonial drinks were consumed, our driver lost control of the limousine and crashed right into the estate's guardhouse. The guard keel fiauled us, er, our agents up into a 37th floor office where, behind a locked door they began to sweat out an interrogation. The guard, having poured several mugs of coffee down hisguzzard soon needed to return his rented drink. In his absence, one nervous agent grabbed a computer disk. It hap­ pened to contain the above segment! What luck! And with a quick call to Stang's harem, the Asylum agents were identified and dismissed and told "Next time ring the damned buzzer!"

PENTATHOL!
3R.cn. 3foan H>tana;

18

llr
A&B VIDEO DISTRIBUTION 955 W LANCASTER RD STE 430 ORLANDO FL 32809

e C a t a l o gsf
FANTAGRAPHICS BOOKS 7563 LAKE CITY WAY NE SEATTLE WA 98115 $1 They call it the "Ultimate Comics Catalogue" and why not? See Bostwick's reviews of some of their titles in the zines section, but be advised that those are less than the beginning of a litany of comicsmostly of the adult variety. No less than 35 of the covers of comix they peddle show nekkid dicks ortrts or suggest some sort of sexual activity. Titles like Freaks, Young Witches, The Art of Spanking, and Jizz are self-explanatory and are rounded out with stuff from classic underground heroes like R. Crumb, Josh and Alan Friedman, Kim and Simon Deitch, Joe Coleman, and reprints of old stuff like Pogo, Popeye, and Prince Valiant Just as the Loompanics catalog has books by all the other kook publishers, Fantagraphics has fringe comix by all the other fringe comix publishers. Knowing this, what are you going to do, go to the mall on a futile search? Fuckin' asshole. •Ed Godard

It was suggested in BATTERIES NOTINCLUDED#2 (see pg. 10) that these folks were a great source for truly unusual stroke flicks. Not being one to just take anyone's word for anything, I got a hold of the catalog myself. Henceforth, if the folks at BNI say it's night, I'll believe ft even if t h e b l i n d i n g s u n is burning a hole in my retinas. You know how membership or order forms have those "pep phrases" that are supposed to make you really wantwhatever crud is being sold? Try these on for sighs:

WANT KINKY VIDEOS ? WANT WILD VIDEOS? WANT UNCENSORED EUROPEAN VIDEOS? WANT TO SEE WILD BONDAGE VIDEOS ?

SHOVE HUGE OBJECTS UP THEIR PUSSY & A S S ? WANT TO SEE THIS GIRL PUTTING HEF HAND UP HER OWN PUSSY OR BUTT ? THEN JOIN OUR CLUB NOW!!

FERAL HOUSE PO BOX 3466 PORTLAND OR 97208-3466 The short, thin catalog more than makes up for its lack of quantity with apparent quality. Quality oozes from the pages straight onto the fingers of the eager beholder. It seems that FERAL is the actual producer of its short list of books. Although they don't come out and say "this is what we do", this seems to be the case since they go on and on describing each book in ways that only the PR arms of the publishers themselves do. No knock, though. We're talking about quality, man. The goods? Start with one Laird Wilcox, and his book Crying Wolf: Hate Crime Hoaxes In America. A potential firebomb, if you ask me. What group would want to be exposed as one which cries wolf in order to unfairly tarnish their ideological opponents? This book does such expose's. Wilcox's SPECTRUM (reviewed in AFSI # 1 . Break down and buy a copy. It's just a lousy $2.50, postpaid even! Sheesh. Soon it'll be a collectors item and some scumbag will be selling 'em for like 10 bucks each. Don't say you weren't warned.) is as thorough and literally complete source of ALL political organization active in the US today. Highly recommended and worth the $15 from Wilcox: SPECTRUM/PO BOX 2047/OLATHE KS 66061. Editor Jim Keith's Secret And Suppressedwould be a veritable treasure trove to those who follow the conspiracy/mind control trail. Several topics, ranging from Jonestown, neo-Nazis, "actual" world history, AIDS plots, and more are explored. Josh Friedman's Tales Of Times Square tells all about the sleaze and sex scene on the Square. I know I had reservations about prowling around the Square when I was last in NYC. I always like to get foreign language porn- especially Oriental porn. Of course, my tastes in porn are incredibly tame and casual as is shown by Friedman. On the somewhat lighter side, Rudolph Grey's book Nightmare And Ecstasy covers the genius who gave us the BadFilmclassic"Plan 9 FromOuter Space" and used a walking freak show for the casts in his films (Vampira, Criswell, Tor Johnson, etc.). Wood was everthe victim of

The titles and topics indicate in a hurry that they are mainly catering to the tastes of heterosexual men, which is fine. There are a few exceptions, but they really are few. Anyway, the titles can do more to prove that their flicks aren't the fluff one might find on cable or even the regular, old in-out stuff. Observe: "Kinky Grandma". 'The Cum Eating Contest". "Male Slave". "Drink My Milk And Cum In My Mouth". "Shave My Husband", 'Older Ladies Love Gang Bangs Too", efc. Name your preference, fetish, or curiosity. Odds are, they have it. Never content with their current line-up of flicks, they seek amateur flashing videos (especially), and, get this, they pay $ 1 0 per minute of flashing video! Need $600 in a jiffy? Why not have your significant other drag out the vidcam for an hour? They aren't kidding when they say it's "better than a tax refund". After all, a tax refund is the result of having overpaid the government and allowing it to earn interest on your wages when you could have done the same! Here's one thing I really like. They spend Page One laying the cards on the table- as well they should! Shouldn't adults be able to have access to any sort of info and entertainment they might like to receive? Shouldn't they also be informed of the dangers inherent in performing the acts depicted in the unprotected-ass-fucking entertainment they might wish to purchase? The A&B folks do these things. I'd call it a responsible exercising of freedom within a democratic system. Nonetheless, they aren 'tallowedXo sell videos to residents of the states of Alabama, Utah, and Florida. I guess notions such as freedom and individual discretion are repugnant in these states. Ironic that this firm operates in one of the very states they cannot sell within! What a sad, sad thing it is (see Florida commentary in our zine review section ). Obviously, you'll need an age statement to get the catalog.

19

skimpy budgets and unreasonable time constraints which inevitably resulted in amazing displays of imagination and improvisation. Grey, if I'm not mistaken, has created some interesting instrumental sounds for New Alliance Records. Using the usual rock and roll instruments, Grey created some truly interesting and occasionally annoying scree. Well, there is plenty more from the likes of demented artist Joe Coleman, Satanist Anton LaVey, and others who may lack name recognition, buttheirtopics may grab you. They've got end-times stuff, unabashed hetero lust, an expose' of California's harsh juvenile offender system, and something they describe as "the most gruesome religious document of all time" which features the art of Coleman, Peter Bagge, Daniel Clowes, Savage Pencil, Crispin "Hellion" Glover, Mark Mothersbaugh, Manson, Gacy, and others. Yikes! Kill for this catalog if they wont send one to you. Odds are you won't have to go through that much bother though. .

There are literally hundreds of images to suit any rubber stamping situation. Tired of writing, "FOR DEPOSIT ONLY" on the backs of checks? Need a better way to tell the Post Office not to squash your package? How's about a 'TREAT WITH RESPECT" stamp? Maybe you need a unique gift for a friend who is a car, train, airplane, animal, nature, country theme, etc., nut. Look no further, friend. They can even suit custom orders. If you still aren't convinced, look around this mag's pages. Several of the doodads we call art have come courtesy Good Impressions. Prices are cheap to boot. Go to it.

SPACE AND TIME WORLD ENTERPRISES JOHN TRUBEE- SOLE PROPRIETOR PO BOX 4921 SANTA ROSA CA 95402 On any other day, I might have just picked out a few of Trubee's tapes and reviewed them, but today I don't feel like leaving anything out. Mr. Trubee has been recording his stuff for some 20 years now and if you listen to late night college radio, chances are you have heard some of his things without knowing who the creep is. My first introduction to the "art" of John Trubee was via his "Blind Man's Penis" 7" record. I saw an ad for it in Maximum RockNRoll, institution that it is, about 10 years ago and knew instantly that I HAD to have that record. The guy read one of those "send yer lyrics and we'll make a country music record" ads in the National Enquireror any other one of those sleazy grocery store tabloids, and decided to send something truly offensive- just to see if they'd press it. Needless to say, they did. The tinny, stock country twang was accompanied by a tinny, stock singer's twang, warbling stuff about UFOs, mama's titties, tripping, and a blind man's hard-on. Over the years, Trubee has engaged in dozens of other noteworthy projects. "Calls to Idiots" is a series of prank calls done mostly 10-20 years ago. One fucked up sample appeared on the b-side of the "Blind Man's Penis" record. It was a prank on a motel desk clerk and wound up with what sounded like Trubee blasting off in a spaceship. "The Mark Knopfler Calls" tape is a crack-up. A guy calls people, mostly young women, and under the guise of the Dire Straits singer, tries to pickthem up by offering them stuff. Other "celebrity" stuff includes the "Celebrity Swearing" tape, which really captured the voices of notables going on like normal human beings rather than in the presentational mode we usually get to see and hearthem in. You may be familiar with the Casey Kasem bits from the ill-fated Negativland "U2" CD. Other voice tapes include the "Whipped Dog Tape" (a whining man who sounds to Trubee like a, well, whipped dog), the "Crying Bitch Tape" (you figger it out), and the "Lucious Tate Calls". Some guy called a bunch of rural black folk and fucked with them. Here's the interesting crux. Trubee makes it ciear that he feels that there are some people who deserve such calls, such as the wealthy, the white-collared, the gullible, the stupid, etc, while there are others who don't, like the working poor, the bluecollared, etc. He was interviewed in an article on the psychological effects of such activities in GRAY MATTERS magazine (Vol 2 No2. $3.50 to: PO Box 808 / Broomall PA 19008-0808). He was (is?) also involved in several bands over the years, perhaps the best known was the Ugly Janitors Of America, who produced tapes with titles like "World Of Lying Pigs", "Oceanic Neon Turnpike". "Mister Shit Dies In Hell" (a live tape), "Strange Hippie Sex Carnival", efc. He's also done insane poetry in "Bullfrog Embryo". 'The Last Dwarf Drops His Pants", and "What Will The Neighbors Think". For the most part, it is the fan of the obnoxious and infantile that will be delighted most by the Trubee collection. Good laughs at the expense of pathetic human beings. Mmmmmmmmmm.

LOOMPANICS UNLIMITED PO BOX 1197 PORT TOWNSEND WA 98368 $5 Okay, so you've absorbed a whole bunch of this stuff and you've concluded, "I'd like to get mounds of this stuff". Fine, but where to start? You may decide to just start at the beginning and write, write, write until writer's cramp turns your arm into a pretzel. Others may say, "the hell if I want all of those things... I just want this', and they'll write for that. A few of you will conclude, "now that I've written to all of them, I sf/7/ need more". What has this got to do with the Loompanics catalog? Well, no matter your desire for these sorts of items, Loompanics has oodles of titles tackling more oodies of subjects to the extent that if you had $1000 to piss away on books tomorrow, you'd probably still be about $3000 short of getting everything you want. Really. They have everything. The catalog is 280+ pages thick. Thick is the operative word, hence the cover price. Here's an incredibly abridged list of topics entertained: counterfeiting, tax evasion, smuggling, privacy, survival, revenge, theft, hacking, picking locks, hand-to-hand combat, homemade weaponry, death, human sacrifice, dumpster diving, food, squatting, sex, drugs, religion, Satan, TV, film, mind expansion, plagiarism, science, health, UFOs, and goddamn, a whole ton more. We've listed catalogs from other book houses and publ ishers and ALL OF TH El R STU FF seems to be sold by Loompanics too. If you like the idea of buying stuff all at once from one place, this is the place.

GOOD IMPRESSIONS RUBBER STAMPS POBOX33 SHIRLEY WV 26434-0033 The staff had fun lining the pages of the first two issues with clippings from turn of the century Sears catalogs. We just love the old graphic style. Photos were never used in those days. All depictions came from the crusty hands of some old wood carver in the form of incredibly detailed woodcuts. Isn't it ironic that now that graphic artists are armed with computers and don't have to go through all the trouble of physical, mechanical processes the detailing in most publications is as streamlined, and therefore, as bland as Knox gelatin. Praise the cottage industry! One look at the catalog is like taking a trip back to the Gay '90s, and hurrah! If I ever am inclined to pay to have someone do my typesetting and layouts, these are the folks. Of course, I'd neverpay someone to do what I can ^ ^ ^ ^ do, but man, it's a tempting proposition. They've really |: | nailedthe spirit of an era here. What's more, you can have OC\ every single image for your own use!

RRRECORDS 151 PAIGE ST LOWELL MA 01352 I remember my introduction to the worlds of the underground, suppressed, scorned, etc., in the fondest light. My new oddball friends and I were always so eager to prove to the squares how different we were. Shit. That was easy. In my Catholic high school setting (all-male forayear), I was surrounded by wanna-be doctors, lawyers, accountantsyou know, cannon fodder. It was like trying to be more alive than a rotted corpse. Amongst one another, the competition was downright s e r i o u s . The contest for status among a bunch of freaks seeking upward mobility can be as gruesome and vicious as the scramble between to Naval officers vyingforthe last piece of Tailhooktail. When ever I wanted to win the "I listen to t h e weirdest music" contest, all I had to do was trot out the latest RRR release. One minute of the PGR, Merzbow, or Emil Beaulieau records would have my punk rock friends writhing in agony, begging me to turn the "noise" off. "Memories''... Those were RRR's early days. They just marked their 10th anniversary with a great double CD set (see review elsewhere) and recently reached release number 100, which they celebrated with a 7" record which had tiny snippets of sound, each followed with a locked groove! It was annoying as hell to try to listen to, but made for great radio. These days, RRR's offerings of stuff put out by other record labels absolutely dwarfs the list of their own goods. Specialty type labels from around the globe like Silent, Banned, Charnal House, Stomach Ache, Bvhaast/Mantra, United Dairies, Extreme, Cold Meat Industry and dozens more are represented. All formats, vinyl, cassettes, CDs, videos, etc. are available. The common denominator is style. It's often rather adventurous, much is quite abrasive, some is virtually unlistenable, but none is perfectly average, pretty, or quaint. If you really want something that is out there or extreme, don't fuck around with pussyfooting Satanic heavy metal. That stuff would probably strike the RRR folks in the same manner as a Billy Joel CD would strike the metal dudes.

And what the hell. Trotting out the latest RRR release is still a great way to clear the room of unwanted guests.

NOTICE:
RRR is staging its' annual auction once again. They are offering about 1000 titles of things found in their regular catalog as well as long gone stuff. Other items are rarities, personalized, and out of print, t's a pretty mind blowing list. Auction ends May 1,1994, so hurry if interested. Send a large SASE. Two 29-cent stamps would do.

INTERNATIONAL UFO CENTER P O B O X 691388 ORLANDO FL 32869 What had been a retail store in the land of fairy tales and cartoons has been reduced to a mail order outfit by a landlord who saw fit to double to rent on short notice. That's a shame, since Orlando could use at least one retailer that deals less with fiction than with fact. What the heck, all the goodies are still available via this swell catalog. There is a wide array of "regular" stuff like trading cards and T-shirts bearing messages like "my other car is a UFO" and "UFOs are real- ask NASA" and nifty saucer rubber stamps. Nearly 100 related book and video titles are offered with a few prophecy type titles for sale as well. Top of the heap, though, is the list of innovative UFO worship items. I've hunted garage sales and flea markets high and low, and have never stumbled across ceramic UFO night lights, table lamps, wind chimes, alien busts, neckties, refrigerator magnets, and perhaps best of all, the book ends. Book ends? What's so hot about book ends? Well, they're ceramic and depict a UFO crash scene with little d e a d a l i e n s scattered all about the ceramic landscape! For those who are serious about the decor of their shrine room, consider yourself pointed in the proper direction.

LDDITFriniCS
U n l i m i t e d The Best Book Catalog In T h e : World! We've got everything you've' been looking for and more!!! Our catalog is 280 pages, BYz x 11, packed with over 800 of the most con- • troversial and unusual books ever printed! You can find everything from Self-Sufficiency, Survival, HidingA Concealment, and Self-Defense, to Locks and Lockpicking, Intelligence Increase, Money-making Opportunities, and more. You can order every book listed. Periodic sup­ plements keep you posted on the LATEST titles available! Our catalog is $5.00 including shipping and handling. Order Yours Today!!! 206-385-2230 ASI4

LOOMPANICS UNLIMITED PO BOX 1197 PORT T O W N S E N D , WA 98368 To receive your copy of the Best Book Catalog In The World!, fill out the coupon below and send it along with $5.00 to the address above. Washington residents please add 7.9% sales tax. Name Address City/State/Zip

BOX 333 PALO CEDRO, C A 96073

" r Y B ra y for the R b e i lo ? Ae O e d n b rni n "
Crapitalists hope you never see the Marksist Stampifesto. They want to keep pouring their crap into the right side of your brain through the funnels of the Trojan Tube and their camellian slic pic McMags. The Stampifesto shows how you cart foil their schemes and strike out on your own. You will be able to make your mark on practically anything and everything that crosses yoUr path. Your place in the glorious Rubberlution is waiting, no one else can fill it for you. Procure your Free Copy of the Marksist Stampifesto today, it will not bore or put you to sleep, true liberation can be highly stimulating. Why wait another moment, just write to: Good Impressions, P.O.Box 33.S-I, Shirley, WV 26434 and find out what it's all about. Include your name and address, a first class stamp to speed it on its way, and tell them that Boris sent you.

VIDEO WASTELAND cat. #2 214 FAIR ST BEREAOH 44017 These locals don't have a store, per se. What they have is a mail order vid rental service, which is a great concept, especially if saddled in Cornstalk, Iowa. I mean, would you wanna make the mind numbing trekfrom Iowa to suburban Cleveland? Of course not. Don't be silly, tough guy. The catalog lists all those great horror, exploitation, curt, efc, flicks that you thought only existed in the minds of the editors of zines
like PSYCHOTRONIC VIDEO or TRASH COMPACTOR They really

GAMBITS SPRAY

exist and you can have them mailed to you! Check out some off the titles: "Bloodthirsty Butchers". "Blood Diner", "Cannibal Holocaust", 'Chopper Chicks In Zombietown". "Exorcismo Negro", "Nail Gun Massacre". "A Polish Vampire InBurbank", "Basic Autopsy Procedure". 'The Sex and Violence Family Hour". "Images of the Convent". "Entrails of the Virgin", efc. If you seek films fromcertain directors, they have stuff from Ed Wood, Herschell Gordon Lewis, Lucio Fulci, Jess Franco, etal. I always go for the Asian sleaze and they have plenty. Next time you throw a party, rent a few of these instead of letting MTV run all night, ok? One catch is that you must have a credit card or plunk down a deposit. Can't blame them for it though. I wouldn't be found sending my stash of cool vids across the planet without some means of covering my ass. Rent three at a time at the seemingly high cost of $6 each, but shit. If you have friends overto watch, you can have them chip in, and besides, you'll probably just hook up the second VCR and dub a copy anyhow. Where else can you rent these suckers, huh, smart guy?

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW EXISTED JOHNSON SMITH CO 4514 19TH STCT E BOX 25500 BRADENTON FL 34206-5500 $2 A better name would be 'Things You Forgot Existed". A quick flip through these pages causes instant deja vu, bringing to mind those pages of cheap ads on all the comics I read as a little kid. I'm not talking about those "sell seeds! make money! win prizes!" ads, but the ones that sell the cigarette through coin trick, the two-headed nickel, those cheesy x-ray glasses, exploding golf balls, bald head masks, itching po wder,and mountains of otherperfectly worthless, tacky, yet irresistable junk. Yuks and gee-gaws and nothing else.
-EdGodard

Ra i g in P r le Su is #1 edns a a l t de
No doubt moit o/ you wlto nam lead tke journal of tke Dnitilute jo* Parallel Studi&i know- thai it wai. not hyfoDitUe fait UtetaHy exploration of alternate wotldi. 9a fact, tltU theme Itai a*owu in popuUvuty of late in the Science Miction community. Aaain and aaain we UeaA. aJtout the Confederacy winning the Civil Ilia*., Napoleon winnina at lOatetloo ai Kennedy eicapina ai&atUuation, and make no mistake, iome of tkeie itoMei. ate oety ent&itaiuina. Jfawetm., iome WitteM, nam taken upon tkemleloei. tAe iliaktly different talk of •Le'uUna up. alternative oioloaiei. IttU toauitoi a tkatouak and Maotoui iackfAattnd in icience lotU to unite and to Head ai. well ai to comp/iekend. 9tUa few of tkoie wkick we will dUcuii today.

Alternative Biologies b Dr. Amd Fh o gr y h e i mne s
YIIK N E A R C T I C RRAI.M

S o u p ! Diion, who gave us toe remarkable "After Man: a Zooloyr of the Future", also produced a peculiar alternative view of our own time. In the "jew Dinosaurs: an Alternative Evolution* (Salem House, $19.95), we are asked to imagine that no great K/T (Cretaceous/Tertiary) event took place resulting in a p a t extinction 85 million years ago. The result? Mammals remain in the zoological background while the dinosaurs continue to evolve through the climactic changes of the Cenozoic Era filling all of the ecological niches occupied in our reality by birds and mammals. In many cases the resemblance is startling. The Monocorn, although a certopsian dinosaur,

<i LLVsprintosaurs L-*
HLILLLLLL-JLUKBILLWI LLLLIO

NT"TIN- LH.1utt.TMS P E R I O D
THESE. I I N U N I . W I H V D F R I A ULLJIIVLI'IY LII[K.-D:IL ILIL* I S I INU I N .SPEND M T I N TIMETM.ILL LIMRK-FP.(B) «1i THEY EVI>1VEIL INTO THE PLILIUV III-HIJIN|IRII»NWIITR.S. IHEJ IXV.IINEO MIPLEIEK I ( U : I I L N I ) X T H I L TEL. T H E LES|ITRTJ>;IIUL LINLIMEIYL 11. WILD

Ikkuii

M

L

RHLTT'lllr:LLL-LL 11 1 It" 1 1
ILIIJDIS IIIUL [IJI]X-F : I R M S , ITIIDIL: UIIL LUVINTIKIMH-LWLIIIWITII;

flilH1»IM.LS»UTBL-TLLTALFJ
E I L H E F I O N S L U M P <IR L U . I

to*
< •|1IFLNI\T>FA(.V''IFRLWLONK I I K M I I . S I H . I T I T S M ' S ;IRV MILL I I I N N V I L L V L O I - L NL'LHI- I I I M - ; I M L I L , Y R . I V » I I K ' I - * IT . . W I L L I " , K T V P ; I N v\y • ' P I ' I I I'"' IFUNJK'R O N IHV UPON TFCMTK'T' I ; M I V V O L I-ONIINIS I R O M ;IL:IR.:UITL
I

\&Mtr~

ILUBNKVLUNJI K - s - ^ V I L I U '

y

,

come to fit into the small dinosaur. The Lank, imewhat W of a giraffe. The gl to their sparse text show these animals even t o have similar y pretty counterparts on the real world. Although this is a some of the ether presentation, it does not show the wild ii

•/•. L U M L I L T I C I I L M . I M I R ILUI NM I | , S . I N C M IKCTL I N M I "JTII

bulk**

V

'Mtrh.t.LLLLLLIL.ULT •
t

•1,1 . . . . N I H I . F L K -

l -lilt- I U N U L ' S N I - ^ r i lbn«-iiiiiill«fcnv ;»lnl.h illlWfttj

"Parallel Botany" by Leo Lionni ($12.93 Knopf) is almost too strange to fathom. This incredibly detailed volume deals with an entirely unknown living Kingdom which is, at least partly, hyper dimensional. The Parallel Plants look only vapely plant like. That is, they look more like plants than they do anything else. They are as often as not completely insubstantial, although those which have substance can have it in all degrees- from those that will crumbletonotbinpess if looked attoohard,tothose which cannot be penetrated by any method knowntoscience. Even the names of the plants are v a p e in meaning, but somehow suggestive. The i'mimlt the Molars, the Solea, and the kfimm all hanging in the hinterlands of reality. The publisher has labeled this book as "satire", but satire of what in particular is also unclear. Perhaps it is satire of the academia of the scientific commnnity, or perhaps of nature itself. What I think makes this book the best of the lot is that you will know no more about the subject when yon put it down as when you picked it up, thus making it one of the wonderous mysteries of the required readings for the parallel scientist.

P L . X X J J The Cadriano germinants

Rhinolimacius conchicauda.

FLATS

in

PLATE VIII

One of toe most notable b o o b of parabiology is T h e Snorters" by Harald Stompke. a. k. a. Gerolf Steiner (University of Chicago Press $7.95). In this amazing work, we are introduced to These obscure beasts are characterized There are !hcaptun even can find i copy of this book, get i t Itfsapodie.
Tt up U.-31 r.

PANGALOON
Fltttnmtm ttibnrvstm An interesting e x a m p l e o f the re-evolution o f features o n c e lost, ;irises in the case o f the punftaioun. Its bodv is covered in scales, but these are not the conventional reptilian scales thai w e r e possessed by its archosaurian ancestors 200 million years ago. These scales arc actually plates of fused hairs. The original scales w e r e retained as the archosaur evolved into the primitive ctwlurasuur dinosaur. T h e n , ai the a i e h i r o n u r d e v e l o p e d and evolved into die warm-blooded arbrosaur, the scales evplvcd into insulating fur. Tile pangaloan, w h i c h is evolved from an arbrosaur that has reverted to a ground-dwelling way of life, has rede­ v e l o p ! a scaly armour front masses of fur fused together Its ground-dwelling habit evolved as the ants flourished and b e c a m e widespread in the early part of the Tertian' period. Asthe ants evolved then s o did the ant-eating adaptations of animals like ilie pangalixm. Tlie typical, long toothy jaws of the arbrosaur have b e e n replaced, In the pangaloon, by a tubular snout, along which lies a long sticky t o n g u e dial can lie thrust o m to a disianccgreater than the length of the head. It can push its snout d o w n ant burrows and lap up the ants that adhere to ilie tongue's stickiness. The m i d d l e claw of the lorelimh has d e v e l o p e d into a strong hook' that can tear into ants' nesis to e x p o s e their tunnels and chambers. The nostrils are high up o n the face and can lie c l o s e d for protection.

I - Tin. d i p is a patient animal andsiisliy i h e p o o l s o l mountain waterfalls waiting fin iisli. it is able in fudge iis distance from its target despite the di.iti irting effect of (he Water, and darts its kmji head downwards, cleaving the water and pinning the slippery lisli between its mam' sham teeth.

Nasdbema \ lyricum

t h e p a n g a l o a n has extends inn mm burrows Ike dense scaly armour i if the pangaloon is not :i protection against ani.s Inn guards agauiM attacks [iy prcdali iry reptiles ilial Jive on tlk.'lro[ ileal finest tioor. Ilie pntigaloon is a .slow moving animal and unlike lis relatives, ii lannm lake refuge in lives- When it ts threatened, ilk- pangaloon mit curl the |iail<lle-sh:ipeil tail I h) beneath its body to protect its soft itmlerpanslrm tithe stings aih! hillng jaws ol the large aiils.

FLATS X

ifreei&et
I'm anything b u t an expert computer user. I bumble around and waste time like it's going out of style. Even still, I can handily find my way around the InterNet system which links several of the FreeNet systems. FreeNets are generally operated by universities because they can afford to do so for free. Ah, the occasional benefits of pork barrel funding for the common joe. These FreeNets are quite seperate from the commercial services such as CompuServe or America On-Line, which charge monthly user fees as well as fees for special services. Because I can't really afford to subscribe to any of those services, I use the FreeNet set up by Case Western Reserve University just outside of Cleveland. The world of information contained herein is so vast and everexpanding, I'm not sure I would subscribe even if I could afford to since so much is just waiting to be tapped like sap from the maple tree in the backyard.

f t

AMAZING MINICOMICS

All the user need is a computer, a modem, communications software, and a phone line. To register with the Cleveland (and recently, Dayton's) FreeNet, I dialed the number and logged on as a visitor when prompted. From there I requested permission to register as a user. They will send (or you can print out) user info and waiver forms. Both are to certify age at 18+ to grant access to all free speech areas, and user data that could be used to represent part of their experiment. Just guessing. I do know that some FreeNets are more interested in accomodating their own communities. Therefore, it may be advisable to concoct an affiliation with the host university, if necessary. Until accepted as a registered user, one can log-on as a visitor and be able to read many of the newsgroups and bulletin boards, but contibute to and none of them nor send or receive electronic mail. About two weeks after sending forms, I was registered and granted full access to the system.

FISHMONGER GRAPHJX STUDIOS
FINE ART AND CURIOSITIES FROM THE STUDIO O F T H E G O O D DOCTOR HIMSELF

CLEARANCE
$1 OFF EACH ITEM

SALE

WITH I HIS COUPON (OK A FACSIMILE) FULL-COLOR MINI-ART PRINTS: $ 5 FOR THREE MISCELLANEOUS PRINTS, SIGNED BY THE ARTIST. THE MOST IMPORTANT DOCUMENT OF THIS (OR ANY OTHER) CENTURY: THE JOURNAL OF THE INSTITUTE FOR PARALLEL STUDIES $4.00 (FULL COLOR) THE BEST MAGAZINE IN THE WHOLE DARN WORLD! GETSTUPID VOL1 #4.6, 7 and 8 - $3.00 each #9-15~S2.00eac/> #1, 2, 3 and 5 - OUT OF PRINTISORRYI SEND ORDERS TO FISHMONGER GRAPHIX STUDIOS 25 GRANT ST. CAMBRIDGE.MA 02138 MAKE CHECKS PAYA.rsL,i; TO S S T H IJGITCH

PLEASE INCLUDE 50c POSTAGE PER ITEM

S I M R P ES KD A K R S
P B X 2 3 B O K I EA 0 1 6 O O 9 R O LN J 2 4

The InterNet, short for International Network, is just one of the avenues found with in most FreeNets. In addition to the InterNet, most offer access to local library catalogs, local bulletin boards, multi-user conversation areas (hi-tech party lines), electronic mail services, connections to other FreeNets even, and a host of other options. I like to go straight for the Usenet bulletin boards in the FreeNet system. Usenet has a series of initial classifications the user may choose from. The "alt" newsgroup is the one that houses many of my favorite free-for-all discussion groups... like:

FREENETS Cleveland (OH) FreeNet Lorain County (OH) FreeNet Medina County (OH) FreeNet Youngstown (OH) FreeNet Tri-State OnLine (Cincinnati, OH) Dayton (OH) FreeNet Great Lakes (Battle Creek Ml) 216-368-3888 216-366-9721 216-723-6732 216-742-3072 606-781-5575 513-229-4373 616-969-4536 National Capital FreeNet (Ottawa, O N T ) 613-780-3733 Buffalo (NY) FreeNet 716-645-6128 Ocean State (Providence Rl) 401-831-4640 Heartland FreeNet (Peoria, IL) 309-674-1100 PrairieNet (Champaign-Urbana IL) 217-255-9000 Columbia (MO) Online Info N e t w o r k 314-884-7000 Ozark Regional (Springfield MO) 417-869-6100 Denver (CO) FreeNet 303-270-4865 Talahassee (FL) FreeNet 904-488-5056 Rio Grande (El Paso, TX) 915-775-5600 Victoria (BC) FreeNet 604-595-2300 Big Sky (MT) Telegraph 406-683-7600 CIAO (Trail, BC) 604-368-5764 Erlangen-Nuernberg (Germany)+49-9131-85-8111 Wellington City Network (NZ) +64-4-801-3060
Several m o r e cities h a v e F r e e N e t s set up, but are only accessible via the Nets a b o v e . T o c o n n e c t with t h e m , you use the e-mail a d d r e s s of t h e F r e e N e t s below. W e contacted several of t h e m o d e r a t o r s of t h e s e N e t s , a n d they've ALL indicated a d e s i r e to a c q u i r e their o w n direct dial lines. Many are in t h e process of d o i n g s o . Stay t u n e d ! A direct-dial FreeNet in your area c o d e = f r e e a c c e s s ! A k r o n ( O H ) R e g i o n a l FreeNet... Capital Region (Albany NY) Information Service... N e w M e x i c o (Albuquerque) Free-et... Anchornet (Anchorage AK)... 4 0 4 FreeNet (Atlanta GA)... Austin (TX) FreeNet... Baton R o u g e (LA) Free-Net... FreeNet Bayreuth (Germany)... Lehigh Valley ( B e t h l e h e m PA) FreeNet...Calgary (AB) FreeNet... C a n t o n (OH) FreeNet... C a p e Breton (NS) FreeNet... S h a w n e e (Carbondale, IL) FreeNet... Triangle (Chapel Hill NC) FreeNet... Charlotte's (NC) W e b . . . Midnet (Columbia SC)... North T e x a s (Dallas) FreeNet... Davis (CA) FreeNet... Greater Detroit FreeNet... C o m m u n i t y Service N e t w o r k (Easton MD>... E d m o n t o n (AB) FreeNet... Fairfield (IO) FreeNet... Seflin (Ft Lauderdale FL) FreeNet... Tarrant C o u n t y (TX) FreeNet... M a i n e (Freeport) FreeNet... G r a n d R a p i d s (Ml) FreeNet... Michiana (Granger IN) FreeNet... G r e e n e t (Greenville SC)... G r e e n c o N e t ( G r e e n w o o d S C ) . . . C h e b u c t o ( H a l i f a x NS) FreeNet... C P B I ( H a r t f o r d CT) FreeNet... Finland (Helsinki) FreeNet... T h e A l o h a (Honolulu HI) FreeNet Project... Houston Civnet... T e n n e s s e e Valley (Huntsville A L ) FreeNet... Lima (OH) FreeNet... Greater Pulaski (Little R o c k A R ) FreeNet... Los A n g e l e s FreeNet... M e l b o u r n e (AUS) FreeNet... Miami FreeNet... T w i n (MN) Cities FreeNet... FreeNet D u M o n t r e a l . . . N e w O r l e a n s FreeNet... M e d b o r g a r n a s ( N o r r k o p i n g S w e d e n ) . . .

ALT.ABTRICTTON ALT.BARNEP ALT.BBS; ALT.BINARP.PFCG ALT.CONSPTRACP ALT.FLAME ALT.TIOOFCS ALT.MEBTA ALT.MITSIC

Mtmanim

Lots of t h e m a r e nice for pretty practical stuff like... My preference b e i n g w h a t it is, I like to go for the kook stuff. Be advised: R e a d i n g t h e m a t e r i a l o n t h e U s e n e t c a n b e h a z a r d o u s t o y o u r h e a l t h . T h e S u r g e o n General h a s noted the extreme wasting of time and energy by the silly bozos who allow themselves to be completely taken by the discussion contained within. N e v e r m i n d t h e d a m a g e peering at a screen will d o t o y o u r retinas, s m a r t i e . T a k i n g this stuff seriously will drive y o u b a n a n a s . T h e n a g a i n , if y o u ' v e read this far a n d haven't b l o w n a gasget, you'll probably be O K . T h e following is a list of FreeNets. Hopefully, o n e is within y o u r a r e a c o d e . A g a i n , t h e h o o k u p is generally free- I've yet t o hear of a F r e e N e t that c h a r g e s a n y sort of f e e s at all; the only e x p e n s e will b e t h e cost of t h e p h o n e call. I'm lucky e n o u g h to have the C l e v e l a n d FreeNet fall within t h e range of a local call. My only cost is m y t i m e a n d electricity. I'm getting better at reducing t h e t i m e expenditure. Really. I n fact, after a f e w u s e s , it isn't hard t o hone the skills of t h e hunt. T h a t w o u l d b e neither h e r e nor there if y o u lacked the phone n u m b e r of the FreeNet nearest to y o u . Here is a list of a s many FreeNets as w e c o u l d muster up. W e know that more exist. Please e-mail us with t h e n u m b e r of any FreeNet or interesting private (yet free) bulletin b o a r d that y o u know of at: e e 6 6 2 @ c l e v e i a n d . f r e e n e t . e d u . In fact, please forward any information y o u might want to that y o u think might b e of interest or of use, like M I A s , k o o k literature sources, net.nuts, etc.

27

Article #860 (940 is last): Newsgroups: altusenet.kooks From: bediger@teal.csn.org (Bruce Ediger) Subject: PERIODIC REPOSTING OF NET.NUT FAQ Date: Sat Feb 12 18:00:24 1994 This FAQ is a partial enumeration of net.entities that are generally considered to be "netloons" of one sort or another. It is an enumeration because actual criteria for describing and predicting looniness have not been discovered or agreed upon. This FAQ does not shy away from sticky issues like "MY OS is better than your OS", unlike some other FAQs we could mention. It concentrates on four different types of netloons: Single Issue Ideologues - grind their axe into dust. Kibozers - use automated tools to seek out and respond to certain key phrases or words. Crack-of-all-Trades- entities that advocate a baffling and inconsistent array of ideas. Flame Baiters - Entities that solely and only post "flame bait", off-topic extremely flamable and controversial material. There is some overlap pf the categories. "Serdar Argic" has a narrow range of ideas he/she/it/they post about endlessly, and also appears to use automated tools to find articles to follow-up. SINGLE ISSUE NET.NUT Gary Stollman NET.NUTS

KIBOZERS NET.NUT J a m e s "Kibo" P a r r y RESPONDS TO:

Responds t o v i r t u a l l y any m e n t i o n o f h i s Name, U s e n e t wide. Also apparently looks for clever variations o n h i s Name. Uses t h e "agrep" u n i x u t i l i t y . Peter Trei Responds t o any mention of a f e w k e y w o r d s , l i k e "Mason" o r "Illuminati", Usenet-wide. S e a r c h t o o l ( s ) u s e d unknown. Responds t o most mentions o f Larry Wall "perl", U s e n e t - w i d e . Uses p e r l p r o g r a m named " c l i p " . Responds t o mentions of Serdar Argic "Turkey" ( " T u r k i y e ' ) , " A r m e n i a " , " C y p r u s " a n d h i s / h e r / i t s / t h e i r own name. L o o k s i n s e l e c t e d n e w s g r o u p s . S e a r c h t o o l unknown. O t h e r e n t i t i e s t h a t may K i b o z e , b u t d o n ' t g i v e enough e v i d e n c e f o r more t h a n mere s u s p i c i o n a r e : US G o v e r n m e n t ' s N a t i o n a l S e c u r i t y A g e n c y D e n n i s M R i t c h i e , o n e o f t h e c o - c r e a t o r s o f UNIX operating system. Roy B Radow, o n e o f NAMBLA's o f f i c i a l s p o k e s m e n . CRACKS-OF-ALL-TRADES:

THESIS Robert ,E. McElwaine Amazing amounts o f d r i v e l , posted one-at-a-time. Something incomprehensible but very vehement. A s u r r e a l c o m e d i a n . Tends t o c o n c e n t r a t e on " p a r a p s y c h o l o g y " a n d UFOs. R i d i c u l o u s s t u f f , a l l slammed t o g e t h e r under t h e rubric " P l u t o n i u m Atom T o t a l i t y "

R e p l i c a n t s a r e t a k i n g o v e r t h e w o r l d . No l o n g e r a c t i v e , may h a v e b e e n r e p l i c a t e d . Serdar Argic Armenians k i l l e d 2 . 5 m i l l i o n Turks and Kurds, 1 9 1 4 - 1 9 2 0 . David Davidian Turks k i l l e d 1 . 5 m i l l i o n Armenians and a bunch o f Kurds. C. J . L a s n e r A s s e m b l y l a n g u a g e p r o g r a m m i n g i s Good a n d Necessary. Phil Hallam-Baker You s h o u l d W o r s h i p DEC s o f t w a r e / h a r d w a r e / Unix s u x . Ted H o i d e n The E a r t h w a s o n c e a moon o f S a t u r n . Herman R u b i n Modern p r o g r a m m i n g l a n g u a g e s a r e n ' t w h a t I need. J. G i l e s The C programming l a n g u a g e i s o n e h u g e . mistake. Masataka Ohta . Window s y s t e m s a n d s h a r e d l i b r a r i e s a r e useless. Jack Schmidling The US g o v e r n m e n t a n d m e d i a a r e c o n t r o l l e d by Z i o n i s t s . C l a y t o n Cramer A l l homosexuals i m p l i c i t l y support c h i l d abuse. Nick Szabo Humanity i s t h r e a t e n e d w i t h imminent population implosion. Alexander Abian Time h a s I n e r t i a . Arthur S c r i b n e r A r i s t o t l e was a n E g y p t i a n , and was b l a c k . E. A l a n I d l e r B o y s o v e r 5 y e a r s s h o u l d n o t s l e e p i n same bedroom o r t h e y w i l l g o t o h e l l . Jack S a r f a t t i T h e r e m u s t b e s o m e way t o u s e q u a n t u m mechanics for f a s t e r - t h a n - l i g h t communication. Robert Bernecky APL o n IBM S / 3 7 0 b e a t s t h e p a n t s o f f anything e l s e . Chak Ho Some w e i r d n e s s a b o u t C h i n a a n d Hong Kong. Hannu P o r o p u d a s Space P o t a t o , daughter i s a prophet of God. Snarfy Newtonian g r a v i t y theory i s f a l s e . Actually retracted his pathetically absurd statements. Ralph T a i t e A b o r t i o n i s murder. David s t e r n l i g h t ' PGP i s B a d . A u t h o r i t i e s h a v e your b e s t i n t e r e s t a t heart.

Mikhail

Zeleny

John Winston

Ludwig

Plutonium

FLAME BAITERS: D a n i e l J Karnes Rants about e v i l s of homosexuality in off-topic newsgroups. Concentrates on o n - t o p i c , y e t extrememly s t u p i d , i d e a s .

Melvin

Gladstone

Peter Trei's own criteria for netnuthood: Has a c a u s e Maintains presence Only o n e t o p i c i s o f i n t e r e s t . Doesn't shirk the task. Posts spontaneously a t frequent intervals, or reliably responds t o others. You c a n p r e d i c t t h e c o n t e n t s of h i s / h e r p o s t s before . r e a d i n g t h e m . May e v e n u s e canned f i l e s . Most o f t h e a u d i e n c e d i s a g r e e s with t h e poster, or doesn't g i v e a damn.

Repetition

Unpopularity

To me, the nuttiest thing about the Net is the enormous amounts of time certain individuals around. are on company time! have to devote to fucking of these people Moreover, a considerable percentage

Makes me wonder if they would be so

28

willing to kill 6-hour blocks of time so happily if they were at home and weren't required to position themselves before a monitor for the sake of appearances...

First message is #42569, last message is #44101 43246. Re: Exposing Gannon's Lies: LIAR file grows! 43247. Re: ABC Documentary 2/2/94 43248. Re: Conspiracy for the Day — February 3, 1994 43249. RE: RIGHT=LEFT 43250. Re: Groom Lake Scandal I 43251. RE: DAVID KORESH CRUCIFIE ** 43252. Re: Exposing Gannon's Lies (was: THE WORLD WAR I JEWISH "HOLOCA 43253. Re: ABC Documentary 2/2/94 43254. Re: David Koresh Crucified by the New Rome 43255. Re: BATF intent on 2/28? 43256. Re: BATF intent on 2/28? 43257. Re: Would this work? (from cartoon) 43258. Re: Bowery Watch c = Contribute a new message n = Read next unread message s = Read next unread message with same subject h = Help, list of additional commands q = Quit Enter Command: =

First message is #42569, last message is #44101 43258. Re: Bowery Watch 43259. Re: Bowery Watch 43260. Re: Maybe Lennon and Zappa Were Assassinated to Preempt Populis 43261. INMAN.ROSWELL & GAO 43262. BILLY MEIER 43263. Re: Observation " 43264. Statement 220 43265. Gannon Caught Lying - Again 43266. Re: Definition of "cult" 43267. Re: Statement 220

43268. ADVENTURES OF SOCKS, MY CAT
43269. Re: New Show [Bablyon 5] 43270. Re: Sticks, Stones, and Belief (was Re: Creation is a fact) c = Contribute a new message n = Read next unread message s = Read next unread message with same subject h = Help, list of additional commands q = Quit Enter C o m m a n d : 4 3 2 6 8 Article # 4 3 2 6 8 (44101 is last): N e w s g r o u p s : talk.bizarre,alt.tasteless,alt.conspiracy,alt.religion.kibology From: a n 3 8 1 1 5 @ a n o n . p e n e t . f i ( C h e l s e a Clinton) Subject: A D V E N T U R E S O F S O C K S , M Y C A T Date: T h u , 3 Feb 1994 2 0 : 1 1 : 2 4 U T C

Last night I w a s h a n g i n g a r o u n d in the Oval Office a s usual, w h e n a rumbling in m y lower intestine informed m e that deadly miasmal g a s e s w e r e a b o u t to solicit permission to e s c a p e . So, with difficulty, I p e r s u a d e d S o c k s t h e f a m o u s cat t o settle d o w n for a nap o n m y lap. W i t h difficulty, I say, b e c a u s e S o c k s has h a d s o m e experiences at m y h a n d s w h i c h he, let us say, did not know how to appreciate. But I digress. S o S o c k s luxuriates in profound slumber, while I stealthily, with t h e control that y e a r s in t h e public e y e — a n d nose, a s it w e r e — h a s c o m p e l l e d m e t o d e v e l o p , I permit t h e frightful g a s e o u s contents of my r e c t u m t o leak out into the atmosphere. But no r e s p o n s e ! I panic: c o u l d S o c k s h a v e died? W h o knows h o w m u c h sulphurous d i s c h a r g e suffices t o extinguish the life of a mere c a t ? I s e e m y D a d ' s political life p a s s before m y e y e s ; I s e e the headline in the Post: "First C a t Killed b y A n a l Discharge: Chelsea to b e t e s t e d . " I s e e t h e lesser n e w s p a p e r s : " C H E L S E A F A R T S U P A S T O R M . " A l a s , what will t h e Safire-Dole c a b a l make of this? T o m y vast relief, h o w e v e r , S o c k s ' h e a d s n a p p e d up, a n d he b o u n d e d a w a y , his fur standing o n e n d , w h i c h I take to be a testimonial t o t h e quality of t h e W h i t e H o u s e f o o d . Unluckily, however, the V P took this o c c a s i o n t o enter, a s is his c u s t o m , without k n o c k i n g ; a n d I m a y say that his pretense of falling to t h e floor unconscious w a s in the worst p o s s i b l e t a s t e . I must * • say that Mr G o r e is by no m e a n s t h e perfect g e n t l e m a n w h o m a d e l u d e d public takes h i m to b e . Let that p a s s , however. Q Q

In the following sample, we find two incorridgibles engaging in "flaming" activities. In this case, Karen Prestemon originally posted a message, noted by the ">" before each line of her text, which was followed-up by Geoff Miller. Note that as of Feb 8, there were nearly 50,000 messages posted to this newsgroup. Also, The Net is kind enough to display the e-mail address -and often names- of individuals who post messages, unless they make the effort to "cover their trails ". Even if the reader cannot instantly discern the source, the option to reply directly to the author of any posting exists. What fun!

Article #46650 (47761 is last): Newsgroups: alt.food.mcdonalds,alt tasteless,alt.flame From: geoffm@netcom.com (Geoff Miller) Subject: Have It Your Way At McD Date: Tue Feb 8 23:29:20 1994

Or the idiots who hog the ATM while they fill out their deposit slips and endorse their checks and seal the envelopes, when they could've kept a supply of ATM envelopes in the glove compartment of their car — like _I_ do — and gotten everything filled out and sealed before they even _approached_ the sonofabitching automatic teller. While sitting in the comfort and safety of their cars, no less. Yeah, Karen, I know people like you, alright: selfcentered screwheads who have to have every little thing _their way_, and who are completely oblivious to the fact that there are other people in the world besides th'em. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, you know that? I'm terribly sorry to have to be the one to slam your clueless shicken-neck in the dresser drawer of reality, but there it fucking is. The next time you go to McDonalds, just take the goddam food the way it comes off the friggin production line. That guy in line behind you doing the slow burn just might be _me_, and believe me, you don't want to play the part of the proverbial last straw. I could have you running from the goddam restaurant in tears, your food and appetite long forgotten in the burning agony of your very public humiliation. You wouldn't dare show your face in that restaurant again as long as you lived. Hell, just riding past the place, you'd probably react like the young Damien during the church scene in the first Omen movie.
J

ren@american.edu (Karen Prestemon) writes: >Based on some of the articles you have posted to other >groups, you strike me as being a selfish prick. Based on the article *you've* posted *here*, you strike me as being one clueless cunt. >What is the longest amount of time you have ever had to >wait in line at a McDonald's? Ten minutes? An hour? A >week? Six months? I find it hard to believe that you >have ever been so inconvenienced waiting at McDonald's >that you have ever lost a job or loved one over it. Is that what it'd take for you to consider the delay significant? If so, then it seems _you're_ the selfish one, my dear. >What are you calling an unreasonable amount of time, and >are custom orders really responsible for your problems? Any length of time whatsoever that I spend in line as a result of other people's dicking around, beyond whatever length of time I'd have stood in line _without_ said dicking around, is unreasonable. Custom orders aren't the only possible reason for a delay at a fast food joint, but they're certainly _a_ possible reason, and as such are as worthy of condemnation as any others. You remind me of the assholes you drive 55 in the fast lane with traffic piling up behind them. It doesn't matter to them that they're delaying other people, because — humph! - *they're* certainly driving fast enough, and why are those silly people in such a hurry, anyway? Or the women in the supermarket who write checks for $3.11 —•and don't even take their goddam checkbooks out of their purses until the total has been rung on the' cash register, when they could've at least filled in everything but the amount while they stood there waiting, instead of staring vacantly into space and scratching the crack of their ass through their pastel stretch pants. With other people waiting in line behind them. Or the doddering old fuckheads who slowly and solemnly count out nickles and dimes to pay for their purchases, instead of simply tossing the clerk a twenty and getting ..... ,| the hell out of the way of those of us who actually .... have more important things to do with what's left hJ\J of our lives than watch daytime TV and walk to the supermarket for cottage cheese and light bulbs.

Believe me, I'm not the only one of my kind. Not close! We're Out There Karen, and we're watching _you_! See those people in line behind you? Any one of them could crack without warning, at any moment. Society has just about had a bellyful of this "Me Generation" horseshit, you understand?

>Yeah, I am so selfish. I gave up my body for 9 months >to have a baby and 6 to lactate. I wish I could be like >you. Isn't it interesting the way people try to use parenthood as some kind of existential trump card, now that it's all the rage in this country to demonstrate one's suavity by shitting out kids like a welfare mother? Boo fucking hoo. I' ve got news for you, Karen: you aren' t exactly the first broad in the world to drop a leaky meatloaf, so don't _even_ try to act like you'.re something special because of it.

Geoff

Geoff Miller + + + + + + + + geoffm@netcom.com + DoD #0996 End of File, Press RETURN to quit

Mountain View + California

First message is #1372, last message is #1965 . Re: Cobain, Rooney, Mclaughlin . Re: Kurdt Cobain was in pain. • * Re: NEVERMIND CD with no "hidden track" Nirvana's Last Show - On CD! 1447. Re: COBAIN AND MY GRANDFATHER 1473. Re: Eddie Vedder did it! another view of Cobain's legacy! Searching for dreams about Kurt About Kurt Cobain sightings... Re: Krist & Dave's future Re: JFK, Lennon, Cobain. Re: film that killed Cobain J t l 5 Re: CC DEVILLE REPLACES COBAINHISENSATIONM! Let Cobain Die Re: 2nd Gunman Theory? (was Re: Cobain Murdered???) Re: lyrics - Bleach 4 Re: Request: Lyrics to "Come as you are' Ain't feelin' 2 good Re: kurt's suicide note??? 1507, Profiteering Bastard . Re:YOU IDIOTS! KURT IS DEAD! THERE IS NO NIRVANA! . Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! KURT COBAIN IS DEAD!!!®®! . Kurt Cobain was a great man..a role model to us all! . Re: LETS SEE EDDID VEDDER TOP THAT ONE, HUH? . WANTED ($$$): Tapes of MTV, E! & network coverage of suicide . Stop beating a dead Kurdt (I mean horse) . dreams about Kurt . Re: kusrt cobunk was a loser . Re: Nirvana Re-Run On SNL Next Saturday. . Kurt Cobain and Neil Young's music . Mr. Kurt- He dead 4 • . alt.music.nirvana in Newsweek (its true!) . When will the Unplugged cd come out? . Kurt'lS* GOD . Courtney: Please don't Yoko-ize her REQ:Cobain jokes Re: kurdt was a pussy Kurt Cobain FAKED His Own Death!! . Re: Question: Novoselic/Grohl plans Nirvana: The Next Ten Years In Utero Bootlegs ^ Nervermind lyrics kurt.is.DEAD — the ZINE, available now! Nirvana Magazines * ~ * t —_ 1667. CDs for Sale 1679. Hidden Nirvana Track on benifit album —*1688. Frances Bean 1693. Re: Was Anyone At The Unplugged taping? 695. Bootleg titled Out of the Womb 696. Liner Notes for Incesticide 1703. I'm Buying Nirvana Concert Videos... 1726. bootlegs titled Noose and I hate myself and I want to die r1743. Richard Nixon and Kurt Cobain 757. His Body Lay Three Days Just Like Christ «4£ 785. Who Has Concert Videos? 789. Nixon/Kurt 795. John Candy; Nirvana dead! 1796. MTV KILLED KC 'zine! 1799. Kurt is deader than a doornail 1817. bad mouthing Kurt Cobain W E THOUGHT WE'D HAVE TO SEARCH 1836. I thought Cobain was great. 1857. NIRVANA Commemorative Shirts Ready and Shipping Thursday A MULTITUDE OF NEWSGROUPS TO PIECE TO­ 1880. Unplugged Set List GETHER ALL OF THE NEL./ANINESS CONNECTED 1897. TICKET from Nirvanas LAST CONCERT for sale !!! GET IT!!! TO COBAIN'S SUICIDE. AMAZINGLY, E A C H 1928. Re: The media, the Usenet, and Kurt Cobain (2nd try) A N D K V K R Y BASE WAS COVERED in THE 1931. Re: Nirvana sings Kiss 1954. NIRVANA FAN READER "ALT.MUSIC.NIRVANA". Cobain Faked Kirk Cameron's Suicide (Re: Kurt Cobain FAKED his... 1955. Nirvana's final songs 1956. ISSUE 4'S NEL EXPOSITION WILL 1961. I wonder if Kurt and Jimi are left-handed jamming in heaven... •*—. A ^ F Re: Cobain & Hendrix: Did Kurt plan this? <• C * J W DEMONSTRATE SOME OF THE MORE PRACTICAL

T

^AS $l

sMitel

PAW

O^&mrq

Stf&b

Of

CHRIST*

ft

ScaM

U

j J i l U /

C

INFORMATION ANYONE CAN ACCESS, AND LESS CLOWNING AROUND.

31

[CID Editor - I neither necessarily believe nor disbelieve either all or portions of the following.) [The following is a transcript of a recorded phone message put out by a group in Chicago called "Citizens' Committee to Clean Up the Courts." (312) 731-1100 and (312) 731-1505.] Hil Sherman Skoinick, Citizens' Committee to Clean Up the Courts, 9800 South Oglesby. The very rich and powerful are not given to moist-eyed emotion. They can hold a Christmas party, for example, for their devoted workers and smile on them. And then, a few days later, dismiss a bunch of them and tell their brutal security guards to throw the workers oft the premises in one hour. Fearing a labor dispute, the "Chicago Tribune* put attack dogs to terrorize the printing workers in the Trib's "Freedom Center." (With the smashing of the union, by the way, it's called "Slavery Center.") Ukewise so, when the ultra-rich deal with their mannequins, labelled "President of the United States." President Lincoln was assassinated a few days after the end of the Civil War. His post-war policy was to go easy on the South. So, agriculture would have resumed amid plummeting prices. The very rich, including the Rothschilds, had huge commodities speculations to the contrary. To some, bringing the South back (info the Union] was treason. So, they had Lincoln's brains blown out and blamed a "lone nut." The ultrarich and their top military and CiA hawks accused President Kennedy of treason in denying U.S. air cover at the aborted invasion of Cuba at the Bay of Pigs; also, for JFK planning detente with the Soviets. Yet JFK was popular with the common people. Nevertheless, his brains were blown out in an open car with military-style trianguiation firing. A "lone nui" was blamed, and himself murdered. As you can see, the very rich are not sentimental. The ultra rich (and again, with their trusted CIA and military retainers) accused President Nixon of treason in his dealings with North Vietnam. Also, he wanted to be an imperial president, blackmailing CIA with his knowledge of the CIA murdering JFK. Blowing his brains out in an open car would be messy, so, ahead of the 1972 re-election of "Tricky Dick." CIA double-agents got themselves caught at the Watergate Hotel -- owned by the Pope. All to finger Nixon. (Some details are in the book "Silent Coup" by Colodny(sp?)). Nixon was so popular he won re-election in 49 of the 50 states. Yet, shortly thereafter began the Watergate bombardment. The press so ran after him he couldn't hold press conferences! And, just at the height of "his" popularity, the press is mounting "their" "Whitewater-gate" blitz, against Clinton. Some of his schemes on health care endanger large insurance companies -- like Prudential, owned by ihe British royal family. Funny thing: What the press trumpets of the rich are accusing Clinton are true enough. Yes, he and his wife committed financial crimes in ripping off S47 million through Arkansas S&L and others. Yes, Bill and Hillary, to try to save themselves from prison, covered up the murder of White House aide Vincent Foster. And yes, the ultra rich contend privately that Clinton committed treason in aborting a "genuine" CiA plot to murder Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein, a sworn enemy of the United States, on July 17, 1993. And two days later, Clinton chopping olt the head of FBI director Sessions because he was investigating Clinton's "treason." And on July 20, Foster was murdered jus! as he was planning to plead with Bill to leave the plot go forward for "national security" reasons, or be impeached. The ultra rich consider most Americans stupid and (that they] have to be told fairy tales; to be amused with stories of an angry wife cutting off her husbands "ding-a-ling." So, will Clinton be put to the wall at the height ol his popularity? Remember: The ultra rich are not sentimental. (312) 731-1100 is ow main message. Donations will be appreciated...

=(2)= [From Pacifica Radio, February 21, 1994] ANNOUNCER: 29 years ago on this day a fiery young African- American speaker named Elhaj-Maleek Al-Shabah (sp(?)] or, as he was more widely known, Malcolm X, was about to deliver a speech at the Autobahn Ballroom, in New York, when he was gunned down. And now, nearly 3 decades after his assassination, countless documentaries on his politics, and even a feature-length commercial film about his life, the public still craves information about Malcolm X. Orlando Bagwell is the latest producer to take on the task. He co-wrote and directed a recent PBS documentary called "Make It Plain." The assassins were identified in 1965 as Black Muslims. But the issue of "Who killed Malcolm X?" is one many refuse to let rest. BAGWELL; What we did is we looked at the FBI; we make mention of a couple of things in our film. We talk about the FBI's long-term surveillance of the Nation of Islam and their own eiforts to create division within that organization and de-stabilize it. Which takes form in a lot of ways: um, leaking information. We made note of the fact that they're sending information to newspapers to deepen the rift between Malcolm and Elijah Munammed. We also let you know that, in fact, it's more than just the FBI. That in fact the local police department... the agent that appears in our film talked about infiltrating Malcolm's organization is part of the New York Police Department, and thai some of this local taw enforcement is also infiltrating the organization. And at certain times establishing a level of surveillance on the organization. Also, we mention the interests of the State Department in Malcolm's international activities. So you realize that there are more than... it's more than just the FBI. That there are many forces besides the FBI and in the Nation of Islam who are representing [unclear] Malcolm perceived the danger to his lile in the last year. ANNOUNCER: While conducting your research, did you personally form any opinion of your own as to who assassinated Malcolm X? BAGWELL: While doing research I think a certain thing became very clear around thai issue. I think that his assassination is an issue that needs to be addressed in the country, but I think it needs to be addressed like other assassinations that were part of our history at that time. I think that when we, as we experience those things they create, number one, questions in our own mind, but also doubts about, um, doubts within our minds that I think need to be addressed and dealt with. I think it's a very serious issue and a very serious matter because what we begin to doubt are the basic institutions and the people that are very important to us in terms of our own stability: number one, as individuals and as citizens in a country. Something that I, that I um, in doing the research, I think we were confronted with many things that were troubling about the assassination, But we also realized that, in fact, it's a very big story, a very complicated story that needs to be told in its fullness and not told with a few lines of narration that allude to something that you don't spend time delivering or developing. ANNOUNCER: "Make It Plain" director, co-writer Orlando Bagwell on the assassination of Malcolm X, 29 years ago today [Feb. 21]. I encourage distribution of "Conspiracy for the Day."

If you would like "Conspiracy for the Day" (CfD) sent to your email address, just send a message to telixrcfd0cs.du.edu (alternate felix\!cfd@cs.du.edu) saying you would iike to subscribe to CfD in the form "subscribe my-email@address".

If

i t

A

I I

i

I

/ \

I

D AM & PARC

r<§)/33*/

\
From; Paul Z w i e r z a n s k i . 1 4 1 N o r t h Lane, Portslade, E.Sussex, B N 4 1 2 H H T e l / Fax/ Modem: 0273-430600 M e s s a g e s : R A B B I T B B S - 0 2 7 3 - 6 9 9 5 5 0 or S I X & F I V E E I G H T S - 0 2 7 3 - 6 8 8 8 8 8

Executions

in E n g l a n d f r o m 1 6 0 6 .

T h e following list is e x t r a c t e d from t h e publication 'Haydn's Dictionary of Dates' published in London in 1 8 9 5 . I have this b o o k in m y possession. T h e n a m e s a r e a s published, with f o r e n a m e s w h e r e found. T h e date is in reference to the d a y of execution. A reason for execution is noted if k n o w n a n d the last place of reference is the place of the trial. Also noted are the n a m e s of the victims, w h e r e k n o w n . In T h e reign o l H e n r y V I I I . ( 3 8 Y e a r s ) It is said that n o less a n u m b e r than 7 2 , 0 0 0 criminals w e r e e x e c u t e d . In the t e n y e a r s b e t w e e n 1 8 2 0 a n d 1 8 3 0 , there w e r e e x e c u t e d in E n g l a n d a l o n e 7 9 7 criminals.Tha place of execution in London (formerly generally at Tyburn) w a s in front of N e w g a t e tram 1 7 8 3 to 1 8 6 8 , w h e n a n a c t w a s p a s s e d directing executions to take place within the walls of the prisons. T h e dissection of the bodies of the e x e c u t e d p e r s o n s w a s a b o l i s h e d in 1 8 3 2 . NAME DATE O F EXECUTION R E A S O N ; PLACE O F TRIAL

1 6 0 6 , 3 0 J a n G u n p o w d e r plot conspirators, e x e c u t e d in D I G B Y , Ft 1 6 0 6 3 0 J a n L o n d o n o n this d a t e . WINTER, GRANT, 1606 30 Jan BATES, 1606 30 Jan WINTER, T 1606 31 Jan ROOKWOOD, 1606 31 Jan KEYS, 1606 31 Jan FAWKES 1606 31 Jan G A R N E T T , Henry 1 6 0 6 0 3 M a y Jesuit F E L T O N , John 1 6 2 8 2 8 N o v M u r d e r of D u k e of Buckingham; Tyburn D U K E of M o n m o u t h , J a m e s 1 6 8 5 1 5 Jul T r e a s o n ; T o w e r Hill K I D D . C a p t William 1 7 0 1 2 3 M a y A n d three others, for piracy P R I C E , John 1 7 1 8 2 1 M a y T h e H a n g m a n ; Murder, Bunhill-row S H E P P A R D , Jack 1 7 2 4 1 8 N o v Highwayman; Tyburn T U R P I N , Richard 1 7 3 9 * A p r * 7 or 1 0 April; H i g h w a y m a n ; Y o r k B A L M E R I N O , Lord 1 7 4 6 1 8 A u g A n d others, rebellion; T o w e r HiH L O V A T , Lord 1 7 4 7 0 9 A p r Rebellion; T o w e r Hill V A U G H A N , R i c h a r d W m . 1 7 5 8 11 M a y First forger of B a n k of England N o t e s A R A M , Eugene 1 7 5 9 0 6 A u g Murder; York F E R R E R S , Eari 1 7 6 0 0 5 M a y M u r d e r of his s t e w a r d ; Tyburn GARDELLE, Theodore 1 7 6 1 0 4 Apr Murder; H a y m a r k e t P E R R O T T , John 1 7 6 1 1 1 N o v Fraudulent bankrupt; Smithfield W N A U G H T E N , J o h n Esq 1 7 6 1 1 3 D e c M u r d e r of M i s s K N O X ; Strabane B R O W N R I G G , E l i z a b e t h 1 7 6 7 1 4 S e p M u r d e r of her apprentice; Tyburn P E R R E A U , Daniel 1 7 7 6 1 7 J a n W i n e m e r c h a n t , Forgery; Tyburn P E R R E A U , Robert 1 7 7 6 1 7 J a n W i n e m e r c h a n t , Forgery; Tyburn DODD, RevDr 1 7 7 7 2 7 J u n F o u n d guilty of forging a bond, in the n a m e of Lord Chesterfiled for 4200I H A C K M A N , R e v Henry 1 7 7 9 1 9 A p r M u r d e r o l Miss R E A Y , Misfress of the Earl of S a n d w i c h ; Tyburn D O N E L L A N , Capt. John 1 7 8 1 0 2 Apr M u r d e r o l S i r T H E O D O S I U S B O U G H T O N ; W a r w i c k M U R P H Y , Christian * 1 7 8 9 1 8 M a r ' (or B O W M A N ) A w o m a n ; Strangled a n d burnt for coining P A R K E R , Richard 1 7 9 7 3 0 June A n d others, mutiny at the N o r e PHEPOE,Mrs 1 7 9 7 1 1 D e c C e l e b r a t e d m u r d e r e s s ; Old Bailey C R O S B I E , Sir E d w a r d 1 7 9 8 0 4 J u n High treason; Ireland S H E A R E S , Messrs 1 7 9 9 1 2 Jul High treason; Dublin D I C K , Galloping 1 8 0 0 0 4 A p r H i g h w a y m a n ; Aylesbury WALL, Govenor Joseph 1 8 0 2 2 8 J a n M u r d e r of S E R J E A N T A R M S T R O N G ; Old Bailey • CRAWLEY, Mr 1 8 0 2 1 0 M a r M u r d e r of two females; Dublin " " ^ F O S T E R , George 1 8 0 3 18 J a n M u r d e r o l wife a n d child; Old Bailey D E S P A R D , Colonel 1 8 0 3 2 1 F e b A n d others; High treason; H o r s e m o n g e r - L a n e HATFIELD, John 1 8 0 3 0 3 S e p ( a rank imposter, w h o married, b y m e a n s of the most odious deceit, the celebrated "Beauty of Buttermere"). Forgery; Carlisle 1 8 0 3 2 0 S e p High treason; Dublin E M M E T T , Robert 1 8 0 6 0 8 A p r M u r d e r of Mr. B L I G H ; Horsemonger-lane P A T C H , Richard H O L L O W A Y , John 1 8 0 7 2 3 F e b M u r d e r of Mr. S T E E L E ; O l d Bailey. 2 8 HAGGERTY, Owen 1 8 0 7 2 3 F e b of the spectators w e r e trodden to d e a t h SIMMONS, T 1 8 0 8 0 7 M a r T h e m a n of blood, murder; Hertford C A M P B E L L , Major 1 8 0 8 0 2 O c t M u r d e r of Capt. B O Y D in a duel; A r m a g h S U T H E R L A N D , Capt. 1 8 0 9 2 9 J u n Murder; Execution d o c k A R M I T A G E , Richard 1 8 1 1 2 4 J u n Forgery; O l d Bailey B E L L I N G H A M , John 1 8 1 2 1 8 M a y M u r d e r of Mr. P E R C E V A L ; Old Bailey N I C H O L S O N , Philip 1 8 1 3 2 3 A u g M u r d e r of Mr & M r s . B O N A R ; P e n n e n d e n - h e a t h T U I T E , Francis 1 8 1 3 0 9 0 c t M u r d e r of Mr. G O U L D I N G ; Dublin C A L L A G H A N , Charles 1 8 1 4 0 2 A p r M u r d e r of Mr. M E R R Y ; Horsemonger-lane S A W Y E R , William 1 8 1 4 1 5 M a y M u r d e r of J A C K H A C K E T ; Old Bailey F E N N I N G , Eliza 1 8 1 5 2 6 Jul Administering poison;Old Bailey

ecoutop
If you've read any fanzines that talk about other fanzines, odds are you've heard about Mike Diana and his little zine BOILED ANGEL and the trouble the latter has caused the former. Odds are you haven't actually seen Boiled Angel #7 or #8- the ones the State of Florida seized and is pressing charges over- only about 300 of each were actually circulated. For those who don't know, Diana's drawings are terribly crude, childlike scraw, generally forming utterly disgusting sexual or violent activity. I never thought his stuff was anything special, although it was always good for a chuckle thanks to the stark graphic and thematic attack employed. There's always room for crud like that in my book. Unfortunately, The Conspiracy in Florida doesn't see it that way. Of course, the land of Anita Bryant is the state that took action against 2 Live Crew- and eventually lost. But they were rappers and rappers always have certain avenues of recourse which they can fall back on. There are millions of rap fans out there and when their music was threatened, fans and artists spoke out. In fact, plenty of non-rap musicians spoke out. Florida was rightfully turned into a bad guy by performers and media because it was media driven performers whof elt threatened by association. If 2 Live Crew really wanted to get down and dirty, they could have simply called their prosecutors "racists". Diana will not have such support. The underground comic scene makes pre-media circus 2 Live Crew look like the Beatles in terms of popular appeal. Let's face it. Those of us into small-time comix and zines probably number less than 250,000 nationwide. That's less than .001 %of the American population. For every one of us, there are a thousand chowderheads rushing to read Rolling Stone or Time or to watch America's Funniest Home Videos. How are you going to rally support from the little zine bunch and transfer it to the big duh bunch? Anybody see any clout in the zine numbers? Idiot! There isn't any!!! The Conspiracy loves to pick on little guys like Diana. They take them to court and run them through the financial ringer, letting them off after a lengthy trial- only after they're sure the victim, er, defendant is broke. I remember all too well the same deal happening in 1985 to the Dead Kennedys. Their home state of California attempted to prosecute singer Jello Biafraforthe inclusion of a poster by world reknown artist H. R. Giger in a album called Frankenchrist. charging the band with the distribution of harmful matter to minors, or some such crap. The band invoked First Amendment protection and, in time, was acquitted. Perhaps the only thing that saved them from time in the clink was the creation of the No More Censorship Defense Fund, which is sadly defunct. The Fund was set up at first specifically to help pay for the Dead Kennedys defense and was later offered to be there for other artists suffering attacks against their right to create what they want for those who want to be exposed to it. The First Amendment barely exists anymore. When you have to kill yourself financially to protect what was once an "unalienable right", it may as well not exist. The Conspiracy knows this, and allows us to have our meekest, mealy-mouthed thoughts blared to world, but if anything which challenges the messages which turn us into and keep us mind-numbed, consumer-mad zombies is emitted at anything beyond a whisper- and in this case, EVEN AT A WHISPER-the fucking rug is going to be pulled out form under our little, smelly feet. Florida, apparently, isn't even going to botherpretendingXhe First Amendment exists for Mike Diana. First Amendment? | | Fuck it. Right to freedom of speech and press? Abridged. ^4. Rights? Alienated. What are we going to do about Florida? Can we give it back to Spain? If we could, would they take it? Should we get out the band saws and start cutting right at the panhandle? With any luck, the State of Florida will slide into the sea. Hmmm. Since it's bloated with so much hot air from self-righteous politicians and lawyers, maybe it will float away. Let the Haitians have it. It's hard to tell which is more screwed up politically and intellectually. Why not write and send a letter that goes a little like this: Dear Governor of Florida:

I h a v e b e e n made a w a r e t h a t a c i t i z e n o f y o u r s t a t e , M i k e C. D i a n a , h a s b e e n c h a r g e d w i t h t h r e e counts o f c r i m i n a l misdemeanor i n your s t a t e , as t h e r e s u l t o f p u b l i s h i n g h i s comic " B o i l e d A n g e l " . I understand t h a t the r e s u l t of h i s t r i a l was p r o b a t i o n i n a d d i t i o n t o b e i n g p r o h i b i t e d from w r i t i n g and d r a w i n g . I f e e l t h a t t h i s i s c l e a r l y a case o f censorship and v i o l a t e s h i s c i v i l rights as protected by the First Amendment of the C o n s t i t u t i o n of the United States of America. I f e e l t h a t because y o u r s t a t e behaves i n t h i s manner, I s h a l l be u n a b l e t o do business w i t h any f i r m t h a t i s l o c a t e d i n y o u r s t a t e o r v i s i t y o u r s t a t e as a t o u r i s t u n l e s s t h i s c o u r t a c t i o n against Mr. Diana i s r e v e r s e d .

Joe Comic Book Orange J u i c e

Reader

and

FORMER

drinker

of

cc: Florida Orange Juice Commission o f T o u r i s m .

Council,

Florida

You see, the Conspiracy has no use for this freedom of speech crap, but really understands getting fucked in the ass over a few hundred t h o u s a n d or million dollars. The Conspiracy stands tall, united against the little dipshits of America, UNLESS ONE OR TWO OF THE BIGWIGS GET SINGLED OUT AND TOLD THAT THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE THEIR DICKS CUT OFF BY THE ENRAGED THRONG. If afewhundredthousandcomicbookreaders write the governor, and, say, the ORANGE JUICE COUNCIL, and tell them that they will tell EVERYBODY THEY KNOW NOT TO SPEND A NICKEL IN FLORIDA, they'll get the message, smackthe living shit out of the prosecutor, s e n d Diana home with a new set of Crayolas and ask us PLEASE to forget such a stupid thing ever happened. What the hell, it works for the American Family Association. Blackmail or be blackmailed, especially when it comes to slimy, grandstanding, self-righteous motherfucker politicians.

AN AUTO-

INTRODUCION

I figured it would be appropriate to introduce myself before you got to my reviews and critiques of the sex comix. By the way, mot all of the comix I'll review are "adult". Some are just plain cool! My name is Steve Bostwick. I am a graduate of Cleveland State University, with a double major in art and communications. Reviews and interviews have been many since my days at CSU's CAULDRON newspaper, where I handled all kinds of reviews of rock bands and believe it or not, comix. Yes! Adult comix reviews! It was an avenue of the paper's art section that I invented and had unique success with. I pissed off all the right people and needless to say, acquired a following. My career as a journalist seemed to be off to a good start. Little did I know that Asylum For Shut-Ins Editor, Mr. Kole, was a goodfan of mine and approached me to do comix reviews for his magazine! I accepted eagerly! So I'd say I'm at least a little bit qualified! So here I am, scattered throughout the publication reviews. I use a rating scale that is as basic as any- the old 1 to 10 scale. Any objections? Feel free to write me at the AFSI PO Box. Feedback is always welcome. (/ feel compelled to remark that the above was not requested material, but printed for the pleasure of the writer. Follow his every instuction under penalty of... I dunno... ask him. -ed.)

NketheBrannockDevice(that metal thing that tellsyou what size shoes you should wear), rat traps, marinade sauce, pole-mounted mailboxes, the Etch-A-Sketch, and even the Green Bay Packers uniforms. The second half ofthe reviews are of services he gets aroundthe New York area- places like diners, shoeshine benches, bars, and the amazing Apology zine hotline. Record (and zine) reviews finally creep in at the end, and the resulting banter is largely irrelevant to the sounds, which is actually refreshing since most reviewers just aren't capable of describing what they've ostensibly listenedto. They write in circles about nothing in just the manner I've just done and will do again! What most people don't consider, writes Lukas, is that reviews are written for several reasons: to stay on the promo list, the draw advertising revenue, to get laid, to not trash a friend's latest bad record, etc. Rather than pretend these things don't exist, he lets you knowthey do, and he goes on describing which ever tangential item hits him first. At the conclusion of each review, he makes the "obligatory music-related comment" which even still has little to do with the records he "reviews". What the hell though, his writing "on the subject" is the best going since Robert Griffin and his Scat Records put out that Seven Magazine a few years back. The cutdowns are great, the tangents are meaningful, and even if you can't tell what something might sound like after reading the reviews, you'll be able to tell if you'd like it or not, which is three notches better than most reviewers out there.

ASIAN TRASH CINEMA PO BOX 5367 KINGWOOD TX 77325

BEET #8 MAYNARD 372 5TH AVE BROOKLYN NY 11215 $2

Just Another Day A t the Office

Very poor-fess-ional digest sized MAGazeen which is not as raunchy nor as distorted as they would have themselves portrayed. The reviews are intelligently articulate, and well researched by people who are knowledgeable. Therefore it lacks that obsessive charm that most underground movie zeens ooze. Fuck. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed this thing and learned a whole bunch from it, but cain't recommend ittiyou on account of it not being trashyenough. The photos are ejaculatory, but then, I am very partial to occidental womenfolk... something about their hair... oh well. There are reviews, essays on Godzilla/Mothra, and the Lone Club series. What can I say? Try to get this one for free. -Rev. John X. Piche'

Shit. Shit. Shit. Bad fiction, bad poetry, bad layouts, bad attitude, and bad artwerk all compose the innards of this literary journal masquerading as an underground zine. See, there are groups of grown-ups who play in the underground. They are a pathetic bunch of arty people who carry beat up Bukowski tomes and tattered notebooks of their own dribbling. These mainstream zombies march about their art, fiction, or poetry chanting drooling rituals of self-stimulation. Short sentences with a visual clarity of crisp prose, shattering the motiffs of degeneration and degradation. This is not to say that any of this means anything other than my own contempt, fear, and stupid loathing. Nothing is accomplished here at all. Leave it on the stairs. -Rev. John X. Piche'

BEER FRAME #1 PAUL LUKAS 160 ST JOHNS PLACE BROOKLYN NY 11217

THE BLACK PEARL #2 EROS COMICS PO BOX 25070 SEATTLE WA 98125-1970 $3 The world of adult comix is growing ever so rapidly. Overthe past 10 years, titles have emerged from the underground with phenomenal success. Cherry Poptart. Ramba. Scimidar. Wendy Whitebread. and Zippy- just to name a small handful- have made their mark in the comic book industry. The Black Pear/is bound to earn such status. Its storyline follows the expected sex theme, and in a few ways, is quite similarto Gilbert Hernandez's Birdland. It isn't necessarily acopy, but reminds usthatthe unique gem gives its wearer extraordinary powers. In this case the raven beauty, possesed by a demon of lust, finally loses control and transforms herself into Cindy Berkhardt. This virginal neighbor is lusted after by our nameless ravenhair's stepbrother Nick. 3 5

A self-appointed "journal of inconspicuous consumption" dedicated to consumer stuff that Paul likes to use or look at or at least nave in the truest sense ofthe word. He isn't really dumpsterdiving with this, or even thrifting (see the review of Thrift Score, below), but just keeping an open eye. In doing so, he has created a unique review-type zine which inadvertantly debunks a few of such a piece of "literature's" usual trappings. Mainly, he isn't trying to provide a guide of things to want and have so much as to say that "these are things that I like to have". You'd have to be some kind of idiot to persue these things in earnest. That is precisely what many review zines, especially the music review things, try to make you do. Stuff he discusses are things that probably escape the eyes of most of us as we hurry to the next zine, BadFlick, CD, relgious zealot, or worse, work. A shame we have the blinders on, too. We should take more time to appreciate the neat crap we're surrounded by at all turns

, , . Keep in mind that there is a neat storyline to this that I'll leave you to figure out. The comic is not labeled as to the number of episodes are upcoming in the series, so this may go on ad infinitum like a soap opera. The artwork is good, especially if you are into natural-looking characters and the phallic form. It would really look nice if it were in color, or acted out on VHS- and I say that with great respect! 8 of 10 for creative fantasy. -Steve Bostwick

BOY'S RADIO ADVENTURES #2 SKIDMARK PRESS PO BOX 293 BROOKLINE MA 02146 . $2.50 Excuse me while I readjust my jaw. You see, it just dropped from its familiar position as a lower mandible and plopped down into my lap on account of my being perfectly stunned by the brilliant genius contained on the pages before me. Dr. Fishmonger's done it again, combining the antique and curious look of the old National Geographic magazines and a humorous adventure in a parallel universe within the comic book layout style. What Fishmonger did was scour old mags and books for photos of people engaged in bizarre activities in what were aboroginal places while using even more bizarre and arcane tools. With about 1000 such photos collected, he concocted a story about one Captain Wireless who never quite does come to the rescue of a society who has been subjected to a substance containing a radiation compound which causes the loss of self-esteem in all who come into contact with it. The result is the complete breakdown of society... with hilarious consequences! . See a few samples of the amazing work of Dr. Ahmed Fishmonger in this issue of Asylum For Shut-Ins! Turn back to pages 23-25 and feast ye eyes! You bet we recommend getting a copy!

use a drug like pot, which slows the brain down, in order to stimulate creativity! Drugsfor mind expansion? "No thanks," says Tyndorf. Take that, Tim Leary! I can see the letters of dispute being fired off now.... Anyhow, while the interviews are all truly probing, the comics were truly revolting. The beleagured Mike Diana's disgusting qoniic "Coconut Head Horror" is probably 10Ox more offensive than the stuff that earned him probation and the "right" not to draw or write, The "hero" of the strip gets jealous when dad brings his little sister a coconut head back from his Florida business trip, and jumping beans for him. As soon as the folks are out the door, the protagonist (a better word might be antagonist) strangles his sister, cuts off her head, fucks her open mouth, cuts off the remaining flesh, and displays it for his parents upon their arrival back home. Yow. Clay Parker's comics are equally demented, if less graphically offensive. "In The Hamper" depicts a disinterested couple on the couch. The male decides he'd like sex. The female agrees, telling him her pussy is- you guessed it- in the hamper. He fetches and fucks it while she watches TV. "In The Clergy" features a man of the cloth photographing young, male congregation members nude in the name of art. Parker, by the way, used to sing for a Cleveland punk rock band called "Sissy". They were comprised of a girl drummer who couldn't play drums, hersisterwhocouldn't play bass, aguitaristfromStarvation Army, and Clay, who couldn't write a song or sing. They were perhaps the greatest band on the planet for a short while until they began believing that they were good and started practicing. The dada element had been lost, but that's another story altogether...
1

BRUTARIAN #10 PO BOX 25222 ARLINGTON VA 22202-9222 $4 . Bills itself as "the magazine that dares to be lame". Shit. The only thing lame about BRUTARIAN is that statement! To hell with this self-effacing! Dom Salemi and cast deliver on all of their cover statements (save the one already discussed): penetrating interviews, repugnant comics, and assordid (sic) reviews. : The toughest punk rock (etc.) interview assignment I can think of off the top of me head- aside from of John Lydon- would have to be Iggy Pop. There is so much about hiscareerthat is obvious, that asking about would be tedious not just for Mr. Pop to discuss just one more time, but the reader to read just one more time. Interviewer Peter Gilstrap managed to pose a question that /c/thought was good. It had to do with growing up in a trailer park. Those people do turn out a little differently, don't they. Ig's views on the change of America's face over the last 25 years is facinating. Holly Woodiawn, once outwardly a man as well as part of Warhol's Factory crowd touched base on several items, many naturally relating to both Warhol and that crowd, but also several personal insights relating to the world of a drag queen. Dave Wyndorf heads the band Monster Magnet, who enjoys utilizing heavy drug references in their lyrics and imagery. He surprised his interviewer (Salemi) and myself by throwing a real SBgp?|. curveball. It sure seemed apparent by their oversaturation M S of the drug themes that there was some parody going on, D\J but when questioned about personal indulgence, Wyndorf I made it clear how stupid he thought it was for anyone to

There are throughout Brutarian a series of "framed" drawings featuring a sort of poster girl. MAD MAGAZINEhas Alfred E. Neuman and Brutarian has this chick who, in one drawing has razor-sharp teeth in the crack of her ass, and a sack full of chopped-off dicks tied in a bindle on the ax she used to remove them. The latter is called 'The Little Hitch Hiker". Guess how she gets her prey. Then there are reviews of all sorts of stuff- music, movies, books, zines, etc. The music reviews seem like the pipeline to free records. They don't have the character the rest of the mag has. The film reviews are truer to the rest, showing vitriol and cynical wit and sporting a rating system from 1 -6, tallied in Olympia beer cans. To top it all off, they threw in a 7" by a group called the Ubangis. I really would have liked to have heard the record, but it got warped to hell- probably in our tiny PO box. That would be one of the very few things lame about Brutarian. ,

BUF April 1994 63 GRAND AVE RIVER EDGE NJ 07661 $5 :.

S bo si u ce u c n co s u s

binge at'mg eaZ

love a skin mag that puts something like this on Page 3:

N NP R O R P Y O -O N G AH CD OE O AOZE OOSH O DOTN MTRL T U A TSR LYAIOCSRNYSXAEAAAATEMTAHT HUIMNNENDEP NTOCNT,RNDEA,HTA IAH L PRTGAY EUL CI SES IY SD­ GDP A C G OO AO NI GSCSI AUE SXA BSAT,S ATRAIN RPAC BS, M RCIT NET EUL EOEITTMSUBTA AT H EEOO., ICS, CL MTLYIN O O,L XNELN CIAA II H LSA R M E ID I O G H MGZE IS, HWVRNEDD FR AUS TTAD DN FAR EE, B NU FOT SAE O O T OLSRM AIS VRUH TE LGAEWRNSDERLTF N I A O E O H IT E A LY GL NO OLCOETTTLWRDRSPCLON SXEAE, RS FN AEEE AE E,OT, E, ATOSHPS D IT O B N, RI S SOIS R AD L E I L BMRT S U C N H O. U
y
The key word is humor. The bi-racial pair of chubbies feeling each other up with a kielbasa isn't a sexual act, it's humor! And the chick with the huge wart on her ass- is fucking HUMOR! Not that she has it, but that they'd have a CLOSE-UP of it! The letters section? Definitely humor! There's enough cellulite in these pages to make soap for all of West Virginia for next year's bath.

I should, uh, come clean here and tell you that none of this magazine bums me out the way it did so many of the people I showed it to. To me, it's the other extreme. Those models in most of the other skin mags aren't the kind of women anybody meets. We all have are "imperfections" that we make ourselves neuortic over. Gosh, I'm ten pounds overweight... *worry, worry, worry*. Or in the case of those "perfect" models- gosh, I'm perfect, but I might gain weight... *worry, worry, worry*. Let's face it. Some folks were meant to be porkers. Why fight it? If you have 'it, why not flaunt it? I got the biggest kicks in showing it to my liberal, "equality-minded" acquaintances, who, to the last one, all told me it was sick or disgusting. I told them that this is what their crummy equality amounted to- equal time for beastly chicks! Can't have just "perfect" bodied nudes anymore! So the big girls flaunt it. I still laugh at all the letters that read, "my woman was about 315 pounds and she'd diet and lose 50 but gain it back in no time. I told her I like her fat, so she went and gained another 400 pounds and now she parks her ass over me and squishes me like a freight train on a fly and I'm just in hog heaven". More and more and more fun than Playboy anyday. A real chubby-chaser's dream come true. Pass the doughnuts, and chips, and Ho-Ho's, and sausage, and Pepsi, and Cheetos, and pork rinds, and... •Ed Godard

CHERRY POPTART#15 KITCHEN SINK 320 RIVERSIDE DR NORTHAMPTON MA 01060 . $3 Cherry Poptart has been one of my favorite comix, and it doesn't surprise me that it is the single highest selling adult comic on the market to date. A few years back, there was talk of creator Larry Welz doing a video cartoon, but the chaos of the change from Last Gasp to Kitchen Sink have put things on hold. This is Cherry's second KS issue, and upholds the tradition. Thef ocus is placed on an exaggerated biker lifestyle, bringing the legendary Horny Biker Slut line. Of course, Cherry delivers a twist as only Welz can. The first of the two episodes mocks the King Kong scenario and the other makes Jurassic Park look like Jurassic Joke. Ellie Dee stars as Cherry's ingenious wizard friend who, of course, manages to turn a motorcycle into a time machine. Look for the hidden pictures of Barney throughout. I'd like to see Cherry in more spin-offs of quaint movies and TV shows. Welz is arguably at his best when using satire. The previous issue was a great take on the Clinton/Jennifer Flowers scandal. Stuff like that begs for a sequal. Give it a 9 of 10, only because I've seen wackier shit from Cherry! -Steve Bostwick

Isn't it ironic that those we run into who tend to be bookish or intelligent or even more enlightened seem to be real down on the show, while the dregs we encounter love it? How did this happen? Sure, the dregs are reacting the the surface level of a father and husband who's joy is to slough off the wife and watch TV, the mother and wife spends money like it's going out of style and craves sex from her husband, the daughter is an obvious slut, and the son is a slimy wisecracker. I'm perplexed as to why so many of the snobbier bunch turn their noses up at this show. Clearly, they do are only reacting to the surface level, which is, of course, pure repellent to any cultured so-and-so. How is it that these folks can't laugh at the subversion leveled at the TV-family stereotypes and not see that it's a joke? How's come they have to think the producers really think everybody is this way, or worse, that they're providing role models? Oh yeah. Those snobs don't have any discernable sense of humor! It's a goddamned JOKE and it whizzes by them faster than T.S. Eliot would whiz by the dregs. The most curious thing about Issue 2 is a brief "history" of prime time. I'll allow my naivete to show and say that I'd always figured Britain had its selections on telly, Americans had theirs, and that was that. Miles Wood's sitcomtime line seems pretty darned American with the exception being the indication that Sanford and Son was derived from a Brit show called Steptoe and Son. At any rate, the conclusion of the history is that with the sit-com having been given new life by lbs Cosby Show, it was ripe for an unravelling of the usual formula by a set of caricatures. The caricature dwelled upon the most here is Kelly Bundy, and actress Christina Applegate. Photos a-plenty pepper the pages as might be expected. Bio's and fimographies of Applegate and of Ed (AI) O'Neill and Katey (Peg) Sagal are listed for those who might want to search the wee hours of USA Network programming for lack of anything better to do. Issue 3 has far fewer photos and instead, concentrates more on show issues. For this issue to grab your attention, you really have to be a fan ofthe show. News issues surrounding the show are charted (press conferences, popular opinion of the show, boycotts against its advertisers, etc.), talk show appearances refered to, the Married... comic series is reviewed, an episode guide is listedf orthe sake of home taping completists, and there's other mundane crap. About the only interesting thing is an essay of appreciation of Buck, the Married... family dog. Why so down on #3 and not #2? Well, the show has, what seems to me, to be a pretty uninteresting cast of nobodies who came together to act out a pretty interesting TV show. I'm not going to rave to show, because there are limits to how far this particualr joke can be stretched. It was a nice job of casting. The zine has succeeded in stretching the limits in three tries further than the series has in 7years.

CRASH COLLUSION #6 PO BOX 49233 AUSTIN TX 78765 $4 Mr. Nations has developed one of the finest fringe zines going. His writers consistently contribute topical articles which tackle interesting subjects, are thoroughly researched and discussed, and raise eyebrows and questions alike. The supermarket tabloids tackle these subjects all the time, which is probably a bad thing since things like UFOs, Bigfoot, etc, are then instantly viewed with suspicion at least, and more often, total disbelief by "virtue" of appearing on tabloid pages. CC's writers give these items tons of credibility because of the lack of sensationalist crapola. John Cartertookon the planet Mars andthat "face"discovered on the surface. One of the NASA probes- beats me which one- turned up a photo of the reddish hills and, lo and behold, there was a formation of some sort in the shape of a quasi-human face. Coincidence? Carter doesn't think so and explores the possibility of life on Mars.

CHILDREN OF A FAR GREATER GOD #2 & #3 2ND FLOOR 221 ASHMORE ROAD QUEENS PARK LONDON W9 3DB ENGLAND 2 Quid... uh, $4 each U.S.?

1

How's aboutthat? The honest-to-goodness FANzine devoted to Married... With Children comes from jolly old England. I never would have guessed that the series would be aired in the land of Monty Python, let alone be worshipped, but let's not mix apples and oranges. We've discussed SleazeFilm from home and abroad, so why not the king of sleazy TV sit-coms form the U.S. of A.?

In the same realm, Steve Mizrach suggests that alien life has been in contact with human governments, especially the US, for quite sometime. Infact, hesuggeststhatthen-President Eisenhowersigned an accord with aliens under cover of a visit to the dentist. I guess the press let the Pres go to get a check-up in those days. Clinton doesn't even get to jog or get a Big Mac without a bevy of reporters around. Hmmm. The agreement supposedly allowed aliens to conduct their abductions and research without interference.- Mizrach suggests that JFK and Nixon befell their troubles (death and Watergate) as a result of their refusal to negotiate with the saucer jockeys. To keep civilians off the trail, the government conducts disinformation campaigns, I.e.: allows the tabloids to cover such things as UFO crashes, thereby making the public retain its position of disbelief, and relegating the "kook" label to believers.

Brilliance is often disguised as utter bullshit"
-J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
Ben Price turned up something he found floating through the Internet about the cultivation of cacti for personal use. Personal use? Think "peyote", smart guy. Psychoactives have long been touted as incredible mind-tools. Long before he was branded an loon and a public menace, Dr. Timothy Leary had a Ph.D. and was teaching at Harvard. That was back in the '60s. Nowadays with emphasis going towards the environment and the ingestion of natural products, it is no surprise to me that folks are looking towards cacti for their mindexpansion needs. The "found" article gives how-tos on all aspects of cacti use and growth.

$ $ FREE MONEY
: :

$$

As eye-popping and engrossing as all those stories are, Donna Kossy has topped them all with a story about a different kind of mind-expansion technique- trepanning. ... -».; Trepanning... Trepanning... Wasn't that the word for that sort of "lobotomy" torturers used to give to the insane? I conjure the scene of a damp, dank dungeon made of huge blocks of stone, people in rags chained to the walls, rats teeming in corners, some guy using his head as a shovel to burrow into the earthen floor, the Master with an auger beingappliedtoan"inmate'sforehead. Blood gushing out. Thesubject with an eerie smile..." Yep. That's trepanning; the drilling of a hole into one's skull, then used ostensibly to Completely release the spirits. Now, it is used by some ON THEIROWNHEADSinthequestforthebigtrip. Some have done it in order to open the elusive third eye in a religious pursuit. Amanda Fielding not only trepanned herself, she filmed the event for posterity! Send the film to the Scared Straight folks! Can you imagine what they'd do with it? 'You see kids, you might innocently have a few swigs of beer at a party, decide the experience was good and later have more beer. From beer you move to hard liquor. From hard for t h e liquor to marijuana. From marijuana to crack or heroin or acid. From there- TREPANNING. Kids, do you want to end up with a fuckin' hole in your head? Yeah, I thought it was all a big joke. Sure, mamma, I'm gonna end up with a hole in my head. Right. Well, look here, tough guy. See that? Think you're real tough cuz you blow some weed, huh? Muthafucker, have a look at thatHf

SUITABLE

BRAIN DEAD

Check it out!

Casebook on Alternative 3
UFOs, Secret Societies and World Control

::?::'W ' «;H-?:;SB.K:.V::.;.S':::::K:

i l

^native 3

DEATH DC/VERTIGO $3 Collectors of the Sandman stuff will definitely be interested in Death. In fact, the whole line looks like it's designed to grab the attention of collectors. Death is a character spun off fromthe Sandman comic and has found success. How can you fail if on a major like DC? Death isn't the typical "Angel of Death* we all are familiar with. First off, Death is female, and a very striking one at that. Of course, it would be beyond D C s credibility to publish sex comix, but Death isn't that sort of goddess. She just has a lookthat is very appealing. She's a heroine. Issue One ('The High Cost of Living") has Death helping out a kid, Sexton, on the verge of suicide, and the two become friends. She gets the chance to spend a day on earth and takes the name DiDi. The twist is that Death is af riend rathe than enemy, making the story unique. Collectors will want to seek out the hardcover version of the series, complete with a public service message about AIDS, with Death as the celebrity speaker. Back around Christmas I saw a Death wristwatch. It had Death's face on it and the second hand was her trademark Ankh. Neat. Death wears the Ankh, the symbol of life. Maybe it's because death lives forever! (I love it when I can come up with some oxymoron for this stuff). Lots of hype forthis character. Lots of collectors' money out the window. "Gallery" is a mini-series of Death stuff, but all done by artists other than the original artist. Apparently they all liked the character enough to send in their own renditions. More money in D C s bank. What the hell. It kicks ass! It's nothing but art, and of superb quality. Death has been reworked into Cubist, Expressionist, Surrealist, and Renaissance stylings, to name a few. Madonna's "Sex" book can eat dust. 10 of 10. -Steve Bostwick

Secret Societies UFOs,

Jim

Keith

Includes: UO a d the S c e S ae Porm Fs n e r t p c rga Ee t o i Wrae l cr nc afr S bi i a M sa e i the Md u lmn l es g s n ei a UO A d ci n, Co Cr l s & C tl M tl to s Jim Keith F b uto s rp i ce ate uiai n and m c , mc m r! uh uh oe An in-depth analysis ofthe startling claims made in the book Alternative 3. Quality Paperback, 160 pgs., $12.95
Other titles by Jim Keith:

Secrei and Suppressed, Jim Keith (ed.) - A guidebook to alternative views of contemporary events and world history. Feral House, 309 pages, $12.95 The Gemstone File, Jim Keith (ed.) 214 pages, $14.95. "Classic conspiracy fringe literature." • New York Press
Also Available:

Extra-terrestrial Friends and Foes by George Andrews - $14.95
Send your order to lllumiNet Press, P.O. Box 2808, Lilburn, GA 30226 Include $1.75 postage for first book & $.75 for each additional book Visa/MasterCard orders call: (404) 279-2745 Send for our free catalog!

DISHWASHER #11 PO BOX 4827 ARCATACA 95521 How does one go about creating a long-running zine when deciding to focus on one highly unlikely topic? Throwtravel into the mix, I guess. It seems to have worked like a charm for this dishing lifer named Pete. Having already logged the dishwashing adventures in far-flung corners like New Hampshire, Alaska, and Colorado in previous issues, he's moved on from Montana, back home to California andthen over to Dayton, Ohio. Pete is the classic example of a man too bored with life to sit still, yet too much of a slacker to get motivated enough to get schooledup and become a lawyer or something of that sort. I bet if you asked him, he'd tell you that both blue- and white-collar work lands you in the same tied-down place. So he packs his bags and works wherever he can wash. His mobility is his freedom. Any time a boss, a co-worker, the lack of food to steal, etc, becomes a drag, he gives short notice and leaves. This is power, friends. To be able to hold the rules the boss holds so near and dear, (and overthe heads of his underlings) andflaunttheminfront of his beady eyes (and the wide eyes of the underlings) is sheer power. To be able to make the boss beg at your feet to keep you from quitting is a wonderful feeling... I guess. I've never been so fortunate. A Kerouac for the 90's? Why not?

Ah, the sweaty brow. It can be found on the heads of those who are trapped in a situation which could expose them for what they are, or worry over an immanent encounter with a person of another subculture, or just have some general insecurity. It is part of Clowes' imperfect world where even those who appear to be on top of the given situation are shown as being genuinely flawed. Half of the stories revolve around the geek-takes-on-theworld-and-wins theme, usually involving some dork of a comic artist who finally settles scores, whether f inacially or otherwise, with the jocks and"coolpeople" from junior high school. Could it be auto-biographical? Probably, but I can relate and you probably can too. I got beat up (more than once) for my punk rock haircut and attitude in high school a decade ago, suffering the ignomy of having too slight a physique and too small a supporting cast, and s h i t , nowadaysf anancial wizardry is right around the corner (choke, cough)! Those fucks are all doctors and lawyers these days, living boring, futile, if lavish lives. I guess most of us are fairly typical schmucks, huh?

EUROPEAN TRASH CINEMA Vol 2, #8 CRAIG LEDBETTER PO BOX 5367 KINGWOOD TX 77325 $6 Rev. Piche' made an observation about fanzines in general in a review that appeared in the previous issue. To paraphrase, he indicated that most true fan-zines tend to become either obsessive or burned out in a matter of a few short issues. By and large, I'd have to agree. ETC is one of the exceptions for several reasons. The subject is broad enough to allow for variety and growth; there are literally thousands of titles and personalities to be explored. A goodly number of writers share the workload. This ensures multiple points of view and styles of persuit. These elements all point to avoidance of the ever pervasive rut. After having emphasized the amazing Italian sleeze film circuit over the previous seven issues of this former newsletter, Craig decided to give forum to other European arenas, perhaps to avoid having the zine thought of as Italian Trash Cinema. Whatever the motive, justice is served and the rut sideswiped with players in the French and German cinema paid proper attention. Having little actual knowledge of the ins and outs (shall we say) of this niche in the film world, the in-depth exploratory tenor of both the articles and reviews were very useful. French actress Brigette Lahaie spoke of the entire filmmaking process in a candid fashion rarely entertained by Americans. Rather than simply saying that everyone does marvelous work and is a complete joy to work with orfor and other cliches, she gave her opinions in a well reasoned manner, allowing the reader to accept her statements for what they are. The ensuing filmography helps to give even greater perspective to her statements, for as is shown, Lahaie is a veteran of more than 100 films. Veteran French Director Jean Rollin speaks in a similar fashion, not backing down from queries about having made porn under an assumed name. He dismissed that batch of flicks as being uninteresting and explains that they were done simply to pay the bills. He points out the pom and sleaze he's directed and that he is proud of. The honesty and openness is refreshing in both of these Francophones. It's just not something I'm accustomed to in film personalities.

DO DOUBLE DIGEST SANDY PO BOX 24034 KELOWNA BC V 1 Y A P A CANADA $1 Inspiring rage of creation and fixated purpose jump form the page and make me want to pee all over myself. Everyone that I trustdeeply- has some sort of driving, insane passion. Sandy is that type of boy that I would feel real comfortable sharing my toothbrush, my underwear, or the road with. He is filled with an overabundance of creative desire to populate the ghetto of his mind with perverted deviants and aimless marauders. This is art, kiddies. It's sucking pee through red and white straws with that bendytop bit, pooing in our pants while screaming for inebriated revolution, of sleeping naked with boys who look like grrrls (and vice versa). I am filled with an unnamable joy and a secured sense of embrace by this awe-inspiring work of goateed creativity. L o n g live t h e c r i m i n a l c e l e b r a t i o n o f t h e i n s a n e ! The envelope is a homemade joy featuring that midgetedf reakcreated in the United States sitcom labs, Emmanuel Lewis. Remember when Webster shucked Monkey cockat M. Jackson's Ranchero? Gawd, am I hard. -Rev. John X. Piche'

EIGHTBALL#12 FANTAGRAPHIC BOOKS 7563 LAKE CITY W A Y N E SEATTLE WA 98115 Daniel Clowes shoulders the entire load in Eightbail, from story to art. I'd wager my Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer mask that you've seen Clowes' drawings before, is stuff has been the centerpiece of several record and CD covers. Off the top of my head, I can think of a Cheater Slicks CD and a compilation record called The Beat of the Traps which was the result of a bunch of those 'send us your poem and we'll make a recorcf deals. Anyway, he has a knack for showing the geek in all of us, ever so slightly overemphasizing human features to reveal our frailty. He specializes in corny glasses, double chins, big buckedteeth, and lackof muscle tone, but most of all-

the sweaty brow.

39

But, shit, the bottom line is thatthis stuff is all a bunch of f u n . Were talking about ridiculous, blood spattered slasher flicks and can­ can pornography and other exploitation films. Some of the graphics include titty shots of Lahaie, a scene from the Rollin film, Bacchanales Sexualles. where a woman slashes the throat of atied up nude, and an incredible special effect still of a woman with a pair of scissors jammed open into her eye sockets. To quote featured French film critic-turneddirector Claude Chabrol, "okay, so these films are trash; but let's not do it by halves. Let's get into the trash up to our necks". Right on! If you want not just to watch the flicks, but to get up to your neck in the trash, check this out along with the companion ASIAN TRASH CINEMA (reviewed and panned earlier by Rev. Piche").

HORNY BIKER SLUT #6 LAST GASP 777 FLORIDA ST SAN FRANCISCO CA 94110 $3 | f
:

J.

r .

>>,v.,.

:&--J

I've always been a big fan of the Horny Biker Slut. It's" a really funny comic and unique because it is one of the few comixout there that goes all-out to super explicitly detail all of the sickest, disgusting, hardcore pornographic antics imaginable. It's definitely the filthiest comic as it claims to be.

FISH BALLS AND COFFEE #1 BABY FIST PUBLISHING PO BOX 120652 NASHVILLE TN 37212 $1 From the land of the Grand OP Opry comes the digest sized equivalent of an Answer Me! Jr. The themes are perfectly identical, only the execution and volume have been nipped in the bud. Right from the politically incorrect cover, with the line "Hey Faggot!" and a fist glancing across a face, through an anti-homeless beggar rant and two serial killer profiles, the only thing preventing me from believing Jim and Debbie Goad produced this was the inclusion of a recipe for fried balls of fish. Actually, I like this quite a bit more than Answer Me! becasue they keep it brief. The profiles of Herman Mudgett and Peter Kurten go quite a long way in indulging the reader, using comical quotes from the men and the ironic truth without getting into pathetic tones of homage. The piece on the effects of getting stoned on Robitussin cough syrup and resultant constipation was a good laugh. Rev. Dr. David B.2 got the job done without becoming redundant or self-indulgent. Such restraint is worth a dollar, I reckon.

GIRL ART GAZETTE SKIDMARK PRESS PO BOX 293 BROOKLINE MA 02146 $1.25 Don't you start getting the wrong idea that this digest is the result of a bunch of grrrls getting together and drawing for the sake of a zine. For better or for worse, depending upon your point of view, I'm not preparing to tell you about some sort of reflections of life from a woman's point of view or anything quite so honorable. This is the result of a bunch of guys convincing their girlfriends and the half-drunk girlies they found at the corner bar to get nekkid for them to have an opportunity to scribble facsimilies of their form in between gawks. Throughout history, the world's greatest artists have celebrated the female form, and now so have guys like Seth Deitch, Khoi Vinh, Paul Neff, and Ron Rege. It's also a great way to raise some quick cash. What sells betterthan the female form? Askthe b o y s on Madison Avenue. They'll tell you NOTHING can compare... in terms of sales. This will easily suffice as a nifty little stroke mag for at least 3 0 % of you. -Ed Godard

40

Horny Biker Slut is more graphic and sicker than even most other porno comix. John Howard and his team of artists have a combined artistic style that is so distinct. You always know their work whenyouseeit. They've reachedthatcertain level of proficiency. They exaggerate all the right features- especially in the sex scenes- and futher manipulates the technique to distort, make abstract, look gross, or even more natural. I mean, most men can't store that much jizz in their goobags, let alone discharge it all like the guys in HBS. If they could, what sort of new sexual territory would we cross? Would we break down any sexual barriers? Would we have a new source for wallpaper paste? And if women could really have such bodies! Look beyond the comedy in this one. The artwork is all-out quality and detail. Am I making sense? Who cares! I give it a perfect 10 of 10. It's a porno lover's comic for its creativity as well as use of every available stereotype. (I never got a hold of #5. Howard made a reference in #6 to some "look alike contest". Only one person sent in a photo. I know hundreds of women- literally hundreds that fit the bill. I'd have sent in a photo or two.) -Steve Bostwick

JULIE ON THE NIGHT TRAIN HUGDEBERT EUROPEAN PICTURES PUBLISHING -IINli POBOX20 CAMPIONE CH 6911 SWITZERLAND $9

I 10*

KNIFE #5 ZEDGRAV PO BOX 26051 WESTMINSTER STATION WINNIPEG MAN 3C4 K9I CANADA 50 cents Knife is cool. Chris' struggle to rediscover and reconfigure the encounter with mundane punk rok normatives is a fascinating documentation of authenticity. The rant about the "pit" is tough for me to understand, for I never heralded the merits of such brutality. The oppression is brutally suburban. Dance not unless to dance to destroy heaven. Boys and grrls beware: coffe and ramblings make not an Aaron Comeonme be. Layout is a provocative mess. Bad cutting eliminates all pretension which might have been conveyed by the fancy inserts and folded paper bits. Lost youth in the wasteland. Go to the library and photocopy art and photography books. Oh yeah... God does swing both ways, but prefers to be on top. Go finger. -Rev. John X. Piche'

If there's one thing I can't stand about a story, it's confusion over who's who in the story. It might be over my head, but I'd like to follow the story. I do believe the title is Julie on the Night Train. Why does the main character introduce herself as Carole Thomas? Sure, she only rides the night train so she can fuck strangers, but why the name game? Is she lying to her friends? You don't even really have a clue as to what her life is like outside the trains. Of course, we may not care. The artwork is good- resembling that of my artistic mentor Albrecht Durer. It's all sex, which is cool enough, but I do like a story. Just like so much porno, there is no substance other than the sex. it quickly develops into typical "just get yer rocks off" stuff. Unlike cartoonish comix like Cherry Poptart or Homy Biker Slut. Julie looks like those soap opera strips in the daily paper likeJudge Parker orwhatever. There is an initial amount of seriousness to the first few frames, and then... Y'know, a straightforward, serious plot isn't a bad thing when you've spent good hard-earned money. When I have to look at images that are supposed to be very natural and realistic, when it comes to fucking and sucking, the images had better be darn good. For 9 bucks, I could have gotten a lot more elsewhere. Carole is a sexy character in a number of the frames, and the theme has potential to make a really great, sexy storyline if continued and developed. Hugdebert ought to concentrate on that storyline and give it more detail- more clout, if you know what I mean. That way the artwork wouldn't have to be all work. Give it a 5 of 10. -Steve Bostwick

MAN B A G # 2 ^ ARTPOLICE, INC. 4115 39th AVE S MINNEAPOLIS MN 55406 $2

'' "*

SAVE40*
Manufacturer's Coupon Expires 5/15/94 • RUSH SERVICE $2 AMOUNT ENCLOSED $ , JUSTINE LUVBUNNI PRESS PO BOX 682 HADLEYMA 01035-0682 send stamps
ADDRESS. CITV STATE/ZIP.
SIGNATURE —

I AM OVER 19 YEARS OLD & REQUEST THIS MATERIAL

I first met Justine when she was "vacationing" from her job as a stripper in Cleveland. When, through the course of conversation, her waged activity came up, she gladly answered all my inquisitive probings with honest and articulate anecdotes. Most of what I was interested in knowing dealt with locations, atmospheres, population (and responses therreof), and preperation (emotional and physical). The stories that were shared with me during that late night kitchen table conversation overwhelmed me with emotive empathy that manifested not only as respect but also as admiration. This zine is a wonderful document of the struggle to make "it" fit. There can be very few writers who devestate me so totally as this woman, so I can only Fawn over her brilliant talent. If you get this zine, you will have to reconfigure some of your safe little assumptions. You will feel the comforting embrace of a vigorous perversion searching for outlets of autonomous expression, to me, that is what "it" is all about. So what are you waiting for? -Diane Shetton, ksc

Hello! Open the thing a find on the inside cover a drawing of one of those she-males- you know, both tits and a dick. Of the few words inside, the first are a notice that Man Bag IS a strokebook and not much else, which is fine. I just have to tell you what sort of strokemag it is. Most of the drawings center around a few limited acts. Many have women sucking cock or with spew dripping from their noses or chins. Others depict urination or defecation scenes. The centerfold is an unbelievable scene of a swimming hole with eight nudes frolicking about, a pipe dumping some kind of liquid into the hole and two of the women shitting at poolside. The one in the foreground is on her knees and, with her head turned around, facing the reader. The one in the background is dumping right into the hands of a man and another woman. Naturally, there is one drawing of a woman shitting while blowing a man with an oversized prong. The best, and probably the most likely to get the producers into court is a drawing of what appears to have been a young girl's birthday party gone bad. The birthday clown is lying, apparently dead, on the floor, with a huge bulge in his pants and a rope arourld his neck. Two of the little girls have their hands up their skirts. The "art" on the wall is a fuck scene. I'm more inclined to laugh at the drawings than to stroke to them. These are the sorts of scenes that should be in photographic pornography, just because they are so unbelievable. Leave the drawings to the plain human forms where the imagination can liven them up. These drawings need clarity to liven them up. Who knows if we got the right address or not. The envelope the zine came in had two addresses on it. A sheet of paper had yet a third. We went with the address that was in the return space of the envelope, even though it differed from the one in the zine. Confused? So am I. Send an age statement if sending for a copy orthey won't send it. Capice'? -Ed Godard

41

MASTURBATING IN A CHURCH 13377 BAHNFYRE DR ST LOUIS MO 63128 send stamps Here's a short, quarter-sized little rant dealing with the anguish of an ex-alter boy. I never had that surge of power, standing besidethe annointed Holy Practitioner, assisting the performance of elaborate rituals, nor have I internalized so much of my supposed guilt-ridden religious background. I grew up in a pseudo-Catholic household, knowing the baby jesus loved me (I trace my paedophillic leanings to this fact), and I only went through a natural, and thankfully short, phase where I was ashamed about touching my peeper. But never did I feel that God was going to punish me for it. So even though I empathize and understand his anger and fret, I can not really sympathize. I've always wanted to have sloppy, nasty sex on the altar, right under the hanging icon of the dying Christ. This is a decent little effort, but never really gets into any good detail about shooting one's fuck on holy ground, as the title would have me assume were to happen. Too bad, really. I wanked once in an empty confessional, but that is another story. -Rev. JohnX. Piche'

NINETY-THREE POINT FIVE SC MICHAELS PO BOX 734 MT ANGEL OR 97362 This is the kind of zine which gives me diarrhea and makes me wish to god that these types would simply stay hooked to their pathetic Internet"" , typing away to people who enjoy VTD headaches and carpel tunnel paining aches. Stop wasting postage and photocopying expenses. Lords know that I don't care if your X-mas card is now beginning to scare you or what you think about the pitiful television programming on Fox. No layout exists except for computer type and lines separating random thought from random thought. No creativity, no insight, and no purpose leaves me hating life. I SHIT on this! Stop all publishing activity immediately you squirmy little bootlicking worm! Get a life and develop an opinion! Fuck off! -Rev. John X. Piche'
1

OUIJA SCRABBLE 2:35 PO BOX 136
STATION P

Omnibus 1880s •
MISSIVES #1 PO BOX 10685 PORTLAND OR 97210 send stamps Sophie came up with a great idea for a sfice-of-life zine. She reprints letters. Big deal? Friends, in this issue alone, we've reviewed the efforts of folks that write about washing dishes and about shopping at thrift stores, so could letters have any less potential? Maybe they do in the sense that we as a society just don't write letters like we used to. We use buzzwords and in-crowd slang and we do it on the phone. Sophie acknowledges this and is asking for submissions of letters. They can be things you write to her or things you've received. In this first issue an odd letter with a 1977 postdate leads off the submissions. It was sent to complain of abuse in the hospital by a semi-literate sort. A postcard from Drummond, Nebraska, home of world famous "bull shippers" (yukyuk) is reprinted. A letter from a dad to a college bound daughter, full of "do what's best for you" fatherly advice, was written in January of 1968 on board a United flight from San Franciscoto Chicago. A postcard from Honduras follows. Little pieces of scatterd lives come together, not so much to tell a particular story, but to give bits of this and that. It brings to mind an interview I did with Mike Watt, who plays bass for a group called f IREHOSE. Before the fIREHOSE days, Watt and childhood pal D. Boon played in a very worthwhile band, the Minutemen, until Boon's death. Boon once suggested to Watt that he consider a change in his lyric writing. Kole: Tell me about the song 'Take 5, D." Watt: Well, the title was to get him to back off, but the lyrics were a note. D. said, "Watt, you gotta write some more real life." So the first thing I found was a letter from the landlady. Kole: Bad plumbing, right? Watt: Yep. The caulk on the tub came loose and if you showered, the water would go down the walls. She wrote a note. Bad sentences. But we made the song out of it. Kole: And that was real life enough. Watt: Yep. D. loved it.

TORONTO ONT M5S 2S7 CANADA

Ko. 29RI-T.-. W i t h o u t * doubt the most r e m a r k ­ able and I n t w l i o K and m y s t i f y i n g p r w i m ' t l u i i ol t h e n ? ' ' - J Is o p e r a t i o n s Bra a l w a y s Intervsilng and s o m e t i m e s I n v a l u a b l e ; a n s w e r i n g , a s it ti.ws. q u e s lions concerning the past, n.Ff^'Aifi."boi'ro.''accoro^ t o OuIJa b o a r d a c e o r a j .00
U

-

^ K ' w ^

i S ^ T ^ ^c ^ S ^ a h

»

"

I'm always pleased to find an author or artist who knows the limitations ofthe project they're working on. Concept magazines often wallow and die because the ideas, while good, are few. Undaunted, certain authors and artists will milk their little good idea until it's as sour as old curds, ten volumes, 100 pages, five episodes, twenty paintings, or six albums too many. Rock and roll may provide the best examples of all, but that is all another story. 2:35 tells a nice, little story over the space of 12 (including covers) pages that is better than 100,000 400page science fiction monstrosities. The story is simple. Two friends get together for a little board game fun. One brings a Ouija board, the other brings Scrabble ™. One gets the idea to combine the two for an interesting twist. The other agrees and they proceed, not before smoking a little hashish. As hoped, the pair interact with the spirit world, receiving disturbing, anti­ social messages. Both decide to quit playing when spooked enough, watch videos, and I imagine, sought the comfort of wee bit more hash. The images which support the tale are effective in their photocopied simplicity. Together, the story and images support a strong framework, but leave enough of the decor to the reader's imagination to make for a nice, thought-provoking read.
lm 1

PANSY SUPERZINE #7 IAN 1318 4 T H S T BERKELEY CA 94710 send stamps This herre's a superkool kombination of essays, short stories, and phat cartoons which all make me very jealous since I cain't drawl. AverillPark\sa series of vignettes fromchildhoodrememberances that had me spooked and quite honestly disbelieving in hopes of denial. I have a hard time reviewing material such as this for it hits very close to my turf, meaning I love it and produce similar things. Eat this with the vigor it deserves. Intelligent, talented writers and artists publishing their own madness warms the heart. Someday, when these folks are famous and THEY are constructing literary theory about the body of work left behind, this small packet of bandaged paper will be marked down as privately circulated magazine/pamphlet. Get in on the ground floor now. p.s.: I didn't like Phoebe, though. •Rev. John X. Piche'

42

PSYCHOTRONIC VIDEO #17 3309 RT 97 NARROWSBURG NY 12764-6126 $4 If you're a big fan of those classic movies we like to call "BadFilm", whether they be from the 1930's, 50's, 60's or 70's; whether they be horror, sci-fi, or any of the various exploitation modes; if somehow you've missed this mag, for shit's sake, get away from the blue ray for more than a half and get a hold of this. Why? Well, most of us can't take the VCR to work. Psychotronic not only serves as an excellent substitute for viewing but gives a heck of a lot more than the flicks themselves. Watching the flicks is great fun and to augment our viewing want lists, Michael Weldon and staff bother to reviews flicks from the 1920's to the present. To augment the reviews, the layouts always incorporate the fascinating stills which were supposed to attract an audience. Stills are a bigger bang for your buck today than they were then, not just because the collecting scum hoard the things, but because f ewthings please the eye more than the sight of the lovely still for The Pigkeeper's Daughter. Take a seductive looking bimbette clad in the stringiest of string bikinis, holding three piglets- one slightly obscures each breast, and the third, while dangling by its tail, covers the nymph's kitty cat with a devlish grin. The whole thing is topped by the caption, "she brought a new meaning to the phrase- 'DRIVING A HARD BARGAIN'!", all obvious sexual overtones perfectly intentional, of course. Books and even records are also reviewed. The over-the-top aspects are the interviews and the inclusion of some autographed photos from Johnny Ramones' collection. Apparently the guitarist of the Ramones is a big fan of pre-1970 female film stars as evidenced by the inclusion of stills ofthe likes of Fay Wray, Elsa Lancaster, Marie Windsor, Vampira, and the knife-wielding Irish McCalla. It's cute to think of Johnny approaching these women, pen in hand saying, "uhhmm... I'm a real big fan of yours... I've seen every movie you've ever been in and, uhhmm, I was wondering if you could, uhhmmm..well, it's for my brother... his name is uhhh, John". Andthey smile knowingly and write, ' T o John- All The Best!", wink at him and say, "here's the autograph for your brother., is he in your band, too Mr. Ramone?" or some such thing. Oh, and interviews. Subjects this issue are Robert Clarke, Radley Metzger, James Best, and Stuart Lancaster. None seems to be featured for what I would have thought to be the obvious reasons. I know Best as ol' Boss Hogg from the Dukes of Hazzard show, but he appeared in a slew of flicks, including the Ma and Pa Kettle things, The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms, the incredible Forbidden Planet, etc. Lancaster was, of course, the "old Man" in Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, but also the grandson of one of the Ringling Brothers of circus fame. Psychotronic is a FANzine done right. The content is excellent, composed of real substance in place or the usual duh-fan raving. Hell, the o b i t u a r i e s in PV are worth more than half of the 50s horror zines combined. Best of all, it's bursting from the saddle stitching with great photos that make time travel seem like reality. It makes me want to load up the convertible with bags of chow and head for the drive-in and commandeered it from the flea market folks.

In this issue, we find Ramba under attack by snipers while finally catching up with her villian, only to discoverthat it is someoneshe is familiar with and had already saught vengeance on. Marco Delizia articulates the skin tones very well with the different characters in the story. It is very hard to manipulate black and white pen and ink to give a natural look to an African-American, Hispanic, etc., but he nails it. The series suffers from the same ills as most porn films- the dialogues are predictable and cheesy. I believe the dialogue is just as legitimate and important to adult comics as to any other comic. Still, Ramba is on the right track, even overcoming the obvious spin-off source. Dig the simple masculine/feminine differentiation provided by Espanol. 8 of 10. -Sfeve Bostwick

RIOT GIRL VANCOUVER #5 HOLLIE PO BOX 1457 STATION A VANCOUVER BC V6C 2P7 CANADA send stamps Is it kool? Is it sexy? Is it necessary? Is it? I sadly quote: "River (as in deadboy Phoenix), thank you for being my first big crush on a guy I couldn't relate to, Shaun Cassidy doesn't count. For being the boy I dreamt wouldn't burp Burger King when we kissed. For being a sissy-fag-nancy-boy even if you weren't. For nor being a hunkwaitingforhis next photo shoot... For admitting we're all liars. And for the realization that dying is the easiest part of living." I thank River for being a money-grubbing-drug-addictedfucked-up-rich-hippie-boy andforprovingthat with fame comes cliche'. I thank river for dying a star's death, running the full gamut and solidifying the corporate marketing scheme. This generation has been hand-delivered its James Dean, Jim Morrison, and Caesar Chavez all rolled into one greasy-haired, cold, sex kitten. What has this got to do with a Riot Grrrl fanzine? Well, this is a sloppy, boring mess. Where is the anger? Where is the power? •Diane Shelton, ksc.

ROLLERDERBY #12 G L H T F R G Y W H U A CU I S O O US I O T L E R T PO BOX 424762 SAN FRANCISCO CA 94142-4762 Although #12 isn't exactly current (it's up to #14 by now, methinks), it is as representative of what goes on in the Derby pages as any other. If you haven't picked up a copy yet, Rollerderby is the brainchild of one Lisa Suckdog, the performance "artist" who toured doing an "opera" called "Lost Kittens". This chaotic show consisted of Lisa, her Francophone friend Costes, and others running around, screaming and punching at the audience. High points were the use of the litter box by the female "kittens" and Costes throwing the result at the crowd. What's that got to do with the zine? Plenty. That background info puts everything in greater perspective and in fact, enhances the frying pan-over-head effect infinitely. You see, the persona of the zine is that of a girl about 9 years old with visions romantic and innocent. Lisa stumbles onto forceful female personalities like Lydia Lunch and totally disarms her in a way a male couldn't- by talking about makeup. Ms. Lunch realizes the ploy and tries to re-establish a tone of force, and comes off as well as a zitfaced teenaged heavy metal fanatic trying to convince some chick how tough he is because he listens to metal. Lisa likes to interview her mom, which is just incredible. What would your mamma say if she knew you went around the country throwing soiled kittly litter at people who paid to see you perform half-naked?

RAMBA #10 EROS PO BOX 25070 SEATTLE WA 98125-1970 $3

TREAT ME LIKE A SLUT

Ramba is a very strong oncoming legend in the adult comic world, with all ten episodes appearing within the short span of two years. Ramba is very sexy and makes Sly Stallone look royally pussywhipped. She goes through all sorts of torture and never has trouble finding trouble.

43

Mom knows what Lisa does, yet she tells her all of these embarassing, personal things, when being interviewed. Check this out: LISA: What do you think is men's ideal body part? MARY ELLEN (Lisa's Mom): When I grew up in the 60s, it was big breasts. Lisa: Period? Mary Ellen: Well, and then they might get around to eventually looking at the legs. Lisa: You used to wear padded bras. Mary Ellen: Oh, yes. You better not putthis in yourpaper, but I told you about the one with the removable inserts. When I was young and some guy wanted to... ahem, make out, then I would... {emphasis supplied) It's the personality, folks. It's downright incredible. So you have this 9 year old girl persona and then you have mom talking about getting it on, and I forgot to mention the photos. Friends, the photos are pure sex appeal. Mighty twisted, but appealing on a r a t h e r contradictory level. They play into that "it could never happen to me" notion. The cover girl is in her nightie, her man is face down in bed, blood is splattered all over the walls, and A GUN is in her hand. Male readers are going to look at this girl and think, "Hmmm. Nice legs... Yeah... great legs... Cute face, I guess... in bed... ready to go... I'd do her..." HEY STUPID! She's got a gun, smart guy! Oh... that's right. She'd never do that to you. Things like that neverhappen to you. The female spider kills her mate after the deed's been done... unless It's you. Sure. The comics supplied by Lisa's friend Dame Darcy summarize all of the feelings conveyed in what is perhaps the perfect format for doing so and in the perfect style. They're fairly amaturish, occaionally roughly depicted, happy-go-lucky, semi-fictional creations situated in chaotic landscapes. (Darcy drew this issue's center spread an!) Other discussions involve her night owl, hill jack neighbors and the trials and tribulations therein. The point is, the personality of the zine is paralleled by few others (Nuthing Sacredcomes to mind). Zines that try hard to be personal or that are one-sided reports of "what I've done" usually come off as conceited or trivial. Rollerderby is neither, but rather is incredibly interesting and stimulating on several levels most anyone can relate to. Intellectual snobbery is checked at the door. No high-faluting sense of bearing or importance exists whatsoever. Rollerderby is pure fun and is recommended.

Just when it looks like this may be happening, a superhero type comic appears. Editor RL Porter took a strip and changed the dialogue to create a story featuring a Samsonesque caped hero who requires beer and fine Cuban cigars for strength. For lunch, he and his sidekick rope an airplane-sized eagle, yet must join forces with another superhero who has beer. Oh well. So it ain't a fanzine. Time will tell where this will go.

SUPER ABSORBANT ANTI-CHRIST #1 ANDREW PO BOX 3267 SAN DIEGO CA 92163-1267 send stamps We need to work toward flooding the market- even if for the moment merely the intellectual market- with a mass of desires whose realization is not beyond the capacity of man's present means of action in the material world, but only beyond the capacity of the old social organization. With the previous venomous statement of purpose my penis became erect and I prepared myself for the proto-Facualt/Marxists/ Sftuationist stimulation that gets me off really quickly. Sadly, this degenerates from goading me to action to making me mad that the ideas were so unnaturally underdeveloped, the potential for calibrated analysis is overwhelming, yet we slide into a killzone of populare kulture-Twin Peaks. Phantasm. andXenogenesis. The microwave of Andrew's brain has left me with only the surface heated and the good middle section refrigerator cold. The mission remains viable and the structure will be torn down, just that much more slowly. -Rev. John X. Piche'

SWITCH HITTER #1 955 MASSACHUSETTS AVE #148 CAMBRIDGE MA 02139 $2 One out, bottom of the ninth, a runner on third. Johnson comes to the plate. In the sixth, facing Veeblefetser, Johnson swung right. Here against Jerky he'll move to the left side in hopes of pulling the ball into right field and bringing in the winning run. Fine, but that's not what this one's about. The old joke goes that bisexuals have twice as good a chance of finding a date than a straight or a homo and it stands to reason. Of course, Daddy tought me that a man doesn't f uckanother man, but I'd be lying if I said the thought hadn't crossed my mind. Plenty of times before my short-lived marriage (and swearing off of women- won't go near 'em) I used to get all bummed out if I didn't have a date on a Saturday night. So every now and then, I thought about it. The writers haven't just thought about it. They've done it and some have been kind enough to tell'us about it. One woman had a bad marital experience with a woman and she finally ended up marrying a man. The tale of coming to grips with the idea of never going on another muff-dive and of retaining credibility with militant GAY friends is a great study in coping. Most of the rest deals with the joy of getting off with both sexes. Commentary comes from both men and women so as to give better perspective to readers regardless of gender, but the tone is largely female, which is real refreshing to anybody who's read more than one skinmag in the last year. The stroke poetry and stories are written by women- actual women, not the college-boy, intern geeks that invent the stuff for most strokemags. The cybersex fantasy thing with interchangable organs for all participants was amazing. Made me want to get a computer. I'll want to get the next issue to see what their call for submissions dredges up. -Ed Godard

SMITE #1 PO BOX 624 DIBOLLTX 75941 $1 Many publications are casually referred to as zines as being short for fanzine rather than magazine. What's the point? The premier issue of SMITE is neither. A quarter of this 12-pager is dedicated to giving Gilligan's Island the sort of stream-of -consciousness questioning Andy Rooney might give to, say, toast. "Have you ever wondered why people eat toast for breakfast, but not dinner"? "Have you ever wondered why the Professor brought so much equipment for a three-hour tour"? "Was he selling secrets to the Red Chinese"? etc... An honest-to-goodness Gilligan FANzine would have dedicated all of its pages to the castaways, spinoffs and other related stuff. Just when Smite gets into obsessive gear, it turns attention to the sorry Star Trek v. Star Trek The Next Generation debate. OK, so it could be a 60's TV fanzine.

TALKING RAVEN The Journal of Imaginative Trouble POBOX 45758 SEATTLE WA 98145 This is what Croatan Express is not. This is published by Antero Alii, who is an integral cog in the inner machinations of the whole post-whatevercircleofthesurrentAmericanundergroundintelligentsia. This particular issue of folded newspaper deals with weather, various peoples' views on it, meta physical theories, and poo'et'tree. Cain't say that I was moved to tears, but I did get a semi-erect peeper once or twice during the interview with Inga Muscio. The other interviews with professional artists, weathermen, and scientists are okay, but didn't merit more than a quick overview. Other issues are probably a ton more fun... this is the precursor to what is known in the business as das shit. Thank you for your patience. -Rev. JohnX. Piche' . — < c ^ D > —

TORTURED SCIENTIST #1 1703 18th AVE SEATTLE WA 98122 $2 Let's face it. The world of science really is filled up with a stockpile of boring, plastic pocket protector wearing nerds. Those brimming with creativity usually weed themselves out before succumbing to insanity, although a few devise coping methods. This zine is one such example. Who but a bored scientist would create a phony news flash introducing a new male contraceptive? A pervert? Granted. They devised something called the "Umbrelty", a device to be shoved through the head of the penis and into the scrotum where it opens like an umbrella where the spermicide exists. The creators of the device were reported to be quite pleased with the experiments, which left only a few male grad students dead, with most experiencing bleeding. Makes you wanna get one, right guys? A most useful article gives how-to's and what-to-look-for's whenassistingand/orparticipatinginautoerotfcasphyxiation. Naturally, all of the biological functions are described and this is helpful in understanding why one might want to tie a cord around one's neck while getting off. An entertaining short bit fondly recounts early introductions to science by a bigger, stronger older sister. Chalk one up to boredom yet again. Actually, the scientific field is one that has gone largely untapped by the zine world, at least in this vein. The two writers of Tortured Scientist are good enough writers to bring lofty items down to commoner level and throw humor in for good measure. We'll look forward to future, hopefully larger issues.

THE THIEF AND THE LYRE #1 LAARS P O B O X 6261 DAYTONA BEACH FL 32122 2 stamps All right. This zine has something to say. Well, not really. But at least it has a very nice narrative style- very personable, very believable at least. There isn't a serf-conscious conceit such as "I am now WRITING for others to read what I have to say". Instead, we get the editor's ramblings on haircuts, rebuttals to newspaper propaganda, crude cartoons, andtiny scrawled printing relatingthefucked-up nature of reality. Is ft groundbreaking? Nope. The layout is bland and too white, but the attitude is way kool so send your stamps tonight. -Rev. John X. Piche'

BOOKS
HARDCORE HAYDUKE by GEORGE HAYDUKE PALADIN PRESS P O B O X 1307, DEPTASY BOULDER CO 80306 Goddamned sonofabrtch fucked you over again? Was this time the last straw? Tried every imaginable compassionate, congenial, reasonable way to explain to the motherf uckerthat you don't appreciate their actions and stilUhey just don't get it? Want to GET EVEN? Of course you do, and you have arrived at just the right place to get your ideas. Oh, the author and publisher both go out of their way to let the reader know that Hayduke's techniques are to be taken in f o r entertainment a n d information p u r p o s e s o n l y . Right. Like the codiene cough syrup is for medicinal purposes only. Sure. Well, if taken strictly as entertainment, you can't lose. Hayduks spins a good yarn and doesn't tangle it all up with extraneous nonsense. He cuts to the quick with his short tales of vengeance, happilly throwing around the vernacular in a down-to-earth fashion. Of course, this again reminds us that Hayduke and his friends are not mere theorists. They are do-ers and they will quickly stimulate the minds of other actionoriented folks. Most importantly, Hayduke gives pointers on how to avoid detection. If you seriously plan to fuck with a genuine dickhead, odds are that if caught, the dickhead will do everything he can to exact revenge on you. Why create a vicious circle? Do it right. The best tip? Forget about your target (herein called a "mark") for at least 6 months. If you act to soon, you'll be the obvious suspect. A friend of mine got a

THRIFT SCORE #1 PO BOX 90282 PITTSBURGH PA 15224 $1 e-mail: hoffo@drycas.club.cc.emu.edu The essence of it all? Quite possibly. Having eschewed the information highway for the dirt road except in cases where we can pillage it for our own gain, Thrift Score does likewise to the overpriced, largely useless retail goods we were supposed to want and buy 20 years ago. Nevermind current "hip", "cool" grunge fashion. Thrifting provides economy and kitsch art, something Madison avenue only pretends to give, and only occasionally at that. What is the singlemost entertaining source of laughter and embarassment in your parents'house? The photo album, of course. Haw, haw- look at those glasses you got on there, mom! Hey, pop- dig those sideburns. Where'd you get those pants? I say, construct a shrine of this stuff. Let it serve as a reminder that most of the junk we think we need is actual crapolathat will be laughed at by our offspring in 20 years. Fill a room with the junk. Frame it or place it on a pedestal. Let it always alert us that our money can be spent on better things, and in 20 years, if we still want it, we can get it at 5% of the original cost. In celebration of the hunting and gathering of such items, this zine has been produced. Reader participation is sought in the hopes of a wider sharing in tales of retrieving trashed pop culture. We'd previously found a great zine (8-TRACK MIND / PO Box 90 / East Detroit Ml 48021 -0090) which caters to only one little niche in this field and are glad to find one willing to explore the whole realm. There's soul in them old bins.

parking ticket in a particular city. Cost him $40. He decided to exact in revenge about 100 times that amount about a year after paying the fine. Late one night, he returned to that particular c'rry and shot out all of the lights on a particular street. When you figure in manpower hours to the cost of new bulbs and covers, the city really took a beating on that $40 fine! The list of potential gags to play out on potential marks is huge. Scan this list to see if these individuals or businesses might have earned your ire: pro-lifers, bullies, landlords, drunks, bar owners or patrons, bosses, neighbors, bankers, police, etc. A potential list of props includes: explosives, drugs, plants, police, Q-tips, paint, mail, and computers. If you want to get a little more sophisticated, there is even a list of sources for catalogs of odd things that might be useful (see the Loompanics, Delta, Eden, etc. catalogs and reviewsthroughout our pages). You'll read it from cover to cover in about 2-3 hours and if when finished you're not plotting and planning, you may wish to check out any of the dozen or so other similar books penned by George Hayduke. Hell, it even comes in a nifty hardcover version, but be advised: Hayduke recommends that if pulling of a particularly nasty stunt, you should AVOID HAVING HIS BOOKS IN YOUR HOUSE AT ALL COSTS!!! Good advice, George.

CASEBOOK ON ALTERNATIVE 3 UFOs, Secret Societies and World Control By JIM KEITH ILLUMINET PRESS PO BOX 2808 LILBURN GA 30226 $12.95 ALTERNATIVE 3 was the name of a special April Fool's Day 1977 edition of Anglia TV's programme SCIENCE REPORT. It detailed a plan by wealthy conspirators to leave the earth; leaving ft a smouldering wreck and feave it for a moon satellite station. Har har har. What a maroon. Then a couple of writers decide the show was a good gag and could pull in a few bucks in paperback sales, so they develop (i.e.: Americanize and pad) the story and shuck it out there for the masses. Guffaw, guffaw, guffaw. Then the writers started getting mysterious threats and warnings and they wondered why. Their book was a work of fiction (and plaigerism), right? Maybe they were really on to something... Of course, that'sthetack Jim Kefth takes. Fromthis position, he opens a m o n s t r o u s can of worms, only one of which I'll discuss in any sort of marginal detail. The reason for that is the number of plots Kefth discusses is so large, I could devote an entire zine to the discussion of each. Besides, I have no idea to which, if any, conspiracy theories any of you accept, but even the ardent followers have some that they reject out of hand. Keith proposes such an onslaught of plots that at several points during this book, any reader will have to pause, drop the book into the lap with the jaw not far behind. I honestly had my mind blown as I felt like a stupid fucking pawn, falling for the simplest ruses, helping the conspirators get their way. To illustrate, I'll discuss just one item: drugs. By and by, Keith paints the picture of a consortium of wealthy conspirators. Their objective is to accumulate greater amounts of wealth at every turn. A complacent and docile populace helps grease the wheels of commerce. Drugs are an incredibly profitable commod­ ity. They're cheap to produce and easy to sell. With key U.S. Governmental officials underfoot, the Conspiracy concocts the War On Drugs in order to stimulate demand and "reduce" supply. Mostly, supply is thought by the public to be reduced, so they are willing to accept higher prices. So they give more and more money to the Conspiracy and make themselves more and more complacent. Imagine howcontemptable agitators for legalized drugs look to anyone who accepts the above conditions as existing! But the War on Drugs cannot be supported because to do so is to support the oppression of our neighbors who have been duped into using drugs. To support the War on Drugs is to give approval to a government which allows its military to violate the sovereignty of nations like Panama and Columbia. To support the War on Drugs is to give approval to a government that is accountable to a few rather than all. So what is the position to take? This will scare the shit out of you. I know it did me. JUST SAY NO. For shit's sake, isnt that pathetic? The words of fucking Nancy Reagan are actually pretty damned good advice. Most socalled "free thinkers", "open-minded individuals", lefties, anti-big business people just aren't going to be able to swallow that one. Yet, the only way to avoid the Conspiracy is to do just that- avoid it like the plague. Any time you smoke a little pot, you fund the Conspiracy. Any time you vote Democrat or Republican, you help the Conspiracy. You have to live it and teach your kids to live it. It's work and aint gonna be solved like a 30-minute TV sitcom. It's everything the whitebread "newconseratives" like Quayle have been talking about and it makes me want to commit hari-kari rather than admit Quayle is right. This isn't necessarily Keith's conclusion- it's mine, but is the result of anatyzingthe presentation. Keith presents "explanations"for crop circles, UFOs, Jonestown, NASA, etc. here for greater thought and debate. It's an amazing can of worms and will thoroughly challenge even the most "open-minded" of you.

LIKE A GOD I LOVE ALL THINGS by BILLY CHILDISH HANGMAN BOOKS 2 MAY ROAD ROCHESTER KENT ME1 2HY ENGLAND Poetry, shmoetry. So much involves an attemptto one-up the reader by using words only a handful of us have ever seen, much less understand. Leave it to a seemingly semi-literate dislexic, best known for his efforts in various R'n'B-styled rock groups (The Milkshakes, Thee Mighty Caesars, Thee Headcoats, etc.) to reach down into his soul and express some rather down-to-earth and genuine feelings. The book is augmented by the woodcut art of the writer. The simplicity of the crude depictions, rendered here in black and white, work well with the simplicity ofthe words. Here's a man who was raised in a depressed industrial city, Kent, realized the bleak future that awaited him, and even though he has experienced moderate success through his music, he carries the bitterness of being misled by the lies and promises of the industrial age. And you gotta love a guy who sings the praises of four letter words in a poem. The worst of the lot? 'Take", which ranks ahead of "fuck" and "cunt" in Childish's poem. I guess the most jarring thing to me is the realization of all this is. Poetry has always meant for me an opportunity to be an avenue of lyrical expression. Of course it can mean a million other things, but I tend to look for something personal or real. It is to my complete and utter astonishment that I have come to find exactly thatirom someone I had come to "know" as something of a gutteral rocker. The surprise only partially lies in the fact that it is Childish that penned the lines. That a rocker's poetry has come to belie anything but, and I hate this overused, underunderstood word, pretension, blows me away. Rockers always seem to be interested in getting laid after the show or scoring that record contract. These days, the most pure of the bunch tend merely to be after some bonding, usually male. Poets so often seem to go out of their way to use big words, or crazy speech patterns, or shocking language just to make some sort of impression. Rarely does either form strike me as arriving at something I might call "art". Goddamn me if Billy Childish doesn't do it here. ' AfL FRY/ \ I'm not goingto invent accolades for him like "genius" or anything like that. All he did was drop some words on a page that represented something in his guts. To me that's an artistic thing. It's real and it's worthwhile.

et teteta
THE UNDERGROUND CULTURE VULTURE Packagejvlo. 3 • 408 WASHINGTON NW ' WARRENOH 4 4 4 8 3 ; T . $10 |f,dall reading Re/Search's Incredibly Strange Music compendium did for you was make you want to go out and hear some of that arcane junk, but frustrated at where to find any of it- especially the pre-1970, LPs- consider getting a hold of these folks. Be advised that they deal in cash only. •-. Iptheirvenerable Package No.3 we found aset of homemade cards, vaguely styled like those hip Ed Wood, et ai, tradingcards. Each has a reproduction of those arcane albumcovers adorned with rubber stamp art and quick commentary. Thecards will have a warm, familiar feel for anybody who has seen and enjoyed any one of the myriad zines which culls art from such esoterica. Think B-movies, Betty Page, ukelele's, Christian guiter st rummers and the Salvation Army thrift store record rack. The.set directly corresponds to the cassette zine, which samples these albums. Seeing Jim Jones on one card caused me to frantically play havoc on my deck's fast forward, stop, and play buttons in search for this particular snippet. Not having heard any of this balderdash before, therefore ending up lost and dizzy, I gave up my search for Mr. Kool-Aid, rewound, ahd listened from the beginning. What a trip! The compilation creates the most unwittingly bizarre collage of skronks, spiels, and sonatas unrivaled by much of even the most, innovative college radio experimentation I've heard. Before any one of the clips starts to get stupid, the narrator fades the sounds down and just reads liner notes from the LPs. Anyone who has read the "hip, with-it" liner notes of the albums of yesteryear knows what chuckles can be gleaned from such activity. Before the occasionally stumbling narrator becomes hard to tolerate, he's moved to a new clip. The tape aione would make for great radio. The cards rounds out one of the best audio fanzines I've ever experienced. Here's hoping they do more in this format. Apparently, they've assembled about 100 tapes of the albums they've sampled here. Who knows what goodies lurk from just around our corner in nearby Warren.

Half of the humans still feel compelled to work even though there is a significant threat to their well-being. Some have decided to watch TV. Others sat down to eat. A couple makes out. Some hold others at gunpoint. Very few are attempting anything that seems remotely connected with survival. Just like real life, huh? The wee, little difference is that instead of aliens, the humans have given into those who'd have us work instead of play, workto buy shit we don't need, watch TV instead of think, give up instead of fight back. The cheap thing I kept referring to is the shitty experience many people have and insist on continuing to refer to as "their lives". Another great scene, if you buy the idea that the aliens represent human leaders, is one of a UFO dropping blank cartoon quote balloons onto earth. The message? Business and political leaders draw from an endless supply of meaningless empty quotes to numb and pacify us and think nothing of it. In fact, that was my first reaction to the scene- nothing. It isn't until you stop and associate each item in the depiction and realize exactly what it is that the meaning hits. Jabs aren't just taken at the "regular" zombies. The UFO paranoia and other conspiracy paranoia sufferers are fair game too. A stickfigure rendition of the JFK assassination is completed by a saucershaped brain fragment. A farmland crop circle scene is mocked by wailing little stick figures under the shadow of a saucer. A little card, called the Real Life Viewer reads, "punch holes as shown as see what really goes on when no one thinks you're watching" as if Barker waves the secret answer that only he can tell you about in front of the lucky beholder, when all one will ever see is the same thing they would have except that this little card obstructs t h e view a bit. The big, swank package of goodies goes for $14, but he'll send you a goodie forf ree if you send an SASE. The package includes the more-illustration-than-printed-word Schwa book, stickers, an alien invasion survival card, post cards, a key chain, credit card, and even an alien necklace.

MIND CONTROL IN AMERICA STEVEN JACOBSON/MCiA MEDIA PO BOX 15734 WINSTON-SALEM NC 27113 $12 The majority of the ideas expressed on this audio cassette will not surprise any of our readers. Most seem to accept the existence of some sort of conspiracies- whomever may be being them. Jacobson waits until the very end of the tape to reveal the aim of the conspirators, building his case by explaining what propaganda must do in order to work and how communications media are used to do the job. The starkest example of a successful propaganda campaign is his discussion ofthe film "Reefer Madness". Jacobson argues that the film actually helped create America's drug problems by suggesting to parents that marijuana was athreat to youth- even though American youth weren't using marijuana. At the same time, it showed young people having fun smoking pot, creating youthful curiosity in the drug. My high school chums used to watch Reefer Madness while smoking pot and laughing at the whole thing... how ironic is thaV. Jacobson's ultimate conclusion is that the conspiracies exist to keep us caught up in the chase for material pleasures in orderto keep us from our spiritual development. Why would they do that? Because they are themselves unable to develop spiritually, so they would like to prevent all the rest of us. I agree thatthe conspiracies exist to keep us materially enslaved, but I'm not convinced that They are trying to keep us from knowing God. If they are, and Jacobson is right (for who really knows when dealing with spiritual matters), the plot is without question the most devious and sinister plan ever hatched and should evoke the mass assassinations of the wealthy. Without question the presentation is extremely thought-provoking. It may even change the way you live your life- if you dare to challenge yourself.

SCHWA BOX 6064 RENO NV 89513 e-mail: schwa@well.sf.ca.us You've seen some of the art of Bill Barker and Scwha in the pages of our last issue and throughout this one. All of it is styled in minimalist geometrically defined drawings relying upon sharp lines of contrast using only by black and white. What is it all about? Is it just a bunch of cheap cartoons using a cheap style and cheaper design exploiting the cheapest scene covered by the cheap, grocery store rags (UFOs)? Shit.no. Well, not much. I'll explain later. t < : Each frame in the boo k te I Is a story of its own while contributing to a greater story. Examine the "Lost Time Detector" scene on Page 52. What do you see? A bunch of stick figures (humans) are at work while an alien abduction is taking place. Look at the various stick figures. About half are totally oblivious to the action taking place, which is remarkable, considering the bulk of the pages in the book which lead up to this page built up the idea that the aliens are to be feared because they may start abducting humans! '
3 r n r ;:

i
Bark Psychosis "Hex" Caroline R e c o r d s A little m a n w h o lives inside a m u s h r o o m told m e about this b a n d . H e s a i d , "put it o n a n d y e shall d o a little dance". S o I d i d , a n d I s w a y e d a n d b o w e d t o a n hour long shot of pleasant melodies a n d h a r m o n i e s . N o w , I'm not g o i n g to give a n y b a c k g r o u n d o n t h e s e guys b e c a u s e 1) I don't h a v e a n y a n d 2) I'm not going t o w a s t e my time b e g g i n g Caroline t o s e n d m e data f o r t h i s little magazine. W h a t I c a n tell y o u is this: if y o u r interests range f r o m mid-1970s G e r m a n p r o g rock t o latter d a y v o x / f e e d b a c k b a n d s like Spiritualized a n d Bear Quartet, y o u won't regret hearing this. S e v e n s o n g s m a k e up H e x a n d e a c h o n e builds upon the former. Personally, I h a v e a bias for "Absent Friend" and "Pendulum M a n " w h i c h provide a great amount of consciousness relaxation- great for t h o s e of y o u w h o play with mind machines a n d other n e w a g e bullshit. I'm not s u r e w h a t t y p e of equipment they use however. G r a n t e d , there a r e the guitars a n d p e r c u s s i o n , but the effects they c a n c r e a t e s e e m to g o b e y o n d t h e standard pedals, effects machines, efc. Fuck old-timers like Eno, Sylvian, a n d other socalled a m b i e n t g u r u s . B a r k Psychosis a r e part of the n e w breed of musicians offering y o u t h e latest in a series of mind expansion audio infiltration repertoire. -John Turnipsmidgeon T o m Cora "Gumption In L i m b o " C D Sound Aspects BOX 1150 D-7150 B A C K N A N G GERMANY '~
:

-

T h e cello is o n e of m y favorite acoustic stringed instruments for m a n y reasons. Mainly, its t o n e s are much w a r m e r than t h o s e of t h e violin, viola or b a s s , especially the lowest t w o or three o c t a v e s . T h e violin simply cannot produce t h e s e pitches a n d while t h e viola c a n , it cannot match the w a r m t h . T h e b a s s c a n m a t c h t h e w a r m t h in its upper reaches, but t h e n , w h o plays a s o l o b a s s fiddle? While most folks wouldn't even consider these instruments if about t o create s o m e c a r e e n i n g scree, opting instead for a distorted electric guitar, t h e classics are a fine source. A n y o n e w h o doesn't k n o w h o w to properly d r a w the bow across the strings is b o u n d to s c r a p e t h e bridge, slide the horsehair screechingly, o r c r o s s t h e bridge a n d play on the wrong side c a u s i n g w e a k , fuzzy t o n e s . T h e novice doesn't know how to vibrate by "rolling" t h e finger rapidly over the string o n the fingerboard. N o v i c e s c a n c r e a t e all sorts of ugly sounds o n a cello without even trying. I m a g i n e w h a t c a n b e produced by s o m e o n e w h o his instrument.

knows

Lou B's Acoustic S e n t r i d o h " W a s t e d Pieces... ' 8 7 - ' 9 3 " c a s s e t t e Shrimper P O B O X 1837 UPLAND CA 91737 I don't k n o w if S e b a d o h brainforce Lou Barlow develops his s o n g s by s t r u m m i n g a n d singing in the b e d r o o m onto c h e a p tapes, listening t o t h e r a w v e r s i o n s , a n d t h e n imagining other parts for his b a n d m a t e s or for o v e r d u b s in the studio, but it sure s o u n d s like t h e s e so-called " w a s t e d pieces" could b e little else. T h e raw recordings a n d t h e simplicity of Barlow a n d , in most c a s e s , just his guitar s e e m like blueprints for a S e b a d o h a l b u m . Of c o u r s e , that's all s u p p o s i t i o n . W h a t is here a r e s o m e 23 bits w h i c h t e n d to c o n v e y t h e c o m p o n e n t s of S e b a d o h in a p i e c e m e a l f a s h i o n . W h a t ' s that? It's equal parts harsh selfanalysis, lost o r w o u l d - b e love, a sweet, soothing voice, screams, songs that roar or build in a fantastic crescendo, or even grinding white noise. Occasionally w h e n listening to S e b a d o h records, I get t h e feeling that B a r l o w ' s feelings are muffled by the din of the b a n d or t h e effects swirling f r o m Lou's guitar. This a n d other S e n t r i d o h t a p e s t e n d s t o benefit f r o m i ii b e i n g stripped of, or m o r e accurately, having never Zj].^ been given t h e rock'n'roll treatment a n d a s a result, . best c o n v e y Barlow's e m o t i o n s .

T o m C o r a k n o w s his cello. T o great effect, he combines the w a r m e s t , richest t o n e s with skronks a n d s q u e a l s to create a rather interesting thing to listen t o . N o o n e s o n g s o u n d s quite like t h e o n e before it a s f r o m s o n g to s o n g , Cora varies his emphasis f r o m racing melodies, to a s s o r t m e n t s of noises, to double-stop d o m i n a t e d h a r m o n i e s , a n d occasionally tosses it all intothe same stew. Unlike so m a n y experimental compostional efforts w h i c h lack melody, C o r a gives just e n o u g h for those of us with shorter attention s p a n s t o h a n g o n to while grasping the other c h a n c e s he t a k e s . His current association with British poltical rockers T h e Ex s h o u l d give o t h e r s a g o o d enough excuse to c h e c k this out, d e s p i t e t h e a b s e n s e of distorted guitars, d r u m s a n d t h e b e l e a g u r e d English language. His previous entanglements with E u g e n e C h a d b o u r n e also help tie up t h e loose e n d s a n d help explain this t h i n g t o t h o s e w h o only know of him t h r o u g h the Ex.

D a m e Darcy "Mexican Crawling Poppy S e e d " 7" Nuf S e d PO Box 5 9 1 0 7 5 San Francisco C A 9 4 1 5 9 After presenting her d r a w i n g s in our center spread and talking about t h e m in relation t o R O L L E R D E R B Y , t h e Dame Darcy Exposition here c o m e s full circle with a review of her debut (I presume) record, w h i c h naturally is graced by her drawings on t h e cover.

i To anyone who has studied her drawings for any length, the images of a speed-driven post-teen nymph with a predilection for things antique, especially clothing, are well established, it should come as no surprise, then, that her music is in a similar vein. Imagine a cacophony of sound- not fueled by overcranked electric guitars and amps, but by a banjo, auto harp, and xylophone. Add the sort of syrupy vocals crooned by singers of 1920s ballads, often interspersed with odd shrieks or whistling plied directly overtop that lot. Some of these psych bands like to believe they've invented the perfect time machine, and maybe they have, but Darcy has invented the perfectly fucked-up time machine, throwing notions like wasting time and having sheer fun intothe mix. It is, however, virtually unlistenable to those expecting the perfect time machine, or even music.

Look for the vinyl if you must buy because the packaging is super deluxe. The other pleasant surprise is the cover version of Suede's 'The Drowners," which is completely turned upside down, feedback takes the place of the original's nasal vocals, and rocks out in a Susan B. Anthony kind of way. I like it, so there. -John Turnipsmidgeon

Distorted Pony "Instant Winner" LP Trance Syndicate

Flying Saucer Attack s/t LP VHF Records PO BOX 7365 FAIRFAX STATION VA 22039 Well, I had heard the hype about these guys from the people at Bomp! Records, that silly rotund BBC DJ John Peel, and others who raved about how these guys were the next Spacemen 3. Anyhow, I've heard it, and my initial reaction was, "yeah,, ok, but nothing really, gripping, don't know if it'll ever get more than 2-3 plays." But alas, on a day of utter boredom, I put this back in the CD player and it began to take over my senses. Songs like "Wish," "My Dreaming Hill," and "Still" bleed with feedback and various hisses and scronks (sounds I very much enjoy). Take the brilliant Perfect Prescription, add a dash of Red Krayola, and a dash of Columbus, Ohio's Stupid Fuckin' Hippie, and you get something called Flying Saucer Attack.

New LP, new label. Moving from that old California label (and former zine -ed) Bomp! to Trance have resulted in a more powerful output, both in terms of volume and songwriting. Although Punishment Room was a consistent effort, it didn't contain the harshness which is conveyed here. Pounding bass lines are all over the place as well as the Scorn-like guitars which seem to be tuned down throughout the whole record. Listening to this in its entirety reminds me of the carousel scene in Hitchcock's Strangers on a Train. There I was, trapped in a powerful whirlwind, hunting down the source of my distant displeasure while the outside world pays no attention. Farfetched? Ihopeso! You see, I'm using this review as an attempt to get a job with the asskissers at CMJ [College Music Journal-Ed.}. Anyhow, I realiy enjoy this record overall. Furthermore, I'm glad to see Trance building a strong cast of bands. Now, if they can only cut loose the shit on their roster (Crunt and the Cherubs). Adios, Satanos... -John Turnipsmidgeon

•4*-

ALTERNATIVi

SSRTIJCRM

* (fail

()/H/e/

f

Gmlomei*

ofthe

ijear

LOS G U S A N O S I'd Love To Save The World Second single from MHONEs' bassist Cj.'s side project band. Classic rocker from this N C quartet. T 2 song 7" and 4 song C single. "I, 2, 3, 4..." D 7" • CD Single VIRUS 144

ALICE D O N U T D Y HUMPING THE C S COW R AH Recorded live at Ci B and drawing maienal from fG all of their studio albums, captures UK'S FN S in I E! their legendary live setting. Kiss, step aside! LP (Double) • CS • CD VIRUS 143

BRUjERIA El Patron Mexico's most wanted, ugliest, and noisiest grindcore unit returns to A.T. for this nonage "to late drug lord Pablo Escobar, and the Henendei brothers. 7" VIRUS 142

V I C T I M S FAMILY Headache Remedy 15 new examples of this Petafuma T I ' ui Rs O brand olgroove-thrash-bad acid-punk-noise-n samba sryiings. Musically diverse, lyrically ir L P - C S ' C D VIRUS 138 MAILORDER 7": $ 3 . 5 0

JELLO BIAFRA and MOJO N I X O N Prairie Home Invasion Not since Dylan went electric! The mulant alleged country album is here! A mix o! original songs, plus remarkably faithful renditions of long lost classics. LP « CS • CD VIRUS 137

C H I L L E.B. Born Suspicious Rap on AT? It's irue. Continuing to take musical chances and avoid stereotypes, we're proud to offer the intelligent, positive message of this local rapper. 1 2 " E P * C S E P - C D E P VIRUS 124

INFORMATION: LP/CS: $ 7 . 5 0 D U L LP: $ 9 . 0 0 C SN L : $ 7 . 0 0 C EP: $ 1 0 . 0 0 CD: $ 1 2 . 0 0 O BE D I GE D

12" EP/CS EP: $ 6 . 5 0

P I E A E P S A E P I W H T E US. O L . P I E AE P R I E . S N 50< F R O R C ML T C T L G $ 1.00 ( R C N D A D O E S A . RC S R OT G AD I I H TN N Y RC S R E T M E D O U O P E E AAO . O A A A N V RE S C L O N SAE R S E T P E S A D 8.5% SAE S LS TX T ODR T T L ATR AI E TNA LS IS D T I U E B MORDAM RECORDS. A I R I T T EI N S L A E D F A D T T A E A O R E O A . LE N T V E T CE I R TD Y S B

UPCOMING RELEASES: H Y - D B T RC R I G FO T E M S E I U KEPONE. 2 S N S T A D I E U - H C E A E U EOD N R M H YT R S O O G HT R V N E KD C T R U H T E C NI E O Y U LTE MN . J N - R - E E S D R M S E I G O NEUROSIS' D B T " AN O MN " A B M HO G H O F S F O R I L N T I D U E E L A E E AT R R N F EU P I F I D L U , L N SN E U A A A L . A S , ALICE DONUTS " I E M NT OI Y V E C M I A I N PU IN. D O O T OG I C N V I BE LO L VD O O S R S " I O O PL TO . L G T D R P U.

CRAIG TEICHER
f/ttmrier
c

( S C A R C E , NY>

///>

- Deon Ayre-Smith

(VENTURA, C A >

P.O.

B O X 4 1 9 0 9 2 ,

S A N FRANCISCO,

CA 9 4 1 4 1 - 9 0 9 2 ,

U.S.A.

fairri

$onc
I'dl

Orchestra
album from

T h e long-awaited alluring instrumental

HONK I F Y E R HORNY "Gas, G r a s s or A s s " 7" Hell Y e a h ! P O B O X 1975 B U R B A N K C A 91507 Although they call it "country music without the 'o'", musically t h e s e c h e e s e b a l l s give t h e n o d to fairly authentic sounding 1970s S o u t h e r n rock. This c a m e a s absolutely no surprise, since t h e front c o v e r is a d o r n e d by s o m e girl's ass, only slightly o b s c u r e d by torn cut-off j e a n s . T h e rear photo features 8 "hicks" c r a m m e d into s o m e b o d y ' s kitchen. T h e parody is bound to offend most e v e r y b o d y f r o m Dixie w h o lacks a sense of humor... in other w o r d s , most e v e r y b o d y f r o m Dixie thanks to the total insult dealt t h e s e folks t h r o u g h this characterization. Of course, it's a g o d d a m n e d riot for t h e rest of us. T h e three offerings f o u n d here a r e laced through and through with profanity a n d r e f e r e n c e s to incest, d r u g use, and adultery meant not so m u c h to b e snide p u t - d o w n s of the residents of this particular region a n d white t r a s h in general, but ruthless attacks. It is probably t h e most t h o r o u g h attack on the negative aspects of a g r o u p of p e o p l e e v e r p r o d u c e d . If the project w a s called "Drive-By i n t h a H o o d " , N A A C P lawyers would be all over t h e s e g u y s like flies o n shit. All the s a m e , it doesn't stop m e f r o m having a good belly laugh. Their a n t h e m i c "Gas, G r a s s or A s s " is m u c h more a tribute to that short, free-wheeling era in w o r l d history known as the 1970s in A m e r i c a , a s if t h e reference to that sticker adorning most every v a n of that d a y wasn't tip-off e n o u g h for y o u . They rock sufficiently e n o u g h so a s not t o e m b a r a s s t h e m s e l v e s , and if drunk e n o u g h , it might e v e n s o u n d pretty great, within the realm of the genre. C o m e to think of it, I'd love to s e e t h e m play live in s o m e of Cleveland's redneck b a r s - just t o s e e if they get it, and if they d o , to s e e what kind of b r a w l might e n s u e .

FKANK OUKA
l e a d e r of";

1.1..

BUG P O J I D O I N G .
E l l EN KIT F U 1 1 M A S ,

T h e first r e l e a s e i n o v e r t w o y e a r s , f e a t u r i n g 3 collaboration with n e w music musicians E B E R S B A C H , including S U S A N find D A V E MAX V O E I Z CRAWFORD. :

a n d m e m b e r s of Poi D o g P o n d e r i n g

R e c o r d e d in H o n o l u l u , A u s t i n a n d Chicago.

W R I T

E; T O :: :.

Palm Fabric Orchestra „ n Poi dog Pondering
P.O. B i « < x « 7

\.

. : p p d . L'u- t ..i im>n...y i.iiilc-r t.-. .1 r . i l T o p 1 1 d-, •• j 7 i » . -\. O f t v i v . M - V , 1 < hirngo, 6ofe-5

.

||lif|
0

jilllllljillll

; ;|I

Ifltl" m i

S

1

G u i d e d By V o i c e s "Clown Prince of t h e M e n t h o l Trailer" D o m i n o U.K. This is o n e in a series of n e w releases by G B V a n d a p p e a r s o n b o t h t h e 7" a n d C D f o r m a t s . OK, I admit to being s o m e t h i n g of a n e w c o m e r to this b a n d , o w n i n g only t h e stuff since t h e Scat 7", h o w e v e r I pride myself o n not seeking out n e w b a n d s before t h e y a r e d i s c o v e r e d by t h e critics because I have better t a s k s to k e e p to, s u c h a s shining m y s h o e s with a quail feather a n d s e e k i n g out W a l d o in my Spaghetti-O's. Alas, this armchair critic c a n tell y o u that this C D is loads better t h a n their full-length g e m " V a m p i r e o n Titus". Y o u s e e saplings, Pollard a n d the rest of his little t r o u b a d o u r s a r e at p e a k f o r m with n u m e r o u s lyrical c o u p l e t s that not only m a k e y o u laugh, but ponder what exactly this s c h o o l t e a c h e r is f e e d i n g his brain before he sits d o w n to write. "Hunter S c h o o l " is t h e best t r a c k recorded b y this band since "Big S c h o o l " a n d " O v e r t h e Neptune", w h i c h a p p e a r o n other releases. S e v e n s o n g s total, a n d all a r e well worth the effort of s e c u r i n g a n import, regardless of t h e fact that the running t i m e is shorter t h a n t h e a m o u n t of time required to c o o k a bag of rice. In addition, the g r a p h i c s c o n t i n u e in t h e cut-and-paste vain, which only m a k e s m e w o n d e r w h i c h b a n d m e m b e r is relegated to clip-art duty. T h o s e indie rock losers will buy this before the b a n d b e c o m e s h u g e , 'cause by that time, they will c o n s i d e r t h e m passe'. •John Turnipsmidgeon 5 0

Huggy Bear Live at Peterson's Parlor A m s t e r d a m 2-28-94 Well, I did it. I spent almost all of m y available cash just to c o p a flight to the N e t h e r l a n d s a n d s e e o n e of my favorite pretentious political p u n k rock b a n d s . Hell, this show even rivaled a performance I caught a w e e k later by the Ex a n d T o m Cora. Just straight up rock a n d roll a n d d o i n g it with a hammer. T h e H u g g y Bears did s o m e silly p o e m s (at least that's what I took t h e m to be b e c a u s e they w e r e so s t u p i d , a n d I think alf poetry is just a half-assed attempt at d r a w i n g attention t o yourself through the use of stupid syllable structures a n d a g o o d Thesaurus). A n y h o w , they played t h e s t a n d a r d s : "Carn't Kiss", "Pansy Twist", ' T e e n Tighterns", etc., w h i c h just k n o c k e d m e out o f t h e a t m o s p h e r e before the Pakistani h a s h i s h c o u l d . O p e n i n g the s h o w w e r e t h o s e a m u s i n g Turkish lads called C o r n e r s h o p . Boy w a s that neat w a t c h i n g a b u n c h of guys who looked like they haven't e a t e n in a b o u t a month rant about the political disenfranchisement of their p e o p l e in England and other European areas. G r a n t e d , I love a g o o d rock s o n g , and shit, they delivered, but w a t c h i n g S u l i m a n , or w h a t e v e r the fuck

his n a m e w a s s c r e a m in t h e mic a n d allowing all in attendance t o v i e w his C a t a l H u y u k oral h y g i e n e w a s e n o u g h to distract m e f r o m their p e r f o r m a n c e . T h e r e f o r e , I can't really b e objective or r e m e m b e r m u c h o f w h a t t h e y p l a y e d . But t h e y d o h a v e a n LP a n d s o m e E P ' s o n E n g l a n d ' s Wiiija label, s o have a look for t h e m if y o u c a r e t o .

Various Artists "America T h e Beautiful" d b l C D b o x RRR 151 Paige St Lowell M A 0 1 8 5 2

I'd b e remiss if I left a l o n e t h e notion I set forth earlier that RRR stuff is strictly unlistenable noise a n d plainshit masquerading a s a n a t t e m p t a t e x p e r i m e n t i n g w i t h s o u n d a n d y e s , music. Sure, a w h o l e b u n c h of it could b e c o n s t r u e d that w a y b e e v e n the most Pavement forgiving listeners, but a w h o l e b u n c h m o r e is very worthy of "Crooked R a i n , C r o o k e d Rain" attention. This set is a s g o o d introduction a s I could imagine, for Matador it gives both sides c o n s i d e r e d a b o v e a n d m o r e . 676 B R O A D W A Y Fortheir 10th anniversary, RRR c o m p i l e d stuff revolving N e w York N Y 1 0 0 1 2 a r o u n d the A m e r i c a n a t h e m e . T h e m a t i c compilations seem QeXX Mike yov •oae xrieae %ax>OE I xtjivk x^ey destined t o g o awry, but this o n e doesn't a n d is pretty relentless. ape 7008. Qva%K Qva%K 9i)oc%K. u.00 uoo oxpeeepxvKVdoriv co. T h e shtick starts immediately w i t h t h e c a s e cover, lovingly axove. #uox (teat xneu. aXX cavtr\ a pv>ppep \iaXXex a v 8 xn,ev a d o r n e d by a restyled Statue of Liberty, a n erect cock in the right 5o a coT)tpA,ivy oepratcm, Savxe, xocroue avS aXX, wr\iXe eaxtvy h a n d , a n A K - 4 7 in the left. A s for t h e actual content, the most GJapiooo orodKpeS oXifjjeo xnax xoue cppou. a (pop. Av\|m,oco, IjTu. a m a z i n g thing is that throughout t h e nearly two-and-a-half hours yowa o e v 8 \yox> amc^ xowynx cwt/rep I ysx om o<b coopK. o' stuff, the t h e m e is only rarely s t r a y e d f r o m , er, usually it's pretty fteipS T n i v y o r\amtev, cue ojcev \i/eaxep8a\|/ a v 8 trie (pipox xripee obvious w h e n e m p l o y e d . I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't "get xtiivyo cue aeXX trie Beax Hararevivy xpi^vxe %S, BXa%K it here a n d there. M o r e incredible still is that t h e most enjoyable ^XccfTla EtDepti/XTiivy Qevx BXa%K, a v 8 a Pe8 Kpooo %8. B-ux tracks are the o n e s that best toy with t h e t h e m e . xTievxTjewvaXttaJxeaTavAop Moo8\|/BXveo paxKxaxaAoTepo Right off Disc O n e ' s bat is a great rendition of "God Bless Xau£ ivxo jcox av ev8 xo xn,ax x\ime od> TtopxnaoavY. <t>t>%K xne America", courtesy Negativland a l o n g with Rougeux. It seems Xoco, I coavx a veaxpav a v 8 a qxxp o<p xarcepc <pop u.\|r GJenix^e. A.XX a 1950's recording of the s t a n d a r d is t h e basic track supporting npaiae xo xrje cornvte xpacm,, (pop coixriovx xr\t\i, xrjepe coodX.8 Pe a d e e p v o i c e d m a n w h o s l a u g h t e r s all notions of tonality, time, vo T|iyr|coati/a. IIopK avS Xexxuxe. ExeaK a v 8 SowynvOTO. a n d melody. A p p l a u s e a n d appropriate " t h a n k y o u ! t h a n k y o u ' s " Zau,oovxxe a v 8 peeocoai;. follow. Barry Dalive (har har) provides social commentary in -John Turnipsmidgeon "his" "Chokin' t h e A m e r i c a n C h i c k e n " t h r o u g h t h e use of sound bites f r o m c o m m e r c i a l s , M a n s o n , c a r t o o n s , a n d Ross Perot. J o h n Wiggins p a y s tribute t o t h e late A m e r i c a n rock icon Frank Z a p p a in "Zappa M a p : G o d Bless Frank Z a p p a " which is a piece T o t e m Pole Of L o s e r s seemingly constructed by a s s e m b l i n g d o z e n s of little Zappa "Jesus, I A m L o v i n g Y o u " 7" s o u n d bites, intertwining t h e m with j u m b l e d t a p e loops. Luxurious Amarillo Bags spin a n eerie tale of a m a n desperately trying to get a fix in PO BOX 24433 t h e gas station John, a u g e n t e d by harrowing white noise a n d SAN FRANCISCO CA 94124 o m i n o u s low tones... m a y b e t h e p i c k of t h e disc.

-John

Turnipsmidgeon

Pexxep

uuxe

ooue

ape

A J o b ' s D a u g h t e r s spin-off? G o o d question. I have heard o n e record f r o m J o b ' s D a u g h t e r s a n d noticed t h e presence of B r a n d a n (Thinking Fellers U n i o n Local 282) K e a r n e y in that b a n d a s w e l l a s this. T h a t r e c o r d had s o n g s that brought the s o l e m n s o u n d i n g I a t e 6 0 s / e a r i y 7 0 s p o p t o mind... y o u know, like the J e s u s Christ S u p e r s t a r folkies a n d J e s u s freaks s t r u m m e d o n their Elektra a c o u s t i c guitars with resounding choruses. A n y h o w , this "group" uses t h e campiest, most sterile p r e p r o g r a m m e d C a s i o k e y b o a r d s o u n d s a n d rhythms intertwined with fuzz guitar. • T h e lyrics w e r e p e n n e d b y o n e G r e g g Turkington, h e of t h e c r a n k call r e c o r d ' T e l e p h u c k y o u " f a m e . In line with J o b ' s Daughters, t h e title s o n g ' s out a n d out sardonic attack o n a devotion t o Christ m a k e s m e w a r m inside a s t h e listener is led back a n d f o r t h b e t w e e n tales of rationalizi ng disasters a s His Will a n d t h e c h a r m i n g a n d r e s o u n d i n g c h o r u s w h i c h comprises t h e title. M o v i n g f r o m J o b ' s D a u g h t e r s , t h e sardonic attacks resume o n t h e B-side c a l l e d , " M y C o m p r o m i s e " . T h e victim this time is t h e record industry w h i c h f o r c e s a n artist t o give u p singing beautiful s o n g s in o r d e r t o write jingles d e s i g n e d to sell frozen c h o c o l a t e - c o v e r e d waffles.

Highlights f r o m Disc T w o include t h e Out Of Band Experience's "Bonerland". T h e w o n d e r f u l title c o m e s from an e v e n more wonderful lament w h i c h e n d s t h e track: "America isn't called A m e r i c a a n y m o r e . . . it's... b o n e r l a n d " . Phil Milstein's simultaneous destruction a n d recreation of "Louie Louie" is downright awe-inspiring. Portions of t h e original m a k e their way in via t h e t a p e loop, but every i m a g i n a b l e interpretation, from marching b a n d s , lounge s c h m a l t z , Jimi Hendrix, a n d gravelvoiced barking a m o n g others, m a k e this n e w take give a truly b u r n e d out piece of shit n e w life. O d d l y , "My C o m p r o m i s e " (see t h e T o t e m Pole Of Losers review, above) a p p e a r s a s being by a group called T h e Easy G o i n g s . W e l l , shit. Isn't getting paid twice f o r t h e s a m e effort (or at least trying to) t h e g o d d a m n e d American W a y itself? W e l l , it's a slightly different v e r s i o n . Interesting s o u n d s c a p e s like M a n d i b l e Chatter's "Dead W h i t e A m e r i c a n Pelvis", C h o p S h p ' s "4x4", a n d Borbetomagus' "Fur Mutti", o n o n e h a n d might h a v e b e e n better placed among other like stuff, yet o n t h e other, d o e s help b r e a k up t h e m e , should it b e c o m e tedious for y o u . If y o u ' r e b o r e d with rock a n d w a n t a n e w a d v e n t u r e , c h e c k this o n e out. It's a g o o d s a m p l e of t h e RRR ethos.

51

SIMONES "CORRIDOR OF DREAMS" LP PURPLE PHROGG 11675 MARKET ST NORTH LIMA OH 4 4 4 5 2 B e not afraid that this LP- yes vinyl album- is something of the psych nature. Lest ye cry that all psych rock is little more than a tired relic, fully evidenced by its appearance on the endangered specie medium, let me remind you of the quest for adventurous music. Alas, before you have a chance to interject something snotty about looking for new adventurous music, I'll remind you that if that's really what you want, you'll have to toss aside most everything you listen to- especially any form of rock 'n' roll. Since that would undoubtedly be too painful for you to bear, I'll proceed. AI Simones sent a nice little note with the record, advising that his band's sounds are all the more enhanced by the presence of a nice, toasty joint. Being that I don't smoke, and prefer to be as lucid as possible, I nealy succumbed myself to the apprehension I went about warding off in the above paragraph! Fear not. From the first intonations of Side One of "Corridors", the flowing notes are brought to life with a crazy amalgam of sound bites. "Peakin"' clears no more than two bars of music before a perfectly disgusting monster roar is belched out by something slightly less than human, instantly dispelling the myth that psych rock has to be strictly built around certain musical cliches and assumptions. The thing made me laugh out loud. If the image of psych rock construction is something very stodgy, take note. Other tracks use the "Mr. Ed Theme" to lead into a swirling tune, the barking dog is a crack-up as is the snip from some cheeze-ball porn actress, moaning and "oh yeahing" all over the place. Rather than interfere with the sounds, they truly enhance them, breaking up the predictability of the genre and creating something very interesting and fun. I can only imagine how these thing might have lept out of my speakers and slapped me silly had I smoked some pot before listening. Homage is paid throughout to the various substances one can aquire to alter the mind. The record is a selfpressed job, and it appears that the "label" name could be "Peyote". I say could because, AI operates the Purple Phrogg Record Store at the above address. Of course, the direction "Sinsemilla Morning" takes becomes self-explanitory. Genre-busters are always happily recommended here. Recordings by artists who don't take it all too seriously and have fun are as well. This platter succeeds on all counts and is quite atrip.

• Lost Time Detector: If the Xenon'" coated figure at left is red, you have recently been abducted, and have forgotten everything. Act inconspicuous.
For more information on alien defense send a stamped, self addressed envelope t o Schwa. Box 6 0 6 4 Reno NV 89S13

| \ \ Telepathy Alarm: The figure at left will let you know when your "Thoughts" are a 91 b«ingscanr*d!SchwaCorp.isnotresponsibleforanylackofcontentonyourpart. I For more mformauon o n alien defense send a stamped, self-addressed emelope to Schwa. Box 6 0 6 4 Reno N V 89513

a

Yes, IT'S REAL —

;PLACE YOUR ORDER NOW!
Accept "Bob," Make Big $$ Off The End Times, and LAUGH TILL YOUR GUTS BLEED.

VICTIMS FAMILY "HEADACHE REMEDY" ALTERNATIVE TENTACLES P O B O X 419092 SAN FRANCISCO CA 94141 What's my baggage coming in to this one? Oh yeah. What I had heard of their recordings had far too much of that funk action for my liking, yet having seen them play live, they impressed, not funking up quite so much, but rocking out and not in rock's predictable formulas. Well, it's not terrible baggage to be carrying around. All the same, the airline lost it and I don't want it back. These 15 songs are full-on rock adventure action and have it all. Because this trio is so adept at linking a riff-driven verse with a hard chord progression and then scattering the whole thing with a few well-placed bridges- all within the span of a three minute tune- the seeming chaos is held together very nicely. Another thing I like is the ability to write music that feels like the words that are associated with the songs. Case in point is the instrumental "I'm So Lost", which feels like the musicaqui valent of that frantic anxiety experienced when driving on the highway in a city you've never been to before. Anyone who has driven through downtown Pittsburgh looking for a way to get to the Civic Arena in 3 minutes through the maze of one-way streets could use this song as theme music. The music is very busy music, much in the way (and I hate to have to make a crummy point of reference, but hell, it applies) The Minutemen were often very busy with their in­ struments. Because they are riff-driven, much more lee-way is given to bassist Larry Boothroyd to scale up and down his fretboard. Not a single 1-4-5 progression in sight, and what a major fucking relief. There are some lyrical gems within, too. I'll just drop the phrases for your perusal: ...I'm hiding in the stretchmarks in Rush Limbaugh's butt... ...media made my mind so afraid and that's OK, it's better that way I wonder if the game's on TV today?... ...maybe if I had a major label deal maybe if I got a lobotomy maybe then I'd feel better... And "Nopalitos" is a great little comparison of two Texas Dave's- Crockett and Koresh with the line: ...both took on a country and died in an ashtray... It's a great, rare total package of adventurous edge rock with smart, non-preachy po­ litical lyrics. Load up the new suitcase and make sure not to leave it on the plane.

BE AN ORDAINED SUBGENIUS MINISTER!
••Then shall the seers be ashamed, and the diviners confounded; yea. they shall all cover their lips: for there is no answer of Ood. The heads thereof will judge for reward, and the priests thereof teach for hire, and the prophets thereof divine for money..." -Micah3:7. II

$ 1 each for.

("The World Ends Tomorrow and You MAY DIE")

$5

. more SubGenius Pamphlets # 1 each for sample issue of T H E STARK FIST
Official secret Magazine of the SubGenius Cull. This psuedo-monthly Organ is the sole outlet for the brilliant ignorancy of Dobbs. as well as a crucial guide­ book for the Illuminated. The unbelievable Book of Ike SubOaius. published here in installments, is available nowhere else. Cram-packed; skimproof; huge. Takes a week to read. Photos, art, comics, prophecy, fundamentalist porn, calen­ dar of future events, proof of "Bob." Your Instructions, and MUCH MUCH more. "THE STARK FIST is a jackhammer of morbid yuks louder and funnier, than any normal publication.. ."J. R. "Bob" Dobbs

. $20

W I T H SPECIAL INSANE BONUS OFFER " T H E PRESCRIPTURES" Prophecy of the SubGenius for MEMBERSHIP & O R D A I N M E N T
Includes the following: I. The Sunk FM, 4 issue subscription. 2. MembersMp credentials, orientation material, posters, documents, stickers, charts, and such privileges as befit priesthood in a secret society of this scope, includes wal­ let-sized Membership Card giving you every right to do anything you choose. 3. Church Newsletter with news of conventions, revivals, etc. 4.Pamphlet #1. The only way to gel on the permanent mailing list and pierce the shroud of secrecy •hat insulates the Cult. ~ High Weirdness by Mall $ 1 2

.

„, SI for SubGenius Catalog

3-Flsted Tales of "Bob" $ 1 2 "Bob's" Favorite Comics $ 3

More books, posters, tapes. T-shirts, gizmos, etc.

$.0 8 5

each for CASSETTE TAPES

"P.

^ajt

90 minutes - stereo — color. The Media Barrage Tapes, as heard on radio. Documentary/propagandoid Lessons and Revelations far beyond any present medium.. .a totally new genre. Good for over 75 dose listenings (For Multiple Listenings Only — First Listening is Guaranteed to Confuse). High paced, dense with shocking juxtapositions. Unbelievable sequences from 1) The Real World (radio, TV, insane preachers, weird cults). The Uve Churches of the SabGenlns (excerpts from radio and TV interviews, sacred trance spouting, revival tapes. Doktor bands, songs, chants, rants and preaching), and 3) lurid Eatertalnmeat (precious, brain-stripping clips from horror, porn, sci-fi films, etc.). Savage; joyful; monstrous. Useful for seductions.

Foundation LG The SubGeniusX156 ^ I P.O.Box 40 04 3 -»T Dallas, T 71 2 TOTAL ENCLOSED: NAME: STREET:. CITY, STATE, ZIP:

any bookstore. Published by McGraw-Hill. 200 pages, 8'/» x 11 large sofibound Horror Bible. After this, you'll never have lo read another book as long as you live. Contains all answers to everything, phis pro­ fuse illustrations and diagrams. Encompasses life of "Bob." entire past and future history of Earth, and all the instructions you'll ever need for suc­ cess, happiness, and psychic wealth in The End Times. BEYOND " H I P " OR " F U N N Y ; " the "Sistinc Chapel" of the 20th Century. "This is the damnedest thing I've ever seen." (—some old nobody) A M S E S u b G e n i u s V i d e o $19.98 A l l p r i c e s i n c l u d e p o s t a g e . O u t s i d e USA — a d d $ * . B l a m e t h e C o n s p i r a c y . M a k e check o r m o n e y o r d e r t o : T h e S u b G e n i u s F o u n d a t i o n , I n c .

OK $4 THE B O OF THE SUBGENIUS 1

1 0 J "REPEKT!" (The C o n s p i r a c y ; 1 1 : "SHOT U P , PIHK BOY" ( A l i e n s + Nuices) 1 2 : "SLACK!" + Best SubGenius Radio

Ask for it at

T O D A Y ! No Obligation. No Salesmen.

Hey! T w o issues in a r o w a n d t h e Classified a d rules haven't c h a n g e d . Will miracles e v e r c e a s e t o h a p p e n around here? I h o p e s o . T h e rules, b e l o w , are pretty d a m n e d simple: 1. $1 per 10 w o r d s . . . or a s l i m pre-1965 d i m e for t h e same!!! 2. A n y w o r d s b e y o n d t h e i n c r e m e n t s of t e n , round up. 28 p a y s the same as 30, Buckwheat. 3. N o w o r d - m i n i m u m o r - m a x i m u m . Buy t h e w h o l e p a g e ! S e e if w e c o m p l a i n . 4. $2 m i n i m u m . If y o u s e n d less (unless we're talking about t h o s e fine silver coins, of c o u r s e ) , we'll keep it and throw your stupid ad in the trash and pretend we never got it. 5. A d d r e s s printed F R E E ! Don't count it in with y o u r w o r d total. T h i s is d o n e s o y o u don't h a v e t o s k i m p o n t h e a d d r e s s t o t h e point that n o b o d y c a n figger out w h e r e they a r e sending things.

TIRED OF TRYING TO FIND NEW INDEPENDENT RECORDS? Tired of local record shops not knowing
what's new? What you need is INDIE STREET! The record catalog CATALOG. A magazine of your favorite domestic and import independent label catalogs, including K, Am Rep, Elefant, Summershine, Simple Machines, Estrus, Merge, etc. Send $2.50 for sample issue / $8 for 1-year, 4 issue subscriptio to: Indie Street/434 Coombs Creek/Dallas TX, 75211.

A CALL FOR ENTRIES for mail and xerox artists for a
major international mail art show in SoHo. Send photocopies (color or B/W) comprising the artist's entire body, that can be assembled into a complete 2-dimensional (or3-dimensional) figure. Figures may be nude or clothed, but must be complete. Accessories or props may be included. All submissions must be received by 12/31/94. Documentation will be sent to all chosen artists. Mail all named and titled submissions to: D. Jokosonu Lofts/1435 C. Columbus Dr. #2 / Jersey City NJ 07302.

splatterandX-rated comic books. Send 3 dollars for a sample and list. Specify interest for sample. Age statement required. DVH / 3651 A S. 76th ST / Milwaukee Wl 53220.

SERIAL KILLER,

Actual facsimile images from satellites orbiting Earth. Can be used as maps by Astronauts, Invading Alien Creatures, Private Investigators, Spies, White Water Lawyers, or Non-Believers. The Latest Images Mailed or Faxed to you for only US $1.00 each. Enclose payment and SASE for mail, or payment and yourfax phone number (Cont. US Only please) forthe latest Earth I mage to: P. Gentile/Box 504/East Syracuse NY 13057.

IMAGES FROM SPACE!!!

GET BLACK SHEETS, a kinky, queer, intelligent, and
irreverent zine of sex and pop culture. Current issue $6, $20/4 issues. Also Black Book, 200-page illustrated sexuality directory- Guide for the Erotic Explorer, $15. Mention Asylum For Shut-Ins for free gift when ordering! Agestatement required. Free brochure. Black Book, P.O. Box 31155-AS, San Francisco CA 94131-0155.

CHIP'S CLOSET CLEANER #10 now available. Normal
people who collect odd things: Weekly World News index; zine reviews; dentists on film; more. "Hilarious"-Factsheet 5. $3 postpaid. No trades please. Chip Rowe/826 Aspen St NW7 Washington DC 20012.

in the hopes of paying the printer of Asylum For Shut-Ins. Mostly 7" gems to tempt the collector scum and even a music fan or two- Am Rep, Misfits, punk rock... I even have a pile of stuff from that dead rocker's band (Nirvana). (The idea that his death has
propeliedtheir sales through the roof thoroughly disgusts me- especially since the record company and its shareholders will be the prime beneficiaries of record store sales, while Cobain's family and the band stand to gain only marginally. I am powerless to stop this trend, so I may as well cash in.) Plenty on colored vinyl. Write for list...SASE

RECORDS FOR SALE

A FOOL'S PARADISE paid for a copy of AFSI, but didn't
send acomplete mailing address! It hurts ourconsciences to have taken their money and yet not sent the copy they've been expecting. Here's all we got: A > ,. \ Fool's Paradise, Sakolsky/?/PawneelL 62558. CA Here's guessing that they do a zine, too. I'm L^ I sure some of you can fill in the blanks for us. *

appreciated greatly. Mike Kole / PO Box 46581 / Bedford OH 44146. The printer today, newsstands around the globe tomorrow!

SUBCONSCIOUS MIND Y U M S P W R U ALLY O R OT O E F L

%0z

01^'

JBtaugeum

• V. :'y"

T h e H O U R O F S L A C K radio p r o g r a m is a n excellent place for t h e uninitiated t o b e c o m e familiar with t h e S u b G e n i u s lexicon. G r a n t e d , t h e s h o w is even more esoteric t h a n the Churchly literature, but t h e n t h e i d e a s o n t h e printed p a g e lack the ability t o leap of t h e p a g e a n d into t h e mind in t h e s a m e exilerating m a n n e r a s d o e s s o u n d . Besides, it's s o m u c h easier to p u m p t h e s u b l i m i n a l m e s s a g e s via s o u n d (or video for that matter) t h a n it is with print, w h i c h is not t o say that it can't b e done... it's just t h a t it is a hell of a lot more work. Let us not forget s o quickly that t h e p r i m a r y tenet of this C h u r c h is S L A C K , w h i c h to s o m e r e a d s a s t h e v e r y a v o i d a n c e of w o r k . C h e c k t h e listing b e l o w t o s e e if y o u a r e in range of the C h u r c h ' s w e e k l y m i s s i v e s a n d directions. All t i m e s are L O C A L with respect t o that a r e a .

If sending music oriented materials and wondering where to send things, consider this: 1. If your have money crawling out your ass, send copies to both WCSB and Asylum ForShut-lns. The station copy will be "airplay only" and the Asylum copy will be "review only". 2. If on a tight budget, decide which you'd rather have- airplay or a print review. You can see what sort of audience Asylum reaches. WCSB is another LONG story. If you send to Asylum and WCSB never gets a copy, odds are that after the review, the copy will be donated to W C S B by Asylum. Be assured that WCSB won't be donating even a shred of used toilet paper to Asylum, so if you definitely want a print review, send to Asylum. If sending to WCSB, send it to the attention of "Rev. John X. Piche". Thanks for bothering with this fine print nonsense.

DALLAS, TX:

KNON, 89.3 FM,

S u n d a y s , 9:00 p.m.

Broadcasts L I V E . T h e purest a e t h e r s c a n b e g l e a n e d here.

ATHENS, GA: WUOG, 90.5 FM,

Fridays,6:30p.m. Taped,

as are all t h e o t h e r s f r o m this point o n d o w n the list.

<0TTR INSPIRATION - &ETJ. HFOAN ^TANG
T h e C h u r c h ' s S a c r e d S c r i b e h a s p e n n e d four major S u b G e n i u s w o r k s , a n d this m a g a z i n e is t h e O F F I C I A L follow-up to o n e of t h e m - S i m o n & S c h u s t e r ' s H I G H W E I R D N E S S BY MAIL. That b o o k w a s a n h o n e s t - t o - g o o d n e s s inspiration to us, even b e y o n d t h e self-congratulatory influence T H E B O O K OF T H E S U B G E N I U S h a d o n us m a n y m o o n s before. H i g h W e i r d n e s s w a s p u b l i s h e d in 1987 a n d w a s a d e n s e , c o m p r e h e n s i v e c a t a l o g of listings. If y o u think Asylum is chock-full a n d b r i m m i n g with g e m s , y o u ' d b e blown away by High W e i r d n e s s . It w e i g h e d in at 3 0 0 p a g e s with about four listings a n d reviews p e r p a g e . S t a n g ' s writing is insightful and gut-splitting hilarious, a n d e v e n t h o u g h m a n y of the listings are outdated, the reader will b e e n t e r t a i n e d w h e t h e r or not she decides t o try t o contact t h e listees. Our j o b is t o carry t h e t o r c h . In o u r first three issues, w e ' v e positively identified t h o s e w h o h a v e gone A W O L and others that have m o v e d o n (R.I.P.) for t h e s a k e of those who w i s h to get d o w n a n d m a k e contact. U s e d in t a n d e m with High W e i r d n e s s , A s y l u m For Shut-Ins is a p o w e r f u l research tool. Or a b u c k e t o f y u k s . O r b o t h . It's really up t o y o u . If w e had it our way, t h o s e o n t h e quest for spirituality w o u l d A L L have t h e good s e n s e t o be able t o l a u g h at t h e m s e l v e s (not all the time or anything like that) a n d b e able t o e x a m i n e the strengths and w e a k n e s s e s of their belief s y s t e m s . O d d s a r e w e won't be getting it our w a y any t i m e s o o n . H e l l , w e ' v e yet to complete the t a s k of supplanting High W e i r d n e s s . T h a t m a y never happen since it isn't really o u r a i m to d o m i n a t e a n d control the kook research a n d c o m m e n t a r y s c e n e . A s w e s e e it, there is enough d o m i n a t i o n a n d control going o n . M a y b e o n e d a y we'll r o u n d up t h e lowest c o m m o n d e n o m i n a t o r s in a cosmic corrall, but not a n y t i m e s o o n . W i t h that, w e present t h e list of M I A ' s , t h e r e s c u e d souls a n d t h e dearly d e p a r t e d .

ATLANTA, GA: WREK, 91.1 FM, Saturdays, Midnight. CHICAGO, IL: WZRD, 88.3 FM, M o n d a y s , 9:00 p.m. CLEVELAND, OH: WCSB, 89.3 FM, S u n d a y s , 9 : 0 0 p . m . DETROIT, Ml / WINDSOR, ONT: CJAM, 91.5 FM,
M o n d a y s , 6 : 0 0 p.m. H o s t e d by Rev. D a v e a n d c o d e i n e Kevin.

EAST ORANGE, NJ: WFMU, 91.1 FM,
Midnight. T h e y run t h e full hour t h e s e d a y s !

Mondays,

HOUSTON, TX: KPFT, 90.1 FM, T h u r s d a y s , Midnight. MADISON, Wl: WORT, 89.9 FM, call for day a n d time. ROCHESTER, NY: WITR, 89.7 FM, M o n d a y s , 1 1 : 0 0 p . m . STANFORD, CA: KZSU, 90.1 FM, S u n d a y s , Midnight.
W i t h luck, y o u ' r e in r a n g e of t h e s e stations. W h y plunk d o w n $15 o n S u b G e n i u s texts without having s o m e idea what it's all a b o u t ? After r e a d i n g this far, y o u still haven't picked up o n our c o n s u m e r - p r o t e c t i o n attitude? Plunk d o w n your $15 afteryou h a v e s o m e idea w h a t it's all about. S h e e s h . O n e t h i n g t o n o t e is that Rev. J o h n X. Piche" a n d I, Msgr. Kole a r e b r o a d c a s t e r s of t h e H O U R O F S L A C K in Cleveland o n W C S B , 8 9 . 3 F M . Beginning with t h e Hour, w e e n d u l g e o u r s e l v e in t h r e e h o u r s of u n s p e a k a b l y b a d thoughts, twisted music, a n d a g e n e r a l assault o n T h e M a n in Cleveland. Materialsthat a r e r e v i e w e d in A s y l u m For Shut-Ins a r e A L W A Y S subject t o d i s c u s s i o n o n o u r s h o w , T H E S H O W T H A T D A R E N O T S P E A K ITS' N A M E . A n y o n e wishing to contribute materials t o b e c o n s i d e r e d strictly for broadcast use m a y s e n d t h e m to the following a d d r e s s WCSB C L E V E L A N D STATE UNIVERSITY 956 RHODES TOWER C L E V E L A N D O H 44115

55

mm
As indicated previously, the primary source for Asylum's initial exploration was Rev. Ivan Stang's "High Weirdness By Mail". Why? Well, there are many reasons, some less noble than others. For instance, it was a hell of a lot easier to pick up an existing directory and just start writing tetters to the folks listed therein than it would have been to sift through the multitude of oddball (and straight, for that matter) publications in the mere hopes of finding something worthwhile. We knew of the quality "High Weirdness". Forgive us. We know slack when we see it. We here in the Asylum have saved y' all from that devastatingly empty feeling of getting you own stupid letters back marked "forwarding order expired" or some such thing. We wrote weepy drivel on miles of loose-leaf paper, stuffed the envelopes, LICKED all of the envelopes and the stamps, and broke the piggy bank to pay for postage JUST SO YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO!!! You lucky putz. Do keep in mind that of the following, many of these people are still operating, but at a different address. If you are aware of the whereabouts of these folks, please send us their address! W h e n y o u see a n u m b e r in parentheses below, it is a reference to Stang's book. Or it could be a satanic trigger... Those who know, well, they know. Others are zines or other sources we utilized in the same manner. It goes without saying that resource zines are valuable zines. THE AMERICAN SUNBEAM (p. 91) P.O. BOX 107 SELIGMAN MO 65745 "Moved". A delirious ranternamed Delamer Duveruspublished this. We know that the SUNBEAM has been out of print for several years, and that Duverus was murdered by The Conspiracy. Needless to say, we are very interested to know more! BIBLE SCIENCE ASSOCIATION (p. 26) 2911 E. 42nd ST MINNEAPOLIS MN 55406 "Forwarding order expired". We sought their 35 cent booklet called GEOCENTRICITY which gave scientific proof that Earth is the center of the Universe and supports Creationism over Evolution. '

ANGEL TECH (p. 116) VIGILANTERO PRESS POBOX 7513 BOULDER CO 80306 "Attempted- not known". Dealers in angels and new age shmaltz like karma mechanics and "the art of being light".

BLOWFLY (p. 285) 13116 NW SEVENTH AVE MIAMI FL 33168 "Forwarding order expired". To quote Stang: "The GOD of nasty Party Recordsone of the raunchiest, most foul-mouthed, stinkiest, nastiest, biggest-dicked sons-a-bithces that ever lived." Playing one of his records got Brother Jimmy Wilson kicked off of WCSB's airwaves in Cleveland. WCSB (89.3-FM) is the station that is arguably Cleveland's most freewheeling radio station. Shit, Rev. Piche' and myself do a show in tandem and run the HourOf Slack (which you leamedon the previous page). Blowfly records are that bad and naughty.

ARISE (p. 83) SS JOHNSON 48 N MAIN ST SHERIDAN WY 82801 "Attempted, not known". Mr. Johnson could be dead. Who knows? He was a pro-Mason and made nifty looking brochures.

BOOK OF THE FALSE GODS (not in HWbM) PO BOX 9471 SCHENECTADY NY 12309-9471 "No forward order on file". How did this happen? Reviewed by Rev. Piche' in Issue #1, the promo copy we sent them came back! Cripes!

ARMAGEDDON COLORING BOOK (p. 164) SULKIS 2050 MANNING LOS ANGELES CA 90025 "Not at this address". Yes, it really was a coloring book, but not necessarily for the kiddies. This was an anti-nuke statement.

The

Li s t

ACTIVE R & D (p.28) PO BOX 323 COEUR D'ALENE ID 83814 "Not deliverable as addressed". The catalog offered by these charmers included build-it-yourself Lucid Dream Machines and Time Cameras, whatever those are. The book selection included suppressed info and research sources.

BUFO ALVARfUS (p. 126) VENOM PRESS BOX 2863 DENTON TX 76201 "Forwarding order expired". Wasn't Denton the hole in the wall town The Rocky Horror Picture Show" was set in? These folks actually sell (sold?) a book about obtaining toad squeezin's foruse in one's pipe. A well-to-do couple was recently busted for SMOKING TOAD. Do I need to get out the soapbox and prattle on about howridiculousthis war on drugs is? Of course not.

THE ASSOCIATION TO SAVE MADONNA FROM NUCLEAR WAR (p.211) 228 Mccormick #3 cincinnati o h 45219 "Not deliverable as forwarded. No forwarding order on file." Written to by pastor Craig way back in Decemberof 1988. A regular flash in the pan, I suppose. Of course, Madonna wouldn't need anybody's help if she ever needed to buy an army.

ADVANCED SCIENCES JOURNAL (p. 30) PO BOX 109 LAKEMNONT GA 30552 "Forwarding order expired". Some Dr. Hieronymous publishes this newsletter, commenting on Universe energies, gravity and stuff like that, and sells associated, high-priced gizmos.

BATTLE CRY OFAGGRESSIVE CHRISTIANITY FREE LOVE MINISTRIES (p. 64) POBOX 161212 SACRAMENTO CA 95816 "Forwarding order expired". To quote Stang: "unadulterated, limitless, psychotic hatted blithely justified by declarations of pure Christian love, reinforced by total disregard for reason, human compassion or common sense". I can add nothing that would bolster that.

CAMPUS MINISTRY (p. 72) JED SMOCK 173 WOODLAND AVE LEXINGTON KY 40502 "Attempted, unknown". Having absolutely nothing better to do, this man and his wife go to college campuses to entertain bored college students. I know! They've been to Cleveland State and they've been a laff riot smash hit. Oh yeah. They're supposed to be passing along the message that us horrible sinners are all doomed to eternity in hell by virtue of being alive.

BANG NOTES (p. 191) BOX 2666 BROOKLYN NY 11202

56

"No such box holder". These end-timers must be holed up in the bunker now, I guess.

CHILDREN OF GOD (p. 68) CX-POStAL1140 20.O&1 RIO DE JANEIRO

BRA3L; ?. "Cancelled".
The forwarding order. The poor COG organization has been run out of several countries because they promote having sex in the name of God! Praise "Bob"! They were supposed to have great booklet which "illustrate" their "position" on sexuality.

BEDSIDE COMPANION VALENTINE PRODUCTS PO BOX 5040 S NORWALK CT 06856 "Forwarding order expired".

FREE PRESS ASSOCIATION (p. 178) BOX 1743 APPLE VALLEY CA 92307 "Unable to forward". Newsletter regarding freedom of speech in media, regardless of political point of view. Right on! The Man probably got to him and shut him up.

CYBERNAUTECH BOX 121 MONROEVILLE PA 15146-0121 FUSION MAGAZINE (p. 201) BOX 17149 WASHINGTON DC 20041 "No forwarding order on file". Those expecting to get info pertaining to weak "jockjazz" from this address would have been shocked at what would have come, namely junk from Lyndon LaRouche. Good, ol' LaRouche, our perennial candidate-from-prison. Or is he out now? I wonder where his money comes from?

CHRISTIAN TECHNOCRACY (p. 203) POBOX 85842 LAS VEGAS NV 89116

"No forwarding address". * v THE DIRECTOR (p. 199) BOX 1175 , WINCHESTER OR 97495 "Unable to forward to sender". Lone wolf, non-affiliated racist crank.

"Addressee unknown", « Reknown as the foremost rhetorical white supremacist. That is to say, those in other groups may actually embark upon far more evil actions, but this guy, more than anyone else we'd run into, delivered the printed goods reliably.!'

THE CHRUCH OF BEAVER CLEAVER (p. 209) 122 E BENSON ST DECATUR GA 30030 "Moved. Return to sender." Moved, but to where? Oh, how we'd like to hook out with this most temporarily inspired whacko clench!

DRASTIC SOLUTIONS (Trash Compactor) 2 EMBRO DR DOWNSVIEWONT M3H 2M8 CANADA "Moved*. Catering to the tastes of hardcore punkers, the writers engaged in lefty political banter, that included someofHCstypical anarchist rhetoric, but generally offered solutions and encouraged debate.

GOD'S BOOK/MALOK (not in HWbM) 14492 ONTARIO CIRCLE WESTMINSTER CA 92683 "Attempted, not known". Don't quite recall where we saw this zine listed, but we liked the review, so we thought we'd try to get a copy. No dice.

CONSCIOUS LIVING FOUNDATION (p. 98) BOX 520 MANHATTAN KS 66502 "No forward order on file".

DR. BETER'S AUDIO NEWSLETTER (p. 182) P.O. Box 276 Savage MD 20763 "Forwarding order expired." Perfectly extreme, paranoid, anti-trilateralist, theConspiracy's-right-around-the-comer ranter who sold his venomous tomes on audio cassettes.

HOYDEN (Trash Compactor) 391 SHERBOURNE ST #312 TORONTO ONT M4X1K6 CANADA "Unknown".

CONSPIRACIES UNLIMITED (p. 162) POBOX 3085 ST PAUL MN 55165 "Forwarding order expired". Extreme conspiracy investigation, as the title should have suggested.

STU GOLDMAN POBOX 193 STUDIO CITY CA 91604 "Unable to forward".

FELINE FRENZY (Trash Compactor) 49 DUNDONALD ST #14 TORONTO ONT M4Y1K3 CANADA . "Not at this address". Excuse me. I need to know at vvft/c7>friggin address. FEMZINE (Trash Compactor) 2 BLOOR ST TORONTO ONT M4W 3E2 CANADA "Moved, addressee unknown". I think the title explains it all here. Wouldn't you agree, riot chkkk?

I N S T I T U T E F O R R E S T O R I N G A N C I E N T H I S T O R Y (p. 26)

THE COSMIC RAY (p. 238) KRUDZNAINK PO BOX 5003 GREENSBORO NC 27403 "Attempted, not known". The folks here were some do-gooders out to protect us from- you guessed it- cosmic rays. God only knows what kind of rays they're talking about and where they come from, but they wished to make us all safe. Kind of warms the heart, doesn't it? Nah...

P.O. Box 495 Winfield KS 67156 "Forwarding order expired", these folks knew where to find the of Tower O' Babel and the ruins of Noah's Rowboat. Cool.

MADISON COMICS (p. 246) 1813 NORTH 21st St. ARLINGTON VA 22209 "No such address". I have to see the comic which makes Jesus a superhero. I know the underground comic scene has grown by leaps and bounds of late. Certainly one of you knows of Madison's whereabouts.

CULT AWARENESS NETWORK NEWS (p. 153) PO BOX 608370 CHICAGO IL 60626 "Forwarding order expired". Unlike a similarly-named outfit which was interested in exposing cults so that they could be destroyed, this one kinda straddled that fence but was more interested in grinding its anti-brainwash ax. If s amazing, but they saw fit to lump fundamentalists into the cult cauldron, which, of course, is right on the fucking money.

N O M O R E C E N S O R S H I P D E F E N S E F U N D (p. 1 8 0 )

POBOX 11458 SAN FRANCISCO CA 94101 "Forwarding order expired". This organization is in fact defunct. An excellent idea not to be ignored even if conducting war against the State of Florida. You never know. Florida could decide that they don't care about comic and zine readers' moolah and are dedicated to the eradication of "filtti". In that Gase, the victim, er, defendant would still have to slug it out in court.

IN YOUR FACE (Trash Compactor) PO BOX 1703 3266 YOUNGE ST TORONTO ONT M4N 3P6 CANADA "MovecT.

J.D.'S (Trash Compactor) P O B O X 1110 ADELAIDE S T STATION T O R O N T O O N T M 5 C 2KC CANADA "Box closed". Trash Compactor seemed like such a great source until the letters all c a m e back.

M L C (Trash Compactor) P O B O X 1213 STATION B D O W N S V I E W O N T M 3 H 5V6 CANADA "Moved, address unknown".

T H E O C C A S I O N A L J O U R N A L O F NOTHING IN PARTICULAR (p. 237) G FOURMILE P O B O X 419 L A F A Y E T T E C O 80026 "Addressee unknown." The folks at the Post Office really wanted m e to understand this as they stamped m y returned envelope five times! I guess they get tons of pieces addressed to this obviously defunct mag. I bored, f send a letter! Sure, nobody will ever have any chance of reading i , but i clearly frosts these poor t t bastards in Colorado. At least you w l get to see the il results.

JUMPSTART(p.251) LONE W O L F PRESS B O X 1554 C A M B R I D G E M A 02238 "Attempted, not known". Jumpstart was the comic effort of Joe Schenkman, who used to write for National Lampoon before they toned i waydown. Joe depicts glue-sniffing exploits t and other scenes which bring out the worst in us.

T H E M O N I T O R (p. 180) CENTER FOR DEMOCRATIC R E N E W A L P O B O X 10500 A T L A N T A G A 30301 "Attempted, not known". While w e dabble in discussion of farrightfolks (like Klan and Neo-Nazi groups), they covered i t exclusively. I'm not sure i the tenor of the articles f was the same though.

P A R A N O I D T A L E S O F N E U R O S I S (Trash Compactor)

85 B L A C K FRIAR L A N E B R A N T F O R D O N T N3R 7 M 2 CANADA "Moved". Likewise these folks. I wasn't enough to just write t "moved" on the envelope. The hadtogo and scrawl "DO N O T S E N D T O THIS A D D R E S S " all over i. t Sheesh. Lighten up.

KAIETEUR M A R K E T I N G (p. 86) CHAMPLAIN BLVD VILLE LA SALLE I P.O. B O X 371 M O N T R E A L P Q H8P3V3 CANADA "Unknown". Ancient Egyptian Philosophy was the goal here. With their guidance, the reader was supposed to be able to make themself invisible, change the color of animals and grow hair on any part of the body. With this I would have become the l f of the party. ie

T H E NATIONAL R E P O R T E R (p. 179) B O X 21279 W A S H I N G T O N D C 20009 "Unable to forward". Newsweek once described this m a g as "the CIA's nemesis". Whoa.

N E W IRON C O L U M N (p. 187) 1728 W BALL #4 A N A H E I M C A 92804 "Addressee unknown." Quarterly m a g of the Creative Anarchist Network. They probably ended i all when an editor tried to t impose a deadline.

T H E P H O E N I X L E T T E R (p. 172) P O B O X 39850 P H O E N I X A 2 85069 "Forwarding order expired". Well, they might s i l be around. I they, or he tl f (Antony Sutton) is, he's writing about our Western leaders and bankers who've sold out to someone or other. H e had i pinned down to the Soviets before, t you know, the collapse of communism in, you know, that country where capitalism is a decided joke.

K L M N N E W S (p. 171) ONESS PRESS P O B O X 336 CALPELLA C A 95418 "Moved, l f no address". et W a s the Kid's Lib Movement Network. I guess the kiddies have grown up to become spoiled, zit-faced Beavises and Buttheads.

N O N SERVIAM/BRIAN M E T Z (F5) P O B O X 70551 R I C H M O N D V A 23255 "Box closed, unable to forward". H o w do you like that? Hey, Brian! Too broke to pay to keep the box open? I comiserate profusely.

PRIS (F5) 180 MARKET ST #258 SAN FRANCISCO CA 94102
"No such number".

LISTEN A M E R I C A (p. 102) B O X 100 RIVERSIDE C A 92502 "Addressee unknown". More disappointment for us. These darlings offered a disgusting book called D R U G ABUSE TRAGEDIES, which utilized the "Scared Straight" approach. Would" ve been agreat source for clip-art.

N O W H E R E (p. 187) D K Y T N STATION P O B O X 13285 MINNEAPOLIS M N 55414 "Box closed- no order." This was a m a g which spouted satire against absolutely everything.

P S Y C H I C R E S E A R C H INC (p. 45) 1725 LITTLE O R C H A R D S T U N I T C S A N J O S E C A 95125 "Undeliverable as addressed". H o m e of the guy who proved that sweet-talking your plants makes 'em grow better. Can you see placing loudspeakers in the middle of America's wheat and com fields, intoning soothing wordstothe stalks?

P O P U L A R REALITY (p. 190) B O X 3402 A N N A R B O R Ml 48106 "No forwarding order on file". Humorous anarchist ravings. MINISTRY O F DIETETIC L A W (p.28) B O X 825 VACAVILLE C A 95688 "Forwarding order expired". With the claim that aluminum is poison to humans, they sold a Polarity Pillow to be used to fend off the dope-like effects of that which sidesyourhouse.

PHILOSOPHICAL R E S E A R C H (p. 319) P O B O X 570 P A R K E S . 2870 N E W SOUTH WALES AUSTRALIA "Left address".

T H E R A I N B O W E A R T H D W E L L I N G S O C I E T Y (p. 8 2 )

L CHRISTINE H A Y E S 330 LADDIE P L A C E S A N A N T O N I O T X 78201 "Forwarding time Expired". Mrs. Hayes published a book claiming Elvis to be from some blue star. She also claims to be in telepathic communication with the being that live in the earth's core. P A T R O B E R T S O N F O R P R E S I D E N T (p. 75) BOX17488 W A S H I N G T O N D C 20041 "Moved. Notforwardable". Dam!

SKIN G R A F T P O B O X 738 S T C H A R L E S M O 63302 "Box closed". To m y knowledge, they're s i l around producing 7" tl records by sick groups like the Strangulated Beatoff s to accompany their sick comics.

RELICS O F T H E CATHOLIC C H U R C H (p. 85) THE VATICAN EARTH "Returned For Better Address". Hardly a surprise, really.

SPIRE CHRISTIAN COMICS (p. 196) FLEMING H REVELL CO OLD TAPPAN NJ 07675 As mentioned in the BAKER BOOK HOUSE catalog review (above), Baker bought Revell out. They also indicated that they were in the process of selling the series to another company. Who would have known it was such hot property?

RELIGIOUS F R E E D O M MARKET COALITION FOR RELIGIOUS F R E E D O M 316 PENNSYLVANIA AVE SE #202 WASHINGTON D C 20003 "Moved, not forwardable".

STARNET (p. 52) RD 1 BOX 176 ADDISON PA 15411 "Forwarding order expired". STARNET was a newsletter which was intended for the cogniscent space people. Of course, there are countless latent or unaware space people. The "coming out" of the 90s?

RENEW (p. 71) P.O. BOX 11672 JACKSONVILLE FL 32239 "Box closed. Unable to forward". This one may have joined forces with the Home Shopping Network. They sell Jesus-oriented selfhelp tapes. What the hell, if one can buy those "team to speak Japanese in four weeks while driving to work" tapes, why not Jesus stuff?

STREET MEETINGS INC (p. 179) PO BOX 724 DALLAS TX 75221 "Moved, left no address". Another "cult expose'" newsletter. Or a contact list for folks like us.

SAUCERIAN PUBLICATIONS (p.57) BOX 2228 CLARKSBURG W V 26301 "Forwarding order expired". Title says all. They must have been in operations fairly recently in orderforourenvelope to come back with this particular stamp... or so I thought. Pastor Craig got his letter returned to him back in '88!

THESE EXIT TIMES/VHEMT (not in HWbM) PO BOX 86649 PORTLAND O R 97286-0646 "Unknown". Sure. This is another one that Rev. Piche' reviewed for us in Issue 1 that has moved. I'm beginning to wonder if he didn't just make some of this stuff up.

SCHIZOPHRENIC INTERNATIONAL P O B O X 50456 FT W O R T H T X 76105 "Attempted, not known". Poor bastards probably didn't know which PO box to go to after a while. Sad.

WARLORDS O F SATAN (p. 82) PO BOX 3085 ST PAUL MN 55165 "Forwarding order expired". This one is not what it seemed, but was rattier one of those concerned citizens groups which reprinted theirstuff and distributed it asawamingtoconcemed parents. Would have made for great clip-art.

SHAVERTRON (p.28) P O B O X 248 VALLEJO CA 94590 "Attempted, not known". Richard Shaverdiscovered tunnels in the earth and things called Deros which thrived upon controlling the minds of humans. Stang had indicated in '87 that they had stopped publishing, but should have back issues available. They're out now.

YAHWEH KINGDOM CITY, INC. P O B O X 2078 S U N CITY AZ 85372 "Forwarding order expired".

SPIRAL FEEDBACK (p. 182) P.O. BOX 80323 LINCOLN NE 68501 "No forwarding order". This existed during Reagan's presidency and claimed he was going to put us all in concentration camps.

BE A H E R O ! ! !
SEND THE CURRENT

ZOMOID ILLUSTRIES (p. 253) RAY ZONE 128 N NEW HAMPSHIRE LOS ANGELES CA 90004 "Attempted, not known". Some sort of sicko comics.

ADDRESS OF AN
V

J

cuee£
Every now and then it pays to send out the search party. After several weeks of exhaustive work, scouring the woods in 16hour shifts with only one meal of hardtack and gruel a day, battling vicious insects, ascorching sun and intense humidity, no pot to piss in and leads snapped off by the post office and current boxholders, our scavengers have managedto findthese folks holed-up in filthy lean-to eating berries andtree bark on a good day. All parties involved have been given a hot meal, a shot of whiskey, A GOOD BATH, and plenty of sleep. Tomorrow, they will be loosed once again to do what they do. The rescuees have been given time to recuperate, by and large, and have yet to be contacted by us and subjected to our methods. Their address are provided as a public service both to those interested in updating High Weirdness as well as those who are in a hurry to conduct their own research. Fret not, by next issue, all of these will have been contacted by our dastardly staff and in an evil stroke, shown for exactly what they are. Take that! Old addresses have been omitted to avoid confusion. HWbM page numbers shown for those who care. Please! Don'tbeafraidtolaceupthe hiking boots and be part of the search party! We are ever so grateful to our volunteers. True, we don't have much to offer besides the hardtack and gruel, and we're running out of that, but think of the service done for your fellow searchers and researchers- all on their way to the One True Path O' Laughs and/or Enlightenment. Keep the faith! CULT AWARENESS COUNCIL (p. 153) This group printed a listing of cults. Some folks use such lists to be able to recognize cult activity in their children. Other people use these lists to freak out their parents. We're proud to be a key part of the information revolution, and moreover, are happy to be bringing families together. We are pleased to be able to continue this effort with the location of their current address: CULT AWARENESS COUNCIL PO BOX 190597 DALLAS TX 75219

t
FALCON PRESS (p. 131) Booksellers and free catalog offerers. They sold Crowley, Leary, Regardie, R. A. Wilson, etc. and Discordian inspired wares. "Doctor" Hyatt moves around so much Iwe'd lost track. They were in Nevadaf or a while, but they're back in Arizona someplace under the name "New Falcon". NEW FALCON PUBLICATIONS 655 EAST THUNDERBIRD PHOENIX AZ 85022

JOHN P. JUDGE (p. 173) ESP LABORATORY (p. 83) AL G. MANNING This Kris Kringle offered free junk catalogs and literature. Some psychic/genteel old fart. New address: ESP LAB BOX 216 219 SOUTHRIDGE DR EDGEWOOD TX 75117 Mr. Judge has been a very active researcher in the conspiracy field. You know, JFK, RFK, MLK, MX, etc. Where is he now? Well, Pastor Craig got some stuff from Judge and Co. in March of '93 and tells us he can be found at this address: COMMITTE FOR AN OPEN ARCHIVES PO BOX 6008 WASHINGTON DC 20005

AMERICA'S PROMISE (p. 185) LORD'S COVENANT CHURCH These folks thought Ronald Reagan was sickeningly liberalW Of course, Mr. Reagan did prove that he wasn't a textbook conservative, either. They must love Clinton. Now at: LORD'S COVENANT CHURCH AMERICA'S PROMISE MINISTRIES PO BOX 157 SANDPOINT ID 83864 but: FULL DISCLOSURE BOX 903 LIBERTYVILLE, IL 60048 but: according to Paul Rydeen: "Nowhere. Long gone, but Peter Wagner still lives and works in Minneapolis. I used to have a couple copies, but they're gone too. Wagner did political cartoons for the University of Minnesota daily when I was there; now he does a Sunday funnies feature for kids. Call 1-612-555-1212 and ask Information for his number." Damnl Snared in the thicket again! RIP OFF PRESS (p. 252) The publisher of Bob's Favorite Comics and other sickness has moved. You can now find them at: RIP OFF PRESS BOX 4686 AUBURN CA 95604 We have been informed by a reader thatthefounder of America's Promise, Sheldon Emery, has passed away. Fuckin' barbed wire fence!

FULL DISCLOSURE (p. 179) is alleged by one reader to now be at: FULL DISCLOSURE PO BOX 67 LOWELL Ml 49331 and by another to be at:

THE A C E . (p. 176) Not to be c o n f u s e d with The Association For Consciousness Exploration (which is listed in the catalog section on page 21 in Issue 2). This is the Association of Clandestine Radio Enthusiasts. In English? Pirate radio. They are alive and well as evidenced by their late-arriving booklet, which will be reviewed in #4. New address: THE A.C.E. PO BOX 11201 SHAWNEE MISSION KS 66207-0201

60

M O D E R N HUMANS (p. 30) A'mad scientist named Mr. Fry offered a brain expanding course by mail, selling books and diner junkas well. A s u b s c i b e r tells u s that many of the old titles have been discontinued, but at least it lives on. Find 'em in a new state and with a n e w name at: FRY'S INCREDIBLE INQUIRY HC76 BOX 2 2 0 7 GARDEN VALLEY ID 8 3 6 2 2

gteplum Jfor iMjut -3ht£
Subscription Instructions
Decide that exploring the world of cults, Forteana, far-out music, UFO's, kooks, ranters, con­ spiracy theories, suppressedinformation, etc., is something you'd like to do in greater detail. Send $9 for a four-issue subscription as soon as you're"readytogo". Any form of payment is fine. Make checks and money orders out to MIKE KOLE. Roll on down to the Post Office after making sure coins are secured and cash is well concealed in your en velope, for if they escape, youT. be subject to unspeakable horror. Be sure to indicate with which issue to start your sub. As soon as you've finished reading Asylum, put it in its proper place and begin the chase for the One True Path! WARNING: A few upught so-and-so's are allergic to a humorous treatment of the above specified topics. If you or your partner are allergic to sarcastic humor or have had other negative reactions, stop use and see your doctor.

REV. ORTON NENSLO (AFSI # 2 pg. 49) is now at:
c

ISSUES 1-3 AVAILABLE NOW! ASYLUM #1 was a FACTSHEET 5 #50 "EDITOR'S CHOICE"! #2 AND #3 are BIGGER and BETTER than #1 was!!! Check'em out!!!!!
SEND $$$ TO:

-

REV. ORTON NENSLO PO BOX 8 6 5 8 2 (1535 S.E.35th AVE) PORTLAND OR 9 7 2 1 4 . He operates a mail-orderbooksearch service. Donna "Kooks" Kossy lives with him; watch for "Kooks the Book" in April from Feral House (the s a m e friendly folks who brought you "Apocalypse Culture".) S e n d Nenslo $1 for an envelope full of enlightenment.

PSYCHIC PROPHECY NEWS BULLETIN (p. 77) : ., . Not sure if the N e w s Bulletin is still produced, but at least there is s o m e activity. New Address: BURCHETTE BROS. PO BOX 3 6 3 LAKESIDE CA 9 2 0 4 0 - 0 3 6 3 BRAINBEAU (p. 161) BOX 2 2 4 3 YOUNGSTOWN OH 4 4 5 0 4

ASYLUM
FOR SHUT-INS P.O. BOX 46581 BEDFORD OH 44146

THE RUNESTONE (p. 77) Ever hear of Odinism? I hadn't, s o I w a s more interested than usual. As I understand it, Odinism deals in Norse mythology. Cool. N e w address: THE RUNESTONE , STEVE MCNALLY POBOX 445 NEVADA CITY CA 9 5 9 5 9

"Moved. Order h a s expired". A genuine kook, Mr. Brainbeau proclaimed himself 'The World's ONLY Radical". He used to run little a d s in the National Enquirer and other"grocery store" rags. Writes Rodney Griffith, "Brainbeau is dead. I wrote him just in November to get his blessing to run an ad of his; the reason marked under "return to sender" w a s written in: "deceased". His self-publishing activities predated Mike Gunderloy'sandonly occasionally were his theories actually elaboratedon—the first threetimesl wrote tohim I only received more a d s in return." R. L P .

SOCIETY FOR THE ERADICATION OF TV (p. 263) Of course, name s a y s all here, but these folks were farmorevehementthaneven the do-gooderSenator's wives who want to impose stricter control on our kulture box. New address: SOCIETY FOR THE ERADICATION OF TELEVISION BOX 10491 OAKLAND CA 94610-0491

RUTH FISH (p. 89) 948 MAXWELL AVE NASHVILLE TN 3 7 2 0 6

:„

"Attempted, addressee not known". The reason she is not known by the current a d d r e s s e e is b e c a u s e s h e kicked the bucket a couple of years back. This happens, you know.

MIKE MARINACCI (p. 107) 1629 BROCKTON AVE #4 LOS ANGELES CA 90025 "Attempted, not known". Published the DIRECTORY OF MAIL-ORDERMINISTRIESandmadeitavailableforameasly SASE!!! Marinacci wrote us with the following info: 'The DIRECTORY h a s been out of print since 1987. It w a s originally issued in a once-only run of 50 copies. The DIRECTORY was out of print by the time HIGH WEIRDNESS appeared, and I had to send out over2O0 letters stating this sad fact to people who'd written fortheircopy. Please pass this information on to your readers. You might also tell them that I recommend ministerial credentials from the UNIVERSAL LIFE CHURCH/601 THIRD S T / M O D E S T O CA 9 5 3 5 1 . Not only do they ordain for free, but they let their Ministers ordain others in turn s o long a s they register new inductees with the Modesto office." He requested that we NOT list his current address. This request is being honored, and a s such, is the end of the line for the Directory. He is involved in other projects, the connection to which he wishes to be mysterious. Cool by us.

TESLA BOOK CO (p. 38) Yep. This w a s where books about Nikola Tesla and his work were sold. Now available at: INTERNATIONAL TESLA SOCIETY PO BOX 5 6 3 6 COLORADO SPRINGS CO 8 0 9

Asylum For Shut-ins will be coming to our friend Wanda's mailbox... will it come to yours? Don't be caught hoping your newsstand will stock it. Subscribe today! Be sure to pick up any back issues you may have missed!

B A C K

I S S U E S OF
ARE STILL AVAILABLE!

#1 Our blessed debut! We reveal our inspiration; explain why we do what we-do; using pictures, we tell you how to do it for yourself; and we display our bountiful harvest of UFO, cult, extreme political, and other fringencwsletters and zines, and the catalogs which sell related junk. All was this crammed around amazing turn-back-the-clock clip-art. The initial 48-page treasure trove for information hounds. Was "Editor's Choice" in Factsheet 5 #50! Supply is running short! How often have you thought, "oh, that'll be around forever", and then it was gone and then you kick yourself? #2 Even more in-depth than before, gleefully displaying personal responses from the progenitors of the material we cover; still more zine and book reviews; ditto catalogs; music reviews even; discussion of these materials as gems for future historians; insider coverage of an intense SubGenius de-vival; an even more intense rant from Rev. Ivan Stang; a word to the wise concerning prank calls; more clip-art bonanzas and tons of love.
B A C K i S S U E S A R E $ 2 . 5 0 E A C H P O S T P A I D ! R E M E M B E R , 4 - I S S U E S U B S C R I P T I O N S A R E $9 IN T H E U.S.

62

SAVE A BUCK! MAKE C H E C K S PAYABLE TO MiKE KOLE. SEND ALL SILVER COINS T O :

ASYLUM FOR SHUT-INS * P.O. BOX 46581 * BEDFORD OH 44146

ASYLUM For Shut-Ins
IF YOU'RE SUBSCRIBING TO ASYLUM FOR SHUT-INS FOR THE FIRST TIME, PLEASE READ THESE SIMPLE DIRECTIONS CAREFULLY.

ASYLUM F O RSHUT-INS MAGAZINE ASYLUM is a more comfortable and discreet kind of magazine than Answer Me! You can rely on ASYLUM for full protection for up to 8 hours. ASYLUM'S writing style has been carefully designed to fit your mind. The mail carrier easily glides ASYLUM into the right position in your mailslot where your fingers eagerly await. ASYLUM can be used with confidence, even the first time.

HOW TO SUBSCRIBE TO ASYLUM FOR SHUT-INS: First choose a comfortable position. Try sitting on the toilet with your knees apart. Or try squatting with your knees bent and far apart. RELAX and take your iBdiftj* time. If you're tense, the muscles in your vagina may tighten up. Follow the directions below.

Decide that exploring the world of cults, Forteana, far-out music, UFOs, kooks, ranters, conspiracy theories, suppressed information, etc., is something you'd like to do in much greater detail.

Gather up $9 tor a fourissue subscription to Asylum For Shut-Ins. Any form of payment is fine. Those using pre-1965 dimes and quarters may deduct 90%! Make checks and money orders out to MIKE KOLE.

Write the below address on the envelope. You don't want it to be inserted in someone else's mailslot, do you? Remember to relax your muscles, otherwise you may be subject to un­ speakable horror... like, no zine, man.

Slide your payment lovingly into the envelope. Be sure to conceal cash payments well. If paying in silvercoin, be certain to tape them to a piece of paper so they don't jingle, arousing the curiosity of a postal worker.

Be sure to indicate with which issue we should start your sub. ASYLUM will be comfortably inside you r body and mind in a matter of days. Congratulations! You're on your way to life a complete life. Isn't it about time?

When ASYLUM FOR SHUT-INS is subscribed to properly, you shouldn't feel a thing. If you feel uncomfortable, ASYLUM is probably not far enough inside you. THE RIGHT WAY TO READ ASYLUM FOR SHUT-INS * You should drop everything upon receiving it in the mail. * Laugh/cry your ass off- depending on your world-view. * Always remove ASYLUM before inserting a new one. * Write for the goodies that tickle your brain. * Sell all your belongings and persue your One True Path!

SEND YOUR SUBSCRIPTION ORDER TO:
ISSUES 1-3 AVAILABLE NOW!

jS) ASYLUM

FOR SHUT-INS P.O. BOX 46581 BEDFORD OH 44146

ABOUT SILVER COINS Yes, Misseur Kole, just why is it that you are so taken by these arcane objects? Well, there are several reasons why I am personally taken by silver coins. If you believe that the Federal Reserve Act of 1913 was the action of conspiratorial bankers out to influence and control the American- and honestly would henceforth have been the casein 1913- and world economy to their own benefit, you will also come to the conclusion that common Federal Reserve Notes are not "legal money" in the truest sense. Certainly, the FRN's are traded strictly because both parties on either end of the transaction have put their faith in the value of the Notes and are willing to accept them. I would be very willing not to accept Federal Reserve Notes if I could find enough like-minded people. Why? It would effectively thwart the methods of control. Gold and silver were the standards by which our currency was previously based; gold until 1920, silver until 1965. However, being that I can be convinced that the FRN's are valueless, I can also reject the value of silver and gold. What can I really do will these two metals that I wouldn't better do with steel? I wouldn't build the support­ ing sructure of my home with a soft metal like gold. Likewise a shovel or any other tool I might truly need.

The reason I call for payment in silver coins is simply to see if people will do it. Part of the problem inherent in the scenario is the scarcity of silver coin in common circulation. I used to be a newspaper carrier in my teen years. Had the route for five years. In that time, I pulled in a lot of change- about $ 15 per week or approximately $3900 in that span. How much was silver in face value terms? About $12. That's a pretty crummy ratio... just more than three-thousandths of one percent! And that was 10 years ago! There is appreciably less silver in circulation now than then. If someone is willing to pay in silver coin, they have to be very willing to part with it. The scheme is a litmus test. If people are willing to sidestep the Federal Reserve System to accept means of trade on their own terms, they open up a huge set of possibilities for themselves. 1. The avoidance of auditable bookkeeping. 2. The avoidance of inflation. 3. The accumulation of a time-honored standard would be invaluable in times of economic collapse. These are only the beginning! We've yet to receive a single payment in silver coin. We offer a stunning 90% discount to anyone who does!

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful