There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages. ____________________________________________________________________________ On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, "that's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to earth and heard by millions. But just before he reentered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "good luck, Mr. Gorsky." Many people at nasa though it was a casual remark concerning some rival soviet cosmonaut however, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned armstrong as to what the "good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. In 1938 when he was a kid in a small midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Sex! You want sex?! You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!" __________________________________________________________________________ One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When she returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good. Well, he thought for a moment and said maybe I had better send down a second angel: to get another point of view. So God called another angel and sent her to Earth for a time too. When the angel returned she went to God and told him yes, the Earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good. God said this was not good. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good and He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what that E-mail said????

You didn't get one either...huh? _____________________________________________________________________________ _ A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested. The case came before the court, and when asked why he acted in such a manner, the man replied, "When the lady boarded the bus I could not help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read, coming soon: The Gold Dust Twins.' Then she moved under one that read, Sloan's Liniments Remove Swelling.' I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read, William's Stick Did The Trick.' Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read, Dunlap Rubber would have prevented this accident." He won the case. _________________________________________________________________ Two hunters are in the New Jersey woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls emergency services. 'My friend is dead. What can I do?' 'Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There's a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. 'OK, now what?'