Introduction to Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence into Action

Introduced & Presented By: Rana Saleh

Outline:
Emotions Matter
References
What is an Emotion?
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Yale Center of Emotional Intelligence Definition of EQ: RULER
RULER Skills
Basic Emotions
RULER Tools for Anchoring Emotional Intelligence
The Four Domains of EQ
Tips to Develop Each Domain.
Helpful Forms.

Emotions Matter
Emotions drive learning, decision-making, creativity, relationships, and health.
The Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence uses the power of emotions to create a
more effective and compassionate society. The Center conducts research and
teaches people of all ages how to develop their emotional intelligence.

References
Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 Book -
Emotional Intelligence – Daniel Goleman
Primal Leadership – Daniel Goleman
At The Heart of Leadership Book – Joshua Freedman

What is an Emotion?
"An emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct
components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioral
or expressive response." (Hockenbury & Hockenbury, 2007)
Emotion is often the driving force behind motivation, positive or negative. (Energy
in Motion)
1. Emotions are triggered by real or imaginary stimuli
2. Emotions cause shifts in subjective experiences (thinking & feeling) (and
what that means is that each emotion has different thought pattern
associated with it)
3. Emotions lead to changes in physiology (heart rate, temperature, brain
chemicals)
4. Emotions produce shifts in our facial expressions, body postures, gestures
and vocal tones
5. Emotions motivate behavior (approach, fight, flight)

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence is effectively blending thinking and feeling to make optimal
decision. It is the ability to understand, identify and manage your own emotions
and other’s emotions too.

Yale RULER Definition of EQ:

R ecognizing emotions in self and others.
U nderstanding the causes and consequences of emotions.
L abeling emotions accurately.
E xpressing emotions appropriately.
R egulating emotions effectively.

Adapted from RULER Program supported by Yale Center for Emotional

Intelligence – Yale University.
RULER is a set of skills and tools to develop and enhance Emotional Intelligence. It
has four main tools for anchoring Emotional Intelligence:
1. Emotional Intelligence Charter. 2. The Mood Meter.
3. The Meta-Moment. 4. The Blue Print.
Basic Emotions
Many studies and researches were and still are being done on the topic of human
emotions, many scholars decided that there are 8 basic emotions, and even those
8 where slightly different from one researcher and research to the other. The one
I chose to share with you here is the one by Robert Plutchik (which he grouped
into four pairs of polar opposites).


Plutchik’s wheel and order emotions is as follows:
1. Fear
2. Joy/happiness
3. Anger
4. Sadness
5. Disgust
6. Surprise
7. Contempt
8. Interest (anticipation)

In few studies as well it has been agreed that there are two basic driving human
energies, from which all positive and negative emotions stem, and these are:
LOVE & FEAR.

Latest researches though, many of these, agree that there are four basic
emotions: Glad, Sad, Mad, Afraid (Scared).
The RULER Tools for Anchoring Emotional Intelligence
1. Emotional Literacy Charter
The Charter is the first RULER Anchor tool. It is designed to build a positive culture
and atmosphere.

Unlike “rules” of conduct or rules and regulations of a company, an Emotional
Intelligence Charter represents agreed-upon norms for how everyone will be
treated, including (1) how leaders, team leaders, and teammates want to feel at
work,
(2) what everyone needs to do to feel that way consistently, and
(3) guidelines for how to handle uncomfortable feelings.

The process of creating a Charter involves responding to three questions:

1. How do we want to feel in school each day?
Each team member lists the 5-10 feelings he or she wants to experience
each day at work. Then, as a group, the lists are combined to form a list of
5-8 feelings that represent what feelings are most important to the group.


2. What will we do to have these feelings consistently and create a positive
learning environment?
Everyone is asked to think about what these feelings will look like in school
in terms of specific, measurable, observable behaviors. In other words,
what will the group need to do each day to ensure everyone experiences
these feelings? 

3. How will we prevent and manage conflict and unwanted feelings?
The group first discusses
(1) the uncomfortable feelings and unwanted behaviors they would like to
avoid experiencing in school and then
(2) how these feelings and behaviors will be handled and how conflict will
be prevented and managed, including what happens when the Charter is
breached. 


Once all three questions are answered, the Charter is written or typed up, signed
by everyone in the group, and posted somewhere visible so it can be referred to
and revisited for amendments as needed.
2. Mood Meter
Once the Mood Meter can be used as a guide through the RULER skills, by asking
yourself:
o Recognize: What are you feeling? How pleasant? How much energy do you
have? Where would you plot yourself?

o Understand: What caused you to feel that way?


o Label: What word best describes where you plotted yourself?

o Express: How are you expressing that feeling? Is your expression

appropriate to the context in which you are?


o Regulate: Is where you are on the Mood Meter the place you want to be? If so,
what strategies will you use to stay there? If you would like to shift, what
strategies will you use?
3. Meta-Moment
Meta-Moment is the moment where we pause, the moment right after…

It has six steps:
1. Something happens! Triggers are something real or imagined that result in
emotions based on our appraisals (how we perceive the trigger). The most
common trigger emotions are anger and anxiety.

2. Sense. When triggered, shifts occur in cognitive responses (thoughts),
physiological responses (body) and behavioral responses (facial expressions, body
language, vocal intonations, and actions).

3. Stop. It is important to stop and to breathe to decrease our physiological
response and to gain control over our reactions. Practice taking three deep
breaths through the nose and using a mantra.

4. See Your Best Self. Channeling the best self is a unique and critical step of the
Meta- Moment. The best self often differs depending on the role (leader vs.
supervisor vs. colleague).
The three components of the best self are one’s ideal (1) self (how you want to be
based on your values), (2) reputation (how you want others to view you), and (3)
outcome (how you would like the situation to turn out).
Ask: what are the characteristics of your best self in your role (form a list of 5-10
adjectives)? What do those characteristics look like (in terms of behaviors)?

5. Strategize. Once we’ve activated our best self, we need to choose a strategy
that aligns. Positive reappraisal and self-talk are two helpful strategies.

6. Succeed! The last step of the Meta-Moment is the successful execution of your
strategy and the aligning of your behavior (the way you respond to the trigger)
with your values and best self.
Discuss pro-active (before an anticipated trigger) vs. responsive (after a trigger)
Meta- Moments.

4. Blue-Print
• Blueprint is the fourth and final Anchor of RULER. It is a problem-solving tool
designed to build empathy and to aid in perspective- taking, it is for past
conflicts, real-time interactions and upcoming difficulties.

• Explain that it is comprised of questions that correspond to the 5 RULER skills: 


o Recognize and Label: How did I feel? How did the other person feel?

o Understand: What caused my feelings? What caused the other person’s

feelings?

o Express and Regulate: How did I express and regulate my feelings? How
did the other person express and regulate his or her feelings?

• After the first three sets of questions above have been answered, the process
concludes with the group reflecting and planning based on the following
questions: 


o What could I have done to handle the situation better? 


o What can I do now? 


• The Blueprint can be used to problem-solve past or current challenges or to plan

for potentially difficult situations in the future. In the classroom, the Blueprint
can be used to analyze characters and groups in literature and in history as well
as to facilitate pro-social classroom behavior. 

The Four Domains of Emotional Intelligence
“Emotional intelligence skills are more important to job performance than any other
leadership skill.” -Bradberry and Greaves from their research with more than 500,000
people

1. Self awareness is your ability to accurately perceive your own

emotions in the moment and understand your tendencies across
situations. Self-awareness includes staying on top of your typical
reactions to specific events, challenges, and even people.


2. Self-management is your ability to use your awareness of your
emotions to stay flexible and direct your behavior positively. This means
managing your emotional reactions to situations and people. Self-
management is what happens when you act – or do not act.


3. Social awareness is your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in
other people and understand what is really going on with them. This often
means perceiving what other people are thinking and feeling even if you do
not feel the same way.


4. Relationship management is the product of the first three emotional
intelligence skills. It’s your ability to use your awareness of both your own
emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully. This
ensures clear communication and effective handling of conflict.
-From Primal Leadership by Daniel Golem
Tips to Develop Each Domain
EQ Improvement Strategies from The Book Emotional Intelligence 2.0
(note: Use only what works for you. Some of the phrases are best clarified by referencing the book)

Self-Awareness Strategies:
1. Quit treating your feelings as good or bad
2. Observe the ripple effect from your emotions
3. Lean into your discomfort
4. Feel your emotions physically
5. Know who and what pushes your buttons
6. Watch yourself like a hawk…
7. Keep a journal about your emotions
8. Don’t be fooled by a bad mood
9. Don’t be fooled by a good mood, either
10. Stop and ask yourself why you do the things that you do
11. Visit your values
12. Check yourself
13. Spot your emotions in books, movies, music
14. Seek feedback
15. Get to know yourself under stress

Self-Management Strategies:
1. Breathe right
2. Create an emotion vs. a reason list
3. Make your goals public
4. Count to ten
5. Sleep on it
6. Talk to a skilled self-manager
7. Smile and laugh more
8. Set aside some time in your day for problem solving
9. Take control of your self talk
10. Visualize yourself succeeding
11. Clean up your sleep hygiene
12. Focus your attention on your freedoms, rather than your limitations
13. Stay synchronized
14. Speak to someone who is not emotionally invested in your problem
15. Learn a valuable lesson from everyone you encounter
16. Put a mental recharge into your schedule
17. Accept that change is just around the corner
Social-Awareness Strategies:
1. Greet people by name
2. Watch body language
3. Make timing everything
4. Develop a back-pocket question
5. Don’t take notes at meetings
6. Plan ahead for social gatherings
7. Clear away the clutter
8. Live in the moment
9. Go on a 15 minute tour
10. Watch EI at the movies
11. Practice the Art of Listening
12. Go people watching
13. Understand the rules of the Culture Game
14. Test for accuracy
15. Step into their shoes
16. Seek the whole picture
17. Catch the mood of the room

Relationship Management Strategies:

1. Be open and be curious
2. Enhance your natural communication style
3. Avoid giving mixed signals
4. Remember the little things that pack a punch
5. Take feedback well
6. Build trust
7. Have an “open door” policy
8. Only get mad on purpose
9. Don’t avoid the inevitable
10. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings
11. Compliment the person’s emotions or situation
12. When you care, show it
13. Explain your decisions, don’t just make them
14. Make your feedback direct and constructive
15. Align your intention with your impact
16. Offer a “fix-it” statement during a broken conversation
17. Tackle a tough conversation.
 Remember:
• You are not your emotions!
• Awareness is to be able to see, feel and hear what’s happening inside you and
around you.
• The smarter you are with your and others emotions, the more you excel in life.
• Emotions influence your actions and decisions.
• Remember that: Emotions are Energy in motion.
• Emotions Matter!

In life you get what you feel.

Create a gratitude journal, and write your blessings in it every night.
Create a thought journal and write your thoughts especially the ones which arise in
unpleasant situations, try to switch these thoughts which would help in switching how
you feel. (Examples from Therapist Aid are included here).

How I Feel
Provided by TherapistAid.com © 2013
Alternate Response

I feel: __________________________________________

Happy Mad Sad Glad

Worried Excited Bored Scared
Annoyed Upset Sick Nervous

I feel this way because:

(emotion & behavior)

________________________________________________
Consequence

________________________________________________
________________________________________________
Thought Log

This is what I did about it:

________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
Thought

Something else I could have done is:

________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
Event

Ask for help Take deep breaths Walk away

Do something else Tell an adult Talk to a friend

© 2013 Therapist Aid LLC Provided by TherapistAid.com