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WOMEN, LOVE AND SEX.

AN INCEL ESSAY

1. Introduction
In this essay I want to discuss a topic that I feel has been neglected by many serious
academic writers of today. I refer to the topic of inceldom. Incel stands for “involuntary
celibacy”, and it is a rising phenomenon in the West, specially among the young male
population. A person is considered an incel when after six months of trying to find a
partner, he or she can't find one. It is a phenomenon quite new in history, and for this
reason, together with its status of being politically incorrect, explains why it is being
neglected by orthodox social scientists and philosophers, although its rising importance.
It would seem contradictory, but the sexual revolution of the sixties has only
brought less love, sex and affection to a large part of the western male population. In
this essay our goal will be to discuss why it is happening, and also its current effects.
In order to elucidate the fact that more and more young males are being forced
out of the love and sex market, we will also analyze women sexuality. As it is women
who are the selectors in our societies. They decide who is going to have sex and love,
and who is not.

2. The 80/20 Pareto rule


It is important to begin discussing facts. It is actual facts which should be always the
most important thing to bear in mind. First we have to look at them, and only then can
we begin to formulate hypothesis and theories.
And it is a well known fact that more and more males are forced out of the love
and sexual market, for reasons apparently alien to them. They would like to participate,
but they are marginalized. They do their best to enter it, but they are systematically
discriminated. It is not that they do not try. Some of them try really hard. They will do
many things to enter the market, like improving themselves in many different ways.
Many of them will go to the gym to exercise their bodies, many will try special diets
also to improve their looks, or buy expensive fashion clothes. Others will sharpen their
social skills, their conversational abilities, etc. Many will even participate in university
courses in order mainly to know girls. They will also learn new skills about whatever it
is that interest them. Some will become experts in computers, others in cars, in law, or
in medicine, etc. Some will even learn seduction skills. We can see then that they will
try very seriously to improve themselves in many different ways. But all seems in vain
for many of them. It is like if they were doomed before hand for some reason that they
can't change.
But before trying to discover why this happens, we have to realize that this
doesn't happen to the entire male population. There is also a part of the male population
that don't need to do all these efforts. They can date girls and have intimacy with them
with virtually no effort.
And it is not that there are big differences between the males who can't date
girls, no matter how hard they try, and the males who can easily date them. At least
there are no big differences regarding their personality, their morality, style of life,
personal beliefs, social class, etc.
So the difference must be found somewhere else. But before trying to find it out,
we must put emphasis on the facts. And they speak very clearly. We have a part of the
male population, maybe around 40% of the total male population of a western country,
who can't date, no matter what. And we have also a 15 or 20% of the male population
who can do it easily, also no matter what. In between we can find another part of the
male population, maybe around the 40%, who find themselves in the middle.
We can say that they are the middle class. The top 20% would be the top class,
and the low 40% (or maybe more) the underclass, the new proletariat. It is not unfitting
to use these economic concepts. Economics, and also sociology, being a social science,
use these terms a lot. And if we study the distribution, not of money, but of love and sex,
we can also use these concepts, as they are words that describe the hierarchization that
exists in actual societies. And also, we have to bear in mind that the study of the
distribution of love and sex in a given society is a subject that pertains to the social
sciences, no less than the study of the distribution of money or political power.
Going back to the 80/20 rule, the first thing we should say is that it is a rule first
originated in the social sciences as well. It was coined by the Italian economist and
sociologist Vilfredo Pareto. He studied the distribution of land in Italy during the XIX
century, and he found that approximately the 80% of the land was owned by again
approximately the 20% of the population. Since Pareto this rule has been applied to
other fields different than the distribution of wealth. But we must avoid being innocent
and be aware that this rule still applies in our modern economies. The majority of the
wealth in our societies is owned by a minority elite.
And this rule also applies perfectly well in the dating scene of our days. Soon
after the sexual revolution it became evident, at least for those people clever and sincere
enough, that the so called sexual revolution only benefited a small portion of the
population. The same can be said regarding the liberation of women.
The sexual revolution and the liberation of women, together with the crisis of
traditional marriage and monogamy, only created this new underclass of non attractive
males, who saw themselves lonely and almost without hope. They would soon find that
they couldn't marry anymore, they couldn't have love, nor affection nor sex from
women, with some exceptions. After 10,000 years of one having the right to marry and
have children, these males found themselves deprived of this long existing right 1. They
would have to learn to cope, for the very first time in history, with loneliness,
devoidness of love, and sexual frustration. It wouldn't be easy at all. And the fact that
virtually nobody had experienced this before only made things more difficult.2

3. Rules are rules


And this Pareto rule would be quite hard to break. We need to understand that after the
sexual liberation and the increasing freedom of women, the rule would hold more and
more true. This means that approximately the 80% of women will share their love and
sex with the 20% part of the male population with more sexual capital, that is mainly
attractive looks. The 40% of the middle will still be able to get some sex from time to

1 The right to marry exists in the constitution of many countries, and it exists too in the human rights
declaration of the UNO.
2 The fact that the society as a whole don't want to talk about that, or even deny the existence of the
problem at all, also makes the lifes of these men more difficult. Many times they have to endure
depression, anxiety, therapies, etc., and all because they are not handsome enough and so condemned
to extreme loneliness and frustration.
time, and also to marry or engage in long term relationships, specially if their economic
or social status is good enough. But the 40% of the bottom will get virtually nothing,
even if their economic status is good.
It is key to consider this very actual fact. That the majority of the women only
want to share their sex and love with the most attractive guys, discriminating the rest,
specially those at the bottom. This causes what we could define as a social injustice,
given the enormous difference in the redistribution of sex and love, for reasons that are
impossible to change.
It is a social injustice that so far has been ignored by academics and by the
media. Other injustices caused by differences of redistribution are constantly voiced 3,
but not this one. When somebody is discriminated because his or her ethnic origin, or
because his or her financial status, or race, or religion, or language, or sex orientation,
some people react denouncing this injustice. But when we have a 40% of the male
population being discriminated virtually always by women nobody cares, or even deny
the fact or blame the victims. Almost nobody denies that some ethnic groups and the
poor suffer from discrimination, and again almost nobody denies that they are not to
blame for their situation. Many even demand that the State do something to mitigate or
to compensate for their situation.

4. It is looks, stupid!
We have seen so far that in our western societies today there exists an important part of
the male population who are being discriminated due to their perceived lack of
attractiveness. We have stated that this discrimination is caused by women
systematically rejecting them, and desiring only the top male population, or at best some
of the middle class. We have stated that this discrimination is based only on looks, not
on personality, style of life, morality, or some other quality. Although this is easy to
prove4, this is being denied quite often. Sometimes the evidence is so big that people

3 Very often the same women that will radically stand against all kinds of injustices and discriminations
will then discriminate many males just because they don't meet their high standards of looks.
4 One easy and effective way to test this theory is to create several different accounts on Tinder or
Badoo. One account with photos of an attractive man, one account with photos of an average looking
man, and one account with photos of an under average looking man. This test will not lie. The
discrimination will be seen very clearly.
admit that looks matter a lot, but normally they find this reality too hard to endure, so
they decide to soften it a little bit, using some well known and publicly accepted lies.
Here is a little list of some of these lies:
-Personality and morality matters. If you become ready, if you become good hearted and
improve your social skills you will easily find some nice girlfriend.
-If you have a good job and make a decent living you will find some girlfriend.
-If you study hard and become an intelligent and skillful person you will find some
girlfriend.
-If you lose some weight and get fit, you will get some girlfriend.
-If you are extrovert and funny enough to make them laugh you will be successful with
women.
-Women are less superficial and visual than men. They care less about something as
superficial as physical appearance.5
But no matter how many times we say or hear these things, they are still lies. In our
society only looks can get you a girlfriend, with some exceptions.6
New dating apps and websites have only made the discrimination much worse.
Now with apps like Tinder or Badoo looks are becoming even more and more
important, being almost the only thing that matters in a man for a woman.

5. Effects and possible solutions


But here karma also works. And this means that everything has an effect. Maybe it will
be more or less visible at first, but sooner or later it will become very real. What are the
effects that this systematic discrimination of a large part of males can have? The
discrimination can have a lot of different effects. We will talk about some here, but there
are more. First of all, there is the real suffering that all these men have to endure for
many years. They will feel loneliness, frustration, anxiety, unhappiness, etc. Often they
will blame themselves. And this can very easily turn into hatred. Although a negative
emotion like hate is something we all have to fight against, it is natural that many men

5 The truth is just the opposite. In our days, the discrimination women do based on physical appearance
is so big that there are entire groups of men who have it nearly impossible to find a partner. Think of
overweight men, short men, or below average looking men.
6 It is true that money can also get you a girlfriend sometimes. But in this case it is difficult to talk about
love and sexual attraction. It is difficult to create a healthy relationship based purely on money.
will develop this feeling. We only have to remember how many mass shootings have
been performed by incels. Sometimes the direct cause of the shootings has been their
inceldom, and sometimes it has been something else like racism or political radicalism.
But even in these last cases, even when inceldom was not the reason they gave for their
actions, we must consider that the fact that they were incels contributed to their killings.
Had not they been incels, even with their radical political views, they would have
probably never killed.
Also, there are no official stats about that, but we can be sure that many men
have committed suicide because they couldn't endure their inceldom. Their inceldom
gave them extreme levels of unhappiness they couldn't bear. Because we must also think
that society don't like incels. When society sees a single man with no kids at his 30s or
40s, they will see him as a loser, an unfit person who have failed to accomplish his goals
in life. They will blame him instead of seeing what has really happened.
We can also talk about the possible solutions to this problem. Society can choose
to ignore the problem, but anyway it will be there. And it is here to stay. And although
there are many possible solutions, I don't think anything will be done. Society prefers
not to look, and to blame individual incels for their situation. Women as a group will
never be blamed for this. And less now that feminism has gained so much power.
Feminism and large parts of society will work hard to maintain the situation and change
nothing, if not to worsen it, and to continue blaming the victims for their situation.
But in the medium and long term the situation is not sustainable. To have an
important part of the young male population without a partner is very dangerous. And in
the short term this is only possible with an increasing legal and police repression against
men in general.
Personally, I don't think there is a real solution in the west to be done in the next
years. One thing that would surely improve the situation is to return to more traditional
life styles, with monogamy and marriage. But today in the era of radical feminism and
Tinder this is very unlikely.

6. Conclusion
We have seen that today a large part of the male population is being sexually
discriminated, condemned to live a life of loneliness and frustration, due to the fact that
women only want to share their love and intimacy with the most attractive men. Society
has decided so far to allow this to happen, and to forbid the discriminated males even to
voice their problem. But the situation, although it will not be easy, can change. If incels
of all kind raise their voices, society will have no other chance than at least to listen at
them and consider their problem. This is not utopic, considering that more and more
males will be incels. Some of them will gain positions of power, so they will know deep
inside that this is not a fairy tale.

By Ernest Rawls

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