How to Stop Worrying and Start Living: Book Summary & PDF

The title says it all. Dale Carnegie teaches How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.

Contents

Bullet Summary

Full Summary

1. Fundamental facts you should know about worry

2. Basic techniques in analyzing worry

3. How to break the worry habit before it breaks you

4. A mental attitude for peace and happiness

5. The perfect way to conquer worry

6. How to keep from worrying about criticism

7. How to prevent fatigue and worry and keep energy and spirits high

CONS

Review

Bullet Summary

Ask yourself what’s the worst that can happen and be OK with it.

Then work to improve on that worst case scenario

Act more, worry less

Full Summary

The message from Dale Carnegie is that worrying too much will make your life shorter and more miserable. Thankfully,
there are ways to deal and eliminate worries. Many people have done it, and you can as well.

1. Fundamental facts you should know about worry

Dale Carnegie starts quoting William Osler when he said that one of the best way to deal with worries is to simply care
about your present tasks. We usually worry about the future, but the best way to have a good future is to do a good job
now.

So make your life more compartmentalized and deal with each single compartment one by one.

The next thing you should know about worry is that it asks you a very heavy price in terms of health.

Albeit Carnegie doesn’t go as deep, what he’s basically advocating is a technique Tony Robbins teaches to changing neuro
association. The idea is basically to associate lots of pain to your current behavior that changing becomes a must.

The third one and possibly my favorite is explained in three steps:

Ask youreslf what’s the worst that can possibly happen if you cannot solve the problem that makes you so worried.

Accept mentally the worst case scenario and be OK with it

Work to improve the worst case scenario: you can only get better from there

2. Basic techniques in analyzing worry

First of all, get all the facts.

Once you have all the information you need, make a decision.

Once you have a decision, it’s time to act on it.

No worries, no sweating, just action (read The Obstacle Is The Way for that mindset).

Dale Carnegie also talks about the top insurance salesman in the country. He wasn’t always at the top though and was
struggling until he asked himself the following questions:

Rule 4: A Simple Set of Questions to Eliminate Worry

Frank Bettger, one of the top insurance salesmen in America, reduced his worries and multiplied his income. Early in his
career he began to despise his work and felt discouraged. He was working too much and was burning out. He was always
in meetings and interviews with prospects. He wrote down and answered these questions:

What is the problem?

What is the cause of the problem?

What are all the possible solutions?

What is the best solution?

3. How to break the worry habit before it breaks you

Stay busy: no free time, no time to worry (my note: don’t do this as Brene Brown explains)

Don’t allow small things to get in your way

Understand numbers: chances of catastrophic events are slim

What you cannot change is not worth worrying about

Put a stop loss order in your life: after a certain threshold, you move and that’s it

Stop worrying about the past. It’s useless

4. A mental attitude for peace and happiness

Think and act joyfully and you’ll be joyful

Thinking about what we don’t like is poisonous: don’t waste a minute with people you don’t like

Don’t expect gratitude and you will not be disappointed by the lack of it

Focus and count your blessings, not your troubles

Be yourself and don’t try to copy others

Do the best with your losses. Profit from them. When life give you lemons, make a lemonade

Help others to help yourself

5. The perfect way to conquer worry

Dale Carnegie suggests that believing in a greater being, in God, and praying, is a great antidote for worry.

6. How to keep from worrying about criticism

Unfair criticism is often a compliment: it means you have raised envy

Grow a thicker skin: you’ll be criticized anyway. Your job is to do your best, not to avoid criticism

Criticize yourself first and then ask for more criticism: it’s the best way to grow

7. How to prevent fatigue and worry and keep energy and spirits high

Churchill took two naps a day during WWII. Make sure you get enough rest as well.

At work, clear your desk of all papers: mess around you translates into mental mess and stress. Then prioritize and
execute (a mantra of Extreme Ownership).

CONS

Map Without Compass

All the tips make sense, but they’re also common sense. What would have been more useful are all the nitty gritty of how
to actually do it. I believe guys like Tony Robbins do a better job at that.

Too Busy To Worry… Really?

The suggestion to get too busy to worry is not only stupid but counterproductive. It doesn’t address the root cause.

It’s like telling the hangover patient to keep drinking and the headache will go away. Better drinking water instead. The
hang over will take more time to heal but it addresses the root causes.

Review

How to stop worrying and start living is one of the grandfathers of the self help books, together with Carnegie’s other
timeless How to Win Friends & Influence People.

The content is great and most of it is evergreen -as Ray Dalio said, great is better than new-. However, don’t miss out on
new contemporary authors because neuroscience developed a lot since Carnegie and can teach us a lot.

For example:

The brain that changes itself

Phantoms in the Brain,

How to develop a growth mindset

Tony Robbins on changing neuro associations

Stop Worrying

How to Win Friends and Influence People Summary

Techniques in Handling People

Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.

Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

Become genuinely interested in other people.

Smile.

Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Win people to your way of thinking

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”

If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

Begin in a friendly way.

Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

Appeal to the nobler motives.

Dramatize your ideas.

Throw down a challenge.

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

Let the other person save face.

Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your
praise.”

Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

***
On criticism

Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is
dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. …. Any
fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding
and forgiving.

That reminds me of this famous quote by Thomas Carlyle: “A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little
men.”

On dealing with people

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of
emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

On influence

[T]he only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

On the secret of success

If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that
person’s angle as well as from your own.