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Artificiality can be loosely defined as being outside the realm of our daily conversation. Thus, this would
further entail saying illogical things that have a very low probability rate of ever being used in daily
discourse, throughout one's lifetime.
Most foreign language instruction programs are either Content-Based or Grammar-Based, regardless of
the method or L2 approach being employed. In a Content-Based curriculum, while rooted in real day-to-
day situations, context and meaning come first, grammatical clarity second. Therefore, the foreign language
student can immediately integrate his or her newly acquired language skills into their daily lives by thus
becoming intelligible to native speakers, oftentimes from Day One.
In a Grammar-Based curriculum, grammatical graphs and/or verb charts are learned and memorized by
rote drilling, then imaginary "diälogues" are tailor-made to fit the grammatical structures being presented.
Thus, we end up with totally nonsensical conversation that transmits little to no meaningful exchange, is
devoid of logical understanding altogether on the part of the listener, and thus prevents language students
from ever being able to communicate with native speakers adequately in the target language. Oftentimes, the
authors of such "counterfeit" foreign language curriculums make the common mistake of thinking that, since
adult language learners are much like pre-schoolers in their lack of proficiency level in the second language,
therefore, the adults' activities must also be on the same, very elementary level.
Such programs are reminiscent of the 19th Century "little red schoolhouses" with their Grammar-
Translation Approach along with dictionaries in hand. Quite outmoded, I must say, due mainly to the fact
that no single person, even if they lived to be 90 years of age, would ever talk such nonsense to their peers
during their daily (very long) lives.
Here are some specific examples of artificial activities actually being presented currently in a 100-
level series Spanish course in a particular community college on the West Coast of the United States.
Would you ever use the following interactions in your native language on a day-to-day basis?
Try these sentences on any adult native English-speaker and just watch their reäction:
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MR. SMITH, TAKE THE RED-COLORED BLOCK AND STAND IT UP NEXT TO THE WHITE
ONE.
NOW, TAKE THE BLACK BLOCK AND LIE IT DOWN NEXT TO THE ORANGE ONE.
KATE, TAKE THE PENCILS AND PUT THEM LYING DOWN ON THE TABLE, PLEASE.
THANK YOU......DON'T MENTION IT.
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MRS. JENKINS, TAKE ONE HUNDRED ONE (101) NOTEBOOKS AND STAND THEM UP ON
THE CHAIR, PLEASE. AND NOW, TAKE FIVE HUNDRED THIRTY-ONE (531) PIECES OF
CHALK AND LIE THEM DOWN ON TOP OF THE NOTEBOOKS.
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IF TODAY IS MONDAY, WHAT DAY WILL TOMORROW BE?.....OR THE DAY AFTER
TOMORROW?
AND IF TODAY IS FRIDAY, WHAT DAY WAS YESTERDAY?...OR THE DAY BEFORE
YESTERDAY?
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ON THE HILL, THE MOON SHINES DOWN UPON THE WINDMILL. (Repeat, class)....ON
THE HILL, .....etc.
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ARE THESE WINDMILLS? NO, THEY ARE NOT WINDMILLS (plural practice)
ARE THESE WINDMILLS? NO, THEY ARE NOT WINDMILLS EITHER
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ARTIFICIALITY 19-
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ARTIFICIALITY 22- (This could be a real conversation, but a rare one at that):
WHO IS THIS?
IT'S THE HEAD CHEF.
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ARTIFICIALITY 24-
AND JUST WHAT HAVE YOU DONE BEFORE THIS? (Grammatically incorrect!)
BEFORE THIS, I HAVE LEFT THE HOUSE AND PICKED UP MY MAIL.
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WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TODAY, AND WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO THIS
AFTERNOON?
I HAVE AWAKENED, GOTTEN DRESSED, AND THIS AFTERNOON I AM GOING TO
LUNCH OUT.
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THE SUN SHINES DOWN ON THE BROWN DOGS, THE GRAY DONKEYS, AND ON THE
THREE WHITE HENS.
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HOW DO I GET TO THE PHARMACY? (This question is contextual,, but not the response)
FIRST, IT IS NECESSARY TO CROSS THE STREET, THEN TO CONTINUE STRAIGHT
AHEAD ON 8TH STREET.
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WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD, WHAT TIME DID YOU NORMALLY GO TO BED?
IN GENERAL, I USED TO GO TO BED AT 10 O'CLOCK AT NIGHT.
AND YESTERDAY?
YESTERDAY, I WENT TO BED AT MIDNIGHT.
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WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU USED TO DO NORMALLY IN THE
MORNINGS?
NORMALLY, I WOULD HAVE BREAKFAST AND THEN GET DRESSED.
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SIMON SAYS "TOUCH YOUR NOSE, RAISE YOUR HANDS, LIFT YOUR FEET.." etc.
NOW, WHAT DOES SIMON WANT YOU TO DO?
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WHAT IS THIS PERSON DOING AND WHAT HAS S/HE DONE BEFORE THAT?
S/HE IS PLAYING TENNIS AND BEFORE THAT S/HE HAS EATEN BREAKFAST.
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WHAT WAS THIS PERSON DOING AND WHAT HAD S/HE DONE BEFORE?
THIS PERSON WAS ARRIVING TO WORK AND BEFORE THAT, S/HE HAD LEFT THE
HOUSE.
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WHAT DID YOU DO LAST WEEKEND AND WHAT WILL YOU DO THIS COMING
WEEKEND?
LAST WEEKEND I SMOKED CIGARETTES AND THIS COMING WEEKEND I'LL TRY
QUITTING THE HABIT.
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MR. SMITH, STAND UP, GO TO THE DOOR, AND CLOSE IT. WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT DO
I WANT ( YOU TO DO)?
YOU WANT ME TO STAND UP, TO GO TO THE DOOR, AND TO CLOSE IT.
ARTIFICIALITY 40-
LAST SATURDAY AT THE JONES'S HOUSE, WHAT DID LINDA PREFER THAT HENRY
DO?
LINDA PREFERRED THAT HENRY PLUG IN THE LAMPS.
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ARTIFICIALITY 41-
WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD, WHAT DID YOUR MOTHER WANT YOU TO DO AROUND
THE HOUSE?
WHEN I WAS A CHILD, MY MOTHER WANTED ME TO WATER THE PLANTS AND TO
FEED THE CATS.
AND JUST WHAT DID YOUR FATHER DEMAND THAT YOU DO, WHEN YOU WERE A
CHILD?
WHEN I WAS A CHILD, MY FATHER DEMANDED THAT I MAKE MY BED AND FILL
THE DISHWASHER.
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IN THE ANDERSON'S HOUSE, WHAT DOES FATHER INSIST THAT BILLY DO?
FATHER INSISTS THAT BILLY SWEEP UP THE PATIO.
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MRS. JOHNSON, TAKE THE SODA AND PUT IT ON THE TABLE...WAIT A MINUTE!
WHAT DO I WANT?
YOU WANT ME TO TAKE THE SODA AND TO PUT IT ON THE TABLE.
THEN, DO IT.
NOW, EXCHANGE THE NOTEBOOK FOR THE SODA. NOW PASS THE SODA TO TED.
NOW PASS IT TO ME.
NOW RETURN IT TO TED. AND WHAT DID YOU DO?
FIRST, I EXCHANGED THE NOTEBOOK FOR THE SODA, THEN I PASSED THE SODA
TO TED, THEN TO YOU.
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OK. YOU WASH THE DISHES AND I'LL SWEEP THE FLOOR.
NO! I DON'T WANT TO! I WANT YOU TO WASH THE DISHES AND I'LL SWEEP THE
FLOOR!
OK. I'LL WASH THE DISHES YOU YOU'LL SWEEP THE FLOOR. AGREED?
I AGREE.
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WHAT IS GRANDPA DOING RIGHT NOW AND WHAT HAS HE DONE BEFORE THAT?
GRANDPA DESCENDS THE STAIRS AND BEFORE THAT HAS GOTTEN DRESSED.
AND WHAT WAS GRANDPA DOING AND WHAT HAD HE DONE BEFORE THAT?
GRANDPA WAS GETTING OUT OF BED AND BEFORE THAT HE HAD SLEPT.
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WHEN JOHN WAS A STUDENT, WHAT TIME DID HE USED TO LEAVE THE HOUSE
NORMALLY?
USUALLY, HE WOULD LEAVE THE HOUSE AT 8:30 A.M.
AND YOU. WHEN YOU WERE A STUDENT, WHAT TIME WOULD YOU LEAVE THE
HOUSE?
IN GENERAL, I WOULD LEAVE MY HOUSE BY 9:00 A.M. AND YOU?
AND WHEN SUSANNA WAS 18 YEARS OF AGE, WHAT TIME DID SHE USED TO DINE?
SUSANNA WOULD DINE AROUND 6:00 P.M.
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WHAT WAS ANA DOING WHILE SHE WAS READING HER BOOK?
ANA WAS LISTENING TO THE RADIO WHILE SHE WAS READING A BOOK.
AND WHEN ANA WAS A LITTLE GIRL, WHAT DID SHE USED TO DO NORMALLY ON
SUNDAYS?
NORMALLY, ANA WOULD GO TO THE BEACH AND HAVE DINNER OUT WITH HER
FRIENDS.
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I WANT YOU TO TAKE THREE COLORED BLOCKS AND TO MAKE A TRIANGLE OUT
OF THEM.
WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT DO I WANT YOU TO DO?
WELL, DO IT THEN!
NOW, I WANT YOU TO TAKE SIX PENCILS AND TO MAKE A HEXAGON OUT OF THEM.
WAIT A MOMENT! WHAT DO I WANT YOU TO DO?
YOU WANT ME TO TAKE SIX PENCILS AND TO MAKE A HEXAGON OUT OF THEM.
OK. DO IT!
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LAST SATURDAY IN THE WADSWORTH'S HOUSE, WHAT DID FATHER PREFER THAT
YOU DO?
FATHER PREFERRED THAT WE WATER THE FLOWERS.
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WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD, WHAT DID YOUR GRANDMOTHER REGRET THAT YOU
DID?
WHEN I WAS A CHILD, MY GRANDMOTHER USED TO REGRET THAT I NEVER
CLEANED UP.
AND WHAT WAS YOUR FATHER DEPLORING THAT YOU DID AS A CHILD?
MY FATHER USED TO DEPLORE THAT I ATE TOO MANY CHOCOLATES.
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I WANT YOU TO TAKE A COLORED BLOCK THAT IS NEITHER BLACK NOR WHITE.
WAIT A MOMENT! WHAT DO I WANT (YOU TO DO)?
OK. THEN DO IT! NOW, WHAT HAVE YOU TAKEN? (Grammatically incorrect)
I HAVE TAKEN ONE THAT IS VIOLET COLORED.
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WHAT IS THIS?
IT'S A BALLPOINT PEN.
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HI! MY NAME IS JAMISON HOLLOWAY. WHAT'S YOURS AND WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
MY NAME IS BRIGHAM MILES AND I HAVE THE GRAPES. AND WHAT DO YOU
HAVE?
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WHEN TRISTAN WAS A STUDENT, WHAT TIME DID HE USED TO LEAVE THE HOUSE?
AND WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD, WHAT TIME DID YOU USED TO LEAVE THE HOUSE?
ARTIFICIALITY 74-
WE WASH THE CAR, PACK OUR BAGS, AND TAKE OFF CAMPING.
ARTIFICIALITY 75-
NOW, SPELL IT OUT BY POINTING WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE PHONICS CHART
Though this list (taken from a real community college foreign language program) is by no means
exhausted, I will continue to add more information as I go along. For students to be paying top dollar for a
second-language program that offers them no meaningful, day-to-day conversational skills whatsoever is
quite appalling, ludicrous actually, in my professional opinion. A nonsensical foreign language program
makes no sense at all, literally. It is quite surprising to know that such a foreign language program as this one
is still being taught in today's hi-tech 21st Century!
"You drop in on feudal lords and you find yourself taking part in knightly tournaments."
from Ivan Turgenev's Russian novel Fathers and Sons, 1862
Origins of Thanksgiving
Origins of Christmas
Origins of Easter
Language Families
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Chilean Eclipse
http://thesilentway.com
for Spanish instruction & translations
HOME
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