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Students of linguistics will acknowledge the severe difficulties of translating American into English. After all, American is more a conglomeration of idioms th an a language. (I hasten to add, people who use idioms are known as “idiomaticists ,” not “idiots.”) For instance, an American would say “it’s the pot callin’ the kettle blac ,” rather than “that’s hypocritical.” Once, when queried what poetry was, Robert Frost replied, “it’s what is lost in t ranslation.” Now, Frost was admittedly an American, stubbornly so, a veritable Yan k from New England. He meant “it’s wot’s lost in translation,” of course, but his point is well taken, even on the more civilized side of the pond. In any case, this bo ok should be rich in poetry, for our English friends. If something seems missing , one may assume it is poetry. Similarly, if something is incomprehensible, one should assume it is quite funny, indeed. I present these notes on the translation of this estimable prose into English . First, some vocabulary: “hood” means “bonnet”; “tires” means “tyres”; “trunk” means “boo e was jumped by some hoods in Chicago, who threw us in the trunk, hit us with a tire iron and stomped us with their boots” would be translated thus: “We were accost ed by some bonnets in Chicago, who threw us into the boot, assaulted us with a t runcheon and pummeled us with their shoes.” There are more examples. “Windshield” means “windscreen.” “Diaper” means “nappy.” “Truck rry,” and “starving” means “knackered.” “Attorney” and “lawyer” and “legal scum-sucking son ch” all mean “solicitor.” Also, “freeway interchange” means “roundabout.” I can almost hear e classic rock fans slapping their foreheads, saying, “oh, I get it!” Occasionally words defy translation between American and English. One example of this is the word “pissed,” used both by Americans and English. When Americans us e the word, they mean “angry.” When Brits use it, of course, it means “drunk.” Brits wou ld, quite appropriately, express incomprehension when confronted by the American phrase, “No need to get pissed.” One would need to restrain oneself from expostulat ing, “Why, it’s wot we do best!” Allow me to present a few more nuanced examples of the dodgy (“crappy,” in Americ an) business of translation. When an American says “literally,” he or she means “figur atively.” And there are innumerable colloquialisms (“colloquialism” being derived from the same root as “colonial”), to whit: “shout out,” meaning “salutations”; “goes,” meanin and “Philly cheese steak,” meaning gastrological abomination. In England, we stand for election; Americans run for elective office. This ma y reflect the way the English prefer to have things come to us, while Americans are always chasing after things. I have used copious footnotes throughout the text for clarification. One migh t also notice the English translation has been spiced with dozens of completely superfluous “indeed”’s. (If the last word, quotation marks and apostrophe in the last sentence seem horrendously ungrammatical, you may understand when you learn we u sed the “Chicago Manual of Style” as arbiter for all grammatical disputes. Disputes in Chicago involve truncheons and violent interpersonal exchanges.) Indeed, “Indee d” has been placed throughout the text as would overstuffed chairs in a London gen tleman’s club, which is where you may find this translator at the end of this assi gnment. Allow me to suggest, in closing, let’s all get pissed! Cheers! Indeed.