Overcoming Fear

by Claire Colvin

Fear keeps us in the background. It convinces us we can never accomplish our dreams, tells us to keep
quiet, and separates us from the ones we love. Fear has an unparalleled ability to freeze us in our tracks,
and limit what we are willing to try. Fear makes us lead a smaller life.

The things that we are afraid of may be different, but our reactions to fear are usually the same --
our palms sweat, our mouths get dry, our stomachs churn -- and we would do anything, make any sacrifice,
just to make it go away. How many times have you turned away from an opportunity or even a relationship
because you were too afraid to go for it?

Fear is not a bad thing. It exists for our protection as an early warning signal. But there is a big difference
between the healthy fear that tells us to step away from the edge of a cliff and a constant fear that keeps us
from living our life. Dr. Henry Cloud, counselor and author, in his article "Overcoming Fear," recommends
several active steps we can take to battle the fear that controls us - connecting with others, creating
structure, facing your fears, learning relaxation techniques and developing a spiritual life and facing your
fears. Fortunately for us, there are practical ways to take the doctor's advice.

1. Connecting with others. All fears, no matter how big or small are worse when we face them
alone. Find a good friend to share your fears with. We tend to resist admitting our fears because we
are afraid that the person will think less of us, that they will laugh or make things worse. Find
someone you can trust, possibly counselor, maybe a relative and share what's bothering you. They
may be able to help you see what you're afraid of in a new light and they will be there to stand by
you and encourage you as you take steps to face your fears.

2. Create Structure. If it's a new situation that causing your worries, Dr. Cloud recommends building
structure into your schedule to create safety. If you exercise, exercise at the same time every day,
arrange to meet a friend for coffee at the same time each week. Structure gives us a sense of
security because we know what to expect. There is comfort in the familiar. If you take control of
what you can, it will give you a good starting place from which to face the things you can't control.
3. Learn relaxation techniques. Fear, left to grow can lead to some serious health problems. If your
fears are having a physical effect on health, learning some relaxation techniques may help you to
be physically ready to face the challenge ahead. There are numerous resources online on this
subject as well as a wealth of information at the library. Find the technique that works for you.
4. Develop a spiritual life. In times of crisis, spiritual truths that are consistent in any circumstances
are a great comfort. They give us safety and familiarity and, more importantly, they give us a reason
to hope. If you do not have a spiritual life or faith consider participating in some online discussion
groups or chat rooms, emailing a pastor or reading the Bible. The book of Psalms in particular
speaks to people that are facing difficulties.
5. Face your fears. Finally, the last step is to actually face your fears. First, it is important to note that
some fears are healthy and some situations should be avoided for your own personal safety. There
are no hero points awarded for going into a personally threatening situation. However, if the threat
is more in mental than physical, actually doing the thing you're afraid of can be the best antidote of
all.

Don't forget that it is often easiest to do this in steps. If your biggest fear is public speaking (and it is
for the majority of us) don't offer to address the room at the next stock holder's meeting, but try
something smaller. Consider leading your next departmental meeting, or give a small talk at your
next group meeting, something with a small audience and familiar faces, then work your way up
from there. Facing your fears is a process.

Claire Colvin is the editor of Women Today Magazine. She has a B.A. in English from Trinity Western University and thinks
people should go barefoot more often. Dr. Henry Cloud's article is available in full here. Used with permission.