The Game Of… Coaching

Play Your Way to Success By Michael Stratford MCC, GameMaster™
―Supporting Coaches to Achieve Masterful Coaching‖ ―Supporting Clients to Achieve Masterful Lives‖

Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You?

© 2008 by CreativeU publishing. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to CreativeU Publishing, PO Box 3482, Laguna Hills, CA 92654

Ordering information: All Books published by CreativeU can be ordered by calling 949-716-9267 or via the Website at www.playthegameof.com ISBN: 0-9729877-1-1

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Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You?

Thank you to my fans!
NO one makes it alone. I don‘t care who you are, or what you‘ve accomplished but sooner or later you‘ve enjoyed someone‘s support. (If you‘d care to dispute this, please send me an email and I‘ll prove it to you). My fans have helped me all through life. This is by way of saying that I am TOTALLY AWARE that I have had the great gift and benefit of many people along the way, and I‘d like to thank them now. First, for all those of you who believed and still believe in me, like my wife Carly, my son Matthew and especially my coach Jay Perry. Thank you. It is your belief in me and the belief of others that has kept me going, even when, at times it seemed stupid to continue. You all have contributed to my full and everlasting potential coming alive. Thank you to all my past, current and future clients who have believe in me deeply enough to allow me to engage with you as a coach, sometimes mentor, and always a playmate in your own game. I appreciate you. Thank you to the support team who have helped me get things accomplished, whether it be graphics, website, finances, ideas, and even the local trades who have worked on my house or supplied a service. And especially thank you to God, the force, the universe, or whatever you would name it. I feel your constant energy and presence and I‘m grateful. 3

Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? 4 .

and you get to you could…let yourself browse and choose to encounter the essential game elements. in whatever order you wish…so here goes…on the next page are a few other ideas about how to PLRK! Your way through this book to see how it fits you…. 5 .Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? LET THE GAMES There is no order for particular through this book … BEGIN… how to proceed stop at whatever calls you…it is after all YOUR GAME. Or you can take a step By step By step Path.

there are additional prompts-opportunities to follow your gut and jump some more. 6 . go back to the table of contents and jump again. Or YOU could make up your own way. Or YOU can simply to finish the section you‘re reading. Regardless of the way you choose. For many people this works. I applaud your style and allegiance to it. Or YOU could play it at random. you‘ll find your way around the book. Woven in is the ‗Create your own Adventure‘ mode.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? If that‘s your choice. Within each section. You might even decide to ‗go linear‘ for a while. It‘s not unlike teleporting. select the one your intuition tells you to go to and then jump right to that set of pages. use the Playbook contents to guide you to the chronological order for how things are set up. You look at the topics in the table of contents. Sooner or later. I assure you there is no duplication.

93 ABOUT THE GAMEMASTER™ .86 ABOUT THE GAME OF…™.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Your PlayBook Contains: Round 1 INTRODUCTION .40 RULES .17 WINNING DEFINED .80 Round 3 AN ARTICLE ON GAMES .37 PLAYING FIELD .29 NAME IT .96 7 .8 PLAY .68 GAME PLAN .47 PLAYERS .75 Round 2 PREVIEW OF THE GAME OF COACHING ROUND 2 .

Knowledge is limited. And that‘s as it should be. You can skip it if you like.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? INTRODUCTION Hi there. I‘ve been at it a good long time and have seen a great many things. it might not…it‘s up to you. Or. read the quote on page 16. I don‘t expect that my game is yours. It‘s a good one. I‘ll give you a little personal history so you‘ll understand the crucible that birthed this book. Some of which I hope will be valuable for you. but then you run the risk that something quintessentially important is buried in there. You have plenty of that already. And the first thing I‘ll ask you to consider is one of my favorite quotes from Albert Einstein… “Imagination is more important than knowledge. and frames where both the book and I come from. I‘m sure will not fit for you. I just ask that you consider some of the ideas as you read through. As one of the early players in the Game of Coaching. It might make a big difference in your effective use of the book. Some. not as truths. 8 . At the very least. This Playbook is the result of many years in the coaching profession. and Welcome to The Game Of Coaching.” On the next few pages. Imagination encircles the world. but as pumps to prime your imagination. I‘m not here just to give you more knowledge. nor will you play yours the same way I play mine.

The apartment décor at the time was late ‗carpeted platform functions as furniture‘. At that time. I took a workshop with him in 1992 in NYC that was held in an apartment in Greenwich Village. I had gone through the late 70‘s and early 80‘s with a fair amount of verve. I‘m glad you joined me. There were two distinct 9 . asks few but very powerful questions. commitment and excitement about my personal growth. illuminating their individuality of methodology. I say true coach because he was and is the embodiment of what the coaching profession is about. My first coach trainer was Thomas Leonard. listens deeply. He was one of the founders of coaching as we know it today.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? A Little History is… Welcome. and most of all believes in me. Jay was my first introduction to a different kind of coach from those I‘d experienced in either the acting world or my limited forays into athletics. That style allowed for a number of people to be in the same room without feeling crowded or fighting for a chair. so here it My first true coach was Jay Perry. and clarifying their internal workings of the client. That‘s coaching as I‘ve come to know and love it. He personifies the principles of finding a person‘s strengths. speaks little. He talks straight. He then supports the optimal usage of all of that in the direction the client most wants. I‘d been almost in retreat from personal transformation. And I got toasted.

or I didn‘t get the results I was looking for. I did courses on integrity.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? results from that period. First. philosophies and seminars. walking meditated. I walked ropes high in the trees. made lists and wrote letters to finish up my past. there was still something missing. I had been serially processed in the vain hope of ‗finding my inner power‘. read consciousness books and stretched my body and mind till I was red in the face. full self-expression. when I didn‘t put it to work in the fashion that had been prescribed.‘ 10 . balancing my chakras. journal led. money. ‗breaking through to my deepest self‘ and ‗living my highest potential‘. I was tired of transformation. and it was one that made the most significant difference of them all. creative breakthrough. I felt like a failure with some deep hidden flaw. inexpensive or easy. consistently or for a long enough period of time? Was there some hidden key I kept missing? It turns out there was a deeper reason. did ‗bewith‘ myself exercises. bio-energetics. I visualized. ‗into the abyss‘. I expanded my awareness a lot. fun. And not a moment of the journey was what I‘d call. The question of ‗fit. and healing my life among others. completion. I was processed more than Velveeta (a whipped cheese-like substance in a spread). communication. The end result was frustrating. Invariably. I had entrusted my development to any number of gurus. Why couldn‘t I make it work? Was I just so undisciplined or inept that I couldn‘t follow directions effective. weary and wary of one more workshop that TOLD me how to live in order to succeed. Secondly. And though there was some value in all of the workshops.

so he could save me from myself. I was sure I‘d encounter yet one more person who wanted me to turn my life over to his system. I went to this event with Thomas Leonard filled with great trepidation. essentially a euphemism for extended verbal abuse as a means of enlightenment. you might say. This notion was amazing and transformational all by itself. What I found has both surprised and delighted me to this day. shell-shocked by a number who people who I‘m now convinced were suffused with charismatic personality disorder under the guise of insightful leadership. The leaders kept pushing me to enroll others in the seminar so I could sustain my transformation. Since my coach Jay had invited me to try this. it was still a huge leap of faith for me. you can also imagine the amount of trust I had in him when I said yes.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? And still I plugged through in my quest even though there were some programs clearly went against my grain. in a room with this soft spoken balding guy. As you can imagine. Even so. Here I was. This was the first workshop leader who actually thought that I might know something about how I succeed and he was interested in drawing my own natural wisdom out of me. I was. They put me through their experience of ‗ruthless compassion‘. And along comes my coach with an invitation to yet another workshop. 11 . being asked not only what I wanted. but how did I usually get to success when I achieved it.

It‘s not a model that says ―if you only do this. Those led to my eventual enrollment at Coachu for Coach training via teleclass format in 1994. you‘ll succeed. some divine guidance (I‘m sure). It‘s what I‘ve been doing for the last 11 years and having a great time. full of imagination. It illumined what I have to give that also expresses my soul. The Game Of Coaching is simply one of the many applications for The Game Of…™ I‘m here to share with you.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? We can time warp ahead through more of my participation in workshops with Thomas Leonard of the hotel conference room type. and rife with possibility. illuminating. The Game Of™…is a cultural revolution that is at heart a coaching inquiry. while also having quite a wonder-full evolutionary experience. some great friends and a healthy dose of just plain imagination. It‘s had me see who I really am. challenging. It‘s called. my own inner wisdom. It also made those games engaging. The Game Of™… The Game Of™…is not a program although it can be used that way if it suits you to do so. 12 . Over time with the support of my coach. This joyous experience has caused me to reflect on what my unique contribution might be to the world. I‘ve finally come up with it. It‘s not a system that dictates how you should or shouldn‘t act. It‘s an inquiry through the lens of the fundamental elements that make any game we‘ve ever played… fun to play. It‘s now many years later and I‘ve had the most marvelous adventure in this profession.‖ Instead.

success and evolution only has value because we say that it will be that way. Winning the Nobel Prize is only important because we deem it to be important. we experience our first encounter with this dynamic called meaning. we are the ones who say what is/isn‘t important and decide how we want to live. the only reason Game-Set-Match in tennis has any point is that we humans (and in particular tennis players) have declared it to have meaning. It may also have been something deeper such as my attempt to ascribe meaning to life. the fans and owners say it does. As a child. Yup. and what our life is about. thing. And I‘ve played at it equally as much as worked at it until the two became one in a character I‘ve named PLRK! It may just have been the kid in me that never wanted to grow up. 13 . what‘s become apparent to me is this. through games.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? The Game Of™…Coaching is the best game I‘ve ever created. Coaching for personal or business development. In any case. It is in games that we find our desire and power to practice and establish meaning. with whom. In truth. In the grand scheme of things. A touchdown in football only means something because the players. you might say it‘s a duh. the league.

It is profitable to the level that suits you. inseparable. Now that all of that introduction stuff is said. (yes it‘s like that all over these days) is the God of Play and Work unified. More on how to use this book is in the table of contents. not in a Janus-like identity where there are two distinctly different faces or aspects. play heartily and enjoy the book in whatever fashion suits you.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Oh. Your GameMaster. it is so very easy to stay engaged with what you‘re PLRK!ing at. It is this delightful combination of Play and Work in which you are doing both what you love and what fits you. Michael Stratford 14 . and one other item…the creature named PLRK! He/She. The character PLRK! will show up from time to time throughout the book so that you can be reminded to bring your best Playfulness to the moment and remember that it ALL means something. but instead fused into one being. ONLY because YOU SAY SO. It is often characterized by huge amounts of fun. As a result of this amalgam. I invite you to give yourself to the Game. so much so that you forget how long you‘ve been doing it and just have a great time. Playfully.

15 . in terms of having a great time while getting things of import finished. and mischievous as well. you‘ll discover. So now PLRK! would like you to enjoy the quote on the next page as his first request. Because he is flexible. in the quest for the magnificent marriage of Play and Work. He‘s really quite well read. From time to time. PLRK! is a master. and genderless. At the very least. he‘ll try to add to the conversation.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? So Now it‘s time to meet PLRK! There he is. apolitical. ageless. I may refer to PLRK! as ‗he‘ but that‘s because PLRK! reflects and mirrors the writer or the speaker. He may just speak up and remind you to have a little fun while you go through examining how to make up your Game Of Coaching. PLRK! will eventually get his own cartoon strip where he can pontificate if he chooses. address his own foibles or simply and mischievously poke fun at convention. He may actually have a comment to share or even a question to ask. self-reflection and just a little irreverence would be completely out of character. PLRK! will pick up the character of whomever is reading. After all. to hold anything as too sacred for challenging. PLRK! is multicultural. By the way.

Work and play are meant to reinforce each other. Yet no matter how tragically estranged labor and leisure become. Slow-paced primitive societies take time to harmonize work and play. Indeed. Laughter and reason alike set us apart from beasts. Ours is a species of players as well as makers. we still dimly feel that matters should be otherwise and wish our work could be as joyful as child‘s play. Calling Man‘s struggle for control over his environment a ―game‖ is no idle figure of speech. Sundering them is a measure of human imperfection—the wages of original sin some say— and their union is a sign of Eden‘s innocence.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? ―From the kindling of the first fire to the latest breakthrough in computer design. these two intertwined qualities describe humanness.‖ By Sandra Meisel in the Afterword from “The First Book of Swords” by Fred Saberhagen 16 . Each new way of working has to be played about so that it can be thought about sanely. each technological advance opens new levels of play in an age-old game for the mastery of Life.

We‘ve all heard the phrases: ―Don‟t play with your food. Over the years the words ‗game‘ and ‗play‘ have gotten a mixed (and sometimes bad) rap.‖ (which implies that playing is a luxury to be earned by hard work but certainly not necessary) OR EVEN ―I‟m not going to let you play your life away.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Play Play is the FUNdamental concept inherent in having anything be the most magnificent game. since it‘s apparently much better to work your life away) 17 .‖ (certainly not a good thing unless you are observing a cat Play with its food in which case it looks like it‘s having a great time at something very serious-although it probably doesn‘t feel like a great time for the mouse) OR ―Stop playing around this is serious. it would be a total waste of time.‖ (which suggests that if you did. certainly not in something as frivolous as the healing power of laughter or the perspective gained by viewing something as ridiculous) OR ―You‟re not going out to play until you finish your chore‟s/homework etc.‖ (implying the only value lies in the serious.

‖ I invite you to turn the world upside down and return to the true value of play.” ―The Power of Play.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? It‘s ridiculous to discount such and important concept and source of energy. 1999 18 . So. and that is… “play does much more…It may in fact be the highest expression of our humanity. I‘m here to advocate the Power of Play in a most important venture ―Your Game of Coaching. both imitating and advancing the evolutionary process.‖ Hara Estroff Romano Psychology Today July/Aug.

This will be news to those playing sports for billions of dollars. ―Stop playing mind games with me.‖ Here we have a command to cease a manipulative effort at control by a ‗game‘ rather than a more overt method of attempting to gain control via direct command. work focused. This indicates that the person is overworked and overcommitted in the first place. children who play games like they were breathing. it‘s really your problem because you‘ve attempted to add one more thing on top of their overly busy. 19 . That one thing you are ridiculously attempting to add is fun. ‗I‘m the master of my destiny and don‘t try to distract me‘ life.‖ This suggests that there are more important things in life than games. Isn‘t life already endowed with a high degree of seriosity? Yup. It also suggests that the person speaking is already so overwhelmed with their ‗productive‘ work efforts that there is no time for divergence. And now. and any number of other useful training simulations.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? The word „game‟ has endured an equal number of condemnations over the course of time. AND ―Life is just one big game to you isn‟t it?” Once again ―Life‖ must be taken seriously in order for it to have any value. I made the word up but we do have curiosity don‘t we so why not? AND ―I don‟t have time for your games. soldiers who use war games as preparation for war.

In even the best-case scenario.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? So how come we are more than willing to watch people Play games of all sorts and sports. We revere the Olympic games and their players as one of the highest examples of achievement.‖ From “More Than A Game” by Phil Jackson and Charley Rosen 20 . What doesn‘t pass is the opportunity it offers each individual player for personal growth and evolving consciousness. as community leaders. ―Hopefully. nothing‘s more important than the evolution of consciousness. to sports events like the Super Bowl. and commitment. One of the most beautiful things about basketball is that developing this sense of community will eventually lead to success on the court. it is just a byproduct. values. In the long run. Nascar or the X Games. as friends. A noted basketball coach who has led his teams to 9 league championships made this observation. but it passes. And we are responsible for almost obscene amounts of money being given to the players of various games about anything ranging from TV programs like ‗Survivor‘ and game shows such as ‗Greed‘. our understanding of the power of community will extend beyond our own rather insulated little groups. Winning championships is the greatest feeling in the world. Perhaps that same realization will manifest somewhere else in the players‘ lives---as parents. We will support games by our physical attendance and remote witnessing.

and play the noblest games… What. and even self-denied? Well it makes me curious enough to ponder it awhile. Doesn‘t it make you curious as to why something that has so much to contribute in so many arenas should be dismissed. games and play are often seen to be a distracting or frivolous. I‘m down wit that 21 . and the critical importance of learning games. devalued. “Every many and woman should live life accordingly.‘ We talk of the Game of Love. Laws Yeah! Play is Noble. ------Plato. then. The next pages let you know where my musings went. is the right way of living? Life must be lived as Play…. We will even invest huge amounts of money in defense of our country and the training of that defense via our ‗War games.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? There are prestigious Universities offering MBA courses in ‗Game Theory‘ for business. for our children in day care. Chess is bad? So why are games and the playing of them such a sin? In a supposedly ‗intelligent‘ society. We even have the National Spelling Bee‘s…games wherein the winner gets a prize for spelling words correctly.

work to 1 hr. So the total work commitment on average = 80 hrs. no more no less. we sleep more than that. Life maintenance work (kids. per week (which indeed may be high for most people) then the ratio of all work to play is 80:16 or about 5 hrs.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? I started with the question. household) = + 30 hrs. I thought. grooming. per wk. yard work. but since this is my book. laundry. there may even be tons written on it. let‘s play with some math. I‘m going to advance some of my own. Here is a simple equation involving one week‘s worth of time spent. well. ―What could be some of the reasons for this aversion to play and game?‖ Well. I‘m sure many people have their ideas. 22 . per week in ‗work‘. when it was necessary to work from 4:30 AM until dusk in order to survive? Are we still living in the Middle Ages where it‘s said ―idleness is the devil‘s handiwork?‖ I don‘t think so. if we‘re lucky. leisure/pleasure time. Every one has 168 hours in a week. Work/ career/ making money to live = 40-60 hrs. If the average amount of ‗leisure time‘ spent is 16 hrs. My endless curiosity led me to a series of questions. shopping. And yet some do. And though it sometimes looks like other people have more or less time than we do. This adds up to 70-90 hrs. it‘s the same for all of us. Are we still living in the difficult times of yesteryear‘s agronomy. Crikey.

It‘s the supreme rejuvenator and an essential re-charger for our personal batteries. Play is what we strive to carve out a few hours for to spend with our children. A program that devalues the idea of approaching our life. bundled into our software (not unlike a computer game). so we can have the last 15-20yrs. our body to perform functions it‘s challenged to perform when we‘re awake. to replenish our system. And yet mysteriously in the middle of dismissing it. of our life working. Play has also been praised as the answer to stress and anxiety.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? We sleep primarily to allow for muscles to relax and grow. We work hard. It‘s the reason we commit 50+yrs. we‘re often fairly limited in our ability to do some of our favorite forms of Play. It may be that we‘ve just had this outmoded program on our hard drive. I‘m not sure exactly when or where it came about but it seems imbedded into the fabric of our society. It could also be that the seemingly uncontrollable nature of someone engaged in play and games would keep that person from doing what is necessary for the tribe to endure. It may be that many of the roots of this devaluation are religious. 23 . or so in retirement and Play. In fact. in short. But at that age. projects even our very existence. with a ‗play/game‘ mentality. much of our time is mainly focused on enhancing our ability to avoid physical damage while playing. ventures. And this would endanger the continued existence of society.

Later. Unless of course. play. ―If your version of God had meant for us to be serious all the time. we would find nothing funny. What I‘m curious about though. That was serious work. It‘s about redemption. and serious endeavors exclusively. then it is both your right and your choice to pursue life with all the seriousness you can muster. and enjoyment. forgiveness and avoiding a terrible afterlife. play. atonement. 24 . or run all over the place trying not to be eaten. After all. there was the power brokering of uniting the world under one God.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? I can well imagine that Og the caveman would not have play high on his agenda since it probably wasn‘t much fun to run all over the place chasing down animals to eat. the melodious joy in a child‘s heart or voice and the whole creation of games is part of what makes us defective and worthy of being recalled. and we would clearly not have the abilities to invent games. if that was the source is… whatever happened to ―make a joyful noise unto the Lord?‖ When did it become. ―make a stressful. your God makes design mistakes. religion is serious stuff. And while I have a strong agenda to challenge people‘s notion of the value of play in our society. work laden. one response might be this. we would have no muscles for laughing. ‗got no time for play‘ noise unto the lord?‖ For those who would say that it‘s God‘s wish for us in life to follow the path of abstinence. is to abjure fun. in your Game. I will hold the line and say that ―if what fits you. And therefore the presence of laughter.‖ Whatever works.

the space in or through which anything can or does move. active bodily exercise. On the next page is a partial list of the benefits of Play.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Here‘s a definition of play that the dictionary puts out. sport.” GAME: Here is a brief origin of the word ‗game‘. and Old High German‘s "gaman". active. merriment". communion" and the modern sense of game is intriguing to me. From about the same time period. (play along and add some more if you like) 25 . meaning "participation. all of which generally meant "joy. communion" (OED). I can see why that‘s a bad thing…NOT! In looking at the value of play. Hmmm…having fun together. variety. I tried to establish what areas of human development and ―Mastery of the World‖ that one would grow by engaging in Play. I especially like the words: “Unimpeded. Free movement. The connection between Gothic‘s "gamen". Yup. Old Norse offers "gaman". unimpeded movement. glee". activity often implying the ideas of rapid change. The oldest forms are "gamen" from Old English. meaning "game. or action. Game has a long and prolific history. "game" and "gome" of Old Frisian. scope for activity. PLAY: Free movement. in that it implies that ‗Game‘ is really about the joy and glee (even merriment) of participation and communion. implying ideas of rapid change. we also see the Gothic use of "gaman" which meant "participation. variety.

Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? The Benefits of Play R Learning Adjustment Literacy Alertness Logical Thinking Memory Attention Span Motor Skills Awareness Patience Color recognition Limits Concentration Pattern recognition Competence Conversation Physical training Cooperation Popularity Co-ordination Creativity Problem-solving Reaction time Curiosity Divergent thinking Reading Empathy Reconciliation Empowerment Exploration Cognitive Abilities Self Control Flexibility Sense of humor Self identity Friendship Self Confidence Role Playing Imagination Discovery Impulse control Sociability Independence Symbol Use Verbal skills Happiness Social rules Joy Perspective Taking Personality Development Language comprehension Nonverbal Communication Human performance Emotional expression Social development Team building Information processing Spatial Relations Story comprehension Turn-taking 26 .

a. The Zen of Bugs. Hmm. that looks like a fairly comprehensive list of what‘s available in Play. That should appeal to the people who have FDD. The Road Runner as CEO. If you ever noticed. if Play is as much fun as it could be.k. Wisdom of the Loonie Toons. _________________ _________________ _________________ _________________ _________________ _________________ __________________ __________________ __________________ __________________ __________________ __________________ I don‘t know about you but between the two of us. as in Elmer. we might even learn how to do all of these work things faster.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? It‘s your turn now. Bugs Bunny accomplished more.Fun Deficit Disorder. In fact. and Leadership Lessons from Yosemite Sam books could be on their way… 27 . I‘m very certain it covers many of the skills that people at work would want us to have. solved more problems and had a better life experience than Elmer Fudd who was always trying to control how things work out. let‘s see…cartoons as useful metaphors…Look out! An entire series of the TAO of cartoon characters books.a. what would you add that has yet to be listed? Go for it. After looking through that list. and knowing what you experience during play. FUDDS.

‖ Psychology Today July/August 1999. since you‘re about to venture into creating Your Game Of Coaching. It refreshes us and recharges us. It restores our optimism. those are remarkably worthy achievements.‖ “Play‟s value among adults is often vastly underrated. who says World Tennis Champions don‘t take their Game seriously…. We would all agree that play lifts stress from us. we may just have more fun and learn something in a completely different way….Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? In any event. By anyone‟s reckoning. It renews our ability to accomplish the work of the world. which in my books is SERIOUS MONEY…. It changes our perspective. I strongly urge you to consider using this phrase when you‘re stuck…‖Show me the Funny..besides. stimulating creativity. Hara Estroff Marano 28 .and last year the Online Computer Game industry grossed 2 Billion Dollars.” ‖The Power of Play.so.

I don‘t know what winning is for you. And after all. a condition. and my definition of winning may or may not suit you but it sure as heck suits me. how has winning in your coaching business been defined by you or by others? How has winning in coach training been defined? In self-employment? 29 . I never will unless you tell me. gaining the allegiance of. I‘m not you. it is my life. chiefly a desired end. to succeed in bringing together. Or in other cases it‘s defined by ‗experts‘ who know what winning is. an experience. to gain by effort in gaming.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? WINNING DEFINED WIN: To make or find one‘s way. that‘s as it should be. etc. however I want to ask you this question before you define ―winning‖ for yourself: ―Has your definition of winning gotten you all that you want. where you want to be. and these are all valid. or at least they would assert they do. Whatever suits your fancy. to arrive at or come to some place. Until now. Of course there are many other definitions of ―win‖ including those of vanquishing. conquering. and with the experience you wanted to have in the process?‖ We all have our own definitions of winning and they may or may not be serving us. In some cases our definitions are the by-product of some programming by someone else earlier in our life.

or break my own Rules.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Whose definition of winning are you really using? YOURS? OR SOMEONE ELSES? Most of us are using a definition that is a synthesis of input we‘ve garnered throughout our life. Now for a Create Your own Game moment…If you want to see how Rules Play go to page 47 and then you can come back. Some of it is conscious and some of it is not. keep reading. Play with players I‘m not interested in playing with or even take on a Game in a field that doesn‘t fit me. There is no blanket winning formula for me. When I don‘t do this. go to page 68 If you‟d like to read about how the Playing Field affects winning then go to page 40 If you want to be brave and face “Penalties and /or Consequences” now rather than later go to page 63. You are the person creating the definition in the first place. If you want to see how players fit in your definition of winning. I‘ve learned to look at each situation to define winning for it. then I subject my self to unpleasant consequences and often Penalties. 30 . or you can pick a box below and follow the directions. just know that none of your winning definitions are set in stone. Each situation requires that I look at what‘s possible and assess how I would most like to experience the game. Then the ‗winning defined‘ becomes clear. Whichever choice you‘ve made.

inherent in the question is a redirection of the usual focus. then it‘s worth it to pause in the Game to re-evaluate how we‘ve defined winning and what we‘re after. strength.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? It‘s important to note that sometimes we will become the victims of our own definitions. Here‘s my definition from my Game Of My Physical Being… ―To be able to eat whatever I want and still experience full health. If you notice. vitality. endurance. Here‘s PLRK‘s defining question. It‘s about what it‘s going to feel like in the doing. Since we‘re all going to die eventually. So. The stuff is a great game. the toys. did he say we’ll die?” YUP It‘s not the dying that‘s important it‘s how we live in the meantime. But for me it feels like the game board rather than the actual experience of winning. It‘s not about the stuff.‖ 31 . It‘s also helpful to ask a defining question about winning here as a prompt. how do you want to experience your life on a daily basis between now and then? “Yikes. flexibility and looking good. and all the markers of accomplishment. if our choice creates an experience we‘re not interested in having.

how will you know? And. Here are some questions about winning to help you get clarity:       If you could choose your own definition of winning. ―Who says that by you winning someone else has to lose? 32 . Here are some extra questions as prompts:  In what ways does your definition of winning affect those of who are important to you?  What do you want for them as a by-product of participating in your game?  When you are winning in the way you like.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? When I‘m winning my game. exercise and food management will occur naturally through exuberance and peaceful dedication instead of stress and pain. no matter what you had to do to get it there? Take a few minutes and write about what winning would be like for your Game of Coaching. what would it look like? What are the particulars? What would it FEEL like? What personal values do you want to honor? What would you experience while winning? What would make it all worthwhile.

you can see that the prevailing experience of that balance is like this: Work Life Or like this Work Life 33 . What this means is to examine it as if you were a camera going around a sphere looking at all the views and then diving right inside the sphere to look at it from the inside out and over a span of time. If I define winning as ―having a balanced life‖… On surface it looks good and there is a lot of airplay on ―Work-Life‖ balance. However if you look at it clearly. Here‘s an example of what might be uncovered by 4-D‘ing something.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? The next step in the process is to ―4-D™‖ it.

energy. which is really the process when you look at the common denominator of who is attending both events. one has to be able to leverage strengths from one area into the other. This has the two blending with each other.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? OR SOMETIMES WHEN WE‘RE LUCKY LIKE THIS: Life Work Yup. and importance to both. So. the up and down of a teeter-totter. (it‘s one person-you). or at least enough time. In some ways. Work-Life Integration is a possibility. Often in that scenario though. it pits one energy against the other with Work at one end and Life at the opposite end. integration could look like this: L w I o F r E k 34 . This is not a useful model. The whole person includes their life. It occurs with the hope that you can give equal. when one is up the other is down. It‘s been said that one of the major problems in corporate world is that one hires a person for their skills/talent and experience and a whole person shows up. since in the idea of balance. A new game may simply require an adjustment of language. attention.

work. This umbrella idea plays with work as a sub-category of life instead of being a partner to life. Your life includes everything you do. recreation. and when your life is done. family. community. your health etc. including your games of coaching.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Which could result in an entire new concept called Lwiofrek . When we die. but they‘re still working. Integration assumes that the two function within each other‘s realm. where work and life function as one word. so is your participation in those arenas. 35 . we don‘t say someone is dead. Or it could even look like this: LIFE Work Wealth Family Legacy Recreation Relationships Community Health Contribution How about if one has a totality called ―My Life‖ as the umbrella under which each of the elements of work and non-work actually interacts and informs/supports the other.

describe some images. That‘s winning. How can you experience winning in your Game of Coaching every day? 2. doo doo …can‘t touch this‖ It‘s CHALLENGE TIME… Try to define winning as the experience you want to have while playing. If the outcome were a movie instead of a snapshot. PLRK!ing myself into bliss every day. rather than as a specific finite outcome. what does that movie look like? Take a few minutes to write down some thoughts. 1.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? ―Doo doo doo doo. or do nothing at all and skip to somewhere else in the book. catch some phrases or draw some pictures or take a nap. doo doo. 36 .

It makes it easier to determine if you‘re on the right track. there is a belief that by naming something. In the Game Of™…Coaching. In fact. While many other airlines had a variety of methods to deal with the extra long delays in the airports-some put in more inspection stations and some hired vendors for food.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? NAME IT In many ―primitive‖ cultures. especially calling that something or someone by its true name. you gain power over it. At one point. as the employees have identified for themselves. it looks like it‘s in the Transportation game. The power you have over your game is determined by the accuracy with which you name it. So…. Southwest hired jugglers and other entertainers to take care of the crowd while waiting in lines and their stewards are known for fun. they are in the Entertain Them While Traveling Game.What‘s the Name of Your Game? Does it mean anything to you? (points for recognizing the Abba reference) What says it so clearly and from the heart that it resonates throughout your being? 37 . Here‘s an example: Southwest Airlines look‘s like it‘s in the Airline Game. It makes it easier to communicate to others. and it makes it easier to identify for you. Name Your Game. it‘s important to true-ly. When you look at what else airlines carry while they are carrying people.

below are some prompts… ―How it the much ―Do Is fun can I have while rising up the income ladder‖ Game? It the Is Only what I need to do and nothing more.‖ Game? Is it the ―Building lasting relationships through public speaking‖ Game? Or is it the ―Bust my butt until retirement then get out as soon as I can‖ Game? 38 . however.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? It may not be adequate or specific enough to say you‘re playing the ―Coaching Is My Life‘s Work Game‖. And then again it might. since it doesn‘t completely define the quality of life experience or the area of focus you may want to play in.

Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? The flavor you put in the Name, adds flavor to how you play the Game. So…Here‘s an opportunity to Name Your Game so you can have it be just the way you like it. OH, and one other thing…here‘s the good news. It‘s Your game. So if you would like to change the name later…go for it. Here‘s a space to write down a bunch of names and boldly crossing them out so you have the experience of choice…or you can do it your way…whichever works…

39

Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You?

PLAYING FIELD
―Build it and they will come,‖ Field of Dreams
This section of The Game Of Coaching is about the playing field, home court, or the board you want to play in or on. Getting clear about what the ideal playing field for you is a crucial part of setting it up to win. Without knowing what the best field is for you, you could spend endless amounts of time, money, energy, emotion, (pick your favorite resource here) and never get the results you might desire. One example that I experienced was my first playing field for coaching. When I first began coaching I naturally gravitated to the field I knew best, or knew most. That was the field of out-of-work actors. I had been in the profession for many years and believed I knew a lot about what they needed. I reasoned, many of them could definitely use a coach. In fact, in the early days before I knew better, I believed many of them definitely needed a coach. Well, you smart folks who usually figure out where the mystery is going can already see the writing on this wall and the fallacy of my thinking. Many of these people were out of work actors for a good reason. And out of work actors often have little if any discretionary income to spend on a business coach since they are already laying out money for acting coaches, singing coaches, dance classes, scripts, pictures and resumes etc. just to get work. Clearly, the field did not have high potential for paid work. 40

Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? It wasn‘t that they couldn‘t use a coach, they could. I just wouldn‘t be able to make enough money to live on from the few people who both could and would hire me. I would soon become an out-of-work coach. I had to find a playing field that had a more lucrative possibility, or turn that playing field into gold, which didn‘t seem likely right away. It looked like more work than it was worth. I eventually wound up in a field much more suited to me that also had a decent income potential. Rock Bands. So choosing a playing field that has the qualities you want/need in it, is an integral part of setting it up to win. Choose wisely young grasshopper

Create Your Own Game Moment: On page 45 are some prompts/questions to consider when choosing your playing field. You can jump there right away. You could just read the next two pages in between and see how the distinction between away court and home court affects your game. It‟s up to you. You can always come back to the away/home court pages, they won‟t disappear…I think.
41

all of those rules aligned with what I wanted anyway. Yes. arrangements of room. Let me give you an example of how this works. This put me on their court. It was high priced. I went ahead and booked the room. At one point in my career. I also spent a lot of time adapting. adventurous. there were some houserules about no drinking. and how much noise I could make. when. The price was much lower. and the owner was grateful since I was renting his space on a day he didn‘t use it so he had ‗found‘ money. Home field has lots of advantages and you might as well set yours up to suit your strengths…. times in and out. I hunted around and found a karate studio that had a great open. committed energy in it. 42 . the room I presented in. did the workshop (it was thankfully only one day) and felt like I hadn‘t really been myself.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Many people are playing their game on the ―away‖ court and wind up at a distinct disadvantage. However. smoking or eating in the space. I had reasoned that if the workshop was going on in this impressive place then people would think the work was impressive and therefore so was I. for how much and there was little negotiation about it. They even determined what kind of food would be available. The hotel got to determine prices. The next workshop I did. including the one about how I wanted to impress the people taking it with how successful I was. You see this in business all the time. I booked a workshop in a hotel. I had justified the use of that hotel for many reasons.

So whether you call it the board. not someone else‘s. So when you pick an arena to play in. well I saved money and we both won. doing what I do best. When I play in the corporate arena. In addition. we both have a great time. I could have the space for much longer hours. I only work with organizations that allow me to be fully creative in the process. it‘s important to be clear about what works best for you. When I play in the Coaching Arena as a trainer. playing field. and there was a plethora of places to eat nearby. I always get to put forth my best efforts. That doesn‘t hold true for all or even a lot of them. It became my home court for many years and I did many successful workshops there. I only visit courts that allow me to be fully me. This cut out the hotel prices for food. 43 . but in the ones in which it does hold true. Here‘s the point. That way. the participants thought it was cool to have it in that dojo because the ―vibes‖ suited the workshop. It‘s no coincidence that this criterion has allowed me to shine often. court or arena. the studio was next door to several other businesses that were closed when we were scheduled so noise was not a factor. In any event. it still works to know under what situations you play best and most congruently as yourself. Lastly. It‘s so much easier to win on your home court simply because it is designed to suit your needs. noise was something the owner‘s neighbors were used to so it was already okay.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? As for me.

Managing tasks was the order of the day. be with yourself and nature. In the debrief with the sponsors of the program. The participants didn‘t see or feel any benefit in what we were offering. and in particular the ‗beingness‘ of a leader‘ that is the precursor to their ‗doingness. reflective type of space. The work we were doing was in the realm of Leadership Intelligence™. on their cell phones and in the same method of relating as a leader that they‘d always done. Very few if any breakthroughs occurred. institutional hotel setting that was convenient to the airport. We caved on our court requirements.‖ My co-leader and I looked at each other and said a silent ―Duh!‖ while nodding yes. The whole experience was deflating for our team and ineffective for them. Their company (and they were paying) wanted to have it in the typical corporate conference room. They were continually checking with their email. 44 . ―It would have been better to get them out to the country so they would have been in a more reflective mode. one of them astutely commented. had wireless computer availability right in the meeting space. And we paid for it.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Away Court Another example of how important the ‗away‘ court set up occurred for me when I was doing a leadership training for a company in Europe. The result? We couldn‘t get them back from breaks on time. The directors we were working with were extremely task oriented.‘ Our company wanted a retreat type atmosphere. something in the country that had a slow-down.

Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? The Importance of making ‗away‘ court the home court as much as possible can‘t be overemphasized. What requirements and/or conditions of the arena will have you thrive when you‘re playing on the ‗away‘ court‘? What playing field allows you to use all or most of your strengths? When you‘re playing on ‗home court‘ how would you want to feel? 45 . it‘s up to you. here‘s where you get to define what you need in order to succeed in your Game Of Coaching on an away/home court. If you want to have a say in how the events go. So.

What arena/playing field/court/board suits best? What environment is a good fit for you? (circle or check all that matter to you) Inside Outside Structured Free flow Urban Rural Small business Corporate Entrepreneur High pressure Mellow Global Multi-cultural Same sex Older Younger Risk oriented Security oriented Social Fast paced Mellow you Ultimately. 46 .Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? On this page are some questions to help you gain some clarity about the arena that matches you. so you might as well set yourself up to win. it‘s your game.

There is only your way. you get to ‗cheat‘. You get to make up the game for you. Rules are what keep everyone playing in the same fashion. 47 . Sometimes. (see ‗Cheating‘ on the next page if you‘re curious about what I mean). and rules are what define the penalties when the rules are broken. you get to make up the rules. then it‘s time to break them. When the rules aren‘t working. or change them. Or discard them. when they aren‘t supporting us in getting what we want or where we want to go. They are also malleable. It‘s very useful to consider how you most want to experience your coaching business. One of the first questions in any game is ―what are the rules?‖ In every game there are rules of one sort or another. Rules are the filters through which we focus our energies and keep some attention on where we‘re going.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? RULES In your game. Rules keep us from going off course. modify them in some fashion. There is no ‗right‘ or ‗only‘ way to have a thriving coaching business.

They had to do that. In most cases. the list is long and heralded. the colonists ‗broke‘ the rules of warfare and began a guerilla type tactic that eventually overthrew the British domination in the country. every breakthrough in the world. business. is essentially breaking the rules. #2 the terrain lent itself to that kind of battle. At the very least. whatever. Da Vinci. Copernicus. Some great rule breakers: In the American Revolution. Galileo. which is so popular these days. going outside the box. they felt because. Where would we be if medicine hadn‘t broken the rules about bloodletting and leeching as primary means of healing. medicine. art. it‘s because the pre-existing rules didn‘t work for the people having to play the game because they didn‘t choose the rules in the first place. they all happened because someone either broke or modified the rules. whether it was science. sports. In fact. 48 . the military. their survival was at stake. The trick is to understand which rules serve what. and how they interplay with our own personal game. movement. and most importantly #3. it‘s changing how they apply. #1 they were ill equipped to fight on England‘s terms. A number of scientists throughout history broke the rules when they advanced science over the church or the dominant theory of their day.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Cheating Almost every innovation.

They are loyal to themselves and whatever the market will bear and their negotiated contracts reflect that. or doing something defined as not fair. she still rose through the ranks of a major network. "but when you use it. which is also known in some instances as innovation. Then she posed for a men's magazine that. And athletes are changing the way they get paid. that's when it's time to cry foul. and yet we‘re still playing by them.S. They are breaking the rules of club loyalty by using a ‗free agent‘ mentality. while not porn." said another female journalist. (As if all female sports journalists must look like truck drivers and wear burkhas "It's OK for you to be attractive. What really is ‗CHEATING?‘ Basically. by someone else. It could also be just coloring outside the lines. y. or move it quicker or just to accommodate a television commercial. or zed. was about a female reporter who had been criticized for wearing ‗skimpy‘ outfits as a college football sideline reporter. Even with that. An example that swept through the newspapers in the U. She was soundly chastised publicly about whether she should be or could be accepted as a sports journalist. These are rules that others made up. was revealing. That changes the game. were only appropriate for a certain era.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Many of us are still following the rules of our parents about x. Sports are changing the rules all the time in an effort to make a game more exciting." Hmm… So now we all know that it is not okay for accomplished women to be intelligent. cheating is breaking the rules. capable and sexy at the same time… 49 ..

anger and cries of cheating. a public speaking engagement. and therefore subject to regular revision by anyone deciding what's truly fair for them) Here‘s an example where a person used this concept to their advantage while playing their game: Originally there was no passing the ball in football. or class. There were no specific rules against it. When the first coach put a pass into the game there was consternation. forgetting that the concept of ‗fair‘ is a human invention in the first place.‖ There‘s even. too much discipline is not the most fun I have with my shoes on. a presentation.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Cheating is about changing the game and seeing how something could be done differently and in their best interest. A second example of how cheating might work is exemplified in my own breaking the rules of how to write a book.‖ Well. (which some people say is unfair. I always get my writing done. I have no trouble generating material for it. ―you must have a clear desk. However. They made up new rules. Whenever I have a workshop. the rest of the teams soon saw the advantage and excitement it gave to the game. 50 . only implied ones. for me. so they adjusted. The traditional ‗rules‘ of writing a book include: ‖Lock yourself inside a hotel room and write it till it‘s done. so I looked at my own way of getting things written. ―You must write everyday for a specific amount of time and be disciplined about it.‖ or ―do your morning pages everyday ala ―Artist‘s Way‖ or even.

Therefore by some people‘s definition. struggle less. while people on my team ask me questions about a topic. and dislike the advantage it has given you. Lately. ‗cheating with integrity‘) lies is the same intention inherent in the medical code for behavior… ―First. I create material. editing and fleshing out. because of my own desire to elevate my work in its professionalism. One last thought.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? My answer then is to book workshops. one could say I have ―cheated‖ by changing how it‘s normally done. By doing it my way and using my strengths. In addition. and succeed often. In my attempts to explain or help them get clear about what I mean. I‘ve even begun finishing early instead of at the last minute because I enjoy the process of re-reading my work. And so. the label cheating is mostly applied by others who have simply not thought of doing it that way before. on specific topics. 51 . Then I go to work writing. (how‘s that for a mindbender. since I verbally process. I have more fun. it‘s captured for later transcription. Now. I have come up with using a tape recorder at times. It‘s something I was told I ‗should‘ do and never wanted to before.‖ When I hold to that simple ‗rule‘ I can minimize potential negative consequences. but who cares? The method I employ for cheating effectively and with integrity. I do it naturally. do no harm. talks etc.

‖ It‘s obvious now it‘s not the only way to do it and especially not if it‘s important to have any fun or to be free from stress. Talk about visual boredom. Take gravity for instance. One of the things I love most about Calvin is his boundless imagination and his supreme willingness to be himself regardless of what rules seem to be around him. And there are some rules that currently seem unbreakable. His enjoyment is clearly in the playing and the rules are irrelevant to that priority. There was a time when it seemed critical to hold the rule ―one must work hard in order to make money. I say currently but who knows what‘s to come.‖ Any of us who‘ve fallen out of a tree while climbing or fell while skating know well it is worthwhile to respect gravity‘s power. Rules add structure to our lives. 52 . He has also invented his own game of Calvinball.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Some rules are useful and are worthwhile remaining in place. Geez! There‘s a cartoon on the next page from the book Calvin and Hobbes. where he and his pal Hobbes make up the rules as they go and change them as they please. And there was a time in public speaking when the rules said you must use a podium and rarely venture out from behind it. to all intents and purposes it‘s important to have respect for the rule ―what goes up must come down. But how many of those rules are there? How many of the rules that we currently live by are actually rules of that sort and how many only seem to be so. Let‘s examine a rule about money.

or if you‟re curious. you must pay your taxes. and some are inviolable. They can be cultural. financial etc. Create Your Own Game Moment: you can keep reading about rules. Some of these are bendable. etc. Knowing the qualities of these rules and the consequences is important in setting up your game. This is where you‘ll find the Ten Commandments.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? KINDS OF RULES There are 6 kinds of Rules to consider when you are looking at establishing your ideal game: SOCIETAL RULES: These are rules that Society uses to maintain order. jump to „Penalties‟ on page 63 and then come back. 53 . Some of these are breakable. political. They include things like stopping at a stoplight that‘s red. all of the Thou Shalt Not‘s as well as Thou Shalt‘s. some of these require mass intervention to break or change.

___________________________________ _____________________________________ 2. yup. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ 2. it‘s a plug for the next book).Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? What are some of the societal rules that have the most influence on you? 1. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ 3. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ UNIVERSAL RULES: These are rules that we are all subject to regardless of our country. our age. our sex. or any other piece of diversity that may distinguish us. ―Everything Changes‖ or ―Change is a Constant‖ (which is an example of the Power of Paradox we'll discuss in The Game Of Coaching Round 2. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ 3. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ 54 . A perfect example is the rule. Which Universal Rules have you encountered most often? 1. They have a general application to all things.

They are rules we hold ourselves and others to. without thinking about whether or not they‘re helpful in getting what we want. The range of topics drifts from business and how it ―should‖ be done. or how one ―should‖ approach it. how much or how little exercise to do. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ HIDDEN RULES: These are insidious in that they run our behavior without us knowing it.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? HISTORICAL RULES: These are often rules made up by your parents. They have been carried forward into our current game long after their ―shelf-life‖ has expired. or your parents‘ parents. These are rules that others play by but often don‘t tell us until we‘ve violated them and have suffered the penalties. 55 . ___________________________________ _____________________________________ 2. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ 3. They affect our game because they were some of the first rules we had direct experience with. regularly. IMHO (in my humble opinion) What are some of the Historical Rules you‟re carrying around? 1. Also in this category are the made up rules about how the world operates. to our health and what you ―should‖ eat or not eat. and even how we ―should‖ interact with the world/ other people/ or the environment/or ourselves. It‘s all Bullshould.

friends. religion. What Hidden rules might be showing up in reoccurring circumstances? 1. society. and yet we made up many of our own personal rules for the world and how to play in it during those years. They are great momentum killers since we often encounter them unknowingly or accidentally. and to our big disadvantage were made when we are ill equipped to discern the truth of things. The earliest ones have the deepest roots. etc. They have often been given to us via messages early on in life. 56 . but their clarification and ―house-cleaning‖ adds power.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? They are rules that came out of our historical rules set and are so distant from our consciousness that we‘re not even aware they are operating. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ 3. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ YOUR RULES: These are ones you‘ve made up in a sort of synthesis between your input (from all the aforementioned sources) and your experiences. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ 2. schools. speed. momentum and ease to our life. They take some concerted efforts to uncover and dislodge. through our parents. Our perception capability was not our best from ages 1-16.

___________________________________ _____________________________________ What are some of the Rules that you live by that have hindered you? 1. they exert a force on us that we need to be aware of. simply because it is a function of perception and our ability to understand the governing rules of the universe we live in at the time we live in it. I say currently. but in any event. 57 . ___________________________________ _____________________________________ 3. it might be relativity. it might be the Laws of Motion and Thermodynamics. It might be something like gravity. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ 2.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? What are some of the Rules you live by that have helped you? 1. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ SCIENTIFIC RULES: I would be remiss in my examination of rules if I didn‘t include scientific rules that live as part of our world. They currently seem unbreakable. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ 2. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ 3.

___________________________________ _____________________________________ 2. even if only in metaphor? 1. rewarding (on all levels) career? 3.) Facilitation? E. What are your personal rules regarding The Game Of…Coaching? A. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ 3.) Your ability to have a wonderful.) Your health? F.) Money? B.) Friendship? C.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? What Scientific Rules are you subject to regularly. What habits and behaviors by others annoy you? (this is a clue to some of your rules) 7. What rules are you living by? 2.) Business? D. ___________________________________ _____________________________________ Here are some rules illumination questions: 1. the ―I should know better…‖ conversation? 58 . When you attack yourself for screwing up. Which rules are ones are worth keeping? 5. How many of your rules are rules that are no longer useful for you to play by? 4. what do you tell yourself you should have done? You know. What are some of the rule changes you most like to make? 6.

As of today my current niche is… “People who want to coach with me that I want to coach. What rules would maintain structure of the game? 5. What rules would keep you on track? 2. ―You must stop at Red Lights. What rules would you use to discern who was qualified to play your game? 4. So it‘s curious to me and others. How about another one. leadership and teamwork with executives. people in career transition that want to feel fulfilled and expressed by their work. how I became a successful coach.‖ Oh really? That‘s news to me since I never chose a niche.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? If you were setting up Your own Game Of Coaching. such as rushing my son to the hospital in an emergency. What rules would you want others to play by? 3. and mentor coaching. I must have broken that one eight times. I will break this rule and probably get away with it. under certain conditions. what would the rules be? 1. Here‘s one. Over time several niches seem to have chosen me including niches like: rock bands. What rules would best support you? PLRK! Try this game with Rules…list a rule then find a legitimate reason for breaking it.” 59 . ―You must choose a niche in order to succeed in coaching.‖ Well.

on the next page is space for you to play. As a side note. Do I have my rules or do my rules have me? 60 . Write down some rules. Anyway. who has the best hand basket franchise and location here on earth?) Oops.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? What rules have you Stuck???? Now it‟s your turn. Oh yes. it‘s your turn to write some rules. Do you feel ‘bad‘? Mischievous? Headed to Hell in a hand basket? (which has always made me wonder how many can fit in a hand basket going to hell? And just how many are already using the fabled hand basket to Hell? And last but not least. notice how you feel when you consider breaking some rules. Here's some space to try it yourself. I just broke a rule by digressing.

Below. it is after all. and then list the new rule you want to replace it with. your game. (Or you can do it your way.) Old Rule: ________________________________ ________________________________ New Rule: ________________________________ ________________________________ Old Rule: ________________________________ ________________________________ New Rule: ________________________________ ________________________________ Having any fun yet? Keep PLRK!ing 61 . please continue. First list the old rule. list some rules that will define how you want to play your Game. If not.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Create Your own Game moment: If you‟re concerned about the consequences of changing/breaking rules jump to page 63.

IF and ONLY IF YOU TAKE THEM on. RULES are YOURS.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Old Rule: ________________________________ ________________________________ New Rule: ________________________________ ________________________________ Old Rule: ________________________________ ________________________________ New Rule: ________________________________ ________________________________ The point is…Rules are yours to create. So just know. Rules are yours to change. And Rules are Yours whether you're conscious about them or not. that in the land of Rules. Rules are there to support you. 62 . there are sometimes PENALTIES and always CONSEQUENCES .

Therefore you end up having to work much harder. However. penalties can also be used as a recalibration tool to put you back on center. and 63 . some momentum as you deal with it. Invariably. either fixed by law for some offence. Your time in the penalty box may have cost you some joy. This is a useful thing in that you reset your personal gyroscope to get back in touch with how you most effectively operate. It matters little whether others administrate the consequence or we do it ourselves. Here‘s an example: Often when you break your own personal code of integrity. so are there consequences for breaking them. a loss. Personally. maybe some money or opportunity. you suffer guilt. Simply. By definition a penalty is: Pain. rule. A punishment imposed for breach of law. selfrecrimination and/or whack yourself on the top of your self-esteem until you correct. disability or disadvantage of some kind. (which is hockey‘s version of mom‘s ‗time out‘) puts you or your team at a disadvantage.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Penalties and Consequences As there are rules. penalties are what happens as one of the consequences of breaking a rule. or agree upon in case of violation of a contract. sitting in the penalty box. or contract. however. Not all these consequences are bad. I don‘t like the idea of self-recrimination or guilt or any self-esteem whacking but suit yourself. every action has a consequence and some of them bring penalties. some time and energy.

What follows is an excerpt from an email dialogue about ―getting clear about the distinctions of Historical and Societal consequences between me and Wendy Down. Not as a personal attack on yourself but rather as an indicator of being off course. Wendy: ―Do they (the types of consequences) also differ then by the kind of consequences that are incurred by breaking them? For example. I‘m thinking that historical rules became rules because they were believed to lead to natural consequences. This can be a ―good‖ thing or a ―bad thing depending on your frame of reference. it produces little of value).‖ A consequence is: A thing or circumstance. (The energy wasted in personal self-attack is just that – it‘s energy that‘s wasted. For example. if you don‘t work hard the natural consequence would be that you wouldn‘t get ahead. anything that follows something else. which follows as an effect or result from something preceding. 64 . Life Coach.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? just possibly some connection to others as you sit out of the game while you wait and process yourself to get back on course. a logical result. already have some consequences built in. What if Penalties were used as a way of keeping yourself on track. Attempting to break or actually breaking the other kinds of Rules beyond your personal ones. The most effective reframing of Penalties is to work with a more powerful word called ―Consequence.

there may not be natural consequences for you. you can fill in both columns.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? So if you break this law by not working hard and still get ahead. if you steal or kill someone.‖ ―Using the example of your son. 65 . his grades will suffer. ― ―On the other hand. good/bad) of breaking the rule. when I hear a good thing there‘s no need to add more to it). if he doesn‘t do his homework. So. based on lots of people‘s experiences (including probably his own). On the next page. Is this accurate?‖ Michael: YUP! (note the laser like reply. The societal version of this rule is that there are also consequences that are CREATED (You take away some of his privileges). let‘s say that there is both an historical rule and a societal rule that ‗you must do your homework‘. The historical piece of this rule is that. And there ended the conversation. In one column will be your rule. or the ―other rules‖ that may apply to your game and in the second column put the consequence (work with both possibilities. you‘ve shown that it is no longer a valid rule because it didn‘t lead to the NATURAL consequences that were feared. but you have to deal with man‘s ‗created‘ consequences if you are caught. societal rules lead to man-made consequences. Just as in other sections here‘s another opportunity to consciously design your game.

Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? RULE ______________ ______________ ______________ ______________ ______________ RULE ______________ ______________ ______________ ______________ ______________ RULE ______________ ______________ ______________ ______________ ______________ RULE ______________ ______________ ______________ ______________ ______________ CONSEQUENCE _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ CONSEQUENCE _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ CONSEQUENCE _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ CONSEQUENCE _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ Are you PLRK!ing or suffering? Your rules make it so. 66 .

. here‘s some space…. 67 .Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? One last question regarding rules: If there were no rules in your version of The Game Of Coaching and you were making all of them up for the first time. what rules would you have? What would you do? If you‘d like to let your imagination run wild.

They deserve whatever it takes to keep them playing at a top level without exerting extra force on you for that recompense. one that is required by your game and usually only requires their specialty. It will serve you well to know who they are and how they function. My wife is the key player in my Game of Love. They are stars in your life and game and make it easier because of what they contribute. They often require a lot of attention. 68 . The 3 kinds are:  Key players (also known as Star Players)  Role players  Multi-purpose players Here are descriptions of each: Key players . There are others.these are people who play a specific role in your game. and they are very difficult (sometimes impossible) to replace. Role players . They make plays no one else can make.‖ These are the ones who really make your game worth playing and have a huge impact on the outcome of your game. You are a key player in your own game. one of the major considerations is: who are the players? In the Game Of Coaching.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? PLAYERS When we‘re setting up our game to win. usually only a few. You may also be a key player in someone else‘s game. there are three kinds of players.these are the ―I can‘t do without them players.

Their basic form of payment is frequent high levels of recognition of their importance to you. For some it can be bought.These are players of enormous value without any specific role or specialty in your game. their specialty is that they can fulfill many roles well although they probably won‘t excel in any of them like a role player or a key player would. you need to know what it would take to have their loyalty. Appreciation is a good valueadd to your payment to them. Also known as a utility player. though not necessarily a technician. They are valuable because they are great backup. this resource may be a friend who would help you set up at a workshop. or they could help promote a workshop though they‘re not really skilled at being a Public Relations person. On the next page. Multi-purpose Players . A coach might be as well.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? A virtual assistant might be a role player in your game. It‘s great to have loyal role players and if you want that. For some it can‘t be bought and they require something else. In fact. Pay special attention to the qualities you need them to have in order to be effective with you. appreciation and the occasional quid pro quo of service. take some time to get straight about which players are which in your game and which ones you might yet need to bring into your team in order for you to win easily and gracefully. Even a web designer could be important as a role fulfilled in that it gives you freedom to place your Key Player energy in a more critical focus. 69 . They are paid for their role and so they are replaceable.

there won‘t be many of these since they hold such high impact in your game but there will be a few. Key Player # 1 _____________________________ What this player does: ________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ Key Player # 2 _____________________________ What this player does:_________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ Key Player # 3 _____________________________ What this player does: ________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ Who are the key players you don‟t have yet? Key Player # 1______________________________ What this player does: _________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ Key Player # 2 _____________________________ What this player does: _________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________ 70 .Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Who are your key players in your Game Of Coaching. and what do they do? ***Note. And they may be key in different areas.

These are roles and players you would love to have playing for/with you. These are the people you already have on your team to help you play the Game Of Coaching. First will be your existing roster. Roster #1 Who are your existing role players and what are their jobs/functions? ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ Player ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ Job 71 . The second kind is your Fantasy roster.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Now let‘s make up two ‗rosters‘ for your team.

Wouldn‘t that be great? Roster #2 (a. It‘s essentially a Dream Team. might be in another league. or might not want to play in your game because they‘re invested in other games.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Now for the Fantasy roster.k. And who knows.a. Dream Team) Who would you most love to have on your team and what would be their role? Player Job ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ 72 ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ . These are the people you would love to have but either can‘t afford yet. maybe you‘ll get them or their equivalent.

i.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Last but most certainly not the least are your multipurpose players. They ‗come off the bench‘ when you need them to and do the best job they can. the Game Of Deep Friendships. They are ‗warm the bench‘ players in your Game Of Coaching and perhaps a different level player in a different game with you. Roster #3 Who are your multi-purpose players and what areas do they cover? Player ___________________________________ Areas covered: ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ Player ___________________________________ Areas covered: ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ Player ___________________________________ Areas covered: ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ 73 .e. even if it isn‘t their realm of expertise.

Let‘s just challenge some of the Hidden Rules you may already have about Players in a Game. Create Your own Game moment: If you want to see Hidden Rules go to page 55.   And finally. WHAT RULE says you MUST play with the people you are already playing with? 74 . How would deciding NOT to play with certain types of players improve your Game Of Coaching? This is the addition by subtraction principle.  Who says you have to play with everyone? It‘s an old assumption left over from rules made by either by someone else or by yourself but is it true? What would you gain by not playing your game with everyone? How would using players of your choice add to your experience of the game? Working with players you didn‘t choose merely gets results by accident instead of by design. If you know some of your Hidden Rules and want to challenge them then by all means go on.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? One last little bit before we leave the Players section.

it's useful to start somewhere. or as you go along? How does the Name of Your Game influence and support the Game Plan you‘ve chosen? What. I‘m always winning more or less. Since I don‘t like losing. rules will be forever fixed and how will they affect your strategy of playing? 75 . It is the Game Plan that may determine whether or not one has an easy time of winning or a difficult time of winning.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? GAME PLAN Every good game player has a game plan they use in order to play their game well. if any. On some days I‘m winning more and on others I‘m winning less but I‘m always winning. A set of opening moves that will get you started. It is a strategy of sorts that's created by what they are facing. or likely to face while playing their game. So…        What will give you a great launch for your game? How will the players you choose affect your Game Plan? What will give you the experience you want to have during the launch? What‘s the best move you can make from here? Will you get your players first. And while you might learn things in playing that will change your plan. in my game. second. This section is about setting up a preliminary game plan.

in the above ―attrition‖ Game Plan there might be several tactics the team would employ. more muscular player as the defender so the opponent has to work hard and use a lot of energy.  Start the defense at the far end of the court when the ball first gets in-bounded so they have to work all the way up the court with it. 76 . one team may employ the overall Game Plan of staying close in scoring to the other team in the opening quarters and then pulling ahead in the last quarter by wearing out the opposing team‘s players.  Have your team run quickly up the court with the ball so the players on the other team have to constantly be in motion and get their rhythm out of balance. The more tired they get the less effective they are at getting down the court quickly. For example in basketball. The first Game Plan would call for having regular and frequent substitutions of players while the opposing team keeps their players in thereby getting them more and more tired as the game goes on.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? A game plan will include the strategy as well as the tactics.  Put two or more defenders on the key player when he has the ball so he has to work that much harder to move the ball and score. instead of just defending when the player gets to the half-court line. and even shooting the ball with the same kind of efficiency they had earlier in the game.  Put a strong. In addition. This is a different Game Plan from simply scoring more points than the other team.

Even if you don't want to create or work from a game plan and decide to simply improvise as you go. It's always your choice. There are any number of combinations of tactics that become evident once the strategy and Overall Game Plan are chosen. their Game Plan is to continue to force the opponent to ‗trade‘ pieces by capturing opponent‘s pieces with their own pieces that they are willing to lose in the exchange. and the outcome becomes a fait accompli. Invariably. done. 77 . they are left with the pieces they are the most skilled at playing with. If their opponents know this.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Some chess players play better with some pieces on their board than with others. they will have a Game Plan to counter this strategy. That way. Essentially the Game Plan comes down to how you are going to go about getting what you want to get done. On the next page are just some of the questions you might ask. And so on. when something comes up to handle. They also know that some of their opponents play less well with those same pieces. you already are prepared to handle it because your Game Plan covers the possibility. Below those questions is a space for you to experiment with your own questions and answers. Therefore. in and of itself that is a game plan. In your own Game Plan. it‘s also useful to consider how you might counter some of the circumstances or obstacles (your opponents aren‘t always competition) you might meet. often to the opponent‘s dismay.

For those of you who need to use a prompt you can try…"I'll begin by… 78 .Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You?  How are you going to approach having your Game Of Coaching be the most wildly successful game you‟ve ever played? What are the moves during the game that will most likely give you the experience you‟re looking for? What is the Game Plan that most naturally fits your way of getting things done? How will you know when it‟s time to make an adjustment to your strategy? What tactics (action steps) are selfevident to take as dictated by your Game Plan? What rules will support your Game Plan?      Okay. your turn.

In any case. enjoy the preview… 79 . So without further ado. pre-ordering the book is cool. but you get to work it through with the GameMaster as coach.com Either way. It is one of the 10 Essential Game Enhancers that allow and support you to play your game well. here is not just a snippet of a chapter but an entire chapter in itself. As for the other nine? Well. or take the Teleclass which not only gives you the material each week. or camp out in front of your favorite bookstore to get it. sign up for the E-program where you get one chapter a week for 10 weeks. it will be readily available. It‘s usually a snippet from a chapter whose entire purpose is to have you be soooo interested in the book you either pre-order the book. as a temptation/teaser. Well.com or at amazon. you‘ll either have to wait for the book. and I‘ll gladly accept all pre-orders. there is a preview of an upcoming book.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Preview of The Game of Coaching: Round 2 10 Essential Game Enhancers In many novels these days.playthegameof. Camping out is unnecessary since you‘ll be able to get it either at my website: www.

.. when a golfer hits the ball.. Sometimes………………………………………… …………………...in the rough Sometimes in the d p ee ro ug h. Sometimes it lands… ………………………………………………………in the fairway……………………………………………....Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Play It Where It Lies In the game of golf. 80 ......... it lands wherever it lands...

Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Among the Trees PLOP! Crap!#$# sand traps W h e r e v e r 81 .

82 . they may look up from the ball instead of focusing on it and ‗duff it into the turf. instead of where they are. tight. and hit the next ball badly. If they think about where they wanted to be. pathetically dribbling it a few feet forward. One still has to make the best shot available from where they are to where they want to go. One can‘t change the previous shot. Then no matter where this one lands…‟Play it Where it Lies‟ once again. see Penalties page 63 in The Game Of Coaching The Basics). whether it was fabulous. If the previous shot was terrific. think she is ―all that‖ get a fat head and over-swing hitting this ball badly. she may get a swell of pride.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? No matter where the ball lands though. If the player thinks about the previous shot and it was terrible. let‘s see what‘s really involved in this particular rule:  It doesn‘t matter at that moment what has gone before. not necessarily in the best location.    And unless of course one decides to cheat or to payoff the other players. the winning strategy is to make the best shot from where the ball is. (unless one is willing to take penalty strokes and even then the ball is ―dropped‖ near the place it hit. or terrible. he may get tense. While we can look at the mechanics of it with regard to ball location. the golfer must play it where it lies.

no matter what you‘ve done in your previous games. The first part of this idea requires that you identify where your ball lies (with respect to coaching).Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? So. it‘s valuable to simply ―Play It Where It Lies‖ and make the best of where you are.            How many clients out of the total you want do you currently have? What systems do you have/not have to support your business? What is your current level of certification? How long have you been coaching? What is the average length of time a client stays with you? How well is your niche aware of you and your service? Where are you along the continuum of mastering. what do the people in your company know/expect of you as a coach? What is your current regular income from coaching? What is your current desired income from coaching? How much time are you allocating to coaching. getting business. or delegating the marketing aspect of your business? If you are an internal coach. whether good or bad. upgrading your skills and admin? 83 . Below are some questions that may help. hiring out. They may also scare or delight you depending on where your ball is.

how would it affect your game? Okay. it is after all your game to play as you see fit. go to page 92 for a couple of possibilities. It gives clarity as to what challenges are facing you.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Getting to the reality of where your ball is at least gives you the opportunity to see what is needed. Or not. What is are some of the other applications of this Enhancer in the Game Of Coaching? You didn‘t think I was just going to give you the answer did you? How coachlike would that be? Here are some additional questions as prompts to finding your own answer for the above question:      What was your intuition about how to use it? How would you use it in your personal life? How would you use it with a client? How would you use it with a business goal? If this was the only way you played. 84 . now that you‘ve taken a stab at it…if you want to. and what you might have to employ in order to face them.

Ayto notes. all of which generally meant "joy. The OED identifies communion as: "Sharing or holding in common with others. "The prehistoric Germanic compound formed from the collective prefix ga. The oldest forms are "gamen" from Old English. the Gothic use of "gaman" which meant "participation. union".and mann-‗person‘ (source of English man). "game" and "gome" of Old Frisian. From approximately the same time. glee". and is denoting literally ‗people together. association in action. or a game of Monopoly. and Old High German‘s "gaman". which are games in which thousands of players are involved in the same super-narrative at the same time—potentially seeing and speaking with every other character (person) in the game and traversing the same computer generated landscape. participation. if you consider the acronym MMORPG—massively multiplayer online role playing games. merriment". communion" (OED). For example. community. meaning "game. Ayto‘s Dictionary of Word Origins helps clarify the development of the Gothic sense of "game". This "collective" is an important element in many of the uses of game in the videogame sense—far more than is apparent in the sense of basketball game.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Origin of the word ‗Game‘ Game has a long and prolific history. 85 . sport. Old Norse offers "gaman". fellowship. participating" (248).

or an understanding of probabilities. These games are usually called sports. Games can be grouped according to the kind of people who usually play them. or according to the number of players they require. physical agility. and they can be classified in many ways. players may need a good memory. For example. are so challenging that people may spend much of their lives practicing and studying to improve their playing skills. as in solitaire games. but they can also provide excitement. But even board games such as chess may be thought of as a sport when played in front of spectators. 86 . physical. as in baseball. and social skills. Some games. players work together toward a common goal instead of competing to win. People have played games since prehistoric times. There are thousands of different games. Some games are designed for educational purposes. and relaxation. such as the board game chess. Another category of games involves organized competition. Many games also help develop mental. in cooperative games. Games are usually played for fun. To play a game. They also may teach adults how to do a certain job well. especially when they involve physical activity. Such games may teach children reading or arithmetic. Games may also be grouped according to the object of the game. as in children's games. challenge. or an ability to visualize changing patterns of pieces on a board. or when the winners receive prizes or titles.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? An Article on ‗Game‘ ―Game is a mental or physical contest played according to rules. Games may also require skill at guessing what players are thinking.

such as charades. Archaeologists believe the board is about 4.000 years ago in China. (3) tile games. Go is played on a board with 19 horizontal and 19 vertical lines. The game was probably a race game in which players threw dice and moved pieces around a track. Today. many board games are race games. professional go players earn large salaries in Japan and other Asian countries. (7) paper and pencil games. The major game groups are (1) board games. (5) dice games. The object of the game is to capture territory by surrounding it with black and white pieces called "stones. and street games. picnic games. Board games probably have the greatest variety. hundreds of new board games appear on the market in the United States alone. Strategy board games have been played for thousands of years. (8) electronic games." Today. (2) card games. Each year. or that use equipment suitable only for one particular game. Games that do not use any equipment. such as hopscotch. a city of ancient Sumer (now in Iraq). The strategy game known as go is one of the most difficult. where it is called weiqi. (4) target games. These types of games include party games. Go originated more than 2. such as roulette. such as sack racing. One of the oldest known board games was found at Ur. TV game shows. and (9) Internet games. (6) table games. Most strategy games require two players. such as Jeopardy. are often grouped according to where they are played.500 years old.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Games are most commonly grouped by the kind of equipment used to play them. 87 . though it has simple rules. casino games. including Parcheesi and backgammon.

such as strength or magical ability. They involve strategic moves of pebbles. such as Clue. seeds. Other board game categories include trivia games. Dungeons & Dragons. and financial games. 88 . word games. In most role-playing games. Such games offer players opportunities to re-create historical battles in great detail. Mancala games are a popular group of ancient mathematical African and Asian games. such as finding treasures in dungeons guarded by monsters. and many have become popular." The other players each assume the role of a different character with special attributes.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Other notable strategy board games include chess. Players see whether they can do as well as or better than the great military strategists of the past. xiang qi (Chinese chess). Role-playing games make up a relatively new category of games. shogi (Japanese chess). The gamemaster tells the players what happens to them through each stage of the adventure. There are also many war games involving battles set in the future both on earth and in space. such as entering a room or meeting a dragon. Players lead their characters through imaginary adventures. games of logical deduction. one player is named the "gamemaster. Some board games are based upon a movie. War games are board games that first gained wide popularity in the United States in the 1960's. such as Trivial Pursuit. TV show. invented in the 1970's. many new role-playing games have been published each year. Since then. or other small objects around pits scooped out of a board. They may or may not involve a board. such as Scrabble Crossword Game. such as Monopoly. or fictional character. a variety of different checkers games. and mancala. became the first popular role-playing game. such as the African game wari.

In horseshoe pitching.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Card games probably rank next to board games as having the most variety. which contains many symbolic face cards. stone. They may shoot their marbles at those of an opponent. Several tile games are played with dominoes. Several games are played with a tarot deck. use their own specially designed deck. Darts and bowling are other popular target games. bridge. The most interesting card games. are the games that require the greatest amount of skill. Most dice games involve gambling. but some games use only part of a standard deck. bone. and the three-player German game Skat. Mah-jongg is a Chinese game similar to the popular card game rummy. but it is played with tiles rather than with cards. Most card games use a standard 52-card deck. Most card games involve a combination of skill and luck. Many card games. Tile games use marked tiles made of wood. or at another target. Popular dice games include Yahtzee and liar's dice. Target games involve propelling objects toward a target. They are based on the random roll of objects called dice. players toss horseshoes at stakes driven into the ground. Card games requiring the most skill include poker. ivory. Children play many target games with marbles. Card games have been played for hundreds of years. such as Uno. Dice games are games of chance. 89 . or plastic. and the ones that remain popular the longest.

There are four main categories of electronic games: (1) video games. Paper and pencil games developed from board games. Most video games and computer games now include an option to play them online. thousands of people can take part in a game at one time. Arcade games are large. Internet games emerged with the popularity of the Internet. People play video games on hardware systems designed for game playing and usually use television sets as a viewing screen. In one popular category. Electronic games usually consist of software sold in the form of cartridges or discs. By going online. and to compete in chess. making it possible to play against opponents who live in other parts of the world. and electronic games. and come with their own built-in display. (3) handheld games. bridge. card games. One of the oldest and simplest types of paper and pencil games played today is tic-tac-toe. known as massively multiplayer role-playing games. Billiards is one of the world's most popular table games. 90 . and many other traditional games. imaginary world. Each person controls a different character in a detailed. and (4) arcade games. Handheld games are small and portable. and require additional equipment to be played. Many Web sites allow players to find partners and opponents. People play computer games on a personal computer and view them on the computer's monitor. (2) computer games.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Table games usually involve guiding or striking a ball or disk over a flat surface toward a goal. a player can participate in many kinds of game activities. stand-alone machines designed to play a single game. The Internet also provides new ways to play board games.

Skirmish. War in the East.aol.ht m.‖ Edition. He said games enabled parents to create a more attractive home life for all members of the family.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Indoor games. particularly those known as "conflict simulation" games." World Book Online Americas http://www. you can be a MasterPLRK!er in no time at all. 2003. It‘s not too late to PLRK! If you start now.com/ar?/na/ar/co/ar216160. and Panzerblitz.worldbook. gained popularity in 1975. 91 . Nearly 100 conflict games were on the market with names such as Tank Battle. From "Game. An industry spokesman attributed the widespread interest in such board games in the United States to parental fears that the family is drifting apart.aolsvc. February 11.

I wouldn‘t regret any mistakes or even focus on them while I was playing…I would simply drop them. Regardless of whatever successes or failures you may have had and how they may have currently positioned you. you can help them look for their best ―shot‖ possible from their given situation even if where they are isn‘t where they ultimately want to be. With your clients. choice. Regardless of what was coached the previous week you still have to coach the person who shows up. If I lived my life from ―Play It As It Lies‖.   So now what? It‘s your swing. What are you going to do? 92 . or opportunity.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Some Possible applications for Play It Where It Lies    No matter how well or how badly you coached the moment. you can still make the ―best available‖ shot from right now. or coached the client you still have to coach from wherever you are. and any accompanying self-criticism or self-accusation and swing away at my next task.

It is designed to be flexible and create a context rather than generate a model to follow. This quality allows it to interact. or locus of their attention might be. engage and support any existing models or programs without conflict. It brings a spirit of play. The game is then custom designed to fit the needs of those who want to play.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? About The Game Of… The Game Of…™ is an experience that is adaptable to whatever topic is important to the player. The presentation is alive with an ―outside-in-the-yard-making-it-up-to-fit-me‖ frame of reference that allows for the participants to ―bring their best‖ for whatever the project. 93 . imagination and focus to the experience of learning and development. It also gives a simple language of support for those who chose to ‗play with the other kids‘ in a similar sandbox. direction. The Game Of…™ can be presented in as many rounds as needed with the Game Basics being the first round. openness.

Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You?

Delivery of The Game Of™…
The Game Of…™ can be delivered from the high tech of Power Point and multi-media, to the lower tech of a flip chart, vcr and monitor. The game starts with a Hoberman sphere that has plates attached for each of six core game elements. The GameMaster starts the play by placing the first piece/topic/game element on the board. After the GameMaster has set the context for the room, a member of the audience (the next player) is invited to the front of the room and the sphere is placed in their hands. This Player is then asked to connect visually with the other participants. Once genuine contact has been established, the player is blindfolded and instructed to roll the sphere in their hands and finish with one of the plates on top. Whichever plate is on top is the next Core game element to be delivered by the GameMaster (see below) This continues until each of the six core elements has been addressed. Therefore the game is played in the order appropriate to the synergy of each group. The Core elements are delivered by the GameMaster in various ways and means. There are games, videos viewed, processes, exercises, and opportunities for coaching around the fit for each player. The exercises etc. are experienced in solo, dyads, and in groups depending on the number of people in the room. There is also some discussion and Q & A as part of the delivery. 94

Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You?

Chronology of The Game Of…

The Game Of…™was first played in June of 2001 as ‗The Game of Your Business‘ with the New Jersey Professional Coaches Association. It began with my own curiosity about how it would be to create your business as a Game. It was next presented in it‘s slimmed down version in Sydney Australia in August of 2001 where it was received with great enthusiasm. This led to more development and the Game Of…™ resurfaced. It‘s been flowing ever since. 2002 Toronto, Canada ‗Game Of Your Life‘, delivered three times in Jan. Feb. and April. Yup it was cold. Philadelphia, USA ‗Game Of Your Life‘ delivered in August. Yup it was hot and humid. Los Angeles, USA ‗Game Of Your Life ‗ delivered in December. Yup, I got smarter about the weather. 2003 Columbus Ohio, USA ‗Game of Cutting Edge Leadership‘ delivered for a news organization. 2004 Mission Viejo, CA. USA ‗Game of Success‘ played by coaches and other professionals. 2005 Chicago, USA ‗Game Of Masterful Presentation and Facilitation‘ in July, yup, hot but inside so… 2005 San Jose, USA ‗Game Of Coaching‘ November 2006 Melbourne Australia ‗Game of Mastery‘ Jan.

And More to Come…in 2010
95

Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You?

Michael Stratford – GameMaster Master Coach /Philosopher/ Provocateur
―Play is the Way‖
Michael is well known as a leader in the field of coaching, coach training and leadership development. He has trained over 6,000 coaches worldwide. As part of leveraging his expertise, he has authored curriculum for many coach training organizations. Recently he co-developed the Core Dynamics Coach Training with Tom Stone, the founder of Human Software Engineering. Together they have created the Next Generation of personal and professional development. In field of Executive Coaching, he has a reputation for helping others achieve excellence in communication, leadership, and team performance. Michael has coached a range of clients from Fortune 100 companies to Rock Bands. In particular, he focused on Leadership at Cisco Systems, Wells Fargo, Ford Motor Company, GE, Whirlpool Corporation, and with Blizzard Entertainment, who produce the largest Massive Multi-Player Online Role Playing Game. In the field of Education he teaches at the Chapman College Leadership Services Program, having cocreated their Coaching Skills for Business Leaders Program. He worked with the Wharton MBA Leadership Retreat Team. The focus of the project was to upgrade the Wharton MBA Leadership Retreat to be congruent with the MBA course curriculum. 96

Michael has written four books on coaching including Masterful Questions and The Game of Coaching. he quickly reveals a depth of knowledge and understanding on a wide range of human and organizational issues. little more than sheep. not for directing traffic and putting out fires. Texas. Yet through his keen insights. It takes a great leader to recognize the essence of that divine diversity and then take time to develop that magnificent potential into its fullest capacity. Matt currently works for Blizzard in Austin. and ―Quintessential Leadership: 5 Timeless Practices for Lasting Leadership. talented wife Carly. language mastery. A prolific author. His creative and loving son. and sensing acuity have helped his clients align with emerging trends and personally congruent solutions. ―To be called a leader all one needs is followers. children‘s stories and numerous articles in his ―Provocation Series.‖ Michael lives in Southern California with his brilliant. Leadership is not a job description. one needs to be worthy of being followed. To be a great leader.‖ from ―QuintEssential Leadership‖ by Michael Stratford 97 . It is a ‗given‘ that all human beings are unique. Michael has a light and playful approach. Currently his writing projects include also ―A Dog Named Stay‖. Great leaders are known for their ability to develop self-leadership in others. masterful coaching and training. as well as Haiku.‖ He has been featured in magazines and newspapers as well as on radio and television for his coaching expertise. it‘s Being in action.Are You Playing the Game or is the Game Playing You? Michael specializes in the Art of Provocative Inquiry His creativity.

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