You are on page 1of 16
ul i Atl Ay p | % ef, fe, volume sixty-five, issue 4 october 28, 2019 managing editor-in-chief nn litsang ‘content editor-in-chief Editor’s Address sofa champion ee Hello estes spirits ofthe undead, Tas huntsman merkar ‘Spooky season s upon ws. Do not let Your hubris lead you to brlieve you ean escape it.The star selling Halloween candy in August now. Weve got this on Tock, we're logged in, were ready to spook it up. erin holliday carts & culture eee een Fellow us down this ereaky hallway, we wil walk you back to the ghoulish gold of sary stories and Sonoby Doo. This ise s full tothe eatlcon brim with horrific conten: pois, sexy ‘costume ideas and "opinons”(neo-verbiage we have devised for takes of particular spcinss). Don't miss an exclusive ranking of datable monsters, and a heartwarming piece on Simany"The Comrade” Buffet, opinions Is tsa merkar avant-garg Isobel carnegie & lam p. bryant ‘We know what you did last summer, and we know what youl ‘be doing this Halloween 2. Ifthe rita has worked corel, this iss should be projected into your dreamscape trongh the astal plane polities sofia champion ee Kovacs a Lets split up, gang copy-editor ‘sbbte moser Sofia Champion & An Li Tsang Efitors.in-Chiet distributors fda cera & jacqueline wong, sal ania padtate clin subhi jh kitkeaton Aaniela mahmoudt "maya morriswala vin persad ‘ale sandblom eneet sharma Tuey stark ir stockweod front cover grace Kovacs back cover grace Kovacs “joey balke Joshua bienstock Sstin patie elizabeth reid anna sokolova sabrina white About us “The Gargoyle is University College's greasiest student newspaper and publishes every two weeks, ‘We area paper that believes that sometimes yon should be angry, and that sometimes ou should be loud, and if you have not hada vice before, you deserve a voice. We do not give print space to Digs and we donot feign neutrality issues of social justice. AK this moment everything in out ‘fies being sealed in aerypt for one thousand years. Production bi-weekly inthe UC Junior Common Room. ‘ueyargosleegmal.comy/submissions@vegargovleea wonvatcyargoyle.ca Pe The Divided Student Movement justin patrick Long ago, there was one student union forthe catire Univerty of Toronto, Everything ‘hanged when the graduate students seeded Sndmade thei ow, Pisce by pee, other ‘rea factions, rom the part-time stents to acho the satelite campuses, followed. Now there are ive stent none where there was tnce one, leaving severly rgmented stent ‘movement on this campus. To unite the campus Iehind an esual ve unions and their ‘spective board of Grectory, must be !ppeasd, hich can rel in police games feed and libotered by ptt are, While this i something most students do aot want to waste thei time with, this fragmentation Ean have sgnfient consequences, expecially ‘earding the allocation of services ik health Insurance. The ueual eases that, the more ‘members an organization has, the lower the Price per member for service ike ealth Insurance betomes, ast like tis cheaper to buy something in bulk I 80,000 students were merged onto one heath insutaace pan, the cost per student word kel be lower than in our ‘Current sytem, where there isone plan with "40.000 students, one with 18,000, and te ‘nore to divide up the remainder, A similar scenario can be conceptualized with advorary. One united voice would Ikebe more fffetive than aseattersbot roulette of whichever factions deideto work together providing of course tht noone fels that the ethers are tenetoaching on thelr precious jurisdiction, In terms of how this affects protest stength, lets just say that Quebee students probably dont Took to their Univesity of Toronto counterparts for organizing advice. Weak protests and advoracy initiatives tat do not impact policy discussions are just going to waste everyone's time and present the lsion of progress. University of Toronto students can ever get cover their campus’ fragmentation, pethps they ‘could turn their attention to the bigger problems: the Canadian student movement is fragmented too. tthe national lve, there's the Canadian Federation of Stents and its adversary, the Canadian Alliance of Student Associations At provincial levels, there ae the Ontario Undergraduate Student Alliance, the Council of Alberta University Student, the British Columbia Federation of Stadents the Union Btudiante du Québee, and Ontario's College Student Alliance. These organizations do hot include independent amps student unions “Maybe this fragmentation sone reason why ‘tuition in Canada inreases at higher rate than inflaton. Ina numberof European countries, ‘where national and sometimes even continental Student unions are united, students sometimes Alonot haveto worry about tuition a al The division we see on our campus and in our ‘country doesnt have tobe the status qu. However, there mast be a concerted efor to reunite the student movement. While t fist this may bea difficult project, since some factions may not want to cooperate, their constitents fan overcome this wath thei otes and fsrassroots activism through means like Petitions, general assemblies and running fandidates that support reunification. If greater Cooperation ean be achieved, we may then be able to bogin reunving the student movement oy aul Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville is an Anti-Capitalist, Feminist Manifesto sabrina white Do yo like Jimmy Buffet? You should. Hes ‘basicaly the cool uncle you never had who kes ‘boating and smoking weed and writin bops. He ‘who Had Leone would be if, instead of being from New Jersey, he was fom Florida, Simmy Buffett has a song called Margaritaville He also has amuse called Margaritaville anda chain of restaurants called Margaritaville. This piece is about the song. Please listen tot sight nove. know its autumn and we're al eating soup and wearing eam Jackets to prove we're quer. gett. But go ‘on Spotifyorthe Musi Streaming Service of Your choice and listen to; be transported toa ‘world of sunny skies and salty sweet drinks. will hold your hand. Nove we're holding hands, Ws fun, right, anda lit bit sexy In Jimmy Buffets Margaritaville, the main confit stat he, the singer Jimmy Buffets ‘wasting away again in Margaritaville” He is roaming around, “paving (his) sx string,” and “rasting away.” Le not contributing to siciey ‘Thetension between the Wrieal ang ofa lack of| productivity and the aunty easTstening beats ages tothe steer that he has chosen his path Jimmy’ Buffett challenges capitalist notions {hat to exists to contribute to soctety and that to {do sis to work within the capitalist ystems, Jimmy Buffet is not interested inthe capitalist system. Later on inthe song he "blows ‘outa flip flop and hast “raise on back home Jimmy Buffet isnt ina hurry. Despite his ‘oncems about being a socalled contributing {actor of society, he going to continue secking joy and simple pleasures in if: hes not going tobe a capitalist chump, ‘Now, because youre listening tothe song we ‘an go into Phase Io this plese: Margartavile ‘asa feminist manifesto, Margaritaville has thre choruses that follow similar structure. After sting up the Sforementioned notion of wating awa” he ‘Sings "Some people clam that there's a woman toblame.” ‘Now 1 know what you'e thinking: this song slaps but Sarina, you Ted ome, hiss jast. fonthersong rea manblanes won ‘very plight that befalls him, how dare you make ince tots song which had no tapping in my wheely dea chai. Don't worry, Chickadee. I wouldn't do that to Jimmy Buffet fist uses the above vie to show us the traditional interpretation of his situation in a patriarchal socety; be has "wasted fay" beease of a woman Like the classi tale ‘Sf Adam and Eve, if Eve was a cool srfer babe find the forbidden rut ea dak served ina ‘coconut with a twisty stave But then the feminist scholar Jimmy BusTtt subverts this societal expectation nthe final ‘horus, when he claims: “But know is my own ‘damn faght"Thechoras ia thetoical device to Show it was his om choices and actions that led him to Margaritaville. This distorts typical es sale interpretations of society Women have been blamed fr prety much cventhing ever, since Eve the smoking hot Sefer babe gave Adam the coconut ad they ‘made some bathing suit coverups ot of Aisearded pool noodles, And i's crazy because Eve was jut having a Monday and women are so god? Just so much beter than every els-dude? You know what l mea? And our man JB is ike Fis not your fault Is his on faut There's no ‘woman io seapegoat, Sothank yu, Jimmy Buffet, and thank you forolding my band through this. T™m going to take it back now it iso sweaty Doomsday Clock Inches Closer to Justin Trudeau Revealing His Halloween Costume Joey balke ‘convened to pinpoint exit when this Snouncement will happen, and what skin, "wee getting a suigest a repeat of 2001 ophe of Arabian Nights se brownface. However, there i small but sizeable group that believes that it willbe even worse possibly even tradingin Aladdin for an averthe-top Mulan, ‘electing recent poll concern around the eof Cina Regarles ofthe specifies of the costume, ports tha er war Bonet willbe delivered to 24 Sussex Drive, and were toe prepared for unrest. Despite repeated outcry around his racist setups some continue to stand bythe Prime Minister, a reflected bythe Liber {here was an actual brown person we cou for OPINONS, anole: have ADHD and cannok spell Assorted Halloween Opinions variety pack Lote ae ise ita ven witha dimple coma owe as your opinions editor I regret to inform you recognizable ifyou team up with couple ends t ree ee eater fora group costume. You'l be guaranteed to that midterm sz snot treating me Kindly. m abe susie ‘ery tired anda absoltely coming down wth Something - most key cold (aot zombie Aisease).annot produce a coherent thought find so my contribution to the section i faily Stand oat ina crowd “Hlving a team also means that you willbe able omotiate each other to complete your ‘inal this ese ‘Not up toa big party? Try handing ot candy to {tickor treater! The neighbourhood I grew up indid't have many kids so never got to do this ‘util moved lst yar. The kids ae all very {atmest and i's honest very relaxing to chill swith sot drink and give ou stuf. You et all the leftovers as a bonus! Here are some sattered opinions about Hallowen Making it through October without being Complete burnt out a cause for celebration! Halloween is the perfect excuse toliveit up fora fight to honor sour tiumph over midterms. “As alays: DO NOT DRESS UP AS ANOTHER CULTURE AS A" COSTUME’! Just because ‘Trudeau was elected afte doing browaace ‘Joes aot mean you are excused tobe racist! ‘With how busy theme of year, making a Costume can be tying. Pare down Your ideas and fo forsomething simple. The more estume pees you can pl ut of your eloset the bet tasty be litle rowdy, teat youre with love, fd share ov with our fiends! Happy Halloween ya creepy crawlers Kallgren, of cours, was proven right almost Immediately a said character was subjected to brutal violence bythe monster hiding just, behind the door“ totaly called i,” said Kallen, dowchebagaly, wow that was 30 brat though, di yow ace what he did to hev1> a question to hich his frends and ‘ovie-going populace responded witha resounding Shot the fuck up.” Local Man Doesn’t Think They Should Have Gone In There Joey balke When asked about Kallgrens’s almost god-tike premonition, Jourdain Seares, who was inthe {heater during the sreening, made her thoughts Known. "Fock that guy, sbe said trnpassomately, he was able to pret that omic violence would happen to woman in 8 honor movie, big suprise.” “This not the it time Kallgren has gained notoriety for sharing his unwarranted pinion. Every week e is known to reat out ff the audio equipment in his cal Morar to {ecord his podeast, Three Dudes and Caltural TORONTO, ON Last night while watching Cyique" tm adition, he's also jst white man shitty horror movie imam area teste, local man Ke Kallren shared his infinite wisdom that he lesa’ think the main eharate shoul have tone in there. “Oh man they areso fucked, trate” std Kallgren, loudly talking ver the ‘movie he and his frends were supposed tobe wratcing “Yeah [totaly knew she was gonna get ihe sald ina interview after the movie was over, “if itwere me, I simpy would not go into the room with ‘DO NOT ENTER’ written in blood on the oot. Rip to her, but Tm different” The Quiet Tragedy of Velma Dinkley kitkeaton ‘Velma Dinkley was born too soon When Gest brought to life in 1969, she had one prpose, to wrap-up the last thirty minutes of okey chase soene, Rabe Goldberg esa tps, and dramatic unmaskings in afew sentences that placated the curiosity of it young adience, ‘The story was never about he, she wasnt dlanger prove lke Daphne, she dda pul together plans Hike Fred, td she wast the ‘comedic heart ke Shag and Seooby. Velma ‘wat exposition at its most basi, just here to tell ou whodunnit and ovr, and ye, almost tveryone youl ask wl say the same thing ‘Velma is thei favourite character. Why did weal love Velnia? It is simple, because ‘reat alin fact, Velma Dinkey, Overlooked {ind underappreciated, she was aiays the one to Salve the cas, bat never got the credit Sure, her friends captured whatever wayward ol exeetive ‘was trying to scare anol farmer offhis property that woek, but Velma pat the pices together that would ensure a conviction. Rveasa't lamocous work but lt was what had Yo be done find she was aways ready to step up and bulla thecate over engaging in he wacky antics that made the rest of her team so famous. What also helped was that Velma herself kev this was tuna, and didn shy awa from pointing it ou, ‘often sliding in babs directed at her ‘ompanions so subtle that they didnt even fealze they were the batt of er joke, Velma Dinkley took no shi, she knew what she did was important, even if one else would acknowledge i took nearly three decades for Velma o finally sar getting her dus, when the Velmasance fame about 'm talking aboot the tetralogy of Scoobert Doobert movies hat spanned from toor-2001, Zombie Island, WiteN’s Gost, lien Invaders, and Cyber Chase. a these movies, we fet to see Velma shine, she runs her own business, poor toe-to-toe with real monsters, and finally gets heeds, This time, Velma gets her Son, her interests, her knowledge, her ark, ‘these areal eritieal ieses to solving the inystery, and her friends know this celebrating her contributions just ax muchas they do each she's, What sparked this evolution? Its ‘Simple, actly thirty Years ater her fst ‘appearance, afr al the clever, sarcastic, outcast tine saw themselves on television forthe Best, fie, they are adults nov, and they are teling the story. The animators and writers of Scooby- Doo are nov the kids who grew up watching it the outcast girs who busted thelr asses to work {or thi show and ally got thet does, and they Irow it's time for Vein to get hers a wel Velma i all of ws, the stagger of he friend {roup, she's the oddone out amongst the ‘ouples the one who is just tacked to the en, tre is meant to e forgotten about until her Tpecfc skills are needed. But the fact othe ‘attri shit wouldn't get done if she wasnt there, puting the work and connecting all the ots tat the rest of Mystery Ine are too caught tpin their schemes to realy take a good look at tnd geta solid answer from. The fact ofthe tatters, we needa Velmasaace in our lives, we feed to sc up and overthrow the Seoobies and Feds tht dnt rexpect what we do, weve got to be the Velma Baced spin-off we want to seein the world ble. Sette Dabeable ieee » « 5, vNaeee /bbficerl AS w S = 8 + i R = Enough with pretending, like any bod] Cares about libras, Nlobedy cares about libras '"lt's scorpio eeason, AKA SPOOKY, scary, skanky, smelly, silly season, AKR my (Einimas) Season. for the next few weeks, | want all my gars babies Jo teak Hanselues to scine Scovpic-tYpe decadence Send s1698 + $250 postage for vyershareife sue at Dh eae "6 Sonal WE HAVE NSWER) DIY Sexy Costumes for Those Who Enjoy the Question “Wait, What’s Your Costume Again? subi jha and tucy stark ‘Sexy GPA: just wear apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur beens you gota gt low, low low tow: ‘Sexy Climate Change: appear deat and ignored Sexy Fung Vega Lana: get really sweaty 39 ur shins stich as that ake ese: you Imight lok realy ros on the oats but when someone takes ite they be happy surprise Sexy Communism: every inch of our body must be BQUALLY naked, extra points for looking as tas young Joveph Stalin ‘Sexy 2019 Canadian Hleton: mast look ke an ‘that you dont really want to dressup as bu you feel aigated oat east ty Conon face not recommended but apparent il no ‘qualify you for election). Sexy Healthy Relationship (coupes costume) you ani your saan ther olding hands ‘ralking out of a IKEA, sling, ‘Sexy The Entiretyof Tommy Wissea's The Room: bres up ike cinematographie cxcellene. Sexy Robart ona Sunday AReno0n: spitz Sours with procetnaton and stdnes with 2 Tinto fake motivation, gt on sto be ong, asthe Starbucks line and go around reminding rope of their approaching dealin. ‘Seay Boys on Tinder Who Want to Appeat Semitves nothing ned excep small dog in Dourhands(onster using astanger's dog eo Sou dont actu have tobe commited to ‘pecan eal tinder boy want that “responsibilty Sexy Exist Cri (Sexistental Cris) cover ‘shatever part our body you desire is {joertion marks and conta spin hala oop ‘round your waist to represent spiraling anxiety Sexy Ki Jenner's Debut Single “Rise and Shine dren up as raw undiscovered lent ‘Sexy tenet Explorer: just a search bar with “gnglescom writen ini Sexy VSCO gi erally jst over your body in Sranchies and yell sks” every time You hake ep contact with someone ‘Sexy Cinderella: our clothes dsappear when the lock strikes midi Sow inginering Stents During Mites: Simin o you interactions wth anemic thio iw inp that's now existent PS, Don forget bring jacket. ts nippy out there, ll! “Spider Man” Costume Changed to “Spider Man with a Jacket” Costume Due to Weather a ‘TORONTO, ON- Duc to inclement weather, {he previous schedled Halloween inca aa Danzin store spiderman costume has bees replaced with the radials pew concep oa thestin sore Spiderman costime wah ht pallor jacket. "Yeah potcoso {pot on Soa sath bd boundary psn ioe Spider man best known forbs appearances in form books and fartoo many moe. The tote websingercan wally be sem rocking hs Strong and bright ble and red ok all Setnons: However that doen mean the ok Ian teal to palate Tech wea all the ‘af ow, and hat could be more teh han ‘al technolo? Hishi-tech uffinks allow the superhero to ‘ring fom webs aos the Masta syne Brewis as tae tis same core concep excep ‘witha ite quarter ip incase get cil Across the fashion sphere, Brewis is ‘ting buzz asa pouible ne sing star inthe $id of Halloween costumes wth sight aditlons and people have been whispering as {o what his net ook willbe, While nehing Confirmed yet some rumors have been ‘ceulating thst # might bea wit on Cinderel, but wearing converse so its more comforae to walk tothe ub, Not everyune ia impressed withthe bold Statement, though, Notorious fasion ee X Sayathe red and ae solely gad Camp inthe worst posable way. Ad al head overage? Tsay no to this dress” However X ‘ould nt deny the improvements Brewis made That jacket des tok kinda warm though, "he adit, ‘When asked about this newfound attention in hisbriliant fashion mind, Brevis espoade by Sssing"man, you guy lock cold. Doon want & jacket" Create your own DND character, UofT Edition! grace kovacs College - Cl88S Annis: Bard. INNIS LOVES YOU YOU! Our charisma {BJOUNDLESS: New: Cleric: We all love? you got our squishy bab) jacks. st. Mikes: Paladin jously j St. Mikes obviot You think you're S000 PIO” on, man. isn'ta cleric Warlock. ‘The joke is that Trin has a cult. ighter. ‘The one, the only, the classic Vietoria: Wizard. Your college is like, Hogwarts, Woodsworth: Barbarian. Business students scare me. Other: Sorcerer. Your average spellcaster.. Git gud join a cool college. 1 INNIS LOVES yy. We know 15 but come Lol UsFT is 04 bey Re Halter angio O80 aduentoe pmye Chevacter om | iut?? Also farm) ween iSS0e.. in riyprnew £0 male your OZD eet a bd @” Favourite Coping Mechanism - Race GPA - alignment Straight-up Denial: Human. To err is human, To err at UofT is definitely human. You're going to have to acknowledge it someday lawful evil >:) neutral good :°0 Isolation: Dwarf, You're deep in the mines of despair. We've all been there. To all the dwarves out there-T love you, man, talk to someone. ‘Arts and Musie: Halfling. Look at you, drawing ‘n shit lol. Why didn’t you go to OCAD? Oh, right, cus OCAD sux. #TRUEBLUE4EVER Athleties: Dragonborn, You can be a 8 @ 200d dragon o dragon. Athletics py pa ora bad mind and body bur crf balance it in a healthy ay thy Way, an cating well Ge og Re ‘Ste, Yourself. spore atu don"t waste onc Netftix: Bit uv Nettix but you're not chilling. You" dramaticanditkilsme. Youhavea” Gant blog where you reblog The face fanart (Or Russian Doll if you're in Wome Booted Women & Gender Suis), Actual Therapy and stuff: Half-Elf You're a beautiful bastard who has like, dealt with some real shit, But you're up and out there, tryna get the help you need. Good on you my man. Partying: Tiefling. Please chill out. Stop going to Frats, lite tiefling. ‘The Devil’s Lettuce (BIAZE iT): Firbolg. You've chilled out too much and now ‘you gotta go back Gaming: Half-Ore. No matter if it’s LoL or Stardew Valley, you're an epic orcish gamer. Holy shit why do you have 876 hours in Rimworld??? Other: Goblin. ‘You're just a silly little guy :) AUAQTE y (SEIS Scary Stories *cueh Ses Ae =m GEG” to Tell in the wee dace and Shormey Rigi ote, Garg the land ling phene Sudoleniy rang arg stall T picked th up, He handle was damp bbered ang dropped ity then mY hood te 500 that Hi | OF Wass ie one sent ‘ane EET erty ee cei, Cam ts ‘et war ey, any sti pee apt Maphe. ‘this world deFenk te ‘Masbe tis would defeat the pl imo, Himbo, dumb cute Bimbo. Fuck APES Neh Mimo, Humko, dumb cube ‘And with that declaration, the crowd descended ESERTRSE RIO as tewore Brno. Pock Habloweer— lin still life, a Bey afl yor Hom horror Fock PWS, Fuck that, sauna Fack everytrs) Goo! _ ih thet doclertty do ee a Ee ab aman ook ot — Tr wos the Busta Rhyus, it WAS He teaching foram opaque worste Thymes, touchable only past the threshold a8 we tip over thinki'm ‘think fm on the verge of some tense but tender Saigaben roten Preference toothache i my chest. svina persaud ® Sere op and ibs. hepa fyou aie [was the light in his dark world, ita no fet to rack toda et nmin somedeft and cruel hand Unione: emulsified it, loth and al. Weide earns beter ‘aon canvas, nature mate sind blew out my lame, two gis, — ‘fensupecting poli g Choking on Oxygen elizabeth Cant my thoughts lose some density Tin fall Could get a diet? ‘Nomoretime to think ‘My brain wats to bea philosopher Ton t want to fight my oie thoughts Goto court fighting insecurities When dida yer embed tet ike malware The verdict never appears anyway hate the grey Give me black, red, white, blue something 1 can build on My lifes toy bo ull of decaying logs Drenched in tears no fire Eaten by termites ~ no furniture Should eae that Lean’ start, 1 think do, but at times feel burt aeady Beyond th end of burning oxygen Exhaustion which stops me in corridors, bathrooms, porches Where isa diver or an invitation to fight Bat Tm stuck na dead fire, where isthe oxygen Turned loft dda tL ‘Would ittell melt did? Is fragt fighting thei nature, pty dosing thee honest Univers owes me no answers, but I want them. Weall do, should 1 feel this way Is psychics arresting me or am Ton parole 1s ook and you shall find but no one's found Toeant something to Vitae a dog leat, some twine Just some breath and oxygen 5 ® @ joshua bienstock Life cam be fazry We roam through life floating imlesly from place to place Nam. And devoid of purpose ‘We exchange pleasantries, go to ass, stud, ea, sleep, and repeat, Weve goten s sed to tis that we forget how to fee. Butt doesn't have tobe this way: Find what makes you happy and run with it Long walks perusing the city streets with no Aestnation in ind Sipping tea on a bench when the air feels evisp and the sn feels warm, Or listening to music and wating what inspires Use everyday todo what makes you happy’ and never settle fr less The numbness can fel stifing, but you are Powerful and entitled to a life fl of missteps, Suoces, learning, and laughing Use your power to transcend the mundane and take advantage of every moment ‘Tofed, and do, and be Monstrance liam p. bryant Encase mein gold Forlama Holy thing: A martyrs tool of radiant lines Forsilem worshiping, When you Took a my equa, What iit you see? ‘The thins best suited to your reality Constr Inthe imperative: What isi that you build? A frame to put me into? ‘Wood and metal semiskilsd? Construct ‘What iit you have built? What version of me Fits into the confines You've 1am not tobe touched ~ But consecrated by you, nonetheless, Be seen but only at times; spectacle of faithfulness! 1am sat underneath the erosing with cae, But pay ao mind tomes You make of me what you'd like anyway, Absentiindedly t peas Coolcs (Scooby comics) te A voor tas mame alive. Like ZOINKSy (fe Ws Hh Floyed W Corpse of G x!) i) trey’ SAS rely %