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Why Do I Feel Empty?

Because some times you can't afford to feel any more because as "bad" as feeling
empty is feeling something is worse. I believe that at some point the bad feelings just
hurt so much and take so much energy that the mind and body decide enough is
enough and person just stops feeling....

the other type of empty yo might be describing is that left when something or some
one has been ripped from our lives and the empty spot they leave inside weather it is
death, or the break of a long relationship, the loss does tend to leave hollow or empty
feeling for some time its a void where that person used to be, thus an empty feeling
inside.

Inner emptiness - the awful, hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach - is a common
experience for many people. It is a feeling that is so distressful that it often leads to
numerous addictions in an attempt to fill the empty, alone place within. Food, alcohol,
drugs, TV, shopping, sex, busyness, gambling, and fantasy are some of the common
addictions used to momentarily fill the emptiness. They become addictions because
they do work for the moment, but because the fullness is short-lived, you have to keep
doing them - more food, more sex, more shopping, and so on. They never fill you up
permanently. They are just Band Aids.

They are flimsy substitutes for what you are really needing, which is love. The inner
emptiness is due to a lack of love - not a lack of food, sex, or TV. Yet trying to get love
from another person is just another addiction. It feels great for the moment, but what
about the next moment when the person is not there, or gets angry, or withdraws his
or her love? Back to the emptiness and other addictions as you frantically try to avoid
feeling so alone and awful.

As long as you believe that something outside of yourself can fill you - a substance, a
process, or a person - you will be seeking the love you need in all the wrong places.

There is only one thing that can permanently fill the empty place - the love that is
Spirit, the love that is who you are in your essence, the love that is you - your soul
Self.

As long as you believe that who you are is your body, your mind - your ego wounded
self - you will feel empty inside. Your body/mind/ego is not you. It is the physical home
for you while you are incarnated on this planet, but it is not you. You are Spirit. You are
the love, joy, wisdom and peace of Spirit. You are an individual manifestation of God,
created in the image of God, and therefore have all the qualities of God.

The emptiness is there when the body/mind/ego has dominion over the soul. When,
through the practice of Inner Bonding and the development of the loving Adult, you
learn to open to your essence and experience your connection to and oneness with
Spirit, you will feel the fullness and joy within of who you are. Love will fill your being
when the soul has dominion over the body.

However, you cannot begin to feel the fullness of love within until you decide to
release your individual will to God's will. As long as you are devoted to your own
beliefs and concepts, you will be stuck in your wounded self. As long as controlling
others and outcomes is more important to you than loving yourself and others, you
will be stuck with emptiness. As long as you attach your happiness and worth to your
performance, looks, and to how others feel about you, you will be stuck in your pain.
As long as you believe that you can know what is in your highest good from your own
mind, you will continue to try to have control over what you think you need to feel
happy and full.

Releasing our own will and opening to the higher will of our own soul, which is a spark
of God, is a simple concept. Yet it is the greatest challenge we have. Most people are
so stuck in believing that it is our own mind that keeps things going, that keeps things
together, that we are terrified to let go and let God. Yet when you open to learning
about loving yourself and others and take loving action based on your Guidance rather
than on your mind, you find that things do not fall apart at all. In fact, they get much
better. Taking loving action in your own behalf and letting go of outcomes - releasing
the outcome to God - brings great joy and fullness of being.

Your Inner Child needs love - your love - to feel full inside. Loving yourself and sharing
your love with others fills the inner emptiness. It is the only thing that does.

Feelings of inner emptiness are experienced for a reason, it doesn't come from no
where. The numbness you describe is a sign or symptom of defense i.e. emotional self
defense.

**We numb out or go numb when a) we feel overwhelmed by an event or an


experience, it could be a recent experience or even something that happened many
years ago. b) feeling empty or numb or both indicate a traumatic event or experience
that you were not able to cope with (even if you thought you had handled it OK! the
emotional body doesn't lie). c) its a form of self protection but now the threat has gone
or is over you are left with the feelings.

*Feeling numb or empty could indicate being disconnected from a deeper emotional
part of yourself. i.e. split inside.

**This is NOT necessarily the same as depression but it might have many similarities
to depression. i.e. being numb could be mistaken for depression when it's technically
not actual depression.

**feeling numb or empty, I sincerely advise you that NO!! drugs should be used if you
are feeling this way, drugs will make matters far worse. Drugs will only prevent or
hinder the kind of healing your body-mind requires.

**Its good quality counseling or psychotherapy that you need in my opinion NOT drugs
at all.

Why Do Some People Take Things So Personally?


They must not care about me!
Published on November 11, 2010

QUESTION:
I have noticed that people who feel that so many others "mistreat" them, often
perceive things as being directed towards them when they are not. If they're
not invited to a gathering, it's because they weren't wanted there, not because
the gathering was limited in size. If someone forgets to call them, it's because
the other person doesn't care, not because that person has a lot on their plate
and just forgot. If someone is distant, it's because that person is angry with
them, not because that person has a lot on their mind. Why do so many people
assume that other people’s actions/words revolve around them? These same
people often engage is passive-aggressive and blaming behavior. Oh, and they
never accidently "mistreat" anyone else.

MY RESPONSE:

Dear Anonymous,

The answer to the question you raise, “Why do so many people assume that
other people’s actions/words revolve around them?” is complex.

First, all human beings, not just some, construct reality from their own
subjective perspectives. Indeed, we cannot but perceive and understand
things through our own systems of values and beliefs. This can lead us to
conclude that our own personal beliefs and values are objective truths that
apply not only to ourselves but to others and to the external world. Thus, if we
want or desire something, we may come to think that it is desirable, and that
others should also want or desire it; and if we think that something is
important, then we may assume it must really be important.

While we all wrestle to some extent with this egocentric predicament, some
people find it especially hard to emotionally appreciate that the world does not
revolve entirely around them and that, like themselves, other people also have
their own subjective perspectives through which they perceive reality.

Second, as I have discussed elsewhere (in my book, The New Rational


Therapy), many of us are metaphysically insecure. This is fundamental
insecurity about reality itself. Typically, metaphysically insecure people demand
perfection and thereby do not allow themselves to accept the inescapable
imperfections of existence. Thus, they tend to become preoccupied with and
experience anxiety about the possibility of negative things happening.

Now, metaphysically insecure people who are also highly ego-centered will
tend to construct hypotheses (explanations) about reality based on their
anxieties. Thus, if a friend acts troubled or preoccupied, such a person will tend
to take it personally and think the behavior is aimed at him, even if there is no
particular reason to draw such a conclusion.

According to Logic-Based Therapy (LBT), we can cultivate moral virtues, which


allow us to overcome such irrational tendencies. According to LBT, there are a
number of common human irrational tendencies, each of which has its
respective virtue that trumps it. The virtue for demanding perfection is
metaphysical security or acceptance of the imperfections in reality, including
that of human beings. The respective virtue for ego-centric “world-revolves-
around-me” thinking is empathetic understanding or the ability to connect with
others.

In my book, The New Rational Therapy, I discuss philosophical “antidotes” that


can be applied toward attaining these virtues. For example, one antidote
toward becoming more empathetic would be to try to see what interests we
have in common with others rather than concentrating on what makes us
different. Thus, we all feel pain, suffer disappointment, get tired and grumpy,
sick, hungry, and so on. By realizing such commonalities we can more readily
learn to construct alternative non-egocentric hypotheses, which explain, for
example, why someone might not have been his or her usual friendly self on a
given occasion.

So the answer to your question is that a significant number of people are


insecure about reality and tend to read these insecurities into the
actions/words of others and take them personally. Such individuals could
therefore benefit from building up their metaphysical security and becoming
more empathetic. If you want more details, please read my book, The New
Rational Therapy. There are substantial excerpts of it contained in Google
Books.

Best wishes,

Elliot D. Cohen, Ph.D.

I just feel empty.


Like I’ve been deserted, and I’m stuck in the wilderness questing on my own. It used to be
something I’d be proud of, that I would relish….but this is different.

I don’t really know what to say…..I have a lot of friends, and a lot of people who care about me.
I’m in college, and I’ve got pretty much everything I can ask for…but I feel…disrupted…
discontent…unhappy. And I just can’t deal with it like I used to.

I used to think that it was just alright, that it was just part of who I am…I still do. It’s not that I
can’t become happy, but it’s getting to the point where I feel like….I can’t make myself
anymore. I guess the problem deep down is that I just feel lonely. Lonely in the heart, and like I
just don’t have anyone to connect to.

And I know, this is the part where I’m supposed to insert religion and say that GOD is going to
make all my problems go away…but I believe in GOD, I pray, and yet, I still feel this…gap. I
want to say that it’s because I don’t have a girlfriend, but that just seems so juvenile….

How to Help Negative People


June 26th, 2006 by Steve Pavlina

Many people have asked me how they can help someone who’s stuck in negative
thinking or depression. Here are some tips on how to do that.

No matter what happens, stay positive

I once visited the house of an old acquaintance, and as soon as I saw him, I felt a wave
of darkness pouring over me. I regretted stopping by almost immediately. No
matter how many times I changed the subject, he proceeded to spin every topic of
discussion into an excuse to complain about what he disliked about his life, other
people, and the world at large. After 30 minutes I couldn’t take it anymore and had to
leave. This man was a major energy vampire, trying to get me to agree with all
his imaginary woes in order to validate his victimhood. His dissatisfaction was
palpable as I refused to join him in his self-made prison, which only made him want to
try harder. But he was getting out of life exactly what he intended. He was a victim
because he thought himself a victim.

One of the most important considerations when helping someone in a negative state is
that you must avoid falling into negativity yourself. Negative people are energy
vampires. They have an almost endless capacity to dwell on what they don’t want,
whining and complaining about their lives while denying responsibility for their
results. Their fear blocks the natural flow of energy from within, so they must get it
from other people instead. After spending a few hours with them, you’ll usually feel
drained, tired, worried, or stressed. Positive people, on the other hand, have
overcome their fears to such a degree that their energy flows outward. Consequently,
they give energy instead of taking it. After spending time with very positive people,
you’ll tend to feel energized, uplifted, and inspired. Most people are somewhere in the
middle though, so the energy exchange tends to be close to neutral.

It makes no difference what particular circumstances negative people blame for their
negative outlook. Ultimately it’s still a choice rooted in free will. No matter how
unconscious the person was when making the decision to sink into negativity, in this
moment that person still has the power to choose otherwise. So if you decide to help
such a person, your primary role is to help guide him to make a more conscious
choice, one that will likely be much more empowering.

How can you help negative people?

When I was earning my lifesaving merit badge as a Boy Scout, I learned that if you
want to save someone who’s drowning, the last thing you should do is jump in after
him. Instead you should think through these steps in order: reach, throw, row, go.
First, grab a pole or a stick and reach out to the person. If the person is too far away
or won’t grab the pole, then try throwing him a life preserver. If that doesn’t work, hop
in a boat, row out to him, and extend an oar for him to grab. And as a last resort, you
can swim out to save him yourself if you’re trained in how to do that.

Let’s consider how this same process can be used to help someone who’s stuck
in a negative mindset.

Reach

Negative people are a danger not only to themselves but also to those around them.
Consequently, it’s important to preserve your own state of mind while trying to help
them. You won’t help a drowning victim by jumping in the water, flailing your arms,
and screaming right beside him. Yet some people use this highly ineffective strategy
when trying to help negative friends out of depression. Joining a negative person in a
whining session only reinforces his negativity and makes you feel worse about your
own life, even though it can temporarily make someone feel better to know he doesn’t
have to drown alone. Negative people have an endless supply of pity party
invitations. If you receive one, don’t RSVP.
If the person isn’t too far gone, you can reach out and try to hoist him back up to a
more positive state. This is best used on people who are within range of you,
especially someone who’s normally positive or neutral but has become temporarily
lost under a pile of fear and worry. Reach out to him with a kind gesture. Do what you
can to cheer him up and bring him back to the positive side. Invite him to an upbeat
social event. Take him out to eat and talk about positive memories together. If he
tries to get you to join him in his negative thinking, don’t. Keep the discussion positive
as you coax him back to shore.

Sometimes when my wife starts to lose it (which can happen at certain times of the
month), I get her to stop whatever she’s doing, and I give her a 5-minute foot
massage. This usually succeeds in bringing her around because it switches her focus.
Given the option between focusing on her problems or focusing on her feet, she
chooses the feet so she can enjoy the pleasure of the massage. By the time the
massage is over, she may not be totally happy, but she’s at least feeling more
content.

Reaching out to someone in a negative state is effective in combating mild or


temporary negativity. Sometimes a kind word and some attention from a friend is all
that’s needed to turn things around. But when this solution isn’t effective or
appropriate, then we move on to…

Throw

If the person is a bit farther out in the sea of negativity, you might not be able to reach
him directly. Perhaps he refuses your initial attempts to help him. Maybe he’s in
denial of the problem even though it’s obvious to everyone else. In this situation you
can try a more indirect approach by throwing him a life preserver.

Ask a mutual friend or family member to intervene. Send the person a book or CD you
think may help. Write him a card or letter to remind him that you care. You can even
use cards and letters with someone who lives with you, which often works well when
verbal discussions are too easily derailed. Get creative or do something humorous to
help interrupt his negative pattern and bring him back to the table. For example,
record a personal audio message, and sneak it onto his iPod.

If your first throw doesn’t work, keep tossing until the person grabs on. But if the
attempts begins to wear you out, you can make one final toss, and say, “That’s it!
Either you grab the life preserver, or I’m cutting you off.” Sometimes an ultimatum is
the only way to get the person’s attention, but don’t use them unless your other
attempts fail.

Many years ago one of my wife’s friends was in a destructive downward spiral,
frequently hurting herself and others. After various attempts at trying to help her, my
wife decided to write her a long letter. In that letter she expressed her feelings about
this woman’s destructive behavior, offered the best advice she could, and said that
their friendship had to end as a result of this woman’s choices. My wife realized she
had to let this friendship go, but she attempted to toss one final life preserver in the
form of that letter. For years we never heard from that woman again, and then out of
the blue she contacted my wife again. The woman relayed how my wife’s letter had
a powerful transformative impact on her. It made her take a hard look at herself and
became the impetus for turning her life around. Even though her initial reaction to the
letter was far from positive, in the long run she was grateful for it.

But sometimes your best throws still aren’t enough, and in that case you may decide
to…

Row

When people just won’t grab the lines you toss them, but you aren’t ready to give up
on them yet, you can hop into a boat and row out to help them. This is known as an
intervention. You put together a bunch of positive people who will reinforce each other
and keep the group’s energy high. Then you go visit the negative person and use your
combined positive energy to help lift him out of the water. Cast the light of awareness
on what he’s doing to himself, and offer him all the combined help, resources,
and assistance you can muster.

Just like a rowboat keeps you safe, a cadre of positive people will keep your energy
from being drained by the negative person. This is especially important if the
negative person is surrounded by other negative people, and you need a powerful
wedge to break them free. If you go by yourself, you may not have nearly enough
leverage – a common problem especially when drugs or alcohol are involved.

Someone I know started doing cocaine many years ago. A casual user at first, this
habit soon got the better of him. He gradually went into debt to feed his addiction.
Once he’d exhausted his own sources of credit, he secretly applied for more credit in
his wife’s name and ruined her credit rating without her knowledge. His behavior
became manic, his career went downhill, and pretty soon all his
deceptions came crashing down around him. Eventually he decided to go to rehab,
and while he was there, his wife left him and sold many of their possessions. He had
hit rock bottom. But then a rowboat showed up in the form of Alcoholics Anonymous.
He started going to meetings daily and got a sponsor. AA really helped him turn his
life around. He swore off drugs and alcohol, got a new job, worked his way out
of debt, and is now happily engaged. It took him years to fully recover, and I know it
wasn’t easy for him, but he did it.

We are fortunate to live in a world full of rowboats. No matter how dark things get,
there’s always hope. Many people on this planet work to help people who need it the
most. But for some people even rowboats aren’t enough, and that’s when you might
decide to…

Go

As a last resort, you can consider working one-on-one with the person yourself to help
lift them out of their negativity. For this to work, you must be very conscious of your
own state and possess the ability to keep your energy positive even when surrounded
by negativity. Not many people are able to do this successfully.

As with trying to rescue a drowning victim, there is a risk involved with this approach.
If you try to rescue someone without being at a high enough level of consciousness
yourself, you may very well be sucked down into his negativity. Many abusive
relationships begin this way. You hear someone’s sad story and feel sorry for him,
which hooks your energy into his negativity and gives him the means to control you.
Remember that you can’t help someone by drowning yourself in the process. If you
want to help someone who’s drowning in negativity, your primary responsibility is to
keep yourself safe at all times. This requires a delicate combination of genuine caring
and detached awareness.

Remember that even Jesus had his Apostles to assist him. I’d imagine that when you
surround yourself with a 12-pack of friends who believe you’re the greatest thing since
sliced manna, you can successfully deal with tremendous challenges without being
sucked into the pit of despair yourself.

If you’re capable of directly helping the most deeply negative people one-on-one, then
you’ve already earned the Lifeguard of Consciousness merit badge. If that’s the case,
then I don’t have any specific advice for you, except to say that I honor and salute the
work you’re doing and hope that your life becomes ever more joyful, rewarding, and
heart-centered.
Pray

If all else fails and you don’t have the capacity to help the person through human
means, you always have the option of asking for divine help. You can do this through
prayer or through focusing your intentions on bringing help to that person, whichever
you feel is more congruent with your beliefs. The important thing is simply that you
focus your thoughts on sending help.

Because we all have free will, you won’t always be able to help someone who refuses
to accept your assistance. It’s important to release your attachment to any particular
outcome and remain open to all possibilities, even if the person is very close to you. If
you become too attached to specific outcomes, you’ll drag your own awareness
down, drain your energy, and ultimately diminish your capacity to help.

Remember that you cannot help a victim by becoming one yourself. Sometimes the
best thing you can do is to let go with love and have faith that everything will turn out
for the best. Turn your attention to helping those you’re able to help.

As a consequence of the work my wife and I do, we occasionally receive pleas for help
from people who are very depressed and occasionally suicidal… as well as from their
friends and family. We don’t have the capacity to help all of these people directly
– that would take more energy than we have available to give. But through our writing
and audio recordings as well as our prayers and intentions, we do our best
to help such people remember that we’re all connected, we’re all safe, and we always
have the freedom to choose love instead of fear, regardless of circumstances.

Negative Thinking
WRITTEN BY CHUCK GALLOZZI

‘Negativitis’ cripples the human spirit

Does it seem strange that some people COMPLAIN they don’t have enough TIME to be
happy, yet they find enough time to be sad? Not really. You see, their deplorable plight
has nothing to do with having sufficient or insufficient time. It has everything to do
with complaining. After all, complaining is the negation of happiness. It’s impossible to
complain and be happy at the same time.

So, beware of that insidious disease known as ‘negativitis’ (negative thinking). It is as


pervasive as the common cold, but far more damaging. It mutilates, cripples, and
corrodes the human spirit. Those infected by it are broken men and women aimlessly
plodding along. The dark clouds brooding over them obscure their vision and cause
them to become confrontational, apathetic, and cynical. Their lives are like flat
champagne, without any sizzle. So, how do we inoculate ourselves against such a
harmful disease? It was only after learning about the horrible effects of smoking that
people began to give it up. It may be wise to do the same here. So, let’s review the
effects of negativitis.

1. Complaining is worse than doing nothing, for it is digging the rut one is in deeper
and deeper. Each time one complains, it becomes increasingly difficult to climb out of
the ditch they’ve created. To loosen the grip of this vicious habit, we need to become
aware of our complaining, stop it in its tracks, and immediately look for something
positive to say. It’s just a matter of replacing a bad habit with a good one.

2. A negative attitude is self-defeating. We won’t find solutions to life’s problems by


looking for someone or something to blame. Those who say, "Positive thinking doesn't
work for me," have got it backwards. It’s not positive thinking that has to work; YOU
have to work. For example, you have to work at appreciating what you have instead of
moaning about what you lack.

3. Failure to do what you want to do (be happy) causes physical and mental stress. A
rotten attitude, not only delays success, but also shortens life by damaging the
immune system (to learn more on how your thoughts affect your immune system,
investigate psychoneuroimmunology). So, besides the diseases directly caused by
stress, such as heart disease and ulcers, we become susceptible to all manner of other
diseases because of a weakened immune system.

4. Do you know anyone with a negative attitude? How many years have they been
that way? Two years? Five years? Ten years? That’s how many years of happiness and
success they have robbed themselves of. Blinded by their own negativity, they are
prevented from seeing the good around them.

5. One characteristic of negative thinkers is their need to have the world behave
according to their wishes. They have never grown up and still live with childish
demands. Whenever people and the world fail to act according to their selfish wishes,
they are unhappy. Such a poisonous attitude prevents them from growing and learning
how to cope with life's challenges.

6. Everything negative we say about ourselves to ourselves (self-talk) and to others is


a suggestion. We are unwittingly practicing self-hypnosis, programing ourselves for
failure, and creating self-fulfilling prophecies.

7. The negative world of our imagination creates a negative world that is real and one
that we are forced to live in. Take Ralph, for example. He’s always complaining about
life. “Nowadays people are rude and surly. No matter where you go or what you do,
you have to deal with ill-bred people.” As he said this, we made our way to a coffee
shop. Once inside, we were greeted by a cheerful chap who asked us what we would
like. Sighing (as if it took a great effect to speak), Ralph, almost inaudibly, ordered a
medium sized regular coffee. When it arrived, he started complaining. Pointing to the
cup, he said, “This is medium?” Without waiting for a response, he added, “You should
have told me your cups are so small; I would have ordered a large one if I knew.”
Despite the long line that Ralph was holding up, the man behind the counter tried to
be patient. Without complaint, he took away the small coffee and replaced it with a
large one. As soon as it arrived, Ralph looked at it aghast and bellowed, “You call this
regular? There’s not enough cream!” The man behind the counter, who only moments
ago was cheerful was now upset and sarcastically replied, “Yes, for MOST people, this
is regular, but if you INSIST, I’ll put in more cream. Perhaps next time you may want to
ask for DOUBLE cream!” I was next, so I got my coffee and joined Ralph at the table.
“See,” he told me, “what did I say to you? People are rude.” Yes, in Ralph’s world,
people ARE rude, but what he does not realize is he makes them so.

8. A particularly pernicious effect of ‘negativitis’ is that it sets one up for the mentality
of a victim. Those with a woe-is-me attitude sit around in misery, waiting to be
rescued. But they wait in vain because no one can rescue them from their own
attitude. They are the only ones who can change it. And until they do so, they are
condemned to continue suffering.

9. Another adverse effect of negativity is that it sets one up for the magic-bullet-
syndrome. That is, the victim of ‘negativitis’ spends their time looking for a quick, easy
fix, when none exists. By denying a fundamental law of life that states anything
worthwhile requires effort to achieve, they achieve nothing. They won’t make progress
until they realize that nothing in life is free. They’ve got to be willing to do what it
takes to get what they want.
10. Also, beware of the fact that negative people attract other complainers. Because
those who live in a world of doom and gloom alienate others, they have no choice but
to look for other negative people to associate with. They then feed off one another and
get locked in a clique of losers.

11. The constant stress that flows from a negative attitude also saps one’s energy,
focus, and motivation. It is hardly a formula for success.

12. Also of great concern is the fact that those who refuse to work on improving their
negative attitude may slide into depression, self-pity, and hopelessness.

13. Additionally, negative people not only harm themselves; they harm the world.
They cease to make a contribution to it. Instead of helping, they spread gloom and
misery everywhere. If they insist on infecting others, why not infect them with
laughter? If they must carry something contagious, why not carry a smile?

Imagine being in a small boat drifting in a river. And imagine being unaware that your
boat has a motor. As long as you fail to use that motor you will be a captive of the
river. You will be a prisoner without any control over your destination. Yet, the boat
that we’re in does have a motor. We can use it to change course. That motor is our
power of choice. All we have to do is choose to look for the good, for when we do so,
that is all we will find!