The Middle East Institute

Encounter
No. 7 March 2008
Encounters are vignettes from the field.

Marriage Advertisements in Saudi Arabia

Louay Bahry
At no time in the modern history of Saudi Arabia have women enjoyed more liberties than they do today. There are now
prominent women physicians, professors, journalists, and business owners. In early 2008, the Saudi government respond-
ed to pressure from Saudi businesswomen who frequently travel by lifting the ban preventing single women from renting
hotel rooms, and they have even talked about lifting the ban against female drivers by the end of the year. Increased free-
dom has now reached into family relations and marriage customs as well, but in ways that generally go unnoticed in the
West.

Saudi women now want to choose their own husbands. In traditional, conservative Saudi Arabia, women were usually un-
able to express their desires completely when it came to selecting a husband and specifying his qualifications. Now, modern
technology and the expanded role of the media in the Middle East have become useful tools in helping Saudi women and
men find suitable spouses. Among the more than 200 satellite television stations currently broadcasting in the Arab world,
two are entirely devoted to marriage advertisements. They run ads without interruption 24 hours a day and are able to
broadcast hundreds daily.

The ads show a split screen, with the upper part devoted to women seeking husbands and the lower part to men seeking
wives. They do not include commentaries, pictures, or commercials. The women usually put a short description of them-
selves, citing their age, the city or town where they live, and their education and profession (if any). They include their
height, weight, complexion (especially dark or light), and sometimes note that they are “beautiful” or “attractive.” Women
also often mention something about their personalities and traits, including being faithful, a good cook and able house-
keeper, having a strong sense of humor, and being religious.

After describing themselves, they list the characteristics they desire in a husband. Here, some words appear again and
again: educated, attractive, strong, and — significantly — ability to provide a single-family house to avoid living with his
parents. Some look for wealthy men; others are seeking men who are religious and good to their parents. Since Saudi Ara-
bia is a strict Muslim country and allows men to have up to four wives, some women specify in their ads whether they will
accept marriage to a man who is already married. Those who do not mind a plural marriage usually specify that they want
a house of their own once married.

While Saudi women are placing these ads on TV themselves, it is difficult to know whether or not they are doing so with
the full knowledge of their families. However, it is hard to imagine that this is happening without the knowledge and con-
sent of at least one of their parents in most cases.

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Encounter
The ads signal a sharp shift in attitudes toward marriage among Saudi families. Parents traditionally looked for husbands
for their daughters among their own tribes, clans or extended families, or at least among close friends; now they are willing
to entertain the idea of marriage with strangers possessing specific qualifications, casting their net wider.

Still, tradition remains strong. Many men say in the ads that they are looking for “tribal” women; that is, women who will
respect and obey conservative, tribal values and traditions rather than modern, urban ways of life. Traditionally, tribal
people are considered to be proud, generous and have a love for tribal poetry, music and dance. Fewer women than men
describe themselves as tribal or looking for tribal spouses. Some women describe themselves as “urban” (hadhariyya) and
in a very rare ad one woman described herself as “liberated” (mutaharira). Those who describe themselves as tribal some-
times specify that they come from a well-known tribe or are looking for a spouse from such a tribe. Dress codes also show
up in the ads. Some men specify that they are looking for a spouse who wears Islamic clothing (hijab).

In this male dominated society, men generally emphasize their professions, social status, and wealth. In a move that signals
a clear departure from prevailing social concepts a few decades ago, more men are now looking for working wives. They
prefer a woman who has a job as a teacher or government worker. Until the 1980s, the majority of men would not marry a
working woman or they would oblige their future spouse to resign from her job before marriage. A working wife was seen
as bringing shame to the man or the family. In a 1981 case, a highly educated woman took a job in the first branch of an
all-female bank to open in Jiddah; her husband, a well-known businessman, gave her the choice between the job and di-
vorce. When she refused to quit her job, he ended the marriage.

How do men present themselves these days? They usually describe themselves as ambitious, strong, tall, good-looking,
conservative, kind, affectionate, quiet, and respectful of women. The typical age of men and women seeking marriage part-
ners is between 18 and 45 for women; 21 and 50 for men. Most of the ads, however, are for people between the ages of 24
to 40, with men looking for wives a few years younger than they are. In only one ad did a man — aged 35 — specify that
he was looking for a wife up to the age of 40. Men clearly specify whether they are single or married and whether they are
looking for a second, or in rare cases, a third wife.

Most of the ads are for Saudis looking for Saudi spouses. However, there are a few foreign Arabs living in Saudi Arabia
who want to marry Saudi women; most of these are either Yemeni or Egyptian. In a few cases, Saudi women say they do
not mind marrying men from other GCC countries or elsewhere in the Arab world. The presumption is that these women
will relocate to other Arab countries once they are married. In only one case did a Saudi woman specify that she wanted to
live outside the Arab world.

The development of these advertisements seems to indicate a shift in attitude toward traditional marriage customs in Saudi
Arabia. The new freedom it grants women might seem unbelievable if not viewed in context of the multiple changes made
in the last decade that have affected their status in society. This innovation is just the latest in a series of small but substan-
tial changes to the position of women in Saudi society.