Red Flags in a Dating Relationship

(Negative signs in a dating relationship, or reasons to put on the brakes and STOP!)

1. The person is not a Christian. 2. Parents, family members or your pastor have concerns about, or do not approve of the relationship. 3. You have ever felt you needed to hide your relationship, or certain aspects of your relationship from you parents. 4. You make excuses, or feel you must apologize for the person or their actions. 5. The person tries to change you. 6. The person questions your parent's judgment. 7. The person acts as if your accomplishments or things that are important to you are not important to them. 8. You have ever lied about any aspect of your relationship to your parents or others. 9. The person is overly jealous or tries to restrict your contact with friends or family. 10. You rarely spend time with friends of the same sex because most of your time is spent with the person and their friends. 11. You are not as close to your friends or family as you were before you began your relationship with this person. 12. The person tries to rush into or pressure you into a physical relationship. 13. The person is irresponsible and/ or encourages you to be irresponsible by blowing of work, school, church, and other responsibilities. 14. You still care about, or are attracted to someone you liked or dated in the past. 15. You can’t easily pray with or discuss your spiritual life with this person. 16. The person thinks of himself or herself first, and you second, always wanting you to fit into their schedule and make time for them without doing the same for you. 17. You find yourself putting the other person before God, worrying more about what they think than you do about what God thinks. 18. The person does things that frustrate or annoy you and you try and convince yourself that you can live with them or overlook them. 19. You ever wonder if you are “settling” by being with this person, rather than waiting for God’s best for you. 20. The person lets you down or makes excuses when you are counting on them. 21. You become defensive when people you respect question the relationship. 22. After a long-term relationship, the person has not discussed your future as a couple regarding marriage, but seems to be continually focused on their individual needs and wants. 23. You wonder if there is someone else better for you than this person, or you find yourself attracted to others. 24. You worry about the relationship and “losing” the person, fearful that you will never meet anyone else.

© 2000 by Linda Zimmerman

25. You overlook the person’s faults, seeing them as you wish he or she was, rather than how they really are. 26. You worry about how the person compares to others, knowing that they are not God’s best for you. 27. You are hesitant to talk about certain things because you know it will cause a disagreement. 28. The person makes you feel that your opinions do not matter, but theirs do. 29. Either of you feels, "Wow, this person is lucky to have me!" 30. The person has ever harmed you physically in any way. 31. The person is verbally abusive towards you or others. 32. The person has a bad temper – even if it hasn’t been directed at you. 33. The person cannot forgive and forget, but continually brings up sins from your past that you have already sought forgiveness for. 34. You are embarrassed of the person or the way they act when they show up at your work or school. 35. You are not closer to the Lord now than you were at the beginning of your relationship. 36. The person is disrespectful of your parents or family members. 37. The person tries to justify or make excuses for doing things that are unacceptable or not pleasing to God. (Examples: smoking, drinking, drugs, watching programs or movies that you know are wrong, taking your relationship too far physically.) 38. The person resists being submissive or obedient to authorities such as parents, teachers, pastors, or law enforcement officers. 39. The person brings out the worst in you, causing you to often be moody, depressed, or anxious. 40. The person is argumentative with others. 41. The person has lied to you. 42. You do not have spiritual peace about the relationship. 43. The person falls short of “your list.” 44. You know you do not want to marry this person. 45. The person puts you down, or talks poorly about you in front of other people. 46. The person discourages your involvement in church or church activities. 47. The person isn’t, “exceeding abundantly above all you ask or imagine.” (Ephesians3:20)

© 2000 by Linda Zimmerman

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