You are on page 1of 47

Annotation regarding copyright

Most of the following questionnaires collected here are from year 2004. Many of the websites changed in the meantime, so I abstain from stating the sources.

• • • • • •

Is There Enough Romance in Your Relationship? 100 Question Love Test Do You Pull Together – Or Apart? Are You Ready to Be Loved? Is Your Relationship Affair-Proof? What Are Your Love Ethics? Do You Fight Fair? Will Your Relationship Survive the Long-Distance Test? The Greek God Test How strong is your relationship? Are You Waiting to Be Rescued by Mr. Right? Is Your Bedroom a Love Nest or a Last Resort? What Type of Friend Are You? What Kind of Lover Are You? Are You Meant for Each Other? How Realistic Are Your Expectations of Marriage? What's Your Fighting Style? How Strong Is Your Relationship?

• • • • • • • • • • • •

How Romantic Are You? • Are You Really "Just Friends"?

• Do You Give Off a Sexy Vibe? • Is He Relationship-Ready?

Do You Know When to Quit?

• Relationship Satisfaction Quiz • Who takes up more space? • Listening Quiz
• • • • • • • •

Expectations Quiz What's your kissing style? How Well Do You Know Your Partner? How Happy Are You? Dating Style Test Your Relationship How serious is your relationship? Great Expectations: 7 Lies about Marriage

• Is He the One? - 10 Questions to Ask Yourself

web links: • •

Is There Enough Romance in Your Relationship?
We chalk it up to the inevitable - romance is bound to fade after years of diapers, joint checking accounts and roof repair. Still, there's a reason we're all mysteriously drawn to Meg Ryan flicks. Truth be told, we all crave romance. And a lot of us don't realize how little we're getting. Answer these questions and find out how starved (or satisfied) you really are. In the past three months YOU have:

1. Made your mate his favorite dish 2. Put on an outfit that you knew your guy would find irresistible. 3. Picked up a great bottle of wine or champagne and downed it – together. 4. Treated your guy/girl to a candlelit rubdown (and not because he/she asked). 5. Slipped a note to your honey telling him/her why he/she still gives you butterflies (birthday cards don't count). 6. Went out on a real date, complete with dinner, drinks and hand-holding over the table. 7. Reminisced about some special moment in your relationship (such as your first date, your first sci-fi movie marathon or the moment you both first knew). 8. Invaded your mate's shower or bath to wash his hair, scrub his back and lather up his body. 9. Woke him in the middle of the night – or super-early – to make love. 10. Lingered at the dinner table for a catching-up talk or walked the dog together just to hear about his day. 11. Kissed him, spontaneously, in public. 12. Held his hand while watching TV, linked arms while crossing the street or put your head on his shoulder. 13. Touched his face tenderly.
In the past six months HE/SHE has:

1. Made your favorite dish 2. Put on an outfit that you knew your guy would find irresistible. 3. Picked up a great bottle of wine or champagne and downed it – together. 4. Treated you to a candlelit rubdown (and not because you asked). 5. Slipped a note to your honey telling him why he still gives you butterflies (birthday cards don't count). 6. Went out on a real date, complete with dinner, drinks and hand-holding over the table. 7. Reminisced about some special moment in your relationship (such as your first date, your first sci-fi movie marathon or the moment you both first knew). 8. Invaded your mate's shower or bath to wash his hair, scrub his back and lather up his body. 9. Woke him in the middle of the night – or super-early – to make love. 10. Lingered at the dinner table for a catching-up talk or walked the dog together just to hear about your day. 11. Kissed you, spontaneously, in public. 12. Held your hand while watching TV, linked arms while crossing the street or put his/her head on your shoulder. 13. Touched your face tenderly.

100 Question Love Test A B
1.Have you ever felt weak in the knees at the sight of him/her? 2.Have you ever done something that seemed ludicrous at the time to impress him/her? 3.Have you experienced a loss of appetite because he/she were not with you? 4.Do you have trouble sleeping without him/her around? 5.When you do sleep, are he/she in your dreams? 6.Can you see spending the rest of your life with him/her? 7.Can you say things to him/her you would not say to any other? 8.If you closest friend were making fun of him/her, would you stand up for him/her? 9.Could you never lie to him/her? 10.Do you call him/her more than once a day just to hear his/her voice? 11.Is it impossible to imagine life with out him/her? 12.Do you have trouble remembering your life before him/her? 13.Do you feel happiness, sadness, hot and cold all at the same time? 14.Do you put him/her first in your life, even before you? 15.Do presents from him/her seem more enjoyable than any other gift, even before you know what he/she are? 16.Would you give your last chocolate to him/her? 17.Have you ever posted pictures of him/her all over your walls, leaving little or no wall visible? 18.Have you ever called him/her to hear his/her voice, only to hang up before speaking? 19.Have you noticed things about his/her appearance or mannerisms that other people would not notice? 20.Can you name his/her favorite ice cream? 21.Can you name his/her favorite movie? 22.Can you name his/her favorite song? 23.Do you find that certain songs on the radio seem to be written about him/her or the two of you? 24.Would you be willing to embarrass yourself in front of others just to see him/her smile? 25.Do you or are you looking forward to Valentines Day? 26.Do you feel like you have spent your life looking for this person? 27.Does a hug or kiss from him/her really make it all better? 28.Would you stand by there side through sickness or poor times? 29.Have you thought up names to call your future children? 30.Do you have pet names for each other? 31.Do he/she have the power to get on your nerves (upset you more) more then anyone else ever at times? 32.Do you say things to him/her that your friends would make fun of you if he/she heard? 33.Have you said those things to him/her in front of your friends? 34.Do you consider him/her your best friend? 35.Do you trust him/her? 36.Have you told him/her that you love him/her? 37.Do you express your love everyday? 38.Do you express your love every hour? 39.Does it hurt to think of life without him/her? 40.Do you remember special anniversaries (first date, etc.)? 41.Do you remember little anniversaries (first time you ate sushi together, etc.)? 42.Do you find that you are bringing him/her up in a lot of conversations (i.e. Well Jenny thinks...)?

43.When buying major purchases, do you consider if he/she would approve? 44.If he/she needed a kidney, would you give him/her one of yours? 45.Are you thinking about him/her right now? 46.Do you miss him/her, even when he/she are in the next room? 47.Have you ever taken a class together just so you could spend more time with him/her? 48.Have he/she met your parents (if he/she are still alive...or have you met his/hers)? 49.Have you written him/her a poem? 50.Have you written him/her a letter? 51.Have you or he/she picked a song (you know "yours and his/her song")? 52.If he/she moved out of state/providence would you follow? 53.Would you shave your head if he/she asked you too? 54.Have you ever serenaded him/her in a public place? 55.Does his/her smile make you smile? 56.Do you hurt when he/she hurt? 57.Do you feel like you can read his/her mind? 58.Do hours just fly by when you are with him/her? 59.Have you ever told him/her that you love him/her in front of your friends? 60.Have you ever just sat and listened to his/her problems? 61.Ever bought tickets to a function (movie, play, show, etc) you had no interest in but he/she did? 62.Have you remained faithful to him/her, never cheating? 63.Are you always honest with him/her (beside little lies like "No really that looks great on you?"?) 64.Have you ever taken the time to massage his/her feet? 65.Do you chat with him/her online (via e-mail, chat or other internet source)? 66.Have you ever made future plans together? 67.Have you or did you name your children before he/she were conceived? 68.Do you know his/her birthday? 69.Do you know his/her favorite color? 70.If you had to be separated by a large distance, could you keep you feelings alive? 71.Does the mere mention of his/her name in a passing conversation make you feel warm inside? 72.Have you ever found yourself scribbling his/her name with hearts and love on the side of a piece of paper, a desk, or other? 73.Do you have trouble sleeping after an unresolved argument with him/her? 74.Have you ever stolen his/her underwear when he/she were not looking? 75.Do you look forward to days off / weekends just to spend more time with him/her? 76.Do you save little items (movie ticket stubs) from dates or outings? 77.Have you ever posted anywhere on the internet (a newsgroup, discussion page, etc.) a shout out that you loved him/her? 78.Brought a rose to him/her for not other reason than thanking him/her for being who he/she are? 79.Have you ever traveled (or would you) 100 miles just to see each other? 80.Have you ever dedicated a song to him/her on the radio? 81.Ever found yourself wishing more people could be like him/her? 82.Do you get butterflies in your stomach every time he/she come into the room? 83.Do find yourself constantly thinking about what he/she are doing at that moment when he/she are not around? 84.Have you ever taken up a new hobby just because he/she shared that hobby? 85.Do you find it harder to shop for him/her then anyone else?

86.Do you ever fantasize about marrying him/her (or often daydream back to the day you did)? 87.Are he/she, in your opinion, the most interesting/fascinating person on Earth? 88.Did you specifically visit Romance 101 or this test with him/her in mind? 89.Is being unfaithful to him/her something you could never possibly do? 90.Do he/she make you happy? 91.Do you believe in Destiny now or more then you did because of him/her? 92.Have you ever "zoned out" during a conversation with someone because you were thinking of him/her? 93.Does holding his/her hand make you feel more safe and secure? 94.When shopping, do you often think "What would he/she like" when making your decision? 95.Do you like him/her better then Chocolate? 96.Have you ever been out on a date with him/her? 97.Have you live together (married or not)? 98.Have you ever proposed marriage to him/her? 99.Have you married him/her? 100.Would you be willing to lay down your life to save his/hers?
100% Obsession Kills Love...You might be too obsessed here. 80 - 99% Strong & Long Lasting Love 50 - 79% New Love moving towards Long Lasting Love 30 - 49% Pure Infatuation heading towards Love 10 - 29% It's a Die-Hard Crush on it's way to Infatuation 1 - 9% Possible Crush Here 0% Loveless...

Do You Pull Together – Or Apart?
When the going gets tough, the couple gets a) tougher; b) stronger; c) weaker; or d) withdrawn? For every partnership, the answer is different. While some thrive during a crisis and emerge stronger than ever, others falter and never quite recover. Answer these seven questions and see if your relationship is fit to stand life's stressors.

A B 1. Your partner storms into the house and slams the door. He's obviously had a bad day. You: a. glare at him; avoid him altogether; or get angry – and let him know how you feel. b. don't get upset; you simply ask him if he wants to talk about it. A B 2. You and your live-in love have been watching an extremely depressing segment on the evening news. You: a. silently watch. b. argue over each other's interpretation of events. c. cuddle and talk about what you saw. d. skirt your partner's attempts to talk about the tragedy you're watching. A B 3. Your husband was supposed to meet you at your favorite restaurant at 7 p.m. sharp. It's 7:20 and he's not there. You: a. figure that there has to be a good reason for the delay and wait for him to give you a ring on your cell phone. b. get upset and worry that something is wrong, such as he's hurt or with another woman. c. get upset and worry but don't jump to extremes. You start trying to track him down. d. leave a curt message on his voicemail and depart. A B 4. After a particularly bad visit with the accountant, you realize you owe more taxes than you had thought – or can afford. How do you react? a. One of you blames the other – or you both blame each other – for this financial snafu. b. One of you suggests a major lifestyle overhaul. c. You freak out and immediately ask your family for a loan – without telling your husband of the screwup. d. You both take the time to figure out how you got into this fiscal pickle, what it will take to correct it and how best to avoid something similar in the future. A B 5. Your roommate from college is extremely ill and there's a chance she'll die. You: a. don't share this with your partner. She's your friend; it's your grief. He probably wouldn't understand anyway. b. mention the situation abruptly and hit him with the full force of your sadness. c. feel at ease asking for his comfort; he knows how much she means to you. d. tell your mate bits and pieces but save most of your grief and venting for another friend. A B 6. When you feel your boyfriend has really hurt or betrayed you, you: a. tell him specifically why you're angry and, if necessary, suggest that the two of you go to couples counseling. b. yell. A B 7. If you thought your partner had been unfaithful, you would: a. leave, pure and simple. b. find out what happened; then decide whether you're going to leave. c. find out what happened and try to determine what went wrong. d. use it as a manipulation tool.

What's your kissing style?
How you kiss can say a lot about your personality, your sensuality and your feelings for the person you're kissing. Are you a passionate kisser? Or are your lips more playful? Take this quiz and find out what message you send when you smooch.

A B 1. Which activity would most put you in the mood for lovemaking? Slow dancing cheek to cheek An erotic movie A shared activity or fun evening out A B 2. Public displays of affection are: A fun way to show that you appreciate your lover while you're walking hand in hand or dancing at a party Unnecessary – you'd rather show your affection for him at home, one on one A must – you like to show the whole world how much you love your man A B 3. What's your favorite type of kiss? A long, juicy, enticing embrace A brief touch of lips – it builds tension before the real thing A sweet, gentle smooch A B 4. After an especially long kiss, you usually: Lean back and look lovingly into his eyes Gasp for air and dive right in for another Take a break to nibble his ear A B 5. You've just eaten garlic and your man is moving in for a kiss. What do you do? Make a joke of your garlic breath and tell him he'd better postpone the Romeo routine Pop a mint in your mouth and ask him to hold you in his arms instead Go with it – in a few seconds he'll be too hot to notice your breath anyway! A B 6. When you kiss a man, your hands are usually: Wrapped around his neck, holding him close Caressing his face, stroking his back or grabbing some other body part! Running playfully through his hair A B 7. During a kiss, you would like it if your man: Stopped to gently kiss your nose, forehead, shoulder Stopped to look deep into your eyes Ran his tongue inside your lips along your teeth A B 8. For you, what elements are necessary for a truly great kiss? Desire and intensity Affection and joy Ambiance and the perfect moment A B 9. Your favorite movie couple is: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in Ghost Bogart and Bergman in Casablanca Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally A B 10. When it comes to kissing, you: are comfortable making the first move, as long as he takes the lead sometimes too rarely make the first move – you like your man to be in control often make the first move – you like to be in control

Do You Give Off a Sexy Vibe?
Should you unleash your inner sex kitten or tame your titillating ways? Find out how seductive you are with this quiz.

A B 1. When someone tells you you're sexy, you feel: Proud as a peacock Pretty darn good Like laughing A B 2. You go on a date with a great guy, but he doesn't lay a hand on you the entire night. You think he must: Be gay Want to take it slow Not be attracted to you A B 3. While walking down the street, a couple of teenage boys start gushing about how hot you are. You deal by: Telling them you're old enough to be their baby-sitter's baby-sitter Adding a wiggle to your step and saying, "Thanks, you little Casanovas!" Smiling at them – the compliment gave you a bit of a rush A B 4. If you were reincarnated as a feline, you'd probably be: A sleek, prowling tigress Hello Kitty A Persian with major purring capacity A B 5. You bump into your latest obsession at the grocery store. Too bad you haven't washed your hair or brushed your teeth yet. What do you do? Crack a joke, like "Come here often?" – hopefully your good mood will make up for your less-than-lovely look Pretend you don't see him, abandon your cart and get out of there, pronto Toss a whipped-cream can in his basket, and shimmy down the aisle so he can get a prime rear view A B 6. You're playing charades Hollywood-style. Which actress could you most easily imitate? Rene Zellweger in Bridget Jones' Diary Elizabeth Hurley in Bedazzled Juliette Binoche in Chocolat A B 7. A few minutes into flirting with a guy at a party, he'd be most likely to wag his finger at you and say: "You look like you could use a drink." "You look like trouble." "You look like you know how to have fun." A B 8. A typical gym outfit for you is: Baggy sweats and an extra-large T-shirt A sports bra and itty-bitty biker shorts A tank top and comfy running pants A B 9. The last time you passed by your full-length mirror naked, you thought to yourself: "You goddess." "Lookin' good!" "Where's a robe when I need one?" A B 10. In terms of talking dirty with boyfriends, you: feel ridiculous saying all those oh yeah's and ooh baby's out loud are such a pro, you could make Howard Stern blush enjoy some randy rhetoric now and then

How Well Do You Know Your Partner?
One of the most important features of successful couple relationships is the quality of the friendship. Do you know your partner's inner world? Take the quiz below and fInd out.

1. I can name my partner's best friends. 2. I know what stresses my partner is currently facing. 3. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately. 4. I can tell you some of my partner's life dreams. 5. I can tell you about my partner's basic philosophy of life. 6. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least. 7. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well. 8. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. 9. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately. 10. My partner really respects me. 11. There is fire and passion in this relationship. 12. Romance is definitely still part of our relationship. 13. My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship. 14. My partner generally likes my personality. 15. Our sex life is mostly satisfying. 16. At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me. 17. My partner is one of my best friends. 18. We just love talking to each other. 19. There is lots of give and take (both people have influence) in our discussions. 20. My partner listens respectfully, even when we disagree. 21. My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver. 22. We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life.
Your score: • 15 or more yes answers: You have a lot of strength in your relationship. Congratulations! • 8 to 14: This is a pivotal time in your relationship. There are many strengths you can build upon but there are also some weaknesses that need your attention. • 7 or fewer: Your relationship may be in serious trouble. If this concerns you, you probably still value the relationship enough to try to get help. This quiz highlights elements of what Dr. Gottman refers to as your "love map." In his workshops, Dr. Gottman discusses the step-by-step process of making sure that you nurture your friendship with your partner. In a survey of 200 couples attending a weekend workshop, Dr. Gottman found that the best predictor of passion and romance in a relationship guessed it...the quality of the friendship!

Is He Relationship-Ready?
Dying to know if your man is a go-the-distance guy or a love-and-leave you lothario? Take this quiz to find out if he's bound to commit or split.

A B 1. When your spread-too-thin beau needs a vacation, he: Takes a two-day camping trip with the boys and brings you back a bunch of handpicked wildflowers Spends a long weekend stranded on the island of you Books two weeks at the wild singles destination Hedonism – solo A B 2. The stud you've been seeing for two months still hasn't invited you as his guest to his best friend's upcoming wedding. When you ask him about it, he says: "I thought it was understood that you were coming. Do I need to cancel your plane ticket?" "Um, oh, right, well, I asked my friend Kelly to go with me because I got the invite before I met you." "You can come, but it probably won't be much fun for you." A B 3. When something really great happens to your guy, where on his share-the-news list do you fall? Second one down, right after his parents Top, you're the first name on it In the middle: after his personal trainer but before his mechanic A B 4. The night before a big presentation at work, your man: Calls (and wakes you up) in the middle of the night, then says, "Oh, don't you have something tomorrow?" Brings by take-out and wishes you luck Rubs your back and offers to listen to you rehearse your speech A B 5. You're out at a bar when a Mena Suvari look-alike walks by. He: Tells you that you're hotter than she is Keeps checking her out when he thinks you're not looking Does a double take, then plays it off, saying, "I could have sworn that was the girl from..." A B 6. You're wearing a va-va-voom dress you bought especially for your date. When your honey comes to pick you up, he: Doesn't make a big fuss – just dishes his usual "You look nice" Manages to utter "Wow!" after he puts his wagging tongue back in his mouth Says, "Man, I hope you didn't get all dolled up for me" A B 7. What do you find yourself saying most about your guy? "He has a lot of baggage." "He has potential." "He is so great." A B 8. What's his dinner invite M.O.? He emails you at 5:30 to see if you're free for dinner that night He usually calls a few days after the last date to set up plans for the next weekend He quickly pulls out his PalmPilot at the end of each date and asks how soon he'll be able to see you again A B 9. Which TV couple best describes the two of you? Felicity's Ben and Felicity – psyched one minute, then second-guessing Sex and the City's Carrie and Mr. Big – in a passionate but vicious cycle Friends' Monica and Chandler – moving right along A B 10. You're staying at his place when the phone rings early in the morning. He: Asks you to answer it Scampers into the kitchen and picks up that extension Lets the machine get it

Do You Know When to Quit?
Are you always riding things out till the bitter end, or do you bail before you should? Find out.

A B 1. After a hot date with a gorgeous guy, you leave him a message and he doesn't call back. You: Leave two more messages on his cell (in case his answering machine broke) Wait a few days and try him again – if he doesn't respond, he's history Burn his number – bastard! A B 2. Which motto would you most likely have as a bumper sticker? Quit while you're ahead Winners never quit; quitters never win If at first you don't succeed, try, try again (then give up) A B 3. Your job interviewer says there aren't any positions available but to keep in touch. You: Send a thank-you note and plan to keep her posted with your career highlights Don't bother – she was just being nice The next day, fax her a revised r¨¦sum¨¦ and a letter asking to be reconsidered A B 4. After two blading accidents with your boyfriend, you: Swear off the sport for life Take a Rollergirl break and jog alongside him next time Buy some knee pads and set out again A B 5. You've been on a diet for a week and haven't lost a pound. You: Drink more water and keep at it – It'll come off eventually Head to Hagen-Dazs – if you're going to be fat, you might as well be happy Start working out twice a day and deny yourself all carbs and sweets A B 6. You sign up for an intermediate Spanish course just for fun and get a D on the first exam. You: Ask for a refund, pronto – you have better things to do than babble your way through the rest of the class Nix your thrice-weekly yoga sessions and nightly Friends rerun so you'll have 10 extra hours per week to study Consider moving to a lower level but ask your instructor for some pointers first A B 7. You ask your live-in boyfriend to start picking up after himself more, but a month passes, and he's still the same Sloppy Joe. You: Say you need some space – like 50 miles – he has no respect for you whatsoever Buy him a vacuum cleaner for his birthday and invite your mom over to give him a cleaning lesson Try to ignore his messy ways, but if he leaves one more pizza box on the bed, you tell him he's on his own A B 8. The longest amount of time you've spent at a job you hated was: Two months Two hours Two years A B 9. You get in a huge fight with your best bud, and she says the friendship is finished. You: Send her flowers and a threatening note saying if she doesn't take you back, you're going on Prozac Wait a few days, then say you'd like to talk it out over coffee Shrug your shoulders: It hurts, but since she said there was no chance of making amends, there's no use trying A B 10. You spent days preparing a huge report. When you present it to your boss, he says it could use some more work. You: Ask him what needs fixing so you don't spend time making unnecessary revises Mutter "He could use a little work himself," and then tweak it halfheartedly Polish it all night as if it were Grandma's silver

How Happy Are You?
Most of us know when we're unhappy, and we're aware of fleeting joyous moments. But the question of just how happy one is can be difficult to answer. This quiz is based on traits found to be common among happy, welladjusted people. Choose the response to each question closest to your own feeling or situation. If no response seems quite right you may choose two, but no more.

A B 1. Given your pick of the following jobs, which would you choose? A difficult, challenging assignment. If you can bring this off, you'll be promoted to an executive job. A job you can excel in because it's ideally suited to your energies and talents. A fairly modest job that involves working closely with a very powerful, important person. A B 2. Do you enjoy doing favors? Yes. I seldom refuse when asked. Yes, when it's convenient and will really help someone. Not really. But I oblige when I feel I owe it to the person or if there's some compelling reason. A B 3. Which description best fits your usual sleeping pattern? Sound sleeper, little trouble falling asleep Light sleeper, easily awakened Sound sleeper, difficulty falling asleep A B 4. Are there occasions when you need to be alone? Absolutely. My most peaceful, creative moments are when I'm by myself. No, I love having people around. No, I don't mind being alone, but wouldn't say I have a need for it. A B 5. How important do you feel it is to keep your surroundings neat and orderly? Very important. I can put up with sloppiness in others, but never in myself. Important. In fact, I wish I were more orderly. Fairly important. I'm rather neat and don't care much for mess or squalor. Unimportant. I'd rather be in a messy house where people are relaxed than in a tidy one where everybody's fussy and uptight. A B 6. Which of the following would you be least likely to want for a friend? The person who is... Snobbish and pretentious A bully, cruel to those who can't fight back Crude, pushy, ill-mannered A B 7. In the past six months, how many times have you stayed home because of illness? None One Two or more A B 8. Something distressing has happened to a loved one- the death of someone close, perhaps. You reaction? I'd try to console him and cheer him up. I'd be as upset as he was- when he hurts, I hurt, too I'd let him know I am sorry, but would continue to treat him the way I normally do. A B 9. How punctual are you? Extremely punctual. I have an exact time sense. Quite unpunctual. Even with an early start, I never get anywhere on time. It varies. I'm punctual for some things, late for others. Quite punctual. I usually arrive when I'm suppose to.

A B 10. How long do you remain angry with someone who has been unfair to you? A long time. I don't easily forgive bad treatment. I wouldn't get angry. Anger is the product of a troubled mind Not long, I get angry, but seldom hold grudges I don't stay angry, but will usually avoid the person from then on. A B 11. You inherit several million dollars. How would you react? I'd be delighted! I'd anticipate problems, but accept the money anyway. I'd be very worried about handling such a huge sum- it would mean starting a whole new life. A B 12. What would you find most appealing in a marriage partner? Good-looking Rich Intelligent Compatible A terrific lover Understanding A B 13. Which statement best describes your social style? I tend to keep a small circle of close friends I'm active socially and know hundreds of people I have a lot of friends but don't stay in touch with them I usually associate with whoever comes to see me. A B 14. With which of the following would you agree? Time passes quickly, almost in a blur Time moves slowly Days are long, but weeks and months speed by Days seem fast, weeks and months slow. A B 15. How do you feel about your present situation- personal qualities, friends and family, career, prospects for the future? Wonderful! And the future looks bright. Pretty good. My situation may not be marvelous, but it's okay, and improving steadily. Fair. But I'm striving for a much better future. My feelings vary. Sometimes I feel good about myself, sometimes not.

Are You Ready to Be Loved?
Finding and keeping true, knee-knocking, heart-melting, daydreaming love is more complex than bumping into Mr. Perfect while walking down the produce aisle and living happily ever after. Yes, it's likely that your soul mate is out there – he could be the current man in your life or that stranger at the supermarket checking out the artichokes just a few feet away from you. But if you're not really, truly ready to be loved, your relationship won't magically morph into big-league love – no matter how much you try or wish upon a star. Answer these questions and find out whether you're ready for the love of your life.

A B 1. Even when you're cranky and having a less-than-stellar hair day, you still know you're lovable. True. False. A B 2. You tend to end up with guys who are: Totally wild about you from day one and constantly call you. Instantly drawn to you but take their time falling in love. Moderately interested in you – they have a lot going on. Hot and cold. Sometimes they're all about you; other times, they're MIA. A B 3. What is your love pattern? You fall in and out of love quickly. You rarely fall in love, but when you do, you're committed. You believe you could fall in love – it just hasn't happened yet. You don't think you're capable of truly loving anyone. A B 4. Something has upset you, big time. You: Keep it to yourself until you feel better; you don't want to upset your guy. Tell him you're OK and give him an edited version later. Open up and talk about it, even though it's difficult. Unload angrily. You don't like it when he pries into your feelings. A B 5. Your guy gazes at you as you enter a restaurant, smiles and tells you you're beautiful. You: Disregard it; he's only trying to cheer you up. Blush and tell him to stop. Savor the knowledge that you're beautiful in his eyes – and feel loved. Wonder whether he's feeling guilty about something. A B 6. When it comes to living happily ever after, you have a good idea of the type of man with whom you'd like to spend the rest of your life. True. False. A B 7. Your boyfriend says the L word. You: Worry that he doesn't really mean it. Start to lose interest. Think, If he loves me, he must not be the best catch. Feel yourself falling deeper in love.

Dating Style
A B 1. When getting ready for your date what is most likely to be on your cd player? Madonna The best of the 80s Debussy A B 2. On your bedside table there is most likely to be Deepak Chopra's book of meditation Heat or FHM magazine A well-leafed copy of Shakespeare's sonnets A B 3. Where would you most like to go for your first date? A Japanese or Pacific Rim restaurant The most lively joint in town - and preferably near a club for later A small intimate eaterie that you know well A B 4. You would be most impressed by your date if they Told you they only ate organic food Were wearing the latest Gucci shades Could speak fluent Russian A B 5. Your ideal choice for a weekend away would be A city break A yacht moored in St Tropez A country cottage in the Cotswolds A B 6. After your first date you would be most likely to send - or be most pleased to receive A single white orchid in a plain glass vase A 3ft display of bamboo and giant oriental blooms A hand-tied posy of peonies and parrot tulips A B 7. On visiting your new date's home, you would be most impressed by them having A 72 inch plasma screen and cinema surround system A walk-in wardrobe filled with designer labels A small collection of rare first editions A B 8. On inviting your date over for dinner, you are most likely to rustle up Absinthe cocktails and tuna carpaccio Sea breezes and lobster thermidore Krug champagne and shepherd's pie A B 9. Having a night in on your own, you are most likely to end up renting Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon Die Hard II Notting Hill A B 10. When you secretly daydream about your wedding day do you imagine A secret ceremony in a romantic location with a group of close friends A large castle or stately home with a reception for 500 plus and all the trimmings A small country church with a traditional service followed by an intimate low key reception

Will Your Relationship Survive the Long-Distance Test?
These days, circumstances often require couples to spend extended periods of time apart. Maybe a job-transfer looms on the horizon for one of you. Maybe one will soon be going away to school. Maybe you are already living apart and wondering if you are going to make it. It's certainly not easy, but some couples do survive the Long-Distance Test and emerge stronger than ever. What are their secrets for success? It's time to take the ten-question quiz. When you submit your responses at the end, you'll receive an answer to the Big Question and some expert advice. For good measure, you will learn which long-distance couple from Greek Mythology you most resemble. Go to it!

A B 1. Which statement best characterizes your relationship? I am more committed to making it work than he is. I sometimes worry that we have different expectations for it in the long run, but this hasn't posed a problem so far. He and I often argue about where things are headed. To be honest, he's more invested in this than I am. Though we may have different feelings about where things are headed, we're both pretty happy with it so far. We are both equally committed to making it work, and have similar feelings about where it is headed A B 2. When you raise an issue you feel is important, he typically: Reacts in unpredictable ways. Stops what he's doing to discuss it until we reach a resolution. Asks me if we could discuss it later. Gets annoyed or angry at me for bringing it up. A B 3. What role does sex play in your relationship? The sex is incredible. When we're not having or talking about sex, it sometimes seems we don't have a lot in common. Sex is not a very important part of our relationship. We have so much in common that sometimes our conversations are as good, if not better than the sex. Our relationship centers around sex and other activities and experiences we share (going to movies, playing games, travel, etc.) A B 4. When you have plans for a special night out together and he cancels, you usually... (If you are already living apart, your answer should be based on an extended period of time you spent together) Go alone to a movie he would never see. Buy a cake and eat the whole thing at home alone in front of the TV. Stay late and catch up on work at the office. Quickly make other plans with friends. A B 5. Which statement best captures the nature of your relationship? I have a wild and experimental side, but he doesn't always appreciate me shaking things up. We're both spontaneous people and we're always discovering new things together. He is always trying new things and encouraging me to do the same. Sometimes it makes me a bit anxious. We've figured out what we enjoy in life and like to stick to those things. A B 6. Have you ever tried an "open" relationship? We tried it for a while, and it was a complete disaster. One of us brings up the possibility sometimes, but the other is not comfortable with the idea. We have had little things on the side with other people. We made groundrules at the outset and have never had a real problem. No way. We are completely happy with each other. A B 7. When he raises an issue he feels is important, you typically: Ask him if we could discuss it later. Get frustrated with him, because most things he brings up we've already beaten to death. React in various ways, depending on my mood.

Stop what I am doing and discuss it until we reach a resolution. A B 8. Which statement is closest to the truth? He worships the ground I walk on, but I have to confess my radar is always turned on. I have other male friends and he has other female friends. We trust each other completely. Cheating on him is the last thing I can imagine doing, but I am not so sure about him. Part of me is a little jealous and suspicious when he mentions a female acquaintance. A B 9. When you have to cancel on a planned night out with him, he usually... (If you are already living apart, your answer should be based on an extended period of time you spent together) Stays late and catches up on work at the office. Quickly makes plans and goes out with friends. Goes alone to a movie I would never see. Buys a six-pack and drinks at home alone in front of the TV. A B 10. Which statement is most applicable to your relationship? (If you are already living apart, your answer should be based on an extended period of time you spent together) He and I are most interested in each other. We have some other acquaintances, but spend most of our time together. He goes out with his friends a lot, but I usually stay home. We both have friends outside the relationship and often spend time with them. I have a number of friends outside the relationship, but he has almost no one else.

The Greek God Test
Just as women possess powers of the Greek goddesses, men have qualities of the Greek gods alive in them. Find out which of the eight most powerful Greek gods your man is ruled by and what this says about your love life and your future together. A B 1. What is the most important thing in your man's life? Being right Work Power Having a good time Analyzing people Order Competition Pursuing his dreams A B 2. How would you describe your guy's temperament? Dominating Emotional Erratic Composed Hot-blooded Dramatic Brooding Workaholic A B 3. What about him drives you nuts when it comes to interacting as a couple? He's not comfortable being intimate and is afraid of commitment He's charming – unfortunately, he flirts with other women! He opposes routine, has little self-control and often won't take our relationship seriously He's so mysterious I can't figure him out half the time He's so rational and in control, he likes love to be very orderly, never passionate or spontaneous He's very impulsive and restless – I'm never sure how he will react to situations or if I can count on him to stick around He's very clever, is hard to catch in a lie and often tricks me into letting him get his way He likes to shake things up and often introduces problems just to rattle the safety and comfort of our relationship A B 4. When it comes to sex, he: Is interested in sex, but is uncomfortable and lacks the skills Is an experienced, lust-filled lover – he can't get enough! Is imaginative, intuitive and inspirational Is wild, passionate and a bit of a risk taker Likes to be in control and make love routinely Is unrestrained and passionate – in fact, we have the best sex after we argue Is energetic, graceful and often full of laughter Wants to try new things but, overall, is rather serious in bed A B 5. On a typical Saturday afternoon, your man can often be found: Hanging out at home, often alone Creating something in his workroom Volunteering for or organizing a political campaign Doing something fun with his friends, especially grabbing a drink Sailing, horseback riding, rock climbing or the like Doing something athletic or practicing a musical instrument

Playing a competitive game or sport Taking a walking tour of a new neighborhood or doing something equally new, exciting and fun A B 6. If you were to mention that you're considering changing jobs or going back to work, your man would: Discourage you – he'd rather have you stay home and take care of things than climb the corporate ladder Urge you to find an unstructured work environment – he's opposed to the nine-to-five routine and typical corporate life Make you analyze your reason for wanting to make a change and suggest that the real reason lies in your subconscious Urge you to ask yourself if you're ready for such change, especially if it will disrupt the life the two of you share Tell you to go for it, no matter what the consequences Encourage you to go after your dream Encourage you to weigh the negatives against the positives Bring his own job into the discussion – he's rather obsessed with work A B 7. When it comes to relationship arguments, your man: Is uncomfortable arguing and not very good at making his point Is a true strategist and wins most disputes Gets very emotional and, if he feels wronged, can really fly off the handle Can get out of control and, when wronged, is extremely vengeful Likes to look at the situation calmly and rationally – he won't fight when emotions are high well fed, etc. Is easily angered and actually enjoys a good fight Is good at fixing problematic situations – he always has good solutions Isn't afraid of emotional upheavals – he thinks we can all learn a lot from difficult times A B 8. What profession do you think your man would be best at? Psychologist, psychiatrist or grief counselor Craftsman (such as a jewelry maker) or inventor Politician, business executive, school president or headmaster Bar/club/restaurant owner or rock star Adventure guide or writer Musician, healer or professional athlete Military or entrepreneurial Travel agent, tour guide or public relations person A B 9. At a party, your man can be found: Holding court – he loves to be center stage Pouring drinks and making sure everyone has a great time Partying hard – he tends to get a little out of control Having a conversation with one or two people in a quiet corner Dancing like a madman on the dance floor Delivering drinks and playing CDs – he's the spirit of the party Frowning in the corner, waiting to go home Helping organize everything by making sure everyone is comfortable and A B 10. Which of the following statements is most true for your man? He's filled with creativity and spontaneity – he's always up to something He keeps to himself and spends much of his time at home He is most content and comfortable when he is working He likes to be in charge and do things his way He loves to party and likes to break the rules He is adventurous and often urges others to take risks, too He's knowledgeable, enjoys intellectual discussions and likes his world to be calm and orderly He is competitive and driven to succeed

How strong is your relationship?
Are you and your partner on the right track? Are you a happy, compatible couple or two people stuck in a miserable routine? Take Couples Counsellor Susan Quilliam's quiz to find out the true state of your relationship

A B 1. You love each other, but do you and your partner like each other? Sometimes you don't like him, but only in passing phases. You like him a lot but often feel he doesn't like you. To be honest, you don't like each other much. Very much - you're best friends. A B 2. How do you both handle money? You can't talk to each other about money without getting angry. With ease - money never causes problems. There are points of friction, but you find a compromise. It can be hard - the difference between your attitudes is irritating. A B 3. Do you talk and listen to each other equally? You end up doing most of the listening or talking. You don't really talk or listen to each other. Yes, you both listen carefully to each other most of the time. You listen when there's something important to be said. A B 4. Faced with a life crisis like redundancy, illness or bereavement, you... Tend to muddle on, trying to keep a stiff upper lip. Both start to fall apart and life becomes a struggle. End up rowing because the strain gets too much. Stand together - when one feels overwhelmed, the other takes over. A B 5. Sex used to be great, but how is it now? It's still great every night. You don't do it as often, but it's still as good. It's okay when it happens, but it's rare. You don't really have sex any more. A B 6. Housework. Who does it? You do everything and it really bugs you. You both do. You do the majority, with him doing the bits he's good at. You do most of it and he'll help when there's a lot to do. A B 7. Every couple has disagreements. How do you resolve them? You argue, but usually come to an agreement. You never truly resolve disputes and they drag on for ages. You sort out the differences with good humour. You never have disagreements and can't understand couples that do. A B 8. When you talk about where you'll both be in five years... There are some objectives that you don't agree on. There are worrying differences between your life goals. You don't discuss the future - your relationship feels too uncertain. You find you share the same goals. A B 9. Compared to how you felt about your partner when you first met, you...

Feel more strongly about him. Feel about the same. Now know his weak points, although you try to ignore them. Feel seriously disillusioned. A B 10. When it comes to give and take, how do you and your partner measure... There's no give and take in your relationship - it's all a fight. You both give and take. Most of the time it's equal, but both of you can be demanding. You give, he takes. A B 11. Someone at the office party makes a pass at you. You... Are quite tempted, but stay faithful. Jump at the chance. Fend him off lightly and tell your partner. Run for your life - it feels dangerous. A B 12. After a boozy party, you and your partner... Go home together and fall asleep. Go home together and argue. Go your separate ways and see each other in the morning. Go home together and make love. A B 13. When you read about other people's relationship problems, you... Feel absolutely sure you'll never suffer from the same issues. Feel even more motivated to get your own problems sorted out. Become aware that your relationship is even worse than you thought. Feel desperately sad for them and realise your luck. A B 14. If you were to describe how your relationship has been so far, you've had... Mostly bad times with occasional good times. Mostly good times, with the odd bad time. All good times - no bad times at all. Equally balanced good and bad times. A B 15. A friend tells you she's seen your partner having lunch with an attractive woman. Would you... Feel worried and wonder what's going on. Realise that your partner is having yet another affair. Reassure her - you know the woman and all about the lunch date. Don't know who the woman is, but feel confident there's no reason to feel suspicious. A B 16. What sort of contact do you have with family and friends? You tend not to mix much - you have enough in each other. One of you has many outside contacts, the other only a few. You're both social, but in separate groups - you have only a few mutual friends. You have a rich mix of family, individual and mutual friends.

Relationship Satisfaction Quiz
A B 1. I strive to change habits of mine that annoy my partner, except for those that really are important to who I am. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 2. I know my partner as a separate individual, not just as someone connected to me. I am able to describe my partner's major concerns, goals, frustrations, and satisfactions. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 3. I notice my partner in positive rather than negative ways. I compliment more than I criticize. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 4. When I am wrong or at fault, I apologize. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 5. I treat my partner with warmth and affection. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 6. I act to make sure that we have leisure and fun together. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 7. I am aware of my shortcomings as a partner and am working to improve them. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 8. In our relationship, I promote my own needs as well as my partner's. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 9. When the opportunity arises, I cooperate with my partner on projects or activities that are meaningful to us both. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 10. I work for reconciliation whenever conflict sets us against each other. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 11. I am responsive to my partner's needs for encouragement and support.

Often Sometimes Rarely A B 12. I promote a sexual relationship that is satisfying to both of us. I am attentive to my partner's sexual needs. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 13. Partly through my own efforts, my partner and I share meaning and satisfactions beyond ourselves – in our religious life, family, mutual friends, and/or common interests and enthusiasms. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 14. I promote fairness and equality in the relationship, in giving, taking, and the sharing of responsibilities – for both of us. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 15. I show that I am fully committed to our relationship – through difficult times, as well as easy. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 16. I handle conflict between us without being threatening, deliberately intimidating, or manipulative. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 17. Despite other commitments – like job, children, house, and community – I make our relationship a priority. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 18. I participate actively with my partner in planning and working for a satisfying future. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 19. I am responsive to my partner's needs for both closeness and space. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 20. I am attentive to my communication with my partner – both to listening well and to sharing myself openly. Often Sometimes Rarely

Who takes up more space?
A B 1. At home, whose personal stuff takes up more space My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 2. When you're watching TV together, who controls the remote My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 3. After an argument, who waits the longest to make up My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 4. Who makes the bigger personal purchases, without getting the other's approval My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 5. Whose tastes in furniture and decoration dominate your home My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 6. Who decides your social life My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 7. Who gets to comment on the other's appearance My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 8. Who gets to say "No!" and really mean it My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 9. Who decides when and how you have sex My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 10. Who gets to be the other's teacher My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 11. Who leaves messes that the other person picks up My partner's Mine

Not applicable A B 12. When there's only one left (e.g., one piece of pie, one soda), who takes it My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 13. Whom do the children take seriously My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 14. Who gets to end the conversation, even though the other person isn't finished My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 15. Whose mood more strongly affects the other My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 16. Whose work is regarded as more important My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 17. Whose aches, pains and burdens get more attention My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 18. Who controls the money My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 19. When you argue, who wins My partner's Mine Not applicable A B 20. Who devotes more time to exercise and recreation My partner's Mine Not applicable

Listening Quiz
A B 1. When my partner wants to talk, I take time to find how s/he wants me to listen. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 2. When my partner shares something important, I strive to find out what is really being said. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 3. When listening is inconvenient or impossible for me, I say so clearly and suggest another time for us to talk. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 4. When I have agreed to listen, I drop whatever else I'm doing and give my partner full attention. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 5. When I'm the listener, I don't respond with advice unless I'm clearly asked to. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 6. When I'm listening, I refrain from disparaging anything that my partner considers serious or important. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 7. In a dispute, when I'm listening I try to be receptive to my partner's point of view. I'm not just preparing my rebuttal. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 8. I am friendly and responsive when I listen, because I understand that positive connection with the speaker is an important part of good listening. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 9. When my partner's negative behavior makes listening difficult for me, I say so, because I want us to communicate well. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 10. Because I want to understand my partner, when I listen I pay attention to feelings as well as words. Often Sometimes Rarely

Expectations Quiz
A B 1. I expect my partner to remain essentially the person I fell in love with at the beginning of our relationship - and not to change in ways that bother me. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 2. I expect my partner to make me happy. That's what a loving partner does. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 3. I expect my partner to have the same sexual needs I do or at least to accommodate mine. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 4. I know my partner's true potential and I expect her/him to strive to reach that potential. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 5. I expect my partner to know what I need without my having to ask. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 6. My basic values about what is meaningful in life are well thought out. I expect my partner to share them. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 7. I expect my partner to have loving or at least friendly feelings toward me. S/he should not feel angry or resentful, especially when I believe that I deserve better. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 8. My friends are important to me. I expect my partner to like them. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 9. When I really need help or support, I expect my partner to provide it, regardness of whether or not s/he has the resources or the time to give what I ask. Often Sometimes Rarely A B 10. A woman is one kind of person, and a man is another. I expect my partner to have the same beliefs about gender identity and roles that I do. Often Sometimes Rarely

Is Your Relationship Affair-Proof?
Let's face it: It's pretty hard not to be tempted by the fruit of another. Handsome strangers, sexy delivery men, charming business associates – affair possibilities are everywhere. So what is it that makes some stay monogamous and others make motel reservations?


1. Kissing between you and your partner is good – no, actually, it's great. You do it when you leave each other in the morning. You do it at the end of the day. You kiss a lot. Yes No


2. You may not be as hot and heavy as you were when you first started dating, but you still have sex at least once a week. Yes No


3. You are so past that stage where you fuss over your face and worry about your wardrobe in order to look good for your partner. Yes No


4. Candlelight dinners, picnics on the beach, midnight swims – all these are distant memories. Worse, you haven't been on an honest-to-goodness date in months. Yes No


5. Just-the-two-of-you time is a must. You go on a romantic weekend getaway at least once every three months. Yes No


6. Gift giving (and receiving) is limited to special days only, such as Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries. Yes No

A B 7. You think that personal problems should be kept in the family. Yes No A B 8. You and your partner are in constant contact. You touch base via phone or e-mail throughout the day. In fact, you always know how to reach each other. Yes No A B 9. And if either of you goes out on the town or away for a weekend, the other is treated to a full account of the time away. Yes No

Test Your Relationship
The following quiz will test the quality of your relationship and how to proceed. Dr. Howard Markman and Dr. Scott Stanley at the Center for Marital and Family Studies, University of Denver, created this scale using 20 years of research in the field of marital health and success. Using the three-point scale below, answer each of the eight questions, and your score results will measure the status of your relationship. The quiz authors caution users to interpret the scores as rough guidelines to help couples assess the degree to which they are experiencing key danger signs in their relationship.


1. Little arguments escalate into ugly fights with accusations, criticisms, name calling or bringing up past hurts. almost never once in awhile frequently

A B 2. My partner criticizes or belittles my opinions, feelings or desires. almost never once in awhile frequently A B 3. My partner seems to view my words or actions more negatively than I mean them to be. almost never once in awhile frequently A B 4. When we have a problem to solve, it is like we are on opposite teams. almost never once in awhile frequently A B 5. I hold back from telling my partner what I really think and feel. almost never once in awhile frequently A B 6. I think seriously about what it would be like to date or marry someone else. almost never once in awhile frequently A B 7. I am lonely in this relationship. almost never once in awhile frequently A B 8. When we argue, one of us withdraws ... that is, doesn't want to talk about it anymore or leaves the scene. almost never once in awhile frequently

How serious is your relationship?
Two weeks, six months, one matter how long you've been going out–it's the perfect relationship. Your romance started with dates (movies, restaurants, picnics...) followed by weekend activities and vacations. You have a great time together. But does that mean you should settle down with him?


B 1. Do you live together? Yes. We're thinking about it. Not yet. We don't intend to move in together anytime soon.


B 2. Do you talk about the future (and your future lives together)? Every day, pretty much. Often, usually when you have time to spend together, like at dinner or weekends. Every now and then, when you're not too tired. Rarely, and the subject gets changed pretty fast.


B 3. When you see other people's children... You already have children (or plan to have some). You want to have children of your own. You think they're adorable, but not for you right now. You wonder what the fuss is all about.


B 4. When he sees other people's children... He already has children (or plans to have some). He wants to have children of his own. He can tolerate them for about a hour. He has no patience for them.


B 5. When you go on vacation... You always go together. You sometimes go together, sometimes separately. You go separately. You can't even remember the last time you went on vacation.


B 6. About his little habits... You notice them. What little habits?. They annoy you (but you don't tell him). They annoy you (and you tell him).


B 7. You fight... About petty things. Never! About serious issues. About anything and everything!


B 8. As for your in-laws: You get along (rather) well. You've only met them once. You've never met them. You don't really get along.


B 9. You make love... Several times per week, when either of you are in the mood. Whenever both of you get the urge to do the horizontal mambo. A couple of times a month. Once a month (if you're lucky).


B 10. Regarding work... You have similar work schedules and habits. One of you usually gets in later than the other, but when you're together, things are fine. One of you needs to spend time alone to "unplug" before you can be together comfortably. You pass each other (you come in when he's leaving and vice versa).

What Are Your Love Ethics?
When it comes to matters of the heart, morality gets a little trickier – or does it? Are you a person who puts her happiness first (all else be darned!) or someone who upholds her code of ethics no matter what? Answer these seven questions and find out.


1. You meet a nice guy who is very serious about everything, including you. You, on the other hand, aren't ready for anything serious. He asks you out. You: a. Say no. You know it will end badly. b. Give it a chance – maybe you'll become interested.


2. Your doctor is kind, single, handsome – and seems attracted to you. You know that with a little effort, you could most likely get a date with him. You: a. Pour on the charm. He's too hot to pass up. b. Tell him you're interested. If he responds in kind, you'll make a date – and get another doctor. c. Forget it! It would make all your previous checkups seem creepy. d. Think both A. and B. are acceptable.


3. You meet a handsome man at the dog run who says he's in the midst of a divorce. You're completely taken with him – and his black Lab. You: a. Start seeing him before the divorce is legal, because you're convinced his marriage is really over. b. Wait until he has moved out and has put the divorce in motion.


4. Your best friend's boyfriend tells you he is breaking up with your friend. He also tells you he's in love – with you! You've always harbored feelings for him too. You: a. Tell him it could never happen. It would hurt your friend too much. b. Tell him the only way you'd move forward is if your friend gave you permission. c. Go for it, but tell him that the two of you have to be discreet and let some time pass before you tell people. d. Wait until your friend is in love with someone else and then date him.


5. Your new co-worker is quite sexy – and married. He wants you but intends to stay with the missus. You aren't in the market for a real relationship anyway. You: a. Flirt and enjoy the attention, but you don't take it to the next level. b. Have sex with him from time to time. You aren't in it for love; it's functional and safe for both of you. c. Spend a lot of time together but don't flirt or have sex. d. Stay away from him!

A B 6. You're interested in dating more than one man. You: a. Tell your date that you're not interested in "going steady" with anyone. b. Don't share your intention to date around, but when asked point-blank by your date about exclusivity, you don't lie. c. Explain to your date that your private life is private. You don't want to know what he does when he's not with you – and the reverse should apply. d. Think any of the above are acceptable. A B 7. You're divorced and meet a really great guy who excites you. The snag: He's not much older than your 19-year-old son. You: a. Choose not to inform your son about the guy's age. You don't want him to resent your new beau. b. Say goodbye to the guy. A relationship with him would be just too traumatic for your son. c. Sit your son down and tell him about your new love interest. Honor his response, but emphasize that you are serious about this relationship. d. Ask your son to accept your new beau in the same manner that you accept his dates.

Are You Waiting to Be Rescued by Mr. Right?
Yes, yes, of course you tell Mom, nosy coworkers and your domestic helper that you're just fine being alone. But are you enjoying every single day to the fullest? Let's find out. A B 1. In what style is your home furnished? Furnished? Oh, you mean other than boxes and beanbags? Won't I have plenty of time (and money) for that kind of homey stuff when I'm married? Your manse is part Ikea/part hand-me-downs from the folks – it doesn't feel entirely comfortable, but it'll do for now Your home could be pictured on the pages of an interior design magazine A B 2. Your boss offers you a promotion with a raise and more responsibility. You: Accept, do a little victory dance and take yourself shopping Turn it down – extra hours would cut down on time spent mingling (and man hunting) Accept, but with a little trepidation – what if your next date is the type who is threatened by a successful woman? A B 3. It's your birthday, and there is no man in the picture. Your plans are: A quiet dinner with your close chick friends – it'll be fun, but it would be even better if you had a date The best possible plans a gal could have – you're throwing yourself a small dinner party with close friends and family A quiet night on your own – celebrating important days with girlfriends is nice, but a little depressing A B 4. You've been invited to be in your best friend's bridal party. As her big day draws near, what do you honestly feel? Pure, unadulterated envy – when, oh when, will it be your turn? Happiness mixed with wistfulness – she deserves the best, but if life were truly fair you'd be getting hitched as well Joy, for her as well as for yourself – both of you are where you want to be in your lives A B 5. You've accrued a week's vacation time. You decide to: Enroll in a writing workshop – you've always dreamed of trying your hand at a novel Stay home – solo vacations just aren't fun, and this way you'll have a chance to relax and catch up on sleep and chores Go to Club Med – you like the beach, but it might end up being a real bore on your own A B 6. You are on a blind date that is going well. You: Try not to get your hopes up but can't help mentally telling your friends, "I met the one!" Decide this evening is more proof that life is full of pleasant surprises Wonder when he'll call to ask you on a second date A B 7. You arrive at a friend's dinner party only to discover that you're the sole single person. Your reaction is: To invent a case of food poisoning and split – you could find a million other things to do that would be way more fun To make the best of it --maybe someone here knows a single guy To enjoy the good food and stimulating conversation A B 8. Someone you've been dating for two weeks suddenly displays a nasty little possessive streak when another man looks at you. What is your reaction? You break things off – this guy's got a bad temper, and you just can't be bothered with it You wish he was more easygoing, but you're not about to let something so small get in the way of a potentially great relationship You tell him there is no cause for jealousy and decide that if he acts inappropriately again you'll reevaluate the relationship A B 9. For months you've been walking around feeling blue. You: Go on a vacation – a change of scenery always does wonders for the blues, and maybe you'll meet someone interesting Consider going to therapy and determining the root of the problem once and for all Figure you'll feel better when your luck changes – in every department A B 10. At a family gathering your nosy Aunt Sarah asks if there's a wedding in the offing. You: Lie and say you're seeing someone seriously – you don't need her bugging you Get defensive and say, "I'm still single, which suits me but obviously not you. Sorry to be a disappointment." Laugh and insist, "Sorry, I'm still single and loving it."

Is Your Bedroom a Love Nest or a Last Resort?
Location, location, location: what's true for real estate also holds for relationships, especially of the amorous variety. When you're planning a night of romance, remember to take the setting into account: love is a dish best served in a warm, irresistible atmosphere. So take this quiz to see if your bedroom invites intimacy¡or an exterminator!

A B 1. Your bedroom television is: tucked in a corner at the foot of your bed nonexistent: you keep it in the living room A B 2. The last time you bought flowers for your bedroom: you hadn't even thrown out your last bouquet yet you loved the unexpected color you were hosting a wake A B 3. What's the pillow situation on your bed? I have one much-loved pillow dating from the days when I also slept with a teddy bear I have a mountain of fluffy, sleep-worthy cushions I have two or three, but one's a little flat A B 4. The windows in your bedroom are treated with: curtains in a fabric you love, perfect for creating a cozy, dim atmosphere unadorned mini-blinds, perfect for keeping the light out opulent, thick drapes, perfect for keeping things dark and mysterious A B 5. Your bed is: fit for an empress comfy but nothing special a twin size A B 6. Your mattress is: king-sized or full of water a double, just the firmness you like on the floor A B 7. Your sheets are: the ones you took to college, and/or decorated with ladybugs satin, silk, or Egyptian cotton: nothing but the best for me smooth, fresh, and delicious to slide into A B 8. If you want some music in your bedroom: you've got some favorite disks at the ready you turn up the stereo in the living room and keep the door open a crack you grab the remote for your state-of-the-art, discreetly hidden sound system with 25-cd changer A B 9. What creates your bedroom's signature scent? the candles you love to light at night the perfume you spray on yourself in the morning your laundry bag A B 10. If preparing your bedroom for a special night with your sweetheart, your first step would be: shoving some stuff into the closet scattering rose petals on the bed lighting a candle or a dim lamp

What Type of Friend Are You?
You love your friends because of the unique gifts that make them so special, and so indispensable – there's the friend who seems to know everything, the friend who takes care of you like a sister (or a mom!), the friend who always seems to have an idea for a great night out, and the friend you call because she has the magical ability to settle any conflict. So what kind of friend are you? Take this test to find out!

A B 1. The most important thing to you in a friendship is:
Never having to spend a Saturday night alone Looking out for each other How much you can learn from each other Sharing milestones with people you care about

A B 2. Your group of friends can be best characterized as:
Not quite a group – you tend to hang out with people individually A loving, if somewhat flaky, crew Your affectionately-tended flock of lost sheep A big, fun crowd

A B 3. You and your best friend are most like which TV twosome:
Laverne and Shirley – you're always taking her on adventures Grace and Karen from Will and Grace – you're close, but you're very independent Lily and Judy from Once and Again – you're her rock Rachel and Monica from Friends – you take care of each other

A B 4. When two of your friends are fighting, you:
Are always asked for advice on how to resolve the conflict Step in, remind them how close they are, and insist they make up Sometimes end up fueling the fires, depending on who you agree with Try to stay out of it

A B 5. Your best friend just got dumped. You can be counted on to:
Suggest some comforting solo activities you love that may help her feel better: reading, long walks, movies¡ Prove beyond a doubt that he wasn't that great anyway and she's better off without him Provide a ready shoulder to cry on and as many long hugs and late-night talks as she needs Take her out and introduce her to a new guy

A B 6. You go out with your friends:
When you organize the entire night and get in touch with everybody Whenever you can sense that one of them could use some cheering up When you come up with a great idea for something fun to do together When you can find the time

A B 7. Your favorite thing to do with your friends is:
Meet for drinks or coffee and catch up Get together at a favorite haunt and talk all night Make a great meal and relax together Go out and do something different and stimulating

A B 8. When you're hurt or upset, you tend to want your friends to:
Help you forget your problems Leave you alone until you've sorted things out Give you some good advice Gather around and comfort you

A B 9. If you were a woodland creature, you'd be a:
Wise owl Protective bear Busy rabbit Independent wolf

A B 10. Which of the following would your friends say you are?
Fiercely independent Old Reliable A great listener The Energy Ball from Mars

What Kind of Lover Are You?
The word "love" means different things to different people. And each of us has his or her own style of falling in love and loving someone. Do you put more emphasis on friendship first? Need to feel the romantic spark right away? Find out what type of lover you are with this quiz! When answering you may consider a current, past or future relationship.

A B 1. When it comes to falling in love, your philosophy is that: Love cannot exist unless you have had caring feelings for a while Prospective partners shouldn't commit until they know each other's life goals You know it's love when you start to care more about the other person than yourself Love is a gut feeling, or love at first sight is possible A B 2. You know someone is right for you when: You have the feeling that you would do anything to help this person You feel turned on from a touch, embrace or kiss The two of you can talk to each other like long lost friends The two of you have the same goals in life A B 3. You're comfortable making a relationship physical when: A deep enough intimacy has developed (and that kind of thing can't be rushed) The other person is comfortable with it You both want to (generally early on) Actually, it often takes you quite a while before you realize you are physically attracted A B 4. What kind of love relationship is the most satisfying for you personally? Intensely passionate Long-lasting relationships are definitely the best One that help me move forward with my life One that teaches me new things about relationships

A B 5. What is your major criterion for choosing a life partner? The quality of how we treat each other That we share an intense and powerful desire for each other Whether he or she will be a good parent Someone whose background is similar to your own A B 6. What's your idea of a fun evening out with a partner? Catching a movie and grabbing some dessert Whatever he or she wants is the real key to fun Fireplace, blanket, privacy? Long dinner, long talk A B 7. When you are old, you want people to say that you: Lived life to the fullest Were beloved by many people Were successful in life and in love Lived a life of service to others A B 8. What's the very first thing you were attracted to about your current partner or your most recent flame? The way he or she treats me His/Her physical appearance His/Her personality His/Her ambition, drive or potential A B 9. How long did it take you to realize that love might be a possibility with this person? After 3 to 5 dates After the first emotionally connecting moment The first time we touched, I knew We were in a relationship for quite a while before I realized I was in love A B 10. In general, when it comes to dating, you: Like to start as friends, then date Hesitate to date anyone you could not ultimately fall in love with Watch for behavior that demonstrates respect Enjoy dating attractive people A B 11. The best kind of love: Involves two people sacrificing for one another Is intense and passionate Develops from a long friendship Requires two people working together to achieve their life goals A B 12. If you had to choose the most important aspect of a love relationship, what would it be? Helping each other be successful in life Respect Passion Raising a family

Are You Meant for Each Other?
No relationship is perfect, but there are signs that show when two people are especially compatible. Are you and your man meant to be together? Answer these 14 questions and find out if your relationship will last.

A B 1. When you and your honey want to spend a romantic evening together, you: Almost always agree on what would make for the perfect night Usually disagree about what's romantic and what you should do Make sure to do a little something you enjoy and a little something he enjoys A B 2. If your man were to send you flowers, they would probably be: Whatever's in season Exactly the kind that you love A dozen roses – its hard to go wrong with this classic A B 3. What's the first thing you would do after returning from a weeklong trip away from your honey? Ask about his week while leafing through the mail Call your mother Give him a kiss A B 4. What's the first thing your honey would do after returning from a weeklong trip away from you? Give you a kiss Ask about your week while leafing through the mail Call his mother A B 5. When you and your S.O. argue, you: Complain to your friends but never seem to resolve the issue together Usually talk it out and make up fairly quickly Keep your distance from each other until the anger subsides A B 6. When you want to know how your guy really feels about you, you: Hint around, trying to get him to say something positive Wait it out – you'd only annoy him if you bothered him with silly questions Ask him A B 7. You and your man are out to dinner with another couple. You're discussing a controversial subject and the three of them all agree, but you don't. When you assert your opinion, your S.O.: Encourages you to make your point Stares at his food Puts you down or waves off what you say A B 8. What do you and your man argue about? Every little thing – where to eat dinner, the way he might look at the waitress when you get there Important things – how you save and spend money, whether you're both ready to commit Various things – one partner working too much, which one of you is a better driver A B 9. During a girls' night out, the man of your dreams (he's handsome, funny, charming and attracted to you!) hits on you. If there were no way that your partner could ever find out, would you cheat on him? You doubt it – it wouldn't be worth it Probably – what would it hurt? Never! A B 10. You sometimes look at your single friends with: Pity – you can't help it, you know how great it feels to be in love Empathy – you know how tough it is to be single Envy – you can't help it, their lives seems like so much fun

A B 11. If you spotted your man talking to an attractive woman at a party, you would: Go find other people to socialize with Join him and make sure the woman knows you're a couple Ask him if he's more interested in her than in you A B 12. If you went out with a girlfriend from work and forgot to call your partner to tell him you'd be late, how would he react? He might not even notice He'd be worried about you He'd be suspicious of what you were up to A B 13. The word that best fits the way you feel about your guy is: Like – definitely strong like Need – you can't imagine getting through a day without him Love – and it feels great A B 14. Your friends and family think your partner is: Pretty terrific – they've formed quite an impression by now A good guy, but they still need to get to know him better Nonexistent – they haven't even met him

How Realistic Are Your Expectations of Marriage?
Unrealistic marital expectations can spell trouble for a marriage. Answer these seven true/false questions to find out if misconceptions are clouding your vision of a happy – and healthy – marriage. This quiz is excerpted from "The Divorce Remedy" by Michele Weiner Davis, and accompanies the "Repair Your Relationship" workshop.

1. Conflict and anger are signs that your relationship is failing. 2.You're more likely to divorce if you have different likes and dislikes and interests, and come from different backgrounds. 3.In healthy relationships, major disagreements always get resolved over time. 4.In healthy marriages, both spouses have the same definition of what it means to be loving. 5.People just fall out of love. 6.An affair doesn't have to ruin a marriage. 7.Most people are much happier in their second marriages because they've learned from their mistakes.

What's Your Fighting Style?
How do you vent your gripes? Discovering your fighting style is the first step toward cooling the conflict in your relationship. Take this quiz to find out your arguing attitude and learn what you can do to change your ways – and achieve relationship harmony.


1. Your partner accuses you of doing something that upset him, but you don't think you did anything wrong. What do you do? Ask him to explain why he thinks you were wrong, as you want to understand what you did – that way, you can try not to do it again Say something like, "Of course I was wrong, I'm always wrong, aren't I!" and stomp out of the room – you hate how he's always blaming you for everything Use that opportunity to bring up something he did that upset you Apologize anyway – he's probably right that you were in the wrong

A B 2. During an argument with your partner, you often: Fail to make the point you were trying to make Ask your partner to explain his feelings, and do the same yourself Say things you regret later Rehash old points of conflict A B 3. You wish your partner would show you more affection. What do you do? Say to him, "You're as romantic as a stuffed doll!" Accuse him of not loving you anymore – if he did, he would be more affectionate Nothing – you can't change him Tell him you'd like it if he showed you more affection, and give a few examples of what he might do to fulfill your needs 4. Your husband forgets to tell you that he has to work all weekend. If you'd known in advance that A B you'd be the only parent on duty, you would have arranged the kids' schedule to make it easier on yourself. You can't help feeling steamed. What do you do? Make sure he understands before he leaves why you're so upset – with any luck, next time he'll remember to warn you about such plans ahead of time Say, "You're so selfish – don't you ever think about anyone else but yourself?" Say, "You owe me big time, buddy – next weekend, I'm out of here and you're in charge!" Remind yourself that it's not his fault he has to work A B 5. At a party, you catch your mate paying special attention to an attractive blonde, so you: Socialize in another room – there's no reason you have to watch him acting like an idiot Wait until you're driving home and tell him how terrible it makes you feel when he pays more attention to other women than he does to you Walk right up to him and say, "Maybe you'd rather go home with her than me!" Find a handsome man to flirt with and make sure your mate notices A B 6. Your children have left their toys/books/clothes all over the place and your husband let them go outside to play without cleaning up. When you confront the mess, you: Ask, "Are your eyes not working today – do you not see this mess?" Appoint your husband Mr. Clean Up – maybe next time he'll get the kids to do it Clean it up yourself – no one else is going to do it Ask your husband how he thinks it makes you feel when he fails to discipline the kids A B 7. Your partner has failed to do the dishes again and you wake up to a mess. What do you do? Threaten to never cook again if he leaves one more dirty dish in the sink! Toss everything into the dishwasher just to get it out of your sight Tell him that next time you'd really appreciate it if he would take care of the dishes before bed because it

ruins your day to wake up to a mess Storm out of the house without speaking to him A B 8. How often do you raise your voice during a fight with your partner? Often – your blood boils and you can't help screaming As often as you need to – sometimes that's the only way to get your point across Almost never – you know your partner doesn't like it Rarely – you'd rather talk it out than yell at each other A B 9. Which fighting strategy are you most apt to use? Talk, talk and more talk Yelling, yelling and more yelling – how else can you really get his attention? Withholding sex to get your way, or tears – that always gets him Apologizing just to smooth things over – you hate arguing

Do You Fight Fair?
Sparring may bring you closer - if done correctly. Sure, you fight – about money, sex, his dirty socks on the floor or your damp stockings hanging in the bathtub. Fighting is perfectly normal, and it doesn't mean your relationship is doomed. It's how you handle these fights that predicts whether you'll be together for the long haul. Take this quiz to see if you're a prizefighter or a playground bully.

A B 1. Arguing stresses me out, so when we fight, I usually withdraw and hide my real feelings. 2. I think expressing negativity just makes things worse. 3. I have trouble sticking to the issue at hand and often bring up things from the past that have annoyed me. After all, we're fighting anyway. 4. I'm always analyzing my guy's personality and pointing out things that upset me. For example, I say things such as "If you weren't so stubborn, this never would have happened!" 5. When we argue, I often feel about one millisecond away from exploding. 6. I wait until I'm 100% certain that I am right about an issue before bringing it up. 7. When I get really mad, the insults fly. 8. When we argue, I often feel disgusted with my partner – and I let him know it. 9. If my partner criticizes me for something, I reciprocate by telling him how he falls short. 10. When my partner doesn't seem to get what I'm saying during an argument, I'll repeat my point several times. 11. I admit it: Sometimes during an argument I'm barely listening to my partner, because I'm too busy thinking about my next retort. 12. I feel as if we have the same fight over and over.

How Strong Is Your Relationship?
Take this test to find out if your relationship is healthy – or hurting.

A B 1. When you and your partner disagree, is it more important to you to:
Find a mutually agreeable solution Get your own way

A B 2. Who do you hold responsible for your happiness?
My partner Myself 3. When your partner is responsible for a problem that arises in your relationship, are you A B quicker to: Forgive Blame 4. When you are responsible for a problem that arises in your relationship, are you quicker A B to: Get defensive Apologize

A B 5. What stands out more strongly in your mind?
What my partner has done right What my partner has done wrong

A B 6. What do you call attention to more frequently?
The times my partner doesn't really try The times my partner puts forth effort in our relationship

A B 7. When you need your partner's help or support with something, do you:
Clearly and directly ask for help Expect your partner to read your mind 8. Do you do things behind your mate's back that you wouldn't do in front of him or her? A B (Be honest!) Yes No

How Romantic Are You?
Some people drip l'amour from every pore – their idol is Sinatra, not Slayer – while others would rather wax poetic about the joys of waxing the floor. Where do you fit in? Take this 12-question quiz to find out just how romantic you are and how that's affecting your love life.

A B 1. What's your ideal way to spend a dream evening? In a hot-air balloon, drinking champagne with my beloved Painting the kitchen of our new home together Cuddling with my dog – a creature who is woman's best friend A B 2. The guy you've been seeing for a month proposes. You: Make him return the ring immediately, but not before breaking up with him Squeal with delight and get that rock on in record time Tell him I'm tempted but feel the two of us need to know each other better before taking such a big step

A B 3. If you could view your life on DVD, what would it look like? The Complete Collection of Martha Stewart Programs Boys on the Side Casablanca A B 4. Which article of clothing would you be most eager to receive from your lover? Victoria's Secret's hottest number The dress he knows I've had my eye on Hmm ... Actually, a gift certificate would be better A B 5. When it comes to blind dates, you think: "Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't" "It's easier for freaks to just meet me at the bar" "Kismet could bring Mr. Right and me together" A B 6. What do you want most from a relationship? A partner who provides me with tons of romantic and sensual surprises A companion to share life's ups and downs with Someone who I can still be friends with if we call it quits A B 7. Where is your dream honeymoon spot? Thailand – it's fascinating An island in the Caribbean – it's private Disney World – it's fun A B 8. What card game would you most likely play with your honey? Go Fish War Strip Poker A B 9. What do you wear to bed? Whatever's lying around Just a smile Flannel PJs A B 10. Of the following three, which food would you rather eat? Oatmeal Anything with garlic Oysters A B 11. What gift are you planning on giving your sweetie for Valentine's Day? A love sonnet that could rival one written by Shakespeare The one thing he's been wishing for (CD, toolbox, shirt, whatever) Nothing special – Valentine's Day is just a day for the greeting card and floral industries to gouge couples A B 12. If you picked up the phone at your guy's apartment or office and heard him talking to a woman, you would instantly assume: He was cheating – the cad! It was a friend of mine and he was planning a surprise party for me He was talking to a female acquaintance – after all, I have plenty of male friends

Are You Really "Just Friends"?
The two of you are spending scads of time together, but how can you tell if all this coziness is leading anywhere? Answer this 10 question friendship quiz and find out if your friendship is steady – or soon to be something more.

A B 1. How often do you see each other? About once a week Only occasionally Every day A B 2. Have you met your male friend's friends? Yes, he made it a point to introduce me to them Yes, but only because we've run into them on occasion No, I hardly even know who they are A B 3. If he's got serious problems at work or in some other aspect of his life, you're likely to find out about it by: Mental telepathy – he has his "all's right with the world" face on when we're together His confiding the details and asking my advice Accidentally overhearing him discuss his woes with someone else A B 4. Does "the future" ever come up in conversation? Well, he bought us tickets to a baseball game that's a month away Hm, now that I think of it, not really – we hardly even discuss the coming weekend Yes – he talks about where we will spend next summer together A B 5. If you ask him to do a favor for you, he is: Johnny on the spot The man with good intentions but a thousand excuses Mr. Invisible A B 6. His romantic history shows him to be the type who: Has loved – and left – quite a few Can easily make a commitment Hasn't shut the door on marriage but is scarred by past failures A B 7. The longer you know each other: The more I realize that there is a lot to learn about what makes him tick The more frustrating it becomes that we still feel like casual buddies The better we know each other and the closer we become A B 8. Whenever you dial his cell phone: He answers immediately He calls me back within a few hours He calls back just as I'm about to file a missing-person report A B 9. It's your birthday. What type of present will you most likely get from him? A funny e-card Jewelry A CD A B 10. Do you feel secure that you're the only woman in his life? Definitely ... well, almost definitely – he doesn't talk about other women, but sometimes I get the sense they're around Unfortunately not – in fact, I feel pretty secure that I'm not the only woman in his life Absolutely – he doesn't even seem to look at other women!

Is He the One? - 10 Questions to Ask Yourself
Want to know whether your current Mr. Right could be your mate for life? In this excerpt from "Is He the One? 101 Questions That Will Lead You to the Truth, Whatever That Is", author Susan Swimmer says the honest answers to a few key questions could help you find out. Here are 10 to get you started:

A B 1. Does he think he's a lucky guy? You'd like to think that he is a man who understands that life is made up of part luck and part hard work, and that both elements will affect him at some point. A man who thinks himself lucky in any way is someone who radiates gratitude, which in turn creates an aura of joyousness. And that's all good. But what really matters is that, at the very least, he is a man who feels wildly fortunate to have you in his life, because a guy who feels that way will make sure you know you're adored. And how lucky is that? 2. Are his little faults things you can handle? Everyone is bugged by something. Does he drink directly from the carton? Hang sweaty clothes on the bathroom door? Stockpile old newspapers? Say no more. Ladies, there will always be habits that could drive you batty enough to head for the door, if you let them. But accepting someone, little faults and all, is part of love. You've got to think big picture here: Don't let his habit of rattling ice in a glass cloud your vision of a man who's caring, respectful, honest and loving. And that's to say nothing of the fact that you crack your knuckles and leave half-empty coffee cups all over the house. 3. Can you name the parts of you that he finds most beautiful? If you know right now, without asking, that he loves the small of your back, or the way your belly sort of bulges when you lie on your side, or that your cheeks are the softest part of your face, then he must have told you more than once. And that's a beautiful thing. 4. Would he take the last sip of milk for his morning coffee? Even in a sleep-deprived, late-for-work, barely-able-to-select-a-tie stupor, the man who leaves you the last splash of milk for your coffee is a man who understands consideration. If he thinks to take your needs into account when it comes to all of life's little "I'm thinking of you" gestures, then he probably knows what they add up to. 5. Can he keep a secret? Not all secrets are the same, and we all know that. Some are meant to be told and others are meant to be taken to the grave. That you got drunk one night might be a secret that gets told in the form of a funny story. That you have an STD might be one you'd like to take to the grave. What's most important is that the two of you categorize secrets, both large and small, in the same way. 6. Do you know how much money he has? Not to the penny, but a ballpark figure. And here's the catch: You should know because the two of you have discussed it openly and honestly, not because you surreptitiously accessed his computer files while he was grilling out back. 7. Has he seen you when you're at your worst? Worse than no makeup. Beyond bad hair. We're talking about the really evil side of you that's a brutal cocktail of bitter depression, stunning irritability and Olympic-level bitchiness. It's the you that nobody should be subjected to. You know the you we're talking about here. Yes, that one. If he's seen that you and he can handle it without calling 911, then he may be a keeper. 8. Does he kiss you firmly? A listless, uncommitted kiss is like a limp, clammy handshake (nice to meet you, sort of). Even the most gentle, tender kiss needs to feel like it knows where it's going. 9. Does he wear a seatbelt? Wearing a seatbelt is a tiny gesture that says he cares about himself and his well-being. Like eating vegetables. Or wearing sunscreen. Takes a minute, lasts a lifetime. 10. Is he fun? A fun man is someone who enjoys life. He laughs at jokes, enjoys a good meal, finds entertainment and dances when the mood strikes. There's a certain youthful lightness to a man who's fun, because he knows how to live in the moment – he takes a good look at his surroundings, sees the potential, and partakes of the possibilities. Now that sounds like fun.

Great Expectations: 7 Lies about Marriage
By John W. Jacobs, M.D. Couples therapist and author John W. Jacobs, M.D., has found a pattern in the people he counsels: Their expectations of marriage are often so unrealistic that even the strongest of relationships doesn't stand a chance. In this excerpt from his book All You Need Is Love and Other Lies about Marriage, he explains what he calls "The Seven Lies of Marriage":

Lie #1: All you need is love.
The reality is that marital bliss is a myth. Unconditional love, necessary for babies and small children, doesn't – and shouldn't – exist between marital partners. We live in a culture that stresses a preoccupation with personal happiness above all. As long as we raise our children, especially girls, to believe that marriage is the solution to life's problems and essential for personal happiness, we will continue to have many couples marrying with little appreciation for the true difficulties and complexities of married life. Couples come to my office deeply shocked: "We love each other so much. Why are we so unhappy?" Myths that suggest that romantic love is sufficient to create marital bliss leave people unskilled in developing and unprepared to manage sustained intimate relationships. As wonderful as love is, love doesn't conquer all, and alone it certainly won't prevent or solve your marital problems. For that, you need to understand the nature of marriage, learn specific skills and accept that regularly applying these skills requires diligence and hard work.

Lie #2: I talk all the time; my spouse just doesn't listen.
The reality is that most of us talk ourselves to death, but we actually communicate very poorly. We live in an era that encourages us to be open about our feelings but doesn't teach us how to differentiate between helpful and harmful feelings. Very few of us know how to speak or listen effectively. Television talk shows are filled with marital experts who advise us to "tell it like it is" and be "brutally honest" so our partners will know how we really feel and what we really need. The truth is that brutal honesty too often encourages brutality more than honesty. Spouses use their version of the truth to bludgeon their partners into submission. Books such as John Gray's Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus and Deborah Tannen's You Just Don't Understand do an excellent job of explaining how men and women's communication styles can differ. However, I have found that problems in communication go far beyond these stylistic differences. Communication problems often hide serious differences in values, interests, goals and desires. Even when spouses learn how to "communicate" with each other effectively, they are often surprised to find that they have major differences that are difficult to resolve. So, improving communication alone is not the solution to most marital problems. It is only the first step.

Lie #3: People don't really change.
Of course, the couples who come to my office tell me they want to change. (More often, what they really want is for me to change their spouse, whom they see as the one really in the wrong.) However, many people today believe that deep down, people can't change all that much or that nothing in a marriage can change unless both partners change. These incorrect and pessimistic beliefs sabotage efforts to improve the marriage. The truth is that most people go about trying to change their relationships in unproductive ways, get frustrated by the results and then claim that this outcome proves that people don't change. Also, many of us are so fearful of real change that we run for the escape hatch rather than commit to the hard work involved in getting what we say we want. And even if one partner is adamantly set against change, there's a lot the other partner can do to foster change in the marriage anyway. Change is always possible.

Lie #4: When you marry, you create your own family legacy.
You may live far away from your family of origin, but now that you have your own family, their grip on you is tighter than ever. When we become husbands, wives and parents, the models we saw and leftover conflicts we experienced within our families of origin emerge from our psyches and take over our intimate relationships. Our grandparents were likely to live close to their parents (if not in the same house), see each other often and stay personally involved in each other's day-to-day lives. Today, in our highly mobile society, we tend to live farther from our parents. Paradoxically, their influence may be greater than ever; because they're not around, we're less likely to be aware of how we unthinkingly act in line or in opposition to the way they raised us. It's especially shocking to find that your family seriously influences you if you have consciously chosen to behave differently from them. Spouses who don't appreciate the power their original families exert on their values and styles tend to have particularly tenacious problems in their marriages.

Lie #5: Egalitarian marriage is easier than traditional marriage.
In the newer, egalitarian model of marriage, the expectation is that while not every chore will be split fifty/fifty, family responsibilities should be divided fairly, and decision-making power will be shared. The husband in this model respects his wife's work and shares in family life, never insisting on being in control based on financial earnings or gender. Equality in theory is wonderful; in reality, spouses in trouble often are conflicted over gender role expectations and responsibilities. Men tend to feel unappreciated for what they do well, that is, for working hard away from home and for any chores they agree to do in the house. Likewise, women who work away from the home and then return to care for their households and children often feel equally unappreciated for their extra work. In The Second Shift, sociologist Arlie Hochschild makes the point that women are caught in a "stalled revolution." Seventy percent of married women work outside the home and then return to huge responsibilities at home with minimal or no help from the average husband or from social institutions. Many working mothers are overworked and exhausted, and some ultimately become bitter about their overburdened lives. Hochschild believes that the stress on marriage caused by the pressures of this "stalled revolution" is central to women's dissatisfaction with modern marriage and will not be resolved until men fully accept their share of household responsibilities. The confusion over gender-role expectations, the mutual feeling of insufficient appreciation and the unresolved resentment this fosters between spouses are killing many marriages.

Lie #6: Children solidify a marriage.
Let's speak the unspeakable: Children are an enormous threat to your marriage. It's very, very difficult to admit that the children you love so much can drive a wedge into your life as a couple, especially if one of the reasons you got married in the first place was to have a family. However, the reality is that in a world where married partners already work too hard and don't spend enough time with each other, the addition of children to your life usually eats up the remaining physical and emotional energy you had for each other. Even when you love your children fiercely, even when you thought you were prepared for the tremendous dislocation they would cause (who hasn't heard a million stories about the sleepless nights with newborns, the perils of toddlers, the terrors of teens?), your natural devotion to your children will tear your marriage down to its bedrock. If you have a child with any kind of additional difficulty – a physical or mental disability, a challenging temperament, ADHD – you will have to fight that much harder to save your marriage. Let's just say it: If you want to preserve your marriage, your children cannot always come first. As counterintuitive as it may sound, in your marriage, your spouse must come first, not only for your sake but also so that your children can grow up within an intact family.

Lie #7: The sexual revolution has made great sex easier than ever.
The veil of secrecy surrounding sex has been ripped away. The best-seller list is plump with books on how to get and give great sexual pleasure. Magazines offer the latest tricks of the trade. Even the toniest literary journals sport ads touting instructional videotapes. Men and women regularly confess their sexual issues on talk shows; there isn't any problem too embarrassing to discuss. Television entertainments put sex front and center; characters discuss their sex lives and add new partners as readily and casually as they change wardrobes. Thanks to the invasion of the media, from the most seemingly innocuous sitcom to the steamiest porn video, your life is saturated with images of beautiful people having great sex all the time. So if sex is everywhere, and if information about how to have it is more readily available than ever, why aren't you having more fun in your own bed? It's because the two of you are never really alone there; those ubiquitous images of everyone else having great sex have paradoxically made it more difficult for you to relax and have a satisfying sex life. Even if you joke about these unrealistic portrayals of people who are never exhausted by the toll of work and children, whose waistlines are never threatened by the twin specters of Krispy Kreme and advancing age, and whose libido is never dimmed by a partner's bad breath or the mountain of unpaid bills on the dresser – you are still powerfully influenced by them. They make you feel that you or your partner can never measure up, that there's someone out there who's more attractive to you or will be more attracted by you, and that you are missing out because everyone else is having more fun than you are. They make you believe that the natural evolution of a relationship, from the dazzling fireworks of infatuation and early courtship to the steadier, calmer flame of a mature partnership, represents loss of pleasure and acceptance of the mundane.

Related Interests