Stress Management

How to Reduce, prevent, and Cope with Stress

It may seem that there’s nothing you can do about your stress level. The bills aren’t going to stop
coming, there will never be more hours in the day for all your errands, and your career or family
responsibilities will always be demanding. But you have a lot more control than you might think.
In fact, the simple realization that you’re in control of your life is the foundation of stress
management.

Managing stress is all about taking charge: taking charge of your thoughts, your emotions, your
schedule, your environment, and the way you deal with problems. The ultimate goal is a
balanced life, with time for work, relationships, relaxation, and fun – plus the resilience to hold
up under pressure and meet challenges head on.

In This Article:

 Identify sources of stress

 Look at how you cope with stress
 Avoid unnecessary stress
 Alter the situation
 Adapt to the stressor
 Accept the things you can’t change
 Make time for fun and relaxation
 Adopt a healthy lifestyle
 Related links

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Identify the sources of stress in your life
Stress management starts with identifying the sources of stress in your life. This isn’t as easy as
it sounds. Your true sources of stress aren’t always obvious, and it’s all too easy to overlook your
own stress-inducing thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Sure, you may know that you’re
constantly worried about work deadlines. But maybe it’s your procrastination, rather than the
actual job demands, that leads to deadline stress.

To identify your true sources of stress, look closely at your habits, attitude, and excuses:

 Do you explain away stress as temporary (“I just have a million things going on right
now”) even though you can’t remember the last time you took a breather?
 Do you define stress as an integral part of your work or home life (“Things are always
crazy around here”) or as a part of your personality (“I have a lot of nervous energy,
that’s all”).
 Do you blame your stress on other people or outside events, or view it as entirely normal
and unexceptional?

Until you accept responsibility for the role you play in creating or maintaining it, your stress
level will remain outside your control.

Start a stress journal

A stress journal can help you identify the regular stressors in your life and the way you deal with
them. Each time you feel stressed, keep track of it in your journal. As you keep a daily log, you
will begin to see patterns and common themes. Write down:

 What caused your stress (make a guess if you’re unsure).

 How you felt, both physically and emotionally.
 How you acted in response.
 What you did to make yourself feel better.

Look at how you currently cope with stress

Think about the ways you currently manage and cope with stress in your life. Your stress journal
can help you identify them. Are your coping strategies healthy or unhealthy, helpful or
unproductive? Unfortunately, many people cope with stress in ways that compound the problem.

Unhealthy ways of coping with stress

These coping strategies may temporarily reduce stress, but they cause more damage in the long
run:

 Smoking  Using pills or drugs to relax      

  Drinking too much  Sleeping too much
 Overeating or undereating  Procrastinating
 Zoning out for hours in front of the TV  Filling up every minute of the day to
or computer avoid facing problems
 Withdrawing from friends, family, and  Taking out your stress on others (lashing
activities out, angry outbursts, physical violence)

Learning healthier ways to manage stress

If your methods of coping with stress aren’t contributing to your greater emotional and physical
health, it’s time to find healthier ones. There are many healthy ways to manage and cope with
stress, but they all require change. You can either change the situation or change your reaction.
When deciding which option to choose, it’s helpful to think of the four As: avoid, alter, adapt, or
accept.

Since everyone has a unique response to stress, there is no “one size fits all” solution to
managing it. No single method works for everyone or in every situation, so experiment with
different techniques and strategies. Focus on what makes you feel calm and in control.

Dealing with Stressful Situations: The Four A’s

Change the situation: Change your reaction:

 Avoid the stressor.  Adapt to the stressor.

 Alter the stressor.      Accept the stressor.

Stress management strategy #1: Avoid unnecessary stress

Not all stress can be avoided, and it’s not healthy to avoid a situation that needs to be addressed.
You may be surprised, however, by the number of stressors in your life that you can eliminate.

 Learn how to say “no” – Know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal
or professional life, refuse to accept added responsibilities when you’re close to reaching
them. Taking on more than you can handle is a surefire recipe for stress.
 Avoid people who stress you out – If someone consistently causes stress in your life and
you can’t turn the relationship around, limit the amount of time you spend with that
person or end the relationship entirely. 
 Take control of your environment – If the evening news makes you anxious, turn the
TV off. If traffic’s got you tense, take a longer but less-traveled route. If going to the
market is an unpleasant chore, do your grocery shopping online.
 Avoid hot-button topics – If you get upset over religion or politics, cross them off your
conversation list. If you repeatedly argue about the same subject with the same people,
stop bringing it up or excuse yourself when it’s the topic of discussion.
  Pare down your to-do list – Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If
you’ve got too much on your plate, distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts.”
Drop tasks that aren’t truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.

Stress management strategy #2: Alter the situation

If you can’t avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Figure out what you can do to change things
so the problem doesn’t present itself in the future. Often, this involves changing the way you
communicate and operate in your daily life.

 Express your feelings instead of bottling them up. If something or someone is

bothering you, communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you don’t
voice your feelings, resentment will build and the situation will likely remain the same.
 Be willing to compromise. When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing
to do the same. If you both are willing to bend at least a little, you’ll have a good chance
of finding a happy middle ground.
 Be more assertive. Don’t take a backseat in your own life. Deal with problems head on,
doing your best to anticipate and prevent them. If you’ve got an exam to study for and
your chatty roommate just got home, say up front that you only have five minutes to talk.
 Manage your time better. Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. When you’re
stretched too thin and running behind, it’s hard to stay calm and focused. But if you plan
ahead and make sure you don’t overextend yourself, you can alter the amount of stress
you’re under.

Stress management strategy #3: Adapt to the stressor

If you can’t change the stressor, change yourself. You can adapt to stressful situations and regain
your sense of control by changing your expectations and attitude.

 Reframe problems. Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective.
Rather than fuming about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup,
listen to your favorite radio station, or enjoy some alone time.
 Look at the big picture. Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how
important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? Is it really worth
getting upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.
 Adjust your standards. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting
yourself up for failure by demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself
and others, and learn to be okay with “good enough.”
 Focus on the positive. When stress is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all
the things you appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and gifts.
This simple strategy can help you keep things in perspective.

Adjusting Your Attitude

How you think can have a profound affect on your emotional and physical well-being. Each time
you think a negative thought about yourself, your body reacts as if it were in the throes of a
tension-filled situation. If you see good things about yourself, you are more likely to feel good;
the reverse is also true. Eliminate words such as "always," "never," "should," and "must." These
are telltale marks of self-defeating thoughts.

Source: National Victim Assistance Academy, U.S. Department of Justice

Stress management strategy #4: Accept the things you can’t

change
Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors such as the death
of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. In such cases, the best way to cope with
stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it’s easier
than railing against a situation you can’t change.

 Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control—
particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on
the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.
 Look for the upside. As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.”
When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If
your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from
your mistakes.
 Share your feelings. Talk to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist.
Expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you
can do to alter the stressful situation.
 Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people
make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by
forgiving and moving on.

Stress management strategy #5: Make time for fun and

relaxation
Beyond a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life by
nurturing yourself. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, you’ll be in a better place
to handle life’s stressors when they inevitably come.

Healthy ways to relax and recharge

 Go for a walk.  Savor a warm cup of coffee or tea.

 Spend time in nature.  Play with a pet.
 Call a good friend.  Work in your garden.
 Sweat out tension with a good workout.  Get a massage.
 Write in your journal.  Curl up with a good book.
  Take a long bath.  Listen to music.
 Light scented candles  Watch a comedy

Don’t get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care of your own
needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury.

 Set aside relaxation time. Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t
allow other obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all
responsibilities and recharge your batteries.
 Connect with others. Spend time with positive people who enhance your life. A strong
support system will buffer you from the negative effects of stress.
 Do something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy,
whether it be stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.
 Keep your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of
laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.

Learn the relaxation response

You can control your stress levels with relaxation techniques that evoke the body’s relaxation
response, a state of restfulness that is the opposite of the stress response. Regularly practicing
these techniques will build your physical and emotional resilience, heal your body, and boost
your overall feelings of joy and equanimity.

Read Stress Relief: Relaxation Practices That Reduce Stress

Stress management strategy #6: Adopt a healthy lifestyle

You can increase your resistance to stress by strengthening your physical health. 

 Exercise regularly. Physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the
effects of stress. Make time for at least 30 minutes of exercise, three times per week.
Nothing beats aerobic exercise for releasing pent-up stress and tension.
 Eat a healthy diet. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress, so be
mindful of what you eat. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up and
your mind clear with balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day.
 Reduce caffeine and sugar. The temporary "highs" caffeine and sugar provide often end
in with a crash in mood and energy. By reducing the amount of coffee, soft drinks,
chocolate, and sugar snacks in your diet, you’ll feel more relaxed and you’ll sleep better.
  Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs may
provide an easy escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Don’t avoid or mask
the issue at hand; deal with problems head on and with a clear mind.
 Get enough sleep. Adequate sleep fuels your mind, as well as your body. Feeling tired
will increase your stress because it may cause you to think irrationally.

Improving Emotional Health

Strategies and Tips for Good Mental Health

People who are emotionally healthy are in control of their emotions and their behavior. They are
able to handle life’s inevitable challenges, build strong relationships, and lead productive,
fulfilling lives. When bad things happen, they’re able to bounce back and move on.

Unfortunately, too many people take their mental and emotional health for granted – focusing on
it only when they develop problems. But just as it requires effort to build or maintain physical
health, so it is with mental and emotional health. The more time and energy you invest in your
emotional health, the stronger it will be. The good news is that there are many things you can do
to boost your mood, build resilience, and get more enjoyment out of life.

In This Article:

 What is mental or emotional health?

 The role of resilience
 Physical health
 Taking care of yourself
 Supportive relationships
 Risk factors
  When to seek professional help
 Related links

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What is mental health or emotional health?

Mental or emotional health refers to your overall psychological well-being. It includes the way
you feel about yourself, the quality of your relationships, and your ability to manage your
feelings and deal with difficulties. 

Good mental health isn't just the absence of mental health problems. Being mentally or
emotionally healthy is much more than being free of depression, anxiety, or other psychological
issues. Rather than the absence of mental illness, mental and emotional health refers to the
presence of positive characteristics. 

People who are mentally and emotionally healthy have:

 A sense of contentment.
 A zest for living and the ability to laugh and have fun.
 The ability to deal with stress and bounce back from adversity.
 A sense of meaning and purpose, in both their activities and their relationships.
 The flexibility to learn new things and adapt to change.
 A balance between work and play, rest and activity, etc.
 The ability to build and maintain fulfilling relationships.
 Self-confidence and high self-esteem.

These positive characteristics of mental and emotional health allow you to participate in life to
the fullest extent possible through productive, meaningful activities and strong relationships.
These positive characteristics also help you cope when faced with life's challenges and stresses.

The role of resilience in mental and emotional health

Being emotionally and mentally healthy doesn’t mean never going through bad times or
experiencing emotional problems. We all go through disappointments, loss, and change. And
while these are normal parts of life, they can still cause sadness, anxiety, and stress.

The difference is that people with good emotional health have an ability to bounce back from
adversity, trauma, and stress. This ability is called resilience. People who are emotionally and
mentally healthy have the tools for coping with difficult situations and maintaining a positive
outlook. They remain focused, flexible, and creative in bad times as well as good.
One of the key factors in resilience is the ability to balance your emotions. The capacity to
recognize your emotions and express them appropriately helps you avoid getting stuck in
depression, anxiety, or other negative mood states. Another key factor is having a strong support
network. Having trusted people you can turn to for encouragement and support will boost your
resilience in tough times.

Building your resilience

Resilience involves maintaining flexibility and balance in your life as you deal with stressful
circumstances and traumatic events. This happens in several ways, including:

 Letting yourself experience strong emotions, and also realizing when you may need to
avoid experiencing them at times in order to continue functioning
 Stepping forward and taking action to deal with your problems and meet the demands of
daily living, and also stepping back to rest and reenergize yourself
 Spending time with loved ones to gain support and encouragement, and also nurturing
yourself
 Relying on others, and also relying on yourself

Source: American Psychological Association

Physical health is connected to mental and emotional health

Taking care of your body is a powerful first step towards mental
and emotional health. The mind and the body are linked. When
you improve your physical health, you’ll automatically
experience greater mental and emotional well-being. For
example, exercise not only strengthens our heart and lungs, but
also releases endorphins, powerful chemicals that energize us and
lift our mood.

The activities you engage in and the daily choices you make
affect the way you feel physically and emotionally.

 Get enough rest. To have good mental and emotional health, it’s important to take care
of your body. That includes getting enough sleep. Most people need seven to eight hours
of sleep each night in order to function optimally. Learn More
 Learn about good nutrition and practice it. The subject of nutrition is complicated and
not always easy to put into practice. But the more you learn about what you eat and how
it affects your energy and mood, the better you can feel. Learn More
 Exercise to relieve stress and lift your mood. Exercise is a powerful antidote to stress,
anxiety, and depression. Look for small ways to add activity to your day, like taking the
stairs instead of the elevator or going on a short walk. To get the most mental health
benefits, aim for 30 minutes or more of exercise per day. Learn More
  Get a dose of sunlight every day. Sunlight lifts your mood, so try to get at least 10 to 15
minutes of sun per day. This can be done while exercising, gardening, or socializing.
 Limit alcohol and avoid cigarettes and other drugs.

Improve mental and emotional health by taking care of

yourself
In order to maintain and strengthen your mental and emotional health, it’s important to pay
attention to your own needs and feelings. Don’t let stress and negative emotions build up. Try to
maintain a balance between your daily responsibilities and the things you enjoy. If you take care
of yourself, you’ll be better prepared to deal with challenges if and when they arise.

Tips and strategies for taking care of yourself:

 Appeal to your senses. Stay calm and energized by appealing to the five senses: sight,
sound, touch, smell, and taste. Listen to music that lifts your mood, place flowers where
you will see and smell them, massage your hands and feet, or sip a warm drink.
 Engage in meaningful, creative work. Do things that challenge your creativity and
make you feel productive, whether or not you get paid for it – things like gardening,
drawing, writing, playing an instrument, or building something in your workshop.
 Get a pet. Yes, pets are a responsibility, but caring for one makes you feel needed and
loved. There is no love quite as unconditional as the love a pet can give. Animals can also
get you out of the house for exercise and expose you to new people and places.
 Make leisure time a priority. Do things for no other reason than that it feels good to do
them. Go to a funny movie, take a walk on the beach, listen to music, read a good book,
or talk to a friend. Doing things just because they are fun is no indulgence. Play is an
emotional and mental health necessity. 
 Make time for contemplation and appreciation. Think about the things you’re grateful
for. Mediate, pray, enjoy the sunset, or simply take a moment to pay attention to what is
good, positive, and beautiful as you go about your day.

Everyone is different; not all things will be equally beneficial to all people. Some people feel
better relaxing and slowing down while others need more activity and more excitement or
stimulation to feel better. The important thing is to find activities that you enjoy and that give
you a boost.

Limit unhealthy mental habits like worrying

Try to avoid becoming absorbed by repetitive mental habits – negative thoughts about yourself
and the world that suck up time, drain your energy, and trigger feelings of anxiety, fear, and
depression.

For helpful tips on how to break the worrying habit, see How to Stop Worrying.

Manage your stress levels

Stress takes a heavy toll on mental and emotional health, so it’s important to keep it under
control. While not all stressors can be avoided, stress management strategies can help you brings
things back into balance.

For tips on how to reduce, prevent, and cope with stress, see Stress Management.

Supportive relationships: The foundation of emotional

health
No matter how much time you devote to improving your mental and emotional health, you will
still need the company of others to feel and be your best. Humans are social creatures with
emotional needs for relationships and positive connections to others.. We’re not meant to
survive, let alone thrive, in isolation. Our social brains crave companionship—even when
experience has made us shy and distrustful of others.

Tips and strategies for connecting to others:

 Get out from behind your TV or computer screen. Screens have their place but they
will never have the same effect as an expression of interest or a reassuring touch.
Communication is a largely nonverbal experience that requires you to be in direct contact
with other people, so don’t neglect your real-world relationships in favor of virtual
interaction. 
 Spend time daily, face-to-face, with people you like. Make spending time with people
you enjoy a priority. Choose friends, neighbors, colleagues, and family members who are
upbeat, positive, and interested in you. Take time to inquire about people you meet
during the day that you like.
 Volunteer. Doing something that helps others has a beneficial effect on how you feel
about yourself. The meaning and purpose you find in helping others will enrich and
expand your life. There is no limit to the individual and group volunteer opportunities
you can explore. Schools, churches, nonprofits, and charitable organization of all sorts
depend on volunteers for their survival.
  Be a joiner. Join networking, social action, conservation, and special interest groups that
meet on a regular basis. These groups offer wonderful opportunities for finding people
with common interests – people you like being with who are potential friends.

Building Great Relationships

If you find it difficult to connect to others or to maintain fulfilling, long-term relationships, you
may benefit from raising your emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence allows us to
communicate clearly, “read” other people, and resolve conflicts.

For more, see Relationship Help: Building Great Relationships Using Emotional Intelligence.

Risk factors for mental and emotional problems

Your mental and emotional health has been and will continue to be shaped by your experiences.
Early childhood experiences are especially significant. Genetic and biological factors can also
play a role, but these too can be changed by experience.  

Risk factors that can compromise mental and emotional health:

 Poor connection or attachment to your primary caretaker early in life. Feeling

lonely, isolated, unsafe, confused, or abused as an infant or young child.
 Traumas or serious losses, especially early in life.  Death of a parent or other traumatic
experiences such as war or hospitalization.
 Learned helplessness. Negative experiences that lead to a belief that you’re helpless and
that you have little control over the situations in your life.
 Illness, especially when it’s chronic, disabling, or isolates you from others.
 Side effects of medications, especially in older people who may be taking a variety of
medications.
 Substance abuse. Alcohol and drug abuse can both cause mental health problems and
make preexisting mental or emotional problems worse.

Whatever internal or external factors have shaped your mental and emotional health, it’s never
too late to make changes that will improve your psychological well-being. Risk factors can be
counteracted with protective factors, like strong relationships, a healthy lifestyle, and coping
strategies for managing stress and negative emotions.

When to seek professional help for emotional problems

If you’ve made consistent efforts to improve your mental and emotional health and you still
don’t feel good – then it’s time to seek professional help. Because we are so socially attuned,
input from a knowledgeable, caring professional can motivate us to do things for ourselves that
we were not able to do on our own.

The question of when to seek professional help can be answered by looking over the following
list of red flags.

Red flag feelings and behaviors that require immediate attention

 Inability to sleep.
 Feeling down, hopeless, or helpless most of the time.
 Concentration problems that are interfering with your work or home life.
 Using smoking, overeating, drugs, or alcohol to cope with difficult emotions.  
 Negative or self-destructive thoughts or fears that you can’t control.
 Thoughts of death or suicide.

If you identify with any of these red flag symptoms, make an appointment with a mental health
professional – and the sooner, the better. It’s much easier to overcome a mental or emotional
problem if you deal with it while it’s small, rather than waiting until it’s a major, entrenched
problem.

How to Stop Worrying

Self-Help Strategies for Anxiety Relief

Worrying can be helpful when it spurs you to take action and solve a problem. But if you’re
preoccupied with “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios, worry becomes a problem of its own.
Unrelenting doubts and fears are paralyzing, not motivating or productive. They sap your
emotional energy, send your anxiety levels soaring, and interfere with your day-to-day life–all
this with no positive payoff! The good news is that chronic worrying is a mental habit you can
learn how to break. You can train your brain to stay calm and collected and to look at life from a
more positive perspective.

In This Article:

 Why is it so hard to stop worrying?

 Accept uncertainty
 Create a worry period
 Challenge negative thoughts
 Learn how to relax
 Take care of yourself
 Raise emotional intelligence
 Related links

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Why is it so hard to stop worrying?

Why You Keep Worrying

You have mixed feelings about your worries. On one hand, your worries are bothering you - you
can't sleep, and you can't get these pessimistic thoughts out of your head. But there is a way that
these worries make sense to you. For example, you think:

 Maybe I'll find a solution.

 I don't want to overlook anything.
 If I keep thinking a little longer, maybe I'll figure it out.
 I don't want to be surprised.
 I want to be responsible.

You have a hard time giving up on your worries because, in a sense, your worries have been
working for you.

Source: The Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worry from Stopping You, Robert L. Leahy,
Ph.D.

Constant worrying takes a heavy toll. It keeps you up at night and makes you tense and edgy
during the day. You hate feeling like a nervous wreck. So why is it so difficult to stop worrying?

For most chronic worriers, the anxious thoughts are fueled by the beliefs–both negative and
positive–they hold about worrying.
On the negative side, you may believe that your constant worrying is harmful, that it’s going to
drive you crazy or affect your physical health. Or you may worry that you’re going to lose all
control over your worrying–that it will take over and never stop.

On the positive side, you may believe that your worrying helps you avoid bad things, prevents
problems, prepares you for the worst, or leads to solutions.

Negative beliefs, or worrying about worrying, add to your anxiety and keep worry going. But
positive beliefs about worrying can be even more damaging. It’s tough to break the worry habit
if you believe that your worrying protects you. In order to stop worry and anxiety for good, you
must give up your belief that worrying serves a positive purpose. Once you realize that worrying
is the problem, not the solution, you can regain control of your worried mind.

Worry and anxiety self-help tip #1: Accept uncertainty

The inability to tolerate uncertainty plays a huge role in anxiety and worry. Chronic worriers
can’t stand doubt or unpredictability. They need to know with 100 percent certainty what’s going
to happen. Worrying is seen as a way to predict what the future has in store, a way to prevent
unpleasant surprises and control the outcome. The problem is, it doesn’t work.

Thinking about all the things that could go wrong doesn’t make life any more predictable. You
may feel safer when you’re worrying, but it’s just an illusion. Focusing on worst-case scenarios
won’t keep bad things from happening. It will only keep you from enjoying the good things you
have in the present. So if you want to stop worrying, start by tackling your need for certainty and
immediate answers.

Challenging intolerance of uncertainty: The key to anxiety relief

Ask yourself the following questions and write down your responses. See if you can come to an
understanding of the disadvantages and problems of being intolerant of uncertainty.

 Is it possible to be certain about everything in life?

 What are the advantages of requiring certainty, versus the disadvantages? Or, how is
needing certainty in life helpful and unhelpful?
 Do you tend to predict bad things will happen just because they are uncertain? Is this a
reasonable thing to do? What is the likelihood of positive or neutral outcomes?
 Is it possible to live with the small chance that something negative may happen, given its
likelihood is very low?

Adapted from Accepting Uncertainty, Centre for Clinical Interventions

Worry and anxiety self-help tip #2: Create a worry period

It’s tough to be productive in your daily life when anxiety and worry are dominating your
thoughts. Trying to stop worrying doesn’t work - at least not for long. You can distract yourself
for a moment, but you can’t banish your anxious thoughts for good. Trying to do so often makes
them stronger. But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do to control your worry. You just
need to try a different approach. Rather than trying to totally suppress an anxious thought,
develop the habit of postponing worrying.

Learning to postpone worrying:

 Create a “worry period.” Choose a set time and place for worrying. It should be the same
every day (e.g. In the living room from 5:00 to 5:20 p.m.) and early enough that it won’t
make you anxious right before bedtime. During your worry period, you’re allowed to
worry about whatever’s on your mind. The rest of the day, however, is a worry-free zone.
 Postpone your worry. If an anxious thought or worry comes into your head during the
day, make a brief note of it on paper and postpone it to your worry period. Remind
yourself that you’ll have time to think about it later, so there’s no need to worry about it
right now. Save it for later and continue to go about your day.
 Go over your “worry list” during the worry period. Reflect on the worries you wrote
down during the day. If the thoughts are still bothering you, allow yourself to worry
about them, but only for the amount of time you’ve specified for your worry period. If the
worries don’t seem important any more, cut your worry period short and enjoy the rest of
your day.

Postponing worrying is effective because it breaks the habit of dwelling on worries in the present
moment. As you develop the ability to postpone your anxious thoughts, you’ll experience a
greater sense of control.

Worry and anxiety self-help tip #3: Challenge negative

thoughts
If you suffer from chronic anxiety and worries, chances are you look at the world in ways that
make it seem more dangerous than it really is. For example, you may overestimate the possibility
that things will turn out badly, jump immediately to worst-case scenarios, or treat every negative
thought as if it were fact. You may also discredit your own ability to handle life’s problems,
assuming you’ll fall apart at the first sign of trouble. These irrational, pessimistic attitudes are
known as cognitive distortions.

Although cognitive distortions aren’t based on reality, they’re not easy to give up. Often, they’re
part of a lifelong pattern of thinking that’s become so automatic you’re not even completely
aware of it. In order to break these bad thinking habits and stop the worry and anxiety they bring
- you must retrain your brain.

Start by identifying the frightening thought, being as detailed as possible about what scares or
worries you. Then, instead of viewing your thoughts as facts, treat them as hypotheses you’re
testing out. As you examine and challenge your worries and fears, you’ll develop a more
balanced perspective.
Stop worry by questioning the worried thought:

 What’s the evidence that the thought is true? That it’s not true?
 Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at the situation?
 What’s the probability that what I’m scared of will actually happen?
 If the probability is low, what are some more likely outcomes?
 Is the thought helpful? How will worrying about it help me and how will it hurt me?
 What would I say to a friend who had this worry?

Cognitive Distortions that Lead to Anxiety and Worry

All-or-nothing Looking at things in black-or-white categories, with no middle ground (“If
thinking I fall short of perfection, I’m a total failure.”)
Overgeneralization Generalizing from a single negative experience, expecting it to hold true
forever (“I didn’t get hired for the job. I’ll never get any job.”)
The mental filter Focusing on the negatives while filtering out all the positives. Noticing the
one thing that went wrong, rather than all the things that went right.
Diminishing the Coming up with reasons why positive events don’t count (“I did well on
positive the presentation, but that was just dumb luck.”)
Jumping to Making negative interpretations without actual evidence. You act like a
conclusions mind reader (“I can tell she secretly hates me.”) or a fortune teller (“I just
know something terrible is going to happen.”)
Catastrophizing Expecting the worst-case scenario to happen (“The pilot said we’re in for
some turbulence. The plane’s going to crash!”)
Emotional reasoning Believing that the way you feel reflects reality (“I feel frightened right
now. That must mean I’m in real physical danger.”)
'Shoulds’ and Holding yourself to a strict list of what you should and shouldn’t do–and
‘should-nots’ beating yourself up if you break any of the rules
Labeling Labeling yourself based on mistakes and perceived shortcomings (“I’m a
failure; an idiot; a loser.”)
Personalization Assuming responsibility for things that are outside your control (“It’s my
fault my son got in an accident. I should have warned him to drive
carefully in the rain.”)

Worry and anxiety self-help tip #4: Learn how to relax

Anxiety is more than just a feeling. It’s the body’s physical “fight or flight” reaction to a
perceived threat. Your heart pounds, you breathe faster, your muscles tense up, and you feel
light-headed. When you’re relaxed, the complete opposite happens. Your heart rate slows down,
you breathe slower and more deeply, your muscles relax, and your blood pressure stabilizes.
Since it’s impossible to be anxious and relaxed at the same time, strengthening your body’s
relaxation response is a powerful anxiety-relieving tactic.

If you’re a chronic worrier, relaxation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation, deep
breathing, and meditation can teach you how to relax. The key is regular practice. Try to set
aside at least 30 minutes a day. Over time, the relaxation response will come easier and easier,
until it feels natural.

 Progressive muscle relaxation. When anxiety takes hold, progressive muscle relaxation
can help you release muscle tension and take a “time out” from your worries. The
technique involves systematically tensing and then releasing different muscle groups in
your body. As your body relaxes, your mind will follow.
 Deep breathing. When you’re anxious, you breathe faster. This hyperventilation causes
symptoms such as dizziness, breathlessness, lightheadedness, and tingly hands and feet.
These physical symptoms are frightening, leading to further anxiety and panic. But by
breathing deeply from the diaphragm, you can reverse these symptoms and calm yourself
down.
 Meditation. Many types of meditation have been shown to reduce anxiety. Mindfulness
meditation, in particular, shows promise for anxiety relief. Research shows that
mindfulness meditation can actually change your brain. With regular practice, meditation
boosts activity on the left side of the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible
for feelings of serenity and joy.

Relaxation techniques for anxiety relief

From tai chi and yoga to meditation and deep breathing, there are many relaxation techniques
that can help stop worry and anxiety.

Read: Stress Relief: Yoga, Meditation, and other Relaxation Techniques

Worry and anxiety self-help tip #5: Take care of yourself

A healthy, balanced lifestyle plays a big role in keeping anxiety, fears, and worry at bay. Read on
for a number of ways you can stop anxiety and worry by taking care of yourself.

Reach out for support

Anxiety and worry get worse when you feel powerless and alone, but there is strength in
numbers. Focus on building a strong support system. The more connected you are to other
people, the less vulnerable you’ll feel. If you start to feel overwhelmed with worry, call a trusted
family member or friend. Just talking out loud about your worries can make them seem less
threatening.

Adopt healthy eating habits

 Start the day right with breakfast, and continue with frequent small meals
throughout the day. Going too long without eating leads to low blood sugar, which can make you
feel anxious and irritable. Eat plenty of complex carbohydrates such as whole grains, fruits, and
vegetables. Not only do complex carbs stabilize blood sugar, they also boost serotonin, a
neurotransmitter with calming effects.

Read: Tips for a Healthy Diet

Limit caffeine and sugar

Stop drinking or cut back on caffeinated beverages, including soda, coffee, and tea. Caffeine can
increase anxiety, interfere with sleep, and even provoke panic attacks. Reduce the amount of
refined sugar you eat, too. Sugary snacks and desserts cause blood sugar to spike and then crash,
leaving you feeling emotionally and physically drained.

Exercise regularly

Exercise is a natural and effective anti-anxiety treatment. For maximum

anxiety relief, try to get at least 30 minutes of aerobic activity on most days. Aerobic exercise
relieves tension and stress, boosts physical and mental energy, and enhances well-being through
the release of endorphins, the brain’s feel-good chemicals.

Read: Making Exercise Fun

Avoid alcohol and nicotine

Alcohol temporarily reduces anxiety and worry, but it actually causes anxiety symptoms as it
wears off. Drinking for anxiety relief also starts you on a path that can lead to alcohol abuse and
dependence. Lighting up when you’re feeling anxious is also a bad idea. While it may seem like
cigarettes are calming, nicotine is actually a powerful stimulant. Smoking leads to higher, not
lower, levels of anxiety.

Get enough sleep

 Anxiety and worry can cause insomnia, as anyone whose racing thoughts have
kept them up at night can attest. But lack of sleep can also contribute to anxiety. When you’re
sleep deprived, your ability to handle stress is compromised. When you’re well rested, it’s much
easier to keep your emotional balance, a key factor in coping with anxiety and stopping worry.

Read: Tips for a Good Night's Sleep

Worry and anxiety self-help tip #6: Raise your emotional

intelligence
Emotions are powerful. They can override thoughts and profoundly influence behavior. But if
you are emotionally intelligent, you can harness the power of your emotions.

Emotional intelligence isn’t a safety net that protects you from life’s tragedies, frustrations, or
disappointments. We all go through disappointments, loss, and change. And while these are
normal parts of life, they can still cause sadness, anxiety, and stress. But emotional intelligence
gives you the ability to cope and bounce back from adversity, trauma, and loss. In other words,
emotional intelligence makes you resilient.

Emotional intelligence gives you the ability to:

 Remain hopeful during challenging and difficult times

 Manage strong feelings and impulses
 Quickly rebound from frustration and disappointment
 Ask for and get support when needed
 Solve problems in positive, creative ways

Learn how to raise your emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence gives you the tools for coping with difficult situations and maintaining a
positive outlook. It helps you stay focused, flexible, and creative in bad times as well as good.
The capacity to recognize your emotions and express them appropriately helps you avoid getting
stuck in depression, anxiety, or other negative mood states.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Five Key Skills for Raising Your Emotional Intelligence

 Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a different type of intelligence. It’s about being “heart smart,”
not just “book smart.” The evidence shows that emotional intelligence matters just as much as
intellectual ability, if not more so, when it comes to happiness and success in life. Emotional
intelligence helps you build strong relationships, succeed at work, and achieve your goals.

The skills of emotional intelligence can be developed throughout life. You can boost your own
“EQ” by learning how to rapidly reduce stress; connect to your emotions; communicate
nonverbally; use humor and play to deal with challenges; and defuse conflicts with confidence
and self-assurance.

In This Article:

 What is emotional intelligence?

 How to raise your emotional intelligence
 Skill 1: Rapidly reduce stress
 Skill 2: Connect to your emotions
 Skill 3: Improve nonverbal communication
 Skill 4: Use humor to deal with challenges
 Skill 5: Resolve conflict positively
 Related links

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What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage your emotions in
positive and constructive ways. It's about recognizing your own emotional state and the
emotional states of others. Emotional intelligence is also about engaging with others in ways that
draw people to you.

Emotional intelligence consists of four core abilities:

 Self-awareness — The ability to recognize your own emotions and how they affect your
thoughts and behavior; know your strengths and weaknesses; and have self-confidence.
 Self-management — The ability to control impulsive feelings and behaviors; manage your
emotions in healthy ways; take initiative; follow through on commitments; and adapt to
changing circumstances.
 Social awareness — The ability to understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other
people; pick up on emotional cues; feel comfortable socially; and recognize the power dynamics
in a group or organization.
 Relationship management — The ability to develop and maintain good relationships;
communicate clearly; inspire and influence others; work well in a team; and manage conflict.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) vs. Intellectual Intelligence (IQ)

Most of us have learned not to trust our emotions. We've been told emotions distort the more
“accurate” information our intellect supplies. Even the term “emotional” has come to mean
weak, out of control, and even childish. "Don't be a baby!" we say to the little boy who is crying
on the playground. "Leave him alone! Let him work it out!" we admonish the little girl who runs
to help the little boy.

On the other hand, our abilities to memorize and problem-solve, to spell words and do
mathematical calculations, are easily measured on written tests and slapped as grades on report
cards. Ultimately, these intellectual abilities dictate which college will accept us and which
career paths we‘re advised to follow.

However, intellectual intelligence (IQ) is usually less important in determining how successful
we are than emotional intelligence (EQ). We all know people who are academically brilliant and
yet are socially inept and unsuccessful. What they are missing is emotional intelligence.

Emotional development: How to raise your emotional

intelligence
VIDEO
Raising Emotional Intelligence

From Emotional Intelligence Central

A Helpguide project

Most of us know that there is a world of difference between knowledge and behavior, or
applying that knowledge to make changes in our lives. There are many things we may know and
want to do, but don’t or can’t when we’re under pressure. This is especially true when it comes
to emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is not learned in the standard intellectual way; it must be learned and
understood on an emotional level. We can’t simply read about emotional intelligence or master it
through memorization. In order to learn about emotional intelligence in a way that produces
change, we need to engage the emotional parts of the brain in ways that connect us to others.
This kind of learning is based on what we see, hear, and feel. Intellectual understanding is an
important first step, but the development of emotional intelligence depends on sensory,
nonverbal learning and real-life practice.

Developing emotional intelligence through five key skills:

Emotional intelligence consists of five key skills, each building on the last:

 Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 1: The ability to quickly reduce stress.

 Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 2: The ability to recognize and manage your emotions.
 Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 3: The ability to connect with others using nonverbal
communication.
 Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: The ability to use humor and play to deal with challenges.
 Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 5: The ability to resolve conflicts positively and with confidence.

The five skills of emotional intelligence can be learned by anyone, at anytime. But there is a
difference between learning about emotional intelligence and applying that knowledge to your
life. Just because you know you should do something doesn’t mean you will—especially when
you’re feeling stressed. This is especially true when it comes to the skills of emotional
intelligence.

Raising your emotional intelligence by engaging your emotions

When you become overwhelmed by stress, the emotional parts of your brain override the rational
parts—hijacking your best-laid plans, intentions, and strategies. In order to permanently change
behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, you need to learn how to take advantage of the
powerful emotional parts of the brain that remain active and accessible even in times of stress.
This means that you can’t simply read about emotional intelligence in order to master it. You
have to learn the skills on a deeper, emotional level—experiencing and practicing them in your
everyday life. 

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 1: Rapidly reduce stress

When we’re under high levels of stress, rational thinking and decision making go out the
window. Runaway stress overwhelms the mind and body, getting in the way of our ability to
accurately “read” a situation, hear what someone else is saying, be aware of our own feelings and
needs, and communicate clearly.
The first key skill of emotional intelligence is the ability to quickly calm yourself down when
you’re feeling overwhelmed. Being able to manage stress in the moment is the key to resilience.
This emotional intelligence skill helps you stay balanced, focused, and in control–no matter what
challenges you face.

Stress busting: functioning well in the heat of the moment

Develop your stress busting skills by working through the following three steps:

 Realize when you’re stressed – The first step to reducing stress is recognizing what stress feels
like. Many of us spend so much time in an unbalanced state that we’ve forgotten what it feels
like to be calm and relaxed.
 Identify your stress response – Everyone reacts differently to stress. Do you tend to space out
and get depressed? Become angry and agitated? Freeze with anxiety? The best way to quickly
calm yourself depends on your specific stress response.
 Discover the stress busting techniques that work for you – The best way to reduce stress
quickly is through the senses: through sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. But each person
responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you.

To learn more, see How to Manage Stress: Tips to Quickly Relieve Stress in the Moment

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 2: Connect to your

emotions
The second key skill of emotional intelligence is having a moment-to-moment awareness of your
emotions and how they influence your thoughts and actions. Emotional awareness is the key to
understanding yourself and others.

Many people are disconnected from their emotions–especially strong core emotions such as
anger, sadness, fear, and joy. But although we can distort, deny, or numb our feelings, we can’t
eliminate them. They’re still there, whether we’re aware of them or not. Unfortunately, without
emotional awareness, we are unable to fully understand our own motivations and needs, or to
communicate effectively with others.

What kind of a relationship do you have with your emotions?

 Do you experience feelings that flow, encountering one emotion after another as your
experiences change from moment to moment?
 Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your
stomach or chest?
 Do you experience discrete feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, joy, each of
which is evident in subtle facial expressions?
 Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your attention and
that of others?
 Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they factor into your decision making?

If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, your emotions may be turned down or turned off. In
order to be emotionally healthy and emotionally intelligent, you must reconnect to your core
emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them.

To learn more, see Emotional Awareness: Managing and Dealing with Emotions and Feelings

Emotional intelligence skill (EQ) 3: Nonverbal

communication
Being a good communicator requires more than just verbal skills. Oftentimes, what we say is less
important than how we say it or the other nonverbal signals we send out. In order to hold the
attention of others and build connection and trust, we need to be aware of and in control of our
nonverbal cues. We also need to be able to accurately read and respond to the nonverbal cues
that other people send us. 

Nonverbal communication is the third skill of emotional intelligence. This wordless form of
communication is emotionally driven. It asks the questions: “Are you listening?” and “Do you
understand and care?” Answers to these questions are expressed in the way we listen, look,
move, and react. Our nonverbal messages will produce a sense of interest, trust, excitement, and
desire for connection–or they will generate fear, confusion, distrust, and disinterest.

Part of improving nonverbal communication involves paying attention to:

 Eye contact
 Facial expression
 Tone of voice

 Posture and gesture

 Touch
 Timing and pace
To learn more, see Nonverbal Communication Skills: The Power of Nonverbal Communication
and Body Language.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: Use humor and play to

deal with challenges

Humor, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to life’s difficulties. They
lighten our burdens and help us keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress,
elevates mood, and brings our nervous system back into balance.

The ability to deal with challenges using humor and play is the fourth skill of emotional
intelligence. Playful communication broadens our emotional intelligence and helps us:

 Take hardships in stride. By allowing us to view our frustrations and disappointments from new
perspectives, laughter and play enable us to survive annoyances, hard times, and setbacks.
 Smooth over differences. Using gentle humor often helps us say things that might be otherwise
difficult to express without creating a flap.
 Simultaneously relax and energize ourselves. Playful communication relieves fatigue and
relaxes our bodies, which allows us to recharge and accomplish more.
 Become more creative. When we loosen up, we free ourselves of rigid ways of thinking and
being, allowing us to get creative and see things in new ways.

To learn more, see Playful Communication Skills: The Power of Laughter, Humor, and Play

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 5: Resolve conflict

positively
Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in relationships. Two people can’t possibly have the
same needs, opinions, and expectations at all times. However, that needn’t be a bad thing!
Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen trust between people. When
conflict isn’t perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in
relationships.

The ability to manage conflicts in a positive, trust-building way is the fifth key skill of emotional
intelligence. Successfully resolving differences is supported by the previous four skills of
emotional intelligence. Once you know how to manage stress, stay emotionally present and
aware, communicate nonverbally, and use humor and play, you’ll be better equipped to handle
emotionally-charged situations and catch and defuse many issues before they escalate.

Tips for resolving conflict in a trust-building way:

 Stay focused in the present. When we are not holding on to old hurts and resentments, we can
recognize the reality of a current situation and view it as a new opportunity for resolving old
feelings about conflicts.
 Choose your arguments. Arguments take time and energy, especially if you want to resolve
them in a positive way. Consider what is worth arguing about and what is not.
 Forgive. If you continue to be hurt or mistreated, protect yourself. But someone else’s hurtful
behavior is in the past, remember that conflict resolution involves giving up the urge to punish.
 End conflicts that can't be resolved. It takes two people to keep an argument going. You can
choose to disengage from a conflict, even if you still disagree.

Assert Yourself!

Improve your Assertiveness. Being assertive is an important communication skill which can
reduce your levels of depression and anxiety and improve your self esteem. This information
package is designed to provide you with some information about assertiveness – what it is, what
stops us from being assertive and how to become more assertive. This information package is
organised into modules that are designed to be worked through in sequence.  We recommend that
you complete one module before going on to the next.  Each module includes information,
worksheets, and suggested exercises or activities.

Modules:

 Module 1: What is assertiveness?

This module introduces the concept of assertiveness, describes some myths about assertiveness,
identifies reasons why we become unassertive, looks at the effects of not being assertive, and also
what factors stop us from being assertive. It also gives you the chance to assess how assertive you
are in a range of situations. PDF document: 184kb. Updated 14 November 2008.

 Module 2: How to recognise assertive behaviour

This module shows you how to recognise the differences between passive, aggressive and assertive
communication and introduces the verbal and non-verbal characteristics of each communication
style. PDF document: 151kb. Updated  14 November 2008.

 Module 3: How to think more assertively

This module introduces the concept that it is how we think that can stop us from being assertive. It
identifies a number of unhelpful thoughts, and then gives the more assertive counterpart to this
thought. It then introduces two techniques for changing your unhelpful thinking: thought diaries
and behavioural experiments. PDF document: 164kb. Updated 14 November 2008.

 Module 4: How to behave more assertively

This module introduces a number of techniques designed to help you become more assertive. PDF
document: 163kb. Updated 14 November 2008.
  Module 5: Reducing physical tension
This module helps you to identify areas of physical tension in your body and introduces a number of
techniques designed to help you reduce this tension and become more relaxed. PDF document:
154kb. Updated 14 November 2008.

 Module 6: How to say “no” assertively

This module examines the effects of not being able to say “no”. It identifies a number of unhelpful
thoughts that may make it difficult for you to say “no” and helps you come up with a more helpful
thinking style. It then introduces a number of ways to say “no”. PDF document: 153kb. Updated 14
November 2008.

 Module 7: How to deal assertively with criticism

This module identifies the different types of criticism and why we may have trouble responding well
to criticism. It looks at the underlying beliefs which may stop us from being able to deal with
criticism and helps you come up with a more helpful thinking style. It then gives some tips for
dealing with criticism and also for giving constructive criticism. PDF document: 202kb. Updated 14
November 2008.

 Module 8: How to deal with disappointment assertively

This module helps you identify how you deal with disappointment and examine the unhelpful
thinking that may be making it difficult for you to deal with disappointment. It then helps you come
up with a more helpful thinking style to deal more assertively with disappointment. PDF document:
136kb. Updated 14 November 2008.

 Module 9: How to give and receive compliments assertively

This module helps you identify whether you receive compliments in an assertive way or not. It then
helps you identify any unhelpful thinking that may be preventing you from being assertive in
receiving compliments and helps you to come up with a more helpful thinking style. It then provides
steps for receiving compliments and also for giving compliments. PDF document: 145kb. Updated
14 November 2008.

 Module 10: Putting it all together

This module summarises the skills you have learnt so far. It then helps you build a hierarchy of
challenges to help you practice to become more assertive. It provides a worksheet to help you work
through the challenges you set for yourself. Finally it gives you a chance to reassess yourself to see
if you have become more assertive. PDF document: 133kb. Updated 14 November 2008.

Factsheet: Finding Your Balance: At Work and Home

For a lot of people, the pursuit of a healthy work/life balance seems like an impossible goal. With so many of us torn
between juggling heavy workloads, managing relationships and family
responsibilities, and squeezing in outside interests, it's no surprise that more than one in four
Americans describe themselves as “super stressed.” And that’s not balanced—or healthy.

In our rush to “get it all done” at the office and at home, it’s easy to forget that as our stress levels spike, our productivity
plummets. Stress can zap our concentration, make us irritable
or depressed, and harm our personal and professional relationships.

Over time, stress also weakens our immune systems, and makes us susceptible to a variety of ailments from colds to
backaches to heart disease. The newest research shows that chronic stress can actually double our risk of having a heart
attack. That statistic alone is enough to raise your
blood pressure!
While we all need a certain amount of stress to spur us on and help us perform at our best, the key to managing stress lies
in that one magic word: balance. Not only is achieving a healthy work/life balance an attainable goal but workers and
businesses alike see the rewards. When workers are balanced and happy, they are more productive, take fewer sick days,
and are more likely to stay in their jobs.

Here are a few practical steps we can all take to loosen the grip that stress has on us and win back the balance in our lives.
Read on and reap the benefits.

At Work

 Set manageable goals each day. Being able to meet priorities helps us feel a sense of
accomplishment and control. The latest research shows that the more control we have
over our work, the less stressed we get. So be realistic about workloads and deadlines.
Make a “to do” list, and take care of important tasks first and eliminate unessential ones.
Ask for help when necessary.
 Be efficient with your time at work. When we procrastinate, the task often grows in
our minds until it seems insurmountable. So when you face a big project at work or
home, start by dividing it into smaller tasks. Complete the first one before moving on to
the next. Give yourself small rewards upon each completion, whether it’s a five minute
break or a walk to the coffee shop. If you feel overwhelmed by routines that seem
unnecessary, tell your boss. The less time you spend doing busy work or procrastinating,
the more time you can spend productively, or with friends or family.
 Ask for flexibility. Flex time and telecommuting are quickly becoming established as
necessities in today’s business world, and many companies are drafting work/life policies.
If you ask, they might allow you to work flexible hours or from home a day a week.
Research shows that employees who work flexible schedules are more productive and
loyal to their employers.
 Take five. Taking a break at work isn’t only acceptable, it’s often encouraged by many
employers. Small breaks at work—or on any project—will help clear your head, and
improve your ability to deal with stress and make good decisions when you jump back
into the grind.
 Tune in. Listen to your favorite music at work to foster concentration, reduce stress and
anxiety, and stimulate creativity. Studies dating back more than 30 years show the
benefits of music in everyday life, including lowered blood pressure. Be sure to wear
headphones on the job, and then pump up the volume—and your productivity.
 Communicate effectively. Be honest with colleagues or your boss when you feel you’re
in a bind. Chances are, you’re not alone. But don’t just complain—suggest practical
alternatives. Looking at a situation from someone else’s viewpoint can also reduce your
stress. In a tense situation, either rethink your strategy or stand your ground, calmly and
rationally. Make allowances for other opinions, and compromise. Retreat before you lose
control, and allow time for all involved to cool off. You’ll be better equipped to handle the
problem constructively later.
 Give yourself a break. No one’s perfect! Allow yourself to be human and just do the
best you can.
At Home

 Turn off your PDA. The same technology that makes it so easy for workers to do their
jobs flexibly can also burn us out if we use them 24/7. By all means, make yourself
available—especially if you’ve earned the right to “flex” your hours—but recognize the
need for personal time, too.
 Divide and conquer. Make sure responsibilities at home are evenly distributed and
clearly outlined—you’ll avoid confusion and problems later.
 Don't over commit. Do you feel stressed when you just glance at your calendar? If
you’re overscheduled with activities, learn to say,” no.” Shed the superman/superwoman
urge!
 Get support. Chatting with friends and family can be important to your success at home
—or at work—and can even improve your health. People with stronger support systems
have more aggressive immune responses to illnesses than those who lack such support.
 Take advantage of your company’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Many
organizations offer resources through an EAP, which can save you precious time by
providing guidance on issues like where to find a daycare center and caretaking for an
elderly parent, as well as referrals to mental health and other services.
 Stay active. Aside from its well-known physical benefits, regular exercise reduces stress,
depression and anxiety, and enables people to better cope with adversity, according to
researchers. It’ll also boost your immune system and keep you out of the doctor’s office.
Make time in your schedule for the gym or to take a walk during lunch—and have some
fun!
 Treat your body right. Being in good shape physically increases your tolerance to
stress and reduces sick days. Eat right, exercise and get adequate rest. Don’t rely on
drugs, alcohol or cigarettes to cope with stress; they’ll only lead to more problems.
 Get help if you need it. Don’t let stress stand in the way of your health and happiness.
If you are persistently overwhelmed, it may be time to seek help from a mental health
professional. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness—taking care of yourself is a sign of
strength.