"You're beautiful," Sean said sincerely. "You always are.

" 21

I felt a blush coming on. Figuratively speaking, of course. "And look at you." I
showed him the picture. "Come on, it's all in the photo. Admit you are into me."

"I already told you. I like you," he said. "You're all I think about." 57

He sounded like he really meant it. I diverted my gaze because he made me so hot
and bothered. "Well, it's despicable of you using Daniel's picture to try winning
my heart," I said. 4

"I may not know how to take a good picture but I know a good one when I see it," he
said. "And I have something else." 1

He gave me a second envelope, a smaller one.

Snuggled inside were gift certificates of the most expensive spa center around and
included a whole body massage, facial and a pedicure. The kinds that I absolutely
adored. 3

"How do you know this is my favorite spa center?" 10

"I asked Sandra first, but she was really nasty about it, like I was prying about
the password to your bank account," Sean said, smiling. "But Carmen seems really
eager to help me." 22

Carmen ships us, I thought in amusement. I knew why he spent so much money though.
122

"Is this for paying me back for the jazz tickets I gave to your parents?" I said.
"I already told you I don't want your money for that."

"Can you not talk about money all the time?" he copied my line, frowning. "I want
to do something nice for you too. I know how much you like going to a spa." 8

It was actually really nice of him and I felt warm and fuzzy all over. "But this is
cutting into your college application fund," I said worriedly. "That's one more
backup school you can't apply to." 1

He smiled. "I have enough saved up to apply to every school I want to. I wouldn't
throw away my chance of education just so you can have immaculate toenails. Don't
worry." 12

"That's true." I nodded. "And you are Sean Foster. You have the SAT score of eight
billion points and you have aced every nerdy test there is to take. You don't need
a backup school. I'm totally going to be your roommate next year at MIT." 36

He threw back his head and laughed. At the sound of that I was awaken. Why was I
wasting time here anguishing over winning and losing and trying to make him prove
he really wanted me? It was no use defying The King. I just wanted to be with him
and make him laugh. I wanted to talk to him at night before bed and text him corny
lines. I wanted to date him and kiss him, come what may, even if I would always be
the one who cared more. 8

As long as he looked at me the way he did now. 1

"Hey, I think I know what I want for my second wish," I said suddenly. 7

He looked a little alarmed. 3

"You have to go out with me tomorrow and you can't go home until I allow you to."

He smiled. "Am I a date or an escort service?" 22

"You are a date." 1

He contemplated. "This almost seems too easy. You help me throw a party, and I get
a kiss and a date? What's the catch?"

I shrugged.

"Come on, admit you like me a little too," he said almost shyly, nudging me with
his elbow. 5

I giggled. Oh, who was I kidding? I liked him too much. "Fine. I like you. I like
you a lot. I think it's pretty obvious." 50

"Really?" He looked so delighted. His eyes sparkled, like a little boy who got his
favorite present on the day of Christmas morning. Presumably a mug with mitten.
"But if you like me too why didn't you just say so? You don't need to make me
suffer for thirteen days." 46

"I was playing the tried-and-true trick of hard-to-get." I felt so stupid

explaining it. "And it seems to work too. It's supposed to make you want me more."
14

"I'm not sure if it made me want you more, but it sure made me a lot more
miserable," he said. "I almost decided to leave you alone. If you had been straight
with me we could've been dating two weeks earlier." 6

"Maybe I shouldn't have laid out my plans of attack for the enemy to see," I said
sheepishly.

"Flora, I'm not the enemy. I'm just a guy who has a major crush on you who has no
idea how your rules of games work." 8

"I admit it's kind of stupid looking back, but if I were you I would have tried and
tried against all obstacles and keep plotting my next attack until I win you over,"
I protested. "That's what you are supposed to do if you are serious about someone."
4

He shook his head. "Maybe that's how it works in your world, because everyone
eventually falls for you. But I was taught to be polite and understanding. If you
keep turning me down, I seriously can't tell if you are testing me or you are just
not that interested." 15

"But I had to work really hard to get you last year. I just thought you should have
made some effort, and you know, return the favor. I feel like I'm always the one to
initiate things." 23

"By working hard you mean getting yourself drunk, luring me into an empty room to
ask if I thought you were a slut, and trying not to puke on me?" 12

"More or less," I admitted unwillingly. He made me sound really brainless. Looking

back, it really didn't seem like much of a plan. 3

"But after that I walked you home, called you the next day and asked you out, and
offered to pick you up while you went to your college bonfire, and if I remember
correctly we were making out exactly 24 hours after your so-called effort. I'm sure
I didn't make you feel like a crazy stalker," he elaborated. 4

I laughed. "Well if you put it like that..."

"And in my defense I hardly knew you back then. I think I was entitled a little
time to consider the offer," he said. "But this time I'm your more-than-an-ex-
boyfriend, who is also your history partner and party co-host, who you have been
talking to every night and feeding ice-cream to. I think you should have a proper
idea how to respond when I told you I like you."

"Humph. It's not fair. I shouldn't be picking a fight with someone who's so much
smarter than I am." I pouted.

"I know how to end a fight our way. And I'm initiating this one, so that's score
one for me."

He put one hand next to my face on my locker, and the other lifted my chin. He
lowered his head and kissed me. 274

A locker kiss! You can't possibly get more public than a locker kiss and I knew how
much Sean hated attention, but now he was kissing me like there was no one else in
the world. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see some freshmen snapping photos
of us, but I was too caught in the moment to care. My head spun. This was too
overdue, and it was every bit as good as I had hoped. 58

"Wow," I said, smiling goofily after he pulled back. "Wouldn't something as tacky
as a locker kiss ruin your reputation?"

"Why would kissing the most beautiful girl in school ruin my reputation?" 53

I chuckled, my arms circling his waist.

I wanted to tell him that I was really hurt that he broke up with me last year, but
we were so good right now I didn't want to ruin anything. I also wanted to tell him
about the bet, but I needed to live in this bliss for a while longer. 87

"Can I decide what we're going to do on our date?" he asked.

"No, you can't," I said, folding my arms across my chest. "I have some ideas
already."

"Fine, but don't complain about doing all the work because you're obviously very
bossy."

I laughed. "Fair enough."

"Can you please type up an instruction manual when you have time? You're
unbelievably difficult to work with." He smiled and patted my head. 20

I smiled back at him, a genuine one, without an ulterior motive behind and without
nasty schemes to back it up. I felt joyful and pure being back in this giant pink
bubble of being Sean's fangirl. I was going to plan the best date he'd ever been
on.
I guess it was written in my destiny; I was doomed to serve the King and Queen of
Riverside High, and I was more than happy about this privilege to ever want to
resign. 33

*** 1

I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. Sean and I tried our best. 119

I prefer little things to dramatic grand gestures, so there's nothing like a public
announcement or a kiss in the middle of the football field. I know they didn't talk
about the breakup yet, but they were both too happy right now to bring it up. It
will be discussed on their date the next day. 14

The pickup lines don't belong to me, obviously, so feel free to steal it. The
periodic table message I came up with myself because I'm a dork. 78

Part 4 ? Chapter 40 The Whisper Dishes

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Dedicated to Ghaydaxo

by rainbowbrook
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Sean

To my surprise Flora's Mercedes showed up promptly outside my window at 10am on

Saturday morning. She was never on time. I threw on a navy coat as I ran
downstairs, rushing out to meet her. I didn't want Linda to intercept her. 9

"Hey," Flora greeted me with a wide smile. She was standing outside her car
waiting, and as I walked out the door she ran up to hug me before I could even take
a good look at her. I wrapped my arms around her waist tightly. For a while we just
stood in the driveway silently holding on to each other, and it reminded me of
walls toppling. 2

"I could barely sleep last night. I was so looking forward to this," she gushed,
her cheeks a shade of light rosy red from the cold. "I've been sitting at the
Pavement for the past 40 minutes drumming the table." 6

"What? You could call me, you know. That never stopped you before."

"I don't want to irritate you today because I'm so happy." Flora was a ray of
sunshine this morning. She lowered her head slightly and permitted me a clear view
of the beret she had on. I'd have recognized that peculiar shade of cobalt blue
anywhere. "It looks good, doesn't it?"

I nodded. This was the first time I actually got to see her wear it, because right
after I gave her that gift we broke up. I took in her long coffee-colored hair that
fell over her shoulders, her leather coat with fur at the edge and the lace-up
boots on her feet with olive stockings. 76

"You look really great," I said. For a moment I could only stare at her. It felt so
unreal. She was standing in front of me and it was not to talk business. 6
"I take my role as fashion inspiration of Riverside High very seriously," she said
and grinned. "And I blogged about it already. You look nice too. Good enough to go
out with me without embarrassing me."

"Thanks." I was just wearing chinos with Converse and I was sure I couldn't
possibly inspire anybody. 33

"Shall I go in to say hi to your parents and Linda?" Flora asked.

"Please don't." I nudged her lightly to push her back to her car, and she giggled.
Every minute was too precious to waste on my family. 14

"Come on, hop in. I have a full day planned." 4

I lowered myself into the passenger seat beside her. "Where are we going?" 2

"You have no patience." She tsked. "Somewhere we have never been before, but I
don't know why. It's such an obvious choice." 18

I had sat in her car a few times during the past weeks, but this time it felt
different because we were on an official date. I felt jittery and thrilled. She was
the same person wearing the same jasmine perfume but it felt more intimate, like
she was more mine. Like I was allowed to fantasize about her again. 13

We hadn't said anything concrete about getting back together, but as soon as I saw
her I knew that was the direction I was heading for. I didn't know if taking me out
meant she was considering taking me back, but I'd accept anything I could get. I
was willing to eat up anything she tossed under the table as if I was her pet dog.
9

Being with her was too good to pass on, and I even missed the way she drove and how
my body shot forward at every red light. 16

"Tada," Flora sang. 2

I watched in amazement as she pulled into the parking lot of the Science Museum.
"Wow. I have actually never been to one outside of field trips." 40

"Really?" Her eyes widened. "I thought this would be where people like you hang
out." 18

It was obvious this was planned in my honor and I was grateful for the thought.
When we got out the car she linked her arm through mine and dragged me toward the
ticket booth. It felt great. She was soft and scentsy and so pretty, like a jasmine
flower with cobalt blue petals. 11

"I think this is where you belong," she said once we were standing under the
exhibit hall. 2

I looked up at the huge skeletons of dinosaurs all around. "I hope I'm a little
more interesting than a Brontosaurus fossil." 28

"No, I mean there should be an exhibition under your name because you are so
awesome. You should donate your blood for scientific research," she said, staring
at my face with practically heart-shaped pupils. "Maybe they can crack the secret
of your genes and replicate people like you." 58
"What?" I laughed in bewilderment. "Can you tone down a little?"

I had no idea what Flora was up to. Yesterday she was ice princess and today she
was Miss Congeniality. I was uncertain about where we stood, but Flora seemed
really into me. I wasn't one to complain though. 24

"Why do you want to be an engineer?" she asked as we walked through the Wind Lab,
an energy production demonstration that showed how turbines transform wind into
green energy. 19

"I want to create things that move." 28

She made a face. "You want to have babies. I hate babies." 279

I smiled at her intended misinterpretation. "No...like a robotic arm. A plane

engine that roars to life."

"I wish you won't have to marry the female robot you build ten years from now," she
said. "Oh wait. I get it now. Like Iron Man! Or Batmobile. That can be kind of
interesting." She nodded in encouragement. Flora could make a comment about
anything. 24

"Yeah, something like that."

"Is that why you like studying for physics?" 1

"Partly. I like getting correct answers. I like finishing a problem and see if I
get it right. It's very clear cut." So not what we are right now. 42

"I like ambiguity," she said. "Like fashion. No right or wrong. Just what makes you
happy." 35

And Flora was definitely happy. She touched my face with affection. She clutched my
arm while we rode up the escalator. She made bad pun-intended jokes about how she
couldn't wait for a little hands-on experience with me as we treaded through the
interactive section, with her nagging me about what each device meant and oohing at
my intelligence. I was suddenly Flora's favorite person again and she had no
problem with initiating things today. 4

"Flora, what triggered this sudden interest?" I was half flattered and half
unsettled. 2

"You mean in science? Science is actually pretty fun!" She jabbed at a button which
set off an avalanche simulation and she squealed in delight. "That's so real! Did
you see that? I'm impressed! Let's try the tornados and the tsunamis." She pulled
me towards the next interactive booth. 27

Was everything okay again? Dating her and seeing her happy was exactly what I
wanted, but a bad feeling stuck at the corner of my brain, like a chewed gum under
the bus seat. Her mood swings left me feeling emotionally whiplashed. 9

"You seem to...like me a lot today," I suggested uncertainly. 3

She looked at me and smiled, crinkling up the corner of her beautiful hazel eyes.
"I like you all the time. I'm just tired of hiding my feelings for you." 14

This was how she acted a year ago, repeatedly telling me how much she liked me,
coming on to me full throttle, right before she did what she did. No matter how
much I tried to disregard it, I still felt a little traumatized. 60
Flora's affection was like instant fame; it left me feeling swell-headed,
intoxicated, dizzy but at the same time unsettled. Instant fame could crash in a
second, just like she could turn her back on me and destroy everything I had
dreamed about. 2

I really needed to make sure something like that wouldn't happen again, but she was
so hyper today. It seemed wrong to bring it up in the middle of her rare interest
in scientific wonders. It would also be a major fight-trigger, and I really didn't
want to fight with her since we were sort of good again. 7

No, better than good. When she liked me it left me feeling ridiculously weak. I
drank up her affection in gulps until I drowned. Please stay this way for as long
as you can, dear Flora. 37

I took her hand when we walked through the lightning and earthquake experiences,
which roughly described how it was like, feeling her fingers intertwined with mine.
She squeezed my hand lightly without looking at me, and my pulse escalated
significantly. 1

I never thought I could hold her hand again, and when she smiled at me I knew I was
doomed. I was willing to forgive and forget everything because I wanted her too
much. 7

"What's this for?" Flora asked excitedly.

We had stopped at the Whisper Dishes, which was set up with two twin dishes of
concave shape. One collected the sound waves and reflected them towards the
opposite sound dish. They were positioned about 30 feet apart but supposedly the
listener and speaker could hear each other clearly. Flora urged me to the other
side eagerly. 15

"Can you hear me?" Her voice came back muffled. 3

"Yes. But not very clear."

"This is like a dream. To date you again and kiss you wherever I want." Her voice
swirled around me like a galaxy of lights. 6

"Probably not wherever you want."

She laughed and it sounded like she was laughing under water, melodic and rhythmic.
"Say something nice to me," she said. 2

I drew a blank. I was never an expert on sweet talk, so I said the only thing that
had circled my mind all morning. 1

"I really want to get back together." 2

She didn't answer right away and my heart jumped erratically. "What? I can't hear
you." 10

"I really want to get back together," I repeated, louder this time.

"You really want what?" 3

"To get back..." My face flamed when I noticed I was attracting attention, and I
turned around to see Flora smiling slyly at me across the room. She so heard me and
she was just teasing me, I realized, as I started toward her direction. 19
Flora got off from her platform and was walking briskly away from me. I quickened
my pace and she did too. We were chasing around like five-year-olds, crashing into
each other when I finally caught up to her in the empty stairway, and we were both
laughing and gasping out of breath. Even five-year-olds were better-behaved than we
were. 9

I cornered her and trapped her with my arms so she couldn't escape again. "I know
you heard me." 20

She giggled. "I forgot what you were saying. Say it again."

She looked up and she was so beautiful, I really wouldn't know what to do if she
said no. I lowered my head and murmured in her ear, pleading and wanting her so
much it scared me. "Please be my girlfriend again. Please." 253

She smiled, and for the first time ever she looked a little shy. "Yes." She kissed
me. "Yes, yes, yes..." 29

Each yes was interrupted by a peck from her, landing softly along my chin and
jawline. At the fourth one I pulled her closer and kissed her properly. I didn't
even care why we broke up anymore. 194

***

I'm assuming everyone knows what a Whisper Dish is? I think it's a pretty adorkable
way to make a confession, but maybe that's just me and my nerd-loving brain. 62

Some people said that Sean and Flora's first date at the coffee shop was too short.
This epic date they were on will be extremely long (Flora had the whole day
planned, after all), full of conversations and a lot more, so please stay tuned for
the rest of it!

Chapter 41 The Greenland huskies

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Dedicated to kjepsy

by rainbowbrook
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Flora

I couldn't contain my excitement! I was officially back to being in a relationship

and I wanted to climb to the top of the Science Museum and tell the world. Or maybe
I should just tell Facebook. 29

I couldn't wipe the boy-crazy look from my face. Correction: Sean-crazy. It just
felt so amazing to act without pretending, analyzing and plotting every single
minute. When he held my hand I felt like I was struck by a lightning bolt and the
earth shattered (although to be fair, that was what we were looking at when it
happened, the lightning and earthquake simulation). I squeezed his hand just to
make sure it was real. Bliss drizzled down on me like rainfall. 7

We sat down at one of those small booths for two which allowed you to see a short
documentary in private. Sean pressed the screen and some fuzzy Greenland huskies
came on. He fumbled at the control button but no sound came out. 1
"I think the speaker broke down," he said.

Who cares? I pulled his face towards me and kissed him savagely. 46

He let me roam around his mouth for about five seconds before he broke away in
embarrassment. "Flora, I want to kiss you too, but this make-out corner you found
really isn't as private as you think." 4

I traced his face with my knuckles. "I can't help it. You're so incredibly cute." 2

"I don't think it's healthy to expose these small children to so much tongue," he
whispered as he glanced around. "I'll look for the next dark corner to do it." 56

He put one arm around me and I leaned back on his chest as we watched the huskies
run around the ice field. Their white fur quivered in the arctic wind, in silence.
Happiness washed over me quietly, soothingly, like waves against the sand. 3

This is one of the most compelling moments of my life, I decided. Just being with
him, feeling him breathe and listening to his heartbeats, while we watched animals
together, not talking but totally connecting. Sean drew circles on my shoulder
absently and I rested comfortably in my designated snuggle spot. I had worked so
hard to get this position back. 11

I sighed dreamily when the short film had ended. "This is the most romantic date I
have ever been on." 4

"The science museum? You're a dork, Flora. I can't let people see me with you," he
joked. 17

"It's not because of the location. It's because I never thought I could have you
back again." 17

He turned to face me and I knew he felt the same. He said it anyway.

*** 16

I suggested we went to the gift shop and picked out a small souvenir for each
other, but the museum wasn't Saks Fifth Avenue and there really wasn't much to pick
from. I settled on buying a postcard with a gigantic blue brain printed on top with
the caption big brain and hoped he would not laugh at me. On the back I wrote him a
short letter. 2

"Dear boyfriend,

I'm having so much fun and this is only the first stop! You are awesome and I like
you so much, even though you only have three pairs of shoes and I'm tired of all of
them. You are the only person that can make the Science Museum fun. 61

My heart rushes towards you the way electrons are attracted to the nucleus of an
atom. I'm sorry I have more mood swings than an octopus stimulated by a high
definition TV screen. It's just that I'm a bit nuts around you. 69

No matter what happens in the future, I hope you'll remember this day with a smile
and know that once upon a time you made a girl ridiculously happy." 187

Ok I definitely needed to work on my writing skills. Or I would ask Carmen to draft

it. 21
I searched for him and saw him from across the shop, and I was just in time to see
a girl blatantly checking him out and giggling with her friend. I observed this
with great interest as the girl approached him. As a newly-established girlfriend I
did the only thing acceptable: edge closer and eavesdrop on their conversation. 14

Sean was looking at some stone collection and she pretended to do the same, then
she made her move.

"Hello there," she greeted. She was very pretty! 59

He lifted his eyes at her briefly and replied with a terse hi.

Only Sean would get hit on at a museum shop! I was so full of pride. I admired the
girl's courage because he looked less than approachable, and he could be
intimidating when he didn't smile. 40

"Did you enjoy the exhibit? I like the butterfly room the most."

"It's not bad." He smiled the kind of smile I had become familiar with, the kind
that indicated he really didn't feel like smiling but felt he had to in order to
remain socially acceptable. 15

She tried coaxing more out of him and he ended the conversation without longing. He
had started looking at different colored minerals and stones, and the girl tried
again. "Are you interested in rocks?" 3

"No," Sean said. "I'm picking a gift for my girlfriend." 347

"Oh, okay." 10

I felt a bit sorry for her. I almost wanted to give her a pat on the shoulder and
tell her it's definitely not her problem. He could have been a little nicer
although that was kind of his sop. I got plenty of those from him in sophomore year
too. He gave her another half-hearted smile as she left, and I joined him after he
got whatever it was he had been looking for. 20

"Is it hot in here, or is it just my boyfriend?" I said in an exaggerated tone.

Boyfriend was quickly replacing luxury to become my favorite word in English. 5

"You saw that?" The edge of his eyes crinkled up. This kind of smile was reserved
for me. "I was very well-behaved." 17

"You didn't find that girl pretty?" 2

"Yeah, she was actually very pretty. I'm going to find a way to get rid of you
fast, then I'm rushing back to ask for her number." 28

I laughed. "Well, did you enjoy the exhibit?"

"I like the documentary about Greenland huskies the most," he said, echoing my
thoughts. "I'm very interested in learning about them but it ends too soon. The
butterfly room sucks because there aren't any dark corners." 6

"Good answer." I smiled and slid my arm around his waist, steering him away. I
loved how different he was around me. 1

The King was meant to be admired and respected from afar. People generally liked
him because he was smart and good-looking, but I had been so privileged to know the
inside scoop. How endearing he really was. How sweet and funny he could be. He
breezed through school with nonchalant detachment, and although he was never mean
or snotty like Sandra, he didn't make small talk with people unless he had to. 42

He was not the kind of guy who offered to show the new kid around or made an effort
to help someone with a jammed locker. 5

Unlike my Prom King friend Raymond who traded popularity by being friendly, who
said goofy lines out loud in class and sought attention, who handed out his
niceness like a merchandise, Sean hid his wits and charm, and those of us who were
lucky enough to see it just couldn't get enough of him. 18

I felt like a Starwood Platinum Preferred Guest; elite and exclusive. 14

Sean said he wanted coffee so we sat down at the museum caf�. My king was addicted
to caffeine. He read my postcard over the steam that rose from his mug and smiled
in amusement. 42

"Wow, my very first love letter from you," he said with a happy beam, waving the
card lightly in the air. "Thanks. I didn't expect key words like electrons and
octopus to pop up, but it's very nice." 11

"Hey, I was paying attention and learning. I didn't know octopuses can have mood
swings before today." 53

"I didn't either." He handed me a small paper bag. "Don't laugh." 1

On the bag he had scribbled in sharpie, "To the mysterious girl who fell from the
sky: you hit me harder than a meteor." Inside was a small piece of fake black stone
that tried to be passed off as a real meteor. 76

I laughed. "You are so cheesy." 8

I loved it. Meteors had also replaced diamonds and became my new favorite kind of
rock. 212

***

I think one of the most romantic things is to lose someone and get them back.
Second chances are wonderful.

Chapter 42 The lake and the strawberries

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Dedicated to nataliebrooks

by rainbowbrook
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Sean 42

Flora dug out her phone and said, "Can I tell everyone that we are back together?"
2

Why wasn't I surprised that this was happening again? Her phone knew more about her
than I did. I didn't mind her labelling me, unlike the way Jake freaked out over
being "marked", but it was the way Flora addressed issues like these that worried
me. 6
"Yes, but do you have to do it now?" I said reluctantly. Getting back together
meant different things to us. I thought it was something precious. She treated it
like gossip. 28

I wasn't normally like this, but Flora just had this power to make me question
everything about myself. Was I cool, interesting, special enough for her? Would I
be able to hold her attention this time? 47

"I can't hold in something this big!" she exclaimed. "I'm too excited I'm going to
burst like a blowfish." 9

"Flora, there's something I want to talk to you about." 16

"Wait. Smile!" She held her phone up and before I even realized what happened, she
had taken a photo of us together while she planted a kiss on my cheek. She pulled
away immediately and she was back into the arms of her iPhone. 24

"Is that going public too?"

She nodded, typing away on her cellphone fast. A smile played at her lips.

"Can I at least check how I look? I need to make sure my hair looks fine." I just
wanted to redirect her attention back to me.

Flora smiled and showed me the photo. "You look how you always look. Perfect. You
are so cute it's outrageous." 8

I didn't look perfect. I looked startled and confused, which was pretty accurate.
Even her 8MP iSight camera was more perceptive than she was. 18

I waited while she posted on whatever social media she thought was necessary, or
maybe all eight of them. When she was finished she had completely forgotten my
attempt of conversation. She checked the time and gasped. 33

"It's past noon! We are totally behind schedule," she announced, jumping up and
grabbing me. "Hurry hurry. We have to get to the next stop." 9

I stifled a sigh. Her batteries would run out eventually, right? Even iPhones
needed recharging. Maybe when she calmed down, she would have enough patience to
listen to me. 110

*** 3

The next stop was a pristine lake. I had no idea why Flora knew of these places,
but her knowledge of recluse locations beat Lonely Planet. After she parked her car
she suggested we walked around the whole lake, which was supposed to be an easy
hike. 1

I knew she planned this for my sake too. I liked hiking, and the view was glorious.
It would have been peaceful and amazing if her phone didn't ring every thirty
seconds. 1

"Who gets so many phone calls on a Saturday?" I complained. "It's as if you run
your own newsroom." 1

"Well, I am news itself," she explained. "And my 900 friends want to congratulate
me on my new found love." 15

I exhaled. "Your new found love is right here and he wants to talk to you too." 5
"Yes, but..." Her phone rang again. "This one I have to take. It's Sandy." 42

I let her talk as I followed behind her on the hiking trail. Could I confiscate her
phone after being together for less than one hour? She knew I was bossy and
demanding. Maybe she would let me. 2

"...he's going to be mad but...I don't care...he won't...I'm going to tell him..."

Snippets of her conversation drifted by me and I couldn't help but hear some very
puzzling phrases.

"What did Sandy say about us?" I asked.

She bit her lips. "That I have the sick pleasure of letting you break my heart." 3

"What? Why did she say that?"

"It's...it's something I did," she said, averting my gaze. "But I don't want to
tell you now." 5

"But you are making me feel very uneasy right now."

"I'll tell you later. Right now I just want to enjoy being with you. No heavy talk,
okay?" She pleaded me with her eyes. 15

She was finally going to tell me, I realized. She would tell me and I would tell
her I forgive her as long as she never did it again. I could feel this dense fog
hanging between us; I liked her so much but there had always been this haziness,
like I was watching her through tinted glass. It would be so nice to break that
glass and talk openly. 44

After we completed the walk and got back to her car, she opened the trunk and took
out a picnic basket.

"I made these myself," she presented proudly. "Sandwiches with truffle cream, a
bottle of chilled tea, it's TWG 1837 black, mind you, and strawberries. I hand-
dipped those." 12

I saw that the strawberries were chocolate-covered and imagined Flora dipping each
and every one of them with her dainty fingers. A very pretty sight. 1

"Thanks, Flora. That's really nice."

"This isn't just chocolate," she clarified. "It's Valrhona." 82

Needless to say I had no idea what that meant but I supposed it was something
expensive, as well as everything else in her picnic basket. 5

"This is my attempt of making something for you," she said.

I nodded in appreciation. "I know. You put a lot of thoughts in arranging a date
for us. Thank you."

"I imagine this is what you like. Is it?"

"It is. Of course it is." To be honest I'd rather have a plate of hot food, but as
long as she made me feel like she cared about me, I could put up with anything.
Even her 900 friends. I let her feed me strawberries and I thought nothing else
mattered. 16

Flora had packed a large waterproof blanket, but she had to add another layer of
cashmere on top. Could this be anymore unreal? We lay on the grass near the lake
and it was serene and wonderful. I closed my eyes briefly and let the winter
sunlight fall on my face. 3

Flora sat up suddenly.

"Let's do something crazy." 24

"How crazy? Like breaking into an empty construction site crazy, or get matching
tattoos kind of crazy?" I said dryly. 8

She mused. "Hmm. These are pretty good ideas. Wait....I got one. Do you have a
dream car?"

"Maybe a Ferrari 458? Or any type of Lamborghini." 61

Flora nodded solemnly. "Let's go test drive one." 2

"Are you serious? They won't just let us test drive unless we look like serious
buyers."

"We will pull up in my Mercedes and I'll flash my VISA black. Oh my god that's so
exhilarating!" She sat up straighter and I could practically see lights shooting
off her eyes like laser beams.

"But we are teenagers and I'm wearing Converse." 11

Flora slumped down. "That's true. What a shame. The idea of you driving a
Lamborghini really turns me on." Her lips curled up slyly. "Where do you want that
tattoo?" 6

I laughed. 1

"How about a shooting range?" She didn't give up. "Come on, there must be some
crazy stuff you want to do together."

I rolled over on the blanket and propped myself on my elbows. "There is, actually.
There is something I've always wanted to do with you but it's not crazy. In fact,
lots of high school couples are doing it everyday," I suggested as a joke. 44

She tilted her head and pretended not to get it. "No thanks, Sean. I don't want to
study together." 40

I chuckled. "You know what? Can we not do anything crazy and just be together? I
really just want to hold you and talk to you. I don't need any outside stimulant."
That was typical Flora. With her it was like five exciting dates rolled into one.
Unless I suggested robbing a bank, she would never like anything I planned. 14

"Alright then," Flora agreed. I pulled her back down so she was lying in my arms.
She played with my fingers. I closed my eyes and breathed in her hair. She smelled
so nice, like she just rolled around in a bed of jasmine. I savored the weight of
her on me.
"Okay. Tell me the worst thing you've ever done," Flora said. 9

My eyes flung open. "You're so full of drama." 6

She wiggled her body, and we were facing each other. "I'm curious what evil you
could possibly have done. You seem like the kind of guy who doesn't have a single
thing to hide." 1

That wasn't the first time I heard something like that. My friends all thought that
I didn't have secrets, but that's because we had different definitions. What I did
on weekends, contents of my e-mails, and who I dated were not secrets. 1

Secrets were, for example, what I felt around Flora. It was a Pandora box of all
the wrong feelings: vulnerability, uncertainty, rapture, possessiveness, jealousy
and a feeling of out-of-control. 6

"I bet it's something boring like you cheated on a few tests in middle school,"
Flora said.

"I actually never cheated on tests." 89

"Duh." Flora smacked her forehead. "That's true. Whose answer are you going to peek
at? You might as well trust yourself."

"I played a bit of online video games in seventh-grade," I told her the first thing
that came to mind. "There was a bully in my school, and I hacked into his account
and stole all his weapons." 168

Flora was silent for two seconds and burst out laughing. "That's it? That's the
worst thing you've ever done? Big deal. You stole some virtual swords." 7

"I thought it was pretty mean. He must have spent tons of money and time on it."

"All I know is that you were a hacker and that's so cool. I'm adding another 5
points on you. Hacker Sean is very sexy." 6

Flora always had a whole different take on things. "Okay. There's something I've
never told anyone before."

She nodded for me to go on.

"When I started middle school there was a kid on the school bus who got picked on a
lot. There was a lot of name calling and shoving, but I never said anything because
I just wanted to stay out of trouble. I thought I was an easy target myself. I was
scrawny back then with braces, plus I was labeled as a brainy kid which is a bad
thing in the middle school anarchy. 8

By the second year the bullying got worse, but I had started playing basketball and
I grew a lot taller, so from time to time I would tell the other kids to back off.
They didn't. Even Dylan joined in, and he would sometimes say nasty stuff to him.
He may not be an angel now, but back in middle school he was a lot worse."

"I know Dylan teases people a lot but I never take him for a bully."

"Yes, but if it's any excuse, his dad was dying of cancer then and he had a lot of
frustrated anger. Anyway, one day on the bus, I helped him. The whole school was
watching, and after that I was viewed as this kid's savior. He thought I was his
only friend and whenever anyone picked on him he expected me to stand up for him,
and I always did." 5
"I'm waiting for the plot twist," Flora said. "So far you sound like a hero riding
on a white horse." 6

"Don't worry, there's a twist. I hated the idea of bullying, but I can't say I
really liked Martin--that's his name--either. Just because I stood up for him
doesn't mean I wanted to hang out with him. I was just doing what I thought was
right, but he was always hanging around my locker and complaining about how
miserable he was, and it got increasingly annoying. One of these days he showed up
again and he was whining about how someone tipped over his drink in the cafeteria,
and I just lost it. I mean, I wasn't his guardian angel. He should learn to fight
his own fights once in a while." 40

"I agree completely. You can't defend him all the time," Flora supported. "Even
Spiderman wants to take a break sometimes." 13

"I told him to shut up and I swore at him. That evening he slashed his wrists." 320

"What!" Flora gasped. She covered her mouth with one hand and her eyes widened,
full of compassion. "He didn't die right? Tell me he didn't die."

"He almost did, but then he pulled through. Nobody knew I had anything to do with
it but I did. He tried to kill himself because of me." 15

"Oh, Sean. You can't blame yourself for it. You did what you can."

"No I didn't. I betrayed him."

"Hey, that's not your fault." Flora reached over and held my hand. It was amazing
how the mere touch of her fingers made me feel lighter.

"I couldn't face him afterwards. I wanted to apologize but I was too scared. I have
always been very bad at expressing feelings and I tend to avoid confrontation at
all costs. When I'm faced with a traumatic event I usually just bottle up my
feelings and never talk about it." 48

Flora's phone rang and she embarrassedly pressed mute. "Sorry. Please go on." 31

"After that Dylan dragged me with him to the hospital because he felt guilty, but
actually he really didn't do that much to him and he stopped long before it
happened. We went with Dylan's mom, but because Martin wouldn't let anyone visit
him, she suggested that we wrote a card. Dylan sat in the waiting area and I was so
surprised he had that much to say. He filled up the whole card explaining how angry
he had felt when his dad passed away and how sorry he was. 12

He asked me to write a few words too because he thought Martin would like to hear
from me. I wrote get well soon and signed my name. Even in writing I was a coward.
He transferred later and I never saw him again and I never told him I was sorry." 9

"Wow. That was...really heavy." She took hold of my hand again, squeezing my
fingers gently. "I didn't know you and Dylan shared such a dark past."

"Yeah, we go back a long way."

"He's a pretty decent guy after all."

"Yes, nowadays he only picks on me and Jake. Mostly me," I said. "That's why my dad
told you I was bitter and cynical in middle school. I really hated middle school.
Not even my parents know what happened." 16

"Thanks for telling me, Sean. I feel very privileged. But you know, these
supposedly bad things you've done only make me like you more. You really are Church
Sean."

"Come on. I almost killed someone."

She rolled her eyes. "Stop being a drama king. You have a really good heart." 3

She wrapped her arms around me and I felt strangely comforted. I did not even know
what propelled me to tell her, because I knew Flora wasn't the best listener in the
world, but as her warmth seeped into me I knew. It was because Flora was the most
important person to me and I wanted her to approve of me badly, to tell me that it
was okay, that she still thought of me as a good person. 6

Paradoxically, as much as Flora made me feel insecure, she also made me feel safe
at the same time. She gave me an adrenaline rush but also calmed my nerves. She
could give me all the emotional support I needed without saying anything. 2

"Sadly that incident didn't make me more compassionate," I continued. "Part of me

was even upset by the unfairness of it. I did more damage to him than the people
who bullied him for years, because it's worse to stop being nice for one second
than to be bad all the time. I really don't feel like going out of my way to help
people anymore, and I generally just mind my own business. I went from being
disinterested to being withdrawn." 11

Flora looked at me like I was Dalai Lama. "No, you are just saying that. If you
come across some sort of injustice, I know you would still stand up." 9

"I don't know. Luckily high school is a much better place. Everyone more or less
found where they belonged and there's no one waiting to be rescued right now." 49

"Probably just me drowning in my admiration toward you." 6

I laughed and she hugged me tighter. It struck me that we had never been on a date
during which we just accompanied each other and talked. Flora loved a huge crowd so
we were at a lot of parties or hanging out with friends, either that or we would be
in her room getting physical, with me roaming my hands where they shouldn't go and
hoping that she would let me do a little more than the last time. It meant a lot
that I could talk to her, and I felt myself sinking in Flora's charm like in a
quicksand. I was the one that needed rescuing. 18

"I kind of dig that you are...detached," she said, her face full of affection. "I
mean, everyone dreams of making friends with the whole school and be voted prom
king, and you can totally do it but you are too cool for that."

But you obviously dig the prom king too, Flora. "That's so not everyone's dream.
The crown looks fake and it crashes with my style," I mocked her tone and she
giggled. "I have a very narrow comfort zone. I only feel comfortable around
probably five people and it doesn't even include my parents." 65

She smiled and stroked my face gingerly. "Do I make the cut?"

"I wouldn't use the word comfortable to describe what I feel around you," I
admitted.

"Then what word would you choose?" Her eyes sparkled.

"I'd probably go with...overwhelmed." 9

She laughed. "I thought you were going to say horny, but I guess overwhelmed works
too." 23

I joined in her laugh. "I have to be honest, I pretty much feel horny all the time
with or without you." 91

She leaned in and kissed me. Only Flora could kiss me the way she did. It literally
melted all my troubles away, and I was so glad her phone didn't ring. We made out
properly for a while until she pulled away, and I knew the time had finally come to
settle this one last thing.

"Flora, what's the worst thing you've ever done?" 228

***

I want to thank my readers again for all the support. I love it when you vote and
comment. It's not because I want to reach a certain milestone, but to know that you
are reading and enjoying it really makes my day. 7

Sean's story was inspired by something I read about on the internet a long time
ago. It was only a few sentences long, so I changed it and added a lot of details.
It was a true story and in it the boy died. #NoMoreBullying 46

Chapter 43 The revelation

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Dedicated to azzy1231

by rainbowbrook
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Flora 14

"Your turn," Sean said. "Flora, what's the worst thing you've ever done?" 2

Gee, where should I start? There were too many. "I cheated on some tests in middle
school." 5

He rolled his eyes.

"Alright. The things I did were more along the lines of petty crimes," I started.
"Let's see...I smoked pot with Raymond one summer and we got so stoned we rushed
out in the middle of the night and did a bunch of silly stuff, like dancing around
the lamp posts and peeing down from trees. That's him, by the way. 26
I was out one night after Max dumped me, and I saw this guy painting on a wall with
a spray can. I joined in the fun and I wrote Max's name along with all the
profanities I know and cursed him to no end. 4

I got busted once for the fake id I used to buy vodka. I tried to pay my way out of
it which only got me into bigger trouble. I almost got arrested." I paused, seeing
the look of surprise on his face. "I had a lot of teenage angst," I explained. 3

"Yeah, I thought people usually get over it by slamming their bedroom doors, but I
guess there are other ways too," he said, but he didn't look too bothered by my
stories.

"And you remember my friends Sarah and Jess?"

"Yes, your friends from your private girls' school days." He nodded. "The other two
of the Charlie's angels." Sarah had a mass of blond curls and Jessica was Chinese.
36

"Yes. We got back from a beach party once and we were all so wasted, and when we
passed a fountain in the middle of the city, Sarah dared us to skinny dip. We took
off our bikini tops and we swam right in that fountain." 2

His eyes widened, then he smiled and said, "Damn I wish I had been there." 27

I laughed. He didn't seem to mind how crazy I had been. 2

"Wow, you're only seventeen but you have enough materials to star in your own
reality TV show," he said. "Let's see...illicit drug use, public nuisance,
vandalism, forgery, public drunkenness and nudity...I think you're a hazard to
society." 3

"I was...but I'm your responsibility now. Are you okay with it?" 9

He nodded. "You were pretty wild, but at least you were never deliberately mean,"
he said. "I guess your little misdemeanors never hurt anyone." 1

This is my opening. I have to tell him now. In chick flicks the bet always comes
out, and I wanted him to hear it from me. In retrospect, I knew I started that bet
just to convince myself it was okay to get close to him, and deep down I never
really planned on breaking his heart. 1
All I wanted was to have Sean like me again, because I never stopped loving him. 2

I knew he was going to be mad, though. This wasn't something I could wriggle out of
by tugging on his sleeve and pouting, but at least I got him stranded near a lake
and he couldn't leave without my car. 13

"First you have to promise not to freak out, and you have to know I really do like
you. I mean it." 6

He smiled easily. "Nothing you say can possibly freak me out."

I took a deep breath. "Okay. Here goes. I was once really in love with a boy, and
when he broke up with me I was so hurt and angry, I cooked up an elaborate plan to
make him fall for me again so I could dump him and show him how it felt. But
halfway through it I decided to abort the plan because..." 1
My voice trailed off when I saw that Sean got it right away, and the light in his
eyes scared me. It was of shock and betrayal, piercing through me unforgivingly
like icy shards. His jaw clenched and something cold in him forced me to swallow
the rest of my sentence. 1

He drew a shaky breath. "That's why I got a kiss and a date."

"No! Well maybe that's why you got a kiss but I really wanted to date you. I've
already decided to forget it--"

"Flora, when are you going to dump me and tweet about it?" 43
I felt tears starting to well up. I knew it. He would be so mad he wouldn't listen
to me, and I sucked at delivering bad news. "I'm not going to dump you! It was just
a stupid plan. I didn't know what I was doing." 1

"That actually makes a lot of sense. Now I see why you were acting so strange." He
shook his head, like he didn't hear a word I just said. "I can't believe I'm so
stupid." 58

"Sean...the point is, it was only in the beginning. I genuinely want to be with you
now." I reached out my hand to touch him on the wrist but he drew back so fast like
I electrocuted him. 4

I could tell he was lost in a dark place, pulling memories out and sorting through
them one by one like a case file. "Is that why we went out for sushi? And why you
agreed to throw the party for me? And that weird ice-cream date we went on...and
the phone conversations....and that's why you played hard-to-get...Jesus, Flora.
You even came to my house to have dinner with my parents."

"Those weren't exactly lies...I meant everything I said to you and I really enjoyed
throwing the party for you." I closed my eyes briefly to let the tears roll down.
They were blinding me. "I don't have to tell you this, you know. I can just go on
being your girlfriend and I'd be so happy."

"Then why did you tell me?"

"I told you because I don't want a lie between us."

"You don't want a lie between us. That's good to know," he smiled scornfully, but
there was no trace of humor in his voice.

"And...I was afraid you might accidentally find out from Sandy."
"Sandra is in on this too?" he said sharply.

"I made a bet with her that I could make you fall for me, but I already admitted
defeat because I like you too much!" I wiped my tears away with my sleeve. "I only
did it because you crushed my world when you left me. I just can't get over you and
I thought maybe I could do it by getting revenge."

"You and Sandra really believe all that crap about getting revenge to move on," he
said in disgust. "I don't deserve this." 51

"I know...I'm so sorry..."

"You're crazier than I suspected. I know you're competitive, but to go through so

much trouble just to get even?" He looked so disappointed in me I couldn't breathe.
Anger I could handle. But the look he gave me made me want to curl up and die. He
gritted his teeth. "You know what? This...this really hurts." 25

He stood up and turned around, taking a few steps away from me. 3

I stood up too, hugging myself as I cried behind him. "Sean, can you give me a
little credit by coming forward? I know my initial incentive was wrong, but I
backed out in time. It's just...you don't understand how it feels to want someone
like this! Breaking up with you... it tore me apart. I've never felt like this
about anyone before and I don't know how to deal with it."

He didn't answer me.

"Come on. Forgive me. I did a stupid thing but I did it because I care about you
too much." I came up behind him to clutch his arm, and he held up a hand to stop
me.

"Give me a minute to think." 14

"Okay," I whispered miserably behind him. Who ever said honesty is the best policy?
I should have just ended the conversation with the skinny dipping. 11

He was silent for a while, then he turned to face me. The expression on his face
had softened a little. "I know how it feels." 2

"Huh?"

"You thought I wasn't in pain after we broke up? I went through hell trying to get
over you." His eyes blazed. "I was just putting up a cool front because I didn't
want you to know."
"Really?" I blinked. 1

He heaved a sigh. "To be honest, I knew you were up to something but still I can't
resist you. I want to get back together too much. So if this is about getting even,
about winning," he said sadly, "then you already won. I was never any match for
you." The little-boy look in his eyes made my mother instinct kick in at once. I
couldn't remember ever wanting to hurt him. 4

"I didn't know that. I always thought you didn't care that much about me."

"You really are an idiot, Flora. I was--am--crazy about you." 23

I bit on my lips. It didn't make any sense. I was convinced that The King got tired
of me just like he did with all his previous conquests, and somehow us working
together had rekindled his interest in me. I never felt that he was crazy about me,
especially when he cold-bloodedly executed our relationship back in junior year,
without a backward glance. "But...if you feel that way why did you break up with
me? You know I didn't want to." 3
He stared pointedly at me, and what came out of his mouth was as unexpected as a
flying unicorn. "Because you cheated on me." 373

I gasped. "What? I never did!" I would be less surprised if he told me he was a

secret assassin and he only did it to protect me. Of all the possible reasons this
had never even entered my mind. 17

"Don't lie," he said, irritated. "Part of the reason I didn't say it before is
because I know you'll just lie to me again. I don't want to give you that option."

"I'm not lying. I never even considered cheating on you."

"Come on, I know. With Raymond Corbett," he muttered as if the words were painful
to form. 1

I racked my brain and drew a blank. I had hung out with Raymond millions of times
in the past but we never even held hands. Cheating on Sean with Ray? Wasn't that
like cheating on Bradley Cooper with that short guy with full beard in The
Hangover? 32

Well there was this one incident where I hadn't been honest with Sean. "He came to
my apartment one night and we got wasted together. I didn't tell you right away
because I knew you wouldn't like it, but I was planning on coming clean
once...wait." A fog had shifted, and the memory was becoming clearer now. "It was
before your physics test because I was so mad at you...oh my God...is that what you
were referring to?" 6

He nodded.

I felt dizzy like all the oxygen was sucked out of my brain. "But that's everything
that happened. He brought beer, we drank, we gossiped, then he left. When we got
outside he tried to kiss me goodbye. It didn't mean anything because I know he
always gets a little touchy-feely when he gets drunk. He didn't even remember it."

Sean looked at me in a speechless daze. 100

"It's true. You were studying. How did you even know?"

"Because I staked out at your house like a lunatic. That's how crazy you made me. I
knew you lied on the phone and the next day you lied again to my face," he said in
a low voice. It was hard to tell what he was thinking. 3

I felt a fresh wave of tears pushing to get out. It wasn't because I had been
wrongly accused of cheating, but what must've gone through his head at that
horrible night. What it must've looked to him. When I imagined Sean coming over to
see me, waiting outside the building only to find me and Raymond giggling on the
stairs in our drunken bliss, I wanted to puke. He didn't deserve to find out this
way. 17

"I'm so sorry you had to see that. I was feeling frustrated about us, and when he
called and suggested meeting up I thought it'd take my mind off you for a second. I
never thought of cheating on you, but I'm sorry I lied." 22

Sean appeared as if he believed me, on top of getting a stroke. He dug one hand
into his hair and his face contorted slightly. "I just assumed...that's what
happened?" 95

I nodded. After all this time, I finally knew. I always thought he was cruel and
heartless and my friends all thought he was the bad guy. I never even imagined that
he could hurt too. 11

Sean's eyes were wide with panicked realization, like a shot deer. I thought he
would be glad to know the truth, but he looked like Luke Skywalker when he found
out about his real father. Without the screaming and crying, of course. "So you
never cheated on me," he repeated, testing the sound of it on his tongue. 31

"Never." 2

I could see him blanch. He inhaled and exhaled several times. "Then I'm a fucking
idiot," he concluded finally. "We broke up over nothing." 432

As his words hit me like a slap, I felt a new surge of emotion engulfing me like
diving into a Jacuzzi of hot chili sauce.

I shoved him hard on the chest. "That's why we broke up? That's why we broke up?"
My voice was shrill and foreign, and my head was filled with so much fury I could
feel a headache pressing in. So many teary, sleepless nights and so much sorrow for
such a stupid reason. 28

How could he be so stupid? 67

He caught my fist when I tried to hit him again. I was pretty sure I didn't hit him
that hard, but he winced like he was in a lot of pain. "Flora, I don't know what to
say. I'm so sorry. I saw what I thought I saw and I jumped to conclusions." 27

"You don't trust me at all! And you thought I was a cheater! I may not be a saint
like you but I've never cheated in my life!" Besides, what was the point of
cheating when I could just switch boyfriends? 131

"It's not that I don't trust you but...why did you have to lie to me?" 1

"Why didn't you just ask me?" I shrieked. "I was going to tell you the truth but I
never got the chance, because you broke up with me!" 25

Sean let out a frustrated grunt and lowered himself back to the grass. He
tentatively tugged on my wrist to pull me down with him. 1

"Flora, look, listen..." He struggled with his words. By then I was

hyperventilating and in a mess of tears, faintly feeling relieved that my Helena
Rubinstein mascara was as water proof as advertised. Too much information at once
made my brain teeter on the brink of exploding. 25

Did he know how many times I cried for him? How I went through our broken
relationship shred by shred, trying to figure out what I did wrong? How I spent my
days blaming myself and then him, and then back at myself? 19
Did he know how I drifted through summer in an empty shell, watching him hover over
Leslie like I was a mistake? How I fret about his injury but wasn't allowed to stay
with him, and could only worry over him when no one was watching? 50

I wasn't that coherent, needless to say. I threw out my accusation between angry
sobs, and Sean wanted to comfort me but I didn't give him a chance. I cried my
heart out for a good ten minutes, at least, while he watched me helplessly, begging
me to stop with the guilt on his face. 8

"I know now, Flora," he said softly. "I'm so sorry." 2

"You should be." 2

"I am. This is all my fault. I made a mess of everything." He tried putting his
arms around me again and this time I let him, too exhausted to push him away. I
whimpered quietly, gradually calming down, and he proceeded to apologize for about
eight billion times until it sounded like a mantra. 10

"You're really stupid, Sean." 9

"I know." He stroked my hair and rocked me very gently. "Forgive me. Please forgive
me." 57

I sniffled, pulling back to look at his face.

"I didn't ask you because...because it hurt to talk about it," he started softly,
but I could hear the anguish in his voice, like he was forcing the words out. "I
honestly thought I didn't mean much to you. If I had told you, you would've known
how much it affected me. I didn't want to give you the chance to hurt me even more
and...and I was scared to hear about the details." He lowered his eyes and stared
down. "I just wanted to walk away with some dignity." 4

This was the first time I ever saw any trace of vulnerability in him and I suddenly
couldn't stay mad at him anymore. The King wasn't always so mighty after all, and
it was because of me. I made him this way. 15
A hot guy with a little bit of insecurity is just so...hot. 230

"And when I finally decided to approach you, you told me I bore you to tears and
that you wasted three months of your life on me," he recounted. "Then you threw the
keychain away, which led me to believe that you really didn't care about me." 5

"I was just angry because you dumped me!" 3

"And then you went out with Liam Turner right afterwards. It was like two weeks
after we broke up. I could barely got out of bed but you were already moving on." 2

"I was...I was honestly dating Liam to spite you," I muttered, feeling defeated and
incredibly immature. I was a bigger moron compared to Sean, obviously. My
impulsiveness and competitiveness had ruined my chances with the only guy I liked,
and during the process I had apparently put him through hell. 27

"I don't want to admit this, but I don't have that much confidence in front of you.
You're wonderful and out of my league," he started talking again, his voice low and
hesitant. "I just got lucky for a while, and I guess I always anticipated that
you'd lose interest in me, so when I saw you that night I wasn't even surprised. I
was kind of just waiting for it to happen." 2

I sighed, bewildered and touched at the same time. "Why would you think that, Sean?
I was the one waiting for you to get tired of me."

"Well, you're very popular, you have a crazy schedule, a million friends, a long
list of ex-boyfriends, and you're always talking on the phone. It's like...you are
my priority but I'm only one of your options." 137

How could I have sent out such a wrong impression? I ran my fingers through my hair
in exasperation. "I don't believe this. You are my top priority and I thought
you're supposed to be smart!" 13
"I'm not smart around you. I can't think. You made me feel like you're a super rock
star and I'm a crazy groupie." 4

"But...but that's a ridiculous illusion! I worship you. You have so much going on
and I feel shallow and stupid next to you. I always try to impress you, but you're
so effortlessly cool," I said. "I guess I'm even a little intimidated." 23

"Intimidated?" He raised his eyebrows. 1

I fidgeted. "Yeah, because you're The King." It sounded so juvenile out loud.
"That's what I call you in private." 129

"The King?" He laughed in surprise. "Is that short for The King of Nerdy Tests or
something?" 15

"No. Just The King. That's what I think of you."

He looked embarrassed. Or maybe flattered. "Wow. I don't know what to say." 6

We were both silent for a brief moment, each absorbing the newly-gathered
information.

"Why didn't you tell Janet the real reason we broke up?" I asked.

"I don't want her to judge you." 5

My eyes widened. "You'd rather she judge you?" 3

He shrugged. "Trust me, after we broke up, what people think of me is the last
thing on my mind." 5

He was worried about my reputation when all I had been doing was cursing him to get
fat and grow a zit. There was no debate about it; Sean was just altogether a much
better person than I was. 43

A thought hit me suddenly. "Wait. So...you were willing to get back together even
though you thought I cheated on you?"

He nodded. "Yeah... I always go against my better judgment because I can't stay

away. When you like me it's...it's the best feeling in the world." He looked at me
shyly as he said it. "I don't want to ever go through you ignoring me again." 14
I never imagined I'd hear that from him and at that moment I was thankful that we
were sitting down. My knees would have betrayed me.

"Sean. You have no idea how much I like you and I never stopped." I reached out my
hand to caress his face. "I think there's a lot of misunderstanding between us." 96

He gazed in my eyes and sighed. "Flora, I'm sorry for putting us both through this.
Being with you has this bizarre effect on me and...anyway, I'm really sorry. You
can hit me again if you want. It was all my fault." 12

It was not all his fault, and now that I calmed down I realized that I probably
made more mistakes than he did, only Sean had the grace to accept all the blame. He
was noble as always, exactly the guy I knew I fell in love with. 11

"No, I'm sorry. I lied to you and I tried plotting revenge against you. I think I
was the one who made a mess of everything." 1

Sean smiled, lips curling up at the edge attractively, like a sliver of sunshine
breaking through the rain clouds. "Well, if I'm the king then you committed
treason, among all your petty crimes. I'm pretty sure it'd get you sentenced with
beheading back in medieval times," he said lightly, and I knew the storm had passed
and we were fine again. 14

"You wouldn't have the heart to behead me," I said. "You'd probably just sentence
me to...serve time in your chamber." 135

His face broke into a grin and a gleam came into his eyes. "I love it when you talk
dirty." 63
I giggled. He pulled me toward him and I fell in. The warmth of him was so
comforting and I let myself indulge in it.

"I really miss you," I said, suddenly choking up again.

He hugged me tight. "I miss you too. All the time." 74

I nodded. I had trouble describing how I felt...it was a mixture of a handful of

feelings all thrown into a pot stew. Mostly it was relief. Made me want to laugh
and weep at the same time. The tears came first and they were all soaked up by his
coat.

We separated finally although it never felt enough. I liked how tight Sean held me,
like he was afraid of losing me and he never wanted to let go.

Then the giggles attacked. I couldn't stop laughing and Sean joined in. We glanced
at each other and laughed uncontrollably, like inmates who dug through a tunnel to
escape prison and finally saw the sunlight. 10

"We really are a pair of idiots," I said. 2

"Yes, but you don't know how happy I am right now." 1

"I think I do." I sighed and lay my head against his shoulder in contentment. "I
promise I'll never lie to you again." 37

"Okay." 6

"But you have to be more open with your feelings. You may never lie but I feel like
you are holding in a lot." I stared into his eyes. "I want you to tell me
everything, and if you're unhappy about anything I want to know." 4

He considered for a while. "Well, there's just one small thing. This picnic you
prepared is great, but I can't survive on cold sandwiches and chilled tea alone."
He hugged me again and his lips moved to my ear. "I'm so hungry. Can we please go
get some chili cheese fries?" he murmured in such a cute pleading tone I giggled
immediately. 46
"Of course. I would do anything you want, your majesty." 1

"Anything?" He cocked his eyebrows and smirked. "Then I asked for the wrong thing."
47

I laughed and hit him. He really was asking for it. 70

***

I hope this is okay *biting my nails in anxiety* 458

If there's anything I should have covered but didn't, please let me know. Would
love to hear your thoughts, and please vote if you liked it. 38

Thank you for reading this far!!

Chapter 44 The double date

348K 12.9K 4.2K
Dedicated to TheHuntersBird

by rainbowbrook
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Sean 41

I was still in a daze when Flora pulled onto my street. 18

"You are dropping me off already?" The dismay was hard to miss in my tone. The sun
hadn't even set yet and I assumed we would at least have dinner together, and after
our previous conversation I really didn't want to spend one minute away from her. I
felt like we had to make up for lost time.

"Yeah, I don't want to be late for my next steamy date," Flora deadpanned and I
groaned.
"Please don't joke about dating other people." 16

She raised her eyebrows. "Now even joking is off-limits? You are even more
possessive the second time around." She smiled. "I still find it pretty sexy." 12

With a signature abrupt halt, she pulled her car to a stop in front of my house.
"Actually, I'm not done with you yet. I just need you to use your car. I have this
planned yesterday to remind you of the good times we had, in the hopes that you
will like me more. It seems a little unnecessary now but we might as well go
through with it." 1

I gazed at her puzzled.

She winked and smiled slyly like she was an undercover secret agent. "There's an
envelope in the glove compartment. Take it."
"Okay..." I clicked it open and found a white envelope among the mass of speeding
tickets and gum wrappers. 23

"Right. Don't open it until I'm gone. And here's the emergency number." She dug out
a marker pen from her purse and scribbled a line of phone number on my forearm.
"Don't dial unless it's an absolute emergency."

I looked at her in alarm. "This isn't going to get me arrested, is it?"

"Well, if you run fast enough..." she trailed off and laughed. "Kidding! Now get
out." 14

She gave me a quick kiss and shoved me out of her car, then she sped away without
further explanation. I was left in the dust gaping after her. I would never be able
to follow up on Flora's spontaneous actions, I thought. 1

I tore open the envelope and found a note inside.

Where did we go the one time we cut class? 77

Was this some kind of treasure hunt? I was amused. Flora could manipulate me like a
con-artist, but at heart she had a certain child-like innocence. 1
The place we went was the little garden near the school. Flora had come into my
German class that day and faked a note from the principal, asking to see me right
away. It was so obvious I just about died in my seat, and everyone else knew too
because we were the newest couple. But Mrs. Kinston had bought it.

German was my weakest subject, and Flora thought she was doing me a favor. Instead
of working harder, her way to deal with it was to skip it altogether. 9

"You have no motivation," she said, leading me away from school. Her hand was
clasped tight in mine. "We need to find you a German mistress fast." 8

"You are so much work I can't even begin to think of a mistress, let alone a
German-speaking one," I said. 9

Flora took it as a compliment and grinned. She led me to a broken fence behind the
library and told me it was the only place to go without being noticed. I bet some
other guy showed her that. 43

We had decided to take a walk in the botanic garden nearby, but neither of us was
really concentrating on flowers. We found an isolated bench in the shades, hard to
see if you didn't look carefully, and she lay on my lap as she propped her feet on
one arm of the bench. It was one of the warmer days and the air was filled with the
crisp scent of grass. The clouds up above were frozen still like they were painted
on. My eyes skidded over a few fallen acorns under the tree and went back to her
face. 5

Flora was squinting up at the sun, her lashes casting shadows on her cheeks like
the ones of palm tree leaves on the sand. Her face was basked in the golden glow,
the very definition of beauty. Her hazel eyes fell on me. 3

"Sing me a song," she said. 6

"I really can't sing," I protested immediately. "You will regret it."

She smiled. "Try me." 4

She insisted and I obliged. I very unwillingly sang her one of Janet's creation. It
was about a bird skipping around in the wet winter, looking for a warm branch to
settle, until it finally found the one branch blossoming with white camellias. It
stopped flying, and at that moment I suddenly understood the lyrics. 6

Flora was the very reason that made me want to settle, although she was a camellia
with a Chanel logo. She didn't let me finish the song, though, as she held up two
fingers and lay them gently against my lips.

"Okay, Sean. You proved your point." 11

"Hey, I'm really getting in the mood!"

She giggled. "You really can't sing and you are completely off tune. It's supposed
to go like this." She started singing, and I let her finish the chorus before
interrupting. 4

"Flora, you really can't sing either." I bent down and shut her up by placing my
mouth on hers. Kissing we were good at and we stuck to it. Singing was out of our
leagues. By the time we were walking back to school, we were both laughing
uncontrollably, giddy about the fact that we could be bad at something together. 29

I started my car and drove toward that direction.

***

I found another note stuck to the very bench we had sat on.

We once shared the passion and power of true literature... 1

It was an easy one, because Flora seldom read anything besides Vogue unless she
absolutely had to, namely being forced in English.

The book was A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. Flora begged me to read it
with her, and I guess it was kind of romantic in an unconventional way. She wanted
us to take turns reading it and tell each other about it on the phone before bed.
22
I read the majority of it, and when it was her turn to dictate her chapter she
always did it in such a messy way with vague descriptions like "that lawyer dude"
as well as a lot of her own comments, while I took my job seriously. I even read
some of the notable quotes to her, but she would always yawn and accuse me of
providing too many details. 8

"Hurry up and tell me if anyone died in this chapter," she would say, as if we were
watching an episode of Game of Thrones. 69

But in the end, when I was on the final chapter, Flora grew quiet. "That was an
amazing story," she had said softly when I finished. "Thank you." 1

"I didn't write it, Dickens did." 6

"Yes, but you showed it to me. You are the one who told me this story, with a
tender and faltering voice," she had begun quoting dramatically in a stage whisper.
"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done...oh Sean. I think
it's a beautiful thing that we learned about this epic love story together, don't
you think?" 4

"Yeah. It sure beats all the soap operas you forced me to watch with you." 2

She had sighed wistfully. "I'm really happy we shared this. And now I must go to
sleep. It is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known..." 22

***

The note stuck inside the copy in the local library said, the flavor we invented
together.

There was a muffin shop on the side of a street near her house. It was more like a
muffin stand than a shop, to be exact, because it was really small with no seats.
The owner was an elderly Irish woman who was very gentle and always welcomed new
muffin ideas. 27

We used to go there as a regular stop before a date, and one of those days Flora
came up with a flavor. Marshmallow with fudge with "real bits of apple instead of
some crummy brand of applesauce". Surprisingly, the shop owner liked the idea. She
had offered to name the muffin after Flora, who refused politely. After we left she
had informed me in a snobby manner that she accepted no less than a bag or at least
some perfume to be named after her. 20

Now I pushed open the door and was instantly greeted with the familiar smell of
freshly baked muffins. The aroma of butter and sugar hugged me in a warm embrace.
The same woman stood behind the counter and smiled at me, a look of recognition
springing into her eyes.

"You haven't been here for quite a while," she observed. Since we broke up I really
hadn't felt like going near Flora's part of the city. 3

I asked for two of the muffins, and as she wrapped them she winked and said, "The
next question is worst double date ever." 1
I felt really apologetic she had to take part in this game and thanked her in
embarrassment. 7

When I sat down in my car, I opened the brown paper bag carefully like unwrapping
the blanket covering a baby. I took a bite into our muffin, chewed, and missed
Flora acutely. 23

***

"I think it's time we go on a double date," Flora had declared one day. This was
just one of the many examples that showed she couldn't be happy with just me, as if
the idea of me alone was too dry for her to swallow and she had to wash it down
with some other stimulating factor. 24
I really had no interest for a double date but I gave in as always. "Who do you
want to double date with? Sandy?"

"Talk art to Daniel all night and pretend to be interested? No thanks." 8

"I don't really want to deal with Sandy's truckload of attitude problem on a date
either." I actually liked Sandra just fine, but it had become a private joke
between Flora and me to complain about her whenever we could. I knew deep down
Flora loved her to pieces.

"Maybe we can date Janet and Brian," she suggested.

"No...Janet deserves some quality time with him alone. She hardly ever sees him."

"We will date your friends then. Jake is pretty fun. Ask him to bring whoever he is
seeing at the moment."

"Jake doesn't do girlfriends. He only does hookups, and he wouldn't want to

incorporate those into his life." 3

"That's true," Flora agreed. "He wouldn't want them to find out any more about him
than the underwear he wears." She chewed on her bottom lip then slapped her palm
down on my thigh. "Dylan and Sydney. It's perfect!" 2

Sydney went to cheerleading practices and she and Flora were sort of close, but I
was skeptical. That couple were too intense for my taste. "But Sydney is crazy."

"I thought you were fond of crazy."

"Your type of crazy," I corrected. "You're crazy fun but she's crazy scary." 22

She tsked. "You just don't give people a chance, Sean." 7

So I agreed. For the first part of the date we went to a dimly-lit restaurant,
where we sat down at one of the corner booths in a semi-circle.
I had known Dylan for a very long time and I had caught him at some of his more
private moments, such as him crying at his dad's funeral, or once when he was so
livid he trashed everything in his room because he thought he and Sydney were never
getting back together again (yeah right). However, watching him stick his tongue
down her throat two feet away from me was something I could live without. I guess
some extent of PDA was tolerable in movie theaters or in the park, but when it was
piled on my dinner table along with roasted ribs it was just repulsive. 64

"This is what you want?" I raised my eyebrows at Flora, who didn't seem to mind one
bit. "Dinner with porn?" 41

She shrugged innocently. "Do you want to fight porn with porn?" 30
I hoped she didn't decide to be competitive at that moment. I was afraid Flora
would want to prove that we were the better couple or that we were more into each
other, which judging from the situation we were losing points rapidly. 1

I had wanted to cut the date short, but after the two disentangled from each other,
they suggested hanging out more at a coffee shop to play board games. We ordered
hot chocolates and absently played a game of Monopoly as we chatted. They were
people I was familiar with and we were comfortable around one another. The date was
taking a good turn. 4
"When is the moment that you two decided to be together?" Flora interrogated with
interest after we had covered all the basic topics like school and movies. 1

Must be Friday the 13th, I bit back my remark. 119

"Come on, the moment I saw her, of course," Dylan said. "She's the hottest thing
I've ever seen." 1

Sydney smiled smugly before sipping quietly on her drink.

"Why didn't you have that kind of resolve?" Flora pouted at me, pretending to be
insulted.

"I'm really shy," I said. 13

She chuckled and turned back to them. "So what's the first thing that caught your
eye when you saw her?"

Her boobs, I thought. 92

"Her eyes," Dylan said. "And as soon as I noticed she wasn't looking at my
direction, I checked out her boobs." 159

For some reason they decided that was a good opening line for another kiss that
followed. At least this time they kept it short and snappy. 1

"We were stranded in the rain once in a hut on the beach," Sydney said after she
came up for air. "Dylan had his guitar with him and he sang to me until the rain
stopped. That's when I decided."

Flora sighed in appreciation. "That's really dreamy. You are more romantic than you
look, Dill." 7

"Wow, winning her over with your voice," I teased. "You must have picked up dating
tips from The Little Mermaid." 45

Dylan glanced at me. "I'm curious where you pick up yours. It's so nonexistent." 4

"Probably The Lion King," Flora answered for me. "Between us it's more like basic
animal instinct." Which really wasn't far from the truth. 10

"Yeah, physical attraction is a powerful thing." I smiled at Flora.

Sydney nodded, running a hand through her wavy black curls. Double dates were
definitely designed for girls. Dylan and I had no interest in learning about each
other's love lives down to the last tiny detail, but the girls were very excited.
"Hey, what's the most romantic thing Sean has ever done?" 20

Flora was caught momentarily off guard by Sydney's question. "Um...he texts me
sometimes?" 43

Sydney smiled, and on seeing that, Flora fished out her phone.

"Sean's texts are very interesting," she said. "He sends me these biology trivia
facts and it's really cute. For example..." 2

"Flora, you don't need to prove it to them," I interrupted.

Dylan leaned forward and placed his palms on the table. "I'm actually intrigued. Do
share." 22

"Here's one. I miss the feel of you against my largest organ," Flora read. When she
saw the blank look on Sydney's face, she explained, "Skin, Sydney. It's the skin."
291

"Well, I know that's not my largest organ." Dylan smirked. 158

"It's really not as large as you might think." Sydney glared at him in annoyance
and he smiled proudly. 70

"And this one is my favorite," Flora continued. "No two cows have the same
Holstein's spot patterns. They're unique like snowflakes and fingerprints." She
smiled, her eyes sparkling like the constellation. "And then two minutes later he
sent me this one to follow up. You are my Holstein's spot because you are one and
only." 55

Sydney said aww and Dylan groaned. "Dude you are embarrassing." 52

"It's really cute! What do you call each other in private? Is there a cute little
pet name?" Sydney pressed on. 1

"No...we just call each other baby and handsome, you know, that sort of thing,"
Flora admitted. I knew as soon as we went home she would nag me about thinking up a
more unique and loving name for her. I wondered how she felt about Holstein's spot.
115

"I think of Justin Bieber every time I hear the word baby," Dylan stated sourly.
116

"I call Dylan hot chocolate," Sydney supplied and I just about choked on mine. "He
is hot and sweet just like it." 68

I had to stifle a laugh with all my will power. "Thanks for ruining my guilty
pleasure in winter." 1

"That's a good one." Flora nodded, always the supportive friend. "What does Dylan
call you?"

"Ah, you don't want to know." Sydney waved a hand. "It's really obscene."

"It's a body organ," Dylan added with an evil smirk. 53

"You call her Dylan Reyes's brain? That's quite a mouthful," I commented and Flora
laughed beside me. She gave me a nudge and a look, and I could tell she thought
they had much more sparks than we did. 12

We played on for a while after dishing out more sexy little secrets from the better
couple which was bound to give me nightmares afterwards. Flora blew across her hot
chocolate and brought up the subject of our basketball team captain.

"Why do you guys hate Liam Turner?"

"I don't hate him," I objected. "But I'm really looking forward to the day Dill
replaces him as captain." 2

"Well, I hate him. He is a jackass," Dylan said. Liam was one year older than us, a
senior then, and he got into a shouting match with Dylan every time we lost.
Jake was the MVP on our team, but he treated the games like he did everything else:
a laugh. I got irritated sometimes but I didn't lose my temper much. Dylan,
however, took basketball to heart. He would watch videos of previous games over and
over until he came up with the perfect strategy, customized for each opposing team.
8

He and the captain pretty much disagreed on everything and the only thing they had
in common was a short-fused temper and the desire to win. 2

"He gives us a hard time when we don't win and he blames Dylan," I explained.
Naturally we took Dylan's side. "For example, he accuses him of playing favorites
when he passes to Jake and me."

Dylan exhaled. "I pass to them because they can score, not because they are my best
friends." 1

"Liam is a pretty good player, though," Sydney commented. "He can slam-dunk."

"That's about all he can do," Dylan said darkly. By then a waitress had come to
refill water for us, and she was wearing a shirt with a plunging neckline. When she
leaned down to pour water the outline of her purple bra was visible. I saw it but
Dylan, being a pal, kicked me under the table anyway. 64

Dylan used to be a serial cheater although he called them mishaps. He had pulled
his act together, but he still checked out other girls the same way he checked out
Sydney on her first day of school.

Okay, I guess we all look, but he could be a little more tactful because Sydney
caught it too. Instead of commenting on this behavior, she went back to our
conversation. "Well, even if it's all he can do, that's one thing more than you,"
she said in a mean tone as she directed it at Dylan, who thirty minutes ago was her
hot chocolate. 26

"Yes, I can't do anything. I'm one thing short from you because I don't know how to
use a tampon," he spat out. 1

"You basically scored two points at the game last Friday," Sydney went on. "If you
are plucked from the team that would be the consequence: your team will be two
points less." 14
That was actually quite nasty because Dylan nearly got thrown off the team just
recently for getting into a fight defending her. Some guy groped her at a party and
Dylan had a couple of drinks. He used to get detention on a regular basis, but he
had never broken some guy's nose before. 4
"Dylan doesn't shoot a lot because he is the point guard," I found myself saying
even though I really should just stay out of it. "He is like the quarterback. His
contributions are not measured by how many points he scores, but how he creates
opportunities for us and initiates attacks." 9

Sydney rolled her eyes and scoffed. "I don't know what a point guard is, but it
sounds like someone who sucks at shooting." 98
I couldn't believe that came from a cheerleader who came to all our games. Flora
may get mad at me from time to time, but in front of my friends we always had a
united front and she would never humiliate me like that.

"Maybe you should shut up before people realize you are stupid, Syd," Dylan said.
"Or is that too late?" 74

"Oh, come on," Flora cut in brightly, putting an arm around Sydney's shoulder. "I
don't know what position Sean plays either, but as long as they look good in their
varsity jackets, I don't complain." She lied because she totally knew, and she had
an elaborate theory about what position each of us should really be playing to
improve the whole team. "Don't you think it's lucky that we get to be cheerleaders
and we can cheer for the boys of our hearts? It's both public and intimate at the
same time. I love watching them play." 18

"Maybe Sydney is too busy being a terrible cheerleader to watch me play," Dylan
suggested. He really should stop while he could. By then he had started to down his
water quicker than the speed of rain absorption in Sahara desert, so that the
waitress in purple bra would fill his glass more frequently. I wasn't sure if that
was just to annoy Sydney or if he did it at every date. 12

Finally she said, "Maybe you should just ask her for some duct tape so you can glue
your face to her cleavage." 41

"If I had duct tape I'd use it over your mouth." Dylan shrugged. 123

Sydney picked up her glass and threw the remaining water over his face. For a split
second I was fascinated. I had heard of this move so often, but never to see it
carried out in real life. 117

Flora stood up suddenly and said she had to make a call outside. I couldn't believe
she abandoned me in the middle of the battlefield by myself, when she was the one
who fervently suggested this. I watched my friends on the verge of a breakup right
in front of me when my phone rang, and I saw it was Flora. 1

"This is your rescue call," she said. "Come join me outside." 78

Dylan and Sydney were too busy tearing each other apart to care that I had left the
table. I pushed open the door to find Flora. She giggled as soon as she saw me.

"Happy now?" I said. I pinched her nose. 11

"We should have taken Daniel's art class," she said laughing. "What the heck was
that?"

"That was one of the duller episodes of The Sydney Dylan Show." 32

She reached up to circle my neck with her arms. "I've wanted to do this all
evening, my dear shooting guard." 3

We kissed for a while at the corner of the coffee shop and waited for our friends
to make up, relieved to finally have a moment alone. By the time we left we were so
convinced that we were the best couple in the world. So what if we didn't have
sickly sweet pet names for each other? We were a team and we never fought dirty. We
just had not-so-heated discussions which never resulted in insulting each other. 6

But Dylan and Sydney had stayed together while I gave up on Flora. That was the
thought that circled my head when I went to the coffee shop to retrieve Flora's
clue for the next stop, hidden in the box of Monopoly. 10
She had given me a second chance. I would never screw up again. 102

*** 2

After a few more stops, I found myself standing in a record store. I came here as
instructed but I had no idea what I was supposed to look for. I stood there for a
long time, picking up CDs distractedly, hoping to find some hint. My guess was that
no matter where Flora planted her next sign, it was probably lost and the chain
broke.

She was not picking up her phone. The emergency number lay sharply on my forearm,
willing me to dial. It was a house number. I didn't know if this was considered an
absolute emergency, but judging from the time I wasted here I would say that it
was. 4
I was eager to see her. She would be at the final stop, without doubt.

I took out my phone and dialed.

"Hello," a cool voice picked up at the other end. I couldn't quite place it but it
sounded strangely familiar.

"Hi...is this the emergency number?" I couldn't believe how stupid that sounded.

The person seemed dumbfounded for a split second, and then laughed. "Hello, Sean.
This is Sandra." 8

"Sandy?" Why hadn't I thought of that before?

"Yeah. I'm here to help Flora complete her idea of a fascinating trip down memory
lane," Sandra said, as if she found the whole thing ridiculous. "Where are you?"

"I'm at a record store on Newton Street." 1

"That's right. It's where you're supposed to be at."

"I don't know where to go from here."

"You are meant to be stuck there for a while. Flora wants to stall you while she
prepares for the final stop. Basically you need to answer a few questions about her
and if you get them right I will direct you to the next stop," she said, bored. "Do
you find this as stupid as I do?" 65

"Maybe we can skip this whole part and you can tell me directly where to find her,"
I suggested. This sounded like the kind of game that would be played during a
bachelorette party. 4

"Okay, so the first question is," Sandra started, ignoring me, "what's Flora's
favorite color?"

"Flora doesn't have a favorite color."

"Nice," Sandy cheered. "Flora would never leave home without: a. Her lip balm, b.
Her Bobbi Brown sheer finish pressed powder, c. Her sunglasses--" 8

"D. Her cell phone," I cut in. Hell would break loose if she didn't check the
responses on her twitter every five minutes. Maybe a bomb threat would appear and
she needed to catch it in time. 20

"Correct again. Okay, this one is a little harder. What's her dream for the
future?"

"She wants to be a fashion editor in Paris."

"You do know a thing or two about Flora," Sandra said on the other end, impressed.

I exhaled. "Sandy, despite what you might think, I'm really serious about her." 4
"Yeah, I know," she said in a moment of uncharacteristic kindness. "I heard about
the latest developments. Look..." Sandra stopped.

I waited for her to continue.

"I'm sorry about helping her plot revenge," she said awkwardly. "I didn't know what
happened back then. It's a stupid mistake. I mean, you're a good person." These
sentences came out rushed and forced as if it physically tormented her to say
something nice to me. 47

I laughed. "It's okay. You were being her friend. And come to think of it, without
this operation Flora and I might never get back together, so thank you, I guess."

"Hmm, that's true. You should thank me." Sandra snapped right back to her usual
role as a meanie. "Without me Flora would have scared you right off. Playing hard
to get does it, right? I bet you were miserable." 21

"Yes, Sandy. Thanks a lot," I said sarcastically.

"To break up over Raymond Corbett is the stupidest thing I have ever heard," she
went on, rubbing it in. "I despise him." 7
Like that was anything to panic over. Sandra despised everyone. "Yeah, he's not
getting my vote for homecoming king this year. You'll just have to dance with
someone else." 1

Sandra laughed. "Let me pour myself a tall glass of Thank God for that. Okay, back
to the quiz. Name three things Flora hates." 13

"Being on time, saving money, and oversize t-shirts with logos," I said randomly.
77

"Acceptable answers. What is the sexiest thing about Flora?"

"Her sense of humor," I said immediately and Sandra laughed presumptuously.

"No, dummy. The answer she put down is: the place between her neck and her
shoulders." 15

Oh. So we were talking body parts. "You mean her trapezius muscle?" Of all the
possibilities I would never come up with that. 5

"Yes. And to her, what is the sexiest thing about you?" 1

I had no idea because anything could strike Flora as "kind of hot" from time to
time, even things like the dark shadows under my eyes or the veins in my forearms.
"I don't know...maybe my pecs?" 65

"No," Sandra corrected, and I could almost sense her eyes rolling all the way
upward and getting stuck in her frontal lobe. "She says it's the inconsistency.
These are her words, and if I stop in the middle of my sentence it's because I have
gone to barf up the salad I just had. She thinks you're a brooding hunk on the
outside, but deep down you're the sweetest guy she's ever met." 8

Having this conversation with Sandra was more uncomfortable than I imagined. I was
flattered and embarrassed. "Is that fair, Sandy?" I complained, not wanting to
respond to the answer itself. "The last question demands an anatomic answer, and
now this one asks for a concept. Who can get these questions right?"

"Well, she's your girlfriend, you asked for it. Okay, now, what's the sexiest thing
you've ever done together?" 1

I knew I definitely didn't want to share this one with Sandra. "I'd rather not go
into intimate details....did Flora really put this down?"

Sandra laughed. "Busted. That was just for my own sick pleasure." 172

I groaned. "Sandra, can I walk you back to hell where you belong?" 58

"Haha. Funny. Now you just have to send me a 3000-word essay on everything you like
about her, then you're on your way." 27

"What? Seriously?" 1

"Nah, just kidding." Sandra's laugh rang rudely in my ears. "She's at The Cape
waiting for you. Good luck." 22

***

On the way to see Flora I was thinking how a lot of things had happened between us
last year. She had done so much to make it fun. We may have different ideas
concerning most of everything, but there was no question about it that she had
always made an effort, which was more than I could say for myself. 3
What have I ever done for Flora? Not really anything, I concluded. I didn't give
her romance, empathy or trust. Not even honesty. All this time I was concentrating
on what was missing in our relationship, and it had made me miss what was right in
front of me. 14
A fabulous girl who had gone out of her way to make me happy, who cared about me
even when I denied her the chance. This dazzling girl I was in love with the whole
time had loved me back in her own way, but I was too blind to see it just because
it was not the way I was used to. 40

When I pulled up next to her car at The Cape, all the old and new memories rushed
at me like the avalanche simulation we saw this morning, which already felt old
because I went through so much today. 3

She was sitting in the back seat waiting for me, and her car was decorated with all
the leftover LED string lights from Linda's party (white ones, not any of those
colorful ones during Christmas, according to her). A soft song was playing from the
radio. Her eyes looked darker than usual, like rare pieces of meteors. They bore
into mine and I stared at her transfixed. 16
I felt so many different kinds of emotions next to her, and this time a few good
ones were thrown into the mix. Gratitude, happiness, serenity, and hope. Most of
all I just felt really lucky. 5

Her face broke into a stunning smile. She reached in front and brought back a box
of pizza. "Want a slice?" 103

***

I'm sorry I know this is a super long chapter, but I'm guessing---hoping---that if
you have stayed with this story until now, you probably wouldn't mind ;p 44

All of the things they did---cutting class, reading for English, eating muffin, and
the double date---was mentioned before in Part 1. I just wanted to flesh out their
relationship a little and show you that there was more to physical attraction. They
had a good thing already, but Sean failed to see it. Now that the truth about the
breakup was out, he was able to see everything in a different light. 20
My readers are awesome and I feel so blessed having you read my story. If you are
interested in Dylan's story, there's a spin-off on my profile called...wait for
it...Dylan. (I'm so original, I know) 23

Chapter 45 The beach house

283K 11.8K 4.1K
Dedicated to Rosalielove223

by rainbowbrook
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Flora 186

I went to Rome with my family once. I remember visiting the arena, where ancient
gladiators and lions were supposed to fight and kill each other. Our tour guide
told us an interesting anecdote about how back then they would starve the lions for
a week, then they would rub the smell of meat and female lions on the gladiators so
that the lions would be more motivated. 18
I only saw the remains of the arena, but I imagined if I could look into the eyes
of one of those hungry beasts, I would find what I saw in Sean's eyes that moment.
31

"Was it fun?" I asked. I felt flushed. My boyfriend could give me a fever just by
staring at me, like one of the characters on X-Men. 14

"It was. Brought back a lot of memories. Including the part where Sandy's mean to
me," he said and I laughed. I could absolutely imagine how that went.

I offered him the pizza again because I felt shy, which was ridiculous, but
actually not that ridiculous because it was Sean before me. I hoped he got it that
I really cared a lot for him by planning a juvenile date, and I thought he did. 1

"Pizza can wait," he said. 41

He leaned in and I closed my eyes. It tasted like a first kiss. Not his techniques,
obviously, but how it made me feel. 3
Like no one else mattered before him.
I could taste the urgency on his lips, the resolution, and there was a hint of
desperation behind his usually calm demeanor. He was almost aggressive. We made out
until the pizza got cold, and it didn't stop there. To be honest I didn't really
want him to stop. He was setting off an array of firecrackers everywhere he
touched. 15
I was faintly aware that it would be a cascade down all the way if I hadn't pushed
him off me weakly. 1

He let go of me immediately and jerked back. We must have realized at the same time
that this was how I lost my virginity, on the backseat of a car, and the memory
repulsed me. 2

"Baby, I'm so sorry," he started. 96

I sat up and straightened my skirt.

"That's so insensitive of me. I got carried away," he stammered.

"No, it's just...not like this." 2

He leaned back on the car seat and took a deep breath, pupils large, breathing
erratic. He looked like he was in need of a cold shower. 32

"Can you call your parents and tell them you are not going home tonight?" I asked.
138

***

We drove back to my apartment separately. I went up to pack a small overnight bag,

then I got in Sean's car next to him. He was still on the phone, and judging by the
conversation, he was having a hard time persuading his parents to let him stay out.
2

Then he said four magic words, and like pressing four digits into a safe, it
worked.

"Mom, but it's Flora," he made his plea softly. 129

The conversation ended soon after that, and I smiled in satisfaction as he hung up.
"Your mom must like me very much." 13

"Yes, that too." He started the car. "But mostly it's because...she knew how I was
when we broke up. I didn't tell her how I felt but I guess she knows me better than
I thought." 2

I felt a pang of sadness hearing that, imagining Sean hurt and depressed. At the
same time there was this undeniable sense of pride knowing that I held such an
importance.

He smiled. "Anyway, we got an extension. I'm glad you're not tired of my company
yet."

"Not even close." I gave him the direction and he swerved into the evening. 2

"Are we going to your parent's beach house?" he asked quietly. 40

"Yes."
After that we didn't say much. I was very nervous and my head was a mess with
thoughts. I stared outside the window and watched the lamp posts flew by. 1

"Do you ever wonder what would happen if we had gone that night?" I asked suddenly.
Maybe things would have turned out differently, but maybe it really wouldn't be
that different after all. Maybe we would still get into another stupid fight and
call it quits at the heat of the moment. 5

"Lots of times," Sean admitted. 10

We were silent for a while, then he said, "I should have tried harder. It was my
mistake to let you go home being mad at me. I think I didn't make much effort to
work out any issues between us, because I hate confrontations. I always thought you
could self-heal because you're so cheery all the time." 20

I wasn't really cheery all the time. I just didn't want to infuriate him so I
swallowed my anger and sulked in private. 15
"And after it happened I should've given you a chance to explain," he went on. "You
deserved that. After everything you did for me, I just ran away. I put my pride
before you, and I feel like I betrayed you." 3

"It's okay," I whispered. "It's in the past now." I turned my face to the night
because I didn't want him to see me cry. 2

I was feeling uncharacteristically vulnerable. Sean knew me after all. He knew I

felt wronged and that I needed to hear this, even though saying deep things from
the heart wasn't what he was best at. I was mad that we had to break up but also
relieved that we got a second chance to fix it, now that we had both matured
somehow. Maybe we were meant to be apart for a while, because making up never felt
so good. 14

Sean didn't say anything but I suspected he could sense my tears. He steered the
wheel with his left hand and reached over to hold my hand with his right one. 24

"Baby, I'm sorry," he said again, the second time tonight, for completely different
reasons. He held my hand all the way to the beach house, firmly, soothingly, making
a silent statement. 32

I felt like a part of him had opened up to me, and for the first time in our
relationship, I felt completely understood. 16

*** 4

After we arrived, everything unfolded rapidly. It felt fated. Strictly speaking he

had seen me naked before, but the atmosphere was utterly different compared to how
playful we were a year ago. We were always giggling when fooling around. Sean may
be a gentleman, but he made dirty jokes about job offers and going all the way
every chance he got, and the first time I was about to take off my bra, he had
stopped me with a smile. 30

"Wait. I want to try something."

He snaked his hand to my back, and with a flick of his wrist, he had managed to
unhook my bra with one hand. 233

"Hmmm." He beamed as it fell away. "That was easier than I expected."

I had the sneaking suspicion he had lots of practice, but he claimed he learned it
off YouTube. "Didn't you know? This is my one and only talent." 24

But on this fateful night, I was glad he didn't make any stupid jokes. He was in
smoldering silence leading up to it, and he didn't break the spell by asking for my
permission eight thousand times. At first he gazed at me like I was a model on the
runway, like I was perfect and divine but he was not allowed to touch, then he
started caressing me gently, paying attention to my reaction. He made it more about
me than him, we didn't break eye contact, and he never stopped kissing me. I felt
loved and cherished beyond belief. 25

I had imagined sex with Sean would be as fervent as in the movies, with buttons
popping everywhere and shirts torn and my head slamming into the headboard, the bed
would creak like a terminally-ill patient about to give out, and I would probably
die and go to 0rgy heaven seven times...but on the contrary it was like slipping
into a warm scented bath. It was slow, gentle, comforting, and never before had I
felt so close to someone. 98
And it was perfect. The sound of his breaths picking up speed, the heat from his
body, the smell of his skin, and the touch of his fingers rushed at my senses all
at once. I was half wishing I'd saved myself for him but half glad that I had
gotten the first time out of the way, because otherwise it wouldn't have been so
amazing. Sean was like an improved version of a prescription drug: more powerful,
longer-lasting with no side effects. 50
Well, one side effect. It was highly addictive. The only thing hotter than a
sixteen-year-old Sean Foster last year was probably a seventeen-year-old one. He
didn't look like Captain America, yet, because let's be realistic he was still a
teenager, but underneath his clothes there was a beautifully toned body and the
sexiest back dimples. I couldn't tear myself away from him. 54

We finished the rest of the icy pizza afterwards, then we did it again. The second
time was even better than the first, because what can I say? My king was a physics
genius. He knew about essential things like force, speed, friction, collision, and
angles. That's all I can reveal for now. 448

I lay on his chest in complete postcoital bliss. We cuddled and his arms fitted
nicely around my body like a Balmain leather jacket. 12
"That was so good," he purred. 28

"It was. Shouldn't you have a license for being that awesome?" I said. 2

He smiled and kissed the top of my head. "Admit it, you planned an incredible date
just to lure me into bed."

"How did you find out about that?" I widened my eyes in feigned fright. "Have you
been reading my diary?"

"I bet it's worth it, though." He squinted at me playfully. "Every scheming plot
you have in your pretty head." 6

"Definitely worth it." 8

He touched his forehead to mine and kissed me. His eyes were closed and a cute
smile tugged at his lips. "You can just ask. I'm incredibly easy." 15

We kissed the night away with fragments of conversation in between, and I rambled
on breathlessly about everything I had wanted to tell him, mostly my Godzilla-sized
crush on him. He told me how much he had missed me and wanted me beside him. I
didn't remember when I fell asleep. 6

***

I woke up first.

When I did I turned my head and saw that Sean was still sleeping. I ran my eyes
over his face tenderly. When he was asleep he really looked quite angelic, and just
watching him, next to me seeming all peaceful and contented, my heart swarmed with
happiness. 29

I got up quietly and made two cups of espresso with our newly installed coffee
maker, then I brought it over to the night stand. I thought if he could wake up to
the smell of coffee it would be really nice. I wanted to run my fingers through his
dark hair but was afraid of startling him. The King needed his weekend beauty sleep
and caffeine to follow. 6

I quietly sipped my coffee next to him as I watched his face. At that moment my
heart was bursting at the seams with love for him. I loved him. I loved him dearly.
It was not just because he was absolutely beautiful to look at. I honestly believed
everything about him was perfect, or at least imperfectly perfect. 8

His long lashes fluttered like a cicada waking up from a winter slumber, and he
opened his eyes groggily. When they rested on my face, he gave me a really sexy,
lazy smile. "Hey." 41

"Good morning, handsome," I said. 2

"Good morning. You're still here. Then yesterday was not a dream." 9

"You can't get rid of me that easily." I smiled and leaned over slightly to touch
his face. He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles. 2

"I had the best day of my life, and I woke up next to you." He gazed at me almost
dreamily. "And you made me coffee! Are you up for long?" 1

"No, I just had time to freshen up and make coffee. Check out if you like our new
cappuccino machine." 9

"Okay, that smells so good."
over to pick up his cup. His
it was to please him. 8
I stared at him over the rim
cold morning, coffee in hand
He rubbed his hands over his eyes and sat up, reaching
eyes narrowed blissfully and I was amazed at how easy
of my mug. I couldn't think of a better way to start a
and Sean lying beside me. "Did you sleep well?" 6

"Better than I have slept in a long time," he said. "I often wake up for no reason
in the middle of the night, and now I'm afraid I won't be able to go back to my own
bed." 1

It's a good thing that he didn't know how much our mattress cost. He wouldn't be
able to relax on it ever again. 51

As soon as he finished his coffee, I snuggled up to him.

As Coco Chanel once said, "The best things in life are free. The second best things
are very, very expensive." I had been lost chasing the second best things for so
long that I had forgotten how wonderful the very best thing in my life was. He
wrapped himself around me, and his embrace and the scent of him reminded me of all
the pure and lovely things in life. He smelled like melted snow, spring sunshine,
budding flowers, freshly-sharpened pencils, and clean linen. 104

I traced a line down his naked torso with my index finger, all the way to beneath
his navel. "Are you ready for round three?" 185

*** 3

I lay back in my pillow and sighed. "Why are you so good at everything you do?" 4

"Do you want me to sing to you?" 12

I laughed. "Look...there's something I need to tell you."

"You are not a virgin. I know." 28

I chuckled and hit him with a pillow.

He smiled and held up his hands. "Okay. Sorry. What?"

I took a deep breath and I pretended to be grave and serious. "I know we're
supposed to have no more secrets left, but..." I sighed. "There's one last thing I
have been keeping from you." 10

He gazed back at me, getting more apprehensive by the second.

"And I really don't know how you'd feel about it, so I need you to promise me that
you're not going to freak out." 20

He ran his fingers through his hair briefly and exhaled. "I'll try."

"Okay, here goes...wait, never mind. I'm scared of your reaction." 16

"Jesus, Flora. Just tell me." 1

"I know this is uncool, and probably too soon, but I really want you to know..." I
paused a few long seconds for effect. "I love you." 145

It was his turn to be silent. After a few long seconds, he blinked and his body
reclined, creating distance between us. There was no joy on his face. "I wish you
hadn't said that," he said finally. 152

I felt the color draining from my face. He really had a problem with responding
properly to I love you. "You don't need to say it back or... or anything," I
stuttered. "I just want you to know how-" 18

"I want to say it first. Why do you always have to initiate everything?" he cut me
off, shaking his head in mock disapproval, before breaking into his gorgeous smile
that always stopped my heart. "I love you too. I love you so much." 370

I laughed and hit him again with the pillow. "Why do you have to be so annoying?"

He smiled. "What, you can tease me, but I can't tease you back?" He tackled me and
we rolled on the bed giggling like the lovesick teenagers we were. "I love you,
Flora. You make me deliriously happy." 60

I planted kisses along his jawline and he kissed me back on my neck. After we
finally got a hold of ourselves, I sat up and asked, "When did you realize that?
When did you start loving me?"

He took a while contemplating the question, then he said, "I don't know. But
looking back, everyday since you first confronted me at that party a year ago...I
can't remember ever not loving you." 58

His blue eyes were calm and sincere, and I knew Sean would never lie to me. I
rolled back into his arms and smiled until my face hurt. 15

***

(Yes they used protection) 371

Are you sick of how sweet they are yet? After being kept apart by this evil writer
for so long, I thought Sean and Flora deserved a few chapters of fluff. However, a
relationship is not all roses and rainbows, and let's not forget that while they
have great chemistry, they are still very different people with questionable
compatibility. 114

The real struggle begins after the relationship starts. It's about making choices
everyday, and there will be highs and lows. I wrote a bunch more chapters about
them together as a couple, and although I have considered not posting at all and
giving you a picture perfect, happily-ever-after ending, it just doesn't convince
me. 29

If you are interested in learning about my idea of a realistic relationship, please

read on! I'm actually pretty pleased with the following chapters. Being a good
boyfriend is not just about having a six-pack, being good at kissing or delivering
romantic one-liners. Hope you enjoy :)

Chapter 46 The 1975 Bordeaux and jealousy

278K 11.1K 1.9K
Dedicated to _lindsay123_

by rainbowbrook
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Sean 15

I was really glad for once Flora didn't whine about going outside or inviting all
of our friends over for an impromptu party. She seemed perfectly contented with
taking refuge in the beach house with me. Apparently the antidote for boredom was
sex. To me nothing beat this; cooked up in an isolated place where it seemed like
the end of the world, where the only things necessarily were the two of us and lots
of condoms. 57

I was exaggerating, of course. "We still have to eat some time," I said. 1

"Yeah." She sighed unhappily as if eating was hard labor. "Maybe you can rummage
around the cupboards and refrigerator to see if there's anything edible."

The kitchen was glorious, gleaming white and fully equipped with appliances, yet
very empty. Flora explained they almost never cooked. I managed to come across some
dry pasta, a chunk of cheese, a can of tomato paste, as well as various dried up
spices. 2

"Do you want to have pasta?"

"You can cook?" Her eyebrows rose.

"Not really, but I can follow instructions. We can search for a recipe online. It
shouldn't be harder than a chemistry experiment, right? And there's more room for
error." 37

"A chemistry experiment? You're so romantic, Sean." She shook her head and smiled.
"Since you're the expert, I'll let you conduct the experiment." 4

I started with the cooking and Flora started with the interrupting. She leaned
against the large island in a silk robe, the very definition of distracting. 1

"My brother Edward is an epicure," Flora started telling me. "He's extremely picky
and thinks of himself as some kind of food critic, and whenever he's eating he
comes up with pretentious descriptions like simmering, robust, and crusts up in all
the right places." She rolled her eyes. "But the thing is, he takes a small bite
and never finishes his food." 33
I placed the spaghetti in the pot as the water came to life with bubbles. It took
seven minutes to be ready. She came over to taste the tomato sauce, making an
exaggerated sound of appreciation. "Yum!" 11
"Just yum? Not simmering and robust?"

She chuckled. "I appreciate fine food, but I'm just not good with compliments. The
sauce is really tasty though. You're awesome." 4

She stared at me with unmistakable admiration in her eyes, and I couldn't believe
how I missed that before. Like savoring cuisines, we didn't need well-structured
lines to describe how we felt. I could probably name a hundred special things about
her, although Flora never asked. She probably couldn't tell me anything other than
she liked my face, even if I put a gun to her head, but I wasn't insecure anymore.
We loved each other and words were redundant, the way we showed our appreciation
with food by simply cleaning everything off the plate. 14

She hopped on the counter and crossed her legs. I glanced at her and our eyes met.
It was inexplicable how I still felt a bolt of electricity, the way Benjamin
Franklin probably did on the day he decided to fly a kite with a metal key into the
storm clouds. 44

"Sean." The way she said my name had this strange, unexplainable pull to it, like
it had claws. I dropped the wooden spoon and went over to her, and she wrapped her
long legs around my waist and tugged me closer. I couldn't fight her even if I
wanted to. 40

I cupped her face and kissed her slowly. A soft sigh fell off her lips, and my
brain completely stopped functioning. It was like a feather falling off a cliff. I
was floating, drifting, with nothing to hang on to. The attraction was stronger
than gravity. 8

The timer sounded, indicating it was time to take the noodles out.

"I should turn off the stove," I murmured, not really caring. My hands moved to her
breasts, and in the presence of those everything else paled in comparison. 51

"Hmmm." Flora responded by sticking her fingers in my hair and pulling me in to

kiss her deeper. 2

The noodles were getting softer and limper by the second while I...well, I was not.
402

It's true: once you have sex, it's hard to go back to holding hands. At the rate
this was going we were never going to eat. I finally picked her up to carry her off
to the living room. 15

"Just wait here for 20 minutes, okay, baby?"

She giggled. I set out to work while she lounged in front of the TV. When I brought
out two plates of spaghetti, she dove in like a hungry canine and gave me a
somewhat insincere speech about how she felt the tomatoes punch one another in a
steamy fist fight on her tongue. 10

"It's really hard to be with someone who's so perfect," she claimed.

I took a bite and it was awful. I was no foodie and even I knew that the noodles
were completely over-boiled, but at least it was hot and salty, which was usually
all I asked. 22
"We need some really good wine with it," she suggested.

"To be honest really good wine is a waste on me."

"Come on, even you should be able to tell the difference. I want to enlighten you,"
she said enthusiastically, already hopping off the couch. She proceeded to grab her
silk scarf and ordered me to close my eyes.

"No peeking," she instructed. I could feel her tying the cool material around my
eyes. "You need to open your senses." 7

"Is this really necessary?" I asked, hoping to finish my food.

I heard her padding off to the kitchen, ignoring my question as she often did.
There was the sound of the cork popping. The clinking of a glass against the
counter. The faint sound of liquid bouncing off the glass. Then I heard her walking
back to me.

"I have two bottles here, and one of them is a 1975 Bordeaux, and the other is
cheap supermarket wine left over here by Janet," she explained in my ear. "Let your
senses be awakened." 26
Only Flora would spring a bizarre wine tasting on me out of the blue. What I
wouldn't give to have a can of Pepsi right now. I knew exactly what it tasted like:
sugar and empty calories, which was what made it so freaking good. 55

"Okay, the first one." She let me smell the thing first, then I felt the cold glass
press up to my lips lightly. I took a sip.

"Do you like it?" came the eager question.

It tasted like...wine. 5
"I like it." That wasn't exactly a lie. I liked anything with alcohol percentage
over 10%. 5

She fed me again. "How about this one? Which one do you like better?"

I really couldn't tell the difference. I took a random guess. "Maybe the latter."
Surely the good wine should come later?

I heard Flora set down the glass with a sigh, and there was strong disapproval in
her tone. "Sean, I fed you from the same glass." 65

I removed the blindfold. "That's unfair. It's a trick question!"

"I love you so much I couldn't bear to feed you cheap wine." 81

I smiled. "I really don't care. Cheap wine suits me fine, especially if you're the
one feeding me." 1

"Cheap wine is bad for health."

"As long as it gets me drunk." 16

Flora exhaled, frowning in displeasure. "You just don't appreciate the finer things
in life. It breaks my heart."

"That's not true," I protested. "I appreciate you. You are the finest thing in my
life." 92
"But this is part of me." Flora gestured to the wine bottle. "I'm about haute
couture, expensive gifts, luxury food, extravagant parties... these are the things
that define me." 2

I knew it. We had already lasted more than 24 hours without fighting, and now the
evil War God had decided to wake up and stretch. Getting mad at me for not caring
about something created 40 years ago in France seemed really extreme. 19

"Flora, come on, you're not just about money."

"No, it's not about money. I knew you would say that because you just don't get it.
It's about developing taste," she said, getting more offended by the second. "It's
about wanting to try new things. If you're so comfortable eating fries and wearing
Gap all the time, you'll miss out on a lot." 68
She didn't sound mad. Just disappointed.

"But I'm still in high school," I offered as an explanation. I sure wasn't tired of
fries yet, and I was so broke after Linda's party and her spa treatments, I
couldn't even afford Gap right now. 34

"It's not related to your age. It's your state of mind. I feel like I'm trying very
hard to please you but failing all the time." 2

"Flora, you please me by your existence. You don't need to try at all," I said,
extremely surprised. I always thought I was pretty easy to please. 9

"But when I try, I wish you could be a little more appreciative, and at least make
some efforts to understand me," Flora complained. "Sorry, I know you think I'm
over-reacting. But ever since we declared our undying love for each other I felt a
little wacky because I want us to work so much."

"Me too." I felt touched, although I still didn't get why loving each other had
anything to do with showering in money. Flora really cared about my opinions,
though. "I'm sorry. Let's try again. Tell me what's so amazing about this bottle so
I can have some knowledge to show off at my next luxury dinner party." 2

She smiled as I made a big show of searching for a piece of paper so I could jot
down notes, urging her to give me a lecture on French Wine 101.
"So what's this supposed to taste like?"

She took a long sip. "Flowers...berries...minerals...and truffles," she reported. 3

Truffles? I knew what that tasted like. Flora made me truffle cream sandwiches for
the picnic yesterday, and it was nothing remotely similar to this.

"Are you sure you are not just reading off the label?"

Flora glared at me. "Don't insult my extraordinary taste buds." 4

"Alright then. You mentioned flowers. What kind of flowers?"

"What do you mean what kind of flowers?"

"Well, not all flowers smell the same. Can you be more specific?" I placed my pen
over my notes, where I had put down the list of ingredients already. "In case you
don't know, I'm a really good student and I demand a perfect understanding of this
subject." 2
"This is not a written test." She pouted. "But if you must know, I'd say violet." 6

I crossed out the word flower and put violet underneath. 1

"What kind of minerals?" 2

"You're impossible." She shook her head, but then she laughed despite herself. That
was what I loved about her, how she was such a good sport and that she always
forgave me within seconds. She went on to teach me about everything I should know
about the sacred wine as if it was the blood of Christ, and I nodded and tried my
best to embrace the new knowledge, all the while still wishing I had a can of Pepsi
instead. 24
I couldn't care less about this lesson, but it didn't matter as long as I could
make Flora happy. 29

*** 13

In the late afternoon Flora flipped through the TV channels and decided on watching
a very clich� teen movie. I thought only 12-year-olds watch those but I reminded
myself to keep an open mind, although even Flora couldn't argue that it was one of
the fine things in life. If I followed my impulse to roll my eyes everytime the
opportunity came, I'd have muscle strain in my eyes.

"Why do you enjoy watching movies that depict cheerleaders as boy-crazy zombies who
can't carry on a normal conversation?" I asked. 7

"They are amazingly right-on, don't you think?" Flora joked. "I can totally relate
to it." 2

The movie consisted of a very simple plot, a guy who thought he was in love with
the soulless cheerleader, not realizing his female best friend was the one for him.
I could see the best friends ending up together from the first scene, then I got
ninety excruciating minutes to prove I was right. 154

Flora laughed at my occasional snarky remarks and said she loved watching with me.
1

"There's one important moral in this movie, however," I commented. "No guy is happy
just being a girl's friend and willingly helps her pick out her prom dress. There
is always an ulterior motive." 23
"That's not true! I have plenty of guy friends who are perfectly happy just being
friends."

"That's an illusion you let yourself believe." 9

"You don't have enough female friends to prove that theory. I'm telling you, my guy
friends like me for me, not as a potential girlfriend." 6

"Keep telling yourself that. They're just lurking and waiting to pounce. As soon as
your boyfriend is out of the picture, they get you drunk and try to kiss you," I
couldn't help adding the last part. 49

She scowled. "Are you going to act like this every time the subject of Ray comes
up?" She crossed her arms. I felt fight number two coming right up. 6

"No, because we're never bringing him up again. I say we don't speak to him and
shun him for life," I said, half joking. I wasn't going to ask her to stop being
his friend, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't hold him accountable for coming
between us. 12
"Isn't that a little extreme?"

"I think I'm entitled to hold a grudge because he's the reason we broke up." 3

"No." she shook her head firmly. "We are the reason we broke up. It's adorable that
you decide to blame him." 9

"Of course I blame him. He knew you had a jealous boyfriend but still he went to
your place and came on to you," I explained. "It shows that he has a weak sense of
morality."

"Sean, you're morality personified. We're all sinners in front of you," she said
mockingly. 2

I couldn't believe this. She was taking his side. I felt fury building up inside me
and burning a tunnel through my brain. Jealousy and 1975 Bordeaux really didn't mix
well. 70

I vowed to never avoid confrontation with Flora again, but I was afraid I would say
something that I would regret later. I touched her gently on the shoulder as I
stood up. "I need some air."
I walked out to the porch and stared at the ocean. It was so easy to love her
despite our differences, but sometimes these differences were so hard to ignore. 23

***

Glad that you are still reading this! 39

I appreciate every read, vote, and comment, and thank you for supporting me all the
way. (I have a feeling you will all be on Flora's side this time...) 71

Chapter 47 The dark alley kiss

341K 11.4K 5.4K
Dedicated to embeddedivy

by rainbowbrook
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Flora

I could see Sean brooding out on the porch. I'd always found it cute when he was
set to jealous mode, but sometimes he could really overreact. In his haste to run
off and sulk like a toddler, he had forgotten to take his coat. 185

I bet it was cold out there, but The King was obviously too cool to come back for
it. I went out to find him because I simply couldn't let him freeze. 12

"What's a gorgeous man like you doing out here alone?" I asked, draping the coat
over his back. 11

He turned to me and managed a very reluctant smile. "I'm thinking."

"About what? How to break up with me the day after getting back together?" 4

I meant to lighten the mood, but as soon as the words were out the thought hit me
hard with a pang, kind of like the way it felt when I found the last piece of a
perfect dress hanging on the rack, only to see it was size L. 86

I had never been in an in-love kind of relationship and suddenly it was too
precious to handle. Everytime I came across one of our differences I felt like I
needed to eradicate it immediately, like it was a zombie and if I didn't blow off
its head fast, it would contaminate the rest of the mankind; although there were
about eight million of them out there. Our differences, I mean. 14

He frowned at me. "No, I don't want to break up with you. I'm scared to even think
about it." 1

Good. That was one thing in common. "Sean, that was such a long time ago. It's a
misunderstanding. Can't we just forget about it?" 9

The chilly wind was blowing serenely, ruffling through my hot boyfriend's hair.
Some guys are worth fighting for, while some guys are just too cute to fight with.
I should heat up the Jacuzzi, I was thinking, when he decided to explore the issue
further. 10

"I know it's a misunderstanding, but I'm thinking that back then, even if you had
told me beforehand that you were meeting him, I'd still ask you not to. So I get
why you didn't want to tell me."

"Oh good! Then you understand!"

"The thing is, I don't understand why you have this...need to hang out with him."
22

"Good question." I turned around and leaned against the railing, suddenly glad that
he brought this up. I was eager to share my thoughts about it. "Since you asked, I
want to tell you that when he came over, it didn't feel wrong. I felt liberated.
Like I was able to do something to cheer myself up instead of moping around being
mad at you. Why can't I hang out with other people when you're busy?"

"I never said you couldn't hang out with other people. Didn't I ask you to see your
friends all the time?"

"Well, Raymond is my friend. A pretty good one, I might add," I declared

righteously.

"I'd have no problem if you went out with a group of people."

"But I don't want to hang out with a group all the time," I whined. "You don't get
to have a real conversation. It's different with just two people and I like it.
Besides, sometimes those meet ups are spontaneous, and it'd be really ridiculous
trying to recruit a third person." 21

He exhaled. "Flora, but drinking with a guy alone in your room is really intimate.
Some guys might get the wrong idea." 38

"Would you feel better if I drink with a group of guys in my room?" I joked, but
Sean didn't look amused. He put on his coat, and I could see he was starting to get
upset. 25
"Come on, this is our routine." I clutched his arm. "He always comes over, the same
way Sandy does. I think it's unfair that Ray is off limits just because he's a guy,
because I honestly don't consider him any more than a friend who I can have a
fabulous time with."

He scoffed. "What's so fabulous about him?" 40

"Well, he's complex. He seems so nice initially, but once you get to know him you
discover how mean and perceptive he is. I can't stop laughing at all the horrible
things he says." 25

I probably did a lousy job of describing him because it didn't impress Sean at all,
or perhaps he just hated it whenever I said nice things about other guys. "I've
always thought he's pretty fake. Now it seems like he has two personalities, and
both of them are annoying." 40

"All that negative energy radiating off of him is actually pretty intriguing. He
says the most hilarious things when he's hating on the whole class." I shared a few
of Raymond's choice of insults, things I otherwise wouldn't have noticed such as
weird-looking eyebrows, but just as expected Sean didn't find any joy in picking on
other people's appearances. Since he was so perfect-looking himself it was
understandable, the way I was always careful of making jokes about poor people. 8

"That seems like a really useful talent, picking out people's physical flaws," Sean
said. "I hope he gets paid for it."

"Not just physical flaws, he finds personality traits to laugh at too," I added. 31

He shook his head. "You know who Raymond should hang out with? Sandra. There's
nothing like bonding over common hatred, and in their case the target is everyone
else." 45

I laughed, amused by the idea of Sandra and Raymond together, bitching about how
people rub them the wrong way by waving with the wrong hand. Between the two of
them, they could probably write an encyclopedia with all their pet peeves. "You
know what? We should all hang out together. Maybe you'll learn to like him!" 1

"No thanks," Sean refused immediately. "What if he tries to kiss me?" 108

I chuckled. "Fine, you don't have to like all my friends, but at least let me hang
out with him the way I always did before I met you." 7

At this point Sean sighed, and I started to worry if this discussion had drawn on
for too long. "I'm not saying you can't be friends," he said, "but if you want to
invite someone to your room and share a few beers, that person should be me. Am I
not enough for you?" 84

Is he not enough for me? That was a tricky question. On the one hand he was
everything I needed and wanted, but as a boyfriend. Sean didn't understand that he
couldn't be my everything. I was not just his girlfriend, I was also Flora Morgan,
Raymond's (and at least half a dozen of other guys') close female friend, and being
in a relationship should not redefine me. My guy friends were not just spare tires
to me. 121

"Friends are not just substitutes for lack of a relationship," I said profoundly,
feeling extremely proud of myself. Friendships and relationships are two diverse
roads. Sean was never my friend before he became my boyfriend, and up until the day
before he had been my hot ex-boyfriend who I was secretly planning to lure back to
my lair. Raymond, on the other hand, was someone I would never consider even if we
were abducted by aliens and the responsibility of reproducing human offspring fell
upon us. "I don't like Raymond romantically, but I like our routine and I don't
want to give that up. You have nothing to worry about." 8

I decided to end my argument with a catchy analogy. "I'm not a science nerd, but I
know at least this much. No amount of catalysts can make a reaction happen if it's
not going to happen in the first place." 68

He raised his eyebrows in approval and smiled. "Impressive. But I think Raymond is
a very unstable substance. He can undergo chemical changes spontaneously and
possibly denature himself, and after that there's no telling what might happen." 78

Ugh. Why did I choose a science analogy? I should stick to food. 8

"Flora, seriously, am I not enough?" Sean asked again softly, and I could see he
was hurt by the fact that I was choosing Raymond over him, although I was most
definitely not. 30

"You're my favorite teenager in the world," I said honestly. I would've said

person, but I should probably save that line for my mom. "I love you more than chai
lattes, Herm�s and St. Regis Hotels all added together. But please don't make me
choose." 51

I would shut right up if anyone ever told me that I was more important than Herm�s,
but my heartfelt comparison was lost on Sean. He probably didn't know any of the
things I just mentioned.

"Flora, I've been thinking if I should just let you do whatever you want." He
sighed. "But I can't. I'm sorry. I know you're a very free-spirited person, and
it's not that I don't trust you, but I think you're a little too close with your
guy friends. Can't you just invite a few more people and hang out at the mall or
something?" 52

Why was I even surprised? "I'm sorry, but that's just how I am. I like hanging out
with them without worrying about keeping them at arm's length, and I like acting
mean and immature with Raymond, when it's just the two of us. It's liberating and I
need this outlet once in a while to blow off steam. If you can't love me because of
it..." I swallowed. 36

I would stop acting mean and immature, obviously. I couldn't continue my words as I
imagined Sean confiscating his love. It'd be worse than being forced to wear second
hand clothes for the rest of my life. 5

He took me in his arms, impulsively, and held me against him. "I love you. I love
you no matter what. But it's going to make me very uneasy if you don't let me have
my way on this." 39

"I really don't see why it's such a big deal," I attempted one last weak protest,
and he decided to tackle this from another angle. 18
"Okay, how would you feel if I invited some girl to my room?" 37

I pulled back from his embrace and considered the unlikely scenario. Sean cracking
open a can of beer and handing it over to some other girl (who was probably
sporting a bigger cup size than yours truly). Sean sitting on his bed with another
girl, telling her he found her interesting. Sean leaning over in his drunken state
and..."I wouldn't be overjoyed. Fine, I'd be pretty mad, but that's different." 71
"How's that different?" He folded his arms.

"Because." I rolled my eyes. "Because you're not like that. You're borderline
antisocial." Sean was all about boundaries. Not even Janet went to his room when
she dropped by to visit, and they mostly met in public places. 8

He narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "Just because I don't flirt with everything in
sight doesn't mean I'm antisocial. And yesterday you said you dig that I'm
detached." 24

"I mean I'd know something is up if you want alone time with another girl, so
naturally I'd be alarmed. It's out of character for you, but for me it really
doesn't mean anything because it's what I always do. I like getting to know people
and making friends. That's why I think we should have customized rules to suit our
different traits." 39

"You just spent five sentences to describe double standards," he retorted without
missing a beat. 148

I didn't know how to debate with him because he was too good. He did have a point.
He didn't ask me to cut Raymond from my life entirely, just that I should cut him a
little looser. His best friend was a girl but he kept his distance, and all he was
asking was that I did the same. He wanted a fair rule we could both go by. 20

But at the same time, I didn't think I was wrong and I didn't want to change. We
were different people expected to fit into the same mold. We had opposite
personalities and we each had our own idea as to how close we felt comfortable
around other people, yet Sean wanted everything standardized. 27

I would learn to accept it, however, because Sean's love was more important than my
entire collection of guy friends. 26

I put my arms around his waist. "I won't do it again," I said. Just the feel of his
lean, muscular body against me convinced me I put down the correct answer, that he
was reasonable and I was whiny. This was a successful negotiation after all. 96

He looked at me and smiled, glad that he had managed to talk some sense into me.
His eyes were the color of the ocean, the deep end, and I felt hypnotized.
I would do anything to please him, even if he wanted me to be someone else who was
easier to love. 631

*** 7

Sunday evening, on the way back to civilization I was going to suggest celebrating
our new found love at a really good French restaurant, the kind that you would find
eighteen different cutleries on the table, but then I thought why bother. Sean
probably couldn't fit the dress code, plus his machismo pride wouldn't allow me to
pay for dinner, so never mind. 42
We chose a cheap diner to sit down, and I bet the only thing Sean checked in the
menu was the price. I didn't blame him though; I knew he was short on cash lately,
and I was happy just sitting across from him and absorbed in his lovely features
the way a sunflower soaked up the sun. 2

"You're giving me a stress ulcer the way you stare at me," he complained with a
smile. 1

I giggled. "Sorry. I don't get tired of looking at you." 1

"That's great. Maybe next time you can come to my room and stare at me so I don't
have to Google for fun date ideas." 4

Fun date ideas was my job, obviously. What would he do without me? As I finished
eating and put down my fork, a thought struck me from out of nowhere.

"What did you and Leslie do on a date?" 19

I could sense him tensing up immediately. "Excuse me?" 7

I knew he heard me the first time, but I repeated anyway. "What did you and Leslie
usually do on a date?"

He took his time drinking from the glass of water in front of him, stalling. "Can
we please not talk about her? I know everything I said can and will be used against
me." 147

That just showed he had things to hide. When a convict doesn't cooperate with the
police it goes without saying he committed the crime. Maybe Leslie wasn't what met
the eye and was super fun in front of him. Maybe she was more romantic and better
at organizing memorable dates than I was! How unimaginable! 28

I wasn't jealous, just extremely curious. "You promised you'd tell me anything." 4

"Okay," he relented, but it was clear he would rather talk about nuclear leakage in
Japan. "We didn't really do much, mostly I went to her house and she practiced her
violin and I did my homework. In summer I went to a physics lab in daytime so we
only met at night after dinner, and we just took walks and talked. That's all."

I asked him about his dates, not about community service. "That's it?" 30

"That's it. I swear." 4

"And you enjoyed it?"

"I guess I liked the routineness of it," he said conservatively.

"But that sounds like the kind of things you can do with your pet dog, minus the
violin." 59
I actually didn't say it to be mean, but Sean narrowed his eyes at me. "Flora, come
on." 5
"I'm just really surprised. Are these things what you like to do on dates? You must
have been so miserable putting up with her!" 22

"Can you not get mad at me if I give you an honest answer?" He asked, and when I
nodded he said, "First of all I need you to know I like to do anything with you.
You're the best date I've ever had. But honestly, I like the evening walks better
than going to parties or traveling between different restaurants. I think the being
together part is more important than taking part in an exciting activity." 81

I could feel a small artery just popped in my brain and blood was oozing all over
the place. I thought he was just being nice when he said he liked the routineness,
because Sean was too polite to proclaim outright that Leslie was an utter bore, but
now I realized he meant it. He seriously thought taking evening walks was the
optimal option.
"So all the trouble I went through was just a waste of time and energy." And money.
117

"No! I love dating you. I really do," he said. "I'm just saying as long as I can be
with you it doesn't matter what we do. We can do the things you like because I'm
okay with anything." 6

I shook my head numbly. I couldn't think. I didn't understand my boyfriend at all

even though he was the best-looking guy on the East Coast and I loved him so much.
65
It was like adding a lavish diamond necklace to the whole ensemble, only to be torn
apart by style critiques that the jewelry was completely tasteless. His words were
like a slap to the face. He was saying no to some of the most valuable qualities
about me. 122
I prided myself on my ability to appreciate the good things in life, to make
friends with anyone, and that I was fun and people came to me when they wanted to
have a good time. I was such a great event planner and I thought my specialty was
dating. Sean wanted me to change into a sweet quiet girl who would stay home and
have fries and cheap wine with him. 122
But he said he loved me. He really had no idea what he was getting himself into. 10

One glance at my face and he knew he couldn't get me to bounce back to cheery mode
with one of his witty lines. Luckily the check had come, disrupting the ominous
atmosphere between us. He paid quickly then dragged me out to the alley beside the
restaurant. 19

"I want to go home," I muttered. 2

"I can't let you go home like this," he said. "I'm never making that mistake again.
Tell me what you're thinking." 36

I shook my head again, and this time the tears came. "I don't know if it's worse
that you don't love me, or that you love me for all the wrong reasons." 237

He stricken in front of me, looking panicked and confused. I distractedly commented

at the back of my mind that the way he nervously regarded my tears was incredibly
endearing, like he was five and he just broke his mom's favorite china. "You have
to stop crying first because it really scares me, and I have no idea what you're
saying." 48

I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath, nodding as I did so. I was so out of
control I scared myself. I may be a drama queen but this was the wrong kind of
drama. I preferred starring in a romcom with designer clothes and impeccable
makeup, strolling down the boulevard flipping my hair, instead of hiding in a dark
alley outside a lousy restaurant crying for no reason at all. 9

"Come on, I know I may be boring to date, but seldom does it end in tears," he
said. "Most of the time it ends with the girl telling me I'm a really good kisser."
1

I giggled despite myself, making an unattractive snorting sound. 4

"Good, you smiled." Sean was visibly relieved. He came closer. "Now, tell me what's
wrong. I know talking about Leslie will get me into trouble, but I didn't expect it
to be this serious." 2

I incoherently told him about how he didn't appreciate the best things about me.
"You don't like any of the things that matter to me. You don't like fashion, fine
dining, designer brands, or my guy friends. You don't even like the extravagant
dates I planned for you!" I sniffled, feeling more stupid by the second, like I
always did when I realized how petty my life goal was compared to his. "How can you
be sure that you love me without having anything in common with me? I'm worried
that we have amazing chemistry but we aren't that compatible." 129
He was silent for a while as he considered this, and I was afraid he was starting
to agree with me. This was one of the instances that I begged to be contradicted. I
needed him to tell me I was wrong and overanalyzing. 1

"Well, you are right, I don't care much about any of the things you just
mentioned," he started slowly, and I felt my heart plummeting from a tree and
hitting every branch on the way down, adding bruises and scratches. "But I like
that you're always able to surprise me, your energy and your enthusiasm. I don't
need to go on extravagant dates, but I like that you care about me and you put a
lot of effort into planning one. I don't care about fashion but I like your air of
confidence when you brag about how you're fashion inspiration to mankind. I can't
tell the difference between good and bad food, but I can't stop smiling when you
boss me around about dining etiquette. I also enjoy hearing you talk about trips to
Europe and the quality of your car and how your hobby is rolling around in Egyptian
cotton. 61

"And I'm not gonna lie. I really don't like your guy friends, but I appreciate your
ability to make friends with anyone. Does that make sense, dear Flora?" 38

I nodded, impressed with his ability of persuasion. "That's kind of like the way I
admire you when you're studying. You look really sexy when you slave over your
physics problems and I love the concentration on your face." 15

"Well, you obviously have a really twisted idea about what's sexy. But yeah that's
what I meant." 7

I smiled. I knew all about sexy. I had been in very close proximity with sexiness
for the past 36 hours. 28

"I know we don't agree on a lot of things, but remember what you said before? You
worry about fun and I worry about safety. That's what makes us such a great pair."
His eyes shone in the evening light. "We complement each other." 36

"We complement each other," I repeated, trying the words out. It sounded promising.
"So you don't think I'm wrong for you? I mean, you can easily find your soul mate
among all the girls who have crushes on you. Surely one of them would be down-to-
earth and you guys can talk about the theory of relativity all the time." 6

"No, I hate nerds. They are so boring," he said with a perfect straight face. 56

"Isn't that like discrimination against your own people?" I smiled and he smiled
too. 10

"Come on, Flora. Do you really think I'm looking for someone to talk physics with?
I don't care that we like different things, and I certainly don't want to date
myself." 52

"But I'm also bratty and really superficial, Sean. I like having fun and my
attention span is like a three-year-old who watches too much SpongeBob SquarePants.
I can't engage in any kind of smart people talk with you." 39

He chuckled. "You are smart. I can't engage in any kind of rich people talk with
you, either."

"That's okay. I just wish you'd let me spend money on you once in a while." 3

"If it makes you happy then I guess so," he agreed as if I was asking him for a
kidney. I wasn't too concerned about it, though. I knew the power of money, and the
good life was fairly easy to get used to. "Look, I don't believe in soul mates. At
least, I don't think they are found. They are created. If we're together longer
we'll learn to adapt to each other's ways," he said firmly. "We'll have some quiet
nights and we can go to parties too. I'll try whatever you think I should. I'm
willing to learn new things together, even things like salsa." 56

"Don't be ridiculous, Sean." I scoffed. "I already know how to salsa." 39

"Good. I was just exaggerating to make a point."

I smiled. "I don't care that you can't dance. But it'd be nice if we can find some
things in common and some activities we can do together." 3

He raised his eyebrows in mockery and smirked. "I thought we already established
that. There's a certain activity we've been doing for two days." 116

"Besides that," I said pointedly and he grinned. 2

"You make me really happy," he said. "I hope I make you happy too. That's all I ask
for." 4

"Of course you do. I'm just really scared because I've never been in love before,"
I admitted. "I'm really afraid of wrecking this." 20

"I'll make it worth it. Don't over think, baby. We may not be a perfect couple, but
I think we have something good. And who wants to be perfect anyway? Perfect is
boring." 28

But you are perfect, I thought, but decided against saying it. "I'm going to be
acting really crazy from time to time." 22

"I know you're crazy." He swiped my cheek lightly with his thumb and it was
strangely healing. "I happen to be very fond of crazy." 18

I laughed. Sean was being so patient with me and I enjoyed it tremendously. If it

was a year ago he would probably ask me to give him a call after I got over it. 26

"Anyway." He put his hands on my shoulders and pressed me against the wall. "I'm
grateful that you love me. You won't be sorry for it." He held my gaze and he was
so sexy and so sincere, I really just wanted to carve whatever he said on my arm.
He gave me a dark alley kiss, which was right up there on my list of most-desired
kisses along with locker kiss and kiss in the pouring rain. Every time he kissed me
I was still surprised at how magical it felt. It stopped time and took me to
places, and that was the only theory of relativity I would ever know. 31

"I really, really love you," I said. 1

"I really love you too, and falling in love with me will be the best crazy thing
you ever do," he said. "And it won't land you in jail. I think." 22

I laughed. He slid his hand down my arms and folded his fingers around mine,
leading me away so we could take a short walk. The night was peaceful, the sky was
dark, adorned with scattered stars. Sean's confidence about us was infectious. I
had managed to find a great guy, and my anxiety and doubts dimmed like the city
lights.
We walked back to his car holding hands. I guess walking and talking really isn't
that bad, as long as you find the right person to do it with. He pulled to a stop
in front of my building, not hesitating for a second about making that U-turn he
was so reluctant about before we got together, and he gazed at me longingly before
I left him. 6
"See you at school tomorrow," he said gently after I kissed him. It was such a
simple but fascinating sentence, because I knew we never had to say goodbye again.
It was just an intermission, and tomorrow I got to see him and smile at him and
text him and touch him when no one was looking. 3

That was the perfect ending to a date, and it wasn't even an ending.

It was a beginning. 43

***

Do you think Sean and Flora are perfect for each other, or is the seed of doubt
starting to sprout in your head? Thank you so much for reading!! 249

Part 5 ? Chapter 48 The yearbook

321K 10.5K 3.7K
Dedicated to MarahJaneRubinaPalen

by rainbowbrook
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Sean 2

Janet was sitting by herself on the
pair of full-size headphones around
to go. She liked to feed herself on
day. Instead of joining the rest of
of breakfast. 39
lawn when I got to school on Monday. She had a
her head, which she believed was the only way
enough rock and roll to last her through the
the girls for giant lattes, this was her idea

I saw her drumming her fingers on the grass and plopped myself down next to her. 1

She pulled down her headphones and handed it over to me. "Check out this awesome
new band I just discovered. They're called Previous Search." 144

It had an infectious beat and was moody and sensual. I listened until the song had
ended.

"Very dark and sultry, right?" Janet asked. "It's like getting stoned before first
period. Not that you'd know what that feels like." 12

"Trust me, I know." I was dating Flora, after all. I didn't even see her yet but I
felt lightheaded already. She was the first thought that came to my head this
morning when I opened my eyes and had stayed there ever since. 16

"Do you like the song?" Janet took back the headphones.

"Absolutely."

"Great! I know the bassist, and I'm invited to see them perform next Friday. It's
at a warehouse all the way over in the industrial area, which is very cool. Wanna
come?" 11

I was her go-to guy whenever Brian was busy at university. A week ago I would have
agreed right away, but now I hesitated. 2

"Don't worry, it's completely legal," Janet said.

"I'll ask Flora if she's up for it," I said, even though I had a sneaking suspicion
it wasn't her cup of tea. 2

Janet only paused for one second before the realization clicked into place on her
face. I knew that with a silent understanding, she would stop asking me to hang out
with her since I was back in a relationship. She never complained about it because
she knew how I always set rules for myself, even though Janet really was just Janet
to me. 41

"Of course, ask Flora to come!" she said. "I'll ask Nicholas too. This is totally
Nick's kind of thing." 2

"Sure." I could feel the undercurrent of the changed dynamics. We were once Sean,
Flora, and Janet, but now we had shifted into the couple and the friend. The friend
who didn't want to get stuck being the third wheel, to be exact. 6

"Didn't I predict you guys will get back together?" she said. "I saw everything
through my crystal ball. I just knew you're both pining for each other." 13

"Yeah, you're right about everything. As usual."

"I heard about the Raymond incident." She shook her head. "I don't need to point
out the obvious. If you had confided in me, at all, at any point during junior
year, then-" 2

I groaned. "I get it. J. I brought this on myself. In the future I'll report
everything to you first hand." 3

"Unless Flora beats you to it. I've already heard about all the fights you had
during the weekend, including her guy friends issue and how you don't appreciate
good wine, and I was forced to take sides on everything." 14

"Do you want to subscribe to our newsletter? It's called Flora and Sean's fightlog
and you'll get updates every time we fight," I joked. 11

"No thanks, I have limited space on my Gmail." 32

I was surprised that the greatest weekend of my life was just a series of arguments
in Flora's opinion. I didn't even think the issues were that important, not to
mention they were resolved already. It was definitely nothing worth telling our
friends about. "Of all the things that took place, she told you about us fighting?"
1

"No, but it's the only thing I feel like repeating. The rest is just...nauseating."
She held a hand in front of her throat and pretended to gag. "I keep having to
remind myself that she's dating you instead of some god from Greek mythology. I
swear that girl is completely possessed." 23

I felt instantly flattered and embarrassed, the way Flora always did to me.
Janet smiled. "It's pretty cute, to be honest."

"Yeah. I just...I can't believe I can have her back." 9

She patted me on the shoulder. "I know Flora is one step away from tattooing your
name on her forehead, and it's great to see you're taking it serious too." 16

"J, I'm so in love with her," I blurted. 200

Janet stared at me in stunned silence. I told Janet about all my girlfriends, but
it was mostly vague descriptions along the lines of it's going okay. It wasn't like
me to make such a declaration. My words surprised myself even, and after hearing it
out loud, stark in the air between us, I regretted it. I waited to hear Janet tease
me about it as her face broke into an ear to ear grin.

"I'm so happy for you. For both of you," she said. "I mean, obviously I've heard
from Flora already that you exchanged your true love vows, but it's different
coming from you." 1
"Flora took away the suspense of everything," I muttered. Janet couldn't fake that
smile of genuine approval even if she wanted to. She really was the best friend I
could ever hope for. She always wished the best for me, even though I pretty much
ignored her every time I was in a relationship. 15

"You guys are my favorite couple. Good luck," she said. "Let me know if you need my
advice on anything. Picking out a baby name, for example." 41

"We have got that covered. Flora will just name it Prada." 219

She laughed. "If you hurry you can catch Prada's mom before class." 30

*** 1

Flora was sitting outside with Sandra and Carmen in her usual spot. On seeing her I
felt the worst of the withdrawal symptoms: anxiety, palpitation and tightness in
the chest. It was like I had tunnel vision. She was in the center and everything
else defocused. 29

"Well, well, if it isn't the boy who made the same mistake twice," Sandra started
as I approached them. Sandra was nice enough to me when we were just friends as
basketball player and head cheerleader, but as soon as I became Flora's boyfriend I
got this special treatment of her nastiness, which I accepted with pride. She was
usually too busy ignoring people to bother making an insult, and I considered it a
privilege knowing she made an effort on me. 16

"Sandy, not even your negativity is going to drag me down today," Flora said, but
her eyes were on me and she was smiling. 106

I said my good mornings.

"Congrats, Sean," Carmen said, always the pleasant one to balance out Sandra's foul
energy. "It's great you guys worked things out." 2

"Congrats yourself, Carmen." Sandra eyed her with an evil stare. "You just earned
yourself the chance of giving another round of therapy sessions when they break
up." 6

"Sandy, stop harassing us," Flora said. "Don't you need to go eat some small
children or something?" 40
"Small children are hardly vegan," Sandra said but chuckled anyway, like an
afterthought. "I meant to say congratulations too. Somehow it came out wrong
because I'm a bit allergic to happy people." 95

"Thanks." I was too happy to come up with a halfway intelligent comeback. 4

Flora reached out her arms to me so I could pull her up, and as she stood up, she
linked her arm through mine. She waved goodbye to her friends. "Excuse us. We need
to go and be happy now." 4

When she pulled me over to the side of the building to kiss me, I didn't protest.
We had become the sort of annoying couple who kissed in semi-public, the kind that
always made me cringe, but I thought I was entitled at least a three-day-period of
being annoying, considering how hard it was to get to where we were now. 4

It was not easy to pull apart but we managed reluctantly. Had to keep telling
myself she was just going to class instead of war. I walked her to hers although I
knew I would be late to mine. "Did you sleep okay last night? After you recounted
every detail of the last 48 hours to your friends." 7

She smirked. "I didn't share every detail. Just the parts where you had your
clothes on." 2

"That's about five minutes in total," I said and got a beautiful smile out of her.
5

"I'll see you at lunch." 8

The bell rang. She left a whiff of her jasmine perfume on my sleeve. 56

*** 3

All through the morning I could only think about lunch. My life was cut up in
fragments and I wondered if that was how being in jail would feel like, where
chunks of time in between didn't matter anymore. My life was to be transformed into
a repeating wheel of getting up, catching her before class, blur, then lunch, then
history class where I could stare at her chocolate-colored head from three rows
behind, then blur, class over, and we would spend every last drop of time together.
It felt like a dream and the line of reality had blurred into a field of jasmine.
69

"You're extremely excited about reaction kinetics," Nicholas commented during AP

Chemistry. He knew why I was restless and it seemed like everyone else knew. In
history class Flora and I texted each other until my cell phone almost ran out of
battery. I loved talking to her in person, but texting was another form of fun. 6

Dear King, it's very hard to concentrate with you radiating heat from three rows
behind. I want to serve you in your chamber. 88

Dear chambermaid, we're on page 213. Stop fantasizing about my hotness. 51

Flora turned around and winked at me, and all the words from page 213 melted away.
16

*** 1

"I'm surprised at how completely not surprised I am that you and Flora got back
together," Dylan started at lunch on Tuesday. Flora had not entered the cafeteria
yet. 6

"Yeah, what is it about Flora that keeps you crawling back for more?" Jake
seconded. 2

"You never told us about the little tricks she does," Dylan said, giving me that
obscene look he always wore when it came to sex. They went on to talk about
everything they enjoyed about it, and when Dylan graciously shared with us his
recent epiphany, that the best sex was the kind you had to shower before and after
for, I decided to tell them. 3

"Okay, here goes." I leaned forward, and they both looked at me in anticipation as
if they really expected me to share any private details. "Flora's little trick is
that she is Flora." 35

Jake made a show of pulling his tray away from me. "Is your lameness contagious?
I'm afraid if I catch it, I'll never get laid again." 58

I laughed. At that moment Flora slid in next to me, running her hand along my
shoulder blades. "What are you guys talking about?"

"I'm telling him he can do better than you," Jake said with a grin. "I'm sick of
all your friends. I was hoping Sean could bring in some new mix to this group, but
we're stuck with you again." 2

"You haven't met her friends Jess and Sarah from St. Margaret's," I said. They
seemed really perfect for Jake. They could probably set some barns on fire
together. 17

"Jess wouldn't happen to be Chinese and has a tattoo on her hipbone, right?" Jake
asked after a pause. 35

Flora and I exchanged a look, and Jake pulled out his phone. "Let's
see...J...Jade...Jennifer...Jessica." He pretended to be scrolling through an index
card until he found the picture he wanted. He showed it to us and it was of him and
Jessica with their heads pressed close together, and the flash was on. He winked.
"Linda's party really was awesome." 7

"Damn she's hot!" Dylan said, and I suspected I caught a hint of wistfulness. He
was constantly thinking of cheating on Sydney but I doubt he'd ever really go
through with it, again, considering the risks that followed. 10

Flora pressed her lips together. "You were supposed to be the bouncer," she said to
Jake. "Not hitting on our party guests. I have to warn her about you."

"Oh, she knows," Jake replied. As a certified hook up artist, he was always
straight about what he could and couldn't offer. "She hinted she didn't want me to
get too attached, and when she learned about who I am, she seemed pleased with the
finding." 11

"Jess is a free spirit." Flora took a sip from my apple juice. "I'm surprised you
have time to get your hands on so many girls, though. It's like you're...all over
the place."

Jake grinned. "Yeah, that's what Jess said last night too." 4

Flora threw the fries on my tray at him. "Don't take advantage of her. She's saying
she doesn't want to commit, but you never know." 2

"Are you implying that she can't make her own decisions? Why do you assume your
friend will get hurt?" Jake smiled. "And if anyone's being taken advantage of, it's
me. After all, I'm the one who'll be doing all the work." 3

Flora shook her head. "Jake, I can't deal with you until I've had a couple of
drinks." 1

"Jess is pretty cool, to be honest," Jake said. He told us about them hanging out
over the weekend at the carnival, and because he was funny, we all laughed at the
right moments as if on cue. Flora had no trouble fitting in at our table. 13

They would never admit it, but I knew my friends were happy for me. My girlfriend
was so easy to talk to. She thought I didn't appreciate that about her but the
truth was I really did. 4

"Are you coming to my place Saturday night for the game?" Dylan said to me. "It's
against Miami Heat." He didn't need to say it because I knew, of course. We always
watched the more important games together. 21

"Saturday?" Flora answered for me. "Saturday is fine. We're free." 67

"I didn't invite you," Dylan said. "Nothing personal, but I don't want a girl's
idiotic opinions on which player is the cutest." 43

"I assume you're watching the live broadcast?" Flora said calmly. We nodded, and
she shrugged. "Then I guess you're not interested in free tickets." 6

I arched my eyebrows. "You have tickets to the game?"

"No big deal, these are only the best seats. You know, those limited ones with the
best view." Flora brushed a strand of hair away from her face. "My dad has this
client and...anyway, I'm going to sell the tickets online, since I just found out
watching live broadcast from TV is the cool way to do it." 1

"Take me! Please!" I put my hand over hers. "I'm not friends with these people." I
knew Flora must have more than two tickets, however. It wasn't like her to flaunt
unless she wanted to share. 72

"How many tickets do you have?" Jake asked.

"It depends," Flora said. "On how nice you are to me for the next five minutes." 64

I watched with amusement as my friends took turns sucking up to her, and she
graciously agreed on taking them along. I didn't know how it was even possible but
being Flora's boyfriend just kept getting better. 3

"I'll beat you if you ever break up with her." Dylan pointed a finger at me to show
his loyalty to Flora the ticket holder. 110

Jake nodded and put a hand over his mouth to whisper loudly, just so she could hear
and laugh. "Break up with her after the game." 115

*** 2

My Flora-themed life unfolded before me with bliss. She was the center of it, and I
tried fitting everything else in between. The basketball season had started and I
played a lot, and we sometimes had to travel to different cities. Flora took her
responsibility as socialite when I was away, and when I came back she spent all her
time on me. She was undoubtedly more committed this time. Despite what I said about
agreeing to go to parties and trying out new things, there really wasn't that much
time and the only new things we managed to try were in the bedroom. 84

I understood her better than in junior year. After we got back together, her
parents weren't home for a week. I tried imagining what that felt like to her,
going back to an elegant apartment with the doorman and the elevator, an enormous
living room with the grand coffee table where the sofa was always empty, the most
equipped kitchen where only water was boiled, and a dining table with a
centerpiece, big enough to fit twenty people but no one ever ate there. 10

She told me on our first date at The Pavement that she wasn't a stay-at-home girl
and she didn't take loneliness well. I started to understand why she had so many
dinner dates and guy friends, because she didn't want to eat alone. 18

Before going out with Flora I never really thought of how my family was always
there. I always took them for granted, I mean, there was Linda who spoke Whinese,
and even though my parents were alright in terms of parents, I was never especially
excited about the concept of chatting with them. 134
But what if they weren't around? I was so used to coming home to my mom's home-
cooked meals and everyone sitting down together, I'd come to expect that it was the
norm, so no wonder for Flora her life was a big blank space after cheerleading
practices and she needed exits for her excessive energy. 21

I started to take Flora home for dinner and everyone welcomed her. She would bring
us her house collection of expensive wine and my parents were far more appreciative
of it than me, and sometimes she gave my mom flowers and I could tell my parents
really warmed up to her. She was much more considerate than Linda and a lot more
expressive compared to me, and safe to say if she was offered to them as a
daughter, Linda and I would be chucked out in no time. Flora always offered to
clean up and I would let her take the credit, even though as soon as my parents
left she would just sit on the counter and dangle her toned legs. Now that she was
my girlfriend she didn't pretend to want to help me dry the dishes, which was okay
because she still flirted with me shamelessly and I could only hope my parents
never had to hear of the things she said to me. 12

After dinner we would retreat to my room and try to be as quiet as possible. I

think my parents had a pretty good idea of what was going on in there, but they
were very cool about it, and I had never felt as grateful towards them in all
previous seventeen years of my life added together. Sometimes I would drive her
back to her place where we could really blow off some steam. The routineness of it
was delightful and not even Flora could deny it. We were irrefutably sex-crazed and
infatuated with each other, executing our profound love in the most superficial way
possible. 71

"You're a liar," Flora said one day as she sat on my bed going through my middle
school yearbook. 5

"Huh?"

She beamed. "You said you weren't good-looking in middle school but you were a
total babe. You were the cutest middle schooler I've ever seen." 2

"Turn down your psycho a little, Flora," I said. "I'm starting to question your
taste." 9

"It's true! I can't say the same about Janet and Dylan, though," she said. "They
were such a disaster. I'm glad Dylan took care of his acne problems. Janet
looked...what's with the overalls?" 1

"Well, you weren't there to give everyone makeovers."

She smiled, then it shrunken. She turned her hazel eyes to me. "Hey...where's
Martin?" 18

I sat down next to her and started flipping through the yearbook. Middle school
really hosted some of the worse memories. I pointed to his picture. "That's him."

"Hmm." All I got was a noncommittal hmm. Flora snapped shut my yearbook and started
playing with her phone, a sight I had gotten quite used to already. The subject of
my old memory wasn't interesting enough to intrigue her for too long. She had
started scrolling through whatever app she was using, sliding up and down with her
index finger. After a while she held it up to me triumphantly. "Aha! Is that him?"
17

She had managed to track Martin down on Facebook despite the fact that he was using
a username that didn't suggest his identity.

"How did you do it?"

"I forgot to tell you about this hidden talent I have," Flora bragged. "Cyber-
stalking. You won't believe how many photos I have of you even though you don't use
any social network." 101

Martin looked like he had a much better time now. There were colorful photos of him
laughing, a sight I wasn't sure I had seen before. I knew photos lie but back then
I didn't think he'd have materials to use even if he wanted to lie.

"Look, he is on the track team, and he is in a relationship!" Flora said. She sat
up and her eyes blazed. "Let's message him." 11

"No! I don't know what to say."

"I'll say it for you, then. You don't mind, do you?" She had started typing before
waiting for my answer. "Look, he's online! I'll just tell him I'm Sean and I'm
borrowing a friend's account to talk to him."

"I'm really not sure--"

"Hi there Martin! This is Sean Foster from Riverside Middle school," Flora started
reading out loud as she typed. Talking to a stranger seemed amazingly easy for her.
She told him how I was scared to face what I did and how I constantly thought of
that day and wished to apologize. She sounded too chirpy to be me talking, but she
managed to get the message across. "How's that?" 9

"That's...fine, I guess." My scalp prickled. It was daunting being forced to come

face to face with my past, completely unprepared. 1

"No matter what he says, at least you got out your part," Flora said. She waited
twenty seconds for him to message back, the same amount of patience she had when it
came to a stop signal. When he didn't, she decided that it was enough. "In the
meantime, we can make out." 22

She threw her phone on my nightstand and turned to pounce on me. I closed my eyes
and felt her biting lightly on my bottom lip, and I tried to get as into it as I
could, but half of me was thinking about Martin and that really killed it. My
unresponsiveness didn't seem to bother her, but when her phone vibrated she broke
free immediately, like I was a TV commercial break and that Downton Abbey was back
on. 18

"He wrote back!" Her eyes darted as she scanned her phone. Sometimes she reminded
me of a chipmunk on coke. The chipmunk gasped. "Oh no, Sean. Maybe you shouldn't
read this." 29

"Why? What did he say?" I reached over, trying to grab her phone from her.

"This isn't good." She tsked. 7

My stomach clenched. He didn't forgive me, of course. I waited too long.

Flora's face broke into a smile. "You're so cute when you're nervous. I was just
messing with you." 6

"Flora! This is important to me!"

"I know." A soft light took over her eyes, and a warm and compelling aura
surrounded her. "He said he never blamed you and you shouldn't blame yourself
either. He wanted to thank you. You were the best person in the whole school and it
was an honor to know you. An honor, darling." She patted my chest. 6

"Really?"

"Here, read it." She thrust the phone in my hand.

As I went through the message, I became lighter line by line. At the same time I
felt heavier, like I was infused with something. I was touched and relieved. I
didn't even know I was holding my breath until I let it out.

"Thanks, baby," I tried to keep my tone neutral. 19

"Why are you thanking me?" Flora took the phone back and started chatting up Martin
again. She chuckled from time to time. "Sean, this Martin is actually pretty funny.
And there're some really cool photos. He and his girlfriend are so adorable!"

I had the feeling that Flora didn't get excited about every cute couple that wore
matching animal hats, but she was now going through Martin's photo album and binge-
liking everything. She was excited and relieved for me.

"Did you know he's an Avengers fan too?" she asked. 30

"I don't really know anything about him. He only talked about being bullied and I
helped him out."

"Hmm." She chewed on her lips. "Maybe he wasn't whining to get you to stand up for
him, you know. It's probably just to start a conversation. You're really
intimidating to talk to, even to someone like me."

"What? I'm not intimidating!"

"You are when you don't smile, and you're so cool you make people self-conscious. I
bet Martin just wanted to talk to you." She hugged her knees. "You know what, baby?
Maybe he didn't need a savior. He just needed a friend." 46

I looked at Flora who was making amends for me, and realized she really didn't get
enough credit for the incredible person she was. She hid behind this fa�ade of a
superficial and happy-go-lucky cheerleader, but she was the wisest and kindest
person I ever knew. She was beautiful inside and out. 36

"You're right," I said. "He probably just needed a friend."

"Yeah. It's too much responsibility to save people all the time. But being a friend
is much easier." 5

She had a really good heart, even though she didn't make a big deal out of it. I
used to think she was insincere, but now I saw she just liked to keep things on a
lighter note. She understood me and she cared. 5

After this brief moment of seriousness, Flora bounced right back to Flora mode.
"Hey, you wanna double date him and his girlfriend?" She tossed her head back and
laughed, showing all her pearly teeth. When she laughed I honestly thought she was
the most stunning person ever and I fell in love with her all over again. 3

"You're great," I said. "I love you." 5

"I love you too." The edge of her eyes crinkled up. "Can we have sex now?" 271

*** 2

Thanks for reading, and please let me know what you think! 2

Here's a question for you: Do you prefer reading from Sean or Flora's side? Or does
it not matter because they sound the same anyway (dang! XD)

Chapter 49 The nail polish

230K 9.6K 2.2K
Dedicated to hazelgracewaters

by rainbowbrook
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Flora

Sean Sean Sean Sean Sean Sean. 117

This was what went through my head every morning upon waking up. I wished I could
wear him like the embroidery on my shirt collar or attach him to my hair like a
bobby pin, so that he was with me at all times. 30

The first time we were together, we gave each other space. This time we neither
needed it nor wanted it. 1

Sean had been ticking off all the boxes in good boyfriend material checklist. If it
was a job, he would've been promoted to the top already. The only complaint I used
to have was that he was too reserved about his feelings, but once he uttered the L
word, nothing held him back. I could feel his love for me rapidly sprouting, and it
was like snapping a fiber in a pair of pantyhose. You know how pantyhoses are. They
are relatively sturdy to start with, but once they're torn, the rips grow and the
holes expand until it becomes impossible to mend them. 76

I did a bit of self-evaluation and decided that I needed more practice in becoming
a better girlfriend. I knew I loved him but it only made me insane and needy, and
the weird part was the more I was with him the more I wanted him. Despite all the
good in Sean, he was like a really bad habit that kept me demanding for more, like
drugs. After the initial high wears off, next time the dose needs to be doubled. 4

An obsession was beginning to form. It was still vague now, but given enough time,
water can cut through a rock and, as Sean said, mineral drips can build into a
stalactite. 20

Sandra was the one who pointed it out first. We were hanging out one late afternoon
when she piped up. 2

"Let's play a game," she said. "The person who mentions the name Sean first loses
and has to buy everyone caramel macchiatos." 14

Carmen and Janet didn't comment, but they had this look on their faces that said,
finally someone spoke up.

"I don't talk about him that much." I pouted. "Besides, I've been buying everyone
drinks for the past three years." 10

"You talk about him more than a religious fanatic talks about God," Sandra said,
and as if thinking that wasn't harsh enough, she added, "You're starting to get on
my nerves." 33

I shut up but I fumed inside. What were best friends for if they couldn't be there
when I felt the need to gush? Fine, lately this need was consuming me as a whole,
but I had been very supportive whenever my friends talked about their significant
others (or in Carmen's case, the lack thereof). 22

I sat in my room one night going through my shoe collection as Sandra's words
attacked again. Now that I took a moment to consider it, perhaps they hadn't been
gushing nonstop like I did. Then again, that's the rule of life. Less coverage time
was warranted for less fabulous boyfriends.

Sean was gone for a basketball game after successfully peeling himself away from
me, and as cheerleaders we only attended the home games. It was a week night, and
as usual most of my girlfriends weren't allowed to stay out late. When a situation
like this arose I usually called up someone like Raymond, who was as free as a
cheetah in the savannah since his parents didn't care about his whereabouts. 2
But that was before Sean, of course. 4

I rearranged my closet and tried on a few items. Posted a new entry in my style
blog. Learned a few new tricks about styling my hair off YouTube and did a braid
crown that made me look like a medieval bride, then I loosen it and redid a side
fishtail braid. 6
Better.

The phone rang just when I was about to shrivel up and die with boredom.

"Whatcha doin'?" Raymond sang into the phone. 50

"Braiding my hair and waiting for Sean."

He made an unattractive sound at the back of his throat which I deciphered as

disapproval. "Let's hang out."

"I can't, Ray. I'm in a relationship, as you know."

He paused for a second before he spoke again, as if trying to process the
information. "Yeah, I know. So?"

"Well, part of the deal of being in a relationship is that I can't hang out with
whoever I wish," I said. Did it sound as absurd to him as to me? "What I mean is, I
want to stay here and wait for Sean." 43

"How about tomorrow? I got hold of some real good stuff I wanna share with you." 3

By stuff he meant pot. I was tempted for a very brief second but I turned him down
like the good girl I was. He suggested a few other time slots and finally came to
the realization that when I said I can't, I meant I can't, ever. 9
"So, what, are you saying I can never hang out with you again?"

Was that disappointment tinged with hurt I detected? I felt bad. "Well, we can, but
not like this. We can invite a few more people and meet at the mall."

"The mall?" He sounded horrified, as if the mall was a synonym of youth detention
center. "A few more people? But I hate everybody." 71

I laughed. He was hilarious even when he was being serious.

He took a long time before answering. When he spoke again it was with the same
resolution as a Protestant Christian who decided to convert to Eastern Orthodox. "I
can invite Sean, if you want. I guess I can tolerate your boyfriend if that's what
it takes."

Wow, he really wanted my company. To Raymond sharing pot was like amputating a limb
unless he sincerely adored you, which didn't happen that often. 2

"That's nice of you to offer, but Sean can't smoke pot with us," I said. "It'll
damage his valuable brain cells. Not all brain cells are created equal, as you
know." 20

"If he's as smart as you implied, he should have a lot to spare," he said dryly. 26

"Actually Sean says being smart has more to do with the folds and grooves in the
brain than the amount of brain cells," the words shot off my mouth before I could
stop myself. 1

Raymond made his disgruntled sound again. "Flora, I get it you worship Sean like a
cult, but you're really starting to annoy me with the way you keep quoting him." 3

Gosh he sounded like Sandra. I could hardly deal with one in my life, let alone
two. I decided to tell him about the reason Sean and I broke up, just so he didn't
feel like I was blowing him off for no reason.
He was shocked to hear it, to say the least. "What? I didn't hit on you!"

"You tried and he saw it, and now you're on the black list." 4

"B-But how's that even possible? I don't like you like that!" He even sounded a
little offended, like I was insulting his taste. 48

"I'm telling you, it happened. There's a very valid reason why Sean doesn't want to
hang out with you, and like seriously, can you blame him?"

I didn't expect it but he apologized. I told him I never even blamed him for it. "I
can apologize to Sean, too," he said. "I really feel bad about the whole thing." 4
"No! He doesn't want me to tell you. You have to pretend you know nothing." Sean
and his ego didn't want to allow Raymond the satisfaction of knowing he had the
power to come between us. 6

"But I don't want him to hate me," Raymond said. It was amazing how he had no
trouble hating everyone, but the idea of anyone-even someone who didn't matter much
to him like Sean-not breaking out instantly in a happy dance when they thought of
him was unbearable. He had this unexplainable urge to stay on everyone's good side.
93

I told him to forget it, and now Raymond was really fretting. "Well, I can't
apologize to him, I can't invite him to hang out, so what does that leave us? Does
that mean I can never see you again?" 2

Oh God. I was never in a relationship with Raymond, but now we were breaking up. 47

"We can say hi to each other at school, and I'll like every Facebook post you
make." I tried to lighten the mood. "That's what friends are for anyway. To make
you feel popular on social media." 28

He exhaled. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna hang up now. I need to go sit by
my laptop to check if you liked any of my posts." 36

"Come on, you don't need to do that." I decided to make one last attempt of a lame
joke. "You can check with your phone." 1

He grunted again and hung up. I let out a long breath, feeling extremely exhausted.
I didn't even have enough energy to put back all the shoes I'd taken out of their
boxes, so I left them in a pile on the floor. I almost tripped over my Roger Vivier
in my haste to get to the doorbell when it rang. 1

Sean stood before me in a dark green hoodie and his backpack slung over one
shoulder. It was like throwing open the door to a cathedral, where the organs were
played and the Angels sang. I swore there was this halo surrounding him and fine, I
worshiped him. So what? 13
It happens. People needed to accept that. 5

"Baby." He smiled. 128

"You look hot," I said. I always came up with shallow things to say about him even
though he was much more than that. Deep down I knew I had hit jackpot finding him,
like digging up a piece of giant Italian white Alba truffle thinking it was just
some ordinary mushroom, but whenever I saw him my tongue tied up like a Bottega
Veneta intrecciato weave. Luckily Sean had grown accustomed to my vanity, and
whenever I tossed these compliments his way he actually looked pretty pleased. 16

He reached out a hand to tug on my fishtail braid playfully. "So do you."

I moved aside slightly to let him in, and he bent down to kiss me. His lips were
soft but the kiss was firm, and waiting for him had been totally worth it. He
tasted like chocolates. 3

"Did you put the cookies in my backpack?" he asked. 15

"Yeah. In case you got hungry during the game." 18

He pinched my cheek and headed towards my bedroom. "You're so sweet. I finished

half of it before the game even started." 36
I followed him, and he told me they won. Jake did, to be exact. He was just there
to share because he didn't play very well. I assured him he was just being modest,
although I knew Sean's games were off lately. 16

"What have you been doing?" he asked.

"Um, Raymond called. Do you want to smoke pot with him?" 74

"What?" 1

"I'd really like it if you guys can get to know each other better," I said.

He cringed. "I don't know what turns me off more, pot or Raymond." 15

"I told him I can't hang out with him one-on-one anymore because I have a
boyfriend," I said. "He wasn't very happy about it, and I feel like an awful
friend." 2

"I don't hang out with Janet one-on-one anymore either, but she never gives me
attitude for it. She just gets it that some things change once we got together. If
he's a real friend he should just be happy for you too." 89

But things didn't have to change, did they? This was such a stupid system we had
here. I didn't care at all that Sean had Janet, but he was giving that up just so
he could be fair to me. "I don't know. I think I hurt his feelings." 3

"Well his feelings are too easily hurt." Sean's tone was neutral, but I could tell
he was really not liking the conversation. I didn't want to risk getting into a
fight with him over Raymond when I had been waiting for him the whole night. I shut
up and snaked my hands up his shirt, where the skin was smooth and warm. 31

He sighed, a happy one.

Moments later all thoughts on Raymond were out of the window and buried under the
snow. In summer Sean's skin was tanned like honey, but right now it was the color
of the inside of a roasted almond. He didn't roll away when we were done, instead
he pulled me closer and planted a soft kiss on my bare shoulder. That was a
especially nice touch, like getting a good quote from the fortune cookie at the end
of a delightful Chinese meal. Unlike the kisses during, which were oozing with
passionate lust, the peck at the end was full of warm affection. 10

He said the nicest things to me when we cuddled, and coming from him it was doubly
heart-warming. He was really trying to make up for all my missing dates. I couldn't
really decide if I preferred the sex or the talk afterwards. Lying next to him
always made me feel excited but calmed simultaneously. 4

He stroked my hair softly and listened to me ramble on about everything that didn't
interest him such as fashion and the mean things Sandra said. Maybe he just enjoyed
hearing my voice. 6

I really liked him in my bed, but I say that in a non-sexual way. I liked the way
the mattress sank slightly with his weight when he climbed in to join me, the
subtle scent of his aftershave, and how comfortable he was being with me. While he
still carried that regal air I was so attracted to, there was also an adorable,
lazy, casual side of him, added with just the right amount of innocence. It was
like watching a cub lion yawning and playfully chasing after a ball. 50

Some time later, as Sean absently folded the clothes on my bed, I brought over a
bottle of burgundy nail polish from my desk. "I bought this color by mistake. It's
too dark on fingers, but works surprisingly well on toes." 2

He glanced at it briefly.
"You want to help me paint my toes?" I was really half joking because I was sure he
would refuse, but when I handed the bottle over to him, he obliged.

"Are you sure you want to trust me with this?" He unscrewed the cap. 47

"You can try."

He bent over, and that cute concentration on his face was just overkill. He worked
at it as if he was designing a rocket, but the clumsiness gave him away. 37
"Uh oh," he said. 2

"I think you just built a crime scene," I teased.

"Maybe you should wipe it off."

I was going to get the nail polish remover, but then I looked at my toes again.
They looked like they belonged on a horror movie poster. I tilted my head and
decided that I liked it, because Sean painted it for me. I didn't think anyone else
could have made him do it. 15

It deserved to be memorized, at least. I snapped a picture with Instagram despite

his protest and added the hashtag truelove. By the time he left I had collected 283
likes and 129 comments. 246

I usually didn't do this but I checked. Raymond wasn't one of them. 328

*** 1

Thanks for reading, dear you! 3

Chapter 50 The German test

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Dedicated to chiru37

by rainbowbrook
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Sean

Flora often nagged me about staying the night when I drove her back to her place. I
didn't have a rigid curfew anymore since starting senior year, but I knew better
than to push my luck. I would stay as long as I could before I tucked her in,
stroked her hair and said my difficult good-nights. All that was keeping me from
being a competent parent was a good book of nursery rhymes. 9

I knew what Flora really needed was her parents. Despite being the most fun, free,
and popular person in our school, she had a lonely side not known to others, and
sometimes not even her 900 friends and I could rescue her. She'd freak if she ever
heard the word clingy on her, because she thought it was reserved for insecure
people who had no friends, and to be fair she wasn't clingy in the usual sense
since she wasn't attached to just one person, but it went without debate that she
couldn't spend one moment by herself. Flora always had to be doing something with
someone. She was irrationally afraid of missing out. 47
She argued that she went to her spa treatments alone when she spent the entire time
gossiping with her masseuse, and once it was over she immediately switched on her
phone to check missed messages. 2

I was now responsible for all the blanks in her life, and while I loved her beyond
words, it was emotionally flattering but physically exhausting. In junior year I
was infatuated with her, but at least I had more self-control. This time it was
impossible to say no. I wanted to work extra hard to make this relationship worth
her while. 37

Have you ever done something that feels so good, that even though you know there
should be an end, you just can't stop? I don't mean dating Flora, but the way we
were wearing each other down. We were like a meteor tearing through the atmosphere,
burning up and giving out sparks so dazzling, that while it was mesmerizing to look
at, it just wouldn't last. 49
I wanted us to be like the moon. There'd be brighter and dimmer days, but we'd be
consistent and perpetual, effortlessly reflecting light off the sun. 53

I had started nurturing the dark circles under my eyes which Flora found sexy. She
teased they made my eyes bluer. Homework only started after she slept, and espresso
and condoms had become my life supportive system. I just couldn't slow down the
rate of consuming them. 102

We cut class more than once too, mostly during German because Mrs. Kinston was
majorly gullible. How many times could I fake being summoned by the principal? Many
times and counting, it seemed. 2

"What's senior year for if not to sneak off campus?" Flora said, all reasonable,
like she was making a documentary on 'things I wish I knew before starting high
school'. 2

"I thought that's what college is for," I protested as I gave in. We didn't even do
anything important with the stolen time other than grinning at each other stupidly.
Senior year may not be about ditching classes, but it was definitely about finding
love and wasting time together. 3

I had been getting straight As since always, so I wasn't that fussy about grades,
but late night studying sessions mixed with caffeine, sex, being in love and
basketball season really took its toll, and it was inevitable that I would either
float off the ground or drop dead, whichever came first. 32

I didn't complain to Flora because it was what I wanted, to be with her, my dream
girl, albeit a high-maintenance one, and I thought I should just deal with it. I
didn't see Janet at all anymore, and whenever I hung out with the guys I brought
Flora with me. It wasn't like they didn't enjoy talking to her anyway. At first
they were tolerant, but by the third time they started getting sarcastic. 35

"Yes! It's guys' night out and let's count on Sean to bring his girlfriend again,"
Dylan said. 9

Jake agreed. "I shall bring all three of my recent hits too so we have an awesome
Eyes Wide Shut party." 5

Alan was just generally pissed because we were meeting at his house, and he
couldn't figure out why he still didn't have a Carmen in his life. 37

The real wake-up call came one night when I accompanied Flora to a Lanvin runway
show. Her mom was one of the VIP guests, and Flora gladly took her place. She was
very agitated about a night out. The thing took longer than expected and when we
got back to her house it was already late, and I indistinctively remembered there
was something I needed to do. We made out for a while--that was the amazing part,
that no matter how tired I was as soon as we started the adrenaline rush kept me
going-then I held her hand while she snuggled under the covers. I sat on the edge
of her bed watching her face. 1

"I love having you beside me," she said groggily. "You're so wonderful to me."

The sexy sleepiness in her voice and the love on her face was exactly what kept me
doing this. In bed she was innocent and sweet, completely without makeup, and the
feeling of being needed was overpowering. 2

"Good night, baby," I said, and she rested her face on my hand.

The next thing I knew was being jolted awake in the middle of the night due to the
cold. It was three am and I was freezing, my phone had died of power and every
muscle in my body hurt. I scribbled a quick "the king has left the building" on a
post-it and stuck it on her headboard, then I rushed out. By the time I got to my
car I had a monster migraine and stars were whizzing by my eyes, and all the way
home I prayed about not getting into an accident. 16

I overslept the next day and only had time for a very quick shower. There was no
room for breakfast and no catching Flora before class, and when I sat down in AP
chemistry at second period, that was when it hit me. The thing I forgot to do.

Mr. Miles asked us to hand in our assignment after class, and I stared at my blank
answer sheet in a daze. This couldn't happen to me. I was the person whose homework
people passed around in order to check their answers. I never forgot to write it
and it was always done impeccably. 46

Am I going to get detention? Detention was a word as foreign to me as Lanvin. 5

When Mr. Miles turned around to scribble formulas on the blackboard, I willed
myself to pull it together. I can do this, now, in class. Chemistry was one of my
stronger subjects, although the words kept dissolving before my eyes like salt in
an under-saturated solution. I was literally too tired to think and I cursed under
my breath. 11

Nicholas silently laid his homework on my desk. I turned to him with bloodshot
eyes. I thought I knew what it meant but it didn't register at once. 9

"Don't worry, my answers are correct," he said quickly. 43

I nodded. "Thanks."
My back burned up with mortification. I couldn't believe I had to stoop to copying
answers, but I had no time for repentance. For the rest of the period I scribbled
furiously and missed the whole lecture in front of me. 14

"Are you okay?" Nick asked after the class was over. He was one of the rare friends
in my life who didn't speak fluent sarcasm, and I knew when he asked the question
he really meant it instead of waiting to ambush me with something mean. 1

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, because that's what I always said, but then I shook my
head and let out a long breath. "No, not really."
"You seem tired. Basketball season is exhausting, right?"

"Yeah, but it's not that. Mostly it's Flora," I admitted. "I want to be with her
all the time and it's blowing my life out of proportion. I feel really out of
control." 10

"Feeling out of control once in a while is not necessarily bad," he said, maybe
because he never had a girlfriend as far as I knew of, let alone one as demanding
as Flora. "I think it's a phase and it'll pass, so maybe just enjoy the moment?" 5

I wasn't entirely sure I was enjoying it. "I don't know." 2

"You only live once." He shrugged. 16

"I don't want a fling. I want this to work in the long run."

"Then maybe you have to gradually find a way to incorporate it into your life. You
can't push everything else out of the way, although to be honest I think it's
amazing to feel so passionate about something." 11

I rubbed my eyes. "Not really. It's more scary than amazing." 2

"Maybe someday you'll miss feeling overwhelmed," he said, sounding all

philosophical. "By the way, if you ever need my help again I don't mind." 1

"Thanks, Nick, but it won't happen again." 2

He lent his notes to me because he knew I didn't have a clue what the class was
about, but he didn't say anything about it. That's one of the reason I liked about
him. We left the classroom and hurried off to different directions. 4

The next shock came two days later when I got the result back from a German pop
quiz. I'd always been lousy at pronunciations and I struggled with my grammar in a
dialogue, but written tests were easy and I usually managed to ace it. When I saw
my test the first instinct was that it wasn't mine. 3
I got a freaking 68. Sixty-eight! I didn't remember ever getting anything below 90,
and I ran my eyes around the classroom and rested on Carmen's table for reference.
Maybe the test was harder than usual and everyone failed miserably. 100

Nope, Carmen got a whooping 94. 3

I don't believe this. 18

As I shuffled on my feet to the next class I felt as if everyone on the hallway

knew I blew my test. This must be what the Scarlet Letter felt like on the chest of
Hester Prynne when she was accused of adultery. I had a giant 68 embroidered,
scalding the front of my button-down shirt. 26

Flora wasn't very sympathetic about it.

"Wow, a sixty-eight! What a story to tell to the grandkids, right?" she said on the
way to cheerleading practice. 27

"Flora." I tried keeping the irritation out of my voice.

"It's okay. It's one test, and German isn't that useful anyway. I mean, everybody
in Germany speaks English, including Einstein." She tousled my hair. "You know how
to forge your parent's signature, right?" 80
"It's a pop quiz and I don't need to show it to them. That's hardly the point."
Getting a lecture from my parents was the last thing I worried about. "I think my
grades are slipping."

"What? One pop quiz is not going to affect your GPA. I can't believe you're
freaking out over one little test." 37

"It's not the test per se. It's a warning sign. I forgot to write my chemistry
homework too."

"Yes, but didn't Nicholas save you in time? Being his friend finally paid off." She
smiled as an idea hit her. "Maybe you can ask him to start typing his homework so
he can directly print you a copy. Saves a lot of time. You're too smart to waste
time on it anyway." 125

Could she be more insensitive? "You don't understand. I'm not as smart as you think
and I've had to work very hard for my grades. This shows I have to start putting
more effort on it." 46

We had reached the football field and I could see this topic bored her. "I have to
go to practice now," she said. "You can blame me later." 66

That was exactly what I was afraid of. "Baby, I'm not blaming you. I just think we
have to make some changes. I'll talk to you after you're done, okay?" I had a game
to go to myself and I was so weary I didn't even have the energy to explain.

"Sure." Her lips were set in a thin line and I could tell she was mad at me again.
62

"Can you go to practice now and get mad at me later?" 2

"Getting mad at you won't interfere with my practice. Unlike you I'm a pro at
multitasking," she said in a snooty tone. We stared at each other for a second
before breaking into smiles at the same time. 28

"You're funny, Flora. And you look so hot in your cheerleading uniform, no one can
argue with you and win," I said. "I'll just admit defeat right now." 16

"Give me a second while I analyze if you're being sarcastic." She tried to keep the
smile from curling up her lips.

"I'm not. You are really hot, especially when you're angry." That sounds like
something Flora would say. Well, two can master this art. 2

She gave me a proper smile that washed away all my concern, like soft waves
brushing off the drawings in the sand. "I'm sorry about your test. Call me after
your game?"

"Sure."
I watched her walk away, and I realized that being with Flora felt like a vacation.
There was so much to see and do, wonders at every corner, exotic food I never knew
existed, adventures to seek out. I wanted to fill every day to the brim with her
like it was the last day of the trip, but the problem with a vacation was that it
eventually had to end and I had to start living. 21

For some reason, the thought excited me. I couldn't wait for the plane to land and
the honeymoon to be over, so that we could start making a real life together. 41
***

In case you're worrying, Sean isn't having second thoughts about Flora. While she's
more prone to an obsession, he's more sensible, and he's not comfortable with being
out of control. Some people cool down more easily, but they don't love any less
(I'm starting to feel very stupid over explaining. I know you got it) 11

I think a short period of addiction is not that bad, to be honest. I miss how
obsessed I was when I finished watching Prison Break in days :) 60

Chapter 51 The warehouse

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Dedicated to Wickedforester

by rainbowbrook
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Flora 22

After Sean freaked out over his insignificant German test earlier, he came over to
my apartment in the evening. My parents were back from their business trip in Rio
de Janeiro, but they were still in the office downtown solving some kind of crisis.
Usually Sean started kissing me as soon as I latched the front door, but he brushed
past me and headed straight to my room. He sat himself down on the floor and
delivered his grand opening, "I need to talk to you." 30

"You sound like a housewife who's mad that the husband forgot to take out the trash
again."

"I'm crazy about you," he said, ignoring my comment. "I think you know that. But we
can't go on like this."

"Like what? Being in love with each other?" I didn't like the sound of it. He
sounded like he was pulling away and I hated the seriousness of him, like he was
about to give me a lecture. 3

"You're acting defensive before I even say anything."

I heaved a long sigh. "Fine. Talk. I'm not going to interrupt until you finish." I
felt like the man in the relationship. I was impatient and insensitive, and I just
wanted him to shut up fast so I could kiss him. Of all the wonderful things he
could do with his mouth, he chose to talk to me. 64

"Okay, I think we have to establish some rules," he started. "I'm tired all the
time. I thought I can juggle everything, but I found out I can't study and date you
and go on my games at the same time, on top of sleeping five hours everyday." 37

He's sacrificing me. School, sports, sleep, sex-that was his list of priorities,
exactly in that order. Obviously I couldn't compare with the others, and I was
going to be the first junk he threw out of this sinking ship. I bit on my lower lip
hard. 67

"Don't get me wrong. You're very important," he clarified as if he read my mind.

"Too important. Ever since I got you back I've been thinking about how to make this
last, and that's why I can't burn out myself too quickly." He smiled at me. "I want
you in my life for as long as you're willing to stay." 4
How many people could resist Sean like that? My insides turned into mushy pink goo
and I imagined myself melting and sliding into a puddle on the floor. I nodded. 5

"I hope that's what you want too, you know, a steady long-term relationship," he
said as if it was something embarrassing to admit, then he added, "Because if you
just want a winter fling, I'll start undressing you right now and you can forget
everything I just said." 12

I laughed. "I want to have a long-term relationship too," I said, my face heating
up. Why did the concept of getting serious make me shyer than getting naked? That
I'd never know, but it stirred up a lightheaded, delicious feeling in me like a
glass of exquisite pink champagne. 10

He grinned and it turned his eyes into blue crescents. "Great. So we're on the same
page." As the crescents expanded back into full moons he got serious again. "Okay,
first of all, I think we have to spend less time together. I can't stay with you
that late and we have to limit our phone conversations. I also can't text you in
class anymore because I'd just be waiting for you to text back. I really need to
concentrate." 28

My pink champagne vaporized. Getting serious didn't seem like it offered any
advantage, and wait, there was more to come.

"I can't take you to guy's night, and I want to hang out with Janet sometimes,
because I've been completely ignoring her. I mean, together with you, of course."
14

"I never said you can't hang out with Janet. You don't need me to chaperone," I
said. That had always been his issue and not mine. 19

"No, I want to be fair."

"How about you let me date Raymond, and I let you date Janet? That's fair." Why had
I never thought of this before? I was a genius. "Quid pro quo." 31

He narrowed his eyes. "No way. Janet doesn't pose any threat. Letting you date
Raymond is like you letting me date...Jess or Sarah." 40

I didn't trust either of them around him. Years of private girls' school training
had made them both famished and Sean was one piece of quality meat. "Fine. Let's do
monogamy all the way. I'll ask for your permission before I talk to my brothers."
35

"If you insist," he said. 1

"What else?"

"You can't get mad at me when we don't spend the whole weekend together. You know I
have to do brunches with my grandparents and go to my workouts. I haven't been to
the gym for two weeks and I'm afraid I'm losing them." He lifted his shirt and
leaned back to show me his abs, which was every bit as tempting as I remembered. 8

I bent down and kissed his stomach swiftly. "They're very much there, all six of
them." To be fair, right now I could only see faint lines, but I didn't hesitate to
boost his ego as per usual. 20

He laughed. "I do this part for your sake, you know. You're very, very
superficial."
"I'm superficial and proud of it." I raised my chin. "Is that it? No rules on
setting the alarm clock for sex or abstinence before a big game?" 7
He shook his head. "No. Our sex life can not be sacrificed. That's it." 58

"Is this the part where we slash our palms and make a blood oath?" I said dryly. 18

He tilted his head, pretending to consider. "Well, I was aiming for written
consent, but if you want to be so hardcore..."

"I never know in order to date the most eligible bachelor in school, a prenup needs
to be drawn up." I pointed a warning finger at him. "You're not getting half of my
shoes when we break up." 23

"I don't want your shoes. I want you." His eyes sparkled with warm glow, like a
heated pool on a sunny day. "Thank you for being such a good sport and going along
with me." 1

"I know you have a lot of issues. It's okay. You're good-looking, so you're allowed
to be difficult." 22

Sean was a pretty good negotiator and didn't say anything to directly tick me off.
He started by saying he wanted to get serious and ended with I want you, which
pretty much just made me choke back whatever argument I could muster up. 6

I was, however, secretly upset that he sprung the Declaration of Independence on

me. The past two weeks my life had been fabulous. If my life were a movie, it would
be those montages where video clips of us loving each other would overlap, with
incredibly emotional music in the background and at some point we'd be singing into
random objects because we were just too happy. If it were a particularly clich�
movie, a line might even split down the middle of the screen to show us both on the
phone and later fell asleep with matching lovesick grins on our faces. 32

I didn't expect the sappy period to expire so quickly. Back when we were flirting
with each other, it was like standing outside my favorite bakery, sniffling the
sweet air and lusting after the cute cupcakes in the display window. Now that I was
finally inside the shop and gorging my way through, Sean was telling me he didn't
want to spoil his appetite? 14
I understood where he was coming from, just like I understood when people said they
needed to watch their blood sugar and live to a hundred years old, but what was the
fun in that? What happened to living every day to the fullest like it was the last
day? Getting serious turned out to be a drag. Maybe I should've picked winter fling
and see where that took me. 68

He stood up and climbed on top of my bed. "Can I sleep for a while? I'm really
exhausted."

"Of course. I'll just tweeze my eyebrows over here." I pointed to my dressing
table. I was in no mood to kiss him anymore. 58

"No...Can you come over here? I want you beside me." 1

I went over and lay down next to him. He placed his head against my shoulder and
positioned my arms around his body so I was holding him. I rested my chin against
his head. 3

"I don't know what I'll do without you," he said. His voice was soft, falling
sweetly like rose petals. "I feel better just seeing you. You don't even need to
say anything." 7

I ran my fingers gently through his hair. I didn't speak because I knew I'd ruin
it.

"Baby, I think I really need you," he murmured. He was asleep in my arms in

minutes, and I liked how he grew heavier as his body relaxed. Underneath Sean's
cool exterior he was as innocent as Bambi. 77

That was when I knew. The advantage of getting serious with him.

I got to see this boyish, unguarded side of him, and it was better than anything I
ever imagined. 9

*** 18

"Is that what you're wearing?" Sean gaped at my pink Valentino dress and Rockstud
pumps, but unlike what I hoped for, he looked more shocked than impressed. 3
He had come to pick me up for a concert. Janet and Nicholas would meet us there,
because Sean insisted that if I wasn't there to stop him, he and Janet would elope
and ride off into the sunset together. Not in these words, of course, but because
his anti-one-on-one rule was so ridiculous, that was exactly how it felt like. 1
"Don't you like it?" I pouted. I twirled around and allowed him a full 360-degree
view.

"I like it, but we're going to a warehouse." 1

"I went to a Marc Jacobs runway show once and it's also set in a warehouse. The
idea of all that glamour in a shabby place is so awesome. I loved the contrast!" 5

"I don't think it's going to be as glamorous as you imagined," he said with
amusement in his eyes. "Your dress looks so expensive. It might get dirty."

I knew we weren't going to a Maroon 5 concert, but at least it was some new rising
star at a cool underground venue. Sean made it sound like we were going to clean up
the elephant's cage at a zoo. "I want to look nice. Do you know we haven't dated
anywhere outside the bedroom for like, forever?" 10

He smiled. "You can wear this in the bedroom too." 1

"No, thanks. I want the dress to stay on for more than ten minutes." 6

He smiled again and kissed me. "You look great. It's a very pretty dress."

His fingers slipped down my back and toyed with the hem of my skirt, pushing
against the back of my thighs. I laughed and swatted his hands away. We left in his
car, the air sizzling with my barely contained excitement. Staying with Sean at
home was wonderful, but a night out was just what I needed. 4

All my joy dissipated like the bubbles in a bottle of two-day-old Pepsi when we
arrived. Calling the place a warehouse was false advertisement; it was more like a
dumpster. The air smelled like a salad of awful smells thrown in together. 8

Cat piss. Human piss. Cigarettes. Cheap perfume. Weed. Stale beer. Semen. This was
the kind of place Daniel the photographer would love, and I bet if he looked hard
enough he could find a used condom or two lying around. He could totally take a
photograph of this place and add this to his collection of "human existence". 70
Janet and Nicholas showed up, both wearing black tees with undefinable symbols on
them. The light was too dim for me to tell. It fact, I was the only flash of pink
all around. This could very well be the undiscovered vampire central. 9

I stepped on something wet, and when I lifted my foot my shoe bottom had turned
sticky. I wanted to complain but my voice was drown out by the music. The band had
started playing, and I wished I could say that they were the glamour aspect of the
night, but there was a reason they were playing here instead of a large music
center, and no, it wasn't because they were cool. 4

"Isn't this awesome?" Janet shouted in my ear when one of the songs had ended.

I searched her face to check if she was being sarcastic. She wasn't. 2

The torture went on for another hour, and did I mention there were no seats? Of
course there weren't. I could walk around in my three-inched heels all day in a
shopping mall, but standing and listening to awful screaming was extremely
exhausting. 16

Someone bumped into me hard and splashed liquid down my leg.

"Sean!" I tugged on my boyfriend's hand, and it took me three hard tugs to catch
his attention. I told him I was going to the bathroom to clean up, and he politely
asked if he needed to come with me. I spared him, partly because unfortunately he
seemed to be enjoying himself, and partly because I was the tiniest bit irritated
at him. 37
Before the concert started I tried very hard striking up a conversation with
Nicholas, whose life solely consisted of taking AP classes and working after
school, and both subjects were not part of my domain. He worked at one of those
pretentious hipster cafes, where the baristas ran away screaming if you dared
mention the name Taylor Swift. It was like being mainstream was a sin and they
could only allow themselves to like bands that didn't even exist yet, such as the
one playing on stage right now. 100

I came out of the restroom feeling like a martyr. This was what I'd do for my
boyfriend-getting to know his friend and hanging out at this poor excuse of a
concert, when he wouldn't even try to talk about Raymond without throwing in snide
remarks. Before heading back, I stopped at the so-called bar (which was more like a
refreshment stand), and asked for a bottle of water.

"Do you like it?" 4

I turned my head to see a scrawny guy with a head of floppy, ash-colored hair. He
was standing next to me with his hands in the pockets, pointing at the direction of
the concert with his chin.

"Are you kidding me?" I unscrewed the cap of my bottled water. "I'd rather listen
to construction workers drill holes on concrete."

He laughed. "I know. I hate them too. And I'm their manager, so that really sucks."
60

I choked on my water. I coughed a few times more, my whole body heating up rapidly.
Talk about putting my Valentino-clad foot in my mouth. "Oh my God. That's not what
I meant. I'm so sorry, I mean-"

He laughed again. "Relax. I'm kidding."

I glared at him, but because I was too relieved, I joined in his laugh. He told me
he didn't hate the music and he thought they had potential. 9

"Potential to induce a seizure attack?" I asked. 3

He smiled, and we chatted for a while longer, with me (good-naturedly) attacking

the band and him playfully defending it.

"They have creative song titles," my new friend said. His name was Dexter.
"Lemonade Society and Chocolate Metal, to name a few." 61

"It's like they're hungry all the time." 9

"You're pretty cool, even though you have awful taste in music." He fished out his
phone. "Can I have your number?"

Why not? I gave him my Instagram account too. 107

Need I say more? Of course Sean wasn't happy about this whole thing, especially
when I saw Dex on the way out, and I introduced my company as "my friends from
school". 5

"I'm not her friend," Sean said, holding out a hand coolly. "I'm her boyfriend." 36

They shook hands, and Dexter looked the way I probably did when he told me he was
the band manager. I should be used to awkward social situations by now but I
managed to outdo myself again.

"You don't have to embarrass me in front of everyone," I said as soon as I sat down
in Sean's car. It was a stupid defense mechanism because I knew Sean was going to
say something I didn't like very soon. 40

He narrowed his eyes and a muscle twitched in his jaw. "I embarrassed you?" 17

"Would you act like this if Dexter was a girl?" I asked. "I just didn't find it
necessary to point out specifically that you're my boyfriend." 70

"I guess you find it necessary to give out your phone number as soon as you're
alone for five seconds," he said. Sean never raised his voice. Whenever he got mad,
he just turned sarcastic. 89

"Am I not allowed to make friends anymore now that I'm in a relationship? It's not
like I agreed to go out with him. I just thought he's pretty fun to talk to."

"Do you think he asked for your number because he thought you're pretty fun to talk
to?" He leaned back against the seat and exhaled. "Jesus, Flora. You're a smart
girl. How can you not know what he wants?" 20

"I don't care what he wants. The important thing is, I know what I want. I can't
control how people think and spend all my time analyzing people's ulterior motive."
I exhaled too. "Sean, you know you can trust me. I really didn't mean anything." 66

"Then you're giving him false hope." 4

"Oh, so you're mad because you're concerned about his feelings?" 4

His eyes hardened. "No, I'm mad because you have no regard for mine." 69

My heart softened instantly, knowing I hurt him. "Oh, Sean. Of course I care about
your feelings. I just didn't think it was such a big deal."

"I always say I have a girlfriend right away," he said stiffly. 98

That was because Sean didn't want to make new friends. He never tried making any,
to begin with. Those who he had were just conveniently around him, either as a
neighbor or someone who sat next to him in classes. He didn't know friendships can
stem from anywhere. From a wrong number to asking for directions, the possibilities
were endless. 50

"I'm not interested in him or anything. Besides, when he sees my Instagram he'll
notice that your pictures are all over the place," I said. "You know how crazy I'm
about you. You shouldn't be threatened by these other guys at all."

"Flora, I'm not threatened. It's like eating a meal with flies flying all around.
I'm not threatened by the flies, but they still annoy the hell out of me." 106

I tossed back my head and laughed.

"I'm serious. I try to be reasonable, Flora. I know how it's like to be with
someone overbearing and controlling-"

"You mean like Leslie?" 83

He heaved a sigh, annoyed. We'd probably invent flying cars first and land on
Uranus before he'd speak anything bad about his ex. "I'm not saying you can't talk
to people or make new friends. I'm just asking you to let them know you have a
boyfriend. Don't give them the wrong idea. That's all. Is that too much?" 34

To be perfectly honest, Sean really wasn't overly-possessive. He was sexily-

possessive, at most. He gave me the password to his email account, he told me where
he's going before he went, and he never chatted to any other girl on the phone, yet
he didn't ask the same in return. He didn't mind when I put my family and friends
before him and I knew he wanted me to be independent and happy. He was certainly
not stalkerish, and he never went into a jealous flying rage. 65

I knew none of my friends would have this kind of fight if they were dating Sean.
Sandra didn't even flirt with her own boyfriend, let alone other guys. None of them
would ask to share a joint with Raymond or give out their numbers to random
strangers at a concert. 1

Clearly I wasn't normal and it was my problem. I was an attention seeker with no
regard to my boyfriend's feeling. I needed to change, so I could be a better person
for him. 293

"I'm sorry," I said. "It won't happen again." 4

He nodded. "I'm sorry too."

"Are you still mad at me?"

"No," he said, but just to be sure I climbed over the shift stick and straddled
him. The steering wheel pressed into my back. 19

I planted a kiss on his lips. "Are you sure?" I asked, dropping my voice to a
breathy murmur.

"Yes."
"Really?" I kissed his cheek.

He closed his eyes, and I started to nibble on his neck. "I can kiss every inch of
you just so you can be sure," I whispered. 6

He lifted my chin and we started making out. "That's not necessary," he said. My
eyes were closed too, but I could feel it when he smiled. I knew we were fine
again.
"Just the inches that matter should be enough," Sean said. 259

***

I feel like I'm making you pick a side on every chapter :p 52

I don't think there're right and wrong. It's more about finding common ground. 27

I uploaded a photo of Valentino Rockstud pumps just because I love them myself <3

Chapter 52

by rainbowbrook
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Sean 3

"Do you have a tie?" Flora asked.

"Yes."

"It's a Michelin three-star restaurant and you can't wear sneakers." 15

"I know, I know." I never knew the word Michelin could be so intimidating. Before
Flora, it was just a chubby little man made out of tires. "It's too late to learn
about French wine and cheese, right?" 19

She smiled. "You can just agree with everything I say."

"Are your parents going to ban me from seeing you if they don't like me?" 5
I had met Flora's parents briefly in junior year, but that was just a friendly chat
in the living room and didn't take very long. This time Flora told me they wanted
to meet me properly by taking me out on a fancy dinner. She said they had never
requested to meet one of her boyfriends before. 2

"Who wouldn't like you?" she said airily. "They loved you the last time." 2

"But that was before the breakup. I'm sure you said a lot of bad things about me in
between." I knew Flora told her family about all the relationship trivia too. 1

She chuckled. "Don't worry, it's all cleared up now." 6

As we got ready to go, she reached up to adjust my tie for me. Her eyes flicked to
my face when she was done and she winked.

They were such pretty hazel eyes. Full of mischief with tales untold, like a
magical pond hidden deep in the shadows of the forest. I could stare into them
forever. For a millisecond I flash-forwarded to the future and envisioned her
straightening my tie before work. That was such a far-fetched but sweet thought, I
kept it turning in my head like a candy until it melted. 146

Flora's parents were the least parent-like figures I'd ever met and it was easier
to just see them as Taylor and Alice Morgan, two very glamorous, good-humored
adults who gave the impression that it must be great to be them. When Flora was
around them, she acted like she was pledging for a cool sorority and they were the
leaders she wanted to impress. Her brother Jeremy, the nicer one according to
Flora, was there too. He looked like one of those guys that had everything handed
to him, and you almost wished you could hate him, but he was so laid-back and cool,
you just couldn't. 12

"You're the first boyfriend I get to meet," Jeremy said, shaking my hand with a
friendly smile. The smile disappeared and his tone turned dark. "My dad murdered
all the previous ones. One of the bodies is still missing." 173

"Shut up, Jeremy." Flora glared at him. "I really like Sean. Don't scare him off
with your idiocy." 2

"What happened to the other guy? I like him," her dad asked.

"What guy?" Flora looked flustered. I had never seen her flustered before.

"You know, sweetheart," her mom said. "The lawyer? He always picks you up with his
Audi R8 and I thought it's going great! This is just...so soon." 32
She had the same teasing glint in her eyes as Flora which I didn't miss. I chuckled
and her family joined in the laugh, except Flora who pouted. "You're all so
annoying. I never dated any lawyers," she turned to me and explained anyway. 1

"Sweetheart, we're just happy you got back together," her mom said. I was surprised
they could talk about our breakup in my presence. At my house it was like sex; we
knew it happened but we never mentioned it. She looked at me and smiled. "Flora
told us a lot about you. You sound like a good influence on her." 5

"Thank you, Mrs. Morgan. I think Flora is a good influence on me, too." 36

"Mrs. Morgan makes me feel like I aged ten years. Please just call me Alice." 14

The menu came, and they all ordered with a quick glance if they knew it by heart
already. Flora's mom-I mean, Alice-asked about a special-made venison which I was
sure couldn't be found in print, and the waiter nodded knowingly. I scrutinized
over the menu like it was the Da Vinci Code, trying to figure out what some of the
words meant. I'd always thought I had a wide enough vocabulary but apparently it
fell short in the culinary world. 7
Taylor and Alice didn't grill me on my family's occupation and what I wanted to do
with my life. Nobody brought up the conflict in the Middle East either. They
pleasantly talked about the food in front of them. 12
"Have you been here before?" Taylor asked. "This is our favorite restaurant in the
city and we want to show it to you."
"I've never been to a Michelin restaurant before," I said. "It's a great privilege.
I really appreciate it."
Alice smiled. "Don't mention it. It's just a restaurant. I really like the lovely
tableware, though." 4
"The waiters are pretty good actors," Jeremy said. "They act like they're genuinely
happy with all our dinner choices, although there are only four to choose from. I
always have the urge to ask them what would be a not-so-excellent choice." 14
Apparently there was no such thing as a bad choice because everything I tasted was
divine, from the heated bread rolls, to the veal, to the mini glass of parfait to
clear the palate. I never knew people could eat like this. A collection of heavenly
ingredients could be boiled down to a single drop of sauce, and every bite tasted
simple and complex at the same time. 26
We talked about Jeremy's ice hockey team at Harvard, then Taylor and I chatted
about basketball. He used to play too when he studied at Penn. When he asked me
about college application, Flora answered for me and described proudly about how
well I did at school, as if I got early admission to MIT already. She reminded me
of an old lady showing people photographs of her grandson as she boasted about my
SAT score. 26
I told them about some of the engineering schools I was thinking of applying and
they nodded in encouragement.
"With your grades it shouldn't be a problem," Jeremy said. "But I've got to tell
you there are no hot girls at MIT. I went to some of their fraternity parties and I
know this from my own experience. Unless you're into the geeky type that build you
their own mechanical dogs." 13
Jeremy was definitely raised in the same household as Flora, I thought. 1
"Lucky for me, right?" Flora smiled brightly. 1
"There are plenty of choices in BU and Wellesley, though," Jeremy said. "That's
where I do my hunting." 9
"You don't need to share that with my boyfriend," Flora said. 2
Jeremy shrugged. "I'm just saying, you know, just in case. I'll email you the
details later." He smiled at me to irritate Flora. 14
Flora looked at me. "Tell him it's not necessary."
"It's not necessary," I said obediently. "I'll be busy building a mechanical dog to
you anyway." 14
"That's my man." She patted my hand with a pretty smile, then she turned to her
brother again. "Don't you get tired of the hunt? You have to take some time to
savor the game, you know."
He raised his eyebrows. "Are you kidding me? That's the best part. I took
psychology last semester, and we learned about this experiment where there are two
groups of monkeys, and in one group, every time they press the button they'll be
rewarded with food. In the other group, sometimes there'll be food, but sometimes
they get nothing. Guess which of these groups of monkeys are crazily pushing the
button all the time?" 40

I guess I'm simpler than a monkey, I thought. I'd love to be able to control
exactly when I wanted my food and how much of it I could get.
"It's the uncertainty of whether I can get food that keeps me motivated," Jeremy
said. "By food I mean sex, of course." 2
If we were talking about sex, then I stuck firmly to my choice. 14
Flora scoffed. "Jeremy, did taking that psychology course make you realize you have
all kinds of psychological problems? Harvard should've done a background check
before they admitted you." She turned to her parents. "Hey, by the way, you didn't
ask about my SAT score and where I want to apply to." 6
"Sweetheart, it's not going to ruin my appetite, is it?" Taylor grinned. "I'm
really looking forward to dessert." 42
"You don't need an SAT score to go to college," said Jeremy. "You'll just send the
administration office your best feature: your photos." 18
"Maybe I should pick my 12 greatest hits and make a calendar." Flora didn't even
sound sarcastic. 11
"Yeah. With you, what you see is what you get. There's nothing new to discover past
the skin level," Jeremy said with a stereotypical frat boy smirk. 18
To my surprise everyone laughed, even Flora herself. Maybe that was her family
inside joke or something and I should go along with it and smile, but it just felt
wrong. At the risk of sounding too serious I said anyway, "I manage to find
something new and amazing about Flora every day." 20
"Me too." Alice nodded. "Is that a new Bulgari bracelet? I also noticed a pair of
very unfamiliar-looking Jimmy Choo on your feet when you were walking in." 55
"Yeah, I bought these after Sean and I broke up, but this is the first time I
remember to wear them," Flora acknowledged like we broke up every other day. I
cringed every time they mentioned it. "Pretty, right?" She turned her wrist so her
mom could admire the serpent's head on her bracelet.
"Well, you're not broken up anymore. I think this would look much better on me,"
Alice teased.
"My parents wrote me a check and let me buy my way through my heart break," Flora
explained to me. "I also bought three pairs of Manolos. Thanks to you I now have a
much more presentable wardrobe." 15
The idea was so bizarre I didn't know how to respond. I needed to have a talk with
my parents about parenting skills; my mom only poured me a cup of tea.
"That's...alarming. I just learned you have a very good motive to dump me. I should
be careful next time you have a shoe-shortage crisis," I said. This whole scenario
was just unbelievably weird. 18
"We only write her a check the first time," Taylor laughed and said, as if it made
everything justified. "We don't want you guys pretending to break up every week to
blackmail us." 3
The dessert was served, and just as expected my blood-orange sorbet was out of this
world. However, I missed having pineapple smoothie at a cheap ice-cream parlor,
with Flora sitting across from me, licking it off her lips and smiling at me. I
liked her smile better that way. 32
Taylor and Alice told us about their recent trip to Brazil over coffee, and they
were very good at making their story come to life. It was a joy listening to them.
The dinner ended pleasantly after I said my thank-yous, and they shook my hand
warmly and welcomed me back into her life.
We parted ways with them afterwards and Flora suggested taking a walk. She slid her
hand in the pocket of my coat to hold mine, and we strolled in the evening. 3
"So, that went well, right?" She beamed at me. "I told you my parents love you."
"Yeah, dinner was great. Your family is really fun," I said and I really meant it,
but I couldn't help feeling disturbed at some of the conversations that took place
tonight. "Do they tease you about, you know... being pretty a lot?"
She shrugged, and I could see her smile waver. "That's just how they talk. Everyone
in my family went to one of the Ivys, and my specialty is as you know it, being
beautiful all my life." 22
I stopped in my track and turned to face her. "You don't mean that."
"Sean, it's no big deal."
"It is a big deal. You're not just beautiful. How can you let yourself believe
that?" No wonder she always accused me of being condescending. She had been dealing
with this at home and she was just taking it out on me, when she was really upset
at her family for not taking her seriously. 59
She looked away for a while, then she sighed and said, "Let's sit down."
We sat down at the side of the street, on the stairs in front of a random building.
Flora let me hold her hand, and after a lot of coaxing, she finally started to
talk. "When I was little, Jeremy and Edward could sit in front of a black and white
puzzle for ages without standing up. I'd want to help but they always told me to go
away. 'You'll mess up', they'd say. I was always bubbly and jumping all over the
place, and my parents decided early on that we were going to do different things in
life. My brothers both went to private schools and had private tutors, and I went
to St. Margaret's in the beginning, but later on they let me go to a public high
school. Saves a lot of tuition fee." She smiled her usual thousand-watt smile, but
it was so bright it was sad to watch. "Which turned out great because I wouldn't
have met you otherwise. I'd end up like Jess and Sarah. They're so desperate." 4
What's wrong with Jess and Sarah? They were probably both going to end up at Brown.
St. Margaret's was a really good school for rich girls. 3
"My parents are great. They just want me to be happy. They let me buy anything I
want, and they never pressure me into going to a top-notch college. They say I can
live off them forever." 33
I always assumed Flora's parents could bribe her way into anywhere she wanted, but
it seemed like they were okay with her not going at all.
"But...you want to go to college, right?" She watched so many brainless TV series
about it.
"Yeah, but I guess it doesn't matter where I go. My parents will find me a job
through their connections and I can make coffee for everyone at the office. I'll
flirt with the boss and marry him for money. That's my life plan," she said with a
straight face. 42
"Flora, that's just so wrong."
"I'm kidding. I can marry an engineer too. You're going to make lots of money,
right?" The edge of her eyes crinkled up. 8
"I'm not sure how much an engineer makes, but if you want to eat fries for life I
can probably make that happen." 2
She placed her head on my shoulder. "As long as you're the one feeding me." 13
We were silent for a while. This conversation was depressing and disappointing on
so many levels. Flora was an intelligent person and I knew she could do so much
better, but she wanted to act like she was too cool to care. I wished she knew that
freedom means having a choice and having the ability to do what her heart desires,
yet she was willing to define freedom in the shallowest way possible: my parents
let me buy anything I want. 12
"What about being a fashion editor?" I asked. That was her future career choice.
"That's what dreams are, you know. Dreams are...dreams. Or maybe I'll bump into
Anna Wintour on the street and she'll compliment me on my skirt and offer me a
job." 29
There was a reason I'd never brought up the subject of her college choices and
grades before. It was a sore topic and I knew she would make nasty remarks about
how I was too nerdy and studied too much, and she'd be passive-aggressive and say
things like how she was just a brainless cheerleader and not everyone could score
eight billion points on the SAT like me. She could afford a tutor if she needed
one, and it'd be so much easier if I could just be her boyfriend who flirted and
had fun with her.
I didn't even know if we'd stay together after graduation, and judging from the
statistics it was pretty unlikely. I knew all this, and I knew I could end this
conversation right here by complimenting on her skirt and we would make out and
it'd be good, but I just couldn't stop myself from asking this question,
"Can I help you study for the SAT?" 185
*** 2
When I got back home, my family was gathered in front of the TV watching
Millionaire and my dad was doing a good job of getting every question wrong. He had
two cans of beer in front of his bulging stomach. My mom had her hair up, held in
place with some kind of hair clip and she was wearing a facial mask. Linda was
reading a comic book and giggling as always. 6
"So, was it fun? Your first Michelin experience?" My mom asked. She had trouble
speaking because she didn't want to wrinkle her mask.
"Is Jeremy hot? I bet he is, right?" Linda asked.
"You lucked out," my dad said. "Your mom's lasagna was awful tonight. I ate all of
it so you won't have to deal with it tomorrow." 37
My parents really were nowhere as glamorous as Flora's. They didn't work in big
glassy offices downtown in expensive suits and they weren't in perfect shape. I was
sure they didn't know how to pronounce B�chamel or Beaujolais either. They were
more interested in the courses I took every semester and whether Linda was back
home when she was supposed to. 24
I was suddenly thankful that they did the best job they knew how as parents instead
of trying to be my best friends. I told them about dinner and how I liked
everything, and how cool and interesting her family was, just like Flora herself. 9
"But I think I like you guys better," I added on an out-of-character impulse. 3
They all stared at me like I had food poisoning. 8
"I can't afford to get you a new car," my dad said, "if that's what you're getting
at." 34
"Thanks, dad." I smiled. "I think I already have everything I need. 76
***
I hope the story doesn't get boring once they got back together. 104
Many thanks for reading, voting, and commenting :) +

Chapter 53 The F word

214K 9.2K 2.1K

by rainbowbrook
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Flora 12

When Sean heard of my SAT scores for the first time, to say he was shocked would be
an understatement. I did even worse the second time around. 10

"Yes, that's all three subjects added together, not just two," I said when his
silence greeted me. 1

"Did you study for it?" He was trying to sound nonchalant so he didn't hurt my
feelings.

"Somewhat." I didn't want to hurt his feelings either, with the truth. 4

He raised his eyebrows very quickly. "You won't suddenly get lucky just because you
take it three times. If you don't work on your weaker areas, you'll probably still
get the same results."

What weaker areas? I was equally bad at all of them. I knew he was just trying to
help, but that was a very touchy subject. I was on edge and very irritable. "That
sounds like a threat. You really don't have to help me." 6

Of course he totally ignored my protest, and ever since our family dinner he had
become very determined in pulling me up from the abyss of self-depreciation. We had
already cut down on our valuable dating time, and now whenever he came over to my
place he planned on grinding me about studying. 26

"This is how you do it." Sean picked up a pen. He was going over the mock test I
did earlier which was a sea of wrong answers. The few questions I got right looked
like it was drowning in red. He started to scrawl on a piece of paper to
demonstrate how to solve the problems. 6

I was transfixed, but I was really staring at his face. I hadn't noticed earlier
how he'd absently bite on his lower lip when he was calculating, and I didn't
understand how I could've missed it. It was so distractingly provocative. 6
He put down his pen and I jumped. "Flora, you're not listening." 2

"Sorry," I mumbled. "It's not entirely my fault, you know. Tutors aren't supposed
to be that hot." 5

I thought he would at least have the decency to smile since I just paid him a
compliment, but no, he looked at me sternly and said, "This is very important. You
won't have time to take it again. Some of the college application deadlines are by
the end of the year, and you want to send your test results in. You really need to
concentrate now." 7
I knew that, obviously. Everything he said was true, but he could've said it in a
nicer way. Sean was almost always right, but he was so sensible sometimes he forgot
I was an emotional girl who acted and said things on impulse. Instead of coaxing me
he would give me a lecture, and I could never win an argument with him. 1

I remembered how intense he used to be with me the second we were alone. Nowadays
he only talked responsibilities and priorities, as if he didn't quite want me
anymore. 18
Now, when I was calm and thinking rationally, I knew he was doing it completely for
my sake, because let's face it, what joy could it bring him to correct my tests?
But often at the heat of the moment, when I combined my frustration with my
intelligence (or the lack of it), the pressure of applying for college, the
insecurity that my boyfriend's infatuation with me was wearing off, and my parents'
obvious pride over my elder brothers...I often reacted unreasonably and a fight of
various scale would spin from there. 1

"I don't really need to go to college," I'd basically grasp anything to say. "Lots
of people do very well without it. It's a myth that you need a diploma to succeed
in life." 31

"You don't have to go to college, that's true. I agree college education isn't
everything, but I don't want to spend thirty minutes debating with you about the
pros and cons of it," he said. "You don't have to convince me. Convince yourself.
Do you really not want to go? Or are you just too lazy to work for it so you're
acting like you don't care?" 49

He really didn't have to be so brutally honest. Sometimes I just wanted to whine a

little and hear him say a few nice words so I could unwillingly go back to work,
but he made it so easy to get mad at him. 7

"I'm not acting like I don't care," I said. "Do you know SAT scores are closely
correlated with IQ and studying for it doesn't really help?" 19

"You wanna know what I think? I think you're afraid to try," Sean said. "You're
afraid to find out you still can't make it even if you try." 25

If that wasn't asking for a fight, I don't know what was. "Don't pull a Janet and
start psychoanalyzing me!" 3

He sighed. "I didn't say that to be mean. I just want to wake up your competitive
inner goddess." 7
My competitive inner goddess was ready for war. "SAT score isn't the only thing
they're going to look at," I said, crossing my arms. I almost sounded like I was
accusing him. "Otherwise people with perfect scores would just get accepted
everywhere." 12

"Yes, but that's no reason to deliberately do lousy on it to test that theory." My

defense was so weak I just gave him all angles of attack. "Besides, it's something
you still have time to work on." The unspoken words were that he couldn't save my
G.P.A which was the result of me wasting away my 3.5 years of high school life, and
it was too late to sign up for volunteer work now. 19

I always got defensive and nasty, and he would get mad. The fights cut into our
time together like ugly molds on the white wall of the math classroom, but at some
point the sensitive side of Sean would kick in and he knew I was just frustrated
and upset. It's amazing how I could always sense that moment when he decided he had
been too hard on me, and he would soften instantly. He leaned in closer and kissed
my hair. 11
"Let's not fight, baby. You know we want the same thing."

I sighed. "Yeah. We want sex." 96

He laughed. "True. But that comes later." He pulled the test in front of me. "Come
on, this is one of the few things in life that I actually know a little more than
you. Let me help you," he said, his face all earnest, like I was doing him a favor.
9

I forced a smile and nodded.

"If this really is correlated with IQ, you should do amazing. I know you can."

"The smartest part of me is my boyfriend," I grumbled. "I'm like a beautiful

antique vase, great for admiring, but nothing on the inside." 27

He rolled his eyes. "Enough with the self-pity. Surely you can put that witty brain
of yours to better use than coming up with analogies and...plotting revenge against
me." 6

Still holding a grudge, are we? "Fine, fine."

"You need to concentrate now, okay?" He pressed his hands on both sides of my face
and directed it so I was staring at the test. "You have 70 minutes to complete the
math section." 6

I groaned as he set the alarm. Everything about him had to be so precise.

He patted my head and moved in to whisper, "You can have sex with me if you get
more than 650 points." 158

That was the weirdest sexual fantasy I'd ever heard. "Wow. I know money can buy
sex, but I didn't know SAT points can, too," I said. I glanced at his face and saw
that his lips were curled up, looking cute. 4

"Yeah, what kind of guy do you take me for? I don't sleep with just anyone." 16
I laughed and dove into my mock test. Having a hot tutor had its advantages too.

***

After the SAT was underway, Sean started bugging me about college applications.
"Are you serious about becoming a fashion editor?" he asked. 1

"Yes."

"Okay, do you know how to become one?"

I felt a lecture coming on. "Have amazing fashion sense?"

"Yes, but tweeting about what you wear everyday isn't enough," he said, which was
quite unfair because that was hardly what I tweeted about. I tweeted about him. "I
did some research." 22

I pictured Sean googling about fashion and had to smile. It must've been an
adorable sight. "Okay, let's hear it."

"Well, it seems the most important thing is you need to intern at a magazine during
college, and if you have a degree in journalism or communications, it'd help too. I
think you might want to go to one of the schools in New York as there're more
intern chances." 14

"I'd love to go to New York!" How exciting! And it wasn't too far from MIT! I mean,
not impossibly far. Not that I wanted to admit I'd still like to see him in college
because it seemed so uncool. 2

"NYU, FIT, Barnard College or Columbia," he rattled off. "I think you can get into
all of them." 95

He had such blind faith in me it was endearing. "Hello, Columbia? I don't think
so." 3

"It's not impossible. Have you decided on the photos you want to send in yet?" 3
I hit him and he laughed. He grabbed my hand and held it in his before he started
talking again. "I hate to inform you this, but going to runway shows should help
too. So if you ever need to go see Lanvin's new collection again, you can drag me
with you." 7

I was silent for a second as my heart expanded like a balloon under hot air. It was
just a simple offer, but I was more touched by this offer than him actually giving
me a Lanvin necklace. I knew Sean didn't care about fashion at all and he thought I
spent way too much money and that I fell right into the traps of heartless
merchants. He didn't like it when I wasted time picking out what to wear, and he
couldn't tell the difference between my shoes except from heels or flats, but he
was willing to help because he knew it was what I wanted. 10
"You're very sweet, you know that?" I said, my heart full. "You really care about
my future."

"No, I care about runway models and free drinks, and I love those tiny snacks that
left me hungrier than before I started," he said with a deadpan expression and I
chuckled. 8

He smiled. "Of course I care about your future." He gazed at me and after a second,
he looked down and said in a low voice, "It's sort of my future too." 358

After he said it we were both caught in a moment of embarrassed silence. We were

high school seniors about to apply for college, and at this moment in life it
seemed to be a point of considering what we wanted as mid-term goals (our short-
term goal was completed twenty minutes ago on my bed). 16

"Do you seriously think we can make it past graduation?" I whispered, ridiculously
afraid that I'd jinx it if I said it out loud. 4

"I can't think of any reason that would make me want to break up with you." 17

I could actually think of eight billion reasons to break up over college. "But it's
going to be a humongous change. I mean, high school love is hard to work, even
though I really love you. Like really, really." 17

"I know the statistics, Flora, and you know me. I'm pretty rational. But I know
this is what I want." His eyes blazed, like a supernova blinking in the galaxy, and
it made me feverish as always. "You have to believe it yourself before it has a
chance to work." 12

"I just never thought a person can be lucky enough to meet the love of their life
in high school." I exhaled. Not that I hadn't imagined kissing him for the rest of
my life. It wasn't a bad thought. "What color dress do you think I should wear on
the wedding? White is classic, of course..." 42

"I really like you in red. By the way, I can do without the white chocolate
fountain at the wedding reception," he played along. 5

"I don't want kids." 215

"I don't either. Or any form of animal. Not even fish." 79

"You have to take out the trash and remember to put down the toilet seat." 1

"That's not a problem," he said, "if you promise we spend Christmas with my side of
the family in Miami."

I laughed. "We'll take turns."

"And I want to have sex at least five times a week." 108

"This part I can actually promise you right now," I agreed, although we were
failing as a starry-eyed, newly-in-love couple. Sex had given way to studying, of
course.

Fantasizing about married life was weirdly stimulating for me. I imagined coming
home to him every day and looking into his beautiful eyes, and I let out a wistful
sigh. It seemed more farfetched than becoming a fashion editor. 2

"I don't really think about if we'll get married," he started talking again. "It's
just that we can take it one day at a time. Maybe we'll get lucky. A day turns into
a month into a year into...forever." He stopped. 43
I stared at him in stunned silence. Forever?
He smiled shyly. "I apologize for the sappiness. Sorry for mentioning the f word."
87

With guys, it's the thought that counts, right? I gave him a thorough once-over, my
perfect boyfriend, and at that moment I honestly believed I could never find anyone
better than he was. 5

I smiled. "You know what? Forever sounds kind of hot." 66

***

Hi guys, it's never my intention to write a "romance" or to tell you that this is
the perfect relationship. I think this is more a story about self-discovery and
learning to love. You can find the love of your life in high school, but sometimes
it's just a sweet memory you laugh over in later years. Only time can tell. 46

Have you read "Forever" by Judy Blume? I remember there's a line, "forever is a
really long time for a kid like you". You can decide if Sean and Flora are being
too naive. However, I think it's at least nice that they're taking this seriously
instead of thinking "this is someone I'm hanging out with until Prom". In the end,
you never know if a relationship is going to work out, but it's great if you try
your best and leave no regrets. :) 38

Thanks a lot for reading this. I can't thank you enough for the support and
encouragement. I won't drag this on forever to bore you, and this story will
probably end after ten more chapters (unless I get carried away). Thanks again!

Chapter 54 The little black book

 241K 9.2K 2.7K
Dedicated to Dkaushik

by rainbowbrook
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Sean 6

I knew I was asking for it, but since I offered to help with the SAT, Flora picked
a fight with me every day. It could be about anything, from grades, college, her
parents, to the fact that she had no guy friends anymore, or that I wasn't as into
her as I used to be. She even complained that I kissed wrong, like I was just doing
it as a chore instead of it coming from my heart. 8

Seriously? I rolled my eyes and it only made her madder.

"I can feel it! And when we do that, you're not as...thorough as before," she said.
We were walking away from the cafeteria as we relished the rest of the lunch break.
Since we were still at school, Flora was trying to be subtle. Well, subtle by her
standards. "You go straight in for the kill like you just want to get it over
with." 20

"What?"

"It's like...you used to be like a mechanic who checks every part of the plane, but
now you're like the pilot who jumps in the seat, sticks the key in and takes off
right away." 48

"Can you not compare it to a key?" I laughed which was a big mistake. Flora stared
at me silently, her cheeks flushed with anger. 15

"You're right," I said. "I'm sorry. It's not that I want to get it over with, but
sometimes I just can't wait because...you have to know you're very sexy." And also
because we don't have an hour to spend on foreplay with your test fast approaching.
4

I admit I had been acting more like a tutor than a boyfriend, but she really was
running out of time. The SAT was just around the corner. She jokingly told our
friends that our dating agenda mostly consisted of a three-letter word that began
with S, but I knew she didn't find it funny anymore. 42

"Sometimes when you turn me down it really hurts my feelings," she said when we
reached the side of the building. There was no one else in sight and we were alone
finally.

"Baby, I'm as into you as ever. Maybe even more so. But I want to be responsible. I
don't want you to look back on senior year and see all we ever do is have sex and
you failed everything else." As soon as I said it I wanted to go back and try
again. Telling her she failed everything else was really tactful. 24

She wouldn't miss it, of course. "So now you think I'm a failure?" 18

"No...I mean if I were one of your regular guy friends I'd just think of ways to
get into your pants, but now I can't be like that. I want to do what's right for
you." 17

"I want to do things that make me happy and they aren't necessarily the right
things." She gave me a typical Flora-style answer. "I don't need another parent." 1
Right. Another parent? She barely had one. "You're lucky I'm not your parent. I'd
cut down on half of my business trips and guard you like a hawk over your homework.
I'd cut your allowance and set a curfew, too." 30

She was instantly enraged. "You don't get to insult my parents. My parents are nice
to you. Don't you dare imply they aren't doing their job." 25

I sucked at negotiation today. "I'm not. I really like your parents. I want to
personally thank them for bringing you into this world and bringing you up into
such a delight. No sarcasm intended." I was honestly amazed Flora turned out the
way she did instead of becoming a drug dealer or owner of a gambling joint, or
whatever it is that rich, bored people without parental supervision do. "I just
think they should stay with you more. You miss them a lot, right?" 5

"Yeah, but now I have a boyfriend." She sighed in a dramatically sad way. "Who
doesn't even want to touch me anymore." 56

"Flora, you know that's not true." It hurt to hear her talk like that. Of course I
wanted to touch her, and sometimes I wondered why I didn't just follow my desires
and to hell with her future. 3

She looked away. "And you don't do anything cute anymore."

"Like what? When have I ever done anything cute?"

"You know. Like writing me those chemistry pickup lines and flying paper
airplanes." 3

"You miss that?" I chuckled. "You really are a dork, Flora. I thought you said it's
cheesy." 1

"It's cheesy cute," she said, even though she never told me she liked it before. "I
feel like once we're a couple, you stop trying altogether. We don't do anything
exciting and go to fun places. Remember when you took me to The Cape to see the
city lights? That was spectacular." 29

"We can go again if you want."

"No, I mean a secret place only you know and you can surprise me." 1

"Do I look like a guy with a dozen romantic hideaways up my sleeve?" I shook my
head. "That's the only place I know." At the time I brought it up as a casual
suggestion, but I totally planned it to impress her. 16

She let out a whoosh of breath, disappointment raining down on her face. "I just
really want to do something fun. Like going to a bar. We're so busy preparing for
the future, we forget to live in the moment." 12

"Flora, we are living in the moment. Preparing for college is exactly what high
school seniors should be doing. Someday when you own your fashion magazine, you'll
be sitting in a bar in Manhattan sipping your Cosmopolitan, and I bet you'll miss
studying with your high school sweetheart." 7

She smiled a little at that. "You mean my high-school-sweetheart-turned-husband?"

25
"If I'm lucky." 4

"Well you better start kissing me like you mean it." 6

I put my arms around her and asked for a make-up test, to prove I really knew how
to kiss properly. This time I was so busy with thoughts, even I knew I wasn't as
into it as I should be.

Our relationship was everything I wanted. How could she still not be satisfied?
What's so wrong about feeling comfortable in a relationship and did I really have
to try all the time? 47

At basketball practice I stupidly decided to ask Dylan if he and Sydney still

fought a lot. 7

Jake laughed before he could answer. "Does a bear shit in the woods?" 33

"I'm just wondering how you deal with it."

Dylan looked at me with a scowl. "Are you sincerely asking for advice or are you
going to brag about how perfect you and Flora are?"

"What? We're not perfect. Getting mad at me is her daily routine." 1

"Really? What about?" Jake asked. In front of them Flora was always super
supportive and never disagreed with anything I said. She thought it was important
for my male ego. 17

"About...anything. Mostly because I'm bugging her a lot about the SAT and college
applications," I said. "I thought I was helping her."

"Man, that's easy. Stop bugging her," Dylan said. 1

"She's not dating you for your help on math," Jake agreed. "Biology, maybe, but not
math. I'd appreciate it if someone checks application deadlines for me, though." 5

"But Target is hiring all year round," I said and he laughed easily. Jake was good
enough to play professional and was wanted by scouts everywhere. He was one of the
lucky few who didn't need to worry about college at all. 9

"I know why you're doing it," Dylan said, sounding serious all of a sudden, "but
the sad truth is, you're not going to be around when she goes to college. I don't
think Sydney and I will even make it to prom. Why bother worrying about where she
goes?" 1

"That's depressing. What happened?" I asked out of obligation.

At first I thought he wasn't going to answer, then after a while he said, to my

utter astonishment, "I think she doesn't love me." The shocking thing was that he
would even tell us. 26

"So? I thought you didn't love her either," Jake said. I wondered if he was making
a special effort of being stupid today. 8

"I'm just saying, what's the point?" Dylan grunted, his mood dropping quicker than
the ball through the net. "High school relationships are a waste of time." 11
"You know what your problem is?" Jake started launching into one of his grand
theories. "You both choose to date really hot girls, and really hot girls expect to
be treated like prima donnas. If you don't serve her well there are a dozen others
in line to replace you. They're fine as casual hook-ups, but if I'm ever going to
get serious with a girl, I'd probably just choose a six. She'll be so grateful,
she'll worship the ground I walk on and she won't give me any attitude." 190

Jake's logic baffled me as usual. "Why would you date a six if you can have no-
strings-attached sex with a ten?" 13

"Exactly." Jake grinned. He was about as profound as a wet puddle on a rainy day.
Then he said something that was so out-of-place I wasn't sure I heard correctly.
"But I sometimes get it for a second when I look at you two. You just seem
really...good together. Whatever it is that you do, you're probably doing it right.
And I don't mean sexually." 6

"Fighting a lot really isn't the worst thing," Dylan muttered. It had quickly
become a contest to come up with deep lines. "The worst thing is you don't even
care enough to fight anymore." 111

"That can't possibly be the worst thing, either," Jake said. "I'm not even in a
relationship but I can think of so many..." He stopped whatever perverted thing he
was about to say when he realized Dylan wasn't responding the way he wanted him to.

"You want to talk about it? We're not going to say anything nice, but if it
helps..." I offered, even though I knew he wouldn't say anymore.

"We'll be fine. I guess," Dylan said, and I was relieved because if he started
going into details I really wouldn't know what to say. That was always Janet's job,
to offer expert consultation. We offered beer and that was about it.

"You and Syd always pull through," Jake said. That was the extent of niceness we
were allowed to show for each other even though we really were buddies. 7

"Yeah, come on," I said. "Who doesn't love...hot chocolate?" 61

Jake burst into laughter the same time I did. Dylan glared at us for a second
before he joined in. 3

I left thinking about all the worst things in a relationship which were left unsaid
that afternoon, and I wondered if incompatibility was one of them. I thought of
Flora, her putting fun before responsibility, her tendency to look for excitement
and I for comfort, and I thought I'd worry, but miraculously the confusion stayed
only for a second. It vanished just as quickly as it appeared. 3

We were in love with each other. That was the hard part. If even my friends could
see it, certainly we had enough of it to make up for everything else. 5

*** 2

I waited with impatience, watching my friends flirt with the cheerleaders in West
Brighton. They weren't even that hot. We just played against their basketball team
and won, and I was very eager to get back.

I should have taken the school bus with the rest of the team. Ever since Jake got
his Jeep a while back he was interested in driving everywhere, and Dylan and I
hitched with him so we could trash talk, but consequently I was stuck waiting for
my ride.
It was one of Jake's routines, hitting on the cheerleaders of the opposite team. He
was quite good with them and they were privately cheering for us by halftime. He
called it networking. Over a year ago he had the misfortune of messing with the
wrong girl who slashed his tires and broke his car window, and it taught him a
valuable life lesson: honesty is the best policy. Since then he always told the
girls straight up about not wanting to get tied down, and ironically it only made
him more popular. It's the same way a finger itches to touch a button with a
warning sign don't press beside it. 10
They fantasized about being able to fix him, when really there was nothing to fix.
Jake was very proud of the way he was. 12

I got why Dylan liked it, too. Since senior year he had become our new captain, and
when they gushed about how great he was he got this glow on his face. Maybe he
didn't get this kind of admiration from Sydney often. She knew too much about him;
the weakness, the insecurity, the tantrums, but in front of West Brighton's fresh-
faced cheerleaders he was the badass captain of the winning team. I knew Sydney
meant a lot to him, but all the fighting and breakups had got to wear him down. 3
The new girls offered an exit. He could flirt and tease all he liked without any
real danger and he could get his ego back.

I wasn't running a business like Jake did and I didn't need any exit. I just wanted
to get back to my girlfriend. I wished they'd hurry up and get the numbers they
want, exchange social media accounts, take a photo or something. We had reached the
entrance of the school, and they were all lingering.

I glanced down at my watch. It was a little over six on a Saturday night; if we

rushed back I could have dinner with Flora.

"You're very quiet." I was hanging back several steps and spacing out when one of
the girls walked up to me. She had curly blonde hair falling in tendrils around her
face. 20

"I'm just..." not at all interested "...a little tired." 3

"Okay. I'll give you my number right now and save you fifteen minutes of flirting."
1

I forced out a smile to avoid being antisocial. "Thanks. But I have a girlfriend."
1

She shrugged. "We'll just talk then. Or are you not allowed to talk to strangers?"
8

My girlfriend is the spokesperson of talktostrangers.com, I thought. She didn't

care at all. "No, but I'm not very interesting to talk to." I was just being
honest, but this line seemed to give her the wrong impression of me challenging
her. 15

"I'll see what I can do about that." She tilted her head slightly and studied my
face. "I'm not really a stranger though. Haven't we met before?" 7

"Have we?" She did look vaguely familiar. "Maybe during one of the games?"

"No, privately. I think you were half-naked and passed out on a pool table. They
were there too." She pointed at my friends with her chin, and a distant night of us
chugging down tequila shots came back to me. I cringed inwardly. 10

Jake walked over, a group of people following him like his backup dancers. "Hey,
we're talking about getting something to eat," he said, grinning. "They promise to
show us the best burritos in town." 2

"It won't be like anything you've tried before," the brunette beside him said.

Jake and Dylan both looked at me, conveying a silent message that they really
wanted this.

This is not the time to be lame, Jake telepathized. 3

Don't ruin this for me, Dylan telepathized. I need three new sevens to distract me
from the old ten. 13

"Sure." I ignored the queasy feeling in my stomach. I quickly justified my action.

1. This wasn't a one-on-one date. 2. I was only doing this for my buddies. And
burritos. 3. Flora was cool and she wouldn't mind at all. 83

I'll just quickly text her and tell her about this. 1

"I'm glad you decide to join us," the cheerleader with the curly blonde hair fell
into steps with me. "It'll be fun." 27

I'll make sure I sit next to someone else during dinner, I was thinking, when a car
horn blasted shrilly a few feet away. Everybody jumped. If the horn could talk it
would be cursing. I turned to the sound and what should I find but Flora's silver
Mercedes. 93

I blinked. "Is that my conscience or is that really Flora sitting behind the
wheel?" I asked Jake. 3

"It's Flora and she's looking majorly pissed," he confirmed.

She honked again. 1

"You should probably go," Dylan said. There was alarm in his voice. Flora had
always been the perfect girlfriend, and cutting off our conversation this way
wasn't her style.
Was this even possible? I got caught red-handed the first time I attempted to do
anything remotely disloyal. I slid in the passenger seat and she glared at me with
narrowed eyes. "What was that about?"
Flora was seldom this mad at me. She didn't even know my evening plans yet and
already she looked ready to kill.

"We're going to grab a bite together, I mean, everybody," I said. "I was just about
to text you."

"You didn't look like you were about to text me."

"I was...I swear."

"You were planning on letting me eat dinner alone?" Her eyes were wide with
indignation. "I was waiting for you to get back but here you are, busy flirting
with cheerleaders." 1

"I'm sorry. That was a poor decision, but I wasn't flirting."

"I recognize flirting when I see it. I invented flirting. You were staring intently
at her face like you just reunited with your lover from a past life." 36
"I was trying to remember where I've seen her before."

"Oh, the famous where-have-I-seen-you-before line." Her eyes flashed. "She's

Claire, by the way. You met her a year ago when I brought her to that party at
Dylan's house." 4

I nodded. "Yeah-"

"Claire is the biggest flirt I've ever seen," she went on. "If I'm at level Persian
cat, she's probably at level black panther." 44

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling. Even when she was mad at me,
Flora was incredibly cute. "She's not important. It's just about getting food to
me. Besides, I need a ride from Jake and I don't want to be a buzzkill." 3

"You mean with your IQ you can't figure out a way to get back without him? It's
only a 30 minute ride."

"But they were all expecting me. I was under peer pressure." 1

"Since when do you care about peer pressure?"

"Oh, come on, I thought you wouldn't mind," I pleaded. "You know me. I told her
right away I have a girlfriend."

She looked out of her car window, distraught, and with an exhale she flicked her
gaze back to me. Her eyes reminded me of Marlon Brando in Godfather, and I could
read she wanted to tie bricks on me and throw me in a river. "The more aloof you
are the more turned-on they'd be." 8

"But what was I supposed to say?"

"How about 'sorry, but you're just not hot enough'?" she snapped. I waited, and
sure enough, a second later the edge of her eyes crinkled up and she smiled despite
herself. Flora was always adorable like that, amusing herself in the middle of a
fight. 48

"Yeah, that's a really good line," I said. "Hey, do you think I should have it
tattooed to my palm? If anything like this happens again, I can hold up my hand and
I don't even have to open my mouth." I practiced holding up my hand and she
laughed. 12

"Come on, forgive me," I said, deciding to strike while the iron was hot. "I really
wasn't flirting and I just wanted to get something to eat. That's all."

Flora sighed. "I hate seeing other girls come on to you." 26

That wasn't the Flora I knew. She'd just laugh it off and tease me and tell me how
lucky she was. "Why? You used to be proud of it," I said carefully. I didn't really
get why she was so mad in the first place. She always encouraged me to be nicer and
she was exactly the kind of friendly cheerleader to chat up the other team.

She chewed on her bottom lip and her eyes softened. "Yeah, you know what bugs me
the most? It's how mad I'm about the whole thing even though I know it's nothing.
This is probably some male-bonding thing for you and I know you're just hungry." 2

"I am! I'm honestly just going along with Jake and Dylan, and they were going to
take us out for burritos." I nudged her, taking my chance. She looked more
forgiving now. "Burritos, Flora. I can't say no to cheap salty food, you know
that." 5

She took a huge breath. "I'm mad at myself for being mad. I think I'm jealous." She
whispered jealous softly, like the word would bite her tongue. "Me, Flora Morgan,
jealous. I was never jealous. I honestly didn't know what jealousy is. I mean, I
was appalled when you dated Leslie, but at least I was civilized to her until she
started being mean to me, but just now I really wanted to run my car over Claire."
19

"Welcome to my world," I said. "I have a little black book where I put down every
guy you've ever dated so I can remember to murder them." 14

"What, like Death Note?" Flora asked. By then I had started to grin and I couldn't
stop. She crossed her arms and scowled. "You think this is funny?" 190

"I'm sorry. I'm just...really flattered. It's nice to know you care about me like
that."

"Well, I'm not glad. Jealousy sucks. You're far too cute to be let out wandering on
your own," she said. "By the way, you're apparently a masochist because I just
threw a hissy fit and bit your head off, yet you're smiling like a Cheshire cat."
10

"You're really cute when you're jealous, baby." 44

She sighed. "I'm sorry I overreacted. That was so uncool of me, honking the horn
like a lunatic. I probably embarrassed you in front of your friends." 3

"No, it was my fault. I'm glad you showed up, actually. You gave me the perfect
excuse to escape. Unless you want to join them?"

"I might kill Claire. I'm serious," she said with a deadpan expression before
breaking into a smile. "Yeah, why not? As long as we arrange the seating
carefully."

"Great." Flora and I may have heated discussions a lot, but we always made up
before causing any real damage. She was hilarious even when she was angry and
neither of us was afraid to apologize. We really should publish a book on how to
fight properly. I ran my fingers through her hair, genuinely happy to see her. "Why
are you here anyway?" 8

"I had a sudden urge to see you...and..." She looked away. Her lips were tight and
she looked less than pleased. "I just got my SAT result back and I want to tell you
right away, in person."

That almost sounded like an accusation. My heart raced. This was the moment we had
been working for, and although I was eighty percent sure she'd nail it, there was
still the nagging worry that something unexpected might slap me in the face.

"Well, how did you do?" I was practically holding my breath. 2

She shrugged, not answering. I could feel dread spreading and wrapping around me
like dark vines. All the signs were there. Why Flora was so irrationally upset. Why
she wasn't giddy and tweeting about it. Why she didn't bring it up herself right
away-

"Not as high as you, obviously," Flora said. "I got 2110." 525
"2110?" I repeated. 1

She couldn't hold back her grin anymore. "Not too shabby, right?" 4

"That's amazing! I know you can do it!" I leaned in to give her a suffocating hug,
and she giggled and told me not to mess up her hair. She needed to look her best to
win in the battle later against Claire. 4
"You really are the smartest and the most beautiful girl I ever know," I said. She
could do anything she set her mind on, and considering the time she put into it, it
was undoubtedly the most cost-effective investment ever. I loved that she never
made a big deal out of her intelligence. She almost seemed embarrassed by it. She'd
rather talk about her hair, but I saw the person underneath and I adored her all
the more for it. 19

She tossed her head back and laughed, the way that always made me smitten. "It's no
big deal. I have a great tutor, and I really just want to remind you that you're in
debt to me. 2110 divided by 650...you owe me 3.25 times of hot sex, mister." 158

***

Hey sorry this took a while but this is up finally. 1

So there're things I wanted to discuss in this chapter, and I'm starting to feel
like Carrie Bradshaw with her weekly column, where I couldn't help but wonder: Is
love enough to conquer all? Is fighting a lot necessarily a bad thing? Is it better
to never feel jealous or is there a thing called the good kind of jealousy? 35

Thank you for all the support and patience, and please don't hesitate to share your
thoughts :) 3

Chapter 55 The cake and the carnival

273K 8.6K 4.3K
Dedicated to tessa-x

by rainbowbrook
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Flora

Tea time with my BFFs usually took place on Sunday afternoons, but with Sean's
basketball games interfering, I had to move the schedule around a little. I wasn't
placing him before them; it's only because he was busier and I wanted to be
available whenever he was free. It made total sense, right? 3

The girls weren't very impressed with my priorities, however, especially when I
suggested baking a cake for our respective boyfriends (and Carmen's scandal which
she refused to talk about). They said I was turning boring.

"Do I look like a Stepford wife to you?" Sandra asked. 6

"You look more like the kind of wife who poisons her husband's tea," I replied
truthfully. 47
Janet informed me that Brian was lactose intolerant and Carmen claimed she didn't
have anyone to bake a cake for, but as the sweetheart of this group she didn't mind
helping me. In the end they all came, and as Carmen and I tried mixing the butter
with sugar, Sandra and Janet watched TV. 1
It was harder than it looked, creaming the butter, and Sandra wasn't helping by
offering snide comments here and there like she was Gordan Ramsay. It started from
my lack of ability in the kitchen, to celebrity affairs, and gradually she waded
her way through our senior class. 24

"Sandy," I interrupted when she was in the middle of tearing apart Jenny's new
hairstyle. "Do you think we're being mean by secretly making fun of people?"

"Secretly?" Sandra raised an eyebrow. "If Jenny asks me my opinion, I'd say the
exact same thing." 2

"I don't make fun of people," Janet said. "I make observations. I can't promise
it's always going to be positive." 53

"What's with this newly-discovered conscience?" Sandra asked. "You used to blog
about how some actresses should openly apologize for the hideous dresses they wore
to the Met Gala." 11

"Well, Sean says..." I trailed off when she rolled her eyes at me. I coughed. "Sean
says it's not nice when I laugh at other people, even if I do it behind their
backs." 48

Carmen smiled. It wasn't easy finding someone who shared her opinion, but St Sean
never disappointed. "Amen! I've said so many times that if you don't want to be
talked about, you shouldn't do that to others either." 11

"I'm scared when people don't talk about me," Sandra said, running a hand through
her hair lazily. 7

"I got to think the other day if we're a little like Regina George," I said. She
was the antagonist in Mean Girls who made a scrapbook out of bitchy comments about
everyone. When the book got out and secrets were revealed, a lot of feelings were
hurt. 71

"Of course we're better than Regina George!" Sandra sat up straight, offended. "We
know better than to leave behind physical evidence. Besides, we don't lie and stab
people in the back." 9

Carmen nodded. "As Oscar Wilde said, true friends stab you in the front." 109
"Sandra is the epitome of a true friend," Janet agreed, walking over to check out
my progress. She took the whisk from my hand and helped stir in the eggs. As the
mixture turned slowly from the color of custard to canary yellow, she said, "Sean
really doesn't like to bad-mouth people. Not even about his exes, which is so
boring." 8

"That's not boring," Carmen said, looking at me. "He's kind, and I think he brings
out a very good side of you." 12

I really wasn't sure about that. I knew Sean was genuinely tolerant of people, but
I was just keeping my mouth shut. Are you a better person for thinking mean
thoughts but not saying it? Or does that make you fake? 114
I pondered over this as I waited for Sean to show up for dinner. I made a
reservation at a very elegant French restaurant, and as minutes crept by, I
realized he was late and not picking up his phone.

Sean was never late. His game should be over half an hour ago, and this was just
like one of those movies in which the waiter kept coming over to refill water and
ask if the girl wanted to order anything else, and as she glanced at her watch, you
just knew she'd been stood up and the boyfriend was cheating on her. 10

Not that Sean would ever cheat on me, but maybe some cheerleader was hitting on him
again. When he finally showed up, later than late, I was already standing outside
the restaurant, ready to stab him in the front like a real friend. 11
"Where were you?"

"I'm really sorry," he said, out of breath, and of course he had a legitimate
reason. They lost their game and the coach gave them an outrageously long pep talk,
during which no one dared to walk away to touch their phones.

He wanted to touch me but I moved away out of reflex. I knew I had no reason to be
angry, but I was already angry before he appeared, and the thing with anger is that
you can't just tell the brain to snap out of it instantly. Moods can't be switched
from heat to cool like air conditioner modes. 23

"Come on, I'm sorry," he said, a little more tired this time. He glanced at the
door. "Can we still eat in there?"

"No, because you're too late and I had to give up our seats," I said through
gritted teeth.

He exhaled. "Okay then, let's eat somewhere else. It's just a restaurant." 1

"It's not just a restaurant. It's really hard to make this reservation." I just
spent the entire afternoon baking a banana pound cake for him, and I'd been looking
forward to eating somewhere nice for an eternity. We ate at his place all the time
and I saw more of his parents than my own. The way Sean didn't care about anything
I planned suddenly reminded me of how we fought over his physics test and the beach
house a year ago. 8
And just like that fight, I knew he wasn't wrong. I knew his test was important and
so were his basketball games, but it was never about those things.

"Flora, I said I'm sorry. Was I supposed to tell the coach I have to run because my
girlfriend will get mad at me?"

He was getting less apologetic and more impatient. I got burned really badly from
that fight, but like a phoenix emerging from flames-or Daenerys Targaryen, if you
watch Game of Thrones-I had become a wiser, stronger person who was able to see the
bigger picture. On the brink of an all-out war, I knew how to make the right
choice, and it wasn't slamming the cake on his head like my impulse was telling me
to. 63

"Sean. I know you couldn't call me. I'm not arguing about what you should've done.
It's about what you can do right now." I sighed and reached over to hold onto his
forearm. "Sometimes I just want you to acknowledge my feelings and say something
nice. Be more patient with my pesky teen hormones-" 31

He didn't let me finish and he was already pulling me in his arms. "You're right.
I'm sorry. You're always very patient with me whenever I'm upset," he said, and it
was so totally true. I'd always make sure I cheered him up properly, and at that
moment I really wanted to award myself with a medal. I was so mature I astonished
myself. 54

As usual we forgave each other and made up right on the spot. I was about to
suggest going to some other expensive place when he said, "Can we just go back to
my house? I really want to eat my mom's mac and cheese right now." 2

I wouldn't want to eat my mom's mac and cheese even if she felt like making it.
What I really wanted was duck confit, preferably served with pommes sarladaises,
but I couldn't say no to Sean when he had that little boy look. We headed back and
heated up the leftover from last night, chatted with his family, and when we got to
his room he went straight to bed and pulled me in next to him. 7

"I'm sorry for almost fighting with you earlier," he said.

"Stop apologizing," I said. He looked exhausted, and my heart grew softer than it
already was.

"I know I should be more sensitive to your feelings. I want to tell you something
though." His eyes turned to me, and they were tender and a little sad.
"Sometimes...I need you to say something nice to me too. You're the only one I can
turn to for comfort." 29

This vulnerability. How could I not love him? 3

"I was in a bad mood too when I met you," he said. "We lost the game today and it's
because of me. The coach snapped at everyone but he meant to target me."

"You're too hard on yourself."

"No, it's true. Sometimes I'm off my game, like today, and I don't know why." He
sighed. I let him ramble on because I could sense it when he was in a talking mood.
"The harder I study, the better grades I get, but playing basketball isn't like
that. It seems completely out of my control and I hate that." 13

"No one can control everything in their life." 1

He was silent for a second. "Ever since I tore my ACL, I haven't been as good as
before. Some days I'm okay, but some days when I'm running, I'd get this sudden
fear that my knee would fail me. My doctor suggested reconstruction surgery but I
didn't want to go through with it, because if I did I'd have to sit out on senior
year. It's very important to me to play this year." 14

"You want to play with Jake and Dylan."

His eyes widened at my intelligence. "Yes. I can probably play in college...I don't
know...but it won't be the same. I feel like I'm dragging them down sometimes
though." 5

"Hey, you're not dragging them down. They want you on the team too." 3

He nodded.

"Besides, without you, no one would ever want to go watch any of the games." I
stroked his face fondly and he smiled. "Even when you don't score, you're still
very pretty to look at." 1

"Thank you, baby." 28

He closed his eyes, and I watched him with love. I didn't know how I managed to
find the last innocent boy on the continent, whose deep dark secret was he liked
mommy's comfort food and he wanted to play ball with his buddies. The more I knew
Sean the less cool he seemed, which ironically just made him all the more cool. He
wasn't the hot king I imagined and he was just Sean, and I couldn't have hoped for
a better boyfriend. 36

Sean used to tuck me into bed, and I liked that the roles were reversed this time.
It was only ten p.m., however, and I was disappointed that he was ready to call it
a night. Ten p.m. on a weekend night was just a start for my crazy agenda, and I
scrolled my phone to look at all the texts and invitations.

There was an especially interesting one from Sarah. She sent me a photo of her and
Jess caught in flashlight, at some strange party with balloons and foams floating
off in the background. Both their shirts were soaked with what looked like soap
water.
Come join us, the text read with a dozen exclamation points behind it.

I glanced over at my adorable boyfriend who was about to fall asleep any second. I
leaned down to plant a kiss on his plush lips. "I'll let you rest. I should get
going now."

He smiled at me groggily. "Text me when you get home?"

"Sure."

As I stepped into the night, I wanted to step on my gas pedal really hard. The
breeze was welcoming, alluring me with a sense of danger, and there were bizarre
adventures, unfathomable wonders, fascinating strangers... 3

...which I would now steer away from. I knew I was going to drive straight home
because I didn't want Sean to worry, and I probably partied too hard before him
anyway.

But for some reason, as I cruised through the darkness--

I felt really lost. 136

***

It was a beautiful weekend afternoon and I was having lunch near school with
Sandra, who just got out of her meeting with the Prom Committee. I hung out with
her because I missed her and I refused to be the kind of girl who forgot her
friends once in a relationship, not because Sean was away at a game. 8

Sandra wore her scowl the way I wore my favorite perfume: we never left home
without it, therefore it wasn't alarming to see. However, once she ordered a
lasagna, I knew something was up.

"I think our sparks have died," she said, stabbing her fork into the food as if
it'd disintegrate the calories. "Me and Daniel." 3

"How so?"

"Lately he's become really unpredictable. One minute he's full of passion, the next
minute he's all distant."

"Are you sure he's not just being an artist?" 9

She shook her head. "He said he'd call yesterday, and I waited until I fell
asleep." 8

"Why didn't you just call him and ask him what his deal is?"

"I can't. I don't call guys and demand these kinds of things. Once I do that, I
lose," she said. 12
Sandra abided by The Rules religiously, even though that book was published 20
years ago and every copy should be gathered and burned. She never initiated
anything and always ended everything first, and her relationship style had always
worked out for her before. Guys hung on to her like she was dear life. 9
"I'm not turning into a nagging wife," she said. "They're supposed to call us all
the time and we hang up first. Once the table is turned and we start ordering them
to call, it's not the same anymore." 2

"I call Sean all the time and I don't feel like I'm losing anything."

"Doesn't it make him lazy and stop trying?"

"I think that's just how he is," I said.

She shrugged. "You guys match. You're aggressive like a crocodile and he's a
hamster." 33

"It's amazing how I used to think I like guys who run hot and cold, but now I fully
appreciate having a dependable boyfriend who isn't the least bit mysterious. With
Sean I just don't need to worry." 2

"You're the worst listener in the world," Sandra said. "Every time I want to talk
to you about something, we end up discussing Sean." 18

"Sorry." My cheeks flamed. I reminded myself to stop being so self-centered, I

mean, Sean-centered, although to be fair Sandra brought up the whole animal thing
herself. "So, back to Daniel..." 5

The door to the restaurant opened and in came Raymond. It was logical he'd stop by
here because this place was right next to school. As the Prom King I knew he was
just at the meeting too. 5

I waved at him enthusiastically after he ordered his drink and beckoned for him to
join us. Despite the previous Instagram incident, it didn't take very long for
Raymond and I to bounce right back. Years of drinking and badmouthing people
together made our bond disturbingly hard to break. 7

"Can you go away, Raymond? I'm too busy to ignore you right now," Sandra's mouth
was saying, but her body scooted over slightly so he could sit down next to her. 31

I was very glad to see him. We weren't hanging out one-on-one, this was a public
place instead of my bedroom, and we were neither drinking nor getting high. Check,
check, and check. Seeing Ray felt a little like he was my kid who was placed under
supervised visitation, but if the Supreme Court/Sean ruled this way then so be it.
4

"Hail to the queen," Raymond said, glancing at Sandra. "And lo and behold, is that
a lasagna? You almost resemble human today." 19

"Does that bother you?" she snapped.

"I like that you're eating," Raymond said. "No one likes a girl who's on a diet all
the time." 18

"Guys are the most hypocritical thing in the world," Sandra said. "They say they
like a girl who eats a burger and wears no makeup, but if you show them a fat and
ugly one, they'd beg you to cover up your face and barf up your lunch." 145

"You're not fat and ugly, Sandra," Raymond said almost fondly. "You're just not
very likable." 55

"I guess I learned it from you." 2

Raymond grinned like it was a compliment and turned to me. "Congrats on the SAT."

"Thank you," I said modestly. "I worked very hard for it." 5

"Flora's been very busy studying and turning into Sean," Sandra added.
See? She brought him up herself. 7
Raymond sucked on his drink, making noises with the straw and looking at me. "Yeah.
It's funny. You have a fierce personality and Sean's milder, yet he's putting out
your fire." 18

"No, he isn't! You just don't like him because you think I've been neglecting you."
4

"No, despite what you may think, I don't have a problem with Sean. I think he needs
someone to surgically remove that stick from his ass, but I respect him for helping
you with the SAT when I'm sure he had better things to do."

"Sean is tolerable," Sandra said. 3

Isn't this amazing? Two of my hardest-to-please friends actually approved of him,

although they didn't express like normal people did and a bit of translating was
always required. 9

"What I mean is, I think you're changing," Raymond said, "and you were pretty cool
the way you were before." 37

"Come on, I'm still the same person. I'm just Flora version 2.0, with some bugs
fixed and a few new functions added. Sean makes me change for the better." 4

"Isn't he supposed to love you for all the good and bad?" Raymond finished his
drink with a burp. Attractive. "Anyway, I have to go. Catch you later." 70

Sandra's eyes followed him out of the restaurant, then she turned to me. "There's
something I want to tell you." She cleared her throat and nodded toward the
entrance. "He called me last night. He spent half the time insulting me, then he
asked me to the prom." 135

"Ray? Wow." I raised my eyebrows. "Did you say yes?"

"Of course I didn't! Do you believe his nerves? I still have a boyfriend!"

Interesting choice of words, I thought. Still have a boyfriend. 10

"Why do you think he asked me? Prom is months away," Sandra said. "I think he just
wants to laugh at me once I agree, then he'd say it's a joke and that I'm into him
or something." 6
"Why would you agree? You don't even like him."

"That's right. Of course I don't like him." I could've sworn Sandra just blushed.
"Do you remember how he lied and asked me to stop chasing him in front of everyone
just to embarrass me? What a jerk. I'd rather go to the prom with the janitor than
Raymond Corbett," Sandra said, when the obvious choice was to just go with Daniel,
her boyfriend. 60

"Of course." I nodded wisely.

Sandra shrugged. "Never mind. Do you want to go to the mall later?" 4

I did, actually. I was in dire need of some new purchases, but I wished to go with
Sean. I checked my watch and saw that his game would be over soon. He'd call as
soon as he was ready and I'd fly into his arms.

"I...um...I have to see the man you don't want me to mention later," I said. 42

Sandra rolled her eyes and stabbed harder into her lasagna. 6

***

"I really feel like spending some money today," I told Sean, wrapping an arm around
his waist as we strolled through the mall. "Sometimes it's not even about what I
buy. I have these sudden urges and I need to swipe my card for release." 9

"I can't imagine the pain you poor rich people must go through." 4

"I know, but we try." I smiled up at him. "I want to buy you something. Please,
please, please let me buy you something!"

"I don't want anything."

"How about a leather jacket? You'd look hotter than a thermonuclear fusion
reaction!" 52

He grinned. "I seriously can't keep up with your knowledge in science now."

After a lot of refusing and persuading, of all the things he could've chosen, he
picked a bath towel just so I'd stop bugging him. He said it was an intimate gift,
and my dirty mind immediately thought of him coming out of the shower. I had to
agree it served as a great surrogate when I wasn't around to wrap around him
myself. 36

After he was taken care of, I started picking out my own things. I laid down a
bright yellow sundress gingerly, setting it apart from the rest of the clothes I
threw over the counter.

"I don't think yellow is my color," I told the very helpful saleslady, "but I'll
take all the rest."

Beside me Sean let out a small gasp of disapproval, but I ignored him. He wasn't
able to offer me any valuable opinion, but as he'd put it, frogs lay thousands of
eggs at once so that it'd enhance the chance of survival, therefore when in doubt,
I bought everything just so I might end up actually liking one of them. It wasn't
when Sean reached over to carry my bags for me that I noticed he was extremely
bored. 9
Not only bored, he was even a little daunted.

"Do you really need to buy all the clones of the same dress?" he asked.

"Do you really need to lecture me on spending my own money?"

He cleared his throat. "Your parents' money." 2

I turned to glare at him. "Well it is my allowance," I said, and on the way to my

Mercedes Sean didn't make any more annoying comments about my spending spree. He
dumped my shopping bags in the backseat and I saw pressure marks on his fingers in
between the knuckles. They were the result of the handles of the bags pressing in
and I bit back a silent gasp. Did I really buy that much? 41

On the way back home I drove the only way a Mercedes should be driven, which was
cutting in front of other cars and rushing forward the minute the light changed.
When the car in front of me was too hesitant to make a turn, I wasn't too hesitant
to blast my horn. 2

"Why did you have to do that?" Sean asked beside me. "We aren't in a hurry." 4

"I don't like it when other cars stall in front of me. What has this world come to?
I can't believe a Mercedes has to breathe in all that exhaust fumes from a Honda."
I was only kidding and I swear I had nothing against Hondas and their owners, but
Sean clearly didn't find it funny. 47

"How inconsiderate of the government," he said. "We should build an expressway

especially for Mercedes and no other cheap cars are allowed." 14

I glanced at him briefly to show him his sarcasm wasn't appreciated, but that
didn't stop Sean from offering more directions on how to drive. 2

"You didn't signal when you switched lanes," he stated like I just committed a
colossal sin, and I remembered he told me before it was one of his pet peeves. 39

"I forgot," I lied. I never intended to because honestly I was too swift for turn
signals. 22
Didn't Sean used to find my recklessness cute? He used to smile when I thrust
forward and braked at the last second, but this afternoon he felt entitled to
excessive side-seat driving. It went on until I pulled over to the side of the
road. 5

"Why don't you drive, my sweet darling angel?" I asked. "Apparently you're a much
better driver than I am." I got out and stopped myself from slamming the door. Not
because I was feeling mature, but because this was my car. 16

"I really can't object to that," he said, getting out. "I am a better driver than
you are." 2

"You're not just a better driver," I said, my temper rising all of a sudden.
"You're a better person." 4

We stood next to each other, and I looked at him, all righteous and superior, and a
fiber snapped in me. I was shocked at how I could be so mad but simultaneously so
in love with him.

You talk about him more than a religious fanatic talk about God.
You worship Sean like a cult, and you're really starting to annoy me with the way
you keep quoting him.

I think he brings out a very good side of you.

Flora's been very busy studying and turning into Sean.

I think you're changing, and Sean's putting out your fire.

I thought of what everyone had been saying, and I thought of Daniel taking that
picture of us together. Back then Sean had looked at me like he wanted me to stay
exactly the same.

"You said you love the way I am. Look, this is me." I gestured to myself, my hands
shaking as well as my voice. "I love hanging out with my guy friends, partying at
night, spending money, and driving fast. I hate studying. I make fun of people
sometimes but I don't mean any harm. Why are you trying to change me?" 158

"I'm not-" 1

"When have I ever complained about anything you do? I really love you for you.
Everything you do is awesome to me. I even enjoyed going to the science museum with
you and I downloaded all these apps about scientific fun facts so we can speak the
same language, but you spend one afternoon at the mall with me and you can't stop
bitching." 236

He sighed, then he was silent, and I could see him organizing his lines and coming
up with a speech to render me speechless. "I love the way you are too, but there're
things-" 6

"You don't love me for who I am. You love me for who you can turn me into." I was
momentarily stunned by how profound I could be sometimes. 50

"I'm not asking you to change for my benefit. It's not like I'm asking you to get a
boob job or change the way you dress-" 7

"What you think I need a boob job?" I was horrified. 71

"No, Flora, of course not." He smiled. "Listen. I like that we're different people.
I'm attracted to everything you just mentioned, but that doesn't mean we can't
change at all." 7

You're supposed to love me for all the good and bad, I read out the line in my head
in a whiny voice. 20

"I want you to drive slower because I need you to be safe," he said. "I push you
about studying because I don't want you to regret not living up to your full
potential. And I admit partly it's because of my jealousy, but if you party like
you did before, late into the night and drunk with other guys, it'd really worry
me. When you're criticizing people less fortunate than you are, I know you don't
mean anything, but you have to know that all the people in this world haven't had
the advantages that you've had." 210

"That's deep, Sean," I said, blown-away. 12

"That's from The Great Gatsby. First page." 27

"I've only seen the movie, and I only remember the Tiffany jewelry and Lana Del
Rey's song." I sighed. "See how vain I am?" 57

He rubbed his palms over my upper arms softly. "You're not. You act like you don't
take things seriously but I know you're much more than that. I love that about
you." 4

I placed my head against his chest and he hugged me. Why was Sean so good at
convincing me? How could he always be right? He should be captain of the debate
team and later step into politics. 41

"What's wrong with becoming better people?" he asked. "Isn't being in love about
adapting for each other? We aren't a perfect fit in the beginning but we can be."
59

I nodded. "Of course."

I was about 90 percent persuaded, but the remaining ten percent nagged at me and I
had to ask myself,
Why am I the only one adapting? 231

"Hey, so can I still drive your car?" Sean asked. He held his hands together,
looking as expectant as a puppy. He was so cute I immediately forgot about the
nagging ten percent. Heck, I'd even get a boob job for him if he asked. 11

Kidding, of course. 13

I watched him drive and I leaned back in my seat, so engrossed in absorbing every
detail of his face that I didn't realize we weren't on the way back to his house as
planned. 1

"I thought you're going to have dinner with your grandparents later?" I asked. He
had stopped near the entrance of a carnival. 1

"Yes, but just a quick stop." He tugged at my hand gently. "I want to make it up to
you for not being supportive enough when we were shopping. By the way, you're
right. It's your money. I'm never going to say a word about how you contribute to
the economy again." 6

I checked his expression and decided he meant it. He led the way and we stopped
before a shooting gallery. He pointed at the row of stuffed animals and announced,
"I'm going to hunt you a bear." 1

I laughed. I'd like it better if the teddy bear came with a designer logo on its
paw, but this was good enough. This was as close as he'd ever get to surprising me,
and even though it was as cheesy as expected, I saw that he was adapting too. He
was a good kid who'd never be late for a family dinner, but he was at the moment
busy shooting and missing all the targets. 33

"Sean...has anyone ever told you you're awfully bad at this?" I snaked a hand up
his back and teased. 2

He flicked his gaze to my face. "Yeah, all my ex-girlfriends."

I chuckled and pinched his face.

"I've never done this for a girl before," he said, and I found it strangely
comforting that he wasn't perfect at everything he did. It just made him more
perfect, although that could be my obsessive alter ego talking. I watched as Sean
bargained and bribed, trying to get me the giant teddy bear, but in the end all we
got was a small T-Rex. 3
"This suits you better anyway," he said, tossing it over. He claimed it was because
it was one of the smartest dinosaurs with the head so large in proportion, but I
suspected it was because he found me feral and I pounced on him all the time. 5

We left happy with our prize, and after getting two cups of blue slushies with
toxic food dyes and a rainbow-colored cotton candy, we sat down on one of the
benches. He hugged me from behind with one arm briefly. I could feel his cheek
against my hair and it reminded me of a day a while ago, when we were by the
skating rink and he thanked me for being me and being with him. 8
But this was better, because we were together now (with a T-Rex between us). I tore
off a chunk of the cotton candy and fed him. I could do this now, and I could pull
his face down and taste all the sweetness on his lips. We kissed slowly for a while
until he broke away. There were kids around us, and he was always cautious about
the sexual content they were exposed to so that they could grow up to be normal
people. Sean was very considerate like that. 16

I lifted my head and looked up at him. "If you could wish for anything right now,
what would it be?"

"World peace," he said without hesitation. 78

Not an exciting answer, but fine, he read CNN breaking news all the time. "What
else?" 3

He thought for a while before answering. "My granddad has three clogged coronary
arteries and he just underwent another stent replacement. I know his condition is
irreversible, but I really wish he could get better and...stay with us for a long
time." 5

I slid my hand into his and squeezed. "I'm sorry to hear that."

He squeezed back.

"Do you have any happy wish?" Like the one I'm thinking of right now?

His gaze fell on my face and he smiled faintly. "Well..." There was a flicker of
embarrassment in his eyes, one which would be lost to an outsider, but I'd learned
to read Sean well. It was the look he had right before he said something he thought
sappy and uncool.

"Well, I wish for us to always love each other the way we do now." 50

I sighed in satisfaction because we had something in common after all. "Hey, that's
my wish too."

He smiled and didn't say anything, but our fingers tightened around each other's.

Of all three of Sean's unattainable wishes, guess which one came true? 508

***

Sometimes when I'm driving or right before I fall asleep, I'd think of
conversations and I want to put them all down, so I'll be the first to admit this
chapter is probably too long and reads a little choppy. There is a theme, though,
and I want to discuss whether it's a good thing to change for the other person in a
relationship. I don't have an answer to that, and usually I'd say it's a bad idea
unless it's getting rid of a bad habit like smoking. I'd love to hear your
thoughts, and thank you for all the love and support. I'm truly grateful and I hope
you enjoy this update :) 67

Also, giving thanks to the wonderful @KateLSlesar who came up with the analogy "I
feel like Flora is fire and Sean is water, and he is putting out her fire slowly,
because they are complete opposites". She was gracious about letting me steal her
analogy, so thanks again Kate! 7

Chapter 56 The massage

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Dedicated to expelliurmus789

by rainbowbrook
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Sean 3

Flora started coming to a lot of my away games. It annoyed her when Jake called her
my bodyguard, but clearly not enough to be dissuaded. She sat in the audience seat
watching me like a proud mom, her face breaking into a broad grin every time our
eyes met. 3

Scratch that. Not even my mom had that much interest in me. 24
"Baby, you know you don't have to come, right?" I asked when I got in her car one
evening after the game. "If you have other things to do, it's totally fine." 6

She reached out a hand to stroke my face. "This is what I want to do. It's a school
night and I don't have anyone to hang around with anyway."

Aside from guys with questionable motives like Raymond Corbett. For the eighteen
thousandth time I wondered if I was being too hard on their friendship, but for the
eighteen thousandth time I decided that while Flora had a point, relationships are
fragile and I didn't want to test ours by placing her in an unfavorable position.
53

There was another selfish reason and it was the fact that I liked her here. I liked
how she was my personal cheerleader, the way her face lit up like an automatic
porch light when I neared her, and there was something about getting picked up by
my stunning girlfriend in her silver Mercedes that made me feel very special and
pampered. 42

This evening she let me choose what to eat, and I picked the same restaurant as
usual, a cheap diner near school where the food was served fast and hot. I just
wanted to get dinner out of the way and go home ASAP. Flora was attentive,
cooperative, and full of smiles. Said she just wanted to make me happy. 7

On a good day like this I felt like I had the best girlfriend in the world. This
was a girl who was used to eating foie gras in her designer dress and dating anyone
she wanted, yet she was right next to me, gazing at me with affection like there
was nowhere else she'd rather be. 14

On one of the worse days I still thought she was the best girlfriend, but one who
was irritable, impatient, and ready to fight, and I would be walking on eggshells
trying not to get on her nerves. She said she was fine with my routines, but I knew
she craved more excitement. 11
She needed something bad. Something loud. Something with the possibility of getting
out of hand. 16

Not this evening, though. This evening was one of the good days, and we laughed all
the way home. I was lying face down on my bed when I felt her soft hand slide onto
my back.

"Are you tired?" she asked.

I grunted to indicate that I was. I was starting to feel really comfortable around
her, and I liked the idea of us more and more each day. It felt so right and easy.
10

Her hands moved to my shoulders and because I wasn't expecting it, it took me a
full second to realize that she was giving me a massage. Her fingers slid under my
shirt and I pushed myself off the bed momentarily so she could remove it, then she
kneaded down my back.
I almost choked on gratification. I never knew an impromptu backrub could feel this
heavenly. She started back up again when she reached the small of my back, her
hands running along my spine up to my neck. She had strong fingers despite being so
slender, and this had immediately topped my list of favorite things Flora could do
to me. 6

"Does it feel good?" 19

"It's better than good. Where did you learn these things?" Please don't stop.

"I know a lot about spa treatments," she said.

Praise the lord for the beauty centers she went to; I never thought I'd benefit
from them. I asked to return the favor but Flora insisted she just wanted to give,
so I allowed myself to be indulged. 3

"What have I ever done to deserve you?" I murmured. Flora used to bring out the
insecurities in me, but now she made me feel safe, in the best way possible. Not
because I knew I couldn't get hurt, but because I knew she'd have my back. She was
always ready to support me emotionally, and financially, if I let her. 44

"I wonder the same thing everyday." She laughed lightly and bent down to kiss my
neck. She took care of me when I was supposed to be taking care of her. I vowed to
always cherish her and never took anything for granted. 1

Flora's kisses trailed from my neck to my shoulder. Just when I was getting
incredibly turned on, she sighed and stopped. I wanted to sigh too. 2

"I love you so much," she said, "but I'm worried about something."

I sat up. I prayed she wasn't in one of her we-are-incompatible moods again. "Tell
me."

She narrowed her eyes ominously like she was about to deliver a horror story by the
campfire. "Jeremy said none of his friends who were in a relationship made it past
the first year of college. Most of them broke up very quickly over Thanksgiving
break freshman year." 2

"Are Jeremy's friends like him?" I asked. "You know...hunters?" 50

"I don't know." She sighed again. "Not all of them, I guess. Jeremy had a
girlfriend in high school too, but he decided it's stupid to string one along to
university. He said it's too easy to get laid after a frat party. His bedroom is
right upstairs, as you can imagine." 6

"I'm not like Jeremy."

"I know, but it's not just that. A possessive boyfriend plus an obsessive
girlfriend times the distance equals disaster. There are too many issues to
consider..." she trailed off, and a warning bell went off in my head. I couldn't be
surer of us, but Flora tended to overthink from time to time. I wasn't sure she was
fully convinced whenever I tried to reassure her. She did things impulsively then
worried and backtracked later, and I hoped she didn't think of me as one of the
bags she bought and never used again. "...which is why I want to ask you to
consider applying to Columbia," she finished. 156

"To Columbia?" I repeated. 1

"Yes." A familiar crazy glint sprang into her eyes, and I realized what attracted
me to her could also be the exact same thing that scared me. "I know you can get in
anywhere you apply to! If I make it into NYU, we'd be so close! We can rent an
apartment together and wake up in each other's arms everyday. I can give you
massages all the time." 63

She looked so expectant and hopeful I almost gave in, not to mention she used
massages as bait which was very unfair, but I didn't want to make promises I
couldn't keep. "Baby, that does sound great, but you know I've wanted to go to MIT
my whole life." 7

She nodded wildly. "Of course! I'd never ask you to give up on that. I know your
granddad is an alumnus and everything. I'm just asking you to apply to Columbia as
a backup."

"I already have several backup schools," I said, stalling for time, dreading the
questions that were to follow.

"Really? I know you mentioned some to my parents, but I forgot. What are they? Are
any of them in New York?"

"Stanford...Caltech...UC Berkeley..." My heart hammered as if I was confessing to

adultery. 55

Flora gasped and her hand flew to her mouth. A few seconds passed before she dared
to speak again. "But those are in California. As in West Coast." She made West
Coast sounded like the Amazon Jungle, as if I'd never return home again.
"California is miles and miles and miles away from New York." 24

"I know where California is, but-"

She held out a hand to silent me, and another hand rested on her forehead in the
most exaggerated way possible. She lay back down on the bed with a thud and stared
at the ceiling. "I can't believe you getting into MIT is actually the best I can
hope for. Boston and New York are supposedly four hours apart by bus, but Jeremy
said they once got stuck for six hours and it took seventy minutes just to get from
54th to 42nd street in Manhattan." She took a moment to catch her breath before a
fresh surge of energy poured in again. "I loathe long distance relationships! Long
distance relationships aren't relationships at all, it's just the hope of having
one in the future. I will die. I will die." 74
Sometimes Flora was so melodramatic I couldn't tell if she was serious. "Boston and
New York are right next to each other," I said. 5

Flora shook her head. "University should be the time of our lives, but we're going
to sit in front of the webcam every night trying to have awkward Skype sex. The
weekends will be spent on coaches with lousy WiFi signal and my classmates are
going to think I'm a weirdo for never joining any of the social activities..." She
sat up again. "I'm going to apply to every school in Boston." 36

"No! The whole point of studying hard is so that you can get an intern job in New
York. What are you going to do in Boston?"

"To stay with you?"

I exhaled. "Flora, I love you. I hope to live together someday too, but not at the
expense of you throwing away your chances. What if we-" 24

"Don't say it!" She gasped, pressing her fingers against my lips. "We're going to
stay together no matter what! We'll stay together even if you decide to work at
NASA after graduating from MIT, and I'll wait for you faithfully when you go on
your expedition to Mars." 36

"You can endure the distance between Earth and Mars but not a four-hour bus trip?"
22

"Six if the traffic is bad," she corrected. 20

"Flora, it's just four years of our lives, and we're going to see each other all
the time. If we have our whole lives together, what does it matter to spend four
years apart?" 37

"It's four more years spent preparing for the future instead of living in the
moment." A shadow fell over her face, only to be chased away a second later by a
bright smile, like a sliver of sun breaking through the clouds. I knew something
insane was coming out of her mouth, by it still surprised me to hear her say, "I've
got it. Let's take a year off school." 103

"Excuse me?" 24

"Think about it, Sean, Gap Year!" Her eyes widened with exhilaration and sparkled
with lights, almost as if fireworks were on display. "Lots of bright young people
in Europe and Australia are doing it, and we get to spend a year figuring out
ourselves and our future." 37

"But I already have everything figured out. It'd just be spending my parents' money
and putting off my responsibility while I escape to do...what are you planning on
doing?"

"I don't know...maybe we can walk across China on foot? Wouldn't that be amazing?"
I loved her creativity but I had to shake my head at the impracticability. "Or we
can buy a camel and travel the Gobi desert...or go on a motorbike trip through
South America like Che Guevara...The possibilities are endless!" 26
Or we can make a spear with our bare hands and hunt down boars. I opened my mouth
and shut it again. Usually I'd play along whenever Flora floated off the ground and
stuck her head up in the clouds, but this time she was actually serious. Where did
I begin to talk some sense into her? 3

She leaned forward excitedly and patted my arm. "It's going to be one hell of an
adventure and it's so going to build character!"

"I think you're already quite a character, Flora." 9

"I've always wanted to drift down Yukon River and feed ourselves on fresh salmon."
Apparently she wasn't done yet. "Have you seen the movie Into the Wild? It's so
inspiring! This rich kid gave all his money to charity and hitchhiked to Alaska,
then he met all those interesting people that shaped his life-" 21

"His very short life. Didn't Alexander Supertramp starve to death in the end?" 27

She scoffed like it was an insignificant detail. "That's not the point. Besides,
we're going to stay at a hotel and order room service, so there's no chance of that
happening. I think my parents are totally going to say yes! So don't worry for a
minute about financial aid." 6

So much for building character.

Flora grinned and flashed her pearly teeth as she delivered the tagline of this
ridiculous commercial. "Take a chance, Sean. Carpe Diem." 39

Carpe Fucking Diem, I thought. That and YOLO were two phrases people abused all the
time for doing irresponsible, reckless things without thinking of the consequences,
but I didn't want to hurt Flora's feelings. I knew delaying her education wasn't
her point. She just didn't want to be separated from me. 27

I was flattered at the thought, but there was no way I could go along with it.
"Flora, come on." I reached out my hand to rub on her forearm. "We can survive
college." 1
"Yeah, we can survive." She gave me a mournful look, like a victim who just went
through a catastrophe. "But I want to live, not survive." 36

That was one of the things she was really good at: twisting my words. "You know
what I mean." 2

She scooted closer and put her arms around me. "Sean. I just...I'm so mad about
you. I want to be with you all the time. The reason I go to your games and pick you
up afterwards is because we can spend more time together, even if you're just
sleeping in the car." Her face was buried in the nook of my neck and I circled her
waist to close the distance between us. Her body was so soft against me. I would've
melted at her sweet words if she didn't sound so sad. 32
"I want to be with you all the time too," I said, pressing my cheek against her and
breathing in the flowery scent of her hair. Flora hugged me tighter like she was
afraid I'd be shipped off to Mars any second. 8

But I don't need to be with you all the time. I don't need to wake up next to you
everyday to remind myself that I'm crazy in love with you. I don't need to rent an
apartment or ride camels together, and even if we end up on opposite ends of the
country, every time I see you it'd be worth it and I'd be coming alive all over
again. 76

Do you understand that, dear Flora? 31

I didn't say all of it because I knew Flora didn't think the way I did, so I just
kept asking her to have faith. I told her the time apart would only make it better
when we did see each other, but I could tell she didn't buy this logic. Her idea of
a relationship was living together having fun instead of keeping it tucked away
safely at heart, thinking of and believing in each other like a religion. 9
We weren't even off to college yet but she was already having doubts. I noticed
with alarm that Flora didn't sound very much like Flora. This was a new side I
rarely saw before; a doubtful, emotional, and--dare I say it?--clingy side which
scared me. 41

Scared not because I wanted to run away, but because I was afraid she would. 71

***

Thank you for reading. Your support means the world to me.

Chapter 57 The microwave popcorn

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by rainbowbrook
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Flora 5

Since Sean mentioned the f word, I didn't know how it was possible but I loved him
even more. This wasn't only the most responsible and devoted boyfriend, but he was
also the guy that I thought of a future with...despite the fact that future wasn't
looking very exciting at the moment. 47

It was a shame that in order to achieve forever, we didn't have many fun dates
anymore. Sean thought we had a lifetime to try new things and at this moment in
life he was too busy to start, or maybe he was just lazy and it was easy to settle
into a routine. His idea of a perfect date was one that included me, but didn't
involve dressing up and staying out too late, and one that was comfortable. 3
Translation: stay home, talk and have sex (optional). 3

Speaking of sex, Sean thought of it the way he thought of food. He just wanted to
get it out of the way. He wanted that last few seconds of ecstasy just like he
wanted to battle his hunger in the most efficient way possible, with ready-to-go
fast food. He had no patience to sit at a French restaurant for three hours, just
like he didn't want to explore my body anymore, the way he did in the beginning
like a new computer program he got his hands on. 75

I mostly went along with whatever he wanted to do (which was nothing, by the way)
because I knew he really was tired from all his basketball games and studying, and
I wanted to be supportive. I agreed that as long as we were together it didn't
matter where we went, but deep down I still felt (a little) like I was making
sacrifices, therefore I would fight with him about all kinds of irrelevant things.
I was constantly facing an internal conflict where I chose to put his needs before
mine then got mad later, thinking he should make more of an effort to do my things,
then I'd recover knowing that I overreacted, and I'd try harder to be a better
girlfriend and cut him some slack. In the end we were always more in love than
ever, but life had become a grinding wheel of doing the right thing. 55
To be perfectly honest, the idea of forever was hot, but practicing towards this
concept wasn't that hot, at all. 10

I was in my room watching a silly drama TV series one night. I knew it wasn't a
masterpiece, on top of being corny and predictable, but sometimes I watched it not
in spite of but more like because of its cheesiness. Cheesy dramas and reality TV
are like potato chips: poorly-made, hazardous to health, but having them once in a
while can make a person very happy. 22
Sean was sitting next to me furiously clicking away on his laptop as he worked on
his college application essay. I peered at his screen and saw he was writing about
the person he admired the most, and it was his grandfather. 3

While most kids fished with their gramps, Sean probably built a dam with his. He
was describing how they put together a toy boat and won a contest later, during
which all the kids had to float their boats down a river and his made it the
farthest downstream. 10

I wished I had a charming experience like that to report too. My grandparents lived
in London, and every time I visited we'd have tea in one of those extravagant
hotels like The Ritz or Claridge's and have freshly baked scones with clotted cream
from Devonshire, and we always finished off afterwards with a trip to Harvey
Nichols. I doubted the college administration offices would be impressed with that.
37

"That's totally cheating," I said out of envy. "You had a physics professor helping
you while those other poor kids had to fold their boats out of paper and color them
with crayons just so they wouldn't sink. Yours probably had a motor."

He chuckled. "Yes, it had a motor and it was remote-controlled. I could've floated

it upstream if I wanted."

How clever to weave that little detail into his essay so he could underhandedly
brag about his engineering potentials. It was clear Sean had his life planned out--
the science projects at school, interning at labs during summer, AP classes, his
perfect SAT scores and the stupid USAPhO that we almost lost each other over--while
I had been very liberal about my own choices.

I said I wanted to be a fashion editor but it was only because I liked reading
Vogue and I wanted to dip my hands into a new line before anyone else, and perhaps
one day someone could make a movie about me titled "The Devil Wears Alexander
McQueen/Marc Jacobs/Chanel/Rag and Bone", but since meeting Sean I knew it wasn't
really my dream. 38

My dream was Sean. Ironically, however, I knew he'd respect me less if I told him
that. He'd be horrified if I threw away my dream following him to Boston, although
that would actually be chasing my dream. 148
Why does everyone have to become doctors and lawyers and engineers? Why couldn't my
ambition be staying perpetually in love with this gorgeous, perfect boy and
possibly marry him when I turned 28? He was harder to come across than an ideal
job. 104
I was only seventeen; did I really have to figure out what I wanted to do with life
right now? I knew Sean didn't want to feel responsible for stranding me in his city
in case we, God forbid, broke up, but I could very well find out that I didn't like
interning at a fashion magazine either, and I'd be stranded in NYC with an
agonizing long distance relationship-which was why I'd do anything in my power to
prevent that from happening. 36
I went ahead and applied to Boston University. While I was at it, I also tried a
few schools in California. I figured I could explore acting as well, or I could at
least become a waitress who dreamed of acting; I bet California was packed with
those. 74
I didn't let Sean know and I did this willingly, but I'd be lying if I said I
didn't feel a little hurt he wouldn't even consider Columbia. I dismissed the
thought quickly. It was a dangerous path to go down on, and I refused to compare
everything we had to sacrifice for each other because it'd just make me angry. 27
"Is it weird I feel closer to my granddad than to my parents?" Sean's velvety voice
cut into my thoughts. "He's the guy who taught me about the philosophy of life."

"Oh. So he's the reason you're so unbearably good," I teased.

"Well, he has a lot more morals than the show you're watching, that's for certain,"
he glanced at the TV screen and said, in an equally good-natured tone. It was
typical of him to criticize the things I watched, and if I was in a good mood I
sometimes found it cute. 8

But not always.

"Why's that? This is a show about love and courage."

"Every time two people are left in private for five seconds, they start making out.
Even if they're supposed to be unavailable. Is that even possible?" 12

"That's because they don't want to show them staring at each other for two hours
before making out. I'm not watching a documentary here." 1

"I think these people are easier to maneuver than E.Coli in a bio lab." 21
Only Sean could talk about E.Coli during a kiss scene. "Maybe you can watch one
full episode with me, and you'll understand. You can tell me which character you
like the most!" That could be sort of fun, I decided. I was sure he would come up
with some very interesting input. 3

"These characters are two-dimensional and they're all the same besides hair color."
He combed his fingers through my hair, and he smiled his sexy smile at me. "I like
brunettes, by the way." 45

I chuckled and kissed his cheek. "Fine, you're off the hook."

I watched for a while, then I was suddenly bored. "There's an ABC party tonight. Do
you want to go? ABC means Anything But Clothes. Basically people need to find other
materials to cover up their bodies, you know, such as duct tape." 53

Sean looked up briefly from his laptop. "Is this a trick question or do I really
get to decide if I want to go?"

"We'll go only if you really want to go." I never forced Sean into anything he
wasn't comfortable with. He was an ABC party virgin, after all.

"Okay, then, not really." Surprise, surprise. "Why would I want to go to an ABC
party when I can be ABC in your room? And I want to finish my essay tonight."
There. The real reason. 46

"Fine." I sighed.

"Do you want popcorn? I can make you popcorn," he offered. He meant the microwave
package he brought over, which was cheap and really awful, a poor substitution for
an ABC party indeed. I liked caramel flavor, but usually only about one-fifth of
the popcorn had caramel on, and all the rest were nightmarishly bland and soft. 15

"Yeah, okay," I agreed listlessly. "You can have the most of it, though. I just
want an occasional one to chew on."

He left for the kitchen while I watched on. It was Friday night and I was stuck
home eating soggy popcorn with my very sexy but very cynical, essay-writing, party-
hating boyfriend, and I could think of a million better things to do. 97

When he came back he snuggled next to me and started feeding me. I smiled in
appreciation. Amazingly the popcorn wasn't as bad as I feared. I had eaten maybe
eight in a row, and all of them were caramel-glazed and quite crunchy. 8
I told him about my finding. "I'm pleasantly surprised!"

"Is that so?" he asked in a nonchalant tone as he proceeded to feed me, and that
was when I noticed the reason I got good popcorn was because it was the premium
selection. 9
I could feel my eyes widen with delight. "Did you pick out the especially good ones
to feed me?"

"You're so cute like that." He smiled. "I know you like caramel."

So suddenly it had become the best date-night ever. Sean and his cute little
maneuvers never ceased to melt me like butter in a microwave oven. When he
attempted to feed me again, I grabbed his wrist and obnoxiously nibbled on his
index finger to annoy him, and he laughed as he pulled his hand away. 15

"Gross. Watch your show."

I lay my head on his shoulder, and we watched together for ten sweet minutes before
he decided to ruin everything.

"They seem to promote a corruption of virtue," Sean said, popping a popcorn into
his mouth. "They make it okay to go behind the best friend's back and cheat with
the boyfriend just because you can't fight love." 63

Who else were they supposed to fall in love with? There were only six characters in
total. Every female character needed to have a go at all the male characters before
the season ended. "Well, it's kind of logical. She sees the boyfriend a lot because
they all hang out together." 40

"Really? I wouldn't develop a crush on Sandy or Carmen even if you throw us in an

incubator together." He started typing on his computer again. 3

"That's good to know." Okay, maybe I was the one who ruined it. "So how come you're
convinced I'll cheat on you if I hang out with any one of my guy friends?" 64

He froze for a second then he let out an exasperated sigh. "This again? You really
want to fight about this now?" 6

His impatience summoned the rebel inside me instantly. "Maybe, because then this
would be a real date. Sitting at home, you judging me on the shows I like to watch,
and fighting about my commitment issues sound like the perfect combo." 6

"You seemed to have fun when you were sucking on my finger twenty minutes ago." 25

"It's just..." I exhaled, blowing a strand of hair off my face. "This is really
boring." 9

When he turned sarcastic, it was when he really started to get mad. "Let's go spray
paint under a bridge right now."

"I told you about those things but it's not for you to use against me!"
"I'm not..." He shook his head and pushed a hand through his hair. "Flora, what's
this really about? Why are we fighting all the time?" 19

I wish I know, I thought as I looked down and concentrated on the contour of the
popcorn. All the rest left in the paper bag were pale and stripped of caramel,
completely unattractive. 12

I used to imagine a relationship as oysters and pearls, this hallmark dish of

Thomas Keller's Michelin restaurant. The exquisite, buttery taste of the oysters
and the Sterling white sturgeon caviar went together in harmony, like they were
holding hands and singing a duet, and every bite tasted better than the last. But
now, as I gazed absently at the white, fluffy popcorn, I realized that this was
more like a real relationship. One had to eat through maybe a hundred of those to
get to a few good ones. 3

"I feel like we're eighty and living at a retirement house," I said. "I want to do
stuff I used to do with other guys, things that make me feel young and carefree and
crazy. All you do is lecture me." 29

Sean snapped his laptop shut before he turned to me. He made sure he saved his
draft first, of course. 57

"Flora, your guy friends call you up for fun when they feel like it, because they
don't care about what kind of trouble you get yourself into. I can't be just about
fun and going along with whatever you say. I have more things to consider." He
rubbed his temples. "If you really want to go to a party we'll go, but don't
pretend you're fine with it at first then pick a fight with me later." 22

I bit on my lip and said nothing at first. I felt so immature. "I don't want to
drag you to a party against your will, and now you've ruined my mood to go
completely," I mumbled, and deep down I knew it wasn't even about the party. I
didn't know what we were fighting about anymore. "Sometimes you really get on my
nerves." 23

He didn't reply right away and I knew I had gone too far. I wanted to say something
to undo it, but as usual Sean's silence scared me. I watched him, his eyes
darkening as he contemplated his next move.

"Well...would you feel better if I left?" he said finally, his tone more defeated
than angry. "I can see myself out." 17

He had never walked out on me before. By the end of every date we were always
reluctant to let go, hoping to squeeze in one more kiss before the final goodbye. I
burst into tears out of shock. "I don't want you to go. I want you here with me!"
46

As the tears ran down my face, falling and tripping into my silk top, I wanted to
slap myself. I would never deliberately cry to win a fight, I mean, that seemed so
out of the point. I wasn't fighting to win. Heck, most of the time I wasn't even
sure why I picked a fight with him. 44

I could've come right out and asked him to go to the party with me, and Sean
would've said yes. I could've called Jessica and Sarah and asked them to come with
me, since an ABC party was something right up their alley. I could've gone myself.
I could do all these things, yet I chose to stay in with Sean and got mad at him
because he didn't jump at the chance of going out, even though I knew in the first
place that was the kind of person he was. 20

Perhaps I was the kind of difficult person that was initially easy to get along
with, and in the middle of it I'd reach a phase where I tested him all the time,
and after that I would be back to normal and we would be solid and permanent. 2
Even something as dull as water has three states; surely we as humans are more
complex than that? 33

I decided that's what it was. I was going through a phase, a mid-relationship

crisis where I became teary and difficult, even though I had every intention to
remain poised, understanding and likable so Sean wouldn't stop loving me. 11

As soon as he saw me cry, he backed down instantly as always. His urge to comfort
me kicked in, but for the first time I wondered if he'd develop a resistance to
these urges over time. 3
"Okay, okay, then I'll stay," he stammered, brushing at my face clumsily. "Don't
cry, please? I'm sorry I said that." 11
I nodded, telling myself to stop acting like a psycho bitch and pull myself
together. When I finally calmed down, Sean looked at me tentatively, like he was
about to ask me for a big loan. "Flora, I think...are you unhappy with me?" 52

"No!" My eyes widened with horror. "I don't want to break up!" 8

"That's not what I'm suggesting. I just think...you seem dissatisfied, and I know
I'm too boring for you. You want a more spontaneous and fun partner," he stated
very calmly like it was a fact not up for dispute. 8

But he was The King. Who ever heard of a king who was spontaneous and fun? He
needed to be noble, honest, wise, and had integrity, which was Sean all the way.
"The King does not need to change," I said. 85

"I don't feel like the king very much these days with you biting my head off all
the time. I feel more like a mantis," he said, and after seeing the blank look on
my face, he explained, "You know the female mantis always bites off the head of the
male after mating." 74

I laughed despite myself. That was so him. Telling me biology trivia in the middle
of a fight. "You really are an adorable nerd."

"Flora, I've always been a nerd. I told you the first time you said you liked me. I
told you I'm boring and I study a lot, and that I'm not romantic and exciting,
remember? You said you didn't believe me." 6

I nodded. "I remember, and I remember thinking just sitting with you alone in a
room feels very romantic and exciting already."

He exhaled. "So what has changed? Do I turn out to be below expectation?" He looked
hurt. "You can be honest with me. Do you like me more as a crush than a boyfriend?"
19

"Of course not! I like you much more now...you're stricter as a boyfriend, but
you're also sweeter and more caring than I ever imagined. You're an exceptional
boyfriend. You actually far exceed my expectation." And of course there were
certain things he would only do as a boyfriend. 9

He smiled tightly. "Then what's the matter? I don't really mind that you get mad at
me a lot. I'm just worried you're not happy." 1

"I think...I've become greedier." That's it, I realized suddenly. "Before we got
together, whenever you so much as looked in my direction I got such a thrill. I'd
be happy just getting your call or discussing history with you. I had the most
amazing time when I was drying dishes with you and you kissed me on the cheek.
Sandy said you had no balls, by the way, but I thought it was such a cute thing to
do." 4

"It's got nothing to do with balls. It's called self-restraint," he corrected.

"Yeah, I know, but since we got back together I want more of you, like, all the
time. I want to do everything with you, and it's never enough. I miss you so much
when you're not here, and when you're with me I want everything to be superb. I
mean, if you were just a random guy I wouldn't care if every date is the best in
history, but I guess I just expect more from you. Do I make any sense?" 33

"I get it." He nodded. "You're saying you give me a hard time because you love me.
I can live with that. Being angry is better than disappointed. At least you care
enough to fight with me, right?" 8
Was it my imagination or did Sean actually seem quite pleased? He was all
optimistic, like fighting a lot was a good indicator of proper communication. 7

"Yeah, it's because I love you," I said, which was the truth, "and I didn't know
that being in love would make me so out of control. So needy and insane. You're
like some sort of hard drugs that don't sit well with me." 11

He laughed. "Hey, you are the drug and I'm addicted." After he delivered this lame
line which he stole from the drama we just watched, I could tell Sean was
blissfully unaware again, convinced that all we needed was love. Perhaps he was
right, because after all he was always right. 40
He brushed at my hair and played around with a strand, then he turned his gaze back
to my face, all indulgent and earnest, and I was once again sucked into those
gentle pools of blue, completely defenseless. "Baby, this is me at the most," he
said. "I know it's not much, but I love you and I'll never betray you. I hope
that's enough." 36

I nodded and pulled my lips into a smile. "That's enough," I echoed, and I kept
telling myself that.
That's enough. 49

That's enough.

He really was a wonderful guy and we loved each other. How could that not be
enough? 166

Chapter 58 The vampire party

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Dedicated to enjoylife66

by rainbowbrook
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Sean 10

My life with Flora stretched on blissfully. Days were just days, but with her in
it, each day felt heavier with importance. The significance of every small event
seemed to expand. I wasn't just dating, but dating Flora, and that made all the
difference.
18
But while most of the time she made everything feel chocolate-dipped, there were,
of course, some of the not-so-good days. Despite becoming increasingly attached to
each other, we couldn't seem to agree on anything. From fundamental things like
where to go to college and if we went to college, to the simplest things like what
to do, what to eat, and how often we texted each other. 6

At first she was fine with eating at my house. I had neither the money nor the time
for fancy restaurants, and Flora pleasantly agreed she loved my mom's cooking. Our
hormones were enough to paint everything pink, and flirting while loading the
dishwasher was fun enough in the beginning. 1

As the initial infatuation wore off and reality set in, she started to get bored.
One weekend I counted my pathetic savings and agreed to try molecular gastronomy at
an upscale restaurant she found on Zagat. This innovative dining experience
basically meant everything went through some brutal physics or chemistry
experiment, and nothing looked like how it was supposed to look like. The crab was
made into a salty orange sherbet while the chicken was minced and mixed with
unknown ingredients and turned into a marshmallow, with green basil foams sitting
suspiciously at the edge. 16

Wouldn't it be nice to crack open a bright red crab or tear into a piece of chicken
breast, feeling the correct texture between my teeth, and spend a tenth of the
price? 4

"It's not about the money," Flora said crossly. "I hate it when you make it about
the money. I'm not eating here because it costs more and it's classier. It's a
brand new experience and you're just...you have no interest in trying new things."
14

"I don't mind trying new things, but you can't expect me to like everything I try."
13

Her face hardened as she tried breaking off a piece of red jelly. It was made from
mango and saffron, and I strongly suspected she didn't like it either. "It's safer
to keep ordering the same thing, of course, so you never end up getting
disappointed." 7

That's not true, I thought. The same thing is exactly what disappoints you. 8

Most of the time Flora let me decide everything, but I began to see it was making
her cranky. I would suggest going out even when I felt completely drained, but it
wasn't enough, because Flora was sharp. She could smell indifference on me just
like predators could smell the fear on their prey, and she would accuse me of
putting up with her half-heartedly. 17

We went to an Indian restaurant the other day. Everything she ordered was awfully
spicy to the point of tear-jerking, and I couldn't understand why it was my fault
again but somehow it was. 161

"Why can't you just go along with me for once and enjoy?" she asked, eyes flashing,
angry and very pretty at the same time. 1

"I can't even make a comment?"

"You make a comment about everything," she snapped. "When do you ever gasp in
amazement when I show you something new? I get it you don't like molecular
gastronomy, but this..." She picked up a piece of chicken dripping in cream sauce.
"Look, chicken in its original form, and you can see every muscle fiber." 37
"I know. I like it, Flora, I just said-"

"I thought you liked hot, aromatic food that came in large portions, but you're
still complaining. It's not even expensive." 58

"I'm not complaining," I said. "I just said it was spicy. Sorry." 112

Was I deluded or had her temper gotten worse? The old Flora would probably just
laugh at the way I gulped down water and said I was adorable, but now she didn't
find me cute anymore. It used to be easy to get her to forgive me, but now it took
more and more effort and I was running out of cute lines. 41

She said it was just a phase, but it didn't look as if it was slowing down and
reaching a plateau. I feared that one of these days it would reach a point of no
return and nothing I said would work again. 12

We ate in silence for a while then I opened my mouth. "Can you give me a smile? I
had a terrible day. I was traumatized on the basketball court and now my girlfriend
hates me." 2

"You must be doing something wrong if your girlfriend hates you." 53

"She thinks I'm predictable and I make too many snarky comments." I suddenly felt a
little wounded. I took a moment to gather my thoughts, then I said in a low voice,
"But she used to like these things about me." 59
Flora looked at me and I saw the light shifting in her hazel eyes. She looked down
and sighed. Sighing and crying were two things she did a lot these days. "I'm
sorry. I still like that about you. I'm just really looking forward to a date with
you and I want everything to be perfect." 55

"I know, but this is perfect. Being with you is perfect. Even though I'm drinking a
lot of water." I relaxed a little seeing her soften. 1

"Yeah, where is she? I don't see her anywhere."

"Who?"

"The waitress in the purple bra. The way you're downing water is as if you're
summoning the purple bra goddess." She smiled slyly, referring to the time we went
on that double-date with Dylan and how he kept making her refill his cup.
Her eyes warmed as she reached over the table to pinch my cheek, and just like that
we were fine again. We ended the day pleasantly enough, and she kissed me so
fervently I got feelings back in my lips again, even though it was at first swollen
and numb due to the spicy food. 1
I kissed her back in an equally fervent manner just to calm my nerves. She told me
repeatedly about how much she loved me, and she said it really hard.
It was as if she needed to convince herself. 207

***

"What do you want to do tonight?" Flora's silky voice came through the phone.

Stay at home. "Let's go to a party," I said. I watched the sunlight filtering

through the blinds, falling on my bed in shreds of light. It had been another
hectic week, and the prospect of going to a party made my head throb. 53
But I knew better. After our failed attempts of trying new cuisines, Flora and I
went back to our routines of eating familiar food. She said it was less pressure on
her part because I was too hard to please. She was getting restless, however, and
if I suggested staying in tonight it would set her mood on fire immediately. 6
There was a brief pause on the other end. "Come again?"

"I said I want to party. Do you know any good ones?" 7

"You don't have to humor me, you know." She sighed. "We can stay home if you want
to." 5

I could sense a trap when I saw one, and I stood my ground. Our dispute went on for
a little while, both of us insisting on the exact opposite of what we wanted to do.
Finally Flora said, "Okay, let me check. I don't get invited a lot these days
because people just assume I'd say no."

For someone who didn't get invited a lot, she had more options than a regular
person got in a whole semester. Two formal dinner parties, a birthday bash, and
some weirdly suggestive theme parties that would make any parent sweat.

"Cops and Robbers?" I asked. "That sounds dirty, Officer Morgan." 17

She laughed. "How about this? Weekend at the Playboy Mansion. You know, bunny
costumes, silk robes..."

"I'm really concerned about the people you used to hang out with, Flora." 7

There was a soft chuckle, and I realized Flora was happy. She sounded lighter,
bouncier, like an intensified version of her. We went to her friend Jessica's
mansion, and neither of us dressed up as a vampire as instructed. She was clad in a
vintage-looking dark green gown, and I could see she curled her hair. She told me
she was supposed to be Kirsten Dunst from Interview with the Vampire, and I argued
I was one from the modern era, where vampires all looked like high school students.
22

Flora rolled her eyes, but they were full of light. I decided if this was what she
wanted, then I could put up with a few hours of mingling with strangers. 34

"You're not allowed to talk to girls, though." Flora wagged a warning finger in my
face. I couldn't tell if she was being serious. 17
"I won't. I'm here for the guys," I said. "Maybe if I flirt really hard, one of
them will buy me a purse." 34

Flora laughed, and it was the highlight of the evening for me. I could never get
tired of looking at her laugh, especially when it came a lot less these days.
Jessica was the only person I knew at the party, but after she discovered I didn't
bring my hot friend Jake, who was doing Claire from West Brighton this evening, she
lost interest in me. I let Flora do her socializing as I retreated to a corner. 2

I was fine being a wallflower as I watched Flora from across the room, until I
noticed she was soaking up the atmosphere like a sponge. I could almost see her
energy recharging like the stamina bar under a video game character. 46
It both amazed and alarmed me that Flora seemed happier talking to other guys. She
was like a chained dog set free in a park, and now she was running around barking
after a Frisbee. 40
The fact that she couldn't be like this when she sat home with me made my chest
tighten. It was a feeling of cold metal pressing against my ribcage that made
breathing hard. It wasn't jealousy-jealousy I could handle, and I was used to it-
but the dark fear that I couldn't satisfy Flora. It seemed that Flora was at her
finest form when she was like this, when she was circling the room, dazzling
brighter than the disco ball and making new friends. 57
We got together the first time with the help of a party and the second time
planning one. It made sense, because I fell in love with a party girl. I loved the
girl but not the party, and she was dragged out of her natural habitat being with
me. 35

I didn't react at all even when a couple of guys got too close, and I thought I was
doing a good job of being supportive, when Flora came back and sat down next to me.
She was drinking some kind of cocktail.

"Why aren't you drinking?" She nodded at me. "You used to drink at parties too."

"We can't both get drunk," I said. "I have to get you home in one piece." It was my
responsibility to stay sober and protect her, or at least her designer bag, but
Flora seemed disappointed that we couldn't get wasted together. 6

She took a sip of her drink. "Are you having a good time?"

Let's see...I couldn't talk to girls, I couldn't drink, I hated dancing, and my
favorite pastime was watching other guys come on to my girlfriend. "I'm having a
great time," I said enthusiastically. Since practicing for our history play, I'd
like to believe I picked up some incredible acting skills. 8

Flora sighed and set her drink down on the table. "You're a horrible liar, Sean." 4

"Don't worry about me. I really don't mind being here."

"You know those salesgirls in clothing stores who eye you suspiciously every time
you pick up something?" Flora asked. "The kind that rush over to fold the shirt as
soon as you put it down?" 11

I nodded uncertainly, wondering the relevance of this.

"Well, you sitting here as a chaperone kind of reminds me of that. It's like
partying with my dad...wait, my dad would probably be doing a keg stand now if he
were here." She blew a stream of air through her nose. "I can't fully enjoy myself
knowing you're tired and miserable...and probably counting how much alcohol I've
had." 40

Three glasses and on to the fourth. "Flora, come on. You were enjoying yourself and
that's good enough for me." 5

She shook her head. "Not when I know you're ready to strangle yourself with
boredom." She picked up her drink again, taking slow sips, like she knew she
wouldn't be drinking again in a really long time. She put it down with a clank.
"Let's just go." 2
She stood up with resolution and tugged on my hand. I followed her outside, unsure
and confused, wondering if we should stay for her sake or leave for mine. As soon
as we went out the door, however, I breathed better. The night was chilly but quiet
and comforting, like slipping under a cool blanket. 2

There was a small garden in Jessica's backyard. Flora sat down on the swing set and
I took the one next to hers. She was silent at first, absently tracing patterns in
the grass with her shoes. 1
"I used to party a lot," she started. "Sometimes I stayed till four or five in the
morning and I'd do crazy things with people I just met. I like it because of the
possibilities...it's an escape from the repetition of waking up, going to school
and getting back home again." 5
Just the thought of doing crazy things with random people at dawn drained me. I
relied on routines to keep my sanity and I needed quiet times to recuperate, while
Flora longed for the exact opposite to blow off steam. 37

"My point is," Flora continued, "somehow it doesn't feel right with you even if you
consents to it. I thought I wanted you to do my things, but once you agree, I feel
guilty about forcing you. Sometimes I wish you genuinely share my interests, that
you love parties and fancy restaurants the way I do...but I guess then you wouldn't
be you, and I probably wouldn't love you so much." 56
Her words were soft, but they wrapped around my throat and suffocated me. I took
her hand and stroked the back of it with my thumb. She said exactly what I thought,
but it didn't solve anything at all.

She brushed a strand of dark hair away from her face. "I know a lot of guys who are
exactly like me, yet I have zero interest in them. I love you partly because of how
sensible and good you are. You're like...a destination, and you're a good influence
on me. I probably partied too hard before I met you anyway."
"I can try harder to keep up with you," I said. 37

She grabbed my hand tighter. "No, I know you have a lot on your plate. You need to
be well-rested for your games, keep up your grades, and spend time with your
family. I know you always feel bad when you tell your mom you won't go home for
dinner. You never let me pay for you so I know expensive dates are out, too. I'm
more flexible, and I can do your thing." 2

When Flora was being so understanding, she made me doubly scared of losing her. I
didn't dare picture living without her in my life, which was why it was so hard for
me to point out the obvious. "Baby, I know you're not happy doing my thing." 6

"I'm happy if you're happy," she insisted. 41

We couldn't reach a conclusion this time, aside from the fact that we both wanted
to please each other. It was like pushing a plate of delicious food back and forth
and urging the other person to have the last bite. We could share food, however,
but to find common grounds seemed to be much harder. 12

I was disciplinary and she was spontaneous. I was logical and she was emotional. I
was cautious about risks and she was reckless. I was a saver and she was a spender.
I was often nostalgic, but she liked new and flashy things. 13

We weren't just different; we were complete opposites. 56

She rocked gently on the swing as we watched people staggering in and out the front
door. "We're so different," she said suddenly. "We have nothing in common." 11

Yes, that was about the only thing we could agree on. "We both like superhero
movies," I said, trying to lighten the mood. 3

She smiled, the edge of her lips hitching up.

"And ice-cream," I added.

"Well, if that counts..." She tilted her head. "We both hate it when it melts too
fast and starts dripping through the bottom of the cone." 22
We talked about that during our first date, and a surge of fond memories rushed
through my veins. I nodded. "Yes...and we like the beach and beach volleyball...and
bikinis." 1
"Indeed...indeed. We're both attracted to good-looking people. That's why we're
dating each other."

"Yes. Oh, and we like each other's friends and family. That should count for
something, right?" I asked. "I mean, who can put up with Jake and Dylan but you?"

"And Sandra. Let's not forget Sandra." Flora shook her head and laughed
sarcastically. "We're made for each other." 8

After that we were silent for a while. We could keep up this light banter, but both
of us were too afraid to address the elephant in the room. Finally Flora, being the
blunt one in this relationship, brought it up.

"Do you ever wonder if it'd be easier to date someone who's more compatible?" she
asked softly. 10

Her words dropped lightly on my chest and crushed the wind out of me. I loved her
too much to even consider it. This girl was too good to pass up and worth fighting
for with every cell of my body. 15

"It would be easier," I said, gazing at the face I wanted to look at forever. "But
I don't want it to be easy. I want it to be you." 114

Flora's eyes watered instantly and I fought back the choke that rose up from my
throat. Please don't bail on me, baby. Please don't doubt us. I can't do this
alone. I need you to fight alongside me. 235

My mind was a jumble of panicked thoughts when she stood up and stopped before me.
I was still sitting on the swing, and she lifted my face and bent down to kiss me
through her tears. 11

It was a fascinatingly displaced feeling. Strictly speaking we were still at the

party, but we were by ourselves. She was crying, but her fingers were brushing
through my hair with affection. Her body shivered slightly against me and I felt
really close to her.

She pulled back gingerly. "I want it to be you too, Sean. I want it to always be
you." She smiled at me and tapped an index finger on my nose. 8

The moment on the swing was like holding infinity in the palm of my hand, and we
were looking into eternity as if we really were vampires. It sounded insane but my
emotions were intense and engulfing me, and I couldn't be more certain that I
wanted Flora. 13

That was when I knew we had something very precious in common that surpassed
whether we liked Michelin food or science museums. I could probably find a computer
and type in my hobby, my favorite subject, my life goals, and it could find my
perfect match. Flora could walk back into the party and pick anyone she wanted.

And yet, it wouldn't be the same. Flora and I were just two people who wanted each
other to be happy, who understood and appreciated each other, who made each other
laugh out loud everyday. As unimpressive as that sounded, it was the most important
part of the relationship to me, and no one could make me feel the way she did. 17

I gazed at her, hair flying alluringly, eyes twinkling softly, and I knew even
though we could only bond through the shallowest things, we chose each other for
something profound and unexplainable. 5
We kissed for a long time outside Jessica's house. We couldn't decide if we should
go back in, but everything I felt that night, I knew Flora felt too.
And that was more than enough. 68

***

Can you guess how the ending's going to be? I want you to feel like it can go both
ways, because it often is like that in real life. Aside from some couples who knew
they found the one right away and those who know they shouldn't make plans too far
ahead because they're likely to break up before the end of the year, I think most
people in the middle of the spectrum go through good days and bad days, and they
alternate between feeling hopeful and dismayed. 116

Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thank you for reading :) 4

*"Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour" were William
Blake's words. 9

Chapter 59 The Gucci perfume (1)

186K 7.5K 1.8K
Dedicated to _ataraxia05

by rainbowbrook
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Flora 30

I had been feeling rather crazy lately, and by crazy I meant the bad kind. While
Sean aced at being in love as if it was a test, I struggled with balancing the role
of a good girlfriend and a headstrong, hormonal teenager, which resulted in a lot
of mood swings. I snapped at Sean all the time and I knew it was wrong. I wanted us
to be two rare blue parrots soaring over the carnival in the sky of Rio, but really
he was more like the house cat that was happy to stay at home and eat the same food
every day. Getting angry at the cat for not being able to flap its wings was really
unfair. 94

How miraculous is it to love someone and actually have that person love you back? I
should be weeping tears of gratitude instead of picking stupid fights with him
around the clock. When I thought of how ungrateful I was being I hated myself. I
had been crushing on this guy all through my high school years, and now he was
finally mine I didn't treat him the way he deserved. 20
I decided to adapt the famous JFK quote "Don't ask what the king can do for you,
ask what you can do for your king" and make it my life motto. Here are a few things
I (willingly) did for him: 25

1. I ate at his house and marveled over his mom's cooking when I really wanted to
have a candlelight dinner alone with him. Sean thought he was doing me a favor by
bringing me home, but what seemed like a warm gesture at first soon turned
stressful. Yes, I did like his family, but in front of them I had to be on my very
best behavior, like I was hosting the Ellen DeGeneres show. They expected me to be
funny all the time and start conversations, when sometimes I just wanted to pull
out my phone and check my texts. 9

2. Did we go to three-courses candlelight dinner sometimes then? Of course not.

Sean said he was all for it, but he slipped once and said he found it exhausting.
If that wasn't the most insensitive/ignorant thing I had ever heard then I didn't
know what was. The sous chef and line cook were back there sweating and slaving
away while all he had to do was pick up the fork. How could that be remotely
exhausting? 75

3. We didn't try parties anymore. I convinced myself that couples didn't do parties
anyway, since they were just an excuse for drunken people to get close to one
another. Now that I "graduated" from singleton, I no longer needed dark, crowded,
intoxicated places to meet guys (even though just hearing the words dark, crowded,
and intoxicated made my heart race in the very best way possible). Parties sucked
and I could live without them. 4

4. I had started working on his Christmas gift. At first I thought of buying him a
Bottega Veneta wallet since it was low-key and seemed to suit him, but then I
thought why bother. He had no money and credit cards to put in it anyway and I
didn't want him to feel like I was mocking him. I ended up--don't laugh--knitting a
scarf for him. I couldn't believe I was stealing gift ideas from Linda, but perhaps
that was what the Foster family liked. Home-cooked meals and handmade gifts. 72

5. Whenever I didn't see him I was out with my friends and annoying them about how
wonderful my boyfriend was, or I'd be sitting home knitting and checking the time,
waiting for him to come back, like the obsessed fangirl I was. I deserved to have a
bronze statue of me in the middle of the city titled "Flora Morgan, devoted
girlfriend and role model." 42
Sean was appreciative of everything I did for him even though he constantly worried
if I was happy. I assured him that I was, and in the process I assured myself as
well. What was there not to be happy about? After all, we had everything a solid
relationship offered: the stability, the trust, the security, and mutual
understanding, even though it lacked everything else: freedom, possibilities,
surprises, and unlimited choices. 58

When Sean smiled at me I still thought he was the greatest guy ever and I was
really lucky to have him, and that was when I scolded myself, screw choices. 17

I had already chosen the best anyway. 18

***

Before lunch one day I saw Sean in the hallway. He was heading to the cafeteria,
and when I called out to him, he turned and waited. I knew every girl in the
proximity envied me. I could feel the heat of their gazes on me as we linked arms,
like a scorching spotlight following our every step.

He may not be as cute as Jake to a lot of girls, especially if they preferred the
sunny, grinning kind of guys, but Sean had proved himself to be boyfriend material
and that in itself was very attractive. He smiled at me, and he only smiled at me.
It was like fitting a key into a lock, or speaking more scientifically, like
binding a ligand with a receptor or adding a substrate onto an enzyme. I was the
only person that could melt the aloof front he put up and it made me swoon
everytime. 33

"Hey," he said.

"Hey, handsome." I smiled up at him, and that was when I saw a few steps ahead, the
janitor left the storage room. The door wasn't closed completely. 7
The idea hit me like a meteor. It was a sudden surge of inspiration that flashed
through my brain. Even old married couple could create excitement among themselves,
and I knew we could make this work. 8
All we needed was some spontaneity.

I pulled him in the storage room with me before he could protest. I wasn't even
horny at all; it was the prospect of doing something bad with him--but like, not
completely, illegally bad--that exhilarated me. 1
It was pitch dark in there. I shoved him against the door and advanced on him. His
body was warm and solid, familiar yet somehow foreign at the same time. I could
hear muffled noises outside and I knew how close we were from the world, just a
door apart, and out there it was shiny and bright and public while in here it was
dark and sensual and sexy.
I felt a long lost but most-appreciated feeling: the course of adrenaline through
my veins. 1

"What are you doing?" Sean's voice came. He sounded...annoyed? Amused? I couldn't
tell.

"Isn't this exciting?" I found his lips and pressed mine against them very roughly.
It was still Sean but a tiny part of me felt like I was kissing a hot stranger. His
breath was warm on my face, and as usual he smelled of soap and fabric softener. It
was a cottony, fresh scent and very pleasant. 23

It took a brief while for him to recover but he kissed me back. I ran my hand over
his toned chest, and beneath my fingers, his heart pounded fast. A good sign. Sean
made a small sound between a sigh and a groan, and on hearing that all my reserves
flew out the storage closet.
He sounded so sexy, like a crime. For a while all I could hear was our breaths
mingled together and the electrifying heat between our bodies. My hand slid down,
past his flat stomach and still going lower. 5

"You like it," I teased, happy with my finding. 2

He removed my hand. "Yeah, but that's enough. Let's go before anyone finds us."

"Come on." I started kissing him again. He gave in. I touched his face, his neck,
and when I reached his collar, I started to unbutton his shirt.

"No," he said.

I ignored him and started on the second button. I just wanted to kiss his
collarbone, but Sean pulled away as if I offended him. 31

"No," he said more firmly this time. He pushed me off him in determination. With
the aid of the light that slipped in under the door, I could see him steadying
himself and buttoning his shirt.

The spell was broken, and it was hard not to feel humiliated and stupid. "What's
wrong with you?" I asked, more shrilly than I intended to.

"What's wrong with you?" he retorted. "We don't need to sneak around like this." 99

"We're just doing something different." 2

He exhaled, and even in the dim light I could see the disappointment on his face,
like he didn't understand me. Like I was unreasonable and insane. "I'm going to
open the door now, okay?" 7
He reached for the knob and turned. The light poured in, washing over me like a
bucket of ice water. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me outside.
"Can we just drop this and go to lunch?" he asked, and I didn't miss the hint of
exasperation he tried to hide. 7

"No." I shook my head and stood rooted to the ground. I stared at him in defiance.
I didn't know what I expected of him, really, and I knew I was letting this get out
of hand, but this time there was no wise Flora subconsciously telling me to look at
the bigger picture. This time I just knew I was very upset.

"I don't want to get caught," Sean said. "It's bad for your image." 16

"How's that bad for my image?" 2

"Well, you're a girl, and people are very unfriendly toward girls. They judge you
on anything--" 1

He was cut off when the janitor walked back. Sean arched one eyebrow at me to
further prove his point, that we would've been caught if he hadn't been so alert to
stop it from going further. 3

"I was just kissing my boyfriend. It's not like I was kissing a faculty member," I
said, my voice rising.

"Yes, but you know how mean people are. They start rumors and spread lies,
especially when it comes to you..." He stopped and bit on his lower lip, like he
accidentally said something he shouldn't have. He reached for my arm and suggested
lunch again. 5

I shook his hand off. "What does that mean? What have people been saying about me?"

"Nothing," he lied. "I just meant that you're the center of attention so people
like to talk."

"Tell me!" 2

"Nothing," he repeated.

"You promised you would tell me everything!" I dropped the magic line.

"Just that...you dated around...there are implications...and lots of toilet

graffiti in the boys' locker room," he said in a very low voice, but it felt like
it exploded on my eardrums. 18

A sharp, sour sense shot up my nose like vinegar, and I was suddenly on the brink
of tears. Sean's name was written in the girls' locker room a lot too, but it was
usually accompanied by hearts. I had a pretty good idea of what other body part
came with my name.

He tried to comfort me. "Boys are filthy. They fantasize about you then they attack
you. It's not your fault, but you have to be careful." 15

"I may have gone out with a lot of people but nothing happened!"

"I know, Flora. I know. I don't believe the things I heard about you."

"What have you heard?" I pressed. "Give me one example."

He stalled for time, and I held his gaze. He tried to tell me that it didn't matter
to him, that those were just rumors, and while I knew I shouldn't care, I just
really needed to know how far lies could go.
"Well, for example..." He let out a reluctant sigh. "When you dated Liam Turner, he
used to brag about how you let him...do things to you." 4

"I didn't even let him touch my car!" An explosion of anger started out in my chest
and sprinted all around, toward Liam, toward Sean, I didn't even know. "I went out
with Liam just to spite you. I bet you never defended me!" 10

"How was I supposed to defend you? You were dating him and I was just your ex-
boyfriend," he said. "It was bad enough being on the same team with him. I had to
hear him bluff about how you said he was better." 40

Tears rushed to my eyes. I was madder at him than I was at Liam. I knew he wouldn't
have defended me. If anyone ever so much as catcalled at Sydney, Dylan probably
would rupture that person's spleen. But Sean had such a holy image to uphold he
could probably run for congressman. 44

For the most part, I was mad at myself. Sean had specifically asked me not to go
out with Liam but I did it anyway. I remembered how I used to smugly flaunt my
relationships in his face. How I was so delighted with my ability to make friends.
How I was always confident about boys and the fact that I could make them like me.
3
Now I understood that they didn't necessarily like me. 2
I had a reputation, and I was laughable. 54

"I just like the dating and meeting new people part." My voice was barely above a
whisper. "It's not the same with you. What we share is special. I didn't let
them...I never did any of the things that we...that we..."

"I know. I don't care about all that. I just don't want to give people materials to
say nasty things about you." 4

But he cared, obviously. Otherwise he wouldn't have been so reluctant to date me at

first. Or so quick to jump to conclusions about me cheating on him. Or so guarded
about my friendship with other guys. Or so worried about people turning our kiss
into a big rumor about me giving birth to a baby in the storage closet. 8
It was too overwhelming and I just had to say something stupid. "I'm sorry it
humiliates you to date me!" 15
"What the hell? Why are you saying this to hurt me?" His jaw clenched. "I've never
thought that you're easy, you know that." 9
"You do, you just don't have the guts to admit it!" I always thought I was popular
and sought-after, and now I realized it was nothing to be proud of. I was easy, as
my boyfriend put it. I had been called far worse before, but coming from other
girls I just assumed they were jealous of me. I never thought about what it meant
to Sean. It was just one more thing that was wrong about me, one more thing to
indicate I was wrong for him. He was the White Knight of Gotham and I was just the
whore of Babylon. 118

Sean looked mortified, and I thought he would walk away from me. I was yelling at
him in the hallway like a proper madwoman, and he hated public embarrassment. This
was it. He wouldn't put up with my insanity anymore.

Instead he took a step toward me and wrapped me in his arms. He hugged me tightly.
"Don't say that. I love you. I love you." 74

I felt myself shaking all over. He kept saying he loved me, his voice as firm as
his embrace, until I nodded and calmed down gradually. 1
"Okay," I whispered.

"You sure?" he asked, and I nodded again.

"Yes. Let's go to lunch now." I forced out a smile. 7

"Do you need to fix your makeup or something?" 9

He waited outside while I went in the restroom to reapply my eyeliner. I stared at

the wide-eyed, crazy girl in the mirror and almost couldn't recognize her.

Everyone said Sean was a great influence on me. I got better grades, I drove
slower, I spent less money, I got home at a reasonable hour and I didn't hang out
recklessly with strangers. I didn't make fun of people's clothes or make mean
remarks, and I stopped drinking and getting high. 38

I felt like a bottle of Flora by Gucci perfume (it literally had my name on it)
diluted repeatedly with Sean, until the content wasn't what was there originally. I
still came in the same pretty little bottle with a black bow-tie on top, but I
wasn't the same inside anymore. 67

I couldn't decide if that was a good thing. 27

There was no debate about it, however, that I loved Sean to pieces. I loved him
inside and out, from his pretty face to his kind heart to his balanced, sensible
personality. I loved the sweet boy he was now and the responsible man he was to
become. I loved his vulnerability and his strength, his weakness and his power, his
efficiency and how unromantic and practical he was. 5
The only bad thing about him was that he somehow made me feel bad about myself.
Even though I looked up to him, I never really felt beneath him until now. The more
I knew him, the more I added height to the pedestal I placed him on, and the more
desperate I was about fixing myself to match him. I was insane about the
possibility of losing him. I wanted to melt myself into him so we could become one.
47

When I walked out he smiled at me, breezily, as if nothing happened, as if I didn't

just yell at him in plain view of everyone. He held my hand on the way to the
cafeteria. 1

"I'm sorry," I said in a small voice. "I'm really sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about," he said lightly and squeezed my hand.

I glanced up at him and felt dirty, like I didn't deserve him because he was too
perfect. 203

***

Sorry for the long wait and a chapter that doesn't make you feel good :( 9

The last few weeks had been very stressful for me as I prepared for one of the
hardest exams I had to take in my life, but now that I passed (yay!) I should be
back to weekly updates. Next chapter will be in Janet's POV (I know, I know, how
unprofessional) because this story is coming to an end, and since Sean and Flora
are both unreliable narrators who only focus on the things that stick out to them,
I find it necessarily for someone wise to point out possible solutions. 21

Being in love can make some people very irrational. Not everyone is constantly
happy and contented in a relationship, and some of us turn very difficult. Like a
lot of other important things in life, it takes practice. 3
I'm not emotionally attached to my characters and I don't consider them my babies,
so it's fine if you don't like them (unless it's a very offensive remark). I'm not
eager to defend their actions, either, since I know opinions are hard to change.
However, whenever I receive empathic, intelligent feedback from readers I always
want to hug my comment section. Thank you for being understanding and for reading a
"love story" that isn't beautiful. Thank you so much.

Chapter 59 The Gucci perfume (2)

167K 7.4K 2.3K
Dedicated to http-jpg

by rainbowbrook
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Janet 27

Juicy news traveled fast. I heard about my favorite couple's fight before they even
entered the cafeteria. There was a hush as soon as they walked in, like we were in
a movie theater and the lights just dimmed. 8

Flora's face was set in defiance as her eyes circled the room. She tilted her chin
upward, challenging everyone with a what-are-you-looking-at glare. Sean reached an
arm around her shoulder and steered her toward the food. He bent down to whisper
something to her and she nodded. 9

They joined the line. Flora carried the tray, and I could see Sean nodding to some
of the dishes. She briskly picked up whatever he wanted. He was busying rubbing his
hand on her upper arm. She leaned her head against his shoulder whenever the line
wasn't moving, and at one point she reached up to stroke the back of his neck. Sean
turned to her and smiled. 3

To an outsider they looked as deeply in love as ever. To me, however, they looked
like Hollywood couples, the ones who hold hands as they walk down the red carpet,
making a statement to the tabloids about how perfectly in love they are. 11
Something almost negligible was missing. It was like taking away the filter from a
camera lens; things appeared about the same but just not quite right.

There was no emission of serene happiness. The telepathic connection between people
in a relationship. A secret look only they knew the meaning of. Smirking at each
other like sharing an inside joke. Right now Flora was smiling so fake she looked
like the wife in The Truman Show, and Sean seemed to be trying too hard. A public
declaration of love in the hallway? It was so not him it was alarming. 7
"Are you guys okay?" I asked when they sat down to join me. "Worried about not
being popular enough?"

Flora nodded. "Yup! I noticed some of the sophomores weren't paying enough
attention to me. I need to show them who the real drama queen is."

"We're fine," Sean said. 1

"We have too many sparks between us, sometimes an occurrence of a short circuit is
inevitable." She looked at him. "That's what causes a short circuit, right? When
the electric current is too strong?"

"Yeah. It can happen when the wire is damaged, too." 65

Flora didn't pick up anything to eat. On the tray was just the same couple of
greasy items Sean ate every day, and I knew exactly what caused the explosion
between them. Too many sparks and a damaged connection. 11
"Hey, have some consideration for your less intelligent friend," I said. "Can we
not have a physics lesson in the middle of lunch?"

Flora smiled. "What's new with you, Jan?"

"You guys wanna do something fun?" I twirled my spaghetti around the fork. "I want
to shoot a music video and post it on YouTube. Do you want to star in it?"

"What's the song about?" Sean asked.

"It's a lighthearted song about high school love. It's called Twisted Fairytale."

"I get it." Flora nodded. "Sean is the fairytale part and I'm the twisted part.
Cool." 12

"Hey." He frowned and nudged her lightly with his elbow.

"You're both the fairytale part," I said. "It's a fairytale with a twist, you know,
without the dwarves and elves, castles and dragons, and instead there are real
conflicts and hardships, but you can still get to happily ever after. Just not in a
royal carriage." 18

"Maybe in a Mercedes," he said.

She smiled. "Is that song actually based on us or do you just want someone good-
looking in your video? I'd love to do it, as long as you're not worried that ninety
percent of the comments below will be about your pretty brunette friend." 4

"I figured you'd be interested since you two are so into acting," I said. "I'm
really looking forward to your history presentation, by the way." 62

Sean dragged a fry though the ketchup. "We haven't practiced our history
presentation in ages. We're up after Christmas holidays." 2

"Yeah, it was just an excuse to get close to him." Flora smiled up at him, her
whole face drenched in admiration. "But we have much better things to do now."
Fighting in the hallway, for example. 18
Flora stood up when she saw Lucia went through the door. She announced she needed
to talk to her about cheerleading tryouts, then she squeezed Sean on the thigh
before she left. 1

At first he was silent, but when she was a few steps away, he looked at me. He
parted his lips slightly then closed them again, like he was dying to talk but was
debating about whether it was the honorable thing to do.

"Is everything really okay?" I asked.

He flicked his gaze to where she was, all the way across the room. She was bent
over in laughter, a hand on Lucia's shoulder. He turned back to his tray and picked
up another fry.
"It's okay to complain once in a while to your very best friend," I said.
"Well, actually I want to ask you if she ever complains about me."

"Hardly ever," I replied. Flora stopped complaining about everything altogether,

because Sean doesn't like whiny people. Besides, she was practically building a
shrine for him with the way she obsessed over him. "When she's with us she can't
shut up about how great you are." 5

"Not even about how our dates are boring?"

"No, she says she can't get enough of you. I shouldn't tell you this but your new
nickname is Mr. Diamond."

"Why? Because I'm shiny but useless?" 18

"No. Because a diamond is forever." 18

He groaned as he rested his forehead against his hand. "Great. My biggest regret is
that I never should've mentioned forever. It's just a direction to work for, but I
think she takes it as a life sentence or something." 38

"How so?"

"Just the other day she said, there's something so final about forever. It's like
whatever she has now, it's going to be like that for the rest of her life. What she
doesn't have she might as well forget it because she'll never get it." He sighed.
"Isn't that bad?"

It was worse than he realized. Flora felt trapped instead of protected, and the
word shouldn't have that kind of effect. 4
I met Brian when I was 16. After one of my gigs he had walked up to me and said, "I
know I'm probably the eighteenth person to say this tonight, but you were
sensational." 3

I had thanked him and asked which song he enjoyed the most. He told me it was Index
Finger. If it were back in the cassette days this song would probably be placed on
the B side at track three. No one had ever commented on it but secretly it was my
favorite song. 5

"It's like you couldn't wait to get to this song. You sang all of the songs with
passion, but when you sang this one, you had a...a special light in you, like it
reminds you of why you like doing this," Brian said. He had a really nice smile.
"If I completely misread you, please don't be offended."
I was shocked, then I was hooked. I gave him my number and I waited for him to wait
for at least three days before he called me, should he decide to call at all. He
waited for an hour. I was barely out of the club when the phone rang. I already had
so much to tell him, and it went on all through the night. It was very Before
Sunrise. 19

I wasn't normally very chatty on the phone but somehow it didn't surprise me when
the sun came up. I watched the sky unveiling and unveiling, turning from the color
of dark sea water into the underbelly of a fish, the light casting different shapes
on my window pane. I yawned and said, "Hey, it's good morning, I guess." 8

"Good morning. Want to come out for breakfast?"

A few months later Brian told me he had wanted to tell me that first morning, on
the spot, that he hoped to marry me one day. He didn't say it then to avoid
sounding creepy, and my toes curled at his words. I loved hearing it, creepy or
not, and I remembered how in the initial stage I wanted him to only see the best of
me. He was only to hear my loveliest songs, look at my prettiest dresses, laugh at
my funniest jokes, and I would be cool and clever as I tried to impress him. 6

Thirty dates later we would be lying in bed, hair uncombed, clothes unchanged as we
ate pizza, sometimes not even exchanging words. Sometimes we would go on a marathon
and watch every movie directed by Coen brothers, from The Big Lebowski to Burn
After Reading, argue over our favorite one, then eat more pizza. Sometimes we
fought, mostly over his parents, who only wanted him to date other premed students.
Sometimes we ignored each other for days. 11

He had seen me at my worst and I him, but that was a good thing. If you only see
one facet of a diamond, how can you define its glamor? I had never felt bored,
scared or uncertain, and forever seemed so within reach. It wasn't a bad word, and
there was nothing wrong with wishing for it. 40

"I didn't ask Flora to make any promises," Sean said, "but I don't know why I can't
even hint at the prospect of a future without her freaking out. It was fine when we
were just flirting. Ever since we got back together she's been acting
really...emotional." 3

"Maybe because she cares about you more."

"Yeah, that's what she said too. But she's been crying a lot. Quick to anger. At
first it's nothing I can't fix quickly, but now it's gotten hard. I'm apologizing
to her all the time." 3

"I see." I nodded. "You are Leslizing her." 43

"What?"

"Is she crazy and clingy and teary all the time? You're turning her into Leslie."
132

He narrowed his eyes at me and leaned back. "J, I like your smart mouth, but you're
really mean sometimes. Besides, she was crazy before I met her. That part wasn't
me." 5

"I'm just saying Flora is really bad at being in love." 1

"Being in love isn't driving a car. It's a basic instinct, not a technique." 5

I shook my head. "Don't get me wrong, I know she really loves you. I used to find
her obsession cute, but now it's completely taking over her life. She doesn't know
how to love you and herself at the same time." 65

"What does that even mean?"

"She's not used to being in a relationship. She wants excitement, unpredictability

and a constant change. She thought being in love with you should be an upgrade from
just flirting, but instead she got a whole different package and she doesn't know
what to do with it." 5

"I can't change into someone unpredictable and exciting." Sean's eyes were a pool
of troubles. "I don't even want to change my cell phone ringtone." 73

"Actually I think she really does like you the way you are. That's not what I
meant."

"I think I bore her. She accuses me of making her feel like we're old and retired,
but she doesn't want to force me into doing her things, either." He exhaled.
"What's your suggestion? Do you think I should do something romantic?" 3

Even if Sean could think up new romantic things to do, which he couldn't, how long
could he keep it up? I chewed on my spaghetti and pondered, then I slowly said, "I
think you got too serious too fast. You're not going to like this, but I think you
should let her date other people." 63
"No." 48

"Not date date," I clarified. "Just hanging out with guys alone, however you call
it." 33

"How's that going to help?" His eyebrows were raised in plain disapproval.
"That's one of the things she had to give up, isn't it? Sooner or later it's going
to lead to resentment. You took that away from her but you're not able to
compensate her, and during the process you're also tiring yourself out. Just let
her do her thing." 55

"That's also the only thing I asked of her before we decided to go steady. It
matters a lot to me."

"She tries so hard fitting herself into your lifestyle and you try so hard keeping
up with her. Yes, I agree, a relationship requires effort, but it shouldn't take
that much effort. Let her go to parties with Raymond and expensive dinners with
Charles or whoever. Let them worry about surprising her with new date ideas. At the
end of the day, she'll appreciate having a steady boyfriend waiting for her and
she'll always choose you. You know you can trust her." 178

"It's not that I can't trust her, or that she's wrong to want to hang out with her
other guy friends, but it's just something I can't get past. It's easy to tell me
to just change my opinion and everything will be better." He heaved an impatient
sigh. "I don't even talk to other girls, yet she wants me to accept this. It's
unfair and it upsets me."
50
"But you don't want to talk to other girls anyway," I said. Sean put too much
emphasis on being fair, it was like he was signing a contract for a business deal.
"Brian doesn't care at all that I hang out with you or Dylan. I don't ask what he
does at university either. You just have to give each other some space. It relieves
a lot of pressure, trust me." 34

"What works for you doesn't necessarily work for us." 60

I tried reasoning with him some more, using Flora's analogy: food. "You may be her
favorite food, but she doesn't want to eat the same thing every day. She spends all
her time on you and it's making her feel restricted. In an paradoxical way it's
also making her insatiable." 20

"People are not vanilla sundaes," he said. "I'm not going to save our relationship
with the help of other guys." 24

I cocked my eyebrows. "So you admit your relationship needs saving?"

He scowled and suddenly he was defensive. "No, it doesn't. We're fine." 37

I shrugged. Sean almost never listened to me, even though I had proved my worth
time and time again. I hated to be wrong but in this case I really wished I was.
Was it too late to start subscribing to their newsletter? 7

Flora came back and sat down with an overly-pleasant smile. "So what do we have to
do in your video?" Her eyes sparkled. "Do we have to kiss? I'm saving my on-screen
kiss debut for Ryan Gosling, but I guess you aren't too bad either." She pinched
his chin. 7
"Anything you want," he said with a tolerant smile, even though kissing in front of
the camera would be the last thing he felt like doing. The way he looked at her
clearly showed he was hopelessly in love with her, but it was quite literally,
hopeless. 28

Neither of them could see it yet, but instead of Cupid shooting arrows between
them, it was Grim Reaper in its place. It saddened me because they were both good
people trying to make it work, but a relationship isn't studying for the SAT. 15
Sometimes the harder you try, the faster you are fucking it up. 135

***

I really admire people who manage to update every week. It takes me forever to edit
my chapters even though the whole story was written already. Thank you for waiting!
13

I'm putting up a short fan fiction at the end written by my lovely friend
AnnWrites. I was stressed out last week and she wrote this to cheer me up. It made
me laugh, so I hope you enjoy too (slightly mature content).

Flora: Seany, I feel suffocated in this relationship. I want a break

Seany: OK how long?

Flora: Five years 40

Seany: Nooo *cries* don't leave me Flora! *smooch* *smooch* *smooch* *smooch*
*smooch* 20

Flora: Sorry Seany! I have to go.

Seany: WHY?

Flora: I've been telling myself that kissing is enough. But Kissing is not
Enough!!! *wails* 3

Seany: wtf why not? 3

Flora: Because kissing is the easy part. 24

Seany: Shall I show you my hard part? *shows hard part* 170

Flora: OMG!

Seany: Are you still leaving?

Flora: No! 12

Seany & Flora: *smooch* *smooch* *smooch* *smooch* *smooch* *smooch* *smooch* 22

THE END 261

Part 6 ? Chapter 60 The NYC trip

198K 8.2K 2.8K
by rainbowbrook
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Sean 9

"Did you ever love her?" 5

Flora was curled up next to me on my bed, a glossy mass of hair draped over her
back. She was soft, seductive, and sadly in one of her moments where she felt like
interrogating me about every sin I had committed during The Separation. 10

Leslie was her favorite topic of attack and we had gone through it eighteen
thousand times already, with me begging for forgiveness at the end of every
discussion, without exception. 20

How does one answer a question like that without betraying either girl? I thought I
did but I most likely didn't, yet I felt guilty admitting it. It wasn't even
remotely important. Flora already had everything I could offer; she occupied my
thoughts, the whole view in front of me, every tender emotion I had, and my future
was in her hands, yet she still found it necessary to hunt down my memories with a
pitchfork. It was alarming because she was nothing like this before. 48

She had said Leslie's insecurity was well founded and that she didn't blame her for
being less than friendly, especially since the poor girl was misinformed about the
cheating issue. She had been sympathetic--because Flora was Flora and she was
gracious like that--yet adorably arrogant at the same time. She would jab a finger
at my chest and smile cunningly, saying things like, "She was right to be worried.
After all, we both know you belong with me", before moving in to grope me. 8

But that was in the beginning. As time passed, she became increasingly troubled
with the fact that it happened at all. She rechewed on my fermented past the way
ruminants regurgitate food, analyzing and breaking down events into smaller pieces,
and nothing good ever came out of it. 7

"Baby, come on," I said. "I don't grill you about your ex-boyfriends. It's all in
the past and you know I love you." 2

Flora was far from happy with my answer. "That's because there's nothing to grill
about. I was never in love with anyone else the way I'm in love with you right
now."

I pushed her hair to one side so I could kiss the back of her neck. "I feel the
same way, and the best moments of my life were spent with you."

"Ugh, I don't know what's wrong with me." She grunted. "I know I shouldn't care but
I just--"

"Okay." Most of the time I let Flora talk all she wanted, but there were times when
measures had to be taken. I covered my mouth on hers so she would shut up. 6
It worked beautifully for a while. We were kissing and her hands were all over me.
I always enjoyed how she wasn't afraid to take charge, and she made it clear how
much she liked touching me. Her fingers slid inside my shirt and she said,

"What if she moved back suddenly and bought the house across from you? Would you
take her back?" 59

I bit back a groan of annoyance. First we went over the facts, then came the
hypothetical scenario part. "If she threw extravagant parties and bought me
jewelries, I might," I said, playing along like we were talking about a scene out
of The Great Gatsby. 6

"You're not taking me seriously." 1

"Flora." 1

She flipped a strand of hair off her face and sighed. "Sorry." 8

I pulled her back in my arms and pecked her again on the lips. "Hey, I'm waiting
for you to ask me that burning house question."
I meant it as a joke but Flora seemed to think I was being sarcastic, so she gave
me a hostile sidelong glance. I grinned at her.
"Well, answer it." The corner of her mouth hitched up, as if she knew she was being
ridiculous too. "Who would you rescue out of a burning house, me or Leslie?"

"I think I'll wait outside for the fire truck to arrive." 30

She pouted and I smiled. "You," I said. "I'll rescue you out of whatever shitty
position you find yourself in, okay? I'll choose you every time." 16

"You can't rescue me out of this shitty position right now." She gestured wildly at
the space between us, suddenly distraught again. "And it's that I love you so much
I'm going crazy." 9
She got up from my bed, running a hand through her hair in frustration. I knew
Leslie was never the real issue. It was just something to get her started. A little
while earlier, Flora accidentally stumbled across the violin sonata Leslie had
written and recorded for me on my computer, and even though she said she didn't
mind and that I didn't have to delete it, I knew she was upset.

She was upset about the fact that it had the power to bother her. The old Flora
would be too confident to care, and she would probably laugh and say it's too
Victorian, but now the smallest things set her on edge. 1
I noticed the changes in her, more obvious day by day, but I didn't tell her for
selfish reasons. I didn't want to lose her. 3

She wasn't happy in this relationship anymore. It was a plain, sad fact. A small
piece of information, almost too simple to hurt. 79

But it did, and it scared me more than anything.

"I'm not cool anymore," Flora said it herself. "I'm jealous and clingy and moody
all the time. I'm not fun. I've started crying a lot. When you go to your
basketball games I just mope around waiting for you to come back. You'll stop
loving me eventually and I'll die a slow, painful death. I'll mumble your name on
my death bed and you won't even remember me." 82

"I think you sound exactly like who you were. Overly dramatic." I stroked her hair,
smiling, but I was so worried my head hurt. "Come on. Loving me can't be that bad.
You make me sound like a terminal disease." 24
Flora was a delicate jasmine flower withering right before my eyes, despite my
intensive watering and fertilizing. 41

"I used to be very carefree," she said. "Now I feel like I have everything to
lose." 14

"But isn't that what's beautiful about love? I know how relaxing it is to date
people you don't care about, but I wouldn't trade what we have for anything." 16
She picked up items from my desk listlessly as if she didn't hear me. "Are you
starting to get tired of me? I'm freaked out. I think we've gotten really serious
and I'm afraid to imagine what will happen when you lose interest in me." 1

"I won't lose interest in you. I like that you care about me, and I still think
you're tons of fun." 1

"Really? I hate the way I am when I'm with you. I really hate myself," she
emphasized. I was no master but self-loath didn't sound like the right emotion to
have in a relationship. "I think I'm better for a fling." 70

"You're too good for a fling. If you leave me I'll die." 43

She smiled a little at my imitation of her, but inside I felt really sad. I watched
her pick up the postcard she had written to me in the science museum. I had
memorized every word of it. The last part was "once upon a time you made a girl
ridiculously happy." I didn't dare ask her if she was ridiculously happy now. She
looked like the saddest, most beautiful thing ever with a haunting smile. 30

"Did you ever think of me when you were with her?" Flora started again.

"Constantly." I hated to admit this part; it made me feel like a lousy person. "I
would think of what you'd do in a certain situation and make comparisons. But the
thing is, when I'm with you I don't think of anyone else. You are everything I
want." 24

At this moment Flora dropped the line to break my heart. It was unexpected yet
hardly surprising to hear, and I let the hurt sink in defenselessly.

"I feel like I'm channel surfing," she said. "Even when I'm watching one channel,
I'd be thinking what else is on and what I'm missing." 37

What hurt the most was how she wasn't deliberately saying it to hurt me. It was
more like a monologue, a whisper to herself, but she somehow blurted it out, and
for a moment I was too choked to answer. The truth was lying right before me,
because my girlfriend was too honest and too blunt to disguise it. 5
I couldn't lie to myself anymore. Flora loved me, but she felt trapped. 50

"You feel like that because you haven't found what you really want to watch. If you
did you would be fixated. You wouldn't want to miss a minute of the show." I had to
force out my words. "That's what I feel with you, Flora." 30

She gazed at me from a few feet away, and then tears ran silently down her face.
Time stood still for a few seconds until she came back to the bed and threw her
arms around me, and everything started moving forward again at a mind-numbing fast
pace. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that." She was a mess of tears and
apologies and I love yous, and for the first time ever the discussion about Leslie
ended with her asking for forgiveness. 10
There was nothing not to forgive, of course, but I felt myself breaking inside.
Flora was more like Jeremy than she realized. She liked the hunting part. She said
I was the destination but the problem was she liked the journey better. 46

"Please don't break up with me," Flora cried in my ear. "You can't break up with me
because I said one stupid thing." 72

She thought love was only about kissing and flirting. She didn't know that it could
also be dark sometimes, filled with jealousy, fights, mood swings, and compromises.
The trailer lured her in, but now that she discovered the movie wasn't as
interesting as she anticipated, she was forcing herself to sit through the whole
thing. 87

I didn't dream about forever anymore. I knew I should set her free, but I was too
weak to let go. I was going to let her walk away from me when she was ready. 61

"I won't break up with you." I wiped her tears away and forced a smile. "You know
what we need? Let's go travel together." 62

*** 3

I could squeeze out three days during Christmas holidays and she said she could do
the same. Deciding on a location was tons of work, needless to say. Flora had an
unlimited supply of impractical suggestions. She wanted to go to Paris. I wanted to
go on a road trip where we stopped at delis and had rowdy sex in motels, ate lots
of gas station nachos and listened to loud music. She said motel bed linen would
give her a rash and she couldn't stay anywhere below three stars. 12

In the end we decided to go to New York, since there was a good chance she would
end up there for the next four years. 2
"You'll come see me every weekend, right?" she asked cheerfully.

"Of course." Unlikely, because I'm going to lose that privilege, dear Flora. 43

For me this trip might as well be the last time I ever went there with her. Every
second was a count down. 155

***

"I want to stay at Four Seasons near Fifth Avenue," Flora said. "I'm so excited!
You haven't stayed with me overnight for so long. I miss waking up next to you." 2

"I can't afford it."

She rolled her eyes. "I have a really big allowance for Christmas. I mean, huge. I
know you secretly wish that I wasn't born rich. It's like Janet complaining about
her boyfriend being a doctor-to-be. You guys just can't accept what you're lucky to
have and be thankful about it." She tossed me the names of several other luxury
hotels to choose from just so I could feel like I had a choice, but they were all
ridiculously expensive.

She smiled at me in a tolerant way, like she found my financial situation

endearing. "Sean, you act like the idea of rolling on a Savoir bed and Frette
sheets would scald your skin."

"Flora, I really don't want to spend your money."

"Technically speaking, it's my parents' money."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

She folded her arms and narrowed her eyes at me. "Why is it okay for me to eat at
your place all the time, but it's such a big deal for you to accept favors from my
family?" 1

"Because that's different," I said. "My mom is going to cook anyway, with or
without you. You don't eat much."
"Well, I'm going to stay at a five star hotel anyway, with or without you. You
don't take up much space. If it pleases you, you can book a hostel bed and we can
meet every morning after breakfast." 28

I raised my eyebrows. "Good argument."

She chuckled and stroked my face. "Come on, let me spoil you." A kiss landed on my
cheek. "You're going to marry me anyway. My money is your money." 126

My stomach clenched. I was waiting for her to break up with me, and it was like
some secret bad news that she didn't know about yet. Flora flopped down on her bed,
pleasant and unsuspecting, typing on her MacBook Air for must-sees. She wanted to
buy me clothes and even suggested getting me a tailored suit. I told her I'd rather
shop for her stuff. 22

"Well, I like your style," she said, running her eyes up and down my body. I was
sitting backward with my arms propped up against the back of the chair. "You look
extremely hot even though you're just wearing a raglan shirt and Converse. Besides,
you're one of the rare species that look better without clothes anyway." 2

I watched her change the search to women fashion and Christmas shopping. It was
pretty fun seeing her get all cute and eager over boutique shops. "Hey, I almost
forgot." She turned to me. "I have your Christmas present ready."

I got up to pick up my backpack from the floor. "I brought yours, too."

"I got two this year?" Her eyes widened as she pulled out two presents. Linda
helped me wrap both of them. 3

I sat down next to her. "I didn't go through Sandra so I'm not sure about either of
these. I hope two wrongs can make a right." 9
The first was a sleepwear set. It was just a short PJ instead of the sexy lingerie
kind, but it looked nice to sleep in. 9

"This looks so comfy!" she squealed as she hugged the material close to her body.
She always acted super excited whenever I gave her anything. 10

"It's for you to think of me when you go to bed," I said. 1

She gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "I think of you all the time already."

I smiled. "Hey, if you like the first present then I'm confiscating the second."

"No way." She ignored me and started tearing open the wrapper. Her hands froze when
the content revealed itself. 1
It was a box of black and white puzzle. On the cover was an old couple standing on
rainy pavement and facing away from the camera, and off the corner, part of the
Eiffel tower could be seen. It was an antique photo taken during the mid-century.
When I bought it I had foolishly believed we could go to Paris together one day. 43

"Thanks." She sniffled. "You're really sweet. You remember I told you how my
brothers didn't let me join in their puzzle time."

"It's just therapy for your short attention span." 2

I could detect tears in her voice when she said, "We'll go to Paris together one
day." 32
"I hope so."

She pulled me toward her and wrapped her arms around me. When she kissed me, it was
in a way that seemed to suggest that she wanted to do this for the rest of her
life. For the moment I allowed myself to believe there was a sliver of a chance of
us growing old together. I demanded for my gift when we broke apart. 22

Flora beamed at me, and it was like staring at the sun. Her smile was bright and
generous as she took out a Louis Vuitton paper bag from her closet. The
disappointment rapidly descending upon me was hard to ignore. My heart fell, but I
tried not to let my face fall as well. 3

After all this time, how could she still think I would want that? I'd rather she
didn't give me anything. 10

"Wow, Louis Vuitton is like a boomerang," I joked. "It keeps coming back to haunt
me." 12

My smile faded when I reached inside and my fingers came in contact with something
soft. I pulled out a scarf. It was knitted with thick wool and the color was azure
mixed in with a hint of gray. There were holes all over. 18
"I knitted it myself," she said, her smile embarrassed. "I restarted three times
but I finally accepted this is the best I can do. It's supposed to be the color of
your eyes. But yours is of course nicer." 102
I ran my fingers through one of the holes and didn't say anything.

"Umm, the holes are unintended." Flora fidgeted. "Gosh, what was I thinking? You're
too handsome to be caught dead wearing something like that. It's against every
fashion rule in the universe."

I was still looking at the scarf without saying a word when she hastily reached out
to snatch it from me. "I'll give it to Edward. He deserves it by being mean to
me--"

"Baby, I love it." I swallowed the lump in my throat and found my voice finally. I
was literally speechless. Flora understood me. She knew this was exactly what I
wanted. She even knew she could mess with me by putting it inside a designer bag. I
leaned over to pull her in for an embrace, speaking into her hair and trying to
control the emotion in my voice. "Thank you so much. This is the best present I've
ever got." 103

"You like it more than Louis Vuitton?" She laughed. "You need therapy more than I
do. To be honest the best part of the gift is probably the paper bag." 8

"I mean it. I'm really touched." I buried my face in her neck, allowing her jasmine
perfume to pour at me from all angles. "Thank you. I'm going to wear it every day
in New York." 3

"Oh no you're not." She giggled in my arms. "Don't embarrass me like that in Four
Seasons." 17

***

I lied to my parents again and told them a bunch of us were going on a trip
together. They believed it, for some reason, but Linda guessed what I was up to.
She winked at me and told me not to go as two persons and came back as three, and
then offered to lend me money. I accepted her generosity since I needed all the
financial aid I could get. 48
I didn't want to argue with Flora about expenses anymore. I let her pay for the
room and tried to pitch in for everything else. I called the hotel in advance, and
when we checked in there were chocolates waiting. Flora was very pleased. She loved
the plate of flower petals beside the bath tub too. For 72 hours I had a heavenly
vacation where she decided everything, and I reminded myself to gasp in amazement
from time to time, even when she was just trying on shoes. 18

Our vacation was rich people's version of NYC, and Flora was dazzled. I suspected
it wasn't entirely to do with me. It was because of the city itself, the Christmas
ornaments, the fancy department stores and the display windows, the festive smell
in the air, the fineries in life. She was happy. She didn't lose her temper once,
not even when I made a joke about not being able to hear her over the ringing cash
register when she ordered room service. 1

But to be fair, it wasn't all about money. We went to MOMA and made out on the
deserted stairs. Took a walk in central park where we engaged in a small scale snow
fight and made snow angels. Had a couple of really good coffee in Williamsburg,
even though Flora was reluctant about leaving Manhattan for Brooklyn at first. At
night we sat by the window to savor the view, and she gazed at me with such love in
her eyes, saying we would do this every year. We took a bath together and she
kissed me everywhere. When we were in bed she whispered my name softly, repeatedly,
like a wistful sigh. 77

How could this end? I thought in a daze as Flora leaned in to wipe the cream off
the corner of my mouth. We were having cupcakes in a park, and she was sweeter than
the red velvet cake. How could I want something this much, only to see it slipping
away? 22

It was so unfair. I worked so hard for this relationship, yet it still wasn't
working. It dawned on me that Flora and I, we were so good together on a vacation.
It was easy when we were planning a party, when we were flying paper airplanes,
when we were on that overnight long date, when we were having non-stop sex at her
beach house, when we pushed everything else out of the way in the honeymoon phase,
and when we were spending Christmas holidays together in this fabulous city. It got
hard when reality was shoved in our faces, and our love didn't seem invincible
anymore in the harsh light of mundaneness. 52
We would go back eventually, and that was when we would be torn apart.

She brought her camera with her so I took lots of photos, snapping away without
thinking. I even kept records of things like the clouds and piles of snow on the
curb. I wanted to remember every minute of it. Mostly I took pictures of her
laughing. It was the best view in the city. 17

When our vacation was over and she was on her way to fly out to St. Bart's, I
kissed her really hard. I had a feeling it was the last. 61
"Thank you, baby," I said. I had a fleeting urge to cry. 5

"Four Seasons is really sensational, right?" Her eyes twinkled. "You'll never be
able to enjoy anything else again."

"Yes, I'll never be able to enjoy anything else again," I repeated, looking at her.
I already had my perfect ending with her in New York. 306

***

(I just want to quickly explain myself since some people seem to be confused. The
last sentence isn't implying that Sean will leave Flora. He realizes in this
chapter that she isn't happy in the relationship and is likely to leave him soon,
and he's worried it will happen once the holiday ends and they go back to real
life/school. He went on the trip hoping to have one last good memory with her even
though he was secretly waiting for her to break up with him. Hope that clears it up
:) 35

Thank you for every read, vote, and comment. This is the last part of the story and
we have seven more chapters to go. I really appreciate all the support I've gotten
along the way.

This chapter is dedicated to snoozes for being an awesome

writer/reader/friend/cover maker. I adore her writing as well as her book covers,
and she is so incredibly kind to make me one (see media). 1

Chapter 61 The tiramisu and the Kelly bag

178K 8.4K 4.7K
Dedicated to kemolive

by rainbowbrook
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Flora

It would be reasonable to predict that I, Flora Morgan, would not hold up well in a
long distance relationship. 36

When I had Sean beside me in NYC, every minute tasted like it was sugar-coated. I
was floating on a cloud and every time I glanced sideways he was there, tall and
handsome and very much mine.

When our plane landed in St. Bart's, it started to turn sour. My parents generally
gave us a lot of freedom in our luxury resort, so consequently me and my brothers
would all be out meeting potential targets (friends, for me, and something less
innocent for them). We would only join one another for breakfast as we shared gory
details over freshly baked croissants. I used to love it, but this time I missed
Sean so much I couldn't enjoy anything.
I sat by the pool half the time texting him, but he was busy doing family stuff in
Miami. Over at his grandparents' there were lots of holiday activities combined
with lousy Wi-Fi reception, so Sean didn't always reply back as eagerly as I hoped.
I understood, but it didn't stop me from getting in a pissy mood. Every phone
conversation deteriorated into a fight, until I wasn't quite sure what the point of
calling each other was anymore. 6
I knew it was because of the contrast. I was too used to holding his hand all the
time, and now I was left with a gaping void. It felt like quitting some sort of
hard drug cold turkey. 2

"You can't squeeze out twenty seconds to send me a text?" I accused one evening,
pacing in my room, all the while knowing I was acting stupid but I couldn't stop.
It was like watching the bimbo in a horror movie walking into a creepy garage; you
know she shouldn't but she's doing it anyway. 25

"Didn't I send you one in the morning?" Sean's tone was decidedly less patient than
the last time this subject came up, which was-fine, last night.

"That was like half a day ago."

He paused for a few seconds. "Flora, I don't want texting to turn into an
assignment."

"I'm not asking you to hand in a paper. Just a quick I miss you would be suffice."
6

"If I really just texted that, you'd be mad." He made total sense, which of course
made me madder. "Besides, Christmas is a time for family. I don't want to check my
phone all the time. It's rude."

"So now I'm rude, on top of everything else." 55

"Can you just be happy that your loving boyfriend calls you every night like he
promised? I really do miss you, you know that. Just..." He sighed. "Give me a
break, please." 42

There were three sentences that irritated me the most in a conversation, which
would be:

a. You are overreacting. 15

b. What do you want from me? 3
c. Give me a break. 26
These were also the three most frequent things Sean would say, in random order, and
sometimes all at once. 3

The call ended without getting completely out of hand. I told him I loved him, and
even though it came from the heart, it served more as a peace offering. He said it
right back like an echo. 15

For the rest of the evening I spent my time cyber-stalking people, but my mind was
elsewhere. I had to wonder what would happen when we went off to college. He would
be obscenely busy with his engineering courses and frat parties, and he certainly
wouldn't call me all the time either. When he came to see me on the weekends, we
would argue and he would try to comfort me and beg me to stop crying. Gradually he
would start to care less, until one day my tears would come to mean nothing to him.
It's called desensitization. 21

We would fall out of love, and he would disappear in my life. 6

"You look bored."

I was lost in my misery the next day, sitting by the pool, when a voice interrupted
me. I tore my gaze away from Sean's last message (sent five hours ago, if you must
know).
A guy with olive complexion and green eyes smiled at me coolly. He was attractive,
I'd give him that, although not quite as much as Sean. "Do you want to go find the
best tiramisu in St. Bart's?" he asked. 43

I frowned. "I have a boyfriend." 56

"What has that got to do with anything?" He sat himself down on the lounge chair
next to me and crossed his legs, with an ease that suggested he believed he could
come, see and conquer like Julius Caesar. 31

He had no idea who he was dealing with. If this had been back in my single days, I
would've flirted with him until he blushed. I ran my eyes from his tanned face down
to the navy polo shirt then to the penny loafers he was wearing. I even spotted a
Patek Philippe around his wrist. 2

Rich and pushy. Those were two irrelevant traits my boyfriend lacked, but precisely
because of that, I felt a familiar sense of excitement rising up, like Aladdin's
genie from the bottle. The blue genie nudged me with his elbow and wiggled his
eyebrows, saying, Look. Someone different.

He could turn out to be interesting, I decided, and I could smell the invigorating
scent of adventure. Not to mention I loved good Italian dessert. 20

But I wanted to be good now, for Sean.

"My boyfriend is just superbly wonderful, that's all." I sounded like a five-year-
old bragging about how their dad was the strongest man in the world. 4
He didn't give up. "He's not with you right now, and I bet he doesn't know about
the best tiramisu in St. Bart's."

Sean probably didn't even know what tiramisu was. He'd probably refer to it as some
spongy chocolate cake. 46

"I don't want to go, okay? Leave me alone," I snapped.

He got it, finally. The guy walked off in a huff. 8

I unlocked my cellphone screen. "My dear darling boyfriend I really miss you and I
need you so much." I texted Sean but he didn't answer me. Even my text wasn't funny
anymore. I sounded desperate. 36
Whiny, even. 6

I went back to my hotel room alone. My brothers were both out probably banging
whatever they caught sight of, and my parents were off doing couples yoga. I
actually thought hanging out with green-eyed boy would be sort of fun, if not it
would at least be a good distraction. I wouldn't consider it, however, because I
had to be a good girlfriend. 3

I felt proud of myself, I really did, but fifteen minutes later I was crying into
the pillow. 44

Everyone thought I was living in a grand palace, and in it I had everything I

needed. I had the perfect guy and I was so sure he was everything I dreamed of, but
right now I felt like I was standing on the balcony of my golden palace, staring
down. I wanted to escape to the field outside and roll around in the mud and the
rain. 18

Somewhere along the line, I stopped thinking about what I was getting from Sean.
All I could focus on was what I had to give up. 9
I was on vacation in a fabulous resort, wearing string bikini and lounging by the
poolside, yet I freaked out because a cute guy talked to me. That was when I
finally understood the worst thing a girl could lose in a relationship.
It was not a Kelly bag, not her reputation, not her guy friends, and certainly not
virginity-

It was herself. 29

In order to love Sean, I had lost myself. 454

***

My mom came in my room later after she and my dad had dinner by themselves. They
were always so romantic like that, not getting tired of each other. I wished
someday when I had three kids, I'd still place my partner at number one, although
speaking from the child's point of view it sucked sometimes. 9

"How's your evening?" She stretched her legs on my bed. Hanging out with my mom was
a bit like having a sleepover with a best friend. It was full of girly fun, gossip,
fashion tips and no lecture.

"It was okay. How's dinner?"

She was smiling as she recounted every stupid thing my dad said. He honestly wasn't
that funny, but she adored the man along with his lame sense of humor. 2
"Mom, how do you know dad is the one?" I blurted. 3

She was completely unfazed by my question. "I still don't know, really. A part of
me is still waiting to be swept off my feet by an Italian man on a Vespa." 34

I chuckled. "Seriously! You married at 22! Surely you were hit by true love and it
made you want to settle down." 2

"Have you seen the rest of the guys I used to hang out with? I was left with very
limited choices. And to be honest, I was hit by Edward," she confessed and grinned.
"We got really drunk one night and...I'm sorry, am I setting a really bad example
for my teenage daughter?" 6

I rolled my eyes. "Mom, I'm serious."

"Sweetheart, what's wrong? I thought you had an amazing time with Sean in New
York."

"We did, and that's why it's so hard right now."

Her smile faded and her eyes turned soft. "Tell me all about it."

"It's a lot of things." I sighed and told her everything, how I loved him, how I
hated myself, how we fought all the time but promptly made up afterwards, and about
what happened by the pool. Mostly I spoke of how I couldn't be sure of anything
anymore. "But Sean is a really good catch, right? You and dad like him. He's the
top in our class and he plays varsity basketball. He's really good-looking and he
even has cool parents and cool friends."

"You sound like you're writing his resume," she commented. "Surely you have more
personal things to analyze on." 2

"He has a noble heart. It's like, there's nothing dirty or indecent about him. He's
just really perfect."

"I seriously doubt teenage boy and not dirty belong in the same sentence." 18

"Mom!"

"Okay, I mean, no one's perfect," my mom said with an amused smile. 3

"He's as close as anyone can get. I'm never going to do better than that." 4

"Sweetheart, sometimes the best isn't necessary the best choice," she said gently.
"All you need to know is if you're happy with him." 32

"I am...I think. I don't know." I let out a long breath. "I love him so much, but
I'm starting to wonder if love is the only thing that matters in a relationship." 8
She patted the back of my hand. "I can't tell you what to do, but if you need some
time by yourself to clear your head, then do it. 17 is way too early to decide if
you've met the one anyway. You're still allowed to make mistakes." 38

I nodded.
"I didn't know if your dad was the one when I met him," she said, "but gradually he
did become it. It's not because he's the best guy I've ever met, but because of
everything we went through together, all the memories. Those are the things that
make him irreplaceable, you know? After all, we did raise three little rascals
together, and none of them bats an eyelash when spending our money. We have to bond
through battling our common enemies." 8

"I get it now. I'll talk to Sean when I get back." Just when she began to nod in
approval, I grinned. "I'll tell him apparently the only way to solve our problems
is to have a baby together." 47

My mom kicked me and I laughed. "Kidding! You won't be a grandma just yet!" 3

"So is the wedding off temporarily? I'll ask your dad to call the printing company
tomorrow and ask them to hold the invitations." 6

I giggled. "Thanks, mom. That would be really helpful."

"I know what can cheer you up." She sat up. "I actually do know where to find the
best tiramisu in St. Bart's. And it's still open. Want to have a mother-daughter
date?" 47

I smiled the most genuine smile all day. 6

***

When we got back I went to see Sean at his house. It was the end of the vacation,
and we were planning on discussing our history presentation for the last time. It
was, however, the last thing on either of our minds.

I used to think Sean was brooding before we got together. I had marveled at how
approachable he looked when he finally smiled, with his beautiful blue eyes
crinkling up at the edges. It had made me think of cracking open an ice door to
find a garden of blooming hydrangeas.
Now he smiled at me, but for the first time in a long time, I felt as if I was
staring at him through thick ice. He seemed out of reach and I couldn't tell what
he was thinking.

"Hey, so, I brought you these to look at," I said. I held out a thick stack of
photos we had taken in New York. Sean really wasted a lot of storage space shooting
meaningless stuff, but I printed them all out anyway.

We sat down on the floor with our backs against his bed and went through all the
photos together. I had managed to look horrendous in most of them, especially when
I laughed with my mouth opened too wide. It would be safe to presume I wouldn't
have a thriving career in modeling. 6

"That's so unfair. I took good photos of you, but you caught me at my worst
moments!" I swatted him on the shoulder. "It's like you were a paparazzi out to get
me."

"You're really cute," he protested. He stopped when he came across a photo of me in

St. Bart's, standing on the beach. "That looks amazing. Was it fun there?" 2

"Not really. You know how miserable I was," I said. "Sorry for shouting at you so
much."

He smiled wryly. "That's alright. I can't sleep without you shouting at me before
bed anyway." 3
Sean wasn't the kind of person to make a big deal out of it, but I knew I must have
made his vacation pretty terrible. Everybody has a limit. How long could he put up
with me, really? 9
Going to New York had been magical, but it disintegrated and faded in the light of
reality.

"Look, something happened in St. Bart's." I wasn't planning on saying anything, but
the moment I opened my mouth words tumbled out freely, the way clothes spewed out
of my closet every time I opened the door. I started pouring out about green-eyed
boy, and Sean looked at me in dread, as if waiting for me to announce I was
infected with an STD.

"And then?"

"And then I told him I had a wonderful boyfriend, then I went back to the hotel
room and wept."

Sean was too smart to not get it at once. "Well, sounds like your wonderful
boyfriend isn't so wonderful if the idea of tiramisu made you cry." 1

We were both quiet for a considerable length of time, measuring the weight of this
sentence and trying to pinpoint what it meant, until I broke the silence. "I'm not
sure..." My voice was small, full of uncertainty, like being called on in class for
the answer of a math problem. "I'm not sure I want to do this anymore. Maybe I
should stop before I do something crazy and stupid to hurt you." 60

"Like what you're doing right now." He was strangely calm, like he wasn't even
surprised. 7

"I can see us going downhill, and...I'd rather end early than badly. I can't bear
the idea of us ending badly," I said, my voice catching. "We can't make it pass
college." 33

"You have no faith." He sounded like he was just rehearsing a line. 40

"I want to be a better person for you, more sensible and mature...I want to be
emotionally stable like you...but it's really hard for me...it's making me unhappy,
and it's making you unhappy too. We met too early...right now we're wrong for each
other. I'm too young, too stupid and I'm going to wreck this...I need time to grow
into the kind of person that deserves you." By then I was crying and rambling,
unable to stop either, not even sure I was making sense. "You are perfect and I
love you, but...but I'm not ready for perfection." 114

He took a long moment before he answered. "I'm not perfect. It's hard to hear you
keep saying that because I can't even argue back. I don't know what I can do to fix
it." 1

"There's nothing to fix. You really are great the way you are, but I'm not ready to
handle this. You're like...a Kelly bag." 1
I had no idea why I said that, and Sean had no idea what that was. As I started to
elaborate on the idea, it became clearer that was exactly what he was.
Something exquisite, but not for me to own. At least not now. 5

"I got one as a birthday present when I was sixteen. It was something I had dreamed
about forever, and I thought it was all I ever wanted. I wanted to brag to all my
friends, take a million selfies with it and never leave home without it. But a
while later, I realized I couldn't handle this bag. It was too rare, too expensive.
I worried excessively about getting it dirty and making a dent, not to mention
people judged me quickly for being a spoiled brat." I felt embarrassed telling him
such a shallow story, but I went on. "I finally had to sell it online, and when I
found out I sold to an old lady with hideous shoes and a mustache, it broke my
heart, but I know it's the right thing to do. There's nothing wrong with the Kelly
bag. I just wasn't ready for it." 43

"Well, I'm not sure if I should be flattered that you think I'm a Kelly of all
boyfriends, or be offended that you think I'll wind up on the arms of an old lady
with a mustache," Sean said, "but I think I get it. Kind of. Right now you want
several different bags to go with different outfits?" 19

"I think I should go bag-less for a while until I figure out myself." 78

He nodded. Even in the middle of such a serious talk, I marveled over the fact that
we could communicate like this. Sean hadn't lost his sense of humor, and he was as
patient and understanding as always.

"Can you give me some time?" I asked. I knew I was being selfish. "I still love
you. I just need some time apart to clear my head."

"How much time?" 3

"I don't know. A short break." 7

He shook his head. "If you love someone you don't keep them waiting. If you don't
want me now, you'll lose me." 188

"I just want a break, not a definite break up." 14

"That's exactly the same to me," he said firmly, just as I expected. Sean liked
clear-cut answers. It was either a serious relationship or nothing. 54

My tears welled up again. I knew it would hurt but I didn't know it'd hurt so
instantly, like my insides turned over. I wanted to puke. It was like Spiderman
forced to choose between saving a cable car full of children or Mary Jane; it was
going to hurt either way. 11

For a while I couldn't talk. I couldn't be with him but I couldn't be apart from
him, either, and it was impossible to decide. But then I thought of the
alternative, that we learned to resent each other, or worse, that we grew apart
until the other person meant nothing. 8

"I guess we're breaking up," I choked out in between sobs. 64

"Are you sure, Flora?" he asked, almost serenely. "I don't want to break up, but
once you decide I won't say anything more to change your mind." 87

I wasn't sure at all. I felt like I was making a huge mistake, but after an
eternity I nodded.

"I don't want to get caught in a make-up break-up cycle," Sean said. "This is it."
83
I nodded again. 3

"Okay," he said. "If that's your decision, then I accept." 21

He was utterly composed throughout the conversation, like we were just discussing
what we'd have for dinner and he was okay with anything. There was no bargaining.
He just agreed. 19

We sat in silence, and then he picked up the photos I brought over again. This time
he looked at them with a slower pace, going over them one by one without saying a
word. I was watching him, half imagining him throwing those in my face.

His head was lowered, but suddenly I saw a teardrop roll down his perfect face. 568

I froze. For a second I was unable to react. I had never seen Sean even close to
tears before. He was always so poised, so in control of his emotions. 34
In that fleeting second I thought he had never looked nobler. 1
He was just trying to make it easier for me.

He wiped the tear away, and a second later he was back to his usual self, as if
nothing had happened. "Sorry about that," he said. "I thought my tear ducts
shriveled up back in third grade." 41

"Sean..."

"Can I keep the photos?" He looked up at me, smiling sadly as he said it. 28

"Of course." I nodded, my own tears falling each one quicker than the last. "Those
are for you."

"Thanks." 3

Even at the end, Sean remained the perfect gentleman he was. There was no
resentment, no yelling and no anger. I couldn't find one bad thing to say about
him. He was perfect all the way. 3
"Just so you know, I don't regret anything that happened between us," he said. "I
still think the best time of my life was spent with you." 41

"Me too." My voice cracked. "And I still love you. I'll always love you." 74

He smiled faintly and didn't answer me. After a short while he flicked his gaze to
my face, and I saw the lost little boy in his eyes again. "When...if you think of
me, can you remember the good times?" he said softly, and my heart constricted in
pain. "Not that we fight a lot and I make you cry." 319

At that a fresh wave of tears hit me, and I was reminded of all the little things I
loved about him. The way he drove. The sound of his laugh. How he bit on his lip
absently when he did his math homework. The thoughtful gifts he gave me. How he was
all about doing the right thing even though he could just opt the easy way out. He
was normally calm and confident, but when he showed me his vulnerable side it
melted me. How he was cocky and innocent at the same time. His kisses. His dirty
jokes and lame pickup lines. He was the sweetest, most earnest boy I had ever
known, and every moment spent with him was the best. 79

A sharp pang went through my chest. It was so hard to give up, but I knew I had to.
1

He got up and handed me some fresh tissues. "Stop crying, Flora. My parents are
going to think I hit you or something." 15

"Okay." I blew my nose. "Can we still be friends?" 62

He nodded. "Of course." 197

***

Please don't throw virtual things at me. Please still love me!! (You know this is
coming, right?) This scene isn't over yet, and we will continue the second half in
the next chapter. 275

I'm overwhelmed by the lovely comments I received in the last few chapters. I've
met so many awesome people through this site, and you make me feel so blessed and
loved. Thank you SO MUCH for sticking with me for such a long time. 6

I published a new story about Jake on my profile. If you're bored, you can check it
out and add it to your library. I shall start with that soon. Thanks again xx 11

Chapter 62 The history presentation

190K 7.9K 2.7K
Dedicated to Emmykie

by rainbowbrook
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Sean 83

We had a dog when I was little. Strictly speaking it was Linda's dog, but she named
it White Fang and her responsibility ended there. White Fang wasn't a good name and
it didn't stick, so we just called him Dog. I took Dog out for walks all the time
and fed him under the table. The nine-year-old me would proudly tell anyone that
listened how much I adored him, even more than I did my sister. 79

He fell ill in the end, but on some of the good days he would be in better spirits
and could even run a little. That was when I thought maybe he would pull through
after all. Then he got worse. It went back and forth for a while and we gradually
lost hope, until it was just a matter of time before the inevitable happened. 12

Just because it was expected doesn't mean we weren't heart-broken when Dog left us.
It was back in third grade and I hadn't thought of it for some time until now. It
was bad comparing our relationship with a dead dog, but I sometimes thought maybe
Flora and I would make it. When we didn't, I wasn't surprised at all. 1

But it still hurt like hell. 36

She couldn't stop crying. Every time I thought she was about to stop, a fresh
supply of tears would follow, like a creek flowing after the spring rain. I didn't
trust myself to comfort her. With each painful second that passed, the dampness in
the room grew and I sank into somewhere darker. I felt a headache coming on.

She said I was hers but now she didn't want me anymore. I watched Flora falling
apart in front of me, and instead of feeling a surge of emotions exploding in my
chest, I felt as if everything was sucked out of me. 25
The unbearable lightness in the room made it hard to breathe. I was full with
emptiness and I wanted to throw up. Other than that, a small thing at the back of
my mind was starting to grow, and it was dread. I dreaded what was to come now that
I had lost her. I dreaded if I could ever get over her. 6
It wasn't just a break up. It was breaking up with Flora, the person who was
supposed to take me to Paris and straighten my tie before work everyday. The person
who was supposed to always love me and accept my love in return. She stood before
me, looking at me longingly, and I thought of bitter rain pelting against two hazel
ponds. 61

She said, her voice shaky, "Can I hug you?" 6

I put my arms around her and held her silently for a while. Her tears seeped into
my neck and burned my skin like acid. 27

When she raised her head and our eyes met again, I knew she honestly cared about me
and believed she made the right choice for both of us. I wanted to hate her but I
couldn't. I hated that I couldn't even hate her. She reached up and stroked my
cheek with her right hand. 6

"I'm going to miss you so much," she said. 13

I nodded. I liked it when she touched my face, and I liked her superficiality when
she told me how cute I was. I was missing her already. 11

Her arms tightened around me. I remembered every time we hugged, and each time it
held its own significance. When we drank coffee by the skating rink and thanked
each other for being there. When she came to pick me up at my house and we were
relieved to get a second chance. When I found out we broke up over a
misunderstanding and I thought I'd never let her go again. When we lay naked in bed
together, exhausted yet satisfied that we had someone to hold on to. When we chose
each other outside Jessica's house and promised we would never give up. When she
gave me the best Christmas present I had ever received, and I battled against the
lump in my throat. 6

And finally, here we were, hugging for the last time to say goodbye. 115

She stepped away from me first and went over to sit by my desk. She didn't seem
like she was in a hurry to leave, and I wasn't ready for her to go yet, either. We
both knew when she left it would be final. Right now we were trapped in a parallel
universe, where one thing didn't end and the next thing didn't start. If we kept on
sitting in this room together, we could relish whatever was left of us. 9

We were silent for a while, both unsure of how to act around the other person.
There was nothing more to say about our relationship. It was done. But there was
still school and we were still history partners, which was one last thing to tie us
together. Saying corny lines in a romantic drama with the girl I loved who just
broke up with me. Well. We really were a twisted fairytale. 9

I asked her if she wanted to run through the play again, with the lightest, most
casual tone I could muster. Flora looked at me with an incredulous frown, like she
couldn't believe I was actually in the mood to talk medieval. I wasn't, but it was
a safe and necessary topic to cover.

It took her a few seconds, and then her face cleared. I knew she got it.
Life goes on. We would be cool and we would do our parts as professionals. We would
be good sports, civil, and there would be no hard feelings. We would try to be
friends.

She narrowed her eyes and placed her hands on her hips. "Have you memorized your
lines properly?"

"Yes. I can't promise the acting will be convincing, but at least I'll deliver the
lines with accuracy."

"Oh, that's all I ask of you anyway. Don't screw up the lines. The responsibility
of setting the tone of this story is in my hands," she said in her signature
haughty way. "After all, school work is very important to me and I need to get an
A." 2

I laughed. "I'm sure I didn't sound so obnoxious when I said that."

She laughed too. 47

***

When it was finally our turn to present in history, I was surprised at how truly
neutral I felt during the whole thing. It was just school work to me. Flora was
extremely good, every bit of the drama queen she was and the whole class was
gripped. Including Mr. Goleman. 2

The last line I had to say was, "So you are willing to throw everything away just
so you can stay in the medieval times with me?" And Flora would reply with the
cheesy line of "What everything? You're my everything." 38
Unfortunately she decided to improvise. When it was her turn to speak, she
literally froze on stage and stared at me. 2

"Hey, lady, I asked you a question," I said when it was clear she wasn't going to
speak. I could make out Janet's laugh in the background. 8

"I love you," she replied in a trance. 14

"...I'll take that as a yes?" Now is not a good time to act crazy on me, Flora. 3

"I don't think we'd be perfect together," she mumbled. "I think we would be better
off without each other, even though I really love you." 63

What a twist, right? By then half the class were in fits of snickers, and Flora was
unaware and getting carried away in a martyr mood. Apparently she found it
necessary to dump me again in history class; making my life a living hell was still
what she was best at. 14
I quickly got to her side and stopped her from spewing out further nonsense. "Okay,
I get it. You can catch the next plane out of here."
She snapped back in time and broke into a smile. "I mean, the modern world needs my
impeccable fashion sense, and you, as a knight of honor...you need to save several
other damsels in distress." She had given this drama some positive morals after
all: don't sacrifice what you are good at for love. "We'll be perfect each in our
own worlds." 11

We were engulfed in applause, and even Mr. Goleman looked impressed. I supposed we
were both getting As.
Flora came to me after the class was over and apologized. Said she was sorry for
going off script. 3

"That's why I don't like to co-star with amateurs," I said, mocking the good-
natured snobbish tone she used sometimes. "They tend to forget their lines and let
their personal issues get in the way." 3

She chuckled. "I'm really sorry. When I look at you I just...Anyway, that went
okay, right? Mr. Goleman said we did a really good job."

"Yes, you're the best history partner of all time." It was the truth. Kind of. 6
"You know what? We need to go celebrate." She perked up, and the light flicked on
in her eyes. The light I used to love so much. "Let's go to Amber's after school!"
16

"I can't."

"Why? Are you doing anything later? If you can't make it today, tomorrow--" 1

"No, I'm not doing anything. I just don't want to." 13

Flora's eyes widened, and I was surprised she even needed to ask. "Why? This isn't
a date, you know. Just two friends hanging out."

I exhaled. Was this girl for real? "I know, but Flora, I'm really not ready yet. I
don't think being alone is a good idea right now." Especially if you try to feed me
again. 3

"What? We can't even hang out now?" Her face fell like a plucked flower, the color
draining away rapidly. "Even being your enemy is better than this!"

"You need to give me some time to get over you, that's all." 1

"I thought we agreed to be friends." 7

"We are friends, Flora."

Just not in the way you're asking. Maybe in her world, she really was on friendly
terms with all her exes. They acted normal and ate ice cream and had a brilliant
time together, but I knew I could never be that kind of person. I would be nice to
her and try not to make our friends feel awkward. I would smile at her and make
meaningless small talk in front of the lockers. I wouldn't say one bad thing about
her, and then after I went to college, I would never speak of--or to--her ever
again. 31

Flora texted me later, and I deleted the message right away. I really didn't need
that. I needed a clean, precise break where we cut all connections. 169

*** 4

We had a basketball game in the evening, during which we completely crushed the
other team. As we got ready to go, Jake laid a hand on my shoulder.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"What do you mean? I thought I played really well today."

"I can tell when your mind is off the game," he said in a rare moment of
sensitiveness. 13

"Well, I can't tell," Dylan piped up. "But what's wrong? Trouble with a capital F?"
9

I picked up my bag from the floor and slung it over one shoulder, deliberating. I
wanted to tell them, but I also wanted to sit on the information for a while
longer. It felt less irreversible that way.

"Flora broke up with me," I said finally. 4

I could tell they were going to make some cruel jokes. They thought it was nothing
serious. After Dylan had abused the term breakup, the importance of it was
significantly watered-down. To them it meant a two-week lapse where I got a free
pass to hit on other girls.

Dylan started first. "So is breakup sex really as good as they say it is?"

Jake shoved him with a smirk on his face. "Shouldn't you be the expert on that?" 1

"Can you please not joke about it?" I asked, not doing a good job of hiding my
irritation. They were always teasing me but I was almost never annoyed with them. I
now knew it was because I never went through a time like this before. "I'm really
not in the mood for that."

Dylan shut his mouth.

"I wasn't going to joke about it," Jake said. 1

They both watched me as if I were a rabid dog that might bite them, then after a
few seconds Dylan said, "You'll get back together in two days."

"No. It's final." 3

"But why?" Jake asked. He even looked sort of upset. 15

It was hard to explain so I just picked the simplest answer. "She thinks we're
incompatible." 4

"Physically?" This came from Dylan. He insisted it was a serious question and that
people split up all the time because of it.

"No, not physically. Jesus, Dylan." 5

"It means she's rich and he's not," Jake supplied. 8

"It's not that either," I said. "I guess we just want different things in life
right now."

Dylan shook his head. "You helped her study for the SATs, but she just wants
someone to party with." 16

"No, it's not like that." It was hard to put into words, because part of me was
also confused. She loved me and I loved her. How had we come to this? Part of me,
however, knew it had to happen, but I wasn't ready to admit that out loud. 9
We walked out of the locker room. I checked for Flora's Mercedes out of habit, but
there was no one waiting for me outside. 3
"My Jeep is over there," Jake said lightly. He sighed as we headed toward that
direction, which was unusual because he was perpetually happy. "I'm depressed. You
destroyed my faith in humanity and high school love completely." 60

"You can still bet on me and Sydney," Dylan said. 9

Jake glanced at him briefly before turning back to me. "Like I said, you destroyed
my faith in high school love completely. You were the one couple that I actually
liked. I thought you were going to make it." 88

"Sorry we didn't try harder for you," I said sourly to hide my appreciation. I
thought he was going to tell me that she was just a girl, because just was his
favorite word. It's just a game, Dylan. It's just a test, Sean. Sex is just sex. 5

"I mean it's like an era ended," Jake said. "I feel nostalgic." 17

Dylan was less sentimental about it. "The reason doesn't really matter. When it's
over, it's over," he said, being the veteran he was. "Are you okay, man?" 1

They both looked at me. I never really needed them to comfort me on anything, and I
always thought I could hold my own. This moment was scarce and foreign.

"I'm fine," I said.

"Come over to my place to play pool," Dylan said.

"I have a wicked bottle of absinthe, so get ready to meet the green fairies!" Jake
grinned. He made it sound really fun. "We can all crash at Dill's after we pass
out." 19

"It's a school night," I said.

"Fuck school." Dylan opened the car door. "We're seniors. School doesn't apply to
us." 38

So that night I let them console me in the only way they knew how, with their dirty
jokes and a lot of alcohol. It was the only way they needed to know, too. It
worked. By the time we were half drunk, Jake had cheered up considerably and was
starting to see the bright side of things. He thought we could take on Germany
together in summer as single men. 9

"You can be my wingman," he said. "It's going to be so awesome!" 4

"You don't need a wingman, Jake." 3

"I still need you to translate the necessary exchange," he said. "Do you know how
to say no strings attached?" 6

"Start brushing up on your German," Dylan said to me with a slur. "The well-being
of your friends' reproductive organs is in your hand." 19

I used to think Flora would be in my life forever, but Paris and New York were
crossed off from my future list. However, there was still going to be Germany. 1
It wasn't the same, but it made me feel better.

***

"I'm never speaking to Flora again," Linda announced indignantly when she heard of
the news. 79

"Isn't she your favorite person in the world?"

"I'm taking your side and unfriending her," she said.

"Sis, there are no sides," I said. Linda showed her love for me in the strangest
ways. "Besides, what happened between me and her doesn't concern you."
"You're my brother! I want you to know that I have your back."
"If you really want to show your support, maybe you can wash my car for me." 11

Linda shook her head at me. "How can you not be mad at her? Not even a tiny bit? I
mean you were doing perfectly fine before without her, but now she's broken your
heart completely." 22

"I'm fine." It was the sentence I practiced saying everyday. 7

"I hate her for making you sad," she said. 11

I didn't expect Linda to think of me as her hero or something, but I never expected
her to pity me. "I don't even hate her myself. I'm sad it ended, but at least it
was on good terms."

"Are you holding a press conference? No one talks like that after a breakup." She
sighed. "But at least she didn't tell people you broke up because you're bad at
sex." 9

"What a relief, right?"

It was nice to see Linda recover fully from her last relationship. She was having a
good time at school with the friends she made. She had also become a little more
confident and mature, and I guess even the bad kind of relationships teach us
something. 1
"But it would actually be easier, right?" Linda said. She somehow pointed out the
exact thing I had been turning over in my head. "I mean if Flora were a bitch who
hurt you intentionally."

I nodded. There's a good reason why people hate their exes. It's a defense
mechanism to protect ourselves, because getting over someone good is so much
harder. Flora had been a terrific girlfriend. She tried hard. She ended it in time,
and I knew she genuinely wanted to stay friends. 4

I picked a great person to break my heart. It was the best and worst thing about
it. 25

Linda stuck a post-it note on my door everyday. They were tumblr quotes about
heartbreaks, and it was her way of telling me that I wasn't alone. 158

***

I got in the passenger seat of Janet 's car. She offered to take me to a loud
concert so I'd be able to numb my thoughts, even though I already knew that they
were hiding somewhere unreachable. 1

A song was playing on the radio. I listened absently until I heard the lyrics.

Maybe we're trying, trying too hard, Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing is beating our hearts, We're Empty 38

"Ugh, you don't need this right now." She switched the channel. 1

Please don't let me go, I desperately need you.

She groaned. "Where's an uplifting song when you need one?" She selected through
several channels and finally decided on one. "Arctic Monkeys. This should be
promising." 15
I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours
Wanna be yours, wanna be yours, wanna be yours 92

Wincing at the words, I reached out to switch off the radio. 2

"Cheer up, Kelly," Janet said. 20

I had to smile at that. Trust Flora to tell all her friends about the stupid
designer bag analogy. "I have a feeling you're going to call me that."

"That's a pretty glorified way to give you the 'it's not you it's me' line." 7

"Don't forget 'I'm not ready for perfection'. That has got to be the ultimate
breakup line. I must remember to write it down." 1

Janet smiled. "Flora has a real future in script writing. She just doesn't realize
it yet." 3

I was glad Janet acted the way exactly I needed her to be. No condescending I-told-
you-so. No unwanted sympathy. No false promises of how I would get over her soon
and find someone better. 4

"You had a pretty good time together while it lasted, right?" she asked.
"Considering the circumstances. You don't really have that much in common."
"I don't know. I think I'm attracted to her crazy energy although I can't keep up.
It's like...she can spend a good fifteen minutes telling me about her salon trip,
tossing out phrases like scalp treatment and highlights and essential oils...you
know, frivolous things I have absolutely no interest in...not to mention she ends
up looking exactly the same. But the point is, I actually like hearing her go on
about it, and I like the radiance in her when she talks...she always has a very
intense expression like we're talking about important world issues...and I like how
she bosses me around on food. I always thought it didn't matter we like different
things." I caught myself and stopped abruptly. It wasn't like me to ramble on like
that. "Anyway. It's not important anymore." 3

Janet shook her head. "Uh-oh. Just now you had a faraway look in your eyes. It's
pretty hard to watch." 1

I leaned back on the seat. "Maybe I should start having meaningless sex all the way
to college, and when I go to college I'll have more meaningless sex." 2

"Yes," she agreed. "You know, spread that perfection around." 34

I smiled and we fell into a comfortable, much-needed silence. After a moment I

said, "How are you and Brian doing? I need to hear some inspiring story about
love."

"Well, me and Brian is great, but me and Brian's parents, not so great."

"They still don't approve of you?"

"My love life is based on a Nicholas Sparks novel," she said. "Teenagers in love
for the first time, torn apart by parents. It's bad enough I'm not studying premed,
but they hate the idea of a high school graduate even more. I mean, I don't think
I'll go to college right away." 3

"Really? Why?"
"Well, the thing is...and you can't tell anyone because I haven't decided yet..."
She took a small breath. "I've been offered a record deal." 11

"Seriously?" I felt a huge grin spreading across my face. "That's unbelievable!

Congrats!"

"Yeah, I'm pretty psyched," she said. "The record company only wants me, though.
They're telling me to ditch the rest of my band. What do you think?" 36

"You know me. I don't believe in sacrificing the chance of success for the sake of
emotional burdens," I said. "And to be honest you are much better than the rest of
them." 4

"That's not how Brian sees it. He thinks they're family, and it's a lousy thing to
do to betray your family. We almost got into a fight for the fact that I'm even
considering it." 6

"Betray? Betray is a little harsh," I said. "I don't want to be mean, but it makes
sense. You're the star and they are kind of...replaceable." 8

"Oh, you certainly don't replace your family, either." 2

"I think your family should understand and not hold you back." 3

She shrugged. "I guess, but we did start out together in Andrew's basement, and
it's going to be weird flying solo. I'm still thinking. I don't want to hurt them."
1

"But that's growing up," I said. "You get hurt, then you get over it and give your
blessing." 5

"I know." Janet nodded at me, and as usual she just completely understood. "I'm
proud of you, Sean."

***

The aftermath of a breakup wasn't dramatic or remotely interesting. It was slow,

repetitive, and quite frankly, boring. I knew mourning was boring, so I did it
alone. When I was with people, I practiced faking it. 1
I laughed at Jake and Dylan's dumb jokes, because I knew it was their way of saying
it's not that big a deal. I collected Linda's post-its from my door and added them
to a growing pile, then I replied with a smiley face and a lie about how I was
better. I listened to the playlists Janet carefully selected for me, full of
uplifting songs about life and freedom. I laid down my perfect report card in front
of my parents, assuring them my grades weren't suffering, and neither was I. 1

But in those snippets of life where I was alone, I mourned. 21

I missed her when I drove to school, stopping at the intersection, wondering if she
remembered to flick the blinker. I missed her when I showered, watching the way
water dropped and trickled down the drain after I turned off the shower head. I
missed her when I went to the movies, accidentally ordering caramel flavored
popcorn before remembering I didn't even like caramel. I missed her before I fell
asleep, watching the darkened ceiling, fighting back silent tears as I asked to
oblivion, 100
Dear Flora, how are you? 38

Sometimes I almost wished she had done something really bad to me so I could hate
her. How could I move on when she was still the best girl I had ever known? I
wanted her to be the one responsible for ruining this relationship, not me. I
wanted to be able to sum up the breakup easily: that it was her fault. 4

And in a way, that was the hardest part about the breakup. That I caused it. That I
ruined it for both of us. 247

***

Ugh sorry this is a depressing chapter again, but I promise it's going to get
better, like all breakups. I combined two chapters in one, so we only have four
more to go. I don't know how you put up with me for so long, but I'm giving you
another heartfelt thank you. 68

I know one of my biggest shortcomings as an author is that I have too much to say
and I can't bear not saying it all. Cutting off a scene or a funny conversation
hurts like cutting off a limb. I have to keep reminding myself that less is more.
This story has become unbearably long and I must say I'm relieved it's ending soon,
but it's amazing to meet every one of you along the way. 12

This chapter is dedicated to Emmykie for making me a playlist for the book. Also,
I'm giving thanks to TFHasan and marieramsay for telling me about the picture in
the media section. I'm truly flattered that this story reminds you of things :) 4

Chapter 63 The Gatorland excursion

221K 8.3K 3.7K
Dedicated to girlinthecxrner

by rainbowbrook
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Flora 18

"I still can't believe this," Sandra repeated for the fifth time that night. I
expected her to say something catty or just plain mean, but she seemed to be lost
in perpetual shock. "I can not believe this. You broke up with him over a random
tiramisu guy?" 33

I sighed from my bed. "You just don't get it."

We had already gone through the bawling (me) and the comforting (mostly Carmen),
and now the interrogation phase started. To be honest I questioned the decision
myself, profoundly and constantly, and after seeing the reaction from my friends,
the feeling of having done something ridiculously wrong became stronger than ever.

It was like comparing answers to an exam; I wasn't entirely sure I put down the
correct choice in the first place, and now everyone was telling me it was D instead
of B. 40

Ever since the breakup, I wore the PJ's Sean gave me and cried myself to sleep
every night, thinking of him till it felt like I was ripped apart. Missing someone
was the scariest feeling-- 16

"I think that guy sounds like a creep and you made a humongous mistake." Sandra
propped a pillow against her back before reaching out for more ice cream. "I'll
just go ahead and say what everyone's thinking. You're going to regret this." 7
"I don't really understand either," Carmen said softly. "I thought you guys loved
each other?"

"Love can't solve every problem." 7

Sandra snuck a quick glance at Carmen. "Well, unless he's 42 and married, I don't
see what the problem is." 31

At this point Janet interjected and told me she understood, but Sandra didn't let
her finish before starting again with her rants. It was like I personally offended
her by breaking up with a guy she deemed merely tolerable before.

"I think the whole incompatibility issue is bullshit," she said. "It's not like he
slaps you every time you mention the word Michelin. Besides, he's just asking you
to refrain from locking yourself in a room with Raymond Corbett, a guy with
questionable morals and intentions, I might add, and that's completely reasonable."
53

"Sandy, can you just tell me you support me?" I pursed my lips. "I feel bad enough
as it is. I thought you didn't like me with Sean."

Her eyebrows shot up. "I never said that! I said you were obsessed with him. It's
like being addicted to social media or Xbox. I suggested that you learn to be more
in control and manage your time better, but you went ahead and deleted every
account! Extreme much?" 38

"Deleting is actually very effective," Janet said. "I want them to stay together
too, but right now Flora's got to put herself first." 23

"True love survives a little time apart, right?" Carmen said, her face wistful but
her tone skeptical, like convincing a child of Santa's existence. "Maybe you're
better off alone for the time being, and in the future you can find a way to be
together again. I heard this saying that sometimes a person has to go a very long
distance out of his way to come back a short distance correctly." 28

"Pfft. Do you honestly believe that?" Sandra's shiny blonde head shook like a
rattlesnake. "You can always reactivate an account, but once you lost a person, you
lost them for good." 24

"Maybe he'll want to marry me if we're both still single at 28," I said. My lame
attempt of a joke didn't even amuse myself. 26
Sandra looked at me gravely, like she was my fairy godmother and had just caught me
wearing rags for a ball. "Sean's not even going to wait till prom, honey, and after
he goes to college, it's a lost cause, even if MIT isn't exactly a modeling agency.
Guys like him don't stay single for long. He'll meet someone who's simple and easy
to handle, like...pizza, and when he marries pizza girl someday, you'll whine about
why he doesn't appreciate a French cuisine type of girl such as yourself." 41

She snatched my phone from the bedside table, and instead of deleting my texts, she
thrust it in my hand. "Call him! Tell him you miss him and you want him back.
Recycling is good for the environment." 69

What happened to dignity, pride, playing it cool and owning the title dumper?
Sandra's breakup advice had always been something along the lines of laugh extra
hard to show you're doing great without him or how do you like your college rebound
guy, but now she was asking me to beg? 5
Not that I wasn't tempted to, but I knew it would be unfair to Sean.

"Flora, you should just leave him in peace," Janet said with a hint of warning in
her tone. 1

I nodded. I already knew Sean wasn't going to pick up the phone.

You know sometimes people have to have their legs amputated before the germs or
whatever spread through the whole body? I knew an amputation would hurt, but I
chose it because it was better than gradually perishing. What I didn't expect was
how easily it could backfire. 4

I had clearly underestimated Sean's determination about staying friends. We had

become friends in the broadest, most meaningless sense, the most indifferent kind,
the exact opposite of love and what we were.
He never returned any of my texts. When I ambushed him at his locker, he gave me
those forced smiles he saved for irrelevant girls who hit on him. Every time I
tried to talk to him, he would answer politely and report on impersonal things like
his basketball game scores. He was composed and distant like a news anchorman. 15
There was nothing special left between us anymore.

We were now familiar strangers. And that, to be written off entirely from his life,
hurt more than anything. 22

My friends were supportive even though they all thought it was a pity to let him
go. They talked about Sean like he was a precious art piece at Sotheby's and
someone outbid me; he seemed that much greater now that he turned from the one to
the one that got away. As to his friends, whenever I passed their table at lunch, I
felt a wave of hostility. It was most certainly imaginary, but it would be fair to
say I'd never feel comfortable to pull out a chair again and join them. 4
Raymond called one morning during winter break. We never talked about the fact that
we could hang out alone again. He waltzed right back in my life like he never left.
"You need something fun to cheer you up," he said. "I'll take you out." 56

Half an hour later he showed up at my door, and we insanely embarked on an out of

state trip to Gatorland. Raymond's idea of fun was gliding down the infamous
Screaming Gator Zip Line where we soared over alligators and crocodiles at top
speed.

"Your problem is nothing a little dose of reptiles can't fix," he said. 6

Who needed chocolate ice cream to produce endorphins when we could recruit a full
on adrenaline rush, right? The approach was drastic but it worked. As our carnivore
friends snapped their teeth affectionately at our feet, I felt spontaneous and
liberated, like my old self.

Carrie Bradshaw once said in an episode of Sex and the City, "After a break-up,
certain street, locations, even times of day are off-limits. The city becomes a
deserted battlefield, loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful
where you step or you could be blown to pieces." 28
She was right. It was weird how I used to think we only stayed in, but now without
Sean, it appeared that memories were scattered throughout the city. I'd stumble
upon one of those carelessly and break down. This was why I made Raymond promise
that we would steer clear of anywhere that might remind me of Sean, and he
delivered. 1

What I didn't know was that emotional landmines were sneaky little things that
could blow up in your face unexpectedly, no matter how hard you tried to avoid
them. 1
I was getting out of my harness when I heard Sean's voice in my head. Baby, I just
want to date you. I can do without the crocodiles unless it's a purse you're
carrying. 9

And just like that I was blown to pieces. The pain was overwhelming, and I
literally had to lean against the wall to steady myself. Raymond and I were
planning on checking into a twin room and watching TV all night, but he took one
look at me and made his trademark disgruntled noise. 8

"You're not going to cry, are you? I'm really bad at comforting people." 8

"No." I turned my face away slightly.

"Good." He nodded. "I bet you look ugly when you cry." 65

I'd be na�ve if I expected him to say something nice, since I was one of the few
people he felt comfortable showing his true colors in front of, but I automatically
thought of how flustered Sean would be in the same situation and felt even worse.

"I really miss him," I said in a small voice. 6

"Look," Raymond said. "We can go back right now if you want."

"But we just got here."

I thought he'd be annoyed. He had the whole two days planned, and here I was,
acting like I was auditioning for a sob-fest movie. But he only shrugged.
"I don't mind," he said. "The whole point of coming here is to get your mind off
Mr. King, but now I see it's not gonna happen. You can't get any more fun than me
and a bunch of crocodiles, but fun is overrated anyway. Let's go." 28

There were no bookable flights for the day so we hopped on a bus and took forever
to get home. It was crowded and the seats too stiff, but at least it was heading
towards the right direction. Raymond didn't complain much. He made cruel
observations about the man sitting in front and his smelly feet, told me all the
jokes he could think of, and even though he somehow wasn't as hilarious as I
remembered, I appreciated the effort.

"Why are you so nice to me?" It was a long ride so I asked. "Are you just
pretending to be my friend so you can swish in and catch me at a vulnerable
moment?"

He snorted. He was eating a bag of chips and getting crumbs all over himself. I
could honestly say I didn't feel the least bit of sexual tension between us, like
ever, but I wanted to make sure. 3

"I enjoy the company of people with deluded self-confidence," he said. "It's a good
form of exercise for my brain." 2

"Seriously. I'd feel so betrayed if you had a secret crush on me."

"I don't, girlfriend. It's my policy not to make a pass at friends who can pay for
plane tickets. You know what they say, if you sleep with everyone, sooner or later
you end up with no one to go to Gatorland with." 27

"It makes me feel so much better that you're just here for my money."

He stuffed another handful of chips in his mouth. "Besides, if I came on to you,

Sandra would never give me a chance." 83

"What? You like Sandra? My Sandy?"

He chewed noisily. "That's a big part of the reason I want to be prom king, because
I get to dance with the queen. Yup, I'm romantic like that." 88

My fingers twitched. I wanted to text Sandra so badly right now, but as a good spy
I needed to gather as much information as I could. "You do know that Sandy's in a
steady relationship and she really...dislikes you." 1

"The steady relationship part I'm not worried about. They'll fall apart on their
own," he said with his own supply of deluded self-confidence. "As to her hating
me...does she mention it a lot?" 4

"Like every chance she gets."

A lopsided grin spread across his face. "Then it's working." 40

I narrowed my eyes. "You're not like those immature boys in middle school who picks
on girls they like, are you?" 5

"Sandra is just like middle school girls. She acts tough, but deep down she wants
approval just like everyone else. Her lack of confidence makes her bitchy," he
said. If Sandra ever heard this, she'd sentence him to be run over by a bus
immediately. "She wants people to be intimidated, yet here I am, someone who openly
challenges her, and she can't stop thinking about me." 48

I burst out laughing. "Good luck there. When you fail miserably, I'll pay for
Gatorland again." 4

The bus stopped, and the man with smelly feet stood up to get off. Raymond hopped
out of his seat to help carry down his luggage. He even started a short
conversation about the weather and wished him a pleasant journey, and I almost
expected him to say thank you for traveling with us. He deserved a tip for his
performance. 8

When Raymond sat back down, he rolled his eyes and whispered he could finally
inhale again. 9

Sean would never make fun of other people's feet, I thought. He would never smile
at someone and make comparisons about chicken poo a second later. He'd be minding
his own business (and looking absolutely gorgeous doing so). 3

I loved that about him, but I realized at the same time that he wouldn't offer to
help either. His aloofness was a merit but also a flaw. While Raymond may be an
insincere Mr. Nice Guy, he did make the man's day a little brighter. He acted kind
and spread positivity. I never thought of it that way before, but it was actually
more mature than fake of him to do so. 30

Sean had also misjudged my friendship with Raymond, who was a friend, a good one,
and nothing more than that. He cared about me and wasn't just lurking around so he
could get in my pants. Maybe we should set some boundaries once I got in a
relationship, but it wasn't fair to just tell him to suck it up and swallow his
hurt feelings. 15
This was the first time I dared consider that Sean wasn't perfect and he wasn't
always right. I thought of how I convinced myself that I needed to change and how I
instantly backed away from a fight because I wanted his love too much. I was afraid
to argue with him on the things that mattered, but pestered him unnecessarily about
things that didn't. I shied away from important issues but picked on him about the
food he liked and the frequency of his texts. 22

That was what I did wrong. That was why we didn't work. 18

Newton's third law of motion is that for every action, there is an equal and
opposite reaction. I pushed too hard, and consequently it pushed us apart. Like all
things in life, there should be a balance and just the right amount. Loving him the
wrong way and abusing his love for me ultimately led to our downfall. 59
Raymond's mouth was still opening and closing as I had my epiphany. "I figured it
out, finally," I said. 1
"Figured what out?" He shook the bag of chips in front of me.

"How to save our relationship," I said. "I'm going to see Sean." 226

He nodded, calm and matter-of-factly, like he was just waiting for me to say it.
"Don't worry, I bet he wants to see you too," he said. "Especially if you dress up
like a sexy nurse to freeze his brain, or whatever he's into." 6

"Madame Curie, I suppose. Wish me luck?" 11

"You don't need luck. I'll just congratulate you when you get back together, even
though it's going to suck for me after that happens." 23

"It's going to be different this time," I promised, and I felt hopeful. I reached
over to grab some chips from the bag. "Hey, maybe we can all hang out together
someday. You, me, Sean and Sandy."

He laughed. "I wouldn't count on it, but that's certainly something to look forward
to. Now go get him." 27

If my life were made into a movie, this would be the part where I stood up and
deliver a speech that moved the whole bus, the driver would pull up right outside
Sean's house and all the passengers would root for me. We would end up kissing in
front of everyone, spinning and in slow motion, of course, and they would clap and
cheer despite my awful mess of hair and makeup. 32
That didn't happen, so I had to run all the way to his house myself. My hair was
all over the place though; that part was just like in the movies. 2

Sean froze upon answering the door.

His eyes were pale and tired. They were a sad lake wrapped with a veil of fog.
There was nothing physically different about him, but the air of melancholy around
him made me want to hug him immediately.

"Flora," he said. 2

"I made a mistake." I was panting hard, but I got the words out. "We shouldn't have
broken up." 53

At first he didn't answer, then he rubbed his palm over his eyes. "I asked you if
you were sure." 10

"Yes, but it was a rash decision. I realized something now, and I know how we can
fix this-" 3

"It wasn't a rash decision," he interrupted me for the only time I could remember,
when it had always been me who did the interrupting. It was with total composure,
however, like it was due to disinterest instead of impatience. "I know you did some
serious contemplating before you brought it up, and to be honest I anticipated it
coming. Your coming here now is a rash decision." 7

"No...no...I'm sorry. Tell me it's not too late. I know you still love me too."

"I love you." He was staring at the ground when he said it, but I didn't miss the
fleck of pain in his eyes. "But Flora, I told you. I can't keep doing the make-up
break-up thing. You broke my heart for too many times already." 80

It wasn't an accusation, just a statement, which made it that much worse. I could
tell I shattered his faith in us. I hurt him more than I imagined, to the point of
being irreparable. 1
I started to cry. Bad negotiations skills, I knew. But I couldn't help it. 4

I had a speech prepared that would move him if only he could hear it. I wanted to
tell him that we came too far to give up like this. I'd tell him that things would
get better, that I learned some very important lessons while being apart from him,
and that I'd wait for him when we went to college. We'd be apart physically but
we'd grow closer, and every time we saw each other it'd be better than the last. He
could take me to the burger joint he found in Boston, if he promised to let me pay
for dinner at Per Se when he came to NYC to visit. 4

We would get better at this, because we were a great pair, the best partners, and a
perfect match. He said so himself. With his intelligence and my creativity, we
could solve anything. 1

I even had the words from A Tale of Two Cities memorized, the only book we read
together. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the spring of
hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing
before us... 14

It's a lot like being away from each other, don't you think, Sean? 4

If only I could get the words out. My script fell apart and rose up into sobs. I
couldn't say anything intelligent, and it only reminded him of what it was like
when we were together. 1

"Please, Flora, don't do this to me," Sean pleaded as he averted my tears. 21

"Give us a chance," I choked out. "We can't end like this." 6

I wanted a Hollywood style clich� ending, but this was turning out to be the type
of pretentious French film Sandra watched. The sole purpose was to rip your heart
out. 2

He lifted his gaze finally and looked at me, then he gave me a small, sad smile. I
could see from his face that nothing I said would change his mind again. 1

"I'm sorry." 68

The sound of the door clicking shut was soft, but there was a sense of finality to
it that was hard to ignore. I collapsed on his porch and cried until I accepted
that I would never get him back again. 142

*** 5
Carmen poured two glasses of iced tea and slid one across the counter. She nodded
at the light red liquid encouragingly, as if a sweet beverage solved all problems.
2

"Are you feeling better?"

"Not really." I stabbed at the bottom of the glass with my straw, where a clump of
sugar had yet to disintegrate. "It feels so pointless. I can't believe we'll never
go to Paris together or argue about who's going to take out the trash." 1

Whoever said that don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened had
obviously never dated Sean before. For the weeks to follow, I cried less and no
longer woke up with a heavy rock placed on my chest, but I fell into a state of
constant sorrow. If the acute stage of breaking up felt like screaming at the top
of my lungs in agony, the aftermath was like writing a sad letter with no one to
address to. 20

Carmen had been a real sweetheart. She listened over lemonade, milk tea, orange
juice, chai latte, and finally over iced rooibos tea as I moaned and moped all
spring. 21

"I want to tell you something," she said, drawing circles in the liquid with her
straw.
"Yes?"

"I don't have a 42-year-old boyfriend." 28

I looked up. "You mean you broke up?"

She let out a small breath of air. "No, I...um, I never had one to begin with." 46

"Excuse me?" I almost choked on the tea. Carmen didn't talk about her relationship
much, but every time she did, she had to shock me into asphyxiation.
"I don't know why I lied. I guess it's because I feel like you guys are always
trying to fix me up with someone, especially with Alan, since we're the only two
singles left and it's convenient to squish us together or something." 10

I was still trying to process this information and gaping, so Carmen continued. "I
know you had good intentions, but you made me feel like a loser for not having a
boyfriend. It got a bit annoying and you wouldn't back off. When Mr. Richardson
walked in the cafeteria right then, I got an inspiration and just went with it. I
based my fake boyfriend on him." 5

"Carmen, that's ridiculous," I said as my heart rate calmed down slightly. "Mr.
Richardson is 30, not 42." 21

"Really? He doesn't look 30! I thought I'd pretend to date someone...off limits,
otherwise you'd keep asking to meet him. It's fun to see your faces when I said he
had a wife, though." 16

Who knew Carmen had such a naughty side? You think you know someone, but you can
never be sure. I'd never seen her annoyed, either. Being pleasant was her default
mode, and the fact that she had to lie made me feel awful.

"You could've just told us," I mumbled, thinking of how many times Carmen had done
just that. "We don't think you're a loser. We just think boyfriends can be pretty
great, so we want you to share that experience. We don't want you to miss out,
that's all."
"I know, but I'm fine with being single right now. I'm not in any hurry. I don't
even have my first kiss yet." She picked up her drink, watching the ice clinking
against the glass before setting it back down again. "Plus I kind of have a crush
on Dylan." 208

My good lord. This is top quality gossip. "Can you just tell me everything already?
My poor heart can't take all these surprises." I winked at her. "You like tattoos,
right?" 10

"Not because of that. I saw him with his mom once at a diner. Most people our age
are embarrassed to be seen with their parents, but he just seemed so comfortable
about it. He wasn't just acting bored and checking his phone, either. He was really
talking to her. I find that adorable." 47

She told me a few more things, and I realized it wasn't kind of a crush. It was a
big one, the kind that required measures to be taken upon. 6

"What should we do about it?" I tapped a finger against my chin. I had a certain
amount of loyalty towards Sydney, but they were a horrible couple. Anybody could
see that. "We need an attack plan! I have a good feeling about this, actually. I
think Dylan likes curvy girls." 1

Carmen heaved a sigh. "I think I'm more chubby than curvy, but that's not the
point. I didn't tell you because I want help. I told you to let you know that it's
okay to like someone and not do anything about it." 36

"It's not okay! We'll break them up," I joked. "You know it's true love when you
have to steal him away from someone else." 9

"I'm not sure we'd suit each other, and besides, what do you really know about
them? Maybe they have a deep bond that no one else understands. You can't really
judge a relationship unless you're the ones in it," Carmen preached just as I
expected. She just had to take everything so seriously. "The thing is, I like
having a crush on him this way. From afar, and in secret. That's enough for me." 61

"But what's the point of a crush if nothing comes out of it?" 19

"That's like saying there's no point of a relationship if you don't end up married.
No point in learning about math in school if you're not going to be an architect."
45
"Math really is pretty pointless, if you ask me, and sometimes I wish I never
started anything with Sean." 24

"Flora. I really like you together, you know that. I think he's a great guy. But
just because it's over doesn't mean it's all for nothing. No one can take away the
good memories, right?" 2

"Memories are all I have left now," I said quietly. "Memories and an astronomical
amount of pain." 5

"He might not be the person who holds your hand till the end, but you shared a
beautiful time together. I know it's not right now, but someday, when you think of
him you'll smile." Her voice was soothing, and I liked her hallmark card kind of
advice more than I thought I would. "You're lucky that your first love is a
wonderful person that only wants the best for you, and you only want the best for
him, too." 26

I nodded. By then my eyes had grown moist again, and I had to nod slowly so the
tears didn't spill.

"How could you say that you wish you never started? That's the worst thing you
could've said about a person who loved you like that." 1

She let me think about what she said, and we finished the rest of our drinks in
silence. It was the nice kind of silence, where any word exchange would seem
redundant, just like a blank piece of paper too impeccable to be drawn on.

"I just realized something," I said eventually. "No wonder you were so cooperative
when I forced you to sit through basketball practice with me. You weren't there for
me. You were there for your own selfish reason!" 11

She giggled. "What can I say? I like killing two birds with one stone. Supporting
my friend and watching my crush at the same time seemed like a good deal to me." 9

She poured me another glass of iced tea. I wasn't the kind of person to thank her
with something sappy, but what she said, I listened. 4

***

We started hearing back from college admissions offices. Jessica got in Brown
University like she expected, but Sarah only got waitlisted. In order to pull up
her grades, we met at a coffeehouse so she could study. 10

When I walked in and saw the hot hipster barista they texted me about, my jaw
almost dropped.

"That's just Nicholas Ridge," I whispered as I sat down. "Oh my God. You're both so
thirsty you're seeing mirage." 1

They looked at me with widened eyes. "You know him?"

"He goes to our school, and he's one of Sean's friends," I said. "He's nowhere near
hot, by the way."

"He may not be the underwear model kind of hot you're into, but he can probably do
a Paul and Joe ad campaign," Sarah argued. "He pulls off that European vintage
style."

"He's Dr. Reid kind of hot," Jessica said. 92

I snorted. "I think he looks like Waldo. From the picture book Where's Waldo." 13

Jessica and Sarah were still gushing over his thick-rimmed glasses and skinny jeans
when he came over to take our order. They had reached the false conclusion that all
the guys of Riverside High were of the finest quality. 3

"Hi, Nick," I said, a little uneasily, because I was under the assumption that all
Sean's friends hated me.

He smiled. "Good to see you here, Flora."

He acted totally normal, I decided. He accepted the challenge when Sarah asked him
to make her something special, and answered all Jessica's questions about where he
bought his clothes (thrift shops) and if the tiffany blue fixie outside was his (it
was).
"I like your shirt," I said truthfully, joining in the conversation. It was pink
with prints of tiny airplanes. "I never knew you could find something like that in
a thrift shop." 7

"You've never gone thrifting before?" he asked.

"Flora has a phobia of second-hand clothes," Sarah said helpfully. 5

"I don't like coming in close contact with items other people have touched
previously," I said. It wasn't because of the price, and I didn't want Nicholas to
get the wrong idea. "I like new things."

He nodded with an amicable smile. "How about bills? Or the mug you're drinking from
right now?" 7

If this had come from someone else, I'd have thought that they were trying to sass
me. Not Nicholas, however. He just seemed genuinely curious. He was candid and
friendly, especially considering that he was from Sean's side, so when my friends
started studying, I went up to the counter to chat with him.

I wondered what Sean was doing right now. Probably something not hipster-y at all,
like bench press. Since the break up, I was disconnected entirely from his life.
None of his friends would talk to me about him, including Janet, like they were
trying to protect him from me. 1
Nicholas seemed like the last thing to string us together, an indirect link too
precious to pass up on.

"Do you know what Sean is up to lately?" I asked.

He barely looked at me as he reached for a mug behind the counter. "Getting up and
going to school, I think." 1

I tried to pry the best I could, but all I managed to get out from him was one,
Sean didn't hate me, and two, he now spoke German a lot better.

"I just want to know if he's doing okay."

"What he told me is between us," Nicholas said. "You know that, right?"
He seemed utterly comfortable with brushing me off as he proceeded to make coffee.
I sat down at one of the bar stools and watched him fuss over the latte art.

"You seem bored," he said finally. "Would you like to read a book?"

"I don't read much. I don't like books in general." 17

"That's not possible. Books are stories. How can you not like a story?" He sounded
surprised, but not at all condescending. 17
"I watch movies, but books are boring." 66

"You just haven't found the right one." He took a few steps away to the bookshelf,
and when he came back he laid down a book written by a guy called Haruki Murakami.
He flipped to a page titled On Seeing The 100% Perfect Girl One Beautiful April
Morning. 43

"Read it." He tapped his index finger on the word Perfect.

I had nothing else to do so I did. It was only two pages long anyway.

"This is the saddest thing I've read in a while," I said after I finished it.
"Why?" 1

"Because they were the 100% perfect girl and perfect boy for each other, a cosmic
miracle, but they tested each other and parted. When they met again, the guy was
too timid to say anything to her, so they lost each other once again, and for the
rest of their lives they would only experience 75% or 85% love." I placed my palm
over the book. "Wait. Are you trying to tell me something?" 27

"I'm not, actually." He poured a small cup of milk foam over a cup of coffee. "I
don't think it's sad. I think it's possible that they think of each other as 100%
perfect precisely because they didn't last, but as it said in the story, it was
impossible for them to know this, young as they were." 3

"I wasn't aware I had the ability to take part in such a profound discussion," I
said.

He smiled. "Care to read something else?"

He gave me a thin book by Fran�oise Sagan, Bonjour Tristesse, which means Hello
Sadness, and told me Sagan reminded him of me. 4

"People call her a charming little monster. She was amazed by life, but she was
impulsive and headstrong, as if she could throw it all away. She lived for love and
she followed her heart," he said. "She once said, 'Money may not buy happiness, but
I'd rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus', and that loving someone to the point of
madness is the only sensible way to love." 32

"Ooh I like her already." 1

"She wrote this when she was just a teenager, and it became an instant
international success. I think it resembled Salinger, but it was more romantically
themed." 4

"Well, I like the length," I said unintelligently, flipping to the last page. There
were only 127 pages. 9

"Yeah, you can finish it this afternoon and tell me what you think later."

As he disappeared off back, I cracked open the book. It was a delightful yet
slightly melancholy piece about summer, adolescence, insecurity, jealousy, and
pleasure.
'A strange melancholy pervades me to which I hesitate to give the grave and
beautiful name of sorrow. The idea of sorrow has always appealed to me but now I am
almost ashamed of its complete egoism. I have known boredom, regret, and
occasionally remorse, but never sorrow. Today it envelops me like a silken web,
enervating and soft, and sets me apart from everybody else.' 7

How fascinating was this feeling? To find myself in someone else's words. 67

***

As senior year pushed forward, I got better. The black-and-white puzzle Sean gave
me had a bizarre calming effect. It was a slow remedy for my heart. I completed it
in less than three weeks, and after that I bought a couple more.

By March when I received my acceptance letter from NYU, I had done four puzzles
already. Nicholas introduced me to a few more amazing women, including Lady
Chatterley, Madame Bovary, Eug�nie Grandet, and Th�r�se Raquin. I partied a little
too, but no college guys and rebound relationships this time. 44

Heartbreak is something you have to face on your own. 11

I called Sean and told him the news. He congratulated me politely and refused to
take any credit for it. He got in everywhere he applied to, no surprises there, and
a small voice whispered in my head, NYU and MIT are not impossibly far. 4

"Can I buy you dinner, or coffee at least?" I asked. "To thank you properly." 3

"That really isn't necessary."

"Sean, I miss you," I blurted. "I want to know how you are."

"I'm fine, but thanks for asking." 16

My stomach turned but I made myself sound as chirpy as possible. "You don't talk to
me anymore. Can you tell me what you've been doing lately?" 11

He paused for a while before he spoke again. "Well...aside from the usual, I helped
my grandfather build a boat," he said. "A big one. We tested it on water the other
day and it actually stayed afloat." 2

"Really? That's impressive!"

"It's one of his dreams. His health has started to go downhill, especially his
heart condition. I want to finish it before I go to university." Just when I
thought we were getting somewhere, his tone changed. "This is a depressing topic
for me, to be honest. Let's drop it." 21

After a short silence, I tried again. "I heard you're much better at German now."

He spoke a few sentences in German very fast. I didn't understand a word of it, but
his accent seemed pretty right on. 36

"I don't know what you said, but sounds like you're going to be having a lot of fun
with German girls," I said brightly. 6
"I don't need to speak German to have fun with them. Some things are universal," he
said and I laughed. In a fleeting second he sounded like his old self. It was such
a delight to hear, all my worries melted away. We were going to be okay.

"Hey, when can we start hanging out?" 9

He was silent for a second. Just when I thought there was hope, he said,

"Not yet." 143

***

This chapter is over 6k words long so you'll have to forgive me for the late
update! 5

I know this book focuses a lot on the romance, but I want to show the friendship
aspect too. A lot of readers think Flora and Sean's friends weren't supportive
during the first break up, but it wasn't my intention. They didn't know how serious
the relationship was, but now they got it. People react differently to the same
event. Some are blunt and some are gentle, some offer advice and some offer
distractions, some listen and some are quick to judge-but they all tried. However,
in the end you're the only one who can pick yourself up. 13
(If you want to talk to me about Murakami, Sagan, D. H. Lawrence, Flaubert, Balzac,
or Zola, you're more than welcome.) I read all Nicholas's books during a past
breakup, and I think learning something new is a positive way to deal with it.
That's why Flora is reading and Sean is learning German. 19

Thank you for reading, and next chapter there's prom :) 32

This chapter is dedicated to Lady_of_Loki for making me the cover in the media. I'm
so touched by how personal this cover is. The Hermes bag looks amazing xx +

Chapter 64 The Prom

193K 8K 2.6K
Dedicated to xenizations

by rainbowbrook
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Sean 28

The first few weeks after the break up went by easier than I imagined. I can cope
with this, I told myself. I thought I was doing okay, but the worst of it came when
Flora called me and told me she got in NYU.
I was happy for her, but there was also a sense of loss, telling me that everything
was pointless now. We used to talk about a future together before that future came
crashing down on me. In the end it really didn't matter where she went to school.
She would go to Central Park and MOMA with some other guy, and I had no one to
build a mechanical dog for anymore. 41
Flora damaged me like a blast of hurricane. She came on fast and strong, left
rapidly with messy trails, and I was abandoned to deal with the aftermath alone. I
didn't know how much longer it'd take to get over her, but I did know I was nowhere
near ready. 30

After hanging up the phone, I went to the caf� Nicholas worked at. The place was
overpriced and snooty, but I went sometimes so I could leave him a tip and help him
out a little. When I sat down he was busy behind counters, so I cracked open my
German textbook. 3
I finally had a motivation to study. Jake and Dylan were counting on me to lure in
European girls for them, after all. 5

"Hey, what can I get you?" Nicholas appeared, pleasant as usual. He once told me
jokingly that they were supposed to intimidate the customers by acting overbearing,
so that they would subconsciously feel that buying a cup of coffee here made them
cooler. He could never be anything but nice though. 1

"I want something dark." To match my thoughts. 36

"I'll get you a French Roast." A while later he set it down on my table, the end of
his thin purple tie touching the table. As if sensing my mood, he added, "I'm not
busy now if you want company." 6

"That'd be nice." 4

He pulled up a chair and sat down across from me. I wanted to talk to someone who
wouldn't judge me, like him, but I didn't know where to start.
"She comes here sometimes," he said after a brief silence.

I nodded. Flora already told me, just like everything else about her life that she
was eager to share.

"She's always asking about you."

It was what I expected, and I knew Flora still cared about me and wanted me in her
life, albeit under a different title. I couldn't give her that, however, just like
I didn't know how to be a good boyfriend for her. I told her I'd make it worth it
and that falling in love with me would be the best crazy thing she ever did, but it
really wasn't. 3

"I've been thinking a lot about what I did wrong," I said, watching the smoke rise
from the mug, stretching out across the air. 7

"What's the conclusion?" 1

"I think she changed a lot for me, but I wasn't able to do the same for her. There
were things I was willing to do, but I also had to draw the line somewhere. Flora's
like...she can give up everything for me." 134

"You think she tried harder for the relationship?" 3

"Yes, but in my defense, I tried too. There are just some core values that I can't
change, no matter how much I love her. Giving up MIT for New York, for example. And
Janet thinks I should let her hang out with other guys, but she's too close with
them. It's not just grabbing a bite together after class. It's hanging out in a
house alone or partying after midnight, and even though I know where she's coming
from, it's hard for me to approve of it."

He gave me a non-committal nod, to show that he heard rather than he agreed. "And
you think it's your fault that you can't change for her?" 1

"Yeah. I was too stubborn about a lot of things. She wanted to have a break instead
of a breakup, and I couldn't agree to that either." 9

He leaned forward and propped his forearms against the table as I went on, and when
I finished, he said, "I'm no expert, but here's my take on this. A relationship is
a little bit like business. You lay down your terms and conditions and see if the
other person finds it acceptable, and you separate on good terms when it doesn't
work out. She may be more flexible during the negotiation, but it's neither one of
your faults." 13

"I wish it were that easy. There are feelings involved."

"Of course. You sacrifice for her if you think she's worth it, but you let her go
if it's going against the things you're unwilling to change. No shame in that. You
know exactly how much you can give up and I think that's...admirable, really." 39

I took a sip of my coffee. It had a bold flavor with a strong bite, much like
Nicholas's words. 2
"I don't agree with Janet," he said. "She thinks you should change yourself for
Flora too, but I say find someone who shares your values." 61

"Speaking of values, we fought a lot when I was helping her study. I was strict
with her, and perhaps putting all that emphasis on responsibility killed the
romance. Ironically, in order to build a future, it cost us." 1

He nodded. "Maybe at this point of life she just wants to have a good time."

"Yeah, the things I can offer her are not what she wants." 2

"But ask yourself this. If you could do it over again, what would you change? Would
you have all the fun you could while it lasted?" 9

I thought back to our moments together, each one more precious than the last, and
breathed in the strong aroma of the coffee in front of me. I thought hard. What
could I have done to save us?
I would still put school first and make sure she placed studying before sex. I
didn't have money to spend on all the restaurants she wanted to try, and I liked
having dinner with my family. When I went to parties with her, I would stay sober
even if she wanted us to blow off steam together. I'd still say no to making out in
the storage room, smoking pot with Raymond, texting her constantly on vacation, and
applying to Colombia or taking a year off. I would still ask her to go home at a
reasonable hour and drive slower, because I'd never be able to forgive myself if
something were to happen to her. 19
Lastly, I couldn't say yes to a break or staying friends, because there were times
when it was best not to complicate things. 28

"I can't really change anything," I said. "I did what I thought was best, and I'd
definitely do it over again." 17

He nodded. "Then you have no regrets. You gave your best shot, and even if it
didn't work out the way you wanted to, you'll leave knowing her life is a little
better after she met you." 26

I had never thought of it that way before. It was a nice thought, a positive
thought that made things don't seem so pointless after all. 3

"Maybe no matter what you choose to do, it won't last forever," Nicholas said, "but
the feeling of doing the right thing will last." 5

"And I guess an NYU diploma will last forever too." 9

"Exactly." He smiled. "Hey, drink your coffee while it's still hot."

He left the table then to get to a customer, and we didn't get a chance to talk
much after that. Before I went home, he told me that they were replacing the old
coffee machine with a new one.

"I can give the old one to you," he said. "It's used but in perfect condition."

"Keep it yourself." I knew Nicholas loved coffee too, and he could never afford to
buy one. 1

"No, I'm sick of coffee. Besides, you'll still need to buy beans and I don't want
to spend money on that." 3
He showed me how to operate the machine. I didn't know what to say so I just said
thanks. Nicholas was a really great friend. We didn't hang out that much, but every
time counted.
Before I turned to go, he looked at me meaningfully and said, "It takes time, you
know."

"To make coffee?" I asked, even though I knew that wasn't what he meant at all.
"Yes, to make coffee." He smiled. "You'll be okay." 92

***

Flora didn't stop trying after that. She asked me out a few more times and hinted
quite tactlessly about getting back together. I was on the bleachers one afternoon,
watching Dylan and Jake shooting hoops when she sat down next to me. I could feel
my body tense immediately, but I counted to three and turned to her with a smile.
12
"Flora."

"Hey. So what's up?" She managed to sound flirty with such a simple greeting. Or
perhaps it was just her familiar perfume, seducing me the way only she was capable
of. It was torture of the best kind.

"You know, the usual." Trying to get over you and hoping you'd stay away from me.
"How about you?" 16

"Nicholas lent me some books," she said. "This is amazing, but I'm actually
starting to enjoy reading! I also did some puzzles a while back. The one you gave
me is my favorite." 2

"Interesting." You mean the one with the Eiffel tower, which we would never see
together? 23

"Anyway, I want to talk to you about something." She turned her enormous hazel eyes
to me, and when we were staring at each other like that, my heart rate still
escalated uselessly.
"Yes?"

"Okay, here goes." She squared her shoulders. "I want to ask you if...if you want
to go to prom together." 13

I blinked. "You want to what?" 4

"I want to go to senior prom with you. It's been my dream since freshman year." 14

"You're crazy," I said before I could stop myself. 8

"Just for old times' sake, Sean. I can't think of anyone else I'd like to go with.
We'll just go as friends, of course." 3

"I don't think that's a good idea."

I thought she would leave it at that, but a few seconds later she said suddenly, "I
think of you literally every second. I wish you could give us another chance." 41

I looked away. The hurt was still so fresh, and she thought she could say whatever
she wanted without considering a second about how I felt. Her innocent
impulsiveness was crueler than she realized.

She laid a hand on my forearm lightly. "I really miss you." 2

My composure fell apart at her touch. Something snapped inside me, and all the
pain, bitterness, anger, and sadness that tore at me for weeks broke free finally,
like a tormented beast finally clawed its way out. I picked up her hand and let it
drop. "No, Flora, this is unfair. You're not allowed to say you miss me and you
can't touch me. Okay?" 65
The pain on her face was hard to watch, and it really wasn't my intention. "Why are
you like this? You don't have to burn every bridge." 7
"You broke up with me, remember? You have no right to ask me this. Besides, you
have enough friends to build an army already. I don't know why you have to force
your friendship on me." 112

"I'm sorry." She covered her face with her hands, and then she mumbled that she
still loved me as much as before. At that moment I hated her. When I told her I
loved her, it was a promise. When she said it, it was like an inspiration. She said
it whenever she felt like saying it, even when she didn't know what she wanted and
what she could do with it. 27

"Flora, I don't hate you for breaking up with me, but if you keep doing this to
me...you don't know how much it affects me when you say things like that." My voice
cracked. "You know as well as I do that even if we get back together, we'll break
up again soon. Nothing's changed. We're still very different people and highly
incompatible, except that with one more break up between us, it's going to be even
harder to work this time. We have every reason to stay apart and only faith to hold
us together, and now even that's gone." 20

Jake and Dylan had stopped passing the ball and were looking up at us. I hated
having them worry over me.
Flora's eyes were brimming with tears. "Sean, please. I just don't want us to end
like this. I want us to be able to talk to each other, at least." 33

I looked up at the ceiling to distract myself. I didn't want to cry in front of her
again. It'd be so easy to give in and tell her how much I wanted to get back
together too, all the time, every single minute, but I needed to be strong. 15

"Flora, you're going to dazzle the world and let the world dazzle you. I respect
the lifestyle you want, but I can't fit in that lifestyle. I admire you for ending
it before it's too late. You made the right decision, and now I need you to stick
with it." I took a deep breath. "I can't be friends with you because you have no
boundaries and I can't resist you, so it's best that we cut all ties. You want me
to talk to you? That's all I want to say." 55

Flora's tears seized my heart as usual and I couldn't breathe. I really didn't mean
to make her cry again, but we seemed to keep hurting each other despite being madly
in love. I couldn't watch her. I stood up and left the gym, but this time I didn't
feel like a coward for running away.

I'd always thought the hardest thing would be trying to get Flora to stay in my
life, but now I understood.
It was letting her go. 29

I thought of the stupid wishes I made at the carnival. We weren't going to achieve
world peace anytime soon, my granddad just went through another stent replacement,
and Flora sat beside me a minute ago, my personal heartbreaker, and I still loved
her as dearly as that day. I had the sinking feeling that we really would always
love each other, but we would do that on our own.

Be careful what you wish for. I got my wish, but it wasn't a blessing but a curse.
51
***

Not very long afterwards, prom rolled around the corner.

"I heard you're not going with Flora," Janet said as we sat at our usual place on
the lawn before class started.
"That's right. Who's she going with?" I asked even though I shouldn't. It was none
of my business.

"She's going by herself. She said she's making a statement." Janet looked at me.
"How about you?" 10

I usually didn't care much for dances, but senior prom was kind of important, even
to me, and I didn't want to go with someone random. "I don't know. It's too soon
and there's no one else I can see myself talking to the whole night."

"Oh, there is someone," Janet said. She waited a second to build the suspense. "Me.
Your best friend." 28

I laughed. "You want to go to prom with me? But I assume you'd go with Brian."

"No, I want to go with you."

Janet asked me because she was worried about me. It was a bit like a pity date. "J,
thanks for the offer, but it's okay."

"I'm serious. Brian's been to his senior prom already. I don't need to drag him off
to mine."

"Really? But wouldn't you want him to dance with you, buy you a corsage and pick
you up in a limo?"

She rolled her eyes. "That's so lame. We're too cool for that." 1

"Don't expect a limo from me either."

"Please don't. Take it easy. We'll just hang out and make comments about other
people." 25

"Is Brian going to be okay with it? I'd definitely not be okay with it if I were
him." 34

"He really doesn't care." Janet popped a piece of gum into her mouth, then she
stopped chewing to deliver a very touching sentence. "You know what? I wouldn't
date anyone who doesn't understand us. I've known you for my whole life and Brian's
completely cool with it." 51

"If he doesn't mind, then sure. Let's go to prom together."

"Okay. Who knows how many chances we can hang out together after we graduate?"
Janet asked with a foreign light in her eyes, like she wanted to hang on to
something that was running down the drain. I knew how she felt. It was the
uncertainly of saying goodbye to high school and everything familiar. 5

"Yeah, but I'll see you every time we come back home."

She nodded. "We'll always be best friends, right? My life just wouldn't be the same
without you." 2

It wasn't Janet's style to say warm things to me, and she never needed to. It was a
bit like Dylan hugging me when he was drunk or Linda kissing me on rare occasions;
I appreciated their affection but I could do without. However, right at that
moment, as I watched our classmates gathering in front of the building, I felt
exactly the same and I knew what she meant. A sense of nostalgia hit me even though
high school wasn't over yet. 4
I never told Janet her friendship was important to me, and that I was sorry for
always placing my relationships before her. 2

"J, thank you for being there for me for all these years. You really are the best
friend I could ever hope for." 1

"I plan to stay that way, that is, unless I'm too busy being a rock star," she
said, ending the heart-warming session. "In that case, my assistant will return
your calls."

"You decided to sign the record deal?"

"Yup. My band is quite understanding," she said. "I'm just going to try it out for
a while and record some songs during the summer. I'm temporarily putting college on
hold." 4

"College can wait, being a rock star can't." 15

"That's what I thought too." She smiled. "So enjoy my company while you still can."

She stood up first when the bell rang and slipped on her headphones. I was grateful
for Janet's friendship, but sometimes I'd briefly ponder where this friendship was
heading, and I knew it would eventually fade out if Brian wasn't as understanding
as he was. I met him a few times and he really did seem super chill. It was weird
thinking of it now that I was in this position, the guy friend, the exact kind of
role that I'd be wary about as a boyfriend, yet I just agreed to going to prom with
her. 7

That was some serious double standard right there. 157

***

Janet was dressed in a grey tee and black leather pants when she came over to meet
up for prom, from right next door. She had on dark eye shadow and looked as if she
was on the way to one of her rock concerts. 1
If this had been Flora, she would've made a big fuss about our outfits, demanded a
pre-prom photo session, made dinner reservations at a grand restaurant, and rent a
helicopter so we could arrive in style, and for some strange reason I found myself
longing for that. Not that I was complaining, but with Janet this felt like any
other night. We grabbed a fast dinner, took her car to school, and after we
arrived, we joined a small group of our friends. 3

I couldn't believe Dylan and Sydney made it to prom together. I was almost jealous.
For the time being they seemed to be on good terms, which means a horrendously
public display of parental advisory explicit content. Jake claimed that prom was as
bad as asking someone to go to a wedding together, thus it was imperative that he
showed up alone. For the time being he was scouting the dance floor like a hawk,
looking for his next partner in crime. 13

At this point, the person I least expected stopped in front of me and asked me if I
wanted to dance.

She looked great in a yellow satin dress. It hung off her body and dripped like
liquid gold. 13
"My pleasure, Sandra," I said. 94

Sandra half-smiled at me, and even though it was ridiculous, I really did feel like
a peasant in front of the queen. We danced for a while, and without Flora there as
a lubricant, I struggled to come up with anything to say to her. 1

"So where's Daniel?" I asked. "I noticed you weren't dancing with him." 1

Her eyebrows rose coolly and the expression on her face never wavered. "I didn't
know you were the gossiping type." 1

"I was just trying to make conversation."

She pointed across the room with her chin. "He's over there. Wearing a fedora hat.
The guy probably thinks he's Humphrey Bogart." Her eyes rested back on my face. "We
just broke up, if you must know." 69

"I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about," she said. "I'm more sorry about you, to be honest."

My body tensed involuntarily. "I guess it's nothing to be sorry about, either."

She shook her head. "I had to hear your stupid name every other sentence for years,
yet I can't believe it didn't pay off. You owe me a personal apology, Sean Foster.
I wasted so many brain cells over you two young grasshoppers." 31

"My sincere apologies."

Sandra gave me a curt nod, yet I felt like I'd just been knighted by the queen. I
expected her to be icy and formal towards me like she did everyone else, but
somehow she was still comfortably mean around me. I was no longer Flora's
boyfriend, but it was quite a privilege to still be accepted into Sandra's circle.
6

She asked me if I voted for Prom Queen and King yet, and I replied that I voted for
her as always. I voted for Raymond Corbett as well, out of habit, and on hearing
this Sandra scoffed.
7
"Looks like I'm going to dance with him again," she said. "How exciting. By the
way, are you going to his after prom party?" 10

"I don't know. I'm not exactly friends with him."

"You don't need to be friends with him. Everyone just uses him for his parties
anyway." 5

I didn't know if Sandra was joking, but unexpectedly, I felt bad for Raymond. He
threw a huge party every semester and we all went, drank as much beer as we could,
yet I realized I never really thanked him for it, not sincerely anyway. I just
thought it was convenient that someone volunteered to provide entertainment. 2

"He's very concerned that our entire senior class is invited," Sandra said, "so no
one misses out on the last chance to have fun. Or have sex, as he puts it. Raymond
is such an idiot." The last sentence was accompanied by an almost inaudible soft
sigh. 13

Before I could answer, a commotion at the entrance of the gym caught my eyes.

And my heart stopped.

Flora arrived by herself, fashionably late as expected. It was impossible not to

notice her as she set the time still. She wore a silver dress, like a sliver of
silver fish fin in the dark sea, swimming by the crowd as she produced a small
ripple. I forced myself to look away but I couldn't. 60

Ever since I said all the brutal things to her at the bleachers, she didn't talk to
me again. We avoided each other and stayed on opposite ends at all times, like
there was an invisible electric field keeping us apart.

Now she was here, and I could see that her dress was barebacked, aside from a few
ridiculously thin strings keeping it in place. My face felt cold and hot at the
same time. 28

"Hey, my eyes are up here," Sandra said. Her tone was kind.

"I'm sorry."

She smiled at me and let go of my hand. "Go dance with her." 6

I thanked her for the dance and went back to Janet. I wasn't that stupid. Now that
Flora was in the room, it was excruciatingly hard to ignore her existence, but I
tried. Janet didn't even have to ask. She kept up a light chatter with me and told
me that Brian got into a small fight with her, because she chose not to go to
college.
"He tries to be supportive," she said, "but as you know he comes from a traditional
family and they only approve of the 'right' way to success, which is through proper
education. He thinks his parents might approve of me more if I go to college."

"You can't base your life on what his parents want." 5

She rolled her eyes. "I know. We're fine now, so don't worry. He said he'd probably
swing by later to see me, but I guess he couldn't make it after all."

"I'm sure he'll be here any second."

"I don't think so. He can hold a grudge sometimes."

"No, he is here. Look."

And then I watched this fairytale unfold before my eyes, which consisted of Brian
showing up in a tux and whisking out a black corsage, and Janet holding out her
wrist in a giddy, girlish manner, not at all like the cool rock star she was, and I
was so genuinely happy for her, even when she told me she wanted to be a horrible
friend for once and ditch me. 6

Brian gave me a pat on the shoulder before he left with Janet, and it dawned on me
that maybe it was possible, after all, to find the love of your life in high
school. I was glad that although it didn't happen to me, it happened to my best
friend. 5
After Sandra and Raymond were crowned Queen and King again, to no one's surprise, I
searched for Flora again. She was pouring herself a drink, and I watched her
tipping her head back elegantly as she drank. When she set down the stem glass
again, her eyes caught mine across the room. 4
We stared at each other hypnotized. I couldn't see anything anymore, except the way
lights reflected off her eyes. They were warm like chocolates, so sweet to drink in
and ultimately to drown in.

I told myself to abort immediately. She was a fiery, messy ball of fire that burnt
me badly, and even cavemen learned their lessons after the initial contact. This
was Flora, however, and when it came to Flora, no amount of judgment and common
sense could save me.
I blamed her dress, mostly. 14

My heart pounded hard against my rib cage, and I thought self-destructively, it

would be so wrong to end senior year without at least sharing one dance with Flora.
3

So I made my way towards her. 345

***

Sorry for the late update (again). I was on vacation and I wrote this as soon as I
got back. 3

Thank you for reading and I cannot stress how grateful I am towards all of you.
There are two chapters left and I'll try to give you an acceptable ending (but if
anyone ships Janet and Sean I'll cry). 26

I have so much fun reading your input on what Sean and Flora did wrong and what
they should do to make it better, and I completely understand and appreciate it,
yet I want to point out that sometimes it really isn't anybody's fault. 4

While Sean didn't change a lot for the relationship, I don't think it'd be entirely
accurate to say he made zero effort; He was patient with Flora when she snapped at
him all the time, and he actively tried to help her with her future career (style
blog, college application, the SAT). Flora expressed her love differently (I want
to be with you all the time and I'll do whatever you want to do and change into
whoever you find easier to love). It's not a competition of who gave up more or who
loved harder. They knew they were opposites right from the beginning and still
chose to date each other, and when it didn't work out, they separated on good
terms. In my opinion there's no need for self-blame, but I don't have a good answer
and as always I enjoy the discussion with you. x 13

This chapter is dedicated to xenizations for making me two gorgeous covers. Thank
you so much!

Chapter 65 The last dance

203K 8.4K 3.1K
Dedicated to versaceroze

by rainbowbrook
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Flora
60
You know that moment in chick flicks when the guy and the girl locate each other in
a noisy room? Their eyes fly past all the irrelevant people until they find each
other, and suddenly it's as if the room grows quiet and no one else exists. People
are terribly understanding as they move aside to make way for them, like they're
Moses parting the Red Sea. 11

That pretty much happened to us. Sean found me from across the gym, and the
distance made it okay for me to stare back. I was faintly aware of the fact that he
was wearing a suit and looked like the human form of temptation, but I didn't break
eye contact to check him out.
We were past that stage and Sean wasn't just a hot guy to me anymore. He was my
dream and my nightmare, my enigma and my answer, and he was both the solution and
the cause of my problems. He was someone I should stay away from, yet every fiber
of my being was swimming against the tides towards him despite the danger. 45

I desperately tried to read him as he came closer.

What did he want? Was this a beginning, or did he want closure? Was he ready to
talk, or did he just find it polite to share one last dance with me?

Since his outburst at the bleachers, I'd been keeping a safe distance from him. I
gave him the space he wanted. I was hurt by all the things he said, but I
understood perfectly. 3
He was like a small, wounded animal, yet I kept poking at him with a stick and
asking him to come out of his cave to play with me. Naturally he bit me. 73

And then he was in front of me, and he was nothing like a small, wounded animal
right now. He almost made me envious of the fact that he looked so good in a suit.
He was tall, lean, gazing down at me, and the color of his tie even matched my
dress. 13

It was like being tossed, unprepared, into a warm pool of fond memories. We were
always inseparable when we danced together, reluctant to waste a single minute on
anyone else. This evening I almost lost all hope. For a second there I honestly
thought he would ignore me all night, that he'd let senior prom slip away without
giving us one last chance to savor something so pure and lovely. 1

"Would you like to dance?" Sean's voice was soft. 58

I couldn't speak right away. I couldn't explain it. It was such a simple sentence,
but coming from him it could mean everything.
"Are you mad at me?" he asked when I didn't answer. "I know you have every reason
to be--" 3

"No, of course not." I swallowed. I wasn't the competitive Flora who only knew of
revenge and winning anymore. I couldn't be mad at him even if I wanted to,
especially since I knew what he went through. 9

He couldn't be friends with me for the most flattering reason possible, because he
still loved me. It was the exact same reason why I wanted to stay in touch with
him. Like everything else, we just had to tackle this with entirely different
approaches. I wanted to take a step back and build it back from there. He wanted to
cut all ties so that he could mourn freely. 7

But the bottom line was, we felt the same way. That was reason enough to give him a
friendly smile, and I didn't care if that made me weak. When it came to him, there
were more important things than useless pride. I'd always be ready for him. 16

I placed one hand on his shoulder, and he took my other hand. We both halted for
the briefest second at the touch. 5

It was just holding hands, no big deal, and we had both danced with plenty of other
people already. But with us, everything carried an undertone of intimacy and could
rapidly spin out of control. A dance wasn't just a dance, and fingers were more
than fingers. 25

He slid his other hand onto my back and rested below the shoulder blade. My body
tightened at the heat of his palm, as if he had just reached in and squeezed my
soul. For a while all I could concentrate on was the warm patch that burned at the
bare skin on my back.

"I want to apologize for that day," he said.

I shook my head to cut him off. "No, I get it. You told me already that you needed
time, but it's like I keep picking at the scab on your wound."

"You're so understanding about it. I'm really sorry."

"I'm sorry too. But I think we should stop apologizing to each other."

He sighed. "Good idea."

We started moving to the music. The sensual embrace and the eye contact were
overwhelming. I liked it and was simultaneously scared of how much I liked it. For
a while I relished in the idea of being so rightfully close to him. 4
"You look really great in silver, Flora."

"I'm so disappointed in you, Sean." I shook my head in mock disapproval. "This is

gunmetal grey." 15

He smiled and it stopped my heart. It was a real smile, and it was something hard
to come by these days. 37
We swayed on the dance floor, rotating slowly as we gazed at each other. Sean
really wasn't a good dancer, but anyone who danced with him would be too busy
trying to control their own breathing to notice.
"You know I don't hate you, right?" he asked. His face was more fascinating than
all the dresses, corsages and jewelries in the room added together. "I don't want
you to take it the wrong way. I only said I don't want to be friends because I
don't know how when I'm still...I mean it'd probably be easier if you didn't mean
anything to me."

"I get it." I smiled up at him. "So this dance...does this mean you're ready to be
friends or is this the last time you're going to talk to me?"

"If we're being honest..." He bit his lower lip. It was so distracting. "I want to
be friends with you eventually, but right now I just want to dance one more time
with you because senior prom is important to me." 7

"Okay." I was slightly disappointed, but it was expected. We danced in silence for
a while before I decided to be blunt again. "So I know I was probably
unintentionally cruel to you when I kept bugging you, but it wasn't entirely
because I was inconsiderate. I asked to be friends because I knew if I didn't push
for it, you'd let us gradually fade out. You'd go to university and never contact
me again." 11

He didn't answer this, and I knew I was right.

"Just so you know," I said, "I can be an awesome friend." 1

He gave me a faint smile. "I don't doubt that at all." 2

"If you need help throwing another party or picking out the right bottle of wine,
for example..."

"...or getting front-row tickets to another ball game."

"Exactly! And I can always offer you fashion tips and help with your pickup lines."
He smiled. "I think I'll do without the pickup lines."

"And if you ever go to New York again, I can give you suggestions on restaurants
and attractions."

"I can ask my other friend Tripadvisor." 6

"Maybe you'll need a place to crash if there are no hotel rooms available." 2

He glanced at the overhead speaker and frowned, but I could see he enjoyed the
light banter too. It was nice to joke like this again. "When's this song ever going
to end? You're annoying me." 8

He didn't act like I annoyed him. If anything, the distance between us closed
further, both figuratively and literally. I couldn't even remember when my arms had
wrapped themselves around his neck, and his circled my waist. I was suddenly very
conscious of his broad chest and how I could practically feel his breath on my
face.

I tilted my head. "You know, you did say before that you want me in your life for
as long as I'm willing to stay." Sean used to find it funny when I twisted his
words. I hoped he still did. 1

"That's not what I meant."

"I can't stay in your life as a friend?" I raised my eyebrows in defiance. "We
don't have to abide by the all-or-none law like a muscle fiber." 7

"What does that mean?" 3

I sighed, pretending to be impatient. "Gosh, Sean, don't you know anything? When
you stimulate a muscle fiber, if the stimulus is strong enough to exceed the limit,
then the muscle fiber will respond. It's not like the stronger the stimulus, the
stronger the response. It either responds fully or none at all. Like you. It's
either a love you forever or don't talk to me. Which is silly, because you're a
human being and you should be more complex than a muscle fiber." 119

He stared at me, and then he started to chuckle. 1

I beamed. Who knew that one day I'd be able to feel so smart around Sean? Some part
of me did change for the better, after all. 5

"Well," he said, "I don't know how to refuse when a girl talks science to me." 7

"You might as well say yes now, or I'll just keep nagging you."

"Okay, okay. I'll start by returning your e-mails. Don't push it," he warned, but
his eyes were full of amusement. I took it he wouldn't mind if I placed my head on
his chest now, so I did.
I loved his body, not in a sexual way (okay that too), but how well we fitted
together. I knew exactly how to position myself against him, and his arms were at
just the right angle. This evening the scent of him was especially pleasing. I felt
warm and comforted in his arms, like I was wrapped in a soft blanket and sipping a
mug of tea. 6

He complained earlier about the length of the song, but when it ended, we glided
seamlessly into the next one. We were silent through the second dance as we held
onto each other. I closed my eyes and basked in the Seaness of him. 10
That's why people like dances. It's a chance to hold a hot guy that doesn't belong
to you for a few shimmering minutes of heaven. 20

The song ended too soon, like a merry-go-round that was stopped abruptly, like a
dream interrupted. Slowly, he pulled away. I was suddenly cold, but I knew I
couldn't dance in his arms forever.

"Thank you for the dance," he said. 4

"It was my pleasure." 1

That was it. For now, for God knows how long. The area around my eyes was hot with
emotions. He was still looking at me although we were already a few steps apart,
like he had a thousands words to say but didn't know where to start. I wasn't ready
to move on either, and I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye yet. My thoughts were
a mess, and trying to sort them was as if trying to unwind a tangled ball of yarn.
14

So I took a step closer to him and said without thinking, "Hey. Do you want to get
out of here?" 45

***

I gripped his hand and tugged him through the darkened campus.

Perhaps it was the magic of the last dance, prom, or that nighttime generally
brought people closer, Sean was surprisingly cooperative. He didn't ask where we
were going, and he didn't seem surprised when we stopped before the swimming pool.
It was breaking and entering again for old times' sake, just like the first time we
went to the homecoming dance together.

We had agreed on dating exclusively back then, but now we were back to two single
people with a sea of feelings, arguments, tears, and promises between us.
He hoisted me up and helped me climb over the fence first.

"Don't try to look up my dress," I said.

He smiled and his eyes sparkled like sapphires. "It's nothing I haven't seen
already." 110
I jumped off the fence. He took off his suit jacket and handed it to me from the
other side, along with his cell phone, and then he briskly joined me. It was so
petty but I liked guarding his belongings for him. He didn't ask for them back, so
I slipped the phone into the jacket pocket and hugged it loosely to my chest.

We sat by the pool and enjoyed our private party. Since graduation was looming so
near, this might as well be the last night for everything. For recollection, for
prospection, and for sneaking peeks at Sean with his tie loosened and the sleeves
rolled up. He seemed to be in a relatively good mood to talk. He was excited about
going to university and I was genuinely happy for him.
It was nice to have something else in life to look forward to besides
relationships.

"You're going to do great at MIT," I said. "It's like an amusement park for nerds,
and I mean it in the best way possible." 4

"You'll have fun at NYU too," he said, "but they don't have a traditional campus
and the dorms are far apart, so you might not live close to your friends."
"That's okay, the city is fabulous! There are too many things to do so people don't
feel the need to stay on campus. It'd be like living in the city and taking classes
somewhere."

He nodded. "Yes, there's too much choice in the city. People might choose to do
their own thing, alone, instead of compromising to do something together." 5

"Wait, how do you even know about the social scene at NYU? You don't know anyone
that goes there."

"I just do."

I jabbed at his side with my elbow. "You did research, didn't you? For me."

He didn't confirm this but I knew I was right. "Flora, you'll make friends in no
time, but it might be a good idea to be more independent too. It's going to be
lonely in the beginning. It won't be like in high school where we all sit at one
big table and you get to see everyone all the time."

He went on for a while, and I realized he was worried about me. He still cared for
me even though I wasn't his responsibility anymore. I looked up at the stars and I
started missing him already. 35

"You'll have different classes and schedules, and you can't always have people to
keep you company," he said. "You need to learn to have fun by yourself." 12

"I know. That's good advice." University would be a great opportunity for me in
more ways than one.
It was a cloudless, serene night and the air was clean. The moon shone down and
casted a shadow along his jawline. His eyes were alluring under the dark lashes. I
was touched that he was looking out for me, but I got a spur-of-the-moment idea and
decided to have fun with him while I still could.

I stood up and beckoned for him to join me. "I want to show you something I
discovered the other day."

He followed my lead. I walked along the edge of the pool, all the way to the deep
end. I turned around to face him and leaned in.
"Remember the first time we broke in here together?"

He nodded. "Of course."

"Do you remember what you said to me?"

"I said a lot of things," he replied. His eyes were curious.

"You made me promise something."

"Don't go out with other guys?"

I flashed him my sweetest smile. "No, Sean. Don't push you into the pool." 19

With that, I placed my palms on his chest and pushed him into the pool. 12

His expression was priceless. I knew it was a stupid, reckless thing to do, not to
mention dangerous, but I'd do it again if I could.

It wasn't because of the shock on his face or the way his shirt clung to his body
when he came up. It wasn't because his dark hair matted down his face and made his
blue eyes more enticing than ever, or because when he pushed himself out of the
pool, he said to me in a harshly sexy tone that I should surrender myself to him so
that he didn't have to chase me, or how every one of my organs blushed when his
strong arms picked me up and clasped around my body before he tossed me in the
water-- 68

It was because when we started splashing water on each other, he laughed. 30

And my heart tightened. 2

I would do it over and over just so I could hear him laugh again. It had been
missing between us for such a long time, and I remembered how seeing him happy was
one of the things that made me ridiculously happy. I watched his face with my chest
full of affection. 26

I loved him. I loved making him laugh. I could probably live without his kisses,
but I wished he could always share that kind of happiness with me. 8

"You're every bit as crazy as I remembered, Flora Morgan," he said as he helped me

get out of the pool. He pushed his wet hair out of his eyes, and he looked
absolutely adorable. 5

"At least I made sure your cell phone wasn't on you before I did it," I said
between giggles. 5

We were both drenched. Sean walked back to the opposite end and picked up his suit
jacket. He held it out to me. "You might want to put this on. I don't want you to
catch a cold." 4

He wasn't looking at me when he said it. I glanced down at myself and noticed how
transparent my soaking dress had become. I draped his jacket over my shoulders and
pulled it close with one hand; it was a warm night, and now it had become warmer. I
could feel the chemistry between us sizzling and shooting off sparks. 5

We headed toward my car in silence. I tried not to notice how Sean looked when he
was all wet, but I could feel him radiating sexiness right next to me.

"Did you drive?" I asked as the parking lot came into view.

"No, we took Janet's car, but she left already."

"Let me give you a ride," I said.

"Thanks."

"You can even dry off at my place if you want to. Ray lives really close to me, so
we can walk to the party together afterwards."

I was surprised he didn't object to the plan. I thought he only wanted to dance,
but this was going a lot better than I anticipated. I was already thinking of what
song I should play later when we reached my car. Sean stopped before it and ran his
palm gingerly along the car hood.

He didn't say anything, but I could guess what he was thinking.

We spent so much time together in this car. I used to pick him up after his games
and let him sleep next to me on the passenger seat. I'd always let him rest for a
while longer as I watched the way his chest rise and fall. He would wake up
groggily and flash me a bashful grin, apologizing about what a boring boyfriend he
was. I'd shut him up and we'd make out, then we would go up to his room and make
out some more.

It was not just a vehicle but a metal box full of memories. His hand reached the
door handle, and then he pulled it back again. 6

"Flora...I think I'll just see you later at the party."

I already knew he would say that, but it still felt like a blow to the stomach. I
could feel myself starting to get whiny again. "Why can't we go together?"

He turned to face me. His eyes were clear and honest, like a shallow pool I could
see right through. "I'm afraid of what will happen if I go home with you. I don't
know if you feel this, but there's still a lot between us and I'm very much
attracted to you." 8

"It's not just you. I feel the same way."

He nodded. "I have thoughts about you that shouldn't be allowed between friends."
32

The way he said it wasn't flirty. It was serious and almost grave. I couldn't
remember the last time he was so blunt. Now that it was out there, we fell silent
again.

"We don't have to be friends," I said finally, working up all my courage. 10

He hesitated for only the briefest second. "I think it'd be best if you go to NYU
without a boyfriend," he said. He was gazing at me with so much tenderness; it was
painful and soothing at the same time. "You should be free to do whatever you want,
without me holding you back. Explore the city. Make friends. Go on a few horrible
dates so you have some fun stories to tell..." 1

He looked at me like he wanted to remember every detail of my face, like he knew he

wouldn't be seeing me for a while. Tears started to rise up and I blinked rapidly.
13
"I really mean it," he said softly. "I still...I want you to know that you mean
everything to me. This isn't me saying no to you. This is the best thing I can
offer you right now." 42

"You're saying it like you want us to both move on and forget each other." 2
"I just want you to be happy. I know this sucks right now, but you'll get better.
You'll be fine." 1

I wanted Sean to be happy too, I really did, but I didn't want to be left behind in
his past. I didn't want him to forget me.

He leant in and pulled me in an embrace. I buried my face against the wet fabric of
his shirt and put my arms around his waist. He hugged me back very tightly, like
squeezing out every ounce of love he was allowed to save for me. I held onto him
like I would collapse without him. 12

I didn't know how much time passed. It seemed like an eternity, but it was also
extremely brief. I felt his lips move to my ear, and he said quietly, "I'll never
forget you. You're the best, baby." 588

At the sound of the word baby I shivered and my tears flew free. He rubbed the back
of my head, then my back, then gave me one last squeeze before he broke away. 4

"Thank you for the perfect prom night," he said. 5

I nodded, unable to choke out a single syllable.

"But you ruined my suit and I'm sending you the dry cleaning bill," he said. His
lips curled up and he looked cuter than ever. 7
This boy would forever be the death of me. 9

He brushed my tears away with his thumb before he left. As I watched his retreating
back, I realized that Sean never said if he promised to stay friends with me or
whether I could contact him again. I watched the moonlight fell over his shoulders,
and for a short second, I had the strangest, most conflicting emotions crashing
against me, both equally strong. 16

On the one hand I felt like I could never get over him. I'd wait for him until he
was ready, and I'd take whatever he could offer me. As an acquaintance, a friend,
or something more. But at the same time, I thought of him as a beautiful deer in
the forest that made this world a better place simply by existing; I didn't need it
in my living room hanging off the wall. 35

I didn't need to own him. He didn't need to be mine. It was such a privilege to
know him and to share a part of myself with him, regardless of the length of time.
No matter we kept in touch or not, I'd think of him with fondness and know that he
was off somewhere being awesome. 35
He would make me proud. I'd smile thinking of him, and know that I did not waste a
single ounce of my love on him. 10

I was still thinking of this as I started my car. My dress was sticking to my body
and I was eager to get home to a hot shower. I reached the intersection and there
was no other car in sight. 11

The light just changed a second ago and I thought of running it, fleetingly, before
I stepped on the brakes hard.

The car screeched to a halt. I flicked the blinker. 20

As the tap-tap-tap of the blinker echoed off in the darkness, I looked at the empty
street in front of me and said to the night,

"Thank you, Sean." 397

*** 2

(It's very dangerous to push people into the pool) 64

Dedicated to kairazoemagaway for being an absolute sweetheart and making me a

trailer. Guys, please check it out (it's at the top). I'm completely overjoyed!!
Also, I'm giving thanks to daisyisconfused who told me about the tumblr quote in
the media section. I find it really fitting and it gives me the feels. 9

A lot of people have been asking me about the cast list. I like giving you the
freedom of coming up with your own casts, but a reader suggested that I could do
this just for fun, so:

Who do you picture my characters as? I'd love to know! 192

This is NOT the last chapter. Thank you for reading and have a great weekend xx

Chapter 66 The Finale

 322K 10K 6.2K
Dedicated to TFHasan

by rainbowbrook
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Sean
179
I went to Raymond's house with Jake after he came to my rescue and drove me home.
We arrived at the party, found Dylan hovering near the keg, and joined him.

"What took you so long?" He lifted his chin at us. His face was flushed with
alcohol already.

"Sean was saying bye to Flora," Jake said. I didn't tell him that and I thought I
was very calm on the way over, but sometimes he could just detect these things with
me. "He cried all the way home and I had to stop and pat his back." 5

"Yeah right," Dylan said sarcastically. He handed us a plastic cup each, and we
started drinking and toasting to anything we could think of. To Jake getting voted
as Most Gorgeous for the fourth time in a row, to me graduating with the second
highest GPA in our class, and to Dylan breaking up with Sydney for one final
round--or so he claimed. 29

"I'm pretty sure I heard you screaming you loved her when we went through the
door," I said.

"I love us," Dylan said. He could be deep when he wanted to, and as he started
getting sentimental, I knew he was very drunk. "I miss the old us when everything
was so good and we were each other's firsts in everything. Now we're just holding
on to that memory and refusing to let go." 19

He took another long swig and crumpled up the cup he was holding. "I regret a lot
of things that happened between us. We turned each other into horrible people."

"You're not horrible people," Jake said. "You're just horrible at being in a
relationship. I'm glad I didn't try. I must say I don't regret a single thing in
high school." 4

"I don't, either," I said. "I did everything I wanted to do."

"I did everything I wanted to do, too," Dylan said, "along with lots of things I
didn't plan on doing." 2

Jake smirked as he filled up his cup. "You mean Sydney, along with Diane, Annie and
Emma?" 10

"Why are you keeping tabs on Dill's sex life?" 2

He smiled at me. "Because you don't have one?" 3
Dylan laughed. He shook his head. "Nah, there's only Sydney for me." 9

He sounded sad already, and I was willing to bet that the Sydney Dylan show would
come back with a sequel. They were together for almost three years, and since he
chose to go to a community college nearby--not sure if he did it for her or for his
mom--they would still be close to each other. He was such a romantic fool. 47

Our conversation went on as we continued with our ritual of binge-drinking. Dylan's

mom would pick us up afterwards and let us stay at his house, as we had done many
times before. I wondered how often we'd be able to do that from now on. I felt
nostalgic already. 2
For some reason, however, I had the feeling that these guys were going to stay in
my life for quite a while. It was a comforting thought. 1

"I fucking love you guys," Dylan said suddenly. "I'm really going to miss your ugly
faces." He was generally a very emotional person and was especially affectionate
when drunk. I could sense a hug coming up. 75

"Love you too, bro," Jake said easily as he took a step back. "But please don't hug
me in front of the girls." 19

We laughed and drank some more. By the time when I saw our party host Raymond, I
was feeling dizzy and out-of-character, so I decided to go over and talk to him. I
was grateful towards him for the party. It was one last chance to bring everyone
together, and I felt like I'd miss our whole class. 3

Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing about high school. I was so incredibly
lucky. I gave my sister an unforgettable birthday, made my parents proud, spent
time with people I truly liked, went to prom with my best friend... 1

And I fell in love. It all started with one of Raymond Corbett's parties when this
beautiful girl told me she liked me. 55

I was right when I told her we were too different and better off as friends, but at
the same time, I was completely wrong too. I was relieved that we tried, and in the
end it was all that really mattered. That we tried. 24
It was good to end here, and I'd never forget any of my sparkling Flora moments.
They were like the snowflakes in a snow globe, not entirely real, but perpetual and
easy to preserve, and I could reflect upon them any time I want. 21

"Great party," I said to Raymond.

He gave me one of his overly-friendly smiles. If I hadn't known better, I would've

thought he genuinely liked my presence. "Thanks for coming!"

"Thanks for inviting me."

"I'm glad you made it. Honestly," he said. "I say that to everyone but I really
mean it. I hate half the people here but you're not one of them."

Raymond was strangely blunt tonight, and I guessed it was because he'd just been
voted Prom King and no longer had to pretend to be nice. A couple of guys, who I
didn't know the names of, were standing at a corner and nervously watching the
dance floor. Raymond sighed through his nose and shook his head. 1

"Look at those losers," he said. "They have no idea what to do with themselves. Be
right back while I find them a babysitter." 4

Flora and Carmen were a few feet away taking pictures together. She looked stunning
as usual in a red dress, like she was posing for a perfume ad. Raymond approached
them, and a moment later he was gesturing animatedly at the guys.
Flora went over and shook their hands. In no time they were all laughing, and
Raymond had his arm slung over one of the guy's shoulder. This was certainly a
strange sight to behold and I marveled over just how fake Raymond was. 58

I didn't miss the guys' delighted faces, however. They were uncomfortable at first
and probably didn't like the party scene that much, but I was pretty sure they
would go home happy, now that Raymond intervened. He gave them something great to
remember and they'd never know what he really thought of them. He went around
making sure everyone was enjoying themselves before he came back.

"Why bother inviting everyone if you hate half of them?" I asked, accepting the
bottle of beer he handed to me.

He shrugged. "I don't know. No one else would invite them, I guess. I feel better
about myself when they're happy. Besides, no one is allowed to have a bad time at
my party." 21

The way he said it reminded me so much of Flora. The only difference was that she
was genuinely interested in people, even if at the beginning it was just their
outfits.

"That's why I like Flora," Raymond said. "She can talk to anyone, and she actually
enjoys doing it. I can pretend to be friendly for a while before it gets
exhausting, but she's like that on default."

"Yeah. Flora is amazing like that."

As I got more familiar with Raymond's vibe, I began to grasp why Flora liked
hanging out with him. They were similar in some ways, and Flora was open-minded
enough to tolerate his negative remarks on people. He was also honest and
insincere, considerate and mean at the same time, and I knew Flora was drawn to
that kind of complexity. 7
Raymond grimaced. "I don't mean I like her," he clarified. "She's fun to be around,
that's all. Besides, anyone who's heard of the way she talks about you knows that
she's a lost cause. I don't want you to get the wrong idea."

"It's okay. I understand."

"I have a crush on someone else," he said. Raymond was certainly up for sharing
tonight. The strange thing was, talking to him wasn't half bad. "She's partly the
reason I throw a party every semester, in hopes that she'd come." 148

"That's a lot of effort for one girl," I said. I was lazy and I'd never go to so
much trouble. "You can just ask her out." 1

He shook his head. "No, this one is very difficult. She's always unavailable, too,
and it's against my policy to try anything. I have enough respect for the
boyfriend," he said, and a grin spread across his face. "I mean, ex-boyfriend." 48

"Oh. There's your chance."

"Yup. I'm going to make my move tonight." 1

"Good luck. This is your party and home advantage is very important." 3

He laughed. "True. Hey, so we're cool, right?" 1

"Why wouldn't we be?" 3

"I just want to make sure." He gave me a pat on the shoulder. "It's great talking
to you. I wish we had done it sooner."

There was no way to tell if he meant it, but at least I knew I meant it when I said
me too. A while later, I watched our Prom King and Queen stumble in a room
together. 99
They were in there for a long time, and I couldn't help but feel amused. Sandra
Jenkins, with her perfect hair and sophisticated manners, had stooped to our level
and done something so entirely high school. Didn't I already predict this and tell
Flora they should bond over their common hatred for everyone? 1

I never knew that parties could be so interesting. 20

*** 4

Flora and I didn't talk anymore after graduation. I wanted to, but it seemed that
we had already exhausted all that could be said. I spent the summer without her,
but I kept in touch with her in my own way, madly and secretly. 39

It was hard at first. Thinking of her was like a broken rib--it hurt with every
inhale and exhale. Gradually, I'd learned to coexist with the idea of missing
Flora. It was something that I had to carry with me at all times even though it
wasn't there, like a phantom limb. 4

I was still sad, but it was a tolerable kind of sadness that I had gotten used to,
the way you don't hear the sound of a buzz after it goes on continuously, the way
fragrances lose their scent. I lived and breathed her even though she wasn't with
me anymore. 6

At least I had the freedom to think of her all I wanted. 1

When summer was close to an end, a plane took me and all my longing across the
ocean. Germany was wonderful. I didn't normally like chatting up strangers, but now
that I was on foreign grounds, I was much more out-going as stories were shared
among fellow backpackers. 14

There were the two Korean guys who stayed up all night playing bridge with Dylan
and me, while Jake was out doing whatever it was that Jake did. The French middle-
aged woman we met at the bar was a small celebrity where she was from after one of
her YouTube videos went viral. The Jamaican man sitting in the hotel lobby was an
obstetrician who decided to take a year off clinical practice so that he could see
the world. 71

The people I met and the things I saw were transformed into words on postcards. I
wrote one to Flora every day, even though I knew I was never going to actually post
them. 78
"This is exciting," Dylan said one afternoon. We were standing in the tattoo
parlor, and he decided to get another tattoo to signify our trip abroad together.

"I'm touched, but I really don't want my initials on your body," Jake said.

Dylan pulled out his passport and found the page with the custom stamp. That was
what he wanted on his arm. He grinned at Jake. "You want one too? You can tattoo
your address and ask people to drop you off, in case you're wasted and lying in a
puddle of your vomit on the side of the road." 39

"Dill, how can anyone not love you?" Jake shook his head. "You think of everything.
Hey, but you know what? I think I do want one."

He sat down on the stool and started flipping through pictures of designs. It was
just like Jake to decide on a tattoo two minutes before getting it, like he was
just ordering at a fast food joint.

"I want something exotic like Chinese characters," he said. 4

"It's not because of Jessica, is it?" I asked. He admitted a while ago that he had
a strange infatuation with her and he couldn't even explain it himself. 12

He frowned. "No, she'd freak out. Jess is the most infuriating girl I've ever met.
She said we were soul mates but insisted on keeping everything strictly physical."
12
"Jessica is more Jake than Jake," Dylan said. 38

"She's not like Flora, that's for sure," Jake said to me. "If you tattoo Flora
Morgan right across your heart, she'd probably love it." 4

Feels like I already did, I thought. As the tattoo artist placed the machine over
Dylan's bicep, I sat down and started writing a new postcard. I wrote one before we
biked along The Rhine river, and I wrote one in front of the bonfire, after we
built a tent on the campsite in a botanic garden. I wrote one telling her about
canoeing on Lake Titisee, and I wrote another to report on how we helped an old
lady move a couch into her apartment. She made us some delicious grilled trout, and
Flora would be impressed if she were there. 29
It was my therapy, to get over her, but also to hang on to her. 8

"Can I read it?" Jake asked one evening while I was sprawled on the bed writing.
There was a stack of already written postcards in front of me. Dylan was off
calling Sydney even though he claimed he was single, but he was still allowed to
care about her. 4

"Go ahead."

He grinned. "Is there anything dirty?"

"Oh yes. I mentioned you and Dill a couple of times." 26

He smiled as he read, and I explained, "I just want to put down what we did, like a
diary. It feels more natural to write dear Flora instead of dear diary, but I'm not
really mailing it to her." 7

"Is that so?" He raised one eyebrow. "I think it's the other way around. You want
to talk to her but you don't know what to say, so you're writing about our trip."
He sounded like he pitied me, but there was also a hint of envy in his tone.

I shrugged and changed the subject. "You were out for an awfully long time last
night."

"I met a girl," he said. This part wasn't surprising, because Jake was always
sharing his sexpeditions with us. It was not to brag, according to him, but because
we were bros and bros tell each other everything. "We almost made out, but it felt
wrong because we couldn't communicate. I ended up showing her every picture in my
camera, then she showed me hers." 16

"How disappointing. I expect a lot more from you."

"I expect a lot more from myself, too. I thought I'd be planting my offspring all
over the European soil." He handed back my postcard. "But it's nice to have someone
to think about, isn't it?" 27

***

I packed up everything for university. Linda refused to get out of my room. She
stood there dabbing her eyes every now and then, because she was crying tears of
joy and she couldn't wait to see me go. 53
I chuckled. "Would it kill you to tell me you're going to miss me?"

"Fine. I'm going miss you." She huffed. "Just a tiny bit." 4

"I'll miss you too, sis."

She handed my yearbook to me. "You forgot to pack this."

There was a picture of Flora and me dancing in there. It felt like a cruel prank,
and I deliberately skipped that page every time. Janet told me that we were an epic
couple and it made sense to have it in there as a fragment of history, as if it was
a UNESCO World Heritage site of Riverside High. 1

Flora hadn't signed my yearbook. When I got it back from the cheerleaders, I
skimmed over the last few pages and saw that every one of them signed except for
her. I was disappointed but I wasn't surprised. 17

We were too much of everything to be summed up in a few sentences. 12

I wished her luck when I signed hers, and I managed to be honest without saying
anything I really wanted to say. I thanked her for everything, but I didn't tell
her how much I still loved her, that right now I couldn't picture myself ever being
happy without her, but I was also scared because I didn't want to drag this on when
we should have closed this chapter. 6

I just wanted her to be happy and to have a good time in the city. It must get
lonely there sometimes, even if it was somewhere as fabulous as Manhattan.
I touched the cover hesitantly, and then I flipped to the page with us dancing. A
thin piece of paper was there, one I never noticed before. 15

I recognized Flora's handwriting right away. 5

"Dear Sean,

This is a letter written by Simone de Beauvoir to Nelson Algren, but it conjured up

what I want to say nicely. 10

I want to tell you only two things before leaving, and then I'll not speak about it
anymore, I promise. First, I hope so much, I want and need so much to see you
again, some day. But, remember, please, I shall never more ask to see you--not from
any pride since I have none with you, as you know, but our meeting will mean
something only when you wish it. So, I'll wait. 28

But know that I'll always long for your asking me. No, I cannot think that I shall
not see you again. I have lost your love and it was (it is) painful, but shall not
lose you. 2

What you gave me meant so much, that you could never take it back. And then your
tenderness and friendship were so precious to me that I can still feel warm and
happy and harshly grateful when I think of you. I do hope this tenderness and
friendship will never, never desert me. 3

Don't make writing letters of any kind a duty, just write when you feel like it,
knowing every time it will make me very happy. 28

Your own Flora 10

I hope our story doesn't end here x" 129

The letter dug up a fresh supply of emotions that I'd been trying to bury for so
long, and it wasn't just because my baby was now quoting Simone de Beauvoir. My
throat tightened as I swallowed. Linda left me quietly, and I read the letter
again, and a third time. 402

You silly girl, I thought with fondness. 9

What had I ever done to deserve this kind of devotion? She still cared so much
about me. She wanted to contact me, but she left the choice to me. She was
respecting my wish and keeping her distance. I looked over at the stack of
postcards I'd written to her, and knew that we never lost contact with each other.
1

We were lucky to get some time and space apart. She could learn to be more
independent and figure out herself in New York, and I could learn to loosen up and
live a little.
8
Perhaps there were differences that just couldn't be solved with negotiation, by
compromising, by tears. We couldn't find a way to be together now, but maybe we
would gradually change our opinions. If we did but didn't change how we felt about
each other, then maybe, someday...
4
Meanwhile, maybe we could try to be friends. As much as I needed her, Flora might
need me in her life too.

I picked up the phone and dialed the number I could remember by heart. It rang
three times, five times--

"Who's this?" An annoyed male voice picked up. "Flora can't come to the phone right
now. She's in the showers." 52

I was wrong. I did not want her to be happy, not so soon. She couldn't find someone
else to replace me that quickly. "I'm her--" 105

He laughed. "Sean, I was just messing with you. This is Jeremy," he said. "Flora's
brother? We met once for dinner." 110

My heart rate started to slow. I took a deep breath to calm myself. "Hi, Jeremy.
How are you?"

"I'm great!" he said. "How about you? You're going to MIT, right? It's only two bus
stops from Harvard and I can show you around the area if you want. I know all the
great places--" 1

"Jeremy!" Flora's horrified voice cut in. I could hear them wrestling over the
phone. "Oh my God it's Sean. What did you say to him?"

Jeremy laughed and yelled in the background that I should hang out with him
sometime.

"Sean," Flora said breathlessly on the other end. "Sorry about that. Jeremy's being
an idiot as usual."

"It's fine. He's funny." Just a few sentences in, and I realized how much I missed
her and her crazy family already. 1

"Are you back from Germany?"

I recounted to her briefly about our trip, and Flora responded with great
enthusiasm to everything, even if I was just telling her how many miles we rode on
a bike everyday.

"I'm working at a clothing store," she told me when I finished. 7

"You got a summer job? But you hardly need the money."

"It's mainly for the experience," she said. "It's something productive to do and I
want to know how it feels when money means something. So far I love it." 34

She went on to tell me how much the customers liked her, no surprise there, and how
many friends she had made already. Sometimes people dropped in just to chat with
her and ended up buying anyway. She gave out arbitrary discounts when she really
liked the clothes on her customers. 3

"I just want them to be able to afford it," she said. "My boss isn't happy with the
price I offer them, but at least I bring in lots of business so it's not like
there's anything he can say about it." 7

She laughed. It was such a delight to hear, and only Flora could make talking about
clothes so interesting. I adored the energy in her voice.

"I might want to be a personal shopper in the future," she said. "I mean I still
want to be a fashion editor, but a personal shopper seems more...personal. I
haven't decided yet." 4

"I think you'll be great at whatever you want to do." 2

She paused for a second. "If that's the case...I want to be your friend." 10
I glanced at the stack of postcards I'd written to her. "Listen, Flora..."

I heard her taking a sharp breath. "I didn't mean to twist your words again. It's
just that...it's really nice to hear your voice. I'm so glad you called me. Can you
keep talking for a while longer? Please don't hang up." 28

"Actually." I cleared my throat. "I was going to ask if you want to meet for
coffee...if you're not doing anything later." 151

There was a long silence. My heart jumped around wildly. "Flora?" 6

"Sean." Flora laughed lightly on the other end, in that flirty, charming way of
hers I'd never get enough of. "See you at The Pavement in an hour. I thought you'd
never ask." 561

***

This is the LAST chapter. There will NOT be an epilogue. 349

Edit: but the sequel is out! It's called "Kisses and Other Necessities" 42

Sorry if this seems like a cop-out, but you're
you want. They can start again and get married
"Planning a Wedding Is the Easy Part. Tagline:
apart slowly once the summer is over. Now that
adulthood, anything is possible. 84
free to imagine the ending any way
and have a book on them called
Marriage is hard", or they can drift
they are standing on the brink of

Thank you again for sticking with this. I know this isn't the most eventful or
satisfying story, but I hope this is a fun read with some depth to it. For a while
I worried about finding my audience, but the support I've gotten along the way is
simply mind-blowing. Thank you so much, I love you all x 95
I'd be grateful if you could answer some of my questions below:

Who is your favorite character? 755

How did you find my book? 526

Would anyone be interested in a one shot competition? 80

Shameless self-promotion time: you can find spin-offs featuring Jake and Dylan,
respectively, on my profile. Please check them out if you like my writing <3 68

sequel
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by rainbowbrook
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Dear friends, the sequel is up. It's titled "Kisses and Other Necessities" and you
can add it to your library so you don't miss future updates. Thank you and Happy
New Year x 191

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dedicated to @zerofucksgiven for the cute cover! x