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Exopolitics, Bipolar & Me
A Personal Story of Cosmic Transformation?
Uncover a story like no other into the far reaches of the psyche of the human mind. Decide for yourself what you think has happened in this true life account of one person s journey through Exopolitics, Bipolar and the rediscovering of what it means to be Me.
© Carl R Hussey, 2010
Exopolitics, Bipolar & Me By Carl R Hussey B.A. PGCert Acknowledgements
This book is dedicated to all those people, both private and professional, who have helped and guided me on my own personal journey over the years. Writing this book has been in my mind for over ten years now and I finally feel that it is time for my story to be told. Ever since I was a young boy growing up in the city of Stoke-on-Trent, England I knew that there was something different about me. I used to gaze at the night sky wondering what was out there, until my own µawakening experience¶ in 1999 which confirmed many things to me. This book would not have been possible without the patience, guidance and care that I have received from my parents over the years, who still have to watch over me a little, as the world of µExopolitics, Bipolar and Me¶ constantly interact in my life. But most of this entire book is dedicated to you, the reader, who hopefully will read my story with an open heart and open mind and use my story to inspire and uplift your own lives for the betterment of wider humanity. For we are all one people, of one earth, on a journey that will ultimately lead us in peace into the far reaches of the cosmos.
³May our collective journey as we move out of our adolescence as a species into adulthood lead us into a glorious future whe re we can take our rightful place alongside the other Star Nations of the Universe.´ Carl R Hussey, October 2010
Oh Mother Earth. An Introduction: Exopolitics, Bipolar & Me. Travels & Tribulations. A Vision of the Future? Airplane Arrivals & Air Force One Departures! My Psychiatric Hospital Stay & My Meetings with Beautiful Minds. A Journey through the Bipolar Mind. Time to go Home.
Oh Mother Earth
Oh Mother Earth, There you sit in the blackness of Space, Crying out to wiser beings as we try to change your Face, Your call has been Heard, Like the cry of a Bird, For humanity is about to Awaken, For they are not Forsaken, Your healing must start Now, For I have a small piece of the puzzle that says How, Our past is humbling as there has been much Fumbling, And our present time is slowly Crumbling, But our future is Bright, Just hold on Tight!
Carl R Hussey, 2010
An Introduction: Exopolitics, Bipolar & Me. After an µawakening experience¶ in Sydney, Australia in October 1999 my life has never been the same since and everything in my world changed forever. What you are about to read is a truthful account of a star visitor or extraterrestrial telepathic wakeup call that jolted my mind into quite a dark Orwellian future that ended up me being committed to The Prince of Wales Psychiatric Hospital in Sydney, Australia for a short period of time. This telepathic wakeup call took the form of a µvision¶ where I witnessed and lived through a perceived Orwellian future that lay ahead for humanity at that time. But before we get to that point in my story I want to tell you a little about myself and how I came to be in this world and how my experiences have been used to help those most in need, while always considering the larger picture which includes humanity, earth and how we fit in as a species into the wider scheme of things in the cosmos. I was born into a humble family the eldest of two boys and was raised by my parents to be respectful towards both people and animals. As a young child I knew from an early age that I did not quite fit in and had a feeling that my life was in no way going to be ordinary, whatever ordinary means. I had a tough time growing up, but got through school, college and University, where I graduated in 1999 with a B.A. (Hons) Degree in Business Administration & Human Resource Management. I was hoping for a career either working for my father¶s consultancy company or working in human resources in some capacity. However, I spent two summers between my university academic semesters working in and travelling around America and subsequently caught the travel bug. It was in 1999 that I decided to go to work in Australia and with backpack in hand I got on my flight to Sydney, briefly stopping off in Bangkok, Thailand where my journey with the µstar visitors¶ began.
Travels & Tribulations. For it was at the Emerald Buddha, Grand Palace, Bangkok that I first began to receive a µwakeup call¶ inside my head from a voice, accompanied by a strange wave tingling sensation from the top of my neck down to the bottom of my back. At first I thought I was going into some kind of trance or going psychotic but then the voices began and I kind of knew that I was engaged in a dialogue with off planet beings. To begin with I was told that I had been chosen to be woken up after I had given what I can only describe as µThe Call¶ after seeing an elephant in much distress at an elephant show in the city. I could see that the poor creature was in pain and wondered why humans could do this to such wonderful and intelligent creatures. It was kind of a µcry for help¶ that I gave out in my mind somehow on behalf of the elephant. And from then on as I toured Buddhist religious sites around Bangkok I felt that there was a µnew but friendly¶ presence that was accompanying me. This presence seemed to be sharing my experiences as I toured the city and I felt that he or she was sharing my thoughts and somehow learning from my emotions at what I saw. It was when I got back to my hotel that night that the presence began to converse in my mind with me accompanied by the tingling sensations described earlier. The presence could be described as being neither male nor female but uplifting and comforting as we conversed with each other through thought. I saw no accompanying paranormal phenomena and the µinternal conversation¶ in my mind was merely accompanied by the tingling sensations when it or they (I did not know at this point what they were) were confirming things to me. I think at this stage they were merely getting me used to the idea of telepathic contact, which of course I had no idea about until this point in my life. The following few days and nights in Bangkok generally were quite exciting as this was my first contact with Far Eastern culture and the religion of Buddhism which I feel was somehow µshowing me the light.¶ But soon it was time for my stop-off in Thailand to end and I was soon boarding a Qantas flight to Sydney where I was looking forward to the prospect of working in Australia on my twelve month work visa, maybe in a bar or fruit picking on a farm. It was as I was sitting in my seat on the runway of Bangkok International Airport that the presence in my head returned. At this point I was watching on the video screen in front of me beautiful images and scenes of various parts of the world which the flight crew played with soothing music as we prepared to take off. I could feel tears streaming down my eyes as I looked at the glorious images of high mountain peaks, beautiful tropical islands and other natural vistas. What a wonderful world I thought to myself! At this point the presence confirmed that it too was feeling similar in its emotional response and at this point I told it to please leave me alone and go and choose someone else instead to in a sense µmind-meld¶ (to borrow a Vulcan Star Trek phrase here) with. But of course it did not and my story continued to unfold. Upon my arrival in Sydney it was clear that this was going to be like no other life experience that I had previously had. As a city Sydney seemed such a gentile place and the Australian
people seemed so relaxed and friendly in their overall demeanour, approach and attitude to life. I navigated my way through the airport customs procedures and proceeded to take a taxi to my youth hostel near the University of Sydney where I would be living for the first part of my stay. The first few days were somewhat magical for me as the presence had suddenly gone and I was left with my own mind again free to explore the city sights and beaches of Sydney. Indeed I much enjoyed soaking up the city atmosphere and photographing sights such as the Sydney harbour bridge, Australian wildlife at the Tarronga Zoo and the world famous Bondi Beach. However it was soon time for me to settle into finding work and paying for my adventure in Australia and I proceeded to look for work. I soon ended up working as a telesales agent for a UK based publishing company in the city and after a week¶s work often returned to my bed in the youth hostel feeling quite tired. But it was a further few nights into my stay until the presence retuned. This time I began to experience strange popping sensations in my mouth and the presence began once again to engage in conversation with me, finally confirming to me that it was of an extra-terrestrial or star being nature. Naturally as this was confirmed to me I began to get the feeling of µwow, can this really be happening to me?¶ I was enthralled and quite excited at this point, as you can imagine. But things were about to take a strange turn as one night after returning from work I found a card from a religious cult (name withheld) in my mailbox and this I felt was the only organization at that time that I felt able to relay my experiences to. However I could not have been more wrong. The next few days were probably the weirdest of my life as I joined the so-called µchurch¶ of this religious cult in Sydney and proceeded to tell them everything that had been happening to me. For the most part fellow µchurch members¶ just sat and listened in stunned silence as I relayed my experiences to them. I think in hindsight that they did not know what to do with me! But I was happy to be finally offloading my experiences to someone, even if it was the wrong place to be doing so. Within one week of being in this religious cult things took a turn for the worse. I had to give up my job with the publishing company and found that my mind was going into overdrive. It was if my mind was on fire and there were no fire fighters in sight! I was experiencing rapid speech, seeing hidden meaning in things and my thoughts were racing along quite a bit. I not only gave up my job but left the hostel too and returned to the µchurch¶ in need of some kind of µspiritual help.¶ What I got was a whole load of cultish coping mechanisms to deal with what they perceived was some kind of religious experience that I was having. However this sped my mind up even faster as I was taken for special one to one counselling sessions with a couple of church members. It was at this point that I was booked into a local hotel a few city blocks away from the church and I was left in my hotel room with a racing mind, one backpack and a few hurriedly packed Sydney city souvenir items. What was about to unfold was to become, to this very day, the most bizarre experience of my life which totally transformed my consciousness as µthe presence¶ in my mind made a return to my psyche and I seemed to be presented with a dark and twisted vision of the future, much akin to that described in George Orwell¶s fictional novel, µ1984.¶
A Vision of the Future? The Orwellian nightmare that was about to engulf my mind started and ended for a period of about an hour one morning during my stay at the hotel that the cult had booked me into in Sydney. The following night I had gone to bed with my mind in constant flux, mixing images of Sydney city life with teachings from the cult, with the return of µthe presence¶ once again. It was as if my mind was a whirlpool of emotions that was headed one way, and one way only, into a downward spiral. Soon enough this spiral of thoughts began to take a turn for the worst and as I awoke that morning I began wondering what on earth was going on in my mind. I really did not know what to do but I decided to try and µclear my head¶ by taking a leisurely stroll around the city, parts of which I had become quite familiar with and accustomed to. It was during this brief walk around a few city blocks near the docks area of the city that things began to become what I can only describe as µprofoundly paranormal¶. As I walked around the city streets I began to see things through the lens of what I can only describe as an Orwellian dystopian futuristic nightmare of a society where everything you did and said was constantly monitored and controlled by the overarching force of µBig Brother.¶ Big Brother is a term described in George Orwell¶s fictional novel µ1984¶ where the world is constantly in a state of war and the whole of future society and yourself are constantly monitored and controlled. Indeed your very mind and soul seem to be plugged into the vast network of computers that monitor your every move, watching out for signs of rebellion against the system of control. As I walked the city streets I began to perceive that I was already living in this Orwellian Police State nightmare and it was as real as anything you could possibly imagine. The sequence of events which appeared to me to be some sort of a vision was like descending into the bowels of hell itself. I can honestly say, hand on heart that I have mentally been to hell and back! The presence, not the cultish teachings was in my mind and I seemed to be getting the feeling that I was being taught or prepared for a sequence of future life events, most of which I did not fully understand. As my mind surfed through this vision I perceived that cameras were everywhere, that the populace of the city and maybe the entire world was heavily drugged and the controllers were somehow linked to the cult. The cult it would seem was a large part of the psychological programming mechanism of this whole nightmare and my journey took me back to one of the cult¶s offices where I proceeded to unplug one of the televisions that was blaring out propaganda, my actions being much to the disdain of fellow µchurch goers¶. What follows next was that I was given a polite but firm request to leave and I proceeded to return to my hotel room where I began to pack up my things and head for the airport, clearly needing to get out of Sydney and maybe Australia itself. As I hurriedly packed my things I could hear a TV broadcast by the World War Two Nazi German dictator, Adolf Hitler. I was listening to one of his addresses at his now infamous Nuremberg rallies and all of the TV sets in the hotel seemed to playing the same thing. Next two men speaking in German were
knocking on all the room doors of my hotel floor as if they were desperately searching for someone. That someone I perceived to be myself and I even more hurriedly packed my things, ignoring the knock on my door, which filled me with absolute horror. Was I about to arrested and taken to see the secret police? Was I about to be interrogated? Was my mind about to be read by some sort of futuristic mind reading device?! Luckily I did not open the door and managed to escape the hotel and I promptly hailed a taxi to take me to Sydney International Airport where I was hoping to catch a flight out of this nightmare. It was as I was in the taxi that I closed my eyes and µprayed¶ for this nightmare vision of the future to end and with that I finally came back into the so called real world. But the problem was that the real world that I had been living in before this µvision¶ was somehow distorted with the Orwellian nightmare now at the back of my mind. But it was to the airport I headed where I believed at this point that I had become some sort of µmissionary figure¶ that had to inform the most powerful person in the world, the then President of the United States of America, Bill Clinton of what I had just experienced. Indeed it was only the President that could avert this future reality from unfolding! However it was as I got out of the taxi after a failed attempt to phone the White House switchboard that things began to get even more dramatic, sinister and dare I say it even more µmovie like¶.
Airplane Arrivals and Air Force One Departures! So here I was sitting in the foyer area of Sydney International Airport my mind whirring away like clockwork and the taxi driver, who must have been pondering what he had just witnessed as he dropped me off at the arrivals lobby. There I sat in the arrivals lobby looking at both the arrivals and departures flight information boards wondering what to do. Then much to my surprise I looked around and found that a couple of members of the cult had followed me to the airport and were observing me from afar. Naturally this sent my mind whirring even faster and I suddenly felt that the presence had gone and what I now know to be psychosis had taken over my mind. Psychosis is best described as when the mind loses touch with reality and starts to interpret things in abnormal ways. Indeed I felt that I was in some sort of thriller movie scene with myself as the main starring character, with the rest of the airport terminal inhabitants being merely walk-on extras! It was the most surreal feeling imaginable and things were about to get a lot more exciting. The next thing I knew I was looking at two flights being displayed next to each other on the electronic arrivals board that were due to land in a couple of hours at Sydney International Airport from Los Angeles. My mind was in overdrive and I honestly thought that one of the planes was a B52 jet bomber in disguise being sent to blow up the airport, somehow controlled by the cult! The other plane was actually Air Force One, the American Presidential jet on its way to pick me up. I felt that the Orwellian vision I had been given was so unique that the President himself was on board waiting for me to relay my experiences to him! Now that¶s psychosis! It was also at this point that I began to panic thinking that the B52 bomber would get to me first and literally blow the airport up to stop my visionary message from getting relayed to people that knew what to do about it. Consequently, I decided to take matters into my own hands and my mind somehow told me that Air Force One was already waiting for me on the tarmac at the airport, yet again disguised as another normal looking passenger jet. Gate eight, just the other side of the arrivals area was where the jet was waiting for me to take me directly to a super secret location somewhere near Washington DC in the USA. What happened next is still quite blurry, even after all these years of replaying this sequence of events over and over in my mind to try and get a handle on what was going on. At this point I decided to make a run for it, leaving all of my luggage and personal possessions at the other side of the customs area of the arrivals hall. In a sense I reversed the whole process of legally entering and exiting a country! I proceeded to dash through the arrivals area of customs heading for gate eight with armed security officers in pursuit. The announcement system of the airport was declaring that there was a security alert as I dashed for the Air Force One plane in disguise! I got to gate eight and found the waiting jet after a good five minute run through the other numbered gates with fellow airport passengers looking on in stunned silence. It was indeed just like being in a movie and I was definitely mentally buzzing from the whole experience, not realising that at the time I could have been shot! Finally the security guards, numbering about half a dozen were surrounding me, fingers on the triggers of their guns telling me to calm down. It was clear that they thought I was either a terrorist or had taken some
psychedelically mind altering drugs. What happened next is that I was thoroughly searched at gunpoint; my baggage included and was taken by taxi, which I thought was yet again in disguise as some sort of VIP diplomatic vehicle, to hospital. It was the Prince of Wales hospital, Sydney that I was admitted to late one September night awaiting further assessment by the medical team. It should be noted that it has taken me around ten years for this whole dramatic episode in my life to finally fade into my subconscious memory; hence I am able to write about this chain of events with even a small smile on my face at the craziness of it all!
My Psychiatric Hospital Stay and My Meetings with Beautiful Minds. My first ever stay in a psychiatric hospital came, as you can imagine as quite a shock to me. Upon being admitted my psychosis had reached such a level that I thought that I was the Second Coming of Christ and was trying to talk the doctors and nurses into allowing me to demonstrate my µspecial powers¶ and heal people! I only tried it once and was given a powerful dose of anti-psychotic medication that sent me to sleep for at least a couple of days. When I came round I can remember feeling totally bewildered and feeling heavily sedated and was wondering where on earth I was. I honestly believed that I was in prison and I stood no chance of a trial or being re-released back into the real world, as I, at the time understood it to be. My mind was really quite tired and I felt very emotionally upset that things had turned out this way. I felt that I was in some sort of secret prison somewhere, with no idea where I was or who my fellow µinmates¶ and µprison guards¶ were. All these years on, writing about this I can still look back and feel the mental turmoil I was suffering and the feeling of being trapped forever. It was only a few days later that I finally started to come to my senses and began to interact with the inmates (or fellow patients) and prison guards (or nurses) that were charged with my care and eventual recovery. I must stress that my recovery was a gradual journey that took around six weeks where I was able to go out into the beautiful tropical garden at the psychiatric hospital with unique Australian flora and fauna to interact with. In this µmagical garden¶ as I saw it, there was a small chapel where I went to pray and meditate nearly every day hoping for a µmiracle cure¶ for my mind. But it was not to come quickly and I had to work quite hard at rebuilding my consciousness back to some semblance of normality. But my time at the hospital was in a sense a great learning experience where after many years of suffering with my mental health, even before the arrival of the presence into my mind I was at last able to receive professional treatment. I am glad in hindsight that I ended up in hospital and not back with the cult as who knows what could have happened to me. I was seeing a psychiatrist now every week whom sent me for some brain scan tests and eventually gave me a medical diagnosis of what had occurred. However, even so, I still to this very day believe that I had experienced some sort of a vision despite being given a diagnosis of having had an µacute psychotic episode¶. I was prescribed a fairly heavy regime of anti-psychotic medication and was given lithium and diazepam to take to try and calm my mind down. Indeed I felt I was making good progress as after a few days I was eventually able to interact with my fellow patients, where I learned that most of us were trying to support one another through the immediate recovery process of our mental health journey. I really did meet some µbeautiful minds¶ at the hospital that were with me because they too had experienced from a medical perspective µextreme mental stress¶ where our minds had literally been smashed like a pottery vase into many pieces with both ourselves and the medical team helping us to glue the vase, or our minds back together again. But as you will see this was not to be the only time that the µmental vase¶ that was my mind, which I treasured so much was to be smashed into pieces. My fellow patients came from a variety of
backgrounds and mainly were from the Sydney area, with one person being a business professional from New Zealand and myself being the only British traveller staying at that time. But I was told that there had been other fellow backpackers that had somehow ended up in this hospital as their minds somehow became overloaded with the travelling experience. As my fellow patients often asked me, ³Don¶t you feel scared to be so ill and so far from home with your family being back in the UK?´ Of course I was, but as I gradually recovered I was able to phone them once a week and even though my parents were concerned about me, knew that I was getting the best possible treatment. They even considered coming to visit me and flying over to see me but were told that I would be home back in the UK before Christmas, as I was making a steady recovery. As time went by I really came to enjoy conversing with my fellow patients who were in various stages of their own recovery journeys and I got friendly with a couple of patients who had had similar experiences to me. One elderly lady felt that she had been given a vision also of the future which had arrived as a piece of gold which she told me had one day fallen out of the sky and straight into her lap as she sat on a park bench. This piece of gold in a way talked to her and told her many things which had resulted in her having a spiritual experience of some sorts, but in no way comparable to my own. My other new found friend was a British patient who had immigrated to Australia, suffering with schizophrenia, who had broken his arm after also having a psychotic episode. He would help me quite a lot with my own recovery journey as he told me that he had been at this hospital a few times before and that it should not be viewed like a prison, but more like a tropical island oasis in the middle of a chaotic world that had assisted in sending our minds into the realms of the unknown. This viewpoint I seemed to share with him and we had many discussions about all kinds of things over the course of my stay. As this person was so similar to myself we got on very well and still, to this day, stay in contact with each other to see how we are getting along, although today like me he has been given a diagnosis of bipolar disorder or manic-depression after enduring further bouts of psychosis. But at the time we had both been just psychotic and both felt that we working for British Intelligence on secret parallel missions that had resulted in the two of us, as so called special agent spies being caught and sent to this hospital for further analysis! But looking back we both now know that we had been very ill, even though the presence is still with me to this very day.
A Journey through the Bipolar Mind. But this friend taught me a great deal and I would like to share a few of those insights with you now, as we take a journey through the bipolar mind. My friend told me specifically with regards to bipolar disorder that we deserve to be treated respectfully and understandingly, even though at times our minds can get a little high thereby producing dislocated answers to unanswered questions, such as what created the universe?! My friend, like me has suffered with long periods of unemployment, mainly due to intermittent periods of illness, in part due to low self-confidence and low self-esteem and maybe even general de-motivation and laziness. But mostly my friend says that living with bipolar means that for him many careers and locations that would get him going seem so far out of reach. Like me he has eventually learned how to adapt to his circumstances and work within his present reality, not the one we sometimes wish we had. Living with bipolar takes an enormous amount of adaptation and readjustment and it can be a painful experience to at first accept that you have something like bipolar to deal with in your life. We were both different before we became first unwell and it can be, according to my friend, an even greater loss or hurt to accept that we will never be the same again. Some of us sometimes have an unwanted fear of ourselves; can carry a heavy introspection and a seriousness, which we simply do not want in our early thirties. Indeed my friend claims that for him bipolar has left him stripped of his youthful zest for life that he had before his first episode of illness. My friend does not drink or smoke (cigarettes or cannabis) and tries to stay well by exercising regularly and eating well. But the most important thing is to try and create a bit of balance in our lives by not pushing things to one or the other extreme and also to be more assertive, so as not to µbottle things up¶ inside and store up emotional trouble for later on. My friend also highlights the need to be focused, but flexible with goals and how to achieve them. But he claims that the most important things result from an increased knowledge and control, psychological and medical of the bipolar condition which lessens the fear of it. This puts you better in control of it and not it in control of you and gives you an increased social confidence and sociability and an ability to plan for the future. With this also comes a recognising of your skills, limitations and needs; a maturity and optimism and a sense of achievement. We both feel that the last few years have been quite a learning experience and as such have not been lost. My friend claims that he has been fighting an illness that has continually tricked with his sense of reality. He feels that his main success has been to come back slowly with life and to be less introspective and self-analytical. This can be tiring for the mind and undermining for the soul. The key is knowing how to stay well, what to do if you go too up or too down and trying to remain balanced throughout. This means that a person can become healthier, more decisive, and more mature, more focused and can get their drive for life back, rather than being an escapist of life.
My friend also feels that rather than grieving over the person he will never be again he is determined to keep making the changes needed to go forward with life. Everyone¶s destiny is in the hands of themselves and their fellow human beings, with destiny being human free will rather than some µpre-ordained path¶. Life for the bipolar person should be as rational and normal as possible with as few peaks and troughs as possible, to be happy and secure with a strong identity and positive mental health. My friend, like me, is sensitive to this, perhaps because for the both of us fact and fiction have been so often blurred in the past. My friend is happier to rest with simple truths accepted by the mainstream, with me desiring to know the µbig picture¶ which is where we both deviate and agree to disagree. However, bipolar does change you as a person and your views of yourself, other people and the wider world. For me and my friend bipolar has allowed us to grow as people, to rediscover our sense of self, with us even reclaiming parts of our lives that were present before the bipolar arrived into our lives, even though I have probably had it since childhood. But you have to shift your mindset from believing that your life ends with bipolar to believing that you can become a whole different, maybe even more interesting person as long as you continue to make the gradual changes to adjust psychologically to your present situation. For the both of us this has been a long journey, but some really positive things can come out of what seems to be at the time bad experiences. As a result we are both more insightful and we both hold a more sympathetic world view of things. Bipolar somehow forces you to consciously rebuild your life step by step, and in questioning and deciding things about yourself you are forced to become a better person. Indeed, bipolar allows you to see the world from the highest of the high and the lowest of the low and every step in between, thereby also making you a fundamentally deeper person. Maybe the suffering somehow changes you and once you have gone through a rather steep learning curve you are better able to empathise with other peoples¶ suffering, whatever form it may take. Maybe because you become a better human being having been through the bipolar experience somehow it all becomes worth it in the end! Me and my friend believe that µevery cloud has a silver lining¶ and who knows where bipolar will take us to next; hopefully to an interesting but sane space in our minds! But enough about the psyche of bipolar as I now want to get back to my hospital stay, which was rapidly drawing to a close.
Time to Go Home.