My Last Visit with UG

My Last Visit with UG
-- Narayana Moorty In the beginning of February, 2007, when I heard (I guess from Julie Thayer and Paul Arms) that UG had fallen again in the bathroom in his apartment in Italy , I was concerned about his well-being (I was told that this time he had been badly hurt) and called him. The last time this happened it was in 2004. UG said he was doing OK and expressed his wish to see me. I called again a week later. Larry answered the phone this time and said that I should come and see UG. I told Larry that I would try to come in the summer. He said, “No, no, you don’t understand. It’s rather urgent; you should come now.” UG picked up the phone and said, “I have to see you before I die. If I don’t see you, I’ll have to die in great pain!” I told Larry, “Let me look online and find a flight. Then I’ll let you know.” The phone went back and forth between UG and Larry and I could hear UG saying in the background, “Why should he pay? I will pay for his trip.” Larry repeated that to me. Later UG asked Sarito and Mario to arrange for my travel as well as for an apartment where I could stay while I visited UG in Vallecrosia , Italy . I left Monterey , California on February 14th morning and arrived late night of February 15, in Nice , France , to be picked up by Mitra, a friend of UG, and driven to Vallecrosia. Because of some time-zone confusion Mitra had to wait for a couple of hours at the airport. He was so helpful in transporting my suitcase whose handle was broken en route. The first morning after I arrived, Larry came to pick me up at the hotel where I was staying, after I had called UG’s place using Mitra’s cell phone.

[Photo: Courtesy of Lisa Taranto]

When I entered UG’s ‘cove’ with Larry, UG was lying on the couch and sat up to greet me. He looked frailer than even the last time I had seen him at my home in California in January 2006. I shook his hands after saluting him in the Indian fashion. As I approached him to do so, I could feel myself entering into a vast field of energy in
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I also said that he played a major role in my life. Guha told me that after I left the room UG had said “Moorty played a major role in my life. Then I started bragging about myself: I said that I had integrated death into my life. I sat down next to UG. Sandwiched between these two was the kitchen with a dining ante-room with steps leading upstairs and a door which led to the back street. Italy . “Me too. almost hot.” And then I started bragging again about my integrating death into my life. if anything. some of whom would leave after staying a while.” or something to that effect.” [On another occasion. well. I was expressing my appreciation to UG and said that I was glad to have met him and spent almost a third of my life with him. UG expressed his appreciation of me: “You made me what I am today!” I replied. The heat had the added effect of people not wanting to stay in the room too long. knowing full well that he was exaggerating in his usual fashion. still holding his hand. UG’s apartment was built for him by his friends Lucia. UG sarcastically replied. No wonder UG could bind so many people to him! Just as I expected.com/…/my_last_visit_with_ug. France . The apartment was heated beyond normal levels – we all knew that UG liked to keep his surroundings quite warm.htm 2/12 . The villa had spacious gardens with lemon and orange orchards and a grass lawn. Anita and Giovanni in their villa in Vallecrosia . it’s the other way round. There was a constant influx of visitors. “Sounds profound!” Served me right!] *** Vallecrosia is on the Italian Riviera between the towns of Ventimiglia and Bordighera and is about an hour’s drive across the border from Nice . “Nonsense. He said that he was ready to die right then and there. I said. it didn’t matter to me if I died the next day.12/22/2010 My Last Visit with UG which I was then enveloped. It was right behind one of the main streets of the town and was an annex to the two-story main-building. Then came that strange feeling I had had a few times before – I could feel no separation between him and me! It was the same energy in both of us! It was the same field in which everyone was engulfed. the room was filled with people. Later.

out door chores such as transportation. there was also a black cat hanging around. a stove and a refrigerator. and places for people to leave their belongings.12/22/2010 My Last Visit with UG There were reclining lawn chairs as well other chairs and a couple of tables. People took turns to cook. cooking and feeding (Melissa. They put their computers and other paraphernalia on the table. especially from Melissa (her great soup!) and our hostess. The recording abruptly stopped because for one thing. a table and several chairs. Lakshmi. Lucia. and for another. Lucia. on the other. *** My hotel apartment was on the sixth floor in an apartment building with a pizza restaurant and shops in the first floor. you went on a paved path through an arch to reach UG’s apartment. Golda made her famous chai. It is thanks to Lisa and Avner that we a record of many of the happenings around UG in his last days. performing sundry chores: minding the fireplace (Avner from Israel). his head hit the sink and was bleeding. On the left was the entrance into the small bathroom and a cooking place with a microwave. He saw UG’s condition and helped him to the couch. ‘archives’ and other papers. finding places to stay for people who visited (Mitra and Mario) and last but not the least. Lisa had to leave with me on March 9. Outside this apartment. UG asked Mahesh to go well. Larry and Susan. got injured on his leg. photo and video shooting (Lisa and Avner and others). According to his own account. He slowly crawled his way on the floor to the door and was able to open the door. Golda from Australia. The grounds were constantly kept clean by the very hard-working Lucia. As you entered from the main gate. and he fainted. Trisha. Anandi. but with Mitra’s and others’ help they sometimes had better luck. But many others were at his beck-and-call. there was a slow and tentative broadband connection which could only handle a couple of connections at a time. The red curtains to the wide glass windows on the walls were almost always closed to prevent the intense daylight from bothering the resting UG. I learned the details of UG’s fall in the bathroom which had happened about five or six weeks before. The living room was rather small. with his bed and his few belongings such as some clothes. Kathy from Hungary.htm 3/12 . about ten days before he breathed his last. taking care of accounts (Sarito from Germany). People always left their shoes outside even here. On the right of the entrance was UG’s bedroom. the most constant of whom were Louis and Melissa[1]. he heard knocking at the door in the living room. you could see dozens of shoes on the stone floor. airline bookings. You had a grand view of the Mediterranean from my bedroom and another spectacular view of the Mediterranean as well as of the beach road with tall buildings on one side and tall lamp-posts with double hanging-lights. In the ante-room there was a window overlooking the grove. and so on). A glass door let you into UG’s apartment. It was around 5 in the morning. Paul Arms and Viresha.com/…/my_last_visit_with_ug. Since then UG had round-the-clock caretakers. When he regained consciousness. For the computers. UG fell in the bathroom. People sometimes had trouble getting on the Internet. It was Avner making his early morning call. At times. all of them vegetarian. There were some phenomenal gourmet meals. it had a fireplace and had light fixtures which gave plenty of light when needed. *** After I arrived.

com/…/my_last_visit_with_ug. and such. Susan Nettleton (now Morris). there would be an astrological reading by Nataraj. be mentioned that at the times when UG was resting. Whatever he did he would sprinkle it with his creative humor. transferring videos and photos they had taken on to their computers and so on and so forth. and not sneak around corners!” In spite of the looming tragedy. there was a sort of festive atmosphere in the air. a German standup comedian well. The cell phones would constantly ring asking to speak to UG. When Louis was drawn into the scene to be asked to read something or do some other chore. He would do an improvisation and mimicking of Larry lying with outstretched legs on the sofa. shaking his legs. because UG never really consulted doctors. Larry would be asked to do his stand-up comedy or read from Chandrasekhar’s book or something someone else had written. [It must. One of the pieces of entertainment (there were many) was done by Chin Meyer. Dr.] People were joking around UG and UG never quit his ranting and raving and teasing and scolding people. There would be periodic medical consultations about UG’s condition. Or. or he would show his drawings or read from the book he was currently writing on UG. Sometimes. chatting on the Internet. however. The place was abuzz from morning six to evening about 8 pm. He would sing the songs he composed about UG. Ramateertha. in the kitchen and outside on the patio. particularly about himself. Paul Lynn. In the anteroom next to the kitchen.htm 4/12 . Doris and Vibodha. which were more in the spirit of entertainment than serious consultations. mostly poking fun at UG. you could notice that people sitting around him looked quite solemn and somber. e-mailing. knew no bounds. And there were daily sessions of UG’s pulse reading by ‘the doctors’: Dr.12/22/2010 My Last Visit with UG out of the room and announce to everyone to "go back to where you all came from. he would always add his irreverent humor to whatever he did or said: he would even rock UG in the couch by holding the side of the couch up. His hyperboles. Or UG himself would read either from the ‘archives’ or from the Internet clippings collected by Lisa. people were chatting away.

I was encouraging him to get up and take a few steps. It’s not that others wouldn’t have served him well. UG started tearing up many of those papers and ask people to throw them in the fire in the fireplace. I saw several performances of his. Sometimes. He would read the English version and sing his German translations. *** No one could have served UG with so much devotion as Louis.12/22/2010 My Last Visit with UG from Berlin . he is well known in Berlin . Obviously. well. At times. idli or upma or a few sips of orange juice or scalding hot water. there is a letter or two from someone and it would be read. he would just lie down with his head on the arm of the couch. He tried to do that and was even able to walk a few steps across the room. Someone else had to finish her reading.” and she broke down into crying herself. Later. and practically gasp for breath. UG constantly chiding for not finding a piece quickly enough. as a result of which he was eating even less than normal. UG had a special. he would read from them. Those two nights. to everyone’s delight. albeit a different. of course. which was miniscule to begin with. appreciated the translations very much. Chin showed me a video of his performance on the Internet and gave me one of his picture post cards. A small amount of rice sticks. if he would only ‘pack him off’. His energy levels were diminishing. for each and every one of them was touched in a similar fashion. UG was always grateful to him for his service. he even bought him an Apple laptop with a printer at considerable expense. Once Sarito was reading a letter from someone who mentioned how UG “touched me where no one else has touched me before. He even held Louis’s hands and pretended to make a few dancing steps. or ask Larry or someone else to read from them. Sometimes. Or. occasionally Leonidas chocolates. It was obvious he was losing body fluids. he would just doze off. But neither Louis nor anyone else would do any such thing! You could sense that UG was experiencing pain. As I didn’t know German I couldn’t appreciate them. She was actually crying for everyone there. But he did it all willingly. of course. relationship with each one of us.com/…/my_last_visit_with_ug.htm 5/12 . I didn’t see how he could make through the night. specially brought by friends from Germany . although. particularly Nataraj. A couple of nights I thought his life energies were leaving him. *** There were occasions when UG would ask all his papers to be brought. His cardiospasm was acting up too. with gusto and a great sense of humor. All that seemed fine until one morning there was a major setback: apparently. including clippings Lisa made from references to UG on the Internet. mostly liquids. except rarely. Included in those papers were Yashoda’s funny “letters” from the Dalai Lama. And in one of those sessions. he would not express it. He would frequently throw up. or some other goodies would be passed around. supported by a pillow and his arms thrown back. To add spice to the scene. Vibodha would be asked to read a piece from the UG “Archives” on the computer. UG would even say that he would give Louis the remaining three hundred thousand dollars. Paper or plastic cups and paper towels or napkins were always on hand to help catch the vomit and clean up. Ramana Maharshi and other celebrities and Robert’s UG-Marilyn Monroe morphing photos. at UG’s request and instigation. all of them centering on UG’s Money Maxims which Chin translated into German. with support. The Germans that gathered there. But to my utter amazement he would pull through by the morning.

com/…/my_last_visit_with_ug. thanks to her publicity. I wrote it in Sanskrit and showed it to him. It took me an hour or so to edit it. a counter-question: “Since when has UG started complaining about excess salt?” Apparently. the founder of the Chaitnaya movement. there was the talk of the “Swan Song” that UG had earlier dictated to Louis which was now only on Louis’s computer. the Navya-Nyaya philosopher who was his fellow student. I tried to make it a little better. The piece is now posted on UG’s website as well as in several other places. as well as not to crowd UG too much. UG never took another step after that. It didn’t take long. Avner came back with UG’s comment on the upma: “Why did Moorty put so much salt in it?” I sent Avner back with my reply. *** One morning. I think it was read to UG and the rest of the audience. Louis’s attention was distracted momentarily when he looked at Melissa trying to say something to her. according to Louis. and related the legend of a conversation between him and Raghunatha.” I went into the ante-room and fished for the verse on the Internet. So I wrote it in the Telugu script on another sheet and he was able to read it with ease. Bauddhas and other philosophers. He said “Do it. with a little extra salt. I also made CD’s on request. So while saying this. Chaitanya apparently was also a good scholar in Nyaya except that he didn’t believe that logic would help one to attain liberation. I would sometimes get out of there and sit in the ante-room next to the kitchen. UG in his teasing fashion forbade Larry to cook. as he doesn’t eat food with many spices. just as I entered UG’s room. I told UG that it was possible to get the exact verse from the Internet. I transmitted it by e-mail to Louis who. I helped clean up Lisa’s laptop since she was complaining about how slow it was. he stood up and. I made a little upma specially for UG. to suit his taste. UG put me to work in his usual fashion: “Why don’t you make some upma today?” I agreed and immediately recruited Larry and Susan’s help. *** Just to stay away from the heat in the apartment. when Avner relayed my question to UG. as they were crossing the river on a boat. But Larry and Susan did go out to get the necessary groceries for the upma. *** Another morning. and sent to him with someone (I think it was Avner).htm 6/12 . Susan helped me with the cooking. As far as I know. doing this and that. UG was talking away and was trying rather unsuccessfully to remember a Sanskrit verse about Vedantins. particularly ginger. and when he turned around he noticed that UG’s eyes were rolling in their sockets and he fainted and collapsed on the toilet seat. if I remember right. Soon. I ended up doing the same for Avner’s and Paul Lynn’s laptops. The English needed work and the piece wasn’t all that coherent. printed it with the help of Sarito’s printer. copying some of the Indian music I had played earlier to everyone in UG’s room. Chaitanya threw the logic manuscript he was holding in his hand into the river. Naiyayikas.12/22/2010 My Last Visit with UG around 4 am he was taken to the bathroom (he was normally transported to the bathroom by being placed in a chair and moved). He said he would be more comfortable reading it in the Telugu script. well. UG smiled. I told him that the verse was written by Sri Krishna Chaitanya. UG wanted me to edit it (one of his ‘chores’ for me). *** Right the second morning of my stay. Louis had to carry him back to the couch in his arms.

Yet.[2] Chandrasekhar and Suguna. Everyone was. as a daughter would minister to her father’s needs. First. when I wrote her an e-mail. When I left.) She wanted lessons in computing. I gave her a couple. had a worse fate. who were supposed to arrive with her. he tried to prevent me. She made some upma or idli for him. she sat next to him and started nursing him. so why not he stay there. Then he would leave early in the morning to see UG and spend the rest of the day in the villa. *** As I said before. I renewed my acquaintance with Usha. *** Usha. at UG’s behest. Having been a teacher herself. (I had met her before both in India and the US . I told UG that I had a room vacant in my apartment which no one was using. Mahesh came again later. After he left. having come that far.) As soon as she came in. (or UG would rub Mahesh’s head with his foot).12/22/2010 My Last Visit with UG *** Mahesh came about a week or so after I arrived. why can’t I?” and forced myself on him. She wanted to give him a bath on a stool (she was going get stuff ready for it). I would make coffee for him in the mornings and offer him some cashew nuts or a little piece of bread. Apparently. Chandrasekhar and Suguna weren’t able come with Usha. (UG had not had a bath in a month or so. there was not the slightest smell on him! He was clean like a whistle!). He had a special relationship with UG. I had another reason to see Chandrasekhar: I just finished translating the third series of his book Stopped in Our Tracks and I wanted to give him a CD of the book personally and talk to him about both that well. setting up and accessing e-mail.htm 7/12 . but Chandrasekhar had to go through an interview at the Italian Consulate. after I was gone. “You would let Mahesh do all that. Their Italian visa was not only delayed. UG’s daughter. but UG would have none of that. and what not. there was a screw-up in the bureaucratic process. kiss him on the forehead. I said she should continue her learning with the help of Chandrasekhar or someone else. I don’t know if she ever did. Mario and others were pressing me to stay on. he kissed me on the forehead and thanked me for the fast editing job I had done for him recently (on his journal concerning UG). When UG was asking Mario to look for a place for him. I too was telling people how sorry I was that I wouldn’t be able to see Chandrasekhar. arrived in the latter half of my stay. after being stalled in Bombay when her Italian and Swiss visas were delayed. glad to see her. For the week or two he was there. teaching her basics of fingering on the keyboard.com/…/my_last_visit_with_ug. make violent gestures (in jest) or crack crude jokes at him. and such. I too thought this was the time to put aside all my background and pride and prostate once and for all in front of the energy called UG. she was a fast learner. (I would say about 10 days). But I said. Mahesh had a central role to play around UG. because later. (She was UG’s ‘darling daughter’. massaging his legs and feet with oil. UG agreed and put him up there. The night Mahesh first arrived. I never got a reply. thanks to the ineptitude of Mahesh Bhatt’s travel agent. There was not much conversation between Mahesh and me. UG would let Mahesh touch his feet with his head. Usha’s arrival was a major event. of course. writing replies to e-mails.

being tired of his talk. speaking of my “school-boy logic” and so on. and I talked to them and rearranged my flight right then and there. UG’s granddaughter Kusuma. As she went in. “UG. I only had that half-day to spend with him. as usual there were a lot of shoes outside. UG was constantly saying that he would give the remaining $300. instead of neglecting it and letting it go!” But he reacted rather sharply. “A Prayer to UG. “Why are you crying?” That was most touching to everyone around. She is a pure soul! *** One day. as I left on the morning of the 9th. make patties out of it and distribute it to everyone.” Lisa made a video of my reading. who was also visiting from the US . *** Chandrasekhar and Suguna didn’t arrive until the 8th afternoon. Guha apparently had read the chapter on the Upanishads in that book. I told him that I would do that and he could give the money to me. He never. nurture it and bring it back to full life. I wouldn’t do it. he asked me. I said. “I want to go. Sarito called the British Airways. people had been reading passages from the Second Series to the crowd that gathered around. (I relayed that comment to Chandrasekhar later. word got around to UG. “Could we persuade you to stay a little longer?” I said fine. ever once worried about what was happening to him.htm 8/12 . I and Mitra went to Nice to receive them at the airport. I heard him roar once: “Do you think I care about whether I live or die?” He was never the ‘frightened chicken’ which he accused people of being when they were afraid of disease or death. Of course. Lisa asked me to read the last chapter in the book which I had titled. After giving an account of the money left with him. One thing remarkable about UG was his attitude toward his condition: You might sometimes hear him groan in his pain or gasp for breath. the reading was interjected now and then with UG’s exclamations and ‘editorial comments’. and the living room was packed with people. in Telugu.com/…/my_last_visit_with_ug. I had also finished translating the Second Series recently and brought a printed-andbound copy of it to present to UG. In fact. but the body doesn’t let me!” He made that statement several times before. Finally. I could strangle him or give him ‘the kiss of death’ and what not.) I told UG that the following chapter in the book called “The Upanishads and UG” was even more interesting and that he should read it.12/22/2010 My Last Visit with UG and his Second Series. and Lisa proofread it and caught some typos in it. why is this happening to you?” or something to that effect. UG’s affection to her was boundless. I tried to interject. but he always remained unconcerned about his health and well-being. UG expressed his appreciation of that chapter to me and mentioned what a good a scholar Chandrasekhar was. Suguna broke out crying. to put catsup on well. I asked UG. I think first Suguna entered and then Chandrasekhar. when I went to see UG that morning. I don’t know if he ever read it or anyone read it to him. and about the 26th of February. what prevents you from dying now?" UG replied. Louis was doing his own part in the joking: he would say he could make minced meat out of the body of UG. When we arrived at UG’s. Then you could hear UG answering in Telugu with his own crying voice. He said no. The book was going on its rounds and people were reading parts of it. “If you care about what the body is trying to say. Then there was plenty of joking around that. “UG. As usual. I extended my stay till the 9th of March.000 to anyone who would pack him off. you should pay attention to it.

As I was massaging. “You say you are dying. And there was to be no ceremony of any kind. 2) We only use rules of logic and nothing else. The body was demanding nourishment and freedom from pain. but my body doesn’t want to go. Of course. I heard that Mitra was asked to take the few of UG’s personal belongings to Gstaad and I do not know their final disposition. And so on.[4] Mahesh was left in charge of the other funds. I believe that Mahesh took them with him to India . But that’s how he was. but I don’t know that. I had prepared a scheme for a ‘mortal combat’ with UG and was waiting for Mahesh to arrive on the scene so he would record it. and 3) No bullying on UG’s part. He made sure (as he is always known to. I don’t know what happened to the ashes that were collected from the incineration.com/…/my_last_visit_with_ug.” I am not sure if anyone was amused by my idea.[3] He didn’t have the heart to stay away. he would listen to the body’s demands. It’s that ‘UG’ who is subjecting the body to all the diet philosophy and other kinds of ‘crap’ and screwing it up!” UG right away agreed it was ‘crap’! I don’t think UG heard any of that. UG. he could always conspire toward that end) that the three who were attending him (Mahesh. Bowen style.htm 9/12 . It wanted to get well. He was just waiting for the body to go. which I learned from Linda. In a sense he was right. And he would give no encouragement (except the minimal food or elimination) for the body to linger or carry on. “I want to go. I also heard that Sarito was left in charge of the ‘German’ funds to be disbursed according to UG’s wishes. and wanted to get some help in that direction. (He did admit that ‘UG’ was a nuisance. my ex-wife). I said that he as ‘UG’ was not letting his body take care of itself. since he often claims that the body can take care of all its problems. after everyone had left the room. as she is a medical doctor. UG gave clear instructions to Mahesh that there would be no funeral. as a matter of fact). I added: “It’s ‘UG’ I want to kill and let his body take care of the problems. but when they arrived at the airport in Nice. (I believe that if I had stayed on I would have met the same fate. when he wanted people out. but you are not going to die!”) This mortal combat would be a kind of answer to UG’s repeated statement. One morning. he asked Mahesh to go out and tell everyone to “go back to where you all came from and not sneak around in the corners to try to see him. I was massaging UG’s legs along with Usha (I wanted to try a certain massage. He in fact told people later that UG was already dead.” When Mahesh arrived. in spite of UG telling him not to return. he would chide UG saying. This joking would go on endlessly. His body was incinerated locally. Usha also was sent away.) If he did. Ten days before that. I stood up and said “Here are the three conditions (terms) for the mortal combat: 1) It’s a combat of debating until one of us dies.) Mario and Sarito were asked to hang around in town to do any chores that were necessary. Of course. Guha had come back after going earlier to India with Lakshmi and their children. My complaint to UG essentially was that if he treats his body as something separate from him (or if it is the same as him. he should listen to his body and do its bidding. Larry and Susan) were out for about 15 minutes for a cup of coffee and then he breathed his last. as well as Chandrasekhar and Suguna. they were called back. It took a long time and he was deteriorating day by day. So he hovered around in town with his cell phone (every one of these people had cell phones). mostly to be given away to deserving young girls of well. until finally he gave up when no one was around.12/22/2010 My Last Visit with UG and eat. And that’s precisely what happened: he let the body wither away slowly on its own. Susan was on hand to take care of any death certification process that was needed.” Larry and Susan also left. (Mahesh had been taking copious notes so he could write a book on his days with UG later. saying goodbye to UG. but when he came back he still had to stay out along with others.

whether he decided to stay or leave. if he decided to leave. Some regarded him as an invaluable friend. UG invited any of his friends to come and stay there for free and enjoy themselves. well. Whatever it was. but affection and friendship.htm 10/12 . On the other hand. in token of the appreciation of the group that had gathered there for their gracious and wonderful hospitality. including myself. Such was UG’s magical spell on those around him! UG did ask several people. we would respect his decision. like an orchestra without a conductor: everything got done and no one was there to tell them what to do. I know that at least some of them will remain friends with me even after UG’s death. It’s not clear what his logic was behind this. just to give them one last chance to visit him. money or success in other areas. they considered him as their spiritual master guiding them in their lives. I said.12/22/2010 My Last Visit with UG Indian origin studying abroad.[5] I cannot but be impressed by the mutual cordiality which people expressed to one another in this group. On the other hand. There is nothing beyond. You are always left with the impression that his invitations were extended to people for their benefit. they were looking to him for help in worldly matters as well. I gave a little talk addressing everyone present there: I said how I appreciated everyone taking such good care of UG. I mentioned the names of various people from various countries and I also made references to some who were not present. to become successful in career. Sometime toward the end of my stay. then it would be like I saw them only yesterday. I would be glad to see him again in Seaside . No wonder he became such a ‘reference point’ (to use Julie’s expression) for many of us. If he decided to live and carry on. love and obedience abounded to the point that they totally disregarded any apparent abuse by him. Not just respect. particularly Julie Thayer. Yashoda collected money from those present to buy a tree and present it to Lucia and Giovanni. Some were simply in love with him. Everyone worked together like a family. *** Why were all these people so attracted to UG? On the one hand. There was a ‘will’ which UG had dictated to Mahesh and which was read aloud in some gatherings. Their respect. but I don’t think it will have any valid legal status. giving them that love and affection which they received from nowhere else. But some he didn’t. With the others I feel that I could renew my friendship any time I might choose or when an opportunity might present itself. What Louis did for UG no one else could do. who was always loyal to them and who couldn’t be replaced by anyone else. namely. the hosts. thanks to their belief in his ‘supernatural’ powers. Nothing explains better all these relationships than the one crowning factor. They would plant the tree in their yard in memory of UG. As for the apartment which was already rented for UG in Gstaad till the end of August. including me. I continued. that would be his decision. *** I told UG and everyone present that whichever way he decided. to visit him one last time before he died.com/…/my_last_visit_with_ug. and we would respect that. and not for his. *** The night before I was to leave. it was clear that when people didn’t come to visit him. especially Louis. Many of them also regarded him as a father figure. he never showed any disappointment. that UG represents to many the end of a search: you feel with UG you have come ‘to the end of the road’.

I asked UG if he would be available at 5:30 in the morning to say good bye. the identity. Sure. Then it’s not that you feel you two are united into one. yes. By the time we arrived at UG’s. There was no room for them to arise. thus creating a division between me and others. it is here now!” I am not real fundamentally. it wasn’t so clear to me that UG was going to die. I said good bye to everyone once again. he is gone. in the back of my mind. For one thing. In UG’s case. It’s just like I always said.” Lisa was going to leave at the same time and travel with me to London where we would be going our separate ways. when the separation between you and your lover is gone. suspended. there is a fundamental feeling non-separation from UG. I hardly slept that night. I said my goodbyes to all friends.12/22/2010 My Last Visit with UG I thought. Guha. as far as I was concerned. that irrespective of all my ambivalences and ambiguities. that didn’t make such sense to me. But fundamentally there is only that energy! *** Goodbye. but that wasn’t forthcoming. which I could feel any time I step outside of my reaction mechanism. as he did once before. Of course. Golda and several others. *** I feel. Goldie. they are not gone. I to Seaside and she to Palm Springs . I will be up most of the night anyway.com/…/my_last_visit_with_ug. Avner. “Whatever real is there in UG. He said. I didn’t want to sit there on my own initiative and keep a death watch. We act and we react to other people. and hang on. that UG might want to ask me to postpone my departure further. the energy. But. I prostrated one final time at UG’s feet to show my respects. For some reason. We get involved and then we get disengaged. a few years ago[6]. But the unity I felt. One could ask whether I feel the same ‘non-separation’ between myself and other people as well. Larry and Susan. Mitra was to take me to UG’s with my bags at 5:00 am. because my conditioning and background keep operating and prompt me to react to what others say or do. But most of the time it doesn’t surface. we can’t remain there. but rather that I felt as if there was just that field of energy. my friend! well. and I am sure that he was not unaware of it himself. I can’t say I really miss UG. at least for that moment. UG said several times he wanted to leave everyone here and ask someone to drive him to Gstaad where he would settle all his affairs and simply disappear. On the eve of my departure. there was some possibility that he could kick back. The world has to go on and have its play and we are part of the play. “Why 5:30. in principle. UG. however. and with or without me. So were Kathy. You could feel the same way in intense moments of love.htm 11/12 . And. Then it’s not that I actually felt that there were two ‘non-separate’ people. The answer is. you can come at 5:00. And what is real is always there with or without UG. these reaction mechanisms were at least temporarily. but you touch on the underlying energy field which exists everywhere and in everyone and in you and me. Chandrasekhar and Suguna. on some occasions. Lucia were there. Usha.

to be service whenever he could. Paul Arms was always in the background. even made arrangements. but they couldn’t for various reasons. But M ahesh protested saying that he wasn’t asked to. M ahesh was chastised for not helping Usha. Sidd. it took him five weeks then to recover. told Guha he could come back just before he died. not U. Apparently. well. [4] Sarito has written an e-mail saying. “UG never asked me to do that!” [5] I know several people did want to come. [2] Of course. just as it was M ahesh who asked M ario and Sarito to stay on. [3] Julie writes to me saying: “U.12/22/2010 My Last Visit with UG [1] And. and was nursed back to normalcy by Louis.G.com/…/my_last_visit_with_ug. [6] UG fell in the bathroom and hurt himself once before.htm 12/12 . of course. Chandrasekhar and Suguna with their visas. he would never have done that. Paul Arms and other friends. and M ahesh told Guha he could stay on nearby until the end. about four years ago.G.” I stand corrected. he definitely did not come against his wishes.