ENFP Comprehensive Personality Profile

ENFP Comprehensive Personality Profile

Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D. Michael A. RoBards, MSSW, CSW

© RoBards Counseling & Consulting, Inc. 3533 Dayton Avenue Louisville, KY 40207 Phone 502.315.9061 • Fax 502.897.3544

T able of Contents
Introduction ENFP Profile NF Managerial Profile NF Employee Profile Loving Profile Introduction NF Loving Profile SJ & NF Loving Profile NF & NT Loving Profile NF & SP Loving Profile Origins & Caveats 4 10 23 34 41 45 52 59 65 72

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


Ph. all the time. We are information processors. all of us. while judging people may "jump the gun" and make up their minds about issues before enough information has been gathered to take an informed stand. 4 . people can be classified by how much they like making judgments and how they prefer to do so. Judging types deal with reality most easily when they are forming judgments or conclusions about what they perceive. Likewise. RoBards. absorbing. The Insight Game first distinguishes perceptive types from judging types. simplifying or otherwise "pigeon-holing" reality into boxes built by previous experience. People vary enormously in terms of how much they enjoy the perceptive process and how they prefer to perceive reality. The judging type begins to organize what is observed almost immediately: summarizing. every day. ideas and day-to-day occurrences. and taking action. perceptive people may have a hard time ever "getting to the bottom line" in making even routine decisions. classifying. The input process of becoming aware is called perception. determining what needs to be done. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. or otherwise taking notice of the world around them. The perceptive type is patient with gathering data about people. The output process of decision-making and reacting is called judging. In their extremes. based on four pairs of interactive factors. We live our lives by taking in data.D. Do You Prefer Perception or Judgment? Perceptive types deal with their environment most comfortably when they are observing.Introduction Type-Temperament Theory divides humanity into sixteen types.

Judging types can be stubborn and reactive. It defines one important aspect of your personality type. They revel in © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. develop attitudes. RoBards. The ideally balanced person has an adaptive mixture of perception and judgment: perception to give awareness and judgment to form opinions. It is apparent by now that no one could really be all perceptive. taste and touch to tell them about life. The tendency to have a clear preference for one attitude over the other is both natural and adaptive. since perception must precede judgment. the intuitive person forms perceptions by combining what is seen with ideas and associations from imagination and memory. and take action at the appropriate time. we distinguish sensing from intuitive types by their preferred perceptive process. smell. and then we process the sensory data using our intuition. but--with most people--one process does tend to predominate. People who rely on sensory information to guide their awareness of the world are often described as realists. People may be divided processes they prefer to use. if their judgment is not developed. 5 . and judgment does eventually follow perception. if their perception is not developed. Sensing people tend to rely on familiar tactics and past experience to guide their perception of new situations. They look to the future. we use our sensing ability. They are keen observers and proud of it. They use their sight. Thus. or all judging. They search for meaning. Are Your Perceptions Based on Sensory or Intuitive Information About the World? All of us perceive reality in two stages. They live in the here and now and like the neighborhood. Intuitive people see life more in terms of imaginative possibility than practical reality. Ph.Perceptive types can be wishy-washy.D. hearing. While the sensing person perceives what is seen. First of all.

all people apply two processes in series. Those who prefer to use their feelings turn to their inner system of values to direct their actions. To form judgments. sensing-type people may seem rather lackluster and unimaginative.D. we tabulate the results. They are experimenters. normal. They prefer indirect routes of perception. 6 . while intuitive people may seem to have no sense of reality. Then we use feeling. That's what we mean by judging. But we don't rely on those processes in equal measure. At their personality extremes. adaptive to have a clear-cut preference for which function you use. Again. all of us need and use both sensing and intuitive processing to form perceptions. Do You Make Judgments on the Basis of Thinking or Feeling? After the perceptions of any life situation have been formed by sensing and intuition. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. They try out new ways of interpreting things. Those who are most comfortable using their thinking process trust rational analysis and impersonal logic to guide their decision-making. And that preference is an important part of your personality type. draw conclusions. At least most of us don't. RoBards. The former may appear to have feet planted too firmly on the ground. Ph. and take action. theory and speculation.images. But most of us most of us favor one process more than the other. and there's good reason to believe that it's healthy. The tendency to choose one process over the other identifies your preferred judging process. ideas. we think. while the latter may seem to fly through the air and never touch down. Sensors make good reporters but poor poets. Intuitives may well be mathematical geniuses. Their view of reality is guided and shaped by their unconscious. but you probably wouldn't knowingly pick one to be your bookkeeper. First.

The extravert yearns for contact with a variety of people. The feeling-type person may appear to be irrational. Ph. Our introvert is silent. vocal. More so than the introvert. The extravert's emotions are accessible. using experience as a laboratory in life. cork it tightly into little flasks. The introvert is far more shy. the introvert may think without talking. while the extravert may talk without thinking. the extravert relies on encouragement. Those who prefer their extraverted self see people and things as the real stuff of life. obvious to all around. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. The extravert talks. Outgoing.D. In the extreme case. while the introvert yearns for peace and privacy or for association with a small intimate circle of friends. in the extreme case. introverted. the extravert tends to try the unknown first and ask questions afterwards. while the introvert deals with ideas as the best reality. ignoring the facts of a situation to decide "with the heart. RoBards. may seem hard-hearted and mechanical in day-to-day affairs. fearless. Are You an Extravert or an Introvert? Each of us has an inner self--quiet. deny it. while the introvert is detached and reserved. Compassion may seem lacking. the extravert. unleashing pent-up emotion in what may become an explosive eruption. By comparison. The extravert learns by doing. contemplative. it appears that some introverts must understand life before living it. 7 . When dealing with people on a wholesale basis. until--crossing some threshold unannounced to the world-the cork blows. self-reinforcing. while the introvert contemplates. the introvert is self-motivated. hide it. frequently vented. support and acceptance from others.The thinking-type person. More often than not. Our extraverted self is the one the world sees. The introvert tends to bottle emotion." regardless of the outcome. cautious and deliberate. and almost childlike in naivete. the extravert is involved.

But. every aspect of the extravert's behavior will reflect those personality tendencies. RoBards. they make up one fourth of the population! A Simplified Approach to Insight So the four factors are introversion or extraversion (I/E). then. so are introverts. it is their preferred judging process. and perception or judging (P/J)--and all of them interact. then the preferred judging process--either thinking or feeling-will be the hallmark of the outward personality. for they must have some extraversion in order to survive in the physical world of people and things. Nonetheless. the thinking/feeling process will characterize the outward personality. 8 . the world "out there" is not where their best reality lies. thinking or feeling (T/F). If the introvert is a judging person. either thinking or feeling which is the real key to their personality--their dominant process--and it's underground. Whether you are an introvert or love an introvert or work with an introvert. Confusing? You bet it's confusing! But. to function in society. Remember.D. By the same token. thus. After all. with the introvert.The extravert's personality is directed outwards. to the introvert. sensing or intuition (S/N). if the extravert is a perceptive person and. what you see is not what you get. Ph." If the extravert is a judging person." So. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. composing sixteen basic personality types. the introverted perceptive will organize his or her outer personality using the sensory or intuitive process. A wise psychologist once pointed out that most of us have a hard time remembering any combination of things over the "magic number seven. Likewise. The face the world sees is an accurate reflection of the extravert's "real self. it's well worth the time you invest to understand their complexity. relies on sensing or intuition as the preferred perceptive process. but the inner preferred perceptive process will be the key to understanding the individual's personality--and it will be out of sight.

Dr. At the heart of Keirsey's work is the important observation that sensors and intuitives are the most different of all the pairs. So. The ANALYST is logical. The REALIST is physical. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.D. we've related personality type differences to his four categories. For intuitives. a California psychologist. intuition and feeling (NF) the EMPATHIST. We've called the combination of sensing and perception (SP) the REALIST. competent and theoretical. Ph. in Keirsey's convenient shorthand. and intuition and thinking (NT) the ANALYST. For sensors. The EMPATHIST is warm. The LEGALIST is conservative. the greatest differences appear between those who are perceptive and those who prefer judging. Keirsey's scheme identifies two key groups of sensors and two of intuitives. sensing and judging (SJ) the LEGALIST. David Keirsey. RoBards. has made an important contribution to this system: simplicity! Keirsey has suggested that four temperamental "cornerstones" are all you need to understand as a beginning to mastering the sixteen's not surprising that a personality theory involving sixteen types is a little difficult to understand and use well. So. 9 . the perceptive-judging difference is less critical than that between feeling and thinking. spontaneous and game-playing. serious and responsible. spiritual and communicative.

You rarely are at a loss for devoted followers. That commitment and self-confidence you radiate is infectious. You are an enthusiastic explorer of a world where the horizon is the only focus of interest. instigation. Your dominant process is extraverted intuition. initiative. new ideas. you've reached that point of lost love for a project and have artfully handed it to a colleague or associate to be completed. and your interest wanes. innovation. anyway. Your energy level is sometimes exhausting to behold. RoBards. Your auxiliary function is introverted feeling.You are extraverted. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.D. and when you're absorbed in your latest project you can think of little else. Let's take a look at what this combination of characteristics means in the day-to-day reality of being you. insight and intellect. ENFP You Are an Extraverted Intuitive Invention. ingenuity. you discover over and over again that your goal loses its attractiveness just as soon as it falls within your grasp—or as soon as its pursuit degenerates to hum-drum routine. and you have the ability to be a guru for many others who lack your talent and perseverance and personal drive. individualism. In your search for new experiences. You're a great starter. feeling and perceptive. inspiration. and new projects. When the end's in sight. Ph. You are virtually tireless in the pursuit of your latest goal—as long as your interest in the project holds. 10 . it's a real struggle for you to muster enough self-discipline to see the task through to its completion. intuitive. Introverted sensing and extraverted thinking are your least developed functions. Who could be the subject but someone like you? You live continually in the realm of the possible. but you have a hard time finishing! More than once. imagination.

11 . and the ability to make decisions and complete unpleasant tasks that characterizes the judging personality. Unless you make a concerted effort to develop your less-favored psychological processes: insight that comes with the reflection of the introvert. You have a natural ability to understand others. from time to time. RoBards. the attention to detail of the sensing type. Diversity is the universal key to happiness in your life. you may find yourself frittering away your brilliance and impulsive energy on poorly thought-out projects or ones which never manage to reach successful completion. On the other hand.D. Ph. Your sense of judgment is guided by feeling. You tire of people as easily as you tire of projects. and you are much more selfdisclosing than most at the early stage of a relationship. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. That kind of open acceptance is seductive. and it wins you many friends. but you have a tendency to move from one person to another.Your combination of extraversion. intuition and perception arms you well to be a leader. or from one group to another. You do not mean to be fickle. you meet people quite easily. to figure out what motivates them. sentiment. with intuition as your dominant personality process. You are a collector of people. That represents your non-dominant or auxiliary process. You tackle an amazing variety of problems with ease. and it interacts with your extraverted side to give you the unique temperament you show. On the one hand. with the same ease that moves you from one grand cause to the next. You may be accused of shallowness in your relationships. Feeling dominates your inner world of thoughts and ideas. you know people almost instantly as deeply as you'll ever know them. and the diversity of your interests is mirrored by the diversity of your friends. and to appreciate their unique qualities without judging or criticizing. Your Auxiliary Process You are a perceptive person.

you reach out actively. When you are struck by the frustration of personal relationships. Intuition plus feeling fires the idealist. relationships and communication form a central focus in your life. invest a great amount of time and concern in others. When intuition and feeling combine. and you often become disappointed when they do not respond with an equal measure of caring and enthusiasm. You are sensitive and optimistic when you enter a new relationship. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. you may become hurt and disillusioned. to be in touch with yourself and. but to be accepted as your true self—without facade or pretense. to be an authentic person. Believing that intimate. Ph. You provide a rare gift of insight. You may be come highly self-critical for failing to achieve the personal authenticity you strive for. understanding. therefore. the admiration you receive from your daily interactions with them. significant contact between people is attainable. RoBards. yours is the most enthusiastic and infectious! Your relationships with others. to build meaningful relationships. and when those inclinations are found in an extraverted perceptive. fire you to the highest level of your personal achievement. Of all the sixteen personality types. Take the time to bask in the glow of your own amazing qualities! In general.You are actively sensitive to others. The most persuasive writers are intuitive-feeling sorts. You focus much of your energy on the knowledge and perfection of self—to identify your goals. 12 . appreciation and support to all your friends. all the makings of effective leadership are present. to be capable of really touching others. the result is a temperament we call the EMPATHIST: the very cornerstone of your personality. It is important to the EMPATHIST not merely to be accepted by others. and you easily accommodate the satisfaction of others' needs into the accomplishment of your goals.D. And then you may get down on yourself for being egocentric and self-conscious! Give yourself a break! You are among the most sensitive and responsive of personalities. the truth-seeker.

aren't willing to trust their own best instincts. Maybe more importantly. and you trust that intuition about "unknowables. understand or accept as valid. much less yours! © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Ph. persuade. too. talk. or even cooperatively. 13 . What less creative souls may see as mundane occurrences often strike you as meaningful. You have the feeling. significant. helps you to be truly open and accepting with others—a good listener. just in the course of your day-to-day living. For people like yourself. and that drives them around the bend and up the wall. often. Sometimes you can communicate your vision so well that less creative souls can share it. make the human connection. and your infectious enthusiasm communicates your sense of the possible to those lucky enough to work at your side—or in your shadow. Intuition helps you abstract and conceptualize the climate of thought and express it effectively. and that is a rare gift—whatever your professional calling. solidly and stolidly grounded in a less imaginative. Any time you find yourself trying to deal creatively. you deal with almost metaphysical sources of information. of being on the brink of a great discovery about people." You can predict the outcomes of interactions on the basis of hunches. you can expect there to be serious difficulties with communication. You intuit good and evil. and you're willing to rely on them—whereas other personality types. From their perspective. RoBards. Your intuition gathers together information from the real world and mixes it with your imagination to synthesize a unique view of reality. You are capable of keeping life new and fresh. life is a never-ending drama. sell. Extraversion makes it natural for you to reach out.The combination of feeling and perception puts you in touch with others' needs. with these foreign personality types. The intuitive-feeling person reflexively draws knowledge from sources which the various sensing and thinking types cannot recognize. a great appreciator. life. You tap sources of stimulation and insight from all around. more here-andnow version of reality. You just know things.D. you know from experience that your hunches often are correct.

to be on guard for misinterpretation by others of your outgoing interpersonal energy. You'll have to remember. you need to recognize that other well-meaning people can become confused by your earnest style of interaction. practicality and pay-off. Especially if you are already predisposed to see a problem with another person. When you turn your combination of intuition and feeling to the negative side of observation: being hypersensitive. in comparison with the panorama you perceive. and since 95% of the population has a different personality style than yours. Pitch them on your ideas at their level of facts. data. and sexuality use similar cues. RoBards." You are the consummate communicator. logic. People can feel the conscious and unconscious energy you exert to "be there" emotionally when you are interacting. because you accept as certainty so many unverifiable sources of information (the same trait that underlies your creative genius!). and you may succeed. sensuality. dollars-and-cents. It's both seductive and influential. Ph. You know it. It shows through your effective use of facial expression. always. 14 . and hyper-alert in looking for problems. and you enjoy the effect you have on others' lives. and—as an extravert—you may find that you talk even better! But. threats. You radiate intensity and focused attention. directed gaze. It's hard for your established belief systems to be shaken. you may imagine slights. Empathy. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. and conflicts. You have an enormous impact on other people.Surprisingly. and you can get yourself into a lot of trouble. and insightful "people-person. you may tend to perceive only what you already believe and disbelieve contradictory information.D. and body language. insults and injuries. You are attractive—magnetic—in the most literal sense. You have the ability to enlist the support of less creative types because you are such an outgoing. You write well. beyond your written and spoken verbal skills. you can often bring these people around to your point of view. your greatest triumphs of persuasion may be scored at the level of non-verbal communication. effective. if you're willing to marshal all that intuitive insight to understanding how constricted their visual field is. hypercritical.

but many with your personality often find themselves on the horns of a chronic sensing-thinking deficit.D. It's merely the back-side of that intuitivefeeling strength that makes you so insightful and effective under different circumstances. Ph. If you listened to everything people said. ironically. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Neither is obedience. You're an optimistic. You're your own person. again). Conformity isn't your long suit. criticized or misunderstood by the bulk of humanity. it may abandon you! You may find yourself to be prone to a unique sort of brooding suspiciousness when it comes to deeply held beliefs about people (the good-evil reality. The trick is to balance that necessary independence with a reality-testing mechanism. when. It's understandable for people like you to surround themselves with like minds and to learn to ignore criticism. write a note to yourself and put it in a desk drawer for future reference: "When it comes to issues in which I have a large emotional investment. and you believe in yourself when no one else does. There's certainly no shame in it. I tend to emphasize the data that confirm my prejudices and discredit information opposing my concepts. You're used to having your unusual perspective of reality ignored. Then. And it's pretty hard to awe you with sterile rank and titles. 15 . you'd never get any of your great ideas off the drawing board. your perceptions—your account of what happened. That pattern can blind me to the faults of friends and of friends' pet ideas. If this is a problem for you." You may have already dealt effectively with this snag in your life. as much as to the good side and good work of those I see as enemies. and you can do without their wet blankets. or it may not have been a particular difficulty for you. and where—may be quite accurate. RoBards.From time to time. independent soul. so you probably have learned to stay away from the bulk of humanity. The bulk of humanity rains on the parades of folks like yourself. but the conclusions you draw may be off-base. when you most need that perceptive openness to help you amend and revise your vision in the direction of objective reality.

Anyone who expects to control you better be a diplomat or make it a practice to wear kid gloves. both as a mate and as a parent. especially if your mate is trying to exercise some kind of unwanted control over your behavior. Life with you can be a roller-coaster at times. but you may be a bit unpredictable. your personality is sensitive.D. Harmony matters to you in your home. Then you may get very frugal for a while. and they will affect your intimate life now and then—maybe all the time. You will be wise to deal openly with your loved ones about your temperamental nature. and conservative financial planning—except occasionally. but you seek selfdetermination aggressively. Together. and it causes you concern when you are at the root of conflict. look out! You really like feeling in charge of yourself." to "All's quiet on the western front. I'm lovable. and creative. The Extraverted Intuitive in the World of Work © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. thinking. when you initiate one of your campaigns. Ph. you may find it helpful to keep around some folks who complement your personality: some judging. Then. Next. thrift. sensing aides to give you the benefit of another viewpoint from time to time. outgoing." Learn to ask for what you need emotionally from other family members to help you navigate through your ups and downs with as smooth sailing as possible. Mood swings are a natural companion of your creativity. you may turn around and buy something extravagant—usually something you conceive of as a gift for your mate or children. you may be able to devise some effective and creative tactics to advise those around you about your changing emotional state. your life.As a general rule. You aren't terribly conscious of economy. and your home. RoBards. 16 . It's not that you really want to dominate others. In a loving relationship. How about a half-comic barometer with a movable indicator needle you set when you arrive home? Consider a range from: "I've had an awful day and I need a hour of peace and quiet. sympathetic.

" passively performing some minor function that is swallowed up by a large complex operation.D. Ph. Communication comes more easily to you than to your introverted associates. You're comfortable with words. so you may wish to think long and hard before accepting a job or work assignment which forces you to work in isolation. always scanning the horizon for the possibilities in any situation. Your outgoing personality prefers working with human companionship. While few people enjoy being a "small cog in the great wheel. But. keeping track of facts and figures! You'll do better to target yourself toward work that involves the big picture. in getting it finished. You may wish to consider ways to capitalize on this asset to further your career. All other things being equal. or if it involves long-term projects. you're supreme. watch out when life forces you to work at a job that makes no demand on your intuition! Worse yet is one which forces you to make use of your relatively undeveloped sensing side—making observations. rather than keeping your eyes on the road ahead. RoBards. your efficiency may suffer. Your interest is in new ideas. not precise facts. on bold concepts. otherwise. Depending on the job circumstances. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. that's a mixed blessing. your personality type is especially distressed by losing touch with the over-all impact of your work. 17 . a visionary. You are interested in the results of your job.In the world of work you'll find that your extraversion will arm you well to deal with both variety and action. new theories. but you must constantly be on guard not to act too quickly. In tasks that require quick decisions and quick action. This characteristic arms you well to be a discoverer. and you muster a great deal of patience and energy when it comes to tackling new problems in life. and in comparing how other people tackle the same chore. you may need to devise a few tricks to ward off boredom. not details. particularly without thinking things through completely before you move. If the nature of the work itself is slow. you'll tend to work faster than your introverted co-workers. You are an intuitive person. and you communicate well.

and you may as well accept it without embarrassment. When you're inspired. you fire up your furnaces and work with a level of energy and exuberance that staggers the imagination of your sensing-type co-workers. RoBards. by the insidious dark side of the intuitive enthusiasm: boredom. Ph. A new task at hand? A new technique or skill to master? No problem for you. Then. sure as death. and professionalism. once again. high-energy characteristics. staring blankly at the ceiling. An intuitive person with a sensory-type sidekick may achieve more than the intuitive alone. While you yearn for the next crisis. once again. and you know you've been stricken. with the same pride you hang on your problem-solving.You'll be wise always to surround yourself with a couple of practical sorts: people who look at things with their sensory capacity. and you deny it to your friends and enemies alike. acknowledge it. while your frazzled co-workers sigh with relief. Then things settle down. just as a matter of personality. You will find the time to tackle the most difficult problem and unravel the most complicated situation. one morning. you wake up. and. such as yourself.D. You try to fight it. since facts and details will not be overlooked along the way. they make no effort to disguise their earnest hope that routine (blessed routine) is re. You run hot and cold. up and down. your spirit's flat. are in their glory when the work is challenging and novel. then maybe you can find an em- © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. You stifle a yawn. While you may find this difficult—since intuitive people usually prefer the company of other like-minded souls—you will probably find their counsel valuable. And if you can't modify your behavior. If you accept it. you realize you've fallen into one of your slack periods. 18 . you may learn to temper those down-swings and pull out of them with a bit more style. That's part of your style. grace. Intuitive workers.established as soon as possible. but the fact is: you know you don't want to go to work. Your energy's gone. once you understand it as the natural "flip-side" of the part of you you love best.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.ployer who understands your cyclic nature. wellgrounded co-workers to cover those other segments of your personality that haunt you in the work place. On the other hand. you'll be valued for the glittering bundle of intuition you provide as a spark to the humdrum of everyday work life.D. you may be regarded as a flighty nuisance: a judgment which shouldn't get you depressed. has no trouble shifting gears from one assignment to another. now that you know its origin. Much of what you start may never reach completion. open. that doesn't necessarily mean that the rest of the world will share your open acceptance. willing to hear all sides of an issue before deciding on a course of action. 19 . your habit of not paying enough attention to precision. and enough stable. even open hostility. You're a master of the delicate art of postponement. or those co-workers. The perceptive in you likes diversity in work. You know the parts I mean: your tendency to hop from humch to hunch. just because you're enlightened enough to appreciate both the "bright" and "dark " sides of your personality. or that employer. patient when a task requires repeated revisions. just so long as the work doesn't require a lot of decision-making. Your perceptive side is open: patient to changing situations. Many of these self-started activities may wind up in a desk drawer. Otherwise. RoBards. your perceptive side has a tendency to start too many changes without being asked. you may find that you tend to keep topics open excessively long. Your perceptive quality ensures that you have the ability to be curious. If and when you find that job. You know. one technique to the next. first postponed. revising when it isn't necessary. There will be times when you will have to face rejection. coming to a decision is almost painful to you. Ph. in order to remain your own best friend. then forgotten. or your inclination to worry too little about completing projects or checking your work to be free from errors of fact. Of course.

without respect for the personal consequences to the employee's family. or by personal considerations which might better be ignored in the interests of impartiality. Even in situations which threaten your sentimental nature less directly. and suggest that you're basically gullible to everyone's inputs. lend a sympathetic ear to their problems. long after an issue should have been closed and settled. You are very sensitive to other people's feelings and needs. as in all other aspects of your life. 20 . you may often have to battle your tendency to be tactful when the unvarnished truth is needed.As a perceptive. in the work place. Try to calm down when you hear those comments. Your need for acceptance may nudge you into acquiescence when your independent judgment is called for. In an effort to get along with others. Your feeling side can make it difficult to be a supervisor. you may lack patience with judging sorts when they jump to conclusions. You praise others' accomplishments. Let that perceptive openness lead you to personal revision when it's in your own best interests. you may let your decisions be swayed by the group spirit.D. You value sentiment over logic. and you try to avoid being the bearer of bad news or criticism. You care too much about being well liked and respected to be objective and impersonal in appraising others' performance on the job. Ph. try to weed out the judgmental indignation and see if your occasional critics might not have something worth considering. and you are no exception. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. point an accusing finger at your indecisive nature (which you generally deny or explain away!). Your working ability— attitude as well as efficiency—can be crippled by an obvious office feud. and the prospect of firing someone. You need harmony to work happily and well. would be extremely difficult for you. You are so keenly aware of others' feelings that the ordinary politics of most business endeavors causes you anguish and concern. RoBards. you know that there are both positive and negative aspects correlated with every personality feature. After all. Reprimanding an employee you like is painful.

institution-fighting. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.D. screen or play writing? Your empathetic tendencies will be well applied in character acting. chains of command and such-like. In counseling. those of your personality type succeed. Chances are decent you'll blow yourself right out of a job by getting into a fight about human factors or protection of the underdog! Your meteoric career in a big organization may leave behind you a vapor trail of humanitarian changes you brought about at the cost of your own employment. RoBards. people-policy-making. You aren't likely to survive very long or very happily. Ph. perception and intuition—is a magic package of personality when applied in a number of skilled professions. and it may leave you personally scarred and disillusioned. procedures. Life needs people like you. and you'll tend to ignore rules. and— whether your official career is that of an actor—there'll be more than a touch of the actor in all you undertake. How about public relations and advertising. Any work which allows your communication skills to be exercised will be a good choice for you. they achieve their highest marks. even if they won't tolerate your presence very long. The institution may be licking its wounds. They are in their element. You'll be interested in people. too. especially if your intuition is given free reign. all writing fields and the creative arts. In teaching. 21 . It's all right to take a whack at a big organization and come away a bit bruised. That's why people with your personality are often award-winning sales people! Look out if life corners you into some bureaucratic institution. Institutions need people like you.******** Your skill in handling people—coupled with your extraversion. partly because the work satisfies them so totally. political writing.

Ph. like-minded souls who also detest structure for its own sake and admire ideas for their intrinsic worth.D. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards.In the long run. you'll be wise to opt for a career which offers you control over your work. or for one which puts you in the companionship of other creative. 22 .

NF Managerial Profile
As an intuitive-feeling leader, you are first, last and in-between a peopleperson. You are client-centered, end-user centered, and it is important to you that you interpret your work mission as serving some basic human need. You focus on the possibilities of the people and organizations in your realm of personal influence. You encourage your associates and subordinates to strive for their highest levels of personal achievement. Self-actualization is a goal you recognize both for yourself and others. As a leader, your style is best characterized as catalytic, and you are never surprised to find yourself slipping into the role of a charismatic guru for your associates and subordinates. You make an effort to represent yourself, your colleagues and your organization effectively, and you may often find yourself at the forefront, serving as the group leader or spokesperson. Extraverted EMPATHISTs, in particular, function well in such a high-visibility position. You have the potential to excel in public relations, and your personal warmth and enthusiasm are natural "selling" techniques for any service or product. Your exceptional communication skills will stand out in any management position. Of all the temperaments, EMPATHISTs seem to be the best creative writers, and they often have excellent skills in public speaking or drama. You use reinforcement as a powerful tool in dealing with others. You communicate enthusiasm and support as a routine matter in your everyday working interactions. You are such a conscientious appreciator and admirer because you need the same thing back from others: superiors and subordinates alike. If you work with thinking types, there's no need to tell you that—even at their peak effort to reinforce your accomplishments—they often miss the mark.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


They may acknowledge your achievements, your intuition, and your skill, but they don't really know how to acknowledge you as an individual, and that's what pushes your buttons! Being dealt with personally is essential for you. Lack of appreciation for your unique qualities is discouraging to you, and criticism is difficult for you to take at anything other than a personal level. You will always need to be on guard for one of the most destructive snares for intuitive-feeling managers: feeling unappreciated, undervalued, and taken for granted. That's how folks like you often "burn out"! You will need to strive to understand that thinking-type people (of all the other temperament types) simply do not share your intense value system. To the extent that you can, you'll be smart to develop your skills at selfreinforcement and try to seek out support systems from outside sources (mates and friends), when the appreciation you need isn't forthcoming from your superiors and colleagues at work. As a general rule, judging-type EMPATHISTs seem to survive more happily and productively in a bureaucratic structure than their perceptive-type counterparts. The judging characteristic imparts a bit more acceptance of structure and hierarchy than other EMPATHISTs can muster. But even those folks are happiest in small, creative organizations, where individual needs and aspirations receive continuing attention. In a large impersonal outfit, sensitive people like yourself may experience continual distress. Alas, the ideal may not be a realistic objective for you right now, so let's look at some of the typical problems which confront the EMPATHIST midlevel manager in a typical, large, impersonal organization. First, the personal approach of the EMPATHIST often translates into playing favorites in the business environment: a characteristic which critics, above or below on the hierarchy, may interpret as unprofessional partiality and irrational management.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


Especially if you're a perceptive EMPATHIST (whose favorites may shift up and down and back and forth, from time to time, as your moods and emotional preferences change), your detractors will be quick to label you as fickle, unstable, unpredictable and lacking in fidelity. (Needless to say, you can't survive many appraisals of that sort on your performance reviews if you hope to be a rising star in your organization or career field!) At heart, you're a giver. For those in your favor, you are the definition of sympathy, self-sacrifice and generosity— so much so that you may compromise the business relationship for the sake of friendship. Understandably, it's difficult for EMPATHISTs to relate to others merely as roles, job descriptions, or names in boxes on organizational flow charts. To you, people are people, and you tend to relate to others at a personal level. But, in a bureaucratic organization, that tendency can lead to managerial problems, whether you're dealing "up" or "down" the chain of command. For example, when you like your boss and your work assignment, you may see the tasks you perform as a personal service or a favor. Dawns the day you're assigned a task you don't want to do, or comes the time when you and your superior have a serious disagreement, you may find it virtually impossible just to follow orders and get the job done. In the other direction on the hierarchy—when you are wearing the management hat—you may find it distressing to deal with insubordination as anything but a personal affront, insult or rejection. In the kind of bureaucratic battles that plague most large organizations from time to time, the EMPATHIST's reflexive inclination is to support the underdog: another tendency which can lead to problems for you as a manager. First of all, your time and energy may be eroded by your kindness, generosity, and compassion. You may find yourself spending large chunks of your working day counseling dissident workers in your office or letting employees cry on your shoulder in the hall. Then, your idealism may fire you up to go explain or represent minority concerns to the higher-ups, thereby identifying yourself with the institution's

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


26 . campaigning for sympathy and support. telling tales out of meetings. if your subordinates don't think you're wonderful. Ph. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Long. as an EMPATHIST. No matter how noble or just the cause. you may get your feelings hurt. you may hear constructive suggestions as attacks. you may slip into a particularly hazardous form of EMPATHIST selfdefense and hypersensitivity. you take it all personally. If your superior lacks your sense of tact and sensitivity. it's hard to deal with being ignored. and low. since. And as an EMPATHIST who trusts intuition and feeling so totally. RoBards.critics and opposing the vested interests of owners. you may read personal rejection into interactions when it simply isn't there. As an EMPATHIST. or disliked without taking it personally. with the majority of managers belonging to the various (insensitive) thinking-types. By the same token. Especially if you're working in a typical professional environment. Effective management sometimes demands taking unpopular positions. with the end result of getting people disciplined or dismissed. involving: villainizing management. and management. Extraverted empathists seem especially prone to slipping into such behavior patterns—ones that are not taken lightly or positively by most organizations. A final ironic outcome of these battles often occurs: by sympathizing with the insurrection's leaders.lasting credibility problems with superiors may emerge from such well-intentioned confrontations. you may draw fire from the organization for such misplaced idealism.key criticism as hostility. and criticizing others at a personal level.D. Here's a more common one. directors. disagreed with. This is a typical EMPATHIST tragedy in a bureaucratic organization. you may unwittingly encourage and enlarge the uprising. and their negative reactions are doubly painful to you.

As useful as these efforts may be to the spirit of the meeting and the cohesiveness of the group. you favor democratic decision-making. and any organization that employs you had better remember to ask your opinion before initiating any rules. instinctive comfort with agendas and productive structure. nuances of feelings. Especially if you're a perceptive-type EMPATHIST. RoBards. You recognize the importance of side-stepping conflict. Extraverted and judging-type EMPATHISTs may become excellent group leaders. you may sometimes draw criticism or dirty looks for getting the discussion off on what thinking-types see as "unrelated issues. supporting the expression of differences of opinion while down-playing conflict. In committees. EMPATHISTs typically feel a strong need to have an input into any decision that will affect any aspect of their life and work. enthusiasm. indeed. help them create person-centered groups that accomplish their intended goals.In meetings. programs and policies. Their outgoing nature. It seems natural to the EMPATHIST to include some personal remarks in meetings: introductions and small talk to warm up the participants. 27 . together with their interpersonal skill and sensitivity. encouraging involvement of all group members. you are sensitive to the importance of the personal element in all aspects of the working environment. regulations or procedures which will require your cooperation. hidden fears and concerns. EMPATHISTs are better able than other personality types to understand unstated sentiments. you may feel suffocated in meetings with a firm agenda. especially if an authoritarian leadership style prevails. the EMPATHIST is great at monitoring participation. be a pleasure if human needs receive conscientious attention.D. and you are comfortable with brainstorming or otherwise unstructured discussions." When your natural abilities as a group facilitator are supported. Ph. ideas. task forces or other teamwork ventures. natural verbal ability. and protecting vulnerable members from exclusion or hostility. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. and then forecast the human consequences of new schedules. and you communicate the belief that work can. Esprit de corps. sensitivity and cooperation are important factors which you promote and encourage. meetings. As an EMPATHIST.

you'll half-heartedly continue. and you have the ability to facilitate changes or sabotage them! You tend to be sociable and well-liked by those who work for and with you—closely attuned to people's feelings in the day-to-day interactions within a hierarchy. yawn your way through a slack period of abbreviated work days and occasional sick-outs. phone calls you don't want to return. When you're dealing in your favorite world of the possible. You have a tendency to foster close interpersonal relationships with your staff—a boon to knowing their likes and dislikes. inattentive supervision. But. As a manager. you may pass the remaining tasks on to someone else. and any job that curtails your autonomy. ups and downs. you may begin to feel bored. tackling a new project. 28 . will quickly do you in. small problems that turn into big ones because of neglectful planning. but often a disadvantage when their private lives periodically interfere with your ability to function professionally and dispassionately. Any work that is boring or hum-drum. If you can. Ph. creative fabrications explaining how correspondence you didn't answer somehow disappeared in the mail. you're the image of energy and focused concentration. that tendency can lead to real problems: jobs that stay halffinished for longer than you'd like to acknowledge. working on a idea. tedious jobs. claustrophobic. and don't.You're an influential person. and lackadaisical trouble-shooting. when the inevitable routine sets in. Perceptive-type EMPATHIST managers often experience these problems in spades! © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. and—as soon as possible— take off on a new idea—or a new cause—or a new romance. Otherwise.D. imposed upon and irritable. RoBards. creating a new plan. or when the only problems remaining are what seems to be an endless progression of small.

the picture we've just painted is an extreme composite of the intuitive-feeler's darker side. In turn. and can benefit from a careful analysis of their management style. look for their own characteristics in their subordinates. As a manager. Even perceptive EMPATHIST's may show only one or two of these symptoms. in either case. The EMPATHIST manager who places EMPATHIST employees in positions like these has two problems: the jobs won't be done well. introverted EMPATHISTs are usually steadier workers. or unconscious way of conducting their interpersonal relationships. coldness. EMPATHISTs. And. appreciative folks around themselves. Ph. EMPATHISTs tend to regard all of the other personality types as rather insensitive.D. if it's ever been a problem for you. like all other personality temperaments. and the employees won't be happy. Frankly. Give an extraverted and judging EMPATHIST an invitation. EMPATHIST managers reflexively give their employees the kind of treatment EMPATHISTs crave themselves. In a nutshell. RoBards. EMPATHIST managers do have some problems. and he or she may provide a heartfelt analysis of others' callousness. therein lie most of the EMPATHIST manager's problems! EMPATHISTs universally pride themselves on their warmth and interpersonal sensitivity: their reflexive insight into human relations. EMPATHIST managers often hire other EMPATHISTs for positions which might better be filled by other types: thinking-types for jobs requiring dispassionate analysis and insightful theorizing about systems. They like other supportive. you may need to monitor this tendency in yourself. And. and they tend to devalue employees who strike them as cold or uncaring. 29 .To be sure. sensing-types for jobs demanding patience and careful attention to detail. Nonetheless. Judging EMPATHISTs rarely become so totally afflicted by the EMPATHIST manager's NF ("never-finished") syndrome. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.

D. Assuming that everyone shares this EMPATHIST characteristic. But the training program should make use of the fact that ANALYSTs prefer to learn by reading. exposed and embarrassed when they return to the work environment. interpersonal relations and self-actualization. especially the thinking varieties. 30 . and they'll return to their tasks with renewed energy and identity with the company and their fellow workers. communication. practical skill development is involved. Arranging effective human factors training for most intuitive-thinkers is extremely important. many (NT)ANALYSTs will not be enthused by an "opportunity" to attend a "touchy-feely" seminar or group process. watching films. Any training exercise which obliges them to learn by potentially emotional interactions forces them to deal with one of their weakest psychological functions: feeling. sensitivity. and unconditional love for their fellow man. But what about the other types? Unless some kind of theory development or technical skill acquisition are involved.Most EMPATHIST managers love acquiring new knowledge and learning new skills in the area of aesthetics. RoBards. unless some kind of hands-on. will be hard to convince that the training has anything to offer them. Sensing-types. Expect a higher-thannormal level of "illness" or other absenteeism among your ANALYST employees on the day or days the training is to occur. For most (SP)REALISTs. and listening to lectures. the EMPATHIST manager may battle with the organization to reward favored employees with personal growth training experiences. training or schooling of any kind is fundamentally boring. For EMPATHIST employees. that's great! They'll love it. psychology. Don't misunderstand. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. The effect may be to leave them feeling vulnerable. eye-opening insights. And most (SJ)LEGALISTs may regard unnecessary training of any sort as a nuisance: a frivolous interruption of the comfortable rhythm of work—unsettling. not stimulating. teamwork. philosophy. Ph. They may talk about transforming experiences.

This "no rules-no regs" life is. RoBards. EMPATHIST managers are self-starters who dislike intensely being told how and when to do anything. Ph. assignments and such. 31 . this particular blind spot may be the EMPATHIST manager's most serious problem in most work situations. then. Even the intimation of structure may be a bit unnerving to your individualism. Not surprisingly. They want to set their own schedules and do things their own way. drives an EMPATHIST manager around the bend! EMPATHISTs do not seem to realize that sensing types actually enjoy the predictability of a familiar task and derive peace and comfort from perfecting their skills through practice and repetition. again. Unless the EMPATHIST manager can learn to recognize sensing-type people. especially perceptive-type-ones. EMPATHIST managers are most comfortable with their own behavior when they give their employees free reign.D. This is only one of the many ways in which the EMPATHIST manager displays the darker stripes of the intuitive: intolerant and unappreciative of the preferences of sensing employees. Moreover. They may feel insulted and become impatient if given what they regard as too many rules and too much guidance and direction. authoritarian power structures tend to threaten your potent need for selfdetermination. the same way. in fact. craftsmanship and precision may suffer—along with the manager's reputation and the productivity of his or her operation. schedules. year in and year out. figuring everything out as they go along. they have a hard time understanding how anyone can tolerate a repetitious job. If you're like most EMPATHISTs. In one form or another. sensing-type employees may not respond with great warmth to an EMPATHIST manager's continual "improvements" of their procedures. work operations requiring steadiness. and match them to sensing-type jobs. the EMPA- © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. but. value them as they are.EMPATHIST managers are born innovators. To see someone do the same job. reliability. a real gift to like-minded intuitives. Consequently.

lack of drive. especially an (SJ)LEGALIST. irresponsibility and incompetence. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.D. Ph. (SJ)LEGALISTs. particularly. may feel uncomfortable with an absence of guidelines.THIST manager's natural inclination fails to meet the needs of most sensingtype workers. will regard the EMPATHIST's laissez-faire management attitude to be a sign of disorganization. RoBards. 32 . And— more often than not—any judging-type employee. timetables and rules—both for themselves and for others. soft-headed weakness.

RoBards. Ph.Key Concepts for You as a Manager: creative expression appreciation and support autonomy and individuality self-actualization of yourself and others purpose and meaning to work human interaction and human impact © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.D. 33 .

" understand that the EMPATHIST will. That's the kind of name-dropping that really impresses the EMPATHIST! Intuitive-feeling types express themselves emotionally by their clothing. An intelligent manager makes use of this characteristic and always minimizes overt criticism of the EMPATHIST employee. please remember to wear kid gloves! Make it a point to compliment outfits which come closest to the needs of the work place or the task. Even when the critical comments are prefaced by the request that the employee not "take it personally. often showing a flair for unusual colors. Ph. faceless member of a particular department or task force.D. RoBards. sensitive person whose contribution and cooperation are valued at an intensely personal level. you'll probably find that the subtle message hits its mark! In all situations. the EMPATHIST's sometimesavant-garde garb may arouse comment and concern. patterns. It follows that this type is most easily frustrated and irritated by being treated merely as a Social Security number. They'll work to earn your favor. If changes must be suggested. bear in mind that intuitive-feeling types love praise and approval. or color combinations.Managing Your iNtuitive-Feeling (NF)Empathist Employee The intuitive-feeling employee needs to be appreciated as a unique member of the work team: a flesh-and-blood. EMPATHISTs are sensitive to such differential praise. Even when constrained by a modest budget. Consequently. In certain tradition-oriented work situations. given a few well-placed hints. if possible and practical. EMPATHISTs like to dress in their own unique style. anyway! The EMPATHIST employee is most likely to annoy others at work by a particularly personal kind of fickleness: deciding work-related issues on an © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. 34 . or a nameless. any wise manager makes it a point to know the familiar names of (NF)EMPATHIST employees—their spouses' and children's too. a job description. and.

whenever EMPATHISTs are concerned.D. It won't happen. keep reminding yourself that the EMPATHIST's opinions are not necessarily logical or objective. dishonest and untrustworthy. the wind or the weather! Values and feelings rule the EMPATHIST's judgment.or client-centered policies or products. Assign EMPATHIST employees to work with those they like. Don't expect those negative feelings to be set aside for the sake of work. For better or worse. The EMPATHIST's personal radar can be used to good advantage by a sensitive manager. siding against today's meanie. Accept the fact that the EMPATHIST's personal self and work self are one. Consult with your EMPATHIST employees when you want to improve communication or develop consumer. and that the cast of characters in the office may appear to be dressed in a rainbow of colors. Those problems are natural tasks for the intuitive-feeling type. RoBards. Harmony at work leads to productivity. Make a note. evaluates a myriad of aspects of others. rather than in black and white. Ph. fighting for the needs and concerns of others and themselves. devious. The EMPATHIST probably will have a suggestion. 35 . this type reflexively relates to people personally. alliances and feuds. those anti-authoritarian © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. and draws a complex assessment which encompasses the concepts bad. Ask your EMPATHIST how the working situation might be improved to increase the general level of happiness and satisfaction. Championing today's underdog. The EMPATHIST knows! But. whenever practical.emotional basis—when they might be dealt with more effectively and acceptably at a logical level—and then changing sides or positions with what others may interpret to be whim. The breadth and depth of an EMPATHIST's feelings are awesome to other types. Ask the EMPATHIST to help you out when you need to understand the basis of office discontent. when seen through the EMPATHIST's eyes! As much as the intuitive-feeling types may value harmony. they often are found at the root of conflict in the work-place. nonetheless.

Thinking-type (SJ)LEGALISTs will strike many EMPATHISTs as obsessive-compulsive. is the order of the day when EMPATHISTs are involved. In all matters. not fiat. they may perceive changes as done to them. since the sensors' concept of a joke may take the form of ridicule or biting. insensitive to the personal consequences of work decisions. EMPATHISTs have a strong need to feel autonomous. They bridle at authority and heavy-handed guidance. What about the interpersonal chemistry? If an EMPATHIST is obliged to deal with any sensing-type. especially. influential EMPATHISTs— especially the extraverts—may place themselves at the forefront of every employee rebellion. coming from an EMPATHIST. 36 . tradition-bound: organization people at heart. the EMPATHIST may be totally baffled. personal sarcasm. rigid. rule-oriented. The old management dictum of "make no fast or unnecessary changes!" applies doubly when dealing with intuitive-feeling types. intuitive-feeling types must see themselves as active participants in the architecture of their lives and work. Ph. you may hear some criticism that the sensor has absolutely no imagination or insight! In dealing with sensing-thinking sorts. When a management change is considered—and the change will affect EMPATHISTs at any level of the hierarchy—a wise manager involves these key employees from the earliest stage of the planning. and basically selfish. that's not a compliment! © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Needless to say. RoBards. rather than for or concerning them. Both thinking (SP)REALISTs and (SJ)LEGALISTs may accuse EMPATHISTs of having no sense of humor. Thinking-type (SP)REALISTs may appear to most EMPATHISTs as impulsive and cavalier with change. Management by sensitive and conscientious leadership. Unless your EMPATHISTs feel a part of the decision-making. Without sensitive management.EMPATHISTs are persuasive folks—often discontent and unintentionally divisive. At the very least.D.

as one extraverted. if both parties can be educated to understand the sources of their inevitable interpersonal conflict. advise. these types may resemble each other superficially by showing a similarly intuitive and enthusiastic spirit. But the relationship will require work and commitment on both sides. perceptive EMPATHIST described her introverted and thinking (SJ)LEGALIST boss. The EMPATHIST often will be hurt and confused by the (NT) ANALYST counterpart's lack of personal sensitivity and warmth—or by an inconsis- © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. from time to time. RoBards.D. autonomy-seeking EMPATHIST! All these comments aside. Then. criticize and direct will not find a happy reception with the sensitive. every EMPATHIST needs a sensor. In a sense.In moments of hurt feelings. by bucking the system. a subordinate or a colleague with a coordinated job assignment. whether as a boss. In a close working situation. 37 . for the facade of similarity between (NT)ANALYSTs and perceptive EMPATHISTs is an illusion. Especially if both are extraverted and perceptive. The thinking-type (SJ)LEGALIST's natural tendency to parent. too. and by living in a world of ideas. the fact that intuitives are so dramatically outnumbered by sensors in the overall population prepares them to recognize their like features and greet each other as long-lost kin. Ph. confusion and misunderstanding. a wounded EMPATHIST may characterize the thinking-type (SJ)LEGALIST as nearly heartless and clearly lacking a sense of fun or personal warmth— "approximately dead". The word boss encourages another comment. Both EMPATHISTs and (NT)ANALYSTs regard creativity as their personal hallmark. trusted by both. In fact. that veneer quickly is eroded by the reality of their different interactional styles. and the alliance may benefit by engaging a third party. this resemblance is unfortunate. to act as a consultant and mediator. and if both are willing to work on the relationship. the alliance of an EMPATHIST and an thinking-type (SJ)LEGALIST is difficult to beat for effective and sensitive management.

eventually. The problem goes both ways. how do you put the natural personality of an EMPATHIST to work? First. as a panacea for boring work. Placed in such a position. until an emotional confrontation occurs!) The ANALYST's fundamental preoccupation with ideas. 38 . work-related conversation and telephoning. the thinker may unabashedly accuse the feeler of logical lapses or not thinking clearly. the typical EMPATHIST will "escape" by excessive socializing. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. EMPATHISTs start projects well. figures. Even after both types have come to recognize the nature of their different stripes. who comes to face the unpleasant fact that the ANALYST may actually be like one of them (other thinker-types). Perceptive-type EMPATHISTs. of course. But. remember that EMPATHISTs focus on the possibilities.tency in both. Extraverted EMPATHISTs may manufacture excuses for meetings. do not do well in any job which requires them to pay precise attention to facts. in particular. awkward and uncomfortable. as may a session or two of private counseling. Dispelling the effects of dashed expectations in interpersonal relationships at work often is difficult. the history of conflict and rejection may poison the interaction. the broadbrush reality of any situation. (The (NT) ANALYST may well be oblivious to the EMPATHIST's concern. Insight-oriented management programs may be very helpful in ameliorating such problems. RoBards. theoretical systems and abstract concepts unrelated to people confuses the EMPATHIST. but finish them poorly. So. bear in mind as a manager that a feeling of mutual betrayal may remain. and even personal chatter and gossip. the (NT)ANALYST may express discomfort in collaborating with the EMPATHIST and may question the feeler's intelligence.D. processes. Ph. In time. But. This is particularly true of perceptive-types. and details. The (NT)ANALYST may pass over the first signs that the EMPATHIST is different.

Let EMPATHISTs participate in personnel policy-making and hiring decisions. If a job requires predictability. and design. Let the employee know you understand that the intuitive cycle requires R R. Give key EMPATHISTs a sensing-type assistant or colleague. conceptualize. Feeling-type REALISTs and LEGALISTs may also lend a helping hand. When you recognize burn-out in your EMPATHIST employee. attitudes and opinions. Let them organize others to get the job done. punctuality and a steady pace of progress. And. Let EMPATHISTs express their aesthetic sensibilities when designing or redecorating work. Let them be conduits of employee sentiments. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. but don't expect these folks to follow up on the hum-drum routine and fine-tuning that may stretch on for weeks or months in a big project. 39 . By all means. Ph. Then it trickles. with good results. It bursts and surges and gushes. eating or recreation spaces in the office environment. you may suggest that a Friday or Monday vacation day be taken. Assign EMPATHISTs to initiate employee parties and gatherings. And that process can be speeded along by a manager who understands that intuitives run hot and cold. refilled and restored. don't assign it to an EMPATHIST (or to an NT.Let your EMPATHISTs plan. flickers and fades. just as matter of style. utilize the EMPATHIST's flair for writing. shift your fizzled intuitive onto a new project and watch that energy return! Let your EMPATHIST employees' natural orientation toward peopleproblems and human concerns find expression. create. speech.D. for that matter)! That intuitive energy can't be metered or regulated. drama and communication in the employee newsletter or house publication. Let EMPATHISTs perform informal counseling and advisement functions to and for management. RoBards. Don't worry: it'll return as soon as the system's recharged. if a three-day weekend can't be scheduled.

please. EMPATHISTs excel at brain-storming or otherwise sharing ideas. Trust their assessments of the tastes and wishes of the consumers or clients. when EMPATHISTs are around! Don't demand logical. Given a relatively unstructured. That's inevitable. EMPATHISTs make excellent committee participants. since cooperation is their natural tendency. Even the most organized judging EMPATHISTs live in a world nearly beyond the imagination of all the other types. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. But. Ph.Listen to your EMPATHISTs' counsel in designing new marketing or advertising campaigns. or democratically structured. linear thinking from EMPATHISTs. make sure you allow time and flexibility for EMPATHISTs to stray off the subject and onto unrelated personal matters. 40 . RoBards. Accept the fact that a graphic depiction of an EMPATHIST's decision tree resembles a bushy shrub. blooming with people-concerns. and that the EMPATHIST's thought process may hop from branch to branch in ways which baffle most thinker-types. Assign at least one EMPATHIST to every committee to foster harmony and to ensure attention to each group member's inputs and ideas. committee.D.

In former generations. As a culture. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. and for getting a little analytical about those all-important parts of life that many abandon to chance and pure emotion: affection and close relationships: CONNECTIONS! Times come and go. But man's essential and undeniable biology decrees that the most important questions of life have to do with mating. And. 41 . Now. we expect more from love than ever before.D. we also expect less. creature comfort. Like the Mad Hatter's tea party in Alice in Wonderland. They always have. They always will. fun. Ironically. Wars erupt and fizzle. mating was a once-and-for-all matter determined either by family expectations and arrangements. We expected relatively little from marriage: constancy and mutual support and rearing children. fill our needs for sexual excitement and satisfaction. Nations rise and fall. too. "Till death us do part" remained the operative phrase. or by some adolescent infatuation that could be consummated only after a trip to the altar.Loving Profile Introduction Congratulations for using your head in affairs of the heart. now. RoBards. our drive for reproduction still comes into the picture. We've become what anthropologists dub a "serially polygamous society. we leave our dirty dishes behind us and move to a fresh table setting. when our relationships fail to meet these complex needs. Somewhere along the way. Ph." multiple mates over a lifetime. "Clean cups! Move down!" The stigma of divorce and of marriage-less intimate relationships is largely gone in our society. intellectual stimulation. security and companionship. Not so today. friendship. we dissolve them and go searching for a new mate. we demand that love keep us happy.

To the extent that thinking-type people have been nagged and criticized for not being emotionally sensitive or "in touch with their feelings. chatty. the "decision-making" process we've alluded to is almost entirely subconscious! © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.D. of course. and superficial. To some extent. People often are drawn to what they are not. If perceptives are impressed—either by experience or by criticism and condemnation—with their lack of decision-making ability. To the degree that intuitives feel deficient for lacking a solid sense of reality—a firm here-and-now perspective on the world—then they may be attracted toward sensing types. They do. We can start over.Now we aren't stuck in unsatisfying relationships. the pressures also apply in reverse on all of these dimensions! And. this yearning for one's opposite may stem from a deepseated feeling of rejection: that there's obviously something wrong with us. RoBards. unreflecting. they may decide that they need an introverted mate. a new and different approach to "matters of the heart"—using your head! Opposites Attract Let's start with an obvious cliche: opposites attract. Or." so thinkers may be drawn toward feeling-type mates. Ph. CONNECTIONS is a learning experience about love and mating. And when extraverts come to believe what their critics say: that they are boisterous. 42 . in more understandable terms: complements attract. and. But the question arises: are we learning anything from the relationships that don't work? Are we getting better at the mating game? That's what CONNECTIONS is all about. And. of course. we search for someone "better" or more perfect. they may seek out judging partners. thus.

Two introverts may become totally reclusive. it's great if Jan enjoys the same adventure. That tactic is the one favored by most of the match-making services. And feeling-types are relieved to find sensitive partners who share their value system. Two extraverts may wear each other out.The dilemma is this: all too often. in like-attracts-like coupling. whose tastes are similar? Intellectuals appreciate the stimulation other thinker-types provide them. we almost instantly undertake a destructive mission to re-make the partner in our own image. too. and it has a good deal to recommend it. after being attracted to a mate who differs radically from ourselves. If Leslie is a quiet type who enjoys classical music and reading every evening. If we find ourselves cast in the role of Dr. Henry Higgins. we can bet that the relationship isn't long for this world—or that it isn't destined to be very happy! So. doggedly nagging our Eliza Doolittle partner. Two intuitives may never attend to the details of life. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. opposites may attract. what could be better than spending time with Bo. RoBards. If Lee's an outdoor person who loves weekend back-packing trips roughing it in the wild. but the relationship may not be a lasting one unless both partners continue to appreciate each other for the differences which drew them together in the first place! Mate with Your Match An alternative approach is to search for one's soul-mate: the personality image of ourselves. 43 ." and the analogy with George Bernard Shaw's play is aptly drawn. and so on.D. Ph. Keirsey and Bates dubbed this process "the Pygmalion project. But there are hazards.

you may be able to trade in your maladaptive feelings of victimization and persecution for some good-natured acceptance of the fact that different people behave in predictably different ways. Now let's take a look at your personal CONNECTIONS profile and the predictable ups and downs of your interactions with other personality types. And then use that knowledge to your benefit as you move forward with your love life! Hopefully. The objective of this profile is to help you become a bit more analytical about your relationships. in love as in all interpersonal relationships. we don't suggest that you turn into a balance-sheet lover. so you'd best go into them with your eyes wide open. and neither person may experience the growth that comes with coping effectively and creatively with individual differences. RoBards. Ph.Each partner may ratify his or her own short-comings in the mate. It makes no sense to take a hard and fast stand on whether you'll be happiest paired with your opposite or with your personality twin. Understand how these differences may have affected your past relationships and your present ones. 44 .D. You be the judge. and a bit more responsible for the happiness of your life. "Live and let live!" is the motto of the day. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Learn to recognize the individual differences which are important for your mating style. With more insight about your loving style. jotting down the assets and liabilities of each potential partner. But we do believe that differences in personal style are important in assessing the long-term outcome of love relationships. this learning will help you become a bit more accepting of yourself and your partners. Now. With more insight you may see that any loving connection that's based on the notion that one or both people must sacrifice their individuality to make the relationship work is no bargain for either party.

D. one's strengths. especially with any of the other temperaments! The EMPATHIST is romance personified. Joan of Arc was an EMPATHIST. energy or commitment in relationships. to accept another totally and to be accepted in return. They thought she was crazy and they burned her at the stake. one's intuition. The EMPATHIST hopes to find a partner to share life's journey. The EMPATHIST generally sees this lifetime as an interlude. for the sake of satisfying the life-mission. 45 . a mystical connection. The EMPATHIST spares no time. coming to understand one's needs. EMPATHISTs: take this as a serious harbinger of the fate that befalls you idealistic souls who search for a flawless relationship. a preface to some more cosmic form of existence and being.NF Loving Profile Relationships are the central concern for the existence of the intuitive feeling (EMPATHIST) temperament. as a continuous process throughout life. maturing. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. one's sensitivity: that is the mission of the EMPATHIST. a knowledge of the other that is so profound that words aren't needed for communication. RoBards. Ph. As an EMPATHIST you strive for a special union. one's fears. to embrace the unfolding process without reservation. The EMPATHIST seeks a fellow pilgrim open enough and flexible enough to encounter self and mate without pretense or facade. to love unconditionally. The EMPATHIST wants to experience a deep relationship with one special partner: growing. a single word. The phrase "falling in love" was certainly coined to describe this type. Coming to know oneself. understanding. Values are what matter in life. The EMPATHIST will compromise all other parts of life for the sake of caring. Love may come with a glance. learning.

the setting. Everything must be right. Ph. both modes usually occur. the mood. The EMPATHIST is usually more interested in romantic possibilities than in the day-to-day reality of relationships. For the EMPATHIST. A chronically broken heart is a way of life for many searching. The EMPATHIST. RoBards. the EMPATHIST may immediately begin eying the greener grass on the other side of the fence. when disillusionment strikes. The EMPATHIST's frustration and pain over missed communications and hurt feelings are totally incomprehensible to all the other types. can't think about sex.The object of an EMPATHIST's affection will be called "dear" and "honey" and original pet names. 46 . The EMPATHIST's meaning for these terms is central to the EMPATHIST identity. off-again thing for EMPATHISTs in the usual up and down love relationship. The EMPATHIST's conflicts with all the other types will revolve around definitions of the words relationship and love. seeking EMPATHISTs. "I love you" will punctuate each phone conversation and note. and gift giving is a natural part of any EMPATHIST love relationship. Taking care of the mate is a reflexive activity for EMPATHISTs. Then the honeymoon is usually over for good! The EMPATHIST can use that characteristic sensitivity to tune in to every ripple of mood and sentiment in a mate. sex is fraught with meaning. Sex may always be an on-again. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Thus. Or the EMPATHIST can become destructively hypersensitive and suspicious. angry about some routine matter. The EMPATHIST wants to spend every moment with the loved one—or at least a lot of time. In the course of any relationship.D. The EMPATHIST overwhelmed by love aches for union. the person. when the relationship degenerates to hum-drum predictability and staleness.

With such change comes a sense of excitement. Relationship. also. as is the exploration. romantic meetings. aliveness. Scott Fitzgerald heralded. RoBards. To EMPATHISTs. and a broken-hearted depression which can be alleviated only by a new romance: that's how EMPATHIST-EMPATHIST love relationships end. smoldering passion. hypersensitivity. and almost mystical fireworks are the way EMPATHIST-EMPATHIST love relationships begin. Growth is the goal. a spiritual commitment. 47 . usually is a conscious focus of life. intense intimacy. These are the relationships that F.D. the pitfall and the glory of EMPATHISTEMPATHIST matings." but that's the way passion operates among these temperamental types. Ph. love is such a roller coaster that other types must wonder if the "goin' up is worth the comin' down. comes some degree of turmoil and discomfort. shivering sighs and shuddering palpitations. exotic flirtations. with it. painful infatuation. a cosmic sense of abandonment. their shared idealism is usually involved: a common quest. tears. Disillusionment. per se. willing self-disclosure. the process. newness. tearful pledges of commitment. hurt feelings. expression and perfection of self.When Like Likes Like. or When (NF)Empathists Mate Stolen glances. When EMPATHISTs mate. Combining those two objectives often presses EMPATHIST mates toward a continual redefinition and reworking of the relationship: a process of evolution and growth. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. a philosophical common-ground.

paying bills. in a general sense." Pretty soon.When two EMPATHISTS are in a situation which allows them to share their intuition and feeling. And that's not usually an easily hurdled obstacle. is of interest to the EMPATHIST couple. in a typical pair-bonding situation. The one who's less gung-ho as an intuitive may be transformed into an (SP)REALIST or an (SJ)LEGALIST. and the fine-honing of personal philosophy is usually somewhere at the heart of these sharing experiences. the EMPATHIST couple is the stuff of which sonnets are written! Since communication skills are peak for this temperament. the PTA. or otherwise cover the reality chores of living together. one or both feels compromised. Then. but in its moments of glory. Critiquing plays. and such). RoBards. The one whose preference for feeling is less strong may take on the robes of the "thinker. the cleaners. EMPATHIST couples need to volunteer for. dishonest with the inner self. Ph. delegate. critiquing a play. That's when the relationship usually works best: sharing a spiritual experience. going to the grocery. doing laundry. washing dishes. and heartfelt telephone conversations may punctuate the days and nights. Communication. they are happiest. most real-world relationships involve a certain amount of "taking care of business": attending to the sensing and thinking demands of society (working for a living. stories and novels is an accepted dinner-time conversation. speech and writing about love's ups and downs are likely to be part of the relationship: poems. you might be hard-pressed to recognize them as EMPATHISTS. Unfortunately. keeping the car running and the house repaired. "The grass is always greener" phenomenon may strike particularly hard when two EMPATHISTS try to carry on a long-term relationship. 48 . letters. One of the first major adjustments that occurs in most EMPATHIST pairings is that one (or both) of them appears to change type.D. and resentful of the other and of the relationship. Ah. So. notes. taking out trash. Do EMPATHISTS talk (and talk) about their relationship? Do they breathe? Two EMPATHISTS together may become "self-actualization" junkies: following one personal development or spiritual training experience after an- © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. you can bet.

sure. needs. the dark side of that EMPATHIST sensitivity may rear its head. Ph. hypersensitivity. paranoia. when the magic needs a tune-up.other. and I wasn't lying. As one EMPATHIST woman put it: "We have our hard times. color every communication. "Somehow. but we have times together when we breathe in rhythm. EMPATHISTs tend to ponder the meaning and significance of every gesture. dreams. 49 . "For one crazy minute. word and silence. RoBards. but not the fact that I was lying. Except there wasn't another person. I thought it might be easier to lie. because I don't like to lie to her! © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. following after one or another guru. in their own unique way. she got the impression that I was having an affair. tell her I was having an affair—that she was right—and make her feel better. especially when they can feed off each other's energy and commitment. there may still be funds for group therapy or private counseling sessions. sharing meaningful books and films. In a connected relationship. EMPATHISTs. posture. without ever speaking. I hurt with him. In their most intense state of connection. When there's no money in the budget for frills. I sense his joy. But I didn't. Suspicion. I feel his thoughts. expression. and other products of runaway imagination may pollute every interaction. Then she got angry because she could accept the fact that there was another person. I wasn't. fears. And he's capable of feeling me the same way.D. even to another EMPATHIST! It may be very difficult for two EMPATHISTs to "lighten up" when it comes to just enjoying a relationship. the EMPATHIST pair is almost psychic: anticipating each other's mood swings. I told her I wasn't. The quest for self and identity is unceasing for many. and—when carried to extreme—the continual analysis of what everything means can be exhausting. if not most. EMPATHIST types. We can tell each other our deepest thoughts. thoughts and aspirations. I wouldn't trade that kind of connection for anything!" But. probably "work" at love more than any other type. glance. wants.

"Now she says she thinks she knows who the person is—a good friend of ours—and she's going to confront her. For nothing. For example. First of all. Those are important characteristics. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. but we've only been looking at the aspects that are generated by the "temperamental cornerstone" of iNtuition and Feeling. But I'm not having an affair! Now what do I do? When she confronts our friend and she denies it. the partner whose preference for intuition is stronger may see the other as a sensor! And the partner who's most comfortable with "pure" feeling may regard the other as a hard-hearted thinking type. Neither may recognize the other as a kindred soul because their needs for interaction are so different. in turn. These are some of the troublesome typical pitfalls of the EMPATHISTEMPATHIST pairing. compliments and other strokes and feedback are frustrated by introverted partners. conversation. both in terms of defining the relationship and pursuing personal goals. and personal territory continually violated by extraverted EMPATHISTS. may call the judge narrow-minded and rigid. whose requests for socializing. By the same token. 50 ." The perceptive.D. she'll just assume that it's another lie! I can't win!" The innocent NF man returned home to find that his NF spouse had chopped off all her raven-black hair in revenge. an EMPATHIST who prefers judging may consider a perceptive-type partner to be unclear on personal values or inadequately committed to the relationship or to other "causes. privacy. RoBards. In either case. In other words. EMPATHIST couples who differ markedly in the strength of their preferences for feeling and intuition may actually regard each other as "foreign" types! Other important conflicts and misunderstandings may revolve around the dimensions of judging-perception and introversion-extraversion. contact. introverted EMPATHISTS may find their need for peace. but not the only ones. Ph. they may minimize their areas of compatibility and focus instead on their differences.

D. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. And an ENFJ and an INFJ may have to work very hard at understanding each other's needs—even though they have three out of four of the personality factors in common. Even though they're both of the EMPATHIST temperament. Ph. an ENFP and an INFP represent vastly different personality styles in a close relationship.The significance of differences along the introversion-extraversion dimension cannot be overstated. 51 . RoBards.

To the sensing-judging type. causes. life and duty are synonymous.The (SJ)Legalist and the (NF)Empathist Even if this pair shares its introversion or extraversion. obligations. ideas. sentiments. rituals and authority structures. and even the implication of structure in a relationship is a bit unnerving to the autonomy-loving EMPATHIST. but these two may form a powerful team if they learn to work together and if they ever come to understand that they will never see the world through each other's eyes. freedom. commitments. "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts". © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. The EMPATHIST is spiritual and mystical. The sensing-judging partner sees life as a series of duties. The LEGALIST is practical and sensible. love: that's what EMPATHISTs are made of! The EMPATHIST is creative and spontaneous. facts and figures. and even if both are judging and feeling. Ph. responsibilities. The LEGALIST thinks in terms of history and today. The EMPATHIST thinks in terms of tomorrow and forever. feelings. This is a combination which offers challenges for both parties. habits. The LEGALIST is traditional and organized. hierarchies. rules. the personality differences between the EMPATHIST and LEGALIST temperaments are worth examining. procedures. Intuitive-feeling mates (especially perceptive ones!) bridles at authority. 52 .D. passion. schedules. period. Relationships. RoBards. The EMPATHIST isn't. Work plays an important part in the picture. and they aren't likely ever to remake each other into a carbon copy of the self! The relative importance of WORK and RELATIONSHIPS demands examination if the LEGALIST/EMPATHIST relationship is to be understood.

and the well-oiled machine of society cranks on. Ph. emotions and values figure strongly in that determination. the LEGALIST hastens to point out. The LEGALIST sees life as a traditional script of well-defined characters. that people have roles to play in life. art.To the intuitive-feeling type. but the EMPATHIST conceives of work differently: as a gift to humanity. who relates to the partner cooperatively. fairy tales don't make the mortgage payment! The LEGALIST is an honest. And. To an EMPATHIST. RoBards.D. responsible mate. earnestly. The LEGALIST believes. communication. logic is paramount in determining what is fair. To the EMPATHIST. EMPATHISTs don't see world crises as anything other than the multiplication of individual relationship problems. The EMPATHIST believes that caring and acceptance and flexibility are what's required to make the world run smoothly. EMPATHISTs believe that love and acceptance of others can move mountains. If the LEGALIST is a thinker. work must be meaningful: both personally fulfilling and impactful on others. Punctuality. that view is mechanistic and deadly boring. and that each must take a part and play the role predictably. inspiration: an act of creation to bear witness to the fact that the EMPATHIST once lived. You do it right and on time and you get paid for your contribution. Work is certainly important. the EMPATHIST and the feeling LEGALIST have an easier time in a partnership than the combination when the LEGALIST is a thinker. that view is unsupported fiction. To the LEGALIST. Needless to say. although they do figure more strongly in the habits of the intuitive-feeling folks who prefer judging. If the LEGALIST is a feeler. work is work. To a LEGALIST. FAIRNESS is an important concept to the LEGALIST mate. life and relationships are synonymous. dutifully and conscientiously or the play will bomb and society won't function. service. reliability and steadiness are not basic parts of the EMPATHIST personality. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. but totally unrealistic. 53 . a nice fairy tale.

since the LEGAL- © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. unwilling to look beyond today's "Do It" list (with its little neat boxes for checking off the day's tasks) to the real meaning of life and love. The LEGALIST knows that the EMPATHIST might overdraw the account—not by self-indulgence—but by picking up an expensive present for the (frustrated and sometimes unappreciative) LEGALIST mate! The thinking LEGALIST. The LEGALIST is trustworthy and takes pride in that characteristic. If the EMPATHIST is usually twenty minutes late picking up the LEGALIST mate. this seems necessary. The LEGALIST knows that the EMPATHIST doesn't think that punctuality is terribly critical. The LEGALIST checks up on every "assignment" of the EMPATHIST's day.D. LEGALISTs tend to parent their EMPATHIST mates. The EMPATHIST sees the LEGALIST as hopelessly stuck in the here-andnow. the EMPATHIST has a hard time understanding the LEGALIST's anger and resentment. particularly. For the LEGALIST. even though judging EMPATHISTs are more likely to force themselves to attend to such matters. because the EMPATHIST shows. The LEGALIST knows that the EMPATHIST doesn't like to balance the checkbook. and the LEGALIST knows that something as boring and impersonal as bill-paying may just slip the EMPATHIST's attention until a payment is long overdue.Commitments and obligations are taken seriously by the LEGALIST. Promises are not broken casually or capriciously. Ph. even less conscientious. and that thinking is not a comfortable mode of functioning for this mate. in general. The LEGALIST also has a long memory for others' irresponsibility. RoBards. 54 . can parent the EMPATHIST into becoming even more irresponsible. To listen to a conversation. again and again. The EMPATHIST sees commitment at a more spiritual level. particularly in the financial and bill-paying realm. you might think that nursery school is in session. that inattention to detail is a basic feature of the EMPATHIST personality. particularly when the LEGALIST is a thinker and the EMPATHIST is a perceptive type.

as a rule. Ph. EMPATHISTs need it desperately. (-NFPs swear that they are not the worst when it comes to money.D. EMPATHISTs give it lavishly. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. and not at all giving and generous. buying as emotion moves them. For all their idealism and periodic shunning of material needs. ("Reward people for just doing what's sensible and right?" hoots the LEGALIST. and there are times when the EMPATHIST will regard the LEGALIST as stingy. EMPATHISTs do tend to use money (real and potential) impulsively. and they tend to save little as a nest egg or a rainy-day fund. When it comes to spending MONEY. good-quality pieces should be selected. 55 . too conservative. hungering for approval and gratitude. to be carefully maintained for as long as possible. The LEGALIST hesitates to borrow. and that durable. EMPATHISTs are not security-minded.IST isn't usually good at doling out praise and appreciation when the EMPATHIST is dutiful. in general. And LEGALISTs (especially the thinking ones) just don't congratulate. LEGALISTs favor saving money over spending it. Attitudes about EDUCATION may come into conflict between the EMPATHIST and the LEGALIST. But. appreciate.) That brings up another serious issue for the EMPATHIST/LEGALIST combination: APPRECIATION. The LEGALIST would rather do without. but not even they believe their protestations of innocence!) The LEGALIST is a bit of a pessimist. the EMPATHIST is likely to remain needy. charge. incredulously. always looking for the worst to happen and conscientiously planning against that dark day. LEGALISTs and EMPATHISTs have both similarities and differences. RoBards. or rent. thank or otherwise acknowledge anything other than herculean accomplishment. LEGALISTs may agree with EMPATHISTs that expenditures for the home are important. In the EMPATHIST/LEGALIST relationship.

LEGALIST: And now sociology. The EMPATHIST does not enjoy learning by memorization. to learn a skill.The LEGALIST is quite practical when it comes to learning and training. and I've just found this wonderful sociology professor. a laboratory in which learning about humanity and learning to exercise interpersonal skills is the name of the game. reading and writing—and the more creative the topic the better. LEGALIST: When are you going to finish your degree? © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. EMPATHIST: Yes.D. but excels at theorizing. LEGALIST: I thought you were majoring in anthropology. to master a field of knowledge so it may be applied. innovation. The EMPATHIST learns to learn. The LEGALIST studies mostly by memorization of facts. Ph. creativity. and this type is most comfortable in fields which minimize theory. The LEGALIST seeks an education in order to work. imagining. And psychology. without much attention to whether the learning may ever be applied. is just the opposite. RoBards. 56 . LEGALISTs work hard at school. EMPATHIST: It's just a class. EMPATHIST: I am. and apply what they've learned to earn a living--and their attitude is often: “the sooner the better!” The EMPATHIST. of course. finish. A classic interchange between a thinker-type LEGALIST and a perceptivetype EMPATHIST mate is this: LEGALIST: You've been in college for six years now. whether it may ever earn an income. visualization. and all but the most straight-forward kind of writing. The EMPATHIST sees life as a continuing learning and growth experience.

THE ABSENCE OF REINFORCEMENT AND APPRECIATION MAY BE CRIPPLING TO THE EMPATHIST'S SENSE OF PERSONAL ESTEEM AND SELF-WORTH. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards. I just hate required courses. Ph. LEGALIST: When are you going to finish your degree? EMPATHIST: I'm thinking of changing my major. 57 .D. It's a little of this and a little of that. IN PARTICULAR. LEGALIST: What does a social ecologist do? Where do they work? How much do they make? EMPATHIST: You're a stick in the mud. EMPATHIST: Social ecology.EMPATHIST: I still have three freshman courses I haven't finished yet. THE CONFLICTS OVER MONEY AND WORK. I hate math. One of them is math. LEGALIST: Hopefully to something that will train you to do something. MAY RESULT IN THE LEGALIST'S CONTINUAL PARENTING OF THE EMPATHIST MATE. THE LEGALIST MAY CONCLUDE THAT THE EMPATHIST HAS NO SENSE. 2. AND THE EMPATHIST MAY CONCLUDE THAT THE LEGALIST HAS NO IMAGINATION. THE EMPATHIST'S PREOCCUPATION WITH "IMPRACTICAL" ISSUES WILL STRIKE THE LEGALIST AS IRRESPONSIBLE AND UNFAIR IN THE RELATIONSHIP—FORCING THE LEGALIST TO TAKE CARE OF ALL REALITY-BASED CONCERNS IN LIFE 3. 4. Predictable crises for this combination 1.


Other intuitives accept the value of theory. the theorizers. In general. the day dreamers who wonder "what if. of knowledge. In school. RoBards. They'll accept a poorly paid professorship which grants freedom of expression. the creative anti-authoritarian kids who ask "Why?" whenever they're told to obey.The (NF)Empathist and the (NT)Analyst What brings the EMPATHIST and ANALYST together? Whether or not they match on the dimensions of introversion-extraversion or judgingperception. IDEALISM is one factor that attracts EMPATHISTs and ANALYSTs to each other: the greater importance of possibilities than realities. in preference to a highly paid position which carries no hope of autonomy or creative expression.?" Intuitives enjoy the company of other intuitives.D. the intuitives are the question-asking iconoclasts. 59 . imagination and ideas per se. the fantasizers. even if they can't understand or agree with a particular one. if only for their own protection! Other intuitives validate their basis of perception.. They stick together. Intuitives are used to being outnumbered. Intuitives have a tolerance for speculation. The world of higher education—particularly professional education—is domi- © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. the belief that not everything of value is tangible. Only about a quarter of the population is thought to be intuitive. whether or not they carry the promise of a financial pay-off. INTELLIGENCE is another factor that draws intuitive to intuitive. Ph.. research and teaching.S. from an early age onward. it is their shared preference for intuition that usually makes these two types greet each other as kindred souls. Three-fourths of the population of the U. is thought to belong to the various sensing personality types (8 of the 16 types). intuitive types aren't very materialistic.

independent ANALYST enjoys the solicitous appreciation and praise that EMPATHISTs typically bestow on those close to them! But problems arise rather soon for this pair. intuitives sometimes have a hard time recognizing the skills of sensing types as intelligent. The EMPATHIST's warm personal style and sensitive attention to others' emotional concerns may impress an ANALYST as suave and effective. RoBards. by some backwards psychology. at first. Frankly speaking. But not intelligent. Clever. Many intuitives equate intelligence with education and. probably. ANALYSTS and EMPATHISTS may find each other totally irresistible! The EMPATHIST's logic (and illogic!) may. especially. Most intuitives identify intuitive intelligence as real intelligence. Efficient. unconscious way of conducting their personal relationships is basically painful to feeling types. even a tough. but they may also be attracted by virtue of their dissonance on the thinking-feeling dimension. nonetheless. seem refreshing and unconventional to the ANALYST. lover or spouse about their lack of logic—their blatant ignorance of the fact that this is a facts-and-figures world. maybe.nated by the intuitive personality types. friend. Besides. And it's a rare EMPATHIST who hasn't confronted some thinker-types along the way to point out to them that their unfeeling. Ph. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Intuitive thinkers. It's a rare adult EMPATHIST who hasn't been nagged and criticized by a parent. 60 . seem to thrive in the highest echelons of the conventional educational establishment. But. degrees and credentials.D. So. thus. seek mates who have amassed credits. ANALYSTs and EMPATHISTs may be attracted to each other because of their shared idealism and intuitive intelligence.

D. The ANALYST may find it impossible to understand why the EMPATHIST partner wants to be told "I love you" all the time. will be frustrated by the lack of reciprocation on the part of the mate when the EMPATHIST's circle of friends is being entertained. The EMPATHIST's preoccupation with relationships. There's unquestionable survival value in the EMPATHIST's retreat from the hypercritical ANALYST. the ANALYST may succeed in paralyzing the EMPATHIST's motivational system. once and for all. whereas the EMPATHIST is spiritual. word and idea. anyway?" the EMPATHIST wonders. once said—or occasionally reiterated—should be enough. who will try so hard to please and win approval. who will put forth super-human effort to ensure that the ANALYST's friends are well-treated. Ph. Critiquing and criticizing every gesture. RoBards. but avoidance of criticism and competition may just convince the ANALYST mate. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. "What's the use of trying. The EMPATHIST. initiative and competency. whose mind is probably elsewhere. and goes elsewhere in search of reinforcement. 61 . and it's generally yoked to problem number two: SPIRITUALITY and LOGIC. but both have a hard time with each other's. and personal development may baffle and annoy the ANALYST. So the EMPATHIST just quits trying. the ANALYST is quite capable of crushing the EMPATHIST. The EMPATHIST may find it difficult to understand why the ANALYST would refuse to go to church or participate in an uplifting personal-growth weekend or take a course in creative visualization or re-birthing or spiritual affirmation or unconditional love.Problem number one is APPRECIATION and CRITICISM. The ANALYST assumes that. other-worldly spirituality. that this partner doesn't have what it takes in terms of drive. The well-intentioned ANALYST may try to "help the EMPATHIST out" with logical issues. Life is too short. Both of them believe in the reality of ideas. The ANALYST is logical. Eventually.

The EMPATHIST may well see the ANALYST mate as being "married" to the job. if you catch my meaning!). How does the ANALYST run away from a relationship that's pressing in on all sides. adoration. Hurt feelings can be a way of life in this relationship unless differences in “style” can be addressed in an affirmative way. An ANALYST running away from a relationship may turn into a rather monochromatic character. Fair’s fair. who may be caustic. The ANALYST may have to give more. somehow. and this evaluation isn't far from accurate! It is hard for the EMPATHIST to understand that relationships just aren't terribly important to many ANALYSTs. then the ANALYST will be happy with the relationship.The ANALYST. a backdrop. And then there’s the matter of SEX. then the ANALYST may bridle. To the extent that the loving relationship supports work. The ANALYST regards work as the central focus of life. If the relationship gets too demanding. 62 . impinges excessively on the ANALYST's sense of "center". really isn't interested in the mystical. except as a cushion. well. or openly bored with the EMPATHIST's friends. as part of the mating ritual. critical. ANALYSTs often have to struggle with the EMPATHIST’s need for romance and. The EMPATHIST may © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. and touchy-feelie concerns of the EMPATHIST crowd—unless they can. humanistic. allows it to go on without interruption or compromise. comes home late or not at all. RoBards. distracting the creative process from the endless stream of intellectual talks at hand? You guessed it! The ANALYST gets buried in work. and drops into bed exhausted (too exhausted.D. The EMPATHIST may have to learn to expect less. A major conflict for the EMPATHIST and ANALYST concerns the ANALYST's obsessive identification of life with work. a driving and uncompromising task-master. be related to theory. Ph. boring black and white. a comforting and consoling "R and R" retreat from temporary set-backs and disappointments at work.



The EMPATHIST burns out periodically and goes through a low-energy recovery cycle until that intuitive fire is rekindled. become morbid or depressed. When work © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. get sick. and knowing a bit about what to expect can smooth out the road a bit for the EMPATHIST-REALIST lovebirds. while the REALIST is more often attracted by a game or other physical endeavor (from football to dance to pottery making to music). The REALIST may just quit doing whatever when the impulse fades. The REALIST has a good time not working. or group of people. What's the difference? The EMPATHIST gets absorbed by an idea. Then the REALIST goes off and does something else.—or a here-and-now problem to solve by some hands-on approach. creativity or merit. a piece of writing or art. Alas! The muse is gone! The EMPATHIST may blame others for the inertia. when work is self-selected play. complain. The REALIST is a different breed. a technique. Ph. working feverishly on life's latest (greatest) creation or cause looks remarkably like a REALIST immersed in an allabsorbing pet project. a mission. make excuses. An excited EMPATHIST. a philosophy. a device or project. a process. useless.D.The (NF)Empathist and the (SP)Realist It's possible for EMPATHISTs and REALISTs to have a great deal in common: both may be perceptives or feeling types. But the EMPATHIST and REALIST modes of dealing with love and life are fundamentally different ones. 65 . a relationship. and they may share introversion or extraversion. a thing. eat too much. To the REALIST. RoBards. it's OK. Both of them may decide to work until three in the morning. or engage in other varieties of self-destructive behavior. And both the REALIST and the EMPATHIST experience "let downs" in their work. One difference is that the EMPATHIST may be a miserable creature during the slack period—feeling guilty. without value.

better than any other temperamental type maintain a child's sense of fantasy throughout adulthood. The REALIST enjoys people. Don't mistake my meaning: EMPATHISTs do enjoy playing. and few EMPATHISTs share the REALIST's concept of WORK AND PLAY. But the REALIST deals with the people as part of the fun. RoBards. The REALIST is the master of camaraderie. To summarize the conflict as it's most often experienced: REALIST: Hey. fraternity. 66 . REALISTs play to play. as though the experience were being shared to be preserved as a memory. What does the EMPATHIST remember? The emotional tone. or an exciting skiing weekend. Lee invited me to go to the mountains this weekend! EMPATHIST: Wonderful. the feelings. too? REALIST: Huh? I don't think so. EMPATHISTs play as a part of a relationship.D. joy. EMPATHIST: Then it'll be just the three of us? © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. it's tolerated only as a means to create time and money for play! Most EMPATHISTs don't know how to separate their identities from their mission in work (necessary and boring). Ph. REALISTs don't play so they can retrieve the memory of the play—although they certainly do remember every last detail of a great camping trip. sadness. is Jan coming. lovingly packed away in a gunny-sack to be recalled as a part of the relationship. But there's a difference between EMPATHIST play and REALIST play. sure. a tense baseball game. The EMPATHIST plays with special people. the happiness. disappointment. you can bet that this difference in their attitudes may loom large in the relationship's problems. EMPATHISTs. fellowship. When the EMPATHIST and the REALIST pair up.

." The EMPA- © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. EMPATHIST: I'm not going. no. I want to understand your feelings. every gesture. every glance. When the REALIST decides impulsively to "Go for it!" early in a relationship with an EMPATHIST. too? REALIST: And spend the weekend working on our relationship? I want to have some fun. The REALIST type may retort that the EMPATHIST lives in a fantasy world. too? REALIST: Well. 67 . EMPATHIST: Can't I come. spontaneous. I want to know you better.D. The word feelings may become so contaminated that it becomes a trigger for both mates of everything that's wrong with the relationship. here-and-now world. the endless search for significance in every comment. atheoretical (often-uncommitted). We just wanted to do some hiking. Can't you ever just lighten up? The EMPATHIST mate may be an uncomfortable visitor to the REALIST's physical. The EMPATHIST may accuse the REALIST of having no vision. Lee invited me to go to the mountains. The REALIST type may get bored with the EMPATHIST's continual analysis of what everything means. The EMPATHIST may be hurt and misled by the REALIST's concept of ROMANCE. the EMPATHIST may mistake the REALIST's zeal for EMPATHIST-variety "falling in love. I've been looking forward to spending this weekend with you. no real mission in life. REALIST: Feelings! There you go again! I'm going hiking with Lee.. every silence. RoBards. with no appreciation of what is real.REALIST: Three? No. EMPATHIST: But. You know you don't like to hike. I don't think we've been spending enough time with each other and it's hurting our relationship. You don't understand. Ph.

rather than on good times.THIST may be swept away by the passionate momentum of the actionoriented REALIST. in which case. The EMPATHIST and REALIST combine their financial attitudes disastrously at times. only to feel betrayed later as the REALIST retreats when the EMPATHIST murmurs words of love and life-long commitment. there's not likely to be a budget for many EMPATHIST-REALIST pairs. In fact. but rather by putting time and energy into just making money. The REALIST may not want to save it. unless the EMPATHIST happens to be an organized judging type and the REALIST is one who prefers thinking. they improve their chances of compatibility over the long haul of the relationship. it's unlikely that the EMPATHIST will ever be completely satisfied with romance. The REALIST's idea of wealth is taking vacations and buying things to enjoy today. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. To be sure. with the EMPATHIST allowing feelings and emotions to guide the use of the checkbook and the REALIST allowing impulse and the quest for good times and toys to dictate the budget. 68 .D. REALISTstyle. vacations. but—since one is a sensor and the other an intuitive—each invalidates the very basis of the other’s reality! Eventually. have a good time with it. if both are feelers and share their extraverted or introverted attitudes. the EMPATHIST sees the latter expenditures as enhancing the relationship with the REALIST. RoBards. Even if this pair mates in a relatively stable relationship. differences in their attitudes about MONEY will probably come into conflict when the EMPATHIST and the REALIST mate. of course. and toys (unless. Ph. anything goes!) The EMPATHIST finds it easy to spend money on the home and loved ones. except to then spend it. EMPATHISTs usually find it easier to spend money on purchases related to their personal development and the search for meaning in life. The REALIST will be more materialistic—not necessarily in the sense of developing investments or amassing a fortune.

a noose around the neck. skiing. The EMPATHIST's attraction for life-long learning and personal development is totally beyond the REALIST's comprehension. or the like may convince the REALIST that the EMPATHIST doesn't want to live life. museum browsing. film watching. intelligence. mystery or adventure. or at least a wet sheet: cramping. At times.The EMPATHIST is a spiritual. eccentricity and personal depth. The REALIST's circle of friends. Ph. harmony. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. stifling. feeling person. The EMPATHIST's fascination for metaphysics. the EMPATHIST may give the REALIST a feeling of a straightjacket. music listening. romance. And the REALIST does read." "They never discuss anything beyond the here-and-now. suffocating. clothes. will probably amaze the REALIST. inhibiting movement and freedom." the EMPATHIST may say critically. these are poor examples of personal enrichment programs. but usually about business or money-making. pottery. just find out about it! The EMPATHIST's circle of friends. hobbies. The REALIST finds it baffling that the EMPATHIST might want to read a text book on psychology or philosophy or take a college extension course—for fun! The REALIST can get excited about instruction. 69 . travel. concertgoing. Especially the thinker-type REALIST simply has no understanding of the EMPATHIST's needs for connection. and—without intending to do so—the REALIST may continually tread on the EMPATHIST's tender feelings. From many EMPATHISTs’ viewpoint. crafts. appreciation and attention. who may regard this eclectic group as a throwback to the 60's. serious reading (as in “literature” or personal development). spirituality. selected reflexively for their "go get 'em" participation in common activities. RoBards. selected reflexively for their warmth. tennis or golf—or maybe if the topic is real estate or stock market investments. sports.D. whose life is a journey toward better understanding of self and others. will probably impress the EMPATHIST as "not very deep. Life with the REALIST may be a totally draining experience for the spiritually focused EMPATHIST. scuba diving. cars. but only if the course is about print-making. creativity.

WITH NO SENSE OF SPIRITUALITY. Cosmic love is.Day in and day out. RoBards. OR MISSION IN LIFE. Ph.) Predictable crises for this combination 1. COMMITMENT. THE EMPATHIST MAY COME TO REGARD THE REALIST AS A MARTIAN. WITH ONE AN INTROVERT AND THE OTHER AN EXTRAVERT. Conflict is wearing and draining to REALISTs. (“In the elevator!?” you may eavesdrop. especially if the REALIST is a thinker-type. indeed. the exclusive province of the intuitivefeeler! Especially the introverted and judging EMPATHIST may find the REALIST’s sexual spontaneity a challenge. these conflicts are most pronounced when the REALIST is a thinker type and the EMPATHIST is a judging type. 70 . even the feeling-type REALIST may fail to meet the EMPATHIST’s expectations for eternal romance and passion. Needless to say. THE CHALLENGE MAY BE DOUBLED! © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.D. IMAGINATION. NOTE: THESE PREDICTABLE CRISES ARE MORE LIKELY WHEN THE REALIST IS A THINKER AND/OR THE EMPATHIST PREFERS THE JUDGING ATTITUDE. The REALIST usually will try to ignore the criticism for as long as possible. THE REALIST MAY COME TO REGARD THE EMPATHIST AS A MARTIAN. RESPONSIBILITY. Then there may be real fireworks! As a parting comment. 2. when it comes to SEX. the EMPATHIST may complain of hurt feelings and criticize the REALIST for lacking sensitivity. and—given a chance—they'll avoid it at all costs. WITH NO SENSE OF FUN OR REALITY. Then the REALIST may simply leave.


Since Jung." They explained that there are no right or wrong answers to the questions on the MBTI: that all types are equally good. People understandably feel intimidated by the process of exposing their souls to strangers. 72 . a computer-scorable answer sheet and a sharpened pencil sitting on the desk waiting for them.D. which of those two processes you prefer. the great Swiss-born analytic psychologist. and the more of the trait you have the better a person you are. determining your four preferences typically involved the use of paper-and-pencil psychological testing. tracing its roots back nearly a century to the seminal work of Dr. Psychology has a dark and well-deserved history for personality testing. educators. thousands of psychologists. By characterizing yourself and others in these four ways. caused many to answer the questions cautiously and © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Ph. using their psychological test posed practical and ethical problems in terms of helping people discover their personality type. you open the door to powerful insights about all the relationships in your life. usually the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (the MBTI)™Consulting Psychologists Press. Carl Jung. since most of it has been based on the assumption that there are proper traits to exhibit. Type-Temperament Theory describes the biological cornerstones of your self: how you prefer to take in information. Prior to the development of The Insight Game. Myers and Briggs tried to assuage people's fears by calling the instrument an "indicator. They remained intimidated. But people did not necessarily believe those protestations when they saw a booklet of questions." rather than a "test. RoBards. That intimidation.TYPE-TEMPERAMENT THEORY: ORIGINS AND CAVEATS Type-Temperament Theory is scientifically based. in turn. how you base your decisionmaking. clergy and others have expanded and clarified the work. While Isabel Myers and Katharine Briggs' contributions to the development of Type-Temperament Theory cannot be overstated. and whether you are inclined to deal with the world in an extraverted or introverted attitude. until now it is the number one approach to understanding individual differences in the world. human resources specialists.

even though it can provide some valuable insights into how an individual will approach a particular job or task. abilities. In the worst cases. In too many businesses the MBTI has been abused by pigeon-holing people. Some organizations used the MBTI to rule people out of particular positions in the working world. 73 . or mental balance—and all of these contribute to the overall view of personality. ethics. drive. not as a mirror or paintbrush—the way it was intended. by themselves. recognizing the personality type of a consultant you are considering engaging will help you decide pro or con with your eyes wide open as to key behaviors he or she is likely to exhibit over the course of the relationship. But TypeTemperament Theory never was intended to be used in that way. it is certainly no comprehensive measure of attraction or compatibility. assuming that the portrait of personality it provided represented a comprehensive view of the individual. Some counselors actually cautioned couples against marriage on the basis of their MBTI results! Even though Type-Temperament Theory can predict important ways in which people will agree and disagree in a loving relationship.or temperament-related aspects of various careers can save people a lot of grief by helping them avoid certain positions which will not make the best use of their natural gifts. Type-Temperament Theory wasn't meant to be used in that way either. leading to personality descriptions which were often incorrect. RoBards. misguided human resources specialists actually forced all the people in a business or team to take the instrument and then summarized the group with only a sixteen-celled chart. reducing their individuality to a four-letter code. Recognizing the type. It makes no effort to describe people's intelligence. they scarcely describe the humanity of the people or the particular challenges facing them as a group. Such "type charts" are incredibly useful and informative to groups learning about Type-Temperament Theory.D. Type-Temperament Theory is a tool. By the same token. Ph. Some people abused the MBTI. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. but.often inaccurately. Some people have used it as a crowbar or sledge hammer.

74 . you have no chance of winning. begin it. Find your role. Ph. a potential for initiative and creation. Other actors may arrive. A producer may emerge. You do not exist apart from the rest of the universe You are a ray of its energy.' If you retreat from your creation because you cannot envision the means of its support.All of those abuses exist potentially for The Insight Game. And an audience may assemble © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Boldness has genius. power and magic in it. Commit your self to its playing. or dream you can. RoBards. Used appropriately. It will put you more in charge of all your relationships. And you may find the theatre you need. knowledge of this system will elevate your self-esteem and increase your appreciation of others in your life.D. kindly. "Until you are on your own side. The purpose of this file is to advise against succumbing to such pitfalls. you can experience only defeat. Goethe said: 'Whatever you can do. then surely. Insight is the discovery that you can take care of yourself and support your fellow man at the same time. As long as you are opposing others. no support will materialize. and with a generous spirit. The corporate philosophy of RoBards Counseling & Consulting speaks to the best use of Type-Temperament Theory and The Insight Game.

D." © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. help you realize your dreams and accomplish other destinies. RoBards. 75 .