ENFP Comprehensive Personality Profile

ENFP Comprehensive Personality Profile

Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D. Michael A. RoBards, MSSW, CSW

© RoBards Counseling & Consulting, Inc. 3533 Dayton Avenue Louisville, KY 40207 Phone 502.315.9061 • Fax 502.897.3544

T able of Contents
Introduction ENFP Profile NF Managerial Profile NF Employee Profile Loving Profile Introduction NF Loving Profile SJ & NF Loving Profile NF & NT Loving Profile NF & SP Loving Profile Origins & Caveats 4 10 23 34 41 45 52 59 65 72

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


Judging types deal with reality most easily when they are forming judgments or conclusions about what they perceive. classifying. all of us. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. people can be classified by how much they like making judgments and how they prefer to do so. Ph. The input process of becoming aware is called perception. determining what needs to be done. We live our lives by taking in data.D. all the time. The output process of decision-making and reacting is called judging. perceptive people may have a hard time ever "getting to the bottom line" in making even routine decisions. People vary enormously in terms of how much they enjoy the perceptive process and how they prefer to perceive reality. based on four pairs of interactive factors. absorbing. every day. The Insight Game first distinguishes perceptive types from judging types. Do You Prefer Perception or Judgment? Perceptive types deal with their environment most comfortably when they are observing. 4 . while judging people may "jump the gun" and make up their minds about issues before enough information has been gathered to take an informed stand. simplifying or otherwise "pigeon-holing" reality into boxes built by previous experience. RoBards. Likewise. In their extremes. The judging type begins to organize what is observed almost immediately: summarizing.Introduction Type-Temperament Theory divides humanity into sixteen types. ideas and day-to-day occurrences. We are information processors. or otherwise taking notice of the world around them. The perceptive type is patient with gathering data about people. and taking action.

They use their sight. Thus. It defines one important aspect of your personality type.D. or all judging. The ideally balanced person has an adaptive mixture of perception and judgment: perception to give awareness and judgment to form opinions. First of all. smell. It is apparent by now that no one could really be all perceptive. They are keen observers and proud of it. They live in the here and now and like the neighborhood. They revel in © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. 5 . They search for meaning. Ph. Intuitive people see life more in terms of imaginative possibility than practical reality. we distinguish sensing from intuitive types by their preferred perceptive process. RoBards. and take action at the appropriate time. but--with most people--one process does tend to predominate. People may be divided processes they prefer to use. and judgment does eventually follow perception.Perceptive types can be wishy-washy. The tendency to have a clear preference for one attitude over the other is both natural and adaptive. and then we process the sensory data using our intuition. People who rely on sensory information to guide their awareness of the world are often described as realists. the intuitive person forms perceptions by combining what is seen with ideas and associations from imagination and memory. Judging types can be stubborn and reactive. Are Your Perceptions Based on Sensory or Intuitive Information About the World? All of us perceive reality in two stages. They look to the future. if their perception is not developed. taste and touch to tell them about life. since perception must precede judgment. Sensing people tend to rely on familiar tactics and past experience to guide their perception of new situations. we use our sensing ability. hearing. develop attitudes. if their judgment is not developed. While the sensing person perceives what is seen.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards. They are experimenters. Do You Make Judgments on the Basis of Thinking or Feeling? After the perceptions of any life situation have been formed by sensing and intuition. while intuitive people may seem to have no sense of reality. Those who are most comfortable using their thinking process trust rational analysis and impersonal logic to guide their decision-making. sensing-type people may seem rather lackluster and unimaginative. But we don't rely on those processes in equal measure. all of us need and use both sensing and intuitive processing to form perceptions. all people apply two processes in series. normal. and there's good reason to believe that it's healthy.D. They prefer indirect routes of perception.images. adaptive to have a clear-cut preference for which function you use. The former may appear to have feet planted too firmly on the ground. while the latter may seem to fly through the air and never touch down. theory and speculation. Their view of reality is guided and shaped by their unconscious. we tabulate the results. Again. They try out new ways of interpreting things. 6 . Intuitives may well be mathematical geniuses. but you probably wouldn't knowingly pick one to be your bookkeeper. At their personality extremes. But most of us most of us favor one process more than the other. The tendency to choose one process over the other identifies your preferred judging process. and take action. we think. ideas. Then we use feeling. To form judgments. That's what we mean by judging. And that preference is an important part of your personality type. draw conclusions. At least most of us don't. Sensors make good reporters but poor poets. Those who prefer to use their feelings turn to their inner system of values to direct their actions. First. Ph.

while the introvert yearns for peace and privacy or for association with a small intimate circle of friends. while the extravert may talk without thinking. using experience as a laboratory in life. Outgoing. the introvert may think without talking. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards. while the introvert deals with ideas as the best reality. self-reinforcing. unleashing pent-up emotion in what may become an explosive eruption. the extravert is involved. By comparison. Compassion may seem lacking. cork it tightly into little flasks.D. while the introvert contemplates. the extravert tends to try the unknown first and ask questions afterwards. and almost childlike in naivete. More often than not. support and acceptance from others. introverted. obvious to all around. vocal. 7 . Our introvert is silent. frequently vented. The extravert learns by doing. Are You an Extravert or an Introvert? Each of us has an inner self--quiet. hide it.The thinking-type person. In the extreme case. ignoring the facts of a situation to decide "with the heart. deny it. the introvert is self-motivated. may seem hard-hearted and mechanical in day-to-day affairs. until--crossing some threshold unannounced to the world-the cork blows. Our extraverted self is the one the world sees. Those who prefer their extraverted self see people and things as the real stuff of life. The extravert yearns for contact with a variety of people. the extravert. while the introvert is detached and reserved. The extravert's emotions are accessible. cautious and deliberate. When dealing with people on a wholesale basis." regardless of the outcome. it appears that some introverts must understand life before living it. The extravert talks. contemplative. fearless. The introvert tends to bottle emotion. in the extreme case. More so than the introvert. Ph. the extravert relies on encouragement. The introvert is far more shy. The feeling-type person may appear to be irrational.

relies on sensing or intuition as the preferred perceptive process. The face the world sees is an accurate reflection of the extravert's "real self. Nonetheless." So. it is their preferred judging process. then the preferred judging process--either thinking or feeling-will be the hallmark of the outward personality.D. what you see is not what you get. thus. But. with the introvert. it's well worth the time you invest to understand their complexity. Remember. the introverted perceptive will organize his or her outer personality using the sensory or intuitive process. either thinking or feeling which is the real key to their personality--their dominant process--and it's underground. so are introverts. but the inner preferred perceptive process will be the key to understanding the individual's personality--and it will be out of sight. the thinking/feeling process will characterize the outward personality. 8 . thinking or feeling (T/F). every aspect of the extravert's behavior will reflect those personality tendencies." If the extravert is a judging person. Confusing? You bet it's confusing! But. By the same token. composing sixteen basic personality types. sensing or intuition (S/N). Likewise. they make up one fourth of the population! A Simplified Approach to Insight So the four factors are introversion or extraversion (I/E). then. If the introvert is a judging person.The extravert's personality is directed outwards. Ph. for they must have some extraversion in order to survive in the physical world of people and things. Whether you are an introvert or love an introvert or work with an introvert. After all. RoBards. to the introvert. to function in society. and perception or judging (P/J)--and all of them interact. if the extravert is a perceptive person and. A wise psychologist once pointed out that most of us have a hard time remembering any combination of things over the "magic number seven. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. the world "out there" is not where their best reality lies.

The LEGALIST is conservative. So. serious and responsible. intuition and feeling (NF) the EMPATHIST. the perceptive-judging difference is less critical than that between feeling and thinking. 9 . For intuitives.D. David Keirsey. a California psychologist. Keirsey's scheme identifies two key groups of sensors and two of intuitives. has made an important contribution to this system: simplicity! Keirsey has suggested that four temperamental "cornerstones" are all you need to understand as a beginning to mastering the sixteen types. and intuition and thinking (NT) the ANALYST. we've related personality type differences to his four categories. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. competent and theoretical. We've called the combination of sensing and perception (SP) the's not surprising that a personality theory involving sixteen types is a little difficult to understand and use well. in Keirsey's convenient shorthand. Dr. the greatest differences appear between those who are perceptive and those who prefer judging. The ANALYST is logical. spontaneous and game-playing. At the heart of Keirsey's work is the important observation that sensors and intuitives are the most different of all the pairs. The REALIST is physical. sensing and judging (SJ) the LEGALIST. So. RoBards. For sensors. spiritual and communicative. The EMPATHIST is warm. Ph.

You are an enthusiastic explorer of a world where the horizon is the only focus of interest. you discover over and over again that your goal loses its attractiveness just as soon as it falls within your grasp—or as soon as its pursuit degenerates to hum-drum routine. Your energy level is sometimes exhausting to behold. You are virtually tireless in the pursuit of your latest goal—as long as your interest in the project holds. Introverted sensing and extraverted thinking are your least developed functions. and your interest wanes. initiative. You're a great starter. 10 . and when you're absorbed in your latest project you can think of little else. intuitive. inspiration. anyway. In your search for new experiences. you've reached that point of lost love for a project and have artfully handed it to a colleague or associate to be completed. individualism. insight and intellect. You rarely are at a loss for devoted followers. and you have the ability to be a guru for many others who lack your talent and perseverance and personal drive. When the end's in sight. ingenuity. Your dominant process is extraverted intuition. and new projects. instigation. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Who could be the subject but someone like you? You live continually in the realm of the possible. Your auxiliary function is introverted feeling.You are extraverted. Ph. feeling and perceptive. new ideas. it's a real struggle for you to muster enough self-discipline to see the task through to its completion. That commitment and self-confidence you radiate is infectious. RoBards. ENFP You Are an Extraverted Intuitive Invention. Let's take a look at what this combination of characteristics means in the day-to-day reality of being you.D. but you have a hard time finishing! More than once. imagination. innovation.

That kind of open acceptance is seductive. On the other hand. You tire of people as easily as you tire of projects.D. Diversity is the universal key to happiness in your life. from time to time. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. you know people almost instantly as deeply as you'll ever know them. and the diversity of your interests is mirrored by the diversity of your friends. On the one hand. That represents your non-dominant or auxiliary process. Ph. you may find yourself frittering away your brilliance and impulsive energy on poorly thought-out projects or ones which never manage to reach successful completion. intuition and perception arms you well to be a leader. or from one group to another. you meet people quite easily. 11 . to figure out what motivates them. and to appreciate their unique qualities without judging or criticizing. Your Auxiliary Process You are a perceptive person. RoBards. You have a natural ability to understand others. with the same ease that moves you from one grand cause to the next. and it wins you many friends. You are a collector of people. Feeling dominates your inner world of thoughts and ideas. Your sense of judgment is guided by feeling. You do not mean to be fickle. but you have a tendency to move from one person to another. and it interacts with your extraverted side to give you the unique temperament you show. sentiment. and you are much more selfdisclosing than most at the early stage of a relationship. with intuition as your dominant personality process. You tackle an amazing variety of problems with ease.Your combination of extraversion. You may be accused of shallowness in your relationships. and the ability to make decisions and complete unpleasant tasks that characterizes the judging personality. the attention to detail of the sensing type. Unless you make a concerted effort to develop your less-favored psychological processes: insight that comes with the reflection of the introvert.

The most persuasive writers are intuitive-feeling sorts. the result is a temperament we call the EMPATHIST: the very cornerstone of your personality. and you easily accommodate the satisfaction of others' needs into the accomplishment of your goals. appreciation and support to all your friends. Of all the sixteen personality types. Intuition plus feeling fires the idealist. And then you may get down on yourself for being egocentric and self-conscious! Give yourself a break! You are among the most sensitive and responsive of personalities. all the makings of effective leadership are present. When you are struck by the frustration of personal relationships. but to be accepted as your true self—without facade or pretense. and you often become disappointed when they do not respond with an equal measure of caring and enthusiasm. 12 . the truth-seeker. the admiration you receive from your daily interactions with them. invest a great amount of time and concern in others.You are actively sensitive to others. understanding. relationships and communication form a central focus in your life. significant contact between people is attainable. You are sensitive and optimistic when you enter a new relationship. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Take the time to bask in the glow of your own amazing qualities! In general. you reach out actively. Ph. You may be come highly self-critical for failing to achieve the personal authenticity you strive for. You provide a rare gift of insight. to be in touch with yourself and. Believing that intimate. fire you to the highest level of your personal achievement. to be capable of really touching others. to build meaningful relationships. to be an authentic person. therefore.D. RoBards. It is important to the EMPATHIST not merely to be accepted by others. When intuition and feeling combine. You focus much of your energy on the knowledge and perfection of self—to identify your goals. and when those inclinations are found in an extraverted perceptive. yours is the most enthusiastic and infectious! Your relationships with others. you may become hurt and disillusioned.

life is a never-ending drama. make the human connection. Maybe more importantly. with these foreign personality types. and that drives them around the bend and up the wall. 13 . and you trust that intuition about "unknowables. solidly and stolidly grounded in a less imaginative. too. a great appreciator. just in the course of your day-to-day living." You can predict the outcomes of interactions on the basis of hunches. significant.The combination of feeling and perception puts you in touch with others' needs. Extraversion makes it natural for you to reach out. You intuit good and evil. you can expect there to be serious difficulties with communication. For people like yourself. What less creative souls may see as mundane occurrences often strike you as meaningful. understand or accept as valid. You have the feeling. more here-andnow version of reality. life. or even cooperatively. sell. you deal with almost metaphysical sources of information. aren't willing to trust their own best instincts. and that is a rare gift—whatever your professional calling. often. Your intuition gathers together information from the real world and mixes it with your imagination to synthesize a unique view of reality. much less yours! © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Any time you find yourself trying to deal creatively.D. talk. Sometimes you can communicate your vision so well that less creative souls can share it. and you're willing to rely on them—whereas other personality types. of being on the brink of a great discovery about people. helps you to be truly open and accepting with others—a good listener. You just know things. You are capable of keeping life new and fresh. RoBards. you know from experience that your hunches often are correct. and your infectious enthusiasm communicates your sense of the possible to those lucky enough to work at your side—or in your shadow. Intuition helps you abstract and conceptualize the climate of thought and express it effectively. From their perspective. Ph. You tap sources of stimulation and insight from all around. persuade. The intuitive-feeling person reflexively draws knowledge from sources which the various sensing and thinking types cannot recognize.

You radiate intensity and focused attention. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Pitch them on your ideas at their level of facts.Surprisingly. It's hard for your established belief systems to be shaken. insults and injuries. to be on guard for misinterpretation by others of your outgoing interpersonal energy. People can feel the conscious and unconscious energy you exert to "be there" emotionally when you are interacting. you may tend to perceive only what you already believe and disbelieve contradictory information. It's both seductive and influential. and body language. because you accept as certainty so many unverifiable sources of information (the same trait that underlies your creative genius!). and conflicts. always. 14 . You know it. Especially if you are already predisposed to see a problem with another person. and sexuality use similar cues. your greatest triumphs of persuasion may be scored at the level of non-verbal communication. if you're willing to marshal all that intuitive insight to understanding how constricted their visual field is. and hyper-alert in looking for problems." You are the consummate communicator. and you can get yourself into a lot of trouble. in comparison with the panorama you perceive. beyond your written and spoken verbal skills. practicality and pay-off. You are attractive—magnetic—in the most literal sense. and—as an extravert—you may find that you talk even better! But. hypercritical. dollars-and-cents.D. You write well. RoBards. sensuality. threats. You have the ability to enlist the support of less creative types because you are such an outgoing. Ph. and you enjoy the effect you have on others' lives. logic. It shows through your effective use of facial expression. and since 95% of the population has a different personality style than yours. effective. and you may succeed. you need to recognize that other well-meaning people can become confused by your earnest style of interaction. you can often bring these people around to your point of view. When you turn your combination of intuition and feeling to the negative side of observation: being hypersensitive. You'll have to remember. you may imagine slights. and insightful "people-person. You have an enormous impact on other people. Empathy. data. directed gaze.

but the conclusions you draw may be off-base. The bulk of humanity rains on the parades of folks like yourself. RoBards. That pattern can blind me to the faults of friends and of friends' pet ideas. ironically. but many with your personality often find themselves on the horns of a chronic sensing-thinking deficit. 15 . You're used to having your unusual perspective of reality ignored. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. If this is a problem for you. when you most need that perceptive openness to help you amend and revise your vision in the direction of objective reality. or it may not have been a particular difficulty for you." You may have already dealt effectively with this snag in your life. and you believe in yourself when no one else does. and where—may be quite accurate. your perceptions—your account of what happened. as much as to the good side and good work of those I see as enemies. The trick is to balance that necessary independence with a reality-testing mechanism.From time to time. independent soul. I tend to emphasize the data that confirm my prejudices and discredit information opposing my concepts.D. Conformity isn't your long suit. Then. so you probably have learned to stay away from the bulk of humanity. criticized or misunderstood by the bulk of humanity. It's merely the back-side of that intuitivefeeling strength that makes you so insightful and effective under different circumstances. Ph. And it's pretty hard to awe you with sterile rank and titles. it may abandon you! You may find yourself to be prone to a unique sort of brooding suspiciousness when it comes to deeply held beliefs about people (the good-evil reality. again). It's understandable for people like you to surround themselves with like minds and to learn to ignore criticism. when. write a note to yourself and put it in a desk drawer for future reference: "When it comes to issues in which I have a large emotional investment. You're your own person. There's certainly no shame in it. If you listened to everything people said. Neither is obedience. and you can do without their wet blankets. you'd never get any of your great ideas off the drawing board. You're an optimistic.

but you may be a bit unpredictable. and it causes you concern when you are at the root of conflict. You aren't terribly conscious of economy. Life with you can be a roller-coaster at times. You will be wise to deal openly with your loved ones about your temperamental nature. you may turn around and buy something extravagant—usually something you conceive of as a gift for your mate or children. your personality is sensitive. I'm lovable. and they will affect your intimate life now and then—maybe all the time. sympathetic. It's not that you really want to dominate others. but you seek selfdetermination aggressively. In a loving relationship. Anyone who expects to control you better be a diplomat or make it a practice to wear kid gloves. Next. thrift." to "All's quiet on the western front. when you initiate one of your campaigns. Then you may get very frugal for a while. Together. thinking. and conservative financial planning—except occasionally. you may be able to devise some effective and creative tactics to advise those around you about your changing emotional state. RoBards.D. and your home. look out! You really like feeling in charge of yourself. outgoing. Then. The Extraverted Intuitive in the World of Work © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. and creative. 16 . Harmony matters to you in your home. especially if your mate is trying to exercise some kind of unwanted control over your behavior. both as a mate and as a parent. you may find it helpful to keep around some folks who complement your personality: some judging. Ph. your life. How about a half-comic barometer with a movable indicator needle you set when you arrive home? Consider a range from: "I've had an awful day and I need a hour of peace and quiet." Learn to ask for what you need emotionally from other family members to help you navigate through your ups and downs with as smooth sailing as possible.As a general rule. Mood swings are a natural companion of your creativity. sensing aides to give you the benefit of another viewpoint from time to time.

you'll tend to work faster than your introverted co-workers. and you muster a great deal of patience and energy when it comes to tackling new problems in life.In the world of work you'll find that your extraversion will arm you well to deal with both variety and action. While few people enjoy being a "small cog in the great wheel. your efficiency may suffer. always scanning the horizon for the possibilities in any situation. keeping track of facts and figures! You'll do better to target yourself toward work that involves the big picture. and you communicate well. you may need to devise a few tricks to ward off boredom. that's a mixed blessing. RoBards. but you must constantly be on guard not to act too quickly. new theories. You are an intuitive person." passively performing some minor function that is swallowed up by a large complex operation. Your outgoing personality prefers working with human companionship. not precise facts. so you may wish to think long and hard before accepting a job or work assignment which forces you to work in isolation. your personality type is especially distressed by losing touch with the over-all impact of your work. or if it involves long-term projects. All other things being equal. watch out when life forces you to work at a job that makes no demand on your intuition! Worse yet is one which forces you to make use of your relatively undeveloped sensing side—making observations.D. and in comparing how other people tackle the same chore. But. on bold concepts. particularly without thinking things through completely before you move. Your interest is in new ideas. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. You're comfortable with words. Depending on the job circumstances. This characteristic arms you well to be a discoverer. If the nature of the work itself is slow. You may wish to consider ways to capitalize on this asset to further your career. otherwise. not details. in getting it finished. rather than keeping your eyes on the road ahead. You are interested in the results of your job. a visionary. 17 . Communication comes more easily to you than to your introverted associates. Ph. you're supreme. In tasks that require quick decisions and quick action.

but the fact is: you know you don't want to go to work. staring blankly at the ceiling. are in their glory when the work is challenging and novel. 18 . You stifle a yawn. then maybe you can find an em- © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Then things settle down. Then. While you may find this difficult—since intuitive people usually prefer the company of other like-minded souls—you will probably find their counsel valuable. You run hot and cold. you may learn to temper those down-swings and pull out of them with a bit more style. while your frazzled co-workers sigh with relief. acknowledge it. That's part of your style. Intuitive workers. once you understand it as the natural "flip-side" of the part of you you love best. and. they make no effort to disguise their earnest hope that routine (blessed routine) is re. RoBards.You'll be wise always to surround yourself with a couple of practical sorts: people who look at things with their sensory capacity.D. Ph. An intuitive person with a sensory-type sidekick may achieve more than the intuitive alone. and you may as well accept it without embarrassment. once again. high-energy characteristics. your spirit's flat. with the same pride you hang on your problem-solving. grace. once again. by the insidious dark side of the intuitive enthusiasm: boredom. If you accept it. You will find the time to tackle the most difficult problem and unravel the most complicated situation.established as soon as possible. one morning. When you're inspired. since facts and details will not be overlooked along the way. Your energy's gone. you wake up. up and down. and professionalism. While you yearn for the next crisis. A new task at hand? A new technique or skill to master? No problem for you. And if you can't modify your behavior. you fire up your furnaces and work with a level of energy and exuberance that staggers the imagination of your sensing-type co-workers. sure as death. you realize you've fallen into one of your slack periods. and you know you've been stricken. such as yourself. just as a matter of personality. You try to fight it. and you deny it to your friends and enemies alike.

ployer who understands your cyclic nature. You're a master of the delicate art of postponement. even open hostility. revising when it isn't necessary. If and when you find that job. Much of what you start may never reach completion. wellgrounded co-workers to cover those other segments of your personality that haunt you in the work place. you'll be valued for the glittering bundle of intuition you provide as a spark to the humdrum of everyday work life. Ph. you may find that you tend to keep topics open excessively long. and enough stable. patient when a task requires repeated revisions. now that you know its origin. open. RoBards. The perceptive in you likes diversity in work. then forgotten. Many of these self-started activities may wind up in a desk drawer. You know. or your inclination to worry too little about completing projects or checking your work to be free from errors of fact. coming to a decision is almost painful to you. your perceptive side has a tendency to start too many changes without being asked. or those co-workers. On the other hand. that doesn't necessarily mean that the rest of the world will share your open acceptance. you may be regarded as a flighty nuisance: a judgment which shouldn't get you depressed. Your perceptive quality ensures that you have the ability to be curious. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. or that employer. in order to remain your own best friend. There will be times when you will have to face rejection. just so long as the work doesn't require a lot of decision-making. just because you're enlightened enough to appreciate both the "bright" and "dark " sides of your personality. first postponed. your habit of not paying enough attention to precision. willing to hear all sides of an issue before deciding on a course of action. Your perceptive side is open: patient to changing situations. 19 . has no trouble shifting gears from one assignment to another. Otherwise. Of course. You know the parts I mean: your tendency to hop from humch to hunch.D. one technique to the next.

Try to calm down when you hear those comments. you may often have to battle your tendency to be tactful when the unvarnished truth is needed. Your feeling side can make it difficult to be a supervisor. You value sentiment over logic. You are so keenly aware of others' feelings that the ordinary politics of most business endeavors causes you anguish and concern. point an accusing finger at your indecisive nature (which you generally deny or explain away!). In an effort to get along with others. You praise others' accomplishments. and you try to avoid being the bearer of bad news or criticism. You are very sensitive to other people's feelings and needs. you may lack patience with judging sorts when they jump to conclusions. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. and suggest that you're basically gullible to everyone's inputs. in the work place. Your working ability— attitude as well as efficiency—can be crippled by an obvious office feud. Let that perceptive openness lead you to personal revision when it's in your own best interests. you know that there are both positive and negative aspects correlated with every personality feature.D. and the prospect of firing someone. RoBards. Ph. 20 . lend a sympathetic ear to their problems. as in all other aspects of your life. You need harmony to work happily and well. you may let your decisions be swayed by the group spirit. and you are no exception. Reprimanding an employee you like is painful. try to weed out the judgmental indignation and see if your occasional critics might not have something worth considering. After all. long after an issue should have been closed and settled. without respect for the personal consequences to the employee's family. would be extremely difficult for you.As a perceptive. Even in situations which threaten your sentimental nature less directly. You care too much about being well liked and respected to be objective and impersonal in appraising others' performance on the job. Your need for acceptance may nudge you into acquiescence when your independent judgment is called for. or by personal considerations which might better be ignored in the interests of impartiality.

those of your personality type succeed. people-policy-making.D. chains of command and such-like. Institutions need people like you. screen or play writing? Your empathetic tendencies will be well applied in character acting. They are in their element. and it may leave you personally scarred and disillusioned. Any work which allows your communication skills to be exercised will be a good choice for you. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards. Ph. partly because the work satisfies them so totally. procedures. too. and— whether your official career is that of an actor—there'll be more than a touch of the actor in all you undertake. all writing fields and the creative arts. How about public relations and advertising. In teaching. You'll be interested in people. You aren't likely to survive very long or very happily. It's all right to take a whack at a big organization and come away a bit bruised. and you'll tend to ignore rules. even if they won't tolerate your presence very long. they achieve their highest marks. Chances are decent you'll blow yourself right out of a job by getting into a fight about human factors or protection of the underdog! Your meteoric career in a big organization may leave behind you a vapor trail of humanitarian changes you brought about at the cost of your own employment. The institution may be licking its wounds. perception and intuition—is a magic package of personality when applied in a number of skilled professions. political writing.******** Your skill in handling people—coupled with your extraversion. especially if your intuition is given free reign. 21 . Life needs people like you. institution-fighting. In counseling. That's why people with your personality are often award-winning sales people! Look out if life corners you into some bureaucratic institution.

Ph.D. or for one which puts you in the companionship of other creative. like-minded souls who also detest structure for its own sake and admire ideas for their intrinsic worth. RoBards. you'll be wise to opt for a career which offers you control over your work. 22 . © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.In the long run.

NF Managerial Profile
As an intuitive-feeling leader, you are first, last and in-between a peopleperson. You are client-centered, end-user centered, and it is important to you that you interpret your work mission as serving some basic human need. You focus on the possibilities of the people and organizations in your realm of personal influence. You encourage your associates and subordinates to strive for their highest levels of personal achievement. Self-actualization is a goal you recognize both for yourself and others. As a leader, your style is best characterized as catalytic, and you are never surprised to find yourself slipping into the role of a charismatic guru for your associates and subordinates. You make an effort to represent yourself, your colleagues and your organization effectively, and you may often find yourself at the forefront, serving as the group leader or spokesperson. Extraverted EMPATHISTs, in particular, function well in such a high-visibility position. You have the potential to excel in public relations, and your personal warmth and enthusiasm are natural "selling" techniques for any service or product. Your exceptional communication skills will stand out in any management position. Of all the temperaments, EMPATHISTs seem to be the best creative writers, and they often have excellent skills in public speaking or drama. You use reinforcement as a powerful tool in dealing with others. You communicate enthusiasm and support as a routine matter in your everyday working interactions. You are such a conscientious appreciator and admirer because you need the same thing back from others: superiors and subordinates alike. If you work with thinking types, there's no need to tell you that—even at their peak effort to reinforce your accomplishments—they often miss the mark.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


They may acknowledge your achievements, your intuition, and your skill, but they don't really know how to acknowledge you as an individual, and that's what pushes your buttons! Being dealt with personally is essential for you. Lack of appreciation for your unique qualities is discouraging to you, and criticism is difficult for you to take at anything other than a personal level. You will always need to be on guard for one of the most destructive snares for intuitive-feeling managers: feeling unappreciated, undervalued, and taken for granted. That's how folks like you often "burn out"! You will need to strive to understand that thinking-type people (of all the other temperament types) simply do not share your intense value system. To the extent that you can, you'll be smart to develop your skills at selfreinforcement and try to seek out support systems from outside sources (mates and friends), when the appreciation you need isn't forthcoming from your superiors and colleagues at work. As a general rule, judging-type EMPATHISTs seem to survive more happily and productively in a bureaucratic structure than their perceptive-type counterparts. The judging characteristic imparts a bit more acceptance of structure and hierarchy than other EMPATHISTs can muster. But even those folks are happiest in small, creative organizations, where individual needs and aspirations receive continuing attention. In a large impersonal outfit, sensitive people like yourself may experience continual distress. Alas, the ideal may not be a realistic objective for you right now, so let's look at some of the typical problems which confront the EMPATHIST midlevel manager in a typical, large, impersonal organization. First, the personal approach of the EMPATHIST often translates into playing favorites in the business environment: a characteristic which critics, above or below on the hierarchy, may interpret as unprofessional partiality and irrational management.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


Especially if you're a perceptive EMPATHIST (whose favorites may shift up and down and back and forth, from time to time, as your moods and emotional preferences change), your detractors will be quick to label you as fickle, unstable, unpredictable and lacking in fidelity. (Needless to say, you can't survive many appraisals of that sort on your performance reviews if you hope to be a rising star in your organization or career field!) At heart, you're a giver. For those in your favor, you are the definition of sympathy, self-sacrifice and generosity— so much so that you may compromise the business relationship for the sake of friendship. Understandably, it's difficult for EMPATHISTs to relate to others merely as roles, job descriptions, or names in boxes on organizational flow charts. To you, people are people, and you tend to relate to others at a personal level. But, in a bureaucratic organization, that tendency can lead to managerial problems, whether you're dealing "up" or "down" the chain of command. For example, when you like your boss and your work assignment, you may see the tasks you perform as a personal service or a favor. Dawns the day you're assigned a task you don't want to do, or comes the time when you and your superior have a serious disagreement, you may find it virtually impossible just to follow orders and get the job done. In the other direction on the hierarchy—when you are wearing the management hat—you may find it distressing to deal with insubordination as anything but a personal affront, insult or rejection. In the kind of bureaucratic battles that plague most large organizations from time to time, the EMPATHIST's reflexive inclination is to support the underdog: another tendency which can lead to problems for you as a manager. First of all, your time and energy may be eroded by your kindness, generosity, and compassion. You may find yourself spending large chunks of your working day counseling dissident workers in your office or letting employees cry on your shoulder in the hall. Then, your idealism may fire you up to go explain or represent minority concerns to the higher-ups, thereby identifying yourself with the institution's

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


key criticism as hostility. and criticizing others at a personal level. you may hear constructive suggestions as attacks. and low. directors. Long. RoBards. you may get your feelings hurt. And as an EMPATHIST who trusts intuition and feeling so totally. Especially if you're working in a typical professional environment. Here's a more common one. Extraverted empathists seem especially prone to slipping into such behavior patterns—ones that are not taken lightly or positively by most organizations. This is a typical EMPATHIST tragedy in a bureaucratic organization. A final ironic outcome of these battles often occurs: by sympathizing with the insurrection's leaders. telling tales out of meetings. involving: villainizing management. As an EMPATHIST. and their negative reactions are doubly painful to you. you may draw fire from the organization for such misplaced idealism. you take it all personally. since. and management. or disliked without taking it personally. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. 26 . By the same token. Ph. you may slip into a particularly hazardous form of EMPATHIST selfdefense and hypersensitivity. No matter how noble or just the cause.D. you may read personal rejection into interactions when it simply isn't there. Effective management sometimes demands taking unpopular positions. with the end result of getting people disciplined or dismissed. as an EMPATHIST. you may unwittingly encourage and enlarge the uprising. disagreed with. campaigning for sympathy and support.lasting credibility problems with superiors may emerge from such well-intentioned confrontations. it's hard to deal with being ignored. with the majority of managers belonging to the various (insensitive) thinking-types. if your subordinates don't think you're wonderful. If your superior lacks your sense of tact and sensitivity.critics and opposing the vested interests of owners.

ideas. and you are comfortable with brainstorming or otherwise unstructured discussions. be a pleasure if human needs receive conscientious attention. In committees. the EMPATHIST is great at monitoring participation. you may sometimes draw criticism or dirty looks for getting the discussion off on what thinking-types see as "unrelated issues. especially if an authoritarian leadership style prevails. and any organization that employs you had better remember to ask your opinion before initiating any rules. Esprit de corps. instinctive comfort with agendas and productive structure. EMPATHISTs are better able than other personality types to understand unstated sentiments. you may feel suffocated in meetings with a firm agenda. meetings. Ph. As an EMPATHIST. EMPATHISTs typically feel a strong need to have an input into any decision that will affect any aspect of their life and work." When your natural abilities as a group facilitator are supported. encouraging involvement of all group members. together with their interpersonal skill and sensitivity. indeed. Their outgoing nature. Especially if you're a perceptive-type EMPATHIST. You recognize the importance of side-stepping conflict.D.In meetings. and protecting vulnerable members from exclusion or hostility. supporting the expression of differences of opinion while down-playing conflict. It seems natural to the EMPATHIST to include some personal remarks in meetings: introductions and small talk to warm up the participants. nuances of feelings. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. natural verbal ability. programs and policies. 27 . enthusiasm. sensitivity and cooperation are important factors which you promote and encourage. and then forecast the human consequences of new schedules. task forces or other teamwork ventures. regulations or procedures which will require your cooperation. RoBards. hidden fears and concerns. you are sensitive to the importance of the personal element in all aspects of the working environment. help them create person-centered groups that accomplish their intended goals. As useful as these efforts may be to the spirit of the meeting and the cohesiveness of the group. Extraverted and judging-type EMPATHISTs may become excellent group leaders. and you communicate the belief that work can. you favor democratic decision-making.

tackling a new project. RoBards. you may begin to feel bored. that tendency can lead to real problems: jobs that stay halffinished for longer than you'd like to acknowledge. and any job that curtails your autonomy.You're an influential person. yawn your way through a slack period of abbreviated work days and occasional sick-outs. and—as soon as possible— take off on a new idea—or a new cause—or a new romance. working on a idea. When you're dealing in your favorite world of the possible. imposed upon and irritable. creative fabrications explaining how correspondence you didn't answer somehow disappeared in the mail. As a manager. 28 . and you have the ability to facilitate changes or sabotage them! You tend to be sociable and well-liked by those who work for and with you—closely attuned to people's feelings in the day-to-day interactions within a hierarchy. Any work that is boring or hum-drum. and lackadaisical trouble-shooting. Ph. inattentive supervision. Otherwise. you're the image of energy and focused concentration. claustrophobic. small problems that turn into big ones because of neglectful planning. creating a new plan. tedious jobs. phone calls you don't want to return. But. You have a tendency to foster close interpersonal relationships with your staff—a boon to knowing their likes and dislikes. If you can. will quickly do you in. you'll half-heartedly continue.D. you may pass the remaining tasks on to someone else. ups and downs. when the inevitable routine sets in. but often a disadvantage when their private lives periodically interfere with your ability to function professionally and dispassionately. Perceptive-type EMPATHIST managers often experience these problems in spades! © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. and don't. or when the only problems remaining are what seems to be an endless progression of small.

Give an extraverted and judging EMPATHIST an invitation. or unconscious way of conducting their interpersonal relationships. In a nutshell. coldness. EMPATHIST managers reflexively give their employees the kind of treatment EMPATHISTs crave themselves. Nonetheless. And. As a manager. EMPATHISTs tend to regard all of the other personality types as rather insensitive.To be sure. They like other supportive. like all other personality temperaments. and can benefit from a careful analysis of their management style. look for their own characteristics in their subordinates. EMPATHISTs. Frankly. sensing-types for jobs demanding patience and careful attention to detail. RoBards. the picture we've just painted is an extreme composite of the intuitive-feeler's darker side. EMPATHIST managers do have some problems. In turn. and they tend to devalue employees who strike them as cold or uncaring. Judging EMPATHISTs rarely become so totally afflicted by the EMPATHIST manager's NF ("never-finished") syndrome. appreciative folks around themselves. introverted EMPATHISTs are usually steadier workers. therein lie most of the EMPATHIST manager's problems! EMPATHISTs universally pride themselves on their warmth and interpersonal sensitivity: their reflexive insight into human relations. if it's ever been a problem for you. Ph. Even perceptive EMPATHIST's may show only one or two of these symptoms. and the employees won't be happy. in either case. 29 . © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.D. The EMPATHIST manager who places EMPATHIST employees in positions like these has two problems: the jobs won't be done well. and he or she may provide a heartfelt analysis of others' callousness. you may need to monitor this tendency in yourself. EMPATHIST managers often hire other EMPATHISTs for positions which might better be filled by other types: thinking-types for jobs requiring dispassionate analysis and insightful theorizing about systems. And.

Ph. many (NT)ANALYSTs will not be enthused by an "opportunity" to attend a "touchy-feely" seminar or group process. RoBards. and unconditional love for their fellow man. psychology. watching films. And most (SJ)LEGALISTs may regard unnecessary training of any sort as a nuisance: a frivolous interruption of the comfortable rhythm of work—unsettling. Don't misunderstand. and they'll return to their tasks with renewed energy and identity with the company and their fellow workers. 30 . interpersonal relations and self-actualization. especially the thinking varieties. Arranging effective human factors training for most intuitive-thinkers is extremely important. They may talk about transforming experiences.Most EMPATHIST managers love acquiring new knowledge and learning new skills in the area of aesthetics. For most (SP)REALISTs. For EMPATHIST employees. training or schooling of any kind is fundamentally boring. sensitivity. and listening to lectures. the EMPATHIST manager may battle with the organization to reward favored employees with personal growth training experiences. unless some kind of hands-on. communication. Sensing-types. practical skill development is involved. will be hard to convince that the training has anything to offer them. But the training program should make use of the fact that ANALYSTs prefer to learn by reading. eye-opening insights. not stimulating. philosophy. The effect may be to leave them feeling vulnerable. Expect a higher-thannormal level of "illness" or other absenteeism among your ANALYST employees on the day or days the training is to occur. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.D. Assuming that everyone shares this EMPATHIST characteristic. teamwork. exposed and embarrassed when they return to the work environment. But what about the other types? Unless some kind of theory development or technical skill acquisition are involved. Any training exercise which obliges them to learn by potentially emotional interactions forces them to deal with one of their weakest psychological functions: feeling. that's great! They'll love it.

again. craftsmanship and precision may suffer—along with the manager's reputation and the productivity of his or her operation. Ph. sensing-type employees may not respond with great warmth to an EMPATHIST manager's continual "improvements" of their procedures.D. 31 . They may feel insulted and become impatient if given what they regard as too many rules and too much guidance and direction. the EMPA- © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Unless the EMPATHIST manager can learn to recognize sensing-type people. assignments and such. reliability. They want to set their own schedules and do things their own way. EMPATHIST managers are self-starters who dislike intensely being told how and when to do anything. but. value them as they are. RoBards. this particular blind spot may be the EMPATHIST manager's most serious problem in most work situations. a real gift to like-minded intuitives. in fact. Consequently. authoritarian power structures tend to threaten your potent need for selfdetermination. Not surprisingly. figuring everything out as they go along. schedules. drives an EMPATHIST manager around the bend! EMPATHISTs do not seem to realize that sensing types actually enjoy the predictability of a familiar task and derive peace and comfort from perfecting their skills through practice and repetition. then. This is only one of the many ways in which the EMPATHIST manager displays the darker stripes of the intuitive: intolerant and unappreciative of the preferences of sensing employees. EMPATHIST managers are most comfortable with their own behavior when they give their employees free reign. If you're like most EMPATHISTs. To see someone do the same job. the same way. In one form or another. they have a hard time understanding how anyone can tolerate a repetitious job. Even the intimation of structure may be a bit unnerving to your individualism. This "no rules-no regs" life is. year in and year out.EMPATHIST managers are born innovators. and match them to sensing-type jobs. especially perceptive-type-ones. Moreover. work operations requiring steadiness.

RoBards. timetables and rules—both for themselves and for others. (SJ)LEGALISTs. particularly. lack of drive. irresponsibility and incompetence.D. And— more often than not—any judging-type employee. Ph.THIST manager's natural inclination fails to meet the needs of most sensingtype workers. 32 . may feel uncomfortable with an absence of guidelines. will regard the EMPATHIST's laissez-faire management attitude to be a sign of disorganization. soft-headed weakness. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. especially an (SJ)LEGALIST.

D. RoBards. Ph.Key Concepts for You as a Manager: creative expression appreciation and support autonomy and individuality self-actualization of yourself and others purpose and meaning to work human interaction and human impact © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. 33 .

They'll work to earn your favor. RoBards. given a few well-placed hints. a job description. An intelligent manager makes use of this characteristic and always minimizes overt criticism of the EMPATHIST employee. patterns. That's the kind of name-dropping that really impresses the EMPATHIST! Intuitive-feeling types express themselves emotionally by their clothing. 34 ." understand that the EMPATHIST will. bear in mind that intuitive-feeling types love praise and approval. often showing a flair for unusual colors. If changes must be suggested. anyway! The EMPATHIST employee is most likely to annoy others at work by a particularly personal kind of fickleness: deciding work-related issues on an © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Consequently.Managing Your iNtuitive-Feeling (NF)Empathist Employee The intuitive-feeling employee needs to be appreciated as a unique member of the work team: a flesh-and-blood. Ph. faceless member of a particular department or task force. or a nameless. and. Even when constrained by a modest budget. the EMPATHIST's sometimesavant-garde garb may arouse comment and concern. if possible and practical. or color combinations. EMPATHISTs are sensitive to such differential praise.D. sensitive person whose contribution and cooperation are valued at an intensely personal level. please remember to wear kid gloves! Make it a point to compliment outfits which come closest to the needs of the work place or the task. EMPATHISTs like to dress in their own unique style. In certain tradition-oriented work situations. Even when the critical comments are prefaced by the request that the employee not "take it personally. you'll probably find that the subtle message hits its mark! In all situations. any wise manager makes it a point to know the familiar names of (NF)EMPATHIST employees—their spouses' and children's too. It follows that this type is most easily frustrated and irritated by being treated merely as a Social Security number.

and that the cast of characters in the office may appear to be dressed in a rainbow of colors. whenever practical. nonetheless. dishonest and untrustworthy. Ph. The breadth and depth of an EMPATHIST's feelings are awesome to other types. The EMPATHIST's personal radar can be used to good advantage by a sensitive manager.emotional basis—when they might be dealt with more effectively and acceptably at a logical level—and then changing sides or positions with what others may interpret to be whim. The EMPATHIST probably will have a suggestion. those anti-authoritarian © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Make a note. devious. Those problems are natural tasks for the intuitive-feeling type. 35 . alliances and feuds. Don't expect those negative feelings to be set aside for the sake of work. and draws a complex assessment which encompasses the concepts bad. Accept the fact that the EMPATHIST's personal self and work self are one. evaluates a myriad of aspects of others.D. RoBards. For better or worse. It won't happen. siding against today's meanie. Harmony at work leads to productivity. Ask the EMPATHIST to help you out when you need to understand the basis of office discontent. Consult with your EMPATHIST employees when you want to improve communication or develop consumer. fighting for the needs and concerns of others and themselves. rather than in black and white. this type reflexively relates to people personally.or client-centered policies or products. Assign EMPATHIST employees to work with those they like. Championing today's underdog. whenever EMPATHISTs are concerned. Ask your EMPATHIST how the working situation might be improved to increase the general level of happiness and satisfaction. when seen through the EMPATHIST's eyes! As much as the intuitive-feeling types may value harmony. The EMPATHIST knows! But. the wind or the weather! Values and feelings rule the EMPATHIST's judgment. keep reminding yourself that the EMPATHIST's opinions are not necessarily logical or objective. they often are found at the root of conflict in the work-place.

personal sarcasm. Both thinking (SP)REALISTs and (SJ)LEGALISTs may accuse EMPATHISTs of having no sense of humor. Without sensitive management. rigid. intuitive-feeling types must see themselves as active participants in the architecture of their lives and work. they may perceive changes as done to them. coming from an EMPATHIST. that's not a compliment! © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. rather than for or concerning them. rule-oriented. Needless to say. the EMPATHIST may be totally baffled.D. Management by sensitive and conscientious leadership. EMPATHISTs have a strong need to feel autonomous. Unless your EMPATHISTs feel a part of the decision-making. especially. When a management change is considered—and the change will affect EMPATHISTs at any level of the hierarchy—a wise manager involves these key employees from the earliest stage of the planning. They bridle at authority and heavy-handed guidance. Thinking-type (SJ)LEGALISTs will strike many EMPATHISTs as obsessive-compulsive. 36 . insensitive to the personal consequences of work decisions. RoBards. since the sensors' concept of a joke may take the form of ridicule or biting. In all matters. and basically selfish. is the order of the day when EMPATHISTs are involved. tradition-bound: organization people at heart. influential EMPATHISTs— especially the extraverts—may place themselves at the forefront of every employee rebellion. At the very least. Thinking-type (SP)REALISTs may appear to most EMPATHISTs as impulsive and cavalier with change. you may hear some criticism that the sensor has absolutely no imagination or insight! In dealing with sensing-thinking sorts. The old management dictum of "make no fast or unnecessary changes!" applies doubly when dealing with intuitive-feeling types.EMPATHISTs are persuasive folks—often discontent and unintentionally divisive. Ph. not fiat. What about the interpersonal chemistry? If an EMPATHIST is obliged to deal with any sensing-type.

and the alliance may benefit by engaging a third party. every EMPATHIST needs a sensor. Ph. a wounded EMPATHIST may characterize the thinking-type (SJ)LEGALIST as nearly heartless and clearly lacking a sense of fun or personal warmth— "approximately dead". and by living in a world of ideas. that veneer quickly is eroded by the reality of their different interactional styles. as one extraverted. confusion and misunderstanding. autonomy-seeking EMPATHIST! All these comments aside. RoBards. Especially if both are extraverted and perceptive. whether as a boss. Then. if both parties can be educated to understand the sources of their inevitable interpersonal conflict.In moments of hurt feelings. for the facade of similarity between (NT)ANALYSTs and perceptive EMPATHISTs is an illusion. 37 .D. In a sense. to act as a consultant and mediator. advise. criticize and direct will not find a happy reception with the sensitive. a subordinate or a colleague with a coordinated job assignment. perceptive EMPATHIST described her introverted and thinking (SJ)LEGALIST boss. The word boss encourages another comment. the alliance of an EMPATHIST and an thinking-type (SJ)LEGALIST is difficult to beat for effective and sensitive management. In a close working situation. from time to time. The thinking-type (SJ)LEGALIST's natural tendency to parent. The EMPATHIST often will be hurt and confused by the (NT) ANALYST counterpart's lack of personal sensitivity and warmth—or by an inconsis- © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. and if both are willing to work on the relationship. Both EMPATHISTs and (NT)ANALYSTs regard creativity as their personal hallmark. the fact that intuitives are so dramatically outnumbered by sensors in the overall population prepares them to recognize their like features and greet each other as long-lost kin. trusted by both. In fact. these types may resemble each other superficially by showing a similarly intuitive and enthusiastic spirit. But the relationship will require work and commitment on both sides. by bucking the system. too. this resemblance is unfortunate.

and even personal chatter and gossip. Dispelling the effects of dashed expectations in interpersonal relationships at work often is difficult. of course. work-related conversation and telephoning. remember that EMPATHISTs focus on the possibilities. eventually. processes. the typical EMPATHIST will "escape" by excessive socializing. Extraverted EMPATHISTs may manufacture excuses for meetings. The (NT)ANALYST may pass over the first signs that the EMPATHIST is different. This is particularly true of perceptive-types. So. how do you put the natural personality of an EMPATHIST to work? First. (The (NT) ANALYST may well be oblivious to the EMPATHIST's concern. awkward and uncomfortable. theoretical systems and abstract concepts unrelated to people confuses the EMPATHIST. figures. But. 38 . Placed in such a position. the history of conflict and rejection may poison the interaction. Insight-oriented management programs may be very helpful in ameliorating such problems. RoBards. Even after both types have come to recognize the nature of their different stripes. EMPATHISTs start projects well. who comes to face the unpleasant fact that the ANALYST may actually be like one of them (other thinker-types). In time. the (NT)ANALYST may express discomfort in collaborating with the EMPATHIST and may question the feeler's intelligence. do not do well in any job which requires them to pay precise attention to facts. Ph. but finish them poorly. as a panacea for boring work. as may a session or two of private counseling.D. bear in mind as a manager that a feeling of mutual betrayal may remain. Perceptive-type EMPATHISTs. the thinker may unabashedly accuse the feeler of logical lapses or not thinking clearly. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. and details. the broadbrush reality of any situation. But. in particular. until an emotional confrontation occurs!) The ANALYST's fundamental preoccupation with ideas.tency in both. The problem goes both ways.

flickers and fades. speech. Let EMPATHISTs participate in personnel policy-making and hiring decisions. refilled and restored. Give key EMPATHISTs a sensing-type assistant or colleague. eating or recreation spaces in the office environment. with good results. for that matter)! That intuitive energy can't be metered or regulated. Let EMPATHISTs express their aesthetic sensibilities when designing or redecorating work. utilize the EMPATHIST's flair for writing. Let them organize others to get the job done.D. 39 . drama and communication in the employee newsletter or house publication. punctuality and a steady pace of progress.Let your EMPATHISTs plan. RoBards. When you recognize burn-out in your EMPATHIST employee. If a job requires predictability. Let the employee know you understand that the intuitive cycle requires R R. And. attitudes and opinions. you may suggest that a Friday or Monday vacation day be taken. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. just as matter of style. Ph. conceptualize. Assign EMPATHISTs to initiate employee parties and gatherings. It bursts and surges and gushes. Then it trickles. if a three-day weekend can't be scheduled. and design. And that process can be speeded along by a manager who understands that intuitives run hot and cold. shift your fizzled intuitive onto a new project and watch that energy return! Let your EMPATHIST employees' natural orientation toward peopleproblems and human concerns find expression. Don't worry: it'll return as soon as the system's recharged. By all means. Let them be conduits of employee sentiments. don't assign it to an EMPATHIST (or to an NT. Feeling-type REALISTs and LEGALISTs may also lend a helping hand. but don't expect these folks to follow up on the hum-drum routine and fine-tuning that may stretch on for weeks or months in a big project. create. Let EMPATHISTs perform informal counseling and advisement functions to and for management.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. blooming with people-concerns.Listen to your EMPATHISTs' counsel in designing new marketing or advertising campaigns. or democratically structured. RoBards. Assign at least one EMPATHIST to every committee to foster harmony and to ensure attention to each group member's inputs and ideas. since cooperation is their natural tendency. Accept the fact that a graphic depiction of an EMPATHIST's decision tree resembles a bushy shrub. Given a relatively unstructured. linear thinking from EMPATHISTs. That's inevitable. committee. EMPATHISTs excel at brain-storming or otherwise sharing ideas. Even the most organized judging EMPATHISTs live in a world nearly beyond the imagination of all the other types. when EMPATHISTs are around! Don't demand logical.D. Trust their assessments of the tastes and wishes of the consumers or clients. please. But. make sure you allow time and flexibility for EMPATHISTs to stray off the subject and onto unrelated personal matters. 40 . and that the EMPATHIST's thought process may hop from branch to branch in ways which baffle most thinker-types. EMPATHISTs make excellent committee participants. Ph.

"Clean cups! Move down!" The stigma of divorce and of marriage-less intimate relationships is largely gone in our society. we demand that love keep us happy. we also expect less. Not so today. too. Somewhere along the way. Like the Mad Hatter's tea party in Alice in Wonderland. we expect more from love than ever before. Nations rise and fall. now. 41 . and for getting a little analytical about those all-important parts of life that many abandon to chance and pure emotion: affection and close relationships: CONNECTIONS! Times come and go. We expected relatively little from marriage: constancy and mutual support and rearing children. Ph. we dissolve them and go searching for a new mate. fill our needs for sexual excitement and satisfaction. In former generations. fun. Ironically. mating was a once-and-for-all matter determined either by family expectations and arrangements. or by some adolescent infatuation that could be consummated only after a trip to the altar." multiple mates over a lifetime. And. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. our drive for reproduction still comes into the picture. "Till death us do part" remained the operative phrase. They always have. friendship. creature comfort. RoBards. intellectual stimulation. Now. we leave our dirty dishes behind us and move to a fresh table setting. when our relationships fail to meet these complex needs.Loving Profile Introduction Congratulations for using your head in affairs of the heart. We've become what anthropologists dub a "serially polygamous society. security and companionship. They always will. Wars erupt and fizzle. As a culture. But man's essential and undeniable biology decrees that the most important questions of life have to do with mating.D.

To some extent. they may decide that they need an introverted mate. in more understandable terms: complements attract. We can start over. To the extent that thinking-type people have been nagged and criticized for not being emotionally sensitive or "in touch with their feelings. chatty." so thinkers may be drawn toward feeling-type mates. of course.Now we aren't stuck in unsatisfying relationships. If perceptives are impressed—either by experience or by criticism and condemnation—with their lack of decision-making ability. To the degree that intuitives feel deficient for lacking a solid sense of reality—a firm here-and-now perspective on the world—then they may be attracted toward sensing types. and. And. a new and different approach to "matters of the heart"—using your head! Opposites Attract Let's start with an obvious cliche: opposites attract. this yearning for one's opposite may stem from a deepseated feeling of rejection: that there's obviously something wrong with us. 42 . the pressures also apply in reverse on all of these dimensions! And. But the question arises: are we learning anything from the relationships that don't work? Are we getting better at the mating game? That's what CONNECTIONS is all about. they may seek out judging partners. RoBards. CONNECTIONS is a learning experience about love and mating. Or. They do. we search for someone "better" or more perfect. Ph. and superficial. of course. And when extraverts come to believe what their critics say: that they are boisterous. thus. the "decision-making" process we've alluded to is almost entirely subconscious! © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.D. People often are drawn to what they are not. unreflecting.

Two extraverts may wear each other out. But there are hazards. That tactic is the one favored by most of the match-making services. too. what could be better than spending time with Bo. in like-attracts-like coupling. after being attracted to a mate who differs radically from ourselves. it's great if Jan enjoys the same adventure. we almost instantly undertake a destructive mission to re-make the partner in our own image. we can bet that the relationship isn't long for this world—or that it isn't destined to be very happy! So. If Lee's an outdoor person who loves weekend back-packing trips roughing it in the wild. opposites may attract. Ph. and it has a good deal to recommend it. Henry Higgins. If we find ourselves cast in the role of Dr. RoBards.D. 43 ." and the analogy with George Bernard Shaw's play is aptly drawn. Two introverts may become totally reclusive. doggedly nagging our Eliza Doolittle partner. If Leslie is a quiet type who enjoys classical music and reading every evening. whose tastes are similar? Intellectuals appreciate the stimulation other thinker-types provide them.The dilemma is this: all too often. And feeling-types are relieved to find sensitive partners who share their value system. and so on. Two intuitives may never attend to the details of life. but the relationship may not be a lasting one unless both partners continue to appreciate each other for the differences which drew them together in the first place! Mate with Your Match An alternative approach is to search for one's soul-mate: the personality image of ourselves. Keirsey and Bates dubbed this process "the Pygmalion project. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.

we don't suggest that you turn into a balance-sheet lover. "Live and let live!" is the motto of the day. You be the judge. in love as in all interpersonal relationships. RoBards. With more insight about your loving style. so you'd best go into them with your eyes wide open. jotting down the assets and liabilities of each potential partner. Now. It makes no sense to take a hard and fast stand on whether you'll be happiest paired with your opposite or with your personality twin. this learning will help you become a bit more accepting of yourself and your partners. Ph. and neither person may experience the growth that comes with coping effectively and creatively with individual differences. With more insight you may see that any loving connection that's based on the notion that one or both people must sacrifice their individuality to make the relationship work is no bargain for either party. 44 . But we do believe that differences in personal style are important in assessing the long-term outcome of love relationships. Learn to recognize the individual differences which are important for your mating style. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Understand how these differences may have affected your past relationships and your present ones. The objective of this profile is to help you become a bit more analytical about your relationships.D. And then use that knowledge to your benefit as you move forward with your love life! Hopefully. Now let's take a look at your personal CONNECTIONS profile and the predictable ups and downs of your interactions with other personality types.Each partner may ratify his or her own short-comings in the mate. and a bit more responsible for the happiness of your life. you may be able to trade in your maladaptive feelings of victimization and persecution for some good-natured acceptance of the fact that different people behave in predictably different ways.

coming to understand one's needs. maturing. to accept another totally and to be accepted in return. The EMPATHIST generally sees this lifetime as an interlude. The EMPATHIST seeks a fellow pilgrim open enough and flexible enough to encounter self and mate without pretense or facade.NF Loving Profile Relationships are the central concern for the existence of the intuitive feeling (EMPATHIST) temperament. one's fears.D. Coming to know oneself. energy or commitment in relationships. The EMPATHIST will compromise all other parts of life for the sake of caring. a preface to some more cosmic form of existence and being. a single word. RoBards. As an EMPATHIST you strive for a special union. to embrace the unfolding process without reservation. EMPATHISTs: take this as a serious harbinger of the fate that befalls you idealistic souls who search for a flawless relationship. The EMPATHIST hopes to find a partner to share life's journey. The phrase "falling in love" was certainly coined to describe this type. understanding. Joan of Arc was an EMPATHIST. They thought she was crazy and they burned her at the stake. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. to love unconditionally. Values are what matter in life. Ph. for the sake of satisfying the life-mission. learning. The EMPATHIST spares no time. 45 . one's sensitivity: that is the mission of the EMPATHIST. one's intuition. The EMPATHIST wants to experience a deep relationship with one special partner: growing. as a continuous process throughout life. a mystical connection. Love may come with a glance. one's strengths. especially with any of the other temperaments! The EMPATHIST is romance personified. a knowledge of the other that is so profound that words aren't needed for communication.

Thus. off-again thing for EMPATHISTs in the usual up and down love relationship. Or the EMPATHIST can become destructively hypersensitive and suspicious. both modes usually occur. The EMPATHIST wants to spend every moment with the loved one—or at least a lot of time. the setting. For the EMPATHIST. Taking care of the mate is a reflexive activity for EMPATHISTs.The object of an EMPATHIST's affection will be called "dear" and "honey" and original pet names. The EMPATHIST's conflicts with all the other types will revolve around definitions of the words relationship and love. RoBards. when the relationship degenerates to hum-drum predictability and staleness.D. the EMPATHIST may immediately begin eying the greener grass on the other side of the fence. sex is fraught with meaning. can't think about sex. the person. The EMPATHIST is usually more interested in romantic possibilities than in the day-to-day reality of relationships. angry about some routine matter. In the course of any relationship. The EMPATHIST's frustration and pain over missed communications and hurt feelings are totally incomprehensible to all the other types. The EMPATHIST. seeking EMPATHISTs. Then the honeymoon is usually over for good! The EMPATHIST can use that characteristic sensitivity to tune in to every ripple of mood and sentiment in a mate. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. and gift giving is a natural part of any EMPATHIST love relationship. Ph. "I love you" will punctuate each phone conversation and note. the mood. 46 . The EMPATHIST overwhelmed by love aches for union. The EMPATHIST's meaning for these terms is central to the EMPATHIST identity. Sex may always be an on-again. Everything must be right. A chronically broken heart is a way of life for many searching. when disillusionment strikes.

newness. hurt feelings.D. their shared idealism is usually involved: a common quest. Scott Fitzgerald heralded. exotic flirtations. comes some degree of turmoil and discomfort. Growth is the goal. and a broken-hearted depression which can be alleviated only by a new romance: that's how EMPATHIST-EMPATHIST love relationships end. tears. painful infatuation. To EMPATHISTs. a cosmic sense of abandonment.When Like Likes Like. per se. smoldering passion. with it. hypersensitivity. and almost mystical fireworks are the way EMPATHIST-EMPATHIST love relationships begin. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J." but that's the way passion operates among these temperamental types. tearful pledges of commitment. love is such a roller coaster that other types must wonder if the "goin' up is worth the comin' down. With such change comes a sense of excitement. Ph. aliveness. shivering sighs and shuddering palpitations. 47 . the pitfall and the glory of EMPATHISTEMPATHIST matings. the process. Combining those two objectives often presses EMPATHIST mates toward a continual redefinition and reworking of the relationship: a process of evolution and growth. Disillusionment. a philosophical common-ground. also. intense intimacy. romantic meetings. or When (NF)Empathists Mate Stolen glances. Relationship. RoBards. willing self-disclosure. a spiritual commitment. When EMPATHISTs mate. as is the exploration. expression and perfection of self. usually is a conscious focus of life. These are the relationships that F.

but in its moments of glory. taking out trash. and such). That's when the relationship usually works best: sharing a spiritual experience. you can bet. Ph.D. critiquing a play. the PTA. and heartfelt telephone conversations may punctuate the days and nights. you might be hard-pressed to recognize them as EMPATHISTS. The one whose preference for feeling is less strong may take on the robes of the "thinker. the EMPATHIST couple is the stuff of which sonnets are written! Since communication skills are peak for this temperament. letters. Communication. And that's not usually an easily hurdled obstacle. Ah. in a typical pair-bonding situation. dishonest with the inner self. keeping the car running and the house repaired. one or both feels compromised. The one who's less gung-ho as an intuitive may be transformed into an (SP)REALIST or an (SJ)LEGALIST. Unfortunately. Do EMPATHISTS talk (and talk) about their relationship? Do they breathe? Two EMPATHISTS together may become "self-actualization" junkies: following one personal development or spiritual training experience after an- © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Critiquing plays. and resentful of the other and of the relationship. in a general sense. delegate. most real-world relationships involve a certain amount of "taking care of business": attending to the sensing and thinking demands of society (working for a living. stories and novels is an accepted dinner-time conversation. washing dishes. they are happiest. notes. or otherwise cover the reality chores of living together. speech and writing about love's ups and downs are likely to be part of the relationship: poems. the cleaners. paying bills. One of the first major adjustments that occurs in most EMPATHIST pairings is that one (or both) of them appears to change type. So. 48 . Then. EMPATHIST couples need to volunteer for. RoBards. "The grass is always greener" phenomenon may strike particularly hard when two EMPATHISTS try to carry on a long-term relationship. and the fine-honing of personal philosophy is usually somewhere at the heart of these sharing experiences. is of interest to the EMPATHIST couple." Pretty soon. going to the grocery.When two EMPATHISTS are in a situation which allows them to share their intuition and feeling. doing laundry.

word and silence. and I wasn't lying. As one EMPATHIST woman put it: "We have our hard times. because I don't like to lie to her! © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. paranoia. but not the fact that I was lying. In their most intense state of connection. I sense his joy. I thought it might be easier to lie. expression. tell her I was having an affair—that she was right—and make her feel better. In a connected relationship.other. Then she got angry because she could accept the fact that there was another person. We can tell each other our deepest thoughts. I wasn't. thoughts and aspirations. fears. hypersensitivity. even to another EMPATHIST! It may be very difficult for two EMPATHISTs to "lighten up" when it comes to just enjoying a relationship. dreams. But I didn't. Suspicion. glance. and other products of runaway imagination may pollute every interaction. sharing meaningful books and films. probably "work" at love more than any other type. she got the impression that I was having an affair. when the magic needs a tune-up. and—when carried to extreme—the continual analysis of what everything means can be exhausting. if not most. "Somehow. following after one or another guru. EMPATHIST types. I feel his thoughts.D. there may still be funds for group therapy or private counseling sessions. color every communication. Ph. 49 . the dark side of that EMPATHIST sensitivity may rear its head. EMPATHISTs tend to ponder the meaning and significance of every gesture. wants. needs. The quest for self and identity is unceasing for many. posture. I told her I wasn't. I wouldn't trade that kind of connection for anything!" But. EMPATHISTs. RoBards. especially when they can feed off each other's energy and commitment. "For one crazy minute. but we have times together when we breathe in rhythm. sure. the EMPATHIST pair is almost psychic: anticipating each other's mood swings. When there's no money in the budget for frills. Except there wasn't another person. without ever speaking. in their own unique way. I hurt with him. And he's capable of feeling me the same way.

In either case. contact. but not the only ones. the partner whose preference for intuition is stronger may see the other as a sensor! And the partner who's most comfortable with "pure" feeling may regard the other as a hard-hearted thinking type.D. In other words. conversation. she'll just assume that it's another lie! I can't win!" The innocent NF man returned home to find that his NF spouse had chopped off all her raven-black hair in revenge. But I'm not having an affair! Now what do I do? When she confronts our friend and she denies it. an EMPATHIST who prefers judging may consider a perceptive-type partner to be unclear on personal values or inadequately committed to the relationship or to other "causes. Neither may recognize the other as a kindred soul because their needs for interaction are so different. introverted EMPATHISTS may find their need for peace. These are some of the troublesome typical pitfalls of the EMPATHISTEMPATHIST pairing. 50 . and personal territory continually violated by extraverted EMPATHISTS. RoBards. By the same token. in turn. may call the judge narrow-minded and rigid. EMPATHIST couples who differ markedly in the strength of their preferences for feeling and intuition may actually regard each other as "foreign" types! Other important conflicts and misunderstandings may revolve around the dimensions of judging-perception and introversion-extraversion. For nothing. Those are important characteristics. but we've only been looking at the aspects that are generated by the "temperamental cornerstone" of iNtuition and Feeling. compliments and other strokes and feedback are frustrated by introverted partners. For example. Ph. privacy. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. they may minimize their areas of compatibility and focus instead on their differences. both in terms of defining the relationship and pursuing personal goals. First of all." The perceptive. whose requests for socializing."Now she says she thinks she knows who the person is—a good friend of ours—and she's going to confront her.

51 . And an ENFJ and an INFJ may have to work very hard at understanding each other's needs—even though they have three out of four of the personality factors in common. RoBards.The significance of differences along the introversion-extraversion dimension cannot be overstated.D. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Even though they're both of the EMPATHIST temperament. Ph. an ENFP and an INFP represent vastly different personality styles in a close relationship.

The sensing-judging partner sees life as a series of duties. 52 . "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts". The EMPATHIST thinks in terms of tomorrow and forever. responsibilities. The EMPATHIST is spiritual and mystical. procedures. the personality differences between the EMPATHIST and LEGALIST temperaments are worth examining. rules. passion. and they aren't likely ever to remake each other into a carbon copy of the self! The relative importance of WORK and RELATIONSHIPS demands examination if the LEGALIST/EMPATHIST relationship is to be understood. habits. Relationships. ideas. To the sensing-judging type. life and duty are synonymous. Intuitive-feeling mates (especially perceptive ones!) bridles at authority. and even the implication of structure in a relationship is a bit unnerving to the autonomy-loving EMPATHIST. love: that's what EMPATHISTs are made of! The EMPATHIST is creative and spontaneous. but these two may form a powerful team if they learn to work together and if they ever come to understand that they will never see the world through each other's eyes. Work plays an important part in the picture. commitments. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. facts and figures. rituals and authority structures. freedom. and even if both are judging and feeling. schedules. This is a combination which offers challenges for both parties. The EMPATHIST isn't. The LEGALIST thinks in terms of history and today. sentiments. hierarchies. causes. The LEGALIST is practical and sensible. Ph. period. RoBards.The (SJ)Legalist and the (NF)Empathist Even if this pair shares its introversion or extraversion. feelings. obligations.D. The LEGALIST is traditional and organized.

To the intuitive-feeling type. Needless to say. dutifully and conscientiously or the play will bomb and society won't function. To the LEGALIST. life and relationships are synonymous. and the well-oiled machine of society cranks on. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. art. To a LEGALIST. who relates to the partner cooperatively. The EMPATHIST believes that caring and acceptance and flexibility are what's required to make the world run smoothly. inspiration: an act of creation to bear witness to the fact that the EMPATHIST once lived. work must be meaningful: both personally fulfilling and impactful on others. emotions and values figure strongly in that determination. that people have roles to play in life. If the LEGALIST is a feeler. To the EMPATHIST. FAIRNESS is an important concept to the LEGALIST mate. EMPATHISTs believe that love and acceptance of others can move mountains. To an EMPATHIST. earnestly. the LEGALIST hastens to point out. Work is certainly important. You do it right and on time and you get paid for your contribution. work is work. reliability and steadiness are not basic parts of the EMPATHIST personality. Punctuality. communication. but the EMPATHIST conceives of work differently: as a gift to humanity. 53 . but totally unrealistic. service. The LEGALIST sees life as a traditional script of well-defined characters. The LEGALIST believes. RoBards. logic is paramount in determining what is fair. that view is mechanistic and deadly boring.D. although they do figure more strongly in the habits of the intuitive-feeling folks who prefer judging. and that each must take a part and play the role predictably. fairy tales don't make the mortgage payment! The LEGALIST is an honest. Ph. the EMPATHIST and the feeling LEGALIST have an easier time in a partnership than the combination when the LEGALIST is a thinker. a nice fairy tale. responsible mate. that view is unsupported fiction. If the LEGALIST is a thinker. EMPATHISTs don't see world crises as anything other than the multiplication of individual relationship problems. And.

even less conscientious.D. the EMPATHIST has a hard time understanding the LEGALIST's anger and resentment. even though judging EMPATHISTs are more likely to force themselves to attend to such matters. because the EMPATHIST shows. that inattention to detail is a basic feature of the EMPATHIST personality. particularly. The EMPATHIST sees the LEGALIST as hopelessly stuck in the here-andnow. again and again. and that thinking is not a comfortable mode of functioning for this mate. RoBards. in general. The LEGALIST checks up on every "assignment" of the EMPATHIST's day. The LEGALIST knows that the EMPATHIST might overdraw the account—not by self-indulgence—but by picking up an expensive present for the (frustrated and sometimes unappreciative) LEGALIST mate! The thinking LEGALIST. this seems necessary. The LEGALIST knows that the EMPATHIST doesn't think that punctuality is terribly critical.Commitments and obligations are taken seriously by the LEGALIST. since the LEGAL- © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. particularly in the financial and bill-paying realm. you might think that nursery school is in session. 54 . The LEGALIST is trustworthy and takes pride in that characteristic. Promises are not broken casually or capriciously. To listen to a conversation. If the EMPATHIST is usually twenty minutes late picking up the LEGALIST mate. Ph. and the LEGALIST knows that something as boring and impersonal as bill-paying may just slip the EMPATHIST's attention until a payment is long overdue. particularly when the LEGALIST is a thinker and the EMPATHIST is a perceptive type. For the LEGALIST. LEGALISTs tend to parent their EMPATHIST mates. unwilling to look beyond today's "Do It" list (with its little neat boxes for checking off the day's tasks) to the real meaning of life and love. The LEGALIST knows that the EMPATHIST doesn't like to balance the checkbook. The EMPATHIST sees commitment at a more spiritual level. can parent the EMPATHIST into becoming even more irresponsible. The LEGALIST also has a long memory for others' irresponsibility.

as a rule. good-quality pieces should be selected. the EMPATHIST is likely to remain needy. but not even they believe their protestations of innocence!) The LEGALIST is a bit of a pessimist. But. always looking for the worst to happen and conscientiously planning against that dark day.D. LEGALISTs favor saving money over spending it. ("Reward people for just doing what's sensible and right?" hoots the LEGALIST. and they tend to save little as a nest egg or a rainy-day fund. buying as emotion moves them. Attitudes about EDUCATION may come into conflict between the EMPATHIST and the LEGALIST. EMPATHISTs are not security-minded. or rent. and there are times when the EMPATHIST will regard the LEGALIST as stingy. The LEGALIST would rather do without. and that durable. And LEGALISTs (especially the thinking ones) just don't congratulate. incredulously. EMPATHISTs give it lavishly. For all their idealism and periodic shunning of material needs. Ph. thank or otherwise acknowledge anything other than herculean accomplishment. hungering for approval and gratitude. (-NFPs swear that they are not the worst when it comes to money. LEGALISTs and EMPATHISTs have both similarities and differences. LEGALISTs may agree with EMPATHISTs that expenditures for the home are important. When it comes to spending MONEY. 55 . and not at all giving and generous. appreciate. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. In the EMPATHIST/LEGALIST relationship.IST isn't usually good at doling out praise and appreciation when the EMPATHIST is dutiful. RoBards. to be carefully maintained for as long as possible.) That brings up another serious issue for the EMPATHIST/LEGALIST combination: APPRECIATION. EMPATHISTs need it desperately. charge. EMPATHISTs do tend to use money (real and potential) impulsively. in general. The LEGALIST hesitates to borrow. too conservative.

LEGALIST: I thought you were majoring in anthropology. RoBards. to master a field of knowledge so it may be applied. A classic interchange between a thinker-type LEGALIST and a perceptivetype EMPATHIST mate is this: LEGALIST: You've been in college for six years now. and I've just found this wonderful sociology professor. LEGALISTs work hard at school. a laboratory in which learning about humanity and learning to exercise interpersonal skills is the name of the game. of course.The LEGALIST is quite practical when it comes to learning and training. And psychology. LEGALIST: And now sociology. innovation. The EMPATHIST sees life as a continuing learning and growth experience. The EMPATHIST learns to learn. The LEGALIST seeks an education in order to work. but excels at theorizing. EMPATHIST: I am. creativity. and apply what they've learned to earn a living--and their attitude is often: “the sooner the better!” The EMPATHIST. to learn a skill. imagining. The LEGALIST studies mostly by memorization of facts. and this type is most comfortable in fields which minimize theory. without much attention to whether the learning may ever be applied. finish. is just the opposite. visualization. and all but the most straight-forward kind of writing.D. LEGALIST: When are you going to finish your degree? © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. reading and writing—and the more creative the topic the better. whether it may ever earn an income. Ph. EMPATHIST: It's just a class. The EMPATHIST does not enjoy learning by memorization. 56 . EMPATHIST: Yes.

It's a little of this and a little of that. EMPATHIST: Social ecology. 2. LEGALIST: Hopefully to something that will train you to do something. LEGALIST: When are you going to finish your degree? EMPATHIST: I'm thinking of changing my major. LEGALIST: What does a social ecologist do? Where do they work? How much do they make? EMPATHIST: You're a stick in the mud. Ph. THE EMPATHIST'S PREOCCUPATION WITH "IMPRACTICAL" ISSUES WILL STRIKE THE LEGALIST AS IRRESPONSIBLE AND UNFAIR IN THE RELATIONSHIP—FORCING THE LEGALIST TO TAKE CARE OF ALL REALITY-BASED CONCERNS IN LIFE 3. 4. MAY RESULT IN THE LEGALIST'S CONTINUAL PARENTING OF THE EMPATHIST MATE. AND THE EMPATHIST MAY CONCLUDE THAT THE LEGALIST HAS NO IMAGINATION. I hate math. THE LEGALIST MAY CONCLUDE THAT THE EMPATHIST HAS NO SENSE.EMPATHIST: I still have three freshman courses I haven't finished yet. THE CONFLICTS OVER MONEY AND WORK. One of them is math. 57 . IN PARTICULAR. Predictable crises for this combination 1. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. THE ABSENCE OF REINFORCEMENT AND APPRECIATION MAY BE CRIPPLING TO THE EMPATHIST'S SENSE OF PERSONAL ESTEEM AND SELF-WORTH.D. RoBards. I just hate required courses.


the creative anti-authoritarian kids who ask "Why?" whenever they're told to obey. of knowledge.?" Intuitives enjoy the company of other intuitives. Intuitives have a tolerance for speculation. INTELLIGENCE is another factor that draws intuitive to intuitive. Other intuitives accept the value of theory. the fantasizers. They stick together. the intuitives are the question-asking iconoclasts. In school.S.. imagination and ideas per se.The (NF)Empathist and the (NT)Analyst What brings the EMPATHIST and ANALYST together? Whether or not they match on the dimensions of introversion-extraversion or judgingperception. They'll accept a poorly paid professorship which grants freedom of expression. whether or not they carry the promise of a financial pay-off. IDEALISM is one factor that attracts EMPATHISTs and ANALYSTs to each other: the greater importance of possibilities than realities. the day dreamers who wonder "what if. if only for their own protection! Other intuitives validate their basis of perception. 59 . intuitive types aren't very materialistic. The world of higher education—particularly professional education—is domi- © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. is thought to belong to the various sensing personality types (8 of the 16 types). in preference to a highly paid position which carries no hope of autonomy or creative expression. Ph. research and teaching. Intuitives are used to being outnumbered. Three-fourths of the population of the U. In general. the belief that not everything of value is tangible. it is their shared preference for intuition that usually makes these two types greet each other as kindred souls. from an early age onward. Only about a quarter of the population is thought to be intuitive.. even if they can't understand or agree with a particular one.D. RoBards. the theorizers.

And it's a rare EMPATHIST who hasn't confronted some thinker-types along the way to point out to them that their unfeeling. especially. Many intuitives equate intelligence with education and. Ph. but they may also be attracted by virtue of their dissonance on the thinking-feeling dimension.nated by the intuitive personality types. RoBards. degrees and credentials. independent ANALYST enjoys the solicitous appreciation and praise that EMPATHISTs typically bestow on those close to them! But problems arise rather soon for this pair. Most intuitives identify intuitive intelligence as real intelligence. But. intuitives sometimes have a hard time recognizing the skills of sensing types as intelligent. even a tough. Intuitive thinkers. thus. 60 . at first. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. The EMPATHIST's warm personal style and sensitive attention to others' emotional concerns may impress an ANALYST as suave and effective. unconscious way of conducting their personal relationships is basically painful to feeling types. ANALYSTS and EMPATHISTS may find each other totally irresistible! The EMPATHIST's logic (and illogic!) may. Besides. ANALYSTs and EMPATHISTs may be attracted to each other because of their shared idealism and intuitive intelligence. Clever. seek mates who have amassed credits. It's a rare adult EMPATHIST who hasn't been nagged and criticized by a parent. nonetheless.D. maybe. Frankly speaking. seem refreshing and unconventional to the ANALYST. But not intelligent. by some backwards psychology. So. lover or spouse about their lack of logic—their blatant ignorance of the fact that this is a facts-and-figures world. probably. seem to thrive in the highest echelons of the conventional educational establishment. Efficient. friend.

There's unquestionable survival value in the EMPATHIST's retreat from the hypercritical ANALYST. the ANALYST is quite capable of crushing the EMPATHIST. The well-intentioned ANALYST may try to "help the EMPATHIST out" with logical issues. The EMPATHIST may find it difficult to understand why the ANALYST would refuse to go to church or participate in an uplifting personal-growth weekend or take a course in creative visualization or re-birthing or spiritual affirmation or unconditional love. whose mind is probably elsewhere. and personal development may baffle and annoy the ANALYST. will be frustrated by the lack of reciprocation on the part of the mate when the EMPATHIST's circle of friends is being entertained. Ph. and goes elsewhere in search of reinforcement. Life is too short. other-worldly spirituality. initiative and competency. RoBards. The EMPATHIST. "What's the use of trying. The EMPATHIST's preoccupation with relationships. The ANALYST may find it impossible to understand why the EMPATHIST partner wants to be told "I love you" all the time. once said—or occasionally reiterated—should be enough. once and for all. but both have a hard time with each other's.Problem number one is APPRECIATION and CRITICISM. anyway?" the EMPATHIST wonders. Critiquing and criticizing every gesture. whereas the EMPATHIST is spiritual. 61 . but avoidance of criticism and competition may just convince the ANALYST mate. Both of them believe in the reality of ideas. who will put forth super-human effort to ensure that the ANALYST's friends are well-treated. that this partner doesn't have what it takes in terms of drive. and it's generally yoked to problem number two: SPIRITUALITY and LOGIC. The ANALYST assumes that. The ANALYST is logical. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.D. So the EMPATHIST just quits trying. word and idea. Eventually. who will try so hard to please and win approval. the ANALYST may succeed in paralyzing the EMPATHIST's motivational system.

adoration. distracting the creative process from the endless stream of intellectual talks at hand? You guessed it! The ANALYST gets buried in work. then the ANALYST may bridle. and drops into bed exhausted (too exhausted. allows it to go on without interruption or compromise. really isn't interested in the mystical. Fair’s fair. boring black and white. a comforting and consoling "R and R" retreat from temporary set-backs and disappointments at work. impinges excessively on the ANALYST's sense of "center". ANALYSTs often have to struggle with the EMPATHIST’s need for romance and. somehow.D. well. RoBards. except as a cushion. The EMPATHIST may well see the ANALYST mate as being "married" to the job. The EMPATHIST may © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. be related to theory. who may be caustic. How does the ANALYST run away from a relationship that's pressing in on all sides. a backdrop. And then there’s the matter of SEX. and touchy-feelie concerns of the EMPATHIST crowd—unless they can. a driving and uncompromising task-master. If the relationship gets too demanding. The ANALYST may have to give more. if you catch my meaning!). critical. comes home late or not at all. humanistic. A major conflict for the EMPATHIST and ANALYST concerns the ANALYST's obsessive identification of life with work. The EMPATHIST may have to learn to expect less.The ANALYST. or openly bored with the EMPATHIST's friends. as part of the mating ritual. The ANALYST regards work as the central focus of life. then the ANALYST will be happy with the relationship. To the extent that the loving relationship supports work. and this evaluation isn't far from accurate! It is hard for the EMPATHIST to understand that relationships just aren't terribly important to many ANALYSTs. Hurt feelings can be a way of life in this relationship unless differences in “style” can be addressed in an affirmative way. 62 . Ph. An ANALYST running away from a relationship may turn into a rather monochromatic character.



working feverishly on life's latest (greatest) creation or cause looks remarkably like a REALIST immersed in an allabsorbing pet project. become morbid or depressed. creativity or merit. or engage in other varieties of self-destructive behavior. it's OK. when work is self-selected play. a device or project. and they may share introversion or extraversion.D. or group of people. The REALIST is a different breed. a process. and knowing a bit about what to expect can smooth out the road a bit for the EMPATHIST-REALIST lovebirds. complain. without value. RoBards. An excited EMPATHIST. The EMPATHIST burns out periodically and goes through a low-energy recovery cycle until that intuitive fire is rekindled. But the EMPATHIST and REALIST modes of dealing with love and life are fundamentally different ones. Ph. make excuses. while the REALIST is more often attracted by a game or other physical endeavor (from football to dance to pottery making to music). a philosophy. a thing. What's the difference? The EMPATHIST gets absorbed by an idea.—or a here-and-now problem to solve by some hands-on approach. Both of them may decide to work until three in the morning. get sick. eat too much. 65 . One difference is that the EMPATHIST may be a miserable creature during the slack period—feeling guilty. To the REALIST. a technique. When work © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. a mission. useless. Then the REALIST goes off and does something else. The REALIST has a good time not working. Alas! The muse is gone! The EMPATHIST may blame others for the inertia. The REALIST may just quit doing whatever when the impulse fades.The (NF)Empathist and the (SP)Realist It's possible for EMPATHISTs and REALISTs to have a great deal in common: both may be perceptives or feeling types. And both the REALIST and the EMPATHIST experience "let downs" in their work. a piece of writing or art. a relationship.

is work (necessary and boring). fraternity. as though the experience were being shared to be preserved as a memory. REALISTs don't play so they can retrieve the memory of the play—although they certainly do remember every last detail of a great camping trip. it's tolerated only as a means to create time and money for play! Most EMPATHISTs don't know how to separate their identities from their mission in life. 66 . EMPATHISTs play as a part of a relationship. What does the EMPATHIST remember? The emotional tone. RoBards. When the EMPATHIST and the REALIST pair up. EMPATHIST: Then it'll be just the three of us? © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. fellowship. Don't mistake my meaning: EMPATHISTs do enjoy playing. The REALIST enjoys people. better than any other temperamental type maintain a child's sense of fantasy throughout adulthood. sure. the feelings. lovingly packed away in a gunny-sack to be recalled as a part of the relationship. the happiness. EMPATHISTs. is Jan coming. The EMPATHIST plays with special people. and few EMPATHISTs share the REALIST's concept of WORK AND PLAY. But the REALIST deals with the people as part of the fun. disappointment. Ph. joy. The REALIST is the master of camaraderie. or an exciting skiing weekend. REALISTs play to play. a tense baseball game. To summarize the conflict as it's most often experienced: REALIST: Hey. you can bet that this difference in their attitudes may loom large in the relationship's problems.D. too? REALIST: Huh? I don't think so. Lee invited me to go to the mountains this weekend! EMPATHIST: Wonderful. But there's a difference between EMPATHIST play and REALIST play. sadness.

The REALIST type may retort that the EMPATHIST lives in a fantasy world. You don't understand. too? REALIST: And spend the weekend working on our relationship? I want to have some fun.REALIST: Three? No. every glance. spontaneous. EMPATHIST: Can't I come. I don't think we've been spending enough time with each other and it's hurting our relationship. Ph. RoBards. The EMPATHIST may accuse the REALIST of having no vision. with no appreciation of what is real. the EMPATHIST may mistake the REALIST's zeal for EMPATHIST-variety "falling in love. 67 . The word feelings may become so contaminated that it becomes a trigger for both mates of everything that's wrong with the relationship. too? REALIST: Well. EMPATHIST: But. no real mission in life. EMPATHIST: I'm not going.. Lee invited me to go to the mountains. Can't you ever just lighten up? The EMPATHIST mate may be an uncomfortable visitor to the REALIST's physical. every gesture. When the REALIST decides impulsively to "Go for it!" early in a relationship with an EMPATHIST.. the endless search for significance in every comment. I've been looking forward to spending this weekend with you. here-and-now world." The EMPA- © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. I want to understand your feelings. REALIST: Feelings! There you go again! I'm going hiking with Lee. You know you don't like to hike. The EMPATHIST may be hurt and misled by the REALIST's concept of ROMANCE. We just wanted to do some hiking. I want to know you better. The REALIST type may get bored with the EMPATHIST's continual analysis of what everything means. every silence.D. no. atheoretical (often-uncommitted).

THIST may be swept away by the passionate momentum of the actionoriented REALIST. The REALIST may not want to save it. vacations. Ph. and toys (unless. it's unlikely that the EMPATHIST will ever be completely satisfied with romance. Even if this pair mates in a relatively stable relationship. differences in their attitudes about MONEY will probably come into conflict when the EMPATHIST and the REALIST mate.D. anything goes!) The EMPATHIST finds it easy to spend money on the home and loved ones. REALISTstyle. in which case. only to feel betrayed later as the REALIST retreats when the EMPATHIST murmurs words of love and life-long commitment. The EMPATHIST and REALIST combine their financial attitudes disastrously at times. of course. RoBards. they improve their chances of compatibility over the long haul of the relationship. if both are feelers and share their extraverted or introverted attitudes. EMPATHISTs usually find it easier to spend money on purchases related to their personal development and the search for meaning in life. have a good time with it. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. the EMPATHIST sees the latter expenditures as enhancing the relationship with the REALIST. but rather by putting time and energy into just making money. To be sure. rather than on good times. 68 . The REALIST will be more materialistic—not necessarily in the sense of developing investments or amassing a fortune. unless the EMPATHIST happens to be an organized judging type and the REALIST is one who prefers thinking. In fact. there's not likely to be a budget for many EMPATHIST-REALIST pairs. The REALIST's idea of wealth is taking vacations and buying things to enjoy today. with the EMPATHIST allowing feelings and emotions to guide the use of the checkbook and the REALIST allowing impulse and the quest for good times and toys to dictate the budget. except to then spend it. but—since one is a sensor and the other an intuitive—each invalidates the very basis of the other’s reality! Eventually.

D. inhibiting movement and freedom. intelligence. The REALIST's circle of friends. crafts. scuba diving. Ph. music listening. And the REALIST does read. clothes. skiing. stifling. pottery. and—without intending to do so—the REALIST may continually tread on the EMPATHIST's tender feelings. the EMPATHIST may give the REALIST a feeling of a straightjacket. whose life is a journey toward better understanding of self and others. Life with the REALIST may be a totally draining experience for the spiritually focused EMPATHIST. The EMPATHIST's fascination for metaphysics. sports." "They never discuss anything beyond the here-and-now. appreciation and attention. film watching. From many EMPATHISTs’ viewpoint. or at least a wet sheet: cramping. serious reading (as in “literature” or personal development).The EMPATHIST is a spiritual. suffocating. will probably impress the EMPATHIST as "not very deep. concertgoing. eccentricity and personal depth. just find out about it! The EMPATHIST's circle of friends. romance. or the like may convince the REALIST that the EMPATHIST doesn't want to live life. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. 69 . a noose around the neck. The REALIST finds it baffling that the EMPATHIST might want to read a text book on psychology or philosophy or take a college extension course—for fun! The REALIST can get excited about instruction. selected reflexively for their "go get 'em" participation in common activities. travel. these are poor examples of personal enrichment programs. mystery or adventure. feeling person. tennis or golf—or maybe if the topic is real estate or stock market investments. but only if the course is about print-making. will probably amaze the REALIST. cars. selected reflexively for their warmth. RoBards. The EMPATHIST's attraction for life-long learning and personal development is totally beyond the REALIST's comprehension. harmony. spirituality." the EMPATHIST may say critically. but usually about business or money-making. At times. hobbies. Especially the thinker-type REALIST simply has no understanding of the EMPATHIST's needs for connection. creativity. who may regard this eclectic group as a throwback to the 60's. museum browsing.

RESPONSIBILITY. RoBards. these conflicts are most pronounced when the REALIST is a thinker type and the EMPATHIST is a judging type. COMMITMENT. OR MISSION IN LIFE. THE REALIST MAY COME TO REGARD THE EMPATHIST AS A MARTIAN. the exclusive province of the intuitivefeeler! Especially the introverted and judging EMPATHIST may find the REALIST’s sexual spontaneity a challenge. THE EMPATHIST MAY COME TO REGARD THE REALIST AS A MARTIAN.) Predictable crises for this combination 1.D. and—given a chance—they'll avoid it at all costs. the EMPATHIST may complain of hurt feelings and criticize the REALIST for lacking sensitivity. IMAGINATION. WITH ONE AN INTROVERT AND THE OTHER AN EXTRAVERT. Cosmic love is. Then there may be real fireworks! As a parting comment. The REALIST usually will try to ignore the criticism for as long as possible. 2. WITH NO SENSE OF FUN OR REALITY. NOTE: THESE PREDICTABLE CRISES ARE MORE LIKELY WHEN THE REALIST IS A THINKER AND/OR THE EMPATHIST PREFERS THE JUDGING ATTITUDE. indeed. when it comes to SEX. Needless to say. even the feeling-type REALIST may fail to meet the EMPATHIST’s expectations for eternal romance and passion. Ph.Day in and day out. 70 . WITH NO SENSE OF SPIRITUALITY. Conflict is wearing and draining to REALISTs. especially if the REALIST is a thinker-type. THE CHALLENGE MAY BE DOUBLED! © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. Then the REALIST may simply leave. (“In the elevator!?” you may eavesdrop.


usually the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (the MBTI)™Consulting Psychologists Press. thousands of psychologists.TYPE-TEMPERAMENT THEORY: ORIGINS AND CAVEATS Type-Temperament Theory is scientifically based. By characterizing yourself and others in these four ways. But people did not necessarily believe those protestations when they saw a booklet of questions. the great Swiss-born analytic psychologist. human resources specialists. how you base your decisionmaking. tracing its roots back nearly a century to the seminal work of Dr. They remained intimidated.D. Since Jung. using their psychological test posed practical and ethical problems in terms of helping people discover their personality type. While Isabel Myers and Katharine Briggs' contributions to the development of Type-Temperament Theory cannot be overstated. Ph. People understandably feel intimidated by the process of exposing their souls to strangers. Type-Temperament Theory describes the biological cornerstones of your self: how you prefer to take in information. since most of it has been based on the assumption that there are proper traits to exhibit. 72 . and the more of the trait you have the better a person you are. you open the door to powerful insights about all the relationships in your life. That intimidation. caused many to answer the questions cautiously and © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. in turn." rather than a "test. a computer-scorable answer sheet and a sharpened pencil sitting on the desk waiting for them. which of those two processes you prefer. Prior to the development of The Insight Game. until now it is the number one approach to understanding individual differences in the world. determining your four preferences typically involved the use of paper-and-pencil psychological testing. and whether you are inclined to deal with the world in an extraverted or introverted attitude. Carl Jung. RoBards. Psychology has a dark and well-deserved history for personality testing." They explained that there are no right or wrong answers to the questions on the MBTI: that all types are equally good. Myers and Briggs tried to assuage people's fears by calling the instrument an "indicator. educators. clergy and others have expanded and clarified the work.

Ph. it is certainly no comprehensive measure of attraction or compatibility. ethics. not as a mirror or paintbrush—the way it was intended. recognizing the personality type of a consultant you are considering engaging will help you decide pro or con with your eyes wide open as to key behaviors he or she is likely to exhibit over the course of the relationship. reducing their individuality to a four-letter code. Some organizations used the MBTI to rule people out of particular positions in the working world. leading to personality descriptions which were often incorrect. or mental balance—and all of these contribute to the overall view of personality. © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. By the same token. In the worst cases. assuming that the portrait of personality it provided represented a comprehensive view of the individual. Some counselors actually cautioned couples against marriage on the basis of their MBTI results! Even though Type-Temperament Theory can predict important ways in which people will agree and disagree in a loving relationship. misguided human resources specialists actually forced all the people in a business or team to take the instrument and then summarized the group with only a sixteen-celled chart.often inaccurately. It makes no effort to describe people's intelligence. drive. 73 . but. they scarcely describe the humanity of the people or the particular challenges facing them as a group. Type-Temperament Theory is a tool. In too many businesses the MBTI has been abused by pigeon-holing people. even though it can provide some valuable insights into how an individual will approach a particular job or task. RoBards. Type-Temperament Theory wasn't meant to be used in that way either. by themselves. But TypeTemperament Theory never was intended to be used in that way. Recognizing the type.or temperament-related aspects of various careers can save people a lot of grief by helping them avoid certain positions which will not make the best use of their natural gifts.D. Such "type charts" are incredibly useful and informative to groups learning about Type-Temperament Theory. Some people have used it as a crowbar or sledge hammer. Some people abused the MBTI. abilities.

As long as you are opposing others. power and magic in it. and with a generous spirit. You do not exist apart from the rest of the universe You are a ray of its energy. kindly. Boldness has genius. Used appropriately. Other actors may arrive. you have no chance of winning. "Until you are on your own side. The purpose of this file is to advise against succumbing to such pitfalls. you can experience only defeat. begin it. a potential for initiative and creation. And an audience may assemble © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J.' If you retreat from your creation because you cannot envision the means of its support.All of those abuses exist potentially for The Insight Game. RoBards. 74 . or dream you can. knowledge of this system will elevate your self-esteem and increase your appreciation of others in your life. And you may find the theatre you need. The corporate philosophy of RoBards Counseling & Consulting speaks to the best use of Type-Temperament Theory and The Insight Game. It will put you more in charge of all your relationships. A producer may emerge. Insight is the discovery that you can take care of yourself and support your fellow man at the same time. no support will materialize. Find your role. Commit your self to its playing.D. Ph. then surely. Goethe said: 'Whatever you can do.

Ph. 75 . RoBards." © COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine help you realize your dreams and accomplish other destinies.

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful