who ate

all the
The TasTy FooTball Magazine


Meet the next generation of football superstars

Issue 1 Winter 2010

Hi and welcome to the first ever issue of Who Ate

All The Pies, the tasty new football magazine. If you're a regular reader of our website (whoateallthepies.tv), then you’ll already have some idea of the succulent meatiness on offer: unconvincing lookalikes, glorious nostalgia and irreverent lists. Mmm, literally delicious, as Jamie Redknapp might say. And all washed down with a mug of steaming Bovril, naturally. Many of our loyal readers have contributed to this inaugural issue, as have several bloggers whose stuff we really like. It's been a t’riffic team effort. Thank you all. In return, we promise never to drop you to the bench – not unless you are spotted at 3am staggering out of Chinawhite with your trousers around your ankles. This issue’s filling features the 20 most exciting teenage players in the world, Glenn Hoddle on a mission in Spain, the inside story of Arseblog, plus your best matchday photos. Tuck in… Ollie Irish, Editor.


Gazza the clown prince. Page 40

4 6 8 9

Profile: Gareth Bale. Why the Welsh prodigy was always destined to go from Saint to winner The top 10 Premier League lesbians. Yes, you read that correctly A deal with the devil: Why English Premier League fans can’t complain about the proposed 39th game Sons of Hod: How Tottenham legend Glenn Hoddle is breaking ground with a youth academy in Spain

24 30 34 38

Wembley Stadium, the black-and-white years: before 1966 and all that A brief history of Arseblog: Football’s foremost club blogger tells us how it all started Back flicks: A rose-tinted recap of the best football board games

Shit Lookalikes: A brand-new selection of dubious footy ringers, as chosen by our readers

12 20


20 Under 20: Pies reveals the best teenage footballers in the world The rise of the soccer supporters’ group in the USA

Gazza and Me: Former Tottenham kitman Roy Reyland lifts the lid on his colourful friendship with Paul Gascoigne

Page 34

Your shots: The best footy pictures of the season so far, as taken by you wonderful lot



GareTh bale
Even as a raw teenager at Southampton, the Welsh wonder’s rare quality was obvious
Words: Christopher Harris September 2010: Gareth Bale celebrates scoring Tottenham’s fourth goal against Twente in the Champions League

T he ineviTable rise of


It’s amazIng what two games of football can do to a player’s reputation. Following a pair of sublime performances against Rafael Benitez’s Internazionale, Gareth Bale has come to be spoken of in the most glowwing of terms. From Tottenham’s unlucky charm to arguably their most influential player, the speed of Bale’s development seems to have turned hyperactive of late, the Welshman now being considered by some as one of the best left-sided players in European football.
As a Southampton fan I was lucky enough to see Bale begin his development, the wiry young fullback first searing himself into my consciousness on the opening day of the 2006/07 season, when he scored a magnificent free-kick in front of the Sky cameras to secure a 1-1 draw away at Derby County. I saw him live at St Mary’s for the first time a few days later with the visit of Coventry City, and I can say with some confidence that he is the best young player I have seen in the red and white shirt. I may have been too young to see Matt Le Tissier in his youth, but I did witness the rise of Theo Walcott and, in my humble opinion, Bale was the superior player for the club at Championship level. Even as a 17-year-old Bale possessed a rare intelligence at full-back, the excellence of his movement and positioning being plain for all to see. From my seat in the front few rows of the Kingsland Stand I had a superb view of his second spectacular free-kick in as many games, his all-round play in both the attacking and defensive phases being absolutely breathtaking. Very rarely caught out of position and intuitive in his link-up play with left winger Rudi Skacel in the 4-4-2/4-1-3-2 formation Southampton played at the time, Bale impressed me in a way very few Saints players have done before or since. There was a story about Bale’s school days that used to circulate around St Mary’s, a story which claimed that the Welshman had been so good at school level that his coach, in a move designed to improve his positioning and range of passing,

had painted a box onto the pitch outside of which he was not allowed to travel. Whether or not the story was true, such was the immaculate nature of Bale’s spatial understanding and passing over distance that it was eminently believable. Just a few weeks into the 2006/07 season and it was already clear that the young left-back (he was exclusively considered a defender in those days) was quickly outgrowing the level of football Southampton could provide him with. Although it was obviously disappointing to lose Bale to Tottenham in the early summer of 2007, particularly when you consider the departure of Walcott to Arsenal just a year earlier, his ascent was inevitable. He may have struggled to establish himself initially at White Hart Lane, but even during that difficult early phase with Tottenham his ability shone through. The last few weeks and

His all-round play was absolutely breathtaking
months have confirmed the validity of the impression Bale left on those Southampton fans lucky enough to witness his emergence into professional football; that he has the talent to become one of the best British footballers of his generation. Of course, a degree of caution must be exercised over the praise Bale is receiving; he is still to demonstrate great consistency in the Premier League, but the Welshman is certainly on the road to becoming a left-sided player of the very highest order. It’s taken the best part of four years for him to do it, but the glimpses of brilliance we saw at St Mary’s are being knitted into an increasingly complete and mature player. We might one day look back on the two Champions League games with Inter as the moment Gareth Bale became a truly world-class athlete. Christopher Harris edits Equaliserfootball.com


West Ham captain Bobby Moore lifts up the FA Cup after his side won the 1964 Final, in a 3-2 thriller against Preston North End. Photo: PA

who ate
all the

Editor: Ollie Irish Art Director: Mike Poole Associate Editors: Ashley Norris, Paul Sorene Photos: Press Association Who Ate All The Pies is published by Anorak Publishing


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