(pain) what happens now that i am out of options? now that i have gone through my school several times with a fine tooth comb and found nothing, what's next? is there no one out there at this point in time who see's things the way i do? one who would treasure me as much as i treasure them? has fate blessed me or cursed me by denying me a companion? day after day i wounder why such misfortune has befallen me and theory after theory present themselves. is it because love is more than a petty attraction to me or is it because i value more than a persons looks? maby it's becaus love is worth so much more than the shallow titles of boy and girl frend, at least in my eyes. or is it due to my diverse range of intrests? the list of possibilities go's on and on and on. when will i find somebody who see my subtle maturety and make sense of this mad raveing i call my personal poetry? where will i find a girl who understands me and loves me for who i am? and how can i find a girl that not only wants to be around me, but is also proud to be by my side. i would be content to stop searching at let such things come to me, but it doesn't work this way. i am the man and being such is it my duty to push onward diligently untill i find what i have always been searching for. i will fight any foe if it dares to take my divine birth right which is my right to love. i will face any and every challenge as i aspire to the champion of her love. i will stand proudly by her side, but only when i find her and she finds me. so what now that my current options are exhausted? i look again and push onward.
craddle of darkness
(pain) emotionally wounded i scuttle to the dark cradle of pain where every breath i take is a breath of sorrow. this silouet suits me, out of sight and out of mind. every so often i poke my head out and rejoin my peers in casual tranquility, but it is never long befor all heads are turnd and my voice is little more than a whisper in the wind, hardley heard and often ignored. then my problems fall on me, unexpectedly and with out mercy. the shallow happieness drys up leaving a hardend and rough bulk of flesh. true happieness has yet to find me, but when? when will loves holy fire burn the dark craddle where i have dwelt for so long? when will loves heavenly waters flood the dry bed of my heart and cause that i should flow with happieness as a tranquill spring? i anxiously await the day that these questions are answerd, but until then i scuttle to the dark craddle of pain and hope that tomorrow my shallow happieness will be abit deeper.
ride to freedom
schorched black and defaced the coin is unreadable and i am overcome by dismay. painfull survival is not how i wish to live i remind myself. but to my suprise the coin bursts into flame as it falls. we eagery wet the feild as not to stirr clouds of dust and bring out our wings of freedom. either path requires unbarable sacrafices and i do not have the strength to choose right away. a subtle. emotional blood seeps onto the ground and pain overcomes me. i stand befor two paths. fallen through the cracks of gods hands i am swept away by the hurricane of my emotions and hurrled. but befor long i must pull over and let my cousin ride so that he can get out there and take his turn at freedom.
. discouraged but not destroyed i stand up and step. i am free. and unbyast vote to set me straight. what if instead of going forward or backward. what if i just stay here? i'm surviving am i not? but i am quickly reminded how painfull my current state is. seizing my chance i mount my metal steed and turn it on. my problems are blown away by the winds that i rip through and my pains are torn and flung away by the rough tires that rapibly spin to keep me going. but unignorable thought crosses my mind. drifting on the turns and speeding on the straight aways.
(reflection) where am i? caught in a rift between child and adolesent i struggle to push on. after a moment or two of annoying shifting problems i am off. then working my way into the higher speeds. but all of it easing on my mind. i am torn in half and the blood of my emotions spills onto the cold earth. but instead of the paths branching off in two directions twords the future. thick rubber wheels support these crude bulks of metal of which we ride.(excitment) worn from the emotional troubles of my week. free to enjoy the intensity and the peace that i find within it. easy at first. every little bit of it an adrenalen rush. but these thoughts come and go within seconds. twords the hard and cold ground of reality. why don't i work upward and simply include both aspects in my life. rejoicing in my revalation i begin the climb upward. the flame ceases as it hits the ground and i come close to observe the vote. i look around and see something that only moments ago was not there. i still have subtle thoughts about how it would be nice to have that special some one waiting for me on the side lines. i almost wish this could last forever. one faces twords my past phase of imaturity and the other heads off twords my adolesents. then anouther thought comes into my mind. i turn my head to my cousins and give them a hand as they unload the solutions to our problems. but both feet step different ways and i am once again torn. a spiral stair case that leads upward into a bright rift in the surrounding black space. i pull a coin from my pocket and throw it high into the air. with out mercy. these two paths face away from each other. shall i let the coins opinion be heard? yes.
i will hear you. my heart is not restord. i feel you. bah!
(relief) i could write a poem now that i have a spare moment. through the dark silluet of pain and into the blackness your eyes. these poets should practice elaboration. my heart is cracked and the happieness that i had held within me has now leaked out and faded away.
i will help you
(honesty) i see you. but rather one of simple hope.the golden sky line
(hope) i wake early to a dark and silent world where souls rest and bodies lay as quiet as the dead. i smell you and the fowl stench of misery that covers you. a cold and bleak mood. and callised. cold. but do not question you about your troubles for fear of troubling you further. however if you need a willing audience for when your cries for release from your burdens echo across the lands. and a new feeling is inserted into my heart. the wave of gold rises and flows over the trees and floods the area warming the cold ground that i stand on.
finished befor you start
(humor) what is the point in short poetry? what on earth is worth so few words? aperantly i dont get it. as the sun slowly rises. heh. this setting matches the emotion that dwells within me. i have shed the sorrow that has surrounded me in a depressing aurora
. short poetry. but it is no longer cracked and i am given the strength to look to the future. a golden wave of golden light splashes on to the horizion giving the world a dim lighting. but i do not think i will. i understand you. i should steal the flash drives of several poets and subtly make their short poems longer. with no joy to fill my heart i am left empty. not one of joy or pain. the warmth penatrates the callis around my heart and melts it away. over this. all it takes is the effort to glance at the page because you're practically finished befor you start. it is now that i look to the morning horizion where bushy trees scratch at the skies. and the aurora of sorrow that silently flows from your soul. for the first time after a span of darkness i have felt genuinly happy and would rather enjoy it.
i have shed the batterd and broken skin that i once wore and have found freedom. no light could penetrate the blackness that coverd my soul. it has recceded and has left leaving no trace behind. wait. but now hope and happieness once again flow fluently through me. but there are so many more things other than poetry that i would rather be doing. i think i just did. dark. and empty place. aspects those gaps are filled by this sudden return of happieness. there are so many things i could write about. i resist. leaving it a cold. i take a disaterous breath and say i want a taco. although my life is still missing several. and we are far from where the fires of our victory burn. but i don't think i will. oops.
i could write a poem
(humor) i could write a poem now that i have a spare moment. i could write about the warmth of spring or my plans for world domination. although there is no doubt that pain will eventually return to me. the skin i wore was tainted by emotional blood and war torn from battles within my soul.and warmth has once again began to raidate from my heart. not a single wall was left unschorched or in ruin and not a single peice of wood was left unburnt. as we get closer the chanting
. but i am overcome and cannot fight the urge. highly desirable. still weary from battle me and my comrads we make our way down the streets of this dead town as we try to avoid steping on the many fallen warriors who are now no more than burnt skeletons of blackend bones. snow and ash cover the ground. but we have lost the city and we now face a much greater threat of which is winters unforgiving cold. so i could write a poem.
the song of a million souls
(hope) the air is cold and still for the flames of war have gone out. we have won the batttle. so i think i will enjoy this unconditional joy while it lasts and rejoice in joys tranquil state of peice. there is no shelter and we cannot stay here for the wrath of winter is upon us.
(humor) 10 what is this feeling? the desire for such a trivial thing is suprisingly strong. in the distance we hear chanting and we trudge in that direction as fast as our worn legs will carry us. or mabby i could poetically describe how painfull it is to get struck in the groin.
but i am just happy to know that she enjoys my company." and this truely made my day. above all of the rest. we come to a clift side and peer over to whitness a scene that could not have come to pass with out divine interfierance. and this is why she truely made my day. i myself know this not to be true. join us so that we may face this storm together!" we gladly ablige and make our way to the edge of the huddle where we are let in a descent ways and greeted with what little warmth their is. "come brothers. a dreadful realization comes to us. a million soldiers stand huddled around a small hill and on this hill. but she seems intent on punishing me for not being with her. the voices of a million souls cry out in a chorus of chanting. i don't think she could see how happy she made me. the soldiers chant "keep us warm" in a chorus like harmony. i myself cannot help but feel hope for now i am surrounded by brothers of faith as we face the storm and the cold together. through her rejections of my apologies i heard her say "i missed you. and the winds blow ever harder. i explained my self to her and she finnaly forgave me with her warm and caring embrace. but the wind picks up and snow begins to fall. "be strong my brothers! huddle together and cry out! may that of your divine belief hear you! sing! cry out to the heavens so that your god may hear you and give you light in this dark hour. or is it her way of trying to keep me interested? what ever her
. worried was i that i might have been wearing on her nerves i have laid back and not made my best effort to be at her side at every chance i got. our spirits are lifted as we relize that the grand army has waited for us. the furry of a thousand winds is upon us!" suddenly we are noticed by the chaplin and he calls out to us. for such an angle to enjoy my preseants created an imense feeling of happieness.gets ever so louder with one voice that was heard over all of the others.
when will i here sincerety
(a person) why must she tease me so? is she so intent of punishing me for not being next to her constantly. the grand armies' chaplin preaches words of strength with a god like voice that streaches for miles around as the soldiers chant in prayer like song. we continue in the direction of the voices hoping we will find salvation." she says with the straitest face she could muster. a blizzard is upon us and there are to few of us to form a huddle. "blessed are we for the victores of our conquest have returnd!" as night aproaches. but this was not the case and she was not happy that i had disapeard.
she made my day
(imense happieness)(a person) "the love is gone and we are done.
i want her to see me and my true feelings through the smokescreen of my casual flirting. she playfuly says its over and i know that she knows no harm. but now it's begining to hurt. i want her to see that even the funnest games in the world pale in comparison the happieness i feel when i am around her.
you dont see me
(something about me) when you look at me. hopefully i will be able to one day open her eyes. the frustrations and pains of my exsistance are hidden behind a thick red curtain. at least to the point of which you do not see them. but my self confidents has left me. i want her to see that my trivial disapearance was never intentional and that i would spend every spare moment i have in her presents.reasons be. a place filled with mixed emotions and unanswerd questions. problems are painfuly presented and solved and revolts are fought and quelled. your physical superiortity will not
manor of men
(a different person) beat down your temper and swallow your pride. i want her to see that i love her and that i would rise up to any challenge to secure her well being. the week i didnt walk with her was such a trivial thing and i dont think she knows that i never really wanted to be away from her. what ever her reasons be for teasing me i am determined to never leave her again. i want her to see that i think the world of her and that she has never left my mind. i want to tell her that i would never leave her again now that i know that she apreciates my presents. but sometimes emotions cannot be contained like an angry actor that marches onto the stage with intent of ruining the show.
i want her to see
(a person) does she see what i want her to see? or does she see the idiotic mask that i wear. you see the theatre of my life. i want her to see these things. my backstage is not for the world to see. does she not know that she has got me around her finger and that she never leaves my mind? atfirst her teases are funny and even i would get a good laugh. in the backstage of my life. but you do not see my back stage. but i fear that one day she will say those words and i will hear sincerety in her voice and be overcome by heart break. however mostly my emotions are suppressed.
when did i come to such a state of dismay? when did the light become shrouded? i know why. i am cofortable in my position surrounded by good freinds and love ones. what drove me to fight a lost battle and love one who i was almost certain could never love me back i do not know. your lashes of critisism are but meer annoyances to me. the pain is almost unbareable and uncontainable and would rather her break my heart than allow this rift to exist. blessed am i for those few souls that understand me and are willing to share my heavy burdens as well as my good freinds who will not allow me to be sad. yet i am laidend with such sorrow. i feel alone though i know i am not. would she tell me and be done with it so that i may once again visit the craddle of darkness and later recover and leave it. was it me? was it my feeble atempt to express my feelings for her? some days i wonder if she could see through me and view the pitiful ambitions that i held. but blessed am i. what manor of men might i be?
be over with it
(a person) what has happend? what has changed and when? when did the bond of freindship snap and cause us to slide away. hold it high over my heart and swing down upon it. yet you attack me relentlessly with seeming no other reason than to make me feel pain.gain you respect in my eyes. what manor of men might you be for assulting the humble esteem of such a tender morsle? why fight a battle in which you know you can win? however the sight of me in severe pain by your hands is something that you will never have the privilage of seeing.
i'm ready for this day to be over
. every look at her is a wound to be sewn up. misery overcomes me more and more often. but how does such a thing bring about such sorrow? i have never felt so much pain at the hands of this reocurrance. bring down the hammer so i may be crushed and begin healing and so that the ties of our frendship can be remade. but it can not be helped. here is the cold steel hammer of fate. yet happieness always finds it's way back to me through my freinds and loved ones and blessed am i for this. you will never cause me to detour. i would rather endure this pain than endure the ever lasting pains of letting you fade from my life. when will you relize that your higher place in the chain of command means nothing to me. blessed am i for these harsh times and blessed am i for the loved ones who are always willing to help me pull through. so on this acount. so unless your heart desires otherwise.
blessed am i
(joy) cursed am i for these fowl misfortunes that have befallen me.
i am ready for this day to be over so that i can leave my troubles behind in deep sleep and awake the next day renewd and refreshed.(relief) as i am worn from the day i have just had my mind trails to my bed side where i wish to be. my understanding of it was a clear as day and my closed eyes are now opend. with no more painful experiences i will have nothing to rant about in my poetry. but tomorrow seems promising. my eye lids are heavy with exhaustion and only moments ago i had spilt my sorrows and translated them into legible forms of writing. slumber is the only thing i want to engage in for the day was bleak and the times were tough. i understand what has allowed such a release. atempting to live in this stage of life has often left me confused and in pain because i simply do not know how live this way.
i feel better
(relief) 20 i wonder what it is that allows such a release. i now go about my life using this knowlege and giving my grattitude unto the most high for this clear revelation. today was a dissapointment. sorrow will not deffeat me again and i will withstand attack after relentles attack so that may not be a miserable burrden on those who surround me. how is it that i have had a dark day and yet i no longer feel its demeaning effects. i relize now that i do not have to fight so many doomed battles in search of what i want. how this curse had impeaded my search for a companion and left me to rot in despair when the light of the heavens sown upon me delivering to me a revalation. let us never run out of poetry. i can not help but to feel good in this questionable rise in my spirits so i think it's best to say that i feel better. let us always have the bitter with the sweet so that we may appreciate both in perfect balance and so. i am ready for this day to be over so that i may once again feel the simple joys of life in the comming day. but i still admire its large raidius of effect. this part of life is not for me at this age and i have not experienced this world there for i do not understand it and cannot exist in it.
let us never run out of poetry
let the world never run out of problems for that will be the day that i run out of poetry. but the true apifiny is that the qualities of this phase of life can be found in the phase that i am currently in. curse the day that our inspirational writings are no longer needed by those who face difficult times. i realize now my sights have been set on a phase of life that lies ahead of me.
how could i have not seen it! my faith faided and my judgment clouded by a rage of passion and pain.
we must be men
(ranting) boys of this world born to no immediate cause no fill these lands. but cannot touch. so in the meantime i watch my freinds. love blossoms all around me as my freinds go about their lives and i observe their success and the bliss that follows. when will i have some one to hold?
look but do not touch
it seems as though i am doomed to enternal solitude. obsticles arise and they wine like spawn fresh off the teet or shrink away while at most they only echo the greatness of threir fore fathers. and happieness are what i myself fight for and i never stop fighting. not in the manor of freinds or family. my days of fighting lost battles and taking agonizing strike after strike have tought me much. i look. but i am still alone in my heart. i have no one to sheild from winters cold or enjoy the summers sun with. it is not widley known and not easy to see.no one to hold
once again i am alone. day after day i wonder. i will never stop fighting. but i do not get to experience it. the familiar yet non the less cold feeling of holowness returns to my heart in the absence of a companion. i have no one. the one who i am to share these pleasent times with is no where in sight. they are the only source of envy in my existance for my time with them is spent behinde an impenatrable barracade that has left me to do nothing more than watch. traces of pain are reignited as i see them with the one thing i have always longed for. love. no one to love and no one to hold. but not within my own heart. i see the joy that love brings. when will i have someone to devote my knowlege and strength to. life. i see freinds and family at almost every turn. but lonlieness claws at my heart. but i do not have any one to demonstrate this knowlege with. it is now our time to stand up and hold the line against those who wish to detour us. but rather on the terms of love. when did we become so weak? we must stand up and be men! demonstrate the streangth that we all posses. so what about the rest of you? we must be men! what say you!
. we must take our places as vanguards and guardians of what we care about. but i pray to god that i will not remain in this state. so once again i am alone.
(kelsy wilson) playing cards is easy. but i am curious to know if it will end here. dont worry about me. it is now that the rubber hits the road so go and do as you do and dont worry for me. i will fight in your place.
." that has us continually on the hook. but rather let it rebound and return bigger and stronger. she is now in my sights and i am once again in the game. you do what is best for you and your loved ones as i do this for you all. my compass points to her. a new name is heard over the battlefeild as i rejoin the fray revigorated. curious of many things. so with out a second tought i throw all of my chips in and declare my self "all in" i am willing to risk my heart for her so let us see the cards and total up the scores. but it is still a gamble.(a special person) she makes me curious. my pains have melted away and i am no longer a lumbering heap of misery. so let many fall upon me! in the glory of god let divine streangth come to me so that i might truely live anouther day. so maby i will take a chance with my heart and love again. get out of here! go live and love. i have seen slight hints. i can take it. i can take a hit. is she to fit onto the cracked edge of my broken heart or am i to suffer at her hands? baits have set and taken. i only hope that this effort will not be in vain. but maby these are only misreadings. let my heart not perish in this fight. she is such a beauty even unto divine creation inside and out. love has hit me once again. i have loved and lost again and again. at least easyer than love.
dont worry about me
what are you talking such non sense! go! leave me and do not worry for my sake. for you all i will proudly make that sacrafice. perhaps its the constant thought of "i'll get it next time. it is once again my turn to step up and pursue her with all of my might. but i cannot see if i am falling into a cruel trap or working my way twords loves warm embrace. i will make that sacrafice. i will stand in your place and take your bullets. will i finally have a loved one to hold or will i once again be dragged back to the craddle of darkness? i pray to god that disaster can be avoided because my attraction to her cannot. risking a pile of chips is easyer than risking my heart. but then why do i continue it. divinity is with me this day so go and do as you do and do not worry for my sake. i will fight as hard as i can.
now that sincerety can be heard in my voice i will apoligize one last time. as i get closer. my soulder plates crack and fall away. i am descending into darkness and the light of love is so far off. my armor begins to fall apart. at this point the only armor left on my body consists of my curtlass. my pride. i have damd myself through an enraged slip of the tounge and recovery will not be easy. that i can promise. but soon the chains shall success the ropes.
fallen to peices
30 when did it happen? some where in this day i have sank down below the sewers. i will never again allow such an outrage to occure. hopefully. strong pulses radiate and strike me with such a force that caused me to hesitate. i should be able to hold myself together and not be botherd for anouther long space of time. i have fallen to pieces. but i will have cleand my side of the street. but i feel so naked. but few things are worth such a furious rant and this out break did not fall within those boundaries. what powerful energies emit from her spirits. weather i am worthy of forgiveness in her eyes will be left up to her. my secrets all hidden
. my emotions. anger was the appropriate response and it was not misdirected. i hope she hears my pleads for forgivness. with determination i brace for the next pulse and continue twords her. i have only began to rope my armor back together. but i continue on.(a freind) mistakes i have made now lume over me as i have damd myself by allowing my rage to leave the confines of my self.
(a special person) what power she has. my curtlas cracks and the leather straps that kept it in place break and it falls to the floor. i am being dismantled and clawed apart by chaos. i am falling to peices. the mask that hides my insecure face. i am coverd in the thickest armor plates of this world. but it was non the less unacceptable. my scares are out on display for my armor no longer hides there markings. and the chain mail beneath it. wait! when did i become such a pitiful broken thing? am i not stronger than this? i have fought and won this battle before and i shall do it again. as i step out of the darkness and into the light that surrounds here. anouther pulse hits me and my chain mail falls to pieces. when darkness comes for me again in the next wave. but i will use these chains and bind myself together. the only thing that remains now is my helmet. i will fight it with light. the world has fallen upon me and set me alone against the armies of chaos. but a light all my own. i take anouther step and the chains that held my armor together begin to snap. my helmet. but my face. dead bolted together. this response was provoked. i have never been so exposed. i take a step and the greives that coverd my legs crack and fall off. the lacngs in my gauntlets shrivle into ash while the armor plates on my hands fall off. a pulse hits me and my sword breaks and my sheild is split in two. not light of a distant source.
behind cold hard steel. i will bring the darkness face to face and put its miserable soul to rest. my image in the mirror showed a
. i will happily ablige. will it rip everything from me or will it reveal loves true form. let the dark claws of sorrow shrivle before me! let anger and hatred go into exile and out of my presents. the divine light of her essence reaches into my helmet and illuminates even the darkest confines of my soul. god has given me the eyes of divinity and with them i shall bring up my blade and wield it with all of the might of the heavens. but now i can see through the black. let the winds of change bring my once joyfull soul back to me and let it mix with what i have learnd to form a new me. but not felt when they were given. why was it that i could not say any sincere words of gratification to my self.
why couldn't i see
(raveing)11/3/10 why could i not see? these magnificent claims by my freinds that were longed for. i get the sense that the world longs for my glowing happieness to return. let the light cast these wreached shadows away for i am moving on. i'm moving on. let the chaos be quelled and let these flames die out. revigorated and anxious. and once the darkness has been deffeated i will take these torn armor plates and let the tenderness that once enveloped me take its place. cold void and view the small pittiful creatures they really are. a pluse hits me and with out the streangth of my armor i am knocked to my feet. befor now i could not see. i look up at the light that i came so close to reaching and see that it is comming twords me. as a god like hand reaches twords me i only have one question. let this misery that had held me in such a tight grip now fade away. the world could see what i could not for i was blind to my own greatness. let joy flood the great halls of my soul and let my honor be restord to its former glory. what miserable spirits disallowed me to praise my self and let words of glory only distantly echo in my ears. the very darkness that consumed many of my days and stripped me and left me to rot on several ocassions. nearly satisfied and renewd.
i'm moving on
11/3/10 what ruins have i been living in? how long have i been i the shadows? how was i so crippled by misery? all questions have been answerd and a solution has been found. but i now see. but this time my happieness will not be skin deep. weary of living in such darkness i am ready to ascend to the light. let these scares disapeare as i learn how to once again live in happieness as i transition out of depression. i am done living in misery. the armies of darkness size themselves up. the very parasite that had drained the vitality of my happieness will now shrivel up and burn before the flare of my heart. i will face any demons that stand in my way. the warmth will replace the cold and the desolate confines of myself will become a temple of happieness and hope.
but no the smoke has faded and the streangth has returned. but besides that i have little to
. curse you in your ignorance! i find it hard to serve you when i and harshly repremanded for only defending you honor and demanding a little repect from that fool that you have brought into this world. but this is better left for getting to know her. but it is not seen. and how should i make my move? i am granted small periods of time alone with her. subtle hints or strong misreadings have been realized. my pain was unbearable.
what to do
(a special freind)11/4/10 there is a slight problem that lies between me and this maiden. she has not yet accepted that she is no longer a toddler even though she has grown far from that age. when. and have some respect! it seems as though she is striving to build her reputation from direspect. have some common sence or at least enough to know not to pet an angry bull. on anouther side of the battle field i am being draged to insanity as it claws at the foundations of my mind. you may not see it. but i cannot imagine how much worse it would be if i had to go through it alone. where is the grattitude?! from the both of you! you blind fools! this anarchy is as corrupt as it is destructive now sister you step down and mother you step up!
an apology and a thank you
(to my freinds)11/3/10 to my good freinds i owe you all an apology. in the end i apologize for being a depressing nusience and i thank you for helping me out of this darkness that had befallen me.smokescreen of weakness and sorrow while the firm backbone sat out of sight. and to those who have felt my rage i am especially sorry to. i am sorry for the aurora of misery that had surrounded me for so long and the insanities that i have shared with you. joy has followed the streangth into the light in which i myself can now see. how to approach is a growing concern among my worries. and mother oh mother. but the armies of insanity and sorrow would have consumed be if you had not been fighting the darkness. why cant she grow up a little or at least uphold the standards of people her age.
(two people)11/3/10 i have made an amazing recovery from a great depression and my heart has settled into a warm mood. her eyes would be blind to my subtle demonstrations of interest and the love games that i am so practiced at are usless. but to be honest i owe you my gratitude as well. i am hear and all is well because of you all. my experience has turnd agaist me in this effort and i myself am blind and in the dark. her idiocy is inhummane and my rage is undescribable. where.
the time to make my move lies in the near future. intence and at times vicious were how we could describe this game unto the end. mind.
life is good
. that night i was one such shadow. but it also brought me streangth.
answering my own questions
11/4/10 it's a funny concept and an odd way to get answers out of my self. some days it's like "oh c'mon! why do i write?!!!!" but most of the time i am greatful for these revelations. but it was not by my hands. silent swift warriors of the night scrurying and darting from tree to tree our silouets being our greatest weapons. yet i will pursue her with a divine like determination and if she and fate shall grant it. as i waited for the next shadow warrior to come along i explored the reaches of my mind for comforting thoughts. i warded of many more warriors before we emerged victorious. not only did the thought of you bring me peace as i waited.
battle in the night orchards
(capture the flag while camping with ninja's) we are here. the goal to silently uproot the flag and vanish provides good sport.. i think.work with. and soul. but the greatest fun is to be found in being a shadow hardly seen in night and hardly heard. but in the mean time i shall enjoy the time that i am permited to spen with her.. and in the end victory was ours. but hidding in my silouet on the erie reaches of the field is an invite for those petty fears to return. but the time to act is now. the sweet sounds of adolesents cheering. the epicenter of my confusion is often times one question.
you draw me back to streangth
(a special person) out there on the black fringes of this dark void. what to do in the mean time is a confusing concept. the next warrior that aproached i chased him back and beyond his own border. while i cheerd i thought "its all for you". every soldier i run off and every infiltration i deny brings peace that i am still surrounded by freinds. when i am troubled i am also often confused on many things in my struggle. is what to do. i then returnd to my post were i waited with confidence. one majior decission or un-answerd question that leads to a widespread anxiety just below my skins surface. for the treasures of this world are like dust when placed in her presents. but it works and is rather effective in such matters. slowly succuming to the irrational fears that gripped me. i will love her with all of my heart. my mind is weakening.. it is a war of recreation and much fun is to be had. to be close to achieving victory when the enemy barely knows what has hit them is a great feeling. but once i get these frustrations into writing i usually generate my own response about half way into my writing. that.
only joy and fun are present. the very darkness that i had just eradicated. i have been told that i am forgiven. but they do not relize how bad i am at fault and how deep these cuts are. how the innocent kiss became a sword that carved guilt into my soul. the light now illuminates my soul. i was to busy avoiding there own eyes as well as making sure i did not hurt them as i literally walked through them. the guilt. we arent either so join us. we are all dancing fools. did they see my eyes? did they see the fear.
(happieness) who says one must be good at dancing to dance? get out here and have some fun. how i only wish gods divine flame would burn away these lips and the poisons that they are ridden with. fear engulfs me in darkness. can i not hold peace? fear can hold me and it does now. life is good and i intend to keep it that way. the acursed darkness has been banished back into the shadows from which it came.the blessings have returned to me as i enjoy the happy days i am now living.
forgiven but still guilty
(a freind) anouther lesson learnd the hard way. join us dancing fools.
. darkness does not tread here. the resulting fear withers away my streangth. the mood is right and the music is good. the regret? the eyes that i am sure were feirce with a shamefull rage. join us in heavenly festivity. we love to dance and we dont care that we arent all that good. why do i find myself in these horrible perdiciments? the idiotic attempt to take back what i had said that burnd a hole in my heart and poisond my lips. so join us for a song or two. her light. we dont care if your not good at it. when they tried to stop me and figure out what was wrong. let your troubbles be lost for a short time in the sound of this good music. come. the time has come for me to once again live and love and lock the doors that now separate me and despair and throw away the key. but that doesnt stand in our way. we dont know how to dance. i didnt.